proosh - Tumblr blog

[proosh]

Do you mind going in-depth about England and his BPD?

I would love to, actually!

I forgot if I already have, but my vision has ripened a lot since my initial headcanon.

It's a long post, so I'll put things under a read more!

I just want to clarify that I'm just giving him traits I can recognize from myself and friends I have that share the diagnosis, so in no way is this how every person with BPD/EUPD functions! (Also this is for my own indulgency first, please don't pick it apart for details, I'm just some gal projecting :,))

Anyway

The key components for this particular headcanon I see with him are unstable relationships, unstable self-image, paranoia/suspicion, imagined/perceived abandonment and a reaction hereto.

Because Arthur is afraid to be alone. He hates being alone and there has been a streak throughout his life of people leaving him or downright turning on him.

And what I see this mouthing out to is imposter syndrome and going black and white in pretty much everything.

"If they aren't explicitly with me, they're against me." (Ex. from historical canon see: Literally every single war and conflict he's been part of - Specifically I'm thinking about numerous instances in the war of roses and the Napoleonic wars.)

"If I can't be good (how he thinks goodness is defined as, which is practically angelic and pure, an impossible goal to achieve) then I might as well be as bad as possible." (His entire life, essentially.)

"I can't do it this way/I can't achieve it how I picture it, so I might as well not do it at all." (Ex. with how he gave up getting in shape because of Alfred's insane show of dragging his car around.)

He's uncertain in his ego and identity, he contradicts himelf a lot; Being proper and polite, posh, punk, pirate, primal feral animal etc. He has different aspects of himself he suppresses at different times and enforces at other times.

My favorite part to think about in this headcanon, is how in his childhood he was very much on his own, foraging and travelling, with the occasional encounter with people, his brothers and invaders. Such as France or Denmark and these encounters weren't always positive. I like to think of him being more lively and animated in his childhood. He shows what he likes and dislikes, he expresses himself and how he's feeling, he laughs more openly etc.

Overtime, he stores that away and puts on a farce to appear more serious and collected, because he wants to be taken seriously. He reflects the things he's seen and heard invaders do to his own lands and does that same thing to others.

He absorbs traits and aspects from other places, he allows himself to be influenced and altered, and reshaped and molded until he's so far from what he originally was that he's beginning to lose touch with what part of him is stolen and what part of him is genuine.

Thus, the personality disorder aspect.

As for the perceived/imagined abandonment, I see it being in many instances self-fulling prophecy, spurred on by low self-worth.

He has a hard time thinking and speaking positively of himself, and has a hard time truly believing that people actually like him and want to be together with him; Be that romantic or platonic or familial, he ends up being so disbelieving of it, he projects it onto others and gives himself excuses to withdraw from them or act cold towards them, such as "They'll leave eventually anyway".

His low self-worth vs. His self-confidence is a connundrum, because he can act self-assured and self-satisfied, but he's also absolutely not. The british spirit of self-deprecation compels him, fr.

He ends up being unpredictable in his mood, because either you'll push the buttons that sets him into a frenzy or he's going to downright stonewall you.

Lightly connecting this to his not-very-subtle alcohol problem, because I see him drinking to stop overthinking.

If he does allow himself time to think, he's going to spiral into the hardest self-loathing known to man and he can't really deal with stewing in his own loneliness, guilt, bitterness, sadness and self-deprecation for too long, before he actually begins to go crazy.

In most of my au's he does eventually go to therapy for it (Thank god) and his patterns do begin to grow more transparent as he tries to not be a self-sabotaging, insecure little man. And at the perceived abandonment moments, he'll start to look for ways to prevent it, instead of detaching entirely and repress the disappointment with liqour.

I think that's what I could conjure up from my mind about it for now, I'll reblog with additions if I remember more!

[proosh]

opens up my drafts. peruses the streams of consciousness i've logged for future posting. chuckles sensibly. closes my drafts.

[proosh]

goldammerchen mentioned it briefly a while back but I definitely do have thoughts on the idea of What Is A Nation-Person and the… less than ethical potential human interest in nation-people as suprahuman entities but I’m holding onto them for the horror fic I’ve got outlined and am waiting for the right time to write

[proosh]

If gil isnt bigender then why does every bitter insane female pov song fit like a glove hm

[proosh]

stereotypes about people “really interested in WWI” are wildly different than stereotypes about people “really interested in WWII”

[proosh]

i forgot june 2nd is ruspru day…happy pride month to the worst guys you’ll ever meet

[proosh]

I know that a shark is a popular choice but I maintain that mer!Gil would be a betta:

famously aggressive and territorial

traditionally used as "fighting" fish

very flashy and "showy"

poor eyesight

surprisingly intelligent and require enrichment

has elaborate courting behaviour

[proosh]

highly amused by the image of ludwig getting bothered throughout his Serious Grownup Workday by phone calls from pru with questions about inane shit or old man advice, and it’s even worse because francois is in the background and keeps interjecting with additional, sometimes contradictory, old man advice. pls spare a thought for the most beleaguered man in the EU

prayer circle for the most oppressed man in the entire Bundestag (being harassed by his brother and his brother's live-in lover that Ludwig does his best to tolerate despite his complicated and sometimes begrudging relationship with the man)

Gilbert is chattering to him about the elaborate web of Berlin queer drama. Francis is in the background interjecting commentary about The Arts and the various squabbling literary personalities of Paris. Ludwig has a migraine coming on.

Yes, love you, tschüß. He hangs up. Tries to remember which email he was going to be sending off. Fifteen minutes later, his phone rings and his dearest beloved brother is asking him if he's had his lunch yet and if he needs an emergency delivery of that great döner from downtown. (Francis is in the background, offering to take them both out for dinner)

So it goes, until the office closes for the day and Ludwig picks up döner to deliver to his brother for dinner (and maybe an extra one for the live-in lover) because despite it all they do look out for each other, in their own ways.

[proosh]

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

🏳️‍⚧️❤️🏳️‍🌈

[proosh]

Gil has, by virtue of being a trans dude that oscillates between gay and bi and who ID’d as a lesbian during the Weimar Era, the very dubious honour of being able to claim himself as LGBT, all at once

[proosh]

Do you know the difference between the US and a yogurt?

If you leave a yogurt alone for 200 years, it will develop a culture

-the French

HAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!! do you know the difference between a big smelly nasty wet sewer and france? me neither

[proosh]

having a kind of shitty morning due to irl stuff :(

[proosh]

if I had more money I would commission more of preg Gil but until then I will just have to be on the fic grind

[proosh]

x Louboutin

[proosh]

Bro, my unyielding loyalty towards you is totally normal and healthy, I swear. It's just that it's definitely my duty to rip out your enemies throats with my bare teeth. You are the love of my life and I am your most valuable tool. Each night, I fantasize about dying in your arms, covered in blood, and then I close my eyes one final time, satisfied because I can feel your fingers on my face as I take my last breath. Haha anyways

[proosh]

Imagine my surprise when one of my own mutuals spat in my face and told me to stop being horny :/ jk - thank you for the commission @proosh this was sooo nice to make (*´ω｀*) enjoy your prenatal glow Gil

[proosh]

someday I will write that FraPru fic about how I think they met the first time with baby Fran visiting Prussia for crusade tourism because while they do hit it off and form a friendship of sorts a lot of it is just

Baby Fran, observing the shitshow of the Baltics in the Middle Ages: damn bitch you live like this.png Baby Gil, utterly starstruck by Fran's post-Merovingian boyswag, with a burgeoning psychosexual crush: Running Up That Hill (Middle English ver.).mp3