cheeseanonioncrisps - Tumblr blog

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osha compliant blowjob

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Do You Think God Stays in Heaven Because He too Lives in Fear of What He's Created

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if you are the type of person to tell a girl to stop driving around with an adult sized plastic skeleton strapped into the backseat of her car do not imagine even for one second that you could ever score a girl who would drive around with an adult sized plastic skeleton in the backseat of her car

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Still remember when a homo- and transphobic acquaintance tried to bring up JKR’s views on trans people in conversation and I shut it down with «oh yeah she’s been saying a lot of dumb shit on Twitter after she finished writing Harry Potter, like when she claimed Dumbledore was gay, just to be politically correct», which made it absolutely impossible for him to admit that he agreed with anything JKR had ever said. Sometimes you just have to weaponise people’s homophobia against their transphobia.

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it’s been ten years

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Back in the dawn of days I worked at Red Robin. It was my first real job after a brief stint at a dog kennel. Many people don’t know this but there’s a costume. A Red Robin mascot costume. I’d never seen it before I worked there.

He’s a violently red bird with empty eyes, a vacant grin, the most atrocious yellow leggings you’ve ever seen, and feet to make any Kingdom heart character swoon. His name was Red.

I was a host, and we were the only ones called upon to wear the costume. We’d don the bright yellow tights and corporate fursuit with someone leading us by the hand so we didn’t crash into everything.

The mesh screen in Red’s gaping mouth was supposed to let the wearer look out. Visibility was a joke. The restaurant was a dark gray haze of bustle from inside Red’s head. So every Tuesday and Thursday there’d be a two hour shift of a designated Bird Buddy leading the visually impaired sacrifice around.

After being forced to wear it during a heat wave and vomiting from the overwhelming temperature, I had vowed to never wear it again. But every new host always had a tiny secret longing to wear it when they first started. This desire never survived the full two hour shift.

So I was working a day shift with a newer host, Lauren, who had been openly enthusiastic to wear it. The manager hustled up to tell us that a little kid was here for his birthday and desperately wanted to see Red. We weren’t scheduled but impromptu requests could be accommodated when the restaurant was slow.

I said, “Great, Lauren can do it and I can be her buddy.”

I grabbed the hapless Lauren and dragged her to the dry goods storage where the suit was stored and where we changed. I closed the door and dragged the suit down. It had a particular greasy ground in smell to it.

Frying food, hot oil, and body odor had all permeated the faux fur with a unique reek. The management mouthed empty nothings that the suit was sent for monthly cleanings. It was common knowledge they were lying through their teeth. The smell of Red was eternal and unchanging.

“Okay, so take off your pants, put on the tights, then step into the body and I’ll zip you up. Then you get a vest and the head goes on last, got it?”

Lauren stared at me. I stared back. She made no move to change.

“Okay…” I repeated, “So you take off your pants and put on the tights?”

Lauren shifted nervously, silent. Not changing.

“Do you need me to turn around…?” It hadn’t occurred to me that she might be shy based on her personality, all the hosts were fairly blasé about changing in front of each other.

“I didn’t….” Her voice dwindled to a decimal only perceivable by bats.

“What’s that?”

Blushing vibrantly she raised her voice to the level of a tiny mouse to squeak, “I’m not wearing underwear….”

I stared at her harder. Our uniform pants were dark denim jeans. The thought of rubbing my bare pussy into denim for a whole shift was on par with dry humping a sheet of sandpaper. “You’re… you’re not wearing… anything?”

She shook her head miserably.

We both regarded the yellow tights worn by most of the host staff. We contemplated a lack of underwear being pressed into those communal tights, adding to the miasma of Red’s smells.

But I was sure as fuck not getting in that costume.

“Make sure to take the tights home and wash them.”

Her eyebrows went up. She met the bitter steel in my eyes and crumpled. I turned my back and she did what she had to, slipping naked as a babe into the neon spandex of Red’s tights. Lauren trustingly kept a grip on my hand as I navigated her through trays and tables to terrify the tiny birthday boy.

To the best of my knowledge, she never did wash the tights.

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Goncharov dir. Martin Scorsese

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“pride month?? stop making being queer your whole personality🤣🤣” ermmmmm anyways!! *shoots you with the aromantic beam*

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I want the right to live like other children. I haven't been able to enjoy my childhood😭

I'm only 14 years old and have already lived through four wars. I wish I could get back the days stolen from me and live the life I deserve

My friends, I want to thank you all for your support for me and my family🍉♥️

However, I hope you can share and donate as much as possible. My family needs your help during these difficult times.🙏🏻

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btw i found out that there are actually two major types of bleeding heart doves, and that while one of them looks like it bears a wound on its chest, the other looks like the one who made it

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Target hired an artist for Pride merch and then removed the pro-trans message in it to make a generic feminist one.

They've really done a fully 180 on this.

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I FOUMDH IT

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I DIDNT KNOW WHAT THIS WOULD BE SO I CLICKED PLAY AND MY MOM IS RIGHT NEXT TO ME AND MY COMPUTER IS ON FULL VOLUME I HATE EVERYONE

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rip Adric of Alzarius, you would've loved competitive NES Tetris

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The two types of tumblr users:

"I read every other word of this post and of what I understood, it would seem like the OP is doing something that one would have to be out of their fucking mind to be doing, so I better go straight at their throat and call them out for this utterly unhinged and dangerous behaviour before I double-check whether I understood anything correctly."

"This poll is asking 'do you normally use deodorant' but there isn't enough context to make sense of what they mean. Sure, it could mean 'on a regular day', but how do I know whether my definition of 'normal' is the same as OP's definition of 'normal'? Or whether the 'normally' is referring to the way one uses it, and how do I know what OP defines as a normal or abnormal way to use deodorant? What alternative way is there to use it, or have I used deodorant abnormally my whole life? I'm going to click the answer "I don't know (how the fuck do you not know???)" and inform OP in the notes that the way the posts was worded was utterly incomprehensible, and that's why I could not answer it."

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very interesting that people automatically assume rpf as having sexual content. lets have rpf of the beatles struggling with tax