#which honestly im not THAT mad about
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We should talk more about the fact Jason got swarmed and attacked by a mob as Robin, like??? Hello. He had to be left there because the mob was too violent with Batman near. He had to be taken to the hospital.
Look at those injuries!!
The next time we see him he's forcing himself out of bed and putting on the Robin costume thinking "I've gotta do what I can to help, even if it kills me!"
The next next time we see him he has walked into yet another violent mob
I cannot stop thinking about this story and the effects it probably had on him honestly. Do you think it's made him nervous in crowds, do you think it made him trust others just that bit less. How long do you think he was being attacked before he was found, the scene had cleared. "I've gotta do what I can to help, even if it kills me!",,,,
Just the concept itself! I don't know about you guys but being attacked and grabbed and trampled into unconsciousness sounds absolutely terrifying! Did he black out, still getting hit, thinking he was going to die? Knowing he couldn't defend himself as his injuries to took their toll? At their complete mercy?
1986-87 Legends, issue #2 (the attack), #3 (the hospital), #5 (getting up), #6 (defending heros from another forming mob)
2010 DC Universe: Legacies, issue #6 (flashback panel to Legends moment)
#jason todd#jaybin#jason todd robin#comic reference#we need to talk about and acknowledge this so much more its such a fun bit of information n backstory#and i honestly think its a REALLY IMPORTANT jaybin moment. both for him and readers#batman#dc comics#i never see anyone talk about it which is such a shame honestly#fairly confident this is post crisis jaybin. but of course we are in the evil gray area of actually post crisis - before new backstory#but gonna be honest with you guys here i and actual dc writers take from precrisis jaybin alot anyway because he IS still jason#and adds more original comic time for jason#as long at its not like blatantly contradictory i keep a rather lot of his things#and again we are in the grey area of it#plus he calls himself the new robin in the hospital scene so that probably means something#and none of it at all matters anyway because when it comes to comics you do what you want for forever. thumbs up emoji#this is still important anyway. the “ive gotta help even if it kills me!” haunts me#dare i say i wish we talked more about jaybin time in general. like. the stories from it#all i usually hear is ditf and him pushing or not pushing that guy. its a shame i think jaybin has some really fun stories#i think (i think) scarecrow and mad hatter were rogues he faced the most. DEFINITELY scarecrow#two face too if im counting the mad hatter. +plus importance bc twoface he thought killed his dad#he lets himself be kidnapped by two face saying hes the SECOND robin and then insults the guys car#he dresses up as two face once#he saw scarecrow making highly concentrated fear toxin and dumped it on him 😭#sherlock holmes was in a story at some point#its so fun. augh i need to reread jaybin so so bad its so fun i miss it
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no mike, chuck will NOT be falling for your cutesy puppy dog act THIS time!!
#motorcity#mike chilton#chuck motorcity#muckles#mine#what is chuck mad at mike for this time??#YOU DECIDE!#mike fucks up on a near daily basis so honestly it could be anything#and chuck probably warned him and was 100% right as per usual lol#awww yeah babey we're really in deep now!#im a die hard mucklehead#look#i drew a cutesy comic about them#i am officially indoctrinated into the club :)#also if you can guess which meme im kinda referencing in the last panel i wub u#heres a golden sticker if you get it → ⭐️
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Stewjon is Space Scotland: Names and Naming Conventions
For context, I designed an entire naming system for my Stewjon is Space Scotland AU. I'm still trying to work out the cultural logistics of it, but the actual practical logistics I have down.
To break everything down:
Stewjon is a clan-centric society, with clans and clan names having a hugely important role in the culture. I therefore had clan names feature in both the first and last name of Stewjonis.
-The last name (Kenobi) is the family/clan name, and is passed down the family paternally. This is both because I'm from a western culture with a paternal naming tradition, and also because I liked how his parents names sounded when the last names transferred paternally but not maternally. "Ken" would translate to "Clan" (I don't know if this is accurate to Scots English or Scots Gaelic, but I'm working from canon Star Wars names and trying to worldbuild from nothing so work with me here), and then the clan name "Obi" is attached, so "Kenobi" translates to "Clan Obi" or "of Clan Obi"
-The given name (-Wan, but we'll get to "Wan" in a second) is one to two syllables. All of these names are (according to Wikipedia) actual Scottish names, which I picked from the list mostly based on how well they'd sound next to the clan name.
-The prefix clan name (Obi-) is the interesting part. All children are given the father's clan name as both their first and last clan name. Therefore, Obi-Wan Kenobi, son of Ito-Benneit Kenobi, has "Obi" in both his first and last name. However, upon marriage, the couple swaps their prefix clan names to signify the tie between their clans. Therefore his mother Ito-Ceit Kenito and his father Obi-Benneit Kenobi became Obi-Ceit Kenito and Ito-Benneit Kenobi upon their marriage.
-Originally I was going to do something with the fact that "Obi" means belt in Japanese, such as making the clan names signify professions in the same way "Miller" or "Smith" would in English surnames, but I gave up because Japanese is so different of a language from what I understand that I would have just made myself very confused and everyone who understands Japanese language and culture very mad. So I just went with a vowel-consonant-vowel pattern for all the clan names and called it a day.
-Remember how I said we would come back to "Wan"? Obi-Wan wasn't born Obi-Wan Kenobi. He was born Obi-Owen (Owen is a whole 'nother thing and I decided to just give myself a freebie on it), and his name was anglicized (basic-icized?) upon being brought to the Jedi temple. Not on purpose, but it did happen. So technically the chart above should have him listed as Obi-Owen Kenobi, but I already took the screenshot so this is what we're working with.
-Culturally, it's respectful to refer to someone by their full name (Obi-Owen Kenobi). The full name stands until two people are fairly close to each other, platonically or romantically. The informal, friendly version would be their full first name (Obi-Owen). So you wouldn't call your new friend "Obi-Owen" until you're quite close, even if you're social equals. Technically you could refer to someone by their given name only (Owen), but it's awkward and Stewjonis don't really see a reason for it. All of this highlights the cultural emphasis placed on clans and clan ties in Stewjoni society.
The Family Tree
THE KIDS
Starting from the bottom, we have the four Kenobi siblings. Obi-Conn is the oldest, and he marries Yana-Eóin Kenyana, becoming Yana-Conn Kenobi. None of this happens in the story but I wrote it in the chart anyways. Obi-Eóin is nonbinary, which is why their square is white instead of blue or pink.
Obi-Mór and Obi-Pál are twins and approximately four years younger than Yana-Conn. Obi-Mór is ambiguously disabled (she has some form of muscular disability, but the specifics weren't relevant to the story). Obi-Pál is just some guy and I love him for that.
Obi-Owen is the baby of the family. He's twelve years younger than the twins (16 years younger than Yana-Conn) and was definitely an oopsie-baby. I don't need to say anything else because he is also one of the major characters of the Star Wars franchise. You know him.
THE PARENTS
Obi-Ceit Kenito and Ito-Benneit Kenobi are the Kenobi siblings' parents. I don't have much to say here other than that Ito-Benneit shortens his name to Ito-Ben, to avoid the repeated "eet" sound in his full first name. I'm sure that doesn't affect Obi-Owen's future nicknames in any way!
It is Ito-Benneit fault, by the way, that I made clan prefixes instead of surnames to be switched upon marriage. Culturally, it would have made more sense for the more commonly used first name to hold your birth clan and your less commonly used surname to indicate your linked-by-marriage clan, but I needed Obi-Benneit to marry into the name Ito-Benneit so that I could shorten it to Ben. Goddammit.
THE GRANDPARENTS
Ito-Ben's parents are entirely irrelevant so they don't exist. Sad!
Technically I didn't have to name Ito-Lili Kenuna, but I felt bad having her up there as an unnamed person. Una-Owen Kenito, as you may suspect, is where Obi-Wan's name comes from. I really wanted to highlight his Stewjoni heritage in this fic, so giving him family ties through his whole name was important to me. Obi-Ceit names Obi-Owen for her father because Una-Owen was a strong fighter, and she wants to pass that resilience to her son. Which, uh. Well he sure is resilient to things trying to kill him!
Feel free to come yell at me in the askbox about Stewjon's worldbuilding!
#mads posts#stewjon is space scotland AU#star wars#obi wan kenobi#obi-wan kenobi#stewjon#i have without a doubt spent more time researching for this fic than i have writing it#but honestly thats where im having the most fun#hey can you tell i took a cultural anthropology class last semester and there was a unit in family + naming conventions?#can you tell im taking a linguistics class this semester?#i dont think its obvious. it's probably really super subtle and sprinkled lightly throughout the post right#right? guys? right?#this fic started out as an excuse to write about textiles and its turned into a scots gaelic linguistic deep dive <- this user is autistic#something else about the naming system that I didnt get into the post is that it reinforces a hetero+allonormative society#because marriage is hugely important to naming practices and clan names are based on the father's clan#which presupposes there even being a father in the marriage#or even a marriage#I dont know what yana-conn and Obi-eóin will do with their kids. theyre part of the younger generation and obi-eóin is being nb is a very#strange concept for many of the older generations#given that this is star wars and xenobiology exists i dont think there would be a huge backlash#but stewjon is a human-centric society so they're not as used to non-binary *human* genders#aliens? sure. humans? uhhhh we didnt know you could do that. weird.#obi-eóin's name is never even fucking mentioned in the fic btw im just going insane over here with worldbuilding#long post
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Me looking at the super long definitely TMI diary-type vent post in my drafts: haha yeah you're gonna live there forever until I delete you <3
#Its mostly cause its really rambling and i honestly dont want people to give unsolicited advice about it#i def get wanting to give suggestions and help cause i sometimes am that type of person#but more than likely i will just read and either get mad or ignore it entirely#which is why i typically tag vent posts with pls dont respond cause it does sometimes make things worse#that being said i appreciate kind words :)#im just bad at responding to them and fijd it incredibly awkward so i usually dont#if you read this far uhhh sorry lmao#anyway not a vent post#a funny meme post#also side note i dont think ive ever gotteb mad at people commenting on vent posts btw#Ive just had a short temper lately and i dont wanna create a situation in which i DO get mad
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i am actually genuinely so mad about how larian is going about things, on a professional level. i work as a software dev - when i put something out that is meant to be public ready, i make as sure are possible that there are no bugs. if there are any, i fix that asap, before adding anything on top of it bc 1) it disturbs user experience and 2) adding smth on top of a bugged foundation means at best u reproduce the bug, at worst U MAKE IT WORSE and then u have to untangle that
youd think this logic would go double for smth as complex as a video game but apparently its more important to [checks notes] make lae'zel nicer????
like im aware theyre... allegedly, considering what i hear of the state of the game post patch 6.0... fixing bugs. but by modifying/adding other things at the same time theyre actually creating or worsening more bugs than theyre fixing. and its. fucking stupid. and it makes me mad because its such basic logic that they're completely ignoring
#larian critical#bg3#bg3 critical#im mad for other reasons too i.e. them modifying existing characterization and content which i dont think they should do on a public version#also the ongoing and constant neglect of wyll and his lack of content. the half assed/rushed stuff thaths obvious when playing (halsin as a#companion is so lacking for example). the fact that minthara is constantly broken.#this is. honestly shameful imo. i used to think okay they need time to work on all this. so i gave them time. and they gave us worse#i bought the game so ill give it a go again when theyre done actively shitting it up but if i was looking now i would not buy it tbh#im so boggled. there are some very clear priorities and theyre just... not really doing anything about them. why
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hiii i got a little insane over haskills characterization in the other elder scrolls games / material. teehee rambling abt these ^ quotes under the cut (long). also im not that serious abt any of this tbh im just glad haskill appeared in any other elder scrolls material at all LOL
OKAY. okay. about these quotes. idk why other TES media does this, but in these quotes from elder scrolls legends + the interview with haskill it seems like the writers are pushing to give the impression that haskill slightly resents or is even indifferent to his position / the isles / sheogorath ?? (unless haskill is being a little bit more flippant or hyperbolic than usual...?) which is characterization that is NOT what i got from playing oblivion at all skdskdjfn
like... when i played oblivion i thought it was very clear that haskill prefers to be in the isles, serving sheogorath, more than anywhere else. (<- i think this is actually the reason he's technically "mad" even tho he seems sane outwardly. if you enjoy being among madmen it probably means you're mad yourself ykwim). i think haskill does like the isles, his ass is just reserved abt it, like he is about everything... yknow just like jeeves, whose character he's been compared to lmao:)
i think unfortunately some writers take his annoyance with the player and his slight second thoughts about sheogorath's plan in oblivion, and mistakenly assume that he's just annoyed at his whole position. haskill does have his moments of exasperation, but the thing is it's usually only exasperation and it never verges into anger or bitterness or resentment like the top quotes seem to indicate. for example, haskill says this abt his idea of you mantling sheo / the clowns debacle:
^ This quote is a good reference point for haskill's view on sheo bc its pretty much the most critical-of-sheogorath quote from oblivion i can recall, and it tells us a lot of things. in this quote he expresses some exasperation about the clown idea (because he's a prissy bitch who doesn't want to get his outfit dirty /affectionate) and shows some apprehension about one of his lord's ideas (because it involves you, and haskill doesnt like you). but these 2 points he has beef with aren't really reflective of sheo himself but of other issues - ie he doesn't directly question sheogorath. and IN THE END Haskill defers to sheo's judgement because haskill trusts him and values sheo's ideas. in all of his oblivion dialogue, this is the most critical toward sheogorath he gets, and he never outright insults or shows resentment toward him or the isles like in the above quotes bc his loyalty to sheogorath eclipses it
on the contrary (and i dont know why the writers for non-oblivion elder scrolls content dont seem to see this??), theres so much evidence that haskill actually does, you know,,, enjoy being in the isles. here are just some snippets i can think of:
"the isles are hardly a place for anyone, really" <- i BEG to differ, Haskill likes it here, he likes listening to prisoners being tortured in xedillian, he likes wearing his ridiculous frilly high collar outfit emblematic of the fashions of the isles, he doesn't care about morality and it suits him just fine that it doesn't matter here!! (the end quote might be him being a little facetious about relmyna but to be honest i wouldn't be surprised if he thought decency and morality WERE provincial notions because he certainly has no problem killing people lmao). and again, to enjoy doing these things / being around madmen probably says something abt haskill being mad himself. lol
not to mention he likes a bit of joking around. which i imagine sheo does a whole lot. when YOU rib him a little he says this:
his derision in the first bit i think indicates, "i cant believe you would joke around at a time like this," and the upturning of the "very good" i think indicates, "it was a good joke / maybe they could mantle sheo after all". he's not all dour - he appreciates a good joke, especially from (someone who's about to become) his Lord!!
and going a little deeper into haskill actually liking the isles... haskill clearly holds what sheogorath and the isles represent (chaos, free will, individuality) very highly. a good example of this is when you ask him about dyus, and he gives this snarky reply:
^ he says this with such VITRIOL its so funny :p and the amount of disdain in this line indicates (to me) a real conviction in his belief in the free will, chaos etc that sheogorath represents.
this is why i dont think this quote makes sense. "i cant remember why i put up with [sheogorath]" <- haskill wouldnt say this bc he understands fully why he puts up w sheogorath, and his own convictions in sheo that lead him to keep doing it, and even if this quote is him being hyperbolic, i dont think he'd joke about his faith in sheogorath like that because, yk, one of his characteristics is that he's extremely loyal, and moreover he never said anything to this effect in oblivion sdkjskdjs
him having a strong belief in what sheogorath / the isles represent is also evidenced by the language haskill uses when talking about sheo. whenever haskill mentions him, there is an element of poetry and respect to his words that shows that haskill thinks about him highly at the very least:
^ haskill constantly stresses sheogorath's intrinsic unknowableness and power and unique wisdom in a way that feels very respectful. saying "to attempt to fathom [sheogorath's will] is a foolish endeavor" shows that he knows there are unexplainable aspects to sheogorath that he takes note of, respects, and knowingly keeps his distance from... he gets sheogorath and reveres him (at least more than most others or the HoK). in these quotes especially, it feels a bit like hes trying to illustrate how impressive sheogorath is to the HoK, hyping up his boyfriend if you would. who said that. and combined with this respect is (i believe!!!!) a deep care. he is invested in the isles and sheo and wants to help them out of more than just duty. he gets fearful and even loses his composure at some points in the story when sheo/the isles are threatened which i think indicates that he deeply cares for them both!!:
i think this is a care that, combined with the respect he has for sheo, makes it really unlikely for him to get more than exasperated with his behavior and verge into resentfulness. i dont think anyone truly understands sheogorath, not even haskill, but haskill respects sheo as a god, and also gets him in a more familiar/personal way i think - like the way that a cat owner loves their cat but gets exasperated with it when it gets its head stuck in a tissue box. he doesn't angry or anything because he understands that it's the cat's nature to get stuck in the tissue box / sheo's nature to be wild and unpredictable and messy. (the difference being that sheogorath is an all-powerful god cat..... do u see my vision???)
anyway this got crazy long JHDSHFSD... to finish i wanted to look at this extra bit of characterization i found that was wild to me:
^ like. i truly dont get where they got THIS characterization LMAO sheo constantly calls haskill faithful and smart and knowledgeable in oblivion, he practically begs you to summon haskill for help, hyping up his boyfriend so to speak, they care for each other your honor so of COURSE sheo trusts haskill to do his job. what are the legends writers doing in there!!
ANYWAY dear god this got long im going to bed <3
#rambles into the void#haskill#tes#this is all lighthearted by the way just my interpretation of the dialogue#if anyone else has thoughts abt this then be my guest to disagree <3 love to talk abt him#and honestly im just glad he appeared in legends at all..... like that card art??? im still bonkers about his card art#does this all make any sense!! lmao#i just think its more interesting if haskill is a snarky person but only to people he doesn't like. which is the case (i think) in oblivion#i think these lines are a l m o s t there but misdirect his snarkiness... that mans loyal as hell i dont think hed talk like that...#i mean why would he stick around sheo if he didnt at least respect him and enjoy the silly things he does. this man voluntarily puts#on a bright red foot-tall collar every day do you think he wouldnt appreciate a little silliness!! SKDJSD#and it fits with why he'd be in the isles even if he doesnt look mad#the first thing i thought when i realized he was outwardly 'sane' was 'oh but he likes being around 'mad' people therefore insane'... ykwim#i cant believe how well developed he is actually. haskill my beloved. i love your 400+ lines of dialogue haskill
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i really do hate jjk
#i just can't quit this fucking fandom#but i hate this series now#like the core narrative issues drive me insane#everyone deserved better#especially yuuji deserved better#the culling games is such a pointless??? arc???#that stalls progression of both the narrative and yuuji's character development#i know everyone's loving the new chapter but honestly i dont think its earned#i think gege skipped the best time he had to actually allow sukuna and yuuji time to breathe as characters#but its more than that#nothing about the culling games narratively leads into this finale#its a complete waste of space#everything about this feels so unearned becuase gege also didn't give anyone except like...nanami's death time to breathe#and don't get me started on nobara#gojo's death i would've been fine with if he hadn't played it as shock value#that's not even the thing that made me nope out#it was choso's death#and the immediate whiplash to todo's entrance#which was so fucking infuriating#like at least when nobara died we got time to sit with that and for yuuji to have feelings before todo came in#but here its like oh no are you sad well NOT ANYMORE look its TODO#to the complete BULLSHIT that was yutajo#i love tragedy but tragedy needs to say something#its gotta be worth it#this just feels like pointless nihilistic bullshit#and that's what im not here for#it makes me mad when gege writes good character interactions now because its like#we could've had this the whole time#you're so good at this#but you just fucking refuse to
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OH. okay
#durgetash mutual from before i uh. descended into ‘rejecting woobification and making gort worse’ brainrot blocked me#which is totally understandable and i’m honestly im mostly upset cos i found when trying to go on their blog to find a post#i know they tagged with their durge once.#so uh. if anyone has that post about characters who are driven mad by empathy. let me know. i need it in the aeryn tag#sorry twink-with-an-agenda. goodbye. i enjoyed our conversations while they lasted#your daily dose of idiocy
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the fact I've seen a couple people say the reason for the lack of mourning for Kit in ChoT was because cc "didn't want to write sad scenes"... if she didn't want to write sad scenes she shouldn't have killed off a main character????? like why kill off someone and then not follow through with some sort of narrative weight (which is probably going to be sad. because someone died.)
like writing 101 is to not kill off characters unless it serves some sort of purpose, whether plot wise or character wise. even if that purpose is to show how dangerous the situation is for everyone else. but for that to be effective it can't just... exist in a vacuum. there should be notable changes in other characters behaviour bc of the loss, or how the plot unfolds afterwards. death is kinda a big deal & the writing should reflect that! there should be a gaping hole in the group you can feel, a definitive change story that wouldn't exist if the death hadn't happened, especially for a main character.
and the way Kit's death is written... doesn't reflect any of this. like he hadn't died the book would have ended exactly the same. and honestly the whole thing is kinda a slap in the face for readers just because we have read three books with Kit & fallen in love with him as a character. we deserve mourn him! we deserve to have moment where we get to cry alongside the characters for more than a couple sentences! and the fact we don't makes the whole thing feel unfinished & that the ending is undeserved. like for me at least, reading the epilogue was a "that's it?" moment, it all felt too good to be true (and a bit fan-servicey). like I was just expecting this moment that never came & it left me feel unbalanced. at the very least someone could have spared an "ave atque vale" like come on now.
#I think a big reason all my thoughts post chot are negative is bc of this honestly#like I can't really appreciate any of the good bits (which was most of the book!) because I'm like stuck in limbo#waiting for some emotional pay off for his death that never actually came#big shout out to everyone writing fics about this btw <3 I appreciate you so so much#also for the record im a big fan for happy endings 😭 so this isn't me mad that the book ended happily#just that kit's death was more or less brushed off narratively speaking#christopher lightwood#chain of thorns#chain of thorns spoilers#cot spoilers#chot spoilers#the last hours#tsc#the shadowhunter chronicles#ignore any spelling mistakes its 1am 😭😭😭 and i don't feel like proofreading
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went into the notes of that poll going around about if people want more seasons of supernatural and was immediately slapped in the face with how different my priorities are in this fandom from. a lot of it. what are you talking about ‘destiel endgame’. girl the show has bigger problems to fix than that if it ever had more seasons. they taught a three year old that the best way to be loved was to continuously try to kill himself and then they made him god.
#i can’t honestly imagine any world where there’s destiel and its like. satisfying. in any way.#as in: your options here are a) ignore the last seasons of dean. not treating cas very well to put it bluntly. you’d just have to ignore#that and go straight to They’re Fine :) Happy Ending which is. what i am picking up that the people on that poll want.#or b) go all in and make this a horror story to the end. give them destiel and make it exactly as fucked and miserable as it would#realistically be. and then that whole side of the fandom would be mad because toxic gay people shouldn’t exist actually. too complicated.#and the thing is that neither of these are at all satisfying. the second one is better. but its still. bad.#im being serious here im not trying to beat down on this. i genuinely cannot see a way. with the last few seasons setting things up the way#they did. that destiel endgame would make anyone happy. or be good. at all.#anyway like i said there’s bigger problems. new god went through years of child abuse and believes he deserved it because he was born wrong.#look me in the eyes and try to tell me this will lead to a good outcome. jack is about to do godstiel arc 2 except he won’t explode from it.#he is about to kill so many people who are Bad. and not see why that would be wrong to do.#okay im done im done i swear
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Theyre permanently changing my work's hours this week (its been a long time coming + the storm forced us to have limited hours anyway) but the problem is that now for everyone to get their alloted hours every week we might not get to have hour long lunch breaks anymore
#im kind of mad about it honestly dhDHDH#theyre tossing around this idea of taking 30 minutes off the clock and 30 minutes on#but personally if i have to come back inside halfway through my hour break to use the time clock it defeats the whole purpose#it affects me less bc im part time but the full time employees are kind of screwed#also tbh!! i dont like the shortened hours#its only going from 9 to 8 most days which is fine#but closing as early as we do on fridays/weekends..... I Dont Like It
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So on one hand I got to participate in extubating a patient today but on the other hand I did get an E on my thesis which my advisor told us was "A or maybe B material" and that we were genuinely quite proud of.
#so all in all a Great! and also a Very Bad! day today#studyblr#medblr#isak talks#we called the advisor when we found out and she was absolutely shocked. i was real mad at her at first but now im just hoping#the appeal process will be quick and bring some change.#i mean fuck id honesty rather have an F than an E. at least that way we get to rewrite whatever parts dont actually work.#but seeing as our advisor is shocked too im hoping itll be bumped up cause of the appeal.#also honestly fuck my university for forcing us to change our entire thesis - problem statement and all AFTER the halfway point.#we had already gotten the go ahead! they told us time and time again we wouldn't be penalised for writing about a#relatively rare (but important!) condition. that it was innovative of us to chose a subject where theres been done few high quality studies#and then literally several days after the halfway point they go oh well actually no. you cant do that.#[redacted] university Get Your Shit Together challenge#anyways i love intensive care! pulmonology is great! i made a difference on the ward AND I got to be a part of the extubation team!#which is a great day! (if you ignore my uni being full of shit (as usual)).
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I can take them making the Crosby/Landra thing explicit (even when keeping it vague would have been very doable and truer to his own memoir) but him pushing her about what she actually was doing was annoying. The call we'll see next week is fine, but whining about it in a pub instead of just being like "haha pretty sure my badass former-roomate is a spy, crazy times we live in, ammirite?" rubbed me the wrong way.
#idk it hit me less as concerned friend/fwb and more 'as a man attached to you i need to know what you're doing so tell me'#which isn't the vibe from the real dude or the character so far#Croz a we know & love him would be like 'you'd tell me but you'd have to kill me? of course ma'am. btw thank you for paying attention to me#like im not happy about them making the relationship explicitly romantic or explicitly physical#I think he still considered it cheating in his own mind no matter what the circumstances#BUT that should objectively be the thing that irks me most#& it wasn't bc i was too busy being mad about the way they made him kinda demand her whereabouts#maybe that was just me but it had me riled up the entire episode#honestly woried it'll make nxt wk's phonecall feel less “whoops so shes definitely unable to meet me for lunch ?” and more “WHERES MY WOMAN#masters of the air#spoilers#harry crosby#shit i put the wrong name in the post#fuck it im not changing it now#they can pry 'Landra' out of my cold dead hands i guess#hbo war#MotA: Ep 7#MotA#sandra westgate#whoever the fuck that is (obligatory snarky tag)
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i just don’t understand. why say ur ready to talk if you aren’t?
can u believe this post is what got me to reach tag limit
#vaugepostimg on main about an irl don’t mind me#i just. am feeling sad bcus i have been trying to keep my distance and respect the space they said they needed. and then they reached out to#me for their book club and said we should chat and i got excited! i miss my friend of course i got excited#still let them take the lead. i want them to be comfortable. they said they’d lmk what day they were free#and then proceeded to ghost me for like. almost two weeks??#(it was 10 days but !!! still!!! almost 2 weeks from them suggesting i come to book club which would’ve inherently necessitated an irl talk#and then after all that yesterday said they actually weren’t ready which. hurted#tbf i knew something was up after like 2 days of them not replying so it’s not like i was fully caught off guard it just really hurt#and like i feel weird bcus our social circles are really overlapped and i spent a lot of time with them last winter and i had thought#that would happen again this winter. we would swim together a lot and i consistently went to their house dinners#bcus if i care about you i show up! and i’m understanding ! bcus i am patient and kind person and as a triple taurus i’m not tryna rush ever#especially when it comes to people’s emotions ??? especially if someone has told me i hurt them???? like ik im an autistic lesbian but#despite popular conceptions on that particular identity. im not fucking evil ????? if you ask for space i will give you space !!!!!#and like when it comes to emotions and conflict i’m blunt but i’m caring and it takes a lot for me to be disinfranchised by people#or relationships. so i’m not saying i don’t want to still be her friend#i’m just. noticing behaviors#they did tell me that they were very avoidant in conflict and i told them i’m very much not and like. now that i’m on the receiving end of i#idk what to do!! i’m not gonna chase her down like they’re grown!! and again!!! if you ask for space i’m going to respect that!!!#and like honestly. i’m happy she at least gave me the curtesy of saying they weren’t ready to talk even if it took her mad long to do it#so like. who tf knows when we’ll talk. if ever. probably when she wants the validation of our friendship if it even happens at all#bcus again. she reached out not to reconnect and clear the air but to check if i still wanted to come to her club she was starting#ik in earlier conversations she was worried no one would come but ig she found people. which like good for her tbh but to be honest i feel#discarded?? i’m feeling like i’m failing to not project too much so i gotta stop but idk man i’m just feeling weird about it all#and then i had the thought today of like. is this what i want in a friendship? someone who goes back and forth abt whether or not i’m worth#which again. kinda wasn’t expecting that bcus we spent so much time together last autumn/winter/spring like. many times per week!!!#so the idea of not being her friend all of a sudden?? feels fucjing weird to think about#but like? i don’t want to feel this way this is what i hate about west coast/white people conflict resolution!! there fucking isn’t any!!!#and i can’t deal with that! i can’t spend my life with people who aren’t going to engage with me as a person who cares about them#humans are fallible creatures and were only here on earth for so long so why are we wasting time here? what is the point of all this ???????#but then the guilt and shame say i deserve it all and at that point i just need to stop so. i’m gonna stop now lol
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Crying screaming throwing up and etc
#I’ve been in such a weird and bad mood lately I don’t even fucking know why#like the smallest things are making me so mad and i feel like im gonna cry constantly#and literally for no reason like what am I even upset about? couldn’t tell ya!#but at least I have like. a week and a half off work#gonna have to take my tshot a day early and then a day late so I don’t have to take it on the plane which I k ow I COULD do but I don’t want#to deal with it honestly. so we shall see what does to my mental state#prsnl
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what if i vaguepost (not that vaguely) about a random reddit post i saw about one of my favorite bands. what then
#my stuff#ik tumblr is the piss on the poor website but the absolute LACK of comprehension that user EXUUDED. fuck you honestly (not actually)#no the song isnt transphobic??? its MAKING FUN OF the STEREOTYPE of all feminists being “ugly man hating lesbians”#Which You Would Know if you looked at anything they said about the song#it says that on the description of the youtube upload of the song#they dont mean most of the stuff they say in the damn song#“wanting equality means we hate men” (first of all that is obviously sarcastic) “we only mean cis men of course”#is calling out how man hating rhetoric#no matter how well intentioned the person is#can quickly lead to exclusion of people you should want on your side (trans men AND women non binary people (esp amab ones))#and if you looked at more of their songs#fauxminism is Actively Calling Out Terf Rhetoric#siiiiigh#i don't have a reddit account and even if i did the post is archived so i cant comment this (and im not confrontational enough to anyway)#but GRAASGH it made me probably more mad than i should
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