#think this was the last think I posted before my account was nuked lol

[saintavangeline]

REPLY: Since Adeline they seem to have slept around with their friends so that's an easy 2 or 3 right there, they seem to really chase after Asian girls or ppl who Asian-fish, or just goth girls I'm pretty confident they may be a chaser, not a surprise since they seem fixated on anime and their brain has probably rotted from all the questionable things they probably open in a private tab.

I started keeping track around the time they posted the chasing Lana Del Ray fems Tik_tok video, then promptly nuked their entire account, ID be embarrassed to publicly fetishsize the suffering of women too dawg. There's about 6-7I can even remotely suspect or confirm, based on the time span of their flings. Before then I watched the girls come and go so often, I thought they were bot follows lol. Sad to come clean to it but a few of the girls I can't find again, I'm sure they were threatened, every last one of them. Reflecting on it, I think they are incapable of loving anyone in a healthy way, I try not to stay awake lately thinking about the girls that slipped by me unnoticed. Usually dark haired girls with mental illnesses who have some dirt he can use Id bet on it, some of the girls went quicker than others, so my stats are shakey and can be given or taken from .

Victims 1-3 seem to be mutuals of varying intimacy (Supposed close friends, posted in proximity to a pub tumblr post alluding to being "Open with friends" God help us if they think they can handle open relationships.)

Victims 4-5 Goth girls, unclear if the pinup gif set, poems, fanfictions and "rolled up my sleeve for a hot dyke at work" posts were for the Asian girl they are moots with or any of the other miscellaneous private accounts that orbited them.

6 was a girl they posted a photo of themself holding up in their arms, then deleted from tumblr and instagram for unclear reasons, they commented on their posts before, things that seemed jarringly toxic even in jest. "Message me or I'll KMS".

7 Group listing here, they use to their advantage their notoriety and I have witnessed them interact with the young people who pine over them on their blog, they interact from a side account using their photo on the blogs of some frequently interacting followers, guess they get off to their ego being stroked.

This genuinely made me fucking sick to read.

I don’t even know where to begin with my thoughts on this..

I am very out of the loop because I have them blocked on everything for my mental health, so hearing all of these updates are genuinely insane.

I hope they see this and get chills knowing that people are paying attention and know what they truly are.

[hummingbird-games]

Dev Diaries

October 1, 2023

My goodness, it's the first devlog post-Crushed release!! How did that happen???

And where the heck has 2023 gone?!?! 🙃

Okay, pausing--for like four seconds--on the sillies, I've got some updates for y'all, so have a seat and get comfy.

Crushed updated build is out!!!

Now with the rest of the partial voice acting!!!

It was a super fun experience with the VA and I giggled a lot to hear the words I wrote spoken into existence. I think the next project I work on with voice work will also be partial. However, I can't imagine doing a whole game with full voice work. I can feel the mental break down from that possibility making its descent....

The postmortem was longer than I anticipated it to be, so it shall be posted separately (and with a read more for your scrolling needs) sometime! I go into (more) details on my inspiration and the process from hesitant idea, to jam entry, to a full-blown game, and all the heartbreak and burnout and catharsis in between!

You can also search 'gamedev rambles' or 'crushed vn' where I've already blabbed about Development Tingz LOL.

2. The HBG Twitter account has been nuked.

Yeah. Apologies if this is how you're finding out about it. I honestly have no idea where my audience is located as y'all are a quiet (but supportive) bunch. But for me as a player, it hurts because many of my peers are only on or are most active on Twitter.

However, me and the bird app have been at odds for a while so I guess it was just a matter of time... 🥲

3. Game Jam Gemini Mode

Alright, time to get serious-serious. (HA!)

While I was Fighting The Good Fight concerning getting Crushed up before the summer ended, I started dropping hints about the next project I wanted to work on with Yuri Jam (and Once Upon A Time jam) coming up.

Well. After giving it some thought, forcing myself to pause long enough to breathe, catching up on personal reading and other things, and again, giving it more thought: nope.

I could ignore this decision which I hate and push on anyway, but the consequences are not ones I want to deal with, nor will I be physically able to handle. (Yes, this is a direct reference to my health lol).

My plan about this time was to start reaching out to people and create a team--given that I banged out a script at lighting speed just so I knew what roles I needed and was prepared. I'm still not sure where that burst of frenzied energy came from, but it's gone now.

And then in between making Crushed live and getting the first voiced update done, I started to feel really weird. Like "Hello, Anxiety My Old Friend" weird. And I kept berating myself for dragging my feet, especially as Yuri Jam (and OUAT) are so 'chill' and 'easy-going' and why was I still freaking out? What was wrong with me???

Anyway, once the last voiced update went live, it hit me how utterly exhausted I was. Still am(?) So it's insane to think I was somehow going to have enough energy to lead a whole ass team to create one more project before the year ends. Even if said project was under 5k words.

Even as I write this saying I'm done, a part of me keeping scheming up ways to make it work.

But I wouldn't be doing it for the right reasons anyway (i.e. feeling like I should participate in more jams because every other developer is and I'm a bad indie dev if I don't, and feeling this desperation to prove I can tell other kinds of stories. ahahahaha)

A L S O I am broke 😂 And money talks louder than anything else!! This was the year--and continues to be the year-- of medical expenses and emergencies so like...gotta recover from that too.

The Knight Dance (my short Yuri idea) shall return, but next year at the earliest. And who knows? It might benefit from me not working on it now. Or that's what I'm telling myself so my brain will chill.

4. Tackling Ko-fi

I keep saying I'm going to start putting content on ko-fi, or posts, or something, and I keep proving to be a liar. That ends soon!

I've been playing around with the idea of adding both content for subs and one-time donators as well as free content, these things all exclusive to ko-fi. So there's an incentive to you guys to visit and an incentive for me to keep up with it.

There's a lot to the world of HSD/Crushed that just didn't make it into the games, and probably won't for a while, and then there are drabbles and longer stories that would be fun to write and share for anyone who's curious.

Okay!!!

In conclusion!!!

Go play Crushed!! Go support some game Kickstarters!! Go support a Pateron/Ko-fi of your fave creator!! Go replay some games!!

And watch this space for the Crushed postmortem and my yearly games & demos wrap up!!

And maaaaaaaybe catch me on the sideblog where I embody the cringe gamer girl I truly am???

~ Gemini

[bluebunnysart]

Rain (Mikuteto sequel to Song fic) fanart: https://x.com/Slyvasta/status/1816039089239646720

look look look look look look!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

You don't even have to read said fic to look at the fanart, it's pretty spoiler-free!! I freaking love this.... I can't believe lightning struck twice and someone made me fanart of the sequel (like 5 days after posting too omg), I was staring at it some more last night and now I have it printed out and at my desk.... It's propping up my sanity fr fr, I love it so freaking much.

I love how "creature" Teto gets with each rendition of her: this artist gave her a horn, a visible fang, ears with a sharp point at the ends, and her wings are so based.... So far everyone has been consistent with the triangle tail too which is one of my favorite parts of her ofc so I love it 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰❤❤❤♥♥♥❤❤♥❤💖💖💓💓💓💓

So far I encounter fanart whenever I'm feeling bummed about something Negidrill-related?? It's so sweet and makes me so happy though, because seeing it just makes everything so worth it... This time they seemingly nuked my account for posting too much I think and it's still not back 😭 but I hope I get access to it again soon so I can RT all the beautiful Mktt art and post some more...

ANYWAY heavy fangirling and heavy fanfic spoilers below (I recommend reading the fanfics on AO3 before reading what I say below, unless you don't mind spoilers but I feel like "Rain" especially is best read blind lol)-- this has opened the gates to me yapping people's ears off about the setting bc at least one person likes it and even drew something for it, so nice 😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

I'm really glad I separated the fics the way I did, into 6k+ readable parts, because while it's technically a 12-13k word oneshot now, a two-parter written the way it is is good.... I do want to keep writing and making more, actually, but the next part is the hardest lmao and I want at least like 90k more words of slowburn so...?!? It'd have to turn into a multichapter something and idk how to approach that at ALL lol; I'll talk more about what I have in mind at the end of this. xD

If Song is a "Miku fanfic" because it's all about Miku and her motivations and why she does the things she does, then I would say Rain is a "Teto fanfic", even though Miku still shares a lot of the POV in it. This is obviously because we learn a bit more about Teto, even if it's not a major ton: you learn where she lives (in a cave 10+ minutes away); Miku is curious about Teto's home and is willing to walk there, but Teto goes "no" because she's only known Miku for about a day and isn't gonna invite a stranger to her place immediately even if it's Miku; and you learn about how Teto reacts to Miku's antics in general. This setting is also partially "Hello Planet" inspired ofc so Miku is really devoted to her mission of protecting/finding/singing songs since that's what she was made to do, so while Miku will try to protect herself, she really easily switches the priority order of things in her own mind and has no trouble putting herself second or third. That ticks Teto off ofc because Miku does the equivalent of jump off a mountain/hill/cliff, but Miku quickly learns that Teto doesn't like that so she won't be doing things as extreme as that anytime soon. Miku's "self-preservation" skills are basically subpar (since she doesn't fully grasp that sacrificing yourself for a small object isn't a reasonable thing to do even if it's really important to you lol) but they're improving thanks to Teto lmao. Likewise, Teto was also doing the bare minimum to survive, so she also has a little more motivation to continue to try so she can continue hanging out with Miku.

Regarding the type of animal/chimera Teto actually is, this artist said "bat wings" and they're not wrong hehe but it's specifically unspecified in both fics, so they could be bat wings, not-bat wings, creature wings, anything! I specifically leave it up for interpretation because interpretation is cool and Teto is also secretive (to me AND Miku), but if you want the author's two cents/guess, I'm thinking she's like a bat-dragon-creature hybrid. (That's right! ALL of them!! www)

In the first fic, Miku asks Teto if she can breathe fire and compares Teto to a dragon, but Teto says she won't spill her guts to Miku, aka tell her all about herself, especially when there's nothing in it for her. I dunno if anyone likes to randomly Google words sometimes like me (especially when writing), but one of the definitions for chimera says "(in Greek mythology) a fire-breathing female monster with a lion's head, a goat's body, and a serpent's tail." "Official" Teto doesn't even have a tail that isn't the belt under her skirt I think but since UTAU is up to interpretation, you could absolutely take parts of this definition and depict her as such.

I was thinking that in a desolate/ruined world like the one Teto lives in, it'd be pretty hard to survive without some tricks up her sleeve, so she probably can breathe fire, which she likely uses for light (the candle in her home), cooking her food, boiling water to disinfect it, etc. etc. There's no telling how good she is at it (maybe she's REALLY good at it or she has effort pulling it off), but I just have to say that I freaking LOVE Teto in this setting lol. I freaking love dragons too btw so I think it'd be so so soo cool if she was actually part dragon. Teto thinks dragons are cool too which is why she's pleased when Miku compares her to one, but anyway, keep in mind that even though I'm the author, a lot of what I say isn't actually set in stone or official/canon. That's why I called my fanart earlier "fanart of my fanfic" instead of "official art", because it's just another interpretation and I LOVE seeing other people's interpretations, like how this artist gave Teto a single horn. 🥰🥰🥰🥰 Teto really is full creature.... I wonder why she only has one.... Is it possible she might've had two before but she lost it or it was broken....? Teto with one intact horn and a half-broken horn, ooogh.....

I'm gonna take another couple minutes to gush about this Rain fanart again because I freaking love seeing how other people interpret (my) stuff and I'm really really into the kinds of scenes that were depicted. xD

I think the way they drew Teto in the top left is so cool.... Her wings are ALSO another highlight of her and I love them and I love how the artist drew them.... Sharp and cool.... I also like that the author depicted this scene in general-- it's not the first thing my mind thinks of when I think of making fanart of the fic, but it's so good. Which reminds me...

The reason Teto doesn't let Miku come over to her place immediately is because even though Teto gets attached to Miku quickly in the first fic, that doesn't mean she's willing to let her in immediately. In fact, in my first attempt at writing this sequel, she ends up falling asleep WHILE Miku is there because Teto has been awake for a whole day and hasn't slept so she basically pulled an all-nighter listening to songs with Miku-- she was gonna get sleepy/tired eventually. Anyway, since Teto fell asleep in front of her and being asleep is basically when you're at your most vulnerable, when Teto woke up, she (the character) was REALLY freaking difficult about it, lol. It was like you ran out of trust coins with her and she resisted my every attempt to make her and Miku's friendship/relationship progress in any way. 😭 It was like "(dark/emo voice) I've shown you a moment of weakness, I can't let that happen ever again (*stands in the shadows dramatically*)" and I was like "omg Teto FINE I understand, I started the fic off wrong, I'll rewrite it 😭😭😭😭".

It's not like she lashes out at Miku or anything, she just straight up berates herself for falling asleep in the garbage dump (which, why would she do that anyway, she hates that place, even if Miku and the music make it a little more comfy), so she just got really distant/cold/short with Miku. Any attempt Miku made to get closer to her in any way would be swiftly shot down (without explanation too I think 'cuz she shouldn't have to explain her own boundaries and she doesn't like talking that much about herself), and it was way too awkward for me to continue without going "what kind of Mikuteto fic is this lmao" so I started over.

The spirit of that interaction isn't gone, ofc-- they're still the same characters. But I rewrote it to have Teto basically stay up even longer than she already was and I made sure that Miku was understanding and wasn't too pushy in any way. In other words, Teto probably still would've been resistant to Miku getting close to her anyway (since that's her character/personality), but Miku didn't push it, and Teto didn't accidentally reveal her vulnerable side before she was ready to (falling asleep in front of Miku). You might think Teto's overreacting a little bit but in the wild, falling asleep in front of the "enemy" is like a surefire way to get killed I think (in your sleep lol), so yeah, Teto trusts Miku, but only tentatively. Teto's trust issues are both valid and higher than usual because of all the things she saw/lived through (heck, humans are literally extinct and that's because they couldn't trust their world leaders or those around them or something, idk, lol). I love Teto because she's actually nice and she's doing her best but she's really been beaten down by the world which is why she's harsher/more high tension than Miku is.

We also have to remember that even if she's like a creature and some bats apparently eat rats, Teto is also humanoid and she DOESN'T like rats AT ALL. xD I don't remember if I mentioned this anywhere so I'll put it here, but Teto only eats because she has to, to live. xD She fukken hates rats but they're probably somewhat reliable to catch (we can talk about the actual state of the world and what lives in it later, after I myself flesh it out more lol), so she's basically forcing herself to eat them just so she won't die of starvation or be too weak to fly or anything. Since she's part-creature, I was thinking she only eats like once a week maybe, and that's enough for her to skate by on the bare minimum, but that also explains why she doesn't notice Miku immediately. The garbage dump is huge and she only visits when she's forced to since she hates the sight, smell, and everything of it.

Besides her lack of trust so far, the other reason Teto doesn't invite Miku to her place is 'cuz she literally doesn't expect the rain to magically appear so suddenly. I think the world probably goes entire weeks without rain, kind of like a desert, so Teto thought that that would continue and doesn't see the point of bringing Miku along when Teto can just bring things herself and NOT carry Miku instead. The nature of the world is, again, extreme weather, which I think includes "fast and drastic changes in weather" too. So, while Teto could've expected it, she doesn't anticipate it, so her reaction is probably literally like "what the hell is this timing" and a lot of cursing in her head as she's flying back to the garbage dump in the pouring rain. xD

When I write, I don't have everything planned out; instead, the characters/ideas come to me as I write and lead me along. So the reason I had things play out like that is 'cuz a voice in my head told me "their relationship will only progress with adversity lol" and there was a thunderstorm on the day I got the idea, including the sound of thunder, so I was like, "Oh!! Great idea!!!! Put them in a thunderstorm and watch what happens!!!" (Watch Teto panic lol.)

I got sidetracked from gushing about the fanart again but I also wanted to add that I like that Teto has a visible fang (in the bottom left) because I totally agree!! Girl definitely has sharp teeth/fangs... In fact, when I draw her ('cuz I hope to draw her more), I'll definitely be giving her a fang. I love those. 🥰🥰🥰

The Teto infodumping is not done (unfortunately? lol) and I hope that this is all implied/picked up from the fanfic instead of me just failing to convey that (I try to give as much info as needed but also I like it when people come to their own conclusions/fill the gaps in on their own, like why Teto acts the way she does and what she's been through [there's not THAT much substance tbh and if you dismiss her as a tsundere, that's also a totally acceptable read 'cuz she is one]), but yeah-- these are all MY feelings about her while I was writing her and as I continue to think about her.

Continuing, the thing I liked the most about "Rain" (my second fanfic) was the action parts lol. In the first fic, they mostly just talk and chill, which is cute and all, but I also like it when things happen/there's action, so I was delighted to give Miku the opportunity to just go for it. xD

The first part should be self-explanatory: Miku is a robot who has her eyes closed in the rain on top of a bunch of trash and is curled into a ball so it shouldn't be too surprising that Teto freaks tf out because Teto's under the impression she had a good/chance/one-of-a-kind encounter with Miku a day earlier and then she ruined it/Miku just fukken died so... After everything Teto's lost, Teto is not happy. Tbh thinking about it, she probably could've reacted more strongly too, but she's mostly still in shock/not accepting it so her first instinct is to just call out to Miku and pray. Teto's not good at expressing her emotions/herself anyway, so I think it's a good choice that I switched to Miku's POV for that bit, but this moment obviously sticks with her and you can see that in the very last scene of the fic (which I'll talk about in a second).

The second part (my favorite part really) is when Miku dives after the Walkman after it flies out of her hands and starts bouncing down the trash pile. Miku reacts immediately and catches it, but she starts to imitate the fan animation of Rolling Girl as she herself starts falling down the trash pile instead. Teto reacts like a second or two later, diving after her. I wanted to prepare a quick MS Paint visual to explain why Teto does not agree with Miku's life choices. xD

Anyway this is why Teto freaks tf out. xD It probably wouldn't have killed Miku since she'd hit stuff on the way down (how sturdy Miku is, we have yet to know) but Teto really did not enjoy seeing this and she was serious about it probably having the capability to give her a heart attack. I hope I conveyed that in the fic well-- a better artist or writer would probably be able to convey the sheer cinematic movie imagery of this scene in the thunderstorm/horrible weather. xD I'm just happy it's out there and Miku really proved that she's not all talk-- she WILL do what she says she will, so ultimately, she can be trusted. xD Thankfully Teto saves her before she can fall very far because Teto is a cool creature and I've always fawned over the creature in a creature x (non-)human pairing more than the human. (Miku is great though; they BOTH carry the story equally, I think, and they gotta, since it's THEIR story. xD)

Okay, some more words and then I'm done gushing. xD

The very last scene is also one of my favorites for obvious reasons, even though it's a tad bit embarrassing to read it back to myself. xD I was thinking that after the stress of the entire day and not sleeping, Teto finally falls asleep, and this time, she won't resist as much because she's learned more about Miku's devotion/dedication, which is kinda on par with a suicide bomber. 😅 Teto is now less worried about Miku suddenly betraying her/hurting her and more worried about Miku literally getting herself killed and hurting her that way, so I guess there's been a significant shift in mindset, lol. After only about two days, lmao; Teto's trust issues didn't go away or anything, but now she's probably really confused about how to deal with Miku so she's trying to learn. xD 😂😂 I think the best way to describe Miku is "willing to DIE for song" lmaoooooooooooooooo sorry wwwwww

Like, the steep drop is a steep drop, yeah, but I wonder if the reader picked up that if the Walkman had fallen into the ocean or something, Miku would've jumped after it too? That would really upset Teto too, hahahaha; I'm sorry, I won't do that wwwwwww. Teto will literally throw the Walkman into a pit of lava. I'm actually laughing just thinking about how different their reactions would be. xD

Okay, back to the end scene. xD Well, a little before that: I have Teto hug a pillow on her bed because I mainly wanted to show the part where she curls her tail around it. It is kinda like a body pillow, I will admit, and I was actually lowkey inspired by this very same artist's other picture (Mikuteto is so based, I love this image so much xD) but it's mainly the tail thing. xD Teto wraps her tail around the stuff she hugs and she's cute and not as edgy as her design implies (she's very cool though, I love her 💞) and yeah. The idea is to stir the imagination for later because I want her to hug Miku like that eventually too, with the tail around her and everything. But we're really far from such a scene and idk how to lead to it quite yet so it's for future Mikutetos. ( uwu )

The very last scene is a moment of vulnerability for Teto because 1. she's had a near heart attack twice and 2. she hasn't slept for approximately 20 hours I think? Which may not seem like a lot but bear in mind that she lives on the bare minimum, flew quite a lot in both fics, and she even carried Miku, so she's fukken tired. xD Singing and listening to music/singing finally calms her enough to knock her out, but then she remembers Miku diving off the side of the mountain and she wakes up in a panic. She hasn't had enough sleep though, which Miku correctly points out, so she's sleep-deprived and worried and nervous, so she's a lot more vulnerable than all her other appearances. I wonder if I could've conveyed this better by giving her like a wholeass monologue or nightmare or something, but I like to present things a lot and let people infer, so I won't be modifying my fic very much, just gushing about it by myself and thinking about everything I included in it. xD

ANYWAY, Teto isn't in her normal state for various reasons and that was how I figured out how to progress Mikuteto by a bit lol-- by making her kinda needy but of course she would rather die than say that out loud, so she acts very normally throughout her conversation with Miku. Actually, now that I think about it, we can probably apply this same format/logic to her first encounter with Miku in the rain. xD I find this Teto very very endearing, personally: she won't let you know what she's thinking about or feeling, so the outside and the inside are a very very different picture. I'm not romanticizing coldness or anything, of course-- rather, I'm most interested in finding out how Miku allows Teto to relax and be more honest and less guarded with her emotions as time passes, 'cuz Miku is a safe person to express herself to. 🥰🥰🥰

I think I finished fangirling about the setting (I'm not kidding when I say this fanart made me release the floodworks; I was always thinking all of this but I didn't want to shove it in people's faces because I didn't know how into it they are, LOOL. This is the perfect excuse for me to go wild and maybe I should do that in the first place, but I like letting people interpret, so I didn't want to get in the way of that by influencing them too hard. xD). There's not much else for me to spell out I think without insulting the reader's intelligence by this point, so I think that's all I can say about "Rain". I literally didn't think I'd get fanart and it makes me so happy for real; it's hard for me to gauge how much someone liked something unless they tell me and I was already immensely happy after the first kudos, so this is way more than I expected. I'm really really happy about it. 😭♥🙏 The Mktt fandom is small I think so we all lowkey know each other? But the people in it can be so kind; I'm really grateful to it. <3 I infodumped a whole lot more than I did for Song/the first fanart, but trust me, I still love the first fanart with all of my heart: I printed it as a poster and it's taped to my wall, lmfao. I treasure all fanart... You're too kind.... 😭

The very last thing I'll say is I think I'll give a tiny diagram of Teto's cave (so far) in case people want to visualize how I saw it in my head (you're absolutely welcome to make something better c:), and then I'll talk briefly about what I have in mind for future stuff (quick answer: I still need things to marinate in my mind but I'm absolutely willing to throw stuff at the wall and tackle it repeatedly and see what sticks c:).

(Subject to change if I come up with anything better!) Miku actually does sit farther away from Teto after Teto is asleep in her bed which helps explain why the chimera internally complains about it lol. Miku probably moved to avoid disturbing Teto lmao.

Okay, last thoughts! Writing a third one will be hard as hell because after establishing each chara's quirks and bond and whatnot, all that's left is the slowburn part of the romance. And yeah, it WILL be slow, because like I said in my author's notes before, Teto is stubborn and Miku is inexperienced. What would follow is various slice of life tidbits as they try to navigate the desolate world and learn new things, and I feel like it would be stronger if they DID encounter another creature, which helps Teto decide that "yeah, Miku is literally better than anyone else" lol. Teto IS smart and love is kinda the last thing on her mind, I'd say, but even if she did think she was feeling it, she'll immediately question if it's due to being so isolated for so long with barely any company and that's a really valid question imo. In other words, "do I think it's love because she's the only person I know and I'm lonely or would I still feel the same way if things were different, even if I don't think they will be?"

I feel like their whole relationship and the fic would be much stronger if those questions were answered, so while I could and wanted to make it Mikuteto only forever (since I think they'd always choose each other-- I'm biased), I still want them to explore their full potential idk. All I know is Teto WILL overthink it and that's just part of her charm, imo. xD Plus the nature of a tsundere is to deny, deny, deny until a thunderstorm almost takes her (Miku) away and damages her grievously, lmao.

I guess if anyone's curious about what I have in mind so far and actually read this far, what I do know for a fact is directly after this fic, Teto probably follows Miku around like some kinda guard dog/eagle, and since they're looking for more songs, Miku doesn't mind and enjoys the company as they search. Miku likes singing the songs she finds, which includes various love songs, and she wants to become more human-like, which helps her feel closer to her creators. (Plz tell me people picked up on the various references to how Miku is a voice synthesizer and how that influences her relationship with producers, or "humans", plsplspls.)

What I have in mind so far is Miku showing off her "sleep" function to Teto (basically just entering low power mode so she can "sleep" like Teto does) [Teto: "i dont want to see you look dead, why do you keep doing things that make you look dead 😭😭😭"], and Miku singing love songs while trying to understand what she's singing about. Teto is obviously Miku's guide to "human-ness" (even as a creachure lol), so Miku does ask her about love, but naturally Teto answers very awkwardly since she's not sure if she's a good consultant for this subject.

There's probably no question that Miku's going to be the one mainly leading the development instead of Teto as Miku learns more, so I think I just need Miku to learn a looot. xD They can probably achieve this by finding books or movies or something that weren't damaged by the harsh weather. Any buildings left? Hmm....

I've been yapping for about 2 hours now I think but I'm really happy to do so... This is fukken why Twitter suspended me I bet btw, because I don't shut up about the things I'm passionate about, but I didn't even tweet that much so 💢💢💢💢💢😠😠😠😡. Shouldn't spam be like 50-100 tweets a day or something?? I only get spammy very infrequently and then it's like a fraction of that I think, but either I'm underestimating myself or the functionality of the site after a certain someone took over. I hope it's restored and idk how long it'll take thanks to the site sucking, but at least there's a Teto waiting for me in like two weeks so whatever happens, I'll begrudgingly accept. xD

Fanart makes me extremely happy and sure, I want to mainly do things for myself, but seeing someone else like or care about something I made seriously fills me with joy. xD I do feel validated enough to write something as long as this (pls dont mark me as spam, DAMN), but yeah! Mktt fandom is small right now but I hope it grows-- that way I'm not the only one here trying to make as much stuff as possible for them because I love them. xD Then I also know you like my stuff because you genuinely like it and not 'cuz it's your only option/you're starved for content. xD

Thanks to anyone who read all of this and I'm really delighted about the love my random fics/AU got. It really was unplanned for real but Miku and Teto are so good and I've been thoroughly enjoying portraying them in my fic, if that doesn't show from how much I've written just now. xD

I'm not a "content creator", just a really passionate fan, so I want to make Mikuteto stuff whether I get 0 fanart or 0 kudos or what. (My heart will sink a little if I get 0 kudos but it's mainly because I don't want to be the only Mktt-liker and I hope at least ONE person likes it, I try very hard on my stuff lol), but yeah... Enough yapping now. I'm still passionate about these two but I'm trying not to turn my blog into a text-only thing: I'm gonna draw/make more for sure, but fanfic-wise, it will take time.

Negidrill fukken rocks, so damn it,,, damn,,, give me my fukken Negidrill account back 😭. Punished for loving too much, smh. I could talk about why they mean so much to me, but the most obvious reason is they're awesome, so I'll keep loving them. I hope people make more, and I'll keep going too.... I'm just gonna check the word count of this real quick.

4936 words. Yeah, see? This is basically a follow-up to my fic, lmfao.

That's it from me now for real. I need to do lots of stuff. 😭

[jaderimehardt]

RedBubble Tiers Rant

This is probably going to be a long one so strap in 🙃

Yesterday a lot of us RedBubble artists received some ridiculous e-mail about RB going into 3 tiers soon. Standard, Premium, and Pro. This e-mail arrived not too long after us receiving another e-mail about them changing their payment system from us getting checks on the 15th, to us now getting them at the end of the month (for whatever reason).

Premium and Pro tiers basically won't get charged anything, if you happen to fall into those. Standard tier will get charged a fee every month depending on how much you make. You cannot choose your tier.

There also seems to be no rhyme or reason to which tier you get placed in.

In this example, that they- themselves, provided, if you were to earn 300$, you’d only receive 47$ of it after all was said and done. It’s down right baffling. (if you do the math, that’s 15% for this one specific example.)

They provide a chart so it breaks down further, here on this page. I'd include the chart they have but, it's massive and scrolls this post way more than I'm already going to do with all my rambling and ranting.

They’re basically taking an average of 40% of the artist’s earnings. (after already taking 50% to begin with.)

It's like they saw Etsy do it, and thought 'Hey, we can do this too'. I hate this so much. I used RedBubble because I work with digital art programs, not physical items.

(Or at least, I currently do.)

If you look on Twitter, everyone is abandoning ship. People hate this. It's like a repeat of DeviantArt when they implemented AI. They didn't consult the community first, they just outright added it and the community retaliated by deleting their art, deleting their accounts, and voicing their disdain.

That's exactly what's happening here; backlash. People are deleting their accounts and voicing how much they oppose this. Even buyers who don't have shops are being vocal about how they will never buy from RedBubble ever again because of this. They literally just dug themselves a grave. Great job guys 👍🏻 You have some real brainiacs over there running (more like ruining) your company.

Speaking of... RB: I see your stocks have been down and declining since the middle of 2018. Perhaps you should backtrack and start looking at what went wrong around that time, and oh~ I don't know. Try and reverse what went wrong. Do some damage control. Something. Something clearly in that time frame took a turn for the worse, but THIS. This is not the solution. This is an asinine decision. You're pushing away both your artists and buyers. How is that good for anyone?

Before things took a complete spiral south and I got that awful e-mail yesterday, I was looking up dozens upon dozens resin videos. It's something I've been looking into for a few months now and I'm hoping to completely dive into within the month or two?

I'm trying really hard to NOT see this as a train-wreck and more as an opportunity to Tony Stark, Clean Slate protocol.

Wipe out my RedBubble shop. Nuke my Wordpress, Instagram, Twitter, etc etc social platforms that go with it. Start anew probably on Etsy (as much as I don't think that's better). Pair it with Printful for those hoodies, t-shirts, mugs, stickers, prints, etc. And when I've got my resin items completed and good to go, I can add those into my shop too. It'll all be in one place.

But as much as I'm like ~there's light at the end of the tunnel, this will be good~ I keep spinning back around to 'aaaa~!' because frankly it's overwhelming. There's so much to do and so much to learn. I'm sure I'm not alone in that feeling. I just have to take it one step at a time and ease into it.

I told my friends I feel like I'm going through the 7 stages of grief because I'm cycling through anger and depression and acceptance and denial and I literally just keep looping, lol. *sigh* I'll get over it. I always do. I just need to turn on some good music or audio book and doodle something.

Whelp. One last look back before the end of the month and I delete my shop forever 🫡. Was good while it lasted? I guess? I don't know. (might delete it sooner, adkjskad)

I'm going my rounds on this, but I might straight up delete my 'stand-alone' (business) Wordpress entirely, and my Tumblr (not this one). Thinking about using this Tumblr and my blog Wordpress to keep things simple? Perhaps that’s why I’m over complicating some things…

[blahblahemblem]

heroes barracks tour: cavalry + updates

exactly what it says on the tin

Note: I started writing this post last year and some things have changed since then. I’ve decided to keep the stuff I originally wrote and cross it out rather than replace it outright. Additionally, aside from the write-up on my cavalry units this post contains a small update to my armour and flier intros as it’s been long enough that I’ve acquired a few more units and changed some plans I had for the old ones.

Armour update

Build improvements

Not much in this category. I gave both BK and Arden Swap (although only BK had the SP available to learn it), and Henry learned Draw Back (which ended up being surprisingly useful in combo with Armour March).

New units

I made the first armour post before summoning on Winter’s Envoy. Here’s what I got from it:

+def –atk

Got her from the last orb on the first summoning circle.

Despite her awkward IVs, awful outfit, and my general distaste for Tharja as a character, she quickly became one of my favourite units (see also: summer Corrin). I enjoyed using her in the Arena so much that I bothered to invest into improving my score, which is how I got into tier 20 for the first time. I’ve tried using her again last week and failed because the maps weren’t as favourable (she survives and counterkills brave Lyn on defensive tiles, but last week’s rotation included the stupid fucking boat map where she got wrecked all the time because there’s nowhere to run).

Her default set is just so damn good. It’s very gratifying to have another unit with Close Counter that isn’t poor defenseless Takumi (who doesn’t even run it anymore), and Vengeful Fighter is, of course, mindblowing. Hone Armour is for Henry’s bladetome. She also has Hone Atk 3 that I gave her in a desperate rage trying to put together an arena team last week, which I regret a bit since it’s unlikely to see use again but it’s not a big deal in the long run.

Usage: I had an absolute blast running her in the last Tempest Trials in tandem with Henry and (spoilers). The boost to her defences and the Close Defence 3 seal turned her into an all-purpose tank with very few things that scared her. I might try to incorporate her into future arena teams again, and she’s of course quite the green counter option for AA.

Future improvements: I’ve seen people replace her special with a 4-charge one, since it works perfectly with Vengeful Fighter and also deals more explosive damage. I hesitated on doing that while her Tempest was running as the boost to her stats combined with the support bonuses from (spoilers) meant she wasn’t always getting doubled, but for general usage it would make sense. I’m holding out a bit since I’d rather focus on units who don’t have already functional builds first. Another thing is refining the Candelabra (haven’t decided whether to go for even more Def or round out her Res yet). I don’t see myself replacing her weapon for now except maybe with Raudrowl, but I don’t have even one Katarina yet.

neutral

Second summoning circle yielded me this strapping gentleman.

Unlike with Tharja I don’t have a very long ode to his abilities, he’s a good unit but his kit just isn’t Close Counter + QR on steroids. That said, he’s an excellent all-around blue counter with good mixed bulk, so I’m glad to have him. (Plus his voicelines are hilarious. “Party?”)

I don’t really know what else to do with him while I’m this low on quality A skills, so I just left his default kit untouched and added Fortify Armour (mostly for Henry, but Tharja obviously made good use of it too) and Ignis (Bonfire would be better with its lower cooldown, but I didn’t have available fodder and didn’t want to spend feathers on this).

Usage: See above about countering blues. He also provides Fortify buffs to those who need it in AA. Otherwise he’s stuck in the same rut as other armours: they’re great and all, but the movement makes it awkward to use them, and the colour overlap makes gluing him to Henry for Armour March a bit inconvenient.

Future improvements: IDK. Giving him a Slaying Axe could be something, but I like to leave seasonal units with their default weapons if I can help it, I think it adds to the charm. That leaves refining Sack o’ Gifts, although same as with the Candelabra I don’t know whether to go with +def or +res, and replacing Ignis with Bonfire.

Change of plans

Gwendolyn is dead. Thank god I’m free. I used her to give Tharja Hone Armour as I didn’t have an unmerged 4* copy and didn’t want to waste feathers. Rip in pepperoni, I won’t miss you. (I’ve summoned another fucking one since then but I’m not even going to bother merging her again, I just hate her art so much.)

Flier update

Build improvements

I got enough SP on Shanna for Firesweep L+ and on Tana for Swap and Hit & Run, and inherited Desperation 3 on Caeda. Otherwise nothing new.

New units

Happy New Year to me!!

+res –hp

Finally an Azura with IVs that don’t suck. In general I’m beyond happy that I have her; I love Azura, I love dancers in Heroes, her art is great, she has Hone Fliers, she’s a goddamn flying singer when I adore flying units, what is there not to love?

Very simple kit, I don’t want to waste Fury on dancers hence Spd+3 as a budget solution for improving her most important stat (TA is an option, of course, but I think with access to flier buffs Airzura needs it less than other dancers). Kind of wish I waited a bit for The Most Important Unit I’ve Ever Summoned (who will be shown in the next update) before launching to refine the Hagoita... but I really needed the Divine Dew and besides, it’s not like it doesn’t help.

Usage: She’s a dancer...

Future improvements: She has WoM3 inherited, hopefully she will get a lot of kills in today’s TT with the buffed stats (as it’s torture to grind SP for dancers otherwise).

+hp –spd

Bummer IVs, but as I wasn’t expecting to have her at all (she came in the same circle as the Most Important Unit; as the pity rate was at 4,50% I just decided to summon the rest after getting him and there she was) it’s fine. Camilla also has boosted BST to make up for bad IVs lol. In general it’s great that I have her as she fills exactly the niche I was looking to fill, a tanky sword flier.

Keeping her default kit and adding Hit & Run. With flier buffs I think her bane doesn’t hinder her so much that I need to give her something else.

Usage: I just got her four days ago... She’s about to see a lot of action in the new TT though, and afterwards I will probably arrange a secondary flier team with both Camillas and Airzura on it, fourth member being debated (Shanna? or I might replace Cordy with Cherche on the first team and put Cordy here?)

Future improvements: I’m going to refine the Kadomatsu (for +spd) instead of replacing her weapon, I think. Slaying Edge is an option, but as I said before I try to keep seasonal weapons whenever possible. I’ve also seen this video on the effectiveness of a build utilising the Deflect Melee seal and Vantage; it worked excellently there because the test subject with Michalis with WoDaoclere-charged Ignis so it might not be as good elsewhere, but there’s always the option of giving Cammy Wo Dao? We’ll see.

Change of plans

1. Since I got NY!Camilla, I don’t need to build a Palla anymore. I will hold onto the 4* neutral version, maybe even merge her into a +spd 4* if I get one, and use her for HM grinding just because I really like Palla, but I’m not investing into her.

2. I made up my mind about spring Camilla. I summoned a Nino and now that I have Hone Airzura it makes even further sense to just go for my favourite build of all time, blade nuke.

Back to cavalry, finally

My main cavalry team isn’t particularly well-put together or impressive, and in general as it turns out I don’t have a whole lot of horses available, but I did go through a period where my horse team carried me through a bunch of difficult content and they’re still my closing act in Arena Assault as I can usually expect them to be able to handle anything.

5* builds

(I don’t have ANY sword cavaliers. This isn’t true anymore, but I still wish I had Xander as well. I didn’t get him because back then I didn’t expect that I’d change my mains and I didn’t want to try dealing with a GHB when I didn’t even have a single level 40 unit on this account yet. I have everything ready for Xander’s rerun that will probably not ever happen now, I have fucking Distant Defence fodder ready, WHERE IS HE INTELLIGENT SYSTEMS IT’S BEEN EIGHT MONTHS)

neutral

No, he’s not my freebie from CYL, I got him off Gunnthra’s legendary banner. Very happy about it because that’s a (relatively) fast offensive sword cavalier, something I didn’t have before. Also he’s adorable and I love his art and wah he says “Roy’s our boy” when you go into battle

I think his default build is fine, maybe he’s a bit on the slower side for Desperation but with emblem buffs, who cares?

Usage: Clearly I haven’t even got around to completing his default skillset... I’ve been busy with fliers and armours :( I’ll put more effort in later

Improvements: Needs an assist. He has Fortify Cavalry inherited but not learned, and also needs to learn his default skills.

+atk –res

Also from Gunnthra’s banner, a defensive sword cavalier to complement the offensive one. Sigurd is really awesome all around so I have no complaints. It’s so convenient that the newer units they release tend to have good builds from the start so I don’t have to scramble around trying to find anything worthwhile to put on them among the piles of trash in my barracks

Usage: Unlike Roy he got to get his default set filled out at least...

Improvements:

I should probably give him Hone Cavalry.

+res –def

My one and only red cavalier, yay!

So Leo’s been sort of shafted by Heroes in terms of default builds (aside from the fact that motherfucker comes with QR3, one of the absolute best skills in the game). Brynhildr is now overshadowed by the goddamn Gravity+ staff, Elise has better offensive stats despite being a healer, etc etc BUT.

I’ve said it before and I will never get tired of saying it: I love monotype bladetome nukes. Who made me love them so much? Cecilia Leo. He was the first unit for whom I bit the bullet and promoted another unit to 5* just to sacrifice them, and what a dazzling fucking introduction to the world of weapon SI that was

Darting Blow seems silly at first glance, dude has 22 whopping spd, but with it, Hone, Goad, and a support he gets up to 40 and can double quite a lot in PvE, and various armours in Arena Assault. Leo in particular is thriving now with all the OP green armours melting when he breathes in their general direction. QR is for when he needs to soak some magic hits, something he did quite well even before Raudrblade.

Usage: Maxed 3k HM, of course! For the rest, see above. Definitely in my top 10 favourite units. I’m very very happy I chose to summon on Male Mages over Female Mages during the third gauntlet (because lol I got all of those female mages as pitybreakers later anyway...)

Improvements: He has everything he needs for now. I could maybe give him Glimmer over Iceberg just for the reduced cooldown, but eh.

At least I made the account switch in time to get him. If I missed both of the DC cavs I’d have died of an ulcer by September

Camus is good. He’s capable of doing both enemy and player phase fairly well (unlike Xander who would be a purely enemy phase unit). Sort of like a blue horse Ryoma. I think he desperately needs merges though.

Usage: Maxed 3k HM. He doesn’t really do a whole lot of work these days even when I get out the team for Arena Assault, but that’s because I’m usually dealing with, like, armours and Ayras and I don’t want a special to trigger so I ORKO them with the ranged cav trio instead. Camus faithfully provides Goad Cavalry and an S support to Leo, and Swaps units around, and he CAN do combat if necessary, so that’s all I can ask for.

Improvements:

Going to +1 him. EVENTUALLY IS will feel maybe a tiny bit of shame and they’ll fucking give him a rerun, that would be two more copies since he didn’t have an Infernal difficulty the first time.

I haven’t been paying attention to him a whole lot before fairly recently, but I was always sitting on some plans for him just because he’s a TT unit and I sort of want to have some kind of functional build going for all of them as I only have copies of them on my main (unlike GHB units who are a lot easier to get).

Now he lucked out. I did three circles on Winter’s Envoy. The first two got me Tharja and Chrom, and the third one somehow contained THREE off-banner 5*s: Catria, Hawkeye, and Cain. They were all used as SI as they all had shitty IVs. Clive got Catria’s lance. Now he can enjoy 2 charge Bonfires.

Usage: I used him a bit in the TT he came from, haven’t done a whole lot since then. I’m hoping to put together a bunch of second-string horse teams (horse mages are a bit more available than flier mages, I’ll get a fucking Reinhardt EVENTUALLY) and he’ll make it on one of those. Plus there’s always walling reds and blues in AA.

Improvements: After I refine the weapon of the Most Important Unit, I’ll evolve his Killer Lance to Slaying Lance. Then he’ll be put on the waiting list for refinements. I’m also not that sure what to do with his B slot. Lancebreaker 1 came from the same Arthur as Swap. IDK if I should just give him LB3, or wait until I have more Subakis (but there’s a very long queue for that). I’m also debating if I should give him Fortress Def.

+atk –res

Another pitybreaker from Ylissean Summer. I don’t mind much since that same summoning circle gave me a very special unit (you will see them in the next post) that I wouldn’t have opened if I hadn’t seen that Peri’d reset my rate.

Peri gets a lot of flak, but she’s not at all a bad unit, she just has a lot of competition in her niche, as Roderick and now Oscar both have similar offensive statlines to hers. Peri is lucky in that I find her amusing and don’t give a shit about either Roderick or Oscar.

Usage: For now I occasionally get her out when I need to deal with an annoying DC Vantage red in AA. Winter Tharja’s also a pain in the ass that she can help deal with handily.

Improvements: Clearly I’m going for a Firesweep build, but I haven’t inherited the + version to her yet. She needs to learn LaD2 (I didn’t bother taking a new screenshot, but she has LaD1 learned now, everything else is the same) and inherit an assist. I’m also on the lookout for a +spd copy to merge her into because I think +spd would be a lot better.

(It’s only now that I’m adding new units to this post that I realised I didn’t have any axe cavaliers originally...)

+def –atk

Bit of an odd one. When the Christmas TT banner dropped, I had a lot of orbs since I was saving for the next legendary and spent considerably less on Winter’s Envoy than I expected. I decided I can afford to pull all reds (for Lucina) and greens on that banner. There were, in fact, only two greens and no reds, and the green was this Frederick. I’ve been considering building one for a while, so it was welcome, even though his IVs are questionable.

He picked up the Hawkeye from Winter’s Envoy. DB3 is just nice to have, and it’s going to sit around for when (if) I give Fred a Brave Axe.

Usage: See Clive.

Improvements: I’m looking for a +atk or +def copy that isn’t –def or –atk respectively, so I can merge. He needs an assist, probably a different B skill, refinement on the axe, and to learn Bonfire.

neutral

My freebie from CYL. I don’t regret picking her, but I am kind of reluctant to use her a lot outside of Horse Emblem because frankly Arena has made me resent her. I’m so fucking tired of seeing this face. When will she fall off her horse. I have no love left for her and I’m gleefully killing the copies of her I have on alts for Swift Sparrow left and right and it gives me a rush every time. It’s kind of sad since I was initially very excited to get her but that’s what countless deathless runs ruined do to a person. I just had to unglue a Brave Bow Lyn from a QP Moonbow Reinhardt earlier today*. Ugh.

* when I originally started writing this post

Usage: She’s on my main cav team and is quite helpful, and has around 2600 HM. Those are the nice things I can say about her.

Improvements: I am not giving her anything else ever as an act of protest

4* merge projects

+spd –hp, +3

I originally intended to make him a +10 thinking I’d never get a brave Roy. Well, I have a brave boy now, but I still want to build his dad, if only because they’re a bit different. I also quite like Eliwood; he’s not the most interesting lord character in the world, but I have a soft spot for him. His Heroes art is atrocious but what can you do.

Short term goals are continuing to merge him (right now I have two more 3* copies waiting), giving him an assist, Fury 3, and probably Swordbreaker.

Long term goal is eventually, once he hits +7 or so, merging in a 5* copy to acquire the Durandal, then evolving it to Blazing Durandal.

+2

The only blue mage cavalier I have :(

Short term goals are merging in the last 3* copy I have, giving her Blarblade & Moonbow from an Odin, Darting Blow 3, some kind of B skill (undecided on that one), an assist, and probably a horse buff.

Long term goal is merging in a 5* copy (that one is a very long way off) to acquire Keen Blarwolf+ (and Death Blow 3) for some anti-horse options in AA.

+spd –forgot, +1

I really like Titania’s art and clearly I’m lacking in the green cav department. I just don’t know what to do with her build really. I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it (aka when she’s got a bunch more merges)

+spd –res, +4

The fourth member of my “main” cavalry team. An excellent testament to the power of bladetomes when combined with emblem buffs, as on my old main I in fact used a 3* -atk copy in this role to great effect.

I have a 3* copy hanging around, but I’m conflicted on whether to use her for the extra merge or to give somebody else Escape Route 3.

I’m also on the lookout for a +spd –hp copy instead, as –res bothers me a bit.

I don’t think I’ll change anything else in her build, besides maybe giving her G Tomebreaker at some point. Gronnblade works perfectly fine without upgrading it to its + version, and my obsessiveness about these things doesn’t quite trigger when it’s a 4* unit in question.

+spd -def, +2

+atk –hp, +2

Healers who require standard healer improvements, not much to say here. They might both see some kind of 5* sacrifices at some point so I can get my hands on those sweet sweet Wrathful refinements on their staves (and better healing staves too), but that’s miles and miles out there.

Not pictured

Berkut. Same as all other GHB units that I don’t want to build.

[1000-rat-corpses]

here's a little behind the scenes on my toreba addiction in the form of a little baring the ugly, and a little bit of '2020 the year of the pandemic in review' loool

i post my wins on toreba in those big ol walls of shit, right

WELLLL, it aint all sunshine and rainbows...

first the depressing part.

you should SEE the level of fails i go through to get to the point where i can post those compilations. just now i spent what would have been like... 42 dollars of points (23 plays) and didn't win the fucking thing, bailed bc i wasnt sure what to do and had like idk 2 plays left of points, then someone fixed the prize's position in one shot, passed it to another person, and that person won it in 2 plays. i was right behind the winner bc i had requeued hoping my two plays could do it.

the kicker is that if i hadn't fucked it up in the beginning part by bringing it just like idk a half inch too far right, it could have been won in 5-6 plays.

5-6 versus 23, and no win. lol that shit does get to you, bc tho it's not real money im spending it's a lot of time and effort goes into earning free points so the sting is sharp and biting, and it sits on you for the rest of the day, and sometimes days after bc you no longer have that stash of points you were working for and stockpiling for so long.

i earned a lot of points for my brother's account by doing some shitty mobile game offer. i won about 3 things with something like 240 dollars of points bc i was impatient, and he wanted this goku figure. i really wanted to win it for him bc like, thats a nice thing to do right? im winning all these other things for myself so surely i can get him the one thing he really wants (ftr i have won him like at least 6 things he likes/wanted so there is that) butttttt i stupidly got all sunk cost fallacy on that machine. i won the goku with my VERY last available play. in total costing me something like 100+ dollars of points. i whaled on a miku figure i already won 3 of bc i got baited on a machine that looked 'good', and spent 90 in points on her. i whaled on a similar machine for a shitty ugly looking edward elric figure: 74 dollars worth. 72 on some stupid pocaccho plush. and these are just a few.

my worst offense was a 3am depression whale. 125k tp (125 dollars worth) gone down the drain for this lil dude. and i did not win him. ever.

because i love persona 3. and i had won THREE of the persona 4 version of this, but minato who i like way more eluded me....and the night before i passed off a one shot win to another person thinking it wasn't good. LOL. the machine i played on was total ass, and my skill wasn't up to par i guess bc it got close so many times only to be reset. i kept whaling until i reset it for the millionth time and decided to let go bc there was no progress. my friends in discord were like bro you gotta let go but even tho you've got people telling you to stop sometimes it's really really hard. the hatred i had for myself for that stupid ass whale session for probably like a week was *chef's kiss* IMMACULATE. for the record, i could have just bought him for like, 23 dollars including shipping from a website doing preorders. OR i could have just sold one of my p4 spares to make money to buy him. but no it was like, you gotta win it. i would have been 100% satisfied if i had just won him after 125k tp spent. at least i told myself that. honestly i think i would have.

now here's the sappy part.

probably what is surprising to most people is that the social aspect of this game is phenomenally rewarding. i've made sooo many new friends during quarantine. we've had so much fun across all types of media even outside of getting in voice to help each other win prizes or just give someone company while they whale a bunch of free points (these are fun nights!!). we also host movie streams together, play games together, fuck around with the mudae bot with waifu gacha and waifu wars, bitch about low ball offers on mercari lol, and try to console and help each other out in our channel called 'gamblers hotline' lol. we've seen the rise and fall of the main, singular toreba discord at the time and witnessed it get nuked for no reason bc the owner hd a meltdown lol, then watched our tiny group refrom TWICE until we got it right, then watched on the side eatin popcorn while two new 'main' discords began to fight for dominance.

we change our nicknames in discord on the fly bc it's fucking funny, and to hold ourselves accountable. I was [Punished Lycoris] after that 125k p3 whale and fail, and for a while stuff like [Lyco - FREE PLAY ONLY DAY 3] to show we're keeping our responsible streak up XD

this all sounds pretty insane i guess bc 'gambling addict found family' doesn't really sound too...normal LOL. but i can't imagine what my 2020 would have been without them. it's kinda sappy i guess. it's nice to make friends you can talk to until 3am night after night with actual voices when the pandemic had you feeling some type of way.

the days of tons of points we had back in the fall-winter of 2020 is pretty much over though - the nature of our free point offers has kinda changed so we dont hold those fun night time streams of others playing, but we're hanging in there i guess.

sooo yeeah. i could write so much more, but ill stop there lol

this is what us fucked up addicts go through lmfao