#the worst thing is i would normally lay down to try and read/write on my rps but I'm 2 tired to focus words

[milykins]

TMNT Headcanon - When You Can't Sleep

Authors Note: I feel I need to clarify one thing. I’m aware that some people rely on marijuana to help with sleeplessness but I personally don’t use it so it’s unlikely to have a place in my writing. Recreational drugs in general won’t really be something I write about. Call me a straight-edge but I prefer leaving it out. I will write about alcohol usage since I do occasionally have a drink with friends.

Anyway, I actually have been having some rough nights lately so therefore we have this.

Individual TMNT x Reader

TW: Mentions of sex

You’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately. Lucky for you, you’ve got plenty of cure-alls. It all depends on who you ask.

Mikey

Your cuddly turtle boyfriend is no stranger to insomnia. Sometimes, the life of a ninja was too heavy, even for him and his upbeat persona. You knew Mikey could feel things a little too deeply and replay horrifying images continuously in his head. Over the years he’s developed some coping strategies. For you, he’ll offer you a melatonin gummy and something hot to drink. Tea, hot chocolate, or warm milk. If you still can’t sleep after that, he’ll stay up with you. He’ll cuddle you, rub your back, play some calming music… most of all, he’ll tell you that whatever this is, will pass. You might start panicking a little bit, telling him through tears that you’re afraid you’ll never sleep again, but he’ll assure you that you will. After all, no one died from a few sleepless nights. His gentle reassurances are just what you need to hear, and eventually you do drop off into a peaceful and dreamless sleep.

Raph

Not nearly as tactful as his baby brother, Raph will bluntly offer to give you an orgasm. After all, that’s one of his go-to’s when he can’t sleep. Raph is actually the only one of his brothers to have a somewhat healthy sleeping schedule. Disturbing images, horror, and depressing stories just don’t hold a lot of weight for him. They still affect him, but he’s able to compartmentalize these things and drop off to sleep rather easily at night. He’ll still try to help you with your insomnia, though, like a good boyfriend should. If the offer of sex is turned down, he’ll offer a backrub – an innocent one, of course. No ulterior motive, he’ll promise. He’s very good with his hands and able to work out any knots, kinks, or stiffness, getting you very relaxed in no time at all. You might accept his offer for sex then, just because he’s been so sweet and patient, and given you an amazing massage. It works. In the afterglow, you’re asleep and cuddled up next to him, wrapped in his comforting embrace.

Leo

His first reaction will be concern, and he might pepper you with a few questions. Did you watch something disturbing? Is anything causing you stress or causing you to worry? Is it something he did? You quickly assure him he’s done nothing to cause it. You actually don’t know the reason; you just can’t shut off your brain for some reason. Upon hearing this, he’ll light some calming incense and offer you tea, of course. This blend will be a combination of valerian root, peppermint leaf, and a few others that promote wellness and sleep. True to form, he’ll also recommend meditation, except he’ll have you do it a little differently than you normally would. After your tea he’ll instruct you to lay down in his bed, get comfortable, and close your eyes. He’ll have you breathe deeply as he leads you through the most peaceful guided meditation you’ve ever experienced. It’s so relaxing that you have no trouble falling asleep after that. Leo will follow suit and be careful not to disturb you as he crawls in next to you.

Donnie

He is the worst about having a healthy sleep schedule. It isn’t because he has trouble sleeping, but because he has difficulty tearing himself away from his work. He just has to finish this one thing… or read one more paragraph. It’s never just one more paragraph with him. He usually needs to be coaxed to go rest, so it’s no surprise that he’s still awake in his lab when you quietly shuffle in after trying unsuccessfully to fall asleep for hours. Donnie will lose any and all focus that he had on his work and shift gears into helping you. He’ll shush all of your attempts to apologize for disturbing him and offer you a sleep aid. He’ll usher you to his bed and lay next to you, asking if there’s anything you need to get off your chest that may be inhibiting your ability to sleep. When you explain that you find it difficult to quiet your thoughts, he can definitely relate to that. He’ll put on some deep ambient music set at 432 Hz. He’ll explain that it’s the perfect frequency to promote relaxation, reduce tension, and support emotional wellbeing. It is what he uses to lull himself to sleep when he has a hard time reaching the coveted REM stage. The music works, and you find yourself finally slipping into rest. Donnie ends up falling asleep next to you as an added bonus. He really needed to stop working and go to bed anyway.

The End - Sleep Well Everyone

Taglist:

@danceingfae @thelaundrybitch @iridescentflamingo @redsrooftopprincess @ninnosaurus @the-cauldron-witch @thepinkpanther83 @avery73 @adebauchedsloth @sophiacloud28 @scholastic-dragon

I hope that's okay if I've tagged you! If you'd like to be added just let me know!

[writingseaslugs]

Savanaclaw: When You're Sick

Y’all I have such a soft spot for Ruggie now after writing that fic for him. Seriously he’s one of my little meow meows. I will protect him at all costs.

The intro of the headcanons are all the same, so if you’ve already read Heartlabyul feel free to skip the intro.

Disclaimer: All characters in this series are aged up. For more information about my version of this world and the type of reader you can expect, please click the “Au Information” below!

Request Information | Masterlist | Au Information

Savanaclaw: When You’re Sick

The worst thing to ever happen to you while attending Night Raven College had to be, hands down, getting sick. You were alone in the dorm with only ghosts and Grim to keep you company, and as much as you loved them, they couldn’t take care of you when you became sick. This meant you had to make do and hope that everything was alright. Normally if you were under the weather, you’d just suck it up and go to class so as to not worry anyone. This time however, that wasn’t an option.

You woke up with every muscle in your body feeling sore and aching with even the slightest movement. Your stomach churned something fearsome and you had a runny nose and cough to boot. You had no idea what illness you had fallen to. Having so many symptoms…you could only assume it was the flu or something akin to that.

Still, there was no way you were making it to class like this. So begrudgingly you told Grim you weren’t feeling good and needed to rest, and to go to class and get your homework so you could do it later. The demon cat was grumpy about not having his henchman, but eventually gave in, leaving you alone to rest in your room and hope that whatever you had would go away.

Leona Kingscholar

He’s one of the biggest liars when it comes to saying he doesn’t care that you’re sick. Ruggie will probably be the one to bring it up after Leona notes that you weren’t around and bugging him like always. Ruggie is going to be smug while saying he heard you had a horrible cold and couldn’t make it out of bed, and how you were all alone since Grim didn’t know how to take care of humans. He’s going to just brush it off and pretend like it doesn’t matter as it’s “Not my problem.”, but Ruggie can see the annoyed tail twitch of his as he stews in emotions.

Leona, as most would assume, sucks at taking care of others. He is a spoiled prince through and through, as he was always being pampered when he was sick. He at least knows the basics though, so he isn’t dreadful. Just don’t expect him to be very capable. He’ll probably be getting the school nurse to do most of the work to make sure you’re okay. After all, it’s better than him trying to do so and making your situation even worse.

When he’s taking care of you, he only does the basics. Make sure you've eaten and have your meds. Anything else and he’s getting the school nurse to do it so you’re properly cared for. Still, the grumpy lion will lay down next to you, even if you protest about him getting sick if he’s too close. He’ll just say it’s quieter here since nobody is going to disturb you while sick, so he’s taking advantage of the opportunity. Thankfully you do need a lot of rest though, so you two will be asleep for most of it until you’re finally better and on the mend.

Once you’re all better, he’s expecting a “thank you” since he helped make sure you were better. He won’t do this for just anyone, so you should feel grateful. Of course he is relieved that you’re feeling well again, but he’s going to make sure you’re well aware that he won’t be doing this again. So you better not be getting sick anytime soon or else you’ll be on your own. Another lie he tells, since everyone at the school knows damn well that Leona would help you again the moment you have a slight cough.

Ruggie Bucchi

Ruggie is just going to assume that Grim is, once again, being dramatic. He has more important things to do than taking care of someone for free. Still, he can’t stop the small nagging feeling in the back of his mind that maybe Grim wasn’t being dramatic about the situation. It’s going to distract him and he will mess up things he normally wouldn’t, and Leona is eventually going to get annoyed and tell him to just go check on you so he can stop being so scatterbrained and do his job well again.

Good news is Ruggie is pretty proficient in taking care of other people. Growing up how he did, it was a skill that was needed to survive. Of course normally when he was sick he dealt with it himself, but when someone he cares for is sick he goes full nurse mode. The moment he sees just how bad you are, he’s going to go from 0 to 100 real fast. He might even tell you that you’re an idiot for not contacting him earlier when you were this sick, even though you explained you could barely get up, let alone message him. 

He already knows what to do with making sure you’re better, and the good news is the school nurse gives medicine for free. Perks of going to an esteemed college…and Ruggie may or may not have taken extra medication “just in case”. Still, he’s going to be by your side the entire time, taking care of you and doing anything you ask. If you need help standing, say no more. He’s picking you up already so you don’t have to worry about walking. He’s an excellent nurse, but he will note that you owe him later.

Once you’re finally feeling well, Ruggie is going to be reminding you that you owe him. If you previously took care of him in the past while he was sick though, then he’ll say you guys are even. He might comment that next time he has to be your nurse, he’s expecting payment. Just tell him thank you and ruffle his hair and he’ll be quiet real fast, leaning into your touch and accepting the praise. Sometimes you wondered if he was secretly a puppy beastman.

Jack Howl

Jack is already on high alert when you don’t show up to school with Grim; you always show up to class with Grim. Even when you were feeling under the weather you’d drag yourself to classes; and he always knew when you were sick since people always smelled a bit sour, so not coming in because you were sick was worrisome. After hearing from Grim that you couldn’t even get out of bed this morning, the feeling only amplifies. He excuses himself from class and rushes over to your dorm, feeling dread in the pit of his stomach.

Jack is pretty neutral with taking care of someone when sick. He’s not amazing, but he’s not bad either. He knows what needs to be done for the most part, and he’s not afraid to grab the school nurse to check in on you as well. After finding out the best care treatment for you, he’s going to be following it. He’s also not leaving your bedside until you’re better as he doesn’t trust you not to get up while sick to try and do school work…which granted was something he should be worried about because magical homework was actually kind of fun.

Again, he’s not leaving your side, and he’s not letting you lift a finger while you’re sick. If you need something, you best tell him so he can grab it for you. He doesn't want you over exerting yourself since it’ll take longer to feel better. He also does a good job being a guard dog and making sure nobody disturbs you while you’re trying to get better. Running off Grim and Adeuce is now part of his job, not wanting them to accidentally rile you up and send you into a coughing fit.

He’s going to be more relieved then you are to be better. He has dark circles under his eyes from not resting properly as he keeps an eye on you. You’re going to have to drag him to the spare room at the dorm to make sure he rests now. Even while half asleep, he’s going to be trying to make sure you’re really better and not just saying you are so he’ll go to bed. Assure him and he’ll pass out the moment his head hits the pillow. Wake him up in a couple hours with something home cooked and he’ll let you know you don’t owe him anything for helping him out.

[fandoms--fluff]

Hi requests for flufftober .

Can u do a fluff where the reader is plus size

And is in a relationship with klaus.

Can u make her Indian because being fat is looked down upon in India I am telling you this because I am Indian and I get fat shame d by my own family .

Can u please make her story same as mine where she goes through what I am going through and Klaus comforts her by kissing every inch of her body and leaving hickeys.

He also calls her beautiful.

If u are not ok with writing this or want to cut any part that u are not okay me .

U are free to do it .

Beautiful

Flufftober, October 2nd

Female reader x Klaus Mikaelson

Warnings: mentions of body hate/dysmorphia, mentions of being bullied

A/n: please don't read if you think it will affect your mental health, remember it's important!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You're sat across from your soon to be husband, Klaus Mikaelson, the one and only original hybrid. You've been across town all day and made reservations for this fancy restaurant just out of New Orleans so no one could interupt you guys.

You guys have just ordered, unknowingly, your arms wrapped around your midsection, sort of acting as a shield so no one can see your stomach rolls. Even in the stunning black midi dress that you've felt confident in all day, you have actions you do unconsciously for being self conscious about your body.

Basically most of your life, people have either commented on your weight or looked at you with that look, you got that look through your teens the most. Especially considering you didn't look the same as everyone else, and that's good, you're your own person, until it comes to weight. Then apparently you're not good enough and looked down upon by other teens, adults, and even your own family.

You had a phone call with your mother the night before while Klaus was in the shower. Said phone call almost brought you to tears. At the start, you were having a good conversation with your mom, until she brought up how she went to the mall with her friends the other day. She spoke about how she saw the perfect wedding dress that you would love by all the photos of inspo you've shown her since your and Klaus' engagement. But then she said, 'if only you were tinier like your cousins, then maybe you could try and squeeze into the biggest size of the dress'. She went on and in about how the biggest size wasn't even big enough for you to even try to try on.

That hasn't been the worst conversation with your Mom in a longshot, but it still hurt. It hurt even more, knowing it was your own mother saying those things. Yes, you may not look the same as everyone else, but you've been trying to love your body just the way it is. But things like that obviously doesn't help your feelings or self esteem.

You feel something lay against your hand, snapping out if your thoughts, you looked up at Klaus, seeing his hand placed on top of yours. His thumb is softly rubbing up and down to side of your hand.

"Love? Are you alright? You spaced off for a moment there" Klaus softly smiles.

"Oh, um yeah, just thinkin. Nothing to worry about" you give a tight lip smile.

Klaus nods, keeping in his head about your stranger-than-normal attitude, but it's not a bad thing, it's just concerning to him.

You guys get home from the restaurant around 10pm, everyone's either out or has fallen asleep super early.

You're standing in front of the mirror in your guys' room. You haven't changed out of your dress yet, instead staring at every part of your body that you're insecure about. There hasn't been any way to stop you from doing this. You would try, but then end up close to tears or crying in front of a mirror. The worst times this has happened has been in a changing room at stores.

That's what you thought, before Klaus steps back into the room.

He pauses his movements, seeing you frowning in front of the mirror, sucking your stomach in as much as you can. You look over to him, eyes widening. Klaus just caught you doing one of the only things you never wanted him to know that you do.

"Klaus, this is not what you think this is, I'm just..." you start, not knowing what to say, you trail off.

Klaus walks over to you and cups your face in his hands. "Love, you can tell me the truth, you always can" he tells you, having a senaking suspicion of what's going on, but wants you tell him on your terms.

He leads you over to the bed, sitting down with his hand resting on your thigh. You take a couple deep breathes, "I'm too big. I wish I was skinny, I've wished that since the first time someone ever brought up how I look different than everyone else. I've hated my body for over a decade, my mom was probably the worst thing about it. She would always tell me how I was fat without thinking twice. And she never understood and still doesn't how that makes someone feel, especially a teenage girl who's already miserable everytime she has to take foot in a high school where everyone says even worse things some how" you rant to your fiance, tears streaming down your face. "I hate my body so much" you whisper.

Klaus immediately pulls you in to his arms. He kisses the top of your head multiple times. "I'm so sorry you've had to go through this, and still do?" You nod your head. "You are perfect how you are. You should never compare yourself to others or listen to what others say you should look like." Klaus lists off.

"I love you so much, you're so perfect, and gorgeous the way you are. You should never think different" Klaus pulls away, looking at you with emotion in his eyes.

"R-really? I love you too. N-no one has ever said that. I've grown up hating myself" you whimper.

"Everything I said is true, and you should never hate yourself, being who you are now is everything to me" he slowly lays you down onto your back.

"And I will make sure you know this every day" he murmurs as he trails his lips all over your face and down your neck. He presses kisses all down your exposed collarbone and chest.

He keeps going all the way down, kissing your fabric covered stomach and waist, and hips. He goes down to your ankles, until kissing the top of your feet gently.

"You love, are so beautiful" he whispers into your ear. You cuddle into his suit covered chest with a slight smile on your face.

"You're the one person I feel safest with. Thank you so much. I love you Klaus" you look up at him. "I will always be here for you, I love you too, beautiful" he kisses your forehead and holds your hand.

[finn-m-corvex]

Whumptober 2023 Day 1 - "How many fingers am I holding up?"

Hello everyone, and welcome to Finn's Whumptober! This is the first of the past fifteen days to come out, and the other fourteen will be releasing every hour on the hour! I've put an incredible amount of work into making these (the first batch is like. 30k words alone-) so if you guys have been craving some of my content, here you go! You're getting plenty nowadays!

GENERAL TWS FOR THE ENTIRETY OF MY STORIES: blood, vomit, beatings, assault, bullying, kinda gorey at some points, other stuff just be careful. I'll go back through and tag each individually if I need to!

Since I'm scheduling these, I won't have the opportunity to add anyone but @splinnters to the tag list, but there's going to be so many of them that I feel like it's going to be easy to find. Hope you enjoy reading all of these as much as I enjoyed writing them!

Words: 2.1k

Jay was bored.

Who knew working a party could be so mind-numbingly boring? The point of parties was to let loose and have fun, and yet here he was, stuck in a dumb stuffy suit in the corner only watching as everyone got more and more drunk off their asses. He sipped at his disappointedly non-alcoholic punch, pretending like he was keeping a careful eye over the rest of the patrons as they danced.

Getting called to watch Cyrus Borg’s work functions was one of the worst things to happen to him in recent times.

“Check in, everyone,” Lloyd said over the comm, and Jay tapped his foot against the ground as he waited for everyone else to sound off. Cole was standing on the entire other side of the room, and Jay had long since given up trying to hold a mime’s version of a conversation with his brother when the earth ninja only gave him an unimpressed stare after the first gesture. At least he was stuck in here with his best friend rather than Kai or Zane; knowing them, he would’ve gotten a full lecture rather than just a look.

A crackle, and then his beautiful Yang’s angelic voice. “Kai and I are clear.”

Part of Jay wanted to chime in and talk to her with a casual conversation about guest gossip, but he had already gotten in enough trouble tonight; he couldn’t start pushing it.

Zane and Pixal both spoke, and then it was Cole’s turn. “Jay and I are clear, although someone needs to start laying off the punch. He’s already almost spilled on himself more than once.”

“Hey!” Jay exclaimed, but he still kept it down so no one would start listening in. It pleased him immensely to hear Nya giggle over the comm, and it took every bit of self-restraint to keep from playing up the act. “I’m doing just fine, thank you very much.”

“Sure you are, bro,” Cole rolled his eyes across the room, and Jay felt his power start to flicker under his skin in frustration. Pushing the lightning down, Jay huffed, checking in with Lloyd before going back to his self-assigned duty of people-watching. At least he had a nice spot next to the punch table.

It wasn’t very long before someone bumped into him, causing his drink to slosh around and over the rim of his glass. Jay turned to face whoever it was, ready to give them a piece of his mind for almost getting punch on his nice shoes (seriously, they were brand-new!), but he stopped when he remembered that these people were all civillians and he did have to at least make an effort to be nice.

Unfortunately.

“I’m so sorry about that,” the stranger said, flashing his pearly whites and readjusting his cuffs. Jay’s danger sense was going off, and he resisted every urge in his body that was screaming for him to run far away from here. This was just a normal guy, so why was he feeling like this?

“Don’t worry about it, no harm done,” Jay chuckled, masking his discomfort with ease. It was one of his most used skills, especially in social situations.

“Surely you wouldn’t mind if I just got you another glass? Anything for a great hero of Ninjago!”

Never accept drinks from strangers, dear, he could hear his Ma say, and Jay always heeded the advice his mother gave him after the Underwear Incident.

He shook his head. “No thank you, don’t worry about it. Go enjoy the festivities, please, I insist.”

A rather cold goodbye for the sociable lightning ninja; Jay hoped that no one else would notice so it wouldn’t end up on the media. What a mess to clean up that would be, and the others already made enough messes online. The man huffed as if Jay had personally offended him, stalking off into the crowd where Jay’s eyes couldn’t be bothered to follow him. Frowning, Jay took another sip of his drink, only to bring it away from his mouth in confusion.

Why did it taste different?

Must be my lightning, Jay thought to himself as he drank it, noticing the previously sweet taste switching to salty. His lightning tended to change his taste buds whenever he suppressed it, just another little quirk of having powers, so this was just another case of that happening.

It definitely wasn’t the case fifteen minutes later.

Jay kept getting dizzier and dizzier as time passed, leaning back on the pillar and relying on it to keep him stable. Everything around him was spinning, the low lights blurring into vague patterns and swirling around on the floor at a speed that he couldn’t comprehend. He could feel the sweat gathering on the back of his neck, hot and sticking to his shirt collar. There were nails being driven into his temples, and he winced as the crowd suddenly cheered when Cyrus Borg came out on the other side of the room to start his speech. Pixal and Zane were on the stage with him, and Jay had to keep himself from screaming as the spotlights followed the three as they walked.

Up until now, he had hesitated everytime his hand went to his comm; he had already pissed Cole off once or twice, he shouldn’t say anything unless it was an absolute emergency.

His vision blacked out for a second, and Jay was suddenly hyperaware of everything happening around him. This wasn’t normal; this was an emergency.

“Cole,” Jay said, swallowing back the spit in his mouth that threatened to spill down his lips. Why couldn’t he feel his lips? Why did his throat feel like it was clogging up with something?

Reaching up with an arm, his brother looked quite bored. “What is it now, Jay?”

“Something’s wrong.”

Jay must’ve forgotten to switch to their private channel, because Lloyd’s voice came through the tinny speaker. “Jay, what’s wrong?”

“I-I’m dizzy,” Jay couldn’t keep himself from stuttering, and he started panicking as his knee gave out from under him. What the hell was in his drink?

Starting to push through the crowd, he could barely pick Cole out from the crowd, only hearing the earth ninja’s voice through his earpiece. “Jay, Jay did you drink something-”

And Jay was crashing to the floor.

Head smacking against the ground, Jay was coughing up spit, reeling from the loud gasp that surged through the crowd at the sight of one of the Ninja collapsing. Even though this was far from the first time that he had hit his head, he still found himself dizzier than before, struggling to ground himself in the forest of suit pants and dresses that he was stuck in. His hands were shaking as they tried to push him up, and he cried out as his elbows stopped working and his head hit the ground again.

Why couldn’t he feel his legs? Panic swarmed through his chest as he tried to wiggle his toes, but he couldn’t tell if it was working.

First Master, he was drugged.

“Move!” he heard two voices at once; one voice in the earpiece and the other through the ear not smushed against the tile. “Move out of the way!”

Other voices were clammering around him, and Jay would’ve yelled for them all to shut up if his tongue didn’t feel like it was a piece of cotton stuffed into his mouth. He was pretty sure he was drooling all on the floor, and he could feel the excess dribbling down his chin when rough hands pulled him upright.

There was Cole, face pinched in worry and hurriedly speaking into his comm. “I have him, he just collapsed and I don’t know why. Shut down the exits and get Borg out of here-”

Jay had to stop listening as the spotlights focused directly into his eyes, and he slammed his eyelids shut as if that were going to do anything. Cole was quick to block out the light, but the damage had been done; Jay leaned to the side and vomited, red punch spurting from his lips along with the small finger sandwiches that he had chowed down on earlier. Some of it landed on some poor patron’s shoes, and Jay opened his mouth to apologize only to upchuck more of his guts. His stomach heaved under the weight of his anxiety, feeling the voices around him change to a disgusted pitch, and the feeling of knowing that all of these strangers were seeing one of their protectors collapse and throw up like some drunkard made him flush with shame.

Something hauled him up from under the armpits, and suddenly he was on the move. Cole was taking him somewhere.

“Can’t take you anywhere without shit hitting the fan,” Cole grumbled, and Jay could feel the tears stinging at his eyes in protest. He didn’t mean for this to happen!

But was it his fault anyway? Could he have done anything to stop the man?

He was sat on some cheap chair a few hallways down, and Jay couldn’t move his arms or legs to try and readjust himself, the numbness spreading from his chest outwards. Cole pressed a warm hand to Jay’s forehead, feeling his cheeks and the back of his neck.

Jay felt so ashamed when he couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. “Cole, Cole-”

“What happened, Jay?” Cole asked, a serious expression on his face. He reached up to start thumbing away the tears. “Are you drunk? I promise you aren’t in trouble if you are, things happen.”

He shook his head as best as he could. “No, someone spiked it.”

Mouth agape, Cole clicked it shut, fury overtaking his features. “Who. The. Fuck. Spiked your drink?”

“A guy, he ran into me and must’ve put it in my punch,” Jay let out a small sob as the spinning room sped up. “I-I’m so sorry.”

“The only thing you have to be sorry for is not telling me sooner,” Cole stressed, cupping his brother’s cheek when Jay’s head lulled to the side. “First Master, is this why you were so fidgety? I knew something was wrong; I’m the one who should be saying sorry to you.”

Shaking his head, Jay felt the shame swell up even further. “It’s not your fault-”

“No, but I’m still your brother, and I should’ve checked in the moment I thought something was wrong.” Cole clicked his tongue, thumb brushing against Jay’s jaw in a way that had his heart aching. “I gotta check how bad it is, bluebell. How many fingers am I holding up?”

If Jay was being completely honest, it looked like twelve, so that’s exactly what he said. Cole’s worried face was not reassuring in the slightest.

Nya’s voice flowed into his ear, and Jay sobbed. He wanted her, he wanted her so bad. “Jay, honey, I need you to talk to me. What’s wrong?”

“Some asshat spiked his drink,” Cole said briskly, shrugging off his suit jacket and draping it over Jay after seeing how hard the blue ninja was shaking. “He’s still conscious, but I don’t think he’s moving anytime soon. We’re in the hallway off to the left of the main room.”

Finally, the severity of the situation hit Jay: he had been drugged. Someone had deliberately sought him out and messed with his drink with ill intentions that Jay could only dream of, even though those dreams would actually be nightmares.

The thought of what could’ve happened if Cole hadn’t seen him go down made him sick to his stomach.

“I’ll be right there,” and Jay felt his lip start to wobble as the sobs rushed up his throat, because he wanted Nya here now and he was scared and he was too cold but too hot at the same time and he couldn’t move and Cole was mad at him and why was his vision tunneling and oh shit was it always this hard to breathe-

A hand tangled itself in his hair, gently freeing it from its prison of hair products as Jay gasped for air. “Stay with me, Bluejay. Nya’s on her way and then we’re getting you out of here. You’re gonna go home and we’re going to spoil you rotten, okay?”

His hands scrambled for something to hang onto, his fingertips unfeeling, and Cole was quick to put his other warm hand into Jay’s as he readjusted the makeshift blanket over Jay’s form. It wasn’t nearly as good as a shock blanket would’ve been but beggars can’t be choosers. Jay forced his body forward, landing clumsily on Cole’s chest as the earth ninja quickly compensated for the extra weight. “I want Nya.”

There was yelling from the main room that made it hard for Jay to hear what Cole was saying. “I know buddy, she’ll be here soon. I’m going to hold you just like this for a little while, okay?”

“Okay,” Jay whispered, feeling the tears start to soak into his brother’s suit, and First Master he hoped it was going to be okay. 

[wonuwrites]

"A House In Nebraska" ot13 Song Reaction

Before we start: Warning: this song is heavy and talks about really heavy topics and even mentions about Suicidal thoughts. Personally, I, @wonuwrites don't like writing about suicide or suicidal thoughts because it is a very triggering subject for so many people (myself included.) I will mention the suicide part in this reaction. Having said that, PLEASE do not read this reaction if it will affect you in a negative way. You are WAY more important than a fanfiction on this silly website. if you ever need to talk, please message me.

Just wanted to put this warning before we started because I felt it was important.

requested from this anon x

Warning/author's note : This will be a lot more heavier than things I usually write. (pls send me pet pictures or fluffy wonwoo drabbles) This will be post-apocalyptic themed with hints of the song "A House In Nebraska" by Ethel Cain. There will be talks of suicide like I mentioned above, also death, dread, trauma, and so many other things. I will write happier drabbles and things after this so please once again if this is too heavy please skip. I love you all and want everyone to be safe. I know I say this often but please if you are a minor- DO NOT INTERACT. Also this took so long for me to write because it was rough to write. I had to make sure I was mentally okay <3

Just like all my song preferences before: members parts will be in order of the song lyrics.

Let the angst begin <3

Scene:

Everything was normal for a year until some governments were a little bored and decided to do experiments on their inmates of the respected countries. Some of these experiments went a little haywire and caused a pandemic. The pandemic caused a very contagious disease that made 2020's COVID-19 look like child's play. The disease made people lose their minds and the only way to cure it was to put them down. Many people compared it to be a modern day zombie apocalypse except for zombies it was homicidal psychopaths. When the pandemic first happened, you and your boyfriend (member of Seventeen) took refuge in a House in Nebraska, USA. It was secluded and you both thought nobody would find you and harm you. Happy endings don't always happen though. After many days of skipped meals and sleepless nights, the worst happened. You watched the love of your life walk out the door to get some food from the garden when a stray homicidal was walking down the road. Before he could grab a gun to kill the homicidal, the Homicidal shouted alerting more Homicidal's to come. There you watched the love of your life try to defend you both before getting infected. It was then when you had to defend yourself from the Homcidal's and even the love of your life. After shooting the only person who knew you for you, these were the memories that would haunt you until your dying breath.

Actual Members Reactions Now~

⌂ DK: "Labored breaths and bed sores, sing it to me all day long, when the aching 'Sound of Silence,' used to be our favorite song."

It had been no more than two awful weeks since you had to kill Seokmin. The memory of the look in his eyes when he realized he was infected scared you. It haunted you. He slid you the gun and just whispered "I love you, (Y/N)." You had to do it but it killed you to do so. Ever since, you just laid on the once shared dirty mattress. At this point you had been just laying down and getting bed sores due to lack of activity but in all honesty, you just wanted to return to the love of your life. You didn't want to live without him any longer. You felt your breath getting labored and you closed your eyes praying that it was your time to go. As if it were a miracle, you heard faintly the love of your life singing "sound of silence" which used to be your favorite song due to the memes. You choked back a sob before whispering, "I'm coming home Seokmin, I am so sorry."

⌂ Mingyu: "You and me against the world, you were my man and I your girl."

You stared down at your whole world who starred back up at you with blood dripping down his chin. He was still warm but he was gone. You looked around and saw a lot of other Homicidal's scattered across the gravel driveway. You didn't have one clear thought as you realized what you had to do. The one person who promised to be with you until the end of time was shot because of you. You both swore that if one of you got infected, you would shoot one or the other no matter what. However, with the seclusion of the house in Nebraska you both thought that it just would not happen and things would eventually be better. Life without Mingyu now though, it wouldn't be better even if this pandemic ended. So you did what you had to do. You dragged Mingyu into the house and drenched both you and his body in gasoline. You cried while doing so because the thought of dying was horrifying, however living was just not an answer as well. You took a deep breath before pressing a kiss onto Mingyu's forehead. You held onto him as you flicked the lighter and set both of you ablaze. The world may have won this battle, however you knew that you would both find each other in every lifetime that came.

⌂ Dino: "And I still call home that house in Nebraska, where we found each other on a dirty mattress on the second floor."

Once the pandemic hit Korea, you both ran refuge to America because there were more places to be secluded. Chan always joked that Nebraska was a myth because "nobody lives there" until that's where you found home. A worn out house that looked like it had been vacant since 1958. There wasn't much to it but a dirty mattress on the second floor. Any fear of germs vacated as it seemed better than a hardwood floor. The first night you spent on that dirty mattress, Dino and you had torn up some of your own shirts to use as a sheet and held each other for comfort. You swore that no matter what you would be together.

⌂ Woozi: "Where you told me even if we died tonight, that I'd die yours."

Jihoon and you made a promise that you would be together throughout the whole pandemic. You both would live together or you both would die together. After surviving for months, living seemed so much brighter. You both were a light to each other during this dark time. When you saw Jihoon get bit, you felt like your world shattered. He tossed the gun at you and looked up at you begging you to shoot him. You ended up shooting the rest of the homicidals but left the love of your life for last. "Y/N, kill me." You heard him beg. He wasn't infected quite yet but the color in his eyes was starting to change. It was a matter of time before he was like the homicidals. So you did what you promised him. You sat in front of him and put your head against his temple. He tried to push you off when he realized you were planning on shooting both of you at the same time. He wanted you to live but you still fired the shot killing him and injuring you. You ended up passing from lack of blood next to the love of your life. You both died together and as each others persons. Just like you promised.

⌂ Joshua: "Your mama calls me sometimes to see if I'm doing well and I lie to her."

About a year after shooting Jisoo, the pandemic had been lifted. You left the house in Nebraska and tried to live life the way you had before meeting Jisoo, before the pandemic and it was hard. It was so fucking hard. Especially since most of his family had survived. His mother would call you once a month once the pandemic was over even though she knew what you did. When you saw her name on your phone, guilt always ate you. She told you she didn't blame you and you shouldn't do the same thing however it was easier said than done. Whenever she asked how you were doing, you always gave her little white lies in hopes that she would believe you and hope that someday it would be true.

⌂ Vernon: "And I say I'm doing fine when really I'd kill myself to hold you one more time."

After Hansol passed, you left the house in Nebraska after setting him on fire. The only thing you had left of him was a plaid shirt that he wore often. You wore it every day and left with it on. You found a camp of other survivors and they welcomed you in with open arms. Nobody knew what you did but they knew you saw some heavy things. Someone named San was at the camp as well and wanted to know why you didn't smile. He would ask you how you were doing and your answer was always the same. "I'm fine." It was a safe answer and one San realized would be the only thing you would give. You thought San was nice however, your heart was burnt in Nebraska along with Hansol. Each day that passed, you wanted to kill yourself so you could be with your other half. Living without Hansol was the worst pain and nobody could ever understand.

⌂ Seungkwan: "And it hurts to miss you but it's worse to know that I'm the reason you won't come home."

You didn't know what hurt more. Missing Seungkwan being around physically or feeling remorse for killing him. When he took his last breath, you knew it was what you had to do but it didn't make the pain any more bearable. Seungkwan was your missing piece. He was the ying to your yang. The Bonnie to you Clyde. He was everything and him not being there was simply awful. You spent so many hours a day crying and just craving him to hold you just one more time. However you knew that he couldn't come back. You just prayed he would be waiting for you.

⌂ S. Coups: "You know, I still wait at the edge of town praying straight to God that maybe you'll come back around."

Killing Seungcheol drove you mad. You knew he was gone but you still would look out the window and walk to edge of town hoping to see him running home to you. Maybe him being infected was just a bad dream and he was coming to your makeshift home with some much needed supplies. Maybe he was still alive and you would see him again soon. One night when you made your way to the edge of town you saw a being in the distance. He looked so much like Seungcheol. Your heart started beating faster than ever as you started running toward 'Seungcheol.' As soon as you made it to them, you realized it was a scarecrow that was just propped up. You fell to your knees and started wailing out Seungcheol's name. You sobbed until you couldn't handle it anymore and just laid down and prayed to God that you could be reunited with your one true love once again. It took a few hours but soon your last breath was taken laying right next to the scarecrow.

⌂ Wonwoo: "I cry everyday, and the bottles make it worse 'cause you were the only one I was scared to tell I hurt."

You were no stranger to Jack Daniels and mental breakdowns prior to meeting Wonwoo all those years ago. You struggled with mental health and the only one who knew how deep your mental health struggles and alcohol uses was Wonwoo. So when you shot him with his own gun you ran back to what you knew best. Your addictions. You used to be afraid to confess when you missed alcohol to him but with him you ended up being a year sober. However, the familiar taste of whiskey burning the back of your throat numbed the regret and remorse. You knew he would've shook his head at your actions but at the same time, who could blame you?

⌂ Minghao: "I thought you were so beautiful, it was love, I guess."

Once the pandemic hit, it was hard to see things as beautiful. However, when you met Minghao at a camp before you made yourself home in that house in Nebraska, you thought he was so beautiful. His giggles that ended up haunting your every thoughts, the soft stare he'd give you, the way his arms would wrap around you when life got too scary. It was all so beautiful. One of the main regrets you had was that you didn't realize how much you loved this beautiful man until it was too late. When he was gone, dullness took over again and it was hard to find anything beautiful.

⌂ Hoshi: "And you might never come back home, and I may never sleep at night."

Delusions started to eat you alive, you ended up just thinking Soonyoung left you instead of you murdering him. You thought it was just a scary nightmare and he was just getting supplies for you both to survive. So you waited for him. You stayed up staring at the door like a stranded puppy waiting for their owner to come home from a silly 9-5. You lost track of the days and couldn't remember the last time you ate. However, you heard a noise from the outside and all you could think of was Soonyoung. You opened the door and ran to the tall figure. You didn't realize it was a homicidal until you felt venom run through your veins. By then it was too late and you were one of them.

⌂ Jun: "But God, I just hope you're doing fine out there, I just pray that you're alright."

Out of all the members, Jun actually survived. You shot the dirt next to him and he played 'dead.' He heard your screams of heartbreak and he felt so horrible. However, he knew the homicidal's came for a reason and he had just found a cure for a bite. However, there was not enough food for both you and him so he hid the fact that there was a cure from you. Instead, he decided to "die" and leave the food and everything for you in that house. After you did a shallow grave for him, he crawled out of the grave and made his way to a camp. He oathed if he could find more supplies he would come back for you. However, after he found more supplies and food he came back to an empty house. There was no sign of you and it broke him. He blamed himself. He should have told you what he discovered. He would spend every moment until his last breath trying to figure out what happened and where you went.

⌂ Jeonghan: "And I feel so alone out here and I feel so alone without you."

Prior to Jeonghan, you considered yourself super independent. You could take care of yourself because that was all you had known how to do. However, once you met Jeonghan, you became codependent. As much as you could, you turned your brain off because he always had a plan. You always were together so when he passed, you felt so alone. You tried your best to find who you were before Jeonghan came into your life but it was practically impossible. Everytime you thought about moving on, you felt a piece of you die. One night when it was raining, you couldn't handle laying down on a dirty mattress by yourself anymore so you went to his grave and laid next to it. You felt insane as you started to put soil on you to feel closer to him but believe it or not you felt him there. You closed your eyes as rain droplets continued to splatter across your face and took your last breath. You couldn't wait to be reunited with Jeonghan.

holy shit it's finally finished. I hope you enjoyed this. Sorry it was so heavy. fluffy shit is coming <3

[bangtaninborderland]

JHS - Twisted Feelings (13)

Summary: After working at an award show for 2 years everything had become normal, idols were no longer exciting to see, performances became dull and every day blended together, that was until an unexpected man asked for your help.

Warnings: mentions of stalking, kind of near death experience, elevator trauma atp

A/N: so considering someone in my inbox said no one wanted to read my bullshit I thought id share some more bullshit for you all to enjoy! I'm trying to be more frequent with the twisted feeling updates, I just feel so sad now hobi isn't here :( also pls stop sending hate to my inbox whoever u are today was a hard day and hearing hurtful things really brings me down.

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NaRae fell asleep two hours after you got there, she’d explained in detail how she was taking her regular route home, your parents house not being too far from her own to make the commute on foot when she was pushed against a wall on a dingy slip road and had the pictures snatched from her bag.

You’d reassured her that you weren’t mad, not at her anyway. It was a difficult situation and if anything you were truly angry with whoever was doing this. You couldn’t let the attack on Narae go amiss but there wasn’t much that could be done as of right now. Involving the police would only bring unwanted attention to the situation, it could jeopardise your job, your career, NaRae, and your parents not to mention the members themselves.

It would be a lie to say you’d slept well, the entire night you’d sat up, watching out of your window trying to piece together who was doing this, if it truly was a random fan how would they know about Jung-woo?

You shivered at the thought of it being him, although NaRae seemed to think it wasn’t, not believing the man brave enough to risk more jail time by breaching his restraining order. You’d quickly busied yourself with writing whatever you could, admittedly it wasn’t much, but you wanted to distract yourself, unable to sleep and thinking about the worst thing that ever happened to you certainly wasn’t something you wanted to do.

The hours passed quickly and soon enough you were dabbing concealer under your eyes trying to cover the bags forming from your restless night. The taxi ride was a quick one, traffic being clear.

In all honesty, everything was quite a blur, you had texted NaRae continuously all morning even sending her a food delivery gift card so she could buy herself breakfast. A sickening ball of guilt pooled in your stomach at the thought of someone you loved being hurt because of you.

You force yourself to will the thoughts away when you see Hoseok and Yoongi standing in the lobby, talking to the receptionist.

They both greeted you as you joined them, the receptionist's face going from happy to sour at the sight of you. Clearly, someone was jealous. Hoseok seemed to notice and dropped the smile he had worn with her, visibly irritated by the disgusted looks she shot you as she checked you in.

“How are you?” You asked them both as you walked to the elevator, waiting for the people inside to leave before the three of you entered the empty space.

“I’m good.” Yoongi nodded, he was always short-spoken but never rude and you appreciated that.

“I’m okay.” Hoseok seemed happier today, the stress he had been exhibiting the past few days seemed to have lessened. “Going with Hyung now to finish a song.”

“That’s good.” You were genuinely happy to hear everything coming together nicely. “What’s-“

Thud.

A screeching noise had all three of you covering your ears with your hands, your ID card and phone falling to the floor as the elevator shook.

“What’s happening?” Hoseok asked, his voice shaky.

The screeching noise continued before the elevator dropped, far too fast. It was at that moment you knew something was wrong.

“Lay down on your back right now.” You shouted to them both. “Put your arms over your face.” You followed your own instructions as they did, all three of you cramped lying on your backs in the small space.

The elevator was still falling, everything happening so fast before it abruptly came to a stop, all three of you jolting upwards.

All you could hear for a few seconds, seconds that felt like hours, was the laboured breathing of Yoongi and Hoseok beside you. You felt your own heart thinking against your chest, if you weren’t lying down you’d be shaking.

“Is everyone okay?” Yoongi asked from his position closest to the doors.

You took a moment to think, nothing hurt. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

“I’m fucking terrified.” Hoseok spat out. “I can’t do this Hyung.”

“I know hope-ah, it will be okay. Hyung is going to press the emergency button okay?” Yoongi carefully slid closer to the panel, his body lifting just a little to hit the red “HELP” button.

“What’s wrong?” You nudge Hoseok, genuinely worried about the way the man has his eyes closed shut, the grip on his shirt so tight his knuckles have gone white.

“I have a fear- fear of elevators.” He gasped, chest resting and falling far too fast.

You knew how close he was to having a panic attack, your eye caught Yoongi who too seemed to be aware of the current situation.

Yoongi opened his mouth but the intercom inside the elevator went off, someone talking. “The elevator has malfunctioned, we have called for help they will be here soon. Try not to move much, it may cause it to drop down completely. You’re on floor 5 so do not move, do not stand, a drop from this height could be fatal if you do. ”

“At least someone is coming to help us.” Hoseok muttered out, none of you mentioning the warning of possible death. “Hyung I can’t do this.”

“You can hoba, come on this is nothing compared to some things we have done. Let’s just lay here and talk, try taking deep breaths.” Yoongi was calm, much calmer than you felt considering your current predicament but secretly you were grateful for his ability to remain clear-headed, although you weren’t panicking as much as you were scared.

“YN? You’re quiet are you okay?” Yoongi asked, peeking over Hoseok just a little. You suddenly realised just how small the space truly was when Hoseok also turned his head to look at you, his eyes meeting yours instantly. “Yn?” Hoseok whispered too.

You nodded, forcing a smile as best you could. “I’m okay just scared.”

“The fire department will be here soon.” Hosoek reassured you, putting his own fears to the side to comfort you. “Right Hyung?”

“Yeah, we should distract ourselves, what did you all do yesterday?” Yoongi asked and you bristled at that, you didn’t want to think about the night spent cradling NaRae's face in your lap after helping clean the cuts and scrapes over her face and hands. You couldn’t help but feel sick at the thought that you could die here and NaRae could be hurt again, Your parents could be stalked whoever is doing this clearly knows their address, even if you do live what’s so say they don’t have yours. It was like a bucket of ice-cold water had been dumped over you.

“I need my phone.” You explained, cutting off whoever was talking, you’d apologise later right now you had to text NaRae, warn her, maybe warn your parents, if you died at least they would know. “In the corner by the door, can you reach it Yoongi-ssi?”

“What’s wrong?” Hoseok asked at the same time Yoongi mumbled “Let me see.”

Yoongi could in fact reach the device, pulling it closer with his foot before holding it out to you, the screen had cracked and just your luck it wouldn’t turn on. “Fuck.” You cursed under your breath, tears welling up under your eyes.

“Yn?” Hoseoks's frown deepened at the sound of your sniffles. “Are you hurt?”

“N-no.” You hiccuped, voice barely above a whisper. “We might die.”

“Don’t say that.” Hoseok had a horrified look on his face. “We will get out of here.”

You wanted to agree, to comfort the man who was so clearly scared, even if Yoongi wasn’t showing it you were sure he was scared too but you couldn’t, all you could think about was someone you loved being hurt because of you and you no longer being here to tell them. It was a bad idea to tell anyone, and it was an awful idea to tell the members but they were the only people here, if you died at least one of them may live, and one of them may be able to make sure whoever is stalking and threatening you and those you love won’t actually hurt anyone.

You took a deep breath, preparing for any questions. “I have a stalker and I’m not sure who it is.”

“What?” They both gasped in unison.

Hoseoks hand brushed against yours and without thinking you linked your pinkies together. “I have a stalker, it started with phone calls, yesterday they sent pictures of me with you and the other members to my parents’ house, my friend was there and found them before my parents could but she was attacked on the way home. I spent the day yesterday cleaning her cuts and trying to help her feel safe. They don’t want me around you.”The elevator fell into silence as you give them a moment to process what you’ve said.

“Shit.” Was the first thing that came from Yoongis mouth, you turned to look at Hoseok who had his jaw clenched, was he angry?

“How long?” Hoseok asked, finger tightening around yours. “When did it start?”

“It started with the whole translating thing, basically the whole time I worked here. They knew some personal things, things no one else knows…” You trailed off sparing them the details of the issue of jung-woo. “If something happens here, if I die in here and you live then please tell my parents they have to move. They aren’t safe at home anymore.”

“Don’t say that, don’t say things like that.” Yoongi interjected. “You aren’t going to die, none of us are.”

“Please Yoongi-ssi. I need to know my family will be okay.” You were grateful for Hoseok being between you, the sounds of your tears were embarrassing enough.

“If anything happens, which it won’t, I will personally make sure your parents are safe.” Hoseok looks at you with such a determination it can only be taken as a promise. “Have you gone to the police? Reported it to the company? It could be a sasaeng.”

“No, no I can’t do that. If I do it will just get worse, they said they would tell people personal things if I do. I can figure out who it is, I just need a little time.” You really had no idea where to start looking but you didn’t tell them that, truthfully you felt awful telling them something like this and then swearing them to secrecy but you didn’t see any other options available to you.

“We can’t keep this a secret, YN-ssi. It may be someone who has stalked us, we have had our fair share of encounters. We can help, the company can help.” Yoongi sounded sincere, sounded like he genuinely wanted to help.

You remembered NaRaes’ detailed explanation of the photos. “They have pictures of me inside the building, it must be someone who has access enough to take pictures of me with you all. They have the addresses of those I care about, at this point, I’m unsure if they know my address.”

Yoongi jolts upward, only stopping himself when he remembers where he is. “They have pictures of us.”

“So it could be a staff member.” Hoseok supplies.

Yoongi sighs. “That’s all the more reason to tell management. Who knows what kind of picture they have of us hoba, what if they have pictures of the others? Personal information? Relationship information? We have a lot to lose.”

“Hyung.” Hoseok paused, finally realising just how bad the situation had been. “You really think that?”

“Yes.” Yoongi nodded. “We have to protect ourselves. I’m sorry YN but I can’t sacrifice everyone and everything I care about for you.”

You didn’t say anything, Yoongis's words sounded so bitter, that you hated the way you instantly felt less than them. Of course, what they needed was more important than you, You were never blind to that fact but you hadn’t expected for them to both disregard the danger you and your family plus NaRae would be in if they did.

“We will tell Sejin once we get out. YN can you come? He will need to hear first-hand from you what happened, I know after everything today it’s probably too much but they need to know so they can stop any information about us being released or scandals happening. I promise you we will make sure you don’t get fired, you haven’t done anything anyway as long as you’re honest with him.” Yoongi is lying down once again, out of your eyesight and you are glad he is, otherwise, he may have noticed the sad scowl across your face. You shifted your head enough to look at the wall away, turned enough so Hoseok couldn’t see your frown.

Logically you understood they had more to lose, their image, and their lives could be ruined if someone had caught the wrong conversation. Although you could lose your job it would be nothing compared to the scandal that could happen if someone leaked important information about BTS. It didn’t matter that you had people who were at risk, at least not against important people.

Hoseok went to say something, whatever it was you weren’t entirely sure. A noise outside had you all a little startled before a voice started. “The fire department has arrived, we will begin to remove you now. Stay still until we can get the doors open.”

“Thank Fuck.” Yoongi huffed.

[rarepairronpa]

I can't even describe to you how much I love Junko x Celeste x Sonia (normalise shipping your favs with your favs!!). My toxic girls, my emotionally unavailable girls.

I read your Celeshima fic before and I must say that it fits perfectly with their dynamic I have in mind. How Celeste would definitely see and understand Junko for who she is and she wouldn't wish for Junko being any different, nor would she want to "fix" her, but only wanting to join, to rule with Junko in her quest for despair. But with Junko being Junko, she knows Celeste wants that, so she purposefully doesn't let Celeste join in.

Yet, yet!! She lets Sonia in, despite the princess being the one who is much more likely to oppose Junko's extreme ideals (at least not without a lot of manipulation on Junko's end), rather than Celeste herself. It's ironic, really.

And yes, you were so right about Junko breeding resentment into Sonia. I could also see Junko doing the exact same to Celeste, about how ironic it is that the "goody-two-shoes" can join in her despair, and not the one with the same dubious morals as Junko's. Because to Junko, what is love without a teeny tiny bit of manipulation and gaslighting lol

Normalize shipping your faves! That's how I landed on Kaede/Mikan and honestly, it's just fun. Who doesn't like to imagine their favorite characters interacting?

And ah, you read that? That one's one of my older ones. I'm a little embarrassed, wrote that one back in high school, aha. I'm glad you liked it though! I haven't actually gone back to read any of my older works from like, 2018 and older, so not sure how good they are. I at least hope I've improved in the years I've been writing, but definitely doesn't mean my old work is bad. And yeah! Some Junko ships are fun because you have characters attempting to fix her (and usually getting dragged down themselves in the process) but other Junko fics are fun because, like. You just want to see evil partners being the worst. I imagine that's also the appeal of Byakuya/Junko, lol.

And you're totally right! Very ironic that Sonia who would initially be against what Junko stands for is who she gets to her side, but Celestia, who's morals are already loose, is rejected the spot as her queen. Very much in line with Junko trying to cause maximum despair- where she does what you'd hate the most. Celestia would love the rule with her, so she doesn't get to; Sonia would hate what she'd become and so that's what she gets, too. This is basically what I think Junko does in SDR2 and DR1; in SDR2, it would hurt the class most to think she never loved them, that they sacrificed so much of their lives to someone who doesn't care. That's a big betrayal to them, that hurts more than if she actually did love them. So she tells them she never loved them. In DR1, however... the thought that she loved them and did this to them anyways hurts more. The thought that they loved her, and she loved them, and she still did this... The fact that there's love there is in and of itself a betrayal. It feels like it too, right? Like a betrayal to all their dead friends, that they ever loved someone who did this to them. Junko is a monster in their heads- that she loves them... that hurts. That makes them feel like they're betraying their friends by that love existing. Like they've betrayed themselves. Which is exactly why she tells them she did love them. So- personally, I tend to think Junko in both these scenes was just saying what would cause the most upset. Which means I think it's perfectly valid to headcanon the idea that... maybe she did care about the SDR2 gang. I mean, she does the same thing to Yasuke Matsuda, right? She loves him, that's a fact, we know that from her narration in DR0... and yet, when he lays dying, she tells him she never cared about him from the beginning, that she was only using him. Because he dedicated so much to her, that's what would cause him the most despair. Just like the SDR2 cast. Considering lying about never caring to send her loved ones into despair is something it's established Junko just does, it's perfectly reasonable to wonder if she was lying to the SDR2 gang, too.

So, with that headcanon considered... I do think it's well within Junko's characterization to deny both Sonia and Celestia what they originally wanted, if that makes sense? To have such different approaches with them, but it coming from the same place. I think Junko really likes her irony, because irony can hurt.

I could totally see her breeding resentment in Celestia, too. The thing about Junko, imo, is that she isolates you from your genuine bonds, and only reunites you under her banner. So, like. She takes your relationships from you, makes both parties in the relationship focus on her, and then reunites you through that adoration of her. She wants the only thing you have in common, that you care about, to be her. She wants your other relationships to just be extentions of her. So breeding resentments on both sides of this relationship? Very in character. Especially since that root of resentment is tied up in attention from her - very in character thing to do.

And yeah lol. No one's doing love with manipulation and gaslighting quite like Junko. Very true.

[ambrossart]

Firstly, congratulations on your wedding and welcome back from your honeymoon!!!!!!! I hope the moving is going smoothly 💓

Okay, secondly — I’m back with my DWM questions… please forgive me.

I’ve been hesitant to ask this one because it looks so embarrassing typed out, but I just reread all of your Post Prom posts and the question is gnawing at my brain:

After Eddie turns off the lights and lays down, do either/both of them have an internal crisis about how exactly to position themselves?? Like — he’s got his shirt off, he just said the flirtiest thing at the end of the most intensely heated and emotional night, Reader is wearing his clothes, and they are nuts for each other. In The Morning After, they wake up completely separate, but was that a conscious choice?

Only answer if you’re comfortable, I was just wondering 💗💗

Thank you!! 😊💖

I’m actually typing this from the backseat of a car (it’s a three-day drive to RI), so please excuse any mistakes.

Anyway… HOLY CRAP, ARE YOU IN MY BRAIN??? I swear, it’s like you’re reading my mind or something because once again your question brings up a scene that I almost included in the story. Sadly, it never made it past the pre-writing stage.

Yes, there’s definitely some awkward maneuvering that needs to take place before these two can sleep comfortably next to each other. This problem is made worse by the sexual tension that’s still lingering in the air. Earlier, they mutually agreed that NOTHING was going to happen tonight, so right now they’re both trying to eliminate that temptation as much as possible. That means giving each other space and lots of it. No eye contact. No limbs touching. These two dumbasses are lying on opposite sides of the bed and facing away from each other.

Is it safe? Absolutely. Is it comfortable? Hell no!

For Eddie, this is perfectly fine. It doesn’t matter if he can’t sleep. All Eddie wants is for his girlfriend (that’s right, his girlfriend—boy probably grins to himself just thinking about it 🥰) to feel comfortable and safe in his bed, so he’s prepared to adapt to her sleep style in any way he can. He’ll happily give her all the space she needs, all the blankets she needs. If she gets cold in the middle of the night, she can steal the blankets and wrap herself up like a burrito. Eddie doesn’t care (in fact, he’d probably find that absolutely adorable). From this night on, this girl is his number-one priority.

So naturally he’s a little concerned for her. Eddie asks if she’s comfortable. She says she is, but it’s not that convincing.

Luckily, this awkwardness doesn’t last very long. Eventually, they realize how ridiculous they’re being, laugh it off, and settle into more natural, relaxed positions. For the reader, this probably means moving closer to the middle and rolling onto her other side. Eddie, who also favors his side, decides to lie on his back even though he desperately wants to turn over and face her. But that’s way too risky. Eddie knows if he turns over and sees her staring at him with her head resting on his pillow, if he feels the heat of her breath on his face, he’s gonna be tempted to kiss her and then it’s game over for both of them. She’s wearing his boxers. He’s already half naked. At that point, nothing would stop them from giving in and going all the way, condom or no condom.

(Why didn’t he buy more condoms?? He’s gonna be kicking himself over that for a while)

During this internal struggle, Eddie would hear her say, “What are you thinking about?” and, boy, did she choose the worst time to ask him that.

“Honestly?” Eddie would reluctantly answer. “I’m wondering how long it would take me to drive to the gas station and back.”

Yep. Those damn condoms, that’s what Eddie’s thinking about. He’s also secretly wondering if there’s any way they can chance it without a condom, but there’s no way he’s ever voicing that intrusive thought.

“Sorry,” he would reply with a bashful smile. “I swear, I’m normally a lot better at restraining myself. It’s just… It’s just you, y’know? You’re here, in my bed, and you look really good in my Megadeth shirt. Plus I’ve got like, y’know, four years of pent-up sexual frustration that’s just dying to burst outta me.”

“Wow, four years, huh?” she would say, resisting the urge to laugh. “How did you ever manage to survive so long?”

“Well,” Eddie would answer in that charming way he does, “it would be ungentlemanly of me to answer that.”

Then they would laugh. He would check once more if she’s comfortable. She would say yes and mean it this time. Then, if she was feeling so bold, maybe she would snuggle up to him and rest her head on his chest. Maybe. And if she did this, Eddie might catch her off guard with an unexpected moment of vulnerability:

“Hey, you’re not going anywhere, right?” he would ask out of nowhere. “You’re gonna be here when I wake up?”

She would look up at him, confused. Then Eddie would get really embarrassed and realize he’s tired and talking nonsense.

“Sorry, I know that sounds weird, but… I finally got you back in my life, y’know? If you left now, I don’t think I’d be able to handle it.”

Remember when you asked how Eddie would feel when he woke up alone the next morning? Yeah, he would have been absolutely crushed, which is why the reader has that moment of hesitation in “The Morning After.” She knows exactly how he would feel if she snuck out and went home just because she was too embarrassed to face his uncle.

Damn, now I kinda wish I hadn’t cut out all those scenes. 😂 Oh well.

(I also left out a scene where Eddie is taking off his rings in bed, but that started creeping into NSFW territory, so… I’ll save that concept for another one-shot 😏)

[koolkat9]

Hey I know you haven't asked for fics requests but all your fics really help me with my anxiety, so... could you maybe (if you have some time to spare and you want to, of course) write a fic about England helping Canada (or any character you choose) with a panic attack? I really like the way you write and your last fic "my prince" was really special to me ♡

That's so sweet of you to say! You actually caught me at a good time with school winding down. My fanfiction requests aren't technically open, but I could never turn down a prompt with Arthur and Mattie!

Rating: T

Relationship: England + Canada

Word Count: 620

Read on AO3

I Always Come Back

The boy had always been skittish. That was the first thing Francis had warned him about when they were finalizing the treaty. A shy, anxious little thing he was. He didn’t talk for weeks when Arthur first arrived at the little cabin Matthew called home. It was even longer before he started accepting affection from him. 

Arthur still noticed the little things even decades later. The way Matthew’s leg bounced whenever Arthur sat him down for a serious talk regardless if the boy had done something wrong. The avoidant eye contact in the calmest of moments. The sleepless nights before Arthur would return to England that Matthew thought he was keeping hidden.

But that was just how Matthew had always been. And other than some struggles in social situations and the repetitive longing looks out windows or whenever the door opened, Matthew seemed to be thriving. 

Until it all came to a head when Arthur was late returning to Canada. 

He arrived to a backdrop of dark, threatening clouds. Just a regular summer thunderstorm, he had thought. Nothing too concerning as long as he got home before the worst of it hit. It wasn’t until he was met with silence when he entered the house that his stomach started doing flips.

A small scrap of paper lay on the coffee table.

Matthew,

I didn’t want to leave you, and I tried to tell you, but you didn’t answer. I need to get groceries. I made some cookies. A little pick me up. They’re on the   dining room table when you’re ready.

Love,

Uncle Allie

Was Matthew sick? He would have Alastair’s head if Matthew was and he didn’t let him know about this sooner. He stormed up the stairs only pausing to collect himself for Matthew. It was Alastair he wasn’t happy with, not Matthew. And Matthew had the nasty habit of blaming himself for the conflict in the household as it was. 

“Matthew love?” Arthur called, knocking at the door, “I’m home–”

There was a loud thud on the other side. Arthur burst into the room without hesitation. Matthew was crumpled on the floor, shaking violently, choking on his gasps, tears streaming down his face, fingers clawing at the floor like a trapped animal. 

Arthur carefully approached, kneeling beside him. “Matthew… It’s alright poppet. Are you feeling ill? Deep breaths now.”

“I-I-I…I can’t…” Matthew sobbed. “Make it stop…Please.”

“Matthew, I need you to try. Do it with me. In.” Arthur took a deep inhale. He held it until the boy followed suit. It was sharper than he would have liked, but it would do as a first step. “Good. Now out.”

They exhaled together. “Good. Let’s do it again.”

They repeated the exercise over and over until Matthew's breathing returned to a somewhat normal rate. 

“Let’s get you back to bed,” Arthur offered. He helped Matthew up into a sitting position, but the boy just swayed. “Are you dizzy?”

Matthew nodded. “And My…M-My legs feel like jelly.”

“Okay then.” He scooped the boy up into his arms. “How’s this?”

Matthew tensed for a moment. He took a few more deep breaths before letting himself sink into Arthur’s embrace. His tiny hands squeezed at Arthur’s coat tighter than Arthur ever thought possible of him. 

“I got you, lad,” Arthur whispered, “I’ve got you.”

He sat himself and Matthew on the bed, never letting go of the boy once. A long conversation would have to follow about what exactly that was, and the poor lad was probably thirsty after all that crying. But for right now, Arthur knew Matthew just needed to be held, to know that he was there. That he came back. That he would always  come back. 

[thelavenderelf]

WIP Whenever ✨

I know this is a few days late, but I've been tagged by @friend-of-giants and @miraakulous-cloud-district to share some WIPs! I normally don't like sharing snippets of my writing while I still work on it, but I'm in a "don't let your perfectionism get in the way and just share the thing" mood. So here is a raw, unedited snippet of the beginning of Unstable Chapter 3!

I tag anyone who reads this 😘

Images of marble hallways lit by a cold moon haunt Sylvana's mind. The hall stretches on forever, yet its walls webbed with golden filigree constrict her lungs. She needs to run. Needs to escape. But like the columns lining the walls, her legs are stiff and she falls. A sharp blade drips crimson onto ancient stone floors, making a pool that reflects a cruel, smiling maw lunging for her throat. 

She jerks awake and hits her forehead on the edge of a table. A string of curses leaves her as she falls back down. Sweat drips between her back and the shoddy bench she lays upon. She rubs her head, trying to soothe the annoying throbbing pain that won't go away. 

Another nightmare? Really? This better not become a habit but so far it's two for two. What makes it worse is that it played out like the one she had earlier. It must be the stress mixed with the aftereffects of whatever was in that poison. It still hasn’t worn off despite it being hours since she was stuck. 

Clumsy fingers reach for her unfinished bottle of mead but find a metal chain instead. She pulls it and the strange amulet from earlier dangles above her face. She studies it, taking a closer look now that she has the time. The amethyst embedded into serpentine ebony gleams in the firelight. She swears the amulet is an exact copy of Savos Aren's, a perfect match. Even the slight hum of magic triggers the sting of bittersweet familiarity.

Savos Aren was a man of many secrets yet forthcoming whenever she needed him. He always wore his amulet. At one point she inquired about it, mesmerized by its elegant design but he brushed her off. It was unusual for him to dodge a question like that but at the time it didn’t seem important so she let it go. Now she’ll have to feel guilty while going through his things to find answers.

Perhaps the amulets are family heirlooms and she stumbled across one that was lost. Or maybe it's a coincidence and whoever made the pendants just really like this particular design. She could also just be reading way too into things, but it's better than spiraling down the pit of grief that sits heavy on her chest from Kodlak’s death. 

If only Lucien were here, she could bounce her theories off of him and listen to his. He would be saying something off the wall yet incredibly profound right now. Like, "what if the Silverhand  looted it off of a werewolf who was Savos's secret lover?" 

Gods, she misses her friends. They temporarily split for a while after accidentally cracking open a hornet’s nest of Thalmor while trying to steal back a family heirloom for a client. She misses Lucien’s outlandish observations, Inigo’s crazy yet true stories, Auri’s cannibalism jokes, and Kaidan’s constant cussing. Everything would be so much better if they were here, and she could pull herself together with one big group hug. And better yet, she wouldn’t be here with Vilkas. 

Ugh, that scruffy asshole! Why in Oblivion would she open up about her mother to him, of all people? Even her close friends barely know anything about that, yet she served it to him on a silver platter. And the worst part is that he sat there, listened, and then had the audacity to show compassion. She’s never felt more embarrassed, and she hates it. Hates it, hates it, hates it. 

With a groan, she lifts herself to rest her head on the table. The bottle of unfinished mead reunites with her and they share a long kiss. Ah, Nordic Mead, the only lover she will ever need. 

The pieces of Wuuthrad are haphazardly spread out before her, a puzzle beckoning to be solved and she complies. She picks up each individual piece and arranges them to try and resemble the legendary battleaxe. One particular fragment makes her pause— a snow elf frozen in an eternal scream is carved into what she assumes is the head of the axe. It’s suiting for a weapon nicknamed “the elf-grinder.” She smooths her fingers over the dark metal and sighs. The horrors this poor elf must have seen. 

“Oh the stories you could tell,” she whispers to it like an old friend. 

“Read the Songs of the Return if you want your story.” A voice speaks up, making her jump and drop the piece. It clatters on the table as she turns to see Vilkas leaning on a pillar. He smooths his disheveled hair away from his tired eyes. 

"You– Don't startle me like that!" Rarely anyone is able to sneak up on her, she doesn't allow it. No one, except… No. It reminds her too much of skilled fingers, a sly smile, and a voice that always sent shivers down her spine with his honeyed words. She'd much rather forget him, for now. 

"Huh, maybe I am a good sneak." A shit-eating grin spreads across his face as he takes a seat next to her, leaning back on the table.

"Fuck you,” she grumbles. Now It’s her turn to be the grumpy asshole. 

“Does it really bother you that much?” He chuckles.

"Yes, and I would appreciate it if you didn't do it again.” She enunciates her words carefully, making sure he understands. 

"Alright, alright."  A lovely smile graces his face that, clears the storm clouds from her mind. She's so used to seeing him scowling that she's thrown off whenever he does it. It's rusty yet tender enough to light up the room. She wonders what a full-blown smile of his would look like and what it would take to get it.

Also, I was wondering if any of my beloved mutuals would be interested in being a beta reader for me? I can pay in doodles and beta read as well <3

[bonebirds]

This got long but I'm fucking pissed. Content warnings for abuse mentions, trafficking mentions, discourse about discourse to prevent future discourse, "proshipper" nonsense, grooming, etc.

This is gonna be the one time I open my mouth about this because haha, hey, years of internalized fear and shame. I'm trying to lay down a boundary and that comes with so much anticipated backlash.

I do, for the record, have a background in Yelling about the crossroads of media/culture/literature/academia/games studies/trauma/capitalism. Which is a wide range and we can thank my comp exams in the PhD for that.

Since this is tumblr I also gotta just do the fuckin' disclaimer before anyone else feels like doing the "if you don't publicly condemn xyz then I'm gonna make your day worse" thing:

I don't participate in fandom and I don't ship things. I'm not about to defend specific instances or pairings because everything exists in subjective contexts, and texts especially so. But also, I have graduate degrees in English and text analysis and lived experience with CSA and trafficking that went on for a long fucking time. And I am very, very tired of being called the worst things you can call a trauma survivor because I don't care about shipping.

I'm not anti-ship, or whatever. I am not down for imposing my own trauma, feelings about it, and opinions on others in order to censor their art. Call me a proshipper if you want -- ignoring the part where I don't write fanfic or participate in fandom -- because I agree with them. I condemn CSA/CSEM, abusers, predators, the entire evil side of humanity but people who write fic aren't that. Neither are people who read it, even the most problematic of the problematic.

People can write, as fiction, as fantasy, whatever they want. There are no real people being harmed. I can distinguish between those things and, again, am a survivor of some very intense abuse. You're welcome to disagree. I'm fine with that if you're fine with me. I don't believe in absolutes when it comes to topics this complicated (and it is). I spent years on the opposite side, actually, because just the MENTION of things like incest or age gaps triggered me. And then I would do the same and get mad at the people writing it.

This is not healthy and it is not healing on either side of the argument.

But also in treating everything like such a monolithic moral purity test, where you're either good or deserve to suffer -- a test that I fail, because there is no room for things like Complexity -- you just spent a lot of time telling me I'm as bad as the people who trafficked me. Because of fiction. Because of fake things happening to fake people, based on an idea in someone else's head, people's real harm and real trauma means we're as bad as their abusers. That is so heavily the implication in so much of this talk. If I don't disregard my degrees, my training, my own experiences, my own principles and take a stand against people shipping things on the internet, I must basically be a predator!

That is violent and fucked up.

I don't want you around here, so block me and get it over with.

I (like a lot of people with trauma histories) use fiction and writing to process and heal. I don't even post them. A lot of that writing, and being able to seek it out, was helpful. It was a connection to someone else out in the world who maybe understood a little bit of the pain and fear and confusion.

There's a difference between fiction and real abuse. And the "but predators use it to groom vulnerable children" angle barely holds water -- predators use anything. Mainstream TV shows. Vending machine snacks. Gumballs. Access to a remote control to change a channel. A lot of things are more accessible and friendly to kids than making them read. Advocating for censorship, especially in today's political hellhouse, is not actually helpful. It just feels really righteous.

Which doesn't mean there aren't those trying to leverage fic to "normalize" abuse and grooming, I absolutely believe they have and do, but that does not justify externalizing your pain and trauma onto others, or policing them, or trying to take control back by claiming an imaginary moral high ground and pinning other people to it. It also doesn't mean that censoring the internet of all things icky to you saves the world, the kids, anything. It just means they'll find easier avenues, of which there are already so many. It also means you're all just attacking people from a place of presumed hurt rather than compassion, curiosity, anything like that.

So.

Anyone whose stance on this entire thing boils down to "you agree with me or you're a secret pedo enabler," you need to leave.

I'm happy to talk about it if you want! I don't think people trying to draw those lines are right but I think they're well-intentioned, until they start calling me shit that triggers entire mental collapses. You know. In the name of saving the children. Which hasn't been a red flag for conservatism and oppression for hundreds of years or anything, either. How many kids do you think are protected by shutting down places they can actually go and talk about the darkest shit in their heads? How many of us just suffer unbearable pain and isolation because the culture around us is shame-based and if you think about things like that, you're Just Like Them?

This ain't about protecting kids, basically. This discourse never has been. It's about being righteous and never examining why that is. It's about lashing out and displacement. I think the concern for victims is real, like I said, but that concern can translate to actual, real help elsewhere. People are DOING the work to make the internet safer. This? Is not that work.

You are responsible for how you manage your trauma and pain, and that has to include not taking it out on others. Full stop. Even when you disagree. Even when everything in your brain is going DANGER ALARMS DANGER ALARMS DANGER ALARMS WE MUST STOP THIS because someone ships something you think is wrong or uncomfortable. It sucks, and it sucks we have to do that, and it sucks we have to learn how. None of us asked to. None of us wanted to end up here. It's not victim blaming to say you're accountable for your own recovery.

But while you are here, maybe consider that the name/shame/blame model hasn't been working either. For hundreds of fucking years. We know shame doesn't motivate people to care, or learn.

But especially when you're weaponizing shame against trauma survivors for recognizing their own experiences in literature, art, stories. We all struggle with toxic shame. Using it against people until they agree with you?

Holy shit just look in the mirror one day, I guess. But block me first.

[insteadofwritingmythesis]

I need to write my thesis so instead of writing my thesis i will write about this song that stuck in my tummy. Song is called "Stuck in a Sports Bra" by Mossy Rock. Before reading my rumbling you should listen it.

After couple of listen, i felt this urge to write about it. In surface the surface this is a silly tiktok song about sports bra. Which is totally cool. I am a huge believer of entartained by shallow things, not everything has to have meanings, we can enjoy things just as they are. And if you please you can just do that. You can listen this silly little song and continue your internet surfing. But i would like to deepdive little bit, risking being cringe. ( The word cringe doesn't exist in my language so using word 'cringe' is also cringe, for your information).

The song starts with an amazing comedic contrast. This girl with obviously classicaly trained voice (maybe she didnt, i don't know) sings about very normal, almost boring, situation with this very emotional piano. So it is already funny. Also it is very relatable; yes indeed, stranger on the internet, i also got stuck in a sports bra. She goes "you might just fit but then you are never getting it off" and in my mind it goes funnier. Actually rest of the song just gets more relateble and more funnier. I can't stop laugh. But the way she sing and the way she plays the piano you can't help feel emotional. I shouldn't feel emotional though, this is a funny song made for views, right ? I think everyone reading this piece already can see where this piece is going. Are you rolling your eyes and yelling me to just get to the point. Okey, i will get to the point.

To all of your suprise i actually think this song has deeper meanings. I don't know if this was the artist's intention. I go and check her spotify she has other songs in this style. I guess she likes making silly songs with emotional melody.

You can check her out if you want. Or don't, ireally don't care. Only thing i care is how this song makes me feel as a girl and then as a woman. As a girl you always feel stuck. Boys are also very welcome to feel like this but as a girl i only know me and the girls, so i would very like to talk about from girl point of view. So as i said as a girl you always feel like got stuck and you cam't get out. And the reason you are stuck in this tiny disgusting bathrom called life is because you are a girl. For fucks sake ( İ dpnt know what does this mean, i only used becasue saying fuck is cool) if i were not a girl i wouldn't have to wear this tiny bra.

When i was younger i would associate being weak, dumb snd everything bad. I was always a petite weak girl that no one take serious (me not having anything serious to say is not related). I hated being weak, being dumb, being slow so i hated being a woman. But i was a woman. Or worse i was a girl. So i was stuck in my worst fears. Like that girl stuck in toilet. She didn't chose to have boobs, i didn't chose to be girl. You might say well, she shouldn't have been fat. Then i might say having an annoying boobs is not related to being fat, and also being fat is not a crime you little shit. Having boobs are very intresting thing, once you are a little who wants to have boobs ( because being a adult girl is better than being a little girl no one listens. Everyone listens adults, no doubt) and second you have some fat tissue hanging out of your chest out og nowhere. Suddenly you can't run, you can't jump rope, rou can't wear clothes you like, you can't lay down, you get pain out of blue and you are just ashamed to exist. You feel like everyone is looking at you but you also feel like a narcissist to think anyone would bother to look at you. But lets say this girl in the bathrom is just fat. I would like to point out the only reason she is trying to wear sports bra is she wants to exercise. She is trying to lose some weight but she is getting punished. From the "this is what happens when i exercise " part we can understand this is not the first time she exercised nor the first time she got punished for it. She is ashamed and stuck in this disgusting toilet and she will never exercise anymore. She would rather sit on a couch and eat crisps. Because it is easy, comforting and sometimes the only thing you can do without hurting yourself or your pride. And it is such a shame because she enjoys exercising, especially cardio because it is good for her and it makes her demons go away temporarily. But she will never exercise aanymore because whenever she is got punished with pain and humiliation. A humilliation that is so big that you would rather dislocate you elbow and die here sweating on the bathroom floor. Humiliation of being a girl. She could have easily ask for help, cut the bra. But first of all this bra belongs to someone and they are kind of expensive. Also you are in such a vulnerable position right know, both physically and mentally.First of aşş your boobs are haning , you don't want antone to see that and second of all am is just gonna admit i failed being a basic human. No, no one wants that. I don't want that. I was already weak all my life. But as a girl you can't help it. This world didn't designed for you, and nobody informed how you should function. So you just try, try and try like fish stuck in a shore. So either you can die or sea can show mercy and some waves to save you. But do you want to be saved like that ? There is Turkish song by Teoman, it goes like this "Aşk kırıntısıyla doymaktansa tek başıma aç kalırım bu hayatta". It means; I would rather stay hungry all alone than survive with love crumbs. Even tough this lyric is fully about romantic love it fis for so many things.

To conclude this song reminds me girlhood and how much you misplaced you feel even though how much you try to fit. Maybe everything is so on the nose and it didn't need explanation. But i don't care because as like Sait Faik "Yazmasam deli olacaktım". This all i got to say about this song, for now. Have a nice day. At least better than that girl stuck in tiny bathroom.

[fandomgirlz01]

This Can’t Be The End Pt. 3

Nick Stokes X Reader

Imagine on my fandom Instagram?: No  

Prompt or Request or Requested Prompt?: No

Style of Writing: Fic (Potential Future Series)

Edited: Yes

Word count: 6,175

Ko-fi

Masterlist

Warnings here

You can listen to the story be read out loud here.

Post Date & Time: December 30th 2023 at 12:27 AM

Summary: Based off of S5 Es24 & 25 When Nick gets kidnapped, the reader is forced to fear the worst for her husband as she and the team work the case with hopes of bringing him home safe. 

Third Person Pov:

The computer shows Nick and the countdown that is at 00:00:01. It then clicks off the video and 4672 CARNEY LANE — BOULDER HWY are the words that slide across the screen. Then the words BE THERE IN 20 MINUTES slide onto the screen next before OR DON’T BOTHER COMING slide across the screen too.

Grissom finds himself standing in front of a warehouse that doesn’t look like it’s been used for some time with the bag of money in his hand. He looks around for any sight of anything, but finds nothing out of the ordinary so he takes a step toward the building. He walks up to the building keeping an eye out for anything. 

He walks up to the door, grabs the handle and slides the door open. It makes a loud clunking sound as he does, but he pays it no mind. Once it’s open he steps in and takes his glasses off as he looks around the inside. 

He sees an SUV parked to his right, but nothing else really. He sets the bag down and reaches around himself to pull his flashlight out of his back pocket. He shines the flashlight out and continues to look around the warehouse. 

“Las Vegas crime lab!” He calls out into the void in front of him. 

“Through the door!” Another man’s voice shouts out and Gil bends down slowly to pick the money bag back up. 

He then starts to walk, shining his light in front of him. As he walks he notices a dead dog laying on the floor with flies buzzing around. He sees other things a dog would need, a bed, food and water bowls. 

He sees a box of random things and what seems to be a bed in the corner. He keeps walking and soon makes his way to the door the voice had told him to go through. He walks up a few steps before coming face to face with an older looking man who sits behind a computer watching the feed of Nick. 

“Pretty quiet outside,” the man comments as Gil comes to a stop in front of him. 

“Almost sounds like you came alone,” the guy continues to taunt. 

“I’ve got your money,” Gil tells him and the guy stands. 

“Put it down,” the guy commands as he leans on his arms against the table. 

Grissom slowly lowers the bag and it makes a light thud as it hits the ground. He stands back up to full straight position before the guy comes out from behind the desk and up to the few steps to the podium he’s on. 

“Slide it over,” he commands and Grissom uses his foot to kick it over closer to the guy. 

It’s only when the bag stops, maybe about fifteen to twenty feet from him that the man walks down the steps and over to the bag. He uses a flashlight to look down on it and he looks back up at Gil. 

“You’re telling me there’s a million dollars in here?” The guy asks and Gil gives a very decisive “yes,” to his question. 

“Along with some cute little booby traps? Which is it? A tracker, a dye pack? A…” he asks, trying to figure out if they played any tricks on him. 

“Normally, you’d be 100% right, but this time you’re 100% wrong. We want Nick back. No tricks,” Grissom promises him and it goes silent for a moment. 

The guy takes a moment before bending down to the bag. He moves it so it’s facing him and unzips it. He digs though for a moment before grabbing a wad of the cash and holding it up to his light. He inspects it thoroughly before starting to chuckle. 

“This looks real,” he comments as he holds it up. 

“It is real,” Gil proclaims before pausing. 

“Where is Nick?” He asks and the guy stands back up dropping the money back into the bag as he does. 

“You know, I was under the impression that it was against departmental policy to negotiate with terrorists,” the guy comments, using his free hand to try and motion out his meaning. 

“Are you a terrorist?” Gil asks him in a calm tone. 

“Depends,” the guy replies in a nonchalant tone before shining the light at Grissom’s face. 

“Are you terrified?” The guys asks in a playful tone and Grissom takes a deep breath. 

“Look, I really don’t want to talk to you. Where is my guy?” Gil asks in a slightly irritated voice. 

“Oh, so… he is your guy, huh?” The man asks in a fake astonished tone. 

“Yes, he is. Where is he buried?” Gil asks in a demanding tone. 

“Are you two close?” The man asks with a hint of amusement in his voice. 

“That’s none of your business,” Gil tells him in a clipped tone. 

“What does Nick Stokes mean to you? How do you feel when you see him in that coffin? Does your soul die every time you push that button? How do you feel knowing that there’s nothing you can do to get him out of that hell? Helpless…useless… impotent? How does it feel having to tell his darling of a wife he’s not coming home?” The guy asks again dodging the question with his own million to one questions and Grissom doesn’t respond. 

“Good. Welcome to my world,” the man tells him before revealing that he has a bomb strapped to his waist. 

“Uh, if I were you, I’d back up a little,” he tells Grissom in a condescending tone, but yet there’s also humor laced in with it. 

Grissom takes one, two, no three little steps back and before he has a chance to do anything else the guy presses the button that he’s holding. The whole place gets wrecked with the magnificent boom, windows shatter and wood shards go flying every which way. Once the bomb is done dust over takes the air and starts to rain down along with blood painting the walls. 

Grissom wakes and starts to huff for breath as he struggles to sit up. His ears ring and he can feel blood on his face as he looks over the desolate scene in front of him. 

Reader’s Pov: 

I wake up to someone shaking my shoulder lightly and with a small groan, I open my eyes. The bright light burns my eyes, making me shy away before looking back up to see Warrick standing in front of me. He gives me a small smile as I sit up, the blanket falling from my arm to my lap. 

“What’s up, B?” I ask him and he smiles lightly. 

“Griss just left to take the ransom money. If we’re lucky, Nicky boy should be home by tonight,” he tells me as his grin slowly grows more and more. 

“You mean I’ll get him back?” I inquire softly and Warrick nods. 

“Warrick, you better not be playing with me…” I warn him and he shakes his head, holding his hands up in surrender. 

“I promise you mamas that I am not messing with you,” he tells me and I take a moment to let the words sink in. 

“Oh, B… you were right, he’s coming home,” I whisper out as tears come to my eyes. 

“It’s all just a waiting game now, mama. Once Grissom calls in, we can go get our boy,” he informs me and I can’t help but jump forward and hug him. 

“Wait…” I pause before pulling back from the hug. 

“How did Gil get the ransom money? I thought the department wasn’t going to pay it out. Did Nicky’s parents put it out?” I question and Warrick shakes his head. 

“We’re not really supposed to talk about it… because Grissom insists on it staying anonymous, but you have Catherine to thank… she went to her father and asked for the money…” Warrick explains to me and I freeze as gratitude overflows me. 

“Where is she?” I ask him after a moment of silence and he shakes his head. 

“She’s in her office,” he informs me and I nod as I get up. 

I quickly rush out of the break room and down the many halls I know will take me to her office. I slow down once I see the office and lightly knock on the door. She looks up and smiles when she sees it’s me. 

She takes her glasses off and gives a small nod, mouthing a small ‘come in,’ before I push the glass door open. I walk in, closing the door behind me and Catherine smiles softly at me as I take a seat in one of the chairs in front of her desk. Her walkie-talkie chats quietly from beside her with a sound of static every time someone isn’t talking. 

“What do you need, y/n?” she asks me as she folds her hands on her desk. 

“Rick… he, uhh… told me what you did. I… I don’t know how to thank you,” I answer her in a choked tone and she smiles softly at me again. 

“No need to thank me, y/n. Both you and Nicky are family. I hated seeing you and him in pain,” she explains softly before reaching her hand out to me. 

“No. You deserve a thank you. Without you, I wouldn’t be getting my husband back. I… I wouldn’t have made it if—” I start but she squeezes my hand as she cuts me off. 

“Don’t even start to wonder. That road can be a dangerous one, y/n. Just think of what you’ll do with all your time off,” she tells me and I give her a confused look. 

“Time off?” I ask in confusion and she nods as she pulls her hand back. 

“Nick gets time off for mental evaluation after all of this. I assume Griss will make you do the same thing,” she informs and I purse my lips as I nod. 

“Honestly, we need the time off anyway. We were hoping to put in for some after these cases finished up,” I tell her and she grins, making me smile too. 

“And you guys deserve it. You’ve done a lot of work with no breaks lately,” she muses and it goes quiet with the radio static being the only noise. 

“Would you like to—” Catherine starts, but gets cut off with a voice coming over the radio. 

“Dispatch, this is Gill Grissom of the crime scene lab. I request assistance at 4672 Carney Lane - - Boulder HWY. There’s been an explosion that needs analysis as soon as possible,” comes Grissom’s voice over the radio and I quickly suck in a breath as Catherine picks it up. 

“Copy that, we’re sending units to your location right now,” Dispatch replies and Catherine looks up at me. 

“You stay here. Someone will update you if we find anything at all, I promise,” she tells me as she stands up and I nod quickly. 

After Catherine and the others leave, I’m left alone so I decide to take a shower and change my clothes. I walk to the locker room and open my locker. 

Immediately I regret it when I see a picture of me and Nick on the inside of the door:

I smile softly at the old picture as I look at Nick and me from back when we were still in our second year of being CSI’s. With a soft smile, I find myself mentally thanking Nick’s sister Janet for taking the picture. I reach up and touch the picture as I sniffle. 

I sigh and grab my change of clothes and a small toiletries bag before closing the locker. I go over to the shower and grab a towel from the cabinet before setting all my stuff on the counter. I then get into the shower and monotonously go about it. 

I stay in the shower until the water runs cold and sigh as I reluctantly turn it off. I make work of getting out and quickly drying off before getting dressed. After I’m dressed, I drop my towel in the hamper and walk back to my locker. 

I open it and set my toiletries bag in first before folding my clothes up. I put my clothes into the locker and catch sight of another one of the pictures I have hanging up: 

I smile as the memory from college plays in my head and all I can hear is Nick’s laugh. That day was just one of our many lazy days that turned into him forgetting that he had a project to finish for his class. He ended up working on it while I sat reading my book, until I got bored and reached over for my camera that was on his bedside table. 

~Flash back~ 

“Hey, Nicky,” I sing-song to him. 

“Hmm?” he hums out, not even looking at me and I roll my eyes. 

“Look over here, babe,” I tell him and he takes a moment to lean back in his chair, looking over one last detail before looking at me.

He smiles when he sees me and I grin as I take the picture. He laughs while shaking his head, making me grin even more. 

“You and taking pictures of me. Did it at least turn out good?” he asks through his own grin and I pull the camera back to look at the screen. 

“Hmm. Yes, it did. That one’s being printed,” I comment, only to giggle when he shakes his head before going back to his work. 

~End of Flashback~ 

“Come home to me, Nicky,” I whisper, wiping at the tear that falls as another picture makes me giggle softly:

I remember that day so well. Nick was working on a separate case alongside Greg and I just so happened to walk by and see them both in really deep thought. Me being me, I decided to take a picture of them and send it to Nick with the text “someone looks a little grumpy :(”. He had immediately looked up to see me after reading the text and smiled at me, making me smile back softly before continuing on my way. 

I sigh as I look over all the many pictures I have of us from over the years. Some Janet had taken, some taken by Nick’s brother Shane, as well as his brother Mason, sister Piper, and brother Braxton, all of whom saw me as a sibling the moment me and Nick started hanging around each other. There’s some we took together and some of us just being goofy together:

I let all the memories slowly play out in my head before shaking myself out of my thoughts. 

“He’s coming home. He’ll be ok…” I keep repeating to myself in my head. I bite my lip and look over all the pictures one last time before closing my locker. 

I wipe away tears that I didn’t even notice had fallen and start to walk to the break room. Once in the break room, I decide I should try to eat something, so I start looking for something that seems appetizing. I find a bowl of leftover spaghetti in the fridge with the name ‘Stokes’ on it in big bold letters. I shake my head at the note I find under it:

Sweets, I know you’ll find this. You better eat it, I know you haven’t had anything at all today. Remember I love you and EAT the damn food please. 

~Nicky ^>^

“Even when he’s not here, he’s still taking care of me,” I comment out loud to myself, shaking my head as I give a soft chortle. 

I take the foil off the top of the glass bowl and open the microwave. I then set the bowl in carefully and close it before setting it to three minutes. 

As it warms it up, I walk back over to the fridge to get my soda from earlier this morning out before walking back over. I then grab a plastic fork from a container on the counter just as the microwave comes to a stop and beeps. I take the food out and walk over to the round table in the center of the room. 

I sit down and start to stab at my food, but all of a sudden it doesn’t seem appetizing anymore. I twirl some on the fork and take one bite in hopes it’ll at least taste appetizing, but it doesn’t. I sit there trying to work up to wanting it, but it just keeps looking gross. 

I sigh and push the bowl away from me before putting my hands over my eyes. I sit there for a few minutes with my hands over my eyes when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up and see Warrick standing there with a solemn look on his face. 

“What happened?” I ask him and he sighs, moving to sit down next to me. 

“The bastard blew himself up. Talk about cowardice to end it all,” he chortles in disbelief, shaking his head. 

“Griss was lucky and didn’t get hit by the blast. He has minor hearing loss, but unfortunately no Nick,” he continues to explain and I suck in a breath. 

“You process the scene yet?” I inquire and he pursues his lips. 

“Yeah. Me and Greg worked on the car. GPS wasn’t a lot of help at all. All we got was general information of around where he was,” he informs me and I bite my lip in hopes of holding my emotions back. 

“What— what about a body? Did the guy have anything on him?” I question and he pauses a moment as if debating whether to tell me. 

“There wasn’t much of a body. He was literally in pieces… and no, we didn’t find anything on him,” he answers me and my face changes to one of anger. 

“Did you guys find anything useful at all?! Or did you just quit?!” I angrily seethe out, my hormones completely out of whack and Warrick looks shocked for a moment. 

“Mamas, I know you're angry. You have every right to be, but you gotta stay calm or I’m taking you home,” he informs me and I nod as my anger washes away. 

“You're right. I’m sorry. I don’t know what just came over me,” I apologize as I put my head in my hands again and sniffle. 

“It’s okay, mamas. You're entering the anger stage and not to mention you're probably hungry. I get it. It’s hard when all you want is him here with you,” he sympathizes with me as he pulls my chair to his and hugs me. 

“Did you get anything at all, though?” I ask him and he nods. 

“Yeah. Sara got a thumb, so we got a thumb print. She just went to run the print to see what we get,” he explains to me and I sigh. 

“I just want him home, Rick,” I tell him and he pulls away from our hug to look me in the eyes. 

“And he will be, mama. He will be, but for now you gotta take care of yourself, you hear me? He wouldn’t like knowing that you didn’t,” he says and I sigh, shaking my head. 

“I hear you. I do, I just…” I trail off and he nods. 

“I get it mama, I do. Have you eaten?” he questions and I motion to the bowl in front of us. 

“I tried, took one bite and just wanted to throw up. So, no, I haven’t eaten,” I answer and he sighs. 

“Ok. Here’s what we’re going to do. Grab the bowl and come with me,” he commands and I give him a shocked look, knowing what he’s doing. 

“But B, there’s no food in the lab,” I reiterate the rules of the lab and he shrugs. 

“Will you eat if you can see he’s doing ok?” he questions and I take a moment to think about it. 

“I mean, maybe…” I tell him and he nods again as he gets up. 

“I’m sure Griss would allow it this one time,” he explains as he pushes his chair in and I smile softly at him. 

“Ok. Then let’s go,” I agree as I get up and grab the bowl. 

“That’a girl. Let me just get myself a coffee, then we can go,” he tells me and I nod as he walks over and grabs himself a cup. 

He quickly pours the coffee and adds a little bit of sugar before turning back to me. “Let’s go,” he says as he walks over to me and I nod. 

Together we walk through the hallways and some of the labs before coming up to Archie’s computer lab. We see him sitting at the computer, just watching the feed as we walk up next to him. 

“How’s he doing?” Warrick asks as he walks up to the chair next to Archie, who looks over at him. 

“Hard to say… about the same, I guess,” he replies to Warrick before looking at me. 

“Hi, y/n,” Archie greets me with a small sympathetic smile and I give a small one back. 

“Hi, Arch. Is it ok if I eat my food in here? I just needed to see him,” I question him and he nods. 

“Definitely. Just don’t make it a habit,” he jokes and I smile at him again. 

“I promise I won’t,” I playfully joke back and he nods. 

“Here. You can have my chair. I’m gonna go get some coffee,” he informs us as he gets up and I send him a thankful smile. 

“Yeah,” Warrick agrees as he sets his coffee down on the table as I sit down next to him and Archie leaves. 

Once Archie is gone, I finally turn to the monitor and sigh when I see Nick. He just lays there so still, but I can tell he’s still breathing as his chest rises and falls. Warrick reaches up and rubs at his tired eye before holding his balled up fist next to his mouth and looking over at me. 

“Eat,” he tells me as he taps my leg under the bench, effortlessly pulling me out of my fixed stare on Nick. 

I nod and lift the bowl up before taking a bite. I chew slowly and the food doesn’t taste as bad as before, but it’s still hard to get myself to eat. Nick then turns to the air vent that’s to his left and breathes before the video slowly closes out. 

The ‘YOU CAN ONLY WATCH’ pops up again and Warrick quickly moves to click the link again. The video comes back on and Nick mouths something, but it’s hard to make out. I continue to take many slow bites of the food and soon it’s gone. 

I set the bowl on the table and Warrick looks over at me, then the bowl. “Good job, mamas,” he praises me and I nod my thanks. He pulls me over and wraps an arm around my shoulder and I lean into it as we continue to just watch Nick in silence.

Again all too soon, though, the video goes off again and Warrick moves to click the link again. Nick mouths more words that are hard to make out and my eyes start to well up a bit. We continue to watch and it’s only a little later that we watch him take out some gum from his pocket. Warrick and I look at each other, intrigued before looking back at Nick as he chews the gum. 

He then takes the gun out of his mouth and shoves it in his ears. Warrick and I both sit up a little as we watch in wonder of what he’s doing. 

“What are you doing, Nicky?” Warrick voices the question we’re both thinking as Nick lays his head back for a moment. 

He reaches down to his side and I let out a gasp as his service weapon pops up. He holds onto the barrel for a moment and then takes it off. 

“What are you doing, Nicky?” Warrick voices again as we both fully get out of our chairs. 

He turns the barrel to his chin like he’s going to shoot himself and all the air leaves my chest as I quickly turn around. I regret turning around that fast as everything spins and the sick feeling from earlier returns. I close my eyes as I try to regain my equilibrium while I wait for Warrick to react in any way. 

“Don’t do it, Nicky!”  Warrick exclaims as he continues to watch when I can’t. 

“Ahhh!” Warrick shouts and I jump, a sob escaping my mouth. 

“You son of a bitch!” Warrick screams out and another sob leaves my throat as I bring my hand up to cover my mouth. 

The shock takes over and I slowly start to sink to the ground as all sounds become muffled. It’s only a second after my knees hit the ground that I hear Warrick again. 

“Shit. Y/n. He’s ok. Look, mama. Look. He just shot the light,” Warrick informs me as he comes over to me and lifts me up so I’m standing. 

“Look at the monitor, mama. Look,” he prompts me and I shake my head. 

“Come on. Look. He’s still alive…” he tells me and finally I listen. 

I look at the screen to see my husband still breathing and alive, just now he has a glow stick as his light. I let out another sob and turn to Warrick, throwing myself into his arms. He sighs and wraps his arms around me, rubbing my back as I continue to cry. 

“I’m so sorry you had to see that. I wasn’t expecting it and I should have. I am so, so sorry mamas,” he apologizes as he leaves a kiss on the side of my forehead. 

“I…it’s ok, B. You… you couldn’t have known,” I tell him though my hiccups as he holds my head to his shoulder and sighs. 

Warrick’s Pov: 

After Nick shot out the light, I held a sobbing y/n in my arms for a few minutes. She cried until she made herself tired and fell asleep on my arm. I carefully carried her back to the break room and set her on the couch. 

I make sure her head is on the pillow and then cover her with the blanket she’s been using. She lets out a puff of air and I smile sadly at the girl who’s like my baby sister. I make sure she stays asleep and I’m glad when she does, knowing she desperately needs it. 

I sigh as I run my hands over my face. I decide to leave, knowing if she wakes and needs me she’ll come find me. I walk to the locker room and open my locker, but stop before I get anything out of it. 

I rub my forehead as my emotions start to hit. It’s then that I remember that only just this morning I had been laughing and talking with Nick in this very spot. I slam my locker closed and sit back on the bench he’d sat on before taking a deep breath. 

The tears started to flow and I let them for a while, just taking time for myself. After a few minutes, Catherine walks in and looks at me. 

“Griss wants you, me, and Greg back at the scene. He wants us to look for anything else we can find,” she informs me and I rub my face. 

“Ok. Let me just get my gear and jumpsuit. I’ll meet you guys there?” I ask and she nods before turning around and leaving. 

I take a moment of silence just to try to process everything before sighing and pushing myself up off the bench. I quickly grab all my gear and head out to my car to drive back to the scene. 

When I arrive, Catherine walks over to my car and I turn it off before getting out. I walk to the back to get my kit out and she walks with me. 

“Greg and I decided that we should split up. Divide and conquer,” she explains and I nod as I pull my kit out and close the trunk. 

“Ok. Who’s doing what?” I ask her and she points at Greg as we walk in. 

“Greg’s on sifting, I’m taking the car, so that leaves you with mapping,” she answers me and I nod as I set my kit down. 

“Well, let’s get to it, then,” I comment and she nods before going over to the car. 

I pull out my clipboard and start to map the place as Catherine takes photographs of the car. Greg sifts through all the stuff that we put into the sifting bucket and we all quietly work on our individual projects for a bit. 

After a little while of mapping, it seems hopeless and I roll my eyes as I rip the pieces of paper off of my pad. I throw it down to the floor and try to start over. 

“Hey. I found a trigger wire,” Greg announces as he holds it up. 

“Maybe once we reassemble all the components, we’ll be able to tell where the bomb came from. Maybe…” Greg starts to explain in hope, but I roll my eyes. 

“Yeah, maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe if we count up all the damn ‘maybes’, maybe Nick will be alive!” I cut him off, shouting in anger as I kick a container in front of my foot. 

“You know what I’m saying?!” I shout as the container lands next to Greg, spilling onto the ground. 

“Was that necessary?!” Greg shouts back as he stands up. 

“Never mind my clothes. Look at the evidence!” Greg shouts as he motions to his clothes before throwing his clipboard aside as he looks over the evidence. 

“Damn it!” I shout as I throw my clipboard down and turn away from him. 

I walk off to the side, my anger seething as I try to push it down. I stop just in front of the door as Catherine calls out to me. 

“Hey. Warrick. Hey,” she says, walking up to me as I turn around to look at her. 

“Hey. How you holding up?” she asks as she rubs my arm ever so slightly. 

“I’m not,” I tell her as I take my glove off and cross my arms, only to uncross them.

“I know,” she comments as she reaches up and moves her mask a bit. 

“I just can’t help but think that could have been me in that box. You know?” I voice my thoughts to her and suck in a breath of air. 

“We flipped a coin for that trash run,” I add on and tears brim my eyes. 

“Hey. Nick is not inside a box because of the flip of a coin,” Catherine cuts in before I can continue. 

“If that was me, I would’ve… mmm…” I cut her off, my voice rising as I point to my head like I'd shoot myself before rubbing my finger at my forehead. 

“Hey. You know what? I know you. I don’t believe that,” she says with her voice rising as she points at my chest and I back away a bit. 

“Okay?!” she asks and I look at the ground. 

“No. You’re wrong. I wouldn’t have lasted this far,” I tell her and she shakes her head, scoffing lightly in disbelief. 

“You’ve taken care of y/n better than anyone else. I DON’T believe that,” she reiterates herself and I shake my head. 

“I had to hold y/n as she cried herself to sleep today. That’s something I never wanted to ever have to do…” I tell her and she sighs as I pause for a moment. 

“Catherine, if something happens to Nick… If we don’t bring him back in one piece… she’ll be done for. I don’t think y/n can handle it. I promised her I’d get him home,” I inform her and her eyes widen. 

“You prom-” she starts, but stops when Greg calls out for us. 

“Hey, guys, come here,” Greg shouts and Catherine turns around.  

“I found something,” he adds on as we both start walking over to him. 

“Look at this,” he tells us once we’re next to him. 

He lifts a bottle of liquid and pours it on the dirt. He pours it in a line with it turning the sand a little darker and sets the bottle back down to the side. 

“There’s something underneath there,” he comments as he looks up at us. 

Catherine is the first to bend down and help him. They start pushing the sand away with their hands and I use my foot. Once we see something else poke through, I bend down with them and together we all use our hands to push the dirt away. 

“Oh, it’s got an edge. Right here,” I tell them as I reach for it. 

“All right,” I say as we each move around, still moving sand. 

“Another one over here,” Greg calls out as we continue to all feel around in the sand. 

“Greg, get some crowbars,” Catherine shouts out and Greg immediately jumps up. 

He runs off only to come back a few seconds later. He tosses me a crowbar and hands one to Catherine. 

“You think Nick could be under here?” Greg questions as we each grab onto our crowbars and start trying to pry it open. 

“I don’t know, man. It would have to be at least six feet long,” I answer him as we continue to pry at it. 

Finally it starts to open and together we all push the board away to find more dirt. I sink my crowbar into the dirt and start to dig out as much dirt as I can.

“Yeah, but if he buried him lengthwise— and who’s to say he didn’t— he could be,” Catherine explains the way that she thinks he could possibly be below us. 

She puts her mask back on before she and Greg help me dig. I quickly race over and grab our shovels. I hand them both one and together we all dig with the shovels as fast as we can. 

About halfway through, Catherine and Greg take a break as others come in to take over for them. I keep going in hopes of finding him so I can get him home to his wife. We all keep digging and digging until finally I hit something. 

“I hit something,” I announce as I hit it a couple more times with the shovel to make sure. 

I throw my shovel to the side and bend down to it. I quickly make work of moving the last little bit of sand aside. I finally get down to it and we can see what’s underneath it all now. 

“It’s plexiglass,” Catherine observes as I keep moving sand away. 

“Nick!” I yell out in hopes of getting a response. 

“Nick?” Catherine yells out after me as we keep going with our hands. 

“Nick, hold on there, buddy!” I shout as I keep going. 

“Nick?!” Catherine shouts as we finally can see into the box. Only instead of finding Nick, we find a Dalmatian inside the box. 

“What?” Catherine says in confusion as we look down at it. 

“It’s a dog,” she shouts out and sighs as she starts to rub her forehead. “It’s a dog,” she reiterates herself as she starts to cry. 

I huff in anger as I shake my head before standing up and walking off. I shout out as I kick another container in frustration. 

“Who’s gonna tell y/n?” Greg asks and I sigh, letting my head hang. 

“I will,” I say and Catherine shakes her head. 

“No. I’ll tell Griss and he’ll tell her. I still need you to look over this once we get it out of the ground,” Catherine explains and I sigh, looking at her. 

“But it’s not out of the ground yet. Please let me go tell her. She’ll need me. I’ll look it over when you guys get it to the lab, but I’m the only one keeping her going. This will deviate her, I need to be there,” I beg Catherine, who sighs before nodding in agreement. 

“Yeah. Ok. Go. I’ll let you know when it’s at the lab,” she agrees and I nod, jumping up and getting my stuff. 

“Thanks, Catherine!” I yell out to her and she nods, waving me off. 

I quickly head to my car and put my kit in before getting in myself. I sit back in my seat with a sigh as I mentally prepare to go tell y/n. With one last deep breath, I start my car up and head back to the lab. 

To Be Continued…

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[surveysand]

twenty.

What kind of movies are you drawn to? documentaries. i don't really watch movies much otherwise. How often do you update your Facebook status? never. What would you like best about living in New York City? public transportation and so many new restaurants to try. also, it seems like exclusive events a lot of artists do tend to be in nyc or la, so those would be cool to attend. What’s the main reason why you use a laptop/pc? it's much easier to use than a phone, especially if needed for school/work things. my old laptop broke for a few days at one point during my junior year and trying to write an essay on my phone was one of the worst things i've ever had to do. What do you think the world needs more of? basic human decency.

What type of pet would you like to have? i would love another dog, but i know that it's not the best move for me financially. How do you feel about mornings? i'm am not a morning person, lol. What breakfast are you most likely to have? a bagel or breakfast sandwich with orange juice or an iced coffee to drink. What type of day do you like more? one where i can just relax and don't have to worry about anything. Your social life is: not that active, but more normal than not.  What career field could you see yourself in? research, clinical positions, etc. When you’re starting to feel sick, you: take medicine and lay down. Which city would you rather relax in? the one i live in currently. What would you enjoy most about being a vampire? being able to avoid light. What colors are you most drawn to? muted tones. What flavor ice cream would you prefer? cookie dough. You rather have lunch at: a mexican place, preferably a local family-owned restaurant. Your oldest friend would describe you as: many things, but i think she would talk about how similar we are to each other and how our "no bullshit" attitudes are what have kept us friends for so long. You are attracted to homes that are: cozy and individual. What deadly sin are you most likely to commit? sloth. What section do you drift toward at bookstores? i really don't know, i haven't been in a bookstore in so long. i usually peruse the whole store. Are you a thinker or a feeler? thinker. Would you rather go to a festival or a book reading? festival. Are you more into drama or comedy? drama. Do you prefer to lounge in a hot tub or swim in a pool? lounge in a hot tub. Can you roll your tongue? yes. You are more likely to stop wearing something because? it doesn't fit well or i don't have anything to wear it with. Have you ever smoked pot? yes. Do you speak a second language? no. How many books do you have out in the public areas of your house? a few. What three words best describe you? funny, accepting, and passionate. What two elements are you most comfortable with? earth and air. Your relationships tend to be: coveted. Who makes a better burger, in your opinion? out of, like, chain restaurants, shake shack is my favorite. it's too bad it's so expensive. Where would you most like to spend Christmas vacation? i'd love to go to maine or somewhere further north. i am not someone who wants to get away from the snow. For you, snow means: winter! my favorite time of the year. What do you like best about the holidays? time off work/school, being able to see those close to me who i maybe haven't seen in a while otherwise, and being able to eat some amazing home-cooked food. You think your eyes convey: anger. Besides screaming for ice cream, what else do you scream for? many things, i'm a loud person, lol. Favorite summer scent? coconut. basically all of my shower products are coconut-scented. Do you listen to Billy Ray Cyrus? no. Do you know how to shoot a shotgun? no. Do you like fried chicken? yes, but i prefer grilled.

[coolspacequips]

Tbh I started A Art then tried to lay down for a couple hours... Now I'm back so....

[agentwhiskeysdarlin]

Wild Ride

Pairing: Billy Russo x F!Reader

Rating: NSFW 18+

Warnings: SMUT, smutty times on a (parked) motorcycle, p in v sex, unprotected sex, slight exhibitionism, dom/sub relationship/undertones

Word Count: 1k

Author's Note: This is longer than normal sorry! In light of recent events I feel I need to say a few things. Even with things going on with Ben (just look his name up on here or twitter and you’ll see. I’m not getting into it here) I do still plan to go forward writing for Billy and Aleks. I know some people sometimes have a problem with this but I enjoy writing for these characters and I’m not taking that away from myself. Always remember you don’t have to consume things you don’t want to and can scroll past! For those who do keep reading I hope you enjoy! I wrote this awhile back and it was a fun and random idea with @clint-aww-no-barton​ who also I must give thanks to as always. If you want to be added or removed from my taglist please let me know!!

ao3 link

  You had no idea what made him decide to do this, but now you hung to him tight as he wound through traffic, you were glad for it. Never once in your life did you think you would end up on the back of a motorcycle, but here you were. The wind wipped around you almost violently. You clung to the man in front of you, your head resting carefully on his shoulder. You could smell him and it was intoxicating. Feeling his muscles move as he worked the bike and the vibrations running through you was sending you reeling.

  Billy had came home one day with a proud smirk plastered on his face. You had glared at him asking him what was going on before he took you down to his private garage, under Anvil, to show you the new toy. You weren’t sure about it, terrified was more the correct word but Billy had a very good way of convincing you. You swore your grip was like a vice and when Billy finally caught a red light his hands came up to rub at yours trying to relax you.

  “You okay?” He spoke through the Bluetooth device in the helmets making you slightly jump.

  “Um yeah I’m fine,” your voice sounded broken, like the man had been working you for hours.

  “You sure about that Princess?”

  The nickname mixed with the smirk you knew was on his face, made you clench.

  “You have your work cut out for you when we get back home.”

  “Oh I do? Is this turning you on Princess hmmm?”

  “Yes Sir,” your voice was almost too low you didn’t think he heard.

  The chuckle you received before he took off told you he had. He took off past the cars around you and you once again took ahold of his shirt with a vice grip.

  “Lean forward more and lay your front on my back Princess.”

  He suddenly spoke and you did as instructed jumping as the vibrations hit right between your legs. Your eyes rolled at the feeling but it wasn’t enough.

  “Feels good doesn’t it Princess?”

  “Not as good as you Sir,” you whimpered. “It’s not enough either.”

  “Oh I know it’s not. That’s the point,” he smirked and you let out another whimper.

  You swore Billy took you through places you had never been. You were almost to the point of begging him to take you home and do his worst when he turned and you could see the Anvil building in the distance. He pulled into the private garage kicking the stand but never turning off the bike.

  “You stay right there Princess.” He smirked as he climbed off.

  “Yes Sir.”

  You did as you were told sitting up on the bike and removing your helmet. When you looked over at Billy his helmet was gone and you were met with lust blown eyes.

  “Now you are going to stay on the bike and I’m going to fuck that pretty pussy.”

  “Ye…Yes Sir,” you looked up at him with the innocent look you knew he loved and he let out a soft growl as he leaned in kissing you deeply.

  You melted into him wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing him back with just as much want and hunger as he gave you. He didn’t waste much time undoing your pants and pulling them down your legs before removing himself from his pants. He slid into you hilt deep and your head flew back and moan falling from your lips. Then it hit you that the garage door was still open.

  “What if someone sees us?” You panted as you looked back at Billy.

  He pulled all the way out and then snapped his hips forward hard, “Let them see.”

  He pulled back out again and snapped forward hard keeping a bruising grip on your hips and your eyes locked to his.

  “Let them see you sprawled out on my bike cum dripping on the seat.”

  Another full pull out and another hard snap in, “Let them see who you belong to.”

  His forehead had fallen to yours, eyes still locked and he spoke the last sentence with lust dripping from every word. Then he was pounding in and out of you hard and fast. You were a mess forgetting completely that anyone could drive or walk by and see you at the mercy of this man who never let up. He kept you held to the seat that still vibrated through you as he kept going.

  “I’m close,” you panted not really sure if he heard you.

  “Look at me when you cum. Look me in the eyes,” he ordered and you snapped your head up forcing your eyes open.

  You fought the urge to close your eyes as you tumbled off the edge. Your eyes locked with Billy’s and you let out a moan your body trembling as you came around him, gripping his cock like a vice. The whole scene pushed him over the edge right behind you and he snapped his hips one last time before emptying himself inside of you.

  You both panted as you came back down. Billy pulled from you and helped to fix yourself before fixing himself. He turned the bike off and picked you up to help you off on it. He sat you down on jelly legs and you faltered slightly pulling a chuckle from him.

  “Easy there Princess.”

  “Well if someone would not fuck me into next week…”

  “Are you saying you didn’t enjoy that?”

  He smirked at you and you glared at him but still held a playful smile. You watched as he dipped his finger wiping off the seat where your cum had leaked and then stuck his finger in your mouth. You clenched at the sight and gulped.

  “Delicious and I plan to taste more when I get you inside.”

  “You’re going to be the death of me Billy Russo.”

  He pulled you to him and kissed you deeply.

  “I think it’s the other way around Princess.”

Tagged: @mswarriorbabe80 @all-art-is-quite-useless @whatevermonkey @whichdirection @pascalisthepunkest @all-hallows-evie @artsymaddie @vvpoisonous @not-too-tall-for-trick @audreyshepbvrn @noushbitesback @kaqua