#tag me in whatever you want I would actually implode

[exasperatedfey]

Medieval May Reading Bingo

Happy May! To celebrate I've decided to create a reading challenge where I read medieval texts in May. Full disclosure, this is inspired by another reading challenge on storygraph with a similar name posted by a user called maryshelleywasright. That challenge wasn't long enough for me so I made this!

Absolutely no pressure to join me but I thought it would be fun to open up the challenge to a wider pool of people (especially my Arthuriana mutuals @gwalch-mei and @mordred-galahad). To anyone wondering where the hell to find texts for these prompts your local library might have some! I would also be remiss in not mentioning @queer-ragnelle who runs the Arthurian Preservation Project on her blog. They've done so much work in making Arthurian media of all kinds accessible! If you'd like to post about this challenge you can use the #medievalmay tag.

While I will be reading mostly arthurian texts to prepare for another reading challenge I'm thinking of putting together for August, that doesn't have to be the case for you. The only criteria is that it has to be a text written from 900 CE to 1500 CE. It can be from literally anywhere in the world as long as it fits a bingo prompt. Go nuts lol.

Would Be Cancelled on Ye Olde Twitter - Read a medieval text where the protagonist would absolutely be cancelled on Twitter. Up to you to interpret whether the character's actual personality would get them cancelled if you put a phone in their hands or if they would get cancelled if their story started trending in modern day. Whatever you think is funnier.

God Forbid Women Have Hobbies - Read a medieval text where a woman is the main antagonist. The more evil she is the better.

You Probably Could Fix This One TBH - Read a medieval text where you probably could fix the main character. How much of a fixer-upper they would be is up to you, as long as you can make a case for why/how you could pull it off.

Oh No! My Hubris - Read a medieval text where the main character's hubris comes back to bite them on the ass in a big way.

Reading This Will Make You Fun at Parties, We Promise - Read a medieval text that will be a real conversation starter at parties.

You Can't Fix This Loser But You Can Watch Their Life Implode - Read a medieval text where the main character is completely unfixable. Where they are on the scale from "kind of a mess" to "so much of a human trash fire that mere proximity to them would cause popcorn kernels to pop" is up to you.

No Maidens? - Read a medieval text where the protagonist fumbles a love interest in a spectacular fashion. They can win them back but the initial fumbling must happen.

Surprisingly Cool About A Lot of Stuff - Read a medieval text that's cool about things you wouldn't expect for the time period. Specifically race or gender, but it can apply to other topics as well. "Cool" doesn't equate "Perfect" so the text doesn't have to pass modern day standards, an effort just needs to have been made.

Some Freak Ruins Everything - Read a medieval text where the good vibes have been ruined by some weirdo ruining things. The main character can be cleaning up this mess and not the one who caused it. It can happen off screen or prior to the story, as long as some freak somewhere has decided to be a problem the prompt applies.

An Accurate Adaptation Would be Rated R - Read a medieval text with a bananas amount of violence.

Special Guest Star: Blorbo From My Shows! - Read a medieval text that's inspired a piece of more modern media you are already familiar with.

A Is For Adultery - Read a medieval text where one of the main characters commits adultery.

FREE - Real literally any medieval text you want.

(To the Tune of Who's That Girl) Who's That Knight? - Read a medieval text where the main character has a mystery surrounding their past or identity. The main character doesn't actually have to be a knight, I just thought the prompt name was funny when I thought of it at work.

Cell Phones Would Have Made This Worse - Read a medieval text where the characters having cell phones would have made the situation much worse.

The Eternally Burning Fires of Guilt (And Shame!) - Read a medieval text where guilt and shame are major themes. You can also pick something that you feel guilty about not having read yet. This prompt is very flexible!

Born Too Early To Go To Therapy, But Just In Time To Go On Quests - Read a medieval text where the main character would really benefit from some therapy, but unfortunately they live during medieval times. Epic quests aren't a replacement but they're better than nothing.

Somewhere That Isn't Europe - Read a medieval text that has as little to do with Europe as possible. After all, other places had literary traditions. It isn't fair that Europe hogs the spotlight 24/7.

Some Freak Fixes Everything Somehow - Read a medieval text where the problem is solved by some freak. Said freak doesn't have to be the main character and the fixing can happen off-page.

Not-So Medieval Gender Roles - Read a medieval text that fucks with gender roles of the time. How much and in what ways is up to you.

The Author's Poorly Disguised Fetish: Medieval Edition - Read a medieval text where you get the sense the writer was transcribing it one-handed at certain moments.

Turbo-Doomed By The Narrative - Read a medieval text where the protagonist might as well have a giant neon sign over their head that says "THEY'RE FUCKED".

And They Were Comrades in Arms (My Lord They Were Comrades in Arms) - Read a medieval text known for it's homoeroticism.

Cell Phones Would Have Fixed This - Read a medieval text where cell phones would have resolved the center conflict pretty quickly or prevented some horrible tragedy.

Hey Kid, Ya Like Proving Yourself? - Read a medieval text where the protagonist is the new kid on the block and has to prove themselves with a great deed or two.

[owlespresso]

howl. qifrey/reader. p4. other parts here tags: implied csa, alcohol, original lore

There aren’t a lot of places where you can drink in peace. You know well the vortex of rumors which swirls around the witches of the high north. Endless gazes trail your every public move. The few brave enough to just talk to you are more commanding of your respect, but still undeserving of your time. It’s a sea of false smiles and faulty kindness.

They’re more interested in confirming idle gossip than genuinely fostering conversation. Hardly an iota of interest expressed towards the outside world. Needless to say, you would almost rather die than step into a tavern full of them.

You only go because Qifrey asks. The outline for your upcoming lecture is finished after six, long hours. He sees it as an occasion worth celebrating. You humor him, willing to brave the droves for a man you met just this morning. You do it because he’s the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen–and because he gave up an entire day to assist you. You’re honestly not sure it ever would have gotten done without him.

In the end most of what happened today, has only happened because you’re incapable of saying “no” to him. Ivanov would be in disbelief, if he were here. Or maybe he’d just laugh at you. Leader of the Frostfang Witches, brought low by a pretty face. By a dainty waist and slender, pretty wrists. By the way he drew his teeth over his bottom lip when deep in concentration.

The tavern is filled with raucous noise. Violins and fiddles screech in fast-tempo. Every mouth in the vicinity chattering around food and drink. You pretend not to notice the inquiring eyes, instead tailing Qifrey to the bar, weaving between tables and past booths.

You tap him on the arm. “Order whatever you want to go. I know a place nearby with a good view,” And with markedly less people. None at all, if it’s remained a secret.

“That sounds delightful,” he chirps.

As he turns to the barmaid–a haggard young woman with a mane of fiery red curls, his gaze catches on something. He sweeps an arm out, gently urging you into his side. Startled, you allow yourself to be jostled beneath his outer robe. You move just in time to avoid a waitress carrying a platter stacked with beers, a three-tiered tower of tankards which sways quite dangerously with each step. You hadn’t seen her coming because–well, you had been too busy looking at him.

Being wedged so close to him has you feeling stupid. A lot things have you feeling stupid, actually. The fact that you hadn’t seen her coming, the casual readiness with which he had handled you, the smell of him, cool and subtle like the world after a downpour. The wall of noise fades into the background as you stand there, huddled beneath his robe like a roosted-on chick, legs locked and palms clammy for reasons you refuse to look into. You manage to peep out your order when asked.

He looks down at you, apologetic. “I’m sorry to have startled you. By the time I saw her coming, well–”

“There wasn’t enough time to warn me. I get it,” you play it cool, toying with a loose thread on the edge of your right cufflink. You awkwardly shuffle out from where you’re positioned.

“That, and I am terribly used to sweeping young girls out of harm’s way. Having four apprentices like mine has done more for my reflexes than all my years of training,” he confesses, both bashful and amused. There’s a genuine fondness in the dulcet notes of his tone. “Just before I left, one of the girls’ unique imploded in the kitchen. If I hadn’t been there, we’d have been cutting through ribbon for days.” he says with a shake of his head and a mote of pride in his voice.

You don’t know how you feel about being compared to a child. Familiar ice gathers on the flat of your tongue, the irresistible urge to pointedly remind him that you are an adult. Then he turns to you and the retort dies before it reaches conception.

The briny air envelops you as you step outside, leaving the bustle and warmth of the tavern behind. Qifrey defers to you, this time. You follow a path you have traced many times, down the cobblestone streets and into an arched alleyway. You narrow your eyes in sharp concentration, brushing your hand across age-old brick, feeling notches and grooves left behind by the ceaseless march of time.

“There’s a spell on one of these,” you explain before he can ask why you’re fondling the wall.

“Oh, how fascinating! What does it do?” Qifrey leans over your shoulder to watch, carefully holding your drinks.

“It’s a pathway,” you mumble, spine going stiff.

“In the days when my mentor was a student, it was tradition among graduates to leave a spell hidden somewhere within the Hall,” Qifrey explained, though you could only afford him half of your attention. “And this has been here for quite some time, I take it?”

“Since I was an apprentice, at least,” you tell him, and desperately hope he doesn’t ask how you discovered it in the first place. Fortunately, he doesn’t get the chance. You jam your palm into one of the lower bricks and it slides back with an audible thunk. Magic ripples across that section of the wall, and then the bricks fold in on themselves, layer by layer to form a doorway.

You step through and find yourself on an unfinished balcony, tucked in the shadow of one of the many clustered spires at the hall’s center. A crate rests atop a torn tarp in the far corner, and other old construction materials litter the floor. Over the railing sprawls the entirety of the Great Hall. Its million lights twinkle in the soft haze of the twilight. The rippling of the ocean currents above creates a soft, cool breeze.

“Incredible,” Qifrey breathes. You lift yourself onto the crate and he hands over your drink, gaze still fixed on the horizon. Behind him, the entryway has sealed. There’s another brick you can push to exit, so you’re not worried. “How did you ever manage to find this place?”

“Got lucky,” you shrug. “Whenever my professor dragged us here, we had a lot of free time,” Unless it was dark out. Those were the times when he wanted you “home”. Safe. Squirreled away in his historical family home mere blocks from the Hall itself. You can still smell the sweet smoke, still hear the rugged velvet of his voice crowded close–much too close– “We were fucking around in the alley and I fell over–hand just happened to land in the right spot after catching myself.” You continue, words falling out of your mouth in one, continuous gush.

Qifrey nods, sipping at his chosen drink, lips lingering on the glass’s rim.

“Podsednik was a close confidant and friend of Beldaruit’s–and equally incorrigible if my memory serves me correctly,” he remarked wryly. He seems to briefly lose himself in thought, or in memory. His soft features become weighed with an emotion you struggle to place, long line of his body leaned against the dusty bricks.

“I apologize,” he says a moment later, soft and contrite, “He was a great man who brought up many a promising witch. It was wrong of me to speak ill of him, even in jest.”

“No, it’s fine,” you swallow the bile rising in the back of your throat and down another mouthful of smoked brandy. “He could be a little much, at times. But he really did–care.”

“And his spellcraft was nearly peerless,” Qifrey finishes. “I remember the tension in the hall before Beldaruit’s nomination. So many thought Podsednik would take it, instead.”

Thank every deity known to man that he didn’t. You took another swig, willing your shaky hands to still. You hate the Great Hall, hate its witches, its culture of close-minded ignorance. But you cannot fault its children, the vulnerable minds of its apprentices. You’re glad endlessly grateful that Podsednik was never nominated to the sage’s seat. It was better that way–that way–

–it remained only you.

“He would have turned it down,” you murmur, a lie for no reason. “He already had his hands full with us, and patrol routes and all of his projects.”

“I can only imagine. There were five of you, weren’t there?” Qifrey asks, voice soft as satin. You want to wrap yourself in those dulcet tones.

“He also coordinated training sessions with the other Frostfang Ateliers,” you inform him, blinking blearily. You remember those days with startling clarity. Trudging through thigh-deep snow, sparring in the mid-morning sun, cold air scorching the back of your throat with every ragged inhale. Your fondest memories are of your victories, standing over your crumpled foes while your fellow students cheered. The faces of shame the defeated wore. That was a sight that grew more and more frequent as time passed.

“Right. You’ll have to tell me more about that. The ways of the northernmost witches have always been so fascinating to me” Qifrey mused. “It must have been a miracle that he was able to get any independent work done at all. Do you remember anything about his projects?” he asks, and you go quiet.

“It’s hard to remember any right now,” you rub your weary eyes.

Another lie, and a bad one. There is no witch on earth who doesn’t know at least one of their professor’s spells or magical inventions. But you can’t—you can’t think. You’re nauseous and you can’t think and the space between your eyes is throbbing. You put your drink down and suddenly realize how pitiful you must look, curled into yourself and tipsy.

You hate it. But you hate knowing it’s for the best, even more. It’s safer for him to think you’re still that scared, grieving little girl. That time has not healed the wound, that alcohol and exhaustion have ripped off the bandage.

“Ah. Forgive me. You must be tired,” Qifrey tuts, sympathetic. “Why don’t we head back and get some rest?”

“Yeah,” you breathe. You slide off the crate and the world wobbles at the edges of your vision. He joins you, urging you forward with a gentle hand on the small of your back.

[rob-thedairyqueen]

you tagged "ass" as 'swearing tw' ? you will never survive the outside world 😭

Ah, that’s an interesting perspective! Thanks for sending this ask. Let me break down what it is you’re actually telling me— or at least, what I think you’re telling me. Correct me if I misunderstand you!

1. You’re operating under the assumption that I tag for swearing because it bothers me personally.

This is actually partially true; I don’t personally like swear words, and that is part of what motivates me to tag it. But I never actually block this tag, so I’m not using it to filter out posts for myself. Rather, I’m mostly trying to give anyone else who *would* like to filter out swearing the opportunity to do so. Many people tag things specifically for their followers, and not for themselves.

Even if I was filtering posts out, what’s wrong with that? Isn’t it responsible of me to understand my own limits and curate my online space in a way that works for me?

2. You’ve taken the indication that swearing bothers me as an indication that I’m not able to engage meaningfully, politely, or effectively with people who do.

That’s a bit of a jump. I can and do listen to people who use those words, and appreciate what it is they have to say. I just happen to tag their posts online while I do it. The fact that I’m reblogging posts with swears in them— generally because I like them in some way or agree with their message— regardless of the fact that I don’t use or especially like certain words should tell you right off the bat that I don’t implode as soon as I hear/see one.

But let’s ignore all of that for a second. Let’s assume that I’m exactly the person you think I am: someone who, for whatever reason, is so upset by swear words some or all of the time that I cannot meaningfully engage with others who use them.

You’re right that such a person would possibly have a very hard time relating to and working with others. That would make their own life quite difficult, as well as the lives of the people around them. And the thing is, I’m sure that person would probably be well aware of this fact, because they’re living it. And they’d already probably feel bad about having this problem.

So what good does telling them they are doomed to fail do? What is your motivation for saying something like this? It doesn’t feel like you’re trying to help me. If you wanted to help me, you would maybe try to see what exactly caused my discomfort with swear words and try to suggest solutions to get me more comfortable and therefore better able to adapt to my environment.

This feels like you are simply trying to shame me— a stranger— for a perceived fault. Why? Are you frustrated that people around you seem overly sensitive and therefore unable to discuss serious issues? I think a lot of people worry about that. Completely fair. But there are a lot more constructive ways to address that issue than poking fun at someone for doing something harmless in their own lane.

I’m happy to continue talking with you about this, if you genuinely want to have a conversation. This is pretty entertaining.

Watch as the reason you came at me is because I accidentally tagged a post that was using that word to refer to a donkey and not a butt. LOL If that’s what I did, let me know which post it was and I’ll remove the tag!

[abrushwithdeath]

((I was meant to go to bed an hour and a half ago, then started looking through the Ro.my tag because I love them with my whole heart, and then... I got so terribly frustrated because people have the worst takes ever and I want to go absolutely feral about it.

(If one more person insists that Rog.ue is a cold, uncaring, bitch who doesn't deserve Remy, I will actually lose it.)

Alas, I actually have to sleep because I need to be up for work in 7 hours (and it's gonna take at least another hour for my brain to relax, as usual 😅), so I'll spare you all the ramblings. Just know they are in my head and have been passed on to a friend on disc.ord because if I left them entirely in my head, I would implode.

In other news, I'm still bad at dis.cord, but if you ever wanna be on the receiving end of late night ramblings about ships or whatever, drop me your username in a message and I'll add you ❤️ I just can't promise quick replies, as with most things 😅

I hope y'all are having a nice week! ❤️ Assuming I don't have another intense mood drop, I'll be on tomorrow night!))

[newronantic]

HAIKYUU!! FICS

so this is mostly gonna be for myself to keep track of my favorite fics i’ve read, but hey if anyone else wants to check some of these out then thats great

MHA one is up!!

ill keep updating this as i read more, feel free to send me suggestions!

KageHina

plain as day - emleewrites

In which Hinata has spent the better part of the last twenty years putting his heart and soul into volleyball, hoping to be recognised, to be noticed. And yet he spends all these years also thinking of himself as rather plain, beyond his lack of height and bright hair, and not really noticeable at all.

In Transit - Mysecretfanmoments

Hinata finds that he likes standing close to Kageyama on buses and trains. It doesn't mean anything--probably. Maybe.

I like the way your clothes smell - Mysecretfanmoments

Power outages, ghost stories, and the presence of a certain orange-haired boy lead to bad decision-making on Tobio's part. He'd planned to keep his crush a secret; the universe has other plans.

Chaotic Neutral - akaraka

Who's this Kageyama person on twitter and is he gay?

1: Anonymous: see title

2: Anonymous: curry king

3: Anonymous >> 1: It's the curry king, obviously. Have you been using his memes this whole time without knowing who he was?

4: Anonymous: 1) Hinata Shouyou's boyfriend 2) See above

jellyfish - mysterytwin

At the beginning of his last year at Karasuno High School, Hinata Shouyou starts a list and calls it THINGS TO DO BEFORE GRADUATION, all with high hopes that he’ll be able to complete it before his time runs out.

TsukkiYama

Try This On For Size - CloudMonsta

A lot changed for Yamaguchi Tadashi over the course of high school. He started trying on dresses, for one.

The Great Yamaguchi-Tsukishima Split (Capitalization Necessary) - WyYeuw

"But no, the current situation isn’t normal. This situation requires the full attention of the team.

No, what’s really concerning this time around, is that Yamaguchi is the one ignoring Tsukishima.”

Yamaguchi confesses. Tsukishima fucks up—like, really fucks up. The volleyball club notices and loses a week’s worth of practice.

IwaOi

Terrarium - sausaged

He's practically a professional at being proactive (lies, lies, and lies when it comes to Iwaizumi).

At this point, is he really happy with just staying best friends forever? Will he be writing journals and collecting rocks forever (he will, he knows, but that is aside from the point)?

Can he really tag his Instagram photos with #YOLO if he doesn't actually put that phrase into practice?

A story about Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime, plants, and rocks.

They Say it Rain Diamonds on Jupiter - exsao

"You're in love with him."

Hajime considers denying it. He considers deliberately choking on his drink to express surprise, to create a distraction by spitting onto the man in front of him's pristine white shirt and causing a commotion. Instead, he swallows his mouthful of soda and heaves a small sigh once his mouth is free.

"Yeah," he says instead.

He's never been good at lying, anyway.

bait and switch - Stylographic_Blue_Rhapsody

Oikawa's university volleyball team knows he's in a long-distance relationship with someone from high school. They imagine a sweet-faced girl that matches his sarcasm with patience. They are so incredibly wrong.

my heart is where it’s always been - foreverautumn

Iwaizumi places his phone down carefully.

Oikawa. Pining after someone. There’s no way.

(Iwaizumi knows he shouldn’t care who Oikawa might have feelings for, but within the span of three days, it’s somehow the only thing he can think about.)

KuroKen

Beautiful People Will Ruin Your Life - todxrxki

Kuroo Tetsurou runs a private Twitter account where he's constantly tweeting about how desperately in love he is with Kozume Kenma. Little does he know that Kenma sees all the tweets and keeps referencing the account in an attempt to get Kuroo to confess to him. / Or, five times Kuroo didn't notice Kenma hinting about his private Twitter account, and one time he finally did.

the things that get caught in the valves of his heart - ghostpot

Emotional competency is not exactly Kuroo's strong suit. Kenma finds it quite amusing.

Accidentally In Love - todxrxki

Kuroo frowns, but then slowly, the corners of his mouth lift up into a smirk. "Well, if it's so unbelievable, why don't we give it a try?"

Kenma glances up at him curiously. "What do you mean?"

"Let's do the 36 questions to fall in love," Kuroo says, still smirking stupidly. "If we don't fall in love, then you're right, it's bullshit. But if we do somehow..." Kuroo waggles his eyebrows. "Then I win." / Kuroo decides he and Kenma should do the 36 questions to fall in love as a joke, but they both start to realize they might actually be in love already.

the galaxy is endless (i thought we were, too) - cosmogony

TW: major character death

Kuroken AU where the last words your soulmate will say to you appear on your skin when you turn 16, and how Kenma and Kuroo learn what this means over the course of their lives

even if you’re ahead for a bit, i will catch up - ghostpot

Kuroo first confesses when they're sticky-fingered, wide-eyed kids, and subsequently every day after that. Kenma takes a while to come around.

you’re the brake lines failing (as my car swerves off the freeway) - ghostpot

Kenma thinks that Kuroo looks ugly with his head bent against the arm of the couch like that. Then Kenma thinks that he wants to marry him, and is promptly thrown into the 5 stages of grief.

teach me the way home - icespyders

“Don’t go far off, not even for a day, because —

because — I don’t know how to say it: a day is long

and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station

when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.”

Kuroo and Kenma grow up in transit.

in this universe - crossbelladonna

Living with Kuroo is sometimes, just like this. It always feels surreal like he's living half a world and a lot of things rush by too quickly. Kenma feels like he'd watched him come and go in a blink, eyes wide and wordless as the shared space went snug in an instant and far larger in the next.

All this, and a glass of water.

Beginning’s End - todxrxki

Somehow over the course of Kenma's lifetime, he’s never really had an opportunity to miss Kuroo. He’s always been there. Even when they went to different schools, Kuroo would meet him afterwards so they could walk home together, shoulders brushing, Kuroo occasionally taking the opportunity to guide him when his nose was buried in the newest video game. The thought of Kuroo not being there anymore is uncomfortable, to say the least. / Kozume Kenma's third year and the changes the year brings in himself and his relationship with Kuroo Tetsurou.

All I Want for Christmas is You - todxrxki

“Kuro,” he says. “You’re a single guy.”

“Yeah, great, thanks for pointing that out.”

“And my parents already know you, plus they already know you like guys or whatever so… what if you pretended to be my date for Christmas dinner?” / In which Kenma recruits his housemate and best friend Kuroo to be his fake date for Christmas.

BokuAka

just to miss the sun - rosevtea

Everything begins to implode when MSBY Jackals outside hitter Bokuto Koutarou crashes Akaashi's livestream.

Operation BokuAka - kazzydolyn

After spending two whole years watching Bokuto and Akaashi pine for one another, the rest of the Fukuroudani Volleyball Club has had enough. When everyone meets up for a reunion dinner, the team decides to play matchmaker and finally get the two of them together. Unfortunately, their plan starts to fall apart when they discover that Akaashi is already dating someone. And apparently so is Bokuto. What a strange coincidence.

bitter - silvercistern

He accepted his classmate's chocolates gracefully, then declared his lack of interest with as much dignity as he could muster. She deserved the courtesy. At least she'd acknowledged that Valentine's Day was all about her, and not about him in the slightest.

Because if any of these girls had taken the time to actually get to know him, they’d quickly realize something even more important than his lack of interest in girls.

And that was that Akaashi hated sweets.

In Another Life - LittleLuxray

TW: major character death

Sleeping didn't come as easy as it used to. Bokuto knew this, and now Akaashi did, too.

The hospital AU that no body asked for, but that I took upon myself to write.

120% yes - pissedofsandwich

TOKYO FRANCHISE COMING SOON @OnigiriMiya

in reply to @bokkun_official 

Congratulations! In celebration of your historic engagement, please DM us so we can send you a free membership code with a 25% discount on every fourth purchase!

Kissing Ace - karasunovolleygays

It happens right after training camp.

Akaashi Keiji has a secret he has guarded since he was a child. He won’t go so far as to call it a fear, but more of an aspect of himself of which he is horribly mortified. No one on the team knows about it, and Akaashi does his best to keep it that way.

But years of dodging hugs and casual contact come to naught in the blink of an eye and the swipe of a hand.

daisy rings and frivolous things (i am deliriously in love with you) - gabstar

Akaashi Keiji is in love. Bokuto Koutarou is a star. Everyone on Fukurodani has a gambling problem.

SakuAtsu

The MSBY Black Jackals Read Thirst Tweets - isaksara (syailendra)

Sakusa’s eyes are very dark naturally, sucking in all surrounding rays of light and crushing them in his pupils. For an athlete, he is rather pale. His lips look very pink in comparison. Atsumu is suddenly catastrophically aware that in this instance, ‘accent’ is a euphemism. “Good enough for your Olympic-size ego, Miya?”

(In which Atsumu realizes that he is attracted to Sakusa Kiyoomi in the most inconvenient way possible.)

A Liar’s Truth - internetpistol

In which Sakusa Kiyoomi is raised to believe that gay people go to hell but then takes one look at Miya Atsumu and thinks, then why the hell did God make them so fucking hot?

[adanseying]

went through your karen tag recently and omg how does it feel to have the most correct takes. i genuinely don't understand people who claim to like karen but then also want her to have ended up with gr*h*m. like he sucks so bad and personally i got the impression that they toned it down in the show but in the book the way he acts about her abortion is absolutely disgusting like. just throw out the whole man at this point. "she'll realise she wants to be a mother" fuck off and die.

thank youu for appreciating my takes 😌Yeah I do think his character is generally flattened/not as fleshed out in the show compared to the book also you don’t get monologues from every character in the show like you do in the book his internal monologue at points is like so… yikes.. to me. Literally positions himself as a victim for Karen not reciprocating his love for her and not wanting the life he wants for them, the whole bitter “women always seem to come out on top (unlike poor disenfranchised beta males like me)” thing like it was giving meninist energy at times. And then like you said everything about his reaction to her abortion is just awful and you read in the book how awful it made Karen feel and the dehumanizing element of how he ended up viewing her.. like I honestly don’t get why people downplay how bad it was whether in their minds or when talking about the ship. Especially since tjr has her flaws in terms of feminism and so does djats, but I do actually think their storyline was meant to showcase a more realistic/dangerous side to a type of romance you see portrayed a lot with a self-possessed woman who wants to be non-monongomous and free and not marry or have children, and a guy who is like a white Knight to her and convinces her she actually wants those things/needs to change to his idea of womanhood. I’m glad this story never went there and took the “love conquers all” approach, and that it was shown as something that would inevitably implode. (Which is why I find it very hilarious that there are people who read the book and go “the moral of the story is that because Daisy and Billy are framed as not being able to work as a functional relationship rn / are as dysfunctional and messy as they are they should not be shipped romantically” and then go “Karen and Graham are so wholesome and perfect wish they got their happy ending :(((“ like those are both flawed relationships where love that was there (from Graham to Karen which she did not reciprocate in the book, between Billy and Daisy who both explicitly admit that they were in love with each other reiterating both those points because some takes I’ve seen um,,) didn’t out way problems that were there. You can ship it or not based on what’s compelling to you (for me toxic twin flames mutually pining and sublimating through their art >>>> whatever that is any day of the week). 

I also don’t really understand how people can love Karen and love them and definitely not how they can want the ship to be her endgame… I’m not going to say something as extreme as that they can’r genuinely like her while liking it, I mean I ship my favs with trash men all the time and I tend to have my reasons that I’m cognizant of for why the dynamic appeals to me. But these people definitely enjoy her character in a very different way than I do / have very different priorities than mine regarding her and I do find myself side eyeing more than a little bit. Nice guy pursuer ships tend to attract the most insufferable people to go hard for them (show! Eddie x Camila is another example of this, and I think there’s a similar tendency to be over sympathetic to Graham and show! Eddie for not getting to *win*. Which on it’s own annoying, but especially if I’m seeing someone express that this is how they feel but then call Daisy pathetic for her feelings for Billy I am BITING. Especially because, pathetic how??? Billy is obsessed with her 😭) 

I can’t bring myself to be particularly upset that Graham’s *feelings* were given less air time in the show than in the book, regardless of effects on the story or losing certain scenes. I think the specific line they had him say in the show (literally telling her she will be alone forever because she doesn’t want to have kids / have the type of white picket fence life he wants fuck off!) struck a lot of people as more obviously terrible than his response in the book but like… his response - and his whole mentality around it - in the book is terrible! I think some of the various crit about the show making certain characters worse is because the chars in the show aren’t able to justify/narrativize their actions and motivations and everything to the audience in the same way, and that effecting how people perceive them, more than the characters actually acting/being worse than they’re written to be in the book and this is an example to me, and I kind of judge people a little for having so much sympathy for Graham in the book or show (like your favs are your favs, but I’ve yet to see someone who loves his character be appropriately critical of him not saying they don’t exist I just haven’t seen it. and those types of fans are rarer for chars in his archetypes, you see more of people wanting to call them pure and unproblematic cinnamon rolls. And like I said same goes for how people tend to perceive him and Karen as the “unproblematic couple”). 

[sistrrrenchantress]

6 Questions Tag Game

Thanks @dwellerinroots for the tag! I haven’t actually ever done one of these so here goes nothing.

1. Last Song?

Ughgh I think Malibu by Hole. I last listened to a podcast and I only use Spotify so I’m like 98% it was Malibu. Anyways I love that song. It’s hopeful and sad and when I was in high school I really wanted someone to whisk me away and we’d go live somewhere by the beach in like a van. You know like those kinda romantic, hazy dreams of van-life before you realize that it’s not realistic.

2. Last Show?

I was gonna say The Last of Us, but actually I watched Modern Family last night. TBH my partner likes TLoU a lot more than I do, but it’s got some scenes that melt my heart a bit. Anyways Modern Family always acts like a personal pick-me-up since it’s kinda nostalgic. Plus sometimes I wish my family was more like them. It also kinda helped me realize what wasn’t healthy about my own personal relationships and know that life goes on even if your family sucks sometimes so even if it’s a mess it kinda has helped me? Idk why I’m trying to explain myself here lmao. I had a class where everyone said it was problematic and I don’t want people thinking I agree with everything in the show or whatever.

3. Currently Watching?

I just finished watching Wakanda Forever so I think it counts since I started this before it ended lmao. Anyways I thought it was okay. Not good, but not terrible. But I also think it was closer to terrible than good. It just felt confused, like it didn’t know what message or arc Shuri was supposed to have so idk idk. I’m not a movie critic so… yeah

4. Currently Reading?

I’m still reading Hyperion. I know it’s been a month, but in my defense the blues have hit me like a truck and I’ve solely been focusing on keeping my GPA. I have one more short story left, which is the Consol’s. Also, I should’ve mentioned but it’s a collection of sci-fi short stories (Canterbury Tales style) taking place eons into the future after Earth has literally imploded. It follows a group of people brought together on a pilgrimage to travel to the mysterious Time Temple on the planet of Hyperion. There’s more but I really don’t wanna spoil anything for anyone who might want to read or was already planning. Anyways the priest’s tale is my absolute favorite, because I like it’s spooky vibe and other spoiler-filled reasons. However they’re all written really well and I would recommend this to just about everyone since I think it’s just a really fun read.

5. Current Obsession?

Oof I don’t really have one because I’ve been feeling down. However Cyberpunk 2077 was it for a while, then TES again, and I’m just floating now. Anyways I’m always interested in TES, the Witcher, Dragon Age, etc. It’s just not as intense as other people though. I feel kinda boring now. Well, at least I’ve been getting back into art and blender and messing around with trying to learn my father’s language again. And I love writing and creating generally so that’s really that.

6. Unrelated Stuff I’ve Been Doing?

I already talked about this a little I guess. I’m learning Polish again and watching more shows with the dub in Spanish so I don’t lose it since I just don’t talk to my family much anymore. I’ve been messing with blender and unreal engine. I re-started this art-schedule-thing that I got from a yt video. I really want to improve my digital art. I also have like 10 billion tabs open with videos on blender and unreal so maybe I’ll post what I’m working on one day. I kinda gave up on my NaNoWriMo because I’m too moody and I don’t know what’s wrong with my executive function but we haven’t been on the same page recently. However, listening to podcasts (like Unresolved Textual Tension or You’re Wrong About and Rotten Mango) has kinda helped my mood a little. But if I’m being real here, real life kinda takes up most of my time. So school (gotta love deciding for a dual degree really late in my undergrad) and all the volunteer/internship things I have to do kinda just take up most of my life. That’s a little depressing lmao, but it is what it is.

Anyways, thanks for the tag! I don’t feel like I’m active enough to tag anyone and I’m shy so anyone who sees and wants to do it, feel free.

[weirdlittlecorner]

Lin Kuei Hospitality: Cyrax

Notes: nsfw, 18+, comfort

Plot: A little slower, a little more sensual. Because Cyrax is a great character and deserves more attention and love

h/t = hair texture

Tags: @lilliannmac @onesillybeach @icy-spicy

—

The five men stood patiently as they awaited your decision. There was no doubt that any of them would show you a good time, which only made it harder to choose. You pursed your lips as you considered your options. Eventually, your attention shifted to the man in yellow. His dark skin and beautiful hair made him stand out as the most handsome of the men. But funnily enough, it wasn’t just his looks that drew your eyes to him. His demeanor was much different than the others. While he was standing at attention, as disciplined as the rest, there was a small crack in his stone exterior. As if he were in pain, though there was obviously nothing hurting him. That you could see, anyway.

It was almost as if he couldn’t stand being in the others’ vicinity. You wondered what could have happened to warrant such a reaction. This was the first time that you had ever seen any of the warriors up close, so you had nothing to go off of. It was most likely just some petty drama that was common amongst roommates- if they could even be considered as such. It would make the most sense. You, too, had your friends that you loved dearly, but you couldn’t imagine actually living with them every day. Either way, it wasn’t your place to pry.

The Grandmaster cleared his throat impatiently, motioning toward the line of men once more. Clearly wanting you to hasten and pick one so the rest could return to their business. Offering the dark-skinned man a warm smile, you nodded, “Come on, let’s get out of here,”

—

“Thank you for my new buzzsaw. I was able to try it out today; your work is very impressive,” The man, Cyrax, whispered as the two of you made your way through the long corridor to get back to your room. You smiled at the compliment, though that nagging confusion didn’t allow you to fully enjoy his words. His new buzzsaw. The one that had been amongst the new additions to the Grandmaster’s standard request.

What exactly did a clan like the Lin Kuei need all this new technology for? Again, it really wasn’t your business what your clients did with your products. But you couldn’t help but wonder... Whatever was going on, you just hoped that it was at least somewhat ethical.

__

The impending ‘improvements’ were a sensitive subject amongst the warriors. Cyrax had taken the most offense to the idea, as any normal person would, yet his fellow assassins thought that he was the crazy one. No, what was crazy was forcing one to give up their free will in exchange for the efficiency of automation. But he didn’t dare challenge the Grandmaster. Doing so would result in the most severe punishment; as if becoming a fusion of flesh and metal wasn’t already punishment enough.

“Hey, I noticed that you kind of… seem at odds with the others. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I just thought I’d ask if you wanted to talk about it,” You broke the silence, sinking down onto the bed and patting the space next to you. He claimed the empty space, sitting close enough so that your knees touched.

By the way his brows knitted together, you half-expected him to tell you. But he merely shook his head after a moment, “I am not at liberty to speak on the matter. But thank you for your concern,” His voice was even and had that same cold quality that was the standard, but you could tell that there was great sadness behind his words.

Instinctively, you opened your arms out to him, willing him to position himself in between them. You weren’t really sure what you had expected to happen, but soon enough, Cyrax was locked in your warm embrace. You gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. The two of you stayed like that for a few moments, basking in the silent comfort of each other’s embrace. But soon you felt his shoulders stiffen, along with a kiss being pressed to the base of your neck.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” While you had been excited for tonight’s proposed activities, now was obviously not a great time. You wouldn’t ask him to perform for you just because it was what the Grandmaster had ordered. He needed, deserved, a break. And while you would certainly enjoy the contact, you refused to degrade the man. But he clearly didn’t think the same way. Not when his face was still buried in the crook of your neck.

“I understand that. This is something I want to do,” His words made you shiver as renewed excitement tore through your abdomen. Well, in that case…

A rough hand quickly found its way into your h/t, h/c locks, effectively undoing the delicate hairstyle. A pleasured shiver wracked your body as he used your hair to bring you closer to him as you two shared your first kiss of the night. You hummed as the tip of your tongue darted out to drag itself across his bottom lip, granting you an elicit moan in return.

Without breaking the intense oral lock, Cyrax’ hands freed themselves from the mess of hair in favor of untying the knots in your overshirt. You moved your dominant hand to assist him in the process while your other hand remained cupping his face. Shrugging to remove the fabric from your shoulders, you reluctantly pulled away to unclasp your bra. Seeing that you had things under control, Cyrax removed himself to focus on shedding his own clothing. But not before giving a hard, playful tug on the hems of your pants, effectively pooling them around your ankles.

A giggle slipped past your parted lips as you bent down, yanking your pants, along with your panties, off the rest of the way and kicking off your boots. You repositioned yourself so that your knees pressed against the soft sheets as you returned the favor to your partner. Eager fingertips clawed at the form-fitting armor, as if that would make it disappear faster. Cyrax hummed in amusement at your eagerness before unbuttoning the clasps and untying the knots for you. Impatience turned into wonder as your hands brushed over his chest. His abs. His shoulders. All of which were hard bands of muscle, but also soft in a way. Even his body reflected the gentle demeanor that had separated him from the others. The two of you were content to sit just like this, fingers exploring each other’s bodies.

You embraced each other, much like how you had done previously. Though this time, the intention was very different. The warmth radiating off of the two of you was almost unbearable, but you ignored it as you took to kissing each one of his prominent muscles. He sighed softly, enjoying your impromptu muscle worship. This continued until the pooling heat in your respective pelvises won out and you just had to go further. Cyrax shifted so that his legs boxed in your hips. Pressing himself against you once more, he brought his lips down to your manubrium to plant soft kisses in the crevice of your breasts. Meanwhile, his right hand was making quick work of his pants and boxers, his hard length pressing against your inner thigh. Which, if you might add, was already slick with your dripping arousal.

There was obviously no need to pregame, as you were both more than ready. You didn’t think that you could tolerate more teasing, anyway. Impatient once again, you wrapped your hand around the head of his penis to guide him in. The man groaned as your walls began compressing his cock immediately. With a few more pushes, he was completely in, reveling in the feeling of being consumed by your flesh.

Sighing, your arms found their way around his broad shoulders as he began thrusting into your tight core. The sounds of your mutual pleasure were only slightly louder than the creaking sounds the bedposts made as they scratched the wall behind them. Your e/c eyes closed in bliss as you enjoyed the rocking sensation of intercourse. His lips found yours once more as his speed increased and his hands made their way to your s/c legs. In a fluid motion, your ankles were craned toward the headboard as he pushed himself deeper. The sensation of your cervix being stroked caused you to scream, and you were glad that no one could hear you. You hoped not, anyway. What were once your gentle fingertips rubbing your lover’s back turned into talons that began clawing at the tingling flesh.

If it had hurt, he didn’t complain. But despite your muddled concerns, the feeling of you scratching his back only enhanced the warrior’s experience. He grunted each time your hips met, feeling his climax approaching. And you were right there with him, your smaller body trembling as the familiar knot twisted in your stomach. It kept building, and building until the knot finally uncoiled itself with a burst of wet heat. It felt as if the sun had just imploded inside of you and that you should be a pile of ash. But you were whole, despite the thick dick that was still stretching your pussy relentlessly.

Your screaming had grown impossibly louder as the warrior continued to batter your walls in anticipation of his own orgasm. What seemed like endless abuse to your cervix abruptly ended when you felt a spray of liquid spattering against the muscle. Your lover grunted, his brown eyes screwed shut and his bottom lip bleeding from his teeth cutting through the skin, as he hosed your insides with his warm semen.

Despite having finished, Cyrax made no move to pull out. Rather, he chose to rest over top of you, his cock warm inside your trembling hole. You allowed it.

There were no words. Maybe when you could think clearly again, you would be able to find your voice. It might be a little hoarse, to accompany the ache that would surely be present when you tried to walk in the morning, but that sounded like just that: a morning problem.

[drarrymybeloved]

thank you for the tag @crazybutgood & @softlystarstruck i'm v excited after seeing all your brilliant goals 👀 this is a fab idea @corvuscrowned, a great way to ring in the new year 🙌🏼 i also made a banner because....any excuse to make one, am i right?

2021 was the year i started writing for fandom — writing in general really — and it's been an amazing learning experience! i've found a community of really cool people (special shout out to @drarrymicrofic) and i've pleasantly surprised myself with my writing. in that spirit, here are my goals for 2022:

✰ my biggest goal for 2022 is to stop writing with the sole intent of publishing! i've noticed that practically everything i write, i write with the end goal of sharing it on tumblr/ao3, and while there's nothing wrong with that, i want to focus on writing for the sake of writing, first and foremost. not even writing to finish a story, just writing an unconnected scene or whatever, that i don't intend on sharing with anyone.

✰ this next goal is sort of connected to the first: write that damn conversation!! i have various fictional characters living rent free in my head and they end up talking to each other a lot (way to not sound like a crazy person nim👍🏼👍🏼). i often find myself idly thinking "oh that was good, i should write that down" only to not do so because it has no context (yet) and/or i'm feeling lazy. no more of that in 2022!! who knows, just by typing out a few exchanges, i might accidentally stumble upon the perfect context. but that won't happen until i actually open the damn document.

✰ write smut 😂 not because i feel like it's something i need to do, now or eventually, because it's not! you can perfectly well never write smut if you're so inclined. but i want to experiment with it, because i've never written it and i do love a challenge. maybe it'll be shit and i won't like it, and maybe it won't, but i want to give myself space to play around with it on my own, with no outside eyes (until i feel ready for that, if i do).

✰ write plot. when i say write plot, i don't necessarily mean write long fic, because even short fic can pack a lot of plot as well. whether it's 5k or 15k, i want to write things with a substantive-ish plot and structure, that has a clear beginning, middle and end.

✰ participate in at least 2 fests! i won't hold myself too strictly to this goal, because life does seem to have a habit of imploding at inconvenient times, but honestly i would love to achieve this! fluff fest was SUCH a lovely experience, i want more of that next year.

✰ get better at commenting 😩 the joy i feel when i get a comment on one of my fics is such a rush and i honestly need to give that back to the authors i read and love.

✰ and finally — and this is a very me thing i need to work on — stop with the comparisons! i've gotten better at this over time spent in fandom and in fandom spaces (all thanks to the lovely, encouraging people in fandom 💕) but if i'm not comparing kudos and hits and comments, then i end up comparing fandom presence (which, to be totally honest, i don't even fully understand comprises of so 😭) and that's really detrimental to my confidence in myself in general, not just as a writer.

i'm pretty sure at this point all of the drarry squad has been summoned 😂 sorry if i end up double (or triple) tagging you! @nv-md @hogwartsfirebolt @callmegri @gallifrey1sburning @tackytigerfic @april-thelightfury115 @cluelesspigeons @moonflower-rose @starlitsilvereyes @phoebe-delia @isamijoo @wheezykat @orange-peony @the-starryknight and anyone else who fancies, jump in if you like!

[lovely-necromancy]

A Cure for Insomnia CH 1.

This is a reader insert I originally started posting on AO3. I’m cross posting here because I know some of the fandom still lives here.

Quick Disclaimer:

This is a fic I'm writing for my own comfort.

I was inspired by RaeBees (you can check out their works over on Quotev and AO3), and how they characterize the "proxies". Having always seen the characters different than most of the fandom I've interacted with I never really shared my thoughts until now. This work is only placed in the Creepypasta tag so it reaches its demographic. However, I am fully aware of the fact that no main character is considered a Pasta.

It may also appear to lean more Toby X Protag in the beginning but end goal is protag with all three, and Brian and Tim already in a relationship. How I picture it now is a slowburn but Toby and Protag will be in a friends with benefits relationship before either has any feelings, so I think that counts. Some may be confused by the asexual protag tag but it'll be explained in story, as an Ace myself I get frustrated with media that only show one version and say it goes for us all. That being said I don't represent the whole Ace community but I hope to provide a bit more representation for some others out there.

Protag will be depicted as agender, and will have a few tics that stem from their Autism. Again I don't speak for any others with Autism but I hope to provide some representation for those in similar positions.

Tags will be updated as the story progresses. Canon-Typical violence and mental health issues are to be expected if you feel uncomfortable with those aspects I advise you to not engage. This story will also have a lot of NSFW themes and scenes so I highly discourage anyone under the age of 18 from viewing this work. You will get warnings on chapters with NSFW and I will make it skippable as well.

I'm also very nitpicky and gave the main characters birthdays just because it irritates me when it gets mentioned once and you have to do the math or imagine your own conversation when a birthday was too close to a character's.

Tim January 1st, home state Alabama

Toby April 28th, home state Virginia (saw this years ago no clue if it's accurate)

Protag May 13th, home state Virginia

Brian May 23rd, home state Alabama

Connor the service dog July 18th, home state Kentucky

I've referred to Protag as Protag here but in story they're referred to as YN.

Everything felt impossibly dull; your senses, the dark room you're currently in, the noise coming from the fan just to the left of the bed on which you laid. Turning to the window beside your head you stare out into that weird midnight summer sky. More of a gray than a true dark blue night, cast in an orange glow that made the night seem closer to day than it truly was. While the time was just half past twelve, you felt it may have been more accurate to say it was closer to four in the morning.

You're exhausted but that true sort of exhaustion where whatever energy you have left buzzes all around. It consumes your entire being, dances between being deafeningly loud in your ears to giving you twitches in your legs. You'd laid down hours ago thinking you'd be tired enough to sleep once your tics started to spasm in closer intervals, but to no avail were you able to rest. That buzzing preventing you from dreamland. Maybe the hum of your body was right, you didn't really need to sleep, you just wanted it to feel normal.

Knowing the battle had already been lost you push yourself off the bed and grab a pair of shorts off the floor. Slipping them on you contemplate your options for the night. Going into town was out since it was Sunday...well Monday now, but there would be nothing but bars open and you were never one for drinking. And as fun as a drive sounds right now, you feel the buzzing in your bones grow stronger, you need to move. A late night hike should keep you occupied, with it being so quiet and the middle of the night you wouldn't even have to take your headphones to cancel out the sounds of other people, you aren't likely to run into many people tonight.

Deciding on a hike you grab a mask and car keys and make your way to your yellow Kia Soul. A going away present from your parents that they gave you the moment you got your driver's license after your 24th birthday. Having anxiety throughout your life you'd never been in the head space to start driving till later on, and while you still don't enjoy driving you are pretty good at it even with your “late” start. Surfing through radio stations as you let the car warm up you find your latest obsession, it's a conspiracy theory podcast that someone in Kepler managed to blast through the limited air ways of the town. Impressive considering Kepler was in a radio quiet zone and even cell phones couldn't work in the small town, luckily you lived just outside of the zone so you could send texts and call your parents every weekend.

It seemed today's episode was a rerun, Mothman: Murderer, Man, or Myth. It was actually one of your favorites, the paranormal stories tended to be more entertaining than hearing about how a man could murder sixteen people while working as a cop ruining evidence to lead the others off his trail. Humans could be more vial and cruel than any little gray alien from the future or tall Fresno Nightcrawler could ever be. And they weren't as entertaining to hear about, nor were their exploits as impressive. You could always see patterns, either connecting clues first or finding connections no one else saw, it was never hard to tell where a certain case would lead so you'd always end up disappointed in humanity when they overlooked such obvious clues. Though that often led you down a path of deep diving for information to see just how obvious it was, more often than not you'd find that the most logical conclusion was shady public officers. After investigating so many cold cases you're sure if you're ever in trouble you'll never involve the police, in the end they'd probably just ignore you and rule your case closed if anything ever did happen to you.

'I'd haunt them if they did.' You decide and you shift gears and begin driving to the Monongahela National Forest, as the timeline of Mothman sightings and events play out before for your ears.

Instead of going through town and possibly loosing the signal of the show, you drive on the old dirt road that runs along the very edge of the town, partially covered in trees. This over grown road is the main reason Kepler doesn't see many visitors, the second someone makes their way onto it coming off the interstate they floor it until they see civilization. Over the few months you've been here you've nearly been run right off the road by spooked tourists, trying to escape whatever ghouls their wild imaginations created. The only real thing on this road was a mini mart gas station, and even though it was shady as hell the cashier didn't bug you too much when you came in in the dead of night. Plus they had a cat, how could you not stop in and say hi to little ole Magnolia?

Speaking of which you should probably get a drink for your hike, you could already feel your throat drying out. Turning into the parking lot you're happy to see no other cars around, putting your face mask on you make your way inside. As usual the store is dead at this time, and Ronnie is manning the desk. What's unusual is the man also behind the counter, he has dark brown hair that he's tied into a small and low ponytail, thick sideburns frame his face. You immediately take note of the slight imperfections of his face, most would see the slit in his eyebrow as following the current trend or even just a genetic thing, but you can see the slightly off color of a healed scar that starts just above his eyebrow and ends mid eyelid, he has a few smaller discolorations on his crooked nose, you'd guess he's had it broken at least twice.

Briefly taking a glance to his brown eyes before looking away, today is not an eye contact day. Nodding in their directions, the best acknowledgment you can give right now, you make your way to the freezers. From the freezer section you can hear Ronnie “explain” you.

“That's YN, a regular mainly at night though. A bit skittish and rarely ever says more than 'thanks have a nice day'” Even though she's whispering you can hear everything. Including the high octave her voice takes to mimic you, it feels more like mocking.

If being mocked hadn't already put you on edge the eyes boring into you have. The eyes may not be roaming over your body but the icky crawling of your skin sure makes it feel that way. The feeling of being put under a microscope has always made you sick, the stares, the leers and sneers, and the judgment just makes you want to implode on the spot. Cease existence, be swallowed into the abyss. You're about to set yourself into an anxiety attack with all these thoughts.

'Mask, mask, mask' you repeat over and over in your head, it's the only thing you can focus on. You are wearing a mask, there is one thing they can't perceive, the face is the most important for humans to perceive, your mask protects you.

Without looking you pull a water bottle from the cooler. You don't think you like this brand but the sports mouth makes up for it, and you can't focus enough to grab another. As the imaginary spiders crawl their way under your skin and your breath hitches you make your way over to the counter head down, never looking up at the employees beyond the counter. Your vision is blurring in time with the beating of your heart, you can't tell if it's due to nerves or from being up for five days in a row.

“Hey YN, how're you?” Ronnie asks, her tone is different from the past times you've been in. It's higher and has a lilt in it that you'd expect from a teasing friend. But Ronnie isn't a friend and has never spoken to you like this, you hate it. You nod to politely move on with the process, between the crawling of your skin and the buzzing underneath it you feel sick. And you're now very aware of the existence of your eyelids, you try to focus on ignoring that awareness. You need to move.

“Hmm, that's good. Anyway this is Tim! He's just started so go easy on him.” you hear the sound of a hand hitting fabric and assume she's patted Tim's shoulder as she introduced Tim to you. Why was she doing this, what purpose could introducing you two have? You nod again, was anyone going to ring you out?

“Hi, this all?” a deep voice asked, it isn't extremely deep more of a standard baritone that has a slight raspy quality, probably a reformed smoker. You don't smell cigarettes currently so he could've quit after years. Unfortunately despite your efforts to stave them off your blinking tics emerge. Making it difficult to keep your eyes open for longer than a nano second.

Startled and ticcing you look up and catch his eyes, you see pity in them, before casting your glance back to the counter. You can never tell what's worse people seeing you as weird or seeing you as something needing to be fixed. Nodding again, Tim tells you the total; a dollar fifty eight, and you hand him two dollars from your wallet.

Tim doesn't ask if you want the receipt or a bag, he prints out the receipt and hands you your change. The change goes immediately into the cat food fund for Magnolia. She got diagnosed with diabetes about a month ago and having worked in shelters and pet stores you know just how expensive her prescription food is. After folding the receipt into your wallet, Tim gently slides the water bottle over to you.

“Have a good night.” he says it so low and gentle, as if he thinks you'll shatter in front of him. As kind as the gesture seems, you aren't that fragile...or maybe you are if you have to keep repeating 'mask' over and over in your head to ground yourself. With a final nod you turn and make your way to the door, and just as you open it you hear Ronnie call out.

“Awwww, c'mon YN at least say 'Hi' to Tim.” You really don't like how she squeaked out 'hi'.

Taking a deep breath you prepare yourself, you'll show them both you can do this simple task. Even if you can't stop blinking long enough to see straight. Once you've steadied yourself you turn and look at Tim. He's sending you a look that says 'You don't have to' all that's missing is a slow head shake to complete his unease with this “peer pressure”.

But you can do this you can say 'Hi, Tim.' Two words super simple, nothing complex like 'Hi, Tim, nice to meet you.' and so much better than the option of your next meeting saying 'Hi, Tim. Sorry for spazzing out the other night.'. Yup you can do this just breathe, you open your mouth and...and you've forgotten what to say. Looking like a deer in headlights, well at least the tics stopped, you say the first thing that pops in.

“Mask.” You've said it loud and clear both cashiers heard you.

Tim stares with wide eyes and you see Ronnie failing to hide her laughter. Out of all the ways this could've gone this was probably the best outcome for her. The blinking has started up again, this time growing more frequent. You can't even hold your eyes open, to the two cashiers it must look like you're in pain or crying. And while you want to die of embarrassment, crying is a bit of an extreme for you.

So with red face and the inability to see you leave through the door, and try to make your way back to your car. Once in you lock the doors, switch the car on, and rest your head on the steering wheel. Out of every way this stop could've gone, being perceived by a new comer and Ronnie was not what you expected. While this hadn't been the worst five minutes or so of your life, it definitely would be another thing keeping you up at night for the next twenty years.

Calming down in the cool quiet dark of your car your slowly brought back to the world by the beginning of a new episode. This one talking about the Tailypo legend. A favorite story of yours from when you were a kid living on the coast of Virginia. So with yet another deep breath and the wave of nostalgia, you pull out of the parking lot and slowly coast down the old dirt road. Heading yet again for the Monongahela forest.

It's nearly two in the morning when you roll up to see an RV parked by the forgotten entrance of the park. It isn't surprising at all to find an RV out here since the Monongahela Forest is one of the most beautiful parks you've ever been to. You also don't think anything of them being parked by this unused entrance because you use it all the time since finding it accidentally. Figuring they just wanted to camp and be left to their own devices rather than use the RV sites and be bothered with other campers here for the summer.

Climbing out of your car you notice the RV isn't new by any means but it isn't a total rust bucket either, looks like it's been passed around throughout the years. There isn't anything to suggest it's been here a while, nothing left set up outside, must have just gotten into town then. You do happen to notice dog tracks around the sandy dirt you've parked in, good to know they have a dog before you slammed your car door. Closing the door gently behind you so you don't startle a pup and wake up it's owner or owners, you make your way through the woods. No real direction in mind, with no real thought in your head. Just the thought of moving and to keep on moving.

You could walk the same path every time you came through and always find something different. In fact that's exactly what happens, you're almost positive that you've deepened the imprint of the path just from walking through several times a week. Following the same winding path you usually do, climbing over the fallen tree, and through a scattering of blueberry thicket's you find yourself on the edge of one of the forest's many streams. It's your favorite spot in the forest so far, and about as far as you've gotten considering these hikes of yours take place during the dead of night.

The wind picks up and sends a chill through you, taking that as a sign you slide down to sit by the stream. Vans placed to your side as you sink your feet into the cool water. It's peaceful out here, so cool, and quiet, save for the slight noises the stream makes, various bubbling and drips. You try to think on things like your recent move, your job, the embarrassing 'mask' incident, just life in general. But you can't seem to form a single thought, this happens a lot, you've recently been conscious of the fact that you've been running on auto pilot for the past two months, hell a lot longer than that. You think everyone must get like this from time to time, but you think you've always been this way. Keen to dissociating and slipping in and out of existence.

It's quite nice really, except for the times like right now where you'd love to figure out why the silence in your head is so painfully loud. The more you think on it the louder it gets and the stronger the buzzing under your skin feels. And right now the static in your mind has been getting louder and louder for the past few minutes. You feel your head jerk to the right of it's own accord, moving back in place it happens for a second time, and then a third, then jerks up, before jerking a forth time to the right effectively cracking you neck.

“There we go.” you mumble, you can relax a bit as the verbal tic indicates the end of this round of tics.

Sighing you look at the sky...that can't be right. The sky has been painted it's fresh baby blues for the day, but again that can't be right. You just got to the stream, that path is a thirty minute walk meaning it should be just about two thirty in the morning, but the sky suggests it's five or six at the latest. Reaching for your water bottle you find it empty next to you. You didn't fall asleep you know that much, perhaps you did dissociate tonight. Well this hike was disappointing if you knew you were going to dissociate you'd have saved yourself that embarrassment and stayed home. Maybe done some painting or tidied up.

Sighing you push yourself off the ground, collecting you vans you're about to put them on when you notice a figure off in the distance. You freeze out of shock and stare at the figure, it stares back. The figure is about ten yards away, god your near sighted ass should really remember to not leave your glasses in the car when hiking. The figure starts to make it's way to you and after a few steps you realize it hasn't moved from it's spot. Rolling your eyes you ignore the hallucination.

You'd really needed to get sleep last night, today is day six of no sleep and though you haven't had many episodes these past few days, you have a feeling they'll start to get more prominent today. Hopefully tonight you can manage to get some rest, the longer you go without sleep the more realistic the hallucinations become. But for today you're content with the knowledge that it's just shadow like beings that you'll be seeing.

After putting on your shoes you start the thirty minute hike back to your car. You're thankful for the weather in Kepler, nothing like back on the coast. Here you can go for a morning hike through the forest while a gentle breeze passes by and the sun starts to give the area a pleasant warmth. Back on the coast you couldn't run and grab the mail without getting drenched in moisture from either sweat, humidity, or a mixture of both.  The coast sucks, hell Virginia sucks altogether, you're glad to be in Kepler.

“I want to go home, home.” you say out of nowhere.

Before you reach the entrance you hear barking, oh the RV campers must be up. Should you be careful not to scare them, or just walk normally and say 'Good morning' in passing, maybe just nod your head in greeting. Oh and you've stopped just beside the entrance as you got lost in your rambling. You didn't mean to come to a stop here, and as you try to move you notice how silent it's gotten. Did the dog go inside, maybe they've already passed...no it's too quiet for that. No the silence is oppressive like the one you deal with nightly, there's a reason for the silence. The situation's making you feel uneasy, but that could be the sleep deprivation talking.

You're about to brush it off and move when you hear a whispered, “Seriously man, I don't think anyone's out there. Let's get inside.”

There's a noise of agreement before you hear shuffling. Oh no, you zoned out and now you look like a weirdo stalker. Just perfect, maybe if you wait around a little more you'll seem more normal or at least feel normal. Not knowing how long to wait you walk along the tree line for a bit, looking at the ground as you do making sure you won't step on any snakes. In you quest to not step on any snakes you spot something suspiciously off white. It seems purposefully buried under a dead blueberry bush and some fallen branches.

Having listened to too many true crime shows, you know better than to implicate yourself in a murder. Grabbing a stick off the ground you gently brush the foliage away from the supposed corpse. No way, you can't believe your luck, it's an actual fucking skull. An intact skull of a deer! That is so cool, you've only seen taxidermists on TikTok getting so lucky and finding these dudes. Since the jaw bone is connected by tissue it of course isn't with the skull but maybe it's close by? Clearly this got planted or hidden by someone, maybe they were planning on pranking a friend by 'uncovering' a skull later. Oh well, finders keepers and all that, you have way better plans for this guy, hopefully you can find that jaw bone.

You set off searching through the foliage and near by bushes with the branch while holding the skull in your other arm. After searching about three feet around and finding no more bones you decide that this is the only part of the deer's skeleton in this area. A little disappointed but still thrilled with your find, you decide it must be a good time to go back to your car.

Surely you won't look weird now. You a little forager with their treasure in hand. Looks like you'll be busy cleaning, then bleaching, and cleaning these bones today. Is that the order to treat found bones? You aren't sure but you can look into that later. Placing the skull in the trunk so it doesn't roll about and get damaged you make sure it's secure before closing the trunk and getting into your car and locking the doors.

Not once did you notice the pairs of eyes that had been watching you. One watching as you found the deer skull, and the other set seeing you place bones into your car. They kept watching as you fiddled with the radio while the car was starting up. They watched as you pulled out of the sandy dirt lot and drove back down the old road a little faster than before now that you could clearly see.

[imkylotrash]

Hi, I was thinking, could you write one with fairy!student!reader x Saul Silva, from his perspective. It's the middle of the night or a very early morning and he's lying in his bed with the reader cuddled up against him. It was their first time, you know big step in their relationship. Could you write what might be going on in his head?

“Is this okay? We can wait if you want. Whatever you’re comfortable with.” He brushes your hair away from your face so gently it makes you feel as if you’re made of glass. As if you might fall apart, if he allowed himself to let go of his inhibitions. 

“I want you. I’ve never wanted anything else,” you whisper placing kisses on his jawline. He has a sweet spot right below his right ear and you’re taking advantage of that. 

“Tell me you’re ready. I need to hear you say it,” he says holding back until he hears your full consent. He’d never ever want to do anything that you didn’t want to. He’s thought about this so many times but nothing could ruin the fantasy faster than knowing that you somehow felt pressured. He wanted you to want it just as much as he did. 

“I’m ready. I want to do this.” 

He wakes up early. Too early to call it morning but too late to consider it night. It’s the time of day where everything is quiet giving off a feeling of pure serenity. You’re snoring lightly in his ear which might just be the most adorable thing he’s ever heard or maybe he’s just in love. At this point, it’s hard for him to tell what he loves because of its undeniable attraction and what he loves because it’s you. He could lie here forever if he had any say in it. Your arm is draped across his stomach never wanting to let go - not even in your sleep. 

He thinks back to the night before unaware of the smile dominating his features. He’d crawl up and retrieve the moon for you if you asked. It scares him just how consumed by love he is. He hasn’t known you long at all but somehow, he’s fallen more in love with you in the past few months than any other person he’s ever been with. And to know you had trusted him with the one thing that you’d protected for so long. He felt privileged to have earned your trust. 

“You’re staring,” you mumble not even bothering to open your eyes. Saul chuckles yet he makes no attempt to stop staring. He wants to enjoy every moment of your first night together, cherish the memory. He’s gotten soft on his old days. 

“I’m allowed to stare if you’re allowed to look that beautiful. It’s really not fair on the rest of us.” 

“The rest of us. How many were involved last night?” He nudges you gently shaking his head. You did not just say that. 

“You’re still happy we did it?” he asks in a more sober tone. 

“I actually counted last night and you asked me if I wanted to 14 times. It took you 20 minutes and yet you managed to ask me 14 times.” You’re teasing him and he knows it but he just likes hearing you say yes. He likes knowing that it felt as good to you as it did to him. 

“I’ll have you know it was 25 minutes, thank you very much.” You roll over on your back leaving him feeling rather exposed. He liked having you draped over him as a blanket. 

“I’m very happy we did it, Saul. Please don’t doubt that.” You grab his hand giving it a squeeze and once again he feels a warm feeling spread in his body. He’s looking at you and he knows that he’d let you crush him entirely if it made you happy. He’s never let anyone close to him the way he’s bared his soul to you. He’s never trusted anyone to hold his heart and not drop it, but to you he’s offering it willingly. And it scares him just as much as it fills him with happiness. He never thought he’d find someone to share life with but now he has and it feels good. 

“I don’t doubt it. I just like hearing it.” You hum in content once again cuddling up next to him. 

“Well, I liked doing it. Give me a couple days, I’m game again.” 

“Crude.” 

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.” You lean over to kiss him once more before getting up from the bed. 

“Shower?” you propose and he’s quick to follow you to the bathroom. You won’t have a lot of time before you have to get back to your suite. None of you can afford people to start getting suspicious. You carefully clean each other enjoying the intimacy it offers rather than using it as an opportunity for another sexual engagement. 

“I love you,” you whisper kissing his shoulder. The hot water is steaming up the bathroom offering a false feeling of privacy. 

“I love you more.” He doesn’t mean more as in he loves you more than you love him. He simply means he loves you more - more than anything else. The universe could implode and he’d die happy knowing that he got to love you. And God, the feeling of being loved by you made his heart beat faster. 

This life would not be long enough for him to truly love you and appreciate you but he’d try his hardest anyway.

-------------------

Tagging: @grey-girl @intoanothermind @artsyle @baueoud @glowingatdawn @bitchwhytho @music-of-melody @estelmei @quarterback-5 @quuenofblacks @alexiapayne12 @lflores2008​ @anreeixcobra @kingunder221b @shadowhuntyi 

[nengojo]

Could we please get some relationship headcanons for Ann, Makoto, Futaba and Haru?

i kinda went overboard and wrote more than I expected... but i am a sap for relationship hcs!! also saw that 4/23 is makoto’s bday, which is very cool and convenient for me hehe ,, hope you like this <33

word count: 1.549 warnings: SLIGHT STORY SPOILER IN HARU'S PART tags/genre: fluff, just all of it

requests are open!

Takamaki Ann

She loves to pamper you. Be it buying you stuff, treating you her favorite desserts, or staying over at your place and dressing you up with cute outfits. You try to do the same for her and she enjoys it as well.

A LOT of PDA, though it’s not over the top. She’d pepper kisses all over your face whenever she’s excited. Or always bury her face in your neck whenever she needs to be closer to you.

Even though Ann hasn’t dated anyone before you, she definitely learned and read up on how to be the best girlfriend. Probably read those relationships magazines (she denies it though)

Ann prefers simpler dates at the park or karaoke, but she wouldn’t mind making reservations for fancier restaurants if there’s an occasion. Would definitely choose buffets over the 5-star restaurant though.

Speaking of occasions, she’s the type to have celebrations for every little thing you guys do together as a couple. It can range from monthsaries, your first beach date, or your first night together. Ann keeps trinkets with her from every date you two go on.

Ann always has you on her mind. If she sees a new cheesecake shop, she buys it thinking that you would enjoy sharing it with her. When she saw cute phone charms, she bought a pair so you and her would have a “couple-y” item.

Would be into double dates, she doesn’t say it, but it definitely comes from her competitive side of showing off. Ann wants everyone to know she’s dating the best person ever. 💕

Introduces you to her parents through Skype. Ann says she couldn’t wait till her parents come back from their trips, so you could properly meet them. She quells your nervousness by saying that they already approved of you.

Petnames are minimal, but it’s very sweet when she does use them with you. You think it’s because she enjoys the flustered expression on your face when she calls you “baby” or “sweetie”.

Ann’s just a proud girlfriend! Be ready to be treated like the royalty you are, as you made her feel her worth once more.

Niijima Makoto

Similar to Ann, she values your relationship and you greatly. Makoto would be careful as possible around you. Always tending to your needs, mindful of what she says and does around you. There’s constant communication between you and her.

Probably would overheat out of embarrassment if she tries to cling onto you when in public, so hand-holding and touching knees while sitting together is enough for her.

Makoto DEFINITELY researched every possible tip and ‘guide’ on how to be the perfect girlfriend. You insist that she doesn’t need to incorporate all those into your relationship, saying that she’s perfect as the way she is.

With all that studying though, she actually sets up the best dates for you two. She always invites you to a newly-opened restaurant or gets the best seats whenever there’s a film showing nearby.

That said, she still prefers dates in secluded areas, places similar to Leblanc. She has this favorite nature trail that she found out about in dating forums and would take you there on nightly walks, talking about everything and nothing.

Makoto doesn’t announce your relationship to others, thinking that it’s better if people found out naturally. She likes the look on people’s faces when she admits to having a significant other while she acts all innocent and pure about it.

Her sister would openly confront her about your relationship, but Sae is lowkey super supportive of you and her. She says it’s good that someone is at Makoto’s side when she isn’t there.

She acts composed around others, but you’re the only one she lets see her vulnerable side. You tell her it’s adorable that you can easily tease her. (please don’t tease her too much or she’ll implode from being too flustered)

Makoto would think she’s too mature for petnames, but you don’t hold it against her, especially when she says your name with so much love in her voice every time.

Makoto is an observant girlfriend! She says it’s because she wants you to know that she genuinely cares and that she’s grateful to be yours.

Sakura Futaba

Futaba’s relationship with you feels natural from the start, despite her insistence that she would suck being a girlfriend. You reassure her at the start that she would do great with little to no effort, and she does :)

Wouldn’t even think twice about PDA, She feels safe and secure when she’s closer to you, so the more contact, the better. If she could, Futaba would shamelessly cling onto your back like a koala. (and you’d let her)

She says that experience is the best teacher, so she went into your relationship completely blind. The whole thing had its setbacks; she tried to kiss you out of nowhere one time, since “that’s what couples do, right?” You told her that there was no rush, and she was grateful for that.

She’s a fast learner though, and it manifests in her innocent but sincere gestures. When she thinks that you’re sad, she tells you jokes or shows you a meme she liked on her phone. Futaba thinks that whatever makes her happy, might cheer you up too.

Absolutely loves talking about her interests to you, because she knows that you would never judge her or question what she likes. You enjoy being on the listening side, since the way Futaba lights up is enough for you.

Alternatively, she’s a very active listener whenever you would talk about your day or share something about your interests. Futaba encourages you to tell her more about it, and on her own time, she learns about your said interests so she can participate in the conversations better.

In terms of interests, she convinced you to play video games with her (if you don’t already play) and it’s already a date for the two of you. Dates always involve either trips to Akihabara, arcade hopping, or the park when she wants quiet times with you.

Sojiro enjoys seeing you two interact whenever you guys stop by at Leblanc. When Futaba was in the restroom, he whispered to you saying that he hasn’t seen Futaba this energetic ever since she was a kid. That meant a lot to you.

She started calling you exaggerated names like “my lovely sweetheart babycakes” or “little fluffball whiskers”. Other than that, her favorite petname for you was “bub”, since she said the funny word fit you well. You love hearing it from her too.

Futaba is a heartfelt girlfriend! Your bond with each other has always been close, and now you get the chance to be closer.

Okumura Haru

Haru would be reserved from openly showing affection at the start, but you give her all the time and space she needs. She appreciates it greatly and reciprocates the effort in kind.

PDA is a no-no, although she does unknowingly flirt with you in the sweetest way. She has a way with words that makes the simplest compliment seem like the highest praise, and it’s enough to make you feel loved.

With her training for marriage, she obviously knows the basic aspects of a relationship. Taking care of you comes naturally to her, yet you were there to show her that she can receive the same amount of love that she readily gives to you.

You teased her about how she acts more like a mother to you, and she misunderstood and profusely apologized (poor sweetheart). Haru explains that she loves seeing you thrive and be happy, which in turn makes her happy.

It started as an innocent suggestion, but Haru wanted to write love letters to you from time to time. In most instances she would pass it onto you after a date, saying that you should read it when you get home. Other times she would quietly slip it in your bag as a surprise for you to find.

You’ve come to appreciate the craft that Haru puts into the letters. She always chooses the delicate papers, sometimes scented. And other letters had pressed flowers in the envelope. The most precious thing in the letter though was her confessions and affirmations.

Haru lets you choose your date locations since she wants to be more accustomed to city life. You once brought her to a conveyor belt sushi place, and you couldn’t handle the joy in your eyes when you saw her be fascinated about it. “It just moves in little trains! It’s so innovative and cute,” she says.

When you were closer with her, she opened up more about her father to you, even inviting you to visit the shrine dedicated to him in the mansion. That was the first time you saw her cry, and you promised yourself to do your best so you never have to see her like that again.

Romantic petnames suit her well, but she only uses them when you two are alone. Hearing Haru call you “my lily” or “my light” always caught you off-guard no matter how many times you have heard it.

Haru is a compassionate girlfriend! She treats you as delicately as she acts and you know that you’re in good hands with her, as she is with your own.

[anthropwashere]

thank u for the tags yelling at us youths to sit up straight. im only 23 but disabled and my back is about the only part of me that ISNT fucked up yet, so i will attempt to not destroy my spinal cord in your honor (•̀ᴗ•́)و

Gonna take this as an opportunity to go off on a tangent and emphasize how out of nowhere your health can 180 in ways that will have a lasting impact for the rest of your life, and that this can happen at any moment no matter how careful or healthy you try to be

-I grew up poor enough to not have regular access to medical/dental/etc. for years at a time, avoided serious issues by sheer fucking luck and an extended family that did not sign up to raise another kid but thank christ they stepped up for me.

-managed to stay healthy enough to join the Air Force at 18. this was good news because the alternative was being homeless (again), which gosh got old fast. free medical? fuck yeah, uncle sam! my teeth are a mess and it sure would be nice to have glasses again!

-knees started acting up in BMT. slowly got worse as the years passed. haven't needed surgery yet but they make some wild gristly sounds when I go up stairs these days and anything more than a casual running regimen is immediately vetoed

-deployed when I was 22. wearing body armor was Not Great for my upper back. lost ability to pop anything in my spine from the shoulder blades up, gained some truly unsexy shooting pains in exchange

-several years of severe headaches i ignored because lmao childhood trauma and also not wanting to be seen as weak due to being just about the only enlisted woman in almost every unit/office i worked in.

-marriage imploded at 26 which gosh, did NOT do good things for the mild anxiety/depression i'd been staunchly ignoring for like a decade at that point. i used to think commercials for anti-depressants were like, rude satire. nope. that really is just how shitty a brain can get!

-apropos of FUCKALL I woke up one morning just before I turned 27 with a headache that has varied in intensity and location but has never gone away. latest diagnosis is a type of headache that's so persistent and resistant to treatment that there are known cases of people having this type for 30+ years. i could be one of those unlucky fucks! or it could go away tomorrow! we just don't know!

-spent 2018-2021 making EXTENSIVE USE of that free medical trying to figure out what the hell was going on or to at least find literally anything that will help reduce/control it. I have at this moment within arm's reach something like $2k worth of medical devices I got for free to help with the migraines.

-they don't.

-one time i tried to do a tally of how much I would have had to be pay out of pocket for all the primary care visits, the specialty care visits, the physical therapy, the stupid fucking useless acupuncture, the Botox, the ~16 different medications, the ER visits from bad reactions to medications, etc. etc. etc. if i hadn't been in the AF and I decided to go lay down in a dark room with an ice pack and not think about it instead.

-i did spend thousands out of pocket on a chiropractor, massages, and gas to keep driving to all those fucking appointments.

-during all this the constant migraines wreaked havoc on my neck, jaw, and shoulders, which in turn contributed to a vicious cycle of pain where doing anything beyond boiling myself in a dark shower 1-2 times a day did not only seem more trouble than it was worth, but WAS more trouble than it was worth.

-i was also diagnosed with fibromyalgia at 28. the rheumatology clinic gave me a pamphlet that was less informative than a google search and a politely phrased 'you're young and you still have all your limbs, why are you complaining? go away.'

-fibromyalgia diagnosis was given despite more evidence pointing to Sjogren's syndrome, which is an actual autoimmune disorder that sure, won't kill me, but it WOULD explain why my teeth have only gotten worse despite extremely thorough annual workups. it can cause all sorts of fun organ dysfunctions too. i could also go blind! either way neither is curable and whatever i've got showed up a decade earlier than is typically expected for my demographic!

-it wasn't any of the squillion medical experts i saw but literally just some other woman in my squadron who suggested i put my name on the Airborne Hazards and Open Burn Pit Registry, because she developed all sorts of autoimmune fuckery after her deployment. all of That is still being researched and debated and such, and has been for decades. maybe breathing too much sand and burning garbage gave me brain damage! maybe not!

-also during all this i lost half my hair due to damage caused by using Devacurl products. if you use that brand there are currently multiple lawsuits going on! you or your loved ones may be entitled to compensation, etc.

-anyway i turned 30 this year and a month later the Air Force kicked me out with 90% disability pay, a couple anti-depressant/anxiety prescriptions, and 0 fanfare.

-things could have gone so much worse for me and STILL COULD AT ANY MOMENT. I never considered myself invincible when I was younger but my good fucking gracious chronic pain isn't something i'd wish on anybody. i am terrified of the state my body might be in when i'm 40, never mind when i'm actually old. i am terrified of tomorrow. this is probably the severe anxiety talking.

-at least i've managed to avoid the heart disease rampant in my family? so far????

IN CONCLUSION, TO THE YOUTHS:

sit up straight, do some stretches, go for walkies, eat a vegetable, turn the music down a little, clean linens are the best gift you can give yourself, however much water you typically drink in a day it isn't enough, therapy does actually help, it's okay to be mad sometimes but i'm begging you to find at least one thing to laugh about every day, please take care of yourselves, and most importantly ENJOY your bodies while the going's good. this meat is expiring fast and there are no refunds.

[wing-ed-thing]

Fraternizing and Spineless (Kabuto x Reader, Part IV)

Synopsis: Kabuto has a fixation and you sometimes apologize to inanimate objects. Ever since one fateful day, you’ve been drawn to each other from opposite sides of the battlefield.

Word Count: 3,429

Warnings/Tags: @tiktoktheclockisticking​ Bullying, Language, ANGST CITY, Alcohol, Side Iruka x Reader, Fem!Reader

Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Finale

Notes: I’m fully expecting to get messages in my inbox that range drastically in forcefulness. Perhaps a “how dare you” or two. 

You stood outside of Shushu-ya, almost as if you expected to be told to come in. A silly notion. With a heavy sigh, you clenched the warped gift in your hands, starting to regret the shoes you wore among other things. But you know you couldn’t back out now. You couldn’t miss Iruka’s birthday. Your reluctant hand grasped the door and before you could chicken out, you heaved it open.

The group was easy to spot, even in Shushu-ya’s dim lighting. Everyone gathered around the bar. A few people sat in a large, open booth. The crowd made you nervous, but you couldn’t help but feel a semblance of relief. You weren’t the first one there. Iruka spotted you immediately and waved you over. You took a sharp inhale before forcing yourself across the restaurant with a smile. You were, at the very least, glad to see him.

Iruka got up from his spot at the end of the extensive, circular seating and greeted you warmly. Knowing him, he sat at the end just to see people come in the door. He extended his arms to you in a hug. You happily embraced him. It had been quite some time since you got to spend any quality time with your friend. You handed him his present.

“As usual, you’re always so thoughtful.” Iruka pursed his lips, a sentimental expression coming upon him. Even still, the corners of his lips turned upward into that classic Iruka grin. “You didn’t have to.”

“It’s your birthday, Iruka. Of course I’m going to get you something nice.”

Iruka motioned for you to sit down and carefully placed your gift in the pile he had accumulated. You took a seat among two ninjas who you only knew by name. Iruka sat down next to who you were fairly sure you recognized as Kakashi of the Sharingan. The mask made it difficult to tell. You took your place next to Might Guy, the Leaf’s Green, Taijutsu Beast. You looked over to Iruka and wondered how he made such powerful friends. You supposed it was hard to not be acquainted with any famous shinobi in Konoha. Perhaps that’s what happened when you weren’t afraid to talk to people. You spied a few more of your colleagues around the bar, including your teammates from the last mission you took. They didn’t seem particularly pleased about your presence, but no one was going to impulsively make a fuss in front of Iruka.

You kept your head down and that’s where it stayed. The conversation went, for the most part, without you. You ordered a water quietly. You weren’t the type to drink, especially when you were as on edge as you were in this particular setting. The waiter set down your glass, making a sort of a sour face. You stared at the clear liquid, supposing that not many ordered water from a bar.

“That’s all you’re going to get?” You looked up into Kakashi’s intense eye. “You know you’re not on the clock, right?” He chuckled and you nervously laughed with him.

“Don’t listen to him.” Iruka rolled his eyes before taking a sip of his own drink. His kind gaze found yours. “You can do whatever you want, just know that the tab is already taken care of.” He looked past you and waved towards the bar. The bartender waved back.

“No, no. I completely understand!” Guy wrapped an arm around you, holding you a bit too close for the volume of his voice. You immediately let go of your drink. Your eyes went wide as he shook you with every word. “You gotta watch out for that hangover! Very smart! I commend you!” Kakashi tsked, tilting his head towards Iruka.

“Such a bad host, letting her sit next to Guy like that.” Iruka laughed sheepishly.

“Sorry,” He scratched at the back of his neck. “I guess the seat was open for a reason.” Guy pouted at the discourse across the table, arm still wrapped around your shoulder.

“Nonsense! Tease me all you like but I just know that… uh…” He turned to you with an outstretched hand and as much embarrassment as Might Guy was capable of. “What was your name again?” You took his much larger hand in yours and spoke your name, realizing that you hadn’t prior. He immediately shouted your name as if to commit it to memory, shaking you even harder than before. His shout got the attention of the rest of the booth and you suddenly your self consciousness skyrocketed. “—and we’re going to be best friends by the time the night is over! What do you think? You down for a party?” And suddenly you were expected to respond. You glanced around nervously.

“Um, yeah. Sure thing… I just think it’s really nice how everyone’s together.” Despite your response, you still felt like a bug under a magnifying glass. Sweat began to bead on your brow and your palms. You crossed your legs. “I feel like everyone’s always on missions so it’s nice to be among friends. And um, I can drink to that.” You glanced around the table once more, to Guy, to Kakashi, and then Iruka. Iruka’s eyes fluttered shut.

“I couldn’t say it better myself.” You raised your water weakly.

“Happy Birthday, Iruka.” Iruka raised his glass of sake and a roar went around the booth and extended to the bar. Someone hastily ordered a round of shots for the whole group. They came quickly, likely due to whatever likely large tip Iruka gave to the bartender.

One slid across the hard surface over to you. You gripped it between your fingers. The alcohol went down your throat with a steady burn. You let out a gasp with a bat of your eyes. The aftertaste of the ethanol burned your nasal cavity. Kakashi let out a deep laugh. Guy patted you hard on the back causing you to cough. Iruka smiled, ordering another round. You took another shot. People filtered in the door. And as the night went on, the three of you took to greeting Iruka’s guests along with him. The party crew quickly overtook the bar. A dull roar overtook Shushu-ya.

More words spilled from your mouth than you thought ever would in one sitting. Your three colleagues listened to you intently, jovially, and exchanged stories of their own. A small crowd gathered around your booth, members flitting from the bar and back. And for once in your life, people actually listened to you. You told your stories animatedly, waving your hands in emphasis. You took in the smiles around you, tales of missions and edgy impressions flying from your lips. Distracted, you hardly noticed the looks exchanged by your old teammates as they leaned against the low back of the booth.

“And I said, ‘You don’t need a rag, you need a towel’!” All those gathered around you burst out in hysterics. You felt the low rumble of Guy next to you. Iruka couldn’t pick his head up from the table. Kakashi yanked him up by his collar, revealing Iruka’s red, cackling expression. Kakashi snorted, dropping the cloth under his hand to cover his own face as he mocked his longtime friend. Joyful tears were still welled in your eyes when a slender hand clamped onto your shoulder.

You looked behind you only to become face to face with the kunoichi from your team. Her ever prevalent scowl remained plastered to her lips but they swiftly upturned into a sickly sweet smile.

“Hey, why don’t you tell everyone about our last mission? Or should I say, your last mission.” Your eyes widened and a chill coursed down your spine, remembering her unforgiving grasp on your hair following your meeting with the Hokage. You clenched your fists underneath the table, balling up the fabric of your clothing. What did she want from you? She crinkled her nose at you smugly. “Shy all of the sudden? That’s okay, I can tell it.” You heard Kakashi clap his hands together. You jumped.

“I’m always down for a good mission story,” He admitted eagerly. You shook your head vigorously.

“No, this one’s not very interest—” Another hard slap on your shoulder. Her nails dug into your shoulder.

“You don’t give yourself enough credit. I think they’ll all find this very interesting.” The kunoichi settled into her spot behind you, shifting her weight as she leaned forward. With a finger, she pointed out your two other team members. “See we were assigned with this one to find a scroll in a territory suspected of being owned by Orochimaru. ‘Cause she’s a wonder at blending in, right? That’s what we were told. And of course you know how these things go. Of course we find someone. Some bitch of Orochimaru—”

And as she described it, you could remember the scene vividly. Your teammates were reckless in their fighting and overall poor choices for a stealth mission. Flashy jutsu corrupted the frame of the underground system. The walls began to crack and shake. Your enemy had been caught off guard and outnumbered. Seeming to be already injured, there was only so much he could do to fight back. That was how you met Kabuto Yakushi.

“And so she doesn’t even warn us that the tunnel is, like, about to collapse. Some freak earthquake or something. So the enemy is knocked out cold and we’re running and running to try to find a way out and—”

You dove towards him. You didn’t know what drew you towards him in the first place but that’s what you did. As your team left without you, you tried your best to save the young ninja who had to only be as old as you. You tried to drag him but either you were too frail or he was too heavy. Your second option. Your hands ignited in healing jutsu, flickering on and off. You were by no means a healer, but your only thought in your panic was to get him awake. And as the maze of tunnels imploded around you, your world went black.

“So we don’t see her for days. You know, we think she’s dead. So in the meantime, we check out the other places on our list. Nada. We’re about to completely give up and then, wouldn’t you know, this one shows up having spent almost a week in enemy territory holding the exact thing we were looking for. Zero scratches and she apparently ‘doesn’t remember’ anything about it. Don’t you think that’s funny?” The kunoichi motions to your other teammates.

“I remember it being very funny,” One huffs, arms crossed. The small surrounding crown had gone silent. You dared to look across the table. Kakashi sat with his arms on the table, wordless. Iruka pursed his lips, equally expressionless. He cleared his throat. An awkward overtone laced the atmosphere.

“Well I think that’s enough of that—”

“Well, I wasn’t done. Almost there, though, I promise.” The kunoichi held up her hand. “‘Cause wouldn’t you know it? When we got back to the village, we found out that the scroll was a fake.”

“Well,” You squeaked, “Later we did find out that it was authentic after all—”

“But that was later,” She snapped. She ruffled your hair roughly, giving your head a slight push as she finally took her hands off of you. “Still doesn’t explain where you got it from.” She leaned in towards your ear. “Traitor.”

“Okay that’s enough.” Iruka stood from his seat. He extended his arm towards the door. “You three have clearly had too much to drink. I think it’s time for you to go home.” The kunoichi scoffed.

“We haven’t had too much of anything,” She snorted with a roll of her eyes and opened her mouth to say more. Guy turned with the most serious expression you had seen from him all night.

“He’s giving you an out. I suggest you take it.” He told her and apparently, that’s all it took for them to leave.

Iruka apologized for your team’s behavior but said nothing more about it for the rest of your time present. Most of the partygoers stuck to the bar now. Everything was off and you knew it would be as long as you were there. Your friends could hardly look you in the eye properly. You remained for a little while longer, starting to feel dreadfully sober. And when you thought you wouldn’t draw too much attention, you announced that you were leaving.

“Let me walk you out.” Guilt rattled around in your chest. It was Iruka’s birthday and you ruined it, just like you thought you would. And yet, he still offered to walk you out.

You allowed it, suddenly finding yourself standing outside of Shushu-ya, Iruka by your side. Even as the door closed behind you, you could hear the sound of Konoha’s nightlife. You waited for Iruka to speak, but the weight on your shoulders became unbearable.

“I’m not leaving because of you, you know. I had a good time. I really did, so go back in there and know that, okay?” You tried to read his face. He looked conflicted and the pounding of your heart only increased.

“I just want you to know that you have a friend. Eh, friends. No matter what.” You blinked at him a few times. You didn’t like how he said that last part.

“No matter what?” You let out a nervous laugh for the umpteenth time that night. Your eyes wandered erratically. “What do you mean by that?” You were expecting some reassurance, but none came. Your mind filled in the blanks. You took a step back. He took a step forward. “No matter if I sold out the Leaf? Is that what you’re telling me?”

“I-I didn’t say that.” He stammered. Suddenly frantic. “Don’t put words in my mouth.”

“Well, you’re not denying it.” You gripped onto your strap bag. Another step back. Another step forward.

“I don’t think you sold out the Leaf. Not on purpose.” The tail end of that sentence stung. You began to tremble. Another person who thought that you were a traitor. “Listen, I had a student once. He’s out of the Academy now but he was in your shoes once.” You couldn’t look at him. You focused on your shoes, the shoes you’ve regretted wearing. “I know how guys like that are. I know how manipulative they can be, how they can convince you into doing something that you know you don’t want to do.” Your head snapped up.

“I didn’t do anything wrong. I wasn’t convinced to do anything wrong by anyone.”

“I know how kind you are. I know that you had a good heart. No one’s going to blame you if someone took advantage of that. I don’t care what happened. We’ve known each other forever. I’ll always be here for you.” Iruka gently placed his hands on your shoulders and his forehead against yours. You became cognisant of how violently you quaked. You didn’t even register his confession. The sharp burning between your eyes threatened to spill over into tears.

“Iruka, please stop. Just tell me that you believe me.” You gripped onto his forearm, wanting to feel a semblance of comfort. “I’m not a traitor.”

“I do believe you.” Unconvincing. You looked into his eyes, salty droplets now silently streaming down your cheeks.

“I didn’t do anything wrong.” Iruka nodded against you without a word. A beat. You gulped. “And Kabuto didn’t either.”

He pulled away, trying to fight a frown from crossing his face. You could see it. The realization morphing his features. Iruka tried his best not to show any of his mixed emotions, but he was always one to wear his heart on his sleeve. The corners of his mouth twitched.

“Who? The bingo book ninja?” He shoved a hand in his pocket. He always did that when he was nervous. “No, I’m sure he didn’t. D-didn't do anything wrong.” Once again, unconvincing.

“I’m sorry, I don’t feel well. Please, uh, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” You didn’t look back. You ran home.

***

When you got to your apartment, you dropped to the floor. You scrambled for a kunai to pry open the floorboard. Throwing the plank aside, you plucked out the scroll. Unraveling it, you bit your finger, smearing your blood across the summoning symbol.

You were already starting to scurry off when Kabuto appeared. You walked right through the white cloud of smoke. He felt troubled, but that wasn’t something you picked up on. Kabuto immediately pulled out a scalpel in defense, ready for an emergency fight. You didn’t even tell him to lower his weapon. You didn’t blink twice. You stormed straight to your wardrobe, yanking out a large travel bag.

“What’s going on? I thought you were going out tonight.” Kabuto asked, but you ignored him, stuffing belongings inside the bag. You skittered frantically around the room, pulling sentimental belongings from your drawers and off your shelves. Kabuto looked on helplessly as you muttered to yourself. He could hardly catch you with how erratically you darted around your small living space. With enough calculation, he caught you, grabbing you by your wrists. You struggled against him. “Hey, hey, hey slow down. Tell me what happened.”

You looked up at him, rivulets still flowing from your eyes.

“Please, Kabuto,” You begged. “Let’s run away together.”

His immediate response was to let go of you, stumbling a bit backwards.

“What?” His mouth went dry.

“I—” You couldn’t even get your thoughts straight. You just spoke, everything spilling out of you. —“Please take me away from here.” Ever-suave, Kabuto found himself panicked.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I’ve killed a lot of people for one thing—” You met his eyes, but in your haze you missed all that they told. You saw complete and utter rejection.

“Aren’t you the one who always tells me that you’re not my enemy? You’re all I have.” Betrayal. If Kabuto could name the expression that washed over your face that would be it. You wiped the wetness from your skin with your sleeve. “Please, you know I would be quiet. You could have any of my books. I don’t even care about shoes on my bed. I don’t even need a bed just please let’s go right now!”

And for all of his big talk, Kabuto was at a loss. He wanted to. More than anything he wanted to scoop you off of your feet then and there, but he couldn’t. It wasn’t an option. He couldn’t bring you to Orochimaru. You were supposed to be here in the Leaf. You belonged here in the Leaf. This was where you could be happiest, not on the run with him. He’s caused enough damage to your life.

“I can’t.” That was all he managed to make out without his voice cracking. And as he looked into your large, wet eyes, his heart shattered.

“You can’t or you won’t?”

“I-I can’t. I—” He kicked himself. —“You’ll be happier here.”

“I’ll be happier with you,” You pleaded. You balled up your hands in the front of his shirt. “Please, I love you.” Kabuto diverted his eyes from yours, clenching them shut.

“No, you don’t.” He placed his hands over yours, gingerly trying to remove you from him but you stood firm. “You’re drunk. I’m sure that if you go to bed you’ll feel better in the morning.”

“I’m not drunk!” You argued, getting even more desperate than you already were. “You told me to gather up some nerve so here it is! I love you! Please let’s go, just you and me. We can start over—” And with a few quick hand signs, you fell asleep.

Kabuto’s hand hovered over your forehead. He could see your fear, feel it too. He caught you as you began to collapse and brought you over to the bed. Knowing your recovery speed, the jutsu wouldn’t last for long. Perhaps it would last a half hour, maybe less. Anyone else and he would have expected them to be out for the rest of the night. He covered you with your blanket and sat at the edge of the bed, ready to recast his spell when you began to come to for the rest of the night. He knew that if you kept talking, he would have done exactly what you asked. Kabuto buried his head in his hands and uncharacteristically, for the first time in years, began to sob.

Thank you to everyone who liked, reblogged, and followed. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.

[captain-josslett]

Broken Melody - Part Twenty Two

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine, Part Ten, Part Eleven, Part Twelve, Part Thirteen, Part Fourteen, Part Fifteen, Part Sixteen, Part Seventeen, Part Eighteen, Part Nineteen, Part Twenty, Part Twenty One...

Summary: Grammy Award winning Emma Danvers is the first to say she has a pretty good life. But what happens when it implodes around her and it looks like things will never be the same again?

Words: 3.1k+

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, stuff... I’m so tried my brain can’t function.

Pairings: Emma Danvers x Lena Luthor

This Part: Lena and Emma share their news with Eliza and the sisters discuss if they are really ready to see their baby sister.

So sorry for the delay. A lot of stuff has been happening over the past few weeks and my heart is just really heavy at the moment. But keep calm, carry on and enjoy the ride... Right? Hoping the next part will be soon as I’m actually looking forward to it. The long wait is almost over. Almost. Maybe... Let’s see what tomorrow brings... If my brain functions...

Thank you for reading and let me know if you wanna be tagged or any general feedback will be greatly appreciated. Please! I like knowing your thoughts.

Taglist: @finleyfray, @life-is-hella-unfair, @natasha-danvers, @supergirl-writingz, @camslightstories, @thinking1bee, @aznblossom,

Gif by the awesome @missmaclay​

​

Emma is wrapped up in Lena’s arms as they watch a Friends episode. Well, they were trying to watch it but Emma keeps turning her head to gaze lovingly up at her girlfriend. Smiling and enjoying the feelings of happiness within her before focusing back on the tv.

The girlfriends had made out for some time after Lena asked Emma to move in with her. Until the pair were broken up by Lena’s phone ringing out, causing the raven haired beauty to groan deeply and rest her head on Emma’s shoulder. Her groan increased in volume when Emma moved off of her lap to allow Lena to get to the phone in her bag.

Emma had watched Lena pace back and forth while discussing the headache of an issue that has risen from the negotiations with Japan. Instinctively Lena wanted to rush back to L-Corp to sort out the problem immediately. But when the raven haired turned around to pace to the other side of the room her eyes met her girlfriend’s and Emma gave her a reassuring smile, indicating it was okay if she left. However Lena made the choice to stay and ended the call soon after. Stating she would deal with it first thing in the morning.

Finally getting back onto the bed and pulling Emma into her arms while voice commanding the tv to resume their favorite show.

Once settled, Emma snuggles her head further into Lena’s arm, placing a gentle kiss on the skin there. Warmth fills the CEO as she glances down and returns the kiss by placing one on the blonde’s head. Emma lets out a puff of air, like a sigh of content, and smiles into her girlfriend’s arm.

They watch a few more episodes before Lena lets out a big yawn that makes her body tense and shake.

Emma twists her head to watch her girlfriend and suddenly her mouth opens wide too with a yawn. Afterwards she sits up and studies the tired raven haired beauty.

“Aw someone is sleepy.” Emma signs and smirks when Lena blinks and shakes her head. “Love I can see how exhausted you are.”

“I’m okay.” Lena says but immediately yawns, causing Emma to yawn again too. She lightly pushes Lena’s shoulder and the pair laugh, Emma’s letting out spurts of heavy breaths of air as her diaphragm moves sharply.

The blonde then lifts an eyebrow up at her girlfriend. “As much as I love you being here, don’t you need to go home and sleep? Especially with the day you are going to have tomorrow?” Emma tilts her head to the side and gives Lena a questioning look.

“Are you sure love?” Lena asks as she intwines their fingers. The blonde nods, leaning in to kiss Lena’s lips softly.

“Keep doing that and I won’t want to leave.” Lena says with a deep moan, pressing their foreheads together.

A knock on the door pulls them apart and Eliza walks in.

“Oh sorry! I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Eliza keeps her hand on the door handle and looks ready to quickly back away.

Lena smiles and pauses the show. “It’s okay.” She says to the older blonde and feels Emma squeeze her hand to get her attention. Lena focuses back on Emma and watches her sign.

“Can you tell Mom our news?” Emma grins happily, bouncing on the bed excitedly and repeatedly glances at both her Mom and girlfriend. Causing her Mom to arch an eyebrow at her daughter.

“Eliza, please come in, we have something to share with you.” Lena says a bit hesitant. Realising she hadn’t asked Emma’s Moms opinion, which Lena greatly values.

“Alright.” Eliza gently closes the door behind her and makes her way over to the bed, sitting on the edge and waits expectantly.

“I-er-well-” Lena mentally slaps herself, fear of Eliza’s disapproval starts overwhelming her. Until Emma reaches out and holds her hand. Grounding the raven haired beauty. Lena swallows and clears her throat. “As Lucy may have told you Emma will be discharged soon and I-” Lena trails off for a moment. “I asked Emma to move in with me.”

Lena can’t help but whisper the last bit. Internally eye rolling at herself. ‘A Luthor must never show their fear, or any emotion that gives them away.’ Lillian’s voice echoes coldly in her ears.

That’s until Eliza’s face lights up with a beaming smile. “That’s wonderful news!” The older blonde claps and reaches out, engulfing the two women in a group hug. The Danvers matriarch pulls back, grasping both Emma and Lena’s hands before focusing on her daughter. “I’m guessing you said yes?”

Emma nods quickly and matches her Mom’s smile.

“That’s wonderful sweetheart. I was thinking what would happen when you’d leave here but I needn’t have worried.”

Relief fills Lena, until she quickly lifts a hand to her mouth and yawns. Emma turns her head to hide her yawning as well. No matter who yawns Emma can’t help but yawn as well. “Sorry.” Lena sincerely apologises.

“It’s okay sweetheart.” Eliza searches Lena’s fatigued eyes. “Looks like you need to head to bed.”

The CEO nods and squeezes Eliza’s hand before cupping Emma’s face and kissing her goodnight. “See you tomorrow love. Sleep well.”

Lena gracefully slides off the bed, slipping her feet into her heels. Almost moaning out in pain as her feet loudly protest.

“Goodnight sweetheart.” Eliza kisses Emma’s forehead and hugs her daughter close. She watches as Lena quietly slips out of the room and Eliza quickly gets up to follow. She gently closes the door behind her, watching Emma briefly through the glass as she immediately grabs her notebook, flicking through the pages and starts writing. Eliza recognises Emma’s expression and knew her daughter was writing something for a song.

Taking her eyes off her daughter Eliza turns to locate Lena down the corridor and spots her quickly heading towards the elevator. “Lena.” she calls and hastily goes after her daughter’s girlfriend.

Lena screeches to a halt. ‘Oh no, she disapproves.’ Lena thinks and feels her hands starting to get clammy. Slowly she turns to Eliza who chuckles at her expression.

“Don’t look so worried.” The older blonde tries to reassure the other woman. “I just wanted to see how you are after our last conversation.” Lena feels herself relax slightly at Eliza’s words, but her tension is still present, not allowing herself to fully let down her guard. “So, what I want to ask is, how are you?” Eliza kindly asks.

“I’m fine.” Lena answers automatically but Eliza gives her a knowing look.

“Really?” The older blonde states before taking a deep breath. “Look Lena, I know you struggle opening up to people. It’s not hard to imagine what life was like for you growing up in the Luthor household. But you don’t have to hide how you’re feeling. Really, truly feeling.”

Lena’s eyes widen slightly as she feels the tears build and her throat getting tight with emotion. She quickly lowers her eyes to hide it. Until Eliza places a hand gently on her shoulder.

“Lena, look at me.”

Glistening green eyes slowly lift back up.

“As I have said before, you are practically family and whenever you need me, whatever time it is, call me.” Eliza tenderly wipes a tear from the raven haired woman’s face.

Lean swallows to try and relieve the tightness in her throat. “I will.” Her phone buzzes in her bag and she quickly pulls it out. “My driver is here, do you need a lift to where you are staying?”

“No thank you, I’m going to work a little bit longer on the samples.” Eliza answers and they walk to the elevator. Eliza hopes her daughter’s girlfriend has heard what she said and taken it on board.

-- -- --

Alex breathes out quickly as she extends her arms, pushing herself up from the ground before slowly lowering herself back down again.

Kara lowers her book and stares at her redheaded sister from the bed. “Alex?” The blonde asks with concern, causing Alex to pause and lift her head up at her. “You’ve been working out for hours.”

“And?” Alex huffs out as she continues her push ups.

“And you should be winding down for bed.” Kara crosses her arms at her sister’s attitude.

“Can’t.” The redhead grits out. Her arms and shoulders are screaming from the strain. But she stubbornly pushes through.

“Why?”

Alex pauses slightly before continuing her push ups. “When I stop- doing something- my thoughts just get-” Her voice dwindles. Not wanting to say it out loud.

“They get really loud.” Kara finishes for her and Alex nods, jutting her jaw out. “Then, maybe you need to speak them out. To stop them overwhelming you.” The blonde repeats what Doctor Jackson had told her the other day in their therapy session when Kara had been tight lipped about how she was feeling.

“Yes Doctor Danvers.” Alex quips back, standing and grabbing a bottle of water from the table. Her eyes find the painting Emma had done earlier of Kara and Alex. Sam had placed it into the container and Kara eagly took it out to study it.

Alex eyebrows knit together as she looks down at herself. Knowing it had unsettled her seeing how Emma had captured both the carefree laughter but also the tears from her earlier confession about her impending break up with Kelly.

More than anything Alex wants to jump into the painting and get back to that moment. To stop Kara and herself going into the trap later that day that ruined everything.

Alex leans heavily against the table, her shoulders slumping forward. She is desperate to see Emma. To hold her and apologise over and over for the words she said. For hurting her mentally and physically. But her fear was holding her back.

“I’m scared too.” Kara’s voice whispers softly next to her. Sensing Alex’s distress and taking in her defeated posture.

“Are we strong enough?” Alex murmurs so quietly only Kara could have heard her.

“I don’t know.” Kara wraps her arms around her sister. “But I know we have to try. For Emma.”

Alex nods, her face distorts and the tears she had been trying to hold back start breaking free.

“Let it out. Emma once told me that you get sick if you hold it all in.”

Alex lets out a wet laugh. “Yea I remember. Wasn’t she ten?”

“A very wise ten year old.” Kara agrees, leading Alex over to their joined beds and sitting down. “But you are deflecting.” She gently strokes Alex’s cheek.

“I should have protected her.” A vein pulses in Alex’s forehead as she tries to hold back her building sobs. Her eyes squint and her face distorts.  “She’s a part of my heart. You both are. And I should- I should have protected her.”

“Me too. But it was out of our control.” Kara gulps out as her eyes well up with tears.

Alex rocks as the building pain inside her starts becoming overwhelming. The redhead lifts her fingers and pinches the bridge of her nose, signaling her distress.

Kara gently reaches out and takes her sister’s hand. “Let it go Alex.” Kara whispers softly, carefully squeezing the redhead’s hand.

Finally Alex lets out an anguished cry, her heart clenching in pain and Kara pulls her into a hug. Letting her own tears fall and their sobs echo around the cell.

-- -- --

Time stands still Beauty in all she is I will be brave I will not let anything take away What’s standing in front of me Every breath Every hour has come to this

One step clos-

Emma pauses her writing. She frowns at why she suddenly feels anxious. It’s been happening on and off since she woke up. Random moments where her heart would clench and she just wants to sob. The blonde stares at the love song she had been writing.

A Thousand Years

Was neatly written on the top of the page. But Emma quickly places the pen on the page and puts it down beside her. She jumps off the bed and starts pacing her room. Her frown deepens as she tries to figure out why she suddenly feels so restless.

Grabbing her new phone Emma opens her messages to her girlfriend.

Emma: Hi love, just checking you got home okay?

She sighs in relief when the three dots appear.

Lena: Yes I just got in.

Emma: Awesome, I hope tomorrow goes well. Sleep well!

Lena: You too. I love you ❤️

Emma: Love you too 😘

Emma throws her phone onto the bed and continues pacing. Placing her hands on her hips and lowering her head as she tries to identify the source of her sudden anxiety.

A loud, frantic knock halts her movements and she quickly turns to the door.

“Em? What’s wrong?” Lucy enters with a frown, having seen the agitated Emma through the glass in the door.

Emma runs a hand through her hair before shrugging.

“You don’t know?” Lucy tries to guess from Emma’s body movements.

Emma shakes her head in confirmation.

“Well, do you wanna write about it? Maybe we can figure it out?”

Emma grabs her notebook and makes her way over to the sofa, crossing her legs and leaning against the arm. Lucy follows her and copies her friend.

‘Lena asked me to move in, but I don’t think it’s that.’ Emma holds up the pad and Lucy smiles that Lena found the courage to ask Emma.

“What was your answer?”

Emma does a small smile and nods.

Lucy does a little squeal and claps happily, causing Emma’s smile to widen. “Are you worried about it?” Lucy tilts her head as she asks and Emma shakes her head. “Okay, keep writing.”

‘Are Alex and Kara okay?’

“Yea they seemed to be when I left them earlier. Said they were gonna think about seeing you soon and that they love you too.”

Emma's eyes light up at the news. She had heard it from Lena but having Lucy tell her as well gives her more hope.

But her smile fades and she looks down to write her next question. ‘Any news from Doctor Sloan?’

Lucy takes in a deep breath and Emma watches her carefully. “Yes there is actually.”

Emma fidgets slightly. Crossing her fingers under her notepad.

“He’s been researching and looking over the pictures he took. He would like Doctor Hamilton to take some more photos in a few weeks and would then consider operating after that from a few weeks to a month.”

Emma’s eyebrows shoot up into her hairline and hurriedly writes.

‘That’s quick.’

“Well, this hasn’t really been natural has it?”

‘Guess not.’

Emma leans back into the corner of the sofa as she ponders what Lucy has told her.

“Emma?” The brunette watches her friend’s face. The contemplation etched there. “Emma?” Lucy tries again and barely bloodshot eyes connect with her.

Emma doesn’t move for a moment. Her heart beats anxiously inside her. Slowly she lifts her pen and writes. ‘Do you think it will work?’

“Honestly, I don’t know.” Lucy swallows and keeps her eye contact with her friend. “I wish I could say, one hundred percent, that it would work. But with anything like this, there are always risks involved.”

Emma nods sadly, placing her elbow on the top of the sofa and resting her head in her hand. She picks up the pen with her left hand and starts writing.

“You're ambidextrous?” Lucy asks in fascination and Emma shakes her head, writing her answer after her question. Drawing an arrow to signal to Lucy to read her response first.

She holds up the pad with her left hand. Keeping her head rested in her right. Lucy blinks at the difference in handwriting. Still very neat but not as curvy.

‘I broke my right arm when I was a teen. This was before laptops became a regular thing, so I taught myself how to write left handed.’

“Make sense.” Lucy mutters before her eyes lift to Emma’s earlier question.

‘What would you do?’

“I can’t pretend to know what you are going through.” Lucy plays with her fingers. She had tried to imagine how she would feel if her sister Lois had attacked her and took something precious from her. However, it was impossible. “If it was me? I’d go for it.”

Emma clicks the pen a few times and twirls it between her fingers as she ponders Lucy’s words.

‘Everything has a risk.’ Emma thinks as she reflects her friend’s words back.

“What is your gut saying?” Lucy interrupts Emma’s thoughts.

The blonde bites her lip and she takes a deep breath. She clicks the pen and starts writing.

‘Mainly to go for it but part of me is hesitant. Like what if it doesn’t work? Would it damage everything further?’

“That’s something you would need to ask Doctor Sloan.” Lucy answers while she fiddles with a loose thread on the sofa cushion. “But whatever you decide I will be with you all the way.”

Emma lifts the corner of her mouth and reaches out to take Lucy’s hand.

“Has that helped?”

It had a little bit but Emma knew it wasn’t the issue she was trying to deal with. But Emma nods anyway after realising how late it was getting and not wanting to take up anymore of Lucy’s time.

“Great! Shall I send Doctor Sloan an email and we can get the ball rolling?”

Emma swallows and feels her heart start to pound. Suddenly the room flickers and the blonde blinks to clear her vision.

“Em?” Lucy notices how anxious her friend has become again. The grip around her hand tightens and Lucy squeezes back before Emma lets go and rubs her eyes. “Tired?”

Emma nods before writing. ‘Yes to emailing Doctor Sloan. Can you give him my email?’

“Er… I may have to give you a new email to correspond with him. We got alerts that someone tried to hack into your accounts.”

Emma suddenly straightens up, her eyes flashing with anger. Immediately feeling violated at the attempt.

“Don’t worry, Brainy and Winn have placed the maximum security around them.” Lucy tries to reassure the blonde, who takes a deep intake of breath and lets it out slowly. “Is there anything else?” Lucy searches Emma’s eyes.

Emma shakes her head.

“Alright. I’ll leave you to rest.” Lucy opens her arms and Emma shuffles forward to hug her. Emma rests her head on her friend’s shoulder and imagines Alex or Kara hugging her. But it isn’t the same. They pull apart and Emma watches the brunette leave. 

Slowly Emma stands and heads towards the window. The blonde crosses her arms and takes a few deep breaths. Trying to search for the answer of an unknown question. Her mind goes back to her sisters. Emma looks up at the barely there stars due to the light pollution. She focuses on the brightest and hopes more than anything that Alex and Kara are okay and prays she will get to see them soon.

(Part Twenty Three)

[hela-avenger]

To the Stars Who Listen- Part 7

Author: hela-avenger

Word Count: 1977

Summary: When Loki desires to never fall in love, he casts a spell to prevent such a thing from happening. Except, well, in the matters of love and magic, you never know the result it may have in the end. Loki x Reader

A/N: This one’s a bit long and the next one will also be pretty long. I’ve just got a lot I want to include!  Tags are open! (Send me an ask/message/response.)

TTSWL Masterlist

Loki scowled as you led him once more out of the beaten path. He’s forced to descend down the damn hill again until you are content at the bare field that laid ahead of you. Loki glares at the sun that is beating down at them but is relieved at the cool breeze that flowed through the nearby trees. 

“Why did you bring me out here again?” Loki asks. “Isn’t the point of an indoor training facility is to train indoors?”

“After the incident from yesterday morning I decided it would be best if we trained away from everyone,” you answer. “I really don’t need to hear more of my friends confessing things to me.”

“Come on,” Loki drawls. “I’m sure a tiny part of you enjoyed it.” 

You hadn’t and yet a sharp sting runs down your spine at his words. As if your power was reprimanding you for lying to yourself. You try to ignore it but involuntarily shiver and Loki grins at the action. 

You hate his grin. 

You don’t necessarily hate him even though you had many reasons to. 

Loki destroyed New York in an attempt to rule over mankind. He also got his ass chewed out by his parents when he got sent back home. 

Now he was here, claiming to be better, reformed. 

You had yet to see it but noticing how miserable Loki was in the past months roaming the halls of the Tower you knew the slow punishment was certainly fitting the crime. 

Though now, things seem to be working out for him. 

“Look, I don’t want to question your superior knowledge on this matter but there has to be another way for me to expel the excess power I keep surging,” you state. “I can’t be blasting things hours at end so I don’t physically implode.” 

“There are other ways but they’re more complicated,” Loki answers as he crosses his arms. He was hoping that would put an end to that question but you pestered on.  

“So?” you ask him. “I can handle it.” 

Loki snorts. 

The arrogance you held was comedic. He would blame your humanity for the awful trait but his brother and his merry band of friends were endowed with it too. 

“You’re asking me to teach you how to wield your seidr,” Loki explains. “In mortal words that should help you comprehend, you want me to teach you how to cast spells. It will expel your powers but not as quickly or as greatly as the siphons will.” 

“So is that a yes?” you ask him unable to fight the smile on your lips. Loki rolls his eyes but you continue. “Come on. I’m trying to find the silver lining to this new power. If I can cast spells like a witch then I want to learn.”

“I take offense to the word witch,” Loki mutters, noticing how your fingers fidget with the gold siphons. Your obvious discomfort of them was written so plainly on your face. “Even if you could cast spells, you’ll still have to wear and use the siphons daily.”

 “Are you agreeing to teach me then?” you ask him. For once you were excited at the prospect of this lesson. 

“My spells of expertise reside on tricks and lies,” Loki explains. “They won’t work for you so I will have to figure out spells that rely on your ability of the truth.” 

“Seriously?” you deflate. “There’s nothing you can teach me today?” 

“Well I had planned to teach you how to pull out secrets and confessions in a more covert way, but you won’t allow my lesson, will you?” 

You shake your head and Loki rubs his eyes tiredly. 

“Just teach me something simple!” you offer. “Something that you as a kid managed to pull off and then I’ll subject myself to your lesson without questions or commentary.” 

Loki watches you silently realizing that you needed this distraction. It’s been obvious from the beginning that this power was something you hated. He was confused by this anger. Had it been him in your shoes, Loki would be elated to be more powerful than before. 

Of course, you were a different breed. 

From what he could tell by his observations, you were beloved by all. Strong, kind, and smart to be considered at the same level as many of these heroes you surround yourself with. You did it all by yourself and with the single motivation of wanting to do good for the world. 

Your intentions are and have always been so pure that Loki wonders if that is why the Book of Veritas deemed you worthy to release its power into you. 

“I can teach you how to shield…” 

“Come on, I know you have something more fun up your sleeve,” you interject. 

Loki tries to think but he finds himself distracted by the warm smile on your face. He’s seen it in the company of others but never had it been directed to him. You had never spent this much time with him to deem him one. 

“I uh… I cast childish spells. They all rhymed too. I don’t think…” 

Loki doesn’t understand why his mind drives him to that particular memory again. Of floating rose petals and impossible possibilities. He’s horrified by it. Especially as you take notice of it. 

“You know of one,” you point out, your smile widening. “What is it?” 

Loki hesitates but he knows that if he withholds his response for too long you’ll be onto him in seconds. You’ll pry the answer out of him. The truth coming out one way or another. 

“It was a foolish love spell.” 

“A love spell?” you repeat amused. “Little Loki wanted to fall in love?” 

Surprisingly enough, you don’t laugh or make fun of him. Loki is wary by the lack of it but answers your question nonetheless.

“I desired the opposite actually,” he explains. “I don’t wish to ever fall in love.” 

“And why is that?” 

“I’m not going to answer that,” Loki states. 

You’re very curious to know the answer, but Loki’s privacy was one you had yet to invade without his permission. He deserves to keep his secrets in the same way that you didn’t always deserve the truth. 

“So how do I cast this love spell?” you ask him. 

“Wish to fall in love?” Loki asks, turning the focus on you. 

You shrug carelessly, “Maybe.” 

“Don’t have enough admirers already?” 

“What are you going on about?” you ask with a roll of your eyes. “I don’t have any admirers.” 

“You can’t be serious.” 

You stare at him confused and Loki sighs in response. 

“You are.” 

Loki looks away in exasperation causing you to fidget again.  

“Just spit it out already,” you exclaim. 

“Bucky and Sam admitted they found you attractive yesterday morning,” Loki states. “And don’t get me started on the Captain…” 

“Steve doesn’t see me that way,” you sigh. “We’re just friends. All of them are my friends.” 

“Well, all of your friends are attracted to you.” 

You can’t avoid the sudden warmth that encompasses your face as you realize he’s being honest. You try to stammer out a response but the words are useless. 

“I uh… I mean… They’re not…” 

You take a deep breath trying to ignore Loki’s obvious amusement. 

“I don’t see any of them that way,” you respond curtly. “They are attractive men. Actually very attractive. I’m honestly surprised that the entire team hasn’t been poached by a model agency by now.” 

“You’re straying away from the point.” 

“Right, well…” you stumble. “The point is that I don’t find myself romantically attracted to them. They’re great guys but I need more.”

Loki doesn’t really care for your explanation and yet he finds himself intrigued. 

What more could you possibly want? 

You had the whole world in your hands and yet you desired more.  

There was only one way to find the answer and he dreaded the mere thought of it. 

“The love spell needs some binding elements,” Loki states. “I used rose petals but you can use whatever you can find.” 

You can’t help the smile on your face as he conjures a small gold bowl in his hands for you to use. You eagerly take it from him and Loki watches as you skip away to collect whatever you can find. 

“You are going to bind your desires to these elements so I would suggest you choose wisely.” 

You heed his warnings before coming back to him. 

“Ok I’ve got them,” you tell him. “What now?” 

Loki looks down at the filled bowl and scowls. 

A few autumn leaves, daisies, and blades of grass. 

“Interesting choices,” Loki mutters. “Do you have your spell in mind?” 

“No,” you answer. “But why don’t you tell me how yours went and I can just… copy that.” 

Loki notices the mischief laced in your smile. Your intentions were so blatantly clear because you had no wish to hide them from him. He wonders if this was a side effect of your powers or if it was from your original character. 

“A yellow rose petal for friendship, a white one for youth, a red rose petal for love and a blue one for truth,” Loki states. “...And that is all you’re hearing from me. The rest is none of your concern.” 

“Fine,” you smile. “Keep the juicy bits to yourself.”

You take a deep breath and look down at the contents inside your bowl.

“For my heart I wish to have... a man who loves me with all that he has. Blades of grass to signal he’s lean. A fighter, a lover, a man of means. Autumn leaves and daisies of plenty. I hope to find love when I least expect it.” 

Loki could taste the magic in the air. He closes his eyes and feels the warmth and softness brush against his skin. He waits to hear your shocked gasp as the elements in the bowl begin to float away but it never comes. 

“Is something supposed to happen?” you ask him as he opens his eyes to find the bowl still filled. “I feel like something should have happened.” 

“You’re indeed right,” Loki frowns. “Your binding elements should have flown away to find your perfect pair.” 

“Did I do it wrong?” 

Loki shakes his head. He could still feel the residue of your magic and the spell was perfectly casted. 

“Repeat it again.” 

So you do feeling the bowl grow warm in your hands. 

The magic is more pungent now and Loki feels how heavy it lays around them. Before he could decipher the phenomenon, the entire contents of the bowl blew up between them. You and Loki are covered in the debris of grass, shrivelled up leaves, and daisy petals. 

“Ok,” you cough out. “Was that supposed to happen?” 

“Not at all,” Loki scowls as he brushes off the remains from his person. 

“What does it mean?” you ask as you pull off a petal from your hair. 

The magic was fading away from the air and Loki had no explanation to offer as to why your love spell had gone wrong. 

Perhaps your demands were too much, but if that were the case that meant Loki’s spell had actually worked while yours didn’t. Someone who wanted love couldn’t achieve it while someone who didn’t had. 

Loki lets out a sigh. 

“I have no idea,” Loki shrugs as he takes the bowl from your hand and makes it disappear. “You might have infused too much of your power in it and burnt out the spell.” 

You can’t help but chuckle. 

Loki wasn’t necessarily lying but he wasn’t telling you the entire truth. The thing that surprised you immensely was that you really didn’t care to know what he could possibly be hiding. 

Not this time. Perhaps not ever.

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