#she knows Travis never actually does anything

[greynatomy]

football or football?

lucy bronze x reader

lucy won the very close poll.

been seeing the whole taylor swift and travis kelce thing on tiktok and got this idea.

this became longer than Iithought it’d be. was supposed to be a ficlet. oh, well.

let me know what you think!

-grey

———

For the past two weeks, you’ve been trending on twitter. At first you don’t know what it’s about, but your publicist caught you up saying how there’s a footballer — American footballer — who keeps mentioning you in interviews and on his podcast. It was honestly getting pretty annoying, not just to you, but also to your very jealous girlfriend.

You’d both decided to keep your relationship private, with you being a popular musician and your girlfriend being a top footballer in the league. Except, the media has been labeling your relationship as friends, best friends who support each other. Never once has there been an article where you both are speculated to be dating.

You’ve both been fun with it, being able to not have to hide anything, but with the whole Travis Kelce using your name to stay relevant to the media, your girlfriend is getting fed up.

“I don’t know why he keeps bringing you up? Not once have you mentioned him on anything. ‘The ball is in your court?’ Like what does that mean?” Lucy rambles.

“Honestly, I’m getting tired of it too. I’ve been so busy with touring that I didn’t even know about it until Sarah told me.” You reply, cuddling up to her on the bed, your head on her chest.

“Did Sarah tell you what you should do?”

“Sarah’s pretty much fed up like the both of us so she said it’s up to me. She doesn’t care if I tell him to fuck off, I’d do it anyway without telling her.”

“Didn’t you say he invited you to a game?”

“Yeah, he did. Why?” You we’re getting skeptical with the way Lucy has a smirk and mischievous look on her face.

“Don’t you think it’s time for us to come out, no?”

“Been together four years. Probably long overdue.”

“Well you better tell him that you’d love to accept that invitation, with a plus one of course.”

“I’m liking the way you think.”

———

Now a week later, you and Lucy were dressed up in red, arriving at Arrowhead Stadium. Lucy had a red England bucket hat on that she took off your head. You were being escorted to the friends and family box by security, running into people who recognized you. One hand holding Lucy’s the other waving to people as you passed.

Walking into the box, you were met with lots of people, Travis’ mom was the one to come and greet you.

“It’s nice to meet you Mrs. Kelce.”

“Oh, please call me Donna. It’s so nice to meet you. I’m a big fan of your music, been wanting to meet you ever since Travis said that you’d both started talking.”

“That’s so nice of you, thank you, but unfortunately all the conversations your son had with me are one sided. I’ve never once entertained anything he said. The only time I’ve texted back was to tell him I’d love to attend a game. Never been to an American Football game before.”

“Really? My son said you guys were getting along.”

“Unfortunately for him, we haven’t. But I’d like to introduce you to my partner Lucy.”

“Oh, it’s very nice to meet you as well Lucy. I’m sorry if my son cause any trouble between the two of you.”

“It’s no worries at all. Excited to watch the game.”

“You’ve got an accent. Where are you from?”

“From England.”

“Yeah, I’m a sucker for accents. But let’s not let the situation get in the way and enjoy this game.”

———

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ynupdates yn seen at the kansas chief’s game

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fan1 NO WAY SHES THERE

fan2 MAMA KELCE IS WITH HER

fan3 is ynvis real?!?!

fan4 is everyone gonna ignore lucy bronze right next to her

———

The game just finished. Everyone is cheering as the Chief’s won a game at home. You and Donna hug each other close, jumping up and down. Lucy was actually awestruck by all the people celebrating their team winning, thinking back to all the times fans of hers and her team celebrated like this.

Moments after, you follow Debby to the hallways, no doubt leading to her son. Travis comes out freshly showered and changed a bit after, going straight to his Mom for a hug. Then he turns to you opening his arms out for a hug, so you give him a side hug, not wanting to be mean. Cameras click nonstop towards the two of you.

“It’s nice to finally meet you.” He says to you.

“You as well. Great game you played out there.”

“Thank you. Wanna go somewhere more private so we can hear each other better without the prying eyes?”

“Yeah, sure.”

He leads towards the exit, you following behind him, your hand holding Lucy’s tightly, who Travis hadn’t acknowledged at all. Exiting towards the garage where his and your cars are parked, you relax a bit, relieved to be away from the cameras. Lucy walks a bit off to the side to let you two talk, but still close enough to hear, in case he says something he shouldn’t.

“Im glad you accepted my invite.”

“Yeah, me too. I’ve never been to or seen an American Football game.”

“American Football?”

“Well, yeah. The U.S is the only one that plays this sport. Football is played throughout the world.”

“Wow, you’re gonna be like that?” He says, thinking you’re flirting with him by saying his sport isn’t widely played.

“Be like what?”

“Never mind. But I just wanted to ask if you wanna hang out right now? Get to know each other a bit more.” He steps closer towards you, but you step back.

“I’d have to decline. My girlfriend and I have to get back to England. She’s got a couple Football matches coming up.”

“Girlfriend?” Travis is shocked by the information. “I didn’t know you were even with someone.”

“I’m surprised no one knows. They see two girls and automatically think they’re best friends or something. But, no, been with that girl right there four years. It was very obvious.” You wave Lucy over. “Travis this is Lucy Bronze, my girlfriend—”

“—Actually fiancé. Proposed a couple weeks ago, so there’s still some getting used to. It’s nice to meet you mate. Heard you’ve been talking ‘bout my girl pretty often past few weeks.”

The look on Travis’ face is laughable.

“Uh, yeah. Sorry about that. I didn’t know.”

“Yeah, we’re very private people. But now that you’ve met my girl after being all up in her DM’s, you’d stop using her name to stay relevant yeah? ‘Cause it’s making you look desperate.”

You didn’t interfere. You’re stood off to the side, a proud look on your face.

“Yeah, of course. Never again.”

“The last thing you should talk about in that little podcast of yours is a public apology using her name for fame like many men have in the past.”

After a moment of Lucy staring at Travis she speaks up again. It was a bit funny how intimidated he looked at Lucy, seeing as she’s almost a foot shorter than him

“Well, mate, we best be off. I’ve got some Football to be preparing for, my girl by my side always. Best of luck to you. Hope you find someone that isn’t taken.”

With that, she takes a hold of your hand, leading you to the car. You give him a little wave, leaving him speechless in the middle of the parking garage.

———

liked by leahwilliamsonn, lucybronze and 10,375,829 others

yourinstagram Thank you travis for the invite! Had a lot of fun at my first ever American Football game with my Fiancé. Congrats to you and your team on the win! #KansasCityChiefs

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lucybronze very different from football for sure

↳ yourinstagram very different

leahwilliamsonn where was my invite?

↳ yourinstagram you didn’t get one

↳ leahwilliamsonn rude

fan1 SHES ENGAGED

fan2 ynvis isn’t real thank god!

fan3 OHMYGOD ITS LUCY BRONZE ALCJHD

fan4 this is a very polite way of saying ‘keep my name out your fucking mouth’

[its-in-the-woods]

Down the Rabbit Hole Chapter 4

Chapter one here, two here, three here

Pairing: Walton Goggins x You

Rating/Warning: As always minor get out. Little angst, lots of fluff, handholding, vague suggestions of sex

Slow build like novel damn length okay, Very Fluffy, Pinch of Angst, Relationship Development, Hurt/Comfort, Older man/ Younger(30s) women, Alternative universe, fictional work (IDK WHY BUT I AM PUTTING IT) Probably more as I go.

Synopsis: Working in film as a make-up artist is hard enough, but then Walton Goggins requests you, well it's way too easy to fall down the rabbit hole.

Note: they are both single, all for fun.

WARNING I do not have this all written out, I do have it plotted out, but it may be a little slower for chapters to come out. Please bear with me. Each chapter is roughly 2-3k long.

*releasing this early as I have a few days of being free. Thank you for all the love <3*

Trevor apologized about seven times in text before phoning you and apologizing again. You tell him ten times that it is fine and you were more than okay. Which then leads to about five hundred questions about what happened between you and Walton. The man will not take ‘nothing happened’ for an answer. 

“Trevor-Trev- oh-my-god could you shut up for one second,” You squeak into the phone, the man has not stopped talking since you picked up. 

“You woke up in his house! In his bed-”

“It was a guest room!”

“Are you sure? Did you see another room?”

“You are impossible right now. It was a spare room.”

“But he made you breakfast!”

You groan into the phone. “Trevor-”

“Like does that count as a date? Did you go on a date?”

“We did not go on a date. We did not sleep together. The only reason he didn’t take me home is because you wouldn’t answer your phone and I was beating anyone who asked where I lived.” You rush out, trying unsuccessfully to persuade him from asking again. 

“I give you mad props for beating on Leonard that man is a beast.”

You chuckle at that, Leonard looked like a cross between ex-military and Santa Clause. Thinking of yourself beating on him for touching you was hilariously ridiculous. The man was probably more inconvenienced than hurt. 

“So when is your next date?”

“TREVOR! We are not dating.”

“Yet. You’re not dating yet. Very important.”

You groan and bang your phone against your forehead in frustration.

“And don’t tell me it’s because he is older than you. I know you like to date older men.”

“I should have never told you that. Biggest mistake I have ever made.”

“Dirty old man fucker.” Trevor is cackling away in the background like some James Bond villain. 

“Oh my god Trevor. STAAP it.” You are also laughing, your damn friend was right. 

“You love it, and I know all about it,” Trevor sings songs into the phone.

“What about you and Decon?” You ask, changing the subject as smoothly as you can. At this rate, your face was going to be permanently red. 

“Oh. It was a wild night! I am looking forward to another one.” Trevor made some lewd noises.

“So gross, both of you. But I am very happy you’re happy.”

“I am over the moon,” Trevor is quiet for the first time, “He just treats me so well. I woke up and he was still there. Made sure I was comfy and took care of me”

“You’re so screwed.” You giggle, you had to give as good as you got. 

“Mmm, actually yes I am. And you should try it sometime.”

You groan again, “Yeah maybe in the next lifetime.”

“Oh, pffts. I give you another two weeks and I will be catching you sneaking off to his trailer.”

“I am rolling my eyes. Can you imagine if Liz got a whiff of anything?”

“What would she do? Fire you? You can’t fire a lead request.”

“I am sure she’d find a way. Or make me regret ever being on the show.”

“Pfftts. She can eat a bag of dicks. Actually, she may need to.”

You both break out into laughter at that comment. The two of you talk back and forth for a good hour. Before Travis is off to Decon’s again, you make gross gagging noises at him. Telling him to enjoy the rest of his weekend and you’d see him on Monday. 

You lay back on your bed staring up at your speckled ceiling, you had stuck up a handful of glowing stars to cover the water damage. Mind running over the weekend, running over the last month. You tell yourself that you’re delusional to think that Walton would ever be interested, but the thought is nice. The thought of going on dates, and well more, is delightful. Then again though, at the end of the day, you’re you. A thirty-something living in a studio apartment trying to break into a career that was over-saturated with a lot of talent. You rub your face, yep the picture of a prize.

***

You wake up early, determined not to let the sour mood you found yourself in over the weekend ruin this week. It’s a new day, anything is possible. Or something like that. You are already on the second cup of coffee, as your toast pops. Your phone jingles and you grab it to see who has decided to bother you this morning. 

“Hey, it’s Walton. Trevor gave me your number. We are running behind. See you soon.” Of course, Trevor would give him your number. You grumble at that, also at yourself for failing to realize you’d never given Walton yours. 

Your heart skips a little, you scold yourself for being ridiculous. “No problem, see you soon.”

“Do you want a coffee?”

“Yes, I’d love a coffee,”

“Same as usual?”

Now your face is pink as you stare at your phone screen. “Are you flipping fourteen again?” You say out loud to the room. “Stop this right now. You know better.” You curse and try to calm your damn heart. 

“Yes please.” You text back. 

You shake your head and finish eating your toast and grinning like a damn moron. Brushing your teeth, braiding your hair, and getting mostly looking human. It was a quarter to six in the damn morning anyway. If you were meant to look presentable this early you would have gone to bed earlier. Your phone buzzes reminding you that you need to get out of there. 

Grabbing your phone and purse you head out the door. Do your best to suppress the butterflies as you all but skip down the hallway. No matter how much you try to tell yourself that nothing will come of this, your heart is overruling your brain. Down the three flights of stairs and yep your heart is pounding in your chest enough to feel like a panic attack. You stop just before the front door, you can see the blackout line of an SUV through the glazed window. 

“Just go out there. It doesn’t matter what happens.” You take a deep breath. “And now you’re talking to yourself outside a door like a lunatic.”

Pushing through the door into the grey rainy early morning, you see Leonard standing beside the car with a small smile. The man reminds you of a Grandpa, big and gruff, but at the same time soft and kind. His arms folded across his chest, shoulder-length white beard blowing in the wind.

“Good morning Leonard, I heard I made quite the scene on Friday.” You smile as he opens the door for you.

“Just making sure you got home safe,” The man smiles, eyes hidden behind sunglasses. 

“I would like to apologize, I definitely won’t make a habit of it.” You say, giving his arm a quick squeeze, as you get into the SUV. It was the least you could do, you’d have to ask Walton what the man liked to drink. A small token of thanks only seemed fair. 

“Well, if you stay in my company it may become one,” Walton says with that damn smile gracing his face. He was wearing loose-fitting blank pants, a grey zipped-up jacket, and glasses as he read over the script in front of him. 

“Promise, I’ve seen worse dear,” Leonard says before closing the door and getting into the driver’s seat. 

You look at Walton and can’t help but smile back at him, “Who says I am going to hang out with you more.” 

Walton chuckles, taking his glasses off to look at you, “We will have to see about that.” 

You’re both sitting on opposite sides of a bench seat, but his hand finds yours and you don’t pull away. He talks about walking along the seawalls and a lazy Sunday spent indoors reading novels. You really wished you had been a bit more willing to spend the weekend with him. Somehow you end up telling him about your sketches and artwork. Your thoughts about one day doing prop creation, or maybe special effects. He asks about the sketches and you promise to bring one of your art books in. 

The ride is way too quick, and before you know it you’re being dropped off at your trailer. You thank both men again for the ride and hop into the trailer. 

Liz is sitting in your usual workspace, her face is a tight line that makes you feel sick. Why she was there was another question, the whole crew was supposed to three cities over setting up. 

“Hey, Liz,” You say, trying not to sound like you just walked into a swamp full of alligators.

“Of all the people, I would have expected you to be the most professional.” Your heart thuds in your chest at the words, wondering what the hell she is talking about. 

Sitting your bag down by your cupboard you turn to look at the women. “I am sorry?” 

“You think people didn’t see you leaving with the leading actor on Friday?” The woman sneers at you, her voice low but full of venom.

You put two and two together suddenly realizing what Liz was talking about. For a moment you’re stunned by the fact that the rumor mill had run so fast and far. “He was just making sure I got home safe.”

“Oh give me a break.” The woman hisses, your heart pounding in your ears now. Chest tight making it hard to breathe. “No one is that stupid girl. I saw you get out of the his SUV”

Your face goes red and something inside of you snaps. “First. Do not speak to me like I am a child.” You're angry now, and you’re so over the bullshit. “Second, what happens in my personal life is none of your business.”

“You think it looks professional to be running around after some actor?” She spits back, and your mind races to the rumor Trevor had told you about. 

“Well, it can’t be any less professional than you sleeping with half the production team.” The words come out of your mouth before you register them. It was only a rumor, but Trevor rarely dabbled in things that weren’t at least partially true. 

“You little witch.” Liz’s face is now red and she looks hurt. Yep, Trevor had hit the nail on the head with that one. “I should fire you right now.”

You glare at her, all your inhibitions set aside, you know you have the upper hand here.  “Go ahead, Liz. Fire me. See how well that goes over for you.”

Liz’s face clenches and you can tell you have her cornered. Yes, she could fire you and could make a big stink, but chances are the production won’t sanction it. Not to mention the union would have a fit. You would make sure of that. It wasn’t something you wanted to do, but damn, two could play at this game. 

“You-” Liz hisses standing and moving toward you, but you refuse to move, letting the woman get up in your face. “I will be grabbing some of my product and leaving you for the rest of the week. I hope it goes well.” 

She is gone with a blue tote a moment later. You are left standing in the middle of the trailer taken off guard. The fact that she’d come here, heard from a third party what had happened, and then decided to confront you. Part of you wants to cry and the other part wants to laugh. The most you’ve done with the man is hold his hand and everyone thinks you both were screwing over the weekend. You slide into your chair still a little baffled by the incident, not to mention that Liz would even suggest firing you. Your stomach rolls and you feel a little sick, tears now welling at the corner of your eyes. 

The door opens and you expect Trevor but it's Walton. The smile on his face falls immediately as he sees you.

“What happened?” He asked, quickly shutting the door, placing a breakfast burrito and two coffees on your station.

You shake your head and tears fall from your eyes. Hands covering your mouth as a small sob comes out. The rollercoaster of a morning is finally getting to you. Walton is in front of you gathering you up in his arms. He is warm and gentle, you try not to let the emotions overflow but it's too late. Leaning against him you cry. He smelled like coffee and vanilla, his jacket was soft against your cheek. Strong arms holding you against him as all your feelings spill out. You let yourself cry for a moment before you steel yourself enough to pull back. He's handing you tissues and you plunk yourself back into the chair feeling worn out and dazed.  Walton crouched in front of you eyebrows furrowed as you blew your nose. His hand landing gently on your knees as he comforts you. 

“What's going on Hon?” He asks as he rubs a soothing hand over your knee.

“It's -” You falter, unsure of how to explain the absolute bullshit that just happened. “Liz was upset about me going out on Friday”

Walton looks even more confused. “Why would that matter?” 

You rub your face trying to figure out how to say this. The amount of bullshit that happened was just ridiculous and you really didn’t want to drag him into it. Ultimately, you just say it cause there isn't a way around it. 

“Someone saw the two of us leave together.” You swallow your mouth going dry. “Liz made assumptions and told me I was being unprofessional. She threatened to fire me.”

Walton stands grabs his coffee and takes a sip. “I am not sure how that is any of her business. You've been very professional, and being fired would be detrimental to the whole process. You are a key part of this team, and her sticking her nose in your business is more unprofessional ” 

You just shrug, if you could go curl up in a ball for an hour you would. Just hide away, you can barely look at him. Shame hitting you at the fact you’d lost your cool over something so trivial. 

“It was just unexpected. And very hurtful.” You wipe your eyes, cursing that you need to reapply to your eyeliner. 

“Of course it was.” He comes back over and grabs your hand in his. They are always so warm. “You don't deserve to be spoken to like that. I am tempted to mention this to the PM.”

You shake your head looking at him finally. “It’s not the worst thing that's been said to me. Liz means well.”

Whether that was true or not was up in the air. Liz was a lot of things but she usually wasn’t unnecessarily cruel, which is why it had come off so shocking. The woman didn’t exactly have a way with words, but she had to have meant well.

“She means well?” He looks at you with eyebrows raised, his lips pressed into a firm line. Judging by his expression Walton didn’t believe that any more than you did. 

You swallow, “I- I need to have thick skin to do this job. It's not easy and people are always going to look for ways to judge me or demean my work.”

Walton squeezed your hand, “That may be true. But it doesn't mean I have to like it.”

The door to the trailer opens as Trevor walks in. His eyes look between both of you and then down to where Walton is holding your hand.

“Uhh, I will go wait outside..” Trevor flushes trying unsuccessfully to back himself down the steps. 

“No, it's okay.” You both say. 

Trevor pauses. Then proceeds to come in. Walton rubs his thumb over your hand before letting go. You wish he would stay, but there really wasn’t time for any more sappiness. 

“I am going to head over to costumes. They needed to do some alteration on a piece.” Walton says briskly grabbing his coffee and sliding the burrito across to you. He's out the door before you can say thank you.

Trevor is sitting there with a shit-eating grin, his feet dangling as he watches Walton go.

“So you aren't dating?” He chuckles, turning to lay out his tools. 

You groan, looking in the mirror to fix your eyeliner and clean off some fallen mascara, “He was being kind. Liz was here this morning. Guess someone told her about me leaving with Walt on Friday.”

Trevor's smile fades as he looks at you, “Those milling bastards.”

“Yep. Liz was unimpressed and threatened to fire me.”

“She wouldn't.” He all but stomped his foot. 

“Well, I am sure I will find out in the next few days.” You pray to whoever is up there that Liz would just leave it be. 

“Liz is many things. But she isn't stupid. Firing you would be more of a problem than it's worth.” You knew Trevor was right, but it did sting a little. 

“You're more than likely right. But it still hurts. Walton came in right after the argument and I will-” You look down at your feet remembering how upset he looked. 

“Had a small breakdown?” Trevor added in, trying to look at you.

“Yeah. Snot and all” You sigh as you double-check that everything you need is out and clean. 

“You should go out with him just to spit Liz.” He chuckles as he texts someone on his phone.

“If. And it's a big if. Trevor, I am going out with him. It's because we both want to. Not because of Liz.” You say firmly, that woman would not dictate your life. 

Trevor looks up from his phone.”Two weeks, three weeks, top before you are making his trailer shake”

You make a face, “You're disgusting.”

“You like it!” Trevor smiles, and you do. It was part of his never-ending charm. 

***

Chapter five

*So so much love to every one of you <3*

*If you want to be tagged in the next chapters please let me know*

[butididntpourthewhiskeys]

Sweat & Tears

“Are you sure?” the red-haired woman looks at the blonde in front of her, who clearly struggles to take off her sandals. It’s silent in the room, two security guards waiting in the door frame for her. Tree can see clearly how Taylor's hands are shaking, almost like a tremor that has been brewing inside of her for a few hours. She’s fiddling with the buckle of her Gucci heels. Truth is, she’d prefer for Taylor to spend her evening in company of her father and herself over a nice dinner in her suite. Besides the many phone calls Tree has to make, she still cares about Taylor’s well-being first and foremost. And by the sight of it, she absolutely is not well. But knowing the blonde stubborn woman as well as she does, Tree could already tell by the minute they left the venue that Taylor is once again in a rather self-isolating mood. 

“Do you need anything?” she asks then, still watching the long blonde sitting on the couch of her hotel suite, knowing very well that she didn’t get an answer to her last question.

“Do you have water? Let me know if you need anything else. Dinner will be served as soon as you…”

“I told you, I’m not hungry.” Taylor responds then in a tone that tells Tree everything she needs to know. One more push and Taylor might actually loose her temper. She sighs.

“Alright. Call if you need anything. Alex is on call next door. These guys will be just outside your hotel room door for safety.” She says and points to the men right behind her. She looks at Taylor one last time, who is still sitting on the hotel couch, obviously exhausted and down. She doesn’t want to push her any further, but she can’t contain a last “get some rest, Tay. I know this was a rough few days but you’re doing great.”

Taylor doesn’t reply, once more, and Tree gets the message. She gives the three men next to her a look, signaling them to ensure that her door is secured at all times. Tree then leaves the presidential suite, and the big door falls into the lock. 

And suddenly, Taylor's alone. Completely alone. 

She takes a deep breath. She just needs to shower it off. With her hair in a loose bun she covers her eyes for a moment sitting there. She’s tired. So tired. But every time she tries to relax, there’s the same picture in her head. Beautiful Ana’s smiling face. The fact that this young person had to loose her life because she decided to give a concert. Taylor immediately gets up. This thought is unbearable. She needs to stop thinking about this. She walks barefoot over the burgundy carpet of her suite, makes sure the curtains are fully closed before opening the bed sheets. She’s been waiting all day for this. 

Within one second, Taylor has gotten comfortable under these heavy sheets. The air conditioning in the room is on full mode, and she’s thankful for this cooling sensation of the bed sheets on her bare legs. The incredible feeling of crawling into bed after a horrible day. Another thing that Ana will never experience again…

Just when Taylor was about to get lost in these thoughts again is when her phone vibrates for what feels like the fifteenth time tonight. She knew that her mom and Travis had been texting her. But the last thing she could do earlier was to be on the phone when everything went down. Her desperately waiting in her way too warm and stuffy dressing room. Her dad walking up and down, telling her that it’ll be alright and that everybody is on her side. Sweat dripping down her forehead. Tree being on the phone constantly and a bunch of translators running back and forth. And her? Useless just in between the chaos. She wasn’t able to tell anyone at home what was going on. There was no space. No silence. No room to breathe.. until now.

Taylor opens her iMessage chat with Travis and swallows. 18 notifications. 7 calls. He’s worried. Not just because she didn’t pick up or reply to his texts for hours now but also because he had to find out that this show, that she’s been terrified of playing all day, had been postponed last minute through an instagram post on her official handle. Never before did he have to find out something like this through social media.

Your dad told me you’re unwell. Call me when you can. No need to go through this on your own.

His last text makes her smile slightly. He never fails to show her support. And as shocked as she is that he went to the lengths of calling her father, it shouldn’t really surprise her that much. These two have hit it off to an almost greater degree than she and Travis have. Her dad adores him. No wonder these two are chatting behind her back. 

Taylor takes a deep breath, opens her front camera for a second. She looks horrific, tries to fix her bangs for a moment before calling him back. Yes, she knows he won’t care what she looks like but she still wants him to not see her at her worst. Not just yet. Just when Taylor is about to leave her bed to fix her face and her hair is when she gets an incoming FaceTime call from him. She hesitates for a second, then decides to go for it anyways. 

The second he appears on her screen is the second she feels tears boiling up again. She doesn’t know why, but something about seeing his kind face and the worried look in his eyes opens the flood gates for her. She needs him. Oh lord, how much she would love to tell herself that it isn’t so.

“Oh baby” is all he brings out for a second. The little tear escaping Taylor’s eye and rolling its way over her cheek hasn’t remained unnoticed by him. She doesn’t say anything, just makes sure to wipe the incoming tears as much as humanly possible.

“I’m sorry, I…” just when she was about to apologize for how he’s witnessing her right now is when he interrupts her already. 

“Tell me everything. I just got home from practice and I’m all yours. Your dad said there was some issues with the people there again?” 

Taylor takes a deep breath, glad that he’s there. Glad that she can talk about it. Glad that she knows he wants to listen.

“It’s a nightmare. I told you this morning how they threatened Tree and 13 that I’m contractually obligated to perform because apparently the circumstances aren’t as bad as they need to be for a show like this to be cancelled. Like..” Taylor can barely find words to describe her anger, just feels angry tears following the ones from before while her hands are making a grand gesture.

“I mean, a young girl has died... DIED the day before and they don’t think this is as bad as it gets? And Tree also told them about my little incident last night and…”

“Thank god!” Travis interrupts her. She knows the second he learned about her fainting backstage after the show, was the second he himself started to worry more than she would want him to.

“Yeah but, they basically still wanted us to go through and then they finally agreed to providing free water if we cover the costs. Which is something they shouldn’t even charge anyone for, but like.. of course I would pay for that. I didn't even care. And yet once people started getting seated and the arena got more and more packed, there was no water being handed out to people. Nothing. If… if my team hadn’t flagged this, I probably never would’ve known, Trav and…”

“This is unbelievable.” He just says, sighs deeply and is clearly angry too. He’s sitting on his couch, wearing one of her beloved huge sweaters that she’s been stealing so often. What would she give to cuddle herself into his chest, feel his big arms hold her tight and simply fit her little big world into the palm of his kind hands right now.

“Yup. So I just posted it. On Instagram. Because there was no getting out of the show unless I pull the plug myself. They’re threatening us with a lawsuit now, but..”

“Oh fuck that. No chance.” he says and she nods. Hard to imagine that she doesn’t even care about this possible lawsuit at all. There’s so many other things she cares about more in this moment. 

“Well, besides that. We reached out to Ana’s parents and… they’re in shock. They hate me. They disagreed to speak to me. And..” 

Taylor wants to continue speaking but the lump in her throat is growing to a size that makes it hard to breathe for her.

“I’m sure they don’t hate you.” he says, cannot stand seeing his girl cry all alone in this hotel bed, on the other side of the earth. He’s never been closer to jumping on the next plane there as he’s been right now. 

“Well, they’re in shock I assume. And they have every right to hate me. And then on top of all this the hotel is swarmed by people. They have basically taken the cars we took from the venue because my team covered the license plates. For safety. Literally to not get chased on the fucking high way. But no chance. So now, all we can do is just stay at this hotel and hope for tomorrow to be better and…”

She stops then, knows that she’s just been rambling for a while now. And as much as she hates to present this anxious and crying version of herself to Travis, she kind of feels a lot better all of the sudden. It felt good getting it off her chest. It felt good just telling somebody that she’s not doing well. A few last hiccups escape her mouth and she’s drying her face with her hands. Her eyes are puffy, red and swollen. But she doesn’t even care anymore. There’s so many worse things that can happen than looking like this.

“Oh Tay..” he says then. Doesn’t move from where he sits, just straight up looks at her through his phone. 

“Yup.” she just says, knowing damn well that no one knows what to say about this nightmare weekend. She feels bad all of the sudden to put all these heavy feelings on him, especially because he never asked her to.

“I’m sure every single person you spoke with tonight has said this to you before, but I’ll say it again.” he says then, a serious look on his face. She’s never witnessed him like this before and it definitely draws her attention even more to the screen than before. 

“None of this, was in your power. None of this.” he says, and she knows he means it. Taylor takes another deep shaky breath and looks back at him. She nods. Hearing him say these words almost makes it possible for her to believe them. 

“I know, you take pride in having control over things and organizing and planing things to a tee. But there’s always gonna be stuff out of your control, and sometimes things go horribly wrong. But that’s absolutely out of your control. I hope you know that, babe.”

She looks at him for a moment, doesn’t say anything. Then she nods. Why is it that she believes anything he says? 

“I know. It’s just…” she stops, feels new tears forming. For a moment, she’s collecting herself again. Travis can see what she’s doing. She’s trying to hold back her tears. He hates it. 

“Hey, it’s okay to cry sometimes. Don’t try to play it all cool with me. I hate when you do that.”

Taylor almost starts laughing through her tears, and so does Travis. 

“I just… I’m sure you had an exhausting day today as well and all we talk about is me again. And…”

“Shut up.” Travis interrupts her again, and Taylor just wipes her tears. 

“I had a boring day. All I was thinking about all day was you. I love you. I’m worried about you. Stop playing it cool with me. It’s okay to cry about this.”

Taylor doesn’t move. Her head is leaning against the velvet bed rest behind her. She looks awful and for a moment she doesn’t care because she can feel that he doesn’t. She nods. Tears still streaming down her face.

“I miss you. And... I love you, too.” 

It still feels weird knowing that these words escape her mouth as casually as they do, but it feels so good and so right. She loves him. He loves her. Unbelievably beautiful to travel the world with this knowingness in her heart and head.

Travis sighs deeply from where he is. He slowly sits up. The iPhone camera still right in front of his face. 

“Do you think I’d get in trouble if I call in sick tomorrow and coach Reid sees pictures of me sneaking into your hotel in Rio?” 

Taylor can’t help but laugh quietly. She knows he wants to be there for her. But she’s gonna be fine. Knowing that he’s there, in her life, just a call away, is enough for her to know that she’s gonna be fine. 

“Let’s not get you into any more trouble than you're already in now.” she says jokingly then, for the first time tonight there’s no tears coming down her cheeks. It’s been healing to see his face, to hear his voice. The calm after a storm. A warm hug after a horrible day. That's what this is for her. That's what he's been for her since the moment he walked into her life.

“Tay, I’m worried about you.” He says then, and she knows this time it’s him who’s becoming vulnerable. It feels ridiculously good to know he cares. Even though she’s almost embarrassed to have put him in this position. It’s all new between them, still. He’s never had to deal with her lows before. She never had to ask herself if this could be too much for him, as it has been for everyone before him. 

“Don’t be.” 

“No, I’m serious.” He says then. The look on his face is still gentle and kind but she knows he’s being serious about this.

“I don’t mean the fact that you’re upset or that your show is cancelled but I’m worried about your physical health and your safety. Have you had dinner yet?” 

“Baby, I know you’re worried and it’s so sweet but I can assure you that Tree and my team are taking care of me very well. There’s like five guys in front of my hotel room door right now, and..”

“Have you had dinner yet?” he asks again and she knows he knows. He’s been incredible when it comes to her sometimes problematic eating habits, ever since she told him about this topic. Never before did he ever comment on anything she’s done or hasn’t done in relation to food. But her collapsing backstage last night did something to him. It’s in his eyes, it’s in the way this question comes out of his mouth so firmly. He's scared. He cares.

“I’m still a bit nauseous from the heat and..”

“Did you get an IV?”

“I didn’t need one today. I didn’t perform. So..”

“You said it was incredibly hot in your dressing room? Didn’t you spend all day there? That's not the best way to spend a day before performing for three hours in the heat.”

“Yeah but it was fine. It’s just.. whenever it’s hot I can’t really eat much. So…”

“Baby, please make sure to eat something tonight and drink enough water. I also still think another IV before your show tomorrow would be a good idea.”

She takes a deep breath and nods. He’s right. He always is. But what she appreciates the most in this moment is the tone of his voice. He’s assertive. But he’s gentle. A combination that impressed her from the moment they met. 

“I know.” she just says. 

“I almost had a heart attack when your dad told me you passed out last night.” he says, and she sighs. She knows this incident scared him. She can’t blame him. If she were to ever get a call from his mom, telling her that he fainted on the other side of the world she would probably lose her damn mind. 

“It’s just… performing like that for three hours at 140 degree? It’s horrible.”

“I bet.” he says quickly. “And I’m so glad you cancelled tonight.” 

Taylor nods. Somehow, just hearing him say these things really calms her down slowly. 

“I miss you. I’m not dealing with it too well at the moment.” she says once more, and his mouth turns into this beautiful smile she loves so much. 

“Me too. It’s been so hard focusing on anything after Argentina. After seeing you perform, sleeping in one bed with you. Kissing you good morning. I could get used to that.” 

Taylor smiles instantly, and nods. He speaks her mind, once more.

“Can’t wait to see you next week. Even though I’ll miss Thanksgiving. It breaks my heart, but..”

“Hey, we’ll do our own little post-Thanksgiving dinner. Don’t worry about that.” 

“Trav?”

“Mhm?”

“Thanks for being there for me tonight. I feel so much calmer than I did half an hour ago.”

The man on the other side of the screen smiles at her once more. He’s so happy to be this person for her. He’s so happy to have this effect on her.

“See, that’s what I’ve been telling you all along. Whenever we speak, my day gets 99% better. Just after seeing that face.”

She giggles quietly. 

“How are you? How was practice?” she asks then, wishes she had asked him before earlier. She hates when it’s all about her. He knows that. 

“Was good. Nothing special happened. Just got home, ordered some food and might pop into Brit’s Thanksgiving dinner later tonight.”

“Oh my gosh, yes! How could I forget? Ugh I can’t believe I won’t be able to go. Give her a hug from me okay?”

Travis smiles and nods.

“Of course. I won’t stay long though because I have physiotherapy tomorrow super early.” he sighs and it makes Taylor smile. He usually doesn’t mind getting up early but he definitely does on a Sunday morning. 

“What are you doing now? Are you in your suite?” he asks and Taylor nods. Her tears have finally dried and she fixes the heavy bedsheets over her body. It’s really gotten cold in this room. At least here, the air conditioning works just fine. 

“Yup. It’s like.. eight I think. I’ll just go take a shower and watch some Netflix and that’s it.” she says, clearly not impressed by her plan of the evening now that she won’t play a show in front of thousands of people. 

“Order some food, baby. And dessert. Promise me.”

Taylor smiles slowly, then nods. He’s right. She needs some dessert tonight. 

“Thanks for being there for me.”

“Don’t ever thank me for this again. Of course I’m here for you.”

Taylor smiles, then gets closer to the screen and kisses her phone camera. He laughs quietly.

“Go take a shower now and call me when your dinner has arrived. We can eat together. My lunch should be here in a bit.” 

Taylor nods, sits upright for the first time tonight. That’s actually a better idea than for her to be crying alone watching some Netflix show.

“Sounds great.” She says, slowly gets up and makes her way to the bathroom. 

“I’ll call you in a bit. Okay?” 

“Okay.”

“I love you, baby.”

“Love you.”

A few moments later, Taylor steps out of the shower, dries her body with the soft white cotton towels at the end of the generous bathroom and quickly reaches for the robe on the hanger next to the bathroom door. She slowly covers her still damp body in the white fabric, then leaves the warm bathroom to step back to the main room of her suite. The cold air of the air conditioned room hits her gently. She weirdly can’t find the body lotion she brought. It must still be flying around in her suitcase. 

Taylor slowly crouches down, starts rummaging through her big suitcase. Why is she always so messy when it comes to packing? 

Suddenly, she gets startled by a knock on the door. One knock. Then another. For a second, she stands up. Just ensuring to wrap the fabric of the robe even tighter around her body than before. She slowly makes her way to the door of the suite, still barefoot. Her hair still in a bun from the body shower she just took. 

“Hello?” she asks carefully, can already hear Dustin from her team speaking. 

“Taylor? We have a delivery for you. Do you mind opening up?”

Once more, Taylor clutches onto the robe covering her naked body, making sure she's still fully covered. She carefully opens the door, finds two security men still standing right in front of the door. But to her surprise, Dustin is carrying something very big and very heavy in his arms. She’s confused. White paper covering the package.

“Do you mind if I…?”

Taylor realizes quickly that he needs to place the heavy delivery somewhere. She steps aside, lets him enter the suite. Dustin carefully places the package on the little side table next to the couch of the suite. 

“What’s.. what’s this?” 

“A delivery from the hotel. I was asked by Tree to bring it to you directly.” 

Taylor looks confused, just covers her mouth as Dustin proceeds to peel off the paper from the top of it. Behind the packaging, a massive bouquet of red roses becomes visible. It’s a ball of flowers. She’s never seen so many put so beautifully together. 

“Oh my god? What…”

“This is the card for you.” he says, smiles warmly at her and proceeds to leave the suite again. Taylor just remains standing there. The door falling into the lock, her robe still a little bit too big on her, both eyes on the beautiful roses in the middle of her living room. She quickly opens the envelops that Dustin just passed to her. For a moment she reads these printed words. Then she looks back at the flowers and smiles. The biggest smile she's smiled in days.

Because I’m always with you, even when you can’t see me. I’m so proud of you. 

I love you.

Travis

[englishstrawbie]

Station 19 7x09

Now that was one hell of an episode! Forgive me, this might get long.

Carina DeLuca, I was a little mad that you tried to ruin another sexy moment with baby talk but then you did that little lick before you kissed Maya's abs, so all is forgiven. 🔥 Also Carina describing Maya as her "hot, hot, hot wife" when the episode gave us that ending felt intentional and mean.

The mutual "I love you", the nose rub, the kiss... I love these sweet moments between them. And then there was the "I'll see you at home", which said just as much, like they were willing it to be true because they both know that the wildfires are going to be a hard fight. Especially after Carina had just been treating a patient whose husband was lost in the woods.

"What if this is it? What if I never see him again?" ... we all know where Carina's mind went at that moment.

"I'm sure he's doing whatever he can to find his way back to you" ... oh, I hope she hangs on to these words when she finds out about Maya. (Assuming she does...? It seems to me like they need to get Maya out of that fire pretty damn quick, before Carina even has chance to find out.)

"Monogamy is for the weak" ... "Or the very very dedicated, that's what I said - and that's who I am now" ... THANK YOU for remembering the whole line. It drives me crazy when people only quote the first part, when the second part of it says a whole lot more about who Maya was then and who she is now. That said, I have mixed feelings about the idea of her offering to get pregnant if Carina can't - because the whole point of pushing the IVF at the same time as adopting Liam is because it's Carina's dream to carry a child and experience childbirth. Still, it says a lot about how much she's changed that she's even willing to think about doing it.

THE ENDING. I expect it's been said enough already but HOLY SH*T. What a way to end the episode, to set up Carina for joy and heartbreak at the same time. Stefania's acting was on point in that moment, the little "no" of disbelief when Helm told her she was pregnant and her "why, do you think it's Maya's?" joke. Contrasted against Maya's absolute panic as the flames surrounded her (even if the special effects of the fire were a little distracting). I don't actually believe it will end in heartbreak, I very much believe that Maya and Carina will get their happy ever after with lots of babies. If anything, I suspect we may see Maya question her job with the fire service again as it feels like it's been leading to that - and I'm still not keen on that idea, but (as someone else pointed out to me) if that's her decision, at least she makes it on her own terms.

Although, at this rate, Andy is going to be left with a team at 19 made up of her ex-husband and Beckett. 👀

I loved all the Maya and Andy scenes we got, I'm glad their friendship has been more prominent this season. I love hearing them both say how proud they are of each other.

Maya Kathleen? Didn't they mean Maya Katherine, after her mom?

All the throwbacks to previous episodes and scenes were great and I hope that continues into the next episode. Dibs on the puppy. Hughie. The five OGs on top of the fire truck was such a wonderful scene, watching them all get into the same position as the last time we saw them there. It made me sad that Dean and Jack weren't there.

"We're 19 - family forever" ... ❤️❤️

I hope Theo getting hurt doesn't interfere with Vic's plans to move to DC with Crisis One. It's where she belongs. I love the idea of Travis going with her, although he has good chemistry with the new guy whose name I don't remember.

This was an A+ episode for me and I really really hope next week's finale lives up to the same hype.

[gunpowderraven]

critical role: by someone that hasn’t seen any of it

hi so we recently got into dimension 20 and our friends have been tugging us towards critical role for a very long time at this point but we still haven’t watched any of it nor do we know all that much about anything that actually happens in it. however we do intend to actually start watching soon so we decided it was the perfect opportunity to make one of those ‘all the things i know about this thing i haven’t watched’ posts, show it to our critrole friends, and then actually get into critrole and be able to look back and laugh about it later

also the images are all sourced via friend so this is all one hundred percent no wiki no google knowledge, just from tumblr and discord convos and stuff. and some cast compilation videos that were very funny

update: we are now watching cr3! liveblog tag for silly lb -> #cr3 lb

vox machina

from left to right:

- i have literally no idea who the two halflings are. i’ve never seen them before in my life. what. uh. paladin and bard? im literally just guessing. who plays these characters. what

- grog? grug? this is travis’ pc maybe. also hypothesizing hes a half-orc barbarian or something similar? ive seen like one clip of him

- percival frederick von something something de rolo i think there’s a iii in his name as well, his name is long and very german but he does not have a german accent. or a french one. at separate times i have thought this character was german and french and then i heard him talk and was like. What. anyway i know he’s taliesin’s pc and he invented guns and is also possessed sometimes by big bird demon, and he has a nifty plague doctor mask. also tragic backstory. his entire family is dead i think. no mercy percy! he has a thing with vex? also his hair did a wilbur. the gay people on tumblr love this twink. i also think i love this twink

- vax’ildan! i think i may have actually spelled that right! half-elf? vex is his twin? and he’s... liam’s pc i think. yeah that’s it. he gives me angsty boy energy tho. not as much as percy but this boy has seen some shit. also he might be a rogue or a ranger who even knows. he looks like gay jon snow

- vex’ahlia which i definitely didn’t spell right. i think the next one is marisha’s pc so this one is... uh... laura? i think she’s the ranger actually. i think she has a bear. not like a gay bear like an actual animal bear. though it could be gay too i dunno. she has a think with percy. or everyone wants her to have a thing with percy. i genuinely can’t tell. anyway get that traumatized twink girl

- keyleth... marisha’s pc. some kind of spellcaster? maybe sorcerer? wild magic? she Also has a thing with percy maybe. or vex. or both. who even knows. everyone wants that twink. one time she threw herself off a cliff and turned into a goldfish and almost died and it was hilarious

anything else i know about this:

- there are evil bitches called the briarwoods and they might be vampires

- this is the one that got a tv show and might have also been the first critrole campaign idek

- d. ragons? chromia something. dragons. i hope i haven’t been lied to about the dragons. i hope there are actually dragons in this. there’s like a chromium something with dragon symbols tho

mighty nein

from left to right:

- mollymauk! ...tealeaf? another taliesin pc. the trans people like this one. i don’t know what their pronouns are. but theyre slaying every time i see them at any time. no idea what class but maybe a spellcaster?

- ...beau? i know her exclusively through lesbian ship art so i know her name is beau something bc that’s the ship names but i don’t know if that’s short for something. monk? no clue. also no clue who plays her either. maybe marisha?

- i have seen this character but i do not know their name. or anything else about them

- oh this is the sad wizard boy caleb widogast. he’s gay for essek thelyss (or something. i didnt spell that right) who is a npc i think. yeah. sad wizard. every time i see him he’s just being a wizard and sad. the gays love him too but he’s more of a distraught otter than a sad twink. maybe he and percy should start a club tho. also i think he’s played by liam

- i KNOW this character’s name i think it starts with s but i can’t remember for the life of me. scriv? scrat? no thats the rat from ice age. possibly a menace? i think im getting them mixed up with someone else. they look cool as hell though

- jester!! laura pc i think perhaps. i want to get drunk with her and tell her about all of my problems. yeah. i dont know anything about her actually. beaujester exists tho i know that

- YASHA. CRUSH ME HOLY FUCK. sorry im normal ? her voice makes me a little crazy insane. ive seen a few clips of her. mostly gay shit with beau. uh she’s played by ashley and she could kick my ass very easily

oh my god there’s another photo

- i think there’s only one character different here and it’s caduceus clay fun fact i hated this mfer for really dumb shitty personal reasons for a while before deciding it was very stupid to blame a fictional character for interpersonal drama and now im fine with him. wait does mollymauk die or something. wait a second. no, wait, fuck—

- ALSO WHO’S THAT FUCKER IN THE BACKGROUND I JUST NOTICED THAT

anything else i know about this:

- yeah i got nothing. no idea about the lore or the plot or anything bc i pretty much exclusively see gay ship art of these pcs. love wins i support it

bells hells

from left to right, one more time:

- look my brain is just saying gertrude from dungeons & drag queens but obviously that’s incorrect. so i don’t know who this is

- or this! but she looks very pretty and i love the little... monkey... bird? pls tell me these two characters have some kind of wild opposites dynamic they look like they do

- LITTLE ROBOT GUY . fcg? fgc? i think it was the first one. uh. liam pc? ?????? i think he gets bitches

- orym...? i know one of these characters is named orym. and i think it’s this one. i also see gay fanart of him

- i don’t know who the guy underneath him is

- or the lady with the purple hair god i really don’t know shit about this campaign sorry

- ashton greymoore, taliesin pc, my friend luna loves this guy, he’s. rocks? he’s rocks. groovy.

- someone in this campaign is named like dorian or something and im guessing its this one bc idk who they are either

anything else i know about this:

- flying.......... ship?

- this is the ongoing one i think

thank you for coming to my ted talk, i can’t wait to look back at this in a few months and laugh my ass off. hope u enjoyed this mess

[star-girl69]

Ultraviolence

Natalie Scatorccio x Fem!Reader

—-

a/n: i don’t have an explanation for this either. enjoy it while it lasts. i hope you all enjoy!!

side note but this is the chapter that started it all!!!!!!!!! it’s gonna be a long one. i thought of the title ultraviolence and then what happens and this chapter title is what came from it.

*if you’re curious, the title comes from the lyric “jim taught me that loving him was never enough”

warnings: reader gets punched (sorry i had to give y’all a true y/n moment), lottie gets brutally beat up by shauna, mentions of blood and such, i’m sure you all remember this scene….., swearing ofc, kissing, allusions to hot and heaviness lol, mentions of infant death, then actual described death, knives, attempted murder, like a lot of violence, cannibalism!!!!!!!, ritualistic sacrificing, ITS HERE Y’ALL, Y’ALL KNOW WHATS HAPPENING, tell me if i missed anything!!

Chapter Thirty One - Loving Her Was Never Enough

Chapter Thirty One - Loving Her Was Never Enough

—-

1996-

The days after the birth are startling. You know what is should feel like. You should be fussing around the baby, you should be complaining when he wakes you up in the middle of the night, but it’s just not.

The cabin is silent, you think maybe for the first time since you’ve been here. Silent. Eerily silent.

Shauna lays in the same bed she gave birth in, Tai sits next to her, and it’s all shrouded in this hazy layer of grief and anger and death. Everyone is just silent.

You sit on the chair by the window, Natalie at your feet, laying her head in your lap and you run your fingers over her blonde hair. Her roots are so bad now, but there is really nothing you can do. You wonder if it bothers her. She’s always hinted that she dyed her hair for a reason. You wonder if it haunts her now.

You watch Tai mutter forget Shauna about drinking something, but she turns around, he’s still in her arms, and she’s still silent. She hasn’t spoken a word since she woke up and held his little frozen body.

“Lottie?” you hear Tai ask. You look up from Nat’s blonde hair. “Do you see something?”

Lottie stands from the chair next to Shauna. “The snow. It finally stopped.”

Everyone sits up, now slightly eager to at least get out of this cursed and death-riddled cabin.

Travis and a few other girls quickly move, grabbing onto each other and the door, pulling and pulling while you grab Nat’s hand and wait for it to finally just burst open, like a bird waiting for their cage to open. Even if the hand coming in only brings food, you will bite and bite to get out.

And it does, it cracks open with a sickening crunch, snow spilling out like a tsunami.

“Holy shit,” Nat smiles, and you squeeze her hand, someone mutters about grabbing a bucket, and God at least you’re out. At least you can flap your wings, even if they’re not strong enough to get you out of the wilderness.

—-

You spend most of the day just floating around with Natalie. It’s peaceful, as much as you can get out here, your feet crunching through the snow and her hand in yours. Shauna buries her baby. Lottie, Misty, Akilah, Mari and Tai go out to search for Crystal after Misty conjures up some speech about their duty to find her even in the wake of his death.

You can’t do it, you can’t do anything except for ignore it and be here with Natalie.

—-

Much later, you’re all gathered around the fire, the search efforts abandoned for the day. Your hand is in Nat’s lap while she stares into the fire, and you’re listening to Misty go on about Crystal.

It made you feel bad for her, her cries and her speech, no matter how many looks Tai sends you about entertaining her, you can’t stop. Can’t take this from her. Even if the rumors being spread are that Misty murdered Crystal are true… you can’t. Because you don’t know.

If the rumors are fake and she’s really hurting… it doesn’t kill you to let her talk.

“And she was always singing,” Misty coos. “Always singing.” She starts humming along to a song you don’t recognize, but it is catchy.

“I’m sorry, Misty,” you say when she done. “Crystal is so wonderful… I hope you know that we’re here for you, and I’m sure she’s out there.” Lies taste bitter on your tongue.

She presses her hand to her chest, suppressing another cry, grabbing your hand and squeezing. When she moves onto the next victim, Natalie bumps your shoulder.

“You’re so nice to everyone. It makes me sick.”

“I’m just an angel, really,” you hold your hands above your head in a circle, a faux halo.

She smiles and grabs your hands, kissing your knuckles. “My angel. My nightshade.”

You grin stupidly because this girl really is your everything, and draw her in for a sweet kiss. Her mouth against yours is the same and yet wildly different every time. The way you fit together is always the same, like puzzle pieces, like you were made for each other. But the way she makes you feel each time your kiss varies.

Some times, like this, you’re just so happy you smile against her and your heart is just warm. Other times, your clash together hot and heavy, mouths open and teeth smashing, and she makes your entire body feel hot. Sometimes she just holds you so tight you know that there will never be anyone else for you- you just feel so completely and utterly hers, and better for it.

Van makes a gagging sound on the other side of the haphazard circle. You pull away with matching smiles, Nat shooting Van an unimpressed look.

“You and Tai are just as bad.”

The two girls look at each other before dramatically grabbing each other’s faces and pretending to roughly kiss, making you laugh. You adjust to turn towards them and not just Natalie, accidentally knocking over your cup of water onto the floor.

“Oh, shit,” you murmur. There wasn’t a lot in it, but still enough for you to warrant grabbing a spare rag to soak it up.

Nat rubs your knee as you stand, the door opening as you do and Shauna filing in. She obviously doesn’t want to be talked to. You feel bad, but you won’t force her to do something she’s not ready to do.

You stand up, humming Crystal’s song to yourself, heading for the rag on the table Melissa sits at.

“Why are you singing that?”

It takes you a second to realize Shauna’s talking to you. She’s turned completely towards you, something like hate festering in her features. It scares you.

You look towards Natalie, who looks just as confused as you.

You stare at Shauna like a deer in headlights.

“Where did you hear that song?”

“Um, uh, Crystal,” you breathe. “Misty was telling me-”

She comes towards you so quick no one can do anything to stop it. Her fists connects with your cheek, hard and uncoordinated because of her anger, and God does it fucking hurt.

You yelp and curl in on yourself, pressing your hand to your face and falling against the door.

“You killed my fucking baby!”

The sentence is the most terrifying thing you have ever heard. You barely even helped. You barely even helped.

Natalie is next to you in a second, you’re crying, she’s yelling and Shauna and whispering- Stop, Shauna! She did everything she could- Y/N, Y/N, baby, are you okay? Are you okay? Where does it hurt? Where does it hurt?

She presses her hands against your face, you hear the rage in Shauna’s voice and you’re terrified, you can’t catch your breath.

“No, shut up! You all fucking ate my baby!”

Shauna is beyond rationality. You look past Nat and see the pure hatred, the insanity in Shauna’s brown eyes. Van and Akilah are trying to hold her back.

She’s making no sense.

“I saw you! You were covered in blood!”

“Shauna, stop it!” Tai screeches. “You’re acting insane!”

Van suddenly yells and pulls her arm away. “Ow! God, she fucking bit me!”

Akilah let’s go of her, but Lottie is in front of Shauna now.

There’s tense moment. The entire room breathes heavily. She stops for just a moment.

Shauna grunts and punches Lottie in the face.

You flinch on principal and Natalie presses herself closer to you.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” she says, craning her neck to watch. You stare past her, entranced by the piece of rage that seems to have taken over Shauna.

Where did it start, you wonder? Her heart? Her lungs? Her liver?

Lottie brushes her hair out of her face and locks her hands behind her back.

“Travis, take Javi to the bedroom.”

You realize what’s about to happen.

“Lot?” Van asks, but she knows too.

“Shauna…” Lottie breathes, “I know there’s a lot of pain right now. Let it out.” No one moves. “Shauna, we need you, let it out.”

She swings. She meets her mark. Lottie staggers back but comes right back for more.

You breathe in.

Shauna hits her again and Lottie falls to the floor. She kicks her in the back. Again, again, again, again and again and Lottie jolts each time.

Natalie’s hands are shaking against you. Her nails dig into your sides where she now holds you. You’re breathing so much and not enough you don’t know how your lungs are still working.

Shauna climbs on top of Lottie and flips her over. She hits her. She hits her. She hits her. She screams and screams. And she hits her. She hits her. She fucking hits her until Lottie is passed out and unrecognizable, her face is bloated and bloody.

And no one does anything.

Finally, Shauna falls next to her, breathing heavily. She lays there and breathes. You’re not sure you breathe. Shauna sits up and looks at her.

“Lottie.” She doesn’t move. Of course she doesn’t. “Lottie.”

Lottie spits out blood. Then she breathes in. Laying on the floor, covered in blood, you swear you see the shape of white antlers in the fire behind her.

Shauna stands up and walks towards you. Natalie throws you behind her, but Shauna doesn’t look at you, she just walks past you and out the door.

Everybody rushes towards Lottie.

“What the fuck,” Nat breathes. “What the fuck.”

You press your burning face against her chest, cheek still imprinted with Shauna’s knuckles, and you cry. You cry.

—-

Akilah finds a mouse. She talks to it and it brings her comfort. She cries when Taissa shows her it’s not real.

—-

There’s blood everywhere. This wasn’t like Jackie. This is raw and disgusting. It tastes so bad and feels so good. You don’t stop until you’ve eaten what must be his entire arm. You’re all eating, you’re all moaning and groaning like you did that cold night with her.

There’s no smoke in the air this time to hide your sins.

Shauna runs in, there’s blood on your face and metallic in your mouth. She knows what happened. You don’t bother to wipe your face.

Shauna screams.

You wake up screaming, everyone is annoyed with you and groaning. You cry into Natalie’s arms. She says your name over and over again.

“I’m sorry, Shauna. I’m so sorry, Shauna. I’m so sorry.”

—-

You lean against Nat, the two of you sitting on the long bench against the wall, Coach Ben on the other end. The two of you have felt like a package deal lately. Sometimes you look at Shauna and you remember her rage and you feel your aching cheek- and you’re scared. You’re so scared.

Natalie looks at Shauna like she’s poison.

You don’t know why, you don’t know how, but you know the dream you had is not just what your mind conjured up. Somehow, someway, you know you saw what Shauna saw.

And that scares you so bad you don’t even tell Natalie. But she doesn’t ask, she just holds you through the nightmares, she holds you when Shauna’s near, she holds you when you remember.

You feel useless and stupid but you can’t get it out of your head. She doesn’t make you. You savor it a little longer until the next tragedy happens.

Nat squeezes your side unknowingly. You follow the sight line of her harsh glare and find Shauna picking up a blanket at Gen’s feet. Nat grabs your leg and hooks it over hers, she brings you closer.

“Sure,” Gen says sarcastically. “Go ahead.”

“You’re not using it and Lottie’s cold.”

“Now you give a shit about Lottie?” Melissa asks.

“Hey!” Van shouts, standing slowly. “Lottie took it from her to protect us. Don’t let that be for nothing.”

Shauna looks down. She looks at Gen and Melissa, and then she walks away.

Natalie’s voice is hushed when she speaks.

“Maybe Lottie dying wouldn’t be the worst thing.”

She moves her hand from your waist to the side of your head, pressing you further into her shoulder. Like she can just fold you into her, eat you up and keep you safe from this cruel wilderness. You wish you could do the same to her.

You know she’s not talking to you. You listen anyways.

“I mean, if she’s in pain, then… yeah. Maybe for the best,” is Coach Ben’s answer. The wilderness has forced you to talk about life and death like it is nothing. You wonder what special hell awaits all of you for squandering this gift.

Nat scratches your scalp. “Everyone’s just so… I don’t know. They’ve changed, because of her. It’s like she has some weird control over them or something.”

“Sounds like you’re jealous.”

“Right,” she says, and you could almost smile at the sarcasm in her voice. “Even Javi’s gone to the dark side.

“Oh, come on, Nat. He doesn’t even talk.”

Remembering Javi and everything he’s been through makes you feel sick.

“He doesn’t have to.” You feel her turn to look at Coach. “I saw him, like, bowing to a symbol tree the other day.”

“Which tree was it?”

“Hm, not far from the creek.”

You can feel Coach Ben realize something that terrifies him.

—-

Mari hears the dripping again, the dripping she’s been hearing for a while. Mari sees something. She screams. She says they’re dead. She cries when Taissa tells her nothing is there.

—-

When Natalie tells you of her plan to make Javi gloves, you say the first words you’ve said in three days that’s not panicked whispering in the middle of the night after a nightmare.

“Let me help.”

You do one glove and she does the other, managing to scrape together the materials- you’re grateful for Home-Ec classes now.

Faintly, you realize that Nat was in your class too. She sat in the back and was barely there, to be fair, but she was there. She was there before you knew to look for her. And that should seem sweet but it’s cruel, because it’s less time you could’ve spent looking at her.

You sit by Nat’s feet as she gives him the gift.

“They’re not that pretty.”

They’re beautiful because they were touched by her.

“And they don’t change color in the cold or anything.”

There’s magic in just being able to make Javi smile.

“But they might help.”

You watch him smile as he puts them on. You gesture towards him and he holds out his hands, letting you admire your handiwork on their final resting place. You smile. You smile and he smiles back. You turn his hands over before folding them up and squeezing them.

“Beautiful,” you whisper. Nat smiles.

You look up at her, but she’s not smiling anymore. She’s staring at him. At Travis.

“Need something?” she says. He leans against the doorway.

“No.”

He brushes his hair back and sits in Javi’s old place. You hate how uncomfortable Nat looks.

“You’re a good person. You’re both good people. And I’m sorry for… for ever making you feel otherwise.” Nat stares off over your head.

You stare at him. You grab his hand. Travis, Travis and Nat and you. That’s it.

It takes her a second, but she places her hand over yours and his.

—-

Not quite asleep yet, not quite awake, you lean against the wall together while you wait for someone to turn off the lantern. Nat is already asleep, her head in your lap, your hands again in her blonde hair.

Misty creaks down the ladder, Akilah scrambles from her sheets.

“Hey, how’s Lottie?”

“She’s, um…”

Your stomach drops, everyone sits up. Nat sits up, your hands fall from her hair.

“She said, um, if she dies… she wants us to make use of her. To stay alive.”

“Did she really say that? She must be really fucking sick.”

“I can’t imagine being here without her,” Van says, like it’s final. Like she won’t accept it.

“Me either,” Shauna says.

“Then let’s not.” Mari sits up. “Lottie isn’t gonna die. The wilderness won’t let her die.”

“It may not want her to, but if she’s starving… there’s no way she’s gonna live,” Travis says. He’s now sitting up next to you. You look at him.

“The same is true for all of us.” Nat says, her hand finds yours.

It’s for you, the way her fingers intertwine with her say. It’s for you, it’s for us, it’s for what we have.

Taissa sits up after a moment.

“Okay. We need to find a way to stay alive.” There is a deadly sort of focus, of a promise in her eyes. “And it can’t be her.”

—-

They set up the bone, the candle, the knife, all of it the same way they did during Shauna’s birth. That time, you were trying to save someone. This time, you’re trying to kill someone.

You watch them. You lean against the wall with Natalie.

“Nat,” you whisper, and it startles her because it’s been so hard for you to talk. “I’m scared. Why are we doing this? I… I dont want to die, Nat-”

“Shh,” she whispers, her hand on your face. “Not you. Not you, never you.”

And for some reason it comforts you.

Going into this circle means the chance to eat and the chance to die. But the hunger, hunger that you never thought a person could feel before, it hurts so bad you would do anything to stop it. It’s not you, it’s survival. It’s the primitive part of your brain your starving body reverts to, the part that would do anything to stay alive.

Most of the time that means fighting and killing animals. But there’s no animals to kill in these woods. There’s only humans. There’s only your friends.

The circle forms. Van flips through the cards before finding one. She holds it up. It’s the Queen of Hearts. The implication is silent but deadly. Whoever draws that card is the one who dies.

You watch her shuffle them. You’ve never been religious, but fear will turn you into whatever you have to be. You pray, even though some part of you thinks it’s no use, and a bigger part of you is too desperate to stop.

The circle is eerie and silent.

Some deep part of you screams to stop this. Screams for rationality, screams for any other way.

But you are beyond rationality. Nothing about this is rational or normal. This hunger is nothing short of a God-like experience- how can you want something so much that you would kill for it? How powerful could an emotion be that you would do this?

You’re staring down the jaws of death, the scent hitting your face, and you’re throwing someone else into the endlessness of its throat.

Van holds out the cards, face down, and Misty steps forward. She grabs the card at the top, her head level, eyes pointed down, she smiles and breathes in.

Misty spins around with her card, and everyone can see that she’s safe, this time, that it’s not the Queen.

Misty grabs the deck from Van and turns to Akilah. She stares at Misty, innocence in her eyes, but she grabs the card.

She doesn’t outwardly show what card she drew, not until she flips it around and places it over her heart.

Misty turns to Van. She isn’t subtle about it, she doesn’t wanna wait, she grabs the card quick and shows it to everyone. Not the Queen.

Shauna’s turn.

You can’t breathe. The hesitance is gone, everyone just wants to get it out with. You can’t breathe. You can’t breathe. You find Nat’s hand and you squeeze so hard it must hurt, but she just squeezes right back.

Shauna does not draw the Queen.

Travis’s turn. You’re scared. You’re so scared, you love Travis- but he doesn’t draw the Queen either.

Tai doesn’t.

Melissa doesn’t.

Javi doesn’t. He runs to Travis, who hugs him and says it’s okay, but it’s not okay. You all know this is no okay, this is insane, but you’re too far in it to stop.

Misty holds out the cards to you. Oh. Oh, it’s your turn.

Natalie shuffles closer to you. You take it, you take it and you pray and pray that you’re not the one who’s throat will get cut today. You want to live, you want to live so bad it’s like a fire in your bones.

You flip the card over.

Eight of Hearts.

You hold the card up to your chest, you feel Natalie let out a breath. Your lips quirk upward. You’re safe. And Natalie will be too.

Misty holds out the cards to her. You hold her hand. You know it won’t be the Queen. You know it won’t be. It can’t be, because you love her.

You love Natalie, so she can’t die.

She takes her time. She breathes in heavily. She’s slow to draw the card, like she’s pushing through something invisible in the air. But she’s not fighting to get it, something is pulling her back, rationality.

She draws the card close to her. She flips it. You can’t see it. She holds the card up to her chest.

You love her and it can’t be the Queen. You love her and it can’t.

Everyone gasps in horror but it takes a second for it to sink in for you. Time doesn’t work in the wilderness. Your lungs don’t work now.

The theory that oxygen is poison that takes a hundred years to kill a human? It must be true. And the origin of that poison must come from these woods, because you can’t breathe.

“No.” It’s the only word you can think to say. “No, no, no, no, no, no,” you repeat, frantic, you’re climbing up the walls, you press your hands to your face.

Natalie doesn’t look at anyone. She accepts it, she takes a step forward.

“NO!” you yell, you grab onto her, she grabs onto you. You thought it wouldn’t be her. You knew it wouldn’t be her. What is the point of this mess of the future being slowly revealed to you if you can’t save the girl you love?

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” she’s shaking and crying, you’re sobbing against her warm body. “It’s not you, it’s not you.”

You dig your fingers into her shoulder’s, she has to keep you standing.

“It’s not you. It’s not you. It’s not you.”

“I won’t eat you,” you cry into her neck.

No one bothers you for this one moment. They let you have this.

“Yes, you will.”

“I won’t!” you shout, but it fades out and you’re just crying again.

Van and Mari grab your arms. Natalie let’s go of you. It’s the worst betrayal you have ever felt.

How can she do this to you? How can she do this?

“Please, please, please,” you cry, but their grip on you is too tight. You watch her walk forward.Shauna meets her in the middle. You can hear her breathing heavily, it’s silent for a moment, your mind hasn’t realized this is happening yet.

“Turn around,” Shauna says.

“I love her,” you cry. “I love her, I love her and you can’t do this, please don’t do this, please don’t-”

Nat turns around and looks at you. You can barely see her through your tears.

Shauna wrap’s Jackie’s gold necklace around her neck. She grabs the knife.

“I love her,” you say, almost resigned. “I love you.”

She looks at you. Shauna brings the knife to her throat.

“Wait. Wait,” she grabs the knife. She turns around. Her words are shaky. She’s scared. She’s scared too.“You’re gonna have to look me in the eye.”

Shauna presses the knife to her throat, they’re both crying, you really truly can’t breathe. Your mind catches up.

“Travis! Travis, Travis please, please, I love her you can’t- you can’t-” he stares at the floor and doesn’t look at you. You dissolve into sobs. That’s all you are. Sadness, grief, rage, insanity.

Misty walks over in front of you, you can’t tell what she’s feeling. You can’t decipher her face through the tears clouding your vision.

“I love her, I love her… please…”

Misty’s face hardens. “It’s not enough.”

Your heart breaks, you swear you can feel it break.

“We need food more than we need love.”

“You sick, twisted bitch! You fucking psycho! I know what you did, I know what you did!”

The sound of metal breaking. Misty’s labored breaths. The sound of a body hitting the ground. Screaming.

Who am I? You have no answer. Not anymore.

“You stupid fucking bitch,” you laugh, you cry, “You stupid, stupid girl. They’re gonna know, they’re gonna find out-”

“Shut up!” Misty yells, slapping you and you’re suddenly silent by the shock of it. “Shauna, go.”

You cry. You cry, because Natalie is not here to hold your cheek. She held you until the next tragedy happened, and you never expected this next tragedy to be her.

The knife is at her neck. You love her and the knife is at her neck.

Travis yells and barrels into Shauna. The next moment is a whirlwind, Van and Mari let go of you in favor of Travis, Misty takes their place.

Nat meets your eyes in the second of chaos.

“Run!” And she does.

“No! No, she’s getting away!” Misty screeches.

She runs right out the door, Travis fights and fights, but eventually the girls manage to pin him to the wall. Mari holds the knife to his throat. They all run out the door. Misty drops you and you fall to the ground.

There’s a sound.

You realize they’re howling. This is not a chase, it’s a hunt.

Travis is breathing heavily, you’re slumped against the ground, you look at Javi.

He survived. He survived for so long.

You stand up, you stagger towards him, you place your hands on his face.

“You know, Javi. You know, you know where she can hide, under- under the tree, you have- you have to-”

He looks into your eyes. He looks at Travis.

“Javi,” he breathes.

And Javi runs out the door. The girls don’t even recognize the danger. They don’t stop him.

There is an advantage to bring so young. You are never perceived as a threat. You are never really seen, not for what you are.

“Y/N, w-what’s under the tree?”

The girls holding him to the wall are frozen in time.

You stare at the floor.

“Sanctuary,” you whisper.

—-

You wait outside. You hear her footsteps. “Natalie, Natalie,” you day her name over and over again, running into her open arms.

“I knew it wouldn’t be you. I knew it wouldn’t be you.”

You press her so close against you it’s like you’re glued together. You breathe out and look towards the wilderness.

“Natalie!” Travis shouts, you here his footsteps behind you.

You watch as they carry his body like a dead animal, hanging by a stick.

Natalie presses her hands against the back of your head. “Travis. It… it’s happened so fast…”

“No,” he whispers. You can’t look at him but you can feel him.

“The wilderness chose,” she breathes.

“No. No! No!” he runs past you and towards where they have dumped his frozen body.

He was wearing the gloves you made for him.

You press your face against her neck. You can hear her breathe. You can feel her arms around you. For right now, that has to be enough.

Travis screams and cries as you and Natalie go inside.

—-

Natalie feels guilty. That’s the only emotion she can name. She feels more than that, of course, she feels this deep devotion to Y/N that’s more than love, she feels grateful but not quite that she’s still alive, and she feels scared but also knowing.

Y/N keeps saying that she knew. She knew it wasn’t Natalie. And Natalie doesn’t know why but she believes her. She’s starting to realize that too much has happened in the wilderness for there not to be something more. Something here.

She doesn’t tell Y/N, but she talks in her sleep. Little whispers, so only Nat can hear them. She talks about antlers. And you’re scared, you’re shaking, but you never quite wake up. And most of the time Nat just touches her face and wonders what she’s dreaming about.

She needed to be out here in the cold woods, gathering firewood. She needed to be out here, away from everyone in that cabin who tried to kill her.

When she offered to go and you grabbed her hand, looked up at her eyes, she suddenly realizes that she almost lost herself- and you almost lost her too. She would go crazy if you had been the one to draw the Queen card.

But she needs to think.

She tells you she loves you, because she heard you, while Shauna had that knife to her throat, she heard you. She wraps the blankets around you and leaves and says she’ll come back and she will.

She makes her way back to the cabin. The smell of blood is so strong, she wants to turn back but she doesn’t.

She hears him just as she sees him. His breathing is terrified. He turns around and starts hobbling as fast as he can, away from the cabin.

“Coach,” she breathes. “Where have you been?”

His eyes soften. “Natalie. W-what happened?”

She stares at him. She knows he sees the horror in her eyes. The memories in her eyes. She can’t say it.

“O-Okay, okay, okay, listen. I figured out where Javi was hiding, all right? I-I think that you, me and Y/N together could probably survive the winter.”

She looks him up and down.

“Hey, do you hear me?”

Her face hardens.

“You don’t have to stay here. You’re not one of them. Both of you aren’t like the rest of these girls.”

“Actually, I’m worse.”

It feels good to say it.

“How can you say that?” he says, genuinely confused, almost betrayed.

“I let him die in my place.”

There are tears in his eyes.

“It was supposed to be me.” He stares at her. She feels guilty, guilty for shattering her perfect vision of him.

“F-fine. Fine, fine. You don’t- you don’t have to go. Y/N and I-”

“She knows things, Coach. She knows things. Doomcoming, Lottie told me that soon, we’ll all see if the way she sees it. She whispers in her sleep about antlers, she gets scared when nothings there, and she… today, she told Misty that she knew what she did. And Misty was scared.”

She can see everything crash around him.

“You’re a good person, Coach. You really don’t belong in this place.”

She stares at him and he stares right back. Something breaks, the friendship they had.

Something breaks.

—-

1997-

Your hair is knotted, matted in places. You cannot remember the last time you touched a hairbrush. They made you shower but there’s still dirt under your fingernails and in between your toes.

You keep your head towards the ground, the flashing lights of cameras ringing in your eyes and ears, feeling her hand in yours and someone’s hand on your shoulder, guiding you forward, shouting for everyone to step back.

But they don’t listen. The are journalists. Paparazzi. They want this new story like you wanted meat. They are hungry, just like you.

You don’t even realize you’re climbing the steps of a plane, just like you did that day in 1996. The worst has already happened to you.

Lottie screams and you do not even flinch. Even while the cameras stop flashing, everyone falls silent. It doesn’t scare you, not anymore.

You have heard this scream a thousand times before. From a thousand different mouths.

—-

taglist:

@sweetdayme4427 @dreaming-for-an-escape @peachydoki @happysparklingshadows @zhivaxo @maraudeerrs @karsonromanoff @onlyangel-444 @subastronaut @iheartnatscatorccio @yourlocalloser-core

everything taglist:

@emilynissangtr

[grapesodatozier]

I’ve been thinking about how neutral shauna is toward all the cult/symbol stuff and it made me realize something so interesting and important and real about her character, which is that I think she’s going to approach the cult stuff with tact and skills she learned from her relationship with jackie.

in her relationship with jackie, on the surface it looked like shauna was just following jackie around, her second in command. sure, they’d fight, but shauna never really openly challenged jackie’s air of authority as team captain or as her friend (until, of course, she did). but we know that internally shauna was not actually blindly following jackie. shauna has always seen the power structure in their relationship for what it was and navigated it in her own way. she let jackie think she was in charge, but shauna is actually making her own decisions—hooking up w jeff, contemplating going to a different college, etc. yet on the surface shauna was happy to let jackie believe her power was unchallenged, bc she knew anything else would blow up in her face. she does the math and keeps her own personhood to herself while letting jackie think she holds more power over shauna than she actually does (at least from shauna’s POV).

I think she’s gonna take this approach to the cult stuff. it would be a great way to keep with the themes of the cannibalism and the cult mirroring girlhood. shauna knows how to appease self-appointed or even peer-appointed leaders while keeping her own personhood internally, and I think we’ve kind of already seen this with the cult and cannibalism stuff. shauna is not speaking in lottie’s favor like van or travis, but she’s not openly challenging lottie like tai or nat. she doesn’t have much to say about it at all.

but we see her being quietly skeptical at various points, and she did partake in the cult shit in s1, and she initiated the cannibalism (again under the guise of serving jackie: “she wants us to”). I think shauna’s got her own shit going on that sometimes aligns with the cult and sometimes doesn’t, and I think her relationship with jackie has given her skill in subtle manipulation of social dynamics. shauna is not the hunter or the leader like nat and tai: she serves her role alone in a shed slowly bleeding out and rationing the meat, and I think that reflects her social survival strategy as well. she is such a private person and bides her time, keeping her personhood in private, spaced out, rationed little pieces of rebellion. jackie didn’t just physically keep shauna alive—I think the skills jackie gave her are going to keep shauna very safe when it comes to people starting to be sacrificed, and fights and power struggles breaking out, because she knows how to appease leaders while looking out for herself at the same time.

[esmecarmona]

ben being the "only adult" hasn't actually mattered since the crash. it was subtle at first but then laura lee essentially tells him to shut the fuck up and the energy has a noticeable shift. there's a similar moment in 1.10 and all of that just solidifies it for ben: his "authority" means nothing out here. i do personally think some of it stems from the loss of his leg and his having to rely on the girls (i don't think any of them recognize that/outwardly think bad about him because of his disability, but it's a survival situation and it's impossible to not have that influence so much of their dynamics) but regardless, "adult" is a qualifier that's been meaningless for months now. we never really see ben have any interactions with the kids besides nat and travis (no, i will not be mentioning misty since she assaulted him, thanks!) like. he has spent his entire life being Othered. and he is still Other out here. because of his age. his gender. his disability. he is so completely and utterly alone. he is in the process of a mental breakdown. i truly don't understand how people are reading these scenes with paul as "flashbacks" or acting like they're willing at this point and not the product of his incredibly fragile mindset. paul's home was the cabin in 206. he could still hear the screaming. his mind is breaking down. no, his "gay fantasies" were not more important than shauna. it's a psychotic break. did no one see him almost pass out? (he's consistently had physical reactions to blood/injury. btw) does no one remember he didn't eat jackie, and probably hasn't eaten much since then?

does no one realize he can't exactly kneel in front of shauna and do anything meaningful because he's disabled?

but really, what can he even do? he isn't a "health teacher." i'm going to assume a lot of the people acting as if he has some kind of educational qualifications aren't american. i feel like it's pretty common in america for "health class" to be taught by a PE teacher/coach with no background in it who just plays video and reads out of a book. he doesn't have a medical history. he literally says, "i just press play on a video." no, misty and akilah aren't trained, but misty clearly paid attention in class and akilah's sister had given birth. they do know more than ben.

and no, ben didn't look at shauna and go, "that's gross." the blatant homo- (and transphobia) in acting like a gay man was just "disgusted" by childbirth is just disappointing to see.

if you really want to be upset by ben's actions, obviously, you can be. maybe he could have done more to be comforting but i just don't think he could have "saved" the baby. it was already dead. to blame him, to act like he willfully killed the baby/did not care about shauna, is just silly. to say that the disabled gay man needs to kill himself so the girls can eat him now is an insane take. to act like he needs to be punished for something out of his control is stupid. to single him out when he was far from the only one being "useless" is just weird. why is there a sudden lack of critical thought re: his character?

and can we wait to see everyone's reactions before deciding everyone hates him for it?

[joesalw]

I know you said swifties dni and I am not here to start a fanwar or anything in fact I agree with you.

Ever since Joe and Taylor broke up he has been getting a LOT of hate (even more than Matty Healy which is just overall a bad person) and it's so unfair.

Joe has always been quiet and respectful he does not deserve any of this. Me, alongside some swifties, actually support Joe in everything. Swifties attacking everyone and everything is just gross. I've distanced myself so far from the fandom because of this.

And Travis ain't a saint. He's said multiple weird shit, has breeding kinks etc. Yet swifties love him to death despite constantly being so drunk he can't stand still.

I love Joe always have always will. He does not deserve this and swifties going after him is truly pathetic 💀

Last year in april the hate against him was unbearable. it's very nice to see people gradually understanding the actual situation and defending him under the hate comments. even a part of sane swifties also treat him as an actual human being and not some manipulating villain for the breakup. idk what's gonna happen after the album release but to me joe seems very happy in life rn and i want it to stay that way.

Swifties in general would never drag Matty or Travis to this point because they know these guys do not matter that much to Taylor. Since she herself is hung up on him, they are hung up on him too

[jewishbarbies]

Hi, I wanted to post this as a reply, but replies are restricted, so I’m doing it here lol, but in regards to an anon you got talking about travis being a red flag, and his social circle consisting of violent men with tempers, one of which has already sexually assaulted someone, and how he could easily do that to taylor, I saw a tiktok the other day of a girl filming the crowd midway through an eras tour concert with the caption “imagine if women could feel as safe everywhere as they feel during a Taylor Swift concert” and just……

That may have been true once upon a time, like when she was with joe for example, but now that she’s with travis and associating herself with people like jackson mahomes (or whatever than POS’s name is), I feel like it’s going to slowly convince a lot of younger girls that a boyfriend with travis’s behaviour is ok, that a friend group with men like jackson mahomes is ok, that literal SA and violent outbursts (like travis displayed against his coach during the superbowl) are ok.

Women aren’t going to feel safe in taylor-adjacent places anymore, because Taylor is essentially showing them that this sort of behaviour is not only ok, but something to wish for in a boyfriend.

He’s a REAL man! He plays sports! He’s not violent, he’s just passionate! Those tweets of his? He was just being goofy! He didn’t mean it! “Just because his friend did something, that doesn’t mean HE’S like that!” (Spoiler alert, it does. I had an ex who was friends with a guy that was openly racist, and whilst my ex never said anything super obviously racist, he also never called out his friends racism, even when my jaw was on the floor after some of the stuff he said). It sounds dramatic, but it’s a slippery slope.

Just look at how many young girls were essentially groomed to be groomed by all these teen drama shows featuring scandalous affairs between teachers and their students back in the 2010’s. Those relationships were shown to be something to aspire to, not for the danger they really were, and young fans dismissing travis and his friends behaviour just because Taylor is ok with it gives me the same vibes.

…

(Also I’m pretty sure the poor girl that died during one of the Brazil concerts didn’t feel “as safe as women feel during a taylor swift concert”, but hey, what do I know?)

one of the many reasons i hate pop feminism is exactly that - young women and girls are told by grown women that men like travis are acktually so great and wonderful and his relationship with taylor is the model relationship just because they like her/her music, and then these young women and girls will go on to try and actually emulate it. they're also straight up just told by taylor herself. what kind of icon and role model purposely dates an abusive man as publicly as possible, while hanging out with and supporting his friends who have sexually assaulted women? the dangerous culture swifties have disguised as feminism all to follow in their idol's footsteps is incredibly toxic and unsafe for women. she's no one a woman should be looking to for a healthy anything. i've seen firsthand what it looks like to date someone like travis or jackass mahomes. it's not romantic, it's not a fairytale, and it's not love.

[xerith-42]

My Street Ramblings

Ok ok ok so @gonedreaminggg put it into words very well when they described My Street characters as more of characters than people. Which is so true!! Like I can list off some personality traits of some characters, but can you honestly tell me what Katelyn really thinks about Zane? Even though they're both main characters?

(Editors note, this post ran the fuck away from me so it's long as fuck sjdfjsdhg)

The problem MS has is that a lot of these characters get boiled down to the silliest, memeist versions of themselves, until Jess did a spin maneuver and made the series a story driven show with a darker tone and promptly crashed her faster car into a brick wall. But even before that happened, a lot of MS characters were lacking because of the forced perspective.

Until the plot shows up in season 4 and mandates characters splitting up constantly, a lot of the series is (sometimes literally) only seen from Aphmau's perspective. If interesting character drama is happening and she isn't around for it, it won't be seen. This was somewhat rectified in Season 5, but it was really too little too late. Because Aphmau has to be around for important stuff to happen, we don't really know the characters on a smaller scale, because the series is allergic to taking things slow.

Imagine an episode that's just watching Nana go through her day. She wakes up, starts making coffee, pulls a blanket over Katelyn who fell asleep on the couch watching K-drama's last night, and then goes outside with her morning coffee, a small breakfast, and sits on her porch and scrolls through Tumblr while people watching.

We follow her taking the bus to get to her barista job, and watch as she goes through an opening shift. Scenes fade showing the different parts of her job, maybe she has to deal with an angry customer and we see how she responds. Maybe while she's working one of her other friends from My Street shows up and gets an order and they have a chat as she's working. We watch the care she puts into it, and how she leaves little positive notes with drawings of cats, hearts, and flowers next to their name on their order.

My Street characters suffer from feeling like they aren't doing anything if the Main Character isn't around. How does Travis like to spend his weekends? We can make headcanons about it, but the show, the actual text, can't answer such a simple question about one of it's main characters.

My Street also suffers from having too many characters, but if the series was willing to slow down, all of them could be given proper time, especially because a lot of characters probably spend time together when Aphmau and Aaron aren't around.

I'm talking about an episode where it opens on Garroth honking his horn, and then Zane comes trudging out of his house, gets in the passenger seat, and lets out a huff. Garroth just gives him the aux cord, and Zane puts on his high school emo playlist he unironically enjoys. Garroth nods along to or even lip-sings some of the song (probably Welcome To The Black parade by MCR, I just know all the Ro'maeve brothers love that song.)

Speaking of which, they then pick up Vylad, and all three of them just go for a drive. Eventually they drive into the country side, pull off, and then turn the car off. Garroth pops open the trunk and the three of them all just chill out on a pile of blankets and pillows that were already there. They sit in silence for a while. Vylad and Zane pass a vape pen around, and every now and then Garroth takes a hit off of it.

Finally they all just talk. About life, about their feelings, about their parents, whatever they can think to talk about. Maybe Garroth brings up some of his gripes about his roommate, or Vylad confesses that they're struggling to figure out how to come out to their parents. This is clearly a routine these three established, and something all three of them greatly appreciate. Garroth and Zane never quite felt like brothers to me, but this? I could see myself doing this with my brother.

And for my final random idea I had while in the shower, I want to talk about Melissa my beloved. A character who only exists to help prop up an already existing character. Melissa has almost no identity outside of being Aaron's Sister. Let me ask you this, what's her job? Without checking the wiki?

My idea is that she works for her parents company, a boring, dreadful, and soul draining office job. It's the same routine day in, day out, nothing changes. Wake up, drive to work, sit at her office for 8 hours, go home, sleep, repeat. Until on Friday, when she's truly had enough, when she's just so tired as she slams the car door as she's getting in her car to leave and hangs her head. She's so exhausted, so drained, so miserable. Her moment of anguish is interrupted by her phone playing a stupid love song, and you can just see her face relax the minute she hears it.

She answers the phone, puts it on speaker, and sets it up on a stand in her car. Her relaxed expression turns into a love struck grin, her ears relax, and her tail starts wagging the minute she hears her girlfriend Lucinda's voice. After the drudgery of every single day being the same, just hearing her voice is like medicine to Melissa.

And then the two talk the entire time Melissa is driving to Lucinda's, and they're so so so gay when they see each other in person. They both get dolled up and flirt like dorks the entire time, and then we get a montage of them going out clubbing, singing karaoke, and getting white girl wasted despite neither of them being white.

My Street characters don't feel like people because they're not. They're mostly one dimensional characters who exist to fill out a roster or scene, and we get depressingly little insight into who they are as people.

I hope this post gave them and the MS fandom something to chew on.

[cellard0ors]

Fic: Bare

Fandom: The Quarry

Pairing: Travis Hackett/Laura Kearney

Rating: EXPLICIT

Summary: Travis discovers Laura has a surprise.

Warning(s): SEX. Creampie. Waxed body parts. Rough sex. Language.

Notes: While technically this falls within 'The Full Deck series' it is probably the least connected one - i.e., anyone could read this without having read anything else in the series.

Travis would never dream of taking advantage of his fiancée.

...that being said.

It's hard to resist the temptation Laura presents, especially when she's asleep. It's in the very early hours of the morning and Travis had actually been enjoying some time off. The new sheriff of North Kill has been so busy with his re-election campaign and not wanting Travis to be a part of it, that he approved of Travis having a little leave with pay.

Travis isn't going to complain. He deserves the rest, never mind it's only being given to him because Sheriff Malloy doesn't want to remind the townsfolk of who used to be in his position - as if seeing Travis will cause them to riot and ask for his reinstatement. Travis isn't interested in being reinstated. He isn't interested in anything save the lovely young blonde currently sleeping in his bed - their bed.

The thought warms his heart and he recognizes how watching her in this moment is probably creepy, but - again - hard not to. His future wife, Laura Kearney, adorable and vulnerable in sleep.

She worked a hard, late shift last night and she's clearly exhausted. He didn't even feel her get into bed with him, just woke up to find her next to him - deliciously unclothed save a pair of red and black plaid boy shorts on. It was tempting this morning to wake her (in a sexy fashion) but his need for the restroom and breakfast had taken over. So, Travis got up and did his normal morning routine.

Now?

Now he can get back to his original idea - after all, he's still in his pajamas - no reason not to crawl right back into bed with her. He carefully pulls back the sheets enough to climb under, kissing her naked left shoulder as he does so.

Laura murmurs in her sleep, but doesn't wake and Travis is gentle as he eases the curves of her body up against his, cuddling her close. Again, slight noises from deep within her throat, but nothing to signal her as fully conscious.

Travis's lips rest against the nape of her neck, tiny golden curls tickling his nose as one of his hands spans over her left hip, squeezing it with the breadth of his palm before his clever fingers ease their way down the front elastic of her underwear, his hand intent on cupping her sex.

Only as his fingers descend downwards, he finds an unexpected path of smooth skin. Very smooth skin. His eyes widen and a startled gasp escapes him. It's not terribly loud, but between the gasp and his actions, he feels Laura go stiff in his grip and hears her loud intake of breath as she fully wakens, "Travis?"

"Laura, what-?"

"Um, remember when my old school friend Becky visited last week?"

It's an odd transition, but he allows it, "Yeah?"

"Well-?" He can hear her licking her lips nervously, "Like I told you, we went to a spa in Gravestone and got all these fancy treatments done and one of the ones they offered was waxing so I-? Um? Got waxed?"

It's stated as a question, but there's no question about it - Laura got waxed. Down there. 'There' being said body part he has in one hand. Her pussy...it's been waxed, it's hairless.

Gravestone, the next town over, has always offered more than North Kill. They used to be considered 'the big city' in some ways, boasting a mall, a movie theater, and all kinds of entertainment venues long before North Kill did. Travis didn't know they had a spa until Laura told him.

And now, touching what he is, he's glad they do as he slowly removes his hand, as he husks, "I have to see it. Let me see..."

He urges her to roll over on to her back as he quickly slides down the length of her, intent on removing her underwear. He does so easily and is greeted by an unbelievably erotic sight.

Laura naked is always a joy to behold - but right now...

Her eyelids are still heavy from sleep and her gorgeous, small breasts are on full display - their pink tips beckoning him as always, but for once he shuns them in favor of something far more enticing. His eyes scan down her midriff, her soft belly, the little dip of her navel and the width of her hips, eyes going lower and lower until he can feast on the sight of her bare cunt.

Travis remembers the hair from before - well trimmed, almost a landing strip, but this...

Laura presses her thighs closer together, as if embarrassed, but he lets out shushing sounds, the same way he would if he was trying to calm a wary animal. He reaches out and draws his fingertips lightly over the tops of her thighs, running them up and down reassuringly before going to her knees, gently tapping them in a silent request for her to lift them up, for her to bend her legs, and while he notices her idly chewing on one of her thumbnails, she does as asked.

Travis recognizes her anxious habit, but there's no reason for her to be, as he darkly intones, "You're so beautiful. So goddamn lovely..."

Laura draws in a loud breath, but doesn't respond, at least not with words. Instead she lets her legs fall open more and he groans, "Fuck, sweetheart...how did I get so lucky?"

It's a question he's asked himself more than once, but especially now as he gets a full view of her rosy pussy. He's heard all the flowery descriptors - calling it a peach, the lips petals, and so on and now he understands them. Mainly from the sweet gentle colors - mixtures of pink and violet and he reaches out to trace one exposed lip with his right forefinger, moaning at the feeling, "So soft..."

Laura whispers his name, her tone tremulous, but he's too lost in his own world as he traces the other lip. Then, as carefully as he can, he uses his thumbs to part them, to look deeper. She squirms beneath him, clearly a little disconcerted by his open perusal of such a sensitive and secret part of her.

Granted, Travis has buried his face between her legs more times than he can count, but he understands her hesitation. After all, he's never just stared at her before. But how can he not? With her hair gone, it's almost like he's witnessing something new. An unknown facet of her body, one he thought he had mapped out so well.

A nervous, giddy sound escapes Laura as she mumbles something under her breath and he releases his hold as he asks her to repeat it. She blushes even as she says, "Becky said you'd like it. This was my first time, but she's done it before. Said guys love it and she said you wouldn't be able to get enough of, um, my 'shiny, new pussy'."

The last is said with no small amount of embarrassment on Laura's part, but it just makes him grin wickedly, "Did she now?"

Laura simply hums and Travis tilts his head in assent, "Smart girl."

"So...you like it?" Laura asks, an uncharacteristically self-conscious vibe around her, "It-? It was supposed to be a surprise-"

"It was." He promises, but she rolls her eyes, clearly not done, "-but not yet. I had it all planned out. Besides, I know this isn't what you're used to."

His eyebrows rise, his confusion obvious, only for her to sigh, "I've seen your Playboys, remember? The women of your fantasies had bush and I imagine the other women you were with had-!"

"I don't care about that." He answers succinctly, even as he starts using his thumbs to tenderly stroke the outer folds of her downy cunt, "I don't care about them. Only you. I love you."

Laura's nostrils flare, her pupils dilating at his actions as he whispers, "And you can have as much or as little hair down here as you like...so long as you'll still let me in."

His hands move to grasp her beneath her knees, lifting her slim legs so that they fall over his shoulders as he lowers himself, his eyes level with her pussy as he rasps, "Please, Laura. Can I come in?"

Travis moves his mouth closer to her bare, quivering mound, his breath caressing her intimately, "Can I taste you?"

Laura whimpers 'Yes' even as Travis's tongue slickly parts her folds. He delves the silken point of it deep into her and god. He's done this before, but somehow this feels as if it's his first time. With so much of her exposed it feels easier to go lower, to sink deeper, to draw her pussy farther into his mouth, to pull it against his tongue, his lips. He's both openly kissing and devouring her, and she's crying out, back arching at the contact.

Each flick of his tongue seems wired to some electrical nerve ending in her body that makes her gasp, makes her jerk, but never once does he let up. Fuck, she tastes so good. Better than ever - succulent and sweet and he could happily drown in her juices. The scent of her arousal is strong and floral, the aroma of it filling his lungs, his dick - cock hard and trapped beneath him and his own hips thrust against the mattress in an effort to alleviate some of the ache building there and in his balls.

Travis stops kissing and licking at her only so he can press one finger up into her - or, better to say - so he can watch himself press one finger up into her and it glides in and out so easily, her channel wet and warm as he growls, "Jesus...I can see you so much better now. Can watch you taking me so well."

Laura can only answer with a whine before she turns over to tortured cries, his actions becoming rabid as he starts fucking her in earnest with that finger, as she starts riding it, her hips pressing downwards. But it's even better seeing it.

Without the hair, at his current vantage point, Travis can actually watch as her body swallows that finger whole. He adds another, carefully stretching her and her inner walls are drawing him in so lovingly. Travis lets out another desperate moan, the visual so heartbreakingly stunning as to make him feel as if he can cum from this alone. As if just watching her ride on two of his fingers with her shiny new pussy will take him there.

As a younger man, it no doubt would have. Thankfully age does have some benefits as he's able to easily hold out, able to add his tongue back into the equation enough to tickle it across the tender nub of her clit, making her shriek as an orgasm rolls through her. Her nails tear at his shoulder blades, his back, his hair, and Travis treasures every sharp scratch as she undulates beneath him, her climax a long, toe-curling one.

Satisfaction coils in his belly as he hears her wild wails slowly fall in volume, as she shudders beautifully beneath him and he withdraws his soaking hands, his sopping wet mouth. No doubt his chin and the tip of his nose are glistening just as much as his lips from his delectable mouthful and he cautiously rises up, his back not what it used to be.

In one of his few sexual fails, he'd actually pulled a muscle in his back one time when she'd been on top of him. It had been both humbling and humiliating. Laura, for her part, was equal parts amused and worried and while she'd assured him it was no big deal, he’s still sensitive about the issue.

Thus, he's begun to take more care when it comes to their lovemaking, especially in regard to his own movements. He moves leisurely to his knees on the mattress as he draws off his shirt, as he removes his underwear and pj's. Once he's as naked as she is, he looks down at her in admiration. She's glowing from head to toe - the expanse of her skin delightfully bright as he openly stares at her once more.

Her heavy breathing has dwindled since her release, but it still holds a breathless, smoky quality, "You really do like it, huh?"

He nods and physically draws her towards him, urging her legs to wrap up around his hips. She does so without pause, her heels pressing against his bare ass even though he has had yet to enter her. And he's going to, but Jesus fucking Christ, the sight of his dick near her bald pussy…

It's practically unbearable.

He takes himself in hand and rubs the plush head of his dick along her slit, then each lip, the feeling exquisite. Laura whines his name - twisty and impatient - and she's biting her bottom lip with her cute little white teeth and he lets out a hefty sigh, "Pretty sure this is how I'm going to die someday."

"That a bad thing?" She asks it with such naughty delight it's hard not to laugh, so he does, a rumbling sound that's always such a surprise to him. Only she can make him laugh now. After everything he'd been through, he thought he'd never laugh again. So the action always surprises him, always comes across as rusty.

But Laura is making it less so each time she manages to bring it forth and he kisses her quickly, before intoning, "Think you might have to keep it like this. Naked-"

Travis snaps his hips forward, his cock surging into her without mercy making her shout even as he growls, “-filled with my dick. Would you like that, baby?”

Her head tosses, blonde hair a cloud, her mouth hanging open as she pants, and Travis has never seen a more beautiful sight in all his life. Yet it miraculously grows in beauty as he begins drilling her with force and he watches her petite breasts jiggle with movement.

He feels unhinged as he finds the right rhythm, the perfect tempo, his speed neigh brutal and Laura’s features are twisted between pleasure and pain as she answers him, as she arches her back and draws him in deeper.

They’ve had sex multiple times, yet somehow she remains so hot, so tight, so perfect. Her inner walls pulse around him, drag on him as if trying to keep him inside, and that only spurs him on, only makes him fuck her with more ferocity. Especially when he looks down and sees the hot, sweet spot where they’re connected.

The sight of her bare cunt swallowing him, taking every single thick inch of him again and again is more than he can handle. His grip on her hips is punishing and he can hear a wet, slick sound that isn’t just that of their bodies meeting, but of his balls slapping against her ass and the sheer filthy knowledge of it knocks him over the edge.

Travis’s slamming, heavy thrusts stop as he goes rigid, as he lets out a gut-wrenching groan and starts spilling into her. A spill that seems endless as her body responds with an answering stiffness, her second climax making Laura shudder, his name a teeth clenching, high-pitched hiss. They both unravel against one another, in one another.

Eventually some of Travis’s sanity returns, but only some, because as he pulls his cock from the trembling sheath of her body, he goes back to lowering himself between her legs once more. His mouth returns to her mound, returns to her well used pussy and he can taste his release and hers and he’s ravenous as he kisses and licks at her.

Laura's a shivering, overstimulated mess beneath him and her fingers curl like claws into Travis’s shoulders as she begs for mercy. A cruel, slightly sadistic streak runs through him as he continues, even despite her pleas. Travis can bring her off again. He knows he can.

But while it’s tempting to truly tear her apart, at the end of the day, he can never deny Laura anything she wants, so he carefully pulls away, carefully rises up and kisses her trembling mouth. Laura truly is the most gorgeous girl on the planet to him - she looks so well used, so well loved.

Which is fitting, considering Travis has never loved nor will he ever love, anyone as much as he loves, Laura. His future wife...

Feeling dopey with the knowledge and the gentle hum of his afterglow, Travis kisses each of her cheeks, her lips, his voice crushed glass on asphalt, “Too much?”

Her blue eyes flash and he can’t help but give a truly malicious grin as he knows the answer all too well. Travis kisses the tip of Laura's nose as an apology, “T’be fair – you started it.”

Blonde eyebrows rise incredulously, and he brushes some fingers lightly over her plush sex, “Keeping this a secret from me.”

“Told you…” Her voice is a whisper, her vocal chords clearly recovering from her screams of ecstasy, “Was supposed to be a surprise.”

“Hmm, 's a good one.”

Suddenly she looks a little cagey and Travis zeroes in on it as any good cop would, “What?”

“Um – well? There is a bit more to it.”

“Yeah?” It’s asked harmlessly, but Laura is suddenly scarlet red, and Travis has no idea why until she manages a weak, “They also waxed my, um-?”

Her hips make a weak rise and Travis is lost, confused. What? They waxed her legs too? That doesn’t seem very-?

Then Travis’s eyes go wide. Large. Dinner plate sized. She lifted her hips specifically. He knows her pussy has been waxed. She can’t possibly mean…

“It’s-? My-? Ah-?” Laura ducks her head and she’s so quiet as to be nearly silent. But he hears it.

‘Other hole’.

…her other…

Travis didn’t think it was possible, yet, apparently it is.

He’s hard again.

Fully.

Laura. Bare. At both ends.

This truly is how he’s going to die. But what a way to go…

[taylorrepdetective]

Any guesses for season 2?  Living full time in KC?  Going to all the games?  Engagement?

As I’ve said before, I believe season 2 is the most likely scenario. I believe this because it has been so successful and I don’t see a reason for her to mess with success. And I see few signs of a change. And if season 2 does happen, a big part of it will be the constant anticipation for an engagement ( and pregnancy unfortunately.) Every appearance she makes at a game would involve the GP looking at her hands and speculating about Travis asking or them announcing it publicly in some way. This would be huge publicity for both of them, and for the NFL and Chiefs. Viewership and scuttlebutt will continue to be high. I haven’t paid too much attention this off season, but I believe KC will be the favorite to go to the SB again, so that’s another chance for huge, huge publicity for her. But it is a bit of a “been there done that” situation, so that should be kept in mind. I do not know what her next big project is (re-recording, TS12, documentary, hyping herself up as a director, or something else) but if she does have something (I think we can assume a re-recording by March, so that counts) this is her promo for it, just like she used it last year for eras tour movie, 1989 tv, and TTPD. Even if she has nothing specific to promote, there’s always her brand and the perception that she likes men, along with keeping her actual private life private. For him, he has his game show and the Ryan Murphy show to promote. Plus he’s trying to do a huge podcast deal and trying to get more similar gigs, especially a movie deal.

So, short term: she goes to games (possibly as early as this Thursday - romantically flying straight from London.) She will appear to spend the bulk of the next 2 months in KC. When he has extra days off they may do something outside of kc✅. I think he’ll have a few days after this Thursday’s game✅. I don’t have the energy to look up if his bye week coincides with a tour stop, but I looked in the past, and I don’t think it does. Basically similar to last year except he probably won’t make it to a show. She’ll probably go the VMAs.

However, while I think the above is most likely, I can see several different paths that would add something more fun and interesting (for me - I have been mostly bored by travlor since January.) For example I believe that whenever the breakup is planned (tomorrow or 4 years from now) she will do it in a hilarious and well thought-out way that I am really looking forward to. I think she’ll try to top her announcing the toe breakup by switching out Invisible String and then officially announcing it at midnight, Easter, London time, on Matty’s birthday, followed by all her friends unfollowing him one by one. I won’t dare try to predict the details, except I know I will love it. And that could be tomorrow or it could be ~October, if she doesn’t plan to do the full Super Bowl thing again. Again it could also be in 4 years or even never. I do not actually know anything.

Other interesting things that could happen include releasing the rep vault and we all lose our minds. She could come out as bi. She could get engaged. There’s the election, which I assume she’ll back Harris in some way✅, but I don’t know if he’ll be involved. I do not know any of this actually. It’s all guesses. But my guess have been very good since November so there’s no reason for me to doubt I’m mostly right.

There are a few clues I’ve been watching, some stuff that started in May, that tells me a break up in the near term could happen, and if it does happen, I will let you know what those clues were. And there’re few other things I’m watching for to add to that. But I don’t really see a breakup before October to be likely. Always possible, but unlikely.

[raraeavesmoriendi]

I just finished last night and I have some questions for people who have read mike bockoven’s fantasticland -

[for those who have not:

- take a climate change-charged hurricane that’s the worst noaa has seen in recent memory and the first to hit daytona beach since 1960

- throw it at a Not-Disney-World Florida theme park with major national nostalgia, where a bunch of the Not-Disney College Program kids and some adult staff have opted to get paid extra to stay inside the park through the storm to prevent looting

- watch as people trapped within the park for more than a month - still with plenty of food and water, mind you - lose their minds, fragment into factions, and begin going full battle royale/lord of the flies on each other

- tell the whole thing testimonial style with different witnesses interviewed each chapter, a la World War Z, with some insanely unreliable narrators to boot

if that sounds like your kind of horror novel, give it a go. it’s not perfect (especially when they call the factions ‘tribes,’ which. yikes.) but I tore through it in like, two days.]

okay, questions below, spoilers for the novel:

1. …is the pirate who comforted the little boy who was evacuating, in interview three with the kansas city dad, Brock Hockley? am I reading too much into that?

like. I don’t remember that we ever get a description of him, so I don’t know about the “weird beard/mustache thing” the dad describes, but just. the emphasis put on “I’d like to shake his hand. I might even give him a hug.” feels so purposeful. part of me wonders if that’s supposed to add some further hindsight horror to what happened in the park and then his prison interview. he says early that he found making little kids happy a fulfilling and rewarding part of his job as a character actor in the park, and we know other people found him charismatic enough to follow, not just because they were scared but bc he could have these moments of surface-level charm or rationality (the code, etc.)

idk, I just thought it felt a bit too one-off to read it as Just Some Guy. but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I could be wrong.

2. we never get any hint as to the identity of the warthog couple, right? I remember the FNG found their masks discarded outside the World Circus, they’re first mentioned in the book as hanging around/inside the circus, and the guy from the Dreamland Hotel interview talks about still getting postcards from them whenever he moves (scariest part of the whole book for me ngl), so we can assume they were walked out with the rest of the survivors. I just wasn’t sure if there was anything else to do with them that I missed.

I’m still thinking about the fact that they turned the Dreamland lobby into a torture theater. like… who was that for? just for them, or did they have an audience? probably not, right? since they weren’t affiliated with anyone? but still. also, who were they taking there, just people they could pick off???

hmm. I wonder if any casualties thought to be faction-related were actually theirs.

3. in Travis’s interview (the guy with the body camera), do we know who the girl is that they found in the crawlspace of the employee locker room? the one whispering “Mommy” over and over? there were enough survivors left that she could be someone we didn’t encounter before, but I just thought I’d check that there wasn’t some other interview where someone describes a girl running off to hide. the Anonymous shopgirl mentioned one of the girls disappeared during the cannon raid on Pirate turf with the Deadpool soldiers before they turned on each other, so I wondered if it could be her.

4. Brock in his interview mentions that Sam Garlieck’s people were terrorizing others during the power outage in the storm shelter, specifically mentioning an instance of sexual assault. does anyone else corroborate this in their interview? Adam Jakes sounds skeptical, saying his research would have turned that up by now, but the only people we really hear from about that period are Sam himself (obviously an unreliable narrator, like, duh) and Stuart Dietz, who mentioned that Sam definitely killed Maria Flynn. did anyone see any other mentions of this anywhere, or did we just move straight out of the storm shelters and never talk about them again once we get to the park? is this just Brock being an unreliable narrator himself to justify how things went down? (but then why would he need to be, when Bryce definitely died?? although he himself says that wasn’t as big a motivator as people writing about him want it to be, so maybe that’s moot)

5. not really a question just an observation: Stuart Dietz, the maintenance guy/Mole Man, is the only person to get two interviews in the entire novel. Not Sam, not Jill, not Brock. I don’t know, I just find that really interesting why he was selected to come back twice. I know part of it is to describe the botched demolition, but I’m also wondering what effect it has on the novel that the only person we hear from multiple times is an older dude from one of the pointedly non-aggressive factions.

6. in looking through posts already in the tag, I don’t quite follow some readers’ comments that there was an attempt at a “cell phones bad!!” message here. I feel like every time it’s come up, it’s been shown by Adam Jakes (author stand-in) to be minimizing what really happened and looking for an easy scapegoat. I don’t think that was part of the intended story at all, I think it’s just been stated over and over as people using an excuse to not think themselves capable of similar violence. just wanted to put that out there.

anyway. one of my favorite things about novels with multi-witness perspectives is finding threads that leave off in one person’s story and pick up in another, so I’m going through my digital copy and highlighting all the places two different interviews tie together (Austin’s fate, the guy who botched branding Adrienne as part of his Pirate initiation, etc.)

if anyone else has noticed anything interesting, I’m all ears 👀

[rainbowdaisy13]

My illusion started to break when she sang But in your life you'll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team in June and proceeded to bring this loser on stage. Since she skipped that line in Singapore I thought she’ll definitely drop him when she’ll play it next. There were theories all over about it. There were also big theories about singing I did something bad when she drops Reputation. But then I realized, she sees these type of stuff and just enjoys fucking with people. Why not? She knows she can manipulate the masses without consequences. It’s gotta be fun for her. The mashups never led to anything, never meant anything. They’re mostly songs that fit together thematically or have a melody you can blend.

I went to Eras recently and certain moments felt very cultish. I wasn’t into this whole friendship bracelet thing and people stared me down almost disgusted. I realized that many of her fans are a hive mind focused on doing whatever they can to please Mother. Lately I feel like she wants to make it so if you don’t love Travis, you can’t enjoy her art. She’s inserting him into everything. I’ve never seen anyone doing something like this before, including herself previously. Never in my life have I felt like I can’t enjoy an artist if I don’t like their partner. I don’t know what her goal is here. She paused for applause for Travis like she wants her fans to idolize him and never separate her work from his. I don’t get it. It’s become weird to be her fan. I’ve even seen wine moms saying it felt awkward because they don’t want their daughters to think they need to put their man on a pedestal like that and they thought it was strange how he became part of her brand. How she changed for him.

That line the 1950s shit they want from me annoys me now. She made it so that’s the dialogue around her based on the articles she’s pushing. All about engagement or wedding. Of course people speak about this if you’re setting the narrative this way. With Matty she did the same. A couple of weeks in, they were thinking of marriage. Tree put out those articles.Taylor turned her art nonsensical for me. She complains about things she keeps doing because it makes her money. Consuming it now feels like feeding someone’s victim complex and self martyrdom.

I know there’s the theory that she’s turning herself into what her fans want from her, so when Eras is over she can say this was your story, this ain’t me, but it’s not really their story, is it? It’s the story her publicist crafted for her. It would be hypocritical for her to say I turned myself into what you wanted me to be because no one wanted her to be anything. It’s just that if you present yourself a certain way, people adjust their expectations to that image. Taylor created that image and people adjusted to it. The hive mind saw she wants them to love her boyfriend and make everything she does about him, so they did. The same way in which the hive mind saw they wanted them to hate on Karlie, so they do. And I agree with your sentiment of at some point you need to let your parents go and put your family, that your created for yourself, first. If you parents don’t follow your script that’s on them. If you continue like this, it’s gonna be you and them and no soulmate. She actually said there’s no soulmates for her anymore on TTPD, so maybe she crossed that threshold and decided mom and dad it is forever.

This is long as hell. I don’t know where I’m gong with it. I’m confused but glad the illusion broke for me too. Also disappointed with myself for explaining away and justifying the hate narrative against Karlie.

Well written & the points are exactly how I’m thinking/feeling too

Justifying the Karlie hate by saying “she’s fine with it” likeeeeee how did we do that for so long? Even if she is, that’s not the sign of a healthy relationship dynamic on any level!

[that-one-i-think]

So, my Scifi Au is going to have a lot of crackships and odd relationships, here are most of the ones I have figured out.

Laurance x Zoey x Aaron - The pollinator trio. Zoey is a plant person, Laurance is a Bee, and Aaron is a mushroom monstrosity. The relationship is beneficial to all three and have the most awkward but weirdly loving relationship. They don't need each other but benefit from it.

Nana x Zoey - Sapphic Support - They both play supportive roles and stay on the ship together the most. Nana suffers from chronic pain and Zoey is living aroma therapy. All soft embraces and napping. A very queer-platonic relationship. There's some romance but it's rather asexual.

Nana x Dante - Nana has amazing upper body strength and climbs that 7ft dinosaur man. Dante is happy so be included and to hold someone

Dante x Travis x Katelyn - Travis just really wants to be railed by the two giant blue aliens and they keep laughing it off but it will happen eventually. Slime Travis really wants to be the grape jelly in a blue bread sandwich.

Garroth x Laurence - Brosexual - They aren't romantic, very "Bro, I need a favor, bro" and "Anything for you bro". Friends with benefits because Garroth is terrified of commitment, and Laurance is just here for the vibes. Will be the best man at each other's weddings but never gonna marry each other.

Garroth x Lo - Men will do anything but actually go to Therapy - Garroth genuinely needs someone to talk to and it can't be any of his crew so he goes to the companion that hires the ship for rides. Lo is happy to help and it goes from friends to lovers. This is the slowburn in love with your therapist/bartender that is weirdly common in scifi and western series.

Platonic Relationships

Lo and Zo and Na - Super support - They gossip over tea on the needs of the ships crew. Comparing notes of "We all need to avoid Laurance because the infection is causing a minor rage" or "Aphmau ate something she shouldn't have again".

Katelyn and Garroth - Reluctant allies - They both know each others past but are refusing to say a word. Just sitting in silence with a person they don't have to lie to is enough for them

Dante and Garroth and Laurance - They are just bros. Genuinely just bros.

Laurance and Travis and Nana - They prank the ship and cause absolute havoc. Sometimes Vylad will join if they are on the ship. The victims are normally Katelyn or Garroth, sometimes Aaron.... Never Lo.. They almost got shot last time. Also no to Dante as he is too nice and doesn't provide nice reactions.

Katelyn and Aaron - Sparring buddies! Katelyn terrifies everyone else and Aaron just really needs to fight someone on occasion.

Lo and everyone - The unofficial therapist and occassional sugar daddy. The ship has a tight budget, he does not. There is a bet going on to see who can get him to spend the most money on them and Dante is in the lead.

So in this I might have Aphmau aroace, I can't decide if I should put her in a relationship because in this fic she is very "eldrictch manic pixie dream girl" and it feels kind of off to put her in one. She is a recently created clone, its just weird.