#not to say his parents arent doing anything or that they can magically 'fix' him. i just think theyre the only ones who can truly connect

[comradeboyhalo]

can one of richas' parents dedicate a whole stream to help him with his suicidal tendencies 😭 i feel like he needs parental guidance and not advice/reassurance from people he sees as equals (the eggs and bbh too)

[lesbianralzarek]

Do you have any headcanons about ral zarek?

oh boy, do i!

im 100% sure that he built the thaumatic compass, but i think it would be funny if he had been approached by tez about it, assumed that tez would be the one to use it, and then made it kinda finicky and awkward on purpose so that tez would try to fix it and end up breaking it and being stuck on ixalan (and out of ral's hair) forever. he would probably be a lil sorry if he learned that vraska was the one who had to use it, but only a lil

he naturally has a more olive skin tone but he never goes outside so hes just sickly pale all the time

he goes to see hekara whenever shes performing a big role but he doesnt really care about anyone else so he does paperwork until one of his assistants points out when shes on stage so he can pay attention for a minute

didnt know that blue raspberries arent real because he consumes a lot more energy drinks than fresh produce

for a long time he only hired women so that he could put his bed and shit in the men's restroom that came with his lab. this meant that he only ever saw men at, like, gay bars and kinda became a bit of a misandrist sdfghhgfds. diversity win

in our world he would say that his favorite movie is the martian, which he does like, but its really fast and furious tokyo drift

"would you fuck your clone?" is not at all a hypothetical. the izzet league has cloning. ral has absolutely already fucked his clone

understands the threat that phyrexia poses. still really wants to know what he would look like as a phyrexian

the other planeswalkers who hadnt met him before wots think that hes really nice but hes actually just nice to them because hes a planeswalker supremacist

edited this one out because it directly contradicted canon (tho that canon makes no sense but w/e)

cannibal. not in the passive "well, im not gonna ask whats in this mystery food vendor meat" way that basically every ravnican is, but in the "actively seeks out human meat when available" way

cut off his own foot during an argument about how great izzet prosthetics are. he has built-in heelies now

hates pets but tomik has a lil thrull made from the skin of his dead parents, so ral cant convince him to get rid of him. his name is mosce and he wears a lil suit and sleeps at the foot of their bed during thunderstorms. he can understand speech but cant speak, just make weird whale noises. pets arent allowed in their apartment so tomik has him registered as his accountant

that is a kamigawa tattoo but because their magic tied to the land, it doesnt really do anything on ravnica besides look cool. while he was talking to the wanderer about planeswalking he excitedly explained all about kamigawa and the whole time she was just... staring at the tattoo that clearly telegraphs how he was part of the criminal underground there

likes theros in small doses, but doesnt like having to shit outside. the entire time he was there he batted his eyelashes real pretty at the abundance of queer men there so that he didnt have to buy anything. at one point everyone started calling him a son of keranos, so given how gods on theros only work on the basis of people believing in them, he was momentarily a demigod. his inflated ego still wasnt enough to make him stay

went full crazy ex on a guy by starting a fight because he was bored, driving his car-equivalent off a cliff, planeswalking away at the last minute leaving only an item of his clothing behind so that it becomes a "wheres the rest of the body?" cold case, and then planeswalking back a decade later wearing all white so that its unclear if hes a ghost or not and the guy never knows closure

"how does someone as kind and well-behaved as tomik end up with someone like ral?" tomik is the stand-in boss for the catholic mafia. he is also a lil fucked up

ral is, like, genuinely actually nice to the people he likes. this one is canon but i just felt like reiterating. theres no weird scheme going on with him and all of his high-ranking friends (+ husband) in other guilds. sometimes bitches just have besties

he knows that vraska is dating jace. he knows that vraska fucks. for some reason he is unable to conceive of the idea that jace fucks

one time he bit off emmara's index finger and spit it back out at her. emmara says that shes willing to overlook it (lying) but ral doesnt feel like he was in the wrong there (he was) so he just gets mad every time she suggests burying the hatchet. "oh, how noble of you to demand that i forgive you for all youve done to me!" etc etc. homophobia doesnt exist on ravnica except for emmara, who invents new slurs every time she sees that man

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

i kind of understand why the collector didn't stay on the boiling isles now. i still think they should have because this is where all their friends are and from what we heard there. genuinely isnt anything good for him to go back to in space. but i can see a few things that may have unfortunate or otherwise weird implications if he stayed on the boiling isles permanently.

like part of what i liked about the epilogue was how it showed the amount of work the characters were putting in in to rebuild the isles. if the collector stayed behind i can see how the audience might question why he didn't just snap his fingers and turn everything back, miraculous ladybug style. outside of like. actually bringing someone back to life, the collectors powers were established to be powerful enough to fix a good part of the damage. which would negate the work the other characters put into it i think.

another thing is that the collector spent like 2 months terrorizing everyone in the boiling isles and. even if theyre chill now people that arent the clawthorne family and their immediate social circle won't be privy to the collector's whole redemption arc. like you SAY he's chill now but if you got turned into a puppet by the collector and know he still has the power to do it? even if people are too scared of the collector outright to mess with him for what he did they'd still avoid him like the plague. because what if he has another tantrum and turns everyone into puppets again? and that's not a great time for the collector i dont think

anyway there were easy ways to solve this. they could have come up with a number of ways to limit or take away the collector's magic so this kind of thing wouldn't be a consideration if he stayed in the boiling isles. taking away his magic doesn't even have to be a punishment. like many collector stans more eloquent than me have said their powers make them much more powerful than anyone who wants to befriend or parent them. so people tend to end up being too scared of him to treat him like a normal kid. taking away his magic would have fixed that.

but if they weren't going to take away his magic, i can see why leaving him on the boiling isles would have caused some unfortunate considerations for audiences like me who overthinks things like this.

[horcrux-collector]

ong there aint nothing more annoying than scrolling on tiktok and landing on a video telling you to completely drop harry potter because its problematic in some areas and the author is a piece of shit

like look mate first off people cant just automatically stop liking shit at the flip of a switch, and for people with hyperfixations like myself its practically impossible to like anything but said thing

the best thing for people to do is to acknowledge that harry potter in itself is not a perfect piece of media and a lot of the authors biases slip in and many parts of the story can be problematic

also lets not forget that everything we read doesn't have to solve and tackle every issue out there or thats written into the story

like would it be great if we got creature and squib equality in the story? yes it would have been delightful to see that, but the problem lies in the fact that harry potter is about an 11-17 year old trying to go to school and learn magic and there just so happens to be a man out there actively trying to murder him all the time

now i dont know about you but i dont know how it would ever be possible for an 11-17 year old to fix a societal issue all by himself, no single person could do that. youd have to at least be an adult past 30 and heavily into politics and with a shit ton of alliances and connections and all that other shit, aint no way little harry potter could fix that even with his boy-who-lived status

also in this particular tiktok that i saw the person continuously brought up the weasley's poverty and how harry should have helped them and blah blah blah rowling should have fixed it and gave them the money to get out of poverty in the end but im just over here like ??? because how does the weasley's being poor make the story shit 🤨 i mean yeah it would be nice to see them not poor but like????? they expected harry to fix it??????? just because he had a lot of money left to him by his dead parents?????????

not to be that guy but i really do feel like stories dont have to be perfect, they are allowed to mirror real life and not every problem can be tackled or fixed and thats okay to show

also im going to be real for a second it would be boring as shit if everything was perfect and magical and there were no problems ever and its all just magic and rainbows and no struggling for any characters

anyways im sorry if this is all over the place and doesnt make much sense and shit just kinda bouces around im just trying to get everything out of my head 💀

also because i couldnt find a place to put this anywhere in here im gonna say it now- why dont the people going at those who like harry potter keep up the same energy for other shit like hp lovecraft enjoyers huh? 🤨🤨🤨 i dont see them telling people who like lovecraftian rpgs and stories to go fuck themselves and give up everything they like 🤨🤨 wheres the same energy babes 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 if youre going to go after problematic shit i better see pitchforks and torches pointed at "to kill a mockingbird" and other stories that arent 100% perfect and politically/morally correct

[statticscribbles]

Time Warp

Summary: Sweet Pea/Plus sized!Reader Request: Sweet Pea and Reader’s kids travel back in time to warn them about something and they don’t believe them cause the reader is into a Ghoulie; Sweet pea doesn’t think she would wanna be w/him and also it’s just a mess of y/n and S.P. Blushing and stuff cause their kids are so cute and they sort of act like parents.

You’re not entirely sure what you’re looking at. You’d been taking the trash out from Pop’s confused when you’d heard a scream and crashing. “HEY!” You shout into the still lit back area, confusion only growing when two young kids dart out from behind one of the buildings. “MOM!” You jerk back and the kids stutter. “Sorry you uh, look like our mom.” One of the two boys rubs the back of his neck and you chuckle, the same habit you do when you’re embarrased. “It’s okay, how about we go inside, get you two something to eat?” “oh yeah! Pop’s is the best!” “Good; you two live aorund here?” “Yeah we live on the southside with our parents; they have a house there!!” The smaller boy speaks up grinning. “A house, figures.” You huff under your breathe, anyone who can afford a house in the southside is either in a gang or knee deep in the criminal underworld and Hiram’s pocket. “Alright whatever you want; on me.” You laugh when you hand them menues and Veronica rolls her eyes. You shoot a text to your boyfriend asking him if he knows any of the gangs that have kids, he replies that the Serpent’s do and you groan before asking him if he’ll come with you; he responds that he’s on a job and you sigh. “Alright once you finish your burgers we’ll get you back homesound good?” “Uh yeah, just. We gotta find our dad!” “I’m taking you back to him.” “Oh. Thank you.” The smaller boy nods and you offer him a napkin when half the cheese from his cheese fries falls onto the counter. “Thanks mom.” “She’s not mom!” The older one snaps and you sigh hoping they won’t get into a fight. You’re debating offering them Ice cream when Jughead and the other Serpent’s walk in. “Hey do you guys know who-“ “DAD!!!!!” The smaller boy jumps off the stool but the older one grabs his collar almost choking him as he hauls him backwards. “Don’t kill him!” You snap and they both look gultily at the floor. “Sorry-“ “It’s fine just; don’t do it again. Which ones your dad?” “Just looks like him.” “Like I look like your mom right?” They nod and you watch Jughead chuckle when the smaller boy rushes past him and grips Sweet Pea’s hand. “Just cause I look like your dad doesn’t mean I am; although if that’s your mom I have no problem with playing pretend.” Sweet Pea grins winking at you and you roll your eyes turning back towards the counter face flushed. “See it is dad; mom makes that face at him all the time then they kiss a bunch.” The taller boy states and everyone laughs, you grin as Sweet Pea’s face flushes as much as yours and the two boys grin. “We have to tell you something really important. Like really really important!” They both stare dramatically and you croush down once you’ve changed from your uniform. “Okay, what is it?” “No! We have’ta go to the bunker, it’s the only place that’s safe!!!” “The Bunker? Doiley’s bunker? Okay, sure.” Sweet Pea shrugs nad you shrug back. “Might as well entertain them, they seem pretty fixed on it.” You mumble to Sweet Pea who laughs. “I mean I don’t have a problem playing babysitter for a couple of hours.” He grins back and you nod following the kids out of Pop’s and towards the bunker.

“Oh no you two are going in first; no way we’re getting locked in.” The kids eye’s widen and they laugh before almost dive down the ladder. “Okay what’s going on.” You sit down on the bed next to Sweet Pea the two boys lounging across the chairs. “You’re our parents!” “Sure kid. Is that it?” “No, you’re gonna go to jail unless we help!” “Jail? You two came from the future to prevent us from going to jail.” Sweet Pea looks unimpressed and the kids nod. “Yeah! Cause mom was saying if she hadn’ started dating you when she did her ex would’ve killed her like he killed that guy in Centerville!” “Your boyfriends a murderer?” “how the hell do you know about that..” You hiss and they grin. “Told ya we’re from the future!!” “Okay say I believe you; why not stop him from killing that guy.” “Then you wouldn’t get with dad.” “I don’t think anything you can say will get her with me, she’s too in love with her Ghoulie; convinced you can change him arent you.” Sweet Pea almost sneers and you roll your eyes. “Like you’d understand.” “Try me.” He snaps and you glare at the two kids who have now scaled up the top of the ladder and are trying there best to separate the bottome part from the top. “I have the crow bar we can lock ‘em in still; it’ll be fine!” It’s the last thing you hear before the heaviness of the lid from the bunkers entrance clatters into place. “Fucking christ.” “The Serpets know were here.” “Where we have no cell service to call them?” “Well I’m guessing they’re not going to let us out until we talk or some bullshit!” Sweet Pea shouts up and you can hear laughter from above. “Nothing to talk about.��� “Maybe the fact your Ghoulie boyfriend murdered someone? And you’re still with him; knowing he can murderer someone.” “It’s nothing to worry about Sweet Pea.” “So you love him, or think you can change him still?” “Well I guess.” “You guess?” Swee Pea snorts and you roll your eyes. “It’s not like the guy I actually like pays me an attention.” You sigh and Sweet Pea pats the cot you’d gotten up from. “I know how that feels.” “You in love with some guy who ignores you?” “A girl; but yeah.” “Really? You of all people can’t get a girl you want?” “What like you think girls are falling at my feet?” “I meah yeah; half the reason I didn’t talk to you was cause I didn’t want to get written off as one of them.” “The other half?” You frown turning to him. “The other half of what?” “Why you don’t talk to me; unless that’s the whole reason.” “I assumed you wouldn’t like me.” “Half right on that.” “Really?” “Yeah I like you, a lot more than I should considering you have a boyfriend; a ghoulie, and a murderer at that.” “Wait you like me back?” “You like me?” You stare at him as he stares back. You cast a glance up to the doorway it’s closed and no sound comes from it. “You were expecting them to let us out after confessing a crush on each other.” “Yeah; isn’t that how it works in the movies!” You shout upwards to the door and there’s no response. “I think it’s more like we have to kiss.” “Oh cause kissing you is going to magically make us fall in love, my boyfriend will accept me breaking up with him and we can ride off on your motorcycle into the sunset and our house on the southside.” “We have a house?” “According to our kids we do; if you believe that.” “You rub your neck when you’re nervous, so does the younger one.” “You can’t base the idea of having a relationship with me on the fact our potential kid from the future might have the same traits as me.” “Should we kiss?” “I dunno ask them!” “Fine. Hey kids; should we kiss!!!” Sweet Pea shouts up and he hears laughter. “They can’t see you nodding idiot!” Sweet Pea can hear a faint smack. “Don’t hit your brother!” “Sorry dad.” “It’s fine just; dammit, I’m not your dad.” “Not yet!!” You laugh at the response going quiet when you realize what that means for you and Sweet Pea. “So kissing is good then?” “Yeah just a kiss.” -You wave goodbye to the two kids unsure if the kiss actually helped them or not. You don’t pay attention to whatever Sweet Pea is talking to the other Serpent’s about but you can tell by the way his arm drifts towards you they at least know about the kiss. “So are you two just going to hope into the time machine and vanish?” “Yeah; it’s how it is in the movies!” You narrow your eyes at the older boy. “Don’t make fun of your mother.” Sweet Pea laughs to himeself and the boys grin. “We won’t dad! See you later!” They grin before seeming to vanish around the corner. -“Oh my god.” “What?” “We Marty McFly’ed out parents.” “We did not- OH MY GOD WE DID.” “Least it’s not a futurama.” “They’re our parents, not our grandparents!” “Still you could have been your own dad!” “That doesn’t even make sense!” “MOM!” “I don’t want to hear it!” You shout back, laughing under your breath with Sweet Pea who looks unimpressed from the couch. “We should tell them we know.” “No this is hilarious. They’re freaking out; remember what they put us through, they deserve at least ten minutes of this.” “Babe, come on they’re gonna-“ “OH MY GOD WE MADE OUR PARENTS HAVE SEX!” “There it is.” Sweet Pea snorts falling from the couch laughing.

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[stattic-writes]

Time Warp

https://statticscribbles.tumblr.com/post/639099629845233664/masterlist

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[yibo-wang]

Hi Aamna,

Thank you, hon 💛💛💛 that’s very sweet of you and it’s nice knowing that I can say whatever I am thinking here. Even thought you have given me persmission to do so, sadly is hard to do so as I still keep checking my words but mostly I do let my mind run and let my fingers just type whatever it is I am thinking. I swear half the time I feel I come out sounding like someone who just smoke a blunt which I can assure you I didn’t today lol. But see what I mean witch just writing whatever I am thinking.

Do you remember that at the beginning I mention that I wanted to follow you to reblog many of your posts but I couldn’t do it because then you would know who I was, however, lately some of the blogs I follow have thankfully reblog your stuff and guess who has been able to reblog your stuff without giving herself away *points to self* this girl right here lol...well damn I just realize I just gave myself away with that and now you will be paying attention to see who reblogs next 😂 damn now I will have to wait when everything ends. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Yeah that’s something maybe I won’t understand fully about Yu Ziyuan character as she is from a different culture and race, and sadly we all go through different things when it comes to things like this because of culture and race.

Yu Ziyuan can respectuflly step on me okay I understand this because I have to accept that she was one strong independent woman and not only that she was beautiful to boot. She did love JFM she just didin’t like him makes perfect sense, I don’t think there was never a doubt that she loved him but I think the reason that she never liked him was because he never tried to actually fight for them and lets face it he just smile and never tried anything to fix things either. There more I think about it her life was a sad one and it makes you understand her anger even more.

It’s funny that you mention Wen Qing beacause her death didn’t made sense at all, I mean I understand MXTX needed to create that conflict but couldn’t they use someone else lol. I mean the lady killed so many to create that conflict and tension but damn she went into a killing spree with her characters specially the women. Lol Talking about Wen Qing and how she could have survive I think I read a fic about how Baoshan Sanren did help Wen Qing to live but I think in that story it was more her spirit that kept on living so she was this type of ghost that you could see only thanks to BS. Talking about Boashan Sanren I never understood why she didn’t help the student that died, I know she pretty much told them you leave don’t come back but come on she was this magical being that could do so much she could have help them.

As for who I would choose, I would also chose Jiang Yanli (I mean why kill her, the siblings were already suffering as it was) I personally think she would have been a very strong -no one messes with me- type of sect leader until her son came of age and took over. Specially with everyone knowing that she had the protection of not only Jiang Cheng the sec leader of the Yunmeng but also of Wei Wuxian the Yiling Patriach no one would dare to defy her.

Now my next question: What are your thoughts about the Yi City arc and it’s characters?

Your C.C Blue 🌸

Hii Blue! It's no worry, things take time afterall 💛

Fjfjf no no I think you're safe I'm incredibly oblivious fjfjfj and currently another anon told me to guess their username and I'm so bad at it lol.

Yep you're right, its tru JFM loved her but sometimes that's just not enough and you read to stand and fight for it. I kinda really hate him sometimes (also fjfj idk why but while writing this I had a feeling of deja vu ajfjit :0) aaaanyway since the story was from wwx's pov I think we might not even know the whole thing between them cause tbh as an asian I can say that asian parents just arent into pda.. at all fkfkf they dont even hold hands lol

Omg! Can you please tell me the name of that fic? I'm desperate for some wen qing content to read.

Went into a killing spree with her characters

That seems about right and I think that's the only thing that im bothered about sm. Like understand the story's is about wangxian but she fleshed out them all so perfectly! It's a tragedy they were killed off :( but that's why we have fanfics tho 😂😂

Hmm I dont know enough about that but I think I read it somewhere (or maybe it was fic and I'm mixing stuff again fjfjfk) that immortals dont meddle with the earthly/worldly issues so ig that's the reason but it would've been so cool if she came and saw her grand disciple inventing a new method of cultivation lol

Ah ah ah yanli :( I think the only person who loves wei wuxian as much as lan zhan is jiang yanli. She died still believing in him and it's so so sad that she never got to see wei wuxian happy, having a son and a husband, didnt get to see her own son grow up. Oomph the thought of Sect Leader Yanli is just 🥵 what I loved about the scene where jin zixun is being a stuck up nuisance is JYL respectfully roasting the shit out of him fjfjf like she is a cinnamon roll but she is more than capable of ending you right there with just her words. I love it!

Ahh as for your question, I adore the yi city arc it's literally like lets step away from the main story for 5 min to check out these other cultivator husbands but at the same time (in cql) the parallels between songxiao and wangxian is amazing! I love the longing lwj saw in them when he meets them the first time compared to the sadness when he finds out about their fate.

Xue Yang is without a doubt my favourite villain. He's just shameless, he's straightforward and he doesnt beat around the bush. Literally like yes I'm a psycho what about it? I can and I will murder you all :D I sympathise with him too in some areas like how his upbringing or the lack of and the way the society treated him affected him. Like mxtx focuses on the three XY, JGY and WWX and how the three orphans were affected by society but each of them handled things differently.

Xue Yang and Jiggy both value themselves over everyone while WWX thinks I owe everyone everything and kills himself dead over it. Xue Yang is open about and and Jiggy is discreet. It's such a brilliant thing! I love it way too much.

With xuexio I think xue yang himself didnt know how to handle when something good, when kindness is actually giving to hil freely and thats why in a way he tricks xiao xingchen.

Coming to SongXiao 😔😫 a tragedy. They could've been crime fighting rogue cultivator husbands :(( it's heartbreaking how they parted the way they did and when the finally met it they couldnt even clear the air. It's just one tragedy after the other with them.

What about you?

[lyz-fics]

Jason Todd X FEM! Reader: But I’m Not Pregnant…

Hey Guys! Lyz Here!

This is a special Fic I wrote especially for @just-me764. I hope you enjoy it, my baby. We all love you very much and are wishing you good luck and wisdom for your piano exam last? (a few? Long-time?) week.

Word Count: 4,074 Words

Summary: after an attack on the city, Jason comes to your apartment with…your sons?

—===✨🎇🎆💀🎆🎇✨===—

You lie awake in your bed dreaming of someplace else, someplace that was safer than this. Safer for the both of you, while the storm rages just outside your window. It was always stormy in Gotham but this night was different. The hail seemed to pelt down with force, desperately trying to rip the pipelines off the side of your apartment and shatter all of your windows. The wind howled through the silence of the night, coming in from under the door and piercing your ears with it shrill noise. Cop cars wailed and people were shouting, you were scared; Jason was out there tonight.

Suddenly interrupting your thought, your window flew open, it bashed against the walls as the wind continued to push it. A figure flew through your window, covered by darkness they edged closer and closer to the end of your bed. Heavy breathing filled your ears as you heard a release of gas when the figure removed his mask. You let out all of your pent up breath as soon as you heard the man’s voice. You reached over to your lamp to turn it on so you could properly see the face of your love.

“New suit?” you asked him seductively, “You look pretty good.”

“Please, (Y/N),” he was practically gasping for breath, “we have a bigger problem at the moment. The boys are in some pretty deep shit.”

God, way to kill the mood, Jason. Whatever – you would help him anyway.

“I’m sorry…we?” you questioned him, “I’m not a robin.”

“It's not that kind of help, please. I’ll tell you more once they get here.”

“Wait, they're coming here?” you were shocked, you can't be seen like this, your room was a mess, you and Jason haven't cleaned in weeks.

Before Jason couldn't even say another word there was a knock at the door, it kept repeating itself as if someone was trying to bust the door down. Jason ran straight for the door without even asking any questions as to who it was.

“Take the baby before it pukes on me again!” a boy yelled.

The young boy at the door practically threw the baby at Jason and stormed around the room or a few seconds looking for the bathroom. As you walked over to Jason about to ask him to shut the door so you two could talk a smaller boy came running down the hallway crying. He latched onto Jason and flopped onto the floor as he cried into Jason's boots.

“Richard,” Jason screamed. You bolted backward when he did shielding your ears, damn that oy can yell. “How dare you leave Timothy!”

You knew he must be mad now, he seemed to be using first names.

“Whatever, asshole. My parents are dead, you can't tell me what to do.”

This was getting too confusing for even you. you had to know what happened, what's going on now, and what's going to happen to these young boys.

♥     ♥     ♥     ♥     ♥

“So you’re telling me,” you paused for a deep breath before you continued, “someone-“

“Some villain,” Jason corrected you.

You looked at him harshly before continuing. “Some villain, was able to study and harness the power of a cryogenic sleep chamber and was able to reverse engineer it to make the boys children again?” you tried to sound like you understood what he had explained to you but truly you were just repeating what he had said. You had absolutely no clue how this had happened and how you were meant to help to fix it.

“Perfect.”

“You’re telling me those three boys are Dick Grayson, Timothy Drake, and Damian Wayne?” still shocked, you were only able to wrap your head around the thought that these were the boys. “Wait,” you needed to know one thing before anything got any more complicated “but who’s who?”

“Uhh, this machine still seems to obey the laws of time so Dick is still the oldest, meaning he was the angsty teenager you saw storm into our bathroom, Tim is the next one, and Damian is here.” He said the last part softly as he was rocking the baby boy in his arms.

“Time? What laws of time Jason? This thing obviously doesn’t obey any laws, period.”

Jason was stumped now, he didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know the first thing about taking care of children. That’s why he brought them here; he thought you could be able to help.

“I thought you might be able to help,” it was hard to get out the next part for him, “ya know because you’re a girl.”

“I'm a girl. Great,” you threw your hands in the air as you rolled your eyes and leaned back in your chair. “I can magically fix this because I'm a girl. That’s perfect Jason.”

“Arent you meant to have some sort of maternal instinct or some shit,” Jason questioned. You were all starting to get a bit angry now.

“Shit!” Timothy chimed in.

You both turned around to see timothy propped up against the side of your chair trying to cross his arms like you had them, and look angry like Jason. You and Jason both winced, you would definitely have to make some lifestyle changes if you were to accommodate these children.

“Okay, new plan,” you sighed, “we get these boys in bed and figure everything out in the morning.”

“I'm completely with you,” Jason started hesitantly, “but where are we all meant to sleep?”

You looked around your house with a concerned look adorned on your face. You and Jason would have to sleep on the couch if the boys wanted to sleep in the bed. The plan was set, you and Jason got the boys into bed. Although dick was a pain to convince, he ended up sleeping on the edge of the bed away from the other boys. Arguing about who would look after Damian, you both decided it would be best if you left in the bed with the boys. Sleeping on the other edge of the bed you kept Damian up by your head, wrapped in your blankets and secured in place with pillows. In the middle of the bed was Tim, he stuck close to you through the night and something about having these boys in your bed made it somewhat easier to sleep.

Out like a light, Jason came and brushed your hair out of your face as he planted a goodnight kiss on your forehead. He walked over ad situated himself on the couch, covering himself with blankets and wrapping some extra clothes up to make an extra pillow, everyone was straight to sleep.

♥     ♥     ♥     ♥     ♥

Awoken from your sleep so abruptly, you groaned as you had to use your arm to prop your self up. Looking beside you could see Damian squirming in his blanket, looking close to you you couldn’t see Timothy, now you were really worried. Looking all around the room frantically while you tried to pick up Damian carefully you finally found him. In the night, Dick had rolled over and wrapped his arms around little Tim, almost concealing him from sight completely.

“What's wrong?” Jason asked with a groggy tone.

You swung your legs out of bed as you held Damian close to your chest, he flung his arms at you as he used his hands and tried to claw at your chest. You walked over to Jason, maybe he could help you.

“I don’t know what he wants,” you said sleepily.

“isn’t there a list for this kind of stuff?” Jason asked. “ya know, food, drink, burp, play, shit?”

“No swearing!” you reminded him.

Although he was right about the things that a baby needs, you had gone over a special list with him as to what you can and can't do while the boys are children. One of the most important things being that you two were not allowed to swear while the boys are children as you could already see that Tim was picking up all the bad words that you two were saying to each other.

“Okay,” you started, “if you can take him into the kitchen and feed him that would be great. I think there’s some applesauce in the fridge for him to eat. If he doesn’t want to eat warm some milk up for him and feed to him in a syringe if there is any left in the medicine cabinet.” You started to walk off to get a cloth from the bathroom that you could use as a diaper until you were able to go to the store and get the proper supplies that you needed. “Oh, about the milk,” you suddenly remembered something, “I read something about testing the temperature on your wrist first to make sure it's not too hot for the baby. It should be a luke-warm temperature because that is most like the stuff he would naturally get.”

Damn, Jason was right about girls having a motherly instinct, you guess it just needed time to kick in. after you had found some soft cloths you walked back into the kitchen to find Jason trying to feed Damian some applesauce, it looked like he was getting very mad. Quickly you placed the cloth down and took the small spoon from Jason's hand, you twirled the spoon in the air to get Damian interested while making whooshing noises with your mouth, the oldest trick in the book – here comes the airplane.

He hed the food in his mouth for a few seconds, giving you just enough time to look at Jason cockily as if to say “I’m gonna be a better parent than you.” he started crying again before he opened his mouth and let the food plop out onto Jason’s shirt, Jason was degusted, he was a brat from birth he knew that much now.

“Why you little-”

Before the bay could come to any harm you chirped up. “Well, that just means he must need something other than food.”

At that moment the microwave beeped. You looked down and through the window to see the small glass of milk. You opened the microwave and took the milk out, sticking your finger in it and letting drop onto your wrist you determined that it was an okay temperature. Placing the cup down you picked up Damian so Jason could wipe his shirt off. Walking over the cupboard with Damian held close to your hip you found a syringe and walked back to Jason. He took the syringe from you and sucked up some of the milk. Alas, Damian didn’t want to go anywhere near that plastic monstrosity.

It was far into the morning now and you and Jason had tried everything to get Damian to stop whining and start to settle down again. By this time timothy and Dick had woken up and now had headaches. Jason had set up the TV for the boys while you went out into the hallway of your apartment. You tried everything and you were starting to get tired, you were relieved when Jason finally came out into the hallway. You rushed over to him and handed him baby Damian.

“We’ve tried everything!” you were the one whining now, “I’m starting to think he really is just a brat!”

“We haven’t tried everything..” Jason said hesitantly.

“What, Jason,” you were yelling at him now. You were so tired and worried at the same time. “what more can we do?”

“Give him propper milk,” Jason said softly as he stepped closer to you and pushed at your collar bone.

“What the hell Jason?” you covered your chest and took a huge step away from him, “No way!”

“Bruce said they won't have a memory of any of this anyway so I'm sure you’ll be fine”

You sighed, right now you just wanted to go to bed. At this point, you would try anything. You held your hands out to him and he passed you the baby. He opened the door for you as you both walked back in, him going to sit with the boys on the couch to watch…what the hell is even on tv at this time of the night, wait was that Godzilla? Nevermind, you walked down past the kitchen and into the bathroom, closing the door behind you you sat against the bathtub and started to breastfeed baby Damian.

Finally walking out of the bathroom with a sleeping Damian you placed him back into bed and collapsed onto Jason. You saw that Jason had put Dick and Tim back to bed and the TV was switched off. You took your place in bed huddled with Damian. Now you were able to go to sleep properly.

♥     ♥     ♥     ♥     ♥

You were violently shaken awake from your sleep to see a small blue-eyed boy bouncing on top of you. You tried to roll over but the small boy followed you down as he continued to giggle.

“I want breakfast,” he sang, “what's for breakfast?”

You rolled over with your face stuck into the pillow, screaming into it you now realized that last night hadn’t been some crazy dream. The boys had all been reverted back to their younger selves and were now demanding you make them breakfast.

“Jason!!” you yelled for him hoping he would already be up but you only just then remembered that he would have gotten a terrible night’s sleep on the couch. “Go make breakfast!” you yelled louder this time thinking you had to wake him up.

“Richard,” you heard him groan, “make breakfast.”

Realizing that Jason wasn’t wanting to get up either you practically rolled out of bed and hobbled over to the kitchen. Taking Jason's jumper off the back of the couch as you walked past him you put it on over the top of your spaghetti strap top, it was just long enough to almost cover your shorts.

Looking into the fridge, you pulled out some waffles and chucked them onto the counter. Ripping the box open you put then into the toaster to defrost as you scoured the cupboard for honey or maple syrup. Timothy bounced over to the counter as Dick wandered over with his arms crossed against his chest.

“I don’t like sweet things,” he grumbled.

“Then starve,” you sassed him.

Walking over to the crying baby in your bed you picked him up and rocked him in your arms as you brought him to the counter. You got the applesauce out of the fridge and brought it over to where the boys were eating. There you joined Timothy, happily chewing on his stacked waffle sandwich, and Dick, chewing a tiny piece of waffle with a disgruntled face. Carefully feeding Damian you waited for Jason to get up before you went into the bathroom again to feed him some more.

“What are we gonna do today momma bird?” Jason sang.

“Get some proper clothes for these boys,” you said in a grumbled tone as you looked Jason up and down.

“What's wrong with the clothes I gave them?”

“They're yours from years ago”

“So?”

“You had a terrible fashion sense years ago,” you said as you rolled your eyes. Jason gasped at this; he knew it was terrible but he always loved to play the dramatic one in the relationship.

“Leather jackets will always be in season and you know it,” he sassed you as you walked off to change into something you could wear out to the shops.

Cleaning up after boys, you took everything you needed and put it in your backpack. Carefully taking Damian you were able to make sure Dick was in sight as he continued to play on his phone. Jason picked up Tim and carried him as he quickly got tired of walking and ‘needed to be carried or his legs would fall off’. Walking into the first store you went straight to the baby section and picked out some onesies for Damian. Looking through what the store had you picked out a few plain onesies that he could wear, nothing too fancy. You didn’t want to get carried away; he wasn’t going to stay like this forever after all. God, you would love if they stayed like this. Well…Dick might be a bit of a pain so he could change back.

After meeting up with Jason again you looked through what he had picked out for Tim and Dick. Tim had helped him pick some nice tops as well as some cargo shorts and some shoes that would fit him, as well as the necessities. Dick, of course, had picked some jeans and a few grunge tops, he obviously wanted to get out of there as fast as possible.

Quickly, you paid for the clothes and headed for the next store. Just a normal pharmacy, you picked up some proper formula for Damian and some diapers too. You walked to the counter quickly and picked up a small rattle on the way. Paying for everything once again you loaded everything into Jason's car and started to contemplate what you were all going to have for lunch. Taking a vote you all decided on mall food for lunch.

Walking back into the mall with the boys you spotted a bunch of reporters on the way in but thought nothing of it. Suddenly you heard one of them shout and run towards you and Jason. Flashing cameras blurred your vision as you bumped into Dick.

“Jason, Jason,” The people yelled at you both, “Jason Todd, is this your wife? Is it your girlfriend? How long have you been hiding her from the public eye? Are these your kids? What are their names? How old are they? Jason, what's her name? Jason,” they were throwing questions at you a million times per second and you were starting to get dizzy at how much you had to turn your head to listen to what they were actually saying

Your eyes were going blurry from all the cameras flashing in your face, taking gapped steps you accidentally bumped into Dick or was that Tim? Suddenly you felt a hand on your shoulder guiding you towards the front of the group of reporters. Looking behind you dizzily you could see Jason leading you, holding Tim in his arms as he curled into his shoulder to avoid the bright lights. You tried to keep looking around, where was Dick? Finally catching sight of him you realized he had finally put down his phone and started paying attention to his surroundings. In his hand was the corner of Jasons Jacket – leather of course – balled up in his fist.

Continuing to push you forward, Jason led you all down the crowded hallway until you found an elevator. Quickly running in he slammed the button to close the door and pressed the top floor – the parking roof, although this wasn’t where they parked it would be a temporary escape from the paparazzi for now until they could make it back to their car or until they could find another way out. Putting Tim down in the elevator, Jason pulled out his phone and began to dial a number.

He waited for an answer, “Yes, Hello? Alfred?” Jason asked, “I need you to come and pick us up from the mall on 97th street, by the park.” Jason paused as he listed for a while, you weren’t bae to hear what they were saying. “Yes, apparently moving to the other side of the city wasn’t enough to stay away for the public eye for long. Thank you so much for the help, Alfred.”

Reaching the top floor, you all got off and started walking around the parking lot to try and get to the ramp exit when Alfred would be coming to pick you all up. They only had to wait a few minutes before Alfred had arrived, he was, after all, conveniently out on a shopping trip for Bruce. Pulling up in the car, Jason got into the front and you hopped in the back between Tim and Dick with Damian curled in your lap. Driving off, you passed the paparazzi on your way out, you heaved a sigh of relief, thankful that you might not ever go through that again.

Finally arriving at the Wayne manner, you followed Jason in as he went to go and speak to Bruce. Hopefully, he had some way to turn the boys back to normal. Talking with him for a while you were relieved when he told you that you would be able to leave them at the Wayne manner for tonight as the aging chambers would be ready for all three of them by the morning. Although you were happy to have the three of them out of your hair you were somewhat sad to see them go.

♥     ♥     ♥     ♥     ♥

After Alfred took you back to the mall to pick up your car you and Jason haded straight home, you both had had enough drama for one day and you both agreed that you didn’t want anymore. Both collapsing onto the bed of your shared apartment you cuddled up next to Jason – after all, it had been a whole 2 nights since you were able to feel his body warmth. You sighed as you felt all of the tension in your body melt away, his chest heaved up and down as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer.

“Well that was fun,” he whispered to you with a small giggle, “I can't believe what those reporters were asking, can you?” he cleared his throat as he put on his high-pitched squeaky voice, “Jason, when was the wedding? Why wasn’t I invited? Are these your children? Ha” he scoffed at the final sentence, “like we're at that stage of our relationship.”

You hummed in response, why was he being like this? Should you tell him what you really thought of the time you spend with the boys and him?

“Babe?” he asked, he must have been concerned about you when you didn’t give him an answer like you usually do. He pushed back now when you didn’t even answer his call, “(Y/N), what's wrong?”

“Hmm? Oh, it nothing,” you sighed as you rolled over pulling his arms back around you as you scooted back into his chest to become the little spoon. You should really tell him. “Ya know, Jason,” you started softly, “looking after the boys was really nice, don’t you think? Especially Damian, because he was so young. Have you ever thought of having a child like that?” you instantly regretted saying something.

“Well yeah I've thought about it but what of it?”

“What if, ya know,” your voice started to get softer and softer now, “a child might be good for us? Maybe we would want to have children together.”

Jason sat up from where he was laying, he cocked his head to look at you, “Do you want to have a kid?” he asked – almost judgementally.”

“That’s the thing, I don’t know.”

Jason rolled you over to face him and he lay back down close to your face as he whispered softly, “it sounds like you do know but you just don’t want to tell me for some reason.”

“Well, you just went on about how you think we aren’t ready for that so of course I would be scared to mention it to you.” rolling over again you just wanted to escape from the argument you had created.

It was silent for a few moments before you could fell Jason's lips press agoing the back of your shoulder softly, carefully working his way up past the nape of your neck to your earlobe.

“Maybe a child would be good for me, for us.” He whispered into your ear.

You rolled to face him as you wrapped your arms around his neck to bring his face closer to you as he wrapped his hands down and around your hips to pull you forward. He gave you a long kiss on the forehead before he rolled over with you as he laid on his back. He pushed his arm behind your head as you brought your arm up to place it on his chest next to your face. Your legs intertwined with each other as you drifted off to sleep. Maybe this whole shenanigan had a good ending after all.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Ghost hunting Magnus and Luke with Malec headcanons go

well that certainly is...... specific. i love it

okay im actually gonna do this based on that whole "supernatural home repair" show that ppl were talking about because that's just..... hilarious

Luke is the showrunner/guy who goes there to check if there are Ghosts™/historian. He actually puts the effort into his work and hes very good at it, has natural charisma and is good at explaining stuff, so hes actually great on tv. Doesn't know if he believes in ghosts but hes at least gonna try to make the show entertaining

Magnus is the psychic, and - get this - he's an actual warlock. He auditioned for the show as a joke basically and then ppl were like "oh, youre amazing, so funny, the charisma, perfect for tv, you even came in character, amazing" and he was like "..... you know what". he 100% thinks this is all hilarious and does the most stereotypical, obviously fake shit his mind can cook up ("*shaking hands with eyes closed* i can sense...... presences............."). but he kind of gets attached to the show so he uses his magic to ~help~ supernatural events to happen so luke can chill

Alec is the home repairer. He just really wants to do his job. Ghosts dont exist. Ur room is cold because you put the heater in a bad spot. There is a rational explanation for literally all of this (Magnus, behind him: "yeah, ghosts")

s1 is an absolute trainwreck, but the craziest fucking thing happens: the show gets so popular. it's huge

show fans on twitter are like "innovate nothing change nothing do NOT raise the budget just give me more of this absolute garbage show" and it GETS RENEWED

the show basically gets amazingly popular because of lukes charisma, magnus' absolutely hilarious shenanigans (but also his wit and personality that pour through sometimes), and alec's grumpiness.

magnus gets a lot of fans and he has no idea why

the show started when magnus was basically at the final stage of his recovery from depression (due to both abuse, racism, loneliness and queerphobia), and it helped him get outside more, find fun things to do and remember why he loved meeting people and doing over the top shit he kind of didnt anymore. it also earns him new friends. so its very good for him

at the beginning alec is very closed off. hes just the workaholic, hyper-rational kind of guy. he auditioned for the show because it pays well and he was unemployed and struggling financially a bit and he really didnt want to go for his parents' help, since they were in the middle of a divorce and there were still some unresolved things from when he came out (although at the point the show starts theyre already getting around) so he takes what he can get. he doesn't have many fans at first, hes very no-nonsense and focused and barely interacts with the camera in s1.

but his grumpiness and no-nonsense attitude are kind of..... funny? so he adds this other element of trainwreck and dysfunction that makes the show so amazingly popular. also, alec can be pretty witty and even sassy when he wants to, and sometimes those parts of his slip in - mostly when he's fixing something, because the physical labor + feeling comfortable with something he knows how to do and likes doing helps him relax and be a bit more like himself. so slowly his personality starts to shine through to both the audience, and magnus

magnus and alec basically start developing a friendship over magnus constantly teasing alec's seriousness. alec will be in the middle of an Important Explanation about how incorrect door installment can lead to problems in the long run and magnus will show up all like "the door is a ghost". initially alec would roll his eyes and hide his smile behind his hand (really badly i must say) but eventually they evolve into their quick teasing banter

magnus keeps insisting that of course hes 100% serious, hes the real deal and ghosts do exist. the best part is, hes not actually lying. but they dont know that, obviously

luke is the one who first realizes that getting them to interact more would be crazy good and help make the show more dynamic and funny. so from then on they start doing their bits together instead of separated

you know where this is going

there are even some emotional moments where alec talks about his struggle with coming out and being more openly himself, and magnus talks about his struggle with depression and racial/sexuality issues, and Luke talks about how his family rejected him after he decided to work in showbusiness

it always hits the viewers like a ton of bricks

"dealing with depression is hard because it makes you think 'is this who i am? is that what im made of? this emptiness and lethargy?' but what recovery and therapy have taught me is, no. how you deal with depression, survive it, learn from it to get out of your destructive habits and environment that got u there in the first place - that's who you are" "i cant believe this is a quote from the psychic from the supernatural home repair show" "excuse me its from what"

their relationship develops. the three of them become very good friends, and the show only gets more and more popular as time goes by and they get closer, have more fun, interact more

you know what happens

the pining between magnus and alec is just. unbelievable. luke frequently looks at the cameramen like "can u believe this" and it makes the cut like half of the time. him and the cameramen start forming a supporting friendship based on their despair at seeing the two of them just make eyes at each other

magnus makes up 'supernatural' excuses to hold alec's hand, like, once a week

sometimes when magnus cracks a joke or laughs or does something particularly silly alec just. looks at him with so much tenderness and adoration in his eyes the cameramen feel like invasors for filming it

edition team: "why is it that every time magnus laughs the camera gets weird and wobbly?" cameramen, who started ducking and jumping out of the way so as not to invade alecs clearly private looks at magnus: "we were, uh, laughing at his joke too"

somehow neither of them notice. luke refuses to intervene because "im not their dad and they can get their shit together on their own"

he does do his best to guarantee they arent exposed tho

"malec" shippers start popping up anyway because looks or no looks their dynamic is amazing and fun. they are called tinhatters by most other fans. they arent major harrassers or anything like some other real ppl fans, tho, because its my au and i will give common sense to whoever i want

i dont even know how they get together, honestly

it takes a really long time

luke is about to go crazy

they get married at the end idk

[askthetotallynotcampcamp]

jaspvid for the s o u l

michael: oak aye

————

Jasper: *first day working at the camp 😳😳* *vIbES near the entrance lmao*

David: GOOOOOOD MORNING JASPER! READY FOR YOUR FIRST DAY?

Jasper: Totally!! Is the camp still the same as when we were younger?

David: yup! Obviously different kids, they can get crazy so be prepared!

Jasper: Oh jeez, okay.

The b u s: *i am alive*

David: ah! They're here, oh you're gonna love them Jas!

Max: *walks off the bus* who the hell is that?!

Nerris: yeah I've never seen him before! Hello sir I dont know!

David: well kids, this is your new counselor, Jasper!

Jasper: Hi kids-! I hope I can make your summer great!!

Neil: *😒😒*

Harrison: Oh cool! A new person to show my magic to!

Space kid: howdy do Jasper!

Max: okay just another person to make fun of!

-all the kids are in the mess haul now-

David: I told you to be prepared! Dont let max get to you, hes always like that

Jasper: he’s just a little, uh, insulting. kinda rude, I can handle it though! Don’t worry about it

David: alrighty!

-time skip bc I'm lazy-

David: *getting ready for sleep time* do do dooooo

Jasper: ughhh, I do not understand how you deal with those kids all day *😔*

David: I've gotten used to them, maxes words hurt sometimes but I'm fine with it. And you dont have to work here ya know, if it isnt fun for you

Jasper: I wanna work here because I miss being with you all the time, homeslice- I’ll get used to it eventually

David: awe that's sweet, but you can always tell me if you want to leave because this place can stress you out! Now you, should get some sleep mister

Jasper: *😳😳😳* ah yeah, you too homie *bed time bro*

David: goodnighttttt!

Jasper: goodnight-

Time: smellbert day time

The camp: i am going to burn down

David: OH GOSH THE CAMP!

-after they fix the camp bc I'm lazy and tired-

David: *collapses against a tree* now that, that was a workout

Jasper: *collapses nexts to mr tree* is that how it’s like everyday?

Neil: *a p p r o a c h e s*

David: yeah basically *jumps up* hello Neil!

Neil: Hey can I show you something I’ve been working on? *is neil*

David: ah yes of course! *grabs Jaspers hand and walks over*

Jasper: *😳😳😳😳*

Neil: Okay, so, this is my science stuff, and this right here is a calculator

David: very...interesting! Right Jasper!

Jasper: I like the uh, bottles?

Neil: The test tubes?

David: *tries not to laugh*

Jasper: I mean- I guess? I don’t know, I never did science

Neil: Literally everyone knows what a test tube is-!

David: oh come on Neil cut him some slack, hes not all about science

Neil: david, literally everyone knows what a test tube is!

David: well Jasper isnt everyone! Keep up the good work! *walks back to the cabin*

Jasper: *taps david’s shoulder 😗✌️* hey hey hey, quick question

David: hm? *turns around* yeah Jasper?

Jasper: Can I talk to you alone for a hot sec

David: yeah of course! What's up buddy pal

Jasper: uh, so, since I was a kid i thought you were super cool-?

David: wow really?! Youre really.. what's the word you use..radical!

Jasper: Wow thanks! Anyway, I was thinking and like- I like you??

David: well duh, we're best friends!

Jasper: yeah, but, like-like you homie

David: *very red* oh gosh- i- um-

Jasper: *😳😳😳* uh- yeah-

David: a-are you sure? Out of a-all people?

Jasper: *nodnodnodnod*

David: well uh- lucky for you- *kisses his cheek😳😳😳*

Jasper: *😳😳😳😳* oh dang-

David: *smiles at him*

Gwen: well that was lovely

Jasper: Wow gwen okay

David: oh h-hi Gwen..*v red*

Jasper: *😳😳😳😳*

Gwen: I saw the whole thing, it was WAY better than trash tv

David: well is this good for your trash tv? *kisses Jasperteehee*

Jasper: *is a red*

Gwen: *:0* Oh damn!!

David: oh wait I actually did that-

Jasper: jesus- *lmao covers his face or some shit*

Gwen: 👏👏👏

David: okay uh toodaloo! Bye! *runs to the cabin*

Jasper: uh, i’m gonna go too-! *fOLLOW*

Max: they're so gonna makeout

David: *in the bathroom* WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME

Jasper: *kNocKs oN tHe dOoR* uhh, davey are you okay?

David: AH! oh Jasper, hello! Uh yes I am completely fine why would something be wrong what

Jasper: you ran away really fast, are you sure you’re okay-?

David: yes of course! *comes pit of the bathroom and is like face to face w/ jasper bc he was standing right outside of the door??*

Jasper: *😳👉👈* *s smooch*

David: *😳😳😳😳😳😳*

Jasper: i’m uh, sorry *😔👉👈*

David: nononono it's okay! *hug*

Jasper: *hug 😔👉👈*

David: hey, you okay? *ruffles his hair and laughs*

Jasper: *:) 👉👈* of course!

David: that's great! *smiles at him*

Jasper: we should uh, leave and see what the kiddos are up to *walks out backwards???*

David: okay! *kicks the door open* owie

Jasper: oh dang are you okay-

Nikki: What SPICY DRAMA happened??!

David: nikki what do you mean??

Nikki: Max said you were gonna make out!

David: nothing happened! *😳*

Jasper: *holds onto david’s arm or smth lmao oop*

Nikki: hmmmm

David: nikki nothing- uh- nothing happened!

Max: Likely story DAVID!

David: fine, what do you think happened?

Max: you two made out or some gross shit and then you came out like nothing happened!

David: well you are incorrect!

Jasper: very incorrect!

Nikki: Oh damn it!

David: well anyways, since it's getting to sunset now, its campfire time! *skips over to the benches*

Jasper: come on children!! *follow*

Children: kk *follow*

Max: jasper I seriously dont understand how youre in love with HIM

David: *making a fire*

Jasper: I mean, he’s really nice, Max- I’m sure you’ll feel the same way about someone eventually

Max: pft- yeah, no

David: *stands up* okay and we are ready for action!

Jasper: oh come ON max, stop being so heartless *walks over to the f i r e*

David: *sits down on a log and puts on his sweatshirt* (I LOVE DAVID WEARING A SWEATSHIRT)

Jasper: *sits next to d a v i d* oh dang, are you cold?

David: eh, it's just summer night air

Jasper: yeah but i wanted an excuse to do this *puts his arm around david 😳*

David: *goes wide eyed 😳😳*

Jasper: *forehead smooch 😳😳*

David: *hides in his sweatshirt😳* Jasper not in front of the campers!-

Jasper: Oh dang i’m so sorry *n not*

David: *rests his head on his shoulder* hmph

Jasper: oh no, am i in trouble now? *hug teehee*

David: *shakes his head no*

Jasper: cool cool cool *😘😘😘*

Gwen: *👀👀👀*

David: *sleep*

Gwen: I think you need to go tuck your boy in

Jasper: Righto, Gwen make sure nothing burns down *picks up mr tree mans and cArRiEs hIm To tHe CabIn wOwIe*

David: huh..oh hi jasperrrr

Jasper: hola *drops mr tree mans onto his bed lmao rekt* you fell asleep

David: oh sorry *laughs tiredly?? Is that a thing??*

Jasper: go to sleep, you sound tired *forehead smooch 😳😳*

David: *pulls him down to....hug him duh*

Jasper: oh dang- *hug hug hug*

David: what? I love youuuuu (he ain't gonna remember this-)

Jasper: *😳😳😳* shoot- i love you too homie *s sits on the bed or smth*

David: *sits up and hugs him* thank you for working here, now I get to see your adorable face everyday

Jasper: jeez- calm down- *😳😳😳*

David: I'm just saying! *smiles at him*

Jasper: *😌😌* okay go to sleep now- it’s late, homeslice

David: okay *kisses him* goodnight *:)*

Jasper: goodnight weirdo *escape*

-morning-

David: *wakes up and sits up* best sleep I've ever had

Jasper: *uhh already out watching el children*

David: *gets dressed and walks outside* GOOOOOD MORNING JASPER

Jasper: hello hello, how did you sleep?

David: very good actually! I just dont remember anything from the camp fire

Jasper: oh great, you were hella tired last night man

Nikki: *f fire*

David: GOSH DARN NIKKI NOT AGAIN WITH THE FIRE!- *runs*

Jasper: *ahaha just vibes honestly lmao* righto children, who wants to go do something cool

Max: what do you consider cool

Jasper: dunno, what do YOU consider cool?

Max: I dont know that's why I'm asking you!

Space kid: how are babies made

Jasper: okay, we’re not going over that today- what if we uh, go to spooky island and find cool stuff

Nerris: david said we arent allowed over there!

David: I heard my name! Wassup

Jasper: we’re going to spooky island because i almost died there so we are allowed

David: *:0* ooooo adventures okay! Boat time! *walks to the boats*

Jasper: alrighty everyone get in groups of threes to go in the bOaTs and then don’t get lost

David: *gets in the boat in front of thy jasper* is Gwen coming?

Jasper: I don’t think so-

Space Kid: *is on their bOaT now because he asked how babies were made*

David: *starts paddling the boat* weeeeeeee

Jasper: *lmao also pAdDlInG*

Space Kid: David how are babies made?

David: uh well- *😳*

Space Kid: because neil told me that-

Jasper: okay okay okay let’s not talk about this today

Space kid: do you and jasper make babies?

David: NO *😳😳😳*

Jasper: *w heeze*

Space Kid: hmmmm, well do you want to make babies?

David: SPACE KID JUST STOP TALKING *😳😳😳😳*

Jasper: *literally sobbing* this is COMEDY

David: JASPER DONT ENCOURAGE HIM

Jasper: It’s so funny-!

David: uh-uh! Its embarrassing!

Space kid: you guys have definitely made babies

Jasper: *FIDNKSNSKSK* OH MY GOD *teeheehaw*

David: OKAY WOW LOOK WE'RE HERE *gets off the canoe*

Jasper: *escaped canoe* kk kids stay in your groups and find something cool

David: I guess space kid went with harrison and his group, so that's leave us alone *😳*

Jasper: *😳😳😳* *👀👀* *smooch 😳*

David: *😳😳😳* *kiss:)*

Jasper: *:)))*

Nikki: GUYS IT IS HAPPENING

David: NIKKI I SWEAR TO GOSH IF YOU DONT GO AWAY-

Jasper: *😳😳😳* Woah Davey chillax

Nikki: Everyone wanted to know!

David: well I think it's pretttttttty obvious that I am deeply in love with Jasper!

Jasper: 😳😳😳

Nikki: WOAHH!! Like my mom and Carl!!

Neil: nikki pleeeeeease dont bring that up

David: oh god-

Nikki: Why not! That was true love Neil!

Jasper: what even- who?

Neil: that was sex! Theres a difference Nikki!

David: their parents hooked up on parents day-

Jasper: *elbow nudge ;))* *LMAO WHEEZE JK JKING*

Nikki: There is no difference!

David: JASPER NO

Neil: they only did it for pleasure!!

Jasper: I was joking homie!

Nikki: oh REALLY? how would you know!!

Neil: beacuseeeeee that's why people do it nikki!

David: okay....homeskillet!

Nikki: have YOU ever done it!!!

Jasper: oh jesus- we should stop that before something bad happens

Neil: NIKKI I AM 11

David: yeah-

Jasper: *picks up nikki or some poopoo* Nikki, just listen to Neil on this one

Neil: THANK YOU

David: *giggles*

Nikki: this isn’t over NEIL

Jasper: okie dokie kids- Nikki you’re coming back with me because I don’t trust you with neil

Neil: NIKKI YOU LITERALLY EAT DIRT SO I DONT THINK YOU WOULD KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SE-

David: OKAY ENOUGH OF THIS

Jasper: alrighty everyone we’re going back- david go back with neil

Nikki: *g rowels*

-when they get back-

David: *flops on to his bed* well that was a experience

Jasper: *s sits on david’s bed* oh god it sure was

David: *sits up and leans against the pillows* I haven't been that stressed in awhile-

Jasper: *😳😳👀* *smooch*

David: *smooch😳😳😳😳*

Jasper: *😳😳😳😳smooch*

David: *hug* hiiiii

Jasper: *hug 😳😳😳* hello hello

Dsvid: not to be that weird person but you are way better at kissing then I thought you would be- *giggles*

Jasper: *😳😳😳😳*

David: okay soryyyyyyyyyyy

Jasper: you’re so dorky

Space Kid: *knocks on the councelor cabins door*

David: ugh can we ever be alone! *opens the door* oh space kid! Why are you up?

space kid: i had a nightmare that space wasn’t real can i stay with you :(

Jasper: ughhhhhh

David: yes of course! *picks up him* where do you wanna sleep?

Space kid: uhhh in space

David: let me rephrase it, where do you want to sleep in the cabin?

[jewishangus]

(I'm not even sure if this is the place to ask, sorry if this is a weird question haha) I'm a fanfiction writer and now that angus has been confirmed jewish I don't want to ignore that part of him in my future works. But I know literally nothing about what it means to be jewish. As a jewish fanfiction writer yourself, do you have any advice about how I could respectfully write a jewish angus?

no its a great question!!!! dont worry about asking - if anything, im super glad you’re looking to create good representation!! (and humbled that you’re here asking me? fuck)

tl;dr: being respectful really just means putting thought into your character, and treating judaism like you would any other facet of someone’s personality. most of the time, it won’t be that prominent! but if you don’t think about it, you’re going to end up writing it badly.

under the readmore, however: how to approach thinking about judaism and working it into a character.

ok first of all, if you’re not jewish and know nothing about judaism, there’s a couple of things you should get.

first: ethnicity is key.i’ll leave you to do the googling on the terms - the key to all good representation is research - but if youre european/american, you most likely adhere to a denomination (which, for the numerical majority of jews, is either orthodox, conservative, or reform), if you’re from the middle east/north africa/actual real africa/far east, or live in israel now, you’re likely not to. 

second: surprisingly, politics dont matter. tradition, however, does.you can be liberal and orthodox and conservative and reform, even though orthodox judaism is the more traditional/patriarchal in nature of the two denominations. but you’ve probably heard of if not seen fiddler on the roof - its incredibly hard to stray against what you’ve been raised when youre jewish, mostly because most of your jewish identity comes from your parents and your history! a lot of people do, especially on the political front. but even if people differ from their parents politically, they might not do so jewishly.

third: jews are a nation as well as a religion.jewish culture exists (though it’s different for people of different ethnicities), a jewish language exists, a jewish history exists (even though schools suck at teaching all of it), and jewish national sovereignty also exists and is important - hence, israel. at the same time, a jewish biblical canon exists, and jewish books of law exist, and those two have to coexist together. for some jews, both are equally important. some prioritize one over the other, and do so in different ways.

last: stereotypes are…. actually kind of important.jews love to argue. true. jewish overbearing moms exist. also true. jews control all the money in the world? actually, we joke about that a lot, but sadly that isn’t true. however, for a nation with only ~15 million people, you’ll find us in a lot of high places; we’ll attribute that mostly to our brains, though.when you’re writing stereotypes, think about them. every jewish person thinks about them differently and treats them differently. people who grew up in more of a jewish bubble tend to be more comfortable with them than those who arent.whatever you do, though, dont avoid them like the plague. a lot of them are true, and cute, and a lot of them are something id love to see in fic! as an example, take a line from one of my wips: “So, deep down, Davenport knew it wasn’t a coincidence that when he collected the seven, they all turned out to be Jewish. It’s the Jew-dar, Merle jokes sometimes, or the “you were looking for smart people, what’d you expect?” that Taako said once, but their captain’s more serious than that. He thinks it’s destiny.”

there’s two different stereotypes in there: jews are smart, and the jew-dar, which is more a pun off of the gay-dar than anything. and yet, they’re used light-heartedly, for a laugh that doesn’t poke fun! kind of in the same way angus was confirmed to be jewish.

ok, now that that’s done with, a disclaimer that i implied heavily in the last bit but is very worthy to say outright:

every jew is different! 

when you’re writing a jewish character, this is the most important thing to keep in mind. a person can’t be just jewish, they’re jewish and [insert race/ethnicity] and [insert gender] and [insert age] and [insert socio-economic status] and [insert sexuality] and i can just go on and on and on, because even the men in black hats in nyc’s diamond district have a story and other facets of their personality.

so the key to write a jewish character is not to throw everything else in the garbage - in fact do exactly the opposite. decide everything else first, and then use that to reverse-engineer their judaism.now, this is true even for people who see judaism as their salient identity, like me! even if judaism is the most important thing in their lives, it’s that along with everything else that builds character.

let’s try it with angus, shall we?

okay, so who is angus?

-he’s a boy-he’s 11-he is, for whatever reason, mostly disconnected from his birth family-he loves to learn - an academic at heart-he’s fancy - his birth family was probably rich, or at least he knows his manners.

and if you wanna do some world-building you can - how do jews in faerun deal with magic/other gods/the astral plane/etc? thats a whole other post, but it’s interesting to think about in regards to angus’s psyche.

okay, let’s do this:

we don’t know angus’s race. if he’s white, what denomination does he slide into, if any? if he’s black, he’s either ethiopian or his family converted at some point in his history or he’s an extremely rare character. either way, his generation is probably like. one of the first to integrate into modern judaism. what’s that like? 

he’s a kid. his judaism is going to change over time! how serious is he about it now? is it a source of fun for him, a source of serious learning, or a mix of both? does he make sure to follow the laws, clearing his dorm of bread on passover or fasting on yom kippur or keeping shabbat/kosher, or does he just light candles for hanukkah and eat dairy on midsummer?

where is his family, and why would they have left him? the days of ditching your kid in fear of him growing up bad have been behind us for millennia. if his family is shitty or dead, where’s the extensive community that usually backs up kids of his character? does he still have a network? does he go back and visit?

he found a new family in the bureau and the ipre - are they jewish? do they support him or just leave him be?

he is a boy genius, in most understandings of the term. does he speak hebrew? know torah trope or prayer or jewish law? or is he more of a jewish history buff? or does he like secular subjects better, struggling over yet appreciating the old text yet turning his attention to something else? judaism seriously endorses academia - is that where he got his love for it from?

if he’s fancy, is he traditional? does he wear tzizit under his clothes or was his family not that jewish when they got rich?

the answers to all of these questions are going to create the kind of jew you want angus to be!

and yet - 

you can incorporate all of this character-building into angus and end up writing him the same way as you have this whole time - it all depends on the scene you’re writing him in.

your angus could be the same except he interrupts to ask a question about a religion/custom that’s different than his own. he could be the same except fixing the tzizit under his clothes is a fidget of his. you know what? his judaism is probably only going to come up in little snippets anyway - he could be asking taako which ones are the meat forks and which are the dairy ones, or magnus could play keep-away with his kippah, or lucretia could find him in his room studying torah. or maybe it comes up in conversation? maybe someone calls him a genius and he blushes and says he kinda struggles with his hebrew homework sometimes, and then the conversation moves on as if he hadn’t mentioned judaism at all.

so what do these questions answer, exactly? whether those snippets, those pieces of judaism that work his way into his daily life, are even there to begin with. 

does it come up in conversation? does he spend his free time studying torah? does he wear a kippah or tzizit? does he care about meat and dairy forks? does he end up going on an extreme teen adventure and ask a bunch of questions or is he worried about merle preaching? 

those are up to you, and those decisions are what im working to educate on in this post.

anyways, that’s about all i got! if you wanna find out more about judaism, feel free to ask - i was trying to avoid giving you a crash course on my religion and more focusing on how to incorporate it into a character, but if the former was what you were looking for, hit me up and ill write another 1500 words for you!

hope i could help, and happy writing!

[ennergetics]

GIRL YOURE SO GOOD!! I LOVE HOW YOU ARENT CRINGY WHAT A QUEEEEN!! CAN I REQUEST SOME ONG ANGST WITH A FLUFFY ENDING??

[ thank you for this!!

(image credit)

pairing: ong seongwu x readergenre: angst, fluffwordcount: 2233summary: there’s nothing more important to you and Ong Seongwu than your dreams. ( cross-posted on ao3!)

You’re at the company office at midnight on a Friday, sheets clutched in your hand. As the days lead up to the girls’ debut, this is becoming increasingly normal; albums aren’t written in a day, and the company’s too small to afford more people on the team. Despite the long hours and low pay, you’re happier than you’ve been in years.

Today, however, you’ve been neglecting your duties, your gaze focused on the small television screen in the office pantry. You’ve bitten your nails down to stubs, and your heart’s pounding wildly.

“The trainee who ranked fifth…” BoA says on the screen.

The camera flashes to Ong Seongwu, and you feel your breath catch. He’s gotten a lot more handsome these days. He’d been cute back in high school, when Seongwu had been all lanky limbs and silly faces, bursting with an energy that couldn’t be contained. To watch him perform now makes your heart ache for all the wrong reasons, though you try tell yourself you made the right choice.

“This is someone who got an A during the first level test,” BoA continues.

Your fist clenches because you know only a few of the trainees left fit that criteria. Seongwu looks nervous, and you can’t help but feel the same. He’s been at this for far too long, made too many sacrifices to lose here. Ong Seongwu is not the type to give up on anything, especially his dream, and you’d been witness to that. How many nights had he come home late, out doing another small acting role to make up for the time he spent auditioning at agencies? You’d always kept your medicine cabinet well-stocked and placed cooling patches on the muscles you knew would ache the most because he’d be too exhausted to do that himself.

“With a total of 984, 756 votes…”

There was nothing to be done. Seongwu’s destiny was to be an idol, and you’d stood in the way of that.

“Fantagio’s Ong Seongwu!”

The other trainees surround him, and the smile on his face is radiant. Satisfied, you turn the television off and return to your desk to pack-up, telling yourself the tightness in your chest is one of pride rather than loss.

When Ong Seongwu walks into your classroom for the first time, he’s wearing dorky glasses, carrying a large backpack, and sporting hair that belongs in a 70s fashion catalog. You’re immediately intrigued by the mischievous glint in his eyes and the upturned curl of his mouth. He grins at the class as soon as he walks in and takes the seat beside yours.

You expect him to become your partner for all the seatworks the rest of the year, but he begins to invade the other aspects of your life, too, with both of you in the drama and music clubs together. You catch him taking a dumb selfie on your phone and roll your eyes, but you save it in a secret folder because it makes you smile. You’re always at school late together, him practicing the latest choreography for the dance troupe and you fiddling with the guitar and the piano to figure out the arrangement of your latest piece. In a class of high school students with futures they’ve not yet decided, the two of you are drawn to each other, your ambitions complementary and laser-focused.

By your senior year, you���re spending most of your time together, though Seongwu is often missing because of the training he does with the agency he’s signed with. You always have the notes prepared for him when he returns, and the sincerity in his thanks and the brightness of his smile make it worth it.

You graduate and move out at the same time, both not wanting to cause your parents trouble. Though you go through the charade of trying to find another roommate, when you secure an affordable apartment, you invite Seongwu to live with you. It makes things easier because you’re both chasing the same dreams, both trying to make it in one of the most trying industries in the country.

Seongwu is easy to live with, and you soon fall into a regular routine: breakfast together at the crack of dawn, then both of you go out to the various studios and agencies to try your luck, to practice, to dream. You work the afternoon to night shift at the local barbecue restaurant, while Seongwu does different modeling gigs to pay the rent. He leaves the pictures strewn around the apartment because he knows they make you smile. You don’t tell him it’s because he looks handsome as a groom or an athlete or a boy next door, making fun of them instead.

Life is busy, and money gets tight, and sometimes you sleep with an empty stomach. But you’re young and fresh from the academic life, with enough faith in the abilities you’ve honed and the passion you’ve focused all these years. It helps that your best friend is around cheering you on even when you’re both lying down on the floor, dead tired from the choreographies you had to learn for yet another audition.

It’s been two years.

You’ve heard it all. Your hips are too wide, your cheeks too round, your face not the “idol look.” Seongwu can tell you’re more hurt than you let on. Though he never says anything after each failed appointment, he insists on sleeping in your bed and holding you close, his arms firmly around your waist beneath your thin blankets. It’s been a long day, and you’re particularly sensitive after the agent called you ‘ a hopeless case.’ You and Seongwu lie in bed together, both still awake in the darkness of your room.

“Should I—Seulgi’s mom says she’d be,” you say, hesitating, “she’d be willing to fix me.” You find Seongwu’s hand and lace your fingers between his, holding onto him like a lifeline. He says nothing; both of you know the stakes in the world you want to be part of.

“I love music,” you whisper, “more than nearly anything else in the world.” Seongwu holds you tighter. As much as I love you, you leave unsaid.

Beneath the faint smell of the cologne he’d had to model today is Seongwu’s familiar scent, and you breathe it in. How long will you two be chasing your dreams? How long will you spend long hours working terrible jobs to keep yourselves afloat? And how long will you avoid addressing what’s between you two: the warmth of his back against your chest as you fall asleep, fleeting touches that spark lightning up your arms, and an embrace that feel like home?

You turn around to face him, and he reaches up automatically to try and wipe away your tears. But there are none there, only the tension between you two as the clock on your nightstand ticks and fills the silence in the room. His fingers are still on your left cheek, and you take a deep breath, knowing there’s no turning back from this point. You brace yourself for a sleepless night of embarrassment and prepare your excuses for the morning light, when you feel his lips touch yours, light as a butterfly.

“Good night,” Seongwu says against your mouth, pulling you close so your head is nestled in the crook of his neck, and you fall asleep with his name on your lips.

Soon Seongwu is signed to Fantagio, and you take the day off at work to throw him a little party at your apartment, complete with streamers and a cake because you know he enjoys fanfare even if he won’t admit it. Every morning before he goes to their office, you kiss him on the left cheek, precisely at the spot where his three moles lie. His pretend shiver gets you every time, making you laugh before you go to the café next door to write songs. More and more, you’re drawn to the production side of music, focusing on the magic you can make with your looper, laptop, and mic, sending out your demos to the different entertainment companies.

You and Seongwu forget to be careful, going on Tuesday dates at convenience stores and 24-hour fast food places at three in the morning, laughing and holding hands. It’s the only time you can afford to be out together, and you treasure the walk along your dimly lit street, hearing Seongwu’s worn sneakers against the pavement as you run the last few steps to your place. You’re happy. So happy, too happy.

One Tuesday night, Seongwu comes home late. Your smile fades as soon as you see his face, his expression as serious and frustrated as when his old label had dropped him unexpectedly, when he knew he’d have to start all over again.

“My agent saw us,” he says, not looking at you. “We’re not allowed to have personal lives.” Seongwu sounds bitter but resigned, and that tells you all you need to know. You are as important to him as he is to you, a vine around the trellis of his life, blooming and twining around with the sun and storms of the years you’ve spent together. But performing on the stage, becoming the idol Ong Seongwu, that is written in his identity, engraved deeply and permanently in the metal, more integral than breathing.

Neither of you have had to deal with important conflict with each other; he’s supported your dream for as long as you can remember, and vice versa. The part of you that wants to speak up and yell, to fight and push for you to stay together, is hushed by the side that says it would be selfish. You would never ask him to make a choice because you know your relationship and your dreams aren’t mutually exclusive. But even compromise is difficult in an industry as cutthroat as the one you both aspire towards, and you’re afraid to hear that he wouldn’t be willing to take that chance.

He explains that he’s moving to the company dorms for convenience, and you watch him pack silently.

“Don’t,” you say, “don’t forget the pain relief ointment in the cabinet. I don’t have much use for it.” You shut the door to your little room quietly, glad the walls are thick enough to prevent your sobs from being heard.

By morning, he’s gone.

You’re so caught up in helping prepare for the girls’ performance on Show Champion that you forget who else is supposed to be on the show on the same day. When Wanna One’s name is called, announcing what seems to be one in an endless streak of wins since their debut a couple of months back, you gasp audibly. You can’t leave without seeing him, and you excuse yourself to wait backstage till they come for their post-win cooldown. You see him before he sees you, speaking before he can notice your presence.

“Seongwu, congratulations!” you say, your voice cracking when you say his name. His eyes go wide when he looks at you, the smile frozen on his face. He’s always been a better actor than you, but stress has always gotten to him easily.

“What are you doing here?” Seongwu says, glancing back every so often at the rest of Wanna One.

“Ah,” you say, fiddling with your fingers, “I’m a producer and lyricist for one of the girl groups here.” You laugh. “They’re a lot prettier than I ever was.” It’s been a year and a half, and he’s still witness to your greatest insecurities, the parts of yourself you try to play off with a cheery grin and a shrug.

“You’re even more beautiful than I remember,” Seongwu says tenderly, under his breath so only you can hear.

There are so many things you want to tell him. I made a huge mistake letting you go. We could have made it work, but I didn’t even believe enough in us to try. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Instead, you smile, biting your lip. “I’m sorry,” you say, the words laden with the weight of your history. You try again. “I’m sorry, the team might be looking for me.” Despite your words, you’re rooted to the spot, unable to look away from him.

“Hyung?” One of the members calls out to Seongwu, and it seems to break the trance. He nods again at you, and in the fleeting moment he looks away, you realize you can’t let him walk away without at least trying.

“Let’s see each other again soon?” you say, reaching out with your cellphone in hand. He looks at it for a moment before grinning widely, taking it and tapping quickly before joining the rest of the boys.

When you check your phone, you can’t help but laugh. He’d snapped a picture of himself and had somehow found the time to put a glasses sticker over his face. It’s the same face he’d made all those years ago on the first phone you’d ever owned. You can’t start with a clean slate, but a past like yours and his, marked with heartbreaks and failures and finally, finally triumph, sustains memories not so easily forgotten.

i missed you , you text, and in an instant, he replies, as quick as he’d always been.

same. it’s good to be back home.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: Heyo boo Ali: thanks for Rocky wrangling with me today, you're now also his fave so, add that to your tally Carly: its k i had fun Carly: hes a cutie & cool kid Ali: me too Ali: yeah, he's alright, but cocky enough so I ain't telling him Ali: dunno where he gets that from 😏 Carly: ha Carly: yea idk Carly: no clue Ali: i'm sorry Ro was being off btw, I'm working out why but trust it wasn't you, babe Ali: been neglecting her lately, everyone wants a piece of me Ali: hard life Carly: idc its me too Carly: nobody wants a piece but you Ali: I just told you that ain't true, and Rocky is ruthless, he called one of my customers a 'big bum witch' the other day Ali: no tip for me, thanks dickhead Ali: but I want all of you regardless Ali: willing to throw hands Carly: aw Carly: this town is full of big bum witches tho Carly: my ma back for one Carly: but are you willing to use those hands for good too or Ali: awks if that was your Ma, like hey gurl, I think you rock it Ali: your daughter ain't bad either Ali: you know it, IOU 'cos we couldn't make like we were in the backrow of the cinema Carly: unless she been lying about where she at i think youve avoided meeting the in laws again Carly: k cuz you kno i need to collect soon Carly: bored Carly: just back and zoned out so fast Ali: ain't even got exciting stories from their galavanting? fucking rude Ali: at least when we go AWOL we also go wild Ali: make things happen, lads Carly: my ma's good for nothing but hairspray and peroxide Carly: only use if i get beat up again Carly: my da's good for cash tho if you wanna get wild w me Ali: or you wanna single white female me Ali: which would be a disappointing outcome to say the least Ali: can't tonight babe, I've gotta have some sister time Ali: go hard for both of us Carly: k Carly: try not to miss me bad when shes talking about me Ali: oh babe, she will not, and if she does I'll set her straight Ali: gonna let the world know you're my 😇 Carly: whatever her issue shes gotta air it and youre her sister so you gotta hear it Carly: idc shes not gonna hurt me w it Carly: and setting peeps straight is the opposite of how you do, babe Ali: true Ali: idk what issue she could have though, you're a literal ray of sunshine Ali: true again 😏 Ali: ugh, imma miss you Ali: maybe i can sneak out when she's gone to bed, the 'rents too Carly: i miss you now Carly: cant hear my parents say shit Carly: i just wanna talk to you Carly: dont tell me maybe & keep me waiting tho Ali: i will Ali: promise Carly: i dont wanna make trouble for you Carly: w anyone Carly: you can stay w her if you need to stay Ali: You won't Ali: I can do both Ali: be back before first light Ali: even if I'll miss watching the sun rise on your face 😔 Ali: we've got the night, baby Carly: but you kno if ive got you for the whole night youre gonna fall asleep Carly: thats what im good at Carly: feel free to tell your sister thats why you like me ha Carly: fun & tiring its magic Ali: hmm, we'll see who wears who out first, babe Ali: and if I am that husband, then you'll just have to wake me up with morning sex like the good little wifey you are 😘😂 Carly: always bringing that confidence i like it Carly: k but if my parents wake up too you can explain its a duty thing yea i had to like Ali: i like you Ali: for so many reasons and imma show you all of 'em tonight Ali: fuck that Ali: stay out with me, its warm enough Ali: i'll trace all the constellations out with my tongue so you won't ever forget Ali: educational Carly: my ma is asking me what im blushing about Carly: i told her what you said but she's not a believer Carly: support my education bitch Carly: ha Ali: i mean, i'd offer to let her see the benefits for herself but Ali: not gonna win me any brownie points 'cos she won't take me up on it Carly: she dont kno what she's missing but i do Carly: wish you were here Ali: me too Ali: start the party without me babe, i don't mind Carly: too late if you do Carly: gotta get through this reunion some way Ali: they aren't making you watch a slideshow, are they? Ali: fate worse than death Ali: Maybe you could go to Ronan's? Lmao, he's been up in my pussy way too much since he found out about us...didn't think we were THAT loud but ok boy Carly: yea Carly: might do cuz same Carly: but what if i miss you he can really make a night of it when he wants Ali: Nah, I won't let you face that disappointment, babe Ali: my spidey senses will tingle like not on my watch, fuckboy Carly: aw Carly: you gonna come get me? Carly: thats no way to get him out your pussy babe fyi Ali: yeah Ali: I know but I like the idea of showing you off as mine Ali: but no sharing, he only gets to watch and be mad he fucked it up Carly: i like it too Carly: youre hot when youre oneupping fuckboys Carly: i thought i knew how to do it best but k youre flipping the script Ali: as long as i'm besting them i'm doing my job right Ali: gotta keep you on-board Carly: speak of the devil Carly: how he know i was alone & horny Carly: my parents have only gone to the shops its uncanny Ali: know your neighbours but bit stalkerish, pal Ali: i'll text him to fuck off, freak him out Ali: how does she know, ha, two can play this game fucko and I'm more committed Carly: ha Carly: you gotta Carly: hes smoking im gonna bum one see what line he tries to lay on before the text sends Ali: On it Ali: gotta let him know there's a queue to court the princess now and he's at the back, soz Carly: he likes hitting it from the back he wont be put off Carly: im gonna show him some of the hot pics i took of you tho Ali: when is he ever tbf? 🐶👅💦 Carly: true Carly: that fucking cute tho aren't i Ali: you know it babe Carly: hes talking to my da now Carly: kill me Ali: how fucking dare he Ali: knowing he has the upper hand with the man bants Ali: i know how to change a tire too! love me! Carly: if my ma invites him in for tea im out of here Carly: she will think hes hot under the collar for her & bitch thats my groundwork Ali: Run baby run Ali: what kinda moron is he tho Ali: coulda had a private show if you just waited, now its all saturday night telly and flat lager Carly: you kno i have nowhere to go if you dont want me babe Carly: facts Carly: he likes me now he cant have me what a fucking Carly: like i wouldve fucked you but im not getting w you Ali: i do, is this full sos crisis mode though? 'cos i need to be good for a lil while longer yet Ali: such a typical bloke move that Ali: bet he ain't the only boy in ur inbox, not a pun Ali: 'cos he ain't in mine like 🙄 Carly: its k your sister needs you Carly: i can keep walking Carly: loads of other lads on site as well as in my inbox Carly: & they arent trying to say hi to me before we get down to it nevermind my parents Ali: 😾 Carly: why so sad blue eyed boo Ali: i don't like how lads treat you Ali: i'm not jealous, like swear to god, even though i obviously want you all to myself, i get it Ali: but i'm not about how shit they are to you, even if you don't care, they should care to be decent humans Carly: thats not lads its everyone Carly: youre the only one treating me different Carly: they dont know how else to be Carly: made my bed babe Ali: nah Ali: you don't deserve half the shit you get, that's bullshit Ali: and even the rest, people just don't wanna try to understand or be good, heaven forfend they inconvineince themselves for one second, like Carly: if im a slag im a slag i dont get to put conditions on it Carly: if it was a film maybe Carly: but theres no romance coming my way from theres and i dont want it Ali: why can't you just be you? someone who likes fucking, among other things Ali: not romance just like...not being a cunt Ali: idk Ali: pisses me off Carly: cuz you don't run the world even tho you strut it like you do and i love it Ali: not yet, babe Ali: one day, and you can be my right hand woman Carly: yea? Carly: take me w you & ill take you to all your fave places k Ali: k Ali: we'll be fun forever, I promise you Carly: gotta be Ali: you know i like you even when you ain't tho Ali: don't tell Carly: who would i Carly: ronans got enough for his wank bank & nobody else is chatting to me rn Ali: exactly, ruins the illusion and fantasy when they realise i care about you Ali: so unsexy of me Carly: youre sexy to me Carly: idc what they think Ali: good Ali: me either Carly: i like you too you kno Ali: yeah Ali: i had my suspicions Carly: i dont have any subtlety sorry about it Ali: Don't be Ali: I love it Ali: not enough people say what they mean or want, ever Carly: waste Carly: k i wasnt shouting how bad i wanted to kiss you before i did but not cuz i was bothered about me Ali: agreed Ali: sometimes you can't know you want something until you've got it Ali: i get it Carly: you get me Carly: its weird Ali: 🔮 Carly: ha Carly: k what am i thinking now Ali: wouldn't be proper to say Ali: tut tut bad girl Ali: like how you think though Carly: fuck Carly: youre good Ali: 🤷 don't mean to brag but remember that phrase you'll be screaming it later Ali: such a Ronan line, I can't 😂 Carly: but true Carly: not like when he says it Ali: 😍 Carly: what you doing w your sister Carly: gotta live through that cuz bored Ali: Fixing my weave Ali: getting into a white girl dread territory over here Ali: then gonna do some 🔮 forreal Ali: get ready for me to be even more of a know it all baby Carly: cute Carly: tell me my future i got some shit from another neighbor & im waiting for it to kick Carly: hows it gonna treat me Carly: needing a good trip Ali: we'll see who gets the answer first Ali: you got anything for me? Carly: yea Carly: they mystery but i kno you arent scared Carly: & you got me doing a test run rn lying on here on the grass Ali: 🌌 be there before it fades away my space explorer Carly: if you find me at a bad end prob dont take it Ali: is one of the lads trip sitting you Carly: so he reckons but hes drinking so theres no trust Carly: & he gave me it Carly: his game could be me lights out idk Ali: keep texting me, okay babe? Ali: if shit gets too real, tell me and I'll come early Ali: my sis is cool now, she gets what we're doing, she was just confused Carly: aw Carly: youre sweet Carly: you told her you like me Ali: 'course I did Ali: I ain't ashamed Ali: I'm proud Carly: youre gonna make me cry Ali: You're special, Carly Ali: You're gonna see Carly: I just wanna see you tho Ali: Me too Ali: I'm gonna make her some chamomile tea and then I'm coming, yeah? Carly: but thats not fair to her Carly: she's not gonna be a fan of me Ali: I've promised her more time tomorrow Ali: You need me rn Carly: but what if i want you to stay Carly: what are we gonna do then Ali: i'll stay until you're ready for me to go Carly: you mean that? Ali: yes Ali: promise, imma take care of you Carly: but theres nothing in it for you Carly: youve already got me you dont have to Ali: i wanna keep you Ali: and not just selfishly Ali: you gotta stick around, you're too cool to go anywhere, okay Carly: k Carly: im here & if you wanna be im not stopping you Ali: good Ali: i wanna be wherever you are Carly: i kept you pills back the lads didnt want me to but idc about them & you can follow me in now Ali: fuck them Ali: just me and you Carly: yea Carly: ill look after you too Ali: 😇 Ali: i know, i trust you Carly: idk if you should Carly: but i like it Ali: willing to take my chances Ali: you're worth it Carly: thats you Ali: i'm so glad i met you Carly: me too Carly: not that i met me thats weird Carly: you know what i mean Ali: i got you Ali: not high yet 😉 Carly: id seen you around before you guardian angel'd me that night Carly: thats weird too Carly: that i didnt see you how i do now Ali: it is Ali: you were always cute but Ali: idk, i can't claim to have seen this in my crystal ball Carly: thats cuz i wasnt cute i was a state Carly: & youd have more likely seen me sucking ronans dick Carly: look away babe you dont need to have that image in your mind Ali: don't need him reckoning he plays part in any of my fantasies, nah Ali: you can't not be cute, no matter how you try, soz babe Carly: you can't not be so sweet to me can you Ali: dunno Ali: not tried Carly: idk what id do if you did Carly: i got used to it Ali: got no plans to stop Ali: unless you ask me to, like Carly: thats not gonna be what i ask you to do Carly: trust me Ali: you can tell me all about it Ali: 5 minutes, tops Carly: okay

[viralhottopics]

A Definitive Ranking Of 2000s Rom Coms

Although people who peaked in high school like to act poetic about how great the 2000s were, they werent actually any better than the present day. I mean, it was a time when Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake wore matching denim outfits in public and nobody carted them off to an insane asylum.

But Im prepared to make a concession on two points: 1) At least we werent under the administration of a sentient slime mold wearing a bad wig. 2) The 2000s were a golden age for romantic comedies, mostly thanks to Judy Greers tireless efforts to play every heroines best friend. Plus, only like half the jokes were sexist, and there was about an 80% chance pre-pretentious Matthew McConaughey would show up.

Obviously, a betch has to be picky about her rom-comssome are shitty in a good way, but others are best avoided in case someone catches you watching them. To guide your Netflix viewings, here’s a totally objective list of 00s rom coms. If you disagree, which Im sure everyone will, please note that Im not actually forcing you to watch these movies; Im just saying that if you regularly watch any of the bottom five, you have terrible taste.

14.

is considered a modern classic by two groups of people. 1) men in their late 20s with a crush on Natalie Portman and a thriving quarter-life crisis and 2) 8th graders in 2004 under the assumption that any movie that features a Shins track in its soundtrack is automatically deep. To everyone else, its a film about self-absorbed white people whining about their lives until theyre magically fixed by the power of mixtapes. There are approximately a zillion issues with this film, beginning with Zach Braffs complete lack of expression and ending with the fact that you cant cure real depression by listening to The Shins, no matter how clearly superior the soundtrack is to anything else in this film. Worst of all, though, is the fact that Natalie Portman played a manic pixie dream girl so obnoxious I still dream about strangling her character sometimes. Padme deserves so much better.

13.

Im not saying romantic comedies have to make much sense, but s plot is mystifying. Matthew McConaugheys parents are tired of him living at home, so they call in a lady high class escort (Sarah Jessica Parker) whose job is literally seducing men into moving out of their parents basements and unceremoniously dumping them. Because that’s plausible, and not at all fucked up to force your son to fall in love with someone you’re paying. Ridiculous premise aside, you know a movie is terrible when famed nicegirl Zooey Deschanel is the best thing about it.

12. Monster-in-Law

In case you missed this one, and for your sake I hope you did, is about Jane Fonda inexplicably being terrible to Jennifer Lopez, who walks a lot of dogs and is engaged to Fondas son. That right there should tell you all you need to knowI cannot think of one movie that JLo was in that was anything above mild torture, and we’re supposed to root for her character why, exactly? If my son was engaged to a full-time dog walker you can best believe I’d do everything short of actual murder to put a stop to that bullshit.

11.

Im told some people love this movie, but Jesus fucking Christ, is it possible for the two main characters to be any more appalling? Here you have two assholes manipulating the shit out of each other and just generally acting psychotic, all to win a stupid bet with their friends. They really should call it “How To Act Like A Psychopath And Lose Your Dignity.”

10.

Not gonna lie, I fucking adored when I was an impressionable preteen. It had time travel! Mark Ruffalo! A makeover scene! Years later, the movie is still fun to watch, even if it is way too obsessed with the 80s, but the jokes are more cute than funny. Also, why would anyone allow their 13-year-old child to go to a sleepover hosted by a 30-year-old? That is … questionable to say the least. Not to mention Jennifer Garner’s character does a reverse transformation from a betch into a nicegirl and dumps her hot pro bf in favor of her formerly fat friend. Blah blah, true love, I don’t give a fuck. Tenth.

9.

is close to being wrapped in cutesy narration, but it’s far superior. For one thing, it reintroduced the world to Joseph Gordon-Levitts dimples. For another, it manages to be a fairly realistic depiction of a shitty millennial relationship without being super fucking depressing. But thats also kind of the problemrom coms arent supposed to be realistic, theyre supposed to be clich and feel-good, and I don’t care what you say, Summer is a thot. I have literally stayed up at night mapping how she could have possibly met someone worthy of engagement a mere 118 days after she broke up with Tom, and only six days after attending a wedding as his guest (yes I did the mathI told you; this movie keeps me up at night). No matter how you slice it, she had to have cheated on somebody.

8.

Full disclosure: As a Southern betch, Im stoked that takes place right next door. (Dear Hollywood: An entire country exists between New York and LA.) But even though it features Patrick Dempsey as the other man, Josh Lucas with a dreamy Southern accent, and Reese Witherspoon, there are still some issues. Mainly, WTF WERE YOU THINKING, MELANIE? Did you really dump your future president fianc for your secret redneck husband just so “the first boy you kissed could also be your last”? I’ve heard of trying to keep your number down, but damn if this isn’t some delusional shit.

7.

Everyone on planet Earth can relate to having a batshit crazy family, and thats exactly what makes appealing. The two leads are fine, considering they’re not Kate Hudson or Matthew McConaughey, but the extended family is everyones favorite part of the movie. Honestly the most memorable moment to come out of this movie is the “put some Windex on it”pretty good deal for Windex, not so much for the people who actually starred in the movie. However, it does get points for the memorable line: “The man may be the head of the household, but the woman is the neck and she can turn the head any way she pleases.”

6.

The plot is pretty flimsy (a Canadian businesswoman has to marry her assistant to avoid deportation) but everyone loves a story where the couple starts out hating each other and eventually falls in love. The cast is what makes this movie pure rom com gold: Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds, and Betty fucking White, who gifted us with the infamous Native American dance scene. Basically, it’s predictable but ridiculous, making it better than some of the other garbage movies on this list.

5.

Admittedly, is probably to blame for some of the chubby man-child/beautiful, svelte woman couplings we see in the media that give men unrealistic beauty expectations (of the types of women they can expect to date), otherwise known as The Beyonc/Jay Z Phenomenon. But whatevs. Its a good movie. Seth Rogen has that whole dad bod thing going onapparently a thing some people are intoand Katherine Heigl was at the top of her rom com game before she pissed off the entire cast of .is actually hilarious, which is enough to make up for the fact that Katherine Heigl appears in it.

4.

Even aside from my undeniable crush on youthful Sandra Bullock, is a quintessential early-2000s romantic comedy. Allow me to explain. 1) It stars an ambitious career woman who dont need no man. 2) But she kind of wants one anyway, and everyone realizes what a catch she is when she puts on lipstick and a dress. 3) Did I mention its plot is literally an extended makeover scene as Bullock goes from bad ass FBI agent to bad ass beauty pageant contestant? I rest my case. Add in some cute female friendships and a scene in which Bullock teaches us how to fend off an attacker, and its basically required viewing every year.

3.

You had to know was going to make the list despite this amazing take-down article of why it’s actually terrible. With approximately a bajillion storylines going on, its hard not to find one you like and get invested, and it doesnt hurt that the film features every well-known British actor under the sun. Im not sure how the movie manages to juggle all the different plots without being confusing and/or boring, but Im not gonna question it. However, this shit is TOO FUCKING LONG. If I have to pop an Adderall just to make it through a damn movie (which I do), you need to send your editors back to the drawing board.

2.

is the perfect example of a rom com thats super clich in theory, but in practice, its so fucking heartwarming it doesnt even matter (ugh). Katherine Heigl plays ultimate nicegirl Jane (in case the fact that her name is “Jane” wasn’t enough of a clue), whos been part of 27 weddings and miraculously hasnt gone broke from buying all the bridesmaid dresses. The dudes are pretty forgettable, but Janes psychotic sister and slutty best friend totally steal the spotlight, elevating the film to truly betchy heights.

P.S. For once, James Marsden plays the leading man, so his preternaturally perfect face gets more screen time, #bless.

1.

Bridget Joness Diary is the ultimate feel-good movie, as in its literally impossible to watch it without feeling your icy soul thaw ever so slightly at the end. The titular character starts out fat, single, and past the age of 30, so basically our worst nightmare. By the end, though, she manages to bang Hugh Grant and Colin Firth, land a better job, and become a self-described wanton sex goddess. If those arent your life goals, you clearly need to start your own self-help journey.

Read more: http://betches.co/2leb0vU

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