#like ik they're cops & stuff but it just makes sense to me

[questionable-disarray]

They give me Scooby Doo vibes sometimes

[letstalkaboutfandomsbaby]

genuine question here, how are you are a lesbian but are still able to sexually fantasize about fictional men? no hate just curious ✌️

heyyyyy, this got wayyyy too long so I'm putting it under a read more sksksk pls forgive me for the length but I hope what i've written makes sense and sheds some light on my sexuality :) if you have any other questions regarding this, I don't mind answering! I'll do the best I can to further explain my feelings bc none of this is organized sksksk

That's a very good question that I've asked myself a lot while trying to figure out my sexuality and it's taken me a while to come up with a suitable answer but it boils down to this: although I enjoy exploring topics in fiction does not mean I want it to happen irl, and I think this applies to a lot of stuff not just fictional men! Noncon, murder, angst, yandere, these are all topics that we as writers explore in a fictional setting but would never want to experience irl. I'm sure there's plenty of answers as to why ppl do these things, but at the center of these speculations is the fact that we do not want our fictional scenarios to come to life. No one truly wants to be nonconned by someone, no one wants to be stalked, no one wants to go through a painful tragedy, but we're still curious about exploring the possible feelings that we would have during these events and so we write about them.

Ik this is going all over the place sksksk bear with me my love. What i'm trying to say is that I like things in fiction that I don't want to happen in the real world. For example, I love true crime! Always have, probably always will, but just because I love learning about murder cases and serial killers does not mean I actually want people to go out and murder ppl in cold blood and leave a little breadcrumb trail for the cops to follow. Just because I like the concept of someone being obsessed with me does not mean I want to go through that in the real world (and I sadly have in the past). Same thing applies to men: I like fictional men bc I can put certain expectations on them and they will never do something I don't want them to do bc they literally don't exist. But when men approach me irl I am much more reserved and feel no attraction whatsoever. I don't hate men, but I feel a sense of unease when they flirt with me or get too comfortable when we don't know each other. Blame it on biology or my past experiences with men, but I just don't like them the same way I like women. I don't like the idea of a real man finding me attractive and trying to get close to me, putting his hands on me and kissing me or showing any kind of affection that is anything other than platonic. Maybe it's the trauma, idk for sure, but the thought of being with a man the same way as a woman just makes me uncomfortable and nauseous. I can't imagine it happening. I think it's different with fictional men bc I can control what fictional men do. If I don't want a fictional man to touch me, he can't. If I don't want a fictional man to hurt me, he won't. Fictional men are safer, they can't actually harm me, so I can do whatever I want with them and not face any consequences. Kinda like playing with dolls, making up little stories and giving them voices and pretending that they're real, but at any moment I can put them down and do something else without having to worry about facing any responsibility for my actions.

I feel like this is becoming more confusing than anything and I apologize if that's the case. It's difficult to explain how I feel because sexuality is not necessarily concrete: it's something that flows and changes and is malleable. For the longest time I thought I was straight but I just "never found the right guy". Then in college I thought I was bi but the only people I genuinely enjoyed being around were women, and I never considered that men could be attracted to me so when they did show attraction, it just went straight over my head bc I never saw them in that way. Now that I'm out of college and away from a homophobic household, I've realized that men have never made me feel special in the way that women have. When a woman smiles at me and shows interest, I get all bubbly and giddy and I can feel my body light up with excitement, but when a man does the same it just comes off as odd or creepy. Perhaps I am bi/pan but if I was and if I genuinely liked men, why wouldn't I have the same reaction to their attraction to me? Why do I feel nothing when a real man says that they like me? Why do I not pick up on hints that a man is interested in me? Men just don't give me the butterflies that women do, but who knows? Maybe, even after 23 years on this earth, I still haven't found "the right guy" that will make my heart flutter. But how long is it going to take for "Mr. Right" to show up? Why waste my time waiting for a man to come around when there's dozens of women that make me feel extraordinary already here? Knowing all of this information, it only feels natural to label myself as "lesbian" because no other label I've discovered fits me quite as right. It's the most comfortable label I've found for my strange predicament and it makes me happy!

Off topic but I once talked with a gay acquaintance about this, and he told me something he learned in psychology: he said that when we consume fiction, we do not accurately insert ourselves into that fictional world. Instead of just plopping ourselves into that fictional world, we create an image of ourselves that fits better into that world. For example, if we use Harry Potter and Hogwarts, we give ourselves a Hogwarts house in order to fit better into that fictional world. Similarly, we may change our looks, our gender, or our sexuality in order to fit better and feel more at home in this fictional setting. It makes it easier for us to consume fictional media and to make sense of it, especially when the content is hard to understand, like science fiction.

ALSO OFF TOPIC SKSKSK but I discussed this issue with my therapist at one point, talking about my sexuality and how I feel differently about men in real life and fiction, and she asked me if I would like these characters more if they were women. It took a while to think about, but at the end of the day I believe I would like my favorite characters a lot more if they were women, so perhaps I just like the characters for their personality traits??

TL:DR sexuality is v confusing and nothing is set in stone, so to make things simpler I just choose a label that I am comfortable presenting myself as. That label happens to be "lesbian" but I may change that label in the future. For now, I don't want to pursue a relationship with real men, so calling myself a lesbian makes it easier to deter men away from me and to pursue relationships with queer women.