#it’s really no surprise this game has had such a big impact on me haha

[st4rlightsz]

Here's my letter in starlight Letterbox

To: Tetsurō Kuroo from Haikyuu

« Hello!

I am even nervous while writing this message because I don't know what to address you as :p. The thing is that more than loving you, I respect you a lot.

I got to know about you when I was in high school myself and I was so enamored by your personality. Maybe because I saw how you were such a great friend. Especially how you impacted Kenma and Tsukishima's lives (I kin both of them). So I genuinely felt that my life would have been so much better if I had a friend like you haha.

But honestly, I loved seeing you from the sidelines and I am so proud of how you have progressed in your life. From a reliable leader to an amazing representative of JVA, your journey has been really inspiring. A big plus point: You look amazing in suits!

Yes sometimes, you do sound lame not going to lie but that just adds up to your never-ending charm. Or maybe I am blinded that everything about you seems charming to me , who knows ;)

You only deserve happiness and prosperity. I hope you keep on being passionate and you receive all the love there is in this world. You may not know me, but maybe in some other timeline, I hope to meet you and be eligible enough to be your friend atleast. Just like how I have looked upto you, I would be honoured if you could rely on me too, in some other universe.

Take care of yourself

Yours truly »

I really wanted to write more but it was long enough already *:facepalm:*

*picture from pinterest!*

Well, I read that all and... First of all, you're mine. I don't even know how to feel. You're so amazing and I really want to meet you. I also feel surprised. You may sometimes think about me "what an asshole" but I want you to know. That whenever you need me, im always gonna be with you.

Also if you're so smitten with me, I think you'd love to come to a game, huh? I'll play especially for you, and you'd make a great cheerleader.

I want you to take care of yourself too. Remember to smile and be happy! I love you.

PS I am waiting for the rest of the message, darling

[juyeoniemyhoney]

make you feel my love

Losing means nothing to Ishikawa when he has you.

pairing: ishikawa yuki x reader

genre: fluff, established relationship

warnings: i don’t think there’s any!

word count: 2074 words

A/N: i honestly dont know who wants to read this but im just gonna post it anyways HAHA so here all you ishikawa simps pls enjoy<3

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It all happens at once.

The noise— screams of all pitches and encouragements of all sorts, forming a raucous cacophony in the large gymnasium— halts almost immediately; like a vacuum has sucked it all up and the only thing that is left is an eerie stillness as everyone waits in antsy anticipation for the player to serve.

And then he is running up, throwing the ball great lengths into the air and jumping to meet it halfway, hitting the ball with such force and determination you can almost feel the impact yourself. The ball hurtles through the air and crosses the net with such speed you almost don't see it.

But the Japanese team does. Their libero, Yamamoto, crosses the court in a flash and bumps the ball up so high up it gives his teammates half a second to breathe before they are rushing to connect it, the setter, Sekita, tossing the ball higher in the air for Ishikawa to hit it.

The tall Brazilians loom over him like a curse, like bad karma, as determined as the Japanese are, but not nearly as desperate. Ishikawa does not mind them and he bravely hits the ball with as much strength as his worn out body allows him, sending every last bit of energy into this spike, hoping, praying, practically begging for it to work, for the ball to hit the other side of the court with such violence that the Brazilians would not be able to even react before it hits the floor.

The next thing you know, the ball hits the hands of the Brazilians and is spindling down towards the floor at breakneck speed. Yamamoto, Sekita and Ishikawa (when he lands), all throw themselves to the floor in a desperate bid to save it, to not let it touch the floor, to not let all their hard work be washed down into a drain. But to no avail.

The ball hits the floor with a resounding thud. The whistle blows and all at once, the Brazilian supporters leap from their seats and yell and scream and shout with unadulterated joy. Because they have won! They have won the game! And the Japanese have lost. The Japanese team and their supporters are quiet in the wake of their loss. You do not move, almost as if if you did, the bleachers would crack open, the earth beneath the gymnasium would cave in and you would be falling to the floor, through the soil and to the core of the earth.

The three men lift themselves up from the floor with the weight of defeat on their shoulders and their teammates pat their backs silently, looking solemn but trying to be as encouraging as possible. The team gathers at the end line of the court and another whistle blows, signalling both teams to bow. When Ishikawa's eyes hit the floor, so do the tears.

He cries in silent agony, somehow feeling like it is all his fault. He is the captain, he should have led them better than this. He is the ace, he should have been able to hit pass those blocks. He knew hitting hard was risky, he should have been more careful. He should have moved faster, reacted faster, gotten to the ball faster. He should have been sharper, more alert, better. He should have been better.

His teammates shed a few tears too, but not quite nearly as much as Ishikawa. It's unrelenting— his tears. It doesn't want to stop, even when Ishikawa roughly wipes at his eyes in frustration, desperately wanting the raw showing of emotion to stop. Everyone can see him cry in this moment and he hates it.

When Ishikawa and his team begin to move off the court, is when you break from your stunned daze. Quite frankly, you were shocked speechless. You knew Brazil was a tough opponent but your faith in your boys would always trump any form of doubt. You knew they could do it. You knew they would be able to do it. Until they didn't.

You do not see the tears from quite so far away, but when you do, you are ripping yourself from your seat with such great speed, the people around you jump in surprise. You do not care, you do not even really notice before you are sprinting down the stairs, leaping from each flight, ignoring the desperate calls of your best friend and the shocked expressions directed at you as you race to the exit of the court.

"Ishikawa Yuki!" you yell just in case you don't catch them in time. You know you could just call him or meet him at his house but you came as a surprise, and though you'd wish you could surprise him after his victory, you think that surprising him and being able to comfort him in his loss will mean just as much.

At the sound of your voice, his head whips around, eyes wide in shock as he desperately searches the people for your face, eyes glassy with unshed tears and vision slightly blurry. You jump off the rest of the stairs, running to him with flailing arms. And when Ishikawa sees you, you swear you see his lips pout, eyes glossing over as tears run down his face.

You grin and run to him and he drops everything, his water bottle, his towel, his jacket, everything, so that he can hold his arms open for you to run into and give him a big hug. And you do exactly that. You run straight into his arms, wrapping your arms around his torso and shoving your face into his chest, not caring at all that he is drenched in sweat (and possibly tears), not caring at all that almost the whole gymnasium full of people can see the two of you have such an intimate moment, not caring at all because Ishikawa Yuki, the love of your life, is in tears and you have to do everything in your power to stop that.

Ishikawa's arms wrap around you too, holding you so tight and dear to him, you swear the both of you stop breathing. And with you in his arms, he finally crumbles to the floor, tears spilling from his eyes and sobs escaping his throat in ugly, high-pitched hiccups. But he doesn't care, you don't care, he's safe as long as you're here.

"When did you get here? I thought you were only going to touchdown tomorrow," he whispers in between sobs, his shaking, swollen hand coming up to your hair and entangling his fingers with the strands messily. You pull away slightly and pull Ishikawa down so that your chin rests on his shoulder and he can bury his face into your neck, your hand coming up to his sweaty hair to run your fingers through the corse, tangled strands as Ishikawa continues to cry in your arms. This position is so incredibly uncomfortable. After all, Ishikawa is insanely tall and the top of your head doesn't even really reach his neck, and you're sure Ishikawa's back is going to hurt a little later but he doesn't seem to mind at all at the position change, indulging in you as he shoves his face into the crook of your neck, hot breaths that tickle your skin, coming out in pants as he struggles to control his sobs.

"I wanted to surprise you," you say with a fond smile, the hand that was idle on his back coming up to send a wave to his teammates when your eyes meet, even sending one to his coach, who just smiles bitterly at you. His teammates send you rueful smiles and thumbs-ups of approval before they make their way back to the locker rooms, leaving you and Ishikawa to continue embracing at the exit of the court.

Ishikawa lets out a tearful laugh, saying, "Well, I'm surprised alright. I was just thinking about you when you called my name. I almost thought I was seeing things.".

You laugh but do not reply, allowing a comfortable silence to take over as Ishikawa lets all his emotions out in the form of hot, regretful tears. Your hand continues to soothe him with pats and strokes to his back and your hand remains in his hair. Ishikawa's large hands fist your shirt at your waist as his tears and sweat seep into your shirt. You don't mind. Of course, if this were anyone else you would. But this is Ishikawa Yuki, and you love him more than anything else in this world.

"You played so well," you whisper after a while of silence. You can feel Ishikawa wanting to pull away from you but you do not allow him, knowing full well that he wants to pull away to argue with you, to debunk your words with his incessant humility, so you do not allow him. You do not allow him to deny himself the praise he very much deserves because he's worked hard for this, no matter the outcome, he and his teammates have worked his ass off for this, and the least you can do is praise him.

"Yuki, you played very well. Don't try and deny it," you say with a firm voice, hand on his head keeping his chin to your shoulder. At this, he finally laughs and you loosen your grip, allowing him to pull out of your embrace just enough for him to see your face.

His cheeks are tear-stained and his eyes are beginning to puff up with all his crying, red beginning to bloom at the corner of his eyes, slowly taking over the white. His smile is nothing short of breathtaking, swollen eyes and red lips curled up brilliantly, smile lines and the corners of his eyes creasing sweetly. You can't help but grin back when you see his smile, nose souring with endearment.

"You know me so well," he comments, fingers coming up to tuck strands of your hair behind your ear, fingers trailing down your jaw to your chin, tilting your face up just a little bit more. His fingers guide your head just slightly forward before he is meeting you halfway in a sweet kiss, grinning immediately after your lips meet his.

Ishikawa's eyes trace over your every feature, observing, remembering, ingraining; tracing over the curve of your eyes, the slope of your nose, the perk of your lips, the peak of your eyebrows, and the line of your jaw, fingers ghosting over each feature along with his eyes, all the while maintaining the smile on his lips.

Then, he is giving your forehead a sweet kiss before pulling out of your embrace fully, turning around to pick up the things he had dropped when you came running into his arms. He brushes off his jacket and drapes it across your shoulders, holding open the jacket for you to slip your arms into the sleeves, to which you do, before he is hooking the zip and zipping it all the way up to your chin.

In his mind, he laughs at the way you are dwarfed by his jacket. Your hands can barely be seen, only the tips of your fingers peeking out from the sleeves, and the jacket, where it usually ends at his hip, ends almost at your knees. Unconsciously, he smiles and has to physically restrain himself from pinching your cheeks.

After he zips up his jacket, he bends down to pick up his towel, draping it over his shoulder before he is bending down once again to pick up his water bottle, having set them down to help you put on his jacket. Then, without a word but with the largest, goofiest grin, he takes your hand in his and leads you out of the court and to the locker rooms in a comfortable silence, fingers intertwined with yours.

For a second there, he almost forgets that they lost the game and are not able to proceed to the quarter-finals. For a second there, he almost completely forgets about his regrets and anger and frustration. And it's all because of you. And of course, he is eternally grateful to you. After all, what on earth would he do without you? He would still be crying his ass off, that's what, though he would never admit it out loud. And it is because of this reason— though he would do it without a reason at all— that he kisses you a little longer, hugs you a little tighter, loves you a little more.

[oriigirii]

💞 MC is a Genshin Simp 💞

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{ AN: Omg! This is my first ask so thank you anon (๑ↀᆺↀ๑)/!! This is such a vibe too haha, I hope you like it! } Warnings: None [Maybe Refs and Chars you wont get if you dont play Genshin Impact] * Probably a bit OOC too *

Reader: Gender-Neutral [Default]

( ⓛ ω ⓛ *)

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< Genshin Impact was a game that took the human realm by storm, with its open-world gameplay, its competitive PvE and aesthatic settings, it was truly something that captured you the moment the beta was announced. Although, as with any Gacha games, you weren’t only attracted to the world and its setting.

No no.

The characters were truly the main eye candy of the game. You’d been worried that when you had been sucked into Devildom, you wouldn’t be able to access the game due to, yknow, realm differences, but luckily that wasn’t the case thanks to Levi, and hence why the moment it dropped, you had been spending your life savings simping for characters on every banner.

Yknow theres handsome bois in devildom too... Theyre just kinda waiting for you to put your game down for a moment and kinda notice em ～((Φ◇Φ)‡ >

------

ฅ⁽͑ ˚̀ ˙̭ ˚́ ⁾̉ฅ Lucifer

He usually doesn’t mind you playing games

Although, He would’ve preferred if you didn’t cause you kinda need to focus on your studies yknow?

But hey he’s not stopping you

Usually you would stay with him as he works, but he can’t seem to focus with you constantly begging beside him

Small little ‘please’ would be heard every now and then, and a sudden look of disappointment would show on your face.

He tried to ignore it, even giving little cues for you to quiet down, like clearing his throat

You didnt seem to pick up the hint though

He was just about to ask you what you were doing in the first place that has you praying beside him (which is hella rude) but your scream of happiness has him a little more irked and kinda taken back

“LUCIFER! I GOT HIM! LOOK LOOK I GOT HIM!”

You show him the screen showing your pull results

The character held a giant claymore with bright red hair

Before he can get another word in, you snatch your phone back and just sigh as if youd just had a heavenly (ironic) experience and mumble

“I seriously love him, Im so happy...”

Bro same though, Diluc pls come home

You were truly one of a kind, because youve just managed to break the Avatar of Pride’s... well.... Pride.

Did he just get cucked by a man in a video game?

Truly outrageous.

He seems to scoff and holds back a bit of an eye roll as he tries to focus back on his work

But boy oh boy, his salt is high

“If you are going to be causing a ruckus MC, May i suggest you doing it with Levi instead, I have no time for such games. I dont see why youre so caught up in such a character anyways, he looks quite basic.”

His words were sharp, and that was enough to shake you out of your fangirl/boy mode.

You were literally ready to fight the first born, a literal fucking fallen angel, for dissing Diluc like that

like

how dare

But then you notice how he seems to avoid your gaze and a small little red tint was on the tip of his ears.

Lucifer wouldve wanted to see you that happy with him, but no, a game character steals that spotlight.

Angey.

Instead of being intimidated by the sudden coldness, you giggle and finally close your phone and set it aside

You can continue celebrating and bragging about it later, for now, you wrap your arms around his arm and give him a small smooch on the cheek, which definitely makes him blush a tad bit

“Awww Luci dont be like that, Yknow I love you more”

Potential apocalypse has been diverted

But Lucifer does smile the smallest of smiles as he sighs, finding it silly to really get jealous over such a small thing and says

“I love you too, my dear... but you do have to make up for distracting me from my work...”

Well you kinda deserve it, so it wasnt long before both his work and your phone had been ditched

( After a while you do kinda see him quite similar to Diluc and it just makes you smile everytime you think about it, seems you have a thing for the strict cold men huh?)

===

Σ(‘◉⌓◉’) Mammon

Why you simping for a fictional character when you already have him?!

He’s your first man!

Your homie!

“Yeah well hes my first 5* so can you blame me?”

S A D N E S S

But for real, this man is just so clingy

He has heard from Levi that you were playing a new game from the human world, and of course, he had wanted to see what it was about by watching you play.

But since it was quite grind-heavy gacha game, he grew a bit bored and asked you to come with him to hang out somewhere else, or even go to the casino and gamble his money away cause he just got goldie back

But no matter what he suggests, you were just so focused on your grinding.

He’d prefer a different kinda grinding right about now with how lonely he is, ya feel me?

But no, you still werent interested.

“Oi! Cmon MC, whats even so important about this?”

“I already told you Mammon, Im grinding for primogems from the event! Theyre gonna be gone soon and I just HAVE to get them! Ugh I swear to Diavolo, if I dont, Imma cry! I didnt get him on their first banner too... ugh!”

Wait no--

Cmon he doesnt want you to cry!

Mammon kinda stays silent for a bit as he watches you struggle to fight the monsters with your low level team, frustration growing on your face.

But as you finish, Mammon seems to snatch your phone

“Hey! whats the big deal Mammon?!”

“Shut up and show me where the store is geez”

Mammon’s demands kinda surprises you and you raise an eyebrow at him, but you do show where it was, and sit back for a while as Mammon just fiddles around with it. You werent sure what he was doing honestly, was he interested? Did you say anything that made him act this way? All you talked about the game was the gacha system so--

oh…

OH

“Mammon! Wait you dont have to---”

“There! I got you as much primo things, or whatever theyre called”

He already has tossed you your phone back and he crossed his arms, looking away as the red blush covers most of his cheeks.

You look at your phone and you honestly felt your heart speed up and stop at the same time at the amount of primos on your account, it was enough for a full 180 pull! If you dont get the limited character on the first 50-50, you have another shot!

You felt your own heart speed up and your face burn so hard, but you do mumble him a quick “But... But why though?”

“Cuz! If you start cryin’ Lucifer’s gonna beat my ass! Dont think I did it for you, you human! I just dont want him taking away Goldie again!”

“But I thought this was your gambling money, isnt it?”

“w-well!... I mean... Hmph.. Gachas kinda like gambling right?, I know Lucifers gonna hang me if he catches me in the casino again anyways, so I thought I might as well just do this... with you...or whatever...” Hes dying, help

But so are you!

Hes too fucking cute and you just glomp him and just hug him as tight as you can!!

Flusterred boi 100

But you do spend you afternoon on his lap, both of you rolling the full 180 in excitement, whether you get that boi/gal you simped for on the banner or not, you still were happy to spend some time with Mammon

He doesnt mind losing a bit of cash for you

but you do promise to pay him back (maybe with a few kissy)

But to be honest, Gacha probably will help him with his gambling addiction...

kinda...

He doesnt go to casinos anymore but he does whale with you now

Lucifer has such a mix feeling with these results.

But he still confiscates Goldie and your card on the end, yall need to chill.

====

ヽ(。_°)ノ Leviathan

He probably wasn’t even interested on the game at first

He already has enough games to play, and it just looks like another rip off of some other game he saw not too long ago with that elf looking guy

But when you came to him asking for his help to get the game, you bet your ass that he felt a switch click

Suddenly it was incredibly interesting!

You do share your interests to him almost immediately

By interests, of course i mean the peeps you simp for

The sexy ara ara in the library of mondstat, the pirate looking ass of the guards, the pirate looking ass’s brother thats a wine owner and still highkey reminds you of Lucifer, the demon slayer--- You were actually unsure if you should talk about Xiao but hey hes cool

You explain it all!

From their lore to their voice lines and whatever

But honestly what do you expect from the Avatar of Envy?

Of course hes gonna be a bit jealous! He cant compare to any of these characters! Hes not as witty as that eye patch man, hes not as sophisticated as that red head, hes not as flirty as that ara ara either!

As you go on, you notice that Levi was kinda... half listening....

It made you pout, but then, it made you worried

Uh-oh you know that look

its that, ‘im overthinking’ look

So to snap him out of it, you kinda grab his face as gently as you can

“Need Grimm for your thoughts?”

He flushes and he immediately looks away, but you usher him to look at you as you coo and ask him whats wrong

It takes a bit till he kinda explains to you how hes feeling

In your relationship, you both were practicing being more open with each other, hence why you were proud of Levi for saying it

but you did feel kinda sad and frowned as he finishes explaining

“You... feel jealous?”

“Ugh d-dont say it out loud normie....”

He covers his face with his arm and you just cant help but shake your head with a fond smile, but you do need to address this and comfort him.

“Levi... when you fanboy about Ruri chan, did you ever think she was better than me?”

Your question made him frown and look at you in absolute worry

Did you actually think that you were below Ruri chan?

Of course hes an absolute simp for Ruri but.. cmon

Now that he thinks about it, he does talk about her a lot doesnt he? oh no...

“MC O-Of course not! I love Ruri chan yes, but you... I... I Love... you more...” Levi exe do be dying

But you smile at his response and gently kisses his cheek

“I think thats sweet Levi... But thats how I am too... Youre still better than any of these characters, youre real and they arent, youre mine and I am yours~ Youre my personal 5 star!” You wink at him and Levi just dips

his heart couldnt handle the cuteness and he died, ladies and gentlemen

but for real he did pass out

Must be from all the blood on his head from the blush

But ah, he does get it, and after being showered with love from you, He kinda slowly got over his jealousy

its not immediate but with simple reassurances, you can manage to reel him in and have fun with you

He does end up enjoying the game cause he gets to spend time with you, and he gets to show off when events happen 

He also goes out of his way to memorize locations for materials for you, and when youre sick or busy, he pilots your account

true gamer

But ironically enough hed probably start simping for a character too and of course, you both start bonding over that, which just makes Levi absolutely happy

I wonder if hed simp for Barbara, she is an idol afterall like Ruri chan

Probably lowkey for now

Afterall she looks like a minor so-----

( I dunno i searched shes 16-18 lol )

But regardless, I can imagine you both just cosplaying each others fav characters too

Its a wack looking ship cosplay but yall just simp for each other cause of it, its pretty fun but the rest of the brothers just finds it hella weird

----

I only have energy for these 3 as always, Im sorry! But i promise Ill do the rest!! I hope you guys do enjoy, and Id love some feedback on the characters personalities cause I know they can be a bit Ooc, But feel free to send me an ask! Im pretty open lol 〜(￣△￣〜)

[obeiii-mee]

Hey! Sorry to bother you with a second ask but i thought this one would be cool. Fluffy headcanons of the demon brothers watching scary movies with MC??? Somewhere MC gets scared, and some where they don't? Thanks again!! :)

It’s no bother!! I love getting requests from you guys! The more, the merrier. I sort of hc that the brothers and MC do have movie night every week or so and with them being demons, they tend to levitate towards the horror genre. Thank you for sending this, this is really cute :)))

Without further ado—-

————————————

The Brothers watching Scary movies with MC:

Lucifer:

-Haha mf already knows how this is going to end

-He warned you, he really did

-The horror movies DevilDom has to offer are nothing, and I mean nothing, like the ones from the human world

-I’m not going to go into detail but imagine Two Girls One Cup, in a less kinky and more gorey way (then times that by 10)

-But you were adamant into giving it a go and he literally could not deny you in that moment

-Because you were giving him the puppy eyes

-That’s like, the finishing blow you use every time to get your way with him and as far as you know it’s the only one that works so-

-He expected your reaction to the last second

-You were traumatised for lack of a better word and you were basically watching the whole film through the cracks between your fingers

-Seeing you in that state was like a punch in the gut but he couldn’t stop himself from throwing in a subtle ‘I told you so’

-“I told you watching something like this before bed is a bad idea, MC.”

-He might be a bit condescending and judgemental at first, but he’s probably going to baby you a bit for the rest of the night

-Because he feels bad he allowed you to watch it in the first place

-HAHAHAHA SOFT LUCIFER HAS BEEN SUMMONED, USE HIM WISELY

-He will start muttering words of comfort to you later because he’s certain you’re going to have trouble sleeping

-Because of that one time, he’s very hesitant to let you watch another horror film anytime soon

-But he will relent eventually (especially if you want to watch a human horror film as those are technically less extreme)

-If it makes you happy, he will go through with it, even if he has to let you cling onto him for the rest of the day

-Besides, the way you cuddle into him while you’re watching a horror film is very cute and endearing to him

Mammon:

-Ah yes, the most effective method of waking up the entire House of Lamentation at 3:00 am

-Mammon screaming his own vocal cords out in his room as he tries to get through his human’s favourite horror movie without dying of a heart attack

-It was his idea because he’s definitely the type to go: “Yeah let’s do this, it will be fun. Don’t get too scared alright MC? The Great Mammon will be here to protect ya.”

-And then ten minutes in, he’s basically in your lap

-Half an hour in, he turned himself into a demon burrito with his blankets

-You were enjoying the movie, laughing at the stupid sound effects and poor quality while Mammon next to you has wrapped himself in like two dozen blankets and pillows

-“Mammon you’re going to overheat.”

-“Don’t be silly human, I’m a demon who lives in hell. I can take high temperatures the same way I can take this damn movie!”

-He doesn’t take either of them well

-Mammon and the horror genre don’t mix well together to begin with

-So even if you might enjoy horror, he doesn’t react well to it at all

-And he’ll be low-key relieved if you tell him you guys don’t have to watch any sort of horror film for your date night

-“Well I guess if you don’t want to, then we don’t have to. Can’t make my human do something they’re uncomfortable with eh?”

-But if you do watch a scary movie with him, be sure to show any sort of physical affection to him as often as possible

-You don’t have to say anything, just hold his hand or let him put his head in your lap or something

-It might stop him from screeching like a female sloth in heat

-The last time that happened, his brothers weren’t too pleased with him

-They about to recreate the horror film scenes onto him, bring the popcorn have fun

Levi:

-For some reason, I feel like he doesn’t get scared easily while watching stuff

-I mean, after decades of obsessively watching animes with brutal character deaths (like Attack on Titan style) and grotesque horror games that are pretty nasty even to demons, let alone humans;

-A horror film, from the human world or even DevilDom, doesn’t do much for him

-It will have to have very good psychological horror in it if you want the hairs on his arms to stand up in anticipation

-Tension is a big deal for him and he will immediately shut off the TV if there are any cheap jump scares

-But, if you manage to find just the right thing for him?

-You’ll both be hiding under the bed in no time under the bathtub more like

-Hell, if the film you’re watching is that good, he might even be holding onto you for dear life without realising it and getting flustered about it

-For weeks afterwards, any sound that is remotely similar to one from that movie will probably send both of you into panic

-You came to his room one night because you’ve had a nightmare about the stupid film and legitimately thought there was a fucking demon serial killer in your room

-So you wanted to stay in his

-“But what if there is a serial killer in your room and now you just led it to me MC????”

-It’s all jokes, there’s no question he would lock both of you in his room and then stay there with you wide awake until dawn

-You’re his best friend after all, he would have to be completely heartless to leave you on your own! (Besides Levi is terrifying when he wants to be)

-One time you were sleeping over and the sound of fumbling woke you tf up

-And Levi immediately turned into his demon form, like he was ready to throw hands with this fictional murderer that supposedly sneaked into his room

-“DON’T WORRY MC, I’LL PROTECT YOU!”

-“Ah never mind, it’s just Mammon breaking into your room again to steal your Ruri-Cham figurines and sell them on Akuzon.”

-“Oh OK.”

-“.....”

-“WAIT MAMMON WTF YOU FUCKING SCUMBAG, GET OUT OF MY ROOM-“

-I’m playing Minecraft

Satan:

-Believe it or not, Satan doesn’t care much about horror movies

-Don’t get me wrong, he loves watching his brothers shit their pants out of fear in the middle of one while he silently smirks to himself because watching other people suffer brings him euphoria

-Especially if someone actually manages to find a film that is excellent enough to spook Lucifer, because then he will be cackLING

-But, overall, he watches a lot of shows revolved around drama and crime

-That’s his thing

-However, he won’t turn you down if you’re up to watching a scary movie with him

-Any time spent with you is valuable time seeing as it won’t be long before his brothers start hogging you again like the cockblockers they are

-He is honestly surprised to find out you seem to be rather amused by those sort of movies

-So, even if it’s not inherently something he does on the regular, he would definitely watch a scary film with you if you enjoy them that much

-But in exchange, he makes you promise to read with him until bedtime rolls around (imagine Lucifer having a fucking curfew for his brothers and you lmao)

-So for the rest of night you guys just read together, ya know, like sappy romantics

-Tbh, this man will do almost anything with you as long as both of you are having fun

-He knows it’s not likely, but he insists on sleeping in the same room that night just in case you have nightmares and he needs to comfort you

- :)

-Satan is a gentleman. Idk how many people that don’t play OM expected to hear this

Asmo:

-Why would you want to watch a movie when you could be watching him???

-I mean, you would rather watch all that gory stuff on the TV than his beautiful face?

-He may get salty over a fucking movie tbh

-Horror films aren’t something he generally looks for while trying to pick a movie to watch

-He can definitely handle them better than Mammon but it’s not something he takes great pleasure in watching

-But the first time he ever sits down with you to watch one, he’s very intrigued to see your reactions

-You started feeling the sensation of absolute dread creep in at the very beginning and you were trying your best to act like you weren’t getting affected by what you saw on the screen

-But you were

-You went from “I’m grown ass adult, I can watch a fucking horror movie, no problem.”

-To “Welp, not enough of a grown ass adult for this-“

-And Asmo thought the way you tried to hide your nervousness was very mesmerising in a way

-He was planning on flirting with you during the movie anyway, but now that you were pressing himself against him?

-Oh boy, Oh boy

-“Darling if you wanted to touch me, you could’ve just said so. Making the excuse of watching a movie is unnecessary.”

-Nightmares? What nightmares? You won’t have time to have nightmares ;)

-haHAHA funny inappropriate joke

-It’s Asmo, it’s mandatory to have at least one of those added in here

Beel:

-Beel will show up if there’s food and that’s that

-He doesn’t care what type of movie is playing on the TV as long as he has a bucket of popcorn next to him at all times

-Horror films aren’t something he can’t handle, he’s a demon like the rest of his brothers and he is used to...violent deaths and such

-He doesn’t get scared but there are times where he gets attached to the characters

-Especially movies with actual good and not cringeworthy dialogue

-Therefore, when they die, he gets sad even if they’re just fictional and their death had no real impact

-He also thinks that the way you can watch these things without flinching is impressive

-I mean, he can watch it and so can his brothers because they are demons

-They’ve done worse things than the things you see in horror films

-But you’re a human! So it’s weird to see you watch a person get repeatedly slammed against a wall until their neck snaps without batting an eyelid

-Overall, he does not have an opinion on scary movies

-He gets a bit emotional when a character he really liked dies

-But other than that, he’s just focused on eating

-And occasionally patting your head affectionately

Belphie:

-He doesn’t really like horror films because there’s a lot of screaming and tense music and he’s just trying to nap in your lap (rhyme)

-He doesn’t really need sound effects like that in the background while he’s trying to sleep

-But one day he was like “Hey, what if I show my favourite human this particular scary film?”

-And he did

-And he’s internally dying and feeling guilty and yet so flustered because of you

-It’s like you suddenly turn into this very fidgety and anxious mess and he thinks you just look....cute

-At some point you were getting overwhelmed and sprung up on your feet to turn the lights on

-And he just grabbbed your wrists, pulled you down next to him and let you press your head against his chest

-As mentioned, he’s a little shit and will tease you for being such a scaredy cat

-“That was the most predictable jumpscare and you still flinched, wth is wrong with you lmao.”

-But at the same time....

-“Relax. It’s just a horror movie. You’ll be fine. Besides, I’m here. Like I would let something bad happen to you.”

-That’s sweet, even if the tone of voice may not imply it because he’s such a brat-

-He actually really likes holding you for once, because usually he’s the little spoon

-He’s still a bit of a sadist so I imagine him sitting there and watching this while giggling to himself

-Isn’t he the cutest, laughing at other people’s misery and their never ending suffering?🥺🥺🥺 UwU

-Ah well, at least he has the decency to spoil with affection afterwards and make sure you have no nightmares that night

-You know, as payback for the horrific shit he made you watch with no warning

————————————

OK, I think I made a decent job of this even though it took longer than it actually was meant to. Thank you for reading though. I’ve got so many requests to go through and I’ve been feeling motivated lately so yeah!

See you soon

Al~

[lemonadecandy]

Warrior's Retribution [Part 3]

Game: Genshin Impact

About: Kazuha x fem!reader (3rd person narration)

Note: 'You' are a powerful warrior who is on the quest for vengeance. While trying to recoup from the failure of your first attempt, you meet a samurai named Kaedehara Kazuha. Hope you enjoy~

Word Count: ~2.6k

“I think I’ll get going then.”, Y/n said having satiated most of her curiosity about the samurai who saved her life. 

“Ah, I have an appointment as well.”, Kazuha replied recognizing the time on the clock hanging on the wall.

“Alright then, again, thank you, and have a safe journey.”, Y/n greeted him as she got up to leave.

“You as well.”, he nodded in response.

That was quite interesting. We may not have chatted a lot, but he seemed like a fun person. I wonder if I will ever meet him again. Y/n smiled as she walked out of the inn. Oh well, what should I do next? The girl contemplated staying in Ritou and resting for a while, but she knew better than that. She had to keep moving and try to come up with a new plan to take down her enemy. A new plan…? Whatever I come up with, it’s going to be the same solution. What I need to do is become stronger. But how?! Y/n looked down at her vision. It had a faint light blue glow to it. She activated it, trying to harness the cryo energy. But she let out a long sigh as she received the same result as she always did, a few inches of sharp icicles extending from the tips of her fingers. No help today either, huh? Ugh, I hate how I still depend on it as a last resort. Y/n thought back to how she planned to use her unimpressive elemental powers on the samurai last time. He had a vision too. Is he good at wielding it? But then again, I am probably the only one so bad at this. Y/n punched the air in frustration.

“Careful now, the injury hasn’t healed entirely yet.”, the doctor chuckled from behind the girl.

“Oh, hello!”, Y/n quickly turned around in embarrassment. “And oww, you’re right, it hurts.”, she continued as she winced from the pain that shot through her shoulder as she lowered her arm.

“Haha, so, did you find him?”, the old lady seemed to have stepped out to buy some groceries.

“Yes! Thank you for telling me about him.”, the girl followed her into the clinic. Even though all she owns is a small clinic, she has done a fantastic job on my shoulder. It's cleaner than even some of the big doctors back home. “If you don’t mind me asking, where did you get your training from?”

“Are you worried about your shoulder?”, the woman chuckled as she opened the windows inside to make the place seem a little less dingy.

“No, nothing of that sort. Even I recognize a job well done.”, Y/n took a seat near the billing counter.

“When I was a young girl, I used to work at the Grand Narukami Shrine as a shrine maiden. While working there I would often be in charge of doing some trivial healing until one day when the Raiden Shogun blessed me with this vision.”, the doctor cupped the electro vision hanging by her waist. The girl’s eyes widened as she took notice of it. “Since then, I have easily been able to cure even the gravest of wounds.”

Healing powers? Those could be useful too, that way I could just wear my opponent down. “So why are you here in this secluded village?”

“This my native village, dear.”, the woman chuckled. “After working tirelessly for so many years I wanted to spend the last of them in peace, at my home. The people here need some healing, and sometimes even travelers in dire need of help turn up.”

“Hmm”, Y/n was lost in thought. Home… if I go home, I will surely be caught. They must have laid all sorts of traps there. Suddenly, to both of their surprise, Y/n’s stomach grumbled.

“It’s almost time for lunch!”, the old lady exclaimed. “Would you like to join me? It’s free!.”

“Sure! I don’t really have any mora left after the treatment fee.”, Y/n laughed eagerly. The tea has made me rather hungry.

»»---------------------------------------------------------------------►

“Are you sure you want to get moving so soon?”, the old lady asked as she packed all the necessary medicine for the trip.

“Yes, thank you for your hospitality.” This place seems nice and quiet, but the Fatui will be on my trail soon enough. I don’t have enough power to fend them off. Y/n sighed at the thought of the lonely journey that lay before her. “Please take care.”

“Hoho, I will be just fine, you are the one who must take care. Oh! Did you take the map I gave you?”

“Yup!”

“Hmm… still, why don’t you crosscheck?”, she insisted.

“Uh okay…”, Y/n opened her bag and looked for the map. “Here it is!”

“Good, what about the food and the water?”

Y/n suddenly paused and started staring at the doctor. A melancholy came over her. 

Noticing the silence the old lady looked up at the warrior, “What’s the matter, child?”

“Huh…? Ah! Nothing. It’s just that you… reminded me of someone.”, Y/n said in a flustered ramble.

Realizing who the young woman may have been talking about, the doctor smiled. “Have a nice journey, young one.”

“Thank you once again!”, Y/n bowed in gratitude before she took her leave.

That doctor… she reminded me of master. Y/n smirked as old memories came rushing into her mind. Memories of a time she treasured the most in her life. Memories that were the reason for the pursuit of her retribution. 

The afternoon sun shone brightly in the sky, the young girl had set off right after lunch. 

Her destination was Kannazuka Island, but to get there she needed to board the fairy at Narukami Island. She had to reach the docks before sunset because the ferry’s last run for the day was in the evening. Inazuma was much more colorful than her homeland. The trees had leaves with a color redder than blood and the grass seemed to hold a slight violet hue, probably from being affected by electro. Even the animals were purple.

While being too absorbed by the surroundings, she had even failed to notice the young samurai who waved at her. Kazuha was headed to the dock as well, but he didn’t know that he shared the same destination as the warrior who had just walked past him. At the tea house, he had imagined that he would never see her again, but he was a bit surprised to have been proven wrong this soon. Y/n’s words had been sincere and she seemed like a nice person, but Kazuha couldn’t help but feel a tinge of animosity. She gave off the scent of danger. A danger that originated from emotions too twisted for him to comprehend. Nevertheless, he still waved at her, trying to catch her attention. Realizing that she was far too captivated by the scenery, he used his words this time. “Y/n!”

Noticing the samurai who called out to her, she turned her head in his direction. “Kazuha?” She slowly walked towards him, the prop in her hand making it difficult for her to move too fast. “How do I find you here?”

“I am headed to the docks at Narukami Island since I’ll be leaving the island today.”, he explained, hurrying towards her so that they met midway.

“Oh? Me too!”, she exclaimed. “I am heading to Kannazuka… you?”

“I haven’t made that decision yet.”, he smiled. 

“Hmm… then do you want to get there together?”, Y/n pondered. “I could use some company.”, she lifted the prop from under her arms to signal at her injury.

“That’s a good idea.”, Kazuha nodded after some deliberation. He wasn’t too keen on spending time with an individual such as her, but she did seem like she needed some help.

The pair made their way to the docks while they chatted about the scenery of the nation, with mostly the samurai trying to explain the cause of the strange hues on the island and the warrior being even more pleasantly surprised the more she thought about it. 

“Then… why aren’t the people all purple as well?”, she inquired while being fascinated but the whole idea.

Having worn himself out from the topic he just chuckled without a reply.

“Don't tell me…! There are purple people?! Do they zap electricity when you get close to them? If so, then they won’t even need visions…”, she went on a ramble to herself.

Falling back, he pulled the girl to stop along with him, he spoke as he chuckled, a bit amused by the reaction of the strange person he had met, “No Y/n… the people aren’t purple, and no they don’t zap—“ He suddenly stopped, alerted by the strange scent he had just encountered. Those are—!

“Fatui.”, Y/n completed his thoughts. “Three or four of them.”, all the mirth from her expressions had disappeared. She had the same look on her face as when they had first met.

Y/n stepped back and closed her eyes as she threw away the prop. The Fatui had already realized that they had been found out and were now approaching the pair to make their attack. Kazuha instantly drew his sword while he quizzically looked at the girl in front of him who had taken her stance but did not draw her weapon. But before he could inquire, two of them charged at the duo.

“Watch my back.”, Y/n sternly instructed as she leaped at one of them, kicking his jaw. The crunches of spreading ice were heard as small spikes grew at her shin. Covering for her, Kazuha parried the flying boomerang sent towards him by a pyro agent and unleashed a strong gust of wind as he jumped into the sky and plunged back down. 

Observing the samurai’s movements, Y/n smirked, “Fancy.” Having cast away her prop, she avoided moving towards the opponents and instead let them approach her. Another agent tried throwing his knives at her, but as she dodged them, grabbing his extended arm, she pulled him towards her and landed a clean chop at the back of his neck to knock him down.

Just as the duo thought that the onslaught of the attackers was over, someone else sneaked up on them. Y/n instantly turned to them and pierced his head from under his chin with the icicles that extended from the tips of her fingers. But the attacker had already raised his long knife towards her neck. She raised her free hand to deflect the move but she instantly fell back as intense pain shot through her arm, still leaving the icicles impaled in his head. Kazuha instantly summoned another even stronger gush of wind which helped spread the cryo energy, almost freezing the opponent's brain. Before the light in the Fatuus’ eyes went out he seemed to sputter a word, “Traitor.” Eyeing the man, Y/n kicked his skull, making sure that he died.

“Are you alright?”, Kazuha drew closer to Y/n extending his hands to check on her. “Yes…”, she replied, wincing at the pain. “It just slipped my mind… that’s all.”

“I have never seen a Fatuus wielding a weapon like that…”, the samurai glanced at the corpse.

“The ones from the homeland… the more elite ones… use long knives, it’s a special form of fighting in Snezhnaya.”, Y/n elaborated as she picked up the prop that lay on the ground and started walking. “Let’s hurry up, otherwise we shall miss the final ferry.”

“Yes…”, he eyed the warrior as he followed along, pondering about what the soldier had said right before he died. Snezhnaya… I really should keep away from such trouble. 

Noticing the samurai’s glances of curiosity towards her, Y/n tried changing the topic, “So, do you travel alone?”

Joining her stride, Kazuha replied, “No, I have a friend, and his cat, if that counts.”

“Cat? Hmm… I believe animals make splendid sidekicks.”, the warrior giggled.

“I am glad you share the sentiment.”, he smiled.

The pair managed to reach the docks right in the nick of time, but unfortunately for Y/n, the tickets had already been sold out. “Can’t you please make an exception?”, she begged the sailor who had started packing up the stand he had set up. The next ferry left three whole days later, Y/n couldn’t afford to wait on Narukami Island, the Fatui were already on her foot. 

“As I said, there is NO space left. Now get outta here before I have to send you away myself.”, he glared at the girl but soon looked away, frightened by the expressions on her face.

“Ugh.”, she sighed in frustration as she headed back to the samurai who was waiting for her nearby.

“Did you get it?”, he asked noticing the sordid look on her face.

“Nope.”, she wailed. Kazuha’s friend had reached the destination beforehand and already bought the tickets. 

“Oh… Should I recommend you some reliable inns at Narukami Island?” The poor girl looked pretty sullen, and as much as he wished he could help her, there was nothing that came to his mind. 

“Thank you for the offer, but I don’t have the money for one, camping in the woods will have to work.”, she answered with a weary smirk. “Well then, you should get going, friend. The ferry will be leaving soon.”

The sudden affirmation of friendship startled the samurai. “Uh huh, take care.” The samurai had just realized that they had indeed formed a semblance of what could be considered ‘friendship’. He kept watching as the young girl’s figure slowly disappeared into the crowd. It truly is goodbye this time… will we actually cross paths again, for the third time?

Y/n slowly walked towards the main city with dejection at her situation. Three days? I was merely able to survive this afternoon’s confrontation because of the samurai’s assistance. They will ambush me with even more soldiers this time. But just as the young warrior exited the dock area, the samurai called out to her. Surprised she looked back, he was a little out of breath from chasing after her. “What happen? Did your friend bail on you?”, Y/n inquired.

“Nothing of that sort. Would you perhaps want to join me and my friend?”, Kazuha asked.

“Huh? I mean, I would love to, but as you saw the tickets to all the ferries have been sold out…”, she trailed off in confusion.

“Yes, that is indeed true, but my friend is acquainted with the sailors here, he could perhaps get you a seat.”

“Really?”, hope lit up the young girl’s face.

“We could at least try, though I am not sure if it will be a ferry to Kannazuka…”

“That’s alright. Even just the chance to get out of here is enough!”

“Well then, follow me.”, Kazuha smiled.

He didn’t know what had come over him. If anything, this afternoon’s events were enough proof that this strange wanderer was possibly more trouble than he could afford. But they were also indicative of the fact that right now, she was in danger herself. From the looks of it, she was well acquainted with such pursuers, but currently, she was clearly too injured to defend herself properly. Besides, he felt that he did indeed share a sort of similarity with her. She seemed lost and lonely, just like him, and she could use some friends too. He had forsaken his life as the heir of the Kaedahara clan for the precise reason of making new friends and experiencing new adventures. And he was sure that the warrior he had met a few days ago would give him just that.

[makeste]

this is pretty random and you don't need to answer it, haha, but could you share your personal hcs regarding platonic todobaku with me??? 🥺🥺🥺 i'm in need, LOL, and your takes on characterization and relationships on bnha are always so spot on, so... i hope you're having a good day/night!!!!!!!💖💖💖

thank you so much! sorry it took a while to gather all of these; my TodoBaku headcanons weren’t as immediately forthcoming as my general Baku headcanons were. but here goes. the first half of these ended up being more just my general thoughts about their relationship than actual headcanons, but I eventually steered myself back on track.

first of all, this is important to note: when Katsuki says in ch. 241 that “there’s no correlation between time spent [together] and friendship”, it’s not purely out of denial. this is something he genuinely believes, having learned it the hard way growing up. for someone who seemingly led a pretty charmed life for most of his childhood, Katsuki hasn’t actually had a particularly sunshiny experience when it comes to his friendships. all of his closest childhood friends eventually left him (Tsubasa), turned on him (Deku -- from his perspective lol. obviously this wasn’t actually the case at all, but it’s how he interpreted it, and it definitely had a big impact on him emotionally), or abandoned him (that long-fingered kid, who notably fled and never looked back when the sludge monster tried to eat Katsuki back in chapter one. like, thanks for nothing, my dude).

so it’s not surprising that all of these experiences would have a profound impact on Katsuki’s ability to trust other people and accept them as real, genuine friends. in its own way his childhood was almost as isolating as Deku and Shouto’s. it’s only since coming to U.A. that he’s started to make real friends again for the first time since kindergarten. and even then, in the case of Kirishima and Kaminari and Sero, even though I think he does consider them friends, he still isn’t very open with them. because he’s learned the hard way that that can lead to hurt, and I think he’s very hesitant to ever let himself be vulnerable to that again.

but having said all that, Shouto is still absolutely correct when he says that they’re friends. and the thing is Katsuki knows it too, but he’s just reluctant to admit it. partly because the part of his brain that processes everything as rivalry isn’t sure whether Being Friends With Shouto = Losing To Shouto (IS THIS A TRAP??), and partly because of everything else I just explained above. even though by this point he knows Shouto pretty well, well enough to be reasonably sure he’s not just gonna be another fakeass groupie who turns tail at the first sign of trouble, there’s still a part of him that’s hesitant to admit that connection is there, because doing so opens him up to potentially being hurt again at some point. goddammit. why is this shit so complicated.

meanwhile on Shouto’s side of things, this poor lil bubba never had any friends growing up to begin with, so he’s not nearly as paranoid or prickly as Katsuki is. instead, he’s still discovering for himself just what friendship is all about. the interesting thing about Shouto is that since he never had any childhood friendships, in a way, the friendships that he’s making now at U.A. are his childhood friendships. and so they tend to be straightforward and uncomplicated in much the same way that very young children’s friendships are uncomplicated. “I like this person; I am going to make them my friend.” boom. done. friendship is mad easy yo.

and he does like Katsuki! sure, his personality is a bit unconventional, but there’s a lot to admire about him even so, and they actually have a lot in common! they’re both rather introverted. they’re both very serious, and I think this is something that Shouto particularly appreciates, because jokes and idioms and playful insincerity sometimes fly over his head just because he doesn’t have a lot of experience dealing with other people. but Katsuki NEVER jokes around, and he is never insincere. he says what he means, with the exception of insults, which are 90% more bark than bite. and so once Shouto figured that out, it became very easy to figure out how to interact with him. aside from that, they’re both close with Shouto’s Other Best Friend Midoriya, they both have incendiary quirks, and they both tend towards the quiet side (yes, even Katsuki) with the occasional burst of hotheadedness (maybe a bit more than “occasional” when it comes to Katsuki’s end).

and like I said, there’s a lot that Shouto admires about Katsuki as well. he really respects how determined Katsuki is, because he himself lacked any sort of clear goals for quite a while growing up. all he knew was that he didn’t want to end up being like his dad. but Katsuki is someone who has always known what he wants, and he goes after it with a singlemindedness that Shouto is almost envious of. he’s also very intelligent and quick-thinking, and Shouto knows he can rely on him in a tight spot. he’s also honest, and surprisingly principled, and while he’s definitely not the nicest guy around, I think Shouto can recognize to some degree those same types of walls that he once spent so much time building up around himself. and so he knows that to a certain extent, Katsuki’s hostility is just a front. and I think he’s both intrigued by that, and drawn to it. because every so often when Katsuki’s guard does drop and his better self briefly shines through, Shouto can see that he’s someone worth getting to know.

anyways, but enough of my rambling about their relationship, and on to the actual headcanons. first of all, I firmly believe in my heart of hearts that at some point during all of those mentally and physically taxing weekends spent training for their provisional exam, they have each fallen asleep on the other’s shoulder during the ride home. Katsuki was actually the first to do it, and it was only for a couple of minutes, but when he woke up he was absolutely mortified. but much to his relief, Shouto never said another word about it. (and if Shouto still remembers the warm, cozy feeling in his chest during those few brief minutes when Katsuki was dead to the world, with his face smoothed out and completely trusting and his breathing strangely in rhythm with the movement of the car, and if doing so brings him a sense of calm that’s hard to describe, well then, that’s no one’s business but his own.)

anyway, so because life is Just Like That, eventually of course the reverse happened. and with anyone else, Katsuki would have violently shoved them aside without a second thought, and he was almost gonna do the same here, but then he remembered he owed him (because he really did keep his mouth shut about the earlier incident, thank fuck), and so he didn’t. for almost two whole minutes, anyway. whatever. that’s more than generous, really. meanwhile no one else knows about this except for Aizawa, who was chaperoning them that day, and took mild notice at first on account of it being unusual behavior on Katsuki’s part, but then immediately forgot about it afterwards. he was proud of them both for upping their napping game, though. he respects naps.

both Shouto and Katsuki were actually scared shitless during the test of courage at the forest training camp, and if Katsuki hadn’t been kidnapped and everything had instead gone on as normal, they would have both had trouble getting to sleep that night. Katsuki actually can’t stand scary movies or ghost stories (fyi this is canon according to the third light novel, and EXCUSE HIM FOR HAVING A HEALTHY RESPECT FOR THE SUPERNATURAL. you wanna go and get your own dumb ass cursed or dragged to hell or whatever, BE HIS GUEST). whereas Shouto has next to no experience with them and doesn’t really see what’s so scary about ghosts because GHOSTS AREN’T REAL DUH, but even he feels a little unsettled when an undead swamp girl suddenly rises from the depths and crabwalks towards them in the middle of the woods.

Katsuki has on rare occasions been so drained by provisional lessons that he goes into autopilot and forgets to pretend not to be friends with Shouto, which can result in them having completely normal conversations for minutes at a time before he eventually regains enough of his senses to realize he’s fraternizing with the enemy. this is how Shouto learned about things like Katsuki’s favorite foods, and his love of hiking. the latter is actually one subject that Katsuki can go on and on about if you get him started, and Shouto very much enjoys hearing about it and never tries to stop him.

by contrast, Katsuki never intentionally seeks to gain any new knowledge about Shouto because he feels like he already knows way more than he ever wanted to. however, this doesn’t stop him from absorbing knowledge against his will by simple osmosis, and then discovering to his dismay that he’s retained the information afterward. this is why he also knows Shouto’s favorite food in return (although to be fair, I think everyone in Japan knows Shouto’s favorite food), as well as other tidbits like the fact that he likes strawberry-flavored things (because he always gets the same brand of strawberry milk from the vending machine during their lunch breaks). he hates himself a little for both noticing and remembering these stupid little details, and would rather be kidnapped again than ever admit to Shouto that he does.

Katsuki thinks of Shouto as “Todoroki” in his head rather than “IcyHot” or “Half n’ Half”, and has to make a conscious effort to use the nicknames whenever he addresses him out loud. more and more often he finds himself forgetting to do so nowadays, much to his dismay. Shouto was pleasantly surprised the first few times it happened, but quickly stopped taking notice of it, as he’s come to realize that the way Katsuki addresses people carries very little meaning regardless, since something like 75% of his actual feelings are conveyed through his actions rather than his words.

Katsuki does wish that Shouto had had the decency to choose his surname as his hero alias rather than his given name, though. he lives in fear that one of these days he’ll be required to call him “Shouto” while on duty. number one hero or not, there’s a good chance he would resign from his internship at the Endeavor Hero Agency before he ever willingly agreed to that.

and last but not least, the number one thing that Katsuki would rather jump in a freezing lake than admit to Shouto or even himself is that he actually cares about him too. and has even mostly forgiven him for wussing out at the last minute during the sports festival. he still doesn’t fully understand why he did it, but he gets that Shouto was Going Through Some Stuff, and okay yeah, he can admit that his family situation is pretty fucked up, so whatever. there’s an uncomfortable feeling he gets whenever he’s reminded of this; sort of a weird, squirmy feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever the subject of Endeavor comes up, or whenever he sees Shouto talking to the man himself. it makes him feel restless and on edge, and he never knows what to say or do afterwards, especially if Shouto goes all quiet and sullen and reflective. he wants to scream at him, or slap him on the back of the head, or grab him by the shoulders and shake him; whatever it takes to snap him out of it and ease the tension. but he knows that’s not the right way to handle it. and more to the point, he knows that he’s not the right person to handle it. and sometimes, if he’s not quick enough to squash the feeling when he senses it coming, he wonders how Shouto would react if he ever found out what Katsuki used to be like back in elementary and middle school. and he wonders whether Shouto would still be so dead-set insistent on calling them friends. and then he does squash out the thought, as viciously as he possibly can.

anyway so that turned weirdly angsty towards the end whoops. not even sure what happened there, since this is supposed to be my cute and funny ship, while BakuDeku greedily hogs all the angst for itself! lol my bad. but don’t worry, they still love each other, and Shouto is still fond and soft and equipped with bullshit-radar, and Katsuki is still rabid and in denial and a dumbass.

[itsarealshitshow]

Stray Kids’ reaction to their best friend randomly admitting their feelings/asking them out

Requested by anon

Pairing: Stray Kids x reader

Warnings: None

Author: Admin Artemis

Bang Chan

“Okay! Okay, my turn to pick the game!” You say after you finish laughing and you calm down. Tonight was game night with Chan, and you never get tired of the never ending laughter. “Let’s play truth of dare.. If you’re up for it.”

“Of course I’m up for it! That sounds like you’re trying to challenge me.” He points out in mock shock. You shake your head, but he beings the game without another comment. “Ok, would you rather lick peanut butter off a stranger’s feet, or lick a lolly pop that fell in dirt.”

“Both disgusting, but I’ll take the lolly pop one, because dirt is dirt.. can’t be any worse than PB & toe jam..” You both laugh at your comment before shivering at the thought. You take a deep breath before asking your choices, and speedily ask ‘Would you rather kiss me or Felix..” 

“Haha, oh definitely you.” He replies, laughing at the thought of kissing one of his best friends. 

“Prove it.” You say, with a smirk tugging at your lips. At this he stops laughing and stares at you in shock. He doesn’t know what to say and stutters a reply. Wide eyes frantically search your face, not knowing what to find. Your laugh knocks him out of his confusion, and he leans forward to kiss you. You freeze, and he freezes, wondering if you were actually serious, but when you kiss back, he smiles into the kiss.

Lee Minho (Lee Know)

“Urgh,” you grunt, falling down once again during your practice, “I can’t seem to get this move right.” 

“Do you need help? Its a jump move, so I can spot you, make sure you don’t fall again.” Minho offers, gently pulling you back to your feet and laughing at your pouty face. He knows you don’t like messing up your choreography, and this particular dance was hard for you to learn. 

“Oh my, yes, thank you, that would be wonderful.” Your pout fades away in a sigh of relief when you hear his offer. You start the music again, and start dancing. Minho has watched you countless times, and knows the parts you struggle with, so he follows along easily and supports you when you need it. 

Your big jump is coming up, you prepare yourself. You concentrate on your steps, and your moves, but Minho’s hands grazes your waist at the wrong moment, distracting you. You misstep, and you prepare for impact with the floor. When you don’t feel the bang, you open your eyes, and breath a sigh of relief when you remember you had a spotter. Minho’s face is inches from your own, and you can feel his warm breath of your face.

“You should kiss me.” You breath out. His eyes go wide, and he drops you the last couple of inches to the floor and he falls backwards.

“Wha-woah-why? What did you say?” He stares at you from his tumbled position on the floor. You repeat your question, and he’s flabbergasted at your forward question. You smile and shrug, before pulling the both of you up off the floor. Now face to face, Minho seems to regain some of his confidence, and leans in, testing the waters. You quickly swing your arms around his neck, pulling him in, and seal your feelings with a kiss. After that, you go back to dancing, and you both work in harmony, permitting you to properly finish your dance.

Seo Changbin

Out on your regular coffee run with Changbin, you notice how many people stare at him as you walk by. A handful of them were even bold enough to come up and ask for his number, which he gladly handed out leaving them with his signature wink and smile. You stood by watching them chat him up, completely ignoring your presence. You quietly comment on it, mentioning how popular he seems to be this morning.

“I mean, of course! Why wouldn’t people look at me? Have you seen me?” He asks, as he strikes some of his favorite ‘bad boy’ poses, making you laugh.

“I mean, can’t argue with that, you do look hot enough to kiss.” He laughs with that, continuing to flex and exaggerate his muscles and overall appearance. He looks up at you, and notices the blush that now cover your cheeks. He pauses, and realizes you were being serious with that statement. You lock eyes, but you quickly look away. You giggle at his poses, when they suddenly become less ‘dark Changbin’ and more ‘baby Changbin’ showing off his more adorable side. His cheeks flush pink as you continue your walk back. Your hand reaches out to his and you see his face go bright pink. You smile and reach up to kiss his cheek and watch his smile grow.

Hwang Hyunjin

Snuggling up on the couch is one of your favorite things to do on a quiet evening. Especially when Hyunjin decides to join. The movie on the screen is a cheesy rom-com, the ones Hyunjin likes to tease you about, but you know that he secretly likes them just as much. Throughout the movie, silence usually fills the air, but when a romantic scene comes on, Hyunjin tries to diffuse the awkwardness by joking about how unrealistic and cheesy these scenes are. You turn around, raising your head from his lap, and give him a disapproving look.

“What,” he asks, “Oh come on, don’t tell me you like these things!”

“I do! And whats wrong with that?” You counter back. “They’re adorable, and sweet, and I always imagine doing that with my significant other.”

“Ohhh, you and what date?” He laughs at that. It’s widely known in your group that you’re the single friend who never dates. 

“Hopefully you, one day.” You mumble, hoping he doesn’t hear, and pout at your lack of relationship. Laughter follows your comment, and you realize it might not have been as quiet as you hoped. 

“You like ME! Ha! That’s funny,” he pauses, and you think he’s going to mock you, “because I like you too.”

Your head whips up to face him, and he smiles at you. You look for any hint that he may be taunting you, but he looks genuinely happy. You smile back and lay your head back down on his lap, reaching to grab his hand. Your fingers interlock, and your faces shine like stars for the rest of the movie.

Han Jisung (Han)

“Hey, um, Han, can I talk to you for a moment?” you say shyly. The boys were very rowdy in the dorm, and Han barely heard the question, until he sees a nervous face looking back at him. He quickly stands up and you lead to another room, where no one was around to disturb them.

“What’s wrong,” Han asks gently, sitting down on a chair, “did something happen? What can I do to help?” y/n’s heart fills with guilt, knowing that if this didn’t end well, Han would be too sweet to loose as a friend, and his refusal would hurt all the more, despite him trying not to be hurtful.

“So.. I’ve been spending a lot of time here, right? With you and the boys. And well.. I don’t know how to put this without putting you in an awkward position, and I don’t want it to be awkward if this doesn’t end well, and then I come back, but I’ve realized something-”

“You have a crush on someone in the dorm.” he interrupts. The disappointment in his eyes is clear, his whole body slouches, “I’m happy for you, who is it?”

“You” His whole body tenses, and it goes dead silent in the room. His eyes look up, to make sure he heard that right. When he sees no doubt, he stands up and takes a step closer, until they’re face to face. He slowly leans in and kisses you. Both faces light up with joy.

“So..” he says, “is this the ending you had in mind?” 

Lee Felix  (Lee Felix or Lee Yongbok)

“Oi Felix, wanna go out?” you ask, finally building up the courage. Felix stays lying on the couch, phone in hand, not looking up at his best friend. 

“Yeah sure, what are you in the mood for? We could order in too. Kinda in a lazy mood, but walking might do me some good, you know, gotta burn off all the calories in gonna get eating-” 

“No, on a date.” 

“On a date,” his curiosity gets the best of him and his head pops up, his eyes go big and round, “with who?” 

“um.. I w-was thinking me..?” you stutter shyly, hoping their friendship wasn’t just completely destroyed by this one question. Felix quickly stands up and hugs y/n, lifting them off their seat, spinning them around before he slowly sets them down. Shock covers both of their faces, but shine bright with smiles.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

Kim Seungmin

Seungmin quickly rushed past you in the dorm room, and straight into his room. He closed the door softly, trying not to attract the attention of the busy boys in the kitchen. You notice this, and quietly slip away, knocking on the door, waiting for permission to enter. You hear a soft ‘come in’ and open the door to find Seungmin curled up on his bed. He quickly sat up when he saw you, and and wiped his eyes, thinking you couldn’t see his tears. 

“Hey Seungmin, is everything ok?,” you say softly, placing an arm around his shoulder as you sit, “Is there anything I can help with?”

After a long silence, Seungmin laid his head on your shoulder, surprising you. It’s not that Seungmin never touches you, but he’s usually a ray of sunshine, always supportive and positive. Seeing him upset hurt you, and you wanted him to go back to his normal bubbly state. 

“I just feel like I can do more to make people happy. I want to make people smile, but I don’t know if I’m doing a good job.. Am I?”

“Of course you are! You’re the happiest person I know, and no one can frown when you’re around.” You reply, hugging his shoulders, trying to convey how much he means to you.

“You really think so?”

“I definitely mean it. I know for myself, you make me happy everyday. You make me smile, and laugh. And that’s why I like you,” you stare at him, waiting to see his reaction, and when you see his eyes go wide you repeat your confession, “I like you Seungmin, I always have... I think everyone everyone here knows that.”

“I- um, you do? You really do?” Seungmin asks, lost for words. He sits up and stares at you and a smile blooms on his face. You laugh, and nod. He wraps his arms around you and plops a kiss on your cheek. 

Right as he does, the door swings open and the rest of the boys tumble in, tripping and falling over each other, blaming each other for eavesdropping. Seungmin quickly stands up, and ushers them out of the room, but not before you see half of the boys wink in your direction.

Yang Jeongin (I.N.)

You’ve always seen I.N. as the butt end of the boys jokes. He was the baby of the group, and the boys sometimes treated him like he wasn’t a grown adult. You never really thought much of it, you thought it was cute. But you slowly noticed that when people would ruffle his hair, or tell him how young he was, you’d see his shoulders fall, or his face twist in disgust. It was fast, and he’d be back to his normal self. 

One day, he sat you down and straight up asked you if he was dating material. In his head, he was a baby, no one would want to date him because they’d want a more mature person. You’re flabbergasted and never thought that that was why he acted so weirdly when treated as such. 

“I can assure you, you’re perfect dating material. And I know for sure there are many people who would line up to date you,” you state. And before he can argue you continue. “I know I would.”

His eyes go wide and he looks surprised at the words that leave your mouth. He quickly straightens up, trying to look more ‘adult-like’. You laugh at that, and feel him relax when you lean in for a hug.

[zirkkun]

I can't sleep so I'm gonna ramble for a minute here about. uh. 2020 i guess lol everyone else is so might as well jump on the bandwagon.

Be aware this is really really fucking long so it's a commitment to read it lmao sorry i just cannot sleep and i guess i had more on my mind about this year than i thought. I also did not proofread this at all. I just started writing and didn't look back lol

This year was... Weird for me. It started out with me feeling my best in January, comfortable and positive as I did my nth playthrough of DBH with friends and finally having enough alts of my boy Alfonse in FEH to have a team of Just him to fight with. (Priorities, right?) February hit, and things were still going good. I met Ray Chase and had him sign a print I did of Roy and Alfonse in some casual outfits for a scrapped au I wrote years ago. (And I gave him one 😊). Hell, like, covid was just coming around when me and my friends went to the con that weekend and a breakout of it hit the city just south of where the con was like a week before, but I was genuinely so excited for it that like I was like "Yeah, if i die, i die. Whatever happens happens." God, at this point, the Alfonse gc I was in was still alive and I still didn't talk to anyone in the group outside of that gc. Lowkey miss it tbh. But oh well. Things move on.

But that con was like... Stressful. I usually have fair amounts of stress at cons, being around so many people, I fear theft, unwanted contact, y'know, the standard; but my friend group was so filled with tension that it was absolutely painful. We'd been split most of the weekend, and if the two groups came together, it was hell, because it just caused unwanted arguments. I felt really bad cause I didn't want them to be upset, yknow? But i also wanted to hang out with my friends all at once. So i swapped between the groups a bit over the weekend. And blew WAY more money than I should have and lowkey it kind of fucked me over for the rest of the year cause I haven't had a job all year outside of, like, a local church job that pays at a rare max of $100 a month ;w;

I'd been struggling in school the previous semester already, about halfway through having just stopped going to classes altogether, yet still somehow managed to pass everything with B's and A's. The next semester rolled around, and I thought at first the distraction and inability to do anything was because of the con, and as it persisted after, I thought it was just post-con depression. But, as it turned out, no, it's just been my biggest relapse of depression since the end of high school, and frankly, it's only gotten worse since. I can't sleep rn because I'm between not wanting to do anything because I have a lack of emotions and motivation and not feeling deserving of sleep lol. I checked out of school on February 28th, however, I was convinced I was merely demotivated by my surroundings -- at this point, I was studying Japanese, and one of my friends at the time was a (although probably unintentionally) complete braggart about how much he was studying and how he was improving... not to mention he was textbook example of "This is an Actual Weeaboo, don't Fucking Do this." (One of many reasons i said friend at the time lol) it was just... So draining being around him, and I had to see him in class every day of the week. I barely scraped together assignments last-minute and never studied under the idea of "What does it matter if I'm not putting in my 100%?" So I checked out, with plans of transferring for the following semester.

Well, then March hit. Y'all know how March went down lmao.

I pretty much locked myself in my room at all times during March, going between Animal Crossing and BOTW (which actually racked up like 200ish hours i think according to the nintendo year in review i had lmao). I started making a bit closer online friends at this point, notably @levitumbling who decided to take me in as his channel designer for YouTube and I've been ever since! But. Of course. My first task? A Sans meme. My payment? One Switch copy of Undertale because he considered it a disgrace that I'd never played the game before.

Now, let me tell you. I was fuckin scared to play this game. I held onto it for weeks between the fear of "My friend bought me this and i should play this" and "I told myself I'd never touch this game with a 20 mile pole because of how much it's been shoved down my throat over the years." So, one day, I don't remember when, early April, I said, fuck it, I'll play it for a little bit, just enough to say "hey i played it for a bit!" and then never go back.

The only thing that stopped me from beating the whole thing in one sitting was it was the crack of dawn when I passed out, extremely tired and extremely frustrated by the fact I couldn't beat Muffet. Yes, I got that far in one sitting I intended to play for 15 minutes tops.

Now. Let me fuckin tell you. About my first playthrough of Undertale. I haven't gone into a game knowing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it like... I think ever. Usually I know what style of game it is, the genre, the main plot premise. I knew nothing other than the existence of Sans (and, as it turned out, I'd heard some of the soundtrack pieces before, notably Bonetrousle I heard this cover of it in a radio livestream a while back and never really looked it up, but was always excited when the radio looped back around to it being on; and I'd heard Dating Start! because that's Alpharad's go-to sponsorship ost lmao.) But anyway. I was completely in the dark. Do yall mind if i just go through some highlights of my favorite memories? This is supposed to be a summary of the year but I mean, I think this made a big enough impact on me to really like. Discuss it a bit.

I watched the whole opening cutscene, started a new game under my old screenname, "Yoru," since in naming the "Fallen Child," I assumed they were dead. Well, I was a little surprised to just be that child, alive, two seconds later, but whatever, I rolled with it.

I genuinely trusted Flowey right away. Like no shit. He told me run into the "friendliness pellets" and I didn't even fucking question it. And when Toriel came in? And she said to follow her? I straight up was like "Why the hell should I trust you?? That guy just tried to kill me what says you wont?" I followed only because the game made me but i was Wary the whole time. It took me a LONG time to warm up to Toriel.

Now. Let me tell you how stupid I am as well. The game says over and over right, "Don't fight. Spare. Have Mercy when names are Yellow." Well, I took this literally. I didn't understand the Act mechanic most of the time, and when something didn't work I just said, fuck it, and fought them. If their name didn't turn yellow, I just fought them. "They don't want Mercy if their name isn't yellow, right?" After a while, I'd started getting bored of fighting and would just run away, but like, I came to a point where I was like "I have a really low level, I'm really going to regret this later on if I don't grind for a while."

I don't know when I stopped but. I think I was only one or two kills away from a genocide run accidentally my first playthrough, based on how I think I was LV 3 and looking at genocide playthroughs, you're LV 3 or 4 when you fight Toriel. Like. Holy fuck. I can't imagine what I would have thought of this game if that happened lmao.

Speaking of Toriel, still didn't trust her, at all. When we got to Home, and after I did Every Single different phrase she says when you go downstairs before you talk to her reading about snails; I did not Hesitate to ask "cool uh when the fuck can I leave?" When we got to the Ruins exit I was like, ah, here it is. The betrayal from her I was expecting, where she tries to kill me. Well, nothing on the Act menu worked, right? So... I fought and killed her. I didn't really care, actually. I just kept going.

Then meeting Sans and Papyrus happened. I lost my fucking shit at this part, mostly when they were talking, because every time Sans made a pun it would zoom in on him and do a rimshot. The puns were not funny and I was definitely on Pap's side of "oh my GOD shut up." But that fucking zoom in and rimshot was just so fourth wall breaking and unexpected. Fuck, it still gets me. Anyway. Game continues. I again lose my shit at (insane spinning in random directions) "OH MY GOD! IS THAT A HUMAN?" "uh, i think that's a rock." "OH. WAIT! WHAT'S THAT IN FRONT OF THE ROCK?? (IS IT A HUMAN??)" "(yes.)" "OH MY GOD!!!" and still think these two moments in the game are Peak comedy. Oh, and let me tell you, I did not like either of these two at this point. Sans I was like, okay, hes kind of a dumbass in a funny way, but Papyrus is a dumbass in a way that just annoys me. Genuinely the archetype that misses social cues and therefore has miscommunication usually just annoys me to no end. (Mostly for the miscommunication. It's my least favorite trope and makes me unreasonably angry.) But yeah. Wasn't really a fan. But out of everyone so far? Definitely found Sans to be the most tolerable. But that's about all I thought of him lmao.

Getting to Snowdin, with the Papyrus battle, remember how I said I didn't like Papyrus? And yes, this was something I genuinely thought at one point, I genuinely hated Papyrus, imagine that. What a wild world that is. But anyway. You know how his Act menu has the "Flirt" option? I, for no reason, gunned it for the Flirt option, even though I did not want to. Then when he was like "WE'LL GO ON A DATE! LATER!!" i was like yea sure okay lmao. Again, couldn't figure out the Act menu to turn his name yellow, so I fought him, and he was one or two attacks from dying (miraculously) when he ended the battle. I spared him here cause, well, he spared me, it was only fair. Then this guy again is like "ILL BE AT MY HOUSE WHEN YOU WANT TO GO ON THAT DATE!" and i was like haha funny but still turned around to go on the date. Like why? I have no idea. I think I was more like "haha hes probably not gonna be there and its just cause i picked that option and lo and behold there was an actual fucking date. Oh my god. I have never in my life been on a video game date where one party was convinced I was infatuated with them and im here on the other side of the screen like "oh my god make this end i can't stand being around you.???" But still. The date was. Really fucking funny. I wish I could experience it for the first time again like holy shit. There are few playthroughs I did after this where I didn't go on the Pap date, even if I just spedrun through it.

So then you get to Waterfall and Sans is there like "hey wanna go to grillbys" and i was like sure why not so we go there and my choices were fries & ketchup (so i did not get the legendary scene where he chugged a bottle of ketchup, but i sure did my second playthrough, and let me tell you, i was disgusted). But like. This whole experience at grillby's like, the whoopee cushion, him using a comb on his bald ass skull, him just fuckin unapologetically scratching his ass for no reason?? Bro i was like "why the fuck is this guy part of the Tumblr Sexymen™ group ??? He's so ????? Gross???????" and like i still have this question tbh lmao. But like. Okay so he asks you "what do you think of my bro?" And my genuine answer was "uncool" and he was like "hey man sarcasm isnt funny" and can i just mention how like inheritly manipulative sans actually is like fuck he does things like this where he throws your answer the other way a few times and Every time it actually swayed me the other way. Because right here I went. "Oh. Maybe Papyrus is better than I thought." Like holy fuck maybe i should be more aware if something like that can sway my opinion so easily LMAO.

Anyway waterfall i genuinely was very bored of the whole time. I spent like a genuine 20 minutes figuring out the puzzle where you have to talk to a wall and I actually didn't realize you could move the telescope around. What helped me solve it is my friend's advice before I played it. "Inspect everything. Even talk to walls. Trust me." And literally thats how I solved it. But pretty much everything in Waterfall otherwise bored me. I did think it was pretty though, and did enjoy reading the lore, but when it started talking about monster biology my one fear had been realized: oh god, oh fuck. My original species for my own series also has physical Souls and die by turning to dust because they're made entirely of magic. God fuck. My luck, it has to be something popular, so now everyone's gonna think I'm a ripoff. But, at the same time, I do think it helped me understand monster biology (and it helped me come up with the ULR biology) better, because I've put in a lot of thought to existence of a species that exists only by magic and a Soul (which, mine only actually have half a Soul, as a full Soul makes a being immortal, which was also similar to the boss monsters in a way). It definitely made a lot more sense for like, the skeletons n stuff for me, because like my characters are wholly shapeshifters but usually take human form, and while they have "organs" in the places humans would have them, they don't operate. They're just placeholders, because they just live with their Soul. So I've always thought the same with UT monsters, since the skelebros can live without organs, that means so do the rest of the monsters, even if they have animal-like appearances.

Off topic lmao. Back to UT. So, the Undyne fight was kind of the turning point for me. She was pissing me off so much during this whole game and like I was like "if theres another fucking part where I have to run away from her im going to scream." Well, once again, her name wasn't yellow, so I wasn't going to spare her... and, actively, I made the decision to kill her, because I didn't want to deal with her still chasing me later on in the game. It took me a long time to beat her, and when I did, I texted my friend (@cheshiregrinnbuttoneyes ) in excitment like "YES I FINALLY KILLED UNDYNE" and she texted back like "YOU DID WHAT?????" and i was like "i.... Killed Undyne????" she replies, "YOU DONT HAVE TO OMFG WHY" and im like "I DIDN'T HAVE TO?? THERE'S OTHER OPTIONS?????" and shes like "YES OMFG THAT'S LITERALLY THE PREMISE OF THE GAME" and im "WHAT."

So then. I get that call from Papyrus like. "HEY! YOU ME AND UNDYNE SHOULD HANG OUT SOMETIME!"

oh my god the guilt i felt.

alphys on undernet being like "omfg i forgot to watch undyne fight the human. ah ill ask her about it later she never loses <3"

bro. i nearly fuckin cried. i was like. Not to mention I'd gotten the crush question right for Mettaton's quiz in answering Undyne (bc i was like "plz be gay plz be gay") so it fucking cut like a knife what I'd done.

I don't remember when I let myself get passed it. But I do know that the whole story arc between Alphys and Mettaton went way over my head. Like, i know im probs the minority on this, but I adore Alphys, I have since I first met her in game, and like, when Mettaton was like "ALPHYS HAS BEEN LYING TO YOU!" i just went "...nah."

Also, I didnt like mettaton at this point, cause I thought he was being really obnoxious, and then the turn around to betray Alphys really kinda pissed me off.

But like.

Oh my god.

Remember how I said I swapped my opinion on Pap earlier bc of Sans's comment? Yeah that was a pretty fast turnaround, but it still took me a few times.

But the second i saw mettaton ex

I was like

"HIM. HE. HE'S THE ONE I LOVE."

Like, full turnaround from Undyne, I actively refused to kill him. All times I thought he was an asshole? Forgotten. Me thinking he's a selfish prick? Gone. Nada. Nothing. Pure adoration. Suddenly every flaw he had was pushed aside purely from how hot I thought he was. Also, fuckin, im really glad i played this when no one in my house was awake, because I still didn't understand the Act mechanic here, and every time you attack mettaton he has this like moan he does and im like oh my god. stop. omfg.

At the end, too, when there was the calls and everything, when he had his big turnaround, I was just so happy for him I genuinely cried. Also, I had to do his battle probably the most out of everyone's in the game (not including genocide), so when it came around to his battle during the (glitchless) speedruns i did, i was more invested in how fast I could rack up points, cause you need 10k rating points to pass, and I actually did get that before he lost his legs, but apparently he needed to lose those too before you passed lol. Unfortunate.

Anyway after Alphys talked to you and everything, i genuinely went to see if Mettaton was still there, but he wasn't :( so i just went to New Home. I was very ill prepared for the fight against Asgore and the only reason I struggled with it so much was because my only healing items were like. Something that healed like 10 or 12 hp and the snowman piece. I was LV 9 when i finished the game, so like, my HP was pretty high, but i didnt have the G to buy items, so i was pretty much fucked. Yes. I had to eat the snowman to win.

Oh speaking of terrifying shit though. Photoshop flowey? My god. I haven't been afraid of a video game boss so much since I was a little kid. It was like 3 am and i was not prepared for him to just delete my save file and then kill me on repeat, glitching and breaking everything as he pleased. Bruh i was genuinely scared. Like, not even just, "oh yikes :(" or something. Like, crying scared. Lmao im an emotional bitch by nature.

I of course had to restart from the beginning again to get the True Pacifist ending. I was very careful to never touch the Fight button literally ever. And, it actually took me a while to reset, because I hate erasing my original save files, yknow? But, well, as it turned out? While technically New Game+ by naming, resetting doesn't erase everything you did. It wasn't a new file. I was a little confused at first to be honest. Toriel saying things were familiar, remembering things I said, Papyrus and Undyne both recognizing me, like. It was unnerving.

When I got to the end, i had to look up how to get Alphys's date (since my friend told me the way to unlock TP was to go on all the dates, but Alphys's was definitely designed in mind of you turning around from New Home and going back to talk to people rather than a new reset. So after unlocking it, getting through Alphys's date (i still remember being like, verbally, "omg alphys you look so nice??" When she came out with the dress on and then had a thought to myself like... since when do i care about what people look like? since when do i compliment people? At that point, while I didn't consider myself to be a rude person, I definitely wasn't exactly all that concerned about others for anything. Sure, I cared about others' lives, but I tended to be a bit more judgemental internally, and just. Didn't really give a fuck about what people did in the most negative sense possible, unless it involved me. Yet, it rolled off my tongue like it was something id say normally to anyone. I really wonder if this is the true turning point for me this year.)

Getting to the end, with everyone cheering me on. Hoo boy. This was the start of many tears to come. Papyrus's "DO WHAT I WOULD DO! BELIEVE IN YOU!!" sticks with me the most. I wasn't surprised by Flowey's actions, but what fucking threw me for a loop was like. When Flowey was revealed as Asriel, I was genuinely jaw-drop shocked. I was like. Holy fuck. I thought he was dead. What the hell. To this day, though, i still think Hopes and Dreams hits me the hardest out of all the boss battle themes. It doesn't super bother me, bc like, difference in opinion is whatever, but like. Whenever I see Megalovania at the top of someone's ost list for Undertale I'm just... Why? Maybe it's because I'd overheard it meme'd to much before I played the game, but like, i dunno, it's not a bad song, but it's not the most emotional provoking piece for me, so it's pretty far down my list. Hopes and Dreams will still remain my #1.

I really did feel determined during this battle. I really felt a lot of emotion. I felt excited. I felt frightened. I felt ambitious. Asriel's battle is probably still the hardest for me, and yes, I'm counting genocide this time. I can't grasp his magic patterns at all, and I more so played it as a "okay, how much damage can i take? Whats his next move?" As i healed every other turn. It took me a very long time to beat him (though no 11 hours like Sans, this was more like, 2 or 3 max) and when I got to the part with the Lost Souls, most of the characters just said their "we hate you" piece and i was like "nope you're controlled" right.

But then there's Sans's "just give up. i did."

I genuinely had to stop. I set down my controller and just sat for a minute. I'd mentioned before how much I've been struggling with depression for years now, and it's at the worst it's been since high school. Maybe you'd think when I saw that, I was like "sure, maybe I should give up." But... It's really the "i did." that hit me like a rock to the stomach. While I do know a couple other people with depression, the most discussion we have with it is "haha i wanna die" kinda jokes yknow? Nothing really serious. And, well, I've always been the type to lean to fictional characters for support more than real people, since I've just been so disconnected from a lot of friends growing up and was too scared to talk about anything with my family.

So seeing someone else say "just give up. i did." hit me so fucking hard that I just started crying. I had already been in a real sappy mood cause the whole scene was so emotional as it was, even if merely the cliche of friendship will save all, y'know what? Its a good ass fuckin trope and makes me emotional lmao.

So, naturally, I was more hyperaware of Sans's implied depression from here onward. The conversations with everyone post-battle left me crying. God, so did the hug with Asriel. I was just fucking bawling.

Oh god. I didn't even mention. "Despite everything, it's still you." Another line that just hit me and I had to pause.

So admist my crying mess, I was telling my friend I'd beat Undertale again. He asks me "so... you gonna play the genocide route?" And I already had from the beginning. I always want to play every available route in a game. I see no point in paying for something and then not playing it all. I'd consider myself a completionist who doesn't ever actually finish anything lmao.

I definitely put my emotions aside for genocide. The absolute hardest kill for me was Papyrus, though. And i was absolutely fucking heartbroken when he said he still believed me as his last words. But I forced it aside. I didn't want to reset. I wanted to beat it to have it under my belt that I had. I was pretty sure the Sans battle would be here, since I hadn't heard Megalovania in the game yet, and I was aware of how hard the battle was, despite never seeing it.

Undyne's battle I'm more emotional about in retrospect than I was at the time. At the time, I didn't care, didn't like the theme much, and the dings gave me a headache. Undyne isn't exactly my favorite character (though definitely not my least favorite, that role is given to Frisk with Toriel not close behind ahdhsb im sorry), so I really wasn't concerned about it. Not to mention, I don't know why, but all of the battles I struggled with EXCEPT Undyne's I ended up liking the character more as a result. Maybe it was the dinging lmao.

Bro you shoulda seen how prepared I was for Mettaton NEO's battle to be hard as fuck. I was like sitting upright, took deep breaths before hitting fight, then when he died in one shot i just kind of "wh...what." Still very disappointed lol but I guess that's kind of the point of the genocide route.

Then came the Sans fight. As I said, I spent 11 hours on this. I genuinely didn't pay attention to what he said after a while, but I do remember the first time I read it, I was fucking terrified. Usually, sarcasm, hatred, and sass is very hard to convey through pure text, especially when it's said in the same tone as his usual talking. But the absolute harshness, the coldness, and the lack of any fucks given Sans had at that point was so plainly transparent through everything he said that it fucking scared me. Toby Fox's writing here was fantastic. I can only dream of being able to write like that. Frankly, I love his writing in general. Actually, fuck it, I love all of the artistic takes of this game. This is gonna sound weird but... The "childishness" of it just is so good. Like, there's no rules. Every socially accepted rule of art, writing, character design, speech patterns, and even basic grammar are thrown aside. He didn't just think outside of the box, there literally was no box. I call it childish only because like, children also create with no rules. They have no rules to restrict their creativity. And seeing that embraced in Undertale in every form possible just blows me away.

Anyway. The battle. It. Was hard. Thats a given. I spent about two weeks playing it on and off, and it's probably the most healthily I've treated myself in recent memory, because when it became too much for me to handle, I set it down and took a break. I would retain what I memorized and use it for the next time I picked it up. Frankly, it came to a point where every time I opened up Undertale to play, it was more just cause I wanted to see him lmao. The guy hated my existence at this point and it's not like i disacknowledged that. But it just felt like every time i opened the game... Idk. I don't know what I felt. I can tell you for sure this isn't the time when Sans started slipping into my favorite character spot over Mettaton, that didn't come until the development of Act to Flirt's first demo, which was a month or so later lmao.

I was very excited when I beat Sans.

But then, after it was over, I felt very empty.

I didn't feel good about beating genocide. I still don't. I want to play the boss battles again, cause they were really fun, despite how hard they were, but I can't bring myself to.

When I got to Chara, and everything went to black, I just wiped my save and started fresh. I think this was the first time I used the name "Willo" for anything. I just picked a random name to use, and Willo was the first thing that came to mind.

I beat neutral again many times, trying to unlock as many secrets as I could. I accidentally spent like, way too long trying to get Sans's room, because I couldn't figure out how to do it... which is when I started speedrunning the game, because I was just so used to going through it all. I timed myself once, and I got somewhere around 1:20:00 ish, which puts me at the very bottom of the NG+ Glitchless runs by like 30 minutes, but hey, it's still not too bad all things considered.

I'd started working on Act to Flirt sometime in between the speedruns. I was playing Papyrus's date again, and I had this thought of. What if Undertale... but all boss fights are instead like Papyrus's date?? I pitched the idea to my friend who was like "thats definitely been done before lol" and immediately I almost shut down the idea. But then I still had that glimmer of hope that, maybe, since I haven't made it yet, people would like my game because it was by me. Besides, quarantine was getting to me. I needed some way to spend my time. So on May 6th to May 7th, I spent the whole 24 hour period making the first proof of concept for the game, which was UI setup and Flowey's tutorial date. I hadn't made any of the art yet, so it was a black background with Flowey's undertale sprite. I originally was going to make everything more visual novel like in the sense that, so like on Papyrus's date, you could make choices like "unwrap the present" "dont unwrap the present" or "you look great" "you look terrible" and getting the ending would involve pretty much just saying the right things at the right times. But this alone was... Yknow, already done before, and part of what makes Undertale so great is that it's, despite its many outside influences, very unique in its gameplay. So I decided to make the dates more like puzzle-solving RPG's, and frankly, since doing that, I dont know if I want to go back to making other visual novels lmao.

After making the first demo and releasing it, I hit a creative funk. I wanted to make the next demo right away, but I forced myself to stop (since i was working 16+ hour days to finish it in exactly a week. I didn't eat much and i slept very little during this time too. Dont do this lmao). I didn't know if the game would be received, and frankly, I'd had many failed projects in the past due to lack of support. I lost a lot of support in the past due to the dropped projects I kept starting and quitting because I had such a small audience, and that made me lose a lot of interest and motivation to work on them. So I posted the first demo and waited. I was very shocked to have a YouTuber with over a million subs play it that weekend. Dantekris I think was her channel name. She speaks Russian, and I never understood a word she said, but I've still watched her let's plays because I enjoy seeing her reactions. I hate that YouTube keeps deleting my responses on her videos, probably because they're long and in English so it's marked as spam on a comments section full of purely Russian comments yknow. But it makes me feel like such an ass ;w;

Mairusu is the next large YouTuber who played it and my god I love seeing when he uploads a new update for my game because I genuinely have no idea what to expect from him. I don't know what it is but he's just so absolutely funny to me. He also seems to be the most common breaker of my game though. Stop making your own bugs!! I try to testplay to find the bugs he gets and it's like.... what did you do.... how did you skip that whole date im so confused thats not supposed to happen..... He accidentally skipped all of Muffet's date because of this too and hers is supposed to be the hardest in the game right now so I'm very upset by it;; i dont know how it happened, it never happens for me.

But like. I was definitely struggling a bit with the direction I wanted to take AtF. I wanted there to be a core message, like with Undertale and many other of my favorite things. When there's a core theme to write about, it makes things a lot easier to compose than if you have a plot with no meaning to it. It ties it all together for a common purpose. But, as I started diving more into the fandom around this time, finding not only it being still alive but still enormous and filled with passion.

Passion. Hm. That's familiar. That's the trait I gave the player character, rather than determination. While it was intended for giggles "haha dating game u have passion wink wonk," it started becoming more than that. It started becoming a manifestation of what I really felt upon finally soaking myself into the deep end of this pool I'd once been too afraid to step into. Passion. Everyone here is so driven by their passion for this game, the characters, its story. Everyone is so inspired and creative. That's it. That's what I wanted Act to Flirt to be.

A game made for those who have already dived deep into Undertale. A game made for those who have the same level if passion I've wittnessed. A game that someone might stumble upon, merely wanting any Undertale content they can find, and a dating sim leaves them grasping at straws, only to find it's a game instead deeply rooted in how much they care about this world and its people. You have a Soul of Passion, because your passion for Undertale brought you to this game. That's what the core message is. Every ending is supposed to depict different kinds of empathy, and True Passion shows you truly cared the most you could for all of these characters. Sans is so blocked from it because, well, how can he really believe it? "if we're really friends, you won't come back," right? But here you are. Again and again.

And Heartbreak. Whose heart is really the one breaking here? Taking the Hopes and Dreams of every single character you've grown to care for and crushing it beneath your feet... who is the one suffering in the end?

I just... I'm very excited. I've written that game with the player as the main character. Not Willo. Not Frisk. Not anybody else. You, the player, are the main character. I've honestly done a lot of looking around in the DDLC code to make this game as 4th wall breaking as I can (without like. Disrupting it as a game experience like ddlc is, with monika deleting things and stuff). Just enough to leave the player unsettled and confused. Like. "Me? Are you talking to me?" Yes. You. Directly to you.

I started sketching out designs and ideas for ULR around July. I genuinely loved Underlust after finding out about it, even though it was posed to me as an insult about the contents of Act to Flirt. I was both like "uh... Act to Flirt is nothing like this. Maybe in reversed roles at best but..." and also "okay but this? This shit is good. Thank you." But finding out it was discontinued and wanting more, well, that's when I decided to make ULR. I presented the idea to my friends, who were like "please stop making aus," and then continued onward. I told myself I wasn't going to work on it though until after I finished Act to Flirt... Then after the next demo came out... Then it turned out I was working on it too much and it resulted in me rushing my release of the 3rd demo of AtF because I'd been so distracted I was going to miss my release deadline of the end of August, before school. I... Still kinda regret that a lot. It's still very buggy. Though I hope I got them all for the next demo...

But speaking of school .... ha... Remember when i said i was going to transfer to another school? Well, I did, and for the first few weeks it was fine! Then I started skipping assignments I didn't want to do. Then I started panicking about my low grades. Then I started getting behind on assignments. Then I stopped going to classes. Then I lost all motivation to work on anything at all. I just locked myself in my room and did next to nothing with the occasional drawing here and there, for weeks. It came to the point where I was like "I just have to get through this semester, then I'll drop out." But if I ever wanted to go back to school, having all F's on my last report card would not bode well for my acceptance. Which lead to more stress. I didn't want to fail, but I also didn't have any motivation to work. I would do one assignment here or there, feel good about myself, then realize I was still months behind on work and suddenly oh god oh fuck finals are next week. And my solution? I just. Fuckin dropped out. Oh my god. It was such a relief to just get that weight off my shoulders that I'd been carrying for months on end, preventing me to do anything I wanted to work on.

Well. Then my car tires died. So that's a thing. But good news! Between commissions and gifts, I have enough money to get them replaced! I don't think I've ever like... Been so excited about that before.

And, well. Now I'm here, pretty much. God, I just went through my entire year summary, and it feels like it was both forever long but also not long at all. I don't get it. 2021 still feels like a far off future, despite the fact I'm now 5 hours into it. Yes, I spent 4 hours writing this. Whoops. Oh well. I couldn't sleep anyway, so it's not that big of a deal.

All in all though... Despite being locked inside, away from my friends, unable to talk to anyone about the things i was enjoying, and living in fear of getting sick at all ever with anything, 2020 definitely fuckin changed me for the better. It was a hellhole of a year and I'd never do it again or wish it upon my worst enemy, but I came out a better person... I think. I hope.

It seems cliche to bring back but fuck it. Undertale? My friend insists its core message was that anyone can be a good person if they just try, which I mean, it definitely probably was intended that way. But that never was the message I felt while playing it.

What lesson I took from it was "things aren't always as they seem."

Flowey betrays you immediately, but then you find out he's just the remnants of a boy who died years ago and is still grieving over the loss of his best friend, whomst, despite how much he cares for them, recognizes they weren't good to him and he'd been manipulated and used by them.

Toriel is a kind and caring woman, a still grieving mother over the loss of her children, who seems to have kindness to no end, but is actually filled with such hatred and depression that she regularly gets drunk, swears, and still, without resilience, hates her ex husband.

Sans is a playful character who is full of puns, a gross atmosphere, and decided to break physics just because he can. He's the embodiment of a comic relief character. But at the same time, he's suffering, struggling, in constant pain and worry. He's lazy, but quick on his feet. He's harmless but will kill without hesitation if need be. He's both caring and the least caring of them all.

Papyrus is like... a self-centered asshole in a way, when you first meet him. He prides himself and everything he does. Yet still, he's actually quite open and accepting and loves everyone. He loves talking with and being with other people, even if maybe sometimes he has a different interpretation of social interaction from the "norm."

Undyne comes off as cruel and deadly, such even being emphasized in many points. But, deep down, she's extremely caring for those who are close to her, and her only cruelty is dealt to those who have wronged her in some way.

Alphys is a sweet and nervous wreck who comes off as helpful and lacking a filter due to her tendency to ramble. She seems to be merely anxious due to likely social anxiety... But you eventually find out that she's a liar who merely wants to create a world to be a better place, and by doing so, she pretends all the bads do not exist.

Mettaton comes off as an absolute self-centered asshole. Like. There's no way around that. He seemingly has no regard for other people with only full intentions of helping himself. But, deep down, he actually cares a lot for other people, especially his family and friends, and just tends to get caught up in things while he's in the moment.

Muffet seems to be greedy with how much money she begs people to give her for the spiders, but, as it turns out, she's flat broke and drops no G when you beat or kill her. She merely needs the money to help the spiders.

Asgore, too, is built up to be this ruthless killer throughout the whole game, and when you finally meet him, he's an incredibly sweet guy who's only filled with regret, and because of his past decisions, has decided to put aside his hopes for the sake of his people.

I...

Didn't see any of these characters for who they really were right away. Why would I? Few of these archetypes are explored much in a lot of fiction lately, or at least what I've been consuming; and is more focused around how someone can change their flaws into something positive... Not how to accept someone for who they are, despite the wrongs they may have committed or the lives they lead. Everyone's different. Everyone's grown up differently. Everyone has a reason for what they do.

And it took me playing this game to realize such a simple concept that I probably should have learned years ago.

That's why I really think 2020 changed me for the better. I made a realization that I should have had many years ago, and it's made me a lot more confident in expressing myself, accepting people for what they do, and seeing the brighter side to everything. I say that, sitting here filled with nothing and void of all emotion whatsoever... But it's a conscious thought i have. My emotions are so weird... They're either on full blast or I feel nothing at all. But yet I have... Thoughts of what i should feel? It's weird. Idk. This is why I'm getting therapy LMAO

But yea. 2020? Fuck you. But also thank you. But mostly fuck you and good riddance lmao

[thequibblah]

⭐ honestly there are so many things that I'd likevto ask which is why I want to ask a broaderish question.. How do you approach the characterisation of your "Main cast"? I think you have created some really great complex characters even though they do not exist in canon or even fanon (Germaine in example)

I hope this isn't too broad lol

no, i don't think it's too broad! just let me know if my answer doesn't actually touch on what you were wondering about haha

character creation for me tends to be spontaneous rather than conscious — i.e. i'm just writing my way through a scene and i'm like anyway, these people are new and they're friends or they're dating or they hate each other, and there's rarely a ton of forethought put into it. the vast majority of the ct cast was like that, i would say, except possibly michael, who was the first love interest i invented so there was a little more intention there

(but other than him i was really pulling things out of nowhere for the rest of the students especially — including with emmeline which sometimes surprises me)

the exception is, of course, the main cast. they and sara were very intentional, and i wrote little bio thingies for them before i started even outlining the fic. i mean the non-canon main cast, of course, lol — mary, dorcas (they're both canon but i've invented virtually everything about them, so), and germaine.

i did actually do a lot of hemming and hawing about how many girls there would be in lily's year in gryffindor. as discussed in a previous "my beef with j/k/r" instalment on this blog, the numbers of the hogwarts population really don't make sense at all, so i knew i could be flexible and kind of hand wave any questionable bits away. but the composition of the gryffindor girls was crucial in deciding lily's characterisation, imo — an easy way to convey implied characterisation is to show someone in contrast to the people around them. so: who is lily within the context of her friend group? is she friends with all the girls she rooms with?

separately, i've always liked writing friends in groups of four. in the planning stage of this i was like urghhh it's four girls, the four marauders, is that like too perfect....... and one thing i HATED was that people could then map on each marauder to each girl (lily = james is a bit questionable, though i firmly believe they're much more alike than they seem, but it kind of works.... mary = sirius, dorcas = remus, germaine = peter). and i didn't, and don't, want to make it seem like i've just made vaguely distinct female versions of each marauder!

i've made my peace with that risk, of course, and i think each of the girls is significantly different from "their marauder" (LOL) that it's actually fine — and, better still, if that thought occurs to anyone i hope that their characterisations will go on to provide interesting nuance to the parallels

but, anyway, tangent aside, i love groups of four because i think basically all my life i've had groups-of-four friendships. to absolutely go to bat for us foursomes, it's nice because no single person is the obvious odd one out, and each combination in pairs brings something different to the table — the role that doe plays in the group of four at large, for instance, isn't exactly the same as who she is in her individual friendship with mary, lily, or germaine.

the three main cast members came of some very clinical answers to those initial questions about lily.

one, i have always liked having mary be one of lily's friends, and in my characterisation of her she's obviously a great foil to lily, as a fellow muggle-born student. so, she was a lock.

two, i wanted to write one other canon order character, but i didn't want it to be marlene because in my reading of her canon mention, lily is unlikely to write a letter to sirius with her full name (paraphrasing but "i was so upset when marlene mckinnon died, i cried for ages") or, indeed, write a letter discussing how sad marlene's death made her, if they were besties and schoolmates. i went with dorcas because why the hell not? in developing her i then added all these thoughts

three, i felt the need to make up an oc so i could have absolute freedom over their fate. i had certain preconceived notions about mary and dorcas and what their stories would be, so there were other things (e.g. playing quidditch) that i wanted to have a friend of lily's do that they couldn't. plus, i wanted to write a massive lesbian.

another little sticking point, though, was that i (for a very SHRUG?? reason) didn't want lily to be besties with everyone she's lived with, but i didn't want to insert a catty rival into her dorm either. (now, don't get me wrong, i do love a good rival. i did, after all, write mary and amelia, and i am a known appreciator of carlotta meloni, and i adore TLE's marlene mckinnon. but i wanted the gryffindor girls to be like lily's safe space — a contrast both to her home life and to her recently-strained friendship with snape, where she's spent some time having to second-guess herself a lot. in my mind her friendships with all three of her besties coalesced at various points organically, until she was like wow wait i do actually have a home base here.)

the compromise was someone who was friendly with lily, but there's no strain on that friendship to be more than it is — which, sara and lily respect each other but have also learned they're not so alike that they need to hang out all the time. sara, to lily, is the girl you do things with because you're schoolmates, and then once you're out of school you amicably drift apart and occasionally leave a nice comment on their instagram

so that was how the gryffindors coalesced in my mind as placeholder figures. i will fully confess i start with tropes and then work out ways to deconstruct them or complicate them — as i've talked about in multiple of these questions, i think a lot of my characters are caught between sticking to their perceived label and acting the way they want to, aka the ripest high school drama fodder known to humankind

Wearing a fake smile and watching her sister’s sickening love life had put things in perspective a little. Why should she always do what was expected of her?

(we construct ourselves in contrast to those around us....)

mary started off as boy-crazy, doe started off as idealistic, and germaine started off as struggling to find her place. then i built up from those foundations, adding in tropey bits i enjoyed and wanted to engage with — i wanted doe to be passionately principled, but the gentler counterpart to mary, and even-tempered where lily runs hot. i wanted germaine to be a little bit thoughtless, changeable, someone utterly herself but still uncomfortable in her own skin. knowing, then, that the other two were going to be, how shall i put it, gentler hearts (LOL), i went back to mary and decided she would have this tough-girl, queen-bee persona.

then doe got her family background, which added in her ambitions and hinted at her future, and made it so her foundation would be threatened by events of the story. obviously i was writing mary in the aftermath of the mulciber/avery incident, so i needed to ask how much her take-no-shit vibe was threatened by it — and if not, why? how? unsurprisingly, even to people like amelia...

“At least I’m not overflowing with insecurity,” said Amelia. Mary laughed. The sound echoed through the courtyard. “We both know that’s not true.”

...the persona is put-on, but the "real mary" is so caught up in the invented mary that even she couldn't hope to uncover an authentic self...nor would she necessarily want to, because her affected self is still her...

wait don't get me started

germaine was already a quidditch player, and i wanted her to be a seeker because that's automatic investment in perhaps the single player with the most impact on the game — crucial for what i knew would be many, many quidditch sequences, where james wasn't always the most important pov! some of that seekery vibe leeched into who she is: she's searching, right from the start, for a sense of self that feels just out of reach:

“This year is going to be a year of change,” Germaine said [...] “Henceforth I will be going by... Gemma.” The girls looked at one another for a beat. Then Lily, Doe, and Mary burst into laughter.

she's more anxious and outwardly uncertain than her friends, and i wanted to consciously engage with that — proper teenage awkwardness, the kind that wouldn't really happen to Main Character lily, I Have No Sense of Shame mary, and I Am Overflowing with Good Sense doe. more than the other three, germaine is a normal person in the context of this world — she's not a muggleborn, so the war has a different impact on her; she's not the child of activists; she's not well-off. an absolutely spontaneous invention that i was really quite thrilled by was having her sister be crouch's secretary, because it's such a sudden, shocking realisation for her that she's got such a close connection in the thick of it

Germaine clapped a hand over her mouth. “Big news soon,” she mumbled. “Big news soon, that’s what Abigail said, only she didn’t say what big news…”

so germaine is really just... living her life, an indie coming of age film in which her friends' subplot is a fucking war LOL

i defined germaine in contrast to the other girls a lot when drawing out the characters for myself, mostly for a practical reason — i didn't want her to overlap too strongly with any of them, since she's the only one who's wholly my invention. i think some of that remains in her characterisation, but i decided to make it conscious instead:

Germaine saw herself as a happy medium, flexible enough to stretch sympathetically between her friends. But— What does it mean that I define myself in comparison to them? Nothing. She was only seventeen and she was finding her way.

i knew germaine was going to get the chaotic sporty romance pretty much right off the bat, but, fun fact, i hadn't actually picked out who her love interest would be until after i started spitballing other sixth years' names and had a basic idea of who emmeline was. wild!

i feel like i haven't said all i want to say but let's stop there or i'd go on forever, ha!

[bound-writings]

Hananene For The Soul

♡tbhk secret santa for @amanebae​ aka Momica♡

“Game Day” fic + Hananene Relationship HCS

>nene has an overnight school trip, leaving her no choice but to leave a certain ghost boy themselves. spoiler alert - she doesn’t though. 

>also nene introducing modern games to a baby boomer named Hanako

“Yashiroooo, you have to be lying right now!” Hanako whined as he squeezed Nene tighter, his neck resting on the crook of her neck, pouting.

“No, I’m not lying, Hanako-kun! I’m being one hundred percent serious!” the dual-colored hair huffed, dunking the mop in the bucket as she continued to scrub the floor. The boy groaned louder at Nene’s response and held on tighter as if trying to restrict her movements.

“But what about me, Yashiro? Are you just gonna abandon me and go off on your own??”

The girl sighed, furrowing her eyebrows at Hanako’s childish behaviors. Then again, he was always like that, wasn’t he? “Hanako-kun, you don’t need to be so dramatic! It’s only going to be for three days-”

“Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and then the weekend! I’m not going to be seeing you for five whole days in a row!” Hanako’s shoulders drooped as he released his hold on Nene. Nene sighed in relief and massaged her sore neck. 

“Yashiro!” he whined, grabbing the mop and trying to pry it from Nene’s hands, “You can still rethink your decision!” 

Yashiro squealed as she held on to the mop. “I’m not going to! You’ve survived without me before, Hanako-kun! And I’ve already paid for it and everything! I don’t know why you’re so insistent on me staying here!”

Hanako released his grip on the mop, tilting his hat so it would cover his eyes. “I see, Yashiro. If that’s what you want.”

Yashiro frowned as her heart twinged. She didn’t mean to hurt the boy’s feelings. Or maybe he was trying to guilt-trip her, like the time he used the fake tears? Hmph, she wouldn’t be fooled! (She was.)

>the next day

“Why not?”

“What?! No way! I came here to get you to stop me, Tsuchigomori-sensei!”

“I mean, the trip isn’t mandatory. It’s for pleasure only. I see nothing wrong with skipping it. And I could also refund your money as well.”

“Listen, I don’t know what to do!”

“What a pain… Did you ask Honorable Number Seven about it?”

“Yes, of course! He knows about it and he wants me to stay at school! But I don’t know anything about him! He never even told me about his past, and I never know what’s going on in that head of his. He’s hugging me one minute, and the next he’s cruelly making me clean toilets!” Nene sighed, pursing her lips at her outburst. “Clearly he doesn’t trust me… so I don’t know why he’s so desperate for me to stay with him…”

Tsuchigomori sighed, puffing out smoke from his pipe.

“You know kid, he’s been a lot happier ever since you came around.”

“Eh?”

“You should have seen him before. Always moping around in the stall and complaining about how boring it was around here.”

“And?”

“And now it’s the complete opposite. He doesn’t say it, but you made a huge impact on him, kid. Maybe he doesn’t tell you some things, but I believe that’s because he wants to protect you.”

“I-I see.”

“But don’t mind my rambling. Who knows, I might be completely wrong. You are too soft on the boy anyway.” Tsuchigomori guffawed as a tick mark appeared on Nene’s forehead.

“Don’t think too deep into it kid. Just make sure you don’t regret it.”

Nene sighed as she played with the ends of her hair. What would she do? No, she already knew what she was going to do.

>the next day

Hanako sighed, looking out the window, seeing other the trees shake in the wind instead of the usual commotion outside. The school was eerily empty because almost everyone had gone on the trip. Yashiro included. His eyes drooped as he stared as his tingly hands. The hands that would playfully squish her cheeks, the hands that would hold onto her as if she would disappear from his grasp. Her warm, warm body…

Hanako blinked and suddenly snapped out of his daze. Yashiro was right. Yashiro didn’t need to stay here with him. She was human. She was alive. She should be enjoying her life instead of staying here with him. But he sighed as he slumped into the wall, closing his eyes, taking in the silence. It will be quite lonely for a few days. Or so he thought.

“HANAKO-KUN!!!”

Hanako bolted upright as if electricity struck him. The Mokke lying around him were up and about as well, spouting but one word. 

“Yashiro.”

“Yashiro!”

“It’s Yashiro.”

Hanako rubbed his eyes as he strained his ears, wondering if he was hearing right.

“Jeez, Hanako-kun! You can look at me already!”

The ghost almost comically turned his neck around slowly, eyes widening as he gulped. Much to his surprise, it was her. Yashiro Nene in the flesh, lip jutting out as she pouted, hands on her hips, a bag at her daikon legs.

“Y-Yashiro? Why are you here-?”

“The real question is why you’re sitting here being all mopey! I thought you knew how to exist without me?” she huffed as she grabbed the bag at her feet.

Hanako, still in a shocked daze, floated over to her, pointing a finger at the bag. “And that is…?”

The girl slightly blushed. “I brought for you… I mean I brought it so I wouldn’t be bored staying at school!”

“Staying… at school? What about the trip?”

Nene sighed, staring at her feet and then glancing up at the curious boy. She gently tugged on his sleeve, ushering him closer to her.

“I… I decided not to go. I wanted to stay with you Hanako-kun… even though you can be really annoying sometimes. But… I think you’re good company.”

The boy blushed as he stared at the floor as well. His heart pounded in his chest at Nene’s words and he could feel her soft skin brushing against the palm of his hand. Hanako tried to compose himself, but he could barely bring himself to say anything. Nene squirmed in the awkward silence and tried to break it. Pulling her hand away, much to Hanako’s regret, she spoke.

“A-Anyway! I brought this so we can play together!” Nene quickly threw the bag to the side and pulled out a colorful box that read the word “MONOPOLY” in big letters.

“Moh-noh-poly?’

“No, it’s Mah-nah-poly!” Nene said trying to sound out the letters as best as possible. She giggled. “I’m surprised you don’t know this game, Hanako-kun!” Nene dropped to her legs and removed the cover of the box. Hanako followed, squatting down to peer at the game, his heart feeling touched and all tingly.

She unfolded the board and dumped the figures onto it. Hanako watched on curiously, as she squinted and counted what seemed to be like fake money.

“Here, Hanako-kun!”

Fake dollar bills landed in his hands as well as a small figurine as he closely inspected them. “The game is quite simple, Hanako-kun. You just have to walk around the board by rolling the dice and try to buy some buildings and stuff like that!”

“So… it’s kind of like a game of luck?”

The girl pressed a finger to her lips as she gazed upwards in thought. “Hmm, I guess you can say that too!”

Too cute, Hanako thought.

Hanako kept getting screwed over because every time he rolled the dice he always managed to land on something bad. The first time he landed on the “Jail” spot and had no idea until Nene started laughing at him and explained what it meant. He was not happy. Then he landed on one of her properties and had to pay rent, making him go broke. Hanako ends up going bankrupt quite a few times simply because he’s like?? Wtf is going on??? 

But uhh he gets used to it really fast. Like he actually gets really good at it. It’s almost scary how good he is at this kind of stuff when he’s serious. When he understands the rules and stuff he starts making Nene suffer by making her go into debt and buying all of her stuff. And Nene is literally devastated. She thought wow haha I’m actually better than Hanako-kun at this! Time to show him whose boss! Well, that only lasted for like fifteen minutes because soon enough Hanako was whooping her at Monopoly.

Yashiro ends up having to eat lunch at one point, luckily she packed her own lunch today. But alas, Hanako kept bugging her to get a bite of her cooking.

An irk mark appeared on the girl’s forehead as her clothes were being tugged on by a certain ghost.

“Yashiroooo! You know I haven’t eaten in years…” Hanako whispered in Nene’s ear, mimicking the sound of a stomach grumbling as he nudged his cheek with hers. She cringed, shoveling a portion of food into his mouth so he could shut up. Hanako nearly choked as he hit his chest in an effort to swallow it. 

“Are you happy now you idiot?” she huffed, stuffing her face with food as well.

It was actually pretty darn good, Hanako thought.

>the next day

Hanako eagerly floated around the girl’s bathroom waiting for the dual-colored hair girl. He had, quite indeed, grown fond of her, no, more than fond, whatever word that was. The naive girl who hopelessly pines after guys, the same one who managed to become a fish, the one with the adorable squishy cheeks he wished would look at him instead-

“Hanako-kun!!!”

The call of his name made him jump was again and before him was a pouty Yashiro.

“I’ve called your name like ten times, Hanako-kun!”

The boy blinked at her and a mischievous smile appeared on his face as he floated down to her level and placed both hands on her cheeks.

“Hmm… I was just thinking about a special someone ♡.”

She blushed as she swatted his hand away. H-Hanako-kun’s girlfriend! That’s who he must be thinking about!

“So what do ya got there today, Yashiro?”

“U-Uh! Oh yeah! The cards!” She smiled as she plopped down on the floor, taking a deck of cards out of the small box.

“Cards?” Hanako’s interest was piqued. 

“Yeah! Have you ever played Uno, Hanako-kun?

“Un-oh?”

“Ooh-no,” she corrected, patting the space across from her, inviting Hanako to sit.

“It’s really simple! You can place a card that has the same color or number as the one on top of the pile, and if you don’t have one you pick up. And you have to say ‘Uno!’ when you place your second to the last card-”

“So basically like Crazy 8?”

“You can say that. But there’s color in Uno!”

Nene got absolutely destroyed in Uno. That’s all that happened. I don’t know if y’all have noticed but Hanako tends to play cards with the Mokke pretty often. And he’s always calm and collected WHICH MEANS HE’S LIKE A MASTER AT CARD GAMES. That is what happens and no one is going to stop him from stomping. He drops so many +2 and +4 cards that Nene has practically the whole deck in her hand. He wins every single time. Nene probably gets a bit pouty at this because she’s like how??? This boomer literally just learned about the game like five minutes ago and?? He’s already kicking my ass at it??

Hanako may or may not lighten up his game if he sees Yashiro get upset but you know. He freaking loves doesn’t really want to see Yashiro sad. So he purposely lets the girl win because he honestly went 🥺when he saw her cheering and throwing her arms in the arm, celebrating.

>the next day

“Sorry, Hanako-kun… I don’t have a new game today…”

Hanako merely smiled as he tugged on her cheeks, turning her frown into a smile. “It’s-”

“That’s why I made this!” The girl grinned as she held a bag high in the air for both of them to gaze upon. 

“D-donuts!” Hanako’s face immediately glowed at the sight of the beautifully glazed donuts as he tried to grab them. Nene moved them out of the way as Hanako whined.

“Let’s go to the roof instead, Hanako-kun!”

--

“Finally, I can eat delicious donuts again!” Hanako cheered as he twirled around, holding the bag in the air.

The girl watched in amusement, settling down on the sheet as she poured tea into a cup. “Still a donut loving ghost, I see,” she giggled as she watched the boy scarf down the pastry. The boy sat down next to her, mouth full.

“Wow, thaft’s somfe real goof dofnuts!” he sighed with content, discarding the bag.

“Hanako-kun, that was for the both of us!” she frowned, peering at the bag. “Plus it’s not good for you to eat so quickly!” she scolded.

Hanako simply smiled at her, crumbs near his lips.

Nene’s eyes softened as she stared at the boy. “You’ve got some crumbs here, Hanako-kun,” she spoke softly, taking her thumb and brushing the crumbs off of his face. Hanako went red as he froze. Noticing his face becoming hot, she glanced at him to see how red he was. Then Nene realized what she was doing.

“Um! I-I was only helping you as a friend of course! You’re totally not my type!” she squealed, face burning as she tried to pull her hand away. But a hand gently caught her arm.

Hanako’s gaze was on the floor, his cheeks red. “Yashiro… these few days have been fun with you. And… and I’m glad you decided to stay with me,” he paused, unsure of how to phrase his words. “It’s been lonely-”

Nene tugged on his arm, smiling at him, not wanting feel like he was being forced to say anything. “Actually Hanako-kun… I’m glad I stayed too.” 

“Yashiro… can I ask why you stayed with me? 

“Well, because I like you, Hanako-kun!” 

…

“As a friend of course! Nothing more!!”

“You’ve said that already, Yashiro…”

“I don’t think the trip would have been too much fun anyway. I had lots of fun with you though!”

Hanako smiled at her words, cherishing the moment. He placed the palm of his hand on hers, and then slowly intertwined his fingers with hers. The girl didn’t protest and instead squeezed his hand, brushing her thumb over his.

How both of them wished this moment would last forever.

Hanako x Yashiro Nene (Hananene) Relationship HCS

If Hanako was alive, they would be the cutest couple in the school! It was actually a shock to most people that they started dating. Yes, Hanako would tease Yashiro on a daily basis but no one thought he was genuinely serious about a relationship with the girl. These two clowns love each very much though, everyone can see that! Now that they’re in an established relationship, Nene becomes more lenient on Hanako’s constant affection, which has increased a huge amount. Hanako is literally around Nene at all times, he won’t directly say it but he cannot bear to not be around this girl. He’s been alone and touch starved for so long, but now he finally has human contact that just fills his heart up with warmth. So yea whenever Nene is not around he’s just like :(.

Also one thing. You know how he calls her Yashiro? Well not anymore! “Nene-chan” time! Hanako never fails to fluster her when he says her first name, especially with the ‘chan’ part. But Nene gets her fair share of making Hanako blush as well. It’s mostly the little things Nene does that touches Hanako’s heart. Maybe it’s making donuts for him, or comforting him after a confrontation with Tsukasa. And whenever the daikon girl initiates affection first, he always gets a little flustered! And then he would tease her for becoming bold. He must be rubbing off on her.

Hanako is always there with her during class. So Nene becomes known as the girl who talks to thin air on a daily basis. She becomes a bit depressed at this but her boyfriend 100 percent cheers her up! The real problem is when Hanako has to be by himself on the weekends. Now that part crushed both of their heart’s especially Hanako’s. He has to wait in the empty school by himself, with only Mokke to keep him company. He knows he shouldn’t feel this way but he’s jealous. Jealous of everyone who can leave this damn building. How he just wants to leave but he can’t step foot out of the school. How he just wants Nene to be by his side forever.

Definitely nerds out with Nene about space and whatnot. He just never had anyone who would willingly listen to him ramble about space! And even though Nene may not understand half of it, she’ll always listen and nod her head. She thinks it’s cute when his eyes get all glowy and excited when he’s talking about something he likes. One of her favorite things to do is to just hold the boy’s hand. His hand is cold, unlike her warm one. But she tries her darn best to transmit her warmth to his body. Why? Because she freaking loves Hanako.

Even though Hanako is so touchy-feely he doesn’t say the words “I love you” quite as often. He’s just a lot better at expressing his feelings through actions than words. Plus he gets insanely flustered and red whenever he says the words, even more when Nene is the one to say it.

Hanako deeply cherishes Nene despite teasing her so often. The fact a murderer like him was able to find love is just, well, astonishing to him. Hanako loves her though, and he will do anything to keep her alive. He always knew that ghosts didn’t have a future but… perhaps with Nene by his side, his one didn’t look so dim anymore.

[nctinfo]

[TRANS] Jungwoo, Mark & Haechan’s interview with Star1 June 2020 issue!

It's the first time for you three to do a shoot together. It's a different combination. Mark: It's really nice that the warm weather is seen in the pictures and it was fun to shoot with this fresh combination. Jungwoo: I really like it because it seems like the chemistry between us was well shown. Haechan: It's been a very long time since I had a shoot so I was a little nervous but on the other hand, also excited. I think I had a lot of fun because I was together with the hyungs.

You finished all the promotions for the 2nd full album <NCT#127 NeoZone>, how was it? Jungwoo: We were able to show NCT 127's color clearly through the title song 'Kick It'. All the side tracks had a very diverse feel too, and the promotion period was very meaningful because, matching with the 'NCT 127' name, it seemed to represent a new NCT 127 well in the aspects of music, choreography, stage composition, and so on. Mark: It was a comeback after a long time with a full album, so as much as the fans waited for it, we worked hard in the preparations to show many good sides. Of course, it was a shame we couldn't meet the fans on the music shows. Haechan: So, during the repackage promotion period, we will try various ways to communicate with the fans.

You also achieved some great things during these promotions, in particular, ranking no.5 on the Billboard 200 Mark: The last album ranked at no.11, and to see that it gradually improved to rank no.5, I was even more proud and happy. It gave me a great sense of achievement. I was as grateful and as happy as much as it was the result of the feeling loved and receiving attention from around the world.

Soon, you will be making a comeback with the repackage album < NeoZone: The Final Round>, what kind of song is the title song 'Punch'? Haechan: It's a very hip and strong song. Also, it has an ambiance of feeling like a different song due to some elements that are in the middle, so it's a fun song to listen to. Jungwoo: As much as it is a title song, I put my all in it. There were many changes made during the preparations, including the recording process. We worked hard to make it complete. Mark: As much as 'Kick It' was well received by the fans, I think 'Punch' will be as well and will deliver the finishing blow.

In addition to 'Punch', there are also other new side songs, how is it different compared to the 2nd full album [NeoZone]? Haechan: First off,  for the new songs on the repackage album, there is a new charming ballad song 'Make Your Day' and there is a song with a different feeling called 'NonStop'. You will be able to feel the diversity. Mark: That's right. 'Make Your Day' is a song where you will receive healing through the sweet voices of the vocal members. Jungwoo: It's a great song to listen to in the summer.

Then what is the key point of 'Punch'? Haechan: I think the chorus is the most memorable. It's repeated a lot, so I think it's nice when you listen to it excitingly. Jungwoo: I think 'Punch' [is the song with] the most killing parts. There are many parts that stick right to your ears. Please enjoy the killing part. Mark: Your ears might get hurt since it's addicting. haha

Is there something you want to show to the public through this album? Haechan: That I am really grateful for the support we received during 'Kick It' and that I was really happy. During the upcoming promotions too, I want to take that energy and show NCT 127's performance that will K.O. everyone. Of course, there are burdens when you receive great support, but regardless of the results, we are doing the best we can as always, so if you keep supporting us, we will show you our K.O. performance.

Was there ever a life changing "punch", if so when? Mark: As I was preparing for this song, I was reminded of the trainee days a lot. I was a trainee for almost three years, and I'm normally the type of person to beat myself down. I think that's when I threw [myself] the most “punches”. In order not to lose myself in front of the mirror I pushed myself and tried to overcome and grow. So while preparing for this song, I really related to it a lot. Jungwoo: I think it was during my debut for me. I was introduced for the first time during 'Boss'. I wanted to have an impact on many people so I really worked hard. When I think about it now, I didn't have to be so nervous, I was really worried. I am reminded of the time where I wanted to throw an impactful punch as big as I was nervous so I tried to double the effort.

What is a hot topic among NCT 127 lately? Mark: We're almost finished preparing for the repackage album, and all the members are working hard in perfecting the choreography. And we are also preparing for Beyond Live. Other than that, since the members are home a lot, we're getting into cooking more than ever (laughs). These days, Taeil hyung has really fallen for cooking. Once, when I returned home after practice, there was the smell of pasta coming from the dorm and it turns out that Taeil was making pasta by himself. I was even surprised at how delicious it was. haha

The world tour was also completed successfully Mark: It's hard to go overseas these days so I kinda miss it, and I often think about how nice it would be to tour soon again. It was a rare opportunity and a joyful journey. It's not easy to meet fans in person so it was a thing I'm really grateful for. It was also nice to eat a lot of delicious food with the members.

Is there a difference between preparing before the world tour and after? Mark: It's like, you know a lot after you've seen a lot. Aside from the stages, there were many things I felt. While meeting various cultures and people, our own team's unity has improved and our teamwork has gotten better too. There were a lot of physical challenges. Looking back after overcoming those hardships, all of them are beautiful memories. If you ask what's different or what has changed, it's that the teamwork has become better, and I think each member has gradually grown during the tour. Jungwoo: As expected personally, I think I grew a lot myself and it's true that I learned a lot while being on various stages. Instead of performing the same thing on each stage, I tried to change my facial expression and tried to change many things. Although we grew a lot as a team, I gained a lot of self-confidence too. To be honest, I was really nervous before leaving, but as I met a lot of fans from various countries I felt very grateful to be welcomed and supported. Haechan: My mindset has changed. Before I used to do a lot of things for 'the future'. After the world, I tend to focus on 'us'. We are working hard and having fun showing us and our way.  

NCT 127 members are all skilled in various areas. If you could steal a talent from each other, what would it be? Haechan: Jungwoo hyung’s innocence. Haha. When Jungwoo hyung’s ‘Pure Beauty’ shines, that's when I get envious. I think Mark hyung’s biggest asset is consistency. Doing anything consistently is a skill in my opinion, so I’m envious of this side of Mark hyung. Jungwoo: As for me, Mark’s dancing skills or English? Haha. Mark: I already told Jungwoo before, but he has this special aura about him. I’m just very thankful to have him next to me. It’s a precious thing. Haha. Even in a stiff situation he can elevate the mood. It’s not that I want to take it from him, it’s just that I like it when he’s next to me like that.

What are the unexpected sides of the members? Haechan: Mark hyung is consistently good at everything. The only thing he can't do is gaming. He is really bad at gaming. I don't think he has any talent for gaming. Jungwoo: Also, Mark is surprisingly delicate and detailed. There might be some people who already know, but he is more delicate than you can imagine. Haechan: Jungwoo looks innocent and seems quiet, but surprisingly he has many sturdy/bold sides. He is the type of person where those two sides coexist. Although he is still shy in front of the fans, when he feels comfortable, he is more active and energetic. That's his unexpected side.

To me, NCT 127 is? Haechan: It’s the foundation of my growth. When I was with hyungs I could see a lot of aspects where I was lacking, but because hyungs helped me so much I think I was able to grow. Jungwoo: I think we make each other shine. When someone is lacking the others fill in the gaps, when it’s hard we help each other, I think. Mark: I think we became a team that are friends and hyungs for life. I’m very thankful that we became like friends not just in NCT 127, but in everyday life. Jungwoo: Right. Us meeting seems like fate. Mark: We were all born and raised in different places, how else would we meet as a team like this.

As half of 2020 has passed, what are your goals both goals personally and as an artist? Haechan: I want to be busy and work hard in 2020. As an artist I’d like for it to be a year where I improve internally or work on my skills. Jungwoo: As a team I’d like for us to be introduced to more fans and grow a lot through performances. I’m also looking forward to see the results. I also wish this would be the year when I progress and take care of myself a lot. Mark: I want to play music for even more fans and I also want approval. Wherever we go I want to show performances without embarrassment, without seeming lame when I look back later, I always want to work hard. I hope the members become more proud of themselves as they should, and that we promote happily too. 

Translation: Esmee, Alex @ FY! NCT (NCTINFO) | Source: Star1 Scans — Do not repost or take out without our permission!

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

egardenofeden: YSUFT has 2 non-relationship songs to SOUR's 3 which is not a big difference lol. Also surprising that you find YSUFT unrelatable but like SOUR which has even less mature themes haha (personally I love both)

I want to start this by saying I’m not upset with your response, I’m just explaining myself. Because I know people have called me blunt/rough in the past due to my online responses because tone gets lost in translation. So please don’t take anything I’m about to say personally. Also, a warning that this is far longer than I expected/hoped.

I recognise that it’s only one song the difference, but the placing and sonics matters which was my point. Sour begins, ends and a middle song to cut up the relationship stuff, all with distinct sounds. YSUFT has one in the beginning and one in the middle which personally isn’t enough for me, especially with how sonically, emotionally and lyrically cohesive YSUFT is in the way of songs feeling like they repeat each other.

As for the maturity levels, YSUFT really comes off as a typical teen ‘you were playing games so I moved on’ relationship album to me. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Had this been 2010 when I was 15, I probably would have found it the most relatable thing I’ve ever heard. But being 26 now, the absolute last person I felt was ‘playing games’ with me is someone I haven’t spoken to in years. 

Meanwhile, while I think Olivia words it more like a teenager, I feel like she goes into deeper and more relatable aspects of how emotional manipulation (which both albums deal with) becomes formative and longer lasting. And again, the different sonics help the similarities in lyrics not feel repetitive because it feels like Olivia is going through the five stages of grief whereas a lot of the songs on YSUFT feels like they cover the same emotions as each other on the most part to me personally.

As for the relatability factor, I can go through this further if you want, but I’m trying not to trauma dump on posts involving other people nowadays and to be honest, this post is already long enough so I’ll keep this as short as possible. In general, I relate most ‘romantic’ relationship songs of all artists to non-romantic settings nowadays because I have not had a romantic heartbreak in years. 

In Sour’s case, outside of Driver’s Licence and Favourite Crime (which I relate to another impactful but non-romantic relationship I had in my teens), every song, including the non-romantic ones, reminds me of my relationship with my estranged family. And those aspects of being chipped away at, feeling like you were the favourite just to realise you weren’t, feeling like you changed everything about yourself and gave it your all just to get nothing back, the petty jealousy against the ‘other’ girl, and that naïve hope that you’re going forward with this person just to take three steps back are themes I feel more drawn to than the games/hidden secret themes that jumped out and dominate YSUFT for me. Also, while it’s not something I will ever relate to as a white woman, I’ve seen many people of colour talk about how they relate to Sour’s theme of the pretty white woman being chosen over the person of colour, which has given me another layer of appreciation for the album.

Anyway, like I said, this response is far too long, but the TLDR is that I feel sonically diverse albums feel less repetitive than sonically cohesive ones and the specific themes in Sour to be more relatable. Ultimately, I see the appeal of YSUFT, it’s just something I need to take in small doses to fully enjoy.

[sage-nebula]

Neo: The World Ends With You - Thoughts So Far

I’m on Day 6 of Week 1 and I want to compile my thoughts so far — not in a formal post, but at least all in one place, especially since I feel that jotting down what I think / feel as I go through will help me write my review when I’m done. Spoilers under the cut, obviously — and while it should go without saying, do NOT comment on this post with spoilers from later in the game, so help me. Even if I pose a question that gets answered later on — hell, especially if I do — don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. I will find out in my own time.

With that said . . .

So obviously, I’m really enjoying it so far. You can tell that the writers / devs haven’t lost their touch despite it being thirteen years since the first game was made. You can also tell that a lot of love went into this; this isn’t something they churned out just to make money (if they thought this was a moneymaker we wouldn’t have had to wait 13 freaking years for the sequel), but rather something they really, really wanted to make. Not a total passion project, because those aren’t allowed in the world of capitalism, but there is still a lot of love there. 

That said, more specific thoughts:

THE MUSIC. It doesn’t really come as a surprise given that TWEWY’s soundtrack was phenomenal, but god, they brought it right back for this game. The remixes (“Someday”, “Three Minutes Clapping”, “Transformation”, “The One Star” etc) are all excellent, but the new tracks are phenomenal too. Tbh I’m not sure how any of the Players get any fighting done when the music makes you want to just bust a move right there in the scramble. It’s so good.

Most of the characters are great too. Of the Wicked Twisters, I think Fret is my favorite; he is pure of heart, dumb of ass, and I love that for him. I do like Rindo too, of course, and his habit of overthinking everything (since Fret has zero brain cells, Rindo has to make up for it), but him being standoffish / socially anxious and snarky makes him feel a bit like a toned down Neku, so he doesn’t catch my interest quite as much. And while I do like Nagi, the way she speaks in like . . . medieval-esque language is a bit off-putting. In particular it’s weird that Rindo didn’t tell her to knock it off with the “Lord Rindo” stuff since using such an honorific would be considered awkward / embarrassing in Japanese. I guess he’s just too socially anxious / awkward to tell her to stop, but it’s still a bit distracting.  Other than that, I’m really not a fan of Kubo (one of the Reapers) or . . . Susukichi, I think his name is? The leader of the Ruinbringers. I find them both to be pretty annoying, haha. But I love Shoka, as well as Kanon, and Motoi is a good bean, too. As for the Deep River Society . . . those nerds have issues lmao. Especially their leader. Although I can’t fault him for breaking down sobbing when he realizes that he now stands a very good chance of getting erased, which reminds me . . .

HOW ARE WE ON DAY SIX AND THE WICKED TWISTERS STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT BEING ERASED IS?? We have kind of an inverse situation where where Neku knew right away that he would get erased if he failed the missions / didn’t win the Game, but didn’t find out until later that he was dead. Here, the Wicked Twisters learn that they’re dead fairly quickly (and Fret has some realistic denial going on about it at first, though he gets over it pretty quickly), but they’re still completely in the dark about the fact that their souls will get wiped from existence if they lose despite erasure being mentioned at least a handful of times. Like I guess it was never spelled out for them, but especially as someone who played the first game about a million times, it’s a bit maddening to see them be like, “Why is he crying like his life is on the line? lol whatevs no big deal la di da!” Since the Wicked Twisters aren’t aware of the stakes, a new player wouldn’t be either, and so it rather tones down the urgency that was felt in the original game where everyone was very much aware that they were fighting for their right to exist.

Since I brought up Motoi, I want to say that I just played past the part where he reveals that he was An0ther, who is apparently Rindo’s favorite blogger / poet. I feel like this is meant to be similar to how Hanekoma was CAT, Neku’s favorite artist, but it doesn’t carry the same impact because a.) as far as we know An0ther didn’t have anything to do with how Rindo died; b.) we haven’t seen Rindo bring An0ther or his poetry up that much, much less have anything An0ther said be his entire life’s mantra; c.) we haven’t gotten to know Motoi that well either. Like we met him once before this revelation. That said I’m not sure it was supposed to have the same impact as the Hanekoma = CAT reveal, but if it was then it did fall short. (Also I saw it coming the second Motoi quoted An0ther lmao.)

Speaking of Hanekoma, WHERE IS MY MANS??? I know he has to show up at some point because if I’m not mistaken we saw him in the trailers. And if I am mistaken then he still has to show up at some point because he played a central role in the “A New Day” epilogue chapter of Final Remix, what with Coco being unable to control him and him knowing what was going on, plus he was testing Neku for something in “Another Day” and that has to be whatever is going on in this game. I’m sure he’ll come in for some big reveal later, but like, we have a new street artist in this game (MKN) with no mention of CAT as of yet, and I’m just like . . . where is he. Where is my mans. What is he doing. Bring him to me.

That said, we already got to see my #2 mans (Kariya♥) so I am happy about that at least. 

Back to my mans for a hot second: I actually erased my demo save data and started fresh to remind myself of everything when I got the game, and idk if it was in the demo or not, but regardless—at the end of the demo portion there’s this shot of the sky and then this nameless voice is like, “It’s finally starting. I hope you wake up soon. I don’t want you to miss all the action.” My current guess is that the speaker was Hanekoma, speaking to Joshua. Joshua being “asleep” would explain why the Game is as screwed up as it is right now, what with it having been going on for a year and people able to choose to play again and again and again while the rest of the Players—who tbh should also be counted as winners if they survive the week!—are trapped in limbo.

Because that’s the thing: I know that it was partially a lie to cover for the fact that Joshua’s game with Megumi was set to last three weeks, but at the end of the third week Megumi told Neku that a new rule was being put in place that wouldn’t allow repeats of the Game anymore. But even setting that aside, in the original Shibuya UG rules, anyone who survived the Game could get a wish at the end, whether that was to be brought back to life or made into a Reaper. This is why at the end of Week 1, the three winners were Neku, Shiki, and Beat. However, here the Ruinbringers are able to keep everyone trapped and they have been trapped for at least a year, given what Motoi said. It’s completely different rules and I’m sure that this has something to do with the fact that the majority of the Reapers we’ve seen so far are from Shinjuku (at least going by the spoilery trailer, and iirc it was confirmed in “A New Day” that Coco was from Shinjuku actually, but it’s been a while so I could be wrong about that).

Speaking of, has anyone noticed that the possibly-Shinjuku Reapers don’t have wings? No?

ALSO speaking of Coco, at least tangentially: Coco was the one who revived Minamimoto at the end of “A New Day”. However, he’s definitely not how I would have expected. Like despite Coco using the Taboo Noise sigil to bring him back, he’s clearly not in his Taboo form. He’s using psychs as a Player would, rather than a Reaper. And while it’s clear he’s up to some form of nonsense, it’s unclear exactly what form of nonsense he’s up to. I know that he’s here for fanservice and that him looking like Nagi’s bias from Elegant Strategy is a tongue-in-cheek nod to that, but I have too much faith in this series to think that’s all this is. I’m wondering if being revived for a second time fixed whatever screws were loose in his head before? Or if he was revived as a human Player by like, Joshua or something? (Although why Joshua would do that I have no idea. Maybe Hanekoma instead?) Hmmm . . .

Small aside, but we all know that Nagi has put herself into hundreds of thousands of yen in debt for Tomonami merch lolol RIP Nagi. (I’m also interpreting that she’s not actually older than Rindo or Fret, but she just skipped a bunch of grades. Like I feel like this might have been lost in translation a bit, and that she’s a senpai to them because she’s in uni but she’s not actually older than them. I could be wrong but that’s how I’m interpreting it right now. She just doesn’t look or act older than them.)

Oh another minor annoyance, but whether it’s due to the partial 3D environment or something else, I’m SO ANNOYED that some of the streets aren’t connecting as they should now. Like, how going in the direction of Molco spits you out at Spain Hill or 104 or whatever? I don’t remember exactly what area it was, but it wasn’t Molco!! I’m sure if I hadn’t played the original a million times like a loser this wouldn’t be such a big deal to me, but I have and it is lmao. Also, they’ve had the Shibuya Underpass / Cat Street blocked off this whole time and I’m like :( let me go to Cat Street :( let me see my mans

I’m relieved that Ken Doi is still making delicious food and I look forward to his ramen curry fusion. I was really upset about RamenDon being gone at first but as long as Ken Doi is still around I am happy.

My dinner just arrived so this is all I have to say for now, but I will update more as I play more. I love this game and I’m so happy to be back in Shibuya, even if the characters pronounce it wrong sometimes (saying “ShiBOOya” like pls . . . you are supposed to be Japanese . . . get it right . . .)

[atopearth]

Collar X Malice Part 3 - Sasazuka Takeru Route

Honestly, I'm not sure if I'm excited or anxious about starting Sasazuka's route because he's my least favourite in terms of looks and personality. I think the baka neko/idiot cat thing is pretty affectionate so I'm okay with it, but we'll see. Personally, he's investigating one of the cases I'm most interested in (serial killing of online gamers), and I also noticed that if I played this game blind, I would have ended up on Sasazuka's route haha, so I'm curious how this will go, especially considering how most people love Sasazuka. Personally, I feel like Sasazuka is a very blunt guy grounded in reality and wants Ichika to face that to better prepare her for the future, so I don't dislike him haha. Lmao at Sakuragawa's first words to Sasazuka, and she even said it in English!!🤣 She's so cool, I love her. I have such a soft spot for Minegishi though, I love his looks, how kind he is, but also how strict and logical he can be.

Omggg, Sasazuka doesn't like Japanese sweets?! I can understand matcha since he's obviously a sweet tooth fanatic but c'mon, red bean paste and stuff is so good! He's definitely missing out. Ooh, so the reason why Sasazuka is on the August case is because he wants to change the law that came about from it, which was the repeal of the Swords and Firearms Control Law. Honestly, considering the crazy impact, changes and possibilities that came about from this repeal, I guess I'm not too surprised that there's someone working to change that back, but I guess I'm curious about why Sasazuka supposedly only cares about that and not really the case in itself? Btw, lmao at Sasazuka's outright rejection towards her wanting to do this case too. To be fair, if I was Sasazuka, I probably wouldn't want to work with her either lol. Personally, restating the weapon ban is probably what I would want to focus on if I was a part of this whole thing, so it's kinda interesting to see how relatable this already is for me hahaha. Honestly, even though Sasazuka isn't the nicest guy, he's not exactly wrong to say Ichika is thoughtless lol. When she told Yanagi she was going to go talk to Sasazuka again, I honestly thought she was going to try and convince him to let her go on this case with him, but instead all she did was ask to be on it again and then was ready to leave when he refused to answer. In the end, Sasazuka was the one who had to ask her why she was so insistent about it, when really, if she really wanted to convince him, shouldn't she have thought about how she could convince him or tell him properly her reasons for wanting to be in on this case especially? Anyway, I found it funny how Ichika rejected Sasazuka's suggestion for being his pawn in the case, but is willing to cook and provide food for him lol, honestly I'd just roll with the pawn thing if it was me, just so there's at least an opportunity to show him my skills and resolve lol. But I guess it's important to start off this partnership properly or she'll always be under him haha.

Awww, I love how Mukai, Sakuragawa and Ichika are such fast lunch buddies loll. Guess homemade food gets to everyone's hearts haha. It was so cute when Mukai was looking at Ichika's Bento wanting to eat it hahaha. Anyway, is it just me or does Sasazuka's route have more typos, mistakes and everything??? Like they're not terrible but it does annoy me lol. I love how hard Ichika tried to pass Sasazuka's test and understand the X-Day incidents better. Considering that she's not part of investigations, she definitely tried really hard! Lmao at Sasazuka rewarding her with a donut, but considering how much he loves them, him giving her a donut is pretty good praise. Hahahaha, is he going to feed her with sweets every time he's proud of her and wants to reward her?😂 That's so cute lmao. Honestly, I feel like with Sasazuka doing stuff like randomly forcing her to choose a restaurant to eat and always doing stuff but not explaining things properly, it makes life pretty stressful for Ichika lol. But it's good in a sense that she can help Sasazuka explore more different foods and stuff he wouldn't usually choose I guess haha. Anyway, I'm glad she stood her ground and told him to explain before they entered Kazuki's room though, Sasazuka was being really forceful. On the other hand, Akito being a suspect for that school explosion case is interesting🤔 How long has Akito been associated with Adonis? Okay, Sasazuka letting her cry on his shoulder, him patting her and calming her down and letting her reorganise her thoughts on what she's going to do if Kazuki is involved with the X-Day cases really made me happy. Sasazuka is a really practical guy, but he was really kind about it all, and he even helped her find a new resolve to help her brother without being torn over the whole thing considering it was a lot for her to process (from learning that Kazuki is in a band to knowing all these people etc). Omg..so Akito's sister committed suicide because of bullying..so the class that got bombed was her class huh.. No wonder why Akito seems to care about Kazuki and Ichika's relationship so much. I always thought it was because he really cherished Kazuki as a friend (he still does of course) but it was also because he didn't want Kazuki and Ichika to regret how they handled their relationship and how they didn't communicate properly. I guess it's something Sasazuka could probably understand to an extent since he was discriminated in America and it ended up with him dropping out of school. It all worked out with his hacking skills but just because he's found another way in life doesn't mean it didn't hurt back in the day I guess.

HAHAHA, I died when Enomoto encouraged Ichika to visit Sasazuka's house (since he's not replying texts and calls once he holes himself up) and said she doesn't need to fear a mere seaweed😂😂 Hahahah, considering how much Enomoto and Sasazuka both "hate" yet care for each other, I find it hilarious how in both of their routes, they both kinda "attack" Ichika in their sleep lolll. I find it cute how she just ended up falling asleep too, and even though Sasazuka panicked when he woke up, he felt warm enough and happy about it that he just went back to sleep lmao. Hahahaha, it was so funny how he said people's heads are heavy even if they're empty😂 (because she fell asleep on his arm) Honestly though, someone sleeping on your arm is probably one of the most uncomfortable things ever, props to Sasazuka for actually staying in that position the whole time so she could sleep peacefully. Lmaooo when Enomoto said Sasazuka went from cyber Seaweed to a normal seaweed because Minegishi was constantly reinstating the security on the information they want, so even though Sasazuka could get through, it wasn't efficient in terms of time.

Hahahaha, I knew Sasazuka was going to introduce himself as Ichika's boyfriend to Kazuki so him having dinner with Kazuki and Akito wouldn't be surprising, but it was still hilarious to see their reactions😂 It's also pretty funny how similar Kazuki and Sasazuka are with how frank they are, and they're not afraid to hide their thoughts towards others lol. It was so funny when Sasazuka told Kazuki to call him big brother if he wanted to😂 I like Akito, he's really caring towards Kazuki, it just feels like he's strained by what happened to his sister... I didn't realise that Akito was good at composing music though, that's really cool. Anyway, I'm glad Kazuki and Ichika got to talk it out, and Ichika finally got to tell him properly that she does care about him and want him to follow his dreams. HAHAHA, it was so funny how Ichika said she wanted to see Sasazuka and he immediately called her thinking it was something more romantic but she just wanted to ask him about games to help out on the investigation with Souda😂😂 This is probably one of the only times I would feel sorry for Sasazuka lmao. I find it interesting that Ichika knows nothing about games, like it's normal to not play them I guess, but to know literally nothing about them when she's been looking at the X-Day cases etc is kinda surprising. I also find it surprising that Ichika finds it difficult to understand the mentality of gamers and the escape from reality aspect, since her work revolves around being quite empathetic and listening to people lol. Ooh noo, so what the people who revere Souda as a "god" is really them making fun of him for being a whale that spends crazy amounts of money on the game and is basically pay to win? That sounds bad... I honestly thought they called him that because he was really good at the game... I guess it's good that I take time to read the materials when they pop up lol.

I feel so terrible for Kazuki. I can't imagine how crappy it must feel to be so close to Akito but actually not know so many things about him. I'm glad that Sasazuka was there to be frank with Kazuki that this was serious and that he needed to be calm if he really wanted to help Akito. I think Ichika would have been too emotional and soft to do that to Kazuki. It's nice to see how reliable Sasazuka is and how much he's willing to go out of his way to help her. The kiss was sudden but I thought it was really sweet since it helped reassure her that even if she is at a lost and doesn't know what to do and how to handle things, she can always lean back on Sasazuka to help her and guide her. He also doesn't like to baby her unless she's really down so that's really helpful for her in the long run haha. Honestly, Sasazuka's plan in doing the same thing as what happened in the August incident (causing a bug that made people think some legitimate players like Souda were purposely trolls to others) is quite...terrible. I understand that it's necessary in the sense that they're running out of time and need Souda's interrogation to make some progress but at the same time, considering how mentally broken he already is and how reliant he is on this game, creating a similar incident will definitely shatter his world and I'm not sure if he can take that. I guess it just hits a bit close to home because it makes me think if I lost the only place I could find some kind of solace in, I might die. Has it been established that Souda is a murderer though? But yeah anyway, it's sad but I guess there's not much of a choice. Souda getting betrayed by the game and his guild members hurt me pretty hard tbh. I can imagine how crap it must feel, because I also know how it feels when people rely on you during an important team fight and you don't deliver. Except Souda's is worse since he was forcefully bugged and then basically framed for being a troll purposely not doing anything. The hatred for trolls run pretty deep, and trolls are considered one of the worst scums in gaming, so I can understand how bad it would feel to be called one when you aren't. It's actually kinda saddening that no one defended Souda though, kinda goes to show what kinda guild it was and how it was really built on a shaky foundation, but it's a mobile game so I can understand people just leaving the guild like that. I personally think when it comes to mobile games, people can be more heartless😅 Let's just say, when Sasazuka provoked Souda, his words cut me too lolll, I guess as Sasazuka said before, things become much too difficult when you empathise and resonate with the criminal. It's probably the most uncomfortable I've felt in a while just because Souda's situation brings back bad memories for myself. That feeling of being useless in real life, and then bring useless in your favourite game as well...is just so painful.

When Minegishi tried to give Sasazuka a gun and he rejected it, I knew Sasazuka couldn't use a gun, but the effect of a gunshot being so close to him seems to be worse than I thought. It's understandable though, since his mother died protecting him. It's pretty saddening to hear that his mother and him were "unlucky" to have been caught up in a turf war while shopping on holiday. Is that all we can really say when someone dies like that? That they were unlucky? It's just so terrible to think about how sometimes whether we live or not depends on something like luck... Totally agree with Sasazuka, I hate societies that permit guns especially with how they handled it in Shinjuku. You really can't blame all the people who are scared and call to complain every day to Ichika's team, because the moment the government decided to issue a gun to each person over 18, it already implied that your safety was your own problem. How ironic that Sasazuka came back to Japan because he hated guns, but in the end the law changed here. I can see why he would quit the police after that, it's like he lost his reason for being there after all. I'm glad Ichika reprimanded Sasazuka for taunting Souda way too much, it was definitely really reckless and dangerous of him to do that. Ah, I see, so Souda's "revenge" was against those players who died in the August case, so even though he didn't kill them, he was the one who wanted them to be killed and ended up killing the other developer guy later on as a "substitute". I guess I can feel less sorry for him then lol, but still.

Honestly, I didn't like how Sasazuka kept urging Ichika to drink just because he was too embarrassed or shy to share his feelings about how he understands Adonis to the point that they're kinda on the same wavelength in how they would both handle things. I guess it was cute how drunk Ichika pleaded to him telling him to not to go Adonis' side, but yeah even though Ichika and Sasazuka are cute sometimes, I find their relationship rather dubious. It's interesting that Sasazuka wanted to voice directly to the police chief the proposition to reinstate the firearm law considering it's not something easy to just do, and that there are more people than the police chief that need to be in on this, but I guess considering he's in the police, he's the highest that he can get haha. Although personally, I have to wonder why they would want to keep that law even after they solve the Adonis cases tbh. But I guess the cases haven't been solved yet so... No wonder why Akito felt awkward when Kazuki kept praising his skills in music composition...it's because he was so focused on this hobby of his that even when his sister tried to talk to him, he was too busy to really listen to her. It must have been a terrible shock to realise that what she wanted to talk about was much more important than he thought. Honestly, if I was Akito and I saw my sister's suicide note with names of the people she was bullied by, I would probably want revenge against them too. I can't imagine the agony she must have gone through by probably most of the people in her class. I agree with Ichika, seeing Kazuki constantly looking at his phone hoping Akito replies to him is really painful to watch. I think it's worse that you can obviously see how much pain Akito is in as well over it. I wonder what Akito wanted to really say though considering his cryptic words.

I know it got lost in translation but LMAO when Ichika was hoping Sasazuka was in the office and screamed his name really loudly when she went in, and Enomoto got woken up thinking "this was his Honno-ji" which basically implies he thought there was a fire and he was going to die like Nobunaga from the enemy attack lolll. It's just funny how Enomoto can relate everything to the Sengoku era🤣 I thought it was really sweet how when Sasazuka got the information Akito left for him to retrieve through the songs he gave Isshiki and Kazuki, his first priority was in finding the method to take off Ichika's collar. It was expected that the top people of Adonis wouldn't be captured, but I found it super saddening to hear that Akito had his memories erased and could barely remember Kazuki...at least he's not dead though I guess. Anyway, I found it rather interesting that the last chapter was mostly dedicated to the romance, which I didn't mind since I feel like they really needed to develop on that. Honestly though, it was cute but I still find their relationship and connection rather weak. I guess my biggest problem with their relationship is that Ichika is usually easy for Sasazuka to understand albeit there are moments where she takes him off guard, but otherwise she's easy for him to read, but that's not the same for her. Ichika is always wondering what Sasazuka is thinking and she would ask him sometimes, but his personality prevents him from being honest about it a lot of the time so they misunderstand things and get a bit lost. I think the funniest misunderstanding was Sasazuka thinking they were exclusive already but she didn't so she confessed to him lol. Definitely his fault since he wasn't clear lol, but he was probably teasing her anyway. 

Sakuragawa and them teasing Ichika about Sasazuka was funny too. It's nice that in the end, she was able to be more forefront with her thoughts and feelings, even if they're silly lmao, I didn't think the office they're in now and the Metropolitan office Sasazuka will move to later is just 15 minutes away. Relax, Ichika, you can have lunch halfway or something, and Sasazuka's right that it's not like they were in the same department anyway so it's not much of a difference lol. But yeah, I do enjoy Ichika being able to get Sasazuka to express himself more and be more honest with his feelings. Oh, and I teared a bit at the scene where Kazuki visited Akito in prison. I found it really saddening that Akito tried to push him away and say maybe this was for the best anyway since he's a criminal and his music career will be affected if he plays a murderer's songs, so yeah, can totally understand why Kazuki got super mad and told him he will succeed playing Akito's songs, and that even if he doesn't remember, they can just become friends again. Honestly, if theirs was a love story, I think I would have liked it more than Sasazuka and Ichika's lmao. But anyway, it just goes to show that I don't think I could really get into the romance this time around. I find it so adorableeee how Okazaki and Kazuki became friends enough that Kazuki is invited to the office party loll, so cute. Anyway, my biggest surprise with this route was that Sasazuka wasn't as mean as I thought he would be. He pretty much mellowed out after he gave her donuts and every "insult" or mean stuff he said was much more affectionate than anything else. I'm just kinda sad that I thought Sasazuka was going to more guide Ichika into growth as a police officer and he kinda did with the Souda stuff, but then afterwards, she kinda just went back to being his gofer lol. Anyway, I feel bad for the Sasazuka in the bad ending when you fail trigger mode, since someone important to him decided to protect him from a gunshot once again and died, that's pretty terrible for him to have to go through again. I kinda would have liked to see a longer ending where he does something like go down the path with Adonis or kill Souda or something though haha. Even the tragic love ending was rather...meh lol.

Overall, considering how much hype Sasazuka gets, I'm actually surprised I'm pretty whatever about him. He's cute and stuff but not my type I guess. I also found him much nicer than people say hahaha! I don't know if I'm too used to rude people or I mainly hear the affection from his teasing rather than whatever else he says lol, I think my biggest problem with him instead of how he talked was actually how at times he wanted Ichika to "grow" as a person and helped guide her, but at the same time I feel like he also stunted her growth a bit such as stuff like when he told her to drink beer instead of that other thing she chose. I know it's relatively minor considering how she does make other choices, but I feel like the second half of the route was more of Ichika being relegated to that "support role" that gave Sasazuka the reason to stay as he was without giving in to his desire to kill his mother's murderer rather than as a..person? It just didn't really feel like Ichika was important as a person, and rather was just something to drive Sasazuka into doing what he did, which is good but yeah, it felt kinda hollow. Personally, similar to how I related to and liked Sanjou more than Okazaki in his route, for Sasazuka's route, I really liked Akito's story and situation. It was nice to finally understand why he was a part of Adonis and how much it hurt him to have not saved his sister, but also how much it hurt him to have actually joined Adonis itself. His regrets and his sadness over his relationship with Kazuki really hit me. Souda was pretty whatever as one of the Adonis guys, like he was relatable to me, but personally boring as a villain in the bigger picture, mainly because I think rather than making it understandable why he joined Adonis and did what he did (like Sugawara and Ogata), I feel like the route painted him as more of a crazy guy (like Hana I guess). Anyway, even though I wasn't especially fond of Sasazuka and Ichika's relationship, in terms of plot, I probably preferred this one more than Okazaki's and Enomoto's because of Akito, and also Sasazuka's motivations for reinstating the firearm control law. I also really liked how reliable Sasazuka was, and how caring he was towards Ichika when she needed it. To be fair, I do like Sasazuka as a character, just preferably not with Ichika I guess hahaha.

[sarah-blue-eyes]

2020 In Review

Hoo boy, here we go.

[Ok just before I begin. I had this queued to post in the first month of January but it doesn’t seem like that ever happened haha. Better late than never I suppose!]

So I am a nostalgic bitch, and since 2011, have loved to make memory boxes for each year, where I put trinkets and memories into a shoebox. This year I have continued that tradition, but I have also kept track of my happy memories throughout 2020 in my planner. This was done with the intention for me to upload a year-in-review sort of thing in hopes that maybe like, 3 people max on this god-forsaken site will read it. This sort of reminiscence was inspired by my friend @a-lbeit​, who has done these for a few years now and me, as a slut for nostalgia, was encouraged to do the same back in January (I think? What even is my memory at this point?)

2020, as it has been for many, was a very shit year, and I am no different. I would safely say that this year has undeniably been the worst I have lived through. But I am here. I am present. And I have made it through some of the darkest times to face 2021 with a new sense of hopefulness. Keeping track of my happier memories has been something that has truly got me through this clusterfuck of a year, so I am glad that I can finally go through them all again and share them with you.

Read it, or don’t, I don’t give a shit what you do with your time, but if you do, I hope that you aren’t bored to tears. And I hope to keep myself accountable to continue to do this for years to come.

Buckle up, grab a hot drink and a snack and get comfy, because this is a JOURNEY.

January:

· Kicked the new year off with hosting a 1920’s themed party with some of my closest friends at my family home at the beach. Had fun with drunk SingStar, playing What Do You Meme, creating a playlist with everyone’s top 3 songs of the decade (it was a bangin’ playlist I must say), and just overall drinking too much and having a riotous time

· I remember going to the beach New Year’s Day (as is tradition in Australia) and playing ultimate frisbee in the shallows and completing a crossword puzzle on the sand (I am a 75-year-old woman, it is just a fact of life)

· I also had my friend Kirsten from South Australia stay with me for the New Year’s period and it was lovely to have a guest over! I haven’t spoken to her much this year, she sort of fell off the face of the planet, but I hope she is doing ok.

· Went town to Torquay (a beach town in Victoria) for the 6th time for Beach Mission, which is essentially a holiday program for kids in preschool-year 9 where we run activities for them. It’s a Christian-based program but the aim isn’t to convert the kids or anything like that, it’s more to show God’s love to them through our actions and how we as Christians live our lives. It’s also a convenient way for parents to dish their kids off for a few hours too haha. This was my final year of being a part of this program, and I am so pleased to have made so many memories and (hopefully) impacted many children’s lives during my time there

· I remember going on a late-night beach walk with my boyfriend Josh, talking about what the year had in store for us. We were just sitting on the beach, as you do, and I saw a shooting star. I can’t remember what I wished for (if anything) but in that moment, life was a dream.

· The week after beach mission I started at my new internship! It was for a place called KidsCo, who run school holiday programs at workplaces, so parents don’t need to take time off work to look after them. I helped with client relations and a lot of behind-the scenes stuff. I really loved it there

· On the very first day of my internship I remember there was torrential rain, and the train home was delayed by like, an hour or so lol

· One of the best parts about interning at KidsCo was that they were the official child-minding service for the Australian Open. I make an effort to go each year, but I was lucky enough to get free ground-entry for me and a guest for the duration of the event. I went quite a few times and got to take my mum and Josh along as well.

· Saw my only concert of the year, The Veronicas, at the Australian Open. When I say the moment the violin riff at the start of Untouched absolutely went the fuck off is an understatement. Grade 5 me would have cried (and 23 year old me did a little bit too tbh.) Yet another of one of my “all-time-favourite-songs” that I’ve had the pleasure of hearing live. (I also went through the year feeling sad that this was the first time in 11 years I hadn’t gone to a concert, but this one certainly fell through the cracks)

· Started planning my trip to the UK to see my twin sister, and best friend, Jess

· Went away to Rye for the Australia Day weekend #changethedate. An excellent time with excellent mates, and went to the beach pretty much every day and got mindlessly sloshed every night

· Listened to the Triple J Hottest 100. I think 4 of my picks made it in, which was pretty good

· Continued my job as the office manager/events coordinator at my church

February:

Basketball started back after the summer break for my two different teams, The Vikings and The Wildcats (honestly such a highlight of this year with how the rest of it ended up going)

As a team-bonding activity at KidsCo we hired a boat for a few hours and I got more drunk that I had been for a while. It was a very fun time jetting down the Yarra, waving drunkedly at the people jogging by

For Valentine’s day Josh and I had an indoor picnic with our favourite food! The weather was shit for Feb, hence the indoor nature of the picnic

Saw Shrek the Musical with two of my closest pals, Bec and Katie (I honestly forgot that this happened in 2020 hahaha) but it was ICONIC

Had a Jackbox night with The Boys

Had my cousin Amy from England over for dinner! I hadn’t seen her in 5 or 6 years, so it was so lovely to connect again like no time had passed at all

Went to Healesville Sanctuary, a lovely conservation park which focuses on preserving and educating its visitors about Australian animals, with Amy

 Went to mini-golf for a friend’s birthday on the leap day. He technically celebrated his 6th birthday which was excellent

Saw Cody Ko and Noel Miller live with Bec and Katie

Finished working at the church office to make room for the potential job opportunity at KidsCo

March:

Ahhh March, you shitstorm of a month. This is where everything started going downhill.

The first thing of note that happened this month was me injuring my ankle at basketball, which had me out of action for a few weeks. It was especially bad because I was nearing the end of my internship and was hoping to do my best work so that I would be chosen to stay on as an employee, but had to take a week or so off to rest my ankle. My ankle would continue to be tender and sore for most of the rest of the year

Went away for the Labour Day long weekend with the family

Finished up my internship at KidsCo. Honestly was lead to believe that I would be staying on as an employee and felt sort of betrayed after all the work I did for them, but whatever

 Had a party at Bec’s house to listen to Triple J’s Hottest 100 of the Decade. One of my favourite songs was number 1 which was a pleasant surprise

Went down to the holiday house for a few days just to have so me time and sort myself out

Animal Crossing New Horizons came out haha. Honestly was one of the highlights of this year though. I stayed up until midnight so I could download it as soon as it was available because that’s the sort of person I am  

Mum’s birthday dinner with Dani, one of my best friends, and her girlfriend Amy

Went for a hike at Sugarloaf Reservoir with Josh and got spooked by a mob of kangaroos

April:

My mental health started really taking a downward spiral this month for multiple reasons which I won’t get into here, but this is more a note to my past self to say that it will all be ok I guess? Idk I just felt like this needed to be here

Did my ankle badly again on Good Friday

Watched the Overwatch League live with my friends and just memed in the livechat lmao

WARNING - this is a bit TMI but I am going to share anyway since it was a big part of this year, and if you are reading this you are either a stranger or a good friend so I really don’t care lmao: This month I also started to get bad pains in my uterus, like, not period pains but deep, stabbing pains. This continued on for the next few weeks without me doing anything about it, except for increasingly getting stressed about it, although I will talk a bit more about this later.

Josh and I celebrated our 6th year together which was ~wholesome~

Called my friend Ashley from the US and just caught up. It was nice to see her face again. She is a good egg. I haven’t talked to her since but I really hope she’s ok.

May:

Watched Star Wars with Josh and his family for “May the 4th”

Started a volunteer job at Kivuli, a non-for-prophet that is based in Kenya, and started helping out with their website and social media stuff

Zoom movie time with my friends, we watched How To Train Your Dragon I think? Athough everyone was talking over the movie so I didn’t really get anything out of it

Played Scattergories (one of my favourite games) with Bec and Jess on zoom and just wrote really stupid and funny answers and I remember this being just what I needed

Went for a long walk with mum and one of her friends and her daughter on a track we don’t usually go on, which was a nice change of scenery

Went down to the holiday house for the first time in forever since restrictions were eased, at least for a little while lol, with the fam

Went to Portsea for a walk along the beach with Bec and her husband Trevor

Did an online trivia night that night with a big bunch of friends

Had a doctor’s appointment to see what was goin’ on down there. Honestly freaked that it could be something REALLY bad. Got booked in to have an ultrasound the next week, so at least I’d be finding out what was wrong soon.

The day after I got my results was the 21st of May, the day my mum and I were meant to be flying out to the UK to see my sister and her boyfriend. It was already hard enough a month or so before when I had to cancel my flight, but this day was so SO difficult. I can’t remember the last time I cried so hard. I am so blessed to have a boyfriend like Josh though. He was by my side the whole day, and held me as I cried. Oh man I am crying as I write this now, it was such a hard time but I know I will see my sister again.

And then the day after THAT whole ordeal was my birthday, which was meant to be spent in London with Jess but it turned out to be the first birthday we’ve had apart. This day was also hard, but made better by being with loved ones and having dinner at my grandma and grandpa’s house. Grandma’s roast potatoes make everything better.

Went to Geelong to see the other side of my family, it was so good to see my nan again. I love her very much.

Went to the Briars with Bec and went on a lovely nature walk and saw a lot of little wallabies and even an emu

Had an ultrasound and my pain turned out to be a 10cm wide cyst!!! So fun!!!!! Thank the heavens it wasn’t a child. I was so relieved. It is still in my body so that’s cute tho.

June:

Applied for a bunch of jobs, and even got a few interviews! Still no job.

The absolute highlight of this month, and maybe even the whole year, was going away to Lake’s Entrance and Yarram with mum, dad and Josh. It was so good to go to the country, I love country towns so much and the wildlife and nature is so beautiful in the eastern part of Victoria. If you ever get the opportunity I recommend going there!

We ate so much nice food and just relaxed. It wasn’t a perfect replacement for not going to Europe, but it was something at least.

Did more work for Kivuli which kept me busy

Went to Bec’s house to bake a cake. She came out to me as bi this day too, and the cake was coloured like the bisexual flag!

Started a short course through the university I went to in Facebook for Business. It was a great way to build up my skills.

Played Animal Crossing with Dani’s little sister, Tami, a very wholesome time

Looked after Josh’s dog Jed while his family went away for the weekend (also went into the start of July) and was honestly the greatest time

July:

Halfway through the year. Thank fuck.

Had another job interview

Went on lots of walks

Was just generally cold

Did a lot of cleaning

Painted the downstairs rooms at church, which took a few days and a lot of back pain, but it’s cool to think that I was able to contribute my energy and time to something while I was not feeling good at all

The restrictions were tightened again, meaning that I couldn’t go further than 5kms away from my house, except to see Josh, so this was a really lonely time for me.

Really got into Masterchef with mum this season. They had all returning contestants from other seasons so that was really fun to watch.

Got and assembled a new couch upstairs that I can say I actually own myself. I absolutely love it.

More walks, despite the cold

This was a very uneventful month, but that’s ok!

August:

Had a call with the hospital I’ll be having my cyst surgery with. It was good to know that things would be started. I had to have a blood test and a second ultrasound then put on the waiting list for surgery. Still no sign on when that will be happening though 6 months later. Just so lucky to live in Australia where all of these appointments are free.

Went for a really nice long walk with Josh. Got shat on by a bird.

Did lots of stuff around the house, just tidying and watering the plants and sorting through my wardrobe to purge all the clothes I grew out of

Had an online Switch games night with some friends which was fun. We played Smash Bros. and Mario Kart and just had a great time!

Ok this sounds super lame but my favourite podcast, The Jenna & Julien Podcast, finished forever which came as a surprise and was just really sad. I really hope it comes back one day.

Did my tax return lmao

Baked rice puff/marshmallow bar things

Made an ASOS order to fill my happiness with material things. Did get some cute clothes and lingerie tho 😉

More games with Bec and Jess, we played Golf With Your Friends this time

Had a cocktail night with Josh, where we just made a bunch of fun cocktails and got drunk. I can’t wait to live with him so we can do this all the time.

Lots of Kivuli work, as we are planning for our 10th anniversary fundraising event

September:

Baked cookies, which was something I did a lot at the start of lockdown but sort of drifted away from. I absolutely love to bake.

Started working for Media-Wize, a small PR company that was started by someone I know at church.

Started playing Among Us at the start of the month

So many Among Us nights omg, just call me queen impostor please

Did my induction for Media-Wize

Got  n e r v o u s  because I kept getting things wrong in my new job. I always seem to fuck up the good things and opportunities that I get

Did a livestream reading of The Great Gatsby on my friend’s Twitch stream. It was really fun and something I had never done before. I voiced Tom Buchannan, which was interesting but cool to sort of get into the character. I hope to do something like this soon.

I burnt my hair while cooking dinner and had to give myself a haircut lmao. It was the first time since 2018 that I had cut it so it was a long time coming anyway.

So much Media-Wize work. It felt good to finally be getting paid to do a job

Got locked out of my bathroom so I had to climb up the laundry chute to unlock it from the inside, all because a fly outsmarted me (it’s a long story… and honestly best told by speaking it)

October:

Had the Kivuli 10th anniversary livestream. Lots of work went into it and it was so much fun! It’s incredible that a non-for-profit that has benefitted so many children and families is still going strong. Such a blessing to see.

Dad’s birthday, and we had a picnic with grandma and grandpa and saw them for the first time since lockdown was somewhat lifted

Walked to Beasley’s nursery with Josh and got a coffee. This was the first proper, not McCafe coffee I had had in months and it was SO good

Played Animal Crossing with Dani

More Among Us, a theme for the last few months of 2020

Watched the AFL Grand Final. Wasn’t super exciting this year tbh, especially since we couldn’t have a BBQ or party or anything, but hopefully next year will be different

Nearly moved out of home with a friend of a friend, but since I didn’t have a job, didn’t think it would be a wise decision. Would’ve been nice though

Did some more Media-Wize work. I haven’t been given anything to do since this time though, so I don’t know what’s going on with that? They really be ghosting me tho.

Applied for JobSeeker so I would at least be getting a little income

New Jackbox came out, and had a games night with The Boys playing all the new games

Voted in the local election

Went to Westerfold’s Park with Josh for a lovely long walk

Played lots of The Sims 4 (but tbh I have been doing this all year)

November:

This month things sort of started to turn around, as Covid wasn’t hitting my state hardly at all, so I was actually able to see family and friends again!

Went to my old primary school with Dani and played basketball and just shot around and talked. She also came over for dinner. It was so nice, and she is a true friend.

Had a picnic at the park at the top of the street with my dad’s side of the family, all together at last

Melbourne Cup Day, not that I really care but it’s nice to get a day off. Went on a day trip to the Dandenong mountain range. It was so, so nice and bought some lovely little things from local shops, went for a bushwalk and had a bakery lunch

Went to the park to throw the frisbee and kick the footy around with Josh and his friends, although they are my friends too tbh

Had a picnic with a group of friends that I hadn’t seen since January, so it was so, so good to catch up with them and have a delicious BBQ dinner

My favourite online comedy group, Aunty Donna’s Netflix series came out! Had a virtual watch party with a few friends and binge watched it all in one go

Had lunch with grandma. This used to be a weekly occurrence but for obvious reasons was put off for this year. I absolutely adore her and every lunch we spend together is so precious to me

Went to Kyneton with some of the family as another day trip

Christmas shopping time again. So weird to be at the shops and feel sort of normal? I went 4 different times in the span of a week and a half haha

Josh’s birthday! We went to this maze place with has a bunch of big mazes and other fun activities. It was such a perfect day. Then we had dinner with his family.

Got a letter from the IRS saying that I needed to provide them with proof of identity, so that was fun trying to sort that out. We love the outdated US tax system <3

Went to a bridal shower for my friend Katie

Went for another hike with Josh to the mountains

Drove down to Geelong for a friend’s wedding and stayed at my nan’s house

Had a pub dinner and Jackbox night while down in Geelong with The Boys

A good friend of mine was leaving to live in Japan for two years, so I went to her house one last time to say goodbye and chill in her pool and just hang out

God why is it so hard to get a job?

December:

Omg we have made it to December. It truly is a miracle with how this year went tbh. And if you have read this far, thank you but also, how little of a life do you have?

Went to my friend Katie’s wedding. Sort of surreal to go to a wedding during a pandemic but it was fun and I got to see a lot of friends I hadn’t seen in a while

Enjoyed the hot weather and went to the beach a number of times with a variety of friends

Went Christmas shopping, and just shopping in general since it was safe to and shops had finally opened again

Got a job at a talent agency where you get gigs as a paid extra in TV shows and movies, which was pretty cool! I even had a professional photoshoot to get headshots done, something that I had never done before. Glad that I could get some pictures to use on LinkedIn though haha. Still haven’t been cast in anything but here’s hoping.

Had dinner and drinks with Josh, Bec and Trev in the city for the first time since it reopened. God I love Melbourne so much. It is just so magical on balmy summer nights. This was such a special evening, and was so good just to be in the city again

Had a lovely day with Dani, starting with breakfast and then going on a hike before the weather got too hot. We went to Sherbrooke Forest, a place I hadn’t been before, and it was incredibly beautiful

Had a number of job interviews this month too, none of which got back to me which was annoying :/

Now it was heading into the time where every weekend is packed with Christmas do’s so I’ll just collate them in this point. Lots of drinks were consumed and many delicious roast dinners

Had our annual Christmas Carol’s service at church. It was a blessing to be back in the building for the first time since March, and to be able to do something I love (singing) with some of my best friends was the best

Christmas eve I went to my grandma and grandpa’s house (on dad’s side) to help them set up for Christmas lunch. Spending time together just the three of us is so special, and I am so glad I was able to come over and just chat and be in their loving presence. Then that night I went to our 11pm church service to bring in Christmas day. It was a great service and was great to see our kick-ass minister give a sermon face-to-face.

Ok here we go, Christmas was a doozy, let’s go. So Christmas lunch was, as I said, with my dad’s side of the family, which is always a great time. Cracking open crackers and fighting over who’ll get the bottle opener or nail clippers is always a highlight haha. But we had the fucking best roast potatoes I swear. I need to know what my grandma puts into them because I could genuinely eat 20 of them and still have space. Then the rest of the afternoon was spent in a food coma until I went to Josh’s house to spend dinner with his family. Another delicious meal and great banter was what I needed, although I can safely say that I put on at least 5 additional kilos after that day.

The next day the fam and I headed to Geelong to see my mum’s side of the family. Was a great drive down and I listened to all of The Avalanches new album which had just released. Easily the greatest album of the yeah hands-down. So we spent lunch there and absolutely stuffed ourselves with more food. Three Christmas meals really took a toll on me, but I am just blessed as it is to have a loving family and food on the table.

The next day dad, Josh and I headed to the beach to spend that weird time between Christmas and New Year’s. To get there we took the ferry that goes from Queenscliff to Portsea, which is always a fun time, since we don’t often go from one side of the bay to the other (if you don’t know the geography of Victoria I apologise lmao). Mum didn’t come with us as she had some symptoms of Covid, so went home to isolate and get tested. Thankfully she tested negative and she joined us the next day.

Once I got back home I had to prepare the house for my friend Jono who was visiting for new years from SA. Many last-minute chores and cleaning was done haha.

New Years Eve! Went to pick up Jono and my other friend Sarah from the airport and dropped Sarah off at her accommodation and ended up staying there with Jono for a while as this was where the New Year’s party was going to be. Although, in true Victorian fashion, our premier announced that there was going to be a limit of 15 visitors at any house from 5pm that night. Excellent. We love a last-minute change of plans. So we had lunch and spent the afternoon at my friend’s house before heading to a local park to chuck the frisbee and kick the footy around. We also had our second annual NYE trivia competition, which my team lost by 1 point!! Dang I get so competitive, but we will win next year, I can feel it. The new year came through uneventfully, we were in the middle of a game of Scattergories or something like that when someone changed the channel on the TV to see the Sydney fireworks across the screen and like, 4 second left of the countdown. I gave Josh a bog ol’ smooch and gave my friends a big hug. We had done it. 2020 was defeated.

Conclusion (damn this really be an essay tho)

This year was undeniably the hardest year I had ever been through. Going through unemployment for the majority of the year and having no sense of purpose hit me hard but I am entering 2021 with the hope and willingness to get on track with my career. And I think I will be successful. A lot of truly awful things happened around the world this year as well, with the devastating bushfires at the start of the year, the powerful BLM protests, Coronavirus absolutely destroying lives and many, many other global events but through it all, here we are. I hope you all keep well this year and that your 2021 is infinitely better than your 2020.

Song of the Year: Tangerine – Glass Animals

Album of the Year: We Will Always Love You – The Avalanches (I CANNOT stress this enough, but you absolutely must listen to this album!)

TV Show of the Year: The Mandalorian - Season 2

Movie of the Year: Bombshell (the only movie I saw at the cinemas so didn’t have much to go with)

Memory of the Year: Going away with my family and just enjoying time away with each other

Thank you for reading this, if you’ve made it this far, you’re a real one <3

[iaintyourbro]

What I consider a bad writing when it comes to the devs is Aerith fell in love with Cloud??? What did she fell in love with in a short period of time exactly!! Cloud wasn't himself ?? And he wasn't in a position to play at romance with her .Like just because Cloud is the protagonist she fell for him ?? I just don't get it she loved Zack deeply and a guy who she knows nothing about in just a short time she fell for him 🙄 like wow this is what a call a bad writing THIS and the LTD ugh

Hey Anon.

I don’t think it was bad writing on the devs part. Also a lot of things that show up online are players saying it, not the devs. The Aerith not loving Zack and loving Cloud thing is one of those things that gets spread around the internet. There are non-canon sources that are used for a lot of these things too. 

I think they purposely made things vague. I don’t think Aerith fell madly in love with Cloud, either, but I think she developed feelings for him initially because he reminded her of Zack and then as they journeyed she realized he wasn’t “him” and wanted to get to know him since she started to like him. Love is a word thrown around that I think is too strong here. Interest, attraction, infatuation may be more appropriate. 

And in Aerith’s case, she was in denial about Zack. So that’s why she acts like she does in the OG park scene. Like oh well, it wasn’t serious, haha I totally don’t miss him and worry he may have died or something. It’s easier to think he ran off with another woman than he’s dead. Which is permanent.. And then it’s option to find out later that she actually was in love with him. They just get that out right away in Remake and it’s not optional to find out.

In game, Aerith never comes out and says she’s in love with Cloud. She says she wants to get to know the real him (in a vague way). There are other post-game materials that make it seem like she loved Cloud, but I believe when she’s thinking of it, Zack actually materializes and she realizes that she actually does love Zack, and her thought of loving Cloud was because he was acting like Zack. Most of the lines and things she does during Chapter 8 are call backs to Crisis Core and things Zack said. She’s messing with him - and it’s hilarious at times. 

The whole love triangle was there to push the illusion aspect of the first part of the game where Cloud is assuming a false persona. They wanted the player to also get attached to Aerith, so they tried to get this to work. Personally I never saw a romantic connection between Cloud and Aerith, but I know many did, so that’s fine. It doesn’t really change the story much either way, since it ends the same either way.

It wasn’t meant to be obvious - they wanted the player to think about it. Okay, so we have a guy who we find out isn’t himself, they want you to think back about everything that happened before he gets his true self back and wonder what implications that has. How do people deal with death? Also the fact that death is permanent. You can’t revive people (like really dead people, not KO’d people). 

Except most of the people who played FFVII when it first came out were young teens... who had no real good concept of life in general (though we all thought we did, because that’s what 13 year olds do). So we got stuck on certain concepts and assumed we were still supposed to make the choices.

You notice that there’s a lot of player choice early on while Cloud isn’t really Cloud. Then it stops when he’s back. Part of the illusion - you are SOLDIER Cloud. You are the one making decisions for him. Once you go through the Lifestream (and even before that, really) that’s done. You no longer can make choices for him that are story impacting. Choices on who to bring in battle don’t count for this... So who goes where in the final dungeon isn’t Cloud choosing who he’s in love with.

Cloud tells us who he’s in love with. If you think about it, the writing is actually genius, especially if it works that you think you love Aerith. They completely shatters the illusion on you and it starts in the Northern Crater before Cloud gives Sephiroth the Black Materia. 

And you start going down the WTF IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW! path. I know I did. Not because of romance, but because you’re playing as a guy who you think is just a little goofy and has weird flashbacks, but he’s the protagonist so cool, but then they’re like “Yeah, he’s not really him btw, oh and he’s gonna cause Meteor to be summoned.” 

THE MAIN CHARACTER! THE HERO! THE PROTAGONIST! is the one being controlled to help ruin the world. 

Then you think he’s dead. And you’re left in a daze, much like Tifa is when she first wakes up. You find out more about what happened when Tifa ran in to him in Sector 7 at first. You find out she has a hard time dealing with confrontation and dealing with how to handle many situations. She wakes up after a few days and you’re faced with execution and you’re still like W T F IS GOING ON!?

THEN the Lifestream happens. It’s a wild ride. You’re like okay, so he is actually in love with the girl he made the promise to. If you’re not familiar with the childhood friend romance trope (I wasn’t), then this may or may not surprise you.

I think the best reveal in the game is when you find out Cloud was the Shinra grunt that was with you during the flashback. That blew my mind the first time and I think I went back in to my daze of WTF IS GOING ON again. I still get chills when he takes his helmet off and the Main Theme plays. Ugh. So good. 

So I think it’s genius. However, I think the audience was too young and not used to this type of story where they make you believe it’s up to you, but TWIST it’s not. They never get over the first part. They miss the point of her death, they miss the point of the persona illusion shattering. And by not used to, I mainly speak for western audiences. 

I do think that things early on feel forced with trying to get you the like Aerith - but they don’t have much time. Also, many things are left out in these games, especially around this time. Xenogears suffered majorly for this in the second part of the game. They removed a lot of playable time and instead you read story. I enjoyed it - it really does make the story feel more filled out BUT it’s a video game, not a book, so a lot of people were mad about it.

They cut, change, and do things to get these games released on time or to fix ratings problems. The localization of FFVII was awful - it’s one of the big topic on how badly the game was translated and there are ones that directly helped to start the LTD. I don’t think that’s a thing anymore as much as it was back then. They took their time on FFVII Remake and it shows. They really fleshed things out for me, especially with Avalanche, Tifa and Aerith’s friendship, and how Cloud really is with Tifa - something that was very hard to convey in the OG since most of his stuff is shown through facial expressions and how he says things (voice acting). 

Like the above screenshot is probably what made most people start going down the Horny Jail - Cloti Wing path. That scene was intense. They would have never been able to get that across in OG. 

Unless they had a text box pop up that said “Cloud and Tifa roll off the train together and look at each other longingly for a moment and you totally could show this picture to somebody who’s never played this game and they’d think they about to get down.”