#i'm off school now so theoretically i should have more time but i still have to work and i wanna WRITE over break too so

[yangjeongin]

Hi! Maybe you can finish Back door series till New year? 👉👈 Sorry and thank you ❣️

Annoying Back door anon

hello back door anon 🫶 i'm ngl i forgot about this series LJKSDLFJSJDG with how busy i got, i totally will not be able to finish it before the end of the year but i will continue it over time!! i intend to finish it eventually but it's just kinda a "when the inspiration strikes/i need something to gif" series for me. i'm sure i can make at least one set for you before the end of the year tho <3

[lazaruspiss]

Begging for jaydick headcanons because I'm also a Jaydick hoe 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

where do i begin. horny? horny probably.

Dick bottoms like 90% of the time but as far as any dom/sub things go those two are the switches to end all switches. both need to be told they're a Good Boy while getting the soul fucked out of em and both need to dote on the other and remind them how much they like (love) them.

i think they'd also both have a bit of a sadistic streak, but Dick is the only masochistic one. i don't think Jason would be too big on being roughed up in a sexual context, i just can't picture it. no physical roughness, no particularly intense degradation, but that just means Dick has to get creative lol. though on the subject Dick also wouldn't /like/ feeding his own sadism.

i have a fair few sadist Dick thoughts based of off the times in canon where he hurts someone, recognizes that he enjoys it, and express at least some level of disapproval towards himself for feeling that way. no one really talks about how Dick does seem to, yknow, like fighting. not bc he's some angry violent asshole or bc it's violence for the greater good, but just bc it scratches the ever persistent adrenaline need in his brain.

hmmmm. Dick getting fed up with Jason being too thoughtful. we're gonna tread a tiny bit into projection territory but stick with me. when someone spends too much time being used by people or constantly shaping themselves around what others want it can kinda fuck up their head. when someone approaches without wanting that, without wanting them to shape themself around what they want, it can be a shock. Jason so aggressively wants Dick to be independent and true to himself that it's something they fight over, bc Dick's entire life has revolved around serving others and Jason can't just uproot all that by telling him his entire life is a lie and that he should reevaluate everything about himself and everyone around him. ok yeah im having flashbacks to the jaydick thing i wrote forever ago. (x)

they can both cook and take turns planning meals, with one making sure to call/message the other if they get busy with something so that they can adjust their plans around whatevers happening. i can also see cooking being a bit personal and intimate to them. Jason sticks to eating shitty fast food most of the time and never really cared about proper meals when he was on his own, but now he has someone to come home to. someone to eat with. he cares a lot about cooking well because he wants to show without words just how much it means to him to have Dick around. Dick has been shown to cook for people when they come over, so i think it'd just feel like basic courtesy to him. some sort of standard politeness to feed and welcome his guests if he can. he wears himself thin a lot of the time and doesn't tend to make an effort to cook when it's just him, but when he does cook he enjoys it. repetitive motions, straightforward instructions, relaxing sounds and smells, cooking is fun. seeing Jason gorge himself is also very heartwarming, and more filling than any meal.

theyd have a mutual agreement to, /if/ they have kids, raise them non-religious. between Jason "possibly catholic but also died and so it's complicated" Todd and Dick "my religion is Batman" Grayson, they really don't wanna pass on any of that to any theoretical kids.

on the subject of child rearing still: i think Dick would be against sending them to any kind of private school. he had a very not good time there and thinks that if theres gonna be a chance for their kid to be picked on either way than he'd rather not waste the money. if anything he thinks private school would be worse, because all those shitty rich kids know each other and each others parents and he'd really prefer his kid not being beat up and called slurs bc of who their parents are. he'd rather homeschool if their schedules allowed it but he recognizes that would be too impractical. Jason would have more mixed feelings, bc there can be a bit of an advantage in the long run from having gone to a reputable and recognizable school, but he also isn't sure it's worth having an argument about when chances are the kids gonna learn all the important stuff from them anyways. there is a very tense conversation to be had before enrolling their baby in kindergarten.

they have a few too many conversations about theoretically having kids for guys who don't have the guts to just go for it. waiting for an orphan to drop in their laps like theyre fuckin batman. idiots.

they're a bit worried about the Titans' reaction but the worst that happens is Wally giving an exaggerated sigh as he gives Donna her well earned 50 bucks. everyone saw it coming, and you two are hopeless. Wally is excited to be Dick's best man for realsies this time, and Jason is on the receiving end of a few too many shovel talks. by the time Roy gets to him it's turned into

Roy: yeah i dont need to say it do i. blah blah hurt him and ill kill you and all that. congrats on the boyfriend.

Jason: oh cmon, i thought you would at least have some faith in me.

Roy: bros before hoes, sorry man.

Jason: ... excuse me?

Gar's version of a shovel talk is just turning into a grizzly bear and doing the "ive got my eyes on you" gesture. anyways Bruce is invited to the wedding on the condition that his assigned seat is next to the Riddler and he has to pretend that Brucie has gotten real into riddles lately. he has to laugh at Eddie's jokes under the threat of never being allowed to contact Dick or Jason again. Jason suggested it bc he thought it would be funny, Dick rolled his eyes but agreed bc it means Bruce can't corner him to berate him about his life choices.

[princess-of-the-corner]

Oh, what if Fuyumi's scar thing happens while she's at school? Like, it’s a total accident, but it’s pretty bad, & they have to either call somebody, or drive her over to the hospital, & then we have "The Incident", after which Enji shows to pick Fuyumi up, & goes "I'm sorry, WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY DAUGHTER!?"

I think I'm sticking with the kitchen incident if only because the image of Enji pulling up to see an ambulance in front of the house and freaking out is fantastic.

This actually makes me swing to the kids' schooling because like.

Canon implies that they're not in regular school and I do kinda roll with that. Like they're in online classes or something.

I'm gonna go into this in the next chapter of Road to Hell actually but I'll talk on it here a bit!

So like. Toya and Fuyumi do go to school for a little bit. This is mostly when they're kindergarten age, because Rei can't watch both them /and/ take care of Natsuo because newborns are a full time job.

By the time Shoto is born, Toya and Fuyumi are old enough to be left to their own devices to an extent. Though Natuso still needs watched, Toya and Fuyumi are old enough to be able to watch him and/or Shoto for a few minutes while Rei gets something done.

(Theoretically at least. Rei's mental health starts it's decline here so she's leaning on them a bit more than she should. Thankfully this is just the beginning so the kids don't get real neglected but it's still a problem).

Now this isn't /why/ Toya and Fuyumi got taken out of public school, but it is part of the justification to do so.

I need to hammer out all of the reasons because it's kind of a combination to me? Like, Toya is the kind of kid who would def get bullied and Enji is already so worried about the kid with his Quirk being Like That™ and the stubbornness where he keeps pushing to be trained so yeah he wants the kid to be safe where he can control. Fuyumi def has an incident of like, freezing a boy who was pulling her pigtails and the school staff is all 'oh come on he's teasing you because he likes you the freeze is an overreaction!' and he does not like a school like that.

And it's a handful of other little things especially when he's decided his original 'best' school option wasn't good enough. But hey online classes exist and there's good research into it. Yeah it's less social than a classroom but it does let them focus on schoolwork which is the important part. They can get socialization elsewhere they're not like. Locked in the house they can go to the park down the road if they want to make friends and if they want to sign up for some hobby like dance or a sport then sure yeet them in. (Shoto's probably the one the most isolated because of the Hero Training starting right off the bat. But even then if he has an interest that can be worked around in the little free time he has between school and Enji getting home from work. Or even a combo like ice skating where it can be utilized for Hero work so he counts it as a training day).

Anyway!

The kids stay in online school for elementary and middle school, but then we get to high school and well.

Toya wants to go to UA. He still wants to be a Hero but he has A Plan to get Enji to agree but he needs to be at UA for it to work. So he makes a point of it to point out how the Gen Ed course is still a very good education and would look good on any college applied to.

This does work because UA is a safer option. Enji knows the school well. He knows their values and policies. They'll keep the kid safe. They'll deal with any bullying or harassment that comes his way.

So he's fine with letting the kids go to UA. He does make a deal with Toya to try and stop the whole 'wanting to be a Hero' thing. But he does offer it when Fuyumi and Natsuo get old enough. Obvs Shoto goes and /technically/ it's an offered choice because you don't have to go to a Hero School to be a Hero and Enji's training routines are enough that Shoto should be able to pass the licensing exams (unless some nonsense happens like it does in Canon). But he thinks UA would be good for Shoto as a Hero because learning different techniques from different people is a good thing.

Fuyumi and Natsuo both obviously go to college which is. Fun. They choose that themselves for the most part because ya know they're adults now it's their responsibility. Though the "fun" part is that Enji is paying for both of them but because of Natsuo's previous experience with both Enji's mistakes but especially the PR team the kid keeps expecting the funding to get yoinked out from under him.

[justatalkingface]

The 'Great' MHA Read Along, Part Two (Chapters 5-7): The Aizawa-ing.

*checks last post, gets more than one like*

*blinks*

Huh. Well. OK then. Let's do another one, I guess.

And, literally the first panel? Bakugou. Wow, Bakugou is so great, so strong...

Bakugou scored zero rescue points. Zero. He was the only one, as far as we know, to get zero points and still pass... and that doesn't concern you at all? Considering most people didn't almost die like Izuku and Ochako, then the bar for 'rescue points' honestly must have been in the ground, like helping someone when they fell or something. And here, in UA, an elite school for Heroes, whose job is to save people, Bakugou scored zero rescue points. Like, I don't expect him to not get in over this, but it'd be nice if, instead of everyone fawning over him, from literally page one, someone could go, 'Hey, I don't like the looks of that'.

Then we transition to Izuku and All Might, and I guess that answers the question of, 'Why couldn't All Might help Izuku get in?': because he knew Izuku wouldn't want that.

I. I'm actually not sure of that? He wouldn't want attention, at least. But whatever, ultimately, the problem I have with that is All Might literally just dropped him in the exam with absolutely zero Quirk experience when, from all accounts, he could helped him get in somehow, Mr. Number One Hero, but....

Alright, bear with me a second. In theory, letting him earn his way is fine, but in practice, there's no fucking way Izuku should have passed if he didn't accidently crack the morality cheat for this exam, and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize this. At the same time, though, it's clear he doesn't deserve to be recommended student, yet, because again, he's a total noob, and I doubt he'd pass that exam, either, since it's just a giant race.

I think, ultimately, the problem here is Izuku is in a position where there's no reasonable way for him to pass, period. And I can't really blame anyone other than Hori, since, you know, author, and it goes back to what I said last time about he just set up Izuku to struggle for struggling's sake. And the thing is, he could still have had a hard time at at exam, but not have been so damn helpless about it; I mean, in all honesty the only reason Uraraka survived (as far as we can tell those robots are not safety proofed) is that he just so happened to have his Baby's First Quirk moment at that very moment, and since his Quirk is on the level of a fucking god he accidentallyed a robot that could step on a fucking Gundam. If it wasn't for protagonist level plot armor, in other words, Ochako should be dead, which... is a realization. Izuku has no way to fight the robots, or win the race, other then exploding himself, and this setup, for someone who is theoretically supported by the most powerful and influential man in the country, who is literally on the staff, doesn't really make sense. It'd be one thing if was literally nobody, but he's not: he's All Might's apprentice and heir. He is the exact opposite of nobody, but the story never really treats his situation like that; it be easy enough for them to swing it as him being Heroic royalty if All Might and Izuku were more pretentious (you could debate about the destabilizing effect of that, but all things considered All Might retiring and/or having an heir before everything went to shit actually could have been helpful, even if it made Izuku's life infinitely more complicated).

I just don't like that whole situation, basiclly, both with Izuku's capabilities and how hands off All Might suddenly is when he was helping him train daily literally to the actual day of the exam.

And then All Might admits he saw the problem of Izuku's control coming and did... nothing about that. Is. Is the reason All Might is inside OFA because it took his entire personality on the way out? A few chapters ago he was worried about Izuku exercising too hard, and now he's all, 'It's fine', with this apocalyptically powerful Quirk? And, now that it's established that there is a problem with his control, why isn't he trying to help with that problem? Like... at all?

See, this is what I was talking about last time: Arc One All Might is this committed, focused trainer who is expertly pushing Izuku's body just a hair from his absolutely limits on the daily and devotes large portions of his time to helping him improve. Arc Two All Might is just letting him blow up his arms for no apparent reason, while barely ever having time for the child with the legacy of his teacher and like, the primeval spirit of heroics inside him.

And, to top it off, there's the knowledge that he's never going to recover from this change; it only get worse from this point on.

Good bye, Competent Might. I'll miss you.

...And, here's Bakugou. And, with peerless Bakugou Logic (TM), even though he's in the best heroic school period, he's still treating his classmates as extras. Literally.

Pause here; random tangent time.

You know, early Bakugou's story has the shape of a 'big fish in a little pond' story, but have you realized his Quirk is perfect for that as well?

So, the thing is Explosion is a good Quirk, but it's just that: good. It's better than... seventy, eighty percent of Quirks we see, than most of his classmates. Then there's presumably another ten percent of equal Quirks, somewhere....

And then that last ten percent make Explosion look like kid shit. It's hard to remember with how chronically underused it is, but Momo's Quirk is terrifying with some work. I would bet that there's a chemical that neutralizes nitro she could pull out, which would neatly defang Bakugou, for example. Or, a blast of water, to get rid of his sweat, so there's nothing for him to blow up. Or, his actual, canon weakness, cold; fire extinguishers, anyone?

And that's not even mentioning Shoto. And this isn't later story Shoto, who is a side character in his own story, oh no, this is Earlyroki, who can solo the entire class with minimal effort on his part (except Izuku, but that's the starting point of their relationship, Shoto acknowledge him as a potential threat). This is Shoto before the nerfs rolled in.

The set up for the 'small pond' shit is honestly perfect, but Hori just never commits to it. Worse yet, to get around the limits he put in on Bakugou's Quirk, he just... starts breaking his own rules, all the way back with the Sports Festival (coming... at some point!), and it's super disappointing when you realize how great this could have been for realigning Bakugou's ego.

...Alright. Got off track there. Let's stop talking about Bakugou, and start talking about Iida! Iida who apologizes, and acknowledges Izuku! Iida who calls out Bakugou on his shit! Far more wholesome.

And then Uraraka shows up, and I'm pretty sure this is the end of his, 'OMG a girl I literally can't talk' phase, but again, nice to see someone acknowledge Izuku's existence and not hate him...

Ah, Bakugou flashback. I don't hate this, for once, because while it's Bakugou's flashback, it's about Izuku, and his growth, and him standing up for himself, even a little bit. Self affirmation is always nice to see...

And there's a homeless man who broke in! How talented. Wait, that's not a homeless man, that's just an adult who doesn't give a shit about personal hygiene!

(If you're new here, welcome to my blog. As you may have realized, I am not an Aizawa stan.)

(And yes, Bakugou, you tell that ball to die. How dare it be round!)

Welcome, everyone to Eraserhead Land, a world where you don't need to know things like where the consoler is, because mental health for law enforcement personal armed with dangerous superpowers is for losers! Welcome ceremony? Feeling accomplishment about getting into a top school? Possibly learning important things when everyone is gathered in one place? Naaah. If you're not stressed, miserable, and on edge, you're not doing it right!

To those unfamiliar with my posts, you may think I'm joking. I'm not.

Literally, the whole, 'Last place gets expelled bit'? Is because the kids were excited. All Might confirms that, yes, Aizawa absolutely would have kicked someone out.

Dadzawa Fans: 'Ah yes, the "Aizawa Critical" theory. The idea that Dadzawa is false and that the man in question is in fact deeply flawed and acts in incredibly traumatizing and Quirkist ways that should have massive negative repercussions on everyone he has ever taught. We have dismissed this claim.'

Me, deadass watching Aizawa prepare to kick someone out of school because some kids were happy: *blinks in visible confusion*

...This is a man in deep need of therapy. Which probably explains his views on guidance counselors.

Oh, and then Izuku neatly sums up my problem with how his life goes, that can basiclly be applied at any given moment : "My (insert normal thing here) has turned into a huge ordeal!"

Anyways, time for a bunch of tests that, by design, Eraserhead could never pass. And of course, we can't go five minutes (or five seconds, sometimes), without yet another demonstration of how unreasonable Bakugou is, what with him blasting Izuku in the race, which is actual sabotage.

Aizawa... sees no problem with this, apparently. Give it a couple of years, and we'll see an enterprising class take that to its logical conclusion, and murder and/or maim one or more of their fellow classmates for the win!

And now we have a flashback where, surprisingly (? I'm not actually sure if that should be surprising at this point) All Might actually tried to advise Izuku... by basiclly telling him to dial it back, but otherwise to figure it out himself.

You.... You had this Quirk. This exact Quirk. Why is your advice so useless?

Then we have a single panel of the long jump where I half think Bakugou ended up sabotaging Izuku again; why are these kids doing all these at the same time, again?

And then it comes out: Aizawa had already singled out Izuku, even before class, for him passing the exam at all, which didn't 'make sense'.

(With how the exam was set up, Izuku could have passed with minimal stress on his part if he just helped people instead of trying to deal with the robots all. Unironically, I don't think you actually need to interact with the robots at all, in the exam about fighting the robots. This is, as far as I can tell, a valid strategy, and it's not Izuku's fault that it rewards people for helping, bloody fuck.)

I'd bet this entire thing was just because of Izuku, so he could bump him out with minimal justification on his part. He flat out says he doesn't like All Might (an 'insufferable' hero) and compares Izuku to him directly. Like, god this is so damn targeted, and we have All Might watching, internally monologuing about how Eraserhead hates him and he's helpless to protect Izuku...

...Some the fuck how. The Number One Hero is helpless to protect his heir from a clearly biased attempt to get rid of him, when the principal is in the know about important he is. And he seems remarkably fine with his student's seemingly impediment expulsion.

'I can't help him! I'm just going to stand here watching from behind a corner instead of making sure Nezu knows how ABSOLUTELY LIVID I'll be if he gets expelled, or preparing to leverage my immense fame and influence to help, or maybe threatening Eraserhead if he takes his dislike of me out on an innocent student! Nope, no way I can contribute here, oh well, sorry for being such a waste of space Izuku, you're on your own.'

...What the fuck is this? This doesn't make sense! I bought into the narrative of this the first time I read it but now that I've stopped to think about it for five seconds this entire arc is collapsing in on itself.

Why did you make Izuku's mentor the most powerful person on the planet, with the ability to command legions of devoted fans, who single handedly changed how an entire country looks at heroes, if you were going to make him so fucking helpless?!

And then, the cherry on top of all of this is Izuku 'grows' by only breaking his finger, and this fills Aizawa with apparent delight.

Bloody hell. Here, let me summarize my impression of Aizawa after reading this arc again:

"The longer Eraserhead is observed, the more terrible a teacher he becomes."

And now we reach the next chapter, where Bakugou promptly attacks Izuku for the crime of having a Quirk, and Aizawa stops him before... whining. About dry eye.

Mr. "I expel entire classes" yet again sees no problem with students fighting each other, apparently, which is more evidence for my Bloody Mist style Class 1-A theory; we already have discount Kakashi, whose entire character is basiclly badly copied copy ninja characterization, so we might as well get young!Zabuza or something as well.

Oh, I almost forgot Aizawa's first lesson to his students: you can never trust anything I say, ever, because I can, and will, lie to you, for no reason at all, at any moment at all, even when what you think are real-life consequences are on the line, and if you fall for it that's your mistake for falling for a 'logical ruse'.

Talk about a trust building exercise, huh? Clearly, this is Best Father Figure.

Meanwhile, can I mention how nonsensical All Might teaching when he has a time limit is? Why the hell is he wasting his waning moments of power, which could be used for so many more important things than standing there while the students gawk at him? Teach as Skele-Might, or watch the security cameras or something.

...Huh. My translation doesn't have 'Dekiru' in it, even though we had Ochaka accidently call Izuku Deku. Was that later or did whoever did this just not put it in...?

Welp. This was immensely frustrating. Good thing the next arc isn't going to have anything at all concerning, SOD breaking, or horrible in it, right?

[phoenixyfriend]

I think one of the things that makes it possibly not... super clear why I'm so anxious about finding a job that pays enough. So uh. Here's the thing.

"In December 2022, 51% of people who earn more than $100,000 reported living paycheck to paycheck. [...] After taxes and adjusted for cost of living, $100,000 amounts to just $35,791 in New York, New York." - Time Magazine

Now... a lot of these people probably have dependents. Some are probably paying off student debt. Some may have medical debt. There are lot of reasons for a person to be living paycheck to paycheck.

But to pay off a most basic apartment in an outer borough, utilities, insurance, transportation, all taxes, and food, a touch of medical or dental, basic hygiene needs, the occasional treat? I need a 70k salary.

I could sell my car, in theory; the transit infrastructure is good enough, if I find a place near a subway station, even if I cannot do anything without it where I am now. I could get a roommate in a 2b instead of going solo in a 1b. I could live in the spare room of my parents' friends, even though I know from a friend that it's suboptimal. There are ways to make this work, obviously. There are people who make this work, millions of people in NYC who have been doing this for generations, and I am willing to compromise the way so many people do, sure, but...

Well, I'm bad at people. Getting a romantic partner isn't in the cards, really, and finding a roommate online is theoretically possible but fills me with anxiety to think about. It sucks that the rent is such that I have to. That health insurance is such that I have to. That I can't reasonably think about grad school until I've stockpiled some savings up again, just in case there's an emergency, because of the aforementioned health insurance situation.

People do it, sure, but there is not a single county in the entire United State where the minimum wage is enough for a single adult to live alone in an apartment. That's not really okay. Why should so many of us have to give up the most basic and affordable of luxuries because the economy favors those who came from wealth?

NYC might have a higher minimum wage than most, but a $15/hr minimum wage still doesn't mean much when the living wage is $25/hr for a single adult with no dependents.

(Did you know, the advice used to be that your rent should be no more than 20% of your income?)

IDK where I'm going with this. It's not a situation with an easy answer, and I'm not in a place to change anything directly. All I can do is keep looking for a job that pays me enough to survive, find someone I don't think is going to be a horrible roommate... or look into doing Chicago instead of NYC, I guess.

I just know that I can't stay in the suburbs forever. This place is killing me.

[sinkableruby]

compiling a list of issues with monogatari light novels (spoilers)

ougi is in the school (worst offender)

araragi is a cop (also bad)

hitagi is a capitalist (not great)

tsubasa is no nations anti war jesus (lol?)

araragi is still the protagonist even though his arc has been done for like a while now and he doesnt really have any more interesting stories to tell except theoretically the future ones*

*the future stories have a lot of problems. the thing with shinobu in ikusa is a little weird and doesn't seem to match up with their established dynamic?

also musubi spends times establishing new characters and doesn't make them recurring. maybe we will see more of them later but its weird to introduce people that we don't have much investment in and then just drop them when you could make the whole story about the futures of the characters we know or most of it

OUGI IS IN THE SCHOOL (THIS IS STILL NOT OKAY)

(I'M STILL NOT OKAY WITH IT)

(NOT JUST BECAUSE I LOVE OUGI AND AM VERY BIASED BUT BECAUSE IT IS ALSO, IF YOU ANALYZE IT, PRETTY MUCH OBJECTIVELY WEIRD! NISIOISIN FORGOT HE WROTE OUGI DARK)

probably nadeko should become a new protagonist or at least it should be more of a thing where there are multiple protagonists and all their stories get explored. this way we see each character from their own POV instead of araragi's and they get to develop on their own terms. more interesting stories can be explored this way instead of done-to-death kind of boring ones and everyone can be happy because their blorbos get content

ononoki yotsugi has been done dirty

ougi is still in the fucking school? why? why? why? why did he have him make that choice in ougimonogatari. and more to the point, why does the narrative think it's okay to relegate someone who by all means should be free and having a life to eternal work in a school question mark? this seems completely at odds with the message from ougi dark, which again, nisioisin forgot

it's not even that ougi doesn't want to have a life! we know this because she is jealous of tsukihi for being good at living. she's just kind of bad at it. but they still want to live. that was a pretty important thing. and pretty significant for their character. so why are they in a school forever as though they still need people to affirm their identity/need to be tied to the school? being literally stuck in a school is not "living." why does the narrative think this is okay ? question mark?

oh yeah also why are we not seeing kanbaru and ougi finish kanbaru's whole arc thing going there? why are we pushing aside conclusions of stories like nadeko's and kanbaru's for uninteresting stories of new characters who generally aren't very compelling instead? it's just not an interesting direction to take the series, and it's already gotten stale. nisioisin could have tried something new like he seemed like he was going to do with oroka, but he just dug his feet in even further to araragi because he can't let go of the stinky man. not swag horrendous crinkly vibes.

in short: NISIOISIN fell off

[kuwdora]

Snippet Sunday tagged by @witch-and-her-witcher at some point. I have like 30 WIPs but I'm only allowing myself to work on 5 WIPs this month so I can finish stuff. Theoretically. This is a post-book/game canon Ciri thing that is ultimately inspired by @andordean's Blood Ties because that story is still eating my brain. Nevermind I've never managed to finish my other Ciri fic and I've never written Regis before... but hey, there's a first time for everything. Right?

“Are there any memories in particular that have disturbed you of late?” Regis asks. Ciri shrugs and swirls the remaining wine in her cup. She refills it and nudges the folio towards him. “What’s this?” he asks, carefully pulling the folio into his lap but not opening it. “Memories. Or the promise of them, at least,” Ciri says. “Oh?” Regis asks and turns the folio over. Deliberately not opening it. Ciri props her chin on her shoulder and stares at him, wishing she was a little more drunk, but maybe that was just the grief talking. Regis looks up and meets her gaze, politely looking past her thoughts in that vampire way he could do without reading them. He wouldn’t let himself read her mind. Not unless she asked. She should ask. It would be easier than pirouetting around the pain. But whatever titles she now held, she was still Ciri of Vengerberg who always took action, whether it was wrong or right. She was the daughter of Geralt of Rivia, and a witcheress from the School of the Wolf. She understood how to use her accumulated knowledge to assess a situation and attack. It would be better if she got this feeling off her chest herself.

[the-missann]

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Next up is

Jax Barmen!

He's a super cute cutie and aside from his role in the story being related to the researcher who initially discovered 4th Dimensional beings (no, that's not a big deal in the story). Jax serves as the groups researcher.

He's extremely intelligent and enjoys theoretical research. Being a senior in high school, he has plans to go off to college and become a theoretical scientist.

Jax is also the pretty/popular boy of the school. Everyone loves him because he's personable and friendly. Jax is my sweet boy who tries his best to make sure the girls and women around him are taken care of and comfortable, and anyone else is met with nothing but kindness. I don't even think it's possible for him to even have bad thoughts.

Jax is also kind of the dad of the group being able to settle everyone down when they're feeling stressed or anxious about something. Outside of that, Jax often is the reasonable one of the group being able to make rational decisions and account for what they should or shouldn't be doing.

I actually just made this drawing randomly and it's not based on the excerpt. Here, Jax and Cassie are essentially having a sleep over where Jax is going to teach her something she's interested in. They're so cute too, they're suppose to he wearing matching PJs ☺

Also, his hair is different because I'm very bad at drawing 😄

Here's a snipit of him!

It was now silent in the car, Jax got to a stop light and spoke to the pair.

“You guys are arguing about this? Have either of you thought about the actual situation?”

Larson looked at Jax. “You must want to die.” Larson threatened. “I am thinking about the situation.”

“No, you’re only thinking about disagreeing with Cassie because you believe she’s wasting our time. You have yet to say any kind of idea you have.”

Larson looked off and let out an audible sigh.

Cassie smiled. “Yeah, at least I’m trying to come up with something!”

Jax looked back at Cassie. “And you are deciding things without concern about consequence.”

Cassie shrunk under his voice. “But I-”

“I know, Cassie, you think this will be good. So I have to ask you, why is it good?”

Cassie sat back. “Because… we’ll get to have allies if we help them?”

“That’s a good reason, but here you miss a major point—we could also find out more about rifts. If they know things we don’t then it’ll only benefit us, but at what cost?”

Cassie was going to say something, but remained quiet.

So Jax continued. “We don’t know if they’re stronger than you guys and they very well might be. So maybe next time just say you have a good idea and we can go from there…” Cassie pressed her lips together. “And Lars, maybe don’t doubt Cassie for every little thing she does. Have some faith in her gut choices and listen to her suggestions, but I agree with your concern. This might be a huge waste of time, but I believe we’ll get something out of it and that’s worth the risk.”

The silence continued after he finished talking. The frustrated pair sat with his words without a single retort. Eventually, when the light turned green, Jax started to drive again.

Larson let out a sigh and spoke. “Besides sounding like a parent who’s scolding his children, you…have a point,” Larson began, “but what are we even going to get from this?”

“As I said, we may be able to learn more about rifts. As well as other species that might exist within them.” Jax stated calmly.

Larson sighed. “Fine, we’ll consider taking this guy down…”

“Alright, we’ll go from there.” With that Jax ended the conversation...

Next post

Fun fact: his design still isn't what I want, but it's close enough that I'm willing to settle for this. Jax also does his own hair and at one point, I added a scene where Cassie doesn't know how to give herself cornrows and Jax helps her 😊

[lizhly-writes]

i guess we never really talked about og clw who was the most passive depressing mess (worse than yhr) as a protagonist on tumblr, huh? maybe that one snippet where he met transmigrator clw...? it's so funny to me that he got excluded from the grand meta of yhr-as-best-guy lol. tho maybe he was just internally folded into the "yhr is depressed" universe. you know what we've never done, iirc? og clw and clh as siblings growing up together. lmao

yeah "original protagonist" clw never really made it onto tumblr. the weird crossover event happened, but the context behind it was never there.

well, have something.

Chen Liwei vaguely remembered having emotions. Relatively speaking, that hadn't been so long ago. That had been back when he was a teenager, and right now, he was only in his twenties. Theoretically, he had his whole life ahead of him. How long was that going to be? Another five years? Ten? Twenty?

Imagine that. Years upon years of the same routine. Wake up, get dressed, go to work. He would have his face and body examined and touched; he would attract the attention of some man who would pay money or time for him; he would be harassed or assaulted. There were variations, but every day boiled down to this.

It occurred to him that he should be bothered by this. In actuality, it didn't make him feel much of anything.

Chen Liwei didn't feel much of anything at all, these days.

Philosophically speaking, there was no real difference from what he was doing now and dying on the spot. If every day was fundamentally the same as the next, then he had already lived out the extent of what he was due on earth. It wasn't as if there was much of a point of waking up in the morning.

He supposed, more practically speaking, that his manager would be out an employee. Sooner than later, yes, but that was always going to happen. Chen Liwei was a model, and models traded in beauty. Beauty only lasted so long. Boss was going to toss him out for a younger and prettier model, and then Chen Liwei would have nothing to do.

This wouldn't last long. There were plenty of men who would happily take control of him. Some of them had told Chen Liwei this to his face. Chen Liwei, having nothing better to do, would follow. This would continue until the day he died.

Chen Liwei wondered if that day would come soon.

I will go ahead and say that Chen Liwei's mental state does not degrade as far as the above text when he has a sister, because if it does, then who's left to take care of his sister? There are still... not great moments.

"Gege," Chen Lihua said. "Please eat something."

Toady, Chen Liwei had come home and had immediately fallen asleep. He slept a lot, these days. Chen Lihua hadn't noticed it, at first. Then, when she had, she brushed it off. Of course he would sleep. They were both always tired. Chen Lihua had given him shit about it, but not seriously. She'd just poked fun at him for going to sleep instead of studying.

At some point, it occurred to her that she couldn't remember the last time she saw him eat anything at all. He couldn't have time for it before school, with how late he woke up in the mornings, and that meant that he didn't pack anything to bring with him for lunch. A normal person would just buy food along the way, but... it was true that money was tight. If Chen Lihua herself had forgotten to pack lunch, then there was an almost 100% certainty she'd skip the meal; it wasn't as if one skipped meal would kill her.

One skipped meal.

If he wasn't getting breakfast, and he wasn't getting lunch, and he fell asleep before he could eat dinner, and if he then slept through the night --

"I'm tired," Chen Liwei mumbled. "I'll eat later."

"Will you, though?" Chen Lihua said, voice going high.

Chen Liwei looked up at her through sleep-blurred eyes. "I'll eat later," he repeated. "You should eat."

"You fucking hypocrite."

How could he say that? 'Go eat', as if he had any room to tell her that when he wasn't eating a single fucking bite? When it was his turn to cook, did he even eat a spoonful before he went off to sleep? What was he doing? What, was he trying to die?

Was he dying?

"Don't cry."

"I'm not crying."

[sobbingdistantnoises]

I am a little confused about the ask game buttttt 

i just found this and i can’t stop laughing

also do you have any weird stories you’d like to tell? 

HELPPHDJSJAKKA, THAT'S AMAZING, hdjsjaj. Don't you just hate when your subconuous mind makes you build shelves? </3

BUT WEIRD STORIES, hm.

OKAY I THOUGHT OF SOMETHING. Basically, context: I've had the same history teacher and class for two years, and said teacher has taught at the school for since it was built. Therefore he was there for its whole history

What's also to note is that my course was a 2 year course with both freshmen and sophomores, and we had about 60 kids in the classroom. Therefore we needed a BIG classroom. The school didn't initially have classrooms big enough, so what they ended up doing was knocking a wall down between two small classrooms to form a big history classroom. However, because there used to be a wall in the middle of the classroom, there still needed to be a pole for integral structural support or whatever. Thus, my classroom had a 1x1 foot pole towards the front of it

Now (time), the teachers have put stuff on it, like Caravaggio paintings, some student's drawing of a theoretical mid evil (<- can't figure out how to spell it) kingdom ensignia (<- I should really use words I can spell) for my teacher, and Raphael's School of Athens. However, what my teacher told us last year is that that wasn't ALWAYS the case. Because several years back, some girl put a picture of some celebrity on it, then someone else did the same, etc etc. Basically, for a few years, it became known as the pole of hotness

However, for some reason, the hot people went away, and no one has added anything else to it.....UNTIL NOW.

You see, this year, I liked and became friends with the 3 people that sat at my table. So we hatched a PLAN ("plan") somewhere in the middle of the year to go and put someone on the pole of hotness "one day". However, then exams happened and we cried and forgot to do this until the second to last Thursday of school. Then forgot to do it until Friday morning, which was the last day of the normal school schedule and our last chance to pull it off

We all basically frantically tried to think of hot people that would be more or less universally known. Through a combination of none of us knowing universally known hot people or not wanting to confess to finding someone attractive, we settled on. Wait for it. Dante Alighieri's hat.

This is Dante ^ He was a mid evil Italian who wrote a long poem about going to hell with his friend Virgil (dead Roman poet) who he may or may not have either fatherzoned or had a celebrity crush on. Not sure if I'm honest. But either way, I don't recall his hat ever being important

STILL I managed to get a fixation on this hat. Let's go through a list of what I have done

Wrote "Dante Alighieri's dumb hat" in response to the question of the day, "what is your pet peeve". My friend drew him underneath, and my teacher pointed it out to the whole class and called it "the most humanities student thing ever" the next day

Wrote 6 pages of crossover crack fanfiction between Dante, his hat (which I named Lauren after the fact that laurel leaves exist and John Laurens (I didn't watch Hamilton by this point but I think I read a few fanfics)), and Paul Revere based on the idea that Lauren could talk for an assignment

(Not hat specific but) wrote about wanting to time travel to the moment Dante finished writing the Divine Comedy in order to appear as a divine being and scare him on my FINAL EXAM ESSAY (the whole essay was slightly unhinged in general but shh)

Added Dante's hat to a slideshow my friend's friends made called "chest hair history" in which they put a lot of shirtless people and shared with the history teachers at the end of the year (MY FULL NAME IS ALSO ON THIS THING. ON THE FIRST SLIDE) (unrelated but this whole slideshow is so dumb, there's Elon Musk, Michelangelo's David, Bruce Dickinson (I LATER FOUND OUT MY TEACHER IS AN IRON MAIDEN FAN, dying), Steven Adler, and one of Genghis Khan's grandchildren, among others)

And now we have come to the point at which a fifth point will be added. But first, my friends and I frantically panicked as we realized that I was afraid to ask my art teacher (who is actually so nice, 10/10 teacher, I just fear things) to use the printer but was the only one with a period where I could effectively do whatever since it was the last days of school

So instead, I spent 40 minutes drawing, and then it was time to go to history, equipped with a colored pencil'd notebook paper drawing of his hat

Putting it on the pole was simultaneously both simpler and more difficult that we assumed (we had no plan). My teacher talked at the start of class, we realized we had no tape, we schemed (panicked) and didn't know what to do. My teacher finished went away to his farther away desk. We decided to go steal some tape from the teacher's table that was ~two meters away from us. (ALSO NOTE. WE WERE NOT SLY. WE SAT AT THE FRONT OF THE ROOM, AND DANTE'S HAT IS BRIGHT RED.)

Tape acquired, we all looked at each other in our seats not knowing when to get up nor who will get up to put the paper on the wall. So impulsively, I took the paper, walked a few meters over to an emptier side of the pole, STUCK IT ON THERE, speedwalked back to my seat. And then the paper fell and I had to tape it again not a full 15 seconds later whilst the teacher had actually TURNED SO THAT I THINK I WAS IN VIEW while I did the deed, hfjsjaka. (And there was also a group of guys sitting right in front of the pole who looked at the new addition so ???ly, FJSJAJA)

And that is. the story of how I indirectly called some old dead guy's hat hot and subtly announced this to my history classroom for hopefully years to come (we shall see whether it's still up next year). I will also now pray that no one irl finds this post (I think at least one of the three friends has tumblr so. Fear.)

[kiruamon]

Teacher-AU Part 10!

This time we dive right into the first story part.;)

"Did you have a good New Year's Eve?", the new year was only two weeks old when Oz once again found himself alone with Damien in the classroom, because the troublemaking prince of hell had gotten detention. At least this gave them a chance to continue their little game of question and answer. "Nice? Hah! It was much more than that! New Year's Eve was a blast! Absolutely rad!" it came enthusiastically from Damien. "And the best part is, I still have a few firecrackers left," the hobby arsonist announced with an ominous grin. Huh. Probably he should keep his eyes open a bit in the near future when Damien was around. "I'm sure you'll find a good use for them," Oz decided to answer in a relatively relaxed manner despite his hunch.

"You betcha!" New Year's Eve was simply awesome! Not only that it came so soon after Christmas, no, you were allowed to play with explosive stuff, make as much noise as you wanted, get drunk until morning and party until you drop! And all that without the cops getting on your nerves because of it! Gushingly Damien told his teacher about his nightly tour that evening. How much fun it had been to throw firecrackers into the occupied stalls of the public toilets, to fire rockets at carefree passers-by and to have the time of his life! And how he rounded it all off by throwing as many different fireworks on a huge pile as possible and then lighting it to see what would happen. Sure, he had scorched himself a bit during his experiment, but the result, the wildly whizzing and exploding fireworks, had been sooooo insane! Best New Year's Eve ever! The student still had to grin at the fond memory of the event. It was cool that Teach calmly listened to his stories instead of trying to give him a lecture for it, like most other lame adults. "Sounds like you had quite the time," his history teacher said instead when Damien finished. Damien's tail twitched in delight as he leaned back in his chair as casually as possible, merely nodding a little. "And you? What were you up to on New Year's Eve?" Had Teach gone out? He was a bit curious, to be honest.

"Nothing special. I spent the morning preparing dinner for the evening, some snacks and other things. Then I read for a while and picked out a few movies to pass the time until midnight. Oh, and I lit a few sparklers as the clock struck twelve, too." "That' s all?", Damien could hardly believe it. What was Teach? An old grandpa? "Nothing else? You've been sitting at home? All night? You weren't out? At a bar celebrating or something?", he hadn't actually taken his teacher for such an extreme stay-at-home type. How could someone not go out on New Year's Eve, of all nights? Or at least get drunk? Admittedly, it was a little hard for him to imagine Teach at a disco or some other very crowded place. But still!

Technically, that was already more than one question. But Oz left this fact uncommented for a change. After all, from the beginning this game was only meant to give them the chance to talk more freely with each other. Which, fortunately, had worked better over time than he had thought, as Oz realized again at this point. "Yes, that was all. I know it sounds terribly boring." "You don't say." Oz grinned a little at that remark. "Maybe I''ll manage to watch the fireworks in town next year." Merely wishful thinking. Oz knew that. But wasn't he still allowed to dream a little? Well, now it was his turn to ask another question. "Are there certain places I'd better avoid in the near future? In case a certain someone gets the idea to use his leftovers somewhere here in the school. Just speaking theoretically, of course." Damn. How he loved seeing that completely self-convinced grin on Damien's lips. "Might be better. Maybe you''ll get a hint from someone or something. Better take it seriously then." Damien was so cute when he pretended to be all secretive. "Hmm, I see. I guess I'd better follow your advice, then."

His turn again! But what should he ask Teach? Damien pondered when it was his move to ask a question. A mischievous grin crept across his lips. Oh, that was good! "Did you miss your number one favorite student over the holidays?" With a cheeky glint in his eye, he watched Teach's response with growing excitement. But his teacher obviously took the question with a bit of humor as he answered him with a cute smile: "Of course."

And more than you can imagine, Oz added silently in his head.

Oh boy! Damien hadn't seriously expected Teach to play along! But there he was, sitting in front of him, smiling brightly at him and telling him outright that he was his favorite student? Damien really struggled to not let show how… happy… that made him? … Was that feeling happiness? Argh! He couldn't put his finger on it! "Have you set any goals for this year?" Luckily, Teach changed the subject with his next question, so Damien could focus on something else rather than of these confusing feelings.

Oz held back a chuckle when he saw how baffled Damien reacted. He certainly wasn't going to let the other tease him that easily. Besides, it was kind of nice to be able to admit how much he liked him for once. Even if it happened in a roundabout way. And even if Damien would just think of it as a joke. However, his old friend quickly regained his composure. "You mean besides turning your class into an ocean of flames?" his current student countered with a challenging expression on his face and a perky smile. The entity couldn't help but smile in amusement at this. That was so typical of Damien.

Couldn't anything knock Teach off balance? With anyone else, such a reaction to a challenge or threat would have pissed him off, but not when it was his kind-hearted history teacher. "You just wait and see. You won't know what's coming at you till it's too late! I'll make sure of that." "I'm looking forward to it~" "Yes look forward to i- no! No, I don't want you to look forward to it!" Gaaaah! This guy was totally doing that on purpose! Damien's cheeks turned a little pink. Grumbling to himself he looked a little to the side. Dang it! Stupid dork! With his stupid smiling eyes! Looking all cheerful at him while Damien tried to threaten him!

He puffed softly without actually feeling so upset. It was whatever. Slowly calming down, Damien turned his head back to his conversation partner. "And what about you?" "With me? Hmm, I think I would like to be a little braver this year," Teach's answer came a little more hesitantly this time, which made him curious. "Brave? But you even took on a fucking brown bear last year!", how much braver did the guy intended to become? And why was his teacher looking at him in such surprise? Oh… Oh, fuck! Damien realizied his fault. Teach didn't even know he had witnessed that! "You know about it?", the white eyes slightly widened, he stared at Damien, who couldn't keep it a secret any longer now. "Eh. Accidentally passed by. Your fight… was pretty badass." Silence. Had Teach suddenly swallowed his tongue, or what? Did he even have one?

Why? Of all things, that was what Damien had to see? How he had wrestled with a wild bear? Was there, by any chance, a hole somewhere just his size that he could hide in? Like, for the next few months? "Oh… well… I don't know… I mean it just happened… ", Oz swallowed as his hands started nervously playing around with the fabric of his cloak, pulling it tighter around him.

"T-to tell you the truth… I'm… a little embarrassed a-about this whole bear thing," Teach stammered sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck with his left hand and avoiding eye contact all of a sudden. This was the first time Damien had seen his teacher acting like this. Just like the stuttering, which until now he had only known from the younger of the two brothers. It was almost funny to see such a big guy like Teach suddenly get all shy. The usually pitch-black cheeks of his teacher turned all white. White? Hadn't he seen that somewhere before? It took Damien a moment to remember. That's right! Wiz. When he cornered the little nerd! Wiz had turned white with… fear… right? Wasn't that the case? But why… was Teach also… ? Damien's head was working like crazy as he tried to understand what was going on here. His teacher was certainly not afraid. But what could this reaction mean? Could it be that… Damien could hardly believe it, but spoke it out anyway. Just to be sure. "Teach? Are you blushing?" unstoppable the question blurted out of his mouth. "W-what?" his teacher looked at him in shock. The hint of white on his cheeks spread even further and settled over the tips of his black ears! On top of that, Teach's silence lingered suspiciously long until the entity finally found his voice again. Fuck. He really was right about it, wasn't he?

Oz's hand moved to his cheek, which actually felt warmer than it normally did. Oh darn. This was really, really awkward now. And the worst possible time! And that Damien was staring at him so intensely the whole time didn't make it any easier for him! Oz blushing harder and harder with every second tried to play it down a bit, though his voice still didn't quite want to obey him and gave him a hard time as well. "It's not what it loo-... I mean... I guess it is… but… a-as I said this w-whole incident… it is really… nothing I'm too proud of. I let myself go a little too much… on that day. And t-that in front of you and the others. Before the eyes of my students and oh shoot. Please can we just forget this ever happened?," he somehow managed to suppress the stuttering of his voice a bit. Although not completely. Oz couldn't stand it any longer. He pulled his hood as far as possible over his head and in front of his face to prevent eye contact between them at least for a while. Until he found his inner balance again.

Fuck. At least now he knew for sure! Teach was really blushing! His heart made a small triumphant jump at this sight. Disappointingly, his little victory was taken away from him shortly after when Teach blocked him from looking directly at his face. Nevertheless, this image had already burned itself deeply into his brain. That even Teach could look cute… Mentally, Damien decided to add one more task to his list of goals for this year - to make Teach show him this incredibly cute side of him much more.

_

In addition, there was the 1st Valentine's Day in the 1st school year:

Damien doesn't usually get chocolate as a gift, despite his popularity, but just grabs it from all the love-struck idiots standing in his way. For him, Valentine's Day is almost as good as Halloween in that respect, because not only does he get to snag free candy, but he also gets to mess with his classmates.

Oz puts self-made chocolate in Damien's locker, along with a card that has Tempus fugit amor manet written on it. Damien has no idea what the gibberish on the card means, but he tastes the free chocolate regardless. And damn is it good! Sweet with little crunchy bits of iron and steel, and a fruity, spicy filling! He's never had such an awesome tasting chocolate before. Although he doesn't know why, he somehow feels like he's tasted this flavor before. Which is odd, because from the packaging it doesn't seem to be one from a store. But no matter how he racks his brains about it, nothing comes of it.

When Oz begins his lesson that day, he notices a remarkable amount of ash in the trash can next to the teacher's desk and the smell of cold smoke, which oddly enough has a slightly sweet note to it. Oz has no idea that Damien has watched all sorts of students put cards and boxes of chocolates into the teacher's desk drawer before the start of his class. Annoyed, Damien poured the entire contents of the drawer into the trash can and then thoroughly torched the stuff to eliminate any evidence.

Vicky meanwhile hands out friendship chocolate to the whole school (no exaggeration). (Students, teachers, Martin the werebear janitor, the cafeteria people… ) Only Scott and his cousins get chocolate-free cookies from her, because werewolves cannot eat chocolate without getting sick.

Instead of putting the friendship chocolate in Brian, Amira, and Vicky's lockers without asking, as he did with Damien, Oz put it under their school desks. He then secretly sent three of his little phobias to his friends during class with a handwritten note to inform them of the hiding place. Of course, Oz used different ingredients for the chocolate for his three friends than Damien's.

_

Damien let the piece of paper with the strange scribbling move back and forth between his fingers. Was this a summoning spell or something? He had thought of asking Liam if he knew anything about it. But he felt little desire to ask Count Dorkula for a favor. Or to run the risk of explaining where the message came from. Liam was always insufferable and awfully exhausting on Valentine's Day anyway. Babbling stuff about how Valentine's Day, like Christmas, was just about making more money. Or something like that… The vampire was probably arguing with Vera and Miranda about it right now. That meant it would just be a gigantic waste of time to run to Liam. A waste of his time! Damien thought hard about it until an idea came to his mind. That was it! There was someone who didn't attended Spooky High that he could ask for advice without making a big deal out of it! Immediately, Damien pulled his smartphone out of his back pocket and eagerly began typing away, glancing repeatedly at the strange words on the mysterious card to make sure he wasn't misspelling the text.

>> Hey Wiz! You there? Need your help. Got a super weird message from someone. << >> Tempus fugit amor manet. << >> Do you maybe know what that stuff means? Sounds like a whacky spell or something. <<

Huff. The end of his tail tapped restless against the edge of the sink while he ditched Latin class in the school's restrooms as usual, stuffing some more stolen chocolate into his mouth that didn't taste half as good as the one he'd found in his locker with the mysterious message. "Aaaaargh, come on," he grumbled angrily, glaring at the screen in a threatening way as if that would make the message arrive faster.

Damien was on the verge of smashing the sink to smithereens when the long awaited cry of tortured sinners finally came from his device, which he had set up as a ringtone for notifications. "Finally!"

>> That's Latin. << >> The text, I mean. << >> It's a saying. <<

Okay? All right. Latin it is. He had as little idea about that as he did about extracting roots in maths.

>> And what exactly does it mean? <<

Damien could hardly wait. He definitely wouldn't mind getting such cryptic messages more often when he found them in his locker along with chocolate. But still, he wanted some answers!

>> It translates to: Time passes - love remains. << >> Was there any name on it? <<

Of course there wasn't. Oz knew that. Still, he asked the question because it seemed more natural if he asked about it.

Time passes, love remains. Ooookay? That had to be the cheesiest thing he'd heard recently. Whoever had fallen for him must have had it pretty bad. Not that he could blame his anonymous admirer for having good taste.

>> Nah. No name. There was nothing else on it. << >> At least the chocolate that came with it was pretty neat. <<

But couldn't his anonymous fan just have given him a translation right away? Or did whoever it was seriously expected him to understand that stuff? Just because he was a demon?

>> So a real self-made Valentine's gift. Someone must really like you if they went to so much effort. <<

Damien's tail twitched approvingly at Wiz's message.

>> I'm not the sexiest single at our school for nothing! <<

Smirking, Damien sent off his reply as another thought occurred to him. He wondered how things looked with Wiz. Was the little nerd as annoyingly popular as his big brother? But somehow it was hard for Damien to imagine that.

>> And what about you? Did you get any love confessions as well? <<

It couldn't hurt to ask, the demon prince decided with a shrug. And admittedly, he was already curious.

>> Stop it you poser.:) <<

Cheeky little runt! Damien laughed softly, but still waited, as he could see that Wiz was still typing some more.

>> Me? Not at all. I got some friendship chocolate. But I doubt there's anyone who sees me like this. << >> I'm probably not standing out enough. <<

So no official or secret admirers trying to woo over Wiz. Phew, well at least he wasn't mimicking his older brother in that way too. Huh? Why was he even worried about it? It wasn't like it was any of his business. They weren't that close, after all. Damien shook his head slightly and leaned back a bit as he continued to tap away on his smartphone screen.

>> Apart from the fact that you went empty-handed today (friendship chocolates doesn't count). Have you maybe given someone chocolate?<<

He was really just trying to tease Wiz a little bit. The little guy seemed way too shy for doing such a thing. And Damien wasn't even sure if Wiz was in love with anyone.

Damien couldn't know... Impossible... Totally out of the question! Still, it was shocking how accurate the demon's statement was. What should he answer? Yes? No? Maybe? Oz leaned his head against one of the bookshelves of the library tower and desperately thought about how he should answer this message. It was not easy for him to decide. In the end, he didn't quite have the courage for an straight yes. But also not the determination to say no.

>> Maybe I did. << >> Sorry, I have to go now. Glad I could help, and I'll be sure to hear from you soon!:D <<

And with that, Oz closed the group chat in a hurry. He just couldn't admit anything more than that to Damien at the moment. But… "He liked it," he muttered quietly to himself with a small smile.

Meanwhile, a certain pyromaniac demon stared stunned at his phone. Maybe? What did that mean? Yes? No? Why had Wiz been so wishy-washy! Was the short one like his brother also one-sidedly in love with someone? Or was he just pulling his leg? What the heck was wrong with these brothers? And why was he so worried about it in the first place?

Later that day, lying on his bed at home, Damien scrolled through today's chat with Wiz again. What was he looking for? A hint. On whether the little smarty had hinted somewhere that he might have given away chocolate. But there was nothing. Only the translation. And after that, the comment about the self-made gift…. Damien sat up and bent so low over the screen of his smartphone that he almost poked it with his nose. Self-made? Wait a minute… Damien flipped through the messages once more. He hadn't mentioned that in a single word, had he? How had Wiz known about it? Had the short guy just guessed? There was a 50/50 chance to be right. Or had Wiz just assumed it? Was it a simple coincidence or not? What if it wasn't… what if… ? His face glowed slightly with heat at the notion. How likely could it be that Teach's little brother had made an indirect love confession to him?

[rabbitindisguise]

I think I'm coming to the realization that "thanksgiving was created on a bedrock of racism" isn't like the point of the holiday

it's to eat food, have the day off, and encourage people to exist together who don't always exist together at the same time- like most holidays. A lot of the tumblr traditions, like posting donations links and the Adams gifset, that I was participating in for years . . . have started to feel like sort of empty sniggering at racist family members. And sniggering particularly because they weren't sad and miserable the day of, like I (the enlightened one) was. That feels like kind of shitty and more about my superiority than focusing on tribal issues. Being miserable isn't something to be proud of, for one thing, and for another it doesn't do anything productive to be mean to someone on a holiday and hope that I completely change their worldview in one angry conversation. That's something that has proven to not work (though setting boundaries and limiting contact in an otherwise healthy family situations because of repeated racism does often work fairly well from what I've heard, which people can see as "an argument").

Stuff that's missing for me now is the celebration of small and big wins for tribal nations, involvement with action groups and letter writing to government officials, voting literacy, awareness of growing concerns related to things that people can actually help instead of the helpless weight of all the bad things, and the hope that the united states can and should do better. Thanksgiving could still be fun because it's a day off. A structure might be a week of lead up covering the history, the current problems, calls to actions, and then ending with positive work towards a clear goal for the future, leaving the time when people are supposed to be relaxing doing something that can help alleviate stress and contribute socially just like volunteering at soup kitchens. These seem like very natural things to do in response to current tragedies, and happened with the coverage of the big pipeline building projects, but doesn't happen so often for small voting measures or things that can easily pass under the radar. The effects of past/current colonialism is an ongoing issue but treating it as a constant crisis led to burnout for me, and hijacking the holiday made to further entrench colonialism makes a lot of sense too.

I think it would be easy for a capitalist society to seize on unrest with the holiday by removing a national holiday with no replacement and contribute to more working days. That leads me to believe that the restorative answer to help fight back against the ongoing wrongs of thanksgiving, to change the narrative that silences native tribes by not even including their voice when discussing racism against them. Thanksgiving could be a day of mourning and the celebration can be focused on efforts to support tribal sovereignty, with of course eating and having the day off.

I think this is a good example of the way that activism I was doing rarely considered human psychology and even basic needs like "eating" and "resting." It was all theoretical- poor children relying on school lunch, amazon workers not having rest breaks. In order for me to help fight for human rights I often pressured myself to deprive myself of the very rights I was trying to protect, to both the detriment of myself and the people I was trying to help. It would also be more relaxing ways to spend fraught holidays for me to do this sort of thing because I don't really do the "activism" anymore yet still have the same values. Earth day, Christmas, and 4th of July of obvious choices, but I'm not sure what to do for Easter. Maybe Martin Luther King day but that already has a lot of that, plus ready made reading material and things. New Years, birthdays, Halloween, Julius Caesar stabbing day (March 15th), and other tumblr holidays are definitely just Days. I think it's important to have things that are just Days without the homework.

[fecundaratis]

I had issues with my hips for a long time.

Growing pains for me became a common complaint around when I was 7-8 years old. They were so bad, I would frequently be bed bound. I could barely walk, I was exhausted and in pain for days. I still had to go to school, of course, because they were just growing pains. My pediatrician had already told my parents I was going through puberty early, it wasn't uncommon, don't worry about it.

The fact that they were so constant, so severe, and yet I was not substantially taller didn't seem to occur to anyone.

When we moved, my mom, brother and I, the pains improved. I would still get them, especially on days when I would run around a lot, but it seemed to be improving. Strangely, my period, so weird to get it in the single digits!, also disappeared. If anyone ever questioned it, I don't recall.

I still had issues with growing pains. During the presidential fitness exam, I really struggled to keep up with the mile run, finishing last in my class. That wasn't so strange, despite the fact that I was still playing outside after school, and not an in-active child per se, I was the fattest kid in my class so it was really no wonder why I was the slowest and the least in shape.

The school would frequently have big day-long outdoor activities, we would run around the soccer field for as long as we could, like a mock-charity marathon. I, of course, couldn't participate for long. Those damn growing pains! Or being too fat! I did have exercise-induced asthma, you know.

As pre-teen, when I experienced growing pains more consistently, they never seemed to be as bad as they were when I was younger. Or they would be almost as bad, but not quite. I was no longer in so much pain, that I was crying myself to sleep.

I stopped growing shortly after I entered high school, but my hips were still frequently sore. I had started going to the gym, doing cardio regularly, I was lifting weights, I had stamina and muscle. I was still the heaviest of my friends, but I was also active and my issues with my legs didn't appear to be because of lack of energy.

I went on a "diet". No breakfast, obviously. Lunch was a bottle of water and baby carrots. I ate normally at dinner, with my family, but other than that I was absolutely desperate to lose the weight that was obviously the source of my pain.

But even that didn't seem to work.

It's only now, as a 31 year old that still has issues with hip pain, and back pain too, I've realized that my pain is most likely the cause of an injury. I've been in denial about it for years, on and off. I have limited memory of my childhood, which was pretty traumatic even in the things I do remember.

I had told myself, "Sure, something bad could have happened to me. I could even theoretically erase my memories of it, but it doesn't make any sense. If something that terrible had happened to me, if it happened when I was that young, there surely should have been more proof than me just kind of feeling like it did."

No, the hip pain didn't count, because I was always a fat kid (I wasn't), and besides, they were just growing pains (were they?) and my parents were neglectful, but they would've noticed something like that (...).

But I have proof of my memory loss. Things that I've recalled the past several months that fill in... so much. For instance, I had completely forgotten that my parents believed that I had started my period so early, until I recalled having to go to the bathroom in elementary school, tearing out a (completely clean) panty liner, and knowing for a fact that I would not need it, and anyway I hated them, because they made me feel like I was wearing a diaper. I believe I was in the first grade.

Lately, I've become... disbelieving, again. My delusional mind wants so desperately for me to find an excuse for why I'm such a disappointment, that it's completely constructed this ridiculous theory that I was abused (even raped!) as a child. I am so incapable of accepting that I am just another "basement dweller", that I have to fabricate a tragic backstory to justify it. In reality, I am completely ordinary, if mentally ill. No such thing ever happened, and believing that it did is the only disease I truly have.

I suppose there's still a possibility that that's true. It would be a relief if it was, I think. If that were true, then I could get treatment for my delusions, and I could be cured, and maybe even live a normal life.

I feel so stuck. I wish I could just accept that as true. I wish that I could just move forward with the belief that I've implanted false memories in my own mind, and then I could dispel them by coming to terms with the truth, but I don't think I can. If it's a delusion, it feels as real as any ever has, and I can't just ignore it.

But I can't. So I don't. But I can't fully believe myself either.

[hergan416]

#2, 4 and 17 for the Book Asks, please!

2. Top 5 books of all time

Of all time????? Sudjsjs did I read this before reblogging? What kind of special hell? I a not qualified to give a top 5 books of all time. In any capacity.

So I suppose what I will do is list some books that I connected with in some way. These books have changed the way I think. They have stuck with me. They shaped me.

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde -- I've read this twice and I'm still chewing on it. I was hollowed out and shell-shocked the first time. The second was a different version of the manuscript and was much more enjoyable, but I also approached it much more academically simply because it was an annotated copy.

Slave Nation: How Slavery United the Colonies and Sparked the American Revolution by Alfred and Ruth Blumrosen and Slavery by Another Name: The Re-Enslavement of Black Americans from the Civil War to World War II by Douglas A. Blackmon -- These books both very much changed the way I saw what I was taught about American History. I cannot recommend these two books enough as a challenge to the dominant narrative about the ideals this nation was founded on, and how we got to where we are today.

Tithe by Holly Black -- I don't think that I would end up liking this book quite so much as an adult, but this book and the following books in the series were so important to me as a teen. There was this gritty edge to them that felt "real" to me, a sheltered suburban kid whose only experience was "home" or "school" or transit between the two. The characters were all misfits, but still deserved friendship and love and belonging, regardless of their lifestyle choices or lack of supervision.

It is really hard to end this. I want to name something not very controversial and just end it, like "The Lion the Witch and The Wardrobe" by C.S. Lewis. It's not something I think about often or really made an impact on me, but is entirely demonstrative of the kind of books I read when I read a lot, before college happened. But this is mostly chosen because I do remember reading it and I know it's well-regarded by other people, not because I regard it well myself. [LOTR could work here sort of.. I really like the world and it certainly means more to me than Narnia did... but I honestly cannot stand Tolkien's writing and so this would feel SO disingenuous, since my love for this world is nearly entirely based in the films. Sorry nenya) Another option would be to name a book series that was highly impactful on me but that I would not recommend. Anne McCathry's DragonRiders of Pern is perhaps the first series I remember being into. My balsa-wood racer car in tech ed was designed to look like Ramoth. They were perhaps my first hyperfixation. If you asked me about them I would have talked your EAR off. And perhaps, this being the internet, you will have heard of them. Because of DragonRiders of Pern AUs. Because... well. It's basically got a sex pollen scenario built into the premise of how dragons work. Now this was fairly exciting to me at the age of ... summer of 5th grade (so like 9? 10?). We'd just had sex ed so I had a vague idea of what was happening for that bit, and there was plenty of other things happening in the books (fighting Thread--the mysterious scifi substance that is always the threat! time travel! politics! friendships! romance!) for me to be interested in. But also. Like any trope that lets you just pair people together, there are problems with the premise. And I was certainly not thinking critically about it at that age. These are probably better books if you're not.. a child with a very high reading level that has been given a carte blanche at the library because you can use and understand big words in a sentence. I could probably recommend them on tumblr.com because theoretically the user base should be older than I was then (14 at minimum, right?). But at the same time I really did internalize a bunch of SHITE specifically because of books, and I'm perfectly happy to leave them in the past.

So I guess... you've got an "influenced hergan and hergan hated it in retrospect" book series and a "people like it and hergan read it at least" book series. Neither feel like they belong on the list. I don't know what else I'd try to add, though.

4. What sections of a bookstore do I browse

So I always visit the manga section in Barnes and Noble. Sometimes I'll also visit the board games, sometimes the classic lit, sometimes the cafe. I rarely go home from the book store with more than a bagle and pictures of the front covers of stuff.

The library will find me in stacks, will find me in all KINDS of nonfiction, will find me in classics, will find me in manga and light novels and tumblr-recommended fiction [like Hunger Pains or The Remarkable Retirement of Edna Fisher, although both of those are titles I checked out and returned without being able to get myself to start reading. I hope to rectify that someday.] Unfortunately, I don't often remember to try to find the things I saw at Barnes and Noble at the library...

17. Top 5 children's books

This is even less informed than my top of all time. This is just the books I remember best from when I was a young kid. I suspect a vast majority are going to be Eric Carle 😅

This was many years ago for me, and I have done no child-rearing so...

The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Rainbow Fish, Brown Bear Brown Bear, Aesop's Fables, [I've run out of books I remember in that age group, so I'm just going to add The Magic Treehouse even though this is now a chapter book, and end it.]

[tinyboxxtink]

"Doppelganger" *Part 24*

Alright I REFUSE to make this story any longer, so the next chapter IS the finale, I swear to you.

This is just one more little loose end I wanted to throw in, maybe it'll come back around the epilogue. Who knows?! I know.

I would have started the "Wedding Day" here but I really wanted it to be it's own chapter, so this is kinda short and I'm not gonna lie if I have to I will make the last chapter 20 pages long to fit the ending in. That being said I have some stuff to do tomorrow night and work the next night so I may or may not split up writing the last chapter between those and post it late Sunday or Monday.

It's worth it I promise! I'll make it worth it.

Part 23

Finale!!

Tag List

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@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

-------

The next day Rafael asked you to come by his office once again, making you nervous. Especially when you showed up to the Mayor and a Lawyer to greet you along with Rafael.

“Pinguino,” Rafael smiled as he met you at the door with his arms open wide pulling you into a kiss.

“....More interviews?” You whispered as you eyed the two other men.

“Actually, they haven’t told me what they’re doing here yet,” Rafael whispered back as you both walked over to the men sitting at Rafael’s desk. Rafael pulled another chair around to his side so you could sit next to him. He had a feeling this would take a while.

“So...gentlemen,” Rafael cleared his throat. “What’s this about?”

“Well Barba it’s about your wedding,” The mayor replied.

“...Why am I not surprised..?” He shook his head with a laugh.

“Actually Mr. Barba I think you’ll find this visit different from others the mayor here has sprung on you thus far,” His lawyer answered.

“...And that would be because…?” Rafael raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“Because Mr. Fenkell here says that I owe you financial compensation for all you’ve been doing for me,” The mayor replied rather gruffly as he crossed his arms like a petulant child being called into the principal’s office.

“...Excuse me?” Rafael looked at both of them with confusion.

“Well Mr. Barba, I’m surprised you haven’t either realized or brought up the fact that the situation that you’re in is called ‘quid pro quo’,” The lawyer explained.

“Yes I know what ‘quid pro quo’ is counselor, we went to the same law school,” Rafael snarked. “And I graduated with higher honors than you,”

“Barba I’m here trying to help you out, I don’t know why you’re lashing out at me,” The lawyer now crossed his arms.

“Baby,” You put a hand on his. “Just let the man talk,”

“Right,” He nodded reluctantly. “Go on,”

“Like I was saying,” Mr. Fenkell pulled out papers from his briefcase. “I assume you and your fiancée here have been going along with the Mayor’s requests for fear of losing your job, correct?”

“I mean, not mine per say,” Rafael shrugged. “THAT would be illegal,”

“Right,” Mr. Fenkell nodded. “But everything he’s done thus far involving you and your fiancé's likeness entitles you to royalties, and dues for services,”

“Well, that is true,” Rafael nodded. “I’ve been so preoccupied with everything else I haven’t even stopped to think--”

“Which is exactly why I’m here,” Mr. Fenkell cut him off. “I figured a competent lawyer like yourself would realize when all the dust settles, that you were indeed entitled to a sum of money, and would therefore sue the Mayor after the fact,”

“Wow, that’s a lot of assuming on your part sir,” You laughed softly. “You really think Rafael is that shit of a--”

“I mean he is right,” Rafael finished for you.

“...Or I’m just an idiot,” You muttered.

“No, baby you’re not an idiot,” Rafael took your hand. “But we are entitled--YOU are entitled for some kind of compensation for all that you’ve done for the mayor--for me,”

“I thought my compensation was getting to marry you,” You smiled sweetly.

“Aww,” Mr. Fenkell remarked, causing an eye roll from the mayor.

“Right so--” Mr. Fenkell began laying papers filled with legal jargon on the desk in front of you and Rafael.

“This contract states that once we settle on a number, you won’t try and collect more from the mayor with some random claim like ‘emotional distress’ during your wedding, or events thereafter due to all of this,”

“...Trauma?” You couldn’t help but laugh. “You think that after everything I went through, I would classify this as trauma?”

“I mean theoretically you could, Ms. Y/L/N,” He nodded. “The emotional stress of reliving your trauma and trying to plan a wedding while on display for the whole city must be taking a toll on you right now, is it not?”

“...Well it wasn’t until you said it like that,” You muttered.

“Dammit Maxwell I told you, they were perfectly fine with--” The mayor began to pitch a fit.

“Oh no no no,” Rafael wagged a finger at the mayor. “Just because she’s ignorant of the--”

“Excuse you?” You crossed your arms at Rafael’s condescending tone.

“I mean, just because she doesn’t realize or recognize the emotional stress she’s under doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have it, and doesn’t deserve compensation” He looked to you apologetically while he re-worded the statement. You gave him an approving nod.

“Right well this is what this is for--”

“And what kind of price tag have you put on my fiance's feelings, counselor?”

“Well if you’ll peruse the contract, counselor…” Mr. Fenkell pointed to the bottom of the paper.

“This contract blah blah blah, no further seeking monetary blah blah blah…” Rafael spoke out loud as he scanned the document. Then suddenly, his eyes widened and he stopped reading, looking at you then Mr. Fenkell then the Mayor.

“...A million dollars?” He raised his eyebrow, skeptical.

“...What?” You gasped.

“....Each,” He added with a smile as he handed you the paper. You didn’t know a lot of the words, but in plain black and white you read: “...In the form of one million dollars per plaintiff,”

“I’m sorry, WHAT?” You said louder than you intended, but that was insane.

“That’s insane,” You said out loud. “I don’t need that kind--”

“Baby,” Rafael stopped you and pulled you slightly away from the mayor and his lawyer. “I know that you get antsy when good things happen to you, but you deserve this,”

“For what?!” You hissed. “For taking a few photos? For letting a camera crew in a church? Rafael I just--”

“...But think of everything before that, carino,”

“What, Nevada? That--” You shook your head.

“Wasn’t your fault,” Rafael finished.

“...Well it wasn’t the mayor’s fault either, Raffi,” You nodded at the mayor.

“But he is exploiting you for it,” Rafael pointed out.

“....True,” You nodded.

“Excuse you two, but I--” The mayor began to rant again.

“And if I may add,” Mr. Fenkell jumped in. “While Mr. Barba was worried about his job, you also had reason to be worried about it as well. Being as he is your only means of support,”

“Right now,” You quickly added.

“....Right,” Mr. Fenkell gave you a side eye. “Currently,”

Clearly this douchebag thought what everyone else must be thinking. That you were just marrying Rafael for his money. So that you could be a ‘kept’ woman. Well, he was about to learn that was the furthest thing from the truth.

“Alright then,” You finally said. “Then I want my share to go to Rafael, if we’re going to be married it’s his anyway,”

“No no no no, Nuh-uh,” Rafael shook his head. “Your share is your share,”

“...But I don’t want you to think that I’ve got some... ‘escape money’,” You gave him a sad look.

“Escape money?” He laughed. “Baby I told you, I think the last thing I should be worried about is you leaving me,”

“....Also true,” You nodded with a soft smile. You sure as hell had not gotten this far working this hard to ‘get’ Rafael to just give him up. Ever.

“Okay then, do I tell you where I want the money to go or do I do it myself?” You asked Mr. Fenkell.

“...You already have plans for it?” Mr. Fenkell asked you. “...Didn’t you just say you didn’t want it? Why would you--”

“Just answer the question,” You said flatly.

“I mean Mr. Barba could just draw up the contracts and paperwork for you to transfer your funds wherever you--”

“But Mr. Barba is my husband, not my lawyer,” You cut him off. “...And I’d like to keep that way,” You looked over at who Rafael looked at you in confusion.

"Not Mixing business and pleasure," You smirked.

“Right,” Mr. Fenkell nodded as pulled out a legal pad and a pen. “Well I can make a list of where you want to divert the funds and we’ll go from there,”

“Okay,” You took a deep breath. “Well, first of all-- obviously,” You took Rafael’s hand. “I want to pay off the rest of my time at Julliard,”

“That’s unnecessary, carino--”

“Yeah I know you say that Rafael, but I was going there before I met you and it’s not your respon--”

“It’s already paid for, in full,” He spoke over you.

“...What?” You asked him with a breathy voice. When did he have time to do that?! WHY-wait.

“But I’m going to need an extra semester since I’m taking the rest of this one off,” You said softly as you glanced at the other two in shame. You still felt guilty about Rafael having to basically babysit you for the past few weeks.

“Yeah I figured that.” He nodded with a smile, stroking your cheek. “It’s all taken care of, carino,”

“...Alright fine then I want to pay it back,” You insisted.

“No,” He shook his head. “Absolutely not,”

“Rafael come on--”

“NO,” He repeated sternly. “I won’t take it,”

“....Alright, fine,” You rolled your eyes. “Then I want a chunk to go to abuela--”

“No I have them covered too,” He shook his head. “And they are definitely NOT your responsibility. And before you say next that you want it to go to Maria, she will never accept it. We're too proud of a people," He smiled teasingly.

“...Fine,” You sighed in frustration. “THEN I want a chunk of it to go to opening a drama center,” You crossed your arms and looked at Rafael. “Any objections to that, counselor?”

“...A drama center?” He looked at you curiously.

“Look,” You took both of his hands. “I know you couldn’t-- your mom didn’t want you---” You took another breath, trying to figure out exactly what to say. “...You had to give up your dream to take care of your family,”

“Carino…” He took your hand.

“And my parents, they spent all the money we had on dance lessons, acting lessons, all of it. On ME. Just so that I could live my dream,” You continued. “Kids should be able to dream their dreams without their parents having to worry about money to do so,”

“But...your dream, Y/N. You want to be on Broadway. How are you gonna fit--” He started to speak but you were nowhere near done with your speech.

“Baby my dream was selfish,” You shook your head. “I wanted to be famous for the wrong reasons. To be adored by the world, to be loved by everyone. But, now I know the only person’s love I care about, is yours,” You stroked his face.

“If I open this place then I can still use my talents as a teacher, helping kids like us. I told your mom that when I met you, you made me a better person, that you made me want to be better. I want that to be true. I need that to be true,” You finally finished with a small smile, tears lined Rafael’s eyes.

“You are the best person I know, mi amor,” He pushed a strand of hair behind your ear. “I think the center is a great idea,”

“Good,” You smiled. “And….I want to name it the Y/L/N-Barba Drama Center,”

“....Well obviously after you,” He nodded.

“No,” You shook your head. “After you. And my parents. Because if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t have found you, and you gave me everything I’ve ever wanted,”

“I love you,” He beamed at you as he kissed you deeply.

“...And on that note,” You turned back to Mr. Fenkell who looked wildly uncomfortable by your little cutesy side conversation.

“I want the rest to be split between a savings account for me, and the other half into a trust,”

“A trust?” Mr. Fenkell asked as he wrote down your wishes.

“A trust for our children,” You smiled at Rafael. “My parents spent so much money so that I could live my dream. I think it’s only fair I do the same for them; especially when I have the means to do it,”

“See those redneck shithead Jersians have no idea what they’re talking about,” He pressed his forehead against yours. “You are not selfish, not at all,”

“Thanks to you,” You pressed your own forehead against his like a love head butt.

“....Okay, so is there anywhere else you’d like it to go, Ms. Y/N?” Mr. Fenkell said rather loudly, trying once again to remind you there were other people in the room. People who were not amused with your disgustingly cute conversations.

“Um, no I think that’s good,” You nodded.

“Split up mine the same way, Max,” Rafael added.

“Rafael you don’t need to--” You started to protest but he put a finger to your mouth.

“I have money,” He assured you. “I have enough money to take care of us for the rest of our lives. This money should go somewhere that represents the both of us, and our love,”

“Can we please for the love of God just end this, please?” The mayor groaned. “If I have to sit here and watch you word vomit your love all over this office, I might actually vomit,”

“Right,” Rafael rolled his eyes. “Well gentlemen you know where to find us,” He grabbed the pen and signed one of the contracts then handed it to you and you did the same.

“Now if you’ll excuse us we’re going to ‘love vomit’ all over each other now,” He smirked as he handed back the papers. Mr. Fenkell and The mayor nodded as they walked out.

“Well, what do you want to do now?” Rafael wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“As tempting as that sounds, I have another request mi amor,” You played with the hair on the back of his knuckles with a soft voice.

“Anything for you pinguino,”

“Well I mean, you have some pull over there,” You nodded outside towards the courthouse that was attached to the DA's office by a hallway.

“...Why, do you need parking tickets dismissed or something? Did I agree to marry a felon?” He teased you.

“No,” You giggled. “But I would like to skip the ‘name changing’ line,” You pulled him closer as his smile grew bigger.

“I don’t think that’s what they call it, but I appreciate the sentiment,” He kissed you as you both walked towards the door of his office and out into the lobby.

“We’ll be back, Tommy,” He told his assistant.

“Right sir,” He nodded.

“This way to the ‘name changing line’, pinguino,” He smirked as you walked down the hall towards the courthouse.

------

--An Hour Later--

You and Rafael walked out of the courthouse and down the steps hand in hand as you pulled the two papers from his hands. One was a marriage license, and one was a form that was filled with boring legal jargon but at the bottom was printed: “Legal Name: Mrs. Y/F/N Barba,” with your new signature on the dotted line.

“Mrs. Rafael Barba,” You smiled as you looked at the paper.

“Oh no no no,” Rafael shook his head with a laugh. “That sounds like you’re my property, pinguino,”

“True,” You nodded with a teasing smile.

“...So why the sudden urgency to change your name, carino?” He asked as you walked down the street hand in hand. “Not that I’m complaining. I'd be lying if I said just looking at your name with my last name makes me giddy,”

“Giddy?” You gave him a look.

“Yeah, I said it. Giddy,” He laughed.

“...I don’t know, it was something that my therapist said,” You shrugged.

“...And what did she say?” He asked you skeptically.

“She said,” You sighed and pulled Rafael out of the flow of traffic of people.

“She said that women who don’t take their husband's last names had one foot out the door of the marriage before even going in,” You looked up at him with soft eyes. “And I don’t want you to think that I am any less than 100% sure of my love for you, and the rest of our lives together,”

“Well, first of all I’d like to see her marriage to divorce ratios based on that assumption,” He rolled his eyes. “And second-- I appreciate the sentiment baby, I really do. Just as long as you did it for you, and not because your therapist guilted you into it,”

“She didn’t,” You assured him. “I did this for me. For us,”

“Well then Mrs. Barba,” He took your hand once again with a huge smile. “Let’s grab some dinner, shall we?” He asked in a melodramatic, fancy tone.

“We shall, Mr. Barba,” You answered in the same tone, making both of you giggle like school kids.

Now all that was left to do was actually get married!

[qqueenofhades]

Trump's SCOTUS pick scares the ever loving shit out of me. I'm trying not to have a full blown panic attack actually.

Sigh. I know.

I’m not going to say that picking someone literally, un-exaggeratedly out of The Handmaid’s Tale for SCOTUS, especially to replace someone like RBG, isn’t mother fucking terrifying. It is.  Especially since Mitch McConnell is trying to set her final confirmation vote for October 29, literally five days before the election. Yes indeed, that would be a third Supreme Court seat filled by an impeached president who lost the popular vote by three million votes, (possibly) confirmed by Republican enablers (some of whom are absolutely going to lose their seats in this election) who represent a sizeably smaller fraction of the US population than their Democratic counterparts, in a display of outright, staggering, truly breathtaking hypocrisy about the protocol of election-year vacancies on SCOTUS, which they themselves shouted about to no end with Merrick Garland in 2016. This is how tyranny by minority rule works, and... yeah. It’s bad. It’s awful. When is this going to end.

That said, however: we do not yet exist in this theoretical grimdark future where some dystopian 6-3 (or even 7-2) conservative SCOTUS strips us of our rights at every turn, with no recourse except for us to sit passively and take it, and there are a lot of things that we ourselves can do between now and then to make sure that it never happens. First off, House Democrats have proposed a bill to introduce 18-year term limits for SCOTUS justices, rather than it being an automatic lifetime appointment. This would also give every president the ability to appoint two justices per four-year term. Because SCOTUS has become such an instrument of partisan warfare, and because the obvious implications of having a partisan head of state pick the senior federal judges for a lifetime is part of what has fucked us up now, this would be a GREAT improvement. House Dems can’t make it into law right now, because Democrats do not hold a majority in both chambers of Congress and they do not hold the presidency. You know how this COULD be passed? If Joe Biden was elected with a blue House and Senate. That way, even if God forbid the GOP horror show snuck Coney Barrett onto the bench just before the election, this could be fixed.

Here’s another way to think about it. I myself have a HUGE problem with catastrophizing: a bad thing happens, and then it seems like an inevitable chain of nonstop bad things until everything gets irredeemably, unfixably even worse. This year, obviously, has not done much to help that, because yes, the bad things keep coming. But they’re still individual events and have not yet crystallized into some unbreakable, unavoidable future. History is made up of thousands of millions of choices, accidents, unforeseen developments, total random bullshit, and much more, as much or more as it is made up by the macro-scale actions of oligarchs. Obviously, globalization and capitalism have made us all more connected to each other, and thus changes to the system can ripple more broadly, but they are not the only people who make history. If there’s one thing I can tell you as a historian, it’s this: the future is just history that hasn’t been made yet, and it is subject to the exact same unpredictable bullshit that has constituted history throughout, well, history. Nothing is unavoidable and we have never existed in a world where we can’t do anything at all. Also, authoritarian regimes (especially those imposed without the consent of the people -- willing subjection to authoritarianism is one thing, but the other, yeah) have a relatively short shelf life, historically speaking. That won’t help all of us who could be hurt right now (though we can STILL fight back and speak up and help our neighbors), but it’s the truth. Authoritarian rule (especially when it’s not balanced by economic security, which sure as hell isn’t happening right now) can last for a while, sure. But it is always its own worst enemy, and it will always be ended. How that ends is a choice we can make.

This isn’t the “get out on the streets and Start The Glorious Revolution!!!” nonsense that the armchair internet leftists, none of whom are actually starting a glorious revolution or doing anything except bitching on Twitter about how Biden and Trump are alike, are fond of. This is an active choice to realize that there are always things you can do, that there are things you can do right now, and one of them, most obviously, is voting. This mess was all completely goddamn avoidable if people had voted for Hillary Clinton in 2016. But well, they didn’t, and we get one last shot to fix this by democratic process. Trump is already openly setting up to contest the election results/try to invalidate them/throw out ballots. This is all old-school fascism. This is what is happening. He is counting on another razor-thin margin of votes that he can then contest in his hand-picked SCOTUS; he wants another Bush v. Gore very, very badly. The only way to blow away any legitimacy for anything like this is to vote in such overwhelming numbers that there’s no question of Biden’s victory, no need to wait for mail-in ballots (another reason the GOP has been trying so hard to destroy the post office) or anything else. At heart, Trump is a coward. He’s also an egomaniac. If it comes to stepping aside peacefully or being dragged out of the White House by the FBI for everyone to laugh at for the rest of time, hmm, I doubt he’s going to go for that. (And if he does, well, I will also savor the sight of him in handcuffs for all eternity.) However, that doesn’t mean the GOP machine won’t TRY, because Trump is not just Trump, but is his entire miserable cabal of enablers. I have written my fingers raw about how badly people need to vote. This is literally your last chance to do it.

I’ve seen a lot of the-sky-is-falling, we’re-doomed, they-have-the-votes-so-don’t-even-bother handwringing in the last few days. To some degree, yes. We all feel doomed. We have all been asked to find strength to deal with massive and unending waves of terrifying bullshit past anyone’s normal capacity, and we’re tired. We want it to end. But it’s SO CLOSE to ending, if we can all just get out and vote for Joe Biden in massive numbers on November 3 (or if your state has early voting, sooner; BANK YOUR VOTE). That’s such an easy thing to do. Nothing is set in stone. We can still fix things and make it so, you know, we’re not living in a fascist state ruled by Gilead. (And besides, all this Chicken Little rhetoric is super easy for the Russian troll farms to exploit. Don’t listen to it. Shut it down. Reject it.)

They want you to think you’re powerless. You’re not.

They want you to think this will never end. It will. We decide how.

They want you to think this is a foregone conclusion and you should just go back home and let it happen. You don’t have to.

They want you to think your vote doesn’t matter. It does.

They want you to think your rights are gone. They’re not.

They want you to think this future is inevitable.

IT’S NOT.

Hang in there.

Lots of hugs.