#i hope this helps you nonny and isn't too overwhelming!!

[yooniesim]

sorry if someone asked this before, but what mods do you usually use? (besides cc i mean) i just got the game and dont know what mods are good. you seem like the person to ask (love ur cc btw)

Hi nonny! Thanks for the compliment 😊 and oh lord, I have a lot of mods. Let me try to remember some of them. It would take forever for me to describe them all (and prob be overwhelming to you) so I'd suggest going through them one at a time and seeing if you like them.

Wicked whims (or wonderful whims for SFW version)

Basemental drugs

MC Command center

More cas columns

UI cheats extension

Realistic childbirth (and all other pandasama mods)

Realistic pregnancy overhaul (and all other lumpinou mods)

Roburky meaningful stories

Language barriers mod

Lot51 mods (pretty much all of them)

Kuttoe mods (all of them)

Simrealist mods (HLC, mortem, sim national bank + bills)

Chippedsim mods (ghastly ghosts, pet mod, school tweaks)

Adeepindigo mods (Healthcare redux, dental, eye care, divergent sims, a few others)

Falsehope mods (a few smaller ones like cherished moments)

Helaene mods (preferences plus mod, fear factory, all their social mods)

Brazenlotus mods (harvestables and such)

Littlbowbub mods (recipes)

Simplyanjuta no makeup/acc on randomized sims (and other mods)

Srslysims mods (cooking overhaul mostly)

Waffle mods (miscellaneous milestones, dyslexia font, a few other small mods)

Andirz mods (laundry service and urn overhaul)

Ilex mods (all of them)

Carls dine out reloaded

Littlemssam mods (a lot of misc ones her catalog is huge)

Plumlace immersive social bunny

Bienchen misc mods (infant care tweaks especially)

There's even more but I think that's enough ahsjdkd. Apologies for it being messy, I did this from my phone. I hope it helps and isn't too overwhelming 🤣

[yandere-yearnings]

Hey man! Haven't been doing super well lately so may I request something sweet and comforting? With literally any character you want idm

(You don't have to ofc no pressure)

-Wishing you all good things, 🦢

swan nonnie!! i'm really sorry to hear that you haven't been doing well and truly, from the bottom of my heart, i hope things get better for you soon🥺🩷 i know it's not as easy as it sounds, but know that whatever negative feelings you may be experiencing rn will pass and you will have peace again w/ time. actually, i haven't been in the best of places myself either, so i'm sorry if this isn't my best work. it's just, when i saw this in my inbox, i had to put everything down and try to write something for you bc even if it's just a little bit, i sincerely wish that my writing can help somehow.

thank you for your well wishes too, they mean a lot. i thought i'd write for sun, since you've requested for him in the past. i hope his warmth reaches you❤️

The night was still, and perhaps that was the problem at hand. You'd been sitting under the bay window long enough that the time had slipped from your mind, cold breeze trickling in with the moonlight. Silver stippled into the shadows as they moved slow; your eyes tracked the movement, mindless.

You felt awfully numb. It was strange to you, that it was only hours between daylight and dusk where you had instead been overwhelmed. It almost made you laugh, something like a weak chuckle that died to the silence surrounding. Filled to the brim and still being poured into with cruel force, you guessed that the bottle had broken, and everything washed out, leaving you empty, empty.

This house you'd spent all your life in suddenly felt so clinical. It made you want to pull away from the walls, huddle up to yourself just to feel something familiar — yet, you were beginning to doubt that you could. Who you had been these past few days, wasn't the same person you had thought you were. Your frustration itself was mellow, and that fact in itself was enough to drain the hope from you. Really, you wanted to care some more, you wanted to worry for yourself, but you no longer had the energy.

Sinking. If you could describe it. You didn't know how to resurface.

Then, at once, a subtle smell of cinnamon and ginger hit you, and you perked ever so slightly. The door opposing you creaked open, and you eyed the way warm orange flooded over grey like the waves to shore.

"Hey..." shouldering the wood for entry, Sun whispered as he padded in, balancing two red mugs on a tray with little gingerbread men. "Haven't heard much from you lately, Y/N."

You moved to make room for him as he kneeled to your level, sitting with his late-night baking between you. Homey browns hidden by the crease of his eyes as he gave you a gentle smile.

"I had a feeling now was a good time to remind you that I live here too."

"I know." You rasped, and it was only then that you'd realised that you hadn't used your voice in a while. Your lips were chapped. Your throat, like it had been swabbed of all moisture.

Sun shook his head, his fingers came up to brush over your cheekbone, all the way to the shell of your ear. His touch was the most solid thing you'd experienced in a while, so wonderfully human. "Not like that," he said. "I am here. For you. Drink this. Talk to me."

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hello Steph. How are you? First of all, happy birthday again! Hope you had a fantastic day.

I hate to be that person. But can we please talk about loneliness in life and in fandoms?

I've been struggling with loneliness since I was a kid. When I firstly discovered fandom spaces, I was so excited to get new friends. When I was younger I actually formed a bond with some of them but growing up...I don't know. I feel like I'm not made for being anyone's friend. Just saying this makes me feel like the biggest of the losers but it's just how it is. I feel transparent, I feel like I have nothing to give. The few times I've tried to interact with people here I didn't even get an answer. You know, I chose not to have a love life ages ago, and platonic friends were all I was asking for. I am a bit terrified of dying alone to be honest. I got used to doing things by myself and I'm really comfortable with that. But sometimes I wish for something more, someone actually caring about me. Sigh.

Hey Nonny *HUGS*

First off, I want to validate you on your feelings; I too have been and am a very lonely person, but in my case it's more self imposed than lack of trying. My poor self esteem tends to drive people away, and in turn keeps me staying isolated in my own bubble.

That said, it's something I'm working STUPIDLY hard on in therapy, and it SUCKS but is also rewarding. My therapist tells me that my perception of reality is skewed because of past "trauma that I didn't know was trauma" which in turn lead to my poor self esteem.

One thing you need to know, Nonny, is that the loneliness you feel online has NOTHING to do with you as a person. Certainly, some choices in your life may have added to it (like with me, I chose a career over relationships), but, especially in this post-COVID world, loneliness was brought on by a long period of isolation, and social media only exacerbated it. I can tell you this from experience: people were nicer before social media. People wanted to go out and do things. People generally didn't use each other for clout and likes.

Call me a boomer or whatever, but social media and "hustle culture" has only produced a generation of selfish people. So no, it's not you imagining things... It IS generally harder nowadays to make new friends without there being some sort of cost-benefit to the other party.

THAT ALL SAID, I relate to you a lot, I really do. Therapy has helped me immensely with my overwhelming loneliness as well. I think also being an introvert who LOVES being alone on the best of days helps a lot too, but I know that my solitary lifestyle isn't for everyone.

Honestly Nonny, I don't have a good answer for you other than to be an ear for you to talk to. As I said, I generally don't have a lot of really close friends I see regularly, and that's okay by me. Join discords, comment on posts, and keep messaging people, but don't let that discourage you if you don't hear back. A lot of people need to feel a sense of trust before engaging in another conversation, and other times we're all just a bunch of shy, neurodivergent nerds who simultaneously want to talk to everyone and keep to themselves.

And if you're able to, Nonny, please do talk with a counsellor or therapist, your words worry me to my heart 💜

And for what it's worth, if I don't reply right away, it's because I actually need to be in a good headspace to answer asks like this, and not feel REALLY lazy as I have been. And you aren't alone, I promise. Many of the Lovelies and Lurkers feel the same, and we're all here just enjoying fandom.

I'm sorry I'm not much help, Nonny, and I'm sorry I kept going on a lot of tangents. I just want you to know that I am thinking about you 💜

[navybrat817]

Navy, how do you stay motivated to post? I have no followers (I also have only been on tumblr maybe 4-5 months as I saw my fave writers posted more on here than AO3 so I came over here), I reblog other stories I love and that are of interest to me and others, and I post things of interest to me. I’ve even posted a snippet of something new I’m working on but with no followers I feel like what’s the point. How do you gain followers or even get your work with a few eyes on it. I don’t need thousands or even hundreds of followers a small amount is fine just feels better to know someone is out there reading or viewing what I put out. I don’t like being silent on others work as I know the time and effort they’ve put into it so I try to comment and reblog. I love your blog and you have a nice group of mutuals and followers. Hoping to establish something similar on mine.

Hi, nonnie. Sorry this took me a bit to answer. I appreciate your kind words. Tumblr can be both inviting and isolating. I've been writing on here for over 4 years and some days I feel out of place! Life outside of being online, especially as of late, is stressful. I don't want posting to become another stress, if that makes sense.

My nonsense blog is my home though. ❤️

As far as writing, do you have a masterlist pinned? Do you do time zone or shameless reblogs? Reblog ask games and send asks to the people you reblogged from? I'm sadly not a writer with a consistent writing schedule and I didn't gain followers overnight. Having patience isn't easy, but it is key.

I know reaching out to blogs can feel daunting and it's hard to put yourself out there, but it's a good way to make a new writing friend! I do want to stress making friend and not just using people to boost. If DMing is too overwhelming or if you're on the fence, sending an ask helps. Support is everything.

Have you tried signing up for writing challenges? That's also a good way to connect with other writers.

Having a "cheerleader" is a great thing. There are days where I may think an idea or something is terrible and they are encouraging. And I do the same in return. It's a two-way street.

And if no one has told you, thank you for reblogging and commenting. Interaction is what many writers are looking for. And community! I try to interact with my readers and let them know how appreciated they are.

Have fun. Set boundaries. Write what makes you happy.

I'm missing so many things. Lovelies, please feel free to add more!

Love and thanks. ❤️

[beneathashadytree]

Hii how are you?❤️ I'd like to request prompts 41. and 58. with either Avdol or Polnareff from JJBA. Could you make it so the reader is pregnant or postpartum, and they're not the most confident in their body, which is noticed by the man who wants to show them that they're not any less attractive to him (all of this during a vacation abroad)? I apologize if there are any mistakes but English isn't my first language.

I love your work and I hope the request isn't too much </3

PERFECT - JEAN-PIERRE POLNAREFF X READER

Warnings : reader has twins, mentions of pregnancy, post-partum insecurity and body-image problems, kissing, light nipple play, fingering, this is not proofread, reader is female-bodied but gender-neutral!

Genre : fluffy smut 🫶🏽

Word count : 1.6K words

Additional notes : Hi nonnie, I’m doing alright, thank you for your sweetness! I chose Polnareff for this, since it felt fitting for his personality. However, please take care that I do not write for female readers at all. I haven’t written except for gender-neutral readers in over a year, actually, as that’s what makes me most comfortable. I wrote this with they/them pronouns, though the reader has female anatomy. Hope you like it!💗

Prompts : “This part of you...seems to be very sensitive.” “That’s it, there we go… just like that.”

Tip jar if you’d like to buy me a Ko-Fi!

Masterlist

“Ma chérie! There you are,” Jean-Pierre exclaimed as he unceremoniously burst into their shared bedroom. “Sorry I took so long. I was putting the twins to bed, when they started crying all over again.”

Without looking up from the night creams they were applying underneath their eyes, they chuckled. “You would think the sounds of the sea from their window would calm them down.”

“Greece doesn’t seem to be to their liking,” their husband sighed dramatically as he flopped onto the bed. “Quite tragic really, when there’s so much to enjoy.”

“Hard for them to enjoy it, when they’ve inherited their strong lungs from you.”

“I’d rather have them loud and healthy any day.” And despite the twins’ wailing at all times of the day and night, they knew that Jean was being honest. After all, he never uttered a word of complaint, and always offered to be the first to help his little angels calm down and see to their needs. If he had it his way, he’d never let his spouse lift a finger.

Humming in agreement, they brushed back their hair for bed, before climbing into their side. With a cheeky grin, Jean-Pierre was quick to lean over them and pull them into his embrace, before peppering their face with loud kisses all over. A sudden burst of laughter escaped them, and his strong arms kept them from wriggling out of his hold.

“There you are,” he said, playfully nipping at their ear. “How I missed hearing that lovely sound.”

“Huh? What do you mean?” they asked, a look of confusion on their face as they half-turned to look at him. Jean had a half-smile on his face, though he looked a little wistful.

“You’ve been a little… forlorn, I guess. I don’t know what it is that’s on your mind, but I do hope you know that you can always share your thoughts with me.”

Sighing, they refused to meet his blue eyes. “They’re silly thoughts, anyways.”

“But nothing is silly when it comes to you!” His voice was earnest as he gave their hips a loving squeeze. “Ma chérie, s’il te plaît. Je veux effacer tous tes problèmes.”

“But this is one you can’t erase, my love.” They smiled sadly as they stared off into the window in front of them. “You can’t exactly bring back my body to the state it was before having the twins, can you?”

He stilled, and for a moment they could swear that they felt him stop breathing altogether—that is, until he inhaled sharply and cursed under his breath. “I should’ve known.”

“Jean—“

“—I should’ve seen the signs. Your avoidance, your hesitance—“

“There was no way you could’ve foreseen this,” they firmly interrupted, gripping his wrist with trembling hands, overwhelmed with their own emotions. “It’s simply how I feel. You can’t control that either. If I find myself unattractive, then that is no one’s problem but mine.”

“But you’re not!” he cried out, “Mon dieu, chérie, do you not know what you do to me?”

Swallowing thickly, they chose to remain quiet. A strangled sound of despair left the Frenchman, before he cursed yet again. After a few seconds of what seemed to be an internal battle of his, he shook his head and pressed a kiss to their temple.

“I can see that no words will comfort you now,” Jean murmured against their skin, “But will you let me show you instead? Exactly how I feel about your body?”

Hesitation was clear on their face for a second, in which he stopped all his ministrations. Then, finally, they said, “Alright.”

“Perfect.” Another sweet kiss fell on their cheek, followed by one at their jaw. “Just relax, will you?”

“I’ll try.” And good as their word, they seemed to untense in his arms.

“That’s it, there we go… just like that.” Jean’s praise sounded like the sweetest thing in the world now. His hand splayed over their stomach began to gently rub circles onto their soft skin, as his kisses trailed a little lower down their neck.

A keen of pleasure escaped them as his lips found that particular spot on their neck that they loved the most, his teeth grazing it and causing them to moan louder at the sensation. After having spent so long without falling into this lovely routine with him, their body had grown quite sensitive—a fact that only grew more apparent as Jean’s hands wandered and tugged their robe completely off their body.

One gloved hand tentatively reached up to their breasts, where their nipples were already growing harder with each kiss. It was rather embarrassing, seeing how their body reacted to him almost instantly. With expertise that only he could’ve had with their body, he groped the softness of their breast, gently squeezing and watching as they gasped at the feeling.

“Does that feel good?” he breathily asked, sucking at their neck and tugging more of those beautiful whines out of them. “You look heavenly when you’re like this in my arms.” Pinching their aching nipple between his fingers, they cried out his name as he tugged just the way they liked it. “Too beautiful when you call for me like that.”

“Don’t tease,” they huffed, gripping his muscular arm for leverage. Jean-Pierre shook his head.

“I’m not teasing you. I’m saying the truth. You really are breathtaking, even more so after you’ve had our twins.” Though his actions were anything but innocent, his words were so full of love that they could feel the sting of tears in their eyes. “You’re radiant.”

Rolling their nipple between his fingers with one final tug, he switched to their other breast to lavish it with the same attention. Clamping their thighs together to hide their growing wetness was futile, as Jean’s other hand teased them open. He drew small, slow circles around their skin, earning a shudder from them as he kept growing closer to where they were aching for him, but never quite giving in to their need.

“Please,” they asked, still a little teary from before, “I want you, Jean.”

“And you’ll always have me, in every way,” he was quick to reassure them, “But I want to spend a little more time loving you before filling you up. Would you like that?”

This time they did not hesitate to nod, and Jean couldn’t hold back the grin at the way they grew more eager for his touch. “Your wish is my command, mon amour.” His other hand left their breasts, only to gently tilt their chin for a proper, hungry kiss. As his warm tongue caressed theirs, and his fingers deftly stroked their chin, his other hand delved between their legs.

They both moaned into the kiss; them at the feeling of his thumb drawing small, fast circles onto their throbbing clit, and him at the feeling of just how wet they were as his index finger traced their dripping entrance.

It felt like their body was on fire, their strings pulled taut as their husband pulled them closer and closer to the edge with his every touch. They could barely even form a thought, let alone do anything but writhe in his arms and pant into their all-consuming kiss.

Jean-Pierre pulled back for a moment, eyes full of want gazing at their hazy ones. As he picked up the pace with his thumb, they began to shift in his embrace, clearly wanting more. “This part of you...seems to be very sensitive.” He chuckled, tapping their clit twice and causing them to cry out. “But I want to make you feel even better. You deserve it, ma belle chérie amour.”

With little warning, he dipped his index finger into their warmth, curling into them in the way he knew they wanted, before a second finger delved into their wetness. He knew every inch of their body like the back of his hand; knew that they would begin to sob with pleasure before he’d even put a third finger in. They were always so sensitive to his touch, so wet for him, and so perfectly tight as their walls fluttered. In fact, he knew…

“You’re close,” he observed, curling his finger even deeper as his thumb circled their clit faster still. “Do you want to cum? I’ll make it feel good, I promise.”

“You always make me feel good,” they sighed, tears clinging to their fluttering eyelashes, before their eyes snapped wide open as his fingers pumped inside them faster with an obscene squelching sound. “Oh, fuck!”

They knew they must’ve been drenching the sheets underneath them, but at the moment, with his fingers filling them up so nicely and his mouth seeking theirs again, they couldn’t care less. All they cared about was how incredible it all felt; how in love they were with everything about the only man that could bring them to the precipice of extreme pleasure without even using his cock, while showering them with lovesick praise.

All it took was another stroke to that particularly sensitive spot inside them, and they were cumming all over his long fingers, sobbing his name and babbling words of love as they rode out their high. Jean’s gaze was nothing if not adoring, and the hardness of his cock against their back was more than enough proof—if they weren’t yet convinced by his actions—that he found them intolerably sexy.

That thought alone made them cry all the harder. He was too lovely, really.

“There, there,” he cooed, ever-so-patient with them, though the passion in his eyes never diminished. Jean-Pierre’s lips kissed every inch of skin within his reach, and nipped and teased whenever he liked to see a blooming red mark on their skin. “See? You’re just as stunning when you cum too. A few more rounds and I’ll have you convinced of how perfect you look in every position possible.” His grin was positively wicked now. “We might even use the mirror for extra emphasis.”

“Jean!”

Taglist : @blondeboyfriend @mrsgiovanna @boorishbrambling

[khaire-traveler]

Hello!

I've recently been questioning whether or not I should keep worshipping Hestia. I love Hestia for sure, but even beforehand I wasn't 100% sure and it doesn't help that I literally have a fear of fire lmao,, I was thinking of not continuing to worship hestia and instead worshipping hermes? I could worship both but I already have like. 8. As much as I love the number 9, it sounds pretty overwhelming! I'm not quite sure what to do,,

Also, you're really cool! Your posts help a lot of pagans (especially newer ones) and you overall seem like a wonderful person! Keep it up, you're doing great :]!

Hey, Nonny, thank you very much for the kind words! It was lovely to hear. c:

I'd say it sounds like you may already have your answer. It doesn't sound like your whole heart is in your worship, and that's ok. If you don't want to stop worshipping her altogether, you can always take a step back, and let her know you'll be focusing on some other deities for the time being. It sounds like that's not entirely something you're looking for as a solution, however.

I can't make the decision for you, but if you feel you're not wishing to continue worship, you can tell her you'll be pausing your worship of her for now but may pick it up again in the future. Hestia is an exceptionally kind and understanding goddess, and I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that she would welcome you back with open arms, should you choose to worship her again. It's ok to focus your attention on other deities. Not only is it ok, but it's entirely normal. I've met many people who have had to bid farewell to one deity in order to focus on another, and while it can be really saddening and difficult to let go, remember that they're never completely gone. You can always turn to her and ask for help again, even if you're not actively worshipping her. I've seen this happen many times, and I personally have never heard of any problems regarding doing this. Obviously, ask her if that's comfortable for her first (you asking for help after ending your active worship), but I'd be shocked if she said it wouldn't be. Remember that goodbye doesn't have to be forever.

I will say decisions like these are always difficult to make, but they're necessary. As we evolve and change, so, too, does our worship. We find the need to seek other deities for their guidance or we simply feel pulled to a new deity. It's ok for these things to happen, and I highly doubt Hestia would take it personally. Even in myths, she was depicted as forgiving and compassionate. If your heart isn't in the worship, then it may be time to move on. If you're constantly feeling disconnected and estranged, then it's likely time to let go. Regardless, you will be ok, and you will form new, stronger relationships. This doesn't diminish the strength of the relationship you already had, but you may find something better for yourself in giving someone new a chance.

I hope this helped, and I wish you luck on the path that lies ahead of you, no matter what you choose to do. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself with the situation, and if you need to take a breather and think about it, remind yourself that's ok to do. Take care, Nonny, and have a good day/night. 🧡

[lululawrence]

how do you feel happy? (like... when you've had a bad day what helps? I'm on a four month loop of bad no good bad days and all of my normal tricks no longer work. trying to see if anyone else has any ideas)

oh nonnie. i am so fucking sorry to hear you're where you are! i hate when i reach a point when nothing that usually helps seems to help anymore.

honestly, your opening question had me pause. how do i feel happy?? happy feels... fleeting for me these days. now, for me at least, i think this is mostly because i'm just so bone deep tired that every part of me is just kinda barely existing in survival mode. because of this, the ways that i kind of help myself after a bad day are incredibly specific to me and my needs. i also have an entire slew of layers of things i touch on to try to help myself, depending on what i need that day.

i think you can mostly look at these things as physical needs, emotional needs, mental needs, social needs, and sensory needs. i know there's a lot of overlap in these, but the way i kind of... hone in on them is different and i hope how i explain it makes sense.

this got so stupidly long that i'm putting it beneath a cut and i'm telling you outright at this point you do not have to read all of it. i'm a talkative sort on the best of days, but you hit on something i've been focusing on so much these last few years that i had to infodump and i apologize lol but i did try to still make good points so hopefully you get something good out of all of it??

physical needs. when i'm focusing on my physical needs, i'm literally taking care of my body and it's most base needs. unfortunately, i'm not always good at doing that during the day when i get overwhelmed with the kids. so at the end of the day, if i'm recognizing that i didn't eat enough, drink enough water, get enough sleep, haven't showered in a few days, etc then i take care of that. i try to make sure my teeth are brushed, i'm well fed and watered, and all that and then i tuck myself into bed. it's amazing how just taking care of the most basic of needs for myself after a day of somewhat neglecting them can make me feel like a new woman, or at least a refreshed one.

emotional needs. sometimes it's been a day that has me feeling like i'm on the verge of tears pretty much nonstop because of the constant onslaught. as soon as i have a minute, i hide myself away and i read or watch something that i know will make me cry. sometimes i even just go to my friends and tell them i need some positive words about me reminding me i'm not a shit mom, horrible person, failure of a wife, etc etc etc depending on what it is that is weighing on me the most that day. oftentimes, their generous words are enough to make me cry and give me the emotional release i need. because see, i need to hear those things, but i also know i need to cry, and i oftentimes can't do that on my own. so i have a good cry and then i figure out what i feel like would help me most emotionally and do it. bake cookies, watch a cheesy chick flick, binge some west wing episodes, indulge in watching our flag means death or heartstopper again. maybe i need to read a soft fic that will show me that the characters can make it through hard times and come out stronger in the end too. maybe i need a soothing bath with a bath bomb or a nice sheet mask, and then i can take care of my physical needs and my emotional ones at the same time.

mental needs. sometimes i just need to STOP. for a long time, the way i took care of myself was i reminded myself i have control over SOMETHING, even if it isn't everything that's spiraling out of control or causing the actual issue. that often helps ground me, and that means i had to do a lot of stuff. i clung to it, honestly, and it helped me keep my sanity for ages, even as i not so slowly was thrust into burnout because of it. i'm still not sure i wouldn't do it again, honestly, because it got me through some of the hardest shit of my life, but also it's fucked me up to the point that i don't know how to relax anymore, and it's even manifesting physically. this means that oftentimes my mental needs revolve around having to force myself to stop and breathe. so whatever way i can actually force myself to do this, i do it. if i want to see a movie, i go to the theater where i am surrounded by the film and am much less likely to get distracted by anything. i also allow myself to info dump, usually on my husband and usually about whatever is going on in the fandom at that point lol i try to hold it in because most people in my real life don't care or don't want to listen to me talk about them that much, but there comes a time where i just need to give in to my autistic need to infodump to someone and it is the biggest burst of serotonin to be able to do that. basically, i have to find a way to trick my brain into allowing me to stop and breathe.

social needs. i... listen. my social needs are specific and come with a lot of strings attached these days. i'm an autistic adhd extroverted mother of three special needs kids and i also happen to have ptsd and social anxiety. like. my needs are met in very particular ways and i don't get them met often or enough haaaaaaa but sometimes i have to get out of my house. sometimes i need to just be around people who aren't going to make any demands of me and my time, who are going to let me just... parallel play, basically. lol so i feel like i'm getting interaction and like... physical nearness but in a way that's not even more draining. so i have very specific days and times this is done and i just make sure i get regular doses to keep myself sane and even when i feel guilty as shit, i still make myself take that time. hah

sensory needs. sometimes i get so overwhelmed all day from all the touch and all the sound and all the BAD mental stimulation that i have to cut myself off from it all. sometimes just going out in the garden outside is enough. listening to the birds and the bugs and the wind and the cars and such is so much more soothing than the kids fighting and crying and demanding all day hah but sometimes i also need GOOD stimulation. so i put on my sound cancelling headphones and i listen to an audiobook read by a soothing voice. i listen to my favorite songs. i listen to just WHATEVER I WANT. and change it WHENEVER I WANT.

basically, this got incredibly long and i'm so sorry for that, but i just. these are kinda like bandaids for me. they are tiny drops of water that i use to add something to my often so empty it is bone dry cup. they help me feel human and remind myself that i genuinely do still enjoy some things, if i only had the time and energy for them. there are still good things in life. they don't always make me feel happy, but they do make me feel satisfied and content. and honestly, these days? that's about the same thing for me.

but through all of this, i also have my big ticket items. the biggest of big ticket items for me is live music. i THRIVE in those spaces. my anxiety does too, though, and always has done, which is good to know now cause i'm finally on meds that make it so i don't get physically ill within an hour or two of leaving a performance or concert anymore, which is incredibly helpful. but i have to save up these items. i used to go to concerts all the time cause i was single or newly married and didn't have kids, the shows were cheap, and we had the money to spare. we... do not anymore. so i have to be picky. and that makes it hard because it means i don't get my regular intake of the experiences that are some of my favorite in this entire existence we live. but i splurge when its something i genuinely love, and that's louis. his shows hit on about 5 of my biggest priorities when it comes to concerts, from good vibes within the audience itself to good vibes from the artist to the actual physical vibrations i get in my chest cavity from the bass and the drums moving their way through me. so i do my best to make it to as many shows as i can, and just knowing i have those coming up can get me through a lot. a seriously awful, horrible, incredibly shit day can be slogged through because i know i have a louis show coming up at some point where i will be able to throw myself fully into his music and sing on the top of my lungs but still be drowned out by the music coming out of the speakers. they renew me. i went to three shows in one week and i was physically exhausted, but as soon as i sat down i told my therapist that i felt better than i have in probably a year after going to those three shows. it took a lot of energy i didn't have to make it work and be able to attend them, but i benefitted more than i realized i would.

and THAT is what i mean by a big ticket item. it's not necessarily something that is without sacrifice, but it's worth it because it fills you in ways these smaller things can't. YOU HAVE TO HAVE THESE BIGGER TICKET ITEMS TO LOOK FORWARD TO. it doesn't matter what it is. maybe it's a special meal at your favorite restaurant. maybe it's a road trip, or a long visit with a friend, or buying new nail polish or shoes or whatever it is that really fills you up in every way. make sure you always have something like that to look forward to.

like, i know that my shows will end, and be over with and that is kinda sad because once that happens, i don't have anything specifically to look forward to. but i do know that there will be more. i will have another concert to attend at some point, and hopefully it'll be louis'. just like i know there will be more, you have to train yourself to know there will be other big ticket items coming your way to help fill you too, but you have to also actually follow through with those too. make sure you are actually doing that for yourself. give yourself the refill your cup needs so badly.

SO.

tldr: for the short term fixes, assess what it is you/your body actually needs and do what you can to fulfill those needs. sometimes they aren't fun and they don't bring you joy, but the feelings of contentment and satisfaction that come from it can be just as fulfilling and do that much more to put you in a better place to take on what the next day will bring.

for the long term, always have something that is very fulfilling to your needs to look forward to and then follow through with it. the drops of water help, but only to keep you going until you can fully drink in the way your body craves. figure out what it is for you that allows you to really, deeply drink and make that a priority whenever possible.

GOOD LUCK NONNIE. i'm sending you the best vibes and want to give you all the hugs i can. xxxxx

[one-abuse-survivor]

im recovering, slowly but its happening, snd its weird. i feel my emotions a lot stronger now, its been around 6 months since i left my parents' house and some days are great, i feel stronger and way more confident than i ever did there, i have an amazing job and i just love life. but there are days where everything is just too much, like today. every part of me hurts on the inside and im just tired. its like my heart aches and my chest has an emotional pain inside of it. my grandad died 4 years ago almost, and i feel like im finally getting the chance to grieve him. every day i miss him more and more and i just want him back. it feels like he died yesterday. my nanan died just over a year ago and i feel like im just processing shes gone. im grieving my grandparents, my parents(who they used to be before they abused me), and my (practically nonexistent) childhood all at once and it just hurts inside. its a hurt that makes me feel alive but i just want it to stop and leave me alone. im hoping this is a normal/regular thing people like me go through, and im also hoping it gets better soon. i know it wont in the near future, i feel all the memories coming back some days and i can only process one or two at a time, and it sometimes frustrates me because i want to get it over with, like ripping a bandaid off, but i just cant, and it has to be done step by step. i just miss my grandparents. a lot. im crying a lot more lately too, just feeling my emotions so much stronger since ive started to truly process my trauma. do they stay this strong or settle down? im triggered pretty easily, which, in time, i hope stops happening so easily. i know recovery is a hard road but im thankful and very grateful that i got the chance to start it so early in life. im 19, moved out at 18, and its a bit hard, just so thankful i have a good therapist 😂 sometimes i just get so angry at everything and want to just hurt myself to make the pain stop, or just feel like i do today, slow and tired and achy. i get the rare amazingly happy day, and make sure i enjoy it, dw hahah but idk i just wanted to vent/say this in hopes of hearing that other people are going through this too, and that im not alone

Hey, nonnie. I'm so glad to hear you're away from your parents and recovering from the abuse and trauma you endured. That's amazing, I'm really happy for you ❤️

Yes, in my experience, it is normal to experience these sort of shifts inside you, especially during the first few years of recovery. I personally also went through phases where I would cry almost daily, phases where my emotions seemed out of control, or where I randomly felt immense grief/anger/sadness/disgust. And I can tell you that, in my case, with the help of time and therapy, the bad days, which used to be frequent and leave me exhausted, have become rare and much more manageable. Now, 5 years into recovery, I can have a bad trauma moment (hell, I can even run into my mother) and still enjoy the rest of my day. And my emotions have become much more stable, too. I rarely feel like I'm not in control of them.

Obviously, not everything is easy or perfect. I still live with PTSD, and there's plenty of things I still need to keep working on, like being vulnerable and trusting others, but... The good days have definitely become the norm over time, instead of the exception. In fact, I can't even remember the last time I had a proper emotional flashback or ugly-cried from how overwhelmed I felt (knocking on wood, haha).

So, yes, nonnie, it does get better with time. Recovery isn't linear—I'm sure you've heard that already—but it does get better. Though there may be ups and downs, and you might go through completely unexpected lows as you process all your emotions, the tendency will be to move upwards, and, if you're anything like me, one day you'll wake up and realise you can't even remember the last time you ugly-cried or felt like the world was ending. You'll just be living your life.

You're doing amazingly! There might still be bad days ahead of you, but there are countless good days to come, too.

I hope you can find ways to safely express your anger with the help of your therapist, and I hope you have the space and tools to process some of your grief and trauma memories as they resurface.

Sending a big virtual hug ❤️

Oh, and if anyone else wants to reassure anon that they're not alone, feel free to do so!

[writemywaytoyourheart]

hiiii i found your blog and saw that you’re talking abt tae’s current situation i wanna say thank you for your kind words as i’m feeling overwhelmed too abt the news. i always seek comfort by reading his fics whenever i’m feeling down but now when im sad abt this i cant read his fics bcs he’s the reason why im sad. i know it’s weird and cringed but how do i overcome this huaaaaa :(

(sorry for ranting and sorry if this post made you uncomfortable you can just ignore it if you feel so!)

Hey bean, first of all this did not make me uncomfortable in the slightest, and you have no reason to apologize for your feelings.

Lots of people are feeling this way and have been made time and time again to feel ashamed for it. I think that's wrong. None of you deserve to be ridiculed and made to stuff your feelings down deep so that you don't get targeted.

I'm sorry you've all felt so alone during this. I promise you that you are not alone.

ARMY, let's do better.

These are our friends, basically our family at times. Why do we have to shun them just to make ourselves look "better"? How disappointed do you think BTS would be in some of us to find out how some of their beloved fans were treated for having feelings?

I for one don't think they'd be all too proud.

Nonnie, it is totally normal for you to be avoiding fics about him right now. Like I said in earlier posts, the love is very much real and along with that comes the very real heartbreak, even if some people can't understand it.

Things that used to make you happy are now a direct trigger.

As for overcoming it, there are things that work for some people and things that don't work at all for others. Do what feels right to you, okay?

You can face it head on and bulldoze your way through it, that's how some people heal and feel better.

Or you can find other things that make you happy. It seems like a distraction that won't help in the long run but if this way works for you it isn't that. It's simply filling your life with so many things that bring you joy that you will eventually realize there's more to life than you thought, and it won't hurt as much anymore.

The first step is acknowledging it, which you have done, and I'm so proud of you for that.

Right now, it probably feels like it'll never stop hurting. That you'll never be able to come back from this.

I'm not gonna tell you that you can or cannot.

That's up to you, bean.

This is your story.

You make the rules.

You are the main character in your life, no one can take that from you.

So.

What does that character we love so much do?

Does the book end here, or do we get to see another chapter?

Will our MC give up, or will they break only to become so so much more beautiful?

A character with no struggles is hardly one we can connect with. We root for them because they are broken, and yet we love them and fully believe that they will pick themselves back up and keep going. It's okay to stay down there for a while, it's okay to sit there and cry. We'll all be crying there with you.

But I truly hope the story does not end there.

I for one would love to turn the page and keep reading.

ILY 🥰

-chip

[everythingoes]

If you've already answer this i apologize for being lazy to search for it but how do you make your header? It's 🥺 so 🥺🥺 prettyyyyy 🥺🥺🥺 i haven't been following you for that long so i only witnessed like 3 headers and they're all so bootiful. Makes me sad i didn't find you out earlier i probably missed like a bunch of em

Nonny pleeeaseee this is so sweet :(((( and don’t worry, I haven’t answered this before!! So, I’m an accounting major and I just started learning photoshop about 3 months ago, so a tutorial from me would be confusing at best and an absolute disgrace to photoshop at worst lmao. So instead, I’m gonna link some of the wonderful tutorials made by amazing content creators that helped me learn, as well as some other resources!

This tutorial is what I use to do most of mine. My current one wasn’t really made using this method, but my last two were! In this tutorial, there’s links to a texture pack, a border template pack, and a gif overlay pack- all of which I use frequently!

My lovely and talented friend Hannah aka @taehysung made a wonderful header tutorial not too long ago, and I’ve used things I learned in that tutorial to make some of mine! (For example, the drop shadow effect she describes towards the end is how I added that effect to the border on my current header). In the tutorial, there’s also a link to her header template pack that she made on her other blog, which I also use often!

This is a texture pack that I’ll often use to make the background more interesting. This pack also has lots of helpful resources that I use sometimes.

I would also recommend checking out these blogs for more resources: @/cc-source, @/itsphotoshop, @/completeresources

[hasumilvr]

oh new enstars blog, hello!!! 💕

i’m not sure if there’s a character limit but is it okay if i request for headcanons as to how each member in knights would comfort their gn!reader who comes back home from a stressful and long day? (stressful enough to make them more sensitive than usual and probably cry?)

i’m a bit nervous since i don’t usually request for scenarios like this 😭 good luck with your blog!

⠀☆⠀𓈒⠀Knights - Them comforting you.⠀⠀꒱⠀⠀ 🌷 ⠀

Nonnie!! Nonnie nonnie you’re my first request hi (ヽ´ω`) Thank you for requesting ,, um!! I love knights so much they are so precious... The context might be a bit self indulgent ! Hope you still enjoy it regardless ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈ )

Tsukasa S.

｡˚ The poor kid is deeply concerned. What happened to you, his lovely s/o that usually radiates warm happiness like sunlight, now curling up at the corner of your shared bedroom, eyes watery and about to breakdown the moment you came home? It breaks his heart to see you like this, and he desperately wants to help you.

｡˚ That said, he would do anything to see his dear escort smile again. A sweet caramel drop was placed in the center of your palm, as a very worried Tsukasa Suou, brows tightly furrowed, gazed into your eyes.

｡˚ The silence in the air did not build tension, instead it helped you take your mind off things because your lovely knight was in front of you, giving you his undivided attention. It was a moment later that you shifted to the side, inviting Tsukasa to join you. He kneeled down next to you, and his slim and tender fingers ran through your hair, then soothed your back.

｡˚ ‘D-did the candy make you feel better? Sweets always light up a tiring day.’ He smiled at you, seemingly wanting to distract you from your horrible day. How did he know what you were thinking? How did he know that you just wanted solace instead of questions thrown at you? How did he know that all you desired was to hear his soothing voice, and gentle physical affection?

｡˚ He offers to stay with you the entire night, ignoring the large piled of paperwork stacked on the desk. You were his first priority afterall, and he couldn’t bear to see you shed a single tear, so all he can do is to stay with you, and to reassure you tomorrow will be better in the comforting silence. Handholding and soft, slow kisses included.

Leo T.

｡˚ He tunes down his voice once he sees your puffy red eyes. Uchuus can be saved for another day, he's on the quest to make you feel better!

｡˚ Leo leads you to the sofa and sits down with you. He takes your hand and harrasses it in his, a frown appearing on his cheerful face. It hurts seeing you like this. He knows how it feels, because he's been through it before - the feeling of guilt building up on his heart, and spilling until it hurts so much he can't help but cry. And seeing you go through that? Hurts ten times more than him experiencing it himself. Leo wants you to know he's there for you no matter what, even if it's the silliest thing that made your day go downhill, he still wants to comfort you, and make the throbbing pain in your heart go away.

｡˚ Sings and hums short and bubbly tunes next to your ear as you lay down and get comfortable! He wants to help you take your mind off things, and what better way to do it than with music? His voice cheers you up, like that of an elegant angel's.

｡˚ Leo would be quiter than usual. He knows being too loud might overwhelm you, especially after such a horrible day. He presses and trails kisses from your cheeks to your neck, and pulls you into the warmest hug ever. It makes you sleepy, but ending such a horrible day with cosy hugs and soft, tender kisses was more than you could ask for.

Izumi S.

｡˚ Izumi... isn't very good with words, especially words of affection and appreciation, perhaps that's why he finds himself so lost at what to say when you come home and began sobbing on his shoulder.

｡˚ So just for tonight, he supposes, he allows you to confide in him, and takes off the stoic and naggy font he usually wears.

｡˚ Wraps his arms around your waste to make you feel better. His arms are strong, slender, and most importantly, they make you feel safe. The smell of the shampoo at home reminds you that you're safe here, you're safe with him. A tear threatens to fall from all the horrible incidents today, and he dries the trail of tears as it rolls down your cheeks with his finger.

｡˚ 'Soo~ annoying... Just let me know next time if something goes wrong... It's not like I'm annoyed with your problems. In fact, I'll be more than glad to slow down and solve them with you, darling.'

｡˚ Makes you a warm bath and brews you a cup of tea to help you freshen up. He returns to notify you that the bath is ready with a quick peck on the forehead. 'We'll talk about it later, alright? Go take a bath first, I'll be waiting for you outside.'

Ritsu S.

｡˚ The vampire boy fully wakes up at the mere sight of your tired figure at the door. Quickly realizing this wasn't really something that a light joke or kiss could fix once you refused to tell him what was wrong, he linked his hands with yours and lead you in front of the piano.

｡˚ As you watched his fingers dance across the black and white keys, you looked at your reflections on the piano - the frown on his face did not look good on him at all. Was he perhaps that worried about you? A slow piece was played, the quiet and soothing melody replacing the disturbing voices in your head.

｡˚ He looks up back to you, and pats your head as he ruffles your hair. Light and gentle physical touches from your love, just what you needed after today. Was Ritsu a mind reader? How did he know what you dreaded?

｡˚ The usual mischevious grin returns and replaces the hurtful expression planted on his face, 'Y/n-chan, I haven't seen you for the entiii~re day... I missed you a lot. You owe me cuddles and naps.' Oh and there was the pout that you could never resist. You rolled your eyes, and it was mere minutes later that you got changed, and was under the warm and comforting covers with your boyfriend.

｡˚ No words were exchanged, but you knew the invitation to napping was a part of Ritsu's plans to make you feel better. He has his ways to show you that he cares without overstepping on your boundaries, and that's a part of him that you oh so love.

Arashi N.

｡˚ 'I wanna make you so happy' were not just lyrics. Arashi meant it from the bottom of her heart - she wanted her jewel stone to smile and shine for her. It's a lovely maiden's job to cheer their darling up when they had a bad day, yes?

｡˚ Initiates a lot of hugs and kisses! She knows and understands how horrible you feels, and seeing you sigh breaks her heart into pieces. Maybe hugs won't solve the problem on hand, but at least they make you feel safe and calm.

｡˚ Invites you to join her skin care session! She gently rubs on those heavy eye bags of yours. She massages your cheeks as you slowly relax, the pace of your breathing slowing down and matching hers.

｡˚ Like Tsukasa, Arashi would also treat you to sugary pastries. As you take a bite from the donut she bought just for you, your shoulders fall and relax from the tense day, and the adorable sight brings a smile to her face.

｡˚ Would help you slowly open up. She doesn't force you to talk about all the work your collegue forced on you, but the energy Arashi radiates... She's a very good listener apart from a good advice giver, so if you decide to let her in the story of your unpleasant day at work, she would patiently listen and stroke your hand slowly, her violet eyes shining like gemstones as they give you the most loving and warm gaze, reassuring you it will all be okay at the end...

Also woooooo!! um using the taglist from my old blog please let me know if you do not wish to be tagged anymore <3 @yumetokashite @s0ckboy @harucafelatte @lilikags

[serodev]

Mind if I request some headcanons about Tomioka, Enmu and Kaigaku with hyperactive S/O?

Warnings: None!

Pairing: Giyuu, Enmu, Kaigaku x gn!reader

Note(s): I'm really sorry for taking such a long time to answer your request, nonny! I hope that you enjoy these headcanons of the trio!!

Headcanons under read more to save space

Giyuu

» I would say that Giyuu's surprisingly used to hyperactive people. (Have you seen Rengoku or Tanjiro or Inosuke? Giyuu knows all three of them.) So it wouldn't really be a big thing for him to be around you.

» Of course, even though he's used to hyperactive people, he's still a bit awkward when he's around you. It's not because he doesn't like how energetic you are, but it's because he just doesn't know what to say or do, especially if you happen to have a day where your thoughts jump all over the place.

» Luckily for you, though, Giyuu's going to make his affection clear by writing letters to you and by being close to you! One of his favorite things to do is to actually listen to you because it can help him forget the worries he might own at that moment.

Enmu

» First reaction that you're going to get out of Enmu when he finds out how hyperactive you are is amusement! He's not fully sure of how people work, so seeing how you act and talk makes him feel a bit entertained.

» However, I would say that while he's much more vocal about his liking towards your energetic personality than what Giyuu is, he gets overwhelmed by it after a while.

» That's why it becomes pretty normal for him to make you fall asleep if you happen to be more hyperactive than usually. He still loves you, though, so he won't give you nightmares!

Kaigaku

» Kaigaku's the most annoyed out of these three. I'd say that he actually tries to avoid you in the beginning when he finds out how hyperactive you are, but his luck isn't really on his side when it comes to you.

» He learns to listen to you after some trial and error, but he still has his days when he ends up snapping at you if you talk too much in his opinion.

» Depending on your reaction, he's going to apologize later on, especially if he sees you mopping around in sadness. I would still say that it's safer to be with Giyuu and Enmu if you happen to be really hyperactive!

Author's note: I hope you enjoyed these!! I still get kind of sad when I have to cut down the number of bullet points as the number of characters goes up. That's why I tried to make them as long as possible!

[99fandomproblems]

Odd question but how do you stop being a lurker?

I really wanna interact with other people in my fandoms but I've seen so many things get blown out of proportion and people getting dogpiled on for petty reasons that it makes me super anxious.

Hi, Nonnie!

I understand where you're coming from, many of us feel this way sometimes.

I've answered similar asks like this about joining in more with fandom, and I'll list them at the end of this post so you can see you certainly aren't alone.

I have some tips for coming out of lurking that I hope can help you out! Most of these tips will be for Tumblr but can be applied to any platform, including ao3, or other social media sites besides Tumblr.

If you have a lurking/anonymous blog for fandom that brings you joy to use, I strongly recommend keeping it just as it is! Meanwhile, you can open a new blog/account for interacting with the fandom. (Alternatively, if you're happy for your Main to be interacted with, stick with that blog! You have to pick which suits you best, Nonnie.)

So once you have your chosen blog to interact with, the best way to start interacting with the fandom is:

-Follow some blogs

-Like, reblog, and comment on other blogs' posts 

-Send asks, or start a tag game, or join in ongoing creative tag games (writblr, artists on tumblr, wip shares, etc.) or events. Even if you aren't a writer/artist yourself, you can comment on and follow what creators in the fandom are doing.

-comment on writer's ao3 works, follow them on Tumblr if they list their blog, send them nice asks about their fics (writers will love you for that!)

This is all a good start! I wouldn't worry too much about the quantity of your interactions at first. You don't want to overwhelm yourself! Focus on quality; try to be thoughtful in your comments, and this will come through in the text. One thoughtful and positive comment can really make someone's day! Putting something nice into your fandom by making a kind comment is an achievement in itself.

Little by little, do these interactions more and more, and you should soon start to see people interact with you in kind. Blogs will reply back or follow you, and you'll start to notice certain blogs in your notifications. 

Not every blog/user will want to be friends or follow your blog, and it's worth remembering that. Some people want new friends, some don't. That's okay, don't take it personally if one blog in particular isn't available. Be aware of who seems happy to interact and chat, and focus your replies to them. Try not to focus on those who don't or can't reply (perhaps they have a hectic home life and can't interact online right now; we just don't know! Give them the benefit of doubt).

The more people/blogs you chat to, the more chances you give yourself. For example if I went to a party and only said hi to one person, I'm only giving myself one chance at finding a new acquaintance. But if I chatted to a few more people (not necessarily at the same party, but in time!) I'm giving myself more chances at finding my people.

I understand that putting yourself out there socially is intimidating. It is online just as much in real life situations. At least with online we can have a pseud or nickname, and a profile picture that isn't a selfie. It gives you protection and anonymity. This is why I suggest using a side blog for your fandom interactions; you could create a brand new pseud if that suits you more and eases the pressure. Try it out? 

With any new social interaction, try to look at things with a glass half full outlook. Say to yourself, if I say good morning to this person or pay them a compliment, I will have done a nice thing, and if they say hi back or reciprocate then it's simply a bonus on top.

You can also try saying this aloud:

I am here to have fun and enjoy myself. If I meet other like-minded people along the way it's a bonus I will gladly accept. I am ready to receive new friends.

I hope this helps you, Nonnie!

Try not to pressure yourself into chatting/interactions. Accept that some days you may not feel like it, while other days you may want to comment or chat. Do what feels right for you, and don't try to do it all at once. Little by little. One step at a time.

You can say to yourself, I'll try to comment on someone's post today. Or, I'll tell one of my favourite writers/artists what I enjoy about their work today.

Little steps like this.

It's really hard to go wrong with genuine, thoughtful, and positive responses in fandom. You don't have to write loads, a short comment is just as valuable.

Is there a gif making or headcanon blog that you enjoy? Send them a nice ask or reblog their post with a nice comment. Everyone behind a blog will always notice the positive responses in their notifications.

In summary, Nonnie:

-Try out some positive comments

-Don't overwhelm yourself

-One step at a time

-Block or filter anyone/anything that annoys you! Block liberally.

I hope that helps! Here are some more answered asks that may also help you out.

How to make fandom friends:

Making space for yourself:

Help with leaving comments:

[whumperooni]

After reading about gilf Enji I had this idea which I hope isn't TOO cursed ;; so, we all like to humiliate Natsu right? imagine that papa Natsu has the biggest hots for his cute lil girl, he adores her and would want nothing more than to make her his leetle wifey BUT, she seems to like to spend all of her time with her grandpa, she's so clingy to him and so in love, so imagine Natsus heartbreak when he goes to pick her up and finds cutie and enji getting all hot in the kitchen (1/2)

(2/2) and Natsu can do nothing more than just stand there and stare at his little girl whimpering and moaning and raining loving words and praise while getting railed by Enji fucking Todoroki, the man Natsuo still hates the most and HE of all people got to claim his little girl, like wow Natsuo got not only humiliated but also cucked by his own father

Cursed???? Cursed????? Oh, nonny, this is blessed.

I took some liberties- as per usual! But I hope you still like it, nonny ♡

tags/warnings: tw incest, tw breeding kink, possessive thoughts and behavior, voyeurism, unintentional cucking

“daddy, i went to grandfather’s ^~^ can you pick me up later?”

Natsuo’s eyes close. He takes a deep breath and one more, another after that.

It doesn’t calm him. It doesn’t stop him from gritting his teeth and crushing his phone in his fist.

This is the third time this week that you’ve gone to grandfather’s. This is the third time this week that he’s had to drag himself to that hated residence and face his father, struggle with the envy over your sweet smile and the kisses you press to Enji’s cheek.

Why do you have to be so enraptured with your grandfather? Why can’t you spend more time with your father- with Natsuo?

He wants you here at home. He wants you to be his good little girl and take care of his home instead of running around doing chores for your grandfather in your short skirts and aprons, your knee high socks. You’re supposed to be daddy’s little girl preparing him dinner and snuggling up next to him on the couch, letting him dote his never ending adoration on you.

You’re supposed to be his- not Enji’s.

A sigh escapes him and Natsuo scrubs at his face, frowns as he slumps his cheek into his palm after.

He can’t decide if this is more preferable to you having a boyfriend or not; Natsuo doesn’t know what he’d do if you told him some horny little prick had captured your heart.

Your heart belongs to him- your daddy.

No one else can have it.

Natsuo’s frown grows and he glances at his phone, sends off a quick little “okay angel. i’ll be there in a bit” to you before standing from his desk.

As much as he wants to rush over and scoop you up and away, he waits. He knows how much you love Enji and he wants you to be happy- no matter how bitter it may make him.

Natsuo busies himself with taking the laundry from the dryer, folding it up. It’s mostly yours and it’s not long before he comes across a pair of cute lace panties tucked among the rest of the clothes.

He stares down at the panties- tongue darting out to lick his lips and chest moving with a deep, deep breath.

He hasn’t seen these ones before; they must be new.

Natsuo’s thumbs smooth over the lace and a slow blush begins to creep across his cheeks, his mind conjures an unbidden image of you in one of his t-shirt, the panties discarded on the floor.

He’s disgusting.

It’s wrong that he’s a little hard and it’s wrong that he brings the panties up to his nose. It’s wrong that he considers stuffing them in his pocket and it’s wrong that he can’t help imaging you perched in his lap- shivering as he hooks the panties to the side, traces a finger along your slit.

But, god, he just loves his little girl so much- more than anyone, anything. He loves you and he wants you to be his in every sort of way- daughter, wife, lover.

He’ll never tell you- he can’t ever tell you. He has to keep it deep inside, let the shame and sin fester in the darkest parts of his heart.

If you don’t know about it, it can’t hurt you. It can’t be that bad if he keeps it all stuffed down and hidden away.

...right?

(He knows it’s not right.)

A quiet groan works its way up Natsuo’s throat and he squeezes his eyes tight, clenches his hand to keep from touching himself.

...he can’t.

Natsuo’s teeth grit and he places the panties on top of your clothes, resumes folding the laundry.

He’ll get you once he’s done. And he’ll keep his shameful desires all to himself.

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ 

It’s a little late once he leaves the house- a call from a business partner and an unexpected favor to the neighbor had Natsuo running late.

But, he’s here now- back at his childhood home- and steeling himself to interact with his father, antsy to get you back and away from this place.

No one answers when he knocks. Natsuo frowns, but slides the door open and toes off his shoes.

You’re not in the living room when he checks and that makes him sigh, call out your name. You don’t answer him, but there’s a noise that sounds further in the house- something that makes his brows furrow.

...what is that?

Another noise and Natsuo’s frown deepens, he begins to slowly head toward it.

It sounds like a- like a-

No, no- of course not. It’s not a moan- his mind is playing tricks on him. It’s just- it’s just-

What the hell is that noise?

Trepidation floods through him and Natsuo swallows hard- hands shaking at his sides as his heart pounds.

One steps. Two steps. Three steps. Four steps.

Four steps and then he’s in the doorway of the kitchen. Four steps and then he’s staring at something his mind can’t comprehend. Four steps and then his heart breaks, his world shatters.

“Ojii-san! Ojii-san! Feels- feels-”

A moan tears through the air and Natsuo places a hand to his mouth- eyes wide as he watches his beloved daughter- his only daughter, his precious child, his heart and love- whine and moan, arch as his father- your grandfather- rocks his hips and slides his dick inside of you.

It’s not horror that rises in Natsuo first- it’s rage. It’s envy. It’s a choked, disgusting, aching wrench of jealousy and anger and heart break.

He watches as you whimper and cling to Enji- nails digging into a broad back and your legs wrapping around a thick waist, mewls leaving you as your grandfather fucks you.

“Ojii-san, feels so good! I can’t- I can’t-”

Enji grunts and Natsuo has to watch- eyes wide and growing teary, mouth numb with his fury- as his father latches his lips to your throat, fucks into you hard enough that the dishes in the cabinets shiver and shake.

“Come, little one,” Enji growls. “Come for me again.”

Again?

A sweet mewl leaves you and so does a hiccuping sob- your hands scrambling up your grandfather’s back until you can curl fingers into his hair, your body tightening as you whine his name again and again and again.

Natsuo’s fingers dig into his cheek as he stifles a yell and he grips the doorway with his free hand, nearly falls to his knees.

That’s his baby girl. That’s his daughter. And you’re- you’re-

“Love you, ojii-san! Love you so much! Please! More! More!”

“Greedy.”

It’s the fondest Natsuo has ever heard his father sound and he hates it- he hates it so fucking much, hates how Enji muffles your moan with a kiss, hates how his big hands grip your waist as he keeps fucking into your dripping cunt.

Why is it him? Why the fuck is it him?!

Tears stain Natsuo’s cheek and his fury has him shaking, his heartbreak has him rooted in the spot- unable to turn away or call out, unable to do anything but stare in his shock and jealousy as he watches each thrust that makes your breast bounce, as he watches each rock that has you whimpering and mewling. You’re flushed and beautiful, eyes heavy lidded and lips unable to stay closed with all the sweet noises leaving you, the pleasure making you a dumb, cooing, gorgeous thing.

He’s imagined the look of ecstasy on your face so many times. It’s always been him giving you pleasure in his mind, though- never this. Never ever this.

A sick wash of envy washes over Natsuo as he watches your fingers twine tighter through salt and pepper hair, as he watches you reach a hand back to grip at a cabinet while your back arches more and your lashes flutter, a low moan leaves you.

He’s hard as he watches you and that’s when the horror comes, when the shame comes crashing in.

How is this happening? How is this happening?!

“Ojii-san! Ojji-san, please! I wanna- I want-”

A cry rips from your lips and Natsuo flinches when Enji lifts you from the counter, when you’re pressed against the kitchen floor- hips lifted up and breasts pressed against the wooden slats, your eyes shut as you whine whenever Enji braces himself over you and fills you with his cock once again.

Fuck, you look so small underneath him.

Natsuo swallows hard and he takes a trembling step back, is still unable to tear his eyes away even as Enji starts rutting into you again, even as his big hands slide to thread his fingers through yours and he leans down to rumble out,

“I’ll give you what you want, little one. Ojii-san will fill you.”

Fill...fill...

Natsuo’s cock throbs and he goes dizzy, stumbles back as Enji presses a kiss to your back.

He hears you mewl out a needy “please” and that hits his limit- breaks him into nothing but tiny little shards.

Natsuo bolts out of the house, panting and gasping and running as fast as he can. He gets in the car and he gets his hand on his cock, ruts into his fist with an angry moan as his mind floods with the image of his sweet daughter being fucked by his father, your grandfather.

He comes and he chokes on a sob, forehead smacking against the steering wheel as he curls up into himself.

How could you do this? Why did it have to be him?

Natsuo grits his teeth and he slams his fist against the dash, shakes as humiliation and envy overwhelms him.

...he should have taken you like he wanted. Maybe then this wouldn’t have happened.

...he’s going to stop this. He’s going to show you who you belong to.

He has to- he can’t lose you to Enji.

Natsuo wipes furious tears from his eyes and he looks dully at his childhood home, feels bile rise in his throat.

His baby girl...his angel...

Natsuo waits in the car quietly- face blank and eyes wet, his heart aching as he counts down the seconds until his daughter is finished being fucked by his father, until he can go inside and take what is his.

[fuwushiguro]

You probably don't care but in an effort to get to know each other better I decided to answer the questions I sent you as well!

Also maybe this would help as a lil distraction from being overwhelmed? Just two besties getting to know each other!

Do you have any scars?

I actually have a ton of acne scars and growing up and seeing a majority of my classmates have flawless skin made me really insecure, I still kinda am, but I've learned to love that part of myself just a little bit! I never felt comfortable with my sonas/self inserts having acne scars as all the dots make me feel kinda ugly so to remedy that I represent my scars as stars! It just makes me feel prettier

How did you get your name?

I've asked my mom this a million times but how I got my irl name is my mom was flipping through a baby book and had no clue what to name me and I believe the nurse suggested the name or my mom saw it, slapped an e at the end, and called it a day. Fun fact! Me and my siblings all have six (6) letters in our name and we all have one (1) y!

Do you talk to yourself?

Oh abso-fucking-lutely. Talking to yourself is just thinking out loud like I always say. I could be thinking about my f/o's and tell myself to shut up out of nowhere when I get flustered, blurt random shit my ocs would say, complain to myself about my coworker asking me to cover for them, quote a random meme. It could be anything. The sky's the limit.

Favorite song?

I honestly couldn't pick one either but some I've been listening to back to back are Woman by Doja Cat, Massa or Rise by Tyler the creator, and Rene by The Free Nationals. And honestly same, when I'm too lazy to change the song or find a new song and fall in love with the beat I'll just listen to it on repeat for like 2 hours it isn't even funny😗

Hope you don't mind my rambling! Oh and I'm 19 and my pronouns are she/her! It's nice to meet you!

Omg sorry this is so long!!! -🐝🌼

Omg no please feel free to talk to me about whatever you want whenever u want my inbox is always open to random chatter or venting or whatever u guys need! As long as ur nice to me I’m always around to talk 😌

Firstly!!! I feel u about the acne stuff! I think my skin has gotten a lot better since I found a routine that works for me but honestly I still feel pretty insecure about my skin sometimes ! I’ve had acne trouble since I was like NINE so it’s very understandable that you have felt that way about yourself! But it’s so sweet you’ve found a way to make yourself feel better, ur so beautiful nonnie!!! Such a sweet kind soul 🥺

I hearing people’s baby name stories 😂 it’s always so wild to me when people don’t know what to name their children like you’ve had months to prepare for this hahahaha! But that sounds cute 🤩 and what a coincidence with ur siblings too!!

YES all of that is so relatable I do the same! I love talking to myself omgggggg I talk to myself in accents sometimes too 🥴

All GREAT songs I had a woman phase the other day too!! But I LOVE that you like Tyler, he’s my favourite artist!! I love him a lot and it’s been dope to see his growth over the years 💘

Do u have a nickname u would like to be called? Or would u prefer me just call u by ur emojis? Let me know cutie!!

Thank you for all of this hehe 💕💖

[qqueenofhades]

Could you expand a bit on the "death of expertise"? It's something I think about A LOT as an artist, because there are so many problems with people who think it isn't a real job, and the severe undercutting of prices that happens because people think hobbyists and professionals are the same. At the same time, I also really want people to feel free to be able to make art if they want, with no gatekeeping or elitism, and I usually spin myself in circles mentally thinking about it. So.

I have been secretly hoping someone would ask this question, nonny. Bless you. I have a lot (a LOT) of thoughts on this topic, which I will try to keep somewhat concise and presented in a semi-organized fashion, but yes.

I can mostly speak about this in regard to academia, especially the bad, bad, BAD takes in my field (history) that have dominated the news in recent weeks and which constitute most of the recent posts on my blog. (I know, I know, Old Man Yells At Cloud when attempting to educate the internet on actual history, but I gotta do SOMETHING.) But this isn’t a new phenemenon, and is linked to the avalanche of “fake news” that we’ve all heard about and experienced in the last few years, especially in the run-up and then after the election of You Know Who, who has made fake news his personal brand (if not in the way he thinks). It also has to do with the way Americans persistently misunderstand the concept of free speech as “I should be able to say whatever I want and nobody can correct or criticize me,” which ties into the poisonous extreme-libertarian ethos of “I can do what I want with no regard for others and nobody can correct me,” which has seeped its way into the American mainstream and is basically the center of the modern Republican party. (Basically: all for me, all the time, and caring about others is a weak liberal pussy thing to do.)

This, however, is not just an issue of partisan politics, because the left is just as guilty, even if its efforts take a different shape. One of the reason I got so utterly exasperated with strident online leftists, especially around primary season and the hardcore breed of Bernie Bros, is just that they don’t do anything except shout loud and incorrect information on the internet (and then transmogrify that into a twisted ideology of moral purity which makes a sin out of actually voting for a flawed candidate, even if the alternative is Donald Goddamn Trump). I can’t count how many people from both sides of the right/left divide get their political information from like-minded people on social media, and never bother to experience or verify or venture outside their comforting bubbles that will only provide them with “facts” that they already know. Social media has done a lot of good things, sure, but it’s also made it unprecedently easy to just say whatever insane bullshit you want, have it go viral, and then have you treated as an authority on the topic or someone whose voice “has to be included” out of some absurd principle of both-siderism. This is also a tenet of the mainstream corporate media: “both sides” have to be included, to create the illusion of “objectivity,” and to keep the largest number of paying subscribers happy. (Yes, of course this has deep, deep roots in the collapse of late-stage capitalism.) Even if one side is absolutely batshit crazy, the rules of this distorted social contract stipulate that their proposals and their flaws have to be treated as equal with the others, and if you point out that they are batshit crazy, you have to qualify with some criticism of the other side.

This is where you get white people posting “Neo-Nazis and Black Lives Matter are the same!!!1” on facebook. They are a) often racist, let’s be real, and b) have been force-fed a constant narrative where Both Sides Are Equally Bad. Even if one is a historical system of violent oppression that has made a good go at total racial and ethnic genocide and rests on hatred, and the other is the response to not just that but the centuries of systemic and small-scale racism that has been built up every day, the white people of the world insist on treating them as morally equivalent (related to a superior notion that Violence is Always Bad, which.... uh... have you even seen constant and overwhelming state-sponsored violence the West dishes out? But it’s only bad when the other side does it. Especially if those people can be at all labeled “fanatics.”)

I have complained many, many times, and will probably complain many times more, about how hard it is to deconstruct people’s absolutely ingrained ideas of history and the past. History is a very fragile thing; it’s really only equivalent to the length of a human lifespan, and sometimes not even that. It’s what people want to remember and what is convenient for them to remember, which is why we still have some living Holocaust survivors and yet a growing movement of Holocaust denial, among other extremist conspiracy theories (9/11, Sandy Hook, chemtrails, flat-earthing, etc etc). There is likewise no organized effort to teach honest history in Western public schools, not least since the West likes its self-appointed role as guardians of freedom and liberty and democracy in the world and doesn’t really want anyone digging into all that messy slavery and genocide and imperialism and colonialism business. As a result, you have deliberately under- or un-educated citizens, who have had a couple of courses on American/British/etc history in grade school focusing on the greatest-hit reel, and all from an overwhelmingly triumphalist white perspective. You have to like history, from what you get out of it in public school, to want to go on to study it as a career, while knowing that there are few jobs available, universities are cutting or shuttering humanities departments, and you’ll never make much money. There is... not a whole lot of outside incentive there.

I’ve written before about how the humanities are always the first targeted, and the first defunded, and the first to be labeled as “worthless degrees,” because a) they are less valuable to late-stage capitalism and its emphasis on Material Production, and b) they often focus on teaching students the critical thinking skills that critique and challenge that dominant system. There’s a reason that there is a stereotype of artists as social revolutionaries: they have often taken a look around, gone, “Hey, what the hell is this?” and tried to do something about it, because the creative and free-thinking impulse helps to cultivate the tools necessary to question what has become received and dominant wisdom. Of course, that can then be taken too far into the “I’ll create my own reality and reject absolutely everything that doesn’t fit that narrative,” and we end up at something like the current death of expertise.

This year is particularly fertile for these kinds of misinformation efforts: a plague without a vaccine or a known cure, an election year in a turbulently polarized country, race unrest in a deeply racist country spreading to other racist countries around the world and the challenging of a particularly important system (white supremacy), etc etc. People are scared and defensive and reactive, and in that case, they’re especially less motivated to challenge or want to encounter information that scares them. They need their pre-set beliefs to comfort them or provide steadiness in a rocky and uncertain world, and (thanks once again to social media) it’s easy to launch blistering ad hominem attacks on people who disagree with you, who are categorized as a faceless evil mass and who you will never have to meet or negotiate with in real life. This is the environment in which all the world’s distinguished scientists, who have spent decades studying infectious diseases, have to fight for airtime and authority (and often lose) over random conspiracy theorists who make a YouTube video. The public has been trained to see them as “both the same” and then accept which side they like the best, regardless of actual factual or real-world qualifications. They just assume the maniac on YouTube is just as trustworthy as the scientists with PhDs from real universities.

Obviously, academia is racist, elitist, classist, sexist, on and on. Most human institutions are. But training people to see all academics as the enemy is not the answer. You’ve seen the Online Left (tm) also do this constantly, where they attack “the establishment” for never talking about anything, or academics for supposedly erasing and covering up all of non-white history, while apparently never bothering to open a book or familiarize themselves with a single piece of research that actual historians are working on. You may have noticed that historians have been leading the charge against the “don’t erase history!!!1″ defenders of racist monuments, and explaining in stinging detail exactly why this is neither preserving history or being truthful about it. Tumblr likes to confuse the mechanism that has created the history and the people who are studying and analyzing that history, and lump them together as one mass of Evil And Lying To You. Academics are here because we want to critically examine the world and tell you things about it that our nonsense system has required years and years of effort, thousands of dollars in tuition, and other gatekeeping barriers to learn. You can just ask one of us. We’re here, we usually love to talk, and we’re a lot cheaper. I think that’s pretty cool.

As a historian, I have been trained in a certain skill set: finding, reading, analyzing, using, and criticizing primary sources, ditto for secondary sources, academic form and style, technical skills like languages, paleography, presentation, familiarity with the professional mechanisms for reviewing and sharing work (journals, conferences, peer review, etc), and how to assemble this all into an extended piece of work and to use it in conversation with other historians. That means my expertise in history outweighs some rando who rolls up with an unsourced or misleading Twitter thread. If a professor has been handed a carefully crafted essay and then a piece of paper scribbled with crayon, she is not obliged to treat them as essentially the same or having the same critical weight, even if the essay has flaws. One has made an effort to follow the rules of the game, and the other is... well, I did read a few like that when teaching undergraduates. They did not get the same grade.

This also means that my expertise is not universal. I might know something about adjacent subjects that I’ve also studied, like political science or English or whatever, but someone who is a career academic with a degree directly in that field will know more than me. I should listen to them, even if I should retain my independent ability and critical thinking skillset. And I definitely should not be listened to over people whose field of expertise is in a completely different realm. Take the recent rocket launch, for example. I’m guessing that nobody thought some bum who walked in off the street to Kennedy Space Center should be listened to in preference of the actual scientists with degrees and experience at NASA and knowledge of math and orbital mechanics and whatever else you need to get a rocket into orbit. I definitely can’t speak on that and I wouldn’t do it anyway, so it’s frustrating to see it happen with history. Everybody “knows” things about history that inevitably turn out to be wildly wrong, and seem to assume that they can do the same kind of job or state their conclusions with just as much authority. (Nobody seems to listen to the scientists on global warming or coronavirus either, because their information is actively inconvenient for our entrenched way of life and people don’t want to change.) Once again, my point here is not to be a snobbish elitist looking down at The Little People, but to remark that if there’s someone in a field who has, you know, actually studied that subject and is speaking from that place of authority, maybe we can do better than “well, I saw a YouTube video and liked it better, so there.” (Americans hate authority and don’t trust smart people, which  is a related problem and goes back far beyond Trump, but there you are.)

As for art: it’s funny how people devalue it constantly until they need it to survive. Ask anyone how they spent their time in lockdown. Did they listen to music? Did they watch movies or TV? Did they read a book? Did they look at photography or pictures? Did they try to learn a skill, like drawing or writing or painting, and realize it was hard? Did they have a preference for the art that was better, more professionally produced, had more awareness of the rules of its craft, and therefore was more enjoyable to consume? If anyone wants to tell anyone that art is worthless, I invite you to challenge them on the spot to go without all of the above items during the (inevitable, at this rate) second coronavirus lockdown. No music. No films. No books. Not even a video or a meme or anything else that has been made for fun, for creativity, or anything outside the basic demands of Compensated Economic Production. It’s then that you’ll discover that, just as with the underpaid essential workers who suffered the most, we know these jobs need to get done. We just still don’t want to pay anyone fairly for doing them, due to our twisted late-capitalist idea of “value.”

Anyway, since this has gotten long enough and I should probably wrap up: as you say, the difference between “professional” and “hobbyist” has been almost completely erased, so that people think the opinion of one is as good as the other, or in your case, that the hobbyist should present their work for free or refuse to be seen as a professional entitled to fair compensation for their skill. That has larger and more insidious effects in a global marketplace of ideas that has been almost entirely reduced to who can say their opinion the loudest to the largest group of people. I don’t know how to solve this problem, but at least I can try to point it out and to avoid being part of it, and to recognize where I need to speak and where I need to shut up. My job, and that of every single white person in America right now, is to shut up and let black people (and Native people, and Latinx people, and Muslim people, and etc...) tell me what it’s really like to live here with that identity. I have obviously done a ton of research on the subject and consider myself reasonably educated, but here’s the thing: my expertise still doesn’t outweigh theirs, no matter what degrees they have or don’t have. I then am required to boost their ideas, views, experiences, and needs, rather than writing them over or erasing them, and to try to explain to people how the roots of these ideas interlock and interact where I can. That is -- hopefully -- putting my history expertise to use in a good way to support what they’re saying, rather than silence it. I try, at any rate, and I am constantly conscious of learning to do better.

I hope that was helpful for you. Thanks for letting me talk about it.