#i hope im productive at home

[orcelito]

Haircut

[arsenicflame]

hi so, checking in (sorry, its personal bullshit again, ill get back to the fandom stuff you actually wanted,,,, eventually)

things. are going bad. like, really bad, like last january bad. like im about to lose all my personhood again bad. im hoping its still just going to be a small blip and things will start upticking soon, but. im bracing for that not to be the case. it feels different to me

i vaguely mentioned earlier in the week taking a bit of a step back, and ive decided to extend that into a full break. my queues probably going to run out before im back, though i have slowed it down some. thatll be the only noticable difference for 99% of people. i wont guarantee any dm responses on here, but ill do my best for the couple of people who have me on discord

i didnt really want to do this again but it gets messy in my head, and ive found the best way to control the clawing beast of attention and need and the things that make me want to be a person i dont want to be is to cut it off at the source. its not nice, and it hurts, and it definitely kills the chances of making friends but. i promise you its better than the alternative.

ill see you when i see you, i guess. i hope its soon. i hope this isnt how it feels to be. i hope the feelings that have existed this week go dormant again. but itll be what itll be. i can't change that

[pepprs]

ok so. today i am going to

fly (and travel at all) by myself for the first time since making the emergency return home from br!ghton bc of c0vid 4 years ago (extremely distressing and scary experience). and fly by myself two weeks after a mixed bag of a conference experience / plane ride home that included a massive scary depressive spiral that i had someone there to help me through as much as they could but it wasn’t enough which was absolutely not their fault but was deeply distressing to me at the time. so im about to be in a very similar environment but this time that person won’t be physically with me and it’s going to wreck my brain in multiple directions in part bc i have not yet recovered from the depressive spiral. i am still in it. lawl <3

ride in an uber by myself for the first time. ride in an uber at all for maybe the 5th time. as a very short young woman. which i have been expressedly warned by my parents not to do. lol <3

check into a hotel by myself for the first time

walk in a big city by myself for the first time (technically slightly untrue bc wjen i was last in ch!cago 5 years ago i did power walk from the hotel to the conference venue (like a block away) on the last day bc i was pissed about a situation but that was like… a block and i saw ppl i knew walking in that area. this time i will be in the same city and know no one at least for today

give myself a self care evening at the recommendation of my therapist…. for the first time. (maybe after i take a walk which i will do specifically when it’s still light out to see what the area is like). tonight no one i know will be in ch!cago yet and i have no plans to do anything. im going to play video games and draw and sing and give myself space and time to just enjoy being by myself and see how it goes

[3416]

love this tweet as if we don't have a winning record rn on the backs of our star players and woll actually

[ultimateinferno]

Looking back I think one of the biggest things that got me through uni was that Canvas had calendars that showed when assignments were due and actually let me plan out what tf I was going to do without feeling overwhelmed.

Well... that and being a tutor/TA/lab assistant letting me work on homework during my shifts. Those two things really pushed uni from being agonizing to doable.

[acebytaemin]

good god.. been dealing with THINGS. very many of them

[cosmicrhetoric]

last night i was so sick of my skin i was like thats IT im DONE im going to the drugstore and buying what my famously clear skinned mother used in the 90s. woke up this morning to find out it made me break out 🤡

[megumi-fm]

🍂

[mieczyhale]

"i had to surrender my cat bc he's got incontinence issues and i'm just not equipped to deal with that"

i'm stealing your fucking kneecaps

[kaddos]

like yeah i COULD do my calc homework. but i could also rot

[dontwanderoff]

its friday arvo and it should be a fri-yay arvo but its a fri-ghtful arvo bc i still gotta lesson plan bc ya girl's left it for the last minute. Again.

[arundolyn]

Hey bestie, non combative ask I mean no harm - but I was wondering since you’re half native as well, what are your feelings towards Thanksgiving?? No wrong answers just being nosy do

socks my friend socks hellooooo

personally. just another Food And Seeing Family holiday. like my family never went to church so it's the same as Easter with but in fall and less eggs and candy and more turkey and Fall Stuff. my dad's family is states away while my moms is an hour away and that's The Indian Side so it's literally just. everyone goes to chill at memas house for a couole hours. we get to see my baby cousin and have good food and catch up and complain about family drama and that's about it tbh. very informal

there's not much I can personally Do about the concept and it's an excuse to have time off and see family I don't usually and have good food, but it's always been divorced from the original intent for us for obvious reasons. i don't hate it on the principle of its existence so much as I hate some attitudes about it and the Discourse surrounding it cause it's kinda just. clearly not going away. yes i am spiteful about white people who deny the reality of it, of course. but im not gonna waste Being Angry about a thing that's... I'm not gonna say harmless of course but it won't go away bc people like having time off work and/or opportunities to visit with family. but the people who refuse to acknowledge the fact that we're fed lies (at best) surrounding it from kindergarten onward until we learn about it either of our own accord or from family depending on circumstances and such, much less those who hold it as some kind of red blooded american ideal or whatever the hell else those kinds of people see it as. I understand not celebrating it as well bc like Yeah it definitely sucks origin wise and it can be hard to divorce the thing from its genesis, and maybe it was never a thing for your family to begin with. both stances are valid to me. it's mildly annoying when white people specifically try to do that. white guilt thing about apologizing or whatever but I don't see it or have it happen to me much anymore it's just kinda. a thing I coexist with. for me it's always just been an excuse to eat sweet potato pie yknow

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[doodlboy]

1. rice cookers are cheap as fuck mine was $10 2. "they only have one function" they don't they are frequently used to boil/steam/cook meat and vegetables 3. that's like saying people are bougie for having a toaster/electric kettles because it only does one thing 4. rice + rice cookers are racialized foods can you not see how its a bad look to say people (overwhelmingly asian) with rice cookers are fancy rich people. use ur brain.

1. Where I live [in the middle of nowhere] rice cookers are a luxury kitchen item, the cheapest one I can find is $30 and it's at a Walmart that's 30 to 45 minutes away from my home.

2&3. That's really cool & I genuinely didn't know that before, but it still takes up too much counter space for me, personally, to buy one. Electric kettles are also really fancy to me, and we have a regular kettle that works ok on its own, so I wouldn't see the need to buy it either. We have a toaster, but it's 4 or 5 years old by now, and it's barely used often enough to really keep it. But like the other 2 products we're talking about, it is probably more useful to other people who use them more.

4. Ppl with rice cookers aren't fancy rich people. They're probably cheaper in other places, but where I live, it's fancy and expensive bc the market deems them as specialty appliances. So I would rather just buy a pot to cook it in instead of smthn that had its price jacked up bc they think ppl around here don't need it.

[vaugarde]

in agony over the state of behind the scenes production in tpci hell

[orcelito]

I'm being very ambitious about cooking today for someone whose cheek is currently numb

😂 I got my cavity filled and then I went to the store. I wanna make curry for lunch (bc I was gonna make it yesterday but got distracted. Don't want the thawed chicken to sit for too long in the fridge) but my girlfriend is coming over later and she's a vegetarian so I asked her what she'd like to eat and she said fried rice. So I'm gonna make that too!!! I've never made it b4 actually but I only needed to buy a few more ingredients (mostly vegetables & also sesame oil). Everyone says fried rice is easy so I'm hoping they're right!!