#i genuinely don't have words to describe it
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Speaking as someone with a traumatic brain injury, I'm not sure that PSAs alone will never be enough. I do have an idea, and I am curious about your thoughts.
If you want effective change you have to reach out to the people either do not remember PSAs or more likely, don't read PSAs, who think they are good people but are actually terrible in ways they cannot accept and thus cannot grow from -- who chase respectability as social clout instead of making babysteps needed to get things done.
So here it is:
Your alternatives don't work for sociolinguistic reasons
Your chosen word of interest is an adjective form of a verb.
R-word can be used easily, interchangably and with little effort when someone is stressed because every form of it is grammatically correct and socially incorrect, which is what is usually craved in an insult.
Language is an ecology: A space of predator words and prey words based on which words replace each in their fashionableness.
As with any ecology, there are niches: pockets of success where a need exists and a word slips into the gap to fill it.
In Europe we didn't get your word of interest until the mid 2000's, and it was occupied by a form of the word spastic (the medical condition) shortened to the slur "spaz" (which I've been on the recieving end of many times).
Consequences create martyrs and those seeking to differentiate themselves will adopt waning or discouraged language to differentiate themselves (PSA culture got us edgelord culture).
When a word goes out of popularity is when another word which is significantly cleverer takes its place, which is more biting and more cutting.
A great example is how "the slur beginning in F ending in T" in many progressive circles is front-loaded with the expectation of one word, and then instead people say "fascist" and everybody smiles.
It is one of the ways of controlling language:
You take the second-association added to an instrinsic thing eg, the "other" meaning of gay used on xbox live) and you attach it to something else
You outsource sentiment to a different target.
You retire one word, and inject another which better aligns with your sentiment and intentionality.
You MUST do this in a way which punches up instead of down, or you risk watering down the perception of a word -- and you must likewise be able to answer the question "how is that <other word>?" on the spot with a single sentence and shut down a conversation.
Back to this context, I genuinely use
"mentally redacted",
This replaced my previous go-to
"mentally retired",
which I felt licked of ageism and made me uncomfortable.
Meaning, that something was censored or removed or deleted intentionally. I make this about thoughtless intentionality of action, not intrinsic nature of a person or their situation or whatever has happened to them.
It shifts from medicalism to mentality.
The imperfectionism of it is the scar-tissue of culture as words fall out of favour.
Maybe that's not good enough for Americans? I don't know!
Does it just read of hiding the word and playing slight of hand instead? Does it have some third other reason? There's no good answer here, I feel.
But it makes me personally feel one hell of a lot better about my slowness instead of slipping up when talking about myself and throwing a slur at the person I'm talking to.
I'd genuinely like to know your thoughts!
e:
There's a great bit in the notes by op about how swearing disrupts civility; disruption is the only way to make any protest get noticed. I will say, a slur is often just a culturally acceptable swearword, which again is miserable. I hate to say it but we do need to get meaner if we're gonna survive. We do need to invent our own words about the people who oppress us that are robust descriptors with ride recognition.
e2:
I came very close to using dysthymic as an insult to describe "I need more" greedy "more lanes bro" VC/corpo-brain types before realizing good people would be caught in the cross-fire despite the fact dysthymia is one of the major medical roots of their behavior and damn that is a hard one for me to figure out. The great thing about medicine is it gives us lots of great complex descriptors that are easy to look up. The downside is when we use medicalization as a callout or attack there is always friendly fire. An oppressor will never care about friendly fire, which means we are always stuck playing defense and its fucking bullshit and makes me so mad.
e3:
I really wish there was a way to make words which disrupted civility without... disrupting... civility... okay that's a paradox. Fine, then are there words which can disrupt anti-civility? I want those.
e4:
Found one. The crushing response. "human pet guy"
Since the r-slur is making a comeback (you know, the word that starts with R, has six letters, and ends in D), I'm gonna make a little PSA:
Yes, it's an ableist slur.
Terms like "asshat," "head-up-ass," "up their own ass," and "high on their own farts" exist. There's also words like crap, dogshit, half-assed, assclown, and chucklefuck. And on the less vulgar side, there are terms like ridiculous, nonsense, train wreck, pointless, insipid, self-absorbed, pretentious, annoying, boring, contemptible, vile, and disgusting.
Substituting words like restarted, poptarted, brain damaged, smoothbrain, etc. is still ableist, because either 1. you obviously still mean the r-word, or 2. you're still using disability as an insult.
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𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙘𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙞𝙣'𝙩 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣' 𝙞𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙘𝙪𝙥, 𝙨𝙤 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚, 𝙗𝙖𝙗𝙮, 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙢𝙚 𝙛𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙞𝙩 𝙪𝙥! - kento n.
content warning !! - drinking, intoxication, ceo!nanami, subby!nanami-ish, hostess!reader, blackfem!reader, sex implied but no smut, very subtle angst
a/n - im a little rusty yall stay with me + ib that one picture of the girl pouring the drink into the guys mouth, yk the one 🌚🌚
Beautiful wasn't the right word to describe his favorite woman, she was ethereal. Her beauty incapable of being described in such a way that covers the entirety of it all, it was damn near impossible to pull a word out of his broad vocabulary to illustrate her. To be watched under her eyes felt like that of being stalked, like every small movement of his was documented in her head.
Never in a million years would Nanami have caught himself in an entertainment bar of all places, part of him feeling ashamed he even wound up in such an environment all because of some woman. He's gotten one taste of her and all of a sudden it's a basic need of survival for him, stopping by her job every other day to see if she's there. This time, however, he was incapable of doing so due to a business trip overseas which left him exhausted and, above all, needy.
"You alright?" She caressed his cheek lightly, eyes scanning over Nanami for any sign of harm done. If anything, he should be checking on her, her head still feels light after being shown just how much he missed her over the course of two whole weeks. Nanami takes a few deep breaths, recollecting himself from what he considered to be the most euphoric moment ever experienced, then nodding in conformation.
He's a big man in every sense of the word; his build, his size, and his work status. She's used to seeing him so calm, stone-faced, rarely ever disheveled or beyond his own consciousness. "Age catching up to you, I see." She tries to lighten him up, moving her hand to play with his hair. "... very funny." Nanami quips back, leaving her satisfied knowing he's still a bit snarky. "I know right? I think I'm hilarious." She giggles, tugging his hair back just a bit so she was the one looking down on him.
It was nice being the one on top for a change, she didn't think it was possible to be the one to reduce the Nanami Kento to a groaning mess who cums like a virgin when he's desperate, and boy was it a sight to see.
She didn't really know why he came back to her all the time, Nanami swore up and down that he hated this place and everything involving it, but every day he's available after work he's here, requesting for her, and enjoying a nice glass of scotch while watching her work. Not that she minded it, it was a nice change of pace having someone call for her company and pay her thousands just to be by their side.
"You'd do better outside of a place like this, y'know?" He gruffs out, watching her slip her bikini thong right back on and mentally grovels. "How many times are you gonna remind me?" Y/n makes quick work in straightening herself out because who knows what her co-workers will think about her disheveled appearance. "Until you finally quit." Nanami glares, although not intentional, he genuinely believes she'd be better off somewhere safer, a less taunting job than buttering up a few men and getting tipsy.
"Well get used to it." She prompts, carrying herself to to mini-bar and scanning for anything he might like. His usual isn't there, so she just assumes that if he can down some glasses of scotch whisky, he can handle some sips of bourbon. Y/n pops up with the bottle and finds his cup to fill it up, Nanami watches her after regaining himself and buckling his belt. "Was that your plan? Letting me fuck you senseless then trying to take me out?" It's not often Nanami cursed around her, he's proven how strict and uptight he is about how he carries himself. "Just doing my job. You don't have to drink it." She sasses him back with a roll of her eyes, and he doesn't deny her so she settles herself in his lap and takes a few sips on her own.
Y/n recoils back, holding the drink away from her and making a face. "That's so not good." She gags, tensing up even further when Nanami's hands glide up her body. "Poor girl can't handle a little strength in her alcohol. What a terrible job you're doing." He taunts and further more pouts at her, patting her side as if she were a child. "Oh really?" She grits and adjusts herself. "Why don't you show me just how I'm supposed to do that?"
She raises herself high enough to be above him, tapping the bottom of his chin. "Open wide." He follows her command with ease, letting her tip his head back to pour the liquid in his mouth, her own slightly opening as if to pursue him further. "Up, up, up... thereee we go. Atta boyyy." She coos, a bit of the chocolate-noted honey dripping down, grinning when he swallows it whole.
Her free hand comes up to wipe the stray droplets off before it stains his clothes, she smiles at him when his drunken eyes land on her. "You got what you wanted," His voice comes out raspy from his intake, reaching for the bottle and trickling some more in the cup, taking it in his own hand and holding her up firmly with just one hand, the cold silver band of his watch pressed up against the flesh of her ass. "Now let's try that again, doll."
©2024 leafington dont steal please!! :)
#anime#anime and manga#animanga#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#nanami jjk#nanami#nanami fluff#hes so baby#we are so back#leafy finally posting oh my gosh#nanami kento#kento nanami
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I want to mention before you start reading this, this isn't a hate post on Arcane or Jinx, so if you're gonna read it please read to the end, though it is a very long read, so you have been warned
look I know it's not a very popular opinion, but I really wasn't a fan of Jinx in the first season of Arcane, I just thought her whole madness arc was uncharacteristically generic and over exaggerated compared to the rest of the show's extremely competent writing, and her character felt very one dimensional and simple
(Arcane season 1 and 2 spoilers under the cut)
after she stopped going by Powder and became Jinx, she just kind of felt like the kooky crazy lunatic archetype with no other facets to her personality
there were moments that kind of made her seem more complex, like some of the early interactions she had with her sister Vi after the time skip, and her relationship with her father figure Silco, and the one scene on the bridge where she was fighting Ekko, but she seemed to only exist in the context of the other characters and wasn't really her own character, to me she seemed more like a plot device than a person
but then season 2 came, and Silco was gone, Vi didn't want anything to do with her, Ekko was off doing his own thing somewhere else, and for the first time ever she was truly alone
and it suddenly felt like Jinx could finally be alone and still be compelling and interesting and have her own growth and development outside of the context of other characters, she could be her own person
she went from over the top stereotypical movie crazy to a person struggling with genuine mental illness, a past filled with trauma, and complex feelings around her remaining relationships with the other characters, characters that she no longer depended on, as well as her self
like when she had the shot on Vi, but couldn't take it, there was a great deal of strife and contemplation on her face and ultimately it was her tear falling that alerted Vi to her presence, this is the first time she didn't seem to have one of those black and white demeanours of unbridled aggression or passive despair that she had often flipped between when interacting with other characters
and Jinx finally formed a real relationship with Sevika rather than just being outwardly jealous and petty but ultimately not behaving like she actually cared that much about her one way or the other, only using her to justify her new initiative, and while they still don't seem to like each other, now there is more complexity behind that unfriendly relationship that allows for nuances like the two working together in the wake of Silco's death, someone that they had both previously relied on for direction and purpose, which was really the only thing they had in common in season one
and the introduction of Isha gave Jinx another opportunity to form a relationship with a new character that required more than one word like "dad" or "sister" to adequately describe it
now Jinx had her own little sister that looked up to her, instead of her constantly looking up to Vi, she actually had to take the initiative and act on her own and allow Isha to follow
I of course hope to see Isha continue to develop as her own character as well, but for now I'm content with her helping Jinx to be her own person
now I said that this isn't a hate post on Arcane or Jinx, and that's because I actually fucking love this show, the writing is brilliant, and now I love Jinx's character too, Silco was my favourite character and I'll admit that I was apprehensive about how the story would unfold without him, but now I really can't wait to see what Jinx and Sevika do in the next two acts of the show
thanks for sitting through another one of my extremely amateur and even more extremely long characters analyses, hope it wasn't too wordy (even though I know it was) as usual I would love to hear the insight of others on the topic, so feel free to reblog or comment your own take and I would love to read it
#arcane#arcane s2#arcane season two#arcane s2 spoilers#arcane season 2 spoilers#arcane season 2#arcane s1#arcane season one#arcane spoilers#arcane jinx#arcane sevika#arcane isha#rose rambles
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have ya seen kwite's response video yet? cuz things are not looking good for orion :/
I HAVE i'm so glad orion was lying about everything- i feel really bad that kwite had to show their face and share so much sensitive + personal information to prove themself innocent though , it really sucks and i hope they can mentally recover from all of this . i can't find much of my vocabulary right now but i've been so relieved that kwite's innocent , and so upset that this whole situation happened in the first place
#have you seen orion's twitter post that has a forged medical document#because not only does it contain direct copy and pasted bulletpoints from online medical articles#but one bulletpoint was repeated again word for word#i am so enraged by the fact that this might influence _actual_ victims to not come out about their abuse#i genuinely don't have words to describe it#i might make some kwite fanart later#tw rape#kwite situation#anonymous#asked box
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To be honest, it really comes down to the speech patterns for me. Like, even though they have VERY similar voices, they don't talk quite the same.
Like felix's tone is often more exaggerated and changes frequently. It's also really smooth, each word flowing into the next really seemlessly and also he always sounds condescending after he's revealed to be a bad guy. Before then, he talks a lot more like wash or church.
Church always has this underlying feeling of exasperation (genuinely no clue how to describe it). He speaks more often in shorter segments, and if he has a larger part, he usually has pauses in dialogue. Also to note, his voice feels slightly more strangled(?), like when he speaks, he uses his throat a lot. Also also, a lot of the time he has a rising pitch in his sentences. Like, the longer he talks, the higher the pitch and more strangled the voice (save for emotional moments where the trend is really really subtle)
With Wash, he speaks in this certain way that almost makes a point to be understandable. Disregarding when it gets pitchy, because that sound in of itself is largely unique to him, his tone is very even, and he doesn't really slur his words. Like he's always giving a speech.
Felix and tucker always kept tripping me up though. BUT tucker doesn't do the flowy word thing felix does. His words are always very seperate with a lot of those gutteral stops (i think they're called??). His voice also comes from the throat like church. Big thing: when felix puts emphasis on words, his voice goes lower; but when tucker puts emphasis on words, his voice gets higher.
I dunno, i might be crazy, thats just my 2 cents
this is definitely a me problem but did they purposefully try to make Church, Wash, and Felix sound super similar???
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Hey! It is so interesting to me when people hate on things created by the people they hate (not bashing here just wondering, for each their own). It is just for me it always was the same thing as - my country is run by terrible people, but there woudn't be the place where I can feel more at home than this room I am in. Same always was with HP. I will hate Rowling for every shitty thing she said/did, but hp fanfics/books will always be my safe haven. It's not hers anymore, it's mine.
Anonymously coming into a trans person's private messages to tell them that hating on the creations of the most famous transphobic creator in the world is 'interesting' to you as though this is merely a thought experiment and not something with tangible stakes is a choice, anon.
Here's the thing. JKR isn't dead, she's not a philosophical concept (like a nation), she's not a government. She's a living person still using the profits of her creations to hate on and harm trans people and actively influence trans dehumanising laws.
Anyone who gives her money via buying her books or merch actively and explicitly contributes to these actions and this hate. I don't think your analogy is comparable, so I'll give you another: It would be like if you were a domestic violence victim, and I was a huge fan of Chris Brown (a very famous domestic violence abuser) and went into your personal space to anonymously tell you how 'interesting' it is that I can separate the art from the artist. That his music is 'mine now' while fully knowing that a domestic abuser is benefitting from my listening to his music and spreading this rhetoric about him. I'll tack on a 'but he's bad' to cover my bases, but that's it.
Just...why.
Our lives are not thought experiments. It's not 'interesting' that many trans people can't and won't separate the art from the artist while the artist actively uses the money from the art to harm us and increase hate crimes against us. It's devastating that more people don't understand why this is such an issue.
HP is not yours, anon. Not in the same way it's JKR's. You don't own the IP. You can't use the profits from it to help marginalised people. You can enjoy it in your mind, and privately, and among folks who feel the same way as you, but speaking about it favourably in public with zero caveats allies you with the most public and infamous transphobic mascot and influential figure in the world whether you like it or not. Even with caveats, it still harms more trans people than it helps.
Being reminded of the person actively working to increase the number of draconian laws around our rights, who has the endorsement of Putin and has empowered trans haters in the US, is not an 'interesting' little experiment for me, it's actively painful and hurtful. I'd rather you just bashed outright so I could delete the anon message rather than explain why our lives are interesting philosophical think pieces.
If this is what you're choosing to do with the part of HP that belongs to you and is now yours, by anonymously coming here to tell a trans person these things as though you expect any answer than the one I'm giving you now? Well, that sucks too.
Enjoy the IP and make it yours if you must. Stop telling trans people about it anonymously. And if you can't stop telling people how much you like HP, for god's sake, warn them first so they can decide if you're safe enough to keep interacting with.
#asks and answers#cw transphobia#cw jkr#cw hp#i wrote this response last night and then went to bed because i knew i was angry#and this morning i find i'm actually even angrier than i was last night#don't do this to another trans person anon#it's not a nice thing to do to someone#even if you are trans just *wait* for other trans people#to tell you how much they love HP#and please don't use the word 'interesting' to describe#a 300% increase in hate crimes re: trans people due to JKR's actions in the UK#just because you have the ability to separate the art from the artist#and other people for very obvious reasons cannot#that's not interesting#it's genuinely devastating
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Yingxing Appreciation 🎉🎉
hi, hello, it's Yingxing appreciation time and I'm dragging you into it bc he is my baby and I need more ppl to talk about him
Y'know I see a lot of people like in awe and hyping up DF and just giving him tons of appreciation while analyzing him specifically as an individual which is all so so valid, DF is amazing and very intriguing as a character and I love him sm, but I sadly don't see the same for Yingxing despite him I think also being so interesting. I also see him more so dismissed in the "literally God and some guy" kind of fashion sometimes
So I'm here to rant just a little bit about Yingxing, why I love him, why he's epic and why he ruins my day every single time I think about him! This is for any of my fellow Yingxing lovers who are also starved of any content of him
Firstly, this man is a genuine genius, like lest we forget this is from Baiheng's travelogue in which she met a young Yingxing who was still a child by this point.
He was a young boy but had already become a craftsman, a sign of his ability to learn exceedingly quick under Huaiyans tutelage. And his ability to work and progress incredible fast continues into his time as a young man on the Luofu.
We know he arrived probably somewhere around 18-21 (in my personal estimate) and by the time he saw Jingliu again (which itself was likely early into his stay on the Luofu given HCQ ages and timing), he had already impressed the Master Craftsmen of the Luofu's Artisanship Commission and earned himself a title.
There are also multiple things in game that emphasize his achievements and creations he crafted, some offhandedly mentioned in a readable or item while others are emphasized with importance.
Casually mentioned in the Discarded Ingenium Parts is his feat in the Great Trial of the Furnace (perhaps that trial is for gaining the furnace master title? Once again signifying an earlier achievement in his legacy) where it took him only a day and night to create a whole mechanical lion that moved and looked just like a real live lion from a bunch of defective parts and waste.
More recently in 1.5, they released a readable, the Ten-Lords Criminal Directory, which mentions an imprisonment method designed by Yingxing that keeps “Mirage” in a perpetual state trapped within a hallucination of their own making. Utilizing it’s own powers in order to keep it imprisoned. Something that with proper maintenance seems to have lasted for around 700 years so far.
And of course, how can we forget his most famous creations
The beautifully crafted weapons of the High Cloud Quintet, from Jingliu’s incredibly heavy sword remarked as being as heavy as three thousand catties, to Dan Feng’s Cloud Piercer with the ability to even cut through dragon scales, and the Devastator Glaive as well as Baiheng’s recurve bow. Each impressive in their own ways and seemingly crafted pretty early as well into his time on the Luofu with the HCQ given the distinction of Jing Yuan who (even if he likely was more a teen than a boy) still wasn’t an exact adult yet. So once again, let me emphasize this man’s skill here. With how many things he managed to do so so early into his time on the Luofu. A genius craftsman who deserved all of the praise he had garnered with his works.
Additionally, I know they keep harping about “ugh arrogant craftsman, ugh he’s so full of himself” but every single time we’ve seen his personality, he just seems like a genuine joy to be around. Bright, charismatic, sure he’s cocky but he also gives the impression of being incredibly fun and a bit silly if you ask me.
His behavior as mirrored by the mirage echo in Scalegorge Waterscape is distinctly playful even in what might be a more tense situation, lightly bantering with Dan Feng and even chuckling in certain languages.
In Jingliu’s character stories, it even furthers this bright, playful attitude he gives off with his distinct cheekiness shining through especially with that “toothy grin” of his. And if you listen to Jingliu’s (at least her English) voice lines during Clouds Leave No Trace when she speaks about Yingxing before getting into his transformation, there is a distinct fondness or amusement in her voice as she speaks of him especially that cocky nature of his despite her distaste for it at first.
While Baiheng is hailed as this kind figure in the High Cloud Quintet, perhaps their sun even casting light upon them, it doesn’t seem too far off to say Yingxing was a shining star among them in his own right. His easy going nature with them bringing about a bubbly playfulness similar to Baiheng given their closeness from when he was young. I could go into way more especially in regards to the casualness at which Yingxing seems to speak and treat others allowing for a more equal formation of relationships especially with Dan Feng but I’m saving that for another rant.
And all of this about him especially how expressive he seems at certain points he’s been mentioned, really just makes me so incredibly sad when thinking about Blade now. How severely separated he is from this identity. A division that exists from not only his death but from the way his mental state has been severely warped from his time with Jingliu and being affected afterwards by the mara.
The sheer dehumanization and lack of a personal identity in place of seeing himself as a solely a weapon when put next to Yingxing, with such a clear bold individual identity, really makes the transformation of one into the other all the more jarring and tragic. Especially with the emphasis on how Yingxing hated the abominations of Abundance only to become one himself, something that is still implied to have not been by his own hand. Blade is an immensely tragic character, but that tragedy only holds weight because of the life and identity Yingxing had. It is only with Yingxing’s light which shined despite the circumstances of his life that his descent into darkness hits harder, and it makes me so sad that I haven’t found many others talking or expanding upon this despite my searches because he really is such a well written character with so many details in his story that are both interesting and utterly heartbreaking.
And additionally, I want to say that I think there is a lost potential in examining the Xianzhou through Yingxing. Specifically in the way he is treated as a short life species. We know how the relationship between the Vidyadhara and the Natives, especially as it’s changed after Dan Feng, but there is a very interesting relationship to be explored between the Xianzhou and the Short Life Species the end up there, especially through Yingxing’s relationship to the different Artisans guilds whether on the Luofu or the Zhuming.
In the end, it becomes another sad element to Yingxing’s story. Yingxing managed to change his attitude regarding how the Zhuming masters treated him and even grew more of a confidence, but even in the Luofu's Artisanship Commission, he can never truly get as far as he deserves. Just as Jingliu says
Even with his work impressing the master craftsmen of the Luofu, even after more than showing his skill and earning the title of Furnace Master for that skill, he still would be denied higher positions and could only prove his true worth by the High Cloud Quintet.
And just let me say it again, him being a short life species allows for such an interesting examination of the world and people around him based upon that. While we don't know exactly how they met, we do know that Yingxing was Huaiyan's personal disciple and the only one he mentions of the celestial masters to treat him with respect and believe in his capabilities despite knowing he's a short life species. Through his treatment of Yingxing, we learn quite a bit about him. Through Baiheng's treatment of him as well, we learn a lot about her, more than anywhere else.
He's just UGH I need more exploration from Yingxing's perspective, the lack of it feels as if I'm being starved. He's so interesting, he's so fun, he's incredibly tragic, and he makes me cry every single time he crosses my mind. Please do yourselves a favor and think more about his character so you'll end up as sad about him as me. Or don't maybe. I dunno. All I know for sure is that you absolutely need to read Views of the Universe From a Starskiff: The Zhuming if you haven't. Anyways bye, thanks for listening to this rant, I gotta go cry over him.
Peep the tags also for a rant about my own characterization of YX if you wish to witness my insanity
#Let me rant about my own personal characterization of Yingxing based on this and its OVER#It's OVER#Firsy off We need to acknowledge before we get into anything that YX is severely traumatized#Before becoming a teen (we don't know exactly how long he was at the Zhuming before he met BH so he could have been p young)#He had already lost his entirely family in an incredibly brutal fashion to the Borisin#His home planet was conquered destroyed and turned into a weapons nursery for the Borisin#And he ended up somehow on the Zhuming (it's my hc that Huaiyan himself found him but we don't know the canon details)#And on top of that seemingly only Huaiyan his master was kind to him as the rest of the celestial masters on Zhuming degraded him for being#A shortlife species to the point he A CHILD tells BH he doesn't know if he'll live to see his parents avenged#So yeah he's gone through some shit#And we know his arrogance begins after Baiheng says kind words to him but ngl I don't think he switched up so fast from a few kind gestures#I think that arrogance of his begins as a coping method inspired by her especially given the exaggerated nature of it as jingliu describes#When he was a child#Kind of a fake it til you make it#And by the time he ends up on the Luofu I think it's half genuine confident half fake it til you make it#Specifically in that he does really see the people around him as equals no matter their status or species including someone like HE IL#And in that he's probably pretty judgemental all things considered#But I think the more exaggerated parts especially his outward declarations are played up a bit by him to give off a certain facade or image#In order to garner respect when paired with his actual genuine skill and talent#That's just a reduced summary of my characterization of him tho with his relationship to his confidence I have more to say but#ALSO YINGXING WITH SURVIVORS GUILT#WHERE IS MY YX WITH SURVIVORS GUILT CONTENT *bangs my fist against the floor*#That 100% plays into my personal characterization of his relationship with his confidence#Also I view YX as being AuDHD for so many reasons but esp with what we know in canon of his obsession with crafting and his#Overworking himself tendencies regarding it#Yingxing#Hsr blade#Hsr#Honkai star rail#Don't let me mention how this affects his relationships I'll be even more annoying than I already am
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my issue with terminology discourse isnt that i think everyone's stupid and sensitive it's that literally nobody explains the meanings of things and then get pissy when people dont know what things mean
#like oh my GOD how do you expect people to know certain words arent For Them if you just. DONT TELL ANYONE#like i understand researching for yourself but ??!?!??! if you don't think its wrong in the first place why would you research it!??!?!??#like ok ive just seen a vid of this woman saying “thibgs im tired of hearing straight people say as a lesbian” and it was all yeah whatever#but the COMMENTS#someone asked why they cant be a bi fem if fem just means feminine and people were getting so mad being like#no you CAN. be a bi fem. you just cant be a bi FEMME.#like queen if they dont know why they can be a bi fem i dont think theyre gonna know what a femme is!!!!!!!!#dear god its annoying#like i get the issue with people misusing terms specifically for lesbians or queer people but oh my god#like genuinely just are you thick#if you dont Tell people what a pillow princess is how do you expect them to know they cant use that word to describe themselves??????#AND NONE OF THEM EVER EXPLAIN IT.#EVER.#oh my god i hate tiktok so much#i dont even know why i use it#blah blah!#not 75 stuff#to elaborate about getting pisst#i mean that they all expect everyone to google things but 1 google sucks atm and 2 how are you meant to find out whats legitimate informatio#and what's just completely fake unless you Tell Them#like. if you want people to stop misusing terms then you have to explain WHY#and DONT get fucking annoying about it being all like “lmao yeah i knew you wouldnt get it” because then theyre going to do it out of SPITE#like it's ridiculous genuinely
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its so fun :)) and awesome :)) that i cannot fucking make my brain focus on my homework :))) holy shit im gonna kill someone :)) why can't my brain just work for five fucking minutes :)) this is easy homework too I just can't concentrate on it at all :)) and it's due tomorrow morning :)))
#yes I AM bitching about physics again#having a hyperfixation is stupid and awful and fucking sucks#Jesus Christ stop thinking about toh for FIVE MINUTES#and physics is like. I struggle with it. I'm slow#I need all of my brainpower to focus and problem solve but I genuinely!! Cannot!! Focus!!!#It's so insane. All comprehension skills go out the window#if I fail this class then I'm genuinely fucked like. I can't even begin to describe how screwed I am if I fail this class#Or even if I pass this class but barely understand it#and it goes so fast and i don't have anyone I can go to for help#with calc 2 I was going to the tutoring center every week!!!#but I can't do that!!! And I don't know anyone who knows physics#and it's not like I have friends in the class :))) because I'm so socially stunted it's embarrassing :))))#Jesus fucking Christ I can't function like a normal person#my brain has just been completely rotted from two years of doing nothing but bullshit art projects and now I've lost all critical thinking#im just frustrated because this isn't even the difficult part#SHE LITERALLY TOLD US WHAY TO DO IN CLASS#I JUST FUCKINH. CANNOT. FOCUS OR EVEN COMPREGEND IT#AND I WROTE DOWN EXACTLY WHAT SHE SAID AND IT MADE SENSE IN CLASS#BUT NOW MY BRAIN IS ALL FUZZY AND I CANNT UNDERSTAND A WORD#AND I PROCRASTICATED ALL WEEKEND BECAUSE. I COULD NOT FUCKING FOCUS#BECAUSE OOOOHHH MAYBE ILL JUST MAGICALLY START FOCUSINH IF I WAIT LONG ENOUGH#NOPE!#FUCK ME I GUESS#THIS IS DUE TOMORROW SO I HAVE TO GET THIS DONE#ITS LIKE MY BRAIN IS SLUDGE I CAN'T THINK CLEARLY AT ALL#if i can't do well in this course then. um. i don't wanna say my life is ruined but. it fucks up so many things for me#I don't know dude I just can't wrap my head around this kind of stuff and I'm stressed#lilac post#im aware im being self pitying and this won't help me but im feeling bitchy 2nite
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me, writing about a character being injured and another character caring for them: hell yeah FU*K yeah baby this is the GOOD shit
me, having to figure out how injuries and the care thereof actually works: *screaming, crying, gnashing of teeth, etc*
#also i have GOT to be making the weirdest faces rn bc i'm trying to describe a pained squinch without using the word squinch#so i'm like 'okay. this is the face he's making. what does this look like' and it's making my eyes water#ugh#writing is hard#my muse is a monster#personal#abbie needs a twitter#GENUINELY tho if this were ever to get published... this shit's getting some weird tags#'look. *I* didn't want to look up eye injuries. YOU don't want to look up eye injuries. let's just agree that nothing here is fact okay?'
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re: the cql poll. i've said this before and i'll say it again: song lan's death was and still is the most evil murder i've seen in a drama. i've seen a lot of unjust and devastating character deaths, but this one tops everything else in question of execution and emotional damage. a murderer who has no means to find out who he murdered (his lifelong partner) and a victim who has a way to communicate who he is but chooses not to because the murderer wouldn't be able to live with this burden. and the villain who abused both of them, who specifically used their disabilities to his own advantage - who specifically mutilated song lan in order to have him eliminated by his own lifelong partner, just to keep him around as a puppet, with xiao xingchen, again, having no way to find out and with song lan, while constantly being painfully aware of what happened, having no means to communicate any of this to him.
and with a teenage girl being an immediate eye witness to all of this.
#. like - the levels of evil here#. i still remember clear as day the first time i saw it#. i don't have the words to describe what i felt#. i was just. genuinely in shock#chen qing ling 2019#untamed meta#r.txt
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so i've added elijah back to my muse list (bc yeah i was writing him with @rozaliina without him on my muse list) but things to note: i am going to be VERY VERY VERY selective with him. so basically if elijah is the only muse you're interested with on my blogs, then it'd probably be in your best interest to move on. that sounds harsh but....... very very very selective.
also note number two: leah mikaelson (@troubleah) is canon to him. which means even in threads not with leah, if their siblings are mentioned, leah will be a part of that. sometimes even named. rn i don't have this in his bio but i will add it once i have the brain power. but yeah leah is bbiest sis and elijah loves her
#🖊 ooc // i’ll probably be awake to 3am for no reason#i don't have the words to describe how selective i will be with him#but basically if we write together with other muses a lot then i'd be probably fine with elijah interactions#and on the second note: if you're not down with sibling ocs (which is fine! you do you!) you probably won't be down with my elijah and#probably be best for u to move on#that does sound harsh but i genuinely don't mean it that way#but considering my selectivity-ness i doubt that's really gonna be an issue cos most of the people i interact with frequently also interact#with tina and leah so like#im just rambling for no point rn
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a bit insane to know there's people out there who think i'm hot shit tbh. you know i'm a pathetic cringefail loser who literally can't do anything, right?? please raise your standards 😔��
#had a meeting with my mentor/guide/man i really gotta figure out some english word for her today#and basically unprompted she brought up that like. she thinks i'm amazing for having goals and working to get them#which i was honestly baffled by bc. i don't do anything 👍#my past self sets shit up for me to regret later bc i hate doing stuff. that's it#never heard anyone describe me as ambitious but in her eyes that's like a defining trait of mine#i'm highkey worried i'm gonna disappoint her 😭 and. everyone else.#my method is usually to do the bare minimum so no one develops any expectations#and that way they're always surprised when i do more#unfortunately this plan falls flat bc for some reason ppl keep having expectations of me#not ill intentioned ones. idk if that's the words. ig they're more like hopes?#like they hope i'll do more they hope i'll be better. not for themselves but for me#and then that inevitable disappointment hurts in a different way bc you know it comes from genuine love#i can't even be mad in that case 😭 like what are their expectations of me. for me to be happy??#(honestly in that case i AM angry you should def drop that that's literally impossible 👍)#ok now i'm rambling. sorry. ig this conversation fucked me up a bit bc i've been real stressed since#vent#kinda???????#ask to tag
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If this is too personal a question I fully understand (if so: sorry and I hope you have a great day!), but I was just curious:
Why were you using 1/3 of a bottle of detergent for your clothes? was it a ocd compulsion situation/anxiety thing or something else entirely?
thank you for reading, and please do know that you truly bring a lot of good to this world! <3
No clue if it was OCD, an otherwise compulsion, or just a quirk, but it definitely wasn't helpful that in that instance, I was shut down entirely.
Which is why it's so important to actually listen to patients, you know? Like, not only was I not listened to, but if this were a serious issue (it actually has become a larger issue now that I'm an adult with my own income, admittedly), it wouldn't have be addressed at all. There are so many small ways that therapists, psychiatrists, authority figures, whomever, really, just... ignore problems because they're convinced that they're just infallible and the person they're addressing is, like, inherently beneath them.
#ask#anon#mental health#mental health advocacy#imagine if it *was* OCD and that therapist was like 'i don't see it you're just uneducated' like. that would've pissed me off *more*#like i know my behaviour is not seen as normal simply because i've described it to multiple people and they were like 'hm. not normal'#i'm not oblivious or naïve to how i'm percieved but it does suck to be treated like lesser/idiotic because of it. like how uncompassionate#like maybe it's just me but i think to be something like a doctor/therapist/whatever you have to first show *compassion* toward...#...the people you'll be helping...#...like that's pretty much my top priority for wanting to enter (a) medical field. the *patients* come first#(obligatory 'this is made complicated because of ableism + capitalism + insurance + being a human')#(but i'd like to think that that being made harder doesn't mean it's impossible. i've had enough good medical professionals to know that)#ANYWAY. it's just a small indication of a larger problem ime.#i appreciate the concern and the kind words (genuine)
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i have GOT to- [phases out of existence]
#just me hi#staring into the abyss. i've gotta do something about this lmao#wanna paint but idk what hvsh#also painting takes a very long while for me unless i'm doing a person so Lol :)#//also Hiii it's 4 a.m. hfbvsh#'that's not so crazy' i've been up since 2 a.m. i've slept for five hours 👍👍👍#which is actually great cuz i don't feel like that wet garbage compacting room from star wars hfvshhd#i think 5 and a half hours is like optimal sleep time :3#/'wet garbage compacting room from star wars' is genuinely such a mood like 90% of the time Lhvbshf#like yea i feel like trash. no it's not dry hhfvbs#the wet is Very important to the vibe i'm trying to describe to you rn#but it's a very particular wet. you get me? yea lolll#//anyway new favorite dumb word recently has been 'frogot' :>#this frog you see... it's a frogetter....... no it doesn't remember why.. lmao............................#everybody keeps thinking i'm misspeaking tho so really i'm losing out here Hbvhs#//man i have GOT to [shredding everything around me with psychic powers]#what if i.................#/anyway so since i've got like. chronic mucus so some shizz (lol) i can obtain Rasp sometimes#there are some ways i can even summon the Rasp. very neat#i found recently that i can do that when i sing? super cool !!#i love raspy singing but unfortunately.. the family's got the Itcher in their ears so hfhs#/ik the Itcher sounds terrible but like it feels bad too so--#is it misophonia or is it some magical status effect i'm making up rn? oo we'll never know ooooo Hfbsh :)#/also hey my right ear has been doing a funky thing recently (for months this is not recent at all lmao)#where it sounds like- idek how to describe it- like my ear is experiencing a frequency disturbance whenever someone is like. yelling ?#which is weird cuz it doesn't really do that with music (unless it's LOUD and piercing but ye)#feels bad tho and i dunno what's causing it! weird stuff hvhs - but you know what i'm choosing to think a fairy cursed me or something loll#//ooo running out of tag space Oooo#i miss unlimited tag space hfvsh <///3#i used to be able to just write full on multi-paragraph rambles w/ no coherent break in them. good times Lmao :3
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Suella Braverman is one of the most disgusting politicians in our current government
#i do not have words to describe how angry i am whenever i see the way she talks about her immigration policies and refugees#it's just#these are PEOPLE they are not some invasion and it is absolutely disgusting that the tories are using them as a scapegoat to win votes#they are trading people's lives just for power#and i know that's nothing new but god i just hate them so much#uk politics#suella braverman#they fuck up our country and then blame it on a vulnerable group because they want to cling to power#it's fucking disgraceful what cruel vile people we have ruling this country#don't mind me just on another political rant i just feel genuinely sick over this whole thing#so yeah fuck braverman fuck the tories and fuck anyone who thinks that people fleeing from war are to blame for what the tories did to us
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