#i don't mean to come off as bitter ot anything but this is just something i see time and time again

[smallsies]

sorry but. something about how fanfiction is vastly undervalued by readers in fandom culture. how people love to read stories about their favorite characters but only if they're in love, or if they at least sleep with each other. there's so many incredible stories that are just missed because fandom culture struggles to see beyond romantic pairings and relationships.

[taylortruther]

Hi Rae, how are you? 🥰 I have a very random, very OT question/advice that I wanted to ask you.

It’s about this girl I’m friends with - I met her via my partner as she’s the gf of one of his best friends, so they’ve gone out in the same circle for ages. I met her at the same time as I met my partner (3 years ago), but me and have have gotten pretty close in the past year or so. We hang out and go out just the two of us all the time, we really get along, and I’m really fond of her.

This past weekend, I was out with her and one of my best friends, let’s call them respectively A and B. After a night out, B spoke to me in private and told me she finds really weird how A seems to “be obsessed” with my partner’s finances and how she talks about it all the time.

For context, my partner is undeniably very well off thanks to his family (although he is literally the must humble and generous person I have ever met in my life), and in general, all of his friends are also pretty wealthy and/or come from a wealthy family, including A’s boyfriend.

I come from a really normal family: my parents always gave me everything and did a lot of sacrifices for me, and I am very aware of what it means to work hard for something (or basically anything lol), and A also comes from a normal-ish family (normal compared to the boys’, but still pretty well off), and she really consider herself a “self made woman” (she is now very, very successful at what she does.)

After my best friend B made those comments, I kinda stopped and thought about them, and the truth is A does bring up my partner’s status quite often, she always talks about the boys’ privileges (but often refuses to acknowledge her own, and we actually had a discussion about that once), and she does sound quite… bitter, or even envious about his wealth, even though he’s not the flashy type at all, quite the opposite.

After B pointed that out, I have realised that I have often indulged A in those conversations, and I may have also drunkenly and naively given her way more details than I should have (and kinda regret that.)

So what do I want from you now lol, you may ask? I would like to hear your opinion about it, first, and also if you have any advice on how do I move forward from here? I would like to keep A in my life, I do care about our friendship, and I don’t think she’s a bad person (just maybe a bit of an envious one, which is something I’ll be more wary of from now on). But how do I handle our relationship going forward?

I’m not sure I feel confident enough to have a direct conversation about this, but next time she brings up my partner’s money, what kind of answer can I give her to make her back off (without resulting in an open confrontation)?

[sorry for the rant! I just kinda want an opinion and an advice from someone very external to the situation, as I don’t really know how to bring it up to friends who know all of us, and definitely don’t want to mention it to my partner as I know he’d be hurt]

bestie thank you so much for your patience here!

definitely keep in mind that A has this quality - i think it's healthy to recognize she has this flaw but you can still have a close friendship. so i think the most important thing for you is to be mindful of what you share, like you said. maybe it feels normal to discuss your bf's wealth or share those details because so many people around you treat it like its normal, but clearly not everyone feels the same way. set that boundary and stick to it, because it's possible A might take any leeway and make comments that make you uncomfortable.

as for in the moment... if she does make a comment, i would go for direct, but kind, because you want her to know it's not up for discussion but you also don't want to be rude. maybe you can say something like, "this topic doesn't really interest me, what about [xyz]?" and change the topic. tailor it to your personality, of course - maybe you want to turn it into a lighthearted joke or something. but it sounds like you want to be gentle with her so i think having a go-to response planned ahead might be helpful.

if she doesn't take that well then you might need to talk about it. but hopefully she can handle that and gets the hint!

[threadsketchier]

sorry, but i don't really stay up to date with media or anything. I'm a star wars fan and i'm pretty excited for the new movie! in that meme you reblogged with the same reaction for fans/non-fans... i don't quite get it. Did the company do something bad? do other people just think it's not gonna be good? sorry for all the questions but i just wanted to stay informed xoxo

It’s a reference to the fact that a significant number of fans are dreading TLJ based upon their disappointment in the wake of TFA - and honestly, it’s not just limited to the major, outstanding offense of the OT characters’ arcs and achievements being backpedaled and undone.  There have been other strange and upsetting things concerning Disney’s marketing and stewardship of the franchise, rumored plot choices, etc. that have marginalized characters like Finn and Rose in favor of Emo Band-Aid, or excluded Lando despite the longest running film time in the saga’s history and a plot that could have easily accommodated him, etc. etc.

I’m no cranky old gatekeeper looking to ruin everyone else’s genuine good time, and many of my dash peeps have explained this in much better fashion; I also prefer not to air my personal opinions too often to minimize Drama™ but given that we’re literally on the threshold of the film’s release, I’m a human being with feelings and I’m going to voice some of them if I feel like it.

I sincerely started out enjoying TFA and I do love the new characters.  Just given where the new trilogy has gone, though, I would have preferred a different storyline or total separation between the old and new gang.  As my fellow dash peeps have said countless times, there was absolutely no necessity - other than to follow today’s current depressing “everything must be awful to be interesting” trend - to craft a tale completely obliterating the happy ending of the original trilogy and the sensible character arcs of Han, Leia, and Luke:

Han Solo: selfish nerd with a deeply buried heart of gold who’d obviously seen and been through a lot of shit who needed the right people and encouragement to listen to his conscience again and stop being afraid to commit himself to both a good cause and a wider set of friends.  Goes from “Better her than me!” to “[The temperature’s dropping too rapidly.] Yeah, and my friend’s out in it - I’ll see you in hell!” to “I’m sorry” to “When he comes back, I won’t get in the way.”  His arc is about finding companionship, belonging, and emotional openness.  He’s found a home and a family with these beautiful ragtag misfits.

Leia Organa: a fervently duty-bound young woman forged by trauma and pressed upon by staggering responsibilities into an icy diamond; she is hard and unyielding and unstoppable, and very emotionally repressed.  She has lost so much and can’t afford to lose more.  Yet a fluffy farmboy and a scruffy nerf herder worm their way into her heart.  Goes from “We have no time for our sorrows,” and “[Well, Your Highness, I guess this is it.] That’s right.” to “I love you” to “…Hold me.”  Her arc is also about emotional openness and embracing the hope and then reality that she can find love and gain a new family in spite of the destruction of her homeworld and the seemingly impossible war she helped lead.

Luke Skywalker: idealistic (yet pragmatic, in some ways) softboy who infectiously inspires everybody he comes in contact with to find the good within themselves, and has both a normal, down-to-earth bedrock upbringing and the strong personal moral compass to keep doing what he feels is right.  Goes from “I guess I’m going nowhere” to “Take care of yourself, Han; I guess that’s what you’re best at” to “[I feel like I can take on the whole Empire myself!] I know what you mean.” to “I’m looking for a great warrior” to “You want the impossible” to “They’re my friends, I’ve gotta help them” to “You’ll find I’m full of surprises” to “Ben…why didn’t you tell me” to “I warn you not to underestimate my powers” to “I can’t kill my own father” to “I’ve accepted that you were once Anakin Skywalker, my father…Come with me” to “Soon I’ll be dead, and you with me” to “I feel the good in you, the conflict” to “NEVER!!!” to “You’ve failed, Your Highness - I am a Jedi, like my father before me.”  He needed his dreams shattered to get a proper grasp on how to prevail in his circumstances - and the important part here is that he was already shattered in this trilogy, and put himself back together - but despite this, he kept on believing.  He chose to see the humanity in his father and defy the Emperor, the ultimate representation of the Dark Side, by a moral rather than physical victory.  He transcended the intentions of his teachers and became a Jedi in the truest sense by disputing his mentors and refusing to relinquish his devotion to his friends and an undeserving father.  Although he lost said father, he had the satisfaction of saving and freeing his soul and finding reconciliation with him, along with gaining a twin sister and a whole lot of new friends in comparison to his former, lonelier moisture farming life, and was equipped to carry on the knowledge of the Jedi with his own experiences to renew their doctrines.

In the new trilogy:

Han is implied to be a restless ne’er-do-well who could never escape the impulse to take off and not be around for his family, rather than being grateful and satisfied to finally have a stable life and a loving wife and friends who deeply cared for him.  He’s also painted as much more of an outright idiot and useless as a smuggler rather than a clever guy who just often finds himself in shitty situations

Leia is not allowed to hold on to anything in her life.  She must not only bear witness to even more planets being ruthlessly and callously destroyed, her own child grows up to commit patricide and it’s heavily implied that his genocidal tantrums are her and Han’s fault for being neglectful parents, as though being a woman with a demanding career automatically makes it impossible for her to raise a child properly, and never mind the fact that less-than-perfect-parenting from two people who still clearly loved their son is the flimsiest excuse for anyone to commit any level of murder

Luke is also not allowed to pass on his knowledge and bear any fruit for his hard-won labors.  His efforts to restore the Jedi go up in a flaming ruin, pointlessly bringing about a second shattering into his life for the express purpose of turning him into a grieving and bitter shadow of his former hopeful self who now abandons his found family rather than cleaving to them for support and encouragement as he always did before

The new films transform the OT into an ultimately hollow story in where there is no happy ending and nothing is learned and taken to heart.  The characters are doomed to suffer forever and not grow logically from their experiences.  This happens while we’re meant to get accustomed to the new team and watch them struggle to clean up the mess that apparently the older characters couldn’t fix after all.  It fosters a sense of nihilism - no one will ever get it right, and each new generation will just keep wading through another war and another war while making the same mistakes their elders did.

It sounds a liiiiiiiiiitle too much like reality for a story that’s supposed to be a space fairy tale.  If I want to be depressed, I’ll read the news.  If I want to be happy, I’ll go watch a star war.  Except oops, now I really can’t.

I’m well aware that plenty of folks don’t see it this way at all, and yes, duh, my response is biased.  Like I said, if you love the new movies, more power to you; it’s still a (mostly) free world.  But you asked, so I answered.