#i do this sometimes to feel alive

[nellasbookplanet]

In the wake of FCG' fate I've been thinking about death in ttrpgs, and how it kind of exists on three levels:

There’s the gameplay level, where it only makes sense for a combat-heavy, pc-based game to have a tool for resurrection because the characters are going to die a lot and players get attached to them and their plotlines.

Then there’s the narrative level, where you sort of need permanent death on occasion so as not to lose all tension and realism. On this level, sometimes the player will let their character remain dead because they find it more interesting despite there being options of resurrection, or maybe the dice simply won’t allow the resurrection to succeed.

Then, of course, there’s the in-universe level, which is the one that really twists my mind. This is a world where actual resurrection of the actual dead is entirely obtainable, often without any ill effects (I mean, they'll be traumatized, but unless you ask a necromancer to do the resurrection they won’t come back as a zombie or vampire or otherwise wrong). It’s so normal that many adventurers will have gone through it multiple times. Like, imagine actually living in a world where all that keeps you from getting a missing loved one back is the funds to buy a diamond and hire a cleric. As viewers we felt that of course Pike should bring Laudna, a complete stranger, back when asked, but how often does she get this question? How many parents have come and begged her to return their child to them? How many lovers lost but still within reach? When and how does she decide who she saves and who she doesn’t?

From this perspective, I feel like every other adventurer should have the motive/backstory of 'I lost a loved one and am working to obtain the level of power/wealth to get them back'. But of course this is a game, and resurrection is just a game mechanic meant to be practically useful.

Anyway. A story-based actual play kind of has to find a way to balance these three levels. From a narrative perspective letting FCG remain dead makes sense, respects their sacrifice, and ends their arc on a highlight. From a gameplay level it is possible to bring them back but a lot more complicated than a simple revivify. But on an in-universe level, when do you decide if you should let someone remain dead or not? Is the party selfish if they don’t choose to pursue his resurrection the way they did for Laudna? Do they even know, as characters, that it’s technically possible to save someone who's been blown to smithereens? Back in campaign 2, the moment the m9 gained access to higher level resurrection they went to get Molly back (and only failed because his body had been taken back by Lucien). At the end of c1, half the party were in denial about Vax and still looking for ways to save him, because they had always been able to before (and had the game continued longer it wouldn’t have surprised me had they found a way). Deanna was brought back decades after her death (and was kind of fucked up because of it). Bringing someone back could be saving them, showing them just how loved and appreciated they are. Or it could be saving you, forcing someone back from rest and peace into a world that's kept moving without them because you can’t handle the guilt of knowing you let them stay gone when you didn’t have to. How do you know? How would you ever know?

[acetrappolad]

riddle wip

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

some erikar doodles

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

....so as it turns out I'm mentally ill over dragons rising

[atsukunaritai]

so i know the beach ending of the special episode for mlc is an ambiguous ending and all that but also like

this is not a dog that just found the dead corpse of her master.

dfs and fdb's expressions are human and complex and ambiguous but ain't nothing ambiguous about this girl

[skibasyndrome]

.

[blossoms-phan]

guys can someone reassure me that you want to read phan smut

[no27-autonation-honda]

congratulations to Mme. Pascale Leclerc, who has surely just experienced both the funniest and most unhinged weekend a mother could ever have. Dear fucking christ, I hope your middlest son brought you a bottle of champagne for yourself, ma'am.

[f-imaginings]

Balancing full time emotionally taxing work, a social life, maintaining a healthy romantic relationship, household chores, and part time study alongside writing isn't easy but I am trying my very best. Three years of writers block was hard but now I'm finally overcoming it thanks to being in a supportive relationship and working on myself through doing trauma therapy.

[bogkeep]

it was always a strange dichotomy. every middle school classmate i had told me i'd be a millionaire when i grew up, a Famouse Artisté. it's easy enough to imagine as a teen, i suppose: skill equals fame equals money. i was doubtful about this prophecy, not because i wasn't confident in my ability to draw, but because it was hard to imagine a world where i'd be paid for it.

it was an ice breaker game at summer camp. horrible one, really - everyone in a group were given a character profile. now we had to imagine that it was the zombie apocalypse, and the helicopter to safety was two seats short and we had argue why we deserved a spot. the character i got was an asshole doctor of some kind. i don't remember if i argued my way into the helicopter or not, but i do remember the feeling that's been hanging over me my entire life - if the apocalypse happens right now, i have nothing to contribute.

there's something really painful about it. i have cultivated a skill for my whole life, i can make art and tell stories that are entirely unique to me, there is no way to get someone else to create in the exact same way i can, and yet - i've contributed more to capitalist society by sitting in an empty hotel reception for eight hours a day.

which made me develop anxiety, to boot.

i illustrated two children's books. they're some of my best work. the contract i signed was industry standard and the indie author who had hired me was incredibly kind... but even after stock sold out i had earnt little more than some pocket change.

in high school we had an outing to dig our own snow caves that we would spend the night in. in teams, thankfully. i have so little physical strength to speak of, most i could do to help was clear away the snow rubble and toss it outside. i know, i know, my classmates reassured me it was an important job to do, i was an invaluable member of the group, sure - but it's that feeling, you know?

what would my task be in the communist solarpunk commune?

a person cannot be useless. it's a human being. they just exist, no ifs and buts about it. one can only be useless in the eyes of an ableist, capitalist society that sees no value in being alive beyond production and profit.

sometimes i receive messages from internet strangers to tell me something i said - often several years ago - was helpful to them. maybe it was a throwaway comment on a forum. maybe it was replying to a question they could've googled the answer to. maybe it was an encouraging reply to someone's artwork. turns out it mattered to someone. huh.

of course you can learn new skills. i have learnt plenty over the years! i have also learnt that there are limitations to what i can do. that some of the obstacles i face are not in fact obstacles everyone faces. it's not that i can't break tasks into smaller steps, it's more that half of those steps are going to be "rinse your hands because you Touched a Thing and now you're going to have to touch Another Thing." i wonder if that's adding to my cognitive load or something.

i was never raised to be a man, so by all accounts i do not understand why i'm so haunted by the spectre of toxic masculinity - what would i do if i was a medieval peasant and a war broke out? what if i was in a pre-historic hunter gatherer society and i was expected to hunt? what if i was a humble farm boy discovering the sword of the chosen one and the world depended on my non-existing courage to face certain death?

look, it's stupid. these are not scenarios i will find myself in. besides, pre-historic humans depended on community and taking care of each other. that's how we survive.

i'm not useless and i decided to make peace with being useless anyway.

we're surrounded by digital clocks. we can't really escape them. do we need watchmakers? would they save me a spot in the zombie apocalypse helicopter? no, don't answer that. i'm just happy i found something that requires a light touch and an observant eye.

[angelnumber27]

It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.

[averlym]

ghostwriter (their grandma would tell them she'd lose half her soul)

[chatdae]

love how the older skaters in the senior division give Yurio encouragement and that each time it pisses Yurio off. JJ is intentionally condescending so that makes sense, but with Viktor and Yuuri they're not even being condescending. Yurio's just dialed in on being a hater... and i love that for him <3

[youngyoo-apologist]

Army Dreamers by Kate Bush with TCF would make me cry I think

“What could he do, should have been a rockstar.

But he never had the money for a guitar”

“What could he do, should have been a politician

But he never had a proper education”

“What could he do, should have been a father

But he never even made it to his twenties”

LIKE THE POTENTIAL HERE !!! The lines work well for various characters I think, whether it be in the context of the original timelines or the current time lines.

[phoebeejeebies]

I’m gonna be strange in ur askbox …

Pheobe and Melody thoughts!! uh mm m

pheobe knows that she’ll never see Melody again. At least not for a while.

But she’ll talk to her. Even if she can’t hear her.

“Uh.. if you can hear me in the fabric of the universe, I miss you.”

And she’ll ramble on and on about what’s going on in her life. Maybe she’ll cry a little. Maybe she’ll cry a LOT.

can melody hear her from the other side? Maybe . Pheobe hopes she can.

Melody can hear her and listens to every word. Melody memorizes all of what Pheobe says. Melody will memorize what Pheobe says beat for beat and play the melody (get it?) in her head over and over again when she misses that damn ghostbuster.

Melody wishes she stayed, sometimes.

Melody wishes she didn’t let go, sometimes.

It gnaws at her spirit - it gnaws at the peace she feels in passing on.

But Pheobe is reminded of Melody’s weaving into the fabric of the universe when it’s the perfect temperature outside, when she gets a rush of adrenaline, when nights are quiet and she can work in peace.

Melody sprinkles little things into the world, just for her Pheobe.

The stars shine a little brighter and maybe for a little bit , Pheobe feels whole again.

you make me sick. thank you for sharing. im ill. (all /pos) UUGHAAHNFGG you GET IT. PHOEBE AND MELODY are THEEEE doomed yuri. the way that this relationship will irreparably affect her for the rest of her life. moving on is hard enough, but knowing that you were in love with a GHOST GIRL and you see her in EVERYTHING you do. phoebe takes doomed yuri and ramps it up a little 😭😭😭

i read something that was similar recently. i forgot where. but phoebe would talk about her feelings when she things no one is listening but secretly hope melody is listening. it helps her move on, even if she knows logically melody is gone. but is she really? she's in everything. she was everything. tells her about her day, about her family. how things get better, get easier, get worse sometimes. healing has never been a linear process after all :')

and then on the other side, melody :''') manifesting good things for phoebe. partially because of the tiny tugging guilt melody has for her lack of honesty - because phoebe had grown on her. she goes out of her way to just make the world a little bit lighter, a little bit kinder, more beautiful. phoebe grows a fondness for the moon, for the stars in the sky. for the warm evenings and cloudy mornings, for the busy-ness of new york city.

phoebe makes an effort to go to melody's diner routinely. she becomes a regular. she just misses her. so much.

(i accidentally KEPT rambling in the tags. i didnt mean to T_T)