#his nose go stabby stab

[noforkingclue]

Her Blood Soaked Hands Chapter 1 (River Cartwright x OC)

Summary :

Naomi Heart

MI5 assassin (although really that word is just so outdated). Taverner blackmailed her into joining The Service or face prison time for a crime that she may, or may not have, done. Naomi hates having to work under Taverner but has even less desire to go to prison. Really she can see only way for her to get back her life-

Somehow make it into Slough House.

And she knows just the person to help her achieve this.

Author's Note: I wanted to go along a different route and make an OC that's a bit more... stabby than my other girls. Hope you enjoy this :)

Warnings: cannon typical violence, death (lots of death...)

Slow Horses tag list: @cillmequick

There weren’t many things that Duffy despised. Oh there were plenty of things that he hated but to loathe with a burning passion (not that he used that word too often) was far, far rarer.

Cartwright definitely made that list. An over arrogant cunt who never should’ve been made a spy in the first place. He believed that he had earned his spot due to the talents of his grandfather and not the limited ones of his own.

Taverner was next. Far too devious and would probably happily stab her own family in the back if it meant she could become First Desk. Duffy knew that she also despised, and distrusted him, so at least the feeling was mutual. Still, Duffy wanted to keep his job and Taverner was probably already plotting a way to get rid of him.

Then there was the general public. Well, specifically the public who somehow managed to get mixed up The Park’s business one way or another. They’d seen something that they shouldn’t and become snivelling wrecks. Oh well, at least the woman he was interviewing now was attractive enough to make this worthwhile.

“Ok,” he said as he led her away from the civilian emergency services, “let’s go through this one last time.”

“But I’ve already been through it with the police.” she said, a fresh set of tears pouring down her face

“Yeah, well, I need to hear it.”

“O… ok,” she sniffed once more before taking a deep breath, “I was hired to do some house sitting for the Jones’. I arrived slightly early so they could let me in-”

She cut herself off. By now Duffy and her were a suitable distance from the rest of the civilians. She had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She looked down at the ground and swallowed thickly. For a moment Duffy thought she was going to throw up.

“And?” Duffy said

When she looked back up any grief in her eyes and gone. She smiled widely and said,

“Well then Nick, the next thing I did was to shoot them all in the head.”

And then there was Taverner’s pet psychopath. Duffy pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. She just continued to smile and he said,

“I thought you only had one target.”

“Well you know how it is…”

“No I don’t.”

“Don’t you?” her voice lowered, “It’s not like you haven’t killed people before.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

“It just is. You know I’m going to have to report this.”

“Oh good,” her smile widened which, although he would never say this, unnerved Duffy, “I do hope so.”

“Excuse me? Are you finished with your interview? We’re going to have to treat her for shock.”

Immediately the mask slipped back onto her face and she was led back towards the ambulance. Duffy shook his head as he watched her leave with the medics. They really had no idea who they were dealing with, did they?

Civilians.

*

Diana Taverner looked out of the glass wall of her office and surveyed her empire below her. She knew that technically it wasn’t fully hers just yet but that was just a formality. She liked it when The Park was like this. Only the night shift on duty, no major catastrophes to remedy or create. Only the quiet hush that-

Was interrupted by the drumming of fingers.

Diana looked in the reflection of the glass at the young woman lounging on the leather sofa. She glanced over at Diana and raised her eyebrows. Neither of them spoke, not wanting to be the first to shatter the peace. Eventually the younger woman sighed and said,

“Is this going to take much longer?”

Diana smirked. Another battle won. She didn’t immediately reply, continuing to observe those below her. The other woman closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“I didn’t realise you had anywhere else to be.”

Her eyes snapped open and she glanced over at Diana.

“I do have a life outside of here.”

“Hmm.”

She narrowed her eyes at Diana’s response. Diana turned on her heel and walked towards her desk. She sat down and picked up Duffy’s report. She read through it again before looking at her over the top of it. She wondered how many times Duffy had to redraft and edit it in order to make it professionally suitable.

“How many this time, Heart?” she asked

“Why? Didn’t Duffy remember to include it in his report.”

“I want to hear your side of things.”

“Makes a change.”

“And you’d do well to remember who is in charge.”

“I remember. Dame Ingrid Tearney, right?”

Taverner’s gaze hardened for a second before a cold smile appeared on her face. She clicked her fingers and pointed to the seat opposite her. Heart didn’t move immediately but one pointed look for Taverner made her sigh and move. She collapsed into the chair and Taverner said,

“I gave you one target.”

“You did.”

“So tell me, Naomi, why are we dealing with three dead bodies.”

Naomi bit her lip and rocked back in her chair. She looked up at the ceiling and said,

“They were paedophiles?”

“Were they?”

“Would that make things better or worse if they were?” Naomi rocked forwards and rested her elbows on Taverner’s desk

“We could work with that.”

“Then no, they weren’t. They just,” she shrugged, “got in the way.”

“You know,” Taverner’s gaze flicked back to the report, “Duffy called you a liability.”

“Did he?” Naomi said in amusement

“Among other things. None of which are overly flattering.”

“Really? Did he put that down in his report?”

“He’s suggesting that you should be terminated.”

“Literally or figuratively?”

“That,” Taverner ignored Naomi’s comment, “you shouldn’t be here.”

“And what do you think.”

Naomi and Taverner locked gazes. Taverner put down the report and leant back in her seat. She steepled her fingers and said,

“That, for the meantime, you’re useful.”

“What a relief. I would hate to be a burden.”

A brief smile flashed across Taverner’s face. Naomi looked out of the window, doing the same as Taverner earlier. The Park really was at its best like this.

“So what’s going to happen now?” Naomi asked, “I’m assuming that there’ll be an investigation.”

“No need to waste time and resources on that.”

Naomi looked over at Taverner sharply. She raised her eyebrows at Naomi before turning her attention towards her computer.

“I thought-” Naomi started

“Yes?”

Taverner’s gaze locked with Noami’s and she felt her cheeks get hot under her stare.

“Nothing.”

“If you have something to say, please, feel free.”

Free.

Naomi was anything but free. Taverner had sunk her claws so deep into her that it was almost impossible for her to see a way out.

“No,” Naomi said quietly, “no comment.”

“Good.”

“I’ll be heading off then.”

“I’ll have some more work for you tomorrow.”

“It’s a Saturday,” Naomi said, “don’t I get time off?”

“Not this Saturday. Now don’t let me detain you from your very busy personal life.”

Naomi bit her tongue as she left Taverner’s office. She was used to having the upper hand in these types of situations. Diana Taverner did nothing but bring a sense of uneasiness with every conversation. She sighed as she made her way through The Park’s corridors. Hushed whispers followed her but by now she had become used to them. Her line of work was a lonely one. Others tended to avoid people like her. Even those in the same line of work didn’t talk much. Just the odd ‘hello’ here and there but apart from that, nothing.

Naomi sighed and rested against the railing as she looked down on the people below. She could feel the stares but continued to ignore them. Diana fucking Taverner. This was all her fault. Naomi had a good life before Lady Di pushed her way into it. A good job, a nice house, things that mattered. But now Taverner had her exactly where she wanted Naomi- at her beck and call.

It wasn’t as though Naomi hadn’t tried her damnedest to get out from under Taverner. Every little trick in the book she had tried and Taverner had always managed to find a way to drag her back. Really, Naomi should’ve been expecting something like this. You didn’t become Second Desk without being unhand. Maybe Taverner was grooming her to become some sort of replacement? Doubtful. Even the mere thought made Naomi wrinkle her nose.

Oh she had no desire to go to prison, not at all, but she didn’t want to be chained up here for the rest of her career.

“Did you hear about what happened the other day?”

Naomi perked up at the possibility of hearing some gossip. Gossip was a valuable form of currency at The Park. Rumours, true or not, could easily destroy someone. Always a useful weapon to have and Naomi was constantly looking for ways to upgrade her arsenal

“Was this about those fucking Slow Horses?” the second agent said as they passed by Naomi in a hurry

Well then, why didn’t she think about them earlier?

*

It had been another rough day for River. Then again, those days were becoming more and more frequent. The bad always outweighed the good in Slough House. Jackson Lamb had the uncanny ability to suck any joy out of someone's day. In the end it was just to give up.

“Excuse me, is this spot taken?” a woman said

River shook his head but didn’t bother looking over. After all, she was just going to be waiting for someone else. No one ever went looking for a Slow Horse. How long had it been since he had gone on a date? It was hard enough to get a date when working at The Park but being in Slough House just sucked every bit of energy from River. It was why he was spending his Friday night drinking alone in a bar. Always a good sign for his future.

“You’re River Cartwright.”

Now this caught River’s attention. River finally looked over at the woman who stood next to him at the bar. She smiled at him but there was a hint of… something behind it. He had seen that look before on Taverner and on Lamb. It didn’t suit someone so young and so attractive. River tried to take another sip of his pint but ended up missing his mouth and spilling part of it down his shirt.

Estuary accent. Nothing particularly remarkable although it sounded ever so slightly forced. He narrowed his eyes as he took another sip of his pint, this time the alcohol actually going into his mouth. 

“You’re in Slough House.”

So, she was definitely Service. He winced at her statement causing a flash of amusement to cross her face. It was an automatic reaction, one that he was trying (and failing) to break. Her smile widened as she edged closer. Fuck, when was the last time he had someone this close to him who wasn’t trying to kill him? However, the disarming smile and dangerous glint in her eyes was enough for River to second guess that latter bit.

“You are.” she said quietly, her breath fanning faintly across his cheek

“It’s not exactly a secret,” muttered River, “if you work where I think you work.”

She cocked her head to the side as she studied him intently.

“You want out of there.” she said bluntly

“Who doesn’t?”

River put his pint down, slightly harsher than intended. Some more of his overpriced pint sloshed out and he tried not to think about what a waste of money that was.

“Who the fuck are you and why do you give a fuck about Slough House.”

“You want out,” the mystery woman repeated, “and I want in. Maybe we can help each other out.”

[queenofbaws]

heyyy queenie hope ur doin well!! bit of a curveball but im Curious since ive been brain rotted with it lately, so could i ask for whump prompt 13 for the scream franchise?? any characters/movie u want, but id love u to take a stab (tee hee hee) at it :]

not-quite-six sentence weekend :P

There were a lot of emotions playing across Mindy's face as Amber pulled the knife out: doubt, intrigue, disbelief, something that could only be described as pre-schadenfreude...but worry wasn't among them. Neither were its closest cousins, concern and fear, so Tara had to figure the sudden uptick in her pulse was, in fact, solely her issue. If Mindy wasn't worried, then there probably wasn't anything to worry about. Period.

Probably.

Probably.

"Sick, right?" Amber flicked her wrist, a flourish that immediately came across as practiced even to her untrained eyes, and the butterfly knife click-click-clicked around her fingers before snapping back into place. "Copped it at a gun show this weekend with my dad. Guy running the stall said I was a natural."

"Why am I not surprised?" Tara snickered, then feigned a frightened little noise and pulled away when Amber turned, holding it out towards her. "You know if anyone catches you messing with that thing, like, right outside of school, they're gonna take it, right? You do get that? It makes sense to you? In your brain?"

She pulled a face, scrunching her nose up. "Uh, no they won't."

"Uhhh, why not?"

With another click-click-clack, she spun the knife around. "How're they gonna take it from me? I've got a kniiife."

Before she could pull away, Amber took one of Tara's hands in hers, laying it flat on the table they were sitting at. She laid her own hand perfectly on top of it, lining their fingers up until Tara's hand disappeared entirely.

"Want to see the coolest trick?"

"Uh." That was it. That was all she had time to say before Amber flexed her hand - both their hands, really - and their fingers spread wide, and...and she understood what she was about to do. Her eyes widened. "Hey, wait, nononononono!"

"Chillax, I've been doing it all week and I've still got all my fingers. You're in good hands."

"Famous last words." Though she'd been going on quite the face journey across the table, Mindy had been awfully quiet until then. Now, as Amber switched her grip on the knife, holding it more like a caveman getting ready to strike, she leaned forward with her elbows on the table, pointing her phone down at their hands.

Pre-schaudenfreude. Yeah. Tara had been right on the money with that one.

"Seriously?" Amber scoffed, "What? You think I'm gonna get performance anxiety or something?"

She sniffed once, Mindy, then shrugged one of her shoulders. Her phone didn't budge. "Nah, I just want to make sure I get this clusterfuck on video so there's evidence in the inevitable personal injury suit Tara's gonna file against you when you slice her open like an Amazon box."

Amber raised her eyes to Mindy's, her expression inscrutable. "I'd stab myself first, duh. That's the whole point of putting my hand over hers."

"Oh yeah, totally," she nodded. "The whole point, mhm. Well this is for you too, because when you stab yourself, then, I can send it to America's Funniest Home Videos. They give out cash rewards for the really funny ones, don't they?"

"Hilarious."

Tara braced herself as Amber readjusted, rolling her shoulders and assuming her focus-face. Ooh, she didn't want to be a part of the finger-stabby-knife-game-thing, she didn't want to be a part of that at all, but what choice did she have? If she pulled away, it'd knock Amber's concentration off! If she just sat there and took it, the risk of getting stabbed was literally exactly the same! There was no winning here, no getting out it, no -

"Hey guys!"

The choice was made for her.

Wes slammed his hands on the table as he joined them, sliding up from behind to sit on her other side. It startled her so badly that she could only pull away, jolting like a cat with its tail stepped on. Across the table, Mindy groaned, and beside her, Amber similarly jumped, and while her poor, asthmatic little lungs really didn't appreciate the sudden scare, her poor, unstabbed little fingers sure did.

"What's going on? Why're we all hunched over and whispery?" he asked, but the only answer she had for him with a quick smack on the wrist. "Ow?"

"Why would you do that?" she breathed a second later, the tension leaving her in one huge whooping rush. "That wasn't cool! You could've - " But as luck would have it, that was where her lecturing came to a close. Her eyes had flicked to the side for just a second, a natural human reaction, and what she'd seen...well, she wasn't sure what to make of it. "...what?" Tara asked, glancing between Amber and Mindy.

"So America's Funniest Home Videos then, huh?" Mindy's eyebrows went up as her phone went down. "If I was a pettier person, just so you know? This is where I'd be saying I told you so. But I'm not! Lucky you."

It took her a moment longer than she would've liked to figure out what that could've possibly meant. When she did, she startled all over again, almost jumping out of her seat as she spun to look at Amber. "Ohmygod - did you - ?!"

"I'm. Fine," she said through gritted teeth, looking anything but.

She did get up then, standing from the table's bench to circle around and - the noise that came out of her was a little too embarrassing to describe. "Fine? You're fine?! You have a goddamn knife sticking out of your leg!"

Wes paled immediately, turning to Mindy with wide eyes, no doubt hoping she'd shed some light on the situation. She didn't, surprising no one, and instead glanced towards the front doors of the school, waving Chad over to join them when she spotted him across the way. "Well here's the good news, Am," she said, not even trying to hide her amusement, "I think you can definitely still salvage that psychosexual homoerotic tension you were going for with that brilliant stunt. Just yank that puppy out, let Tara stick a finger in there and wiggle it around a little. No harm, no foul. Everybody wins!" Then, under her breath but still more than loud enough for them all to hear over Amber's harsh breathing, "Especially me, once your idiot-ass goes viral."

[callum-librrry]

JANK 2: Part 4

Chapter 4: The Lair

‘The Lair’ as it was called, was only merely a charging station for the legion on compact robot cleaners (‘space roombas’ as Tom and other humans called them). It was located next to the generator room since the noise surrounding it could only be tolerated by those not technically living. It was a small pocket of Navis filled with near constant beeping and humming.

And of course, a very violent knife-wielding roomba.

Every ship with a human population has its own Stabby. It was in fact so common that there are multiple entries in the A Captain’s Guide to Humans and Other Deathworlders and various crewmate survival guides in regards to the violent tendencies of robot cleaners with knives and other deadly weapons.

Stabby occupied this tiny corner of the ship 9 times out of 10 considering the fact that it had been unofficially retired after several complaints came in not very long after it was gifted with its prime method of violence.

Tom opened the doorway and avoided the sharp point aiming for his ankle with practised ease. 

“Stabby!” He beamed.

The robot beeped and swivelled around, the combat knife firmly duct-taped to it narrowly avoiding a hanging wire. Tom mentally noted that it would have to be fixed at some point soon. 

“I missed you too, buddy.” Tom strode further into The Lair and sat down next to Stabby’s charging port. The rest of the ports were located a safe distance away on the other side of the room. The rest of the robots parted like the sea in a particular earthan mythology to make way for their armed brother, who positioned itself next to Tom’s lap.

“Oh, Stabby,” Tom sighed, “I think I fucked up.”

The space roomba – now emotional support robot – moved closer.  It beeped.

“I know, but I think I might’ve really done it now.” Tom tucked his knees below his chin and hugged himself. “I snapped at Hazai again. All she wanted was to cheer me up, and I just slammed a door in her face!”

He sniffed.

“I-I don’t… I’m a mess…”

Tom ran his hands down his face.

“There’s no way she’s going to like me now. I mean… Look at me! Broken nose, scars… I can’t even get my hair to behave right! And now I’m going to slow down all our progress on Solace because I have to fix the Hummingbird, if it can even be fixed! All because my stupid curiosity and my stupid– Ow!”

A sharp pinprick in his right ankle halted his spiralling thoughts. Tom looked down at the space-roomba with an expression mixed with hurt, fear and anger.

Stabby beeped crossly.

“Well it’s true! She’s going to hate me and i’m not even–”

Stabby stabbed again. It beeped persuasively and swivelled a bit to prove its point.

Tom sighed and considered this.

“... Do you really think so?”

Stabby moved affirmatively.

Tom was hesitant.

“Well, if you say so…”

Tom was about to thank the roomba for its support when the Navis’ PA system sparked into life.

“Attention crew of Star-Navis, we will be entering Solace’s atmosphere in approximately 5 minutes. Please be seated and restrained during this period.”

“Welp,” Tom groaned as he stood up. He bent over to pat the robot equivalent of an emotional support animal. “I should go get ready. Thanks for the help.”

Tom squeezed himself back though the very-not-human-sized doorway.

“And don’t go doing anything I wouldn’t do, OK?”

This of course, didn’t mean much in the way of telling the roomba not to stab anything. If anything, it was to say to stab something.

This was immediately answered by a speedy, and frankly rather intimidating, approach by the robot. There was a slight clang followed by a jarring scraping noise as the door closed in front of it.

“Not today, Stabby. Not today.”

Tom left to prepare for landing.

--

Previous: Chapter 3: What’s Love Without Fighting?

Next: Chapter 5:

[thebiscuiteternal]

since you said crossovers were okay can we see some of that fashion buddies crossover you mentioned awhile back?

(Man, copypasting and editing this on my phone turned out to be a pain in the ass.)

----------

There are rumblings of a strange new monster wandering about the jianghu. It appears to be a woman dressed in scandalous black clothing with gold armor, except it can't be an actual woman because the scout reports say that she can grow taller than the trees or smaller than a bird, that she can fly on insect wings and shoot lightning from her hands.

A joke, the great sects think. A tale created and spread by drunkards.

Until a group of Lan disciples are the next to cross her path.

---

Janet van Dyne is having a very, very bad week. She's lost count of the number of magical or technological portals she's been tossed through in her lifetime, so at first she'd been grateful to at least have ended up on Earth this time.

And then the first group of people she had come across had promptly run screaming.

What Mandarin she's picked up on both her jobs is no help, since no one gives her time to speak before they attack, and like hell she's just going to stand there and let herself be stabbed.

Which has only led to this. Staring at a drawing of a snarling face under the hooded visor of her costume.

She groans and pinches the bridge of her nose to stave off a headache, then considers her options.

She's been (guiltily) stealing food in her small form already... maybe if she could nick some clothing, it would be easier to hide...

The only problem being that she would also need to steal a basin so she could particle-treat them to change size with her (no naked escapes, thank you very much), and that would be noticeable.

She's still deciding what to do when two young men, a grouchy looking one Steve's size in greens and greys and the other more placid one in the white and blue of the last group to try and kill her, enter the inn through the doorframe she's currently hiding on.

And they have swords like that last group.

Shit.

Time to go.

She slips out of a gap between boards and heads for the edge of town, but only a little ways away from the inn, she starts feeling inexplicably exhausted.

Maybe the sleep deprivation is catching up to her. Holes in trees and cracks in walls aren't exactly comfortable.

Without meaning to, her flight path starts drifting lower as the sleepiness gets worse.

-and then she's startled back to fully awake when she's snared right out of the air by a net with glowing threads.

"Fu-" <<Hey! Let me out!>>

The kid holding the net looks a year or two younger than Nadia and Ying, and... oh, damn, he's wearing the same colors as tall, dark, and grumpy back at the inn. That can't be a coincidence.

<<You don't look all that scary for a monster,>> he says, tilting his head.

Oh, thank God. Finally, someone who talks first instead of going right for stabby things.

<<That's because I'm not a monster,>> she replies, retracting her visor into her hood and yanking it back to uncover her hair, ears, and face.

<<But you are magical?>>

She briefly debates how much she should explain, then settles on keeping it simple. <<I was a science experiment.>>

That seems to be good enough, as the boy puts the net down on a table that passers-by are unlikely to notice, letting her start untangling herself.

He sits down and rests his chin on his fists with a grin she knows all too well promises mischief. <<So does that mean you don't want to use your giant size to crush thousands of innocents into soup?>>

<<Alright, one: That's morbid. And gross... Are people really saying that?>>

<<Among other horrors.>>

She groans. <<Great. No. Literally the only two things I want right now are a bath and some sleep.>>

Before he can answer, there's a commanding bark of "Huaisang!" from the street, and the kid winces.

<<Friend of yours?>>

<<My older brother,>> he replies, then scratches his cheek in thought. <<Can you hide in my sleeve?>

<<Your collar would be easier on both of us,>> Jan says. She's still wary, but seeing as he seems willing to risk trusting her, she'll go along.

She flutters up to settle between the third and fourth layers, hiding under his hair and tucking her wings in to curl herself up small.

<<All set?>>

She hopes she's not making a huge mistake. <<Let's go.>>

[skylarsblue]

Yo itz me again may I request the slashers with a yandere s/o that's like very loyal and very devoted to their slasher and then one day they are like chatting together and their s/o is like "I would do anything for you" and the slasher bf would be like "ok then stab this pencil in you eye " ofc they aren't serious they was just joking than their s /o was like " bet" straight up grabbing the pencil and almost stabbing in into their eye and then the slasher bf will stop them before it was too late

I've had this thought for a long time. Yandere Slashers are cool, but yandere reader? That's underrated. I know Danny is a DBD killer, but, he suits this concept so well that I had to add him. This took way too long and I apologize, writers block is a bitch.

(CONTENT WARNING: Unstable reader & attempted self-stabby. Some mild descriptions of what WOULD happen if Y/N wounded themselves)

Michael Myers (ANY)

He doesn’t believe you at first , he wholeheartedly doubts you’re as loyal as you say you are. Main reason being, humans have a natural want for self preservation. He is a threat to you. That’s just a fact, and he’s certain that when it comes down to it, you’ll choose your life over your loyalty to him.

So when you say “I’d do anything for you.”? He will question you, he won’t take it very seriously. Perhaps he’ll appreciate the sentiment but he’s not buying it. His doubt shows in his gaze. It’ll rise when you said you could prove it.

“Stab me.” You said clearly. And for the first time in awhile, the Shape was caught off guard. “Go on, stab me. I’ll stab myself if you want.” Michael nearly scoffs. But he humors you, certain you’d back down once you saw him encouraging it. Michael set his knife on the kitchen counter, waiting for your hesitance & anxious expression. He feels another wave of surprise when you waste no time to grab the knife. He goes rigid when you take hold of the handle and aim for your ribs, face showing nothing but determination and a strange calm. Before you can make the full motion, he catches your wrist, leaving the tip of the blade mere centimeters from your skin. Michael’s shock doesn’t show in his body, nor on his face behind his mask. But he’s astounded as you look up, doe eyed, head tilted. “Why’d you stop me?” You asked. Michael let out a breath from his nose and took the knife away. You blinked as he, awkwardly, patted your head. It was quick & unpracticed, despite the fact he’d done it before. He believed you now. Admittedly, now he was far more curious about just how far that loyalty went. For the sake of stress, however, he’d rather not find out.

Thomas Hewitt

While Thomas sometimes doubts your affections for him, it’s not the way Michael does. It’s because he’s insecure. He thinks you deserve better. But your admissions that you’re so dedicated to him, that you’d do anything for him? It makes his heart warm. He takes it seriously, but in a lighthearted way. A kind statement that you’d always be there for him.

The only people that may doubt just how dedicated you are would be his family. Charlie Hoyt in particularly. He will doubt every loving proclaim you make, assuming you just want to placate Thomas to keep your role in their house. A survival tactic. He’s taunting with it.

Hoyt chuckled at his end of the table then, looking at you sharply as you sat on the opposite end. “Aight then, why don’t’cha prove it?” He questions. You nodded. Luda Mae kept quiet but shook her head, Thomas frowned as he stood in the doorway of the dining room. Both he & Luda tensed slightly when Hoyt brought out a knife. He walked over and stopped a few few away, stabbing the blade into the table. “Take out ya eye, the left one.” Hoyt instructs, confident you’d back down. Thomas is tense but he doesn’t move. He’s come to trust your loyalty to him, but he’s certain in your natural instincts, you wouldn’t go that far. Luda sighs from her place at the table. “Cha-Hoyt, that’s really not necessary-“ The older woman is cut off as you reach for the knife’s handle. You are calm & composed as you flip it and aim the blade, taking only a second to properly align it with your left eye. Luda barely as time to gasp as the blade comes only a centimeter from your iris, but your hand is stopped by one you’d come to adore. You tilt your head back to look up at him. Thomas’s breathing is heavy as he feels adrenaline rush his veins, brown eyes wide in shock. He takes it away & places it on the table, before he narrows his gaze at Hoyt, frowning. Even Hoyt is shocked. Perhaps impressed. “I’ll be damned, maybe ya do mean it.”

Bubba Sawyer

Similar to Thomas, Bubba is more willing to believe you when you say you’d do anything for him. They’re overjoyed when you admit it. They assume the same thing as Thomas. You mean it in a sweet way, serious but not to the extent you truly mean. 

Bubba may not take it as heavily as you mean it. It’s not that he doubts you, just that he takes it like anyone else would. They believe you only mean it like “I’ll always be here for you.” Now, of course, that meaning certainly fits, but it’s not quite to the level of dedication you’re actually promising.

“I mean it Bubba, I mean anything.” You clarified again. Bubba nodded and gave a sweet pig-like squeal. Nodding innocently. You smiled softly, but shook your head. “Bubba, dear, I don’t think you understand. I mean I’d cut my own hand off for you.” Bubba stopped moving for a moment. His eyes were wide, blinking in astonishment. He tilted his head. “I mean it! Here.” You took the meat cleaver off the wooden countertop. Placing your nondominant hand on the surface, eyeing where to bring the blade down. The blade didn’t come into contact with the muscle & bone of your wrist, but it came close. Bubba held your weapon wielding arm in their large hands, squealing & whining in distress. They shook their head frantically as they took the cleaver. Your words were cut off when Bubba hugged you into the plushness of his stomach & chest, patting your head & petting your hair. “Okay, okay, breathe Bubs. I’m fine. I just needed you to understand just how far I’d go for you.” You reassured, patting his back. They whined and nuzzled their face into the top of your head. You continued gently hushing him until he calmed down.

Bo Sinclair

Bo’s probably more suspicious of you towards the beginning of your stay in Ambrose. Understandably, of course. You waltzed into a town where two twins turned people into wax statues. It’s not a common thing to accept. He wasn’t very trusting to begin with, even if those circumstances weren’t present. 

While he’s come to like you, he will still have a paranoia about you calling the police, or perhaps trying to hurt one of them. There’s a voice in his head that insists no one would love him that much. To ignore murder? He’s certain you’re just going with what he wants in order to stay alive. That thought often haunts him when he realizes how much he likes you. Bo’s not shy about telling you either.

Bo scoffed & shook his head. You’d been there about four months & he still didn’t believe you, no matter how many times you told him of your loyalty. You knew why. Bo was a guarded man, thanks to a shitty childhood, it was completely understandable that he’d doubt every person who he came across. It became clear that your words weren’t getting through. “I mean it, Bo. I told you! I don’t plan on leaving or ratting you out, I love it here! I’d do anything for you!” You insisted for the millionth time. He rolled his eyes. “Yeah? Fuckin’ prove it then.” He challenged. You stared at him. He watched your gaze narrow in determination, calm despite everything. He rose an eyebrow when you turned to the counter top. Reaching for a pair of kitchen sheers. Bo’s face turned to confusion when you grabbed it, holding it steady. “Pick a part.” You said. “What?” “Pick a part of me. Anything.” You clarified. Bo was beyond confused at this point. He shook his head as he thought of an answer, deciding to pick what he liked most about your face. “I dunno, your mouth?” “My lips or my tongue?” Bo huffed. “Fuckin’, tongue I guess? What does this have to do wit’ provin’ yourself?” His question became choked at the end when you grabbed the end of your tongue and opened the dirty blades. Adrenaline jolting his extremities as you went to place your tongue between the blades, only to have the hand holding the scissors to be pulled away. “The hell ya doin’?! Are you fuckin’ crazy?!” He insisted. Your other hand dropped as you stared at him calmly. “I told you. I’d do anything for you.” Bo’s was visibly taken aback. He let out a breath and took the scissors from your hand. “Do you believe me now?” Your question made him look over your face again, scanning the peace in your features. “Yeah...yeah I believe ya.” He muttered.

Vincent Sinclair

While Vincent’s not as hostile about his doubts in your loyalty as Bo, he still questions you. There’s a part of him more willing to believe you’ll stay, though there’s a bigger portion of their brain that insists you’re only trying to survive. They dread the day you’ll slip up and it will end up one of two ways. You’ll manage to successfully leave, tell everyone about what happens in Ambrose, and their brother & themselves will end up rotting in prison. Or perhaps die in a police shoot out. The second option is that they’ll catch you before you can, and Vincent will have to silence you in wax. 

Still, when you proclaim you’d do anything for them, they love to hear it. Even if it’s hard to believe you. Vincent wishes he could just take the declaration & be happy with it, not doubt your every move. The more you do to prove it to him, the more guilty he feels for doubting you. Perhaps that’s why you felt it was best to shock them into believing you.

Vincent leaned slightly to allow you to push his hair out out his masked face. “I’d do anything for you.” You whispered, you’d said the same thing at least six times a week. You could see their eye gaze at you past the socket in their mask. There was softness to his gaze but it was mixed with uncertainty. You sighed. “You still don’t believe me.” He almost flinches at it, you know he can’t help it though. “What can I do to make you believe me?” Vincent shook his head. There wasn’t anything more you could do, you did so much for them, it wasn’t you at all. He knew full well it was himself. You huffed a breath, looking around the basement. You caught sight of a knife on the table next to you. You reached for it, making him jolt. They watched you in confusion, the tip of the blade pointed at them. “I’ll prove it to you.” You stated. Vincent’s confusion turned to surprise when you flipped the blade towards you, aiming for the eye. Their breath caught in their throat and their hands rushed forward. Your gaze unfocused from the shiny blade only a millimeter from your cornea, looking at Vincent again. His chest rose and fell with quickened breaths. You allowed them to take the knife and place it on the table again, pulling you to his chest. They let out a shaky exhale. They rarely spoke, but when they did, it was deep, raspy, & unpracticed. “I believe you.”

Lester Sinclair

Lester’s probably the most willing to believe you when you say you’d do anything for him. He might even delusion himself in thinking you mean it more seriously than you do. Jokes on him though, he doesn’t need to convince himself of anything! Because you do mean it that seriously.

Lester’s not going to ask you to confirm or prove it. He’ll be grateful that you’re around to begin with. However, he may occasionally ask what it is about him that makes you want to stay. These are days where his insecurities weigh a bit heavier on his shoulders than usual. Lester was often ignored/emotionally neglected by his parents when he didn’t measure up, and while he’s become a bit better at coping, he still sometimes wonders if it’s something wrong with him. 

You frowned and turned around, drying your hands from the dishes you were doing. Bo & Vincent always used a massive amount of plates when they visited Lester. Who, currently, sat at the little table in the kitchen. Fiddling with the edge of his stained flannel. “What?” You asked. “Just like...why would ya choose me to stick with, that’s all. I mean, why me?” The man asked softly. Your chest clenched in sympathy. You set the dish towel down and turned to him fully, stepping over. “Lester, I’ve told you this before.” You replied. “No no, I know, I was just...wonderin’.” He shrugged, nervously tipping down his hat. You sighed. You turned and slid a knife from the knife block, freshly cleaned. Lester didn’t see it happen, he looked at the floor until you walked back towards him. “Do I need to prove how far I’d go for you?” You asked. Lester swallowed and shook his head, he looked up and jolted at the sight of the knife. “Well you don’t seem to believe me. I have no issue showing you.” You said as you set your hand on the table’s surface. “Hey now, what’re ya-” Lester cut himself off when you rose the blade. Nearly sending it through the back of your palm. That was, had he not stopped you. The chair slid loudly on the tile from the force of him getting up. “Whoa whoa! Don’t do that!” He insisted. You turned to look at him, setting the knife on the table as he looked over your face with wide eyes. He blinked in awe as your took his face in your hands. “Lester, when I said I’d do anything for you, I meant it. Now quit questioning yourself, okay?” You asked. The blue eyed man swallowed and nodded. “Alright, I believe ya. Just...please don’t go stabbin’ ya’self.” He said softly. You smiled and turned to peck his cheekbone. “Only cause you asked, sugar.” 

Jason Voorhees 

Jason values loyalty above a lot of things. Almost everything, really. He’s not likely to show you any doubt he may have, because once he trusts you enough not to kill you, he’ll feel guilty for when he doesn’t believe you. The more effort you make, the less & less he’ll wonder your sincerity.

Still, he’s been tricked before. There are times where he’ll recall these moments & wonder if you plan to do the same thing. That you’ll try to slip away from him when he’s distracted by trespassers. There’s a voice in the back of Jason’s head telling him that he’ll come back to an empty cabin, that it’s only a matter of time that he’ll need to do away with you. And he fears that day immensely. 

Jason stood in front of you in the cabin. He’d rushed home after taking care of some intruders, only to have a bit of a panic when he couldn’t immediately find you. You’d been taking a bath, but rushed out when you heard his boot steps turn into running. Hearing frantic searching in the rooms. You barely had time to dry your hair, an inconvenient time to try and have a wash day. Jason settled down a bit when he saw you. But you knew immediately what he had been thinking, the thought making you sad. “Jason, honey, I told you this. I’m not going to just up and leave you.” He looked to the floor, a bit ashamed, but you could still sense his uncertainty. You looked around and caught sight of his machete, stabbed into the floorboards, covered in blood. “I’ll prove it to you. I’ll prove to you that I’d do anything for you, okay?” You said as you went over to the blade, pulling it out of the floor. Jason tensed as he watched you wrap your hand around the handle. It looked so strange in your hands, so much smaller than his. He jolted visibly when you rested your hand on the small table in the room, trying to get a decent grip on the machete, a bit of an awkward angle. You set sights on the space where your fingers connected to your palm, spreading them out, gaging the position in which the blade would land. Wanting to make the cleanest sever possible. As you tensed your forearm, bringing the blade down, you expected to feel the searing pain and gush of blood from your digits. Instead, there was a dirtied glove stopping the weapon from falling. You looked up at him, seeing his one working eye wide and worried, blue irises staring down at you. He quickly took his machete back and set it down, pulling you tight to his chest. You looked up at him after settling your arms around his thick torso. “I mean it when I say it, baby. I’d do anything you want or need, okay? Stop worrying so much. I’m not going anywhere.” You said softly, smiling sweetly, as if you hadn’t just tried to cut off your fingers. Jason exhaled and nodded, petting your hair. 

Danny Johnson

If any of these slashers would work well with a yandere-esc partner, it’s Danny. While Jed is the suburban sweetheart, bringing you flowers & offering you coffee dates, Danny is willing to paint the town red for his lover. Both acts are genuine. They both express how he really feels for you, but one is more open, more honest to his true nature. If you know about his...”hobby”, then they’ll be more inclined to believe you. You’ve reached that point of trust with him. Now, if you say this around Jed, before you know about Ghostface? He’ll doubt you more.

That being said, they has every reason to doubt you. Not only does he have some major abandonment issues. You can thank their mother for that. On top of that, he has issues being vulnerable. That, you can thank his peers and father for. And lastly, he’s a murderer, one motivated only by his sick desire to hurt others. While he doesn’t have any desire to harm you (in a non-sexy way), they know that their temper can be frightening. And when at it’s worst, he knows it can seem directed at you. Deep down, Danny is certain you’ll leave him eventually, because he doesn’t deserve you. As narcissistic as they can be, they think you’re too good for him.

You frowned as you looked at Jed’s cheekbone, seeing a darkening bruise that laid there, splotchy broken blood capillaries adding to the few imperfections to his face. He spoke to you with his charming grin anyway, straight white teeth exposed as he chuckled while telling a story. He flinched slightly when you reached your hand out, tracing the mark gently. Jed blinked before he gave a little smile, standing up fully, rather than leaning against your kitchen counter top. He slid the coffee mug away from him. “Who hit you?” You asked, voice soft. He noted a strange glint in your gaze. “No one, just got smacked with a door.” He said. You shook your head, frowning. “Someone hit you, who?” “Why does it matter, doll?” Jed replied lightheartedly. You shifted your gaze to make eye contact. “You do remember the time I said I’d do anything for you, don’t you?” The brunet man tilted his head slightly, he nodded though. “Yeah, but I don’t see what that has to do with this.” He said. “You don’t think I’m being serious?” You asked. Jed chuckled again, rolling his shoulders. “You make it sound like you’re gonna find this person and kill them.” He fought the urge to laugh at his own little joke. Your face remained calm and determined. You lowered your hand and stepped away from him, reaching for something in the sink. Jed’s shoulders tensed when he saw the glint of a blade, watching you turn, peaceful and concise as you looked at him. “Clearly, you don’t believe me. So I’ll show you.” His brows furrowed as you flipped the handle of the blade, only to feel a shock of surprise when you aligned the tip of the knife to your cornea. It happened so fast he barely had time to reach over the island to grab your wrist, the edge of the knife only millimeters from blinding yourself. You looked up at him. Jed looked between you and the knife, before he let out a breathy chuckle, smile twitching onto his face. “Jeez doll. Alright, I believe you...no need to go stabbing yourself.” He said softly. You let yourself set the knife down. Unbeknownst to you, Jed concocted a plan in his mind, wondering if he could really let you in on his hobby. You seemed dedicated enough. He smiled at the thought.

Billy Lenz

Billy’s gonna love hearing it, that’s for sure. It’ll get excited when you say it, it’ll probably send a lotta blood below the belt. Billy loves hearing your dedication to him, though it doesn’t think too much of it.

Whenever you say that you’d do anything for him, he’ll take it at face value, even if it makes him rather giddy. Having you show it will make him feel rather clingy, he’s not sure what he did to deserve having you be so sure of your adoration for it. But Billy certainly isn’t complaining.

Billy hugged your waist tightly, burrowing his face into your chest. He’d been peppering you with questions after your proclamation that you’d do anything for it. A large grin across its face. “Yes, Billy, I’d give up my money for you.” You said fondly, petting his hair. Billy squirmed before looking up at you. “Would...would you, would you st-tab yourself for me?” He questioned. You tilted your head, knowing the question wasn’t really that serious, still, you smiled. “Why of course I would. Where would you want me too?” You asked, recalling the switch blade that always rested in your pillow case. Ironically to protect yourself from intruders like Billy itself. The brunet man hummed, giggling a bit, he hadn’t been completely lucid the past two days but you didn’t seem to mind much. “Your uh...your hand!” It slurred. You shifted and reached behind you, feeling around in the pillowcase of the pillow you rested on. Billy tensed a bit when you revealed the handle, pressing the switch to send the shiny & sharpened blade up. Green-hazel eyes watching the knife with cat-like curiosity, pupils wide. “Alright then. Hand it is.” You took your other hand off his shoulder and held it up, open palm, taking the other and gripping the knife. Before the blade could enter the center of your hand, Billy’s hand blocked your wrist. It looked at you owlishly, blinking in awe. You rose an eyebrow. “You don’t want me to?” It shook its head slowly. You put the knife on your bedside table, letting your hands fall back into Billy’s hair as he leaned against you again, looking up at you. “Believe me now?” You asked lightheartedly. Billy nodded, relaxing again when you began petting his hair. “Cutie...” You cooed softly.

Brahms Heelshire

Brahms expects this of you, but for some reason, he doubts you constantly. Believing you’ll eventually try to leave him, and to be fair, everyone else before you did. Brahms isn’t exactly used to people meaning what they say when it comes to loyalty. 

Most of the time, he’s grateful that you say it. It brings him some peace, makes him feel more content that you mean what you say, that you’ll stay with him. However, there are some days and some events that tend to make Brahms inconsolable. These tend to be things like phone calls from old friends/family or when the grocery boy shows up. (We’ll use Malcom for an example). It’s times like these where Brahms becomes certain that you’ll leave him for whatever reason. Maybe because you miss your old life or because Malcom managed to charm his way into your heart. Even when you reassure him, he doubts you. 

Brahms kept his arms crossed and his gaze at the floor as you both stood in the kitchen. “Brahms, I mean it, I promise Malcom is not going to steal me from you! He has to deliver the groceries and I have to be here to accept them. Even if he flirts with me, I swear to you, I don’t flirt back.” You said. You’d been trying to reassure him for the past twenty minutes, nothing seemed to be working. You sighed and approached him. He flinched away from your attempt to rest your hands on his cardigan-covered arms. “Brahmsy, I mean it. I’d do anything for you.” You whispered to him sweetly. Brahms turned his head to look at you, green eyes sharp as they looked past the sockets of his mask. “Prove it.” His voice wasn’t childlike this time, deep and demanding. You sighed again. “Alright, I will.” You said with a single nod, turning to walk away from him. He stared into your back as you grabbed a knife from the knife block. His face twitched in confusion for a moment as you turned to have him. His pupils shrank as you aimed it at your face. Brahms’ arms uncrossed and his hands twitched as you ensured it was lined up properly. He had to dive a few feet, moving quickly. He pulled your arm down, keeping the blade from coming anywhere near your face. You looked at him and heard him breathing shakily behind his mask, adrenaline lowering just as quickly as it had risen. You took a breath and set the knife on the kitchen table, turning to hold his face in your hands. “When I said I’d do anything for you, I mean it, Brahms. And I need you to stop doubting me on that. Okay, baby?” You asked. Brahms swallowed and slowly nodded, brown curls falling over his forehead. You gave a smile and pecked the porcelain cheek. “Good boy. Now, your lessons are supposed to be happening, so let’s get you to the piano.” 

[phoenixyfriend]

OKAY so on the topic of Star Wars takes wrt “character ends up in an A/B/O universe where they’re an omega, but they were previously a cis male in their canon”

@atagotiak and I had some Thoughts on discord

So, obviously, Anakin would make a good omega and he’s also incredibly murdery. Foregone conclusion that we're using him for this.

There is no preexisting Anakin in the Omegaverse. He shows up JUST as the war is starting. Canon timeline is in the third year of the war (he’s 22), but whatever dumped him into omegaverse also tossed him back a few years. No de-aging, just a bit of mismatched timeline stuff.

He's... really good at war, and clearly a Jedi, so the Temple just kind of goes "WELL OKAY THEN, SURE, YOU'RE IN, EVERYONE PRETEND HE'S BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME." The Jedi, by and large, don't care about omegaverse dynamics beyond 'what do you need, medically, to be happy and healthy' and 'what do you need to be aware of so you can be prepared for biases you encounter in the field?’

None of the civilian natborns (mainly politicians) want to put him on the field because of those biases. Anakin, being Anakin, is VERY blatantly an omega in scent, has never been on suppressants (because it wasn't a thing he fucking NEEDED), is incredibly emotional as a person, loves kids, etc.

Like, nobody wants an omega fighting a war anyway, but THIS one is like PINNACLE omega, and those awful Jedi are making him FIGHT just because he's good at stab!

The Jedi: Actually, it's because he's got several years of war experience that we don't, and he's a good tactician that works well with the clones-- Coruscant: You MONSTERS The Jedi: Look, we gave him the option to not stab and he looked absolutely devastated. Anakin, several days earlier: You don’t want me? I’m not good enough??? Jedi: Also he can beat up at least half the temple.

He doesn't know a damn thing about dynamics, but he DOES know that sometimes he's so horny he wants to stab HARDER. The clones are largely disinterested in their generals' dynamics because between mostly-Mando* trainers and no-dynamic Kaminoans, they only really care if a person can shoot.

* Mandalore approves of Fighty Omegas. As far as (traditional) Mandalore is concerned, you want an omega that will kill the threats to your children as well as you do.

Anakin: You know more about being an omega than I do. Rex: ...I'm an alpha. Anakin: Yeah. Let that one sink in a bit.

We have two options for Obi-Wan!

Omegaverse local Obi-Wan (beta) has never met this man before, and is very unnerved that the immediate default reaction Anakin has to his presence is releasing Family pheromones as if Obi-Wan is his DAD and like. This strange, too-tall man from another dimension has got absolutely NO control over what he projects in the Force OR in his dynamic.

Obi-Wan was ALSO transplanted from canon to omegaverse, and is also an omega, for contrast reasons. He is nice and friendly and and likes poetry and that sort of thing... but also he has the highest dismemberment count in the movies. Also he doesn’t prioritize romance.

We went with the second one because it's hilarious.

Someone watching them spar: Wow, omegas from that universe are terrifying.

As previously mentioned, now with some tweaking to account for both: Obi-Wan and Anakin just straight up don't exist until they drop headfirst into the council room, already covered in blood. (It's mostly not theirs.)

Nobody realizes either one is an omega until they "naturalize" to this dimension and Anakin goes into heat... and doesn't realize it, actually, because his primary symptom is heightened protectiveness and aggression. Everyone else with the right nose realizes, because the man has no control over his pheromone production, but Anakin? No. He just stabs. He’s angry and horny and he will cut someone.

Ahsoka has no reaction to human pheromones but basically everyone smells Anakin's "my child!" reaction to her, so... Cool. Have a padawan, we guess.

Anakin ends up sparring a lot with Aayla and Ahsoka, because only humans and near humans have dynamics, so these two don't REACT to the pheromones situation.

(Palpatine is a Kindly Old Beta who tries to treat Anakin the way he EXPECTS Anakin wants to be treated, which is. Not. Accurate.)

(Anakin hates it.)

I'm just so in love with "An omega can't fight." "You wanna fuckin' bet?"

There are plenty of omega Jedi, by the way, it's just... most of them can keep it relatively low-key instead of Anakin's jet-engine broadcast. Some, if they're known to be omega, probably take advantage of being underestimated, like Obi-Wan probably (and especially a version of Obi-Wan that was always an omega, unlike this version). They have a very different way of presenting themselves than Anakin, who's not subtle about being an omega and also not subtle about being all aggressive and stabby.

At one point, Anakin has to protect some Very Traditional Individuals who get all "Stay back, Omega, it's not safe!" and he's just... so tired of this shit. “You are squishy civilians and I'm a trained Jedi Knight and accomplished GAR General who's killed more people in one sitting than there are in this entire palace. Sit the fuck down and let me do my job.”

It starts making the rounds that Anakin insisted on fighting in person, and the rumors shift from "how dare the Jedi force an omega to fight" and over into things that are deeply hurtful in-universe in the vein of "broken omega" and some people try to say it to his face but like...

He didn't grow up here.

He doesn't care.

Say that to one of his friends and he's going to rip out your spleen, probably, but say it to him and he's just staring at you flatly and asking if that's a negative on getting away from the encroaching battle droids, sir?

"You're rather unpleasant for an omega, aren't you?" [deeply offensive] "I literally could not give less of a fuck about your opinion. Move."

It's not that there aren't omegas that act like Anakin, either, it's just that most of them aren't, you know, Jedi who regularly interact with the upper crust, or capable of his level of destruction. Unbeknownst to Anakin, everyone clocks him as Outer Rim based on his behavior, well before his accent gives him away, and certainly before he mentions he's from Tatooine, because Core Omegas Don't Act Like That.

Someone they meet in a more diplomatic setting says something decently passive-aggressive about how at least Obi-Wan acts more like how an Omega should. Then a battle breaks out for some reason, and... well. Anakin and Obi-Wan cause such a scandal by keeping score of kills in a battle, don’t you know?

Turns out sending Anakin to fight Ventress is great because she keeps expecting him to react a certain way but NO he's here to STAB.

I like the idea that Obi-Wan's favorite opponent these days is Grievous because the cyborg doesn't have a nose, and thus gives zero fucks about dynamics or heats. Dooku is a rich old man who has opinions heavily influenced by Sith Juice Making Him More of a Dick, and the Dathomiri can smell dynamics even if they don't have them, and so they have biases about those things. Meanwhile, Grievous is just there to Kill, and Obi-Wan genuinely appreciates the lack of commentary on his dynamic.

Dooku’s probably an alpha, or a beta who's used the whole "we are more level-headed" thing as one of several angles to keep himself the public face and supreme commander of the CIS.

On to more fluffy things that have less to do with political biases.

There's a lot of "I'm upset that my loved ones don't know me," but also please understand the appeal of Obi-Wan marching up to Quinlan like "Yes, hello, I understand you've been read in on the full situation behind myself and my former padawan. I was close friends with your alternate universe self, which I feel is necessary disclosure before I propose the following: Would you like to join me for my upcoming heat, as I have minimal experience with the dynamics situation and even fewer people I actually trust, and I believe I can put my faith in you to treat it as casually as necessary while still having control and respect for my person."

(The Team is in a fairly safe place to process stuff, but having sudden unexpected changes to your biology has gotta be a little traumatizing, on top of ending up in a universe where none of your friends know you and people have a whole host of unfamiliar forms of sexism to point at you.)

Obi-Wan, who wasn't quite touch-averse but was much more easily overwhelmed by physical contact than Anakin (who craved it), suddenly finds his body switching gears and insisting on cuddles with Trusted Loved Ones, which is.... mostly Anakin, on account of nobody else really knowing him yet. Also Ahsoka, who is aware that she's something of a replacement for her alt-universe self, but Anakin explained it as "I love you so much no matter which dimension I'm in or what you're like, and I'd like to get to know you the way I got know her."

(It's rather eloquent for Anakin. He got Obi-Wan to help him draft up the script for when he pitched taking on omegaverse Ahsoka as a padawan.)

Anakin gets a more intensely sexual heat than 'usual' at one point for Reasons (IDK it could be as innocuous as 'we got better food than the usual rations and my body is reacting to the higher fat content with the belief that it's safer to have a baby now'), which nobody takes a whole lot of notice of because they're in a WAR, and also this is only his fourth one so it's not like he's got a lot to compare it to... except then the predominantly alpha clones can't stop themselves from reacting to the pheromones, mostly by wandering past his door and asking if he needs anything, offering up alpha-scented blankets and stuff for the nest to soothe the hormones, bringing snacks and electrolyte drinks, and like, Anakin is flattered, really, but fuck off please.

(He got a warning from medical a few hours before it hit that it would be different, so he actually does have alpha-scented fabrics to help him out. Apparently that's a thing you can just ask friends for, so he asked Rex if he had anything on hand that he could spare. He now has one of Rex’s recently-used sheets and a bodyglove in the nest.)

(Anakin has no idea how to feel about the nesting instinct, but at least it’s warm.)

Tia asked "Oh hey, who has the scared and horny reaction to his carnage?" and like.

Listen. I'm not saying I've been low-key imagining this as Rex being a very subby alpha who's really into Anakin's whole Thing but...

At one point Anakin gets injured in a way that requires painkillers and he ends up whining to the point of almost crying about the fact that nobody is cuddling him right now in medbay and Kix just gives up and comms Ahsoka to come hug her weird older brother.

And Then There Is Purring.

That’s a Thing Now.

Rex ends up in the pile somehow. He came over to check on Things and ended up yanked in by half-asleep, half-high Anakin, who has a grip like an octopus and no impulse control and is purring like a pod motor while NUZZLING HIM.

There’s a lot of blackmail photos featuring Rex’s very intense blush as he’s cuddled by his commander (giggling at him) and general (clinging like a tooka and rubbing himself all over).

Anakin is deeply offended that ANYONE thinks he'd want to get pregnant by just any old person, NO he needs to fall in LOVE there needs to be EMOTIONAL DRAMA and if Padme won't have him (apparently she's in a relationship and no he's not BITTER) then he'll find someone else to have a whirlwind romance with!

People think Anakin's a slut because he can't control his pheromone production (he has NO practice and for health reasons he can't go on suppressants) so he always smells open and ready for flirtations, which Obi-Wan also has to a somewhat lesser degree (he's older so his body just naturally produces less), and then someone tries to cross a boundary and grabs his ass and ANYWAY Anakin has to now fill out an incident report for breaking a civilian's arm.

Again.

[nightowlfandom]

Billy Loomis And Stu Macher x Reader- Our Favorite Girl (Slight gore warning)

CHECK OUT MY MASTERLIST HERE!

Leggo!

...(Trigger warning, stabby stab)

“Hey newbie!” 

You looked up from your textbook to find Stu Macher prancing up to you. With a polite smile, you greeted him.

“Hi Stuart.” you said. “How are you?”

“Hey! I said you didn’t have to be so ‘oooh hi Stuart I’m so prim and proper.’ “ he laughed out loud. “We’re friends aren’t we?” 

“I guess so.” you laughed nervously. “ Um...what’s up?”

“I’m havin’ a party and you’re coming!”

“Parties?” You frowned. “I-uh...” you wanted to reject the idea. You hated parties and your parents would probably blow a fuse if they knew what was going on around town. ‘Stuart, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not, kitten?” he winked. “Afraid to be seen with little ol’ me?” there was a darkness behind his words that you couldn’t ignore. “Don’t like being out after dark?”

“I’m not the partying type is all.” you shrugged. “If you hadn’t noticed, I’m not the most popular person around here.” you stared down at your shoes. “I just don’t wanna ruin your party. I’m the last person you wanna be seen with.”

“It’d make me real happy, kitten.” he stepped forward and slipped his fingertips under your chin and made you look up. “Please? Just for a few minutes.”

Call it weakness, but you couldn’t say no to him.

“Okay.” you smiled lightly. “I’ll go”

“Great! Don’t worry, it’ll be super memorable.” he winked as he skipped off. 

Later on, you were walking to your locker only to bump into Adam. Typical bully. “Hey Y/N. Heard you were going to Macher’s party tonight...you gonna wear a dress for me?”

“No.” you answered curtly. “It’s amazing how you don’t seem to have anything better to do other than shove your nose into my business.” you hugged your books to your chest. “Can I go now?.”

“Hey...is there a problem?” you turned around to find Billy Loomis stalking up to you. You had seem him a handful of times but never actually talked to him before. “You...where do I know you from?”

“I sit behind you in English. We had a project together once.” you replied sheepishly. “Stuart forces me to sit between him and his girlfriend at lunch when they’re fighting. You talk to me from time to time...”

“Stuart...” he raised an eyebrow. “You mean Stu?”

“mhm! You probably don’t remember me because I never reply...” you nodded. 

“You goin’ to his party or somethin’?”

“He asked me to go.” you trailed off. “You’re going too, right?”

“ Why? Excited to meet me there?”“ he smirked, totally ignoring Adam at this point. 

“I mean...” you stared down at your books. “I was hoping someone I’d know would be there.”

Billy raised an eyebrow at you. You gave off a shy aura and for some reason he was into that. He and Stu had been planning a massacre, and they were gonna blame that damned Sydney Prescott. It was the perfect crime. 

“Hm...I’ll see you there.” he winked at you, then sent a death-bringing glare at Adam. “Problem, handsome?” he sneered as he passed the athlete.

... at the party

“Not even three hours in and I have to hide...” you cursed yourself out. “Damn asshole...!” 

Adam was informed that you had arrived and was looking for you, shit!

You ran into the kitchen, losing your breath. “Billy?” 

The suspect in question whipped around. Billy was holding what you assumed was the house phone and instantly hung it up. “Hey...”

“Am I glad to see you.” you sighed.

“Somethin wrong?” 

Billy was in the middle of executing his plan, but for some reason he couldn’t help but want to talk to you. 

“Adam is looking for me.” you sighed. “Could I...stay here with you? Please?”

Billy smiled, darting out his tongue to run across his bottom lip. You were absolutely adorable. “I have a better idea.” he smirked, walking up to you. “Why don’t we send him a little message?”

“You have a girlfriend.” you put a hand on Billy’s chest. “I c-can’t.”

“Not anymore...she dumped me for Randy.” he tusked. ”Figures right?”

“Well...that’s her fault...you’re pretty cool.” you bit your lip.

“So...” Billy tilted your head up towards you. “Let me-”...he gently kissed your lips. While it felt wrong, you melted into him. He held the side of your face in his hand. Sidney wasn’t your friend, not by a longshot, but you still respected her. The fact that Billy was so willing to kiss you, like this.

“For once...stop worrying about other people.” he mumbled against your lips. “Just live in the moment...shit I know what I want...you know what you want...so act on it damnit.”

“Are we still talking about getting Adam off me back or-”

“Shush...don’t think.”

“Kinda hard to when your girlfriend is in the other room”

“Shut up.” he shushed you, tightening his arms around you. You kissed him back with just as much urgency. How would the others react, seeing this...seeing you. Billy backed you up against the counter. Before it could get any farther, you both heard screaming, girlish screaming. 

“What the hell was that?” you asked, feeling your heart race.

“Stay here.” Billy ran in the direction of the noise, leaving you to stand there in terror.

You could hear screams and cries for help, followed by what sounded like gleeful laughter. You were left frozen in place as a man with a mask on his face kicked open the kitchen door. 

You immediately braced yourself with a kitchen knife.

“Stay back!” you warned. “I will cut you!”

“Easy kitten, I’m not gonna kill ya.”

Call it ignorance. Call it instinct, but there was something familiar about the way this stranger spoke to you.

“What did you just say?” you dared ask this man. “Did you just call me kitten?”

“You’re naive, childish...and adorable...like a little kitty cat.” the way he laughed under the mask led you to believe he was laughing with his tongue stuck out.

There was only one person that you knew who spoke like that. You slowly lowered the knife and walked up to him cautiously. The figure didn’t move in the slightest. You were standing toe to toe with him. 

You cautiously raised the mask only revealing the bottom half of the strangers face...only they weren’t a stranger.

“Stu.” you concluded.

“....You said my name.” he flirted.

“Care to explain?”

“In a bit...got something to take care of.” he straightened his mask again before disappearing again.

It was only less than a minute before Stu came quite literally crawling back into the kitchen.

Stu doubled over, holding his stomach as you rushed over to his side. “Stu?” you put a hand on his forehead. “Stu, please don’t be dead!” you winced. “It’s okay, you’re okay.” That damn Sidney...she must have had something to do with this.

“Y/N...it hurts.” Stu moaned in pain. “Hold me?” 

You wasted no time in gathering him to the best of your abilities. He rested his head in your knee. You hummed thoughtfully, shushing him while you used his sweater to apply pressure to his stab wound.

“Y/N, are you sure you aren’t an angel?” He shamelessly flirted, smiling through his pain.

“No, I’m not.” you giggled. ”Save your energy.”

“I’d have more if you just gave me those lips of yours...” he winked. Just to shut him up, you kissed his forehead. 

“Not what I meant, but works for me.”

 As you chided the poor boy, Sydney ran into the kitchen, screaming at the top of her lungs while Billy also wounded stumbled behind. 

“Billy??” you gasped in horror. Seeing you must have caused him to loose his footing, because he slowed his movements. You laid Stu on his back and urged him keep his sweater over his wound. 

You scrambled to your feet, eyeing Sidney with a glare no one had ever seen you wear.

“Y/N! You’ve got to believe me! They’ve been the ones doing this.”

“I find that really hard to believe that when you were just standing over Stu with a bloody knife.” you seethed. “Your own boyfriend? Really?” you dared step closer.

“Y/N! They’re manipulating you!” she began crying. “You have to see it!” She was obviously hysterical.

“Then give me the knife.” you faked calm, cautiously stepping towards her. “Give me the knife...and we can-” you stopped yourself. You looked over at Billy, praying he wouldn’t be mad. “We’ll call the cops.” you you held your hand out.

“WHAT?” Billy seethed. You avoided his gaze. Hopefully he wouldn’t sense your fear. 

“Trust me...” you said, just barely above a whisper. You were mostly talking to Billy, but had to make it look like it was directed at her. “We can get out of this...”

Sidney (very stupidly) outstretched her hand, the one that was holding the knife. Once it was within your reach, you grabbed her wrist, and grabbed the blade with your free hand, throwing it to the side. You tackled to to the floor and held her down.

“Crazy bitch.” you mumbled. She began thrashing, and screaming bloody murder. You were eventually able to get the best of her. “Whoever is the least dead...COPS...NOW!” You struggled as Sidney screamed. “This bitch is out of her mind!.”

“I have a better idea.” A seemingly fine, and now very much not dead Stu rose to his feet, a sick smile plastered on his face. The knife had slid over to him and you hadn’t even realized. You were too focused on keeping Sidney on the floor.

Suddenly you were yanked back into Billy’s arms as a sharp object came down from above, plunging through Sidney’s chest. 

“Oh my god!” you buried your head into Billy’s shirt, trying to block out the terrible sounds you heard the terrible sounds of skin ripping. 

“Shhh it’s over babe.” He shushed you. “It’s okay.” he stroked your hair with his bloody hand. Stu laughed manically as he wiped the sweat off his face. 

“Some party huh.” Stu cackled. He wasted no time in sandwiching you between himself and Billy.

“You had us thinking you’d betray us, Kitten.” Stu dug his head into your shoulder.

“Y/N would never do that to us...she’s our good girl.”

“You guys are-”

“Absolutely.”

“And this party was-”

“Smart girl.”

“And now that you know our little secret, we’re never letting you go, kitten!” Stu laughed. 

“And if you tell anyone, we’ll have no choice but to take you down with us...but you won’t do that to us, will you?” Billy asked, nuzzling his head into your neck.

[sergeantsporks]

hey what do the gilded ggs look like? totally not gonna. . .draw them or anything. .

👀👀👀

I now have a comprehensive list for reference for myself when writing, too, hooray!

Mole

Darker hair, more yellow than blonde, a little longer and curlier than other grimwalkers

Freckles

Scar going from left eyebrow, across the bridge of his nose, and ending under his right eye. Lots of little hand scars

Eyes are a little less hugely round, more lidded

Constantly dirty

Slight frame

Cherry

Tall and muscly

Clawmark scars on the right side of his face, eyepatch over his left eye

Ponytail, with side part bangs

Very Calebesque in appearance

Ash

Blotchy scar on right cheek

Paler than a lot of the other grimwalkers, like, seeing their veins pale

A little taller, medium weight

Two braids of the front of their hair that go around to a ponytail in the back, the rest of the hair down (shoulder length)

Hamlet

Nose closer to belos

Scar over left eye

Jim Hawkins from Treasure Planet ponytail

Thinner face shape

Steven (the mountain one)

Sigil scars

VERY big eyebags

Phillip ponytail

AT

Mane of blonde hair

A little more Phillip looking than Caleb looking in his face

Scars from artificial magic

Medium height and build

Novus

Reddish scar that goes all the way around his throat, a silver one that goes across his left forehead

Scrawnier frame

More Phillip face shape, but Caleb’s nose

Undercut

Dagger

Deep-set eyes

Small scar on eyebrow like Luz’s, another one in the middle of his bottom lip

Half up half down hairstyle (similar to Amity’s season 1 look)

Bodywise, he’s filled out, but he’s still awkwardly skinny in places from previous malnutrition

Auric

Scars across his throat, another one going from his chin up to his left ear

Shaggy hair

Slight frame

Matt

Just like. The most average looking guy as far as grimwalkers go

Undercut

Has a scar going across his forehead

Locke

No arms

Scar from left top of forehead all the way down to the right jaw

Phillip eye shape

Curly short hair

Meleager

2 notches in each ear

Scar on his left cheekbone

Undercut

Jason

Hunter, minus the scars, plus freckles

A slighter frame. He’s just about Hunter’s height, though.

Frank

Burn scars everywhere, keeps his hair short, since a lot of it got burned off

Short and stocky

Missing an arm

Lake

Pretty round in the face

Undercut

Scar going from the left side of their nose across their cheek

Horus

Lot of stabby stab scars on his arms and torso

Squareish in appearance

Short hair, but not buzzed

Short and stocky

Sam

Tall and skinny

Man bun (search tales of arcadia past Douxie for approximation), slightly darker blonde than Caleb

Pale. Never sees the sun.

Huge big round glasses

Scar on the right side of his chin, a few on his hands, and a couple on his neck where Belos’ gauntlet cut him

Tall beanpole of a man

Wears a lab coat and thinks he’s sooooo cool for it. He also has an earring with a chain that hangs from his upper ear and connects to his earlobe

Nose is closer to Phillip’s than Caleb’s.

Joseph

Buzz cut, very light blonde hair, almost white

Short and stocky

Lots of clawing and biting scars all over face and torso

Very square jawline

Chryses

Mane of hair

Mostly it’s his torso that’s covered in scars, but he has one on the right of his forehead

Scrawny

Massive eyebags

Silver

Small and skinny

Edward Elric hair

Has a few scars on their face, mostly like little ones from rocks hitting them, nothing huge

Nose is much less prominent than Caleb’s

Cyrus

Earrings

Scar that goes across his nose

Bushy ponytail kind of like Phoenix’s

Medium height, muscular build

Alex

Really long hair, like, waist length

A lot of little nicks and scratch scars on his face, a big one going up the side of his neck, and a lot of small scars all over his body.

Venari

Scars going through their sigil, 3 clawmark scars going right down the middle of their face

Braid

Medium height, proportional weight

Less round in the face

Petro

Aquiline Nose crooked

Scar like Hunter’s, but on the opposite side. Blotchy red scar on his left forehead. Small scar on the left side of his mouth, scar through right eyebrow and down face. Tattered ears.

Sunken in eyes, no eyeshine, heavy eyebags

Sharper jawline

Buzzcut

Six feet, solid, muscular

Phoenix

Short, bushy ponytail

Scar from artificial magic covering left side of his face, neck, and arms. Scar going through his right eyebrow, and a few on his hands

Tall and muscly

Longer, less prominent version of Caleb’s nose

[trexy225]

DSD-Chapter 4: The Gift (18+)

Summary: Smexy time and stabby stab

You double-checked your hairpins, making sure you could easily take them out and stab swiftly, you frowned at your reflection, this wasn’t you. You hated looking at yourself before the night shift, you couldn’t stand looking at yourself after. You triple-checked your bracelets, and quadruple-checked the drugs hidden in your dress, the plan was simple, seduce Otto, get him alone, spike his drink, tie him up, and then force him to confess everything. You’ve done it many, many times before. 

The bouncer let you in and you entered the very loud club, it always gave you a headache… But you pushed through. You assumed that you weren’t going to be called up for another two hours or so, you were planning on hiding somewhere until you were called out. 

“Hey, their baby girl! Lemme get some of that ass.” a man reached for you but you promptly elbowed him in the nose, you weren’t in the mood. You heard his friends cackle as you hurried off towards the dressing room, once inside, you glanced at the schedule.

Hana F- 7:30-9:30 cage 2, 10-2:00 am Suite

You groaned as you went to your station, there was a note, you opened it and sighed.

Third room, the walls are thick, do it right.

-K

You crumpled up the note and stormed off towards the cage, you got inside, closed the door, and gave a thumbs up to the booth, the cage rose up in the air, you saw the other three being occupied already, you were suddenly very aware of your short dress and you cursed silently, you always tried to wear pants when you danced. You found some people watching you, you held back your pride, and you danced. 

At last, the cage lowered, you exited and hurried off to the dressing rooms to clean up. You slipped inside of the bathrooms to stuff your condom inside… You weren’t up to using the correct vocabulary. You exited the bathroom, pulled down your dress, and arrived at your station. You found your co-worker, Eli also getting ready next to you. 

“Who do you have?” He asked as he applied eyeshadow.

“Kingpin offered me as a present.” You scowled as you remade your hair.

“Oh, honey… I’m sorry.” he meant it, you caught other people making the same face, people may be jealous of the privileges Kingpin's favorite got… But they never wanted to be it, because it came with a price. You shrugged it off, you couldn't take their sympathy... You weren't weak.

“It’s fine, it’s fine. I’ll just drink it off when I get home, what about you?” You asked.

“A senator wants a lap dance, I’m thinking about blackmailing him honestly.”

“Do it.” 

“Once you teach me to do those spinny fighty moves.” 

You laughed “Eli, that’s not what they are.” you glanced up at the clock and cursed, you were late.

“I have to go… Do I look fine?” You asked.

“You’re always stunning Hana… Be careful.” Eli warned.

“If I die you get my heels.” You joked.

“And if I die you get my dress shirts,” he said back. You gave a small smile as you hurried off to the elevator, Eli gave a sad wave as the doors closed behind you.

“And then I told him, if you don’t put that money in the bag, I’ll cut up your daughter and feed her to you like sushi!” You heard a chorus of laughter, you rolled your eyes and took in a deep breath, you were going to do this… You had to do this. You checked your pins, your bracelets, your knives, and your drugs… You were ready. You strode in confidently, Kingpin stood up.

“There she is! Fellas, I can’t get enough of her, I really can’t, just look!” Kingpin showed you off, you wanted to be anywhere but here. Most of them just nodded in agreement.

“I heard it was someone’s birthday?” You asked, your eyes locked onto Doc Ock.

You’re not Hana, you’re someone else… You’re not doing these things, someone else is. You thought to yourself as you sauntered over to the oh-so-lucky birthday boy. It took every ounce of your willpower to not leap out of the windows and escape all of this… You needed to stop thinking about that, you couldn’t change anything, this is how it was. 

“Otto, I forgot to get you a present, I’m so sorry… But Hana here said that she would be more than happy to take care of you tonight.” Kingpin told him.

Otto turned red, the cigar fell out of his mouth, and one of his actuators caught it.

“I-I’m not so-”

“Oh come on Otto, Jesus christ when was the last time you spent a night with anyone?” The Lizard asked.

Otto shot a glare at him, you smiled.

“It’s ok, I’ll just be in the room, whenever you’re ready.” You winked as you went into the third room, you looked back, and Kingpin gave you an approving nod. You scowled as you left the door cracked, you scanned the room for any kind of drink, you sighed in relief as you found a bottle of whisky and some glasses, you hurriedly poured the drug in and whisked it, you jumped onto the bed and waited. Eventually, Otto nervously opened the door and you smiled warmly.

“I wore your favorite dress.” you smiled.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, I know he’s forcing you to do this.” 

“Tonight isn’t about what I want doctor… It’s what you want, and tonight you can do anything you want.” you hand him the drink, he looks at it dumbly, you clink your glass with his and take a swig, he sets the glass down, damn it… You were going to need to push further, why couldn’t he just get drugged?

“What do you want doctor?” you asked, wrapping your arms around his neck, his beard tickled your chin. 

“You… I want you.” he sighed. 

“Well then come and get it.” you teased. 

Otto pulled you in and kissed you, you weren’t here… you weren’t kissing Doc Ock… his tongue slipped his way into your mouth, you could still taste the cigar smoke and whiskey, oh stars. He growled as he pushed you onto the bed, your heart started to beat a bit faster, he was never this aggressive towards you… why the hell were you enjoying it? He kissed you again as he tore off your dress, there wasn’t much of it anyway, you froze when he found your knives. He smirked.

“You spiked my drink and you brought knives?” he chuckled as he tossed them behind his back.

Your eyes widened “How did you-”

“I’m a fucking scientist, I know when my drink has been spiked, did you really think you could get away with that?” his eyes darkened, you had to get out of here. 

“I-I didn’t-” you stammered. “Don’t play that clueless card on me.” Otto snapped, you snarled as you reached out to pull out your hairpin, you were fast, but he was faster. Your needle hovered inches from his neck, one of his actuators stopped you, it squeezed and you cried out in pain as you dropped it, Otto laughed.

“I can see why you’re Kingpin's favorite, you have fire, I like that.” 

“You’re still horny after all of this?” You snapped, fed up.

“Everything you do gets me all hot and bothered Hana, did you know that? Every single fucking thing, so what if you tried to kill me? You said it yourself, tonight I get to do anything I want.” he growled in your ear, why the hell were you wet?

“Just get it over with.” You grumbled.

“You sound like you don’t want this, but your body is lying to me Miss Fukuyana.” his hands traveled down until he reached your core, he flicked your clit and you squirmed. He smiled at that, that sadistic fuck.

“Just get it over with.” you groaned. 

“Fine, be that way.” he unbuckled his pants and spread your legs, you looked away.

I’m not here… I’m not doing this… This isn’t me. 

He thrust into you and grunted, you closed your eyes as you bit back a moan. 

“You can enjoy this, my dear, I won’t tell anyone.” He whispered in your ear, you whimpered as he picked up the pace. He pulled you in for a kiss and you melted in his arms.

Fuck it. You thought, let him have this tonight, you wanted it too apparently. You would kill him tomorrow. 

You kissed him back and he smiled, he drew away, gasping for breath.

“Good girl…” he purred, one of his actuators brushed a lock of hair out of your face, you and Otto stared at each other as he fucked you, you let a moan slip and he grinned, picking up the pace. 

“You feel incredible, do you know that? Do you understand how intoxicating you are?” he asked you, and you cried out in response.

“I-I hate y-you.” you managed to get out.

“How touching…” he pulled you into another kiss, you could tell he was getting closer, he softly nibbled on your lip and you moaned, he found your weak spot… shit. A wave started to crest, you could feel it inside. Otto moaned out as he came inside of you, your legs shook as the wave of pleasure you experienced crashed down. Otto collapsed and rolled over. You took out the condom and tossed it on the floor, why did you do that? Why did it feel so good? Your hand found the discarded hairpin and you grabbed it, you flung it down, impaling Ottos hand, he screamed out in pain.

“WHAT THE HELL?!” He screamed, one of the actuators picked you up by the neck, choking you. You managed to point to the closet, which held a first aid kit, another actuator grabbed it.

“AND WHY THE HELL DID YOU GIVE ME THAT IF YOU JUST STABBED ME?!” Otto screeched, holding his hand, the actuators hurried to help him, dropping you in the process. You gasped for air and limped over to get a bathrobe from the closet, you put in on and glared at him.

“I still need you alive.” you croaked. 

“SO YOU FUCKING STAB ME?” Otto cried out as the actuator yanked out the hairpin, you looked away.

Meanwhile, in the lounge. 

“That’s going to be $400,000” Norman said happily.

“Why the hell am I playing Monopoly with a capitalist?” The Vulture grumbled as he paid up.

“Make that two capitalists.” Kingpin added. 

“Yes, you have to pay $150,000 to Fisk too,” Norman added.

“What? Why?” 

“I made it a private company, he has a 25% stake in it.”

“You can’t do that!” Dr. Connors argued.

“Who says we can’t?” Norman retorted.

“The rules!”

“Max burned the rules!” 

“Don’t you bring me into this!” Max’s eyes sparked.

The men started to argue until they heard screams.

“Lucky Otto…” Kingpin smirked as he sat down.

“Yes… he would have loved to play this with us, however.” Norman sighed. “No, he wouldn’t he fucking hates this game.” “Shut the hell up Max.”

Otto was not lucky.

He glared at you as the actuators kept on rebandaging his hand. 

“What do you want from me?” He asked.

“You know what happened to my brother, and you’re going to tell me right fucking now.” you tossed him a bathrobe and he put it on angrily.

“You finally figured it out…” He muttered.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me? You’ve known that I had been looking for him for the past two years, you could have been helping me.” You asked.

“I’ve been busy-” “YOU’VE BEEN BUSY?! Do you know THE SHIT I’ve had to do for the past two years to get a dead-end, do you know the person I have become?” You yelled.

“You never wanted this?” Otto asked.

You laughed bitterly “No! Do you know the restraint it takes me to not jump out that fucking window and end it all? I’m not doing ANY of this for me, and to think that the person who my brother called 9 FUCKING times has been ogling at me, sitting right across from me PISSES me OFF! So I’m going to get the information from you, and then I’m going to kill you.” you picked up your knives and tossed one up in the air. Otto sighed and sat down.

“Fine,” he muttered.

“Wait… fine?” you asked, surprised, you were preparing to throw a knife through his other hand to get him to talk, you were relieved.

“I’ll tell you.” he looked up, the dark circles under his eyes stood out in the dim lights. “I’ll tell you everything.”

[chaos-is-my-lifeblood]

For the no excuse writing ask game. THE END

THE END — i’ll make up an ending, or post the ending if i’ve written it

Oh no, endings, my one weakness-

Alrighty, one Daniel in Denial ending coming right up.

As Sam crouched over Valerie, desperately attempting to staunch the flow of blood from her side, she had to wonder. Where was Phantom? He hadn't appeared with the flow of ghosts seeking refuge, nor had he appeared when Pariah's army had attacked.

Which left the humans to resist, when the Ghost King himself had come. Right now, he was out there, separated from Valerie and Sam by a few sheets of wood. And now that Valerie was down, and the Fentons were busy repairing the shield, there was only one person left.

...and Fright Knight. Kind of. Sam didn't know what the deal there was.

A sound, near inaudible compared to the exchange of fire just past those few sheets of wood, caught Sam's ear. She spun her head, glaring at an innocuous doorway. Seconds passed, with no further movement.

Until Vlad emerged. He looked impressed in that condescending way of his, hands high in surrender and lips pulled back in a smirk. "My, my, how attentive. Don't worry, it's just little old me. You should be more concerned about your friend there."

Reluctantly, Sam conceded the point. Making a scene here would probably draw Pariah Dark's attention, and nobody wanted that.

Still, she couldn't help tensing when Vlad sauntered closer. Valerie was her patient, and Sam didn't know what was up with Vlad, but she did not trust him. Her voice was clipped and short when he crossed the imaginary line that was 'too close'. "Go do something useful. I'm sure you got better to do than hang out with little old me."

Vlad laughed, a fake thing. "Oh, how c-gakkk"

Sam looked up just in time to see Ellie drag Vlad back into a portal that had definitely not been there the last time she looked. In a second the portal closed, and both Ellie and Vlad were gone.

...Okay. That was a thing that happened.

__

Danny could say, with a solid 99.9% certainty, that this day Kind Of Sucked. Except replace 'Kind Of' with 'Really'.

And it didn’t look like it would improve anytime soon. Pariah Dark swung his mace down once more, and once more, Danny barely managed to evade it. He’d have to ask Ellie to pass on thanks for Clockwork’s gift; if not for that, he wouldn’t be able to use any of his powers in human form, and he’d be even more Absolutely Fucked than he already was. And that was saying something.

Danny flung another wall of flames, which were promptly shrugged off. From the small peanut gallery of one, he could hear a considering hmmm. “Your flames must have intent, when you use them. You are here to strike fear into the hearts of your enemies.”

“Thanks, Fright Knight, but I really don’t think that applies here.” Pariah’s mace came flying at Danny once more, and he made sure to grab the handle before it passed him. Danny had learned about its boomerang-esque properties the hard way, and he wasn’t forgetting that anytime soon. “Is there not anything else you could do? Stabby stab?” Ooh, if Fright Knight would lend their sword, that may actually be helpful, even if they didn’t do any fighting themself. “Maybe-”

In Danny’s momentary distraction, one of Pariah’s hits finally connected. The next thing Danny knew, he was on the ground, arms pinned to his sides. Pariah loomed over him. “It was a well-fought battle, but you have lost. Do you concede?”

Danny wrinkled his nose. “What happens if I concede? What happens if I don’t concede?” Would it be like sitting out in a game of dodgeball at school? Because now that he thought about it, that sounded pretty nice. Maybe he could just hang out with Fright Knight. Play a few rounds of Doom, catch up on lost sleep, possibly even work on that overdue essay.

“Should you concede, you will become part of my army, and serve me.”

Oh, damn, there went Danny’s hopes to chill. “Not really interested in being drafted, thanks.” And if Danny was going to serve anyone, he at least expected to get paid. Something told him that Pariah wasn’t in the habit of giving his skeleton soldiers that good old cash money.

The pressure of Pariah’s foot on Danny’s chest increased. “And if you refuse, then I will make you a ghost, and you will serve me anyway.” Pariah drew the sword strapped to his waist, hefting it with ease.

Oh. Pariah had not just said that. Danny felt himself settle into a long-practiced calm, face easily adopting an expression of slight befuddlement.

“Wait, what? Ghosts are fake.”

Pariah’s pressure let up, just for a moment.

And it was in that very moment that Kyle Weston, wearing the Fenton Ecto-skeleton, crashed right into Pariah Dark.

__

After the battle was over, and Pariah Dark was... properly disposed of, Danny left. Not far; barely past the edge of Amity, really. He just needed to think. Above, countless stars covered the sky, and the moon was just short of full.

Gravel crunched beside him. “Wassup?”

Danny hummed noncommittally. “Not much. Not anymore, at least.” Now that all - or, well, most of the ghosts were cleared from Amity, it was calm. Except for reconstruction efforts, but those were always happening, anyway. Amity Park was renown for its infrastructure.

Besides Danny, Johnny nodded. “That must’ve been a fun past day. Very eventful.”

That got a groan from Danny. “Don’t remind me.”

Of course, Johnny ignored the request. “You know, I heard the funniest thing, earlier. A human defeated the Ghost King. Do you know how ghost royalty works?”

Nope nope nope nope-

“The one who defeats the previous ruler inherits their position. And I met with Fright Knight earlier, and he said that it was a human who defeated Pariah. That’s the funniest thing, isn’t it? A human as Ghost King?”

Danny slumped back against the grass. “No, shut up, I know what you’re going to say. I don’t want to be Ghost King.”

Johnny’s face held a frown, but his voice was bright with mischief. “Awww, but I think it would suit you perfectly. You’re so goodhearted, so responsible. Just what the Infinite Realms need.”

“No, I’m not fighting him.” Danny let his lips curl, side-eyeing Johnny. “Besides, I think ‘Ghost King Kyle’ has a nice ring to it.”

[ask-runaan-anything]

Runaan@NYCC 2021 AU headcanons

If Runaan actually attended in person with the characters voiced by the VA's who will attend: gosh the muns got self-indulgent, this is long

Runaan leaves home for NYCC 2021 and sends Ethari a single Pleading Face emoji every time he thinks of him

Ethari gets 2472496 Pleading Face emojis while Runaan is away

Runaan brings his favourite book(s) with him to keep him company and also for Serotonin

Rayla mentions this to Callum

Runaan is all WHy did you Tell the HUMAN

but Callum did the exact same thing

Runaan is unexpectedly supported and he's not sure he likes it

they also make a plan for what he (and Rayla) can do if he ever gets very overwhelmed

Ethari@Rayla: Rule #1 is, do not let him shoot anyone

Rayla; *very serious nod*

he rehearses what he'll say at the panel beforehand, using flash cards

and some of the cards say things like "Thank you" bc Ethari worries he'll forget

Ethari color coding the flash cards for "Social" and "Informational" so Runaan can flip through them if he's put on the spot

he also asks Ethari what he can mention about him+what's off limits bc he doesn’t want to make Ethari feel exposed or anything

Runaan: please don't have a Q&A section please don't have a Q&A section please don't have a

host: so let's open it up for a little Q&A now-

Runaan, internally: *bleep*

Under the table he starts flicking through his flash cards

he doesn't realize there's no tablecloth and everyone can see him do it

he watches the recording of it later to find all his faults but Rayla sits right next to him and she's all, "Yes yes they saw you and guess what, no one assassinated you over it, it's okay!"

Runaan goes Soft™

it's like he can feel Ethari there with him through Rayla's words

he has to thank her but words aren't his style so he offers to let her drag him out of the hotel for the first time that trip

ten steps outside and he has regretti

but he promised and his honor is at stake now so he keeps going

Rayla takes him to a bookstore

its slightly outside his comfort zone but it's quiet, and the city streets are so noisy

Ethari texted her a list of recharge spots, and one was a bookstore, with a reading nook, so she takes him there and they curl up on pillows and hammocks for a while

Another time they go out to a coffee shop at 3am

Runaan sends Ethari a Pleading Face emoji

Ethari replies with “!!” and “IT’S 3AM GO TO SLEEP YOU HAVE A PANEL IN THE MORNING”

Runaan just sends him another Pleading Face

Runaan has noise cancelling earshrooms if he needs them

Ethari wears them while he hammers

Ethari sends Runaan jokes to distract him just before his panels start

And Runaan lies down at night to talk to Ethari with his phone near his ear so it feels like back home when Ethari cuddles him

Ethari sending his own homemade "good luck" memes just before Runaan’s panel, so Runaan can fall back on showing them to the audience if he gets nervous, which he does, and they LOVE it, and Runaan is like, “I can see my husband has some support in the human lands, I'll be sure to tell him,” and the room cheers and Runaan is like "Aaaaa this is making me feel so seen but also yes, my husband deserves all the support"

Runaan sleeps surrounded by like 8 extra pillows in the bed so he can feel as snuggled as when Ethari's actually there

and one is Ethari's

Ethari lending Runaan his scarf bc it smells like him

and Runaan not only sleeps with it right near his nose but he wears it during the panel

Runaan wearing his serious face at the panel and answering hard or angsty questions, and the whole time he has earshrooms in and their lil stems are pokin out of his ears

If Runaan is here then all the other characters with VAs at NYCC are also here, so it’s a panel of actual characters

Viren using chopsticks to try and steal one of Runaan's earshrooms out of unbridled curiosity, and Runaan just. takes them away from him. without looking over. and slaps them on the table like. no, bad human, do not steal my earshrooms while I'm talking.

Claudia's flipping through a book but it's a recipe book and she's looking up mushroom soup

Ethari made Runaan an anti-dark magic charm so he's safe and no one can use it on him, so he feels safe attending the panel at all

someone asking about Lachir and Runaan just brightening

also pspsps that person is @hoothalcyon

Runaan goes off for ten minutes unprompted and uninterrupted about his moonstrider, it's about as animated and excited as anyone has ever seen him

Clauds over on the side making big heart eyes

she asks if he has a picture and he says yes and she bounces over to him and squeals loudly

Rayla texts Ethari just then and Ethari gets a FaceTime call going so everyone can see Lachir in person back home, because ofc she is fine and alive

and Lachir looks derpily at the camera like "wat dis"

She do the blep, sniffs camera, makes it smudgy

Ethari laughing and protesting off screen

the entire panel and audience is all "awwwwww"

Viren loudly demanding a cute pet so people will like him too

Runaan does a discreet lil happy stim and it's so discreet that barely anyone catches it except one or two ND's who are like aaaaa

Rayla slipping behind Viren and putting an adoraburr on his ear tho

"One cute pet, courtesy of Xadia! You've had your Adorapox vaccinations, right?" she chirps sassily

yes the pox look like adoraburrs

you are very contagious and very adorable

Janai, someone asks her about Amaya and she gets flustered and Runaan feels seen

audience question during the Q&A: Runaan, who would win in a fight between you and Janai?

Janai, immediately: Me.

Runaan: Her.

Janai flexes, literally

Runaan is happy to give her the spotlight, which is why he lied, bc ofc he thinks he could take her, he'd do it at night and he'd steal her sword first, obviously

nowhere in the question did it say "fair" fight

Amaya is in the audience and she keeps signing flirty things at Janai no matter how loud the room gets or who's asking who what, and Janai keeps getting more and more flustered and distracted

Runaan has one (1) moment where he's actually relieved his husband isn't there

Ethari would want to tease him so badly

Q: Runaan, are you a good dancer?

Runaan: I'm passable, with the right partner.

Q: So can you show us some moves?

Runaan, blushing: Distinctly not.

whistling and clapping ensue

Rayla jumps up and grabs Callum's hand and says, "I can show you some moves!"

and they dance very sweetly and cutely with some basic Moonshadow moves

and Runaan is like "I can't tell if this is worse"

Q: Runaan, how did your marriage proposal go?

Runaan, after a long flustered moment: ...Successfully. *taps his horn cuffs*

Q from someone wanting to know how to follow Runaan on social media: Runaan, you're amazing, where can we find you?

Runaan: The Silvergrove, but you can't actually-

Q: No I mean, what if we want to follow you?

Runaan: You'd need to know the key dance, and that's protected information. Also, stalking isn't nice.

Q: But you stalk people.

Runaan: *dramatic eyebrows* And it isn't nice.

Next Q: Has Ethari ever gotten hurt, and what did you do?

Runaan: *crushes water bottle*

Host: Okay another question then!

his answers would be really short if he did not feel comfy interacting, which is probably most of the time

Rayla took away Runaan's bowblade before the panel started

Runaan: but that's my emotional comfort trick weapon

Rayla: No. Ethari's Panel Rule #1. No stabbing or shooting people.

they pass a weapons display in the artist alley and someone made a replica of the Bloodborne bowblade and Runaan’s like, hm that looks familiar

Runaan wandering the con and talking to all the cosplayers with cool looking weaponry tho

he takes pics for Ethari

Runaan wandering the con and asking Runaan cosplayers, "So who are you supposed to be?" bc he genuinely doesn't know

he doesn't think he should be in the pictures for security reasons but he takes pix of Rayla posing with everyone dressed as Runaan

social media gets flooded with pix of his hair from the back though

#itssosoft trends on Twitter

Rayla sets up a pic where half a dozen happy fans get to brush Runaan's hair at the same time, and he's stuffing his face with moonberry surprise so he doesn't get nervous

it actually makes him look happy and social and Ethari is like HOW, HOW DID YOU MANAGE THIS, MAGIC

people shyly approach him and ask if he and Ethari can adopt them and he says yes

he ends up in a coffee shop zone with a couple dozen people gathered around and tells them the importance of found family in Moonshadow culture and he doesn't understand why they're all crying

Rayla teasing Runaan and telling him to tell a pirate story

Runaan is like, "Spoilers for Season 5"

some superfan nerd like mun tries to get him to admit how much he knows about Xadia and history and the show's plot, and he does that one line that all stabby people say. "I could tell you. But then I'd have to kill you."

he gets half a dozen volunteers and he is so concerned

Runaan, Protector of Secrets

Soren starts to spill about 14% of a secret and from across the entire con hall a green fletched arrow just zips by

Soren is like "You know what, never mind"

Cracky: Viren runs through the room looking for protection, and Runaan is like ugh fine who's after you this time, and Viren's all, "No one, my children are just being so silly and I just need a break for five minutes, can we please have a grownup conversation about something serious and angsty, please I’m actually begging you"

Runaan spots the adoraburr on Viren's ear and he's like, "Adoraburrs get lonely if they're alone," and he puts another one on Viren's other ear

and then a bunch more so they stack like a hairband and they're happier

Runaan just smirks and walks away

the adoraburrs start squeaking to each other and Viren is like, "Ugh, I preferred my children's terrible puns" and the adoraburrs get huffy and all hop down and abandon him

he does not in fact get adorapox because Viren believes in inoculation

some attendees would try to convince Runaan to "seek asylum" in NY and not return to Xadia or something, and he'd be like "But. Ethari."

they remind him that if he goes back he has to wait in a coin, and he doesn't get it

"Wdym. Ethari is there. Not here. I have to be there."

"BUT. COIN."

"BUT. ETHARI."

Rayla's like, I ain't Naruto running all the way back

She clicks a car fob and there's a *boop boop* noise

and this hovering coin like Tenser's Floating Disk shows up and they hop onto it and surf into the distance

Rayla shouts "SPOILERS FOR SEASON FOUR I KNOW WHO DIES AND IT’S-"

and Runaan is like "RAYLA DON'T MAKE ME HAVE TO SHOOT YOU, I COULDN'T DO IT LAST TIME AND I CAN'T DO IT NOW, DON'T GET ME IN TROUBLE I SWEAR TO THE M-"

talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, everyone hopes they come back next year too

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

Friday Night Stabby best quotes part 29 (10/09/21)

so Pearl is still filling in for Joker and yes I did watch seven out of eight POVs for this session, that’s why this quotes thing is so long :)

...

Evil: I forgot how to play this game. Endless: Go to electrical and die, Evil. That’s how you play the game.

...

Skizz, entering electrical: Look at all these idiots in here. Endless: Hey! That’s not very nice.

...

Endless: I remember how to fix wiring. It’s not that hard. Can I do [shields] from here? I can. I did it. I figured it out. Etho: Good job. Endless: Thanks. Thanks, Etho! Etho: I never stopped believing in you. Endless: Your praise means everything to me, dad. *pause as Endless walks away* Endless: He’s not my dad.

...

Impulse: *reports a body* Impulse: Okay just hold on, I can do this. Ready? Skizz’s voice in a clip: DANG IIIIT! Impulse: Did you guys hear that? Evil: Yes. Brody: What is that? Impulse: That was the last thing I heard when I caught Skizz red-handedly killing Mrs Tango. *people laugh, then pause* Skizz: I don’t like you.

...

Impulse: Tango wanted to die so he could fix his overlay. Tango, dead: I DID NOT! YOU’RE A LIAR! Impulse: Someone did him a favour, I think. Tango, dead: >:(

...

Evil, in a monotone: I have wires to do. Skizz, snorting: World’s most bored electrician. Evil, slightly less monotone: More wires.

...

Astro: I also want you to know that I didn’t kill you, on purpose. Cuz it’s your birthday. But that was your one round of- Endless: Not my birthday. My birthday was- Astro: It was yesterday. Endless: -hours and hours ago. Astro: It’s still technically your birthday somewhere. Endless: I don’t think that’s how time works, but okay.

...

*last round, Endless spent a long time with Astro but didn’t kill him despite being imposter* Astro: Alright, Endless. This time, you can kill me. Astro and Endless: *laugh* Astro: Don’t throw me off like that. I thought you were all i- Endless: *kills Astro* *pause* Astro: ...thanks, Endless. Thanks. *laughs* Well, I can’t complain; I DID ask for it.

...

Skizz: Now if I die, you know it’s Etho (pronouncing it Eh-tho). Etho: Hey now.

...

Impulse: Oh whoops, I was muted that whole meeting. Tango: Aha! Exactly what a killer would say.

...

Astro, a ghost: Hey Evil, did you know that Impulse’s bone is not- not well right now? Evil: *snickers* Astro, a ghost: See I KNEW you could hear me, you imposter!

...

Pearl: Did you have a neutral role? Impulse: Yeah, I was jester. Pearl: Ahhh. Cheeky nugget.

...

Brody: Tango. Two people saw you leave the corpse of your wife. Tango: So what? Where is the corpse of my wife? Brody: Where is the corpse? Two people saw you, are you really gonna try that? Tango: I just passed you in the hallway! Nothing was there! Pearl: He’s gonna play dumb, it’s okay. Impulse: He’s still mad that she threw out his spices when they moved. Tango: IT’S THE OLD BAY, MAN! IT’S THE OLD BAY!

...

Endless: It was Tango in O2 with the lead pipe- No, that’s not- Different game.

...

Etho: I was with Brody and Astro but I’m… invisible, apparently. Astro: I- I said there was somebody else! I just wasn’t going to say something that I thought might make you seem suspicious. Etho: It’s been happening a lot and it’s a little weird, but okay.

...

*after the meeting* Astro: I’ll notice you next time, Etho. Etho: Okay, thank you. That’s all I want.

...

Skizz: It’s the purple guy! Endless: It can’t be the purple guy! Evil: It CAN be the purple guy. *votes are revealed, Endless is ejected* Endless: D’aww, you guys don’t even know how- that’s… stupid. *everyone laughs* Skizz, laughing: “Your Honour, this is very dumb”

...

*everyone skipped except Endless who voted for Impulse* Endless: I got your number, Impulse. *pause* Astro: What’s his number? Four? Eight? Nine? Six? Evil: Two. Endless, at the same time: Seven.

...

*Etho claims Tango killed Evil but can’t say how he knows for fear of assassination* Endless: So you saw it on admin and then came down to report it? Is that what that was? *pause* Etho: Exactly. *animation of Etho shooting himself plays* Etho: DANGIT!!!

...

Etho: Where we going, Tango? What we doing? Tango: I’m going to my grave is where I think I’m going.

...

Astro: Hey, Mrs T? Mrs Tango: Hi? Astro: I need you to do something really suspicious. Mrs Tango: Okay.

...

*after Impulse crashed out of the game but his body is reported* Skizz: That was the most epic kill yet. It happened IRL.

...

Tango: Dead, disconnected. It’s all the same thing. Pearl: For one, you get cut in half, but the other, you just go “poof”.

...

*Etho is suspected of being executioner against Brody* Tango: So Etho, you’re saying there’s two imposters alive. Who do you think is the second one? *pause* Etho: That, I don’t know just yet. Tango: An executioner wouldn’t need to know that though, right? Etho: Maybe Astro. *long pause* Astro: What?! Why have you gone from Brody to me all of a sudden?!

...

Brody: Astro, please don’t kill me. Astro: I would’ve killed you long ago. Brody: That’s not true. You love me. Astro: Not after you accused me of- Brody, chuckling: I haven’t accused you of anything. Astro: You accused me of breathing heavily earlier and I’m offended by it. Brody: You did, though. Astro: I can’t help that the air quality here is… dog crap. Brody: I know you well enough. I know you well enough to know when you’re, like, concentrating. Astro: Not my fault that I can’t breathe here right now.

...

Etho: [Brody] killed Impulse on the first round. It made [Impulse] crash. And then [Brody] reported the body. Next round, he killed another person and did another report. He’s a- He’s a self-reporting… Brody. *everyone laughs* Evil: This is the best you’ve got, Etho?

...

Evil: So here’s the question for everybody: do I tell Skizz what his minor tell is or do I keep it to myself? Skizz: You zip it! You got nothing! Tango: Keep it to yourself. That’s part of the fun; we can all learn each other’s tells. Astro: You mean like when somebody has heavy breathing when they kill somebody, Brody? Brody: Oh. Astro: I’m gonna have extra heavy breathing when I kill you. Extra… EXTRA… heavy breathing. Brody: ...I’ll remember that.

...

Skizz: I finally kill the banana and instantly I hear him be all “you crashed my game!�� Astro: Wait, so when I said that if Impulse rage-quit it was Skizz, I was actually correct on that? Skizz: You were right, yeah. Impulse: Wow… Endless: Skizz was like “if you’re not gonna rage quit, I’m gonna rage quit for you!” Skizz: I killed you so hard your game crashed. That’s a KILL right there.

...

Brody: Yeah, I’ve been actually watching her teleport. Like “wait, did she come out of that vent??” No, she’s teleporting around. Tango: Hacks! Pearl: Speedies! Astro: The hacks are Australian ping.

...

Astro: Hey, Evil. Evil: Hi. Are you gonna kill me? Astro: Do you want me to or do you want me to let you live? Evil: I’d like to live, thank you.

...

Evil: *runs into electrical and finds only Pearl in there* Pearl, singing: Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose. Evil: I’m done with my tasks. Pearl: *kills Evil immediately* Astro, a ghost: *laughs* You got killed to Christmas music, Evil.

...

Astro, dead: Hey Evil, how did it feel to get Christmas carolled as you were being killed? Evil, dead: She took the happiest time of the year and destroyed me with it!

...

Pearl: I’m gonna go kill Etho. Shhh. Giant Skizz, in a deep voice: You do it. Rock and roll.

...

Mrs Tango: My cooldown was so long and nobody was alone. Astro: It’s okay, Mrs Tango. Your speedy laggy Australian friend was killing all the people. Pearl: I literally told Skizz I was gonna kill Etho and I did exactly just that.

...

Brody: I cleaned [Etho] out of a vent and I didn’t know you could even do that but here we are. Endless: That’s awesome! Brody: I mean- I knew it, I knew you were in there, Etho. Sucker.

...

Endless: I know of one person who didn’t do the kill. Skizz: Who? Endless, whispering: Me. I was downloading in weapons. Skizz: You’re not gonna vouch for yourself. That’s not how justice works. Endless: Oh. My bad.

...

*Astro and Endless win as imposters* Endless: What did you do, Pearl? What happened there? Did you try to sheriff Skizz? Pearl: Yeah, I wanted to take a stab. I was the sheriff. I thought it might’ve been Skizz. Astro: Ohh, YOU got the last kill, Pearl? Pearl: Yeeaaahh. That was me. Skizz: THAT’s how we died? Cuz Pearl sheriffed the wrong person? Endless: It gets better than that. Pearl asked me to move away so she didn’t accidentally sheriff me. ...

Impulse: We getting double killed in here? Brody: Hopefully.

...

Brody: I’m voting for Tango; he’s having too much fun. Evil: Tango’s not allowed to have fun, we know that. Tango: Shut that down, yeah.

...

Pearl: *votes for Brody* Brody: Pearl. Why do you hate me? Pearl: I just have reasons. Skizz, to Brody: Don’t tug at THAT thread. Brody: Would you like to tell people about those reasons? Pearl: Not particularly.

...

Brody: Mrs Tango, do you want me to put like a poster of me in your new office? Of just me looking at you? Mrs Tango: Uhhh… Evil: Only if you’re wearing the pink hat. Brody: ONLY the pink hat. That’s it. *pause* Evil: Okay, that… that got awkward.

...

Astro: So would you like to know a good story? It’s a fun story. Etho: I would love to hear a good story right now, Astro. Astro: The fun story is that Mrs Tango thought that the comms were out and she wouldn’t get revealed walking away from her archnemesis, The Endless’s body. Tango: Well then I’m not voting for her at all, even if she did kill him, cuz that’s good by me. Etho: Ohoo… Evil: WOW.

...

Astro: Mrs Tango, you basically won the round; you killed Endless, so… *everyone laughs* Etho: That’s all we can hope for in the world, right? Tango: You kill Endless, you pretty much win, right? That doesn’t matter. *pause* Etho: Love you, Endless.

...

*Brody and Mrs Tango win as imposters after Brody framed Evil* Skizz: Evil, I’m so sorry, dude! Evil: No you’re not. Brody: I’m not sorry. I needed that in my heart. I’m not sorry. I’m not sorry whatsoever.

...

Impulse: Come watch me scan! Wanna watch me scan? C’mon! Watch this! It’s gonna be the best. Come watch. Astro: No, because I know what you’re gonna say and I’m not gonna stand for it. Impulse, hopping on the scanner: I’m not gonna do it, I’m not gonna do it. But that was- that’s legit. You saw that? Astro: You’re a little to the left. Impulse: I’m not gonna say it. But you’re gonna kill me anyway, so I might as well say it. Astro: You need to go to the right. Impulse: Did you watch me scan? Astro: You’re a little- You were- Impulse: Watch me nae nae. Astro, laughing: -a little far to the left.

...

Astro: I was coming from lab. Somebody was nae-naeing over there. Impulse: *giggles* Astro: Won’t say who, but somebody was. Impulse: There’s only one person here who does that.

...

Astro: I’m gonna come back cuz I don’t trust you. Brody: *scoffs* Okay. Astro: You murdered me last time! Brody, deadpan: I wouldn’t do that to you. That doesn’t sound like something I would do. Astro: Right in front of Evil and everything. I couldn’t get through the door. Brody, deadpan: I wouldn’t do that to you.

...

Endless: Hey, I’ve gotta fix the- I’m rebooting the wifi, sorry if it goes down. For a few minutes. Or A minute. Or until I come back here and, uh, reinitialise it. Brody, walking away: Endless, do you ever just stop talking? Etho, laughing: Ouch. Endless, following Brody: Hey, Brody. Let’s hang out, SIR. Brody: *laughs* Endless: How’ve you been, Brody? How’s your evening going? Brody: I’m fine. I’m fine. Are you gonna kill me? Endless: Are you always a jackass? Brody: Usually, yes. Are you gonna kill me or what? Endless: No, I don’t- I can’t kill you. But next time. Next time.

...

Endless: I’m definitely going to take a break so that I’m the last one back, and that’ll teach them to leave me here to entertain you. Pearl: Okay. Enjoy your water consumption. Endless: That’s very sweet of you. I appreciate that. You enjoy whatever consumption you’re doing as well.

...

Skizz, being ejected: You can’t be mayor and imposter, can you? Tango and Endless: No. Skizz: Well, I’m all sorts of twisted. Tango: You’re all sorts of dead.

...

*after Mrs Tango assassinated engineer Etho* Mrs Tango: I super appreciate you calling Etho out for being the engineer. Etho: I didn’t appreciate it.

...

Astro: I can tell you one thing: Etho’s not the engineer this round. Etho: You don’t know that for sure. Astro: Oh I think I do.

...

Astro: Hey Impulse. Impulse: Yeah? Astro: I just scanned. You know what else I did? Impulse: *gasps delightedly* You didn’t! Astro: I… *pause* Astro: Nah, I’m not gonna say it.

...

Impulse: *reports Astro’s body* Impulse: So. Astro scanned. But he did not nae nae. Just saying. Endless: I don’t think that’s how the song goes. Impulse: So I came to give him a stern talking to. But his body was dead.

...

Skizz: I’m doing my tasks. Tango: Your task is to assassinate. Skizz: That’s right, baby. And I’m coming for you next. Tango: Mhm. Bring it.

...

Astro: I can vouch for Evil cuz he watched me scan, Impulse watched me nae nae, and-. Impulse: Oh no. You’re gonna die now.

...

Skizz: Impulse sampled the Skizz! *pause* Impulse: Ew.

...

Brody: I’m not sorry I voted for you, Endless. Endless: Well, I’m glad that Mrs Tango didn’t. Brody: It’s cuz she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. I will hurt your feelings.

...

Endless: I knew I got that wrong. Dangit. Simon Says- I blew it- I screwed it on the last… Brody: ...what? Endless: I feel like this should be the last game. I just… Tango: Are you having a nervous breakdown? What’s going on? Endless: Yeah, a little bit.

...

Endless: I voted for you, Brody. Cuz I hate everything about you. Brody: Thank you, buddy. I’ll vote for you also.

...

Pearl: Who we voting for? Brody: Endless. Endless: Brody. Tango: Why are we voting for Endless? Or Brody? Endless: Because Brody’s a jerk.

...

Pearl: This is awkward, cuz Tango was trying to get me to kill him. Tango: Do NOT pin that on me, my fair lady! Pearl: No no no, I’m not. Etho: Ooooh this is spicy :D Pearl: I’m pinning this on Skizz. Skizz just decided to walk by- Tango: Oh, okay. I’m good with that.

...

Brody: Etho, c’mere. Come here. That’s the second time you’ve ruined my fun. Etho: Were you sheriff? Brody: No. Don’t Starve- I say that and you ruin my fun and then Christmas music and you kill me. I just- Why do you hate me? Etho: I- I was just backing up my partner, y’know? Brody: Look, if you don’t wanna play Don’t Starve, you just say “hey man, I’m not into it”. That’s fine. See, you just say that. Etho: I like Don’t Starve. Brody: Evidently not with me.

...

Endless: It’s Brody’s fault for sussing me on that one. Brody: It’s not my fault you’re dumb.

...

Impulse: Keys or you’re sus! Brody: Keys or you’re… Impulse. Endless: Hey, I’M Impulse.

...

Astro, dead: Hey. Your wife killed me. Tango, dead: Good. Evil and Mrs Jerkface.

[baejax-the-great]

Something Something Dragon

Some Alistair whump. Read on AO3

~

Alistair's head throbbed. For some indeterminate amount of time, that was all he knew: the throbbing of his head just here above the eye, sometimes just a little knife stabbing, more often a great broadsword thrusting.

But at some point in his endless torment, a thought came to him, followed by an observation, and finally an opinion. He didn't know where he was, he was not alone, and it was a real shame that whatever had tried to kill him hadn’t finished the job.

"Maker’s breath, he's still alive.”

Alistair didn’t recognize the voice, but he couldn’t argue with the conclusion. Yet.

“Bollocks.”

Another stranger.

“He is! I swear I just saw him move,” replied the much more observant of the two.

Alistair groaned a little, just to be included in the conversation, and tried to drag himself to his feet. He succeeded in flopping over on one side.

The second voice—and much less pleasant one to Alistair’s ear— replied, "Just smother him with a pillow or something."

Ah. So there was still time to finish the job after all. He had all of three seconds to debate the merits of that. A pillow didn’t sound half bad, if he was being honest. A much softer way to go for a Grey Warden. But when Observant Thug bent over him, instead wielding a fluffy instrument of comfort, he unsheathed a blade, the scraping of steel against scabbard slicing straight through Alistair’s vision. And despite the haze of pain, he decided he was not for having his throat cut today and not by this idiot.

He reached up with a heavy arm and grabbed OT’s wrist, yanking him as hard as he could and propelling him straight off his feet to somersault behind him. He snagged the blade in the tumble and managed to get to his knees for the thrust straight into the soft bits of Observant Thug. He was rewarded with a grunt and a gurgle—a good sign he hit something vital—and the sound of a second blade being unsheathed by the still standing Murderous Thug.

Then Alistair gently toppled over to the side.

Which was good, because Murdery had taken a swing, and Alistair’s topple fairly counted as a dodge. Not much good he could do from this vantage, but two swift kicks brought the brute down to his level.

Alistair’s hand attempted to soothe the blacksmith hammering in his skull. “Quiet now,” he murmured, as Stabby got back to his feet. He was sure having an easier time of this than Alistair.

"We gave you enough poison for a druffalo," Bloodthirsty snarled, eyeing his fallen compatriot. 

Alistair wasn’t one to ignore an opportunity— why the ruffian hadn’t slain him already was a bit of a mystery Alistair was in no shape to solve—and he got to his feet, only swaying a little, one hand still holding his throbbing head. "Next time try enough for a dragon."

It was less a lunge than it was a lurch, but Alistair was bigger, taller, and better at this, even half blind. Incompetent Thug dropped, and Alistair waited for five head throbs before deciding nobody else was on the way to finish him off.

Shame.

He tossed the sword and slid gracelessly to the floor, palm pressed firmly against his head. 

A sliver of light roused Alistair with a fiery pain, and this time he just kept his eyes squeezed tight against it.

“Fuck.”

Oh, good. Darrian had arrived. Alistair could just go back to napping then.

“Tell me Alistair is the one still breathing.”

He wrinkled his nose as Zevran crouched next to him. Cologne. Since when did Zevran wear cologne? His stomach tied itself in a knot as Alistair jerked away from him.  

“He’s here. Alive. Mostly.”

“Poison,” Alistair grunted, curling into the tightest ball he could. The scent of Zevran’s horrible cologne was replaced with the dog—first time Alistair had been grateful to smell him—and a thick, slobbery tongue bid his face a warm if disgusting hello.

“Are these Crows, Howe’s men, Anora’s men, or someone new who wants us dead?” Darrian demanded.

“Not Crows,” Zevran responded after a minute, shuffling through their pockets. He must have found something, because he announced, “Howe’s men.”

“Two less gits to worry about then. Well done, Alistair.”

He didn’t feel well done. If anything, he was raw.  

“I had a good line against them,” Alistair said as the two elves attempted to shuffle his arms over their shoulders and heave him up. It wasn’t quite working, the way his feet dragged behind them when they stumbled forward.

“Oh?” Zevran asked, “Do tell.”

“He said something about poison and… an animal. Druffalo. And I said… something something dragon.”

“An impressive comeback indeed,” Zevran replied seriously while Darrian guffawed.

They couldn’t get him through the doorway, which was just as well because Zevran really was too short to prop Alistair up anyway. He leaned heavily on Darrian, long enough for the room to stop spinning. Same cologne as Zevran, just a little fainter.

“You’re turning green, Ali,” Darrian said.  

“How is it,” Alistair grumbled, “That you sleep next to an assassin, but I’m the one poisoned?”

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to accept beer from strangers?”

“No. Can’t imagine they ever expected anyone would buy me a beer.”

They made it through the door, somehow, Alistair’s eyes squeezed tight against the light of the sconces on the walls. “Tell you what,” Darrian said, shuffling him along, “Soon as you can walk on your own two feet, I’ll buy you as many beers as you want.”

“Are you sure about that, amor?” Zevran hissed, as if Alistair wouldn’t hear him, “You’ve seen him drink.”

“It’s the end of the world, Zev. What’s the point of coin if not spending it?”

“Prefer you spent it on a bed,” Alistair groaned, his last input on the matter. And they must have, because when Alistair next woke up, it wasn’t on a floor or in a camp or by the Maker’s side, as he expected it might be, but in a warm if lumpy bed in a room containing a second bed occupied by two elves and a dog. Alistair’s head wasn’t throbbing hardly at all anymore, and Zevran’s cologne, which he could still smell from here, didn’t seem half as bad as it did the night before. Funny, that.

Maybe he’d borrow it later. He’d smelled better himself, come to think of it.

[prurientpuddlejumper]

Death Threats

Summary: What if the people threatening Barba went after you, too?  

Warnings: Angst. Injury. Fluff. (I realized the timing puts this in the episode Heartfelt Passages, so that was a busy day for poor Rafi.)

Dedicated to @teamsladsandgents​ for inspiring me to get stabby.

2,256 words

You thought he punched you, the man in the elevator. It wasn’t until the doors chimed open and he was striding quickly but casually from the building that you realized you were bleeding.

The inch-wide slit in your shirt took a moment to start bleeding in earnest as you stood in shock, time frozen along with your body. Then thick, dark amounts of it began streaming through your fingers.

The elevator doors were sliding shut before you thought to stumble out with your last ounce of strength—to scream for help—before your body sank to the ground, leaving you alone in your metal coffin. You tried to sit up again, but it hurt and made more blood come out.

You couldn’t reach the elevator buttons.

You were so tired.

The funny thing was, you weren’t afraid. Just disappointed. You always thought you’d turn into an action hero if you were attacked—that adrenaline would awaken some ferocious, hitherto unseen warrior within, like Jason Bourne.

But it all happened so fast.

It was over before you noticed a blade in his hand. Over before you processed that he had said something to you, just before that dull punch in your gut.

“That ADA you’re fucking sticks his nose in the wrong people’s business.”

It was strange that you weren’t thinking about your mom or your best friend of ten years. As you pressed as hard as you could to stem the bleeding, you didn’t see your whole life flash before your eyes. The only thing on your mind was your boyfriend of the last several months, the sarcastic lawyer who kept so many walls up, and the petty argument you got into earlier about his canceling lunch plans again.

None of it seemed real. Didn’t seem like the way the story of your life ought to end—bleeding out in an elevator.

It was getting hard to concentrate on what to do next.

OK. The buttons wouldn’t work. Too far to reach.

No one can hear you scream.

Phone.

Your phone was in your pocket, but you had to take one of your hands off of clamping your gut to reach it. Blood streamed through your fingers—so much blood from such a small hole. Your hand was too slick with it and shaking to grab hold of the phone. If you could get it, you could call 911.

“Work, you fucking hand,” you thought. You thought that was an undignified last thought. It should be something profound. Poetic.

But no. Your last thought was going to be swearing at a Samsung.

Tired.

You never remembered if you managed to get the phone from your pocket or not. It didn’t matter anymore.

The last thing you remembered thinking about was Rafael finding out you were gone, his eyes red from mourning. Blaming himself. You wished you could tell him… If you died, you wouldn’t be there to cup his cheek, to make him smile again. To tell him what you whispered to the dark elevator, alone.

“It’s not your fault, Rafi.”

***

The man’s name was Felipe Heredio, a lieutenant of the BX9 street gang. There was already a warrant out for his arrest when he stabbed you. ADA Rafael Barba identified him in a lineup as the man who was stalking him only an hour after a neighbor found you lying in a pool of blood. The fact that he was already in police custody might have been relieving to you if you were conscious. You might have felt proud that it was Barba who ensured he was arrested.

And your heart might have broken when Barba’s phone rang, and his entire world stopped.

***

Rafael’s eyes were red from crying when you woke up with oxygen tubes in your nose, and your hand cradled in his. Your throat hurt more than anything else, oddly, which you would later learn was from being intubated for surgery.

The first word you croaked upon regaining consciousness was, “Sorry.”

A collection of empty coffee cups was scattered around the feet of his chair so he could stand vigil for however long you had been out. His eyes were not only red and wet, but bulging with that jittery, over-tired, caffeine anxiety.

You knew how busy Rafael was. That it was a weekday (technically, it was already tomorrow), and he’d have court in the morning. What you didn’t know, because he didn’t want to weigh you down with his world, was that Barba had already mourned one death today, and that one more loss might break him.

You were sorry for causing him so much trouble.

Rafael was having none of it, of course. He tried to keep his voice from shaking when he told you, “Why in god’s name would you be sorry?” followed by barking, “Stop that—don’t try to sit up. Nurse!”

His bedside manner was well and truly atrocious.

The next hour was a dizzying blur of nurses checking your vitals and helping you use the bathroom, then answering a uniformed officer whose questions you could barely understand through the morphine haze.

When it became clear what had happened and why, Rafael became unusually quiet. All of his follow-up questions and complaints of, “is this really necessary? Can’t you do this later?” fell away. He slumped in the visitor’s chair beside your bed, his hand still holding yours, but in pensive silence until the officer finished, leaving you alone except for the security detail at the door.

Then the apologies came. The heavy confessions that he’d been receiving threats for a year, and this was all, all his fault. Admittedly, if it weren’t for the morphine drip dulling everything, you might have been pissed off that he knew this might happen and kept it to himself. He kept so much to himself, you had to read about his cases online to know what was going on in his life. But his face—which you always thought babyish, with his smooth cheeks and lips ever-ready to flash a sarcastic smirk—was drawn, making him look old and haggard. He was too serious, too raw to possibly blame him.

“I’m so sorry for putting you in danger. I never should have gotten you involved in this.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“It is,” he choked. “I’ve been getting threats since I indicted those cops, and I haven’t exactly been on… anyone’s good side. I should never have started dating you.”

Like a slap in the face, that sting made it through the morphine. You jerked your hand out of his.

“That came out wrong. It’s true, though. I was selfish to think I could…” He gave a melancholy sigh as he sank back in the chair. “It will be safer if we keep our distance from now on. This will never happen to you again.”

You never imagined you could get stabbed and have your heart broken on the same day, or that the latter would hurt worse.

“Then what are you even doing here?!”

“I had to know you were OK. But as long as I’m getting death threats—”

“Wait, wait. You’re saying you’d rather give up being with me than give up a legal battle with powerful enemies?”

His eyes widened and he stared like a deer in the headlights, only where the deer was an insensitive workaholic, and the headlights were the blinding rays of truth. It wasn’t even a surprise that he hadn’t thought of it that way—this was every fight he’d had with an ex just before they broke up with him.

“I, uh—”

You grabbed his face and dragged him down into the softest kiss, which was not what he was expecting. He almost yelped (though it melted into a whine) when his fiery hot, coffee-flavored lips hit your cool ones. When he pulled back, lips wet and parted, his brow furrowed in confusion over still-widened eyes.

“You are… the sweetest.” Your hand lingered on his cheek as you gave a doped-up-on-painkillers smile. “The most selfless, noble… bravest… amazing man I have ever met. I love you so much.”

“I… what?”

“Rafael”—your thumb lazily stroked his cheek—“I know how much you care about me. Even though you’re married to your job and it’s frustrating as hell sometimes, I’ve never been insecure that you don’t love me enough. I know you never tell me about your cases because you want me to be able to sleep at night. You worry about me too much. And you always look so nervous whenever I leave, like you think I’m never coming back this time.

“So the fact that you would sacrifice your own happiness before you’d let an injustice go unanswered… that’s incredible. You do nothing but give a voice to the voiceless all day, working yourself to the bone without considering the cost to your personal life. You’re like a superhero, ADA Barba.”

A short breath of a laugh escaped his lips as his hand came up to the side of his face to cover yours. His eyes were watery, and he looked like he was about to break down again as he bitterly whispered, “A superhero who almost got you killed.”

“I’m not leaving you, you know.”

“Cariño. If anything happened to you, I couldn’t—couldn’t…”

“Nothing’s going to happen. It’ll be OK. I’m not leaving you alone.”

A tear wavered precariously close to the rim of his eyelid until he turned away, rubbing his face. It was gone when he turned back. “You could have died because of my fucking work! I’ve never given you the time you deserve. How do you still want to be around me?”

“Hey, someone has to be there to protect you when you get yourself in trouble,” you grinned.

Rafael Barba couldn’t take any more. He bent over the hospital bed and wrapped his arms around you, doing his best not to snag any of the many tubes coming out of you or put any weight on anything below your diaphragm, but hugging you to him as tightly as he could. You felt his trembling breathing in your hair, and hot wet spots pooling on your neck.

“I don’t deserve you.”

Your free arm closed over his back, stroking his broad, tense muscles through his shirt. “I’m really glad I didn’t die,” you whispered, finally allowing yourself to feel scared now that he was here. “I didn’t want to die yet. Not like that.”

“I’m sorry.” He breathed in, and his arms tightened protectively. “You have no idea how terrified I was. I’m so sorry…”

“Shh,” you whispered. You clung to him, soothed by his familiar cedar and citrus scent, fainter now after a long, harrowing day, mixed with the masculine smell of sweat.

“I’m glad you’re alive, too. I can’t lose you. I can’t. I love you more than anything.”

Soon—too soon, because you wanted to continue talking—you drifted to sleep in his arms. And once again too soon, you woke up with your entire abdomen on fire, and nurses bringing you pain medication. Rafael was still there, half asleep next to you in the narrow bed.

He didn’t leave you.

Even if it put you in danger, he would rather be beside you, making sure you were OK than cutting you out of his life and hoping the bad guys got the memo. He couldn’t put you through that pain, even if he could do it to himself. Especially when you pondered aloud to him whether you’d survived because you were thinking about him—that you refused to die before seeing him again, knowing what a wreck he would be.

Recovery was long, and interspersed with doing nothing but fall asleep when you’d rather stay awake, and not being able to sleep at all. Rafael (and his security detail) moved into your apartment when you were released from the hospital so he could take care of you—as grumpy and bossy and sarcastic as his bedside manner might be.

You swore you were going to sign up for Krav Maga or Cobra Kai or something once you could exercise again, since apparently you were not a secret knife-fighting ninja deep down. Next time, you wanted to be a badass who could fight back, and never let anyone harm your overzealous ADA when he kicked the hornet’s nest.

Eventually, you would convince him that it wasn’t his fault that bad guys had acted like bad guys. And he would convince you that taking care of you wasn’t a burden—that the emergency time off from work was worth it. He started replacing “sorry” with “I love you.”

In the end, while you wouldn’t say being stabbed was a good thing, or that you’d choose to be stabbed again if you had the option, it did ensure Heredio was put away for a long, long time. It left you with a cool scar, and a new catchphrase for expressing your displeasure—“I’d rather be stabbed again than do the dishes!”

Fine, it also left you jumpy and made your chest tight whenever you found yourself alone in an elevator.

But most importantly, it brought down the walls Rafael had been keeping up around himself. He talked to you more. You talked to each other more. And he remembered to—on occasion—take time out of his heroic, selfless life of battling injustice, and selfishly spend it with you.

• ● • ━━━━━─ ••●•• ─━━━━━ • ● •

@beccabarba / @itsjustmyfantasyroom / @dianilaws / @permanentlydizzy / @mrsrafaelbarba / @madamsnape921 / @astrangegirlsmind / @neely1177 / @onerestein / @delia26 / @stormtrooperofficerbrowneyes / @storiesofsvu​

[lihikainanea]

Let’s say Tiger and Bill are in bed, about to get it on. She’s been having this bad pain/cramp in her side but she hasn’t told Bill bc she doesn’t want to worry him. He’s on top and as soon as he slips inside her, she lets out a cry in pain and taps at his chest, trying to get him off of her and poor Bill is so scared and concerned that he did something to cause her pain. How would that go?

yES PLEASE MAY I HAVE ANOTHER.

Let’s discuss how this would go.

Listen, sometimes PMS is just a bitch alright? I swear I hurt in all kinds of ways. Some months I can tell you exactly which ovary released the egg because my fucking ovary hurts. If I’m close to shark week and I haven’t drank enough water, my motherfucking kidneys hurt. Everything hurts. And maybe tiger is kind of prone to those annoying, stabby pains of a stitch in her side whenever shark week is imminent.

It’s been bugging her for a few days, every time she bends wrong or breathes a little too deep this cramp hits and it kinda makes her want to die. But like, also--Bill has been looking like a snacc all day and the hormonal side of her impending shark week is also starting to kick in. She’s been drooling over his oblivious ass all day, it’s one of those days where he just smells extra good, his eyes just have that extra twinkle of mischief. He’s wearing that pair of jeans that she loves, the stonewashed slightly darker denim that just hug his thighs so well. A casual white t-shirt, basic but crisply ironed with a slightly widened neck so she can see his delicious collarbones. His hair is floppy and free from any gel, he’s been puttering around the house fixing things, and tiger is just ready to throw him down right there in the hallway and have at it. But she’s also feeling a little small today, kind of a little subby, so instead she’s just ogling him from afar silently willing him to just take control and be all gentle but firm and insistent and take care of shit.

And Bill knows. Of course he knows. He knows and he’s doing exactly that. He’s touching her every chance he gets, brushing her hair behind her ear and cupping her face. Tiger is just resting her cheek against his palm, pushing further into it, and her small shaky sigh is not lost on him. She’s getting long, lingering kisses that are just so languid, not hurried, savouring the moment. She’s getting all-encompassing hugs, the kind that he leans down for and squeezes her in real tight so all she feels is warmth and safety. He’s murmuring soft things to her, calling her sweet girl, telling her how good she is for him--because he knows. He recognizes that wide-eyed look of hers, the way she’s biting her lip and looking up at him from beneath pinched, worried brows. His girl is so sweet like this, just looking for a calming and soothing presence.

And like, maybe Bill can’t even wait until that night. Tiger needs it, he knows she does, and goddamnit when she’s like this with him he can’t hold back even for a second. So maybe as she’s trying to get some work done--really she’s just kind of sitting at the kitchen table, staring at the keys and pouting--maybe Bill comes up behind her, leans with his hands on the table and nuzzles her ear.

“Come with me sweet girl,” he murmurs, and he does it with just the right hint of authority, the right soft undertone of an order, and tiger nearly takes his toes off with how fast she pushes her chair back.

And maybe he knows she’s probably not feeling great, she’s not small in a bad way but she just seems a little off and a little tender. She’s moving a bit gingerly, he think it’s probably just overall malaise and she hasn’t mentioned that it basically feels like she’s being fucking stabbed in her side at random. And she hasn’t mentioned it because she has a much bigger need, and it’s to feel the weight of her Big Dude pressing her into the mattress, feel his breath on her ear, feel that delicious stretch of him pushing into her. God she can’t scurry to the bedroom fast enough, and before he even says anything she’s trying to wriggle out of her shirt and she’s getting stuck and whining.

“Wait tiger,” he purrs, “Let me do it, sweet girl.”

She whines again but he tuts her softly, lifting her shirt up and then tugging her pants down. He playfully nips at the waistband of her panties, dragging them down with his teeth and she lets out a pitiful, needy whine that just goes right to his groin. He plants a wet, suckling kiss on her mound and she squeaks, but then he’s resting his weight on her and she just sighs into the mattress as he nips at her neck and pushes in. She’s so wet for him that maybe he didn’t take it as slow as he would have if she had mentioned she was a little bit in pain--but man, he learns the hard way because when he bottoms out a bit too hastily, tiger yelps and slams her legs shut when she feels that white hot pain in her side again, starts pushing at his chest while she whimpers.

“Whoa whoa whoa,” he tries to soothe, “Easy sweet girl.”

He’s concerned because man that’s not a sound he ever wants to hear again, but as he starts to pull out she whimpers and claws at him.

“Tiger, off?” he asks, but she shakes her head. “Still, then?”

She nods.

“Okay, let’s just stay still,” he says calmly, “Did I hurt you, kid?”

She shakes her head.

“Can you talk to me?” he says softly, “Tell me what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” she mumbles, “But something has been stabbing me all day.”

“Where?”

She grumbles a bit as he lifts his chest from hers, and she pokes at her side.

“Here,” she says.

It’s low on her side, near her belly button.

“Is it your period?” he asks, and she fusses with embarrassment but he taps her nose.

“Probably,” she grumbles.

“Do you want to stop?”

“No,” she says frantically, grabbing at him and he rests a bit more of his weight on her to calm her down.

“Okay, we won’t stop,” he soothes, and then he presses two fingers lightly into the spot, “Does this help?”

She sighs, pushes her back more into the mattress.

“Yes,” she says.

“Okay, let’s try this then,” he keeps two fingers pressed solidly into her side and slowly pushes back in. He can’t even stop the groan as he feels her clench around him. “Colour, kid?”

“Green,” she moans, “Harder, Bill.”

“Which one?” 

She taps her heel into his behind, clenching around him again and he understands.

“Good girl,” he purrs, dragging back and pushing into her again.

[jaskicr]

jaskier is a feral bastard who can secretly fight

this has been done 5000 times but i love this trope ok?? this is so self indulgent and i am so sorry for how incoherent and messy it is but !! here have some feral bamf jaskier and geralt who puts up with his bard’s bullshit

jaskier secretly takes fighting lessons during the winters when geralt is in kaer morhen and whenever they’re separated

yes, he’s travelling with a witcher so he should know how to defend himself

but the main reason learns to fight is because that boy is Feral

the first time someone called geralt butcher after they started travelling together, jaskier tried to fight them but ended up with a broken nose

that day he resolved to learn to properly throw a punch so he could be Fighty when people started insulting insulting geralt

(not that he needed to, or that he thought geralt couldn’t do it himself. the problem was that geralt wouldn’t and jaskier hated the resigned look on geralt’s face, hated that he was willing to bear the hate, hated that he even had to)

also he didn’t want to embarrass himself by breaking his own finger when punching an arsehole drunk

he’s a bard and people know him, he can’t just humiliate himself like that ok

hence the lessons

he doesn’t go to geralt because that man is too hot and he doesn’t need to be getting hot and bothered while geralt corrects his positions in close proximity

he’s surprisingly good at it and his instructors are slightly intimidated by how determined and utterly feral he is

‘jaskier maybe... tone that down a little’

jaskier, baring his teeth: N O

a few years after they meet, geralt realises that the times when geralt used to return to jaskier being raided by bandits (which happened all the time because jaskier doesn’t have an inside voice and bandits always hear him) have lessened

he doesn’t think anything of it and thinks that jaskier must have learnt discretion

there’s sometimes a faint scent of blood around jaskier when he returns to camp but he figures that idiot had a nosebleed or pricked his finger on his lute or something stupid

(jaskier drove off the bandits. he may have threatened to cut off their balls and somehow the bandits were terrified of a seemingly harmless bard because of the Look in his eyes)

it’s also the only reason why jaskier hasn’t been killed in bar fights yet because now he can actually hold his own

geralt still has to drag him out not to protect jaskier, but to protect the dumb people who went up against him

geralt has learnt to recognise the stabby murdery look in jaskier’s eyes

he still doesn’t realise that jaskier can actually fight, just thinks that he’s been in way too many brawls and has picked up a thing or two

jaskier has many hidden knives and daggers on his body. his doublets and trousers have secret pockets/hidden sheathes

geralt thinks he only has one dagger. jaskier continues to let him think that

one day they’re ambushed by a band of soldiers who want to capture geralt for a noble as a ‘trophy’ of sorts

they converge in on geralt, who yells at jaskier to get back

but being a contrary stubborn idiot jaskier obviously doesn’t

when a soldier lunges at jaskier, thinking he’ll be an easy target, he gets stabbed in his stomach for his troubles

jaskier brandishes a bloodied dagger at the shocked soldiers and grins

‘anyone else want a taste of this?’

but since the soldiers are idiots they charge jaskier

geralt is terrified for jaskier but he’s fighting off a few soldiers of his own and can’t help jaskier

fuck he can’t let down his bard. he needs to protect him.

but then jaskier holds his own

once geralt has cut down the men he’s fighting, he immediately turns to check on jaskier but realises that all the soldiers are down or dead

there’s a pile of dead bodies at jaskier’s feet and a bunch of bloodied knives

jaskier is beaming

‘that was fun! they weren’t very good though, that noble is an idiot if they thought a band of soldiers could take you!’

geralt is shook because since when could his bard fight

he’s also slightly turned on because wow apparently he has a thing for competent people who have a thing for violence

(he knew that already from yennefer and from jaskier’s bar fights but this is a whole new level)

while geralt is busy trying to process this new information, jaskier is picking up his knives and hiding them in increasingly impossible places, all while complaining about all the blood, it’s going to be a pain in the arse to wash, geralt, this is so inconvenient

geralt ignores him because he sees jaskier put a knife down his trousers and his brain short-circuits a bit. the last brain cell flees to god knows where

why would he do that. why. geralt is having a minor internal crisis

but jaskier just grins like everything is normal

and geralt can’t stand it so he kind of jumps him

from then on geralt lets jaskier come along on more on his hunts

but he also keeps a much closer eye on him in taverns now that he knows jaskier is actually capable of killing a man

once they get their shit together geralt offers to train jaskier and spar with him

needless to say they don’t get much training done