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olivermajor226 · 5 years

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Dark Phoenix: Full Review

Alright, y’all. I just got home. I’ve had 1.5 drinks, so not that much, and it’s 1am in the morning, but I’ve finally seen the movie in person, and I’m ready to write this thing. (Sober, morning edits to be made in about six hours.)

SPOILERS Y’ALL. DUH. WARNING.

Also, disclaimer: I’ve got about 6k words on chapter 14, so nobody say I ain’t been workin’ for ya. This movie was in the spirit of research. HEH. *SNORTS*

Ok. Pros:

1.) Imagery: I’m glad I saw it. Truly. If you are an X-Men fan from way back, you would have been able to catch some of the subtle, beautiful details of the film, imagery that tugged at your heart strings. The X-Jet alone, exterior and interior. The way a basketball rolled off the court as the pavement evenly split open to let the Blackbird free. The kids with the nineties haircuts in the foyer of the X-Mansion, the same foyer (and set) used in X2 onward, even in Deadpool, even in DOFP where Hank throws Logan across the stairwell. All the shots of the mansion, really, are gorgeous, and the great lengths of effort that went into continuity were immensely appreciated by this gal.

2.) Teamwork: Never have I seen a movie that so thoughtfully considered how the X-Men might work together. In the past, it was either all of them conveniently being split up to showcase their individual powers or some weird scenario in X1 where we get Cyclops narrating how they’re gonna work together! (Storm, use your wind powers to catapult Logan up toward the torch! Jean! Steady him! If we blow Wolverine over the torch, I’m gonna fry it!) Instead, Kurt seamlessly moving in and out of speeding trains, while somebody intuitively helped him. Storm just knowing where she needed to be, while Cyclops just shot the fuck out of people. It was a nice nod to the comics. How it should have been done.

3.) Some of the acting. James McAvoy (Atonement will forever pierce my soul, or maybe perhaps I’m simply partial to library sex scenes) and Michael Fassbender were, at times, on point. (Sometimes though, they just looked fucking tired. Not as characters, although they should have been, but as actors. Like “aren’t we done with this already! What the fuck!”) Their chemistry remained though, and I particularly liked the angle that perhaps Charles’ ego in this new timeline was problematic, especially with how well mutants were favored. (I think that could play into the Logan narrative. Peace…somehow leading to complacency.)

4.) Kurt’s narrative arc. I don’t necessarily like the guy who plays him now, whatever his name is. (Alan Cumming wasn’t perfect in the role, but he was far better than this kid.) But I loved the fact they gave him something to do. He was genteel, almost too hesitant, even as he was saving the shit out of people on the spaceship. By the time we get to the ending scenes, he was fucking slicing some dude’s jugular with his fucking tail. That, my friends, is development. The look on his face, too, while he did it, was exceptionally satisfying.

5.) Subtle hints at Genosha. Without explicitly stating it, I loved that it was recognized, and I loved that it was this shitty little island with a barely-there infrastructure, in a direct dichotomy to the luxurious life Charles was living.

Cons. I’ll keep ‘em short.

1.) The plot sucked. The weakest points: Jean deciding she needed the help of Magneto and immediately changing her mind. Magneto wanting to immediately kill her after he found out she killed Mystique and then also immediately changing his mind. Stupid.

2.) Dialogue. Come. On. I’m not a great writer at all, but I can do better than that.

3.) Forced antagonism. The D’Nari were a fucking joke. And stupid. And flimsy.

4.) Boxing them in. You put the most powerful X-Men on a fucking train. While some of the CGI was cool, at times it felt you were literally boxing them in to save money.

5.) You gave up. Lazy writing, ignorant directing. You knew you were gonna be sacked, and you didn’t give the characters the story they deserved.

6.) Ugh, I’m that person, but….no Logan. First X-Men movie (aside from the Deadpool movies, which at least mentions the goddamn bastard) to never, not once, mention or show him in any regard. And…it showed. I know I’m that stupid Wolverine fan who demands the most popular X-Man be in fucking everything, but did ya ever think that was for a fucking reason? It showed. But, at the same time, I thank fuck Hugh bowed out when he did. He seemed to have witnessed that the Titanic hit the iceberg, and hopped on a lifeboat before anyone else noticed. He made Logan, which was fucking spectacular, and said “fuck you all. I’m out.” Best move ever, as much as I grieve his loss. And I did feel it in this movie.

Overall? Worth renting on Amazon, for diehard X-Men movie fans who want screenshots and a little nostalgia.

I did it, y’all. I sent my little candle out on a lake, paying homage to this franchise and how much I fell in love with it. I said goodbye. I will inevitably pray the MCU does a better job, but I won’t count on it. I always have some of the movies to fall back on, and the comics to cherish. Stay strong, my friends. We might live to see a better day. And if we don’t, at least we shared some good memories while it lasted. <3

#dark Phoenix #logan #wolverine #Charles Xavier #erik lehnsherr #cherik #meh #i did it ok?

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