#defo has the good old 'hurt/comfort with a happy ending'

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia

So looking forward to Tradewinds. Just curious, does it end on a cliffhanger? And it does will there be a sequel? Because I tend to feel less anxious when I know beforehand before going into a fic. Thank you!

Hi anon!

Tradewinds doesn't end on a cliffhanger, the main storyline is resolved.

There are some open endings for some of the other characters, which suggest that it can definitely have a sequel or other parts to the series, but it will mostly depend on how people feel about the first book!

But yeah, no cliffhanger! It has a happy/hopeful ending. :)

[oh-you--pretty-things]

The Split update!!!

So no surprise I caved and I’ve just finished the 3rd and FINAL series of the split!! 🙁

I’ll add my thoughts here in a few days because I’m about to hit play on a rewatch! 😂

Update--

 I am REALLY going to miss Hannah Defoe, it’s crazy how I've been feeling since I finished series 3. I just need to curl up in a dark room so I can begin to feel a little normal. Nicola Walker is just too good; I just don’t understand what she’s done to me!! Cheers Nicola...  

Anyway, nobody wants to hear any more about me. Let's ramble about The Split.  

It's probably spoiler free, but just in case!

So, I didn’t really know what to expect from the final series, I tried my best to stay away from every bit of promotional media beforehand. The first couple of episodes I was a little worried about Hannahs character development (granted there was a lot going on in the first two eps) but thankfully things did get better.  

A lot of people seemed to be willing Hannah and Nathan to get back together but I wasn’t really in that boat, I mean he’s already cheated on her and while they were on a ‘break’ or before deciding on the divorce he’d already got a girlfriend and got her pregnant, ok not intentionally, but still. Now that’s not to say that Nathan didn’t love Hannah I really think he does and she him, but I felt like they were coming to a natural end, Hannah seemed reluctant to let go probably due to the fact that Nathan is all she’s really known and didn't want her children to experience the distant father figure like she did, which lead her to hold a little resentment towards her father and most men for the majority of her life. I think as time went on, she knew that she was going to be able to do it differently for her kids and that allowed her to make that decision.  

Hannah was always wanting reassurances from Nathan that he wouldn’t turn out to be just like her dad. That has always seemed to be the main worry for Hannah of all men, except maybe for Christie, which is weird. That may be down to the fact they have quite a deep rooted friendship, this is me just surmising as we don’t really know that much about their younger years although Hannah does seem freer with him, she seems her true self so it’s maybe showing how comfortable she is with him, hinting again to a deep friendship. I’ve been on the Christie boat since season 1 and got really pissed off when they basically ruined his character in the second part of series 2, it was totally not him and just didn’t seem right but maybe it had to go down that route for the explosive s2 ending. Anyway, I was so happy to get the old Christie back for series 3. Christie has been in love with Hannah for over 20 years, there is absolutely no denying it and I think it has always been there for Hannah as well, but she done a better job at suppressing it than Christie. Now it’s probably more down to Nicola and Barry but together they are absolutely electric, between Hannah and Nathan there is deep devotion but maybe not that real spark. That’s maybe a factor on why she marries Nathan and not christie, she sees Nathan as the safer choice, less chance of getting hurt.  

There is so much more to talk about, but this is getting a little incoherent because really, I need to rewatch the 3 series and take notes which probably won’t happen!  

Anyway, hope Christie is getting on ok while he’s packing up his life in New York and making his way back to London for Hannah.  

I’ve missed so much out! I also need to hear what everyone else is thinking but nobody is talking about it! 🙁  

Don't want to say goodbye to the Defoes!

[fullmetalscullyy]

tysm for the tag @hanamuri and @roseofbattles i appreciate it friends <333

How many works do you have on AO3? 86

What's your total AO3 word count?  1,462,725 😳

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. royai collections - rated: m. just a big ol’ collection of royai oneshots grouped together. idk how i ended up with 100 chapters of random oneshots haha i never imagined i would get that far w them but it’s so Neat seeing all of them compiled together

2. the way it was - rated: m. family royai, royai!kid, canon divergence, “what if riza never joined the military”. my babie. my child. this was a long process to work through but it was so much fun to play about with canon events where royai are married, have a kid, and how much things may change for them both. i think this is the one i’m most proud of overall. so much effort was poured into it. for years this fic was an idea i wanted to tackle and i’ve never felt peace and satisfaction quite like it when i wrapped it all up at the end

3. let you love me - rated: t. family royai, royai!kid, modern au. another one that is dear to me and has been for a long time. i have a playlist for this fic and whenever i listen to it i’m taken right back to the late summer/autumn i worked on it. the vibes are exquisite. this au was pure self indulgence, giving riza a kid and having roy move in next door to them both and royai slowly falling in love <3

4. hit and run - rated: m. historical au, enemies to lovers, basically riza being kickass and amazing w a Neat slowburn, if i do say so myself :)) this is another one i love to pieces and it comes a v v v close second to being my absolute fave story i’ve ever written. the idea was sparked by a trip into edinburgh old town’s ~haunted~ vaults and it was such a joy to write and draw on that experience for the setting. the vibes were perfect

5. closer - rated: t. ~drama central~. this ended up being much more popular than i imagined it would be lol i wanted to dabble in the OC, Jealous Girlfriend trope bc why not and sometimes we all need a wee bit of melodrama in our fic reading/writing lives <3

Do you reply to comments, why or why not? yes!! i love reading comments and people’s thoughts on what i’ve written omg they make my day every time. i want them to know their kindness is v much appreciated. even if it takes a while for me to get round to it bc of life, i will defo reply eventually!

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? hmm idk i think all my fics are angst w a happy ending at the very least, apart from a few hurt/no comfort oneshots. for multi-chaptered fics i always tend to go with the happy ending. idk if i would have it in me to write a really angsty ending for a long fic haha

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending? hmm. there’s a few haha. probably the majority of my multichapter fics. so, i’ll choose the happiest fic in general, which has to be my inferno. pure, happy vibes and good times. singer riza killing it and pursuing her dreams while famous bf roy is nothing but supportive and her biggest fan

Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've ever written? no, i have not yet dabbled in a full blown crossover but idk if i ever will

Have you ever received hate on a fic? yeah lol

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? i did a few years ago but nothing for a long time

Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that i’m aware of

Have you ever had a fic translated? i’m not aware if anyone has gone ahead with translating anything. i did get a few questions about it last year (? i think) but idk if they ever did it

Have you ever co-written a fic before? yesss they’re so much fun!! i love working w my friends and creating new things!! i’m always down for it

What’s your all-time favourite ship? royai and msr baybeee

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? hmmm i would say txf royai au but. i’ve not even started it yet ;___; i really want to tho i just know it will take A Lot and i just. don’t have it in me atm. or the time in general. however, i am determined and won’t be so easily beaten. that’s another project i’ve wanted to do for years so one day i’ll get there

What are your writing strengths? i think writing soft royai. people seem to like my soft royai fics :’) and writing aus. i really enjoy working on aus and creating a new world for royai to run around in and be in love. i would like to think the worlds and plots are interesting enough for me to consider them a strength haha 

What are your writing weaknesses? hmmMMM. (there’s a few but) descriptions of places the characters are in i feel like i lack a lot, but i am aware of it and if i was to tackle a big/long plot again that would be something to focus on improving. i could defo include more introspection but also. sometimes i just need to work w the vibe and not go that deep. it takes a lot out of me, however, i just need to practice!

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? i’ve never done it but i have been learning scottish gaelic for the last year and a half and i would love to be able to incorporate it in a fic somehow, but idk if it will ever be able to tie w a royai au haha. idk maybe i’ll just rewrite canon w them all speaking scottish slang that’ll be easy enough. edward elric @ truth: square go mate. @ viz media hmu for that translation anytime 

What was the first fandom you wrote for? the x files

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written? hmmm for the longest time it was let you love me and while i still love it, i think it’s been beaten by the way it was and hit and run. i really can’t pick between the two of them. i’m a simple gal, i love riza and royai!family <3

tagging @firewoodfigs @tsaritsa @megthemighty @bringingglory @nightofnyx8 @niconiconina @vadeofspades but no pressure ofc <333

[energyanon]

Heres Henry. It’s gonna be 2 parts cause this one was pretty intense for me. I have a feeling other people checked on him today too and didn’t close it properly 👀 guys if you’re gonna do it, close it properly pls. Also yes anon you were right about the intensity, but I knew that already. I felt it when I saw the post. Here is part one.

Placed HC.

Henry:

Eyes heavy, heart racing. Constriction in the chest (if you remember from my second reading with him and NV there was constriction there too, but I don’t have NV placed here)

Deep sighs from him and he couldn’t stand up he had to sit on the floor.

This feels like depression.

Not just an emotion of sadness, actual depression, like.. once again he’s on the edge of getting emotional and crying but just can’t seem to get them out (I find it very easy to cry and with seb I cried my heart out. If I had a choice I’d make him cry cause it’s not healthy to keep it in, but there is such a strong block to actually cry for him)

It feels rooted in masculinity, I won’t lie. There is something that keeps sending me back to “you can’t cry there’s nothing to cry about.” He feels so alone though.

He wants to fold into himself but he won’t do that either. There’s a bit of a sense of “you’re being dramatic, this isn’t worth feeling sad over”

Another deeeeeeep sigh.

And that made the tears come to the eyes, but I’m still not crying just yet. And it’s stopped again.

For real, everytime there is one iota of a feeling he shoves it down.

The way he feels is like.. you know when you feel like you’ve just wasted your life.. and you don’t know where you’re going or what you’re doing and the future just doesn’t seem worth it. It’s not suicidal by any means I’m not getting those thoughts but it’s more like..

what’s the point? Drifting. He kind of feels like he’s floating in space and it’s not a peaceful feeling, but it’s not panicked as you would be, it’s like a complete feeling of hopelessness there is nothing I can do.. I’m out of energy.

Once again that brought water to the eyes but they won’t fall.

If he had a choice he would just lie on the ground face down.

But once again, I’m allowing him to do that but he won’t move me there. It’s like he wants to but he doesn’t want to show that “weakness” except there’s no one here observing him it’s just me. Whatever this is, it’s so deeply rooted that he can’t even be himself around himself. Another deep sigh.

He doesn’t want to do anything he has no desire to move from his place on the ground, there’s barely any thoughts besides just completely lost and he really wants to just lay face down but he won’t let himself. He doesn’t even have the energy to let me get another placement…being in this I honestly just feel.. nothing. it’s not an absence of feeling per say but it’s.. I just don’t care. I don’t care about anything. He’s trying to, he’s really trying but he’s lost the feeling.

There’s chocolate in this room and he wants to eat it (comfort)

I literally had to drag myself to go get another placement cause he was not moving.

I put down career, and it wanted to be on top of him. I tried to not do that as I’m gonna have to read career on top of Henry and that’s difficult but it genuinely wouldn’t let me place it anywhere else, it’s on TOP of him.

Career

Career doesn’t seem to care that it’s on him, it’s fine being on Henry. It said “I wanna crush Henry” standing on him make its feet warm and it likes that. Hen also seems hard to it though, like standing on rocks. It’s really uncomfortable to be standing here now. Like it feels like I’m pressing my feet hard into rocks my feet really hurt.

Henry

Henry feels breathless with Career on him and I can literally feel the weight of it on me. it’s contorting my neck down and my back feels like it’s carrying this heavy thing my back is hurting now. I genuinely feel like I’m carrying something so heavy on my back and neck. It feels like it’s slowly crushing me. He’s a bit stressed about it but he can’t move. He defo wants to be out of this situation though. My body genuinely feels like I’m slowly folding into myself and I’m getting crushed under my own weight. He also feels a bit dizzy and cannot concentrate on anything else besides being crushed. I need to get myself out of this cause it really hurts.

I’m not going to do a constellation for him (no permission and also he needs to do him. I cant fix the guy) but I am barely moving career just so it is no longer crushing him and that’s the only Change I’m making cause nothing can move from here if career doesn’t move. I asked him where he wanted career, he said just in front of him, I asked if he wanted it facing him, he said no just in front. (This isn’t something I usually do I won’t talk to them, but I still needed some sort of approval in order to move career and essentially “shift” the energy.)

I (as in me) need to take so many breaks from him cause it’s so intense to be in his energy right now.

Henry:

He’s looking at career, career has its back turned, his body is still suffering a bit from being crushed, but he just feels sad and hopeless looking at career. It’s bigger than him but not massively so. But he also feels like career doesn’t like him, that career wouldn’t want to be touched by him, that he’s better to just kind of… go..

he feels shut out by career.

And that ALMOST gets me to watery eyes again but for the love of god he will not feel it.

Once again, even though he’s not being crushed anymore he feels so heavy and my feet hurt again. He’s forcing me to SHOVE them into the ground, And I can’t help feeling heavy in Henry’s energy, I feel like I weigh a tonne.

Solid cinder blocks on my feet is what it feels like. I cant move. But I also have no desire to move im just staring at career like “this is what I deserve”

I wanted to see if he would ask anything around him for help but no, he just wanted to give a little smile and pretend that it’s all good. Did not want help from anything or anyone, did not want to move and wanted to ignore it all. My FEET HURT SO MUCH.

I need to take another break. I don’t know why my entire weight seems to shift as I’m in his energy but my ANKLES cannot take the weight. it’s actually fucked my left inner ankle I don’t know what it’s called, the navicular? Everytime I try to stretch it it makes a cracking sound 🥲 energy work is fucked you guys.

On the plus side I don’t feel anymore back or neck pain. So we’re going back in.

Career:

Career doesn’t like Henry behind him. It’s Not feeling like it wants to be on top of him anymore, but it’s back is hot. Henry is encroaching on its personal space and it feels like it can feel him breathing on its back? It’s not happy about that it’s a bit disgusted.

Doesn’t feel like it should move though it feels like Henry should move away from it. It’s not CAREERS problem that Henry wants to breathe his hot breath on its back.

It’s so uncomfortable like it keeps twitching it’s back about it. It doesn’t like that feeling at all.

I moved career and yeah it doesn’t want to face him, back turned to him, it thinks he’s gross. And now it’s getting a bit of anxiety?

I cant stop getting the heebie jeebies about Henry though like I keep trying to get his germs off my back as if rolling my shoulders enough will do that it’s so gross it’s having a little spasm about it. I’m getting out of here.

Henry:

Henry feels much lighter now that career has moved, and a fraction happier. A little bit more free. Still wants to sit on the ground though.

Omg as I tried to get down onto the ground I let out such an old man groan and my body cracked in so many places. I’m not an old woman guys I’m so young 🥲 I shouldn’t be cracking.

He doesn’t feel as hopeless now as he did before, a lot lighter than before, but he still doesn’t know what to do. He’s also not as tired.

Career is there in the corner but he makes fleeting eye contact as he doesn’t really wanna look at it at all.

It’s kinda sad he’s just sitting here. Alone. Not really doing anything. Not really sure what to do. Also my backs hurting again and I keep saying “I’m getting old”

(I (EA) am not old and My back is JUST FINE)

I’m going to have to end it here and do a part 2 another time, cause this one is taking it out of me, and right now he doesn’t want to move and I also don’t feel like I should put anything down. The focus I stepped into today is defo on career than anything else.

Also I know I said I wouldn’t put NV in, but the fascinating part is.. Henry doesn’t want NV in. Like I think about it and he actually shuts down MY thought.

Weird 👀

So part two will be: the Insta post, fans and.. I’m gonna do body and status aswell.

[prinxlyart]

just any individual toh character hc would SLAP. mebbe ur thoughts on the twins idk this is vague

Nah it’s cool, I can dig it let’s do this

I only put this under a line break cuz it got so long oops lol

Emira:

Defo has a stutter that she went through a lot of intensive and grueling speech therapy sessions for (when she was about 7 years old) that she hated. Amity and Edric both know this and know it’s a sensitive topic for her. They’ll tease her lightly about it, but never in front of anyone else and they know where to draw the line. In my last Vinera post, I mentioned how much Viney adores her stutter. She absolutely loves getting Emira flustered enough to start stuttering. She’s incredibly patient and understanding when it comes to Emira’s stutter and Em’s feelings about her stutter, and she helps Emira learn to be okay with it again. It’s nothing to be ashamed of (and it’s cute).

My girl likes carrots. Like, really likes carrots. As in she’ll eat them straight out of the ground if she’s given a chance to wash it first. She really loves carrots. This is only an issue later on after she and Viney start taking care of beasts together and Emira’s been caught eating their entire stock of carrots that’s meant for the beasts. Viney has to keep the carrots in a secret box away from Emira after that point.

Emira actually really loves beasts/animals but has never been good at handling them. Any time she’d try to approach an animal to pet it, it would try to bite her. She’d get extremely pouty whenever this happens because beasts/animals love Edric. It’s not until after she and Viney start dating that Viney actually starts teaching her how to approach different creatures and her love for creatures reignites.

Emira’s a giant pushover for Amity. Only Edric knows this because he’s also a pushover for her. If Amity ever found out what power she actually holds over them, they’d be in so much trouble. They mask their love for their sister with constant teasing. Yes of course they get annoyed by her, that’s how siblings are, especially when Amity tattles on them, but at the end of the day, they’d help Amity hide the body if she asked. (The few times they witnessed her crying by someone other than their parents, they had gone on a warpath. Nobody hurts Mittens.)

Defo had a brief infatuation with Luz for like 5 minutes before she realized how head-over-heels Amity was. As long as they’re both happy, that’s what matters. She’ll take that secret to her grave though.

L O V E S having her hair played with, but like, only with people she’s super comfortable with. She has so much hair (mostly due to her mother’s wishes) and any time they all have attend some fancy gathering, Emira has to be seen by a stylist in order to get all her hair into whatever wild fancy shape her mom wants for the event. That she hates more than life itself, but whenever she’s upset, Edric or Amity grabs her hair brush and just gently brushes her hair out until she’s chill again. (She absolutely melts when Viney starts playing with her hair). In an act of defiance and because she needed this Change, the moment she and her siblings leave the Blight Manor permanently, she cuts off all of her hair. It’s very reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday. Viney loves it. Everyone loves it actually, but the biggest reactions come from Viney and Luz (they both love running their fingers through the newly cut hair because it’s so soft).

She likes to sing to herself when she’s alone. It’s rare that it ever happens because if she knows there’s other people in the same building as her, she won’t chance it. But when she knows she’s alone and no one will notice if she casts a silence bubble around herself so she can sing at the top of her lungs? You better believe she closes any doors or curtains in the area, locks everything, casts that spell and goes nuts. Her voice isn’t all that great, but it’s lovely when she’s singing quietly to herself while she does homework or something. On especially bad nights, Amity will ask her to sing to her. Emira sang to her once when they were like, 3 and 5 respectively, and it’s been their secret thing ever since for especially rough nights/nightmares.

Edric:

Yknow how James from Pokémon is just super good with Pokémon ?? Like, he knows how to treat them, he knows what they like, he asks them gently if they’d like to join them, etc. That’s exactly how Edric approaches creatures. He’s a natural with them, but he and his sister’s natural affinity for illusion magic kept him from pursuing that track of magic.

He’s always wanted a pet, but every time he brings it up to his parents, he’s met with the same firm No as always. He’s definitely gotten in trouble for trying to sneak wild creatures into the house to keep in his room. Thank Titan for Em’s cool new girlfriend who’s not only a multi-track student, but studying the exact subject he wants to study and is super eager to teach him everything she knows. He learns vicariously through her and helps her study for her tests. At first, Emira is suspicious of them, but she knows her brother wouldn’t be so cruel as to try to steal her girlfriend away from her. He’s just a dork.

My boy’s got a sweet tooth. He loves desserts and sweets and fluffy baked goods and often tries to sneak candies when he thinks no one is looking. Chocolate is a big weakness for him. When Luz introduces him to Human Sweets, he’s practically bouncing off the walls. Cotton candy??????? Flan?????? Dulce de Leche en Tabla??? He nearly passes out when Luz busts out what she calls a “chocolate fountain” and turns it on. Y’all remember that one image of a bird bathing in a chocolate fountain from a million years ago? That’s Edric.

Edric Blight LIVES to see his sisters laugh. He would pull all sorts of silly faces and dumb tricks to make Amity laugh when they were little. He still tries to make her laugh, but usually those have grown from giggles to disgruntled mumbling. He’ll never admit how much it breaks his heart and it’s not until he sees her laughing at something Luz has done that he has hope he may still be able to get her to laugh again (it’s also the first time he’s heard her laugh in years and it makes his heart soar in relief. He was almost certain their parents had stamped any concept of laughter out of her).

My boy Edric is so full of love and passion; actually quite similarly to Luz. What makes them different though is that Edric is Aromantic. He’s never had a crush in his life. He’s happy with his sisters and all of their friends and their family as it grows in the future. He has some best friends that he lives with for a while (after his sisters move in with their respective partners), but for the most part he’s chill. He loves his family, he loves spoiling his sisters’ kids, and he’s content with himself. It takes him a super long time to be content with himself, but he gets there. I will literally never get over the fact that his biggest fear is “being alone forever”. He’s never alone. He will always have his friends and family. And, thanks in large part to Luz, he has his parents back. His parents that actually were excited when he cast his first spell and tucked him in at night when he was a toddler, giving him kisses goodnight and pleasant dreams. Not the parents he’d run away from; those were the cold, uncaring, obsessed with fake concepts of popularity and status people he ran away from with his sisters. It took years, but Luz helped bring his real parents back. He loves getting to know them for who they are now that he’s an adult too.

He and Gus become best friends. Like, dumb buddy cop movie levels of best friends. They get into so much trouble when it’s just the two of them and they have the time of their lives. At first, he and Em just sort of took Gus under their wing because he was a little bit of an outcast in their homeroom for being so much younger than everyone else. But he’s a friend of Luz’s and a friend of Amity’s after a while, which automatically makes him cool in their book. They soon find themselves actually enjoying his company, rather than just protecting him from stray bullies, and they find his ability with illusion magic exciting. They themselves are considered prodigies so having another prodigy to show off practice with is super stimulating for all of them. As the years go on (and Emira spends more time with Viney) Edric starts calling more and more often for “Bro Time” where they go do stupid teenage stuff or test the limits of their magic or even just hang out and talk for hours. It’s actually all this time hanging out with just Gus that Edric discovers he’s aro; somehow it comes out that Gus has developed a crush on Edric and (major age differences aside) Edric realizes he’s never had a crush on anyone before. It’s a conversation that sucks a lot, but they’re besties and they manage to get through it. Gus maybe needs to take a day with his original gal pals to just cry about it, but he gets over it just fine. He also helps Edric understand what it means to be aromantic. Well, with the help of Luz and Willow as well; Luz is a walking dictionary for lgbt terminology and Willow’s super good at helping dissect feelings (when they’re not her own cough’outofsightoutofmind’cough).

I genuinely don’t know what he might pursue for a career. Part of me wants him to be independent and do his own thing, but a much stronger part of me wants him to just be part of Viney as Emira’s business. He loves creatures so much and he loves taking care of them, but I don’t want him to feel like a third wheel around his twin sister either. Maybe he becomes a dual track teacher at Hexside specifically for healing and beast keeping so more students can learn about Service Creatures. He can substitute for the Illusion track homeroom when needed, but he’s super passionate about the Service Creature sub-track he and Viney pitch to Principal Bump.

[crazyglitterpirate]

Regrets - Fred Weasley

It's my sixth year at Hogwarts. After what happened last year I really didn't expect things to get better but still Umbridge really? what a pain in the arse. but one thing that came out of it was the DA. what a suggestion from ginny may I add. everyone was a little shocked I joined since my parents openly spoke out again Dumbledore but they weren't here last year, they didn't see what we all saw. It meant I lost a lot of friends as I started hanging around with other DA members, even if no one else knows that what we were. Luna and Ginny were there when I had a screaming match with them when they said I was ditching them. I felt alone and rejected. but Ginny had told the others so I was always welcomed to sit at the Gryffindors table. I became close friends with the twins, they would distract me with all their products and I was really amazed at them. those two are a lot smarter than they let on. DA was good cause I would usually group with them.

One night at a DA meeting.

"ahh" I huff and sit on the floor " there no use I'm never going to get the charm right"

We were all practising a different charm and I for the life of me could get it, plus I was having a bad week, with me already on three detentions this week already.

"come on soph," George said as he sits down next to me while Fred is towing over me.

"yeah you'll get it you just can't give up," Fred said. He gives me a look of concern as we stare at each other without breaking our eye contact.

"what's wrong?"  He asked me, I could hear the concern in his voice. At this point, George had left and given us some space. "has someone said something again."

"no" I look away, well look at anything other than him, I didn't want him to know how nervous he made me. "just having a bad week"

"Well then let's make it better," he says and grabs my hand to pull me up with ease. I swear my heart started beating faster.

So I have a little crush on a certain redhead twin, I mean he's kind and funny, way smarter than you think and is extremely loyal to his family how could I not. but then there's me, sad weak little Sophie who can't even do this stupid charm, why would he ever see me as anything else. god, I'm so sick of people looking at me like I'm going to break.

"Okay, whatever Weasley" and with that, we continued with the meeting.

One week later.

As I was walking to the court lard I was my friends, well old friends. they were all laughing and being happy and it annoyed me, I didn't do anything wrong in the first place.

"Hey soph you okay" a small voice came from behind me but instantly recognised it."

"Yeah, I'm fine Fred, just looking for a spot to sit and read." I smile back but he gives me that look, you know the 'are you sure' look.

"I am fine" I huff "now can we sit"

"it okay if your not, you were friends for a long time"

"Fred I--"

"No, you can't keep pretending it not getting to you, it clearly is"

"and if you want I would be happy you try new products on them" "and George too, of course, we will be like your bodyguards around them" he ended with a smile.

Now I know he wasn't trying to be sweet and i know he didn't mean to make me feel small and weak but he did and without giving him a minute to say anything else I stood up and started shouting at him.

" FRED, WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP, I TOLD YOU I WAS FINE ARE YOU DEAF OR SOMETHING, THE ONLY PERSON BOTHERING ME RIGHT NOW IS YOU. I AM NOT SOME WEAK LITTLE GIRL WHO NEEDS YOUR PROTECTION, I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. AND I'M SO SICK OF BEING MADE TO FEEL LIKE ONE. I CAME OUT HERE TO READ IN PEACE NOT FOR YOU TO DIG INTO THINGS WHICH BTW I NEVER WANTED YOU OR GEORGE INVOLVED IN SO PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF MERLIN LEAVE ME ALONE."

I go to storm off but before I'm out of earshot I hear him say 'guess I won't bother you again I didn't mean it it was just a build-up which unfortunately Fred got the full bast of.

Regret i felt regret

Thursday that week, Fred hadn't made eye contact with me at all and would only say hi if I was in a group of our mutual friends. I was walking back from the library since I now had way more free time. I didn't hang out with the twins anymore I wouldn't even group up with them at DA meetings either, so I found myself reading and studying. walking through the halls I hear running and laughter a certain laugh I would be able to recognize a mile away and with that, all my emotions came at once and I found myself siding down the side of the wall crying not too loud but loud enough to get someone attention.

"soph?" George, it was George.

"Hey, hey come here it alright" he grabs me and just holds me "Shhh" he turned to look at me wiping away any tears that have fallen "what happens, are you okay, did you have detention"

I shake my head "no" I take some breaths " I just feel so alone, I feel like I've lost everyone my old friends and Now you and Fred."

"first of all you haven't lost me," he says and nudges me.

"and second aren't you the one who told him to stay away " he raises an eyebrow at me

"I know, I felt really bad after I did it, George, he just wouldn't shut up and be making me feel worse. God, why can't he just understand sometimes I don't want to talk about it."

"it's not that I don't want to talk to you two about it I just do better handling that stuff on my own, it's what I know, every time I try and say sorry he walks away or just flat out ignores me. Do you know how much that hurts it's like I'm not even there? I care about you guys so much and now I feel like I've fucked it up cause I lost it once. "

"like I understand if he doesn't want to be my friend anymore I really do, but ..... I just - I wish he would just acknowledge my apology. "

George just sits there comforting me ensuring me that he would come around. What we didn't know was Fred was around the corner and heard everything.

FREDS POV

We had just finished a prank and were running George being ahead of me while laughing we could hear someone crying, we both stopped and continued walking to where it was coming from. before I turned the corner I hear George say her name and my heart sunk.

"soph?"

I heard the whole conversation and a mass of regret and guilt came over me. I had never thought about it from her point of view well, to be honest, I never let her explain I guess I let my ego get in the way. I mean now I'm hearing it I should have respected her boundaries and her personal space and I shouldn't have ignored her I just felt so hurt that she didn't want me to comfort her, all I wanted to do was make her happy and avoid her crying but instead I've caused it. I am going to make this right, I need to!

I hear them get up and start walking George was offering to walk her to her house but she said it was okay and with that George was next to me in less than a minute. He waited till she was out of earshot before finally saying something.

"You're an idiot, an absolute git Fred"

"I know," I said

"well how are you going to fix it"

"I don't know"

I had planned a lot of things to apologize to sophie, but I chicken out every time. I almost did one day but then I fucked it up again by shouting things at her. hurtful mean things, I made her cry AGAIN this time it was her avoiding me, guess now I know how she felt, karma right? God, I tried talking to her but before I knew it I was flying out of the school with George without making things right.  she saw me and turned away.

Regret was all that I could think.

Sophies POV

I was sitting at lunch with luna, we tend to sit with the Gryffindors. George always engaged in conversation with me which was comforting but Fred still didn't speak to me, But I swear I saw him attempt to say something to me but stop himself every time.

It was the day of the big match Slytherin vs Gryffindors, I of course wore red and gold. and I decide to go with luna to wish everyone good luck. George instantly pulled me in for the biggest bone crusting hug ever.

"Okay I can't breathe" I get out "what trying to kill me or something" I laughed

I didn't even notice Fred had come next to us

"so what do you think? reckon I'd make a good gryffindork"

"I think you suit it, what do you think George?" Fred, he had actually said something to me, well George but at me.

i just looked over and smiled at him.

"Yeah Fred defo a Gryffindor at heart"

"right C'mon," Angelia said

"well that's my queue to go, good luck boys" I waved them off and linked my arms with luna

"let go get some seats this will be good"

I had deiced I would talk to him after an official apology for shouting at him. but then the fight happened not that I'm complaining I hate Malfoy too. The 3 of them were sent to Umbridge so ginny let me in the common room. George came in first and marched right to his dorm then harry who just sat on the couch and then Fred he looked around for a while then i rose to speak to him to see if he was okay.

"Hey Fred," I said while putting my hand on his arm, but he quickly moved

"what are you even doing here? You are not a Gryffindor you're not really in the DA properly just aspie for Umbridge!"

"Fred I-"

"What noting to shout at me for, why don't you go back to your friends and death eater family huh! I- "

"FRED enough it's not sophies fault."

I felt tears roll down my cheeks as I looked around embarrassed and hurt. and I ran out of that common room as fast as could"

I could pick up ginny shouting at him and someone calling my name but I kept running. I didn't go back to the DA after that and I sat back at my house table alone. ginny, luna and George checked up on me but I just waved them off saying I had too much work to do. i avoided fred. sometimes he'd call my name but I would only walk away faster.  until I was in class I heard a sound bang followed by shouting like everyone else I left to see and I was the twins on the brooms. Fred made eye contact with me almost pleading to follow but I didn't I turned and went to the library.

I didn't know they were leaving. or I would have listened i thought we had more time.

once again I was met with an old friend

regret

[perfectperalta]

1-50 you're welcome

you son of a bitch haha. i would do that read more thing but i have no idea how to do that so im really sorry!

1: What is your name and does it mean anything?

my name is harmony and i dont think it has any meaning. i mean it probably does my mum chose it bc she just liked it!

2: How long have you known your best friend?

i dont have any friends lol. however i had a best friend a while ago but we kinda just stopped talking! i knew her for a few years and only over the internet. i think i was in love with her too.

3: What position do you normally sleep in?

on my side. whichever feels comfortable at the time.

4: Were you a part of any “clique” in high school?

no. we had a big group thou and they merged with other groups a lot of the time. like someone would be in our friend group but also another! 

5: Who was your favorite teacher in high school and why?

my btec sports teacher. btec sport is the written aspect of sports. i didnt like the lesson but he was so fun and easy going. also my maths teacher. she was so boring and monotone but she was an amazing teacher. i learnt a lot from her which is now all gone haha

6: Do you wish to travel a lot?

yes!! i want to go everywhere but no one to do it with and no money!

7: Did you participate in any sports while in school?

nope. 

8: Show a sample of your handwriting:

ive been tagged in the handwriting tag so i’ll link it when ive done it

9: Have you ever given blood?

no but i should

10: Do you like the way that you grew up?

yeah. it was alright. nothing bad happened!

11: Do you like your siblings? Why or why not?

yeah i have 3 sisters. 1 older and 2 younger. i think the older of the younger ones is my best friend. sadly.

12: How did you meet your best friend and why did you become friends?

my best friend is my sister. my old best friend is from the internet so weve never meet. shes in canada. we became friends from being in a group chat together for troye sivan and connor franta. 

13: Name one movie that made you cry.

ps i love you

14: Do you prefer to read poetry, write poetry, or neither?

neither. 

15: Things about someone that you find attractive?

that they can make me laugh

16: What song are you currently listening to?

too good at goodbyes by sam smith

17: Have you ever broken a bone? If so, how?

nope 

18: A random memory from you childhood:

i had speech therapy and couldnt say ship. in year 2 (aged 6/7) i came back from the lesson thing and one of the boys asked if i could say it and i did and he got real happy. 

19: Where did you grow up?

south west england. on the coast!

20: What was the last thing you watched on tv?

actually on tv. doctor foster on tuesday 

21: Do you think you’d make a good parent?

i reckon so

22: Would you like to meet any of your Tumblr friends in person?

HELL YEAH

22: What was the last dream you remember having?

i wanted to be with someone and no one would let me. something along them lines

23: When is your birthday?

november 6th

24: How many pillows do you sleep with?

3

25: Do you wear glasses? If so, how long have you been wearing glasses?

no

26: What color is your hair?

blonde/brown so i guess light brown?

27: Name 5 facts about your appearance:

hair to just below my shoulders

blue eyes

light brown hair

big nose i reckon

im pretty boring so idk what else

28: What is your favorite soda?

fanta fruit twist

29: What is a strange talent that you have?

i can touch my nose with my tongue 

30: How’s the weather right now?

sunny actually but i bet it changes later

31: Why did one of your friendships end?

most of them end bc i just stop talking to them. 

32: Who do you miss right now?

my old best friend from canada

33: Why did your last relationship end?

oh gees. its got a very long and sad back story but long story short, he was an ex and we got back together. he ended it bc he said he didnt have the same feelings from before. 

34: Are you still figuring out who you are?

yeah defo!

35: Have you ever been admitted to a hospital? Why?

i dont think so. ive been in and out of hospital since i was 2 for my hearing but thats from appointments never been admitted?

36: What is your favorite restaurant?

oh idk. five guys is good!

37: What is word that you always seem to spell wrong?

im not sure

38: Would ever adopt kids?

yeah why not

39: What is your favorite kind of pizza?

four cheeses is good and love a pepperoni one!

40: What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

to check tumblr and twitter

41: When was the last time you got really really happy and why?

oh dear i cant remember :(

42: What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?

of the top of my head all i can think of is a snail from when i went to france at school :L

43: How do you start a conversation?

depends who its with. someone new i would wait till i find something theyve said that i think i can make a conversation out of

44: What’s a band you’ve been obsessed with lately?

no on specifically. i just listen to pre-made spotify playlists

45: Do you come from a family “of money?”

nope

46: Do you have a bucket list?

not really

47: What is your favorite series of books?

i dont read. 

48: When was the last time you laughed so hard your stomach hurt?

AGES ago that i cant remember

49: Where do you go when you’re sad?

to my bed

50: 5 random facts about yourself:

1. im hard of hearing

2. i hate having my picture taken and dont take selfies. the last selfie i took was way over 6 months ago

3. im not very interesting

4, i cant think of anything else!

5. im sorry!

im glad this is done with. took ages!!!

[facelessdreamer]

I hate that there’s

not enough time in the world to do everything.

Theres not enough hours in a whole day to do all things I want to do man. It’s sucks extremely. Everything’s just lined up and I wanna do all them things I can and want to do but I can’t because of me ultimately minus the other factors in life. It’s me. Now I have a job. Finally. But it’s taking up all my time even on my scattered couple days off I relax because it’s literally needed and it goes by so quick like my do nothing days. I don’t know how to go about it. How shall I do things? And what the fuck on Earth are these feelings man. Gotta find a way to pause them but it’s fucking relentless and the off buttons mia. There’s vibes at work, people everywhere, mindless heavy work and sad little me walking about making mistakes and fixing them and putting in work and talking to people without wanting to really and i just can’t tell if I’m putting up a front or not. I don’t know if that’s the jolly me I brag about and that I know myself as or if I just do it because I don’t know how else to behave but nicely and highly energetic and enthusiastically. Just honestly what the fuck do I do with all this life? Shit its 7 minutes past midnight. And it’s clicked. Happy fucking birthday to my ass. God I can’t say in words how this day coming around makes and has made me feel for months. The big ass bitchin 20. Idk why I’m complaining like it’s a fat three zero bc to most people my life’s just started. To me it literally really and truly is dooming and I hate the whole idea of it. When I was 17 I wanted it to last longer. When I was 18 I wanted it to be permanent. When I was 19 just moments ago I wanted to settle for it. I didn’t want to be an age I was no longer a teen. When you’re not that people expect you to act your age and it’s a serious thing then. It’s still expected at teen years but not as surprising bc your still in your adolescent years doing dumb and reckless shit. And yes I spent 19 doing just that. For multiple reasons going as me being a natural fuck up to just not caring with what ever I do to actually wanting to also do dumb shit. 18 was a good age to stay permanent because I was legally an adult and could accounting the law roam with a piece of ID and qualify myself as my own person. 17 was just a golden age to be. That was the mid point of comfort. Dumb and smart and old enough and young at the very same time. Immersing into adulthood yet equivalently latched to the past 16 years of innocent youth. As you get older youth stays but increases with some venemous symptoms. It is no longer sunsets and rainbows full of more laughter and ignorant bliss. It gets darker, wilder, mature, things like welcome to the real world, make do and diy. You start to get your hands dirty and make real messes out of things and be the people who are parents taught us not to be. We become the inevitable damage content of this world like every other adult who was also once young and carefree. We’re all so innocent then boom as we get older we become dangerous. Every age shapes us and makes us a version of ourselves we were once different to not long before. Mad that. We also become smarter each passing year so what makes us a danger is exactly that. We know what to do, how to go about things, we are sane and have sense and real firm control of our words and manoeuvres and with that we purposely cause problems even through subliminal moves. That is being older. Being an adult. It’s where “act your age” kicks at you. Bc you’re no longer futile and brainless. You’ve now officially become something artificial like anyone else is. Nothing new, nothing special. Just older.

I’ve said this before but I’m gonna say it again.. I tend to usually drift of topic and continue into a subject of something relative but not the point I should be sticking to. I always do this and I get more ongoing content out instead of what else I might have wanted to say regarding my original point. I jump from one thing to another and I can’t help it but at least I say things that are real right? Whatever comes to mind it just spills on here despite the point. That can be talked about if I remember it again or not

(00:20)

Rn I’m tired mixed with shitty feelings and watching some Justin timberlake movie on tele. (This is me coming back to say it wasn’t that great and dad pestered me to go up to bed so I never saw the end, wasn’t worth it then) God it’s always been forever when I come back to watch tv. It’s like I got to make time for it even though I don’t really. But when I want to it’s usually at night at a time like this and I hope anything is on from a good block buster movie down to anything like gogglebox even. Just want some of that tv nature to bring me back to something normal (I think I meant to say that as the reason idky it just got typed). I love tv or so I did. I barely spend time with the sofa and the big screen in front of me since I got lazy and sad over a year ago. Funny how among all the hundreds of interlinked factors does it shape a new lifestyle. Every facet of life and me and exisitance plays a harmless yet powerful game. It’s mad how I used to be not a year ago and how I am months down a line compared to the old me. It feels like years and years in between but it’s not. This is me. Everyday it’s a new me. Everyday I change exponentially with my moods and infiltration of hella sadness. I can’t get away from it. I’m immersed into this new me whose no longer definitive to the new term anymore. It’s quite old now but always the latest version seeing as I haven’t changed the persona of me since it came forward and consumed me. Let’s talk about consumption? Kay lets. Like I always say I know myself. Knowing yourself doesn’t mean shit to nothing else alive but to you. You’re a different you in every other mind of every pair of eyes that’s seen you. Even if it was a stranger walking by. They saw you. Mindlessly they saw you in mere sight and that’s it. Quick glance and take in of appearance or sometimes a little more with a minor thought upon you. You’re seen nevertheless as versions you will never know yourself and never of the version you really are. You don’t even know the real version of you. You only know most of you bc you know your interest and hobbies and things like that. Other people say won’t know all of that but only some and the way they see you because they’re literally outside of your body and seeing you through their eyes and not from your own mind. So yeah me knowing me I can’t say why I’ve allowed myself to get like this and be so caught up in feelings that are unpleasant and disturbing. My reasons would simply be things like bc I wanted to bc I didn’t care to close any doors I was meant to close in my head. Bc I wanted to be sad really. Bc I’m also alone but that’s minor bc I only figured that out recently. Other pointless reasons may occur too like not taking care when I really was being pushed to help myself but I don’t take growing hands. I have a problem with saying yes to things that’ll harmlessly benefit me. I just say no politely like don’t trouble yourself for me. Like I don’t want that. Who am I? I mean I know who I am and my worth. It’s fucking up there bro. But people don’t see me and shouldn’t see me as worthy of taking help. Like I can’t put it in words so I’ll give up on that. But my pint is I can’t justify in explaining as to why I say no to any simple help. A guy offer me a bag to carry two heavy bottles of coke? Na it’s alright really fast and I zoom out and away like what was the reason for a mini nervous breakdown and say no for? Am I okay? It’s really like I cba you should never have opened your mouth bc really and truly it would be a great help if these bottles can be bagged and carried instead of it cradled in my arms but I cba for the excerion. That’s it! Mental and physical effort. Like without even thinking this. It’s just a feeling and I literally can’t deal with that. So I automatically say no. I’ve gone off topic agains nd forgot my point smh

Next thing I wanna put out here is that my music hasn’t been very obliging past three nights. Two nights I dunno I didn’t even put in and sleep bc I really wasn’t for it them couple nights and I felt like it was causing my head to feel some way. So I left it and slept freely when the moment came. The third night and a night after also too which was last night I plugged in my earphones at some point bc I could not not do it, it being such a habit. It still wasn’t gratifying as it usually is. The music was fine and great with what played. I was entertained nonetheless but my body and head was more worked out and tired than the past three months and I’d been drinking and smoking so I feel that also defo had some affect and influence on whatever I was feeling. It wasn’t good I tell you that. Aaaaaand I keep waking up incessantly every morning for time now. I can’t even remember when there was a time I woke up feeling good. These days and last year I’ve been waking up not pleasantly. It’s always something man. Literally. I have no soul to exaggerate any of what goes on with me on here. Here lies the truth. My blog. My sweet pretty blog. So yeah I wake up and it’s an ache in my head, remnant music echoes which are fine but make me wonder am I causing something in me? Things like bad dreams and I have like 50 in one night and the bad ones make me unhappy as I wake. There also this weird weird feeling I get just as I’m waking and it’s one I really can’t explain. It’s so bad like I’m half way conscious and half way not at all awake. I’m literally both and I get this feeling, it’s heavy and I wouldn’t say painful but it causes some kind of light hurt? Idk but I feel it immensely and it does come to my attention in the moment and I am not okay as to why this happens many mornings of when I wake. Like after it is over not that I pay attention but it does go away and I am either gone back to sleep or have woken up somehow now I just am not happy bc of the wake. Like your/my wake literally matters. I don’t like these numerous sensations I feel in my moment of waking. I want to be woken with ease and calmness and slowness like just how a breeze comes pleasantly on a hot summers day. I wanna be woken softly and beautifully like that.

Okay I’m not done talking but I’m tired so gonna tap out now (02:59)

[vegils]

im... a sucker 4 surveys hey!!!

1: What is your name and does it mean anything?

marinella, someone told me it means “traveller” but i highly doubt that i like the break down of my name more marina, meaning “of the sea” and ella for “guiding light”

2: How long have you known your best friend? 

my best friend sweetlana!!! been my good friend!!! for 7 DANG YEARS!!! 

3: What position do you normally sleep in? 

i sleep in fetal/yearning position and i think the description of the personalities that sleep in fetal/yearning position is very accurate

4: Were you a part of any “clique” in high school?

mmm i hung out with a lot of different people in high school i went through several cliques in the span of my four years i hung out with “popular” people, artsy groups, anime nerds, and drama people

5: Who was your favorite teacher in high school and why? 

my biggest inspiration was my speech and drama teacher!! i love u miss macuha!!! one time i was crying about her leaving and she grabbed me by the shoulders and told me to never back down and keep doing what i’m doing and that some day i’ll be a great performer and i bawled on her lap she’s an angel and to this day her words still haunt me!! i never felt the reward a teacher reaped from seeing a student reach their full potential

6: Do you wish to travel a lot?

because im so young i do think about travelling a lot but it makes me sad to think about never being able to travel and i have gone to places but i wish i could see other grander countries i never had the opportunity to see

7: Did you participate in any sports while in school?

um...... i played badminton lmao 

8: Show a sample of your handwriting:

how tho

9: Have you ever given blood?

apparently if ur anemic or have history of anemia then u can’t donate blood which makes me sad if i could i would!!!

10: Do you like the way that you grew up?

besides all the fun i had i wish i grew up more confident i am a very doubtful person and i grew up in a pretty hostile home and it felt very scattered and broken to me and i just wish those situations were different, other than that i think i am lucky to grow up ok

11: Do you like your siblings? Why or why not?

i like all of my sisters but they can get very frustrating at times i think we stand better now than we did as kids

12: How did you meet your best friend and why did you become friends?

i met sweetlana on the strokes tumblr tinychat back when they had a roaring fandom and we discovered that we’re both from chicago and we’d talk about silly things and we lost touch for a while but then we reconnected and she’s so darling!!! she would show me her paintings of the blues brothers and we’d talk about our hopes and wishes and now i realize we’ve been doing that for 7 years!!! all we do is exchange selfies and drawings and fantasize about crushes !!!i love her! i can’t imagine not knowing her and never meeting her!

13: Name one movie that made you cry.

my girl.......... shit dude

14: Do you prefer to read poetry, write poetry, or neither?

i’m not poetic but i like to HEAR poetry i love hearing the delivery 

15: Things about someone that you find attractive?

i love people who are kind and thoughtful which is rly generic i also love the funny it doesn’t even have to be calculated jokes it can just be the way you said something or a facial expression i like people who manage to share a language with me that can’t be figured out by other people i think having a connection to a person where you can read each others minds can b creepy but also cool cuz u hang out w them so often that you can basically understand each other without much effort 

16: What song are you currently listening to now?

year of the rabbit by eskimeaux

17: Have you ever broken a bone? If so, how?

nope 

18: A random memory from you childhood:

going to chinatown and racing to the chinese zodiac signs and climbing up the stairs with my sisters, getting sponge cake and walking around the old sanrio store pointing out what i want

19: Where did you grow up? chicago 

20: What was the last thing you watched on tv?

lmao we’re watching 13RW and its not for everyone but i read the book and im v invested

21: Do you think you’d make a good parent?

really!! hope id be! i mean i am cool with or without having kids but i want to be a good parent

22: Would you like to meet any of your Tumblr friends in person?

i already met some of my tumblr friends!! i met sweetlana and coney!!! i would like to meet @iamonmy-way when will i meet u!!! 

22: What was the last dream you remember having?

my phone was hacked and it looked like internet explorer on my iphone and my cousin tried to retrieve back to normal by playing against my hacker on a boss battle level of mario

23: When is your birthday?

june 2 :---)

24: How many pillows do you sleep with? 

2 and 1 reading pillow ^_^

25: Do you wear glasses? If so, how long have you been wearing glasses?

i’ve been wearing eye glasses since i was 6 and i’m 21 now so u do the math bud

26: What color is your hair?

black/brown

27: Name 5 facts about your appearance:

ive been told i have a nice complexion, small mouth, chubby cheeks, small hands and long torso

28: What is your favorite soda?

cream.. soda... i need to go to Hell

29: What is a strange talent that you have?

reading peoples moods online lmao 

30: How’s the weather right now?

a cool and calming evening 

31: Why did one of your friendships end?

this question makes me sad lmao

32: Who do you miss right now?

oops i can’t reveal who or what or when but i am missing someone

33: Why did your last relationship end?

because i realized i don’t like them that much and that i don’t understand dating I AM A VERY CONFUSED PERSON when i reflect on dating i realize i hate it so much but also crave it but when i have it i’m very repulsed

34: Are you still figuring out who you are? 

yes!!! i am frustrated at myself because i don’t know who i am or what i want and i feel like it has set me back so much that i’m stagnant 

35: Have you ever been admitted to a hospital? Why? 

ya i had dengue fever and it was probably the most concerned i’ve seen my parents with me

36: What is your favorite restaurant?

pastaria!!! in st louis!! it’s so good!

37: What is word that you always seem to spell wrong?

privilege 

38: Would ever adopt kids?

not against the idea of adopting children!!! 

39: What is your favorite kind of pizza?

i like spinach on my pizza

40: What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

why is it so dreadful to find yourself in bed with a whole day ahead of you

41: When was the last time you got really really happy and why? 

um!!! my crush!!! k*rt !!! when we played the game!! and they were teasing and attacking me during the game! ah!!! 

42: What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?

defo dinuguan (pigs blood stew)!! i dont recommend!! i just dip my puto in the sauce and call it a day! not a laman fan! 

43: How do you start a conversation?

i tell them something embarrassing that’s also relateable and revealing and hope they find me somebody to be comfortable around!!!

44: What’s a band you’ve been obsessed with lately?

i hate answering this....... but joji........

45: Do you come from a family “of money?”

nah dude

46: Do you have a bucket list?

i think that’s what my life was missing tbh

47: What is your favorite series of books?

i don’t know i haven’t read a series of books in quite a long time i think i pretended to like percy jackson in high school lmao and i was such a nerd for hunger games but i don’t think anything could replace my deepest love for series of unfortunate events, the boxcar children, judy moody, and horrible harry! ooh! and amelia bedelia!!!

48: When was the last time you laughed so hard your stomach hurt?

i laughed rly hard last night cause patrick was so invested in 13 reasons why and my sister n i kept asking 4 justice 4 zach dempsey and patrick threw a pillow at me for saying that what zach did was severe in hannah’s eyes

49: Where do you go when you’re sad?

i slip into bed and silently cry or if i don’t need that i cry in the shower ahhh how pathetic

50: 5 random facts about yourself:

i actually am rly good at acting and i don’t think anybody but high school and college ppl know this, i’m painfully shy, i don’t like mayo!! all of my goldfish in the past have all been named variations of “Freddy” and !!! i am rly good at stitch (from disney’s lilo and stitch) impressions