#cale's greatest enemy is himself and himself only

[sapongpiepong-blog]

‘I want to let him be a slacker but why does he keep doing things in a way that makes it difficult to be a slacker?!’

there there alberu its alright we understand you

[therandomartmaker]

Cale Henituse would burn the world for his family. He may not be strong, he may not be the greatest in the world, but the least he could do for those who gave their everything to him would be to own the world and let them tell him what to do with it.

It was a given, in his mind, in himself, that he was weak, that he was unworthy of being the object of admiration his closest confidants saw him to be.

But if they thought him so, then he would tear their enemies to pieces or kill the gods if so necessary. They were his, now, and they would stay his for as long as they wished to be his.

Cale Henituse is a father, a brother, a friend and a leader. The switch to a light of revolution.

Cale Henituse is a selfish man.

I really do like TCF, but i just can’t bring myself to read the novel, for some reason. I spoil myself by reading the fanfics but like, i’ve only read up to chapter 161 lmao-

[thestarkalypse]

I need to post this.

I wrote the following for Facebook but I don’t want it to live there so congrats, Tumblr! You are the recipient of one Cheetah hot take.

I will preface this by saying that I do not have my comic books with me, specifically the ones by George Perez that feature Cheetah’s origin story (sheltering in place 5 hours away from my comics collection). I am trying my best from memory and I beg ignorance for any holes in my arguments that could otherwise be explained by citing a specific issue or arc.

In Justice League Doom, Batman’s contingency plans for checking the power of every other super in the Justice League are revealed. (The following are not spoilers, go watch JL Doom it’s really good)

Superman, meet Kryptonite

Flash must maintain his tremendous and mighty speed lest he harm himself and those around him.

Green Lantern is tortured by a morbid alternate future he cannot tear himself away from.

Martian Manhunter’s physicality is threatened, both his treasured and necessary ability to hold human form and his actual flesh by an elemental enemy.

Batman, tricked by the League of Doom, his plans stolen from him, falls prey to a spectre from his past.

Wonder Woman fights a bunch of cat women she hallucinates. 

No, not Catwoman in plural, Wonder Woman fights a bunch of women covered in fur with sharp claws and teeth. While the other members of the JL face existential threats, Wonder Woman fights overgrown fucking cats.

And not just any cats, copies of one in particular: her archnemesis Cheetah.

I hereby posit that Cheetah is a lame supervillain archnemesis, potentially one of if not the lamest of the Justice League.

From the outset to a casual observer, Cheetah seems to have been created so that fanboys could watch a literal catfight between two well-toned heteronormative females. She has “womanly” curves, long, flowing hair and feline features in the human sense: sharp and beautiful. The shading of her fur slopes back and forth, sculpting a visually pleasing shape, and her physique is taut and muscular.

Barbara Minerva (Cheetah’s alter ego) in the comics employs a blood curse to take the form of a cheetah lady, aided by a kinda racist attendant who reveres her and serves her in all her physical forms. She is brilliant, incisive and driven, but also exploits a developing culture to help her gain her own ends, usually ending in theft and brutal murder. Minerva doesn’t give a shit about the sanctity of human life. She is personified greed; even if her quest is only for knowledge, she will use blood and force to achieve it. You could say that she loses her humanity in Cheetah, but she never really had it to begin with.

So yeah, she is a foil for Diana, who is all things moral and empathetic. But Diana deserves better. In Perez’s first major arc of the comics, she has the God of War Ares, who spars with her mentally and physically as he threatens Man’s World. In War of the Gods, she has the nefarious sorceress Circe. Wonder Woman faces the pantheon of the Greek gods, Medusa and the brilliant, rich yet bitter Veronica Cale in Greg Rucka’s run (in some way Wonder Woman’s Lex Luthor, though I do not pretend to be a major scholar of Superman). In the sublime Hiketeia, Wonder Woman squares off against Batman himself and trust that it is a MUST READ.

And yet we are told that it is an overgrown cat who is her archnemesis. Does that say something about Cheetah? About Wonder Woman? About us? About George Perez, artists and writers who followed him in comics and animation and now feature film?

So why did I begin by talking about the other supers of the Justice League? Because they get cool ass archnemeses. Not all of them are cool, obviously, but the Joker? The Gotham rogues gallery in general? Lex Luthor? Vandal Savage? Sinestro? Maxwell Lord? Big Bad Darkseid? I like to make fun of Oceanmaster but he wields incredible power and has designs of domination. Barbara Minerva is a small woman, a mortal, who may have an intellectual capacity rivaling Lex Luthor but basically does petty crime that enriches her secret, secluded life. Where is the grandiosity? Where is the imagination? Not here, not with Cheetah.

I could sit here and refute my own points with some deeper thought and contemplation but I want everyone who is only marginally interested in or familiar with Wonder Woman to know that Cheetah is not the evil answer to Wonder Woman’s goodness. She should not be elevated to or be considered as Diana’s equal. She is a Big Bad and a boss, sure, but she is not Diana’s evil OTP. I really hope the movie makes them friends so that Wonder Woman witnesses her downfall and has to HELP her, not just defeat her. That would draw out Diana’s empathy which I believe is one of her greatest assets as a super and is something that Gal Gadot was able to convey in the first film.

That’s all I have off the top of my head in about 15 minutes of writing. Fully welcoming any arguments or discussion!

[ty-talks-comics]

Best of DC: Week of July 24th, 2019

Best of this Week: Wonder Woman #75 - G. Willow Wilson, Xermanico, Jesus Merino, Vicente Cifuentes, Romulo Fajardo Jr. and Pat Brosseau

Ever since the beginning of DC Rebirth, Wonder Woman has been trying to get back home to Themyscira and on this amazing anniversary issue of her book, she’s finally home, but not in the way that she expected.

The book begins with Grail, the daughter of Darkseid, sitting on Hippolyta’s throne. She muses about how boring it was to listen to Ares stories as they were both trapped elsewhere and when he escaped and died, she was freed. The first thing she did? Take the God Killer Sword and take what she believed to be rightfully hers.

Grail has been a thorn in Wonder Woman’s side since her introduction during the Darkseid War (2017). She’s appeared regularly as an enemy of Wonder Woman with her schemes normally involving a way for her to take over Themyscira and it seems as though she’s finally gotten her with. Even more so that a few of the Amazons, including one of Wonder Woman’s most trusted friends, Nubia, is apparently among their ranks.

General Antiope and a few others welcome Wonder Woman back to a realm just outside of Themyscira known as Dimension Chi and they inform her of what has happened. Some Amazons decide to dance to welcome back their beloved princess, but Antiope does not as she worries that they aren’t yet prepared for battle, especially not Maggie, the woman who found Antiope’s sword in a lake. The two decide it’s best to train them all up before the fighting starts.

We get a wonderful training montage of Wonder Woman masterfully teaching her fellow Amazons and Maggie, but she and Antiope still worry that it all might not be enough. Wonder Woman thinks she has an ace up her sleeve as she has Atlantiades, a goddess of love and light that was previously trapped on Earth and who is also in love with Wonder Woman, fitted with armor for the battle.

Grail, having held Hippolyta prisoner, tells the queen to renounce her crown in front of her warriors, but Hippolyta is having none of that. She would rather be drowned in the sea than acquiesce to Grail’s cowardly demands and shames the Amazons that have joined her. Before she could push the Quen into the water, an arrow lands at Grails feet and Wonder Woman Amazons break through the barrier of Dimension Chi and attack Grail and her forces. 

Wonder Woman grasps Grail right by the throat as her God Killer Sword suddenly goes missing, but decides to give Darkseid’s daughter a fighting chance. Jesus Merino takes over the art for these pages and the fight itself is pretty damn fantastic. Wonder Woman and Grail look like amazing pillars of strength and beauty surrounded by the clashing swords and spears of the other Amazon Warriors. 

Merino has a knack for action scenes as his shots are absolute quality. Grail has absolute fury in her strikes with little to no finesse. Diana, of course is a very defensive and honorable fighter, a fault that Grail makes use of as she trips Diana to run away. On the other page, Antiope and Nubia engage each other in battle and their faces are drawn in warriors anger, Nubia telling Antiope that maybe not all is what it seems after Antiope chastises her for betrayal.

Maggie tries to make a break to the cave where Hippolyta has been moved to, but Grail takes a knife and makes a mad dash herself, knocking Maggie out of the fight before Wonder Woman follows suit after a distraction by the radiant Atlantiades. Wonder Woman corners Grail who reveals her best leverage - Isadore, the daughter of Wonder Woman’s arch enemy Veronica Cale who hasn’t been seen since the early days of this Wonder Woman run. Wonder Woman drops her weapons in order to see the girl unhurt, but, of course, Grail is a snake and attempts to slit her throat before an arrow catches in her hamstring. Nubia betrays Grail, saving Isadore and Hippolyta and ends this book with Grail back in chains and a hug between mother and daughter… until a new Offer is made involving the God Killer Sword and a certain feline villain.

G. Willow Wilson took the ball and ran with it when she took over Wonder Woman. Her run, so far, has been action packed, funny and heartwarming. It took her time to find footing, but this has been mostly great. I’m certain she’s going to continue, hopefully to issue #100 and I’m glad because she’s found an effective way to build upon Wonder Woman’s relationships and her mythology. Now that she’s back in Themyscira, for however long it lasts, I wonder what kind of stories Wilson will be able to tell, especially with Year of the Villain going on.

---------------------------------------------------

Flash has never been one to let anything slow him down, be it his job, relationship with Iris West or even speed sapping supervillains. He’s always moving forward and this anniversary issue cements that very idea as he recollects events from his past and figures out how to become a better hero, a better man through it. At the same time, one of his most deadly enemies moves forward towards Doom.

Runner Up: The Flash #75 - Joshua Williamson, Howard Porter, Hi-Fi, Steve Wands, Scott Kolins, Luis Guerrero and Christian Duce

Beginning with the final minutes of his intense battle with two versions of The Turtle, one from the far future and one from the modern day, at least at the time. Sneaking through the structure that Future Turtle brought to the past to enslave the citizens of Central City, Iris West screams that The Fash isn’t the only one who can fight back and destroys the control panel, freeing them. Inspired by The Flash’s efforts while he fights the two Turtles, the citizens fight back against the villains forces. Flash begins to get overpowered by the combined might of the turtles, but he digs deep and pulls out his greatest weapon: Hope. He runs faster and harder, using his brain to push through and defeats Turtle.

It’s an inspiring moment made even better with Porter’s kinetic and amazingly stylized art work. Lines are jagged, but clean, Hi-Fi’s colors are bright and vibrant to give even more energy and brightness to each panel. I love how each spark of lightning glows on Flash’s costume to give this chapter the sense of speed befitting the hero. What makes the even better is the shift downward, back to Barry just being his normal self, helping the modern day Turtle instead of just sending him back to prison as Iris looks on in love. Time passes and on presumably one of the first of many Flash days, Iris brings her nephews Wally and Wallace to meet Barry before they join the parade and this chapter ends with Wally and Barry talking about the Flash before a two page spread of The Flash and various members of the Flash Family new and old, a sign of things to come maybe?

Coming back to the modern day, Barry meets the new Avatar of the Still Force who has chosen to show Barry this vision of a time that he’s forgotten to remind him of the hope that he had lost after the events of Heroes in Crisis. Ultimately, Barry decides that he has to prepare, find new allies, work with enemies, but the first step… rebuilding the destroyed Flash Museum. He puts everything back together by himself, the building, the exhibits and all of the statues of Wallace, Impulse, The Flash of China and both statues of Wally West, the one he truly let down. Barry looks towards the future with bright eyes and nothing but hope.

On the other side of the world however, Leonard Snart is going through the motions. After having been transferred to the Suicide Squad following the murder of another inmate of Iron Heights, Snart has grown wary of seeing the people he’s worked with die. He watches as some villain named Snakebite tries to make an ultimately fruitless escape and has his head exploded. Snart reminisces of the days when he had a reliable and smart crew of people that he could trust on his side. He misses The Rogues.

He sits in his cell and simply thinks that he’s “playing it safe” just like his awful father. When he was a Rogue he made his own rules, did things on his terms, but with the Suicide Squad, he’s on someone elses dime. He absolutely hates it and when he’s called in for another missions, not five minutes after his last, he just screams for Waller or the guard in front of him to kill him. Suddenly the guards head explodes and the wall to Snart’s cell is blown open and a drone comes through.

Lex Luthor has an Offer for Snart if he’s willing to take it. Snart doesn’t even question it and only asks that the other Rogues get the same deal, then they’ll go after the Flash. I almost lost my mind here, not only because Luthor referenced Snart acting as his bodyguard in the middle of the New 52, but also their time on the Justice League and how foolish they were. Doom is the only way forward for them and Snart has become a hard man. The Rogues have always been a particular brand of non-violent, but Snart is absolutely a killer now and who’s to say how time has changed the rest of the gang?

Doom Awaits.

[peculiarphantomphoenix]

285

Huten could see Rosalyn’s smiling lips parting to speak. Her voice that was infused with mana rang out.

“Prepare to attack.”

Huten’s expression hardened.

At the same time, the sound of a group of people swiftly climbing up the stone steps of the castle wall could be heard.

Clack. Clack. Clack.

Their attires symbolized that they were mages.

Robes of all colors started to appear on top of Maple Castle’s walls. Furthermore, these robed mages were channeling their mana as if they were ready to fight at any moment.

None of them has the same outfit or even mana on the same wavelength.

Everyone was prepared to channel all of their individual abilities they stood on top of the castle walls.

Their numbers were small.

However, the few soldiers who remained to defend the castle looked at the mages and suppressed their complicated emotions.

The soldiers of the non-mage faction that rose up to destroy the Magic Tower and kill all the mages didn’t know how to respond to the native Whipper Kingdom mages that came to help them.

The same went for the mages that came to help toward the soldiers.

Although the mages that belonged to the Magic Tower had committed terrible deeds, the fear induced by the crazed group who killed them was still lingering on these mages’ minds.

It was at that moment.

“Everyone, pull yourself together!”

The chiefs in charge of the military operations began to travel back and forth across the castle wall. They were the ones who received orders from Chief Harol and Cale.

The soldiers could hear their voices.

“The Empire holds above-average magic skills. There are many of them as well.”

The soldiers subconsciously turned toward the mages after hearing those statements. The chiefs around the wall all said the same thing as the soldiers looked toward the native Whipper Kingdom mages.

“However, the Whipper Kingdom’s mages are here.”

Those words were enough.

The kingdom with the greatest magical combat abilities on the Western continent.

Although the Roan Kingdom may have that title now, it belonged to the Whipper Kingdom in the past. The Whipper Kingdom had powerful mages who were known to be unrivaled on the entire Western continent.

The ones who knew that the best were neither the Empire nor the other kingdoms.

“We know their strength better than anyone else.”

The Whipper Kingdom’s soldiers who were the only ones to have fought against those mages knew that best.

The chiefs started to shout.

“Everyone, focus and stay in formation!”

The soldiers immediately turned their attention back to the battlefield. Duke Huten glared at Rosalyn, who was leading the mages.

“Are you planning to do something that you can’t take back?”

Duke Huten spoke to Rosalyn as red mana began to be melded by her hands. She then started to speak.

“What kind of idiot kindly explains themselves to the enemy?”

Rosalyn, who had the proud face of royalty despite abandoning the crown, shouted toward Duke Huten. At the same time, a voice started to speak in her mind.

– Rosalyn! The human says to start!

“Begin!”

Oooong-

Highest-grade magic stones started to cause ripples in the air as they floated up from the Maple Castle walls.

The mages that had come from the Roan Kingdom had followed military orders impeccably during the war up until now.

However, Commander Cale had said something different to the mages who had come here for their, ‘break.’

‘Don’t you think it would be nice to run wild and free at least once? After observing Toonka, I think the people of the Whipper Kingdom are strongest when they are free.’

“That’s right.”

One mage mumbled to himself as he recalled that conversation.

‘Our Commander Cale is right.’

Everyone here were loners.

Whether it was because they hated what the Magic Tower was doing or because they were in agony, all of them had fled from the Magic Tower and lived away in seclusion with those who didn’t belong to the mage faction.

Nevertheless, the mages couldn’t let go of magic and had to conduct their research while living in poverty or in solitude.

Those mages had gathered in the Roan Kingdom and coordinated with each other in preparation for war.

Although they became strong as a group after abandoning their lifelong loner lifestyles and coordinating with each other for two years, they weren’t able to use their individual powers to their heart’s content even a single time since the start of the war.

However, they could do that now.

Oooong-

The trains of the mages’ robes fluttered in the wind.

They raised their hands. Their specialty, offensive magic spells, soon left their hands.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

The sound of consecutive explosions could be heard.

“Shield!”

The Empire’s mages cast shields and blocked the magic attacks. The Empire versus the Whipper Kingdom. It was a fight between several hundred on one side and less than a hundred on the other.

However, the soldiers could see it.

“Again!”

They could see the looks in the eyes of the native Whipper mages as they pulled up their sleeves and prepared their next spells at Rosalyn’s order.

There was no fear in their eyes, even when they were against the hundreds of enemy mages.

That was something they held in common with the Whipper Kingdom’s warriors. The mages seemed excited as the spells they had trained in solitude shot up into the air again.

[themyskira]

THAT Wonder Woman script, part 2 of oh shit it got worse

Previously on Wonder Woman, we met our hero -- brave, selfless, moral, willing to go to bat for perfect strangers without a thought for personal safety, but uneasy with emotional vulnerability, preferring to rebuff intimacy with snark and condescension.

I’m talking, of course, about Steve Trevor. Wait, who did you think the hero of this movie was?

Anyway, Steve crashed in plane on an island of Nasty Women, proved his moral superiority and won a convert in the form of a luminous-elemental-natural-curvaceous-waterfall-girl, who beat up her mother to save his life, then decided to follow him home. Just because.

Now Steve and The Girl are flying into a war zone, where Steve is overdue to deliver much-needed supplies to sick, starving refugees.

Alright, so they reach their destination, and there’s trouble on the ground. The runway is crawling with soldiers, and Steve’s crew — Ben Mzamane, Dr Moira “Sully” Sullivan and Griffin Thiele — are looking distinctly worried.

Steve admonishes Diana to keep herself hidden and not cause any trouble, before exiting the plane to greet the soldiers’ leader, a “petty warlord” called Goshnak. He’s the one they had to bribe to get supplies in for the refugees, and he’s demanding extra compensation on account of Steve’s delayed arrival.

BEN We are grateful for everything you have done—

GOSHNAK And what is your gratitude? A few paltry bribes!?

STEVE They’re not paltry. These are quality bribes—

Things are getting dire. They’re surrounded by men with guns and Goshnak is threatening to take the whole damn plane. Then Diana emerges from the plane and suddenly everyone is staring.

SULLY My god. That is a quality bribe.

Hahaha!! What hilarity! I don’t know why more writers don’t exploit the rich comedic vein that is human sex trafficking!!

There’s some mystical nonsense where the camera closes tight on Diana’s foot as it touches the ground and sends a wind whistling through the trees, across the mountains, over the sea and into a darkened room where an ominous figure raises its head.  Nobody on the airstrip notices, mostly because Goshnak is still threatening to shoot everybody and Diana is Not Helping.

GOSHNAK All the goods on that plane are mine.

DIANA No they’re not.

GOSHNAK Do you dare to question my authority?

DIANA Authority that cannot be questioned should look for a different name.

wow great very helpful Diana, lecturing the man with the gun on semantics.

GOSHNAK You bring this whore to insult me?

DIANA What did you say?

STEVE Diana, shut up.

Okay, on the one hand, in the context of this scene Diana is making a bad situation worse and, as she’s being written, this character kind of needs to be told to shut up. On the other hand, I don’t need to see Steve Trevor telling Wonder Woman to shut up, especially right after another man has called her a whore.

And speaking of stupid out-of-character behaviour—

DIANA (moving toward Goshnak) If you want to challenge me, then be man enough to—

I cannot think of a character less likely to use the expression “man enough” than fucking Wonder Woman.

Anyway, that’s the point where Goshnak shoots her in the chest.

She puts a hand to her chest, confused. Blood runs over her hand. […] Diana is on her hands and knees, an unlovely gurgle in her breath. She pushes hard on the (unseen) wound. A few moments, and she wrenches her hand from her chest, rearing back onto her knees.

In her bloody hand, she holds a bullet.

She stares at it, standing shakily up. Goshnak backs off a step, freaked. She holds the bullet up to him, furious confusion in her eyes. She looks at Steve…

DIANA Are you people insane?

And then she faints.

Such heroics.

We cut to Gateway City, where the Spearhead Technologies building dominates the skyline, resembling the head of a spear. Track down through the more run-down neighbourhoods, down into an empty subway station and deep into the old sewerage tunnels beneath the city.

An older homeless man leads a younger female reporter through the tunnels. Their destination:

…a half graffiti/half American-primitive MURAL, depicting a figure in armour on a horse stabbing a giant dragon. Behind them, towers crumble and burn. It’s eerie and awkward, and very beautiful.

It also apparently means something to reporter-lady, but we don’t get to find out what, because that’s when Strife appears.

GINNY (continuing) My God…

The white, deformed face with the bright red teeth and the carved metal skull-cap appears right next to hers, grinning horrifically.

STRIFE No. Not yours.

And then he kills them both. Yes, “he”. For some reason Whedon has decided to make Eris/Strife — a goddess in Greek mythology — into a dude.

Back Our Hero, waiting outside a tent at base camp. Sully is inside tending to Diana. His mate Griffin is particularly concerned for Diana.

GRIFFIN […] I can’t believe Goshnak. Who the hell shoots an unarmed, tasty looking girl?

Okay, so really he’s more concerned for Diana’s rack.

Sully steps out, clearly unhappy, and announces there’s nothing more she can do. This sounds ominous until Diana strides out afterwards, completely healed; turns out Sully didn’t need to do anything.

Diana heads urgently for the plane and Steve hurries after her. He’s stunned that she’s up and about with barely a scar after only six hours; Diana is aghast that it took so long.

STEVE […] You’re healed.

DIANA Yes, after hours. It’s degrading… to be felled by a tiny piece of metal. (quietly) I didn’t know something could hurt that much.

STEVE (not unkindly) Welcome to the world.

THIS WORLD IS SO FUCKED, MAN, I HAD TO WAIT SIX WHOLE HOURS FOR MY NEAR-FATAL GUNSHOT WOUND TO BE MIRACULOUSLY HEALED. SO DEGRADING, I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO OFFENDED IN MY LIFE.

Diana picks up the pace. Goshnak’s men took the supplies to their camp in the hills, and she intends to get them back. There’s a guard at the plane; she knocks him flat without breaking a sweat. As she changes into her armour, Steve lectures her again. He’s a dick about it, but he does have a point: none of Diana’s behaviour has been helpful so far, and now she’s planning on walking into a warlord’s camp and starting a firefight.

Not killing, though. She is prepared to kill a warrior on a battlefield, she says, but nobody who “hides behind” a gun can be called a warrior. Which— look, I’m as pro-gun-control as they come, but that is a bizarrely political statement to put in the mouth of a character who barely even understands what firearms are, let alone the currents of debate going on in America and around the world. Sure, she’s just experienced being shot, and the intense pain of it shocked her, but I’m pretty sure getting disembowelled with a sword is super painful as well.

Basically, Diana’s deep and immediate disgust at guns specifically reads like Whedon trying to shoehorn his own politics into the script, and it does not work.

To Diana’s credit, she proves slightly more competent at dealing with Goshnak’s men. She picks off the sentries in the dark, takes the sleeping soldiers by surprise, and this time when Goshnak shoots, she’s ready to deflect the bullets with her bracelets.

She could use some work on her patter, though.

…she grabs his throat.

DIANA Stop. Shooting. Me.

The gun hits the ground and Diana brings her heel down on it with enough force to break it.

DIANA (continuing) This land is not safe for you. The people here are under my protection and if you even approach them, your death will be appalling. Remember that, when you awake.

She headbutts him, her tiara ringing off his forehead like a blunted bell.

“your death will be appalling”? really?

She changed her mind quick on the whole non-killing thing.

Later, in the refugee camp, the food has been distributed and the doc is tending to the sick. Diana watches as a young boy eats hungrily from a can, only for a man — maybe his father — see him and snatched the food for himself.

STEVE (appearing) Yeah, starvation doesn’t seem to make people nicer. It’s weird.

URGH GO AWAY STEVEN YOU ABSOLUTE TOSSER.

DIANA How could the gods allow this?

STEVE Your gods are dead, Diana. World hasn’t been theirs for a long while.

HAHA, BOOM! Take that, Diana! Shame on you for trying to come to grips with a world you’ve known for all of twelve hours!

Steve walks off, and Ben approaches to reassure Diana that Our Hero is just super prickly because of his Tragic Backstory. See, he used to be in the Air Force, flying combat missions, and once got downed behind enemy lines. He left the military with “a health distrust of anyone with too much power” and “[d]ecided to drop something more productive than bombs” — that’s why he set up this operation with Sully.

Diana asks whether Steve and Sully are “mates” because let us remember that the Amazons are a DEEPLY AND EXCLUSIVELY HETEROSEXUAL CULTURE and naturally it would never enter her mind that Steve might be in a relationship with Ben or Griffin, or for that matter more than one person. Anyway. AWKWARDNESS ENSUES.

BEN Mates?

DIANA Do they… mate? Or…

BEN (smiles) Sully would never put up with him. I don’t believe Steve’s seeing anyone right now.

DIANA (awkward) Oh. That’s of no import. To me. I don’t care about that.

URGH STOP.

Ben asks Diana what she intends to do next, and she says “to help”. Because as we’ve seen she has zero plans outside of taking a gap year in Man’s World so she can ‘find herself’. “I need to know more,” she elaborates unhelpfully. “I need to see… everything.” Apparently unfazed, Ben invites her to “stick with us”. Next stop, Gateway City.

What is Gateway, Diana asks?

We’re answered by a voiceover as we cut back to the Spearhead building.

CALLAS (V.O.) The greatest city in the world. The symbol of American ingenuity, prosperity, and cultural diversity. […] Literally, our gateway to the world.

The speaker is Spearhead’s CEO, Arabella Callas, who appears to be a low-budget Veronica Cale. She is, Joss tells us, “[v]ery blonde, very patrician, unflappable and icy smooth. As lovely as she is untouchable.”

She’s talking to a seemingly mundane meeting of executives and city councilmen, about zoning issues. We learn that Spearhead deals in military technology and is one of the city’s biggest investors. The councillors are keen to accommodate them.

Of course, the moment everyone leaves, Callas flips from zero to cartoon fucking villain. She touches a painting behind her desk, which glows briefly. A tapestry lifts to reveal a giant steel door, which slides open. And with that, Callas strolls on into her evil lair.

INT. SPEARHEAD WAR ROOM - CONTINUING

A cross between a Wall Street trading bullpen and Houston Ground Control, this is where Spearhead monitors the world. There are screens with maps and satellite feeds, dozens of employees with headsets tracking troop movements, high-level government communications, even weather patterns. These employees don’t wear suits. They wear black.

From Callas’ interactions with the operatives, we basically learn that Spearhead are secretly puppetmasters of chaos; no exaggeration. Talks between two warring nations have broken down thanks to an interpreter on Spearhead’s payroll; Callas instructs an employee to “keep our reps on point; I don’t want a bullet fired that wasn’t bought from us”. There’s a hurricane off the Carolina coast, and Spearhead is preparing to seed mass panic in the media. Some dictator wants to get his hands on Spearhead’s new bombers before the Pentagon — Callas is willing to deal for “12 per cent”. A 12 per cent mark-up, the employee asks? No, says Callas: 12 per cent of his county.

Basically, Callas and Spearhead are a caricature of corporate villainy and Joss could not be less subtle if he tried. But wait! There’s more!

Callas announces that she’s going to pray and exits into a dark room lit by torches and dominated by a statue of Ares.

I know, guys. I’m shocked, too. Who would’ve ever thought that Spearhead Enterprises, a weapons manufacturing company that secretly stokes war from inside a building shaped like a spear, would actually be a front for a cult of the god of war?! This is entirely unexpected. I mean, gosh, next you’ll be telling me that Gateway City is sitting on top of a gateway to something ominous and supernatural! Crazy stuff!!

As Callas prays, Strife materialises and tells her he’s gotten rid of the reporter. Callas presses; was he discreet about it?

CALLAS […] The eyes of the world cannot be on Gateway. Not right now. The world is won—

STRIFE (along with her) —won in silence. I know. There was a time when the God of War made war.

CALLAS You want war, you need armies. You need an acceptable level of poverty and ignorance. (looking up at the statue) Despair, rage, religious fervour and above all fear.

Honestly, Marston wrote villains that were more nuanced than this. Whedon literally named her Callous, ffs.

They talk about some reports of a woman taking out a rebel brigade in Africa singlehandedly, then they discuss a planned test of “the Khimaera” as they step into a large silo. The technology inside has a distinctly magical edge. What’s the Khimaera, you ask?

CALLAS The Age of Monsters is over.

STRIFE Is it. Is it really.

As he says it the camera pulls back to reveal the head of the Khimaera — we see little more than a metal shape, the top of which resembles a cross between a lion’s head and a massive rock-drill. Clearly filling the entire silo, the thing writhes and spews fire. Maintenance machines arm out from the wall or crawl over it, insectlike.

groan.

Back to Our Hero and The Girl, who have arrived in the city. Diana is eager to see everything at once; Steve isn’t so sure it’s a good idea to let her go wandering on her own. “I’ll be fine,” she says. “No, I’m kind of afraid for the city,” he deadpans.

Diana enters the throng of the city — “looking at everything and everyone intently, more sociologist than sightseer”. We pan through various sights — extreme wealth and extreme poverty, toy stores and strip clubs. Someone shoves a “LIVE NUDE GIRLS” flyer into her hands; appalled, she looks around to give it back. Which makes sense, because obviously living all her life on an island of Extremely Heterosexual Women, Diana is going to be extremely prudish about the female body.

Then,

—a hooker in an outfit skimpier than Diana’s who stares at Diana, asking:

HOOKER Who are you supposed to be?

Hahaha!! It’s funny because the sex worker thought Diana, also, was a sex worker, which as we all know is a Gross and Shameful thing to be! Oh, the comedy!

Diana steps into the street, forcing a guy in a convertible to swerve around her. He calls her a bitch, she stops the car dead with her bare hands and asks him to repeat that, but then the confrontation is cut short by a cry from across the street. A fourteen-year-old boy is being shaken down by a drug dealer.

Diana whips the dealer with her lasso; he pulls out his gun and starts firing. She deflects the bullets easily, knocks away the gun and lectures him about how she doesn’t like firearms. Then she whips the lasso around his neck and demands to know what he’s doing.

THE DEALER I’m just standing here minding my own crack dealing! (he stops, shaken) No, no, I sell crack! And guns. I also run whores sometimes— or, no! I mean… (deflated) That’s what I mean.

Diana ascertains that the major drug kingpin in the city is a dude called Kleen. We will be spending a stupid amount of time following up on him later, despite his having no relevance to the broader plot.

However, as they speak, Diana realises that dozens of rats are scurrying up from the basement grating of the old building behind them. They’re afraid of something.

Cut to the Spearhead war room, where the Khimaera test — whatever that is — is underway. An employee tells Callas that they have structural engineers ready to feed the media some story about a seismic tremor and a building not built to code. But there’s a problem — the cameras are showing somebody unexpected on the test site.

Because gosh darn it, wouldn’t you just know, first day in the city and Wonder Woman has managed to blunder onto the very site on which Evil Incorporated is testing their doomsday device!

Back to Diana, who’s now urgently shoving people out of the building, racing up the stairs to usher people out of the upper floors as the walls begin to lurch and buckle. She’s barely managed to get everyone out when Strife jumps her. They fight, Diana just holding her own, and Strife warns her to stay out of the city as he teleports away, leaving the building to collapse on her.

Later, in Steve’s bedroom, Diana lies face-down and topless on the bed as Steve cleans her wounds. She explains that Strife the the cruellest god and the servant of his uncle, Ares, because Joss isn’t even trying. FYI, Eris — the Greek personification of strife — is Ares’ brother (and/or first-cousin-twice-removed, Greek divine family trees are complicated) and she works for her own dang self.

Steve immediately leaps to the conclusion that Strife’s appearance is Diana’s fault, because Steve is a dick.

DIANA Do you think it’s all coincidence? Truly? The signs are all around us. You don’t think I’m here for a reason?

STEVE I think you’re dangerous. I think you mean well but you’re looking for trouble and you’re wildly adept at finding it. I think you’ve got delusions of grandeur and some actual grandeur, which is confusing. I don’t like confusing. I hate the fact that I’m so attracted to you, just touching you is overwhelming and I keep hoping you’ll turn around so I can see more of you naked.

He stops, even more confused than she is. His jaw sets and he reaches down, pulls the lasso out from under his butt. She tries not to show her smile.

you are the worst joss.

Diana talks a bit about how despite the violence and inequality and selfishness she’s seen, she believes the people of this world have the capacity for good — they just need to be reminded to look up. Steve makes a guess — that’s her mission, right? Diana corrects him: “Our mission.” This… is actually sounding almost like Diana for once. She doesn’t just want to beat the big bads, she wants to inspire, empower and work together with those around her to build a better world.

Naturally, Steve has to spoil it by being a wanker again.

STEVE […] What if you lose?

DIANA As long as there’s life in me, I don’t quit.

STEVE Nyeah, but I didn’t say ‘quit’. I said ‘lose’. Any idiot can win. Doesn’t mean jack till you’ve done the other thing.

Aaaaaand we’re back to the old “you can’t be a hero because you haven’t suffered enough”.

A series of short scenes follows; Diana interrupting drug shipments, taking down thugs, rescuing women from human traffickers, saving people from collapsing buildings and so on. We see that Steve and his people are working with her to give medical treatment to victims and map out Kleen’s criminal empire.

Joss still has time for some casual dickishness, though.

GIRL Lady? (points up) My cat is stuck in that tree.

Diana looks up, sees the cat on a branch, looks back at the girl with dismissive incomprehension.

DIANA Climb it.

but waitwaitwait. You know what we haven’t had in a good couple of scenes? Some good ol’-fashioned slut-shaming!

NEWSCASTER [female] Reports have come in from all over the city. Descriptions vary, but all describe her as female, impossibly strong and scantily clad. […]

NEWSCASTER #2 [male] So, what do you think? Publicity stunt?

NEWSCASTER (sourly) Probably. The last time I checked, heroes didn’t run around in bustiers.

Strife and Callas complain about how the meddling kids are spoiling their evil plans. Callas has a solution in mind, though — the one thing that “for an Amazon, is worse than death”.

OH GOOD WE’RE ALMOST AT THE DEPOWERING, DEGRADATION AND LIVE BURIAL PART OF THE SCRIPT THIS CAN’T POSSIBLY GO POORLY