#bruh I hate living in hyrule

[gaylactic-fire]

We need those "Bruh I hate living in Detroit" memes but for the citizens of Hyrule cos like. They are probably feeling that mood.

[thenukacolachallenge]

some spoiler-y thoughts about tears of the kingdom thus far:

-FUCK GLOOM HANDS. i hate that everyone at nintendo saw our fear of spooky grabby hands and said “fuck yeah lets keep doing this forever”. i’m tired of being groped by very old men goddamnit! and then some of them turn into Phantom Ganon???? holy shit, that is a difficult fight. 80% of my deaths in the game so far have been at the hands(no pun intended) of these fuckers.

-ZELDA TURNED HERSELF INTO A FUCKING DRAGON AND I SOBBED LIKE A BABY. bruh i was not ready. SHE SACRIFICED HERSELF and her personality! but like, i havent finished all the main quests even though i got all the dragon tears/memory things so like, if Zelda IS a dragon, then who the fuck is showing up all around hyrule looking like her? is Mr. Dorf doing an evil magic to look like her like in that one memory? that can’t possibly be the case for all of the Zelda sightings. i’m so confused but so fucking intrigued.

-seriously though, watching Zelda sacrifice herself in order to save Hyrule and support Link is so upsetting. this girl was 16 the day the Calamity hit, and she hasn’t known a moment’s peace since then. give a bitch a break! but hey, at least she’s doing stuff in this one, whereas in most Zelda games, she’s just.... kidnapped.

-SIDON’S ENGAGEMENT STORY IS BULLSHIT. there is ZERO evidence of any other kingdoms existing for Zora outside of the Domain in Lanayru that King Dorephan rules over, it’s JUST to piss off people who ship Sidon with Link and that’s incredibly homophobic and annoying(especially since i had to fucking rewrite an entire part of my OC’s story due to it). and like, i feel bad, bc Yona seems like a lovely character, but she’s going to be HATED in the fanbase bc of the bad writing.

-speaking of questionable writing, there’s still so much i’m very fucking confused about. TotK obviously takes place several years after BotW, but they don’t specify how many and it creates a lot of confusion. why have some characters obviously aged up but some are still basically the same age? like, Hudson and Rhondson have a child who’s old enough to be sent back to Gerudo town, but Finley never hit her growth spurt(even though she clearly stated last game she was old enough to have supposed to hit it by botw)? what the fuck is that about?

-also, WHERE THE FUCK DID THE DIVINE BEASTS GO????? you can’t re-bury four fucking giant robot constructs in the span of maybe a decade, especially with Ganondorf reviving and creating a massive earthquake that unearths a fuckton of other shit. like, not having the Sheikah Slate i get(which is why the Purah Pad exists), and all the shrines and towers probably went back underground, but that part makes no goddamn sense and i don’t like it.

-i’m kinda sad Teba wasn’t the Sage of Wind and instead it was his son, Tulin. he really only got to shine in Age of Calamity, and most Zelda fans didn’t even play it bc it’s non-canon. the disrespect on my poor mans.

-i do love that so many of the towns are under new leadership now. it really feels like the world is evolving in that aspect. Teba and Paya being in charge of their respective towns is lovely to me.

-i love the idea that Link gave Zelda the house he dumped literally thousands of rupees into in Hateno, but like. where did he live? did they sleep together in the same bed? it’s implied Link no longer has a house bc you can make your “dream home” in Tarrey Town or w/e but like, ????? what’s that all about? Zelda just kicked Link’s ass out and made a secret room in the home HE invested in lmao, typical royal colonizer behavior(joking)

-i love that Grante, Robbie and Jerrin’s son, changed his name to Granteson so he could work for Bolson Construction. that’s genuinely adorable. he was already one of my fav tertiary characters just bc he’s Robbie’s son but this makes me like him even more. i also love that Jerrin is involved with stuff at the Lookout Landing! let Robbie’s wifey take care of stuff. even if it’s just cleaning. give her something to do besides glower at a machine her husband built lol.

-Kohga being still alive is hysterical, and the Yiga clan evolving to live partially underground is a lovely touch. them taking over old abandoned areas in the game is great as well. i also love that they flat-out do the “leave Mighty Bananas on the ground as bait to lure in unsuspecting victims” bit bc that’s EXACTLY how i imagined my OC fought them in BotW. i totally headcanon they stole that idea from her.

-tbh i’m kind of enjoying exploring the depths more than i am the sky islands. maybe it’s the fear of heights, or maybe it’s just that i really like that it wasn’t advertised at all. i thought it was just gonna be land and sky, but no! we’re going underground too babey~

-i love the addition of caves, wells, and other underground spaces. it makes a lot of sense for a game like this to have these things, and it makes me kinda sad they weren’t really a thing in the last one.

-the fusing thing is just okay. they didn’t really fix the issue people had with durability in the last game, so that’s annoying, but it is fun to make new weapons out of things at least.

-overall i really like the game so far. even though it’s a world most people have explored through already, there’s enough change and new content to make it fresh and engaging, and even though there’s another crisis, it’s heartwarming to see how people are finally being able to rebuild after the century-long crisis that was the Calamity. i’ve beaten one boss character so far(the Rito one) and i’m looking very forward to the rest!

[thegeminisage]

more zeldablogging! hello, future me, i hope you’re enjoying these

today: lake hyrule!

the tower is next to not-eldin bridge so maybe i should approach from there and not faron tower

but i can see farosh's bridge from here and it's juuust the right time

maybe i'll just got wait a few moments and see if he appears

AAAH THERE HE IS!!!!

and another scale :3

i wish i could get horn shards tho :/

lol i get super sad whenever i go back to the plateau even just to glide off the tower ): old man ))):

i used to think it was so tall! and now it looks so normal bc i've seen so much taller.

did NOT miss the rain while i was at death mountain

lol i can't believe these two puny lizalfos once prevented me from crossing this bridge bc it was too difficult of a fight

and FINALLY i'm across for real

and map obtained

i feel like lake hylia is about the same size here as in tp, but in tp it feels much bigger than it does here bc this world is already so huge and dwarfs even the massive divine beasts

god i can't BELIEVE i am always so low on arrows. frankly: an outrage

lol instead of going to the lake im getting the shrines i have seen from other provinces first

whoa these colums are cool

this zone is called faron woods? not even in faron province, hahaha

ooh there's a lady here talking about the horse revival fountain! i did see something about a lord horse lake or something on the map, so i guess that's it

ugh why is it ALWAYS raining

i'll admit i'm in the stage where like, i'm okay with not walking BY every tree, just maybe seeing them all, maybe even seeing them from a distant ledge or my glider

which isn't to say the world has lost its charm or im tired of exploring, exploring and crafting is basically all you do in skyrim and it pretty much never gets old, but i'm more anxious now to uncover the plot than i was before, which speaks to the game's storytelling skills, yet still feel the compulsive need to explore Everything before moving on lol

i don't typically do a lot of post-game play so i know after i kill the final boss that'll be that

ah here's the shrine maybe the rain will have stopped by the time i get out

NOOO a combat trial......!

but it says minor test of strength so that should be okay :|

ahaha got it in half a dozen hits

unfortunately i have so many great weapons i can't hold the ones i get from this thing or the one in the chest :| i need my shit to break!! i guess i need.....to fight more. ugrh.

god i have like 12 orbs now i should go trade them in lol

i keep forgetting!!

@self pls remember

jesus. it's still raining.

me: i need to fight more!

me: sees two lizalfos, groans

if i had arrows i would just take them out from afar

that's my instinct in skyrim, you know? i'm a sniper at heart, combat isn't my thing

but i have no arrows and too many weapons so i guess i gotta change it up

lol and learn to block my shields NEVER break bc i don't use them bc i don't really know how

that and i'm always fucking carrying two-handed weapons :| i want more one-handers

MAN i one-shotted both of them when it took three hits before with the same weapon...! this atk+ helmet does not fuck around im never taking it off again

the ruins in these woods are making me feel Some Kind Of Way

i hope the lost woods are in this game

i mean, they gotta be, if the master sword is sleeping somewhere in a forest

i hope it's cool when you get the sword. that's all i care about

i'm lying i hope ganon the man is in this game too but

im trying to keep my expectations reasonable

I HEAR KASS! where are you buddy i can't see you

ooh this shrine puzzle is about a forest dragon....FAROSH, MY BUDDY

lol yesterday my brother texted me like where the fuck are you getting all these hearty radishes? me: faron my dude

faron and apparently lake hylia too are absolutely thick with them

oh my god there's a lizalfos camp here and they saw me coming from MILES away how even

naturally they've ALL got shock arrows in this very marshy watery area

good thing i can one-shot them.

oooh there's a glowing goddess statue here

ah this is where i offer a farosh scale, like i offered one for naydra and need to offer one of dinaal

weeeeellll i do have 3-4 of them now so i guess so!

i'd hate to miss a shrine and have to come back

holy SHIT there's a thunderspear in here! fair trade my dude! glad i broke one of my swords at the lizalfos camp lol

ah and now this goddess statue will let me trade orbs!! YES

i got 1 heart and 2 things of stamina which means i have 2 full wheels. i can do ANYTHING

i just swam climbed ran and glided with the same burst without putting on special gear it was GREAT

YES i found the horse lake and there's a great fairy here!!!! fuck yeah!!!!!!!

HOLY FUCK THATS IS ONE CREEPY LOOKING FAIRY

awww it plays epona's song

ah and i found a stable nearby!! good

there's an obstacle course here that i can do w/ my horse for gear, which i Want, but i SUCK at it, so

omg i made friends with a dog ;w; it follows me around

i tried to feed it meat but no dice

the start screen said something cool about befriending them...i wish i remembered what exactly!

ooh there's a quest here to catch the Giant horse...im gonna try it

im riding jemma now as well :3 these places have easy access for horses and i'm not as compulsive in my investigation of Every Single Thing so thats nice

nooooo there's a lynel in the way ;_;

even IF i snuck past it to GET the horse to REGISTER it i never could

i have to fight it. i have no choice

gotta get jemma out of harm's way first

im so nervous )))):

but i put on my soldier's gear and atk helm and drank a defense elixir and gave myself extra hearts so!!!!! hopefully!!!! it'll be ok!!!!!!!

i did it!!! it actually wasn't even too bad with the elixir and the armor

this is gonna be a long boring walk...highkey tempted to go get jemma but im afraid she would get hurt. and like. i know, i can revive her. but god.

THERE IS

ANOTHER LYNEL LOL

JESUS CHRIST

god i bet this WHOLE LANE is full of them

good thing i didn't bring jemma

beat him!! Not Even That Bad

omg I FOUND THE GIANT HORSE

and it looks just like ganondorf's, which my brother spoiled for me hahaha

IM GONNA CATCH HIM

ohhh my god im so nervous. him Big

i know it takes at least two full wheels to soothe him, which i have, but i brought potions too, like i just happened to cook some up last time

GOD I DID IT but okay jfc this is only the beginning i still gotta get him aaaaall the way back to the stable ;_;

and you have to do it at the slowest speed or he'll buck you i think

oh my god oh my god

we did manage a light trot a few times but i don't wanan risk it too much

i soothe it every time it does what i ask haha and it's given me the hearts many times!! so that's a good sign

so far so good abt halfway there

OH MY GOD A FUCKING THUNDER KEESE KNOCKED ME OFF

and shocked him!! poor baby

fucking HELL he ran away

i caught up to him and thank god he let me get right back on

maybe i'll get off and feed him some apples tbh

thank god i cleared out so many of these enemies beforehand tbh

tho i noticed lol the coyotes ran away from it maybe more things do!!

oh my god so i’ve been seeing bigass skeletons on the ground but they don’t move and i thought it was decoration or w/e, rightbut i rode past one on the way to catch the horse, and rode past it AGAIN on the way back, and IT’S A FUCKING HINOX SKELETON UP WALKING AROUND fuck no i’m glad we’re up on a cluff and it can’t see useven the live ones just sleep all the time my dude what the fuck?

HAHAHA I MADE IT

we took the last third of the way at a light trot so we're making progress!

uh holy shit apparently im already at max bond?? god Damn

oooh my gosh what do i NAME him

ganondorf's horse doesn't have a canonical name...

king of something?? idk if i even have room

thief by itself seems a little underwhelming...

ooh maybe phantom? for phantom ganon

midnight is too common, something with flames or fire could be cool for the mane but

i think phantom is what we'll go with

oh my god i'm trying the obstacle course with phantom and i LOVE this horse he turns SO well

AND once he gets to top speed, which admittedly isn't fast, he can stay there forever bc unlimited stamina!!

i still can't do the obstacle course lol the horse just straight up goes around the things most of the time and i looked up like, tips online, and apparently it's really fucking buggy, so, no. i got better things to do

LMAO so im going up to lake hylia finally and i have already run over so many birds this guy can trample anything hes a Big strong Boy i love him

oh hey there's a zora out here at this island!

ohhhh my gosh dude farosh is here at the lake too !! man he is. so cool

he? she? i saw someone online refer to them as shes

theyre named after goddeses but dragons were always boys in this series

i like girls better tho so

she doesn't stay very long here

like, she leaves very quickly as opposed to down in faron where i've seen her circle many times

oh god im at the ruined village again where i saw my first blood moon... #cursed

at least it's daytime now

OMG A FIRE WIZZROBE IM GONNA GET ME A FIRE ROD YES

omg a super fire rod. a meteor rod. #nice

lol wizzrobes are easy to fight you just use the proper elemental arrow and don't let them see you. if they DO see you you die tho

now that im not pissing myself in sheer terror these ruins make me Sad jesus christ im so sad for all of hyrule

BRUH there's a stone talus here!!!!

ugh i wanted to mark the miniboss spot but im OUT OF STAMPS

guess i can't mark cooking pots after all but with the interactive map + my sheikah sensor if i ever TRULY need to find one that should be ok i guess :/

/unmarks them all, SADLY!

killed the talus without even using any special food, haha - don’t have to be afraid of them anymore! becoming less afraid of red lynels, can’t wait for the day when i’m not afraid of guardians

there's a korok seed puzzle here where you have to roll a boulder UP a hill are yu fucking kidding me

ooh maybe i could have used stasis from up there...lmao fuck

maybe i can use it from down here

i hate using stasis tho like it fucks up your weapons and i know i said i need to break some but that's just WASTEFUL

wow and it didn't do anything from down here anyway. ok i'll just come back to this :/

hey and that's all of lake hylia explored :')

tomorrow: gerudo desert!!!! me: HYPE!!!!!!!

well actually my brother's visiting so tomorrow: amiibo, but. yeah.