#anyway.. i havent been able to be productive all day so !! time to start i have a really hectic week and its only getting worse (╯▽�� ) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cdroloisms · 3 years ago

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uhhhh ,, , hi ??

i feel bad bc i havent been here in. LITERALLY forever lmao - hope you guys r all doing good!! ive been working on some stuff but it’s been pretty slow going, and school is also A Thing, so i definitely havent been writing as much as i’d like.

as an apology, have this? really self-indulgent feel-good syndicate + c!dream centric oneshot bc i felt like writing this so u know. why not.

tws: implied torture, abuse, self-harm, disordered eating, starvation mentions, prison arc themes - overall everything’s just blink-and-you’ll-miss-it mentions, not too much angst here for once! c!sam and c!quackity critical, sorry guys but we r still in the prison arc and they still r on their “fuck human rights” arcs.

Dream leaves.

It’s a surprise - or maybe it isn’t one, Niki isn’t quite sure. She’d never grown to quite trust the man, she knows, and she can’t really tell if the bitter twist of emotion that swells up her chest when Phil comes to her city with the news is betrayal or resignation - what can she say. She’s gotten more than her fair share of broken promises. They don’t exactly faze her anymore.

None of them seem all that surprised, save Techno, who entirely fails to hide the worry that flickers over his face when he calls the Syndicate meeting to officially inform them of what’s going on. She shares quick, careful glances with the other members when his back is turned - despite how many times he’s been burned, Techno still seems so adamant at holding onto every thread, trusting all too easily those who would use and leave him behind without a second glance. He can handle himself, she knows. Still, that’s not going to stop her from slapping Dream upside the head for being yet another worthless person to betray her friend’s forgiving nature.

Nothing much changes in the next few weeks. Niki has to admit, it’s strange without Dream around - he’d not been an ally, much less a friend before dipping completely, but he had been some sort of constant - and Niki is self aware enough to know that she misses him, a little, the same sort of way you might miss an old routine once it’s gone, if only for the familiarity. She still visits Techno and Phil with various baked goods, knowing that Phil would have his hands full just keeping Techno from running himself ragged - makes sure to check on Ranboo, whose nerves have inevitably returned with Dream’s disappearance. To be honest, she doesn’t worry as much as he does - ally or not, she’s spent enough time with the Dream that had left prison to expect that he won’t exactly be able to get himself very far should he come for the four of them, and doesn’t particularly care about he might pull with the rest of the server - if things get bad, she’s sure Phil and Techno will have it handled. She asks Phil, once, what happened, and he shrugs.

“I don’t know, mate,” he heaves a chest to the side, pulling out a stack of stone blocks that Niki gladly holds for him. “One day we woke up and he was just- gone. Everything. Was like he wasn’t ever there at all.”

Niki hums. “Why’d you think he’d do something like that?”

“If I could understand half of why Dream does what he does, we wouldn’t be having this conversation now, would we?” He smiles at her from behind a crate. “Shall we bring these things upstairs and start on dinner?”

Niki laughs, knowing that the conversation about Dream is over. “Of course, Phil.”

Dinner is a welcome distraction; all of them have gotten better at cooking in recent months, between her baking and the veritable library of recipes Phil knows that she’s never even heard of, but Phil is still the only one she really trusts to hold his own behind the stove - Ranboo is still a little too nervous around water, and fire, and much of everything, and though Techno can be a perfectly capable cook, he’s been distracted as of late. She has a strong feeling that left to his own devices, he’d just grab a stack of steak and disappear for another few weeks, searching the server for information.

Honestly, she’s a little thrown off by his behavior - he’d not done anything like this with Tommy, if she remembers right, and had hardly seemed affected by Wilbur’s betrayal on the Sixteenth at all (then again, she was a little too lost in her own head to notice if he was.) She tosses her head over to ask Phil, who’s leaning over a few carrots he’s slicing to throw into the stew he’s making, and the man pauses, frowns.

“From what I know,” he starts, words slow, careful, “they’d spent three months in there together, and the conditions weren’t exactly- stellar. According to what Techno said, I’d assumed they had come to some sort of understanding.” He goes back to the carrots, expression dipping into shadow and out of sight. “Guess I was wrong.”

Niki hums. She can see it, sort of - spending months together with someone, no matter how insufferable, probably would end with some degree of attachment - she thinks back to plotting through sleepless nights with Jack, anger and grief leaving them simmering, crabs in the same pot of boiling water, remembers looking into his dead-eyed gaze and seeing her own stare back - and feels a brief pang of guilt. Besides, Techno is Techno. She’d never met someone so willing to forgive, understand, reach out despite everything that’s happened - for Dream to take advantage of that feels almost too obvious. Of course he would - what were they all thinking?

“He’s Dream,” she says as if that explains everything, flipping open the oven door and feeling a wave of heat blast her face. Phil hums lowly, understanding. “I hope Techno will be alright.”

“He’s tough,” Phil cracks a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes, “And he has us on his side. He’ll get through.”

Niki opens her mouth to reply, only to be interrupted by the front door slamming open. Outside their quaint little cottage, the wind howls - it sounds like the beginning of a blizzard out there, flurries painting the world in a thick blanket of white. In the door, Techno strides into the entrance with loud, decisive movements, shutting the door loud enough to make the walls shake. Inadvertently, Niki finds her eyes drawn to the small pile of snow that he’s tracked into the house - Techno’s usually so careful to kick it all off on the porch, never liked it much when there was a pile of melting ice and snow dampening the floorboards and soaking into his shoes. He huffs harshly, stripping off a snow-dusted scarf from his face - a long, multicolored abomination that had been the product of her attempting to teach Ranboo how to knit. Phil has reached his side, hands splayed over his upper arms, eyes soft in the corners from concern.

“Techno, mate-” his tone is chiding but his movements gentle as he brushes snow off of Techno’s signature cloak, “you’ve gotten snow everywhere. What were you doing, dueling a blizzard?”

Techno shakes his head, not meeting Phil’s banter as usual, fur sticking up from the snow melted into it. His voice is gruff and holds little humor - unconsciously, Niki feels her shoulders tense.

“Phil, call a Syndicate meeting.”

---

Phil, per usual, is unrelenting, so it’s not until a quick dinner and some hurried messages to their final member later that the Syndicate is gathered in their meeting room, Techno pacing the length of the room as they wait in their respective seats. He looks less frazzled than he did when he first entered the house, in part due to Phil’s sitting him down to eat and picking through his fur to smooth it out of its windblown spikes and tangles - Techno had grumbled at him to stop preening him, but looked a lot more relaxed by the time they were all finished with their food. Still, his ear flicks periodically, twitching toward ssome sound that Niki can’t hear, movements tighter and jerkier than she is used to. He’d always been a little flightier after the prison, but not quite like this - everything here feels like that but dialed up to eleven. Inexplicably, it reminds her of Dream.

“Techno?” Phil gestures towards his seat, prompting, and he settles into it with an obliging huff.

“Y’know, Phil, the code names are kinda pointless if we never use ‘em,” he says, words carrying no real heat - he looks back at the rest of them, lips thinning into a line. “Anyway. I called this meeting because I found a couple leads on Dream.”

“O-oh,” Ranboo stutters, tail lashing behind him.

“You don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to, mate,” Phil reminds him gently, a sentiment that Niki affirms with a determined nod.

“There’ve been some reports- rumors, really,” Techno says, calling their attention again, and they all turn towards him, “of increased activity around the prison again. The Warden spending more time on its grounds, movement seen around the walls and around the portal- so I decided to go check it out for myself.”

Niki frowns, and watches as Phil does the same beside her - Techno had seemed to avoid the prison if he could help it, save for when he went on the initial mission to break Dream out. It was no secret to them that he didn’t exactly like the place.

“We could’ve helped if you asked,” Phil reminds him, and Techno shakes his head.

“I know, Phil. It’s just- that place is bad news. I’d rather keep you guys away from there if I can-” his hand goes to his head with a poorly hidden wince. “Sorry, Chat’s a little- worked up, at the minute.”

“Sorry, we’ll stop interrupting you,” Niki says, cutting off Phil before he says anything else. “So you went to the prison?”

Techno takes a second to gather his thoughts, mumbling quietly in the way that usually means he’s telling off Chat. “Right- I decided to stake out the portal. The rumors were right- Sam has been hanging around there, entered and left the prison four times yesterday. And today-” he hesitates, expression visibly darkening. “This morning, about an hour after the Warden arrived, Quackity came to the prison and went through the portal. He left the grounds about six hours later.”

“Quackity?” Niki frowns, eyes flicking over to how Phil has stilled in his seat. “What is Quackity doing at the prison?”

Phil ignores her question, reaching towards Techno, something indiscernible in his gaze. “Mate…”

“He smelled of blood when he left,” Techno says, words sharp, and Niki feels her heart skip a beat. “Warden left about half an hour after, and I came back here.”

Ranboo clears his throat, sounding tentative. “Okay,” he drums his hand on the table when they turn towards him, eyebrows drawn, “but what, exactly, does this have to do with, uh, Dream?”

Techno and Phil trade glances, one of their bouts of unspoken conversation that Niki’s grown extremely used to. They seem strangely hesitant, she notes internally, Phil looking towards Techno with a question written clearly in the planes of his face. Techno sighs, a long puff of air through his lips as he closes his eyes and turns his face towards the table.

“You know how Dream was- injured,” he starts slowly, looking back up at them. Niki shifts uncomfortably - of course she noticed, it was impossible not to - if not the bandages that peeked under his sleeves and the cuffs of his pants, then how skinny he’d been, all skin and bones curled up uncomfortably in a pile at the corner of Techno’s couch. She’d not know the extent, by any means, and had always assumed that they’d been self-inflicted - she’d been in a bad enough place on her own before to know how your head can make you want to hurt, sometimes, how eating food can feel like choking on sawdust and the world could feel so much smaller when focused into delicate pricks of pain. Phil’s eyes are trained on Techno - on his face, then on the pinkish raised skin of a still-healing scar along his forearm, and she feels understanding settle like a rock in her gut.

“The Warden had apparently been lettin’ Quackity into the cell to torture Dream for the revive book,” Techno trails off, eyes narrowed and seemingly fixed on a random point of the opposite wall. “By the time I go there, it’d been goin’ on for months.”

“But wait,” Ranboo’s tail moves even more erratically behind him, “You mean you think he’s back- there? How?”

“He has to be back in the prison,” Techno points out. “I can’t imagine anyone besides him that the two of them are goin’ to just start torturin’- Sam had been iffy about the whole thing when Quackity started in on me. It has to be Dream in there again.”

“But how did he get in there, then?” Ranboo asks, visibly confused. “Last time it took the entire server to lock him up!”

“There were no signs of a struggle,” Niki points out, matter of fact. “I believe you, Techno, but I don’t really know how they managed to drag him back so easily. I can’t imagine he was jumping at the chance to go back in there.”

Techno shakes his head with an uneasy sigh.

“I have a feelin’ of what might’ve happened,” he says quietly. “And I really hope that I’m wrong and he’s less of an idiot than I think he is.”

---

They set out to investigate - and maybe attack - the next day, Techno and Phil taking on the bulk of preparations as Ranboo stays behind. He’d been understandably uneasy about the whole mission, so they’d left him back by the Syndicate room to set off their pearls in case anything went wrong. (“By the end of the day,” Techno had said, giving Phil a look with the corner of his lip quirked upwards, “don’t be like Phil here and think I meant the end of the month, alright?”) They’d all be supplied with armor and weapons, thanks to Phil, but she’d been handed the bulk of their potions, arranged neatly in her inventory by type in case they’d be needed. She lingers in the back of the room as Phil and Techno chat amiably over the sound of making last minute repairs on their armor, listens to Techno’s ceaseless reminders for Phil to be careful, watches as they make sure that their stasis chambers are properly prepared should they need them.

(She watches as Phil nudges Techno’s shoulder when he lingers behind a certain chair, empty as long as she’s been part of the Syndicate, the fountain behind it bubbling quietly without a pearl inside. Techno sighs, expression strange.

“Should’ve set him up with one,” he says, quiet, and Phil pats him on the back.

“You couldn’t have known, mate. We wanted to wait a little before telling him about the Syndicate, remember?”

Techno hums, noncommittal. “Still.”)

They Nether travel to the site of Techno’s lookout, which ends up being a little shambling thing with dirt walls dug into a small hill looking towards the prison portal, having hardly enough space to fit the three of them. Phil looks at it with no small amount of apprehension, and Techno shrugs lightly, wearing an expression that makes Phil turn to him with a look that makes Niki break into giggles. Techno crosses his arms- “in my defense-” and Phil looks up at the dirt ceiling with a long-suffering sigh.

“You couldn’t have made this a little roomier, mate?” Phil asks, voice dry as kindling, and Techno raises his hands by his head.

“Hey hey, it’s discreet, it gets the job done, it’s perfectly structurally sound-” the sound of the leftmost wall crumbling, along with the cloud of dust that puffs from it and fills their tiny space, undermines the tail end of his statement and leaves him sputtering, Niki falling into another fit of quiet giggles. Underneath it all, Phil sighs again, raising his wings behind him.

“...these are going to take so long to clean out.”

To his credit, Techno looks sheepish. “Sorry, Phil.”

They sober up quickly; Techno turns around to the opposite side of the hill, where he’s hidden some peepholes inside the dirt - Niki settles herself by one, leaning forwards to put her eye to it and catch a glimpse of the prison looming over the water. It’s been repaired since the breakout, she notes, the gaping hole in the roof completely gone and replaced with obsidian, as intimidating and undamaged as it had been before, if not more so. Phil makes a considering sound from behind her.

“Same plan as last time?” He asks, and Techno shakes his head.

“They’ve probably reinforced it, and Dream’s blueprints won’t include anything new the Warden’s added. I wouldn’t be surprised if they moved Dream to a different location completely. We don’t want to draw too much attention, either, we were cutting it pretty close during the breakout.” He narrows his eyes. “I was thinking we’d try something a little stealthier, this time. “

He gestures at Niki, who blinks back at him with wide eyes.

“You got a couple of invis potions for us?”

She distributes the potions among them all, one regular and two splash potions of invisibility each, and Techno points towards the prison once she’s done.

“The most important thing is to get through the portal,” he says with a grim expression. “Worst comes to worst, once we’re inside we can always blast our way through - but gettin’ through that portal is our first priority.”

Phil narrows his eyes at him. “The portal is locked, though. We’ll need to follow someone else inside- and I’m pretty sure Sam uses pearls, so he’s out.”

Techno nods. “Which is why I’m bankin’ on the prison gettin’ another visitor today. We’ll just have to wait.”

Niki swallows. “Do you mean-”

“Quackity?” Techno turns away, not quite meeting her eyes. “I’m not totally sure, but he’s not exactly the type to just give up on his goals. He’s pretty predictable- an empire needs an emperor, always needs something new to rule- you know the type,” he says, tipping his head towards Phil. “He’ll be mad at Dream for disappearin’ on him and won’t miss the opportunity to prove he has the upper hand again. I’m not sure that he’s going to come today-”

“-but you wouldn’t really be surprised, either,” Phil finishes for him, eyes steely with cold determination. “I trust your judgement, mate. Just stay safe- from what I’ve heard, Quackity has been...erratic.”

“When is he not,” Techno huffs a short laugh, shaking his head. “I’ll be fine, Phil. Just be careful, both of you. Don’t get too close. And if things get messy- which is what we’re tryin’ to avoid, by the way- then don’t do anything too risky. Our priority is gettin’ in and out alive.”

“We can handle ourselves, Techno,” Niki reminds him with a small smile. “And Ranboo is there in case anything goes wrong.”

“Alright, then. Here’s the plan.”

---

It takes quite a long time for Quackity to arrive, long minutes that Niki spends fidgeting in the corner of the room, brushing her hands over seams of the netherite plates that Phil had shoved into her hands, back at the Syndicate room. The set is inexplicably light - not weightless, by any means, as it is still netherite, but not nearly as bulky as any set of netherite armor she’s owned or seen in the past. The runes are precise, lines thin and exact, written with graceful strokes of lapis.

“Phil’s the best metalworker I’ve ever met,” Techno tells her with a small grin, catching her in the middle of tracing what she can make out as an Unbreaking rune along the metal strapped to her forearm. “But then again, he’s had the time to practice.”

“Are you calling me old again?” Phil huffs, and Techno flashes a smile her direction before looking at Phil with a slight grin.

“Well, Chat is,” he says, lips twitching when Phil glares back.

“You can’t just blame Chat every time you insult me, you little shit,” Phil groans, and Techno only grins wider.

“Phil, my ad revenue,” he complains, a dramatic lilt to his voice that has Niki stifling a snort, and Phil’s glare only grows deadlier.

“You’ll have more than your ad revenue to worry about if you keep this up,” he mumbles, going back to keep watch at one of the peepholes and stilling as he does. “Shit- Techno, Quackity’s here.”

Techno straightens up, hindered slightly by the low ceiling of their room. “Alright- we all know the plan, right?”

Niki nods in the affirmative, pulling out a splash invis and letting it settle in her hand, the glass cool beneath her fingertips. She reaches into her inventory and lets her armor fade into it, takes a deep breath and watches as the two across from her do the same. She doesn’t wear armor often, but so close to the prison, feeling mining fatigue settling deep into her bones - she’s never missed the security it offers more. Techno keeps watch, waiting- drops his arm in a signal. Now.

Niki throws the potion at their feet, flinching back at the sound of shattering glass and feeling its effects seep into her skin. When she opens her eyes, she can’t see anything but the inside of the room that they’d holed themselves in and the faintest of wisps rising from where their feet must be, curling around the grass.

(Please let this work, she begs to no one in particular as they walk towards the prison. And if you can hear me- please keep us all safe.)

She hardly breathes as they follow Quackity across the path, holding someone’s hand in her own - Phil’s, by the feel of it - careful to muffle her footsteps in the grass and stand still whenever Quackity’s eyes come a little too close. Thankfully for them, he seems focused, hardly stopping or looking around at all as he walks towards the prison’s portal, movements stiff as he walks forward. He punches the button on the wall particularly harshly, and Sam’s voice comes crackling through a speaker a second later.

“I’m here for my visit,” Quackity says, punctuating the sentence with a snort of laughter that doesn’t sound particularly sincere. Niki hasn’t seen him in a long while, not after everything that happened in Pogtopia, and she feels a chill worm down her spine - this man looks nothing like the one that had laughed and danced and sung at her birthday party what feels like an eternity ago. What happened?

Sam sighs, the sound turning into a sharp burst of static through the speakers. “Hello Quackity,” he says, voice deep and tired. “Please step into the portal after I tell you to and then wait on the other side.”

“I know the drill, Sam,” Quackity rolls his eyes. “Just because the bastard was gone for a few weeks doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten how this damn place works.”

“Just going through protocol, Quackity,” Sam replies, and something about this response has Quackity exploding into a brief fit of laughter, the sound grating against Niki’s ears. She feels her grip tighten on Phil’s hand, air caught in her throat.

“Protocol- ha. Whatever you wanna tell yourself, pal.” Quackity smiles, cold and cruel, and Niki tries not to think about how she’d seen that same grin on Wilbur, eyes sparkling from the light of the lanterns hung from the bridges and walls of their ravine, remember how she’d looked into them and realized her old friend wasn’t there, anymore. Quackity disappears into the portal, and after a second, the hand around her own pulls her inside of it too.

On the other side, Quackity taps his foot impatiently, crossing his arms and waiting- Sam’s voice comes through the speakers again, words clipped.

“Go through the portal,” he says, and Quackity does- once again, they wait for a second for his body to disappear, then go within it themselves, pressed close enough together within its frame for Niki to feel the warmth of a wing wrap around her shoulders for a quick second before they’re out of the hot, stifling air of the Nether and into a large, neatly made lobby of blackstone and quartz. They duck into a corner, watching as Quackity moves towards the front counter, the Warden waiting there with his arms crossed over his chest. He looks- tired. His movements are slow, footsteps loud against the floor, shoulders tense and back hunched. He walks around the counter, sword strapped to his belt, and Niki feels her breath hitch at the sight of dried blood still stuck to the blade in patches and splatters.

“He ready?” Quackity asks, holding his hands out - Niki catches a flash of metal as Sam drops something into them, watches as Quackity raises what ends up being a pair of shears, dangerous-looking and gleaming with enchants, to the light.

“Yes,” Sam says, side-eyeing Quackity with a small glare. “You know, it’s supposed to be your job to clean those things off when you’re done with them.”

“I told you, busy day back in Las Nevadas yesterday,” Quackity waves a hand- “I’ll do it, alright? Don’t get all pissy now. What happened to being partners?”

“You said we’d be done with this months ago, Quackity,” Sam sighs, and Niki feels a light tug on her arm as Quackity and Sam begin to walk towards the wall to the right of them, breathes in slow and deep as she follows Techno and Phil towards the others. The wall yawns open with the hiss of redstone firing and pistons pulling blocks upwards, opening into a dark hallway that feels like entering the maw of some sort of giant, insatiable beast. They step inside as one, and the door shuts behind them.

“We’ll be done soon enough,” Quackity says, and Niki feels hairs rising on the back of her neck. “Trust me.”

They stalk forwards through a labyrinth of blackstone, Niki brushing the palms of her hand against her clothes when it goes clammy from adrenaline. Halfway through, she pauses to tip back a second potion of invisibility, careful to keep her movements slow and steady as not to make a sound - the liquid is silvery, cool and light on her tongue, and she lets the effects wash over her with her breath caught in her lungs before moving forward. The tunnels are simpler than she’d expected, bearing little obstacles or checkpoints - Quackity makes a wry comment a second after (“Guard tunnels today, huh? Appreciate the hustle, pal-”) that confirms her suspicions. Despite the potion particles still whirling around their bodies and the sounds of their footsteps, too loud in her own ears, they manage to make it forwards without much trouble, entering a large room with a doorway filled completely with a curtain of lava.

“Set your spawn,” Sam says, still stoic, and Quackity rolls his eyes again before doing as told. Niki keeps looking back at the lava flowing past the wall, its heat filling the room and making her already slick palms even worse, and Sam moves to the side to flick a lever, eyes trained on the lava slowly bubbling in front of him.

“Give me your tools?” Quackity asks, and Sam sighs before doing so - Niki watches as he hands over a netherite axe, then potions, then a few raw potatoes that Quackity accepts and puts into his inventory. Sam raises an eyebrow once he’s done, hand tight around the handle of his trident.

“You bring your own sword, today?” He asks, seeming irritated, and Quackity shrugs.

“Sorry pal, I need to make a new one. Guess I’m borrowing yours again.”

Sam sighs again, louder, and hands over his sword as well, watching as Quackity swings it a few times experimentally. The blade skims a little too close to her on one swing and she can’t quite help the squeak that escapes her lips as she throws herself out of the way, feels her heart hammer in her ears as she backs up against the wall. Please don’t hear that please don’t hear that please don’t hear that please don’t hear that-

“Quackity, wait.” Sam raises a hand, ear twitching as he looks over in her direction with narrowed eyes. “I think I heard something.”

Oh fuck.

“Well, guess show’s up then,” Techno drawls, and both of them whirl towards his voice, giving Niki enough time to pull her armor back on, scrambling to get her sword and shield in her hands as Phil does the same besides her. Pieces of armor appear where Techno is standing, then a bucket of milk- oh, why must her friends be so dramatic- and Techno’s standing there, smiling sharply, with Orphan Obliterator held loosely at his side. “Let’s get this done, then.”

As one, Techno and Phil blur into action - Techno moves forward to catch the prongs of Sam’s trident on his blade as Phil parries Quackity’s blows with his own sword- they move fluidly, easily covering each other’s backs as the room devolves into chaos. Niki remembers their guidance as she flits in and out of the fight, scoring quick hits to keep the Warden and Quackity off balance while remaining out of range from their weapons, and it’s not long before both of them have fallen with a spray of items and experience orbs scattered all over the floor.

Techno moves over to block off the exposed face of the bed with a block, looking over at the two of them with an uncharacteristically severe expression. “They’ll be back soon- we have to move fast. Niki, you have those fire res, right?”

She nods as she reaches into her inventory, finding the potion’s orange-pink glow and smashing it at their feet. They dive into the lava together, Niki scrambling to keep up, her arms struggling to move through the thick lava, loses sight of both until she flails into something directly in front of her and hands are pulling her up out of the lava.

“There you go, mate,” Phil smiles down at her as hauls herself to her feet, making a face at the feeling of the lava clinging to her clothes. “Yeah, swimming through lava isn’t exactly fun. You good?” She flashes him a thumbs up, and he laughs- “Niki, you’re still invisible.” She flushes pink- right.

A few sips of milk later, she gives him a proper thumbs up, and he laughs, loud and bright. She looks past him to where Techno’s crouched over something- someone, she realizes with a start, in the corner. Dream’s back in prison clothes, ragged and ill-fitting, and he’s curled up with his back towards the front of the cell, shaking enough to be obvious even from where she’s standing. Techno speaks lowly, voice barely more than a deep rumble in the air, almost inaudible.

“You there, Dream?”

She watches as Dream turns his head, looking up with wide, bleary eyes. His hair flops in front of his face, and something within her itches to brush it out of the way. “T-Techno?”

“Yeah nerd, who else?” Techno smiles, and Dream seems to blink awake, drawing himself up with a shuddery breath.

“Techno- it’s a trap- what are you doing here?” he hisses, and Techno gives him a look, deadpan.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s a trap- come on, Dream, we’ve been over this by now, bro. You have to know that their traps aren’t goin’ to do anything to me by now,” Techno rolls his eyes, reaching forward to steady his hands on Dream’s shoulders when the other man sputters and struggles to breathe. “Easy, now. Geez, you wanted to prove me wrong about being homeless bad enough that you came back here? We could’ve just made you a house, you know. You didn’t have to go this far.”

“I- they were gonna kill you,” Dream breathes, face twisted up uncomfortably, and his eyes flick past Techno’s face to where Phil and Niki are standing at the opposite wall of the cell. “All of you- they said-”

“And that’s what I thought you’d say,” Techno groans. “Come on, you idiot, I thought you were smarter than this-”

“They were right there, Techno!” Dream fires back, eyes alight. “You- they were right there, what were you thinking, they could’ve-!”

“And my best friend is a necromancer, remember?” Techno shakes his head. “Come on, Dream- Sam and Quackity? You know we can handle them in a fight, especially when you can just revive us if anything goes wrong. You don’t have to do this whole self-sacrifice thing, bro- there’s only so many times I can break into the same prison, y’know.”

“You’re so stupid,” Dream huffs, but he leans in anyway, head just barely settling against Techno’s shoulder. “I- I can’t believe. You’re so dumb.”

“Hey, don’t be sayin’ that to the guy that’s breakin’ you out of prison,” Techno laughs, slinging Dream over his shoulder with an easy motion and laughing harder when it makes him yelp. “That’s just bein’ ungrateful. You’re making Chat sad, man, and when they’re sad they don’t subscribe-”

“I regret this entirely,” Dream says, voice muffled against Techno’s shirt, tone completely flat. “Put me down- you idiot- I’m staying here. You’re worse than Quackity.”

“Rude. Now you’ve really made Chat mad. I demand an apology-”

“Boys, boys.” Niki can’t help giggling, watching the way their gazes snap towards her, rolling her eyes as she moves forward with a few potions held loosely in her hand. “Dream, do you want a health pot?”

Dream seems to deliberate for a second, before nodding at her, expression slightly strained. “...sure.”

“You two can finish your argument after we’ve broken out of the biggest maximum security prison on the server,” Phil drawls from behind her, arms crossed at his chest. “Come on, now, before Sam gets back.”

“Isn’t this the only maximum security prison on the server?” Techno asks aloud, an amused expression on his face - one that only gets worse when Phil glares at him with one ice-blue eye.

“Shut-” he sighs, shaking his head. “You two are chaotic little shits, you know that?”

“Don’t compare me to him, Phil,” Techno complains, Dream mirroring his words with muffled protests of his own, and Phil breathes another drawn-out, long-suffering sigh as he rubs at the bridge of his nose.

“Niki, give us some fire res please?”

She finds the potion bottle between giggles, throwing it to the ground as she tries to choke down the laughter rapidly bubbling up her throat. “Of course, Phil.”

She looks back at Techno and Dream before jumping into the lava, the two of them once again lost in some sort of argument, Dream draped over Techno’s shoulder. He’s breathing easier now, she notes, and Techno looks looser too - a little less tense, leaning back with a perpetual quirk to the corner of his lip as they fire insults back and forth. This is familiar, she recognizes with a soft twist in her chest, the same way that Phil and Techno can finish each other’s sentences and look at each other with laughing eyes sharing the same memories of the past, the same way Ranboo watches Techno’s every step as he adjusts his stance and lifts his sword and Techno laughs and calls him a main character in turn, the same way she and Phil will settle together on the porch over cups of tea and sit at each other’s sides for hours. The rhythm between them is one well-established, the road well-worn - she imagines them, huddled in this dingy cell for months together, and breathes in slow and deep.

“Come on,” she smiles, making sure to keep it on her face when Dream meets her eyes with wide, startled ones of his own. Dream still isn’t an ally, and isn’t a friend.

But - she watches as he smiles back, something inexplicably warm in her chest - maybe, one day, he could be.

#tw torture #tw abuse #tw self harm #tw disordered eating #tw ed #tw sh #prison arc #pandora's vault #tw starvation #c!sam critical #c!quackity critical #my writing :D #> my writing

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obsessive-ego · 4 years ago

Text

Wait? Demons go into heat?

Unestablished musical Beetlejuice x reader

Nsft

Beej goes into heat for the first time while knowing you

Dubious consent and masturbation warning

"Y/n, we need to talk"

You look up from your phone and quirk a brow at the statement, it was weirdly serious for your friend, at first you assumed he was getting ready to mess with you or something, until you noticed the purple hue that has taken over his form.

"Are you okay?" You utter softly

The demon sits down next to you on the couch and sighs

"Okay, y/n, I am going to go away for a bit" he refused to look at you, his voice was small and very unlike him, but this made sense, you knew beetlejuice didnt like going to the netherworld on his little business trips, so this behavior started to make more sense.

"Oh okay-"

"I just dont want to hurt you"

What? You freeze.

The ghoul sighs again, before finally meeting your eyes and gently grabbing your hands

"Y/n I'm going into heat next week and I need to be away from you-"

You snort out a laugh, pulling your hands from the ghoul's grasp, so this WAS a joke, going into heat?

Your laughter was short lived when beetlejuice grabbed your shoulders to get you to focus on him.

"Y/n I'm not kidding"

focusing back to the ghoul, it was obvious he was serious, spots of red peaking through the purple was a grim reminder he wasnt joking.

"I-"

"I'm a demon y/n, I'm gonna go into heat, and all I'm gonna do is want to fuck, and I dont trust myself to be around you, I'm gonna go away till it's over, and I NEED you NOT to say my name, just promise me that"

You nod

Never in your time of knowing the ghoul was he ever so serious, honestly it was scary, was his heat so bad he'd just jump you without consent? IT'S best not to dwell on it.

...

It's been a few days since beetlejuice disappeared for your own safety, it wasnt so bad, before he left he was very fidgety and practically glowing pink, the hug goodbye was awkward, the ghoul held you longer then normal and let out a soft whine, guess his cycle was starting.

You couldnt help but daydream about how hot it would be to have the demon rail you senseless in his heat, yes you had a crush on him, but you sure as hell weren't ready to express those feelings, especially during his heat cycle.

The week goes by, you enjoy your silence, and are very productive, it's not like you dodnt enjoy Beetlejuice's presence, it's just not easy to get chores done with him being under foot. You always took the opportunity to get stuff done when beetlejuice wasnt around, you loved him yes, but alone time was important, between getting stuff done, and just relaxing his absence was nice, though you did miss him, but as the week went on, you could help but forget as to why the demon had to vanish, work was rough, and as exhaustion took over your body, peices of your discussion fell to the side of your tried brain, something about heading to the netherworld for a bit, a business trip probably, not that you believed the demon HAD a real job anyways.

As the week comes to an end you go into auto pilot mode, friday was the end of a work week and you and Beetlejuice's movie night.

Coming home from work you had only one thing on your mind, lazing about with your friend and watching shitty horror movies. Everything you did was on auto pilot, tossing your bag aside as you head to your bedroom to swap out your work clothes with something much more cozy, fuzzy pajama pants and a baggy shirt.

You wander from your room tapping away on your phone, ordering the pizza you and beej normally share, you always payed ahead and let the demon believe him scaring off the delivery guy ment free food, you enjoyed Beetlejuice's awful jokes, and that wide toothy grin he gave you when he assumed him scored the two of you a free meal, but in all good consciousness you couldnt let that happen, you'll just the demon believe he's doing you a favor WHILE he's showing off.

You plop down on the couch, everything was set for a fun night of hanging with your pal, you havent seen him all week, for the life of you, you couldnt remember as to why beetlejuice wasnt around, something about going to the netherworld? Probably another business trip, whatever he was always so mopey when he had to leave, he'd probably be thrilled to have a easy hang out right? Well it's been a week and if beej wasnt done with whatever nonsense he had to take care of he could leave, simple as that.

You get up from the couch and holler "beetlejuice beetlejuice beetlejuice"

The lights flicker, then go out completely, you huff through your nose, this wasnt new, been was all about making an entrance.

"Y/N"

you flinch at the tone, harsh and angry, not exactly how he tended to great you when summoned, he was messing with you right?

Unfortunately in the pitch dark you couldnt see him to confirm this thought.

Before you could do or say anything, you're pushed back into the couch

"Beetlejuice-" you cry,

"I missed you honey, couldnt stop thinking about that soft warm body of yours" he purred, you face burned with embarrassed, yes beetlejuice tended to flirt with you, but this felt different, more

Intense

"What?" You utter

Before you could elaborate you felt the weight of him crawling up onto your lap, the ghoul grabs your chin, the demon leans into your face, your eyes now accustomed to the dark you were able to make out a bit of the ghoul before you, just not enough to make heads or tails of what's going on, as the ghoul leans closer to you, pressing his weight against your trapped form, he takes a long inhale through his nose.

"Oooh~ I missed you so much baby~" he moans out in a whisper.

"Okay knock it off beej" you groan, clearly embarrassed and done with this embarrassing joke, as you try to shove the demon off, this whole charade of his, everytime you summoned him he would tease you and mess with you for a laugh, but being this weird? More legit? That was new, maybe he was just upping his game to.mess with you?

Your shoves were only greeted with a growl, you huff and finally shove beetlejuice off you completely, with ungrateful thud the ghoul hits the ground.

"Seriously Beej what's gotten into you?" You sigh walking away from him to turn on the lights.

The ghoul grows at you sudden absence, not that you noticed, with a click the room fills with light. You frown, beetlejuice was gone, great he was in a pranking mood, you sigh, it's been a long week and you just wanted to relax and watch an awful movie. With that thought you are knocked to the ground with a rough shove from the back, and with a shriek and a thud you land on your stomach, you freeze as you feel the weight being pressed against your back, the culprit had crawled onto your back, practically laying on top of you.

"Baby wants to play rough tonight huh? Daddy will allow it~"

"Beetlejuice seriously, I don't want to play these games i- oh fuck" it hit you, it finally clicked why you havent seen the demon in over a week, he told you, and you fucking forgot, you got to caught up in your own routine and exhausting life, you forgot.

"Uh, beej? Can you please get off-"

"Soon baby, I'll get off soon" the ghoul purrs in your ear, his body firmly pressed against yours, you freeze as you feel a sudden hardness poking between your butt cheeks, you could hear your heart pounding away in your ears, you like beetlejuice yes, but you weren't ready to tell him, let alone let him fuck you on the floor. You were frozen unsure what to do, been warned you, and you forgot. You could banish him, 3 times in a row is all you need, and when this cycle is over this will be something the two of you can laugh about right?

"you smell so good honey~" your pulled from your thoughts with the ghoul's gravely purr

"Beetlejuice beetlejuice bee-" your voice was small and shaky

You gasp and curse at the sensation of something cold and wet trailing up your neck

"And you taste even better~"

You try again "beetlejuice beetlejuice bee-" again you were cut short with a familiar hand cupping against your mouth

"I dont wanna leave baby" he groans, lightly grinding his ever herding cock against your ass "I missed you, I missed your warmth, I missed your scent, i missed your sweet voice, I'm sick of being alone, i need you y/n" his grinding picks up in pace, the ghoul practicallydry humping you into the carpet, you yelp and squirm, in which beetlejuice responds with a soft moan.

"Beej please" you cry, a weird mix of arousal and fear fill your chest, in all honesty, you could find this whole situation pretty hot, but not now.

With the cry of your voice the ghoul flips you over, having you lay on your back. You finally get a good look at beetlejuice, as he hovered inches above you, pinning you below him.

The ghoul's once Forrest green hair was now a wild electric pink, almost magenta, his pupils once round, now resembled the eyes of a snake. Beetlejuice was practically drooling, and though the demon didnt need to breath, you sure could hear him breathing hard almost panting. You've never seen your ghost like this before,so this was heat? Again, other circumstances thos could be very hot.

"Bee?" Was all you could muster

The demon started back at you, wordless, it felt like forever until he closed the gap between you, burying his face in your chest, hands finding themselves placed along the hem of your pajama pants.

Beetlejuice was a mess, blabbering on and on "you smell so good, you feel so good, I need ya babes, I need ya bad, please let daddy fuck you" he whined, all the while he kept nuzzling your breasts. As if that was a distraction, the ghoul's hands began to tug on the hem of you pants, slowly he began to tug on them, slowly shimmying them down.

You were alerted to this action with the familiar squeeze of the demon's hand on your bum.

"Beej WAIT" you cry

Unfortunately on deaf ears, the ghoul continues his actions as your pants are finally removed and quickly tossed aside.

Your legs now fully bare were now free realestate to cold undead hands desperate for soft warm skin.

His his hands traveled up and down your legs, always stopping at the rear for a good long squeeze, you squirm and pant at the stimulation.

"You like that doll? You getting all hot under the collar with just a little touching~" he purred looking up for your chest.

You couldnt bare to look him in the eye, it was all too much, truth be told, you werent NOT enjoying his attention.

"Lawrence please-" you whine, not really sure as to what you were pleading, was it for him to stop? Was it for him to go further? So much was happening you felt like this really wasnt real.

But it sure as hell felt real when you felt the ghoul snap the waist band of your panties, you gasp and try to sit up, only to be pushed back down against the carpet.

The ghoul sighs and goes back to his babbling.

"I need this babes, I need you so much, I need you so bad it hurts, nothing else was good enough, I NEED you"

You could feel your ears burning at this, he really wanted you over anything else, it was probably just his heat talking, but in an odd way it was sweet.

You couldn't help but give the ghoul a soft smile at his desperate words, unfortunately the smile was quickly dropped and replaced with gritted teeth as you felt the demon's cold hands quickly yanking down your, now damp with arousal, panties.

"Beetlejuice STOP" you cry

Simple hum was your response

As the garment slowly made it's way down your legs you tried in vain to reason with the lust driven demon, all of your crys were responded the same, ignored.

As the garment made it to your ankles you made one last attempt to reason with beetlejuice

"Beetlejuice please, this isnt like you, just stop and we can just forget this-"

Before you could finish that sentence, as soon as the damp garment was free from your form, the ghoul vanished.

You prop yourself up on your forearms, glancing around the empty room, you slowly sit up on your bare bum, waiting, waiting for another knock down, ments pass and nothing.

You slowly and carefully get up off the floor, glancing around as you walk over to your pajama pants that were tossed aside, you gently slide them on, still staying vigilant.

As the night goes on you're on high alert, waiting to be tackled down or something, but as time dragged into the early early morning, it clicked, beetlejuice wasnt going to do anything else, you finally sigh in relief, and try not to think about how he vanished AFTER your underwear were removed, and missing completely, you assumed they would have wound up as the same place as where your pants were thrown, unless, he took them with him, you cover your mouth and stare at the floor, you paise for a moment, mind swimming with all the lewd things he could be doing with them, this didnt help how you were all hot and bothered from the ghoul's early actions.

Slipping into bed that night, knowing beetlejuice was gone, you felt okay to tend to those desperate feelings between your legs, you carefully pull out your hidden vibrator and gingerly slip it beneath the covers and eagerly bring it to your desperate sex.

Of course

You werent the only one tending to a desperate need.

Beetlejuice now on the roof of your apartment building, a mix of purple and pink have taken over his form, your panties held tightly in his hand.

Did he feel like shit for losing control and jumping you? Yes

Was he glad your dumbass forgot and called him anyway so he could smell you and feel your soft warm skin? Also yes

Sitting on the edge of roof, not that anyone could see him, he takes the freshly woren garment to his nose and inhales the scent of your excited sex, the purple from the demon's hair is quickly replace with a mix of pink and magenta.

"You smell so good baby" he growls

His free hand fumbles with his pants trying to free his full erection, hell the moment he saw your face he was ready to go.

This wasnt the first time beetlejuice went into heat, not by a long shot, but it WAS his first time going into heat knowing you, and fuck, you were all he wanted.

Having you call him, smelling you, seeing you, feeling you, hearing your sweet voice, hes honestly surprised he didn't blow his load while he was humping that cute rump of yours, he drools remembering how he could feel your warm bum against his cold cock, the demon could only imagine how glorious your pussys warmth was gonna feel.

The night was long and lonely for the demon but the memory of you beneath him and the scent of your desire was enough to keep him content, bit next heat cycle? The demon will have you in his pocket and ready to help him out.

Bonus

Sunday

You wake up late and head to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee and start your day, at the little table you had in your little kitchen sat beetlejuice, across from him was a hot and ready cup of coffee

"Morning" the ghoul said plainly, giving you an awkward smile, hints of purple popping up in his hair

"Morning" you respond softly sitting down across from the demon and accepting his 'peace offering'

The two of you sat in silence for what felt like an eternity before beetlejuice breaks it

"So about the other night-" he starts, averting your gaze and rubbing the back of his neck.

"Its fine, you werent yourself, you warned me, and I forgot"

The ghoul stares back at you, bug eyed and dumbfounded, was it really gonna be this easy?

"I guess you're back to yourself huh?" You try to make a positive note to this awkward situation

"Uh yeah, just kinda horny, not full on horny" he chuckles rubbing the back of his neck.

This was gonna be an awkward bump to get over.

#beetlejuice x reader #muscial beetlejuice x reader #nsft

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and-it-freezes-me · 3 years ago

Text

Little Red Lies - Chapter 1

Or, AUgust 2021 Day 10 - Fake Dating

{Next}

Words: 5,439

[Booked tckts yet? virge wants 2 check u still need 2 places 4 reception dinner]

Trash Rat 22:57

[cant w8 2 meet ur new ~date~]

Trash Rat 22:58

Roman stared at the messages for several long seconds, then groaned.

[Of course I booked tickets. Yes I still need the +1 seat.]

Roman 23:04

[cant believe u havent even sent a pic or yk a name]

Trash Rat 23:06

[no shame if ur still </3 ovr remy]

Trash Rat 23:06

[even tho its been 2 yrs now]

Trash Rat 23:07

[Of course I’m over remy. You’ll meet my boyfriend when we get there. He’s shy.]

Roman 23:07

Roman seriously considered throwing his phone across the room and booking a plane ticket to Alaska rather than Manhattan. That way, he wouldn’t have to go to his brother’s wedding and admit that he was most definitely single and most definitely not over his ex boyfriend (of seventeen months - two years was an unfair exaggeration).

[u kno virge h8s not knowing whos coming to his wedding right]

Trash Rat 23:10

[I know, I know, I’ll apologise as soon as we get there. He’ll be first to meet my bf, promise.]

Roman 23:11

[book ur fuckin plane tckts ro, I know u didnt do it yet]

Trash Rat 23:11

Roman threw his phone across the room.

It bounced off of his Heathers poster and landed on his desk, which was covered in scripts, textbooks, empty takeout containers, balled up bits of paper, crumpled drinks cans, and pens, and Roman buried his face in his pillow and groaned.

Ten months ago, Roman’s sister had flown down to Los Angeles, dragged Roman out of bed and announced that he was actually Roman’s brother. Almost sooner than Roman had been able to take this in stride, Virgil had added that he was marrying his boyfriend in December and would Roman mind being one of his groomsmen? While Roman was still reeling from the bombshell that was the fact that their gremlin of an elder brother Remus was Virgil’s best man, Virgil had leaned forward and asked if Roman was doing alright because he couldn’t help but notice that his dorm room resembled ‘the result of an explosive going off in a pigsty’.

Roman had blinked dumbly at him, nodded, and then started pressing for details about Virgil’s wedding. Eventually, his brother had promised that he’d get Patton, his fiance, to call Roman to discuss every detail, from location to napkin frills, and Roman felt that he had managed to avoid the topic of how he was doing.

When he and Remy had first broken up, midway through last July, Roman had gone to pieces. He had spent the end of the summer holiday between his first and second years locked in his room and listening to the same few songs on loop until Virgil, who was three years older and had been packing his things to move into his new apartment, had put his fist through the wall between their rooms. Then Roman had put his headphones on. It wasn’t Virgil’s fault that he was too uncivilised to appreciate the wonders of ‘Michael In The Bathroom’, ‘Someone You Loved’, or ‘Impossible’, after all.

Then Roman had gone back to university, where he had tried to drown himself in reading for his degree, and instead ended up sleeping through lectures after all-night crying sessions. He had tried to submerge himself in his essays and instead ended up daydreaming about his ex-boyfriend in study sessions. He had tried to get involved in theatre productions, but every audition had gone sour, and he often ended up thinking about the few times he and Remy had met up over the previous year rather than learning his lines.

Everyone had said that long distance relationships would be hard, but Roman, the romantic fool that he was, had insisted that they could do it.

They couldn’t.

Eight months ago, nine months after the two of them had broken up, two months after Virgil had announced his wedding plans, Remus and his partner had flown into Los Angeles and tried to stage an intervention. This had involved Remus trying to seduce the campus security guard and almost getting reported to the police (Roman had always insisted that his mustache only made him look sketchy), followed by Janus sneaking past the pair of them and into the building. Remus had somehow managed to join him moments later, and the two of them had somehow made their way up to Roman’s floor without alerting anyone else of their presence.

Roman had been woken by a furious hammering at his bedroom door at a little after four in the morning, and had to wade through a mess of papers and laundry to find that the two of them had knocked on every single door on his corridor, unable to remember which was his. He had not been popular with his dormmates the next day.

Their intervention had involved sitting on Roman’s bed and sharing the leftover pizza that had been on Roman’s desk for the last three days, and telling him to wash the dirty clothes all over his floor. Then they had tried to persuade him to accompany them to a bar to hook him up with somebody, and Roman had quickly concluded that the pair was somewhat drunk.

He had vehemently refused, and when Janus had eventually rolled onto his back, dark hair dangling off the edge of the bed and onto the sticky patch of carpet that Roman had spilled soda on three weeks ago, he practically whined that Roman was being very difficult when all they were doing was trying to help him.

“Trying to help me? You’ve disturbed the people I live with at fuck-o’clock in the morning! I have class tomorrow!” Roman was sat at his desk chair, trying very hard to ignore the stack of textbooks he was supposed to have read and hadn’t.

Remus rested a hand on Janus’ hip to stop him from rolling off the bed, and raised a lazy eyebrow at him. “Cut the bullshit, little bro. We all know you haven’t been to class in… How long, Jan?”

“Two months, three weeks, and four days,” Janus sing-songed.

“How the fuck do you know that?” It sounded about right, anyway, and Roman had a feeling that if he denied it this would just take even longer. He spun around in his chair and picked up a pen from his desk. “It’s my business if I don’t go to class.”

“Called my sister. Jannie takes all your classes, you know…” There was the sound of shifting fabric, and when Roman glanced back, Janus was sitting up and tucked under Remus’ arm again, looking very much as though Remus had just placed him there.

“You’re right, Ro. It’s not my business if you’re not going to class.” One of Remus’ hands trailed slowly up and down Janus’ arm, so casually Roman could almost believe that his brother didn’t realise he was doing it. “But it is my business that my little brother isn’t taking care of himself anymore. You haven’t answered my calls since before winter break. You obviously haven’t been eating healthily - this pizza tastes like you fished it out of the garbage, by the way, and I would know - and you look as though you haven’t seen the sunlight since last July.”

The assessment wasn’t quite fair. Roman might have been skipping classes, but it wasn’t as though he had just been lying in his room and wasting away! “I went to the gym last week. And I auditioned for the musical in March. I’m fine, Remus! Can I go to bed now?”

“No! We’re going to a club!”

Janus had nodded enthusiastically at Remus’ words, then rested his head on his partner’s shoulder as Roman shook his head slowly. “I don’t want to go to a club. I want to go to bed. I have class tomorrow.”

“Nope.” Remus’ hand rose to tangle absently in Janus’ hair. “We’re going to a club, and you’re gonna find some hottie to fuck all the yearning for Remy right out of you. Then you’ll feel much better!”

“You’re pulling my ha-”

“Fuck no. We’re not doing that.” Roman pressed his palms into his eyes, then stood up and jerked his door open. “Can you go now?”

“Give me one good reason why you getting laid is a bad thing right now, Ro, and we’ll leave.” Roman had gotten as far as opening his mouth before Remus interrupted. “See? You can’t. You need to move on, man. Clinging to Remy is clearly unh-”

“I have a boyfriend.”

“-ealthy, and- What?”

Maybe it was because it was four in the morning. Maybe it was because Roman hadn’t been sleeping well anyway, and Remus had managed to step on the last of his fraying nerves. Maybe it was just because he wished it was true.

“I have a boyfriend,” Roman repeated, and felt a strange sense of satisfaction at the obvious shock on Janus’ usually impassive face. “Three months. Met just after term started. It’s pretty serious, actually.”

“Bullshit.” Remus looked half impressed.

Now it was irritation that flickered through Roman. Was it really so unbelievable that he could have found somebody else? “It’s not.”

“You fucked yet?”

“Remus…” There was a warning note in Janus’ voice, and Remus sighed.

“None of my business. Got it. Do we get to meet him?”

“He’s shy.”

“Which is another way of saying he doesn’t exist.”

“Asshole. It’s another way of saying that it’s four in the fucking morning and he’s asleep. You’ll meet him at the wedding, anyway - I’m going to ask him to be my plus one when Patton sends out the RSVP date.” The words had been out of his mouth before he had had time to regret them, and Roman had spent the last eight months trying to sidestep questions about his non-existent boyfriend.

He had later found out that Remus and Janus hadn’t really come down to see him. They had gone to Los Angeles to celebrate their two year wedding anniversary and decided they might drop in while in the area. (Just because they had eloped rather than holding a big party, Janus had commented idly, didn’t mean they couldn’t celebrate it).

But now it was December, and Roman was partner-less and running out of excuses. His lie had gotten out of control, and he had ended up asking Patton and Virgil to include his partner in the guest numbers. He had invented dates they had been on for his mother when she had asked, and he insisted that his boyfriend was shy and had practically no internet presence anyway, so knowing his name wouldn’t help anybody.

He could just say that the two of them had broken up and go home alone, of course.

But that would mean disrupting the meticulous wedding seating plan Virgil and Patton had been making for months.

Besides, Roman was fairly certain that nobody in his family really believed in his mystery boyfriend, and failure to produce one after months of insisting that they would meet… Well, he didn’t want to open himself to that sort of ridicule.

Of course, it didn’t look as though he had much choice.

He hadn’t managed to make many friends at college.

In his first year, Roman had spent a lot of time trying to keep on top of his schoolwork and working toward the various theatre productions the school had put on; all of his free time he had spent planning dates for when he and Remy finally visited one another, or else video calling his boyfriend. There simply hadn’t been time to make many friends during that.

His second year… Well, Remus had been right. He had spent most of his time in his room, eating junk food, watching sappy romance films, and missing Remy.

So far, he had spent his third year trying to bring his grades back up to something more respectable… And missing Remy.

He knew it was pathetic. It had been almost a year and a half since they had broken up, and he still missed being able to call someone to talk about nothing at all at two in the morning, missed planning extravagant dates, missed the feel of hands in his hair and lips on his.

At least his floor was cleaner than it had been last year. And he had eaten slightly less fast food this semester than the previous one.

Roman’s phone chimed again. With a frustrated groan, he made his way over to his desk.

[Looking forward to seeing you on Monday!!! <3 <3 <3 !!!]

Pops 23:25

Patton.

[Me too, Padre! I’ll bring some of that fudge from the shop you love!]

Roman 23:26

[eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee <33333333 Can you get some of the currents+salt? Vee loved it last time + I want to surprise him]

Pops 23:26

[Will do. Looking forward to seeing you too!]

Roman 23:27

Patton would probably be the most understanding if Roman decided to come clean about his lying - but Patton was the worst secret keeper Roman had ever met. He and Virgil had been dating for almost three years, and in that time the thin voice actor had managed to spill every single plot twist in every single show he had watched or acted in. Roman had no doubt that Virgil would know that he was bringing home fudge within the next hour. If he admitted to Patton that he had been lying about having a date for the wedding, Roman would get Patton’s kind - if confused - reassurances, and half an hour later he would get the mixture of mockery and horrible pity that would come with the rest of his family finding out that he still wasn’t over Remy.

Roman let his phone slip through his fingers and land on his desk once more. Three days, and then he’d have to come clean - until then, he could just avoid thinking about it. Collecting the overflowing basket from the corner of the room (he had been putting off doing laundry for a while now), Roman left his room and headed toward the building’s basement laundry room. Term had finished last week and it was almost midnight - he doubted anybody would be down there now. Most people had probably already gone home, or were making the most of the free time to go out rather than spend it doing chores.

The light was off in the basement when he got there, so Roman left it that way as he loaded his clothing into one of the machines.

Moving around in the dark was far more of a Virgil move than a Roman one, but he couldn’t help himself. There was something comforting about the-

“Sweet fucking Shakespeare!” Roman’s hand flew up to cover his eyes as light burst through the small room, quickly followed by the strong smell of coffee.

“Sorry! I was unaware that there would be anybody in here.” As Roman dropped his hand, blinking owlishly in the sudden light, the newcomer made his way over to the machine on the far side of the room from him. “Most people prefer not to fumble around in the dark.”

Remus or Remy would have made some comment about how fumbling around in the dark could be quite fun really. Roman just shrugged. “It’s been a long day.”

He had expected the other man to say something; instead, silence fell over the room, broken only by the sound of the powder tray being opened, filled, and closed again.

Roman didn’t mean to stare, but he couldn’t help it. He had seen the person in the room next to him only twice so far this term, and only knew his name because the mailroom was organised by room number rather than alphabetically, and the name Roman Prince was right next to Logan Ursa.

Logan looked more tired than he had on either of the other times Roman had seen him. There were deep bags under his eyes, the shadows almost deeper than Virgil’s had been at the height of his eyeliner experiments, and the black ponytail that hung halfway to his waist was missing, replaced with what could only be described as a thicket of tangled hair. It looked as though he had been outside even less than Roman had in the past few months: his skin was so pale it seemed to glow under the fluorescent laundry-room lights. There was a steaming mug and a thick book on the lid of the machine beside him, and Roman had the strong feeling that it wasn’t the first coffee Logan had had that evening.

The washing machine Logan had been loading began to rumble, and as the other student straightened up and picked up his book, Roman made himself duck back down to finish his own task.

He’d have to come back to collect his clothing later - Roman suddenly regretted deciding to get this done now, when it meant he would have to return at almost two in the morning, but there wasn’t much he could do about it now.

“Do you want me to leave the light on?” He was more trying to make conversation than anything else: Logan was perched on one of the machines in the corner, nose already buried in what Roman could now see was a heavy medical textbook.

“Obviously.”

Yeah, he probably should have guessed that.

Logan was still in the laundry room when Roman returned to collect his clothing two hours later. He was still sat on the same machine, although now he was speaking into his phone in what sounded like rapid Italian. (It definitely wasn’t Spanish: Roman was almost fluent in Spanish). (The languages were similar, but although he could guess at a few words, he had no idea what was going on). (Not that he was eavesdropping, of course). Logan’s hair was even messier than it had been before, and out of the corner of his eye Roman caught him jerking his free hand through it once or twice.

Roman pulled his now-warm and dry clothing from the machine and dumped it into his laundry basket, doing his best to ignore the way Logan was practically shouting behind him, but couldn’t stop himself from startling at the wordless, frustrated yell that came from the taller man a few minutes later. He was halfway to the door, but paused and glanced at Logan, who was stuffing his phone angrily into the oversized hoodie he was wearing.

“Everything okay over there?”

“Family stuff,” came the snappish response. Roman watched for a few seconds as Logan knelt in front of his own machine and began jerking clothing from it, folding pants as though he wished he were ripping them to pieces instead, then throwing several dark shirts over his shoulder and stalking over to one of the ironing stations.

“Pretty loud family stuff,” Roman commented, then wondered why he was bothering. It had been clear from his first meeting with Logan that the other student wasn’t there to make friends: Roman had been carrying a large cardboard box into his room the day he had moved in, and bumped into him in the hallway. Logan had looked him up and down, said something like, “Keep the volume down. I’m here to work,” and marched past him as though Roman were no more interesting than a hat stand.

Sure enough, Logan didn’t turn to face him, instead ironing a shirt in a manner that strongly hinted that he wanted to make it beg for mercy. “None of your business family stuff.”

“Are you-”

“None. Of your. Business.” This time, Logan actually did glance over his shoulder, and fixed Roman with a scowl that suggested that if he didn’t drop it, his face was going to be the next thing under the iron.

Roman left quickly. He had done his best to be friendly, and if Logan wasn’t interested, that was his problem. He didn’t seem like the sort of person Roman would really want to be friends with anyway.

Logan’s haggard expression lingered in his mind as he made his way back up to his dorm room and began stuffing his now-clean clothes into his wardrobe. He should probably start packing - his suitcase was sitting open and empty against one wall - but he had plenty of time.

Besides, he was exhausted.

Roman had changed into a pair of sweatpants and gotten into bed by the time he heard the door to the room next to his slam shut. Clearly, Logan was still annoyed by whatever ‘family stuff’ had had him first yelling into his phone and then taking his frustration out on his laundry and somebody trying to be friendly.

How long could Logan hold a grudge? Was he the kind of person who would calm down after a couple of hours of sleep, or would whatever he had been arguing about be hanging over him for the next week or so? That would make the winter break uncomfortable…

Or maybe he wasn’t going home. He had looked pretty invested in the textbook he had been studying earlier, despite it being almost midnight and no longer termtime. Maybe Logan was going to stay in the dorms over the winter break and use the hours without lectures for private study.

That sounded like a lonely way to spend the next three weeks.

The idea struck Roman suddenly, and he sat bolt upright in bed, the kind of elation that only comes with golden inspiration coursing through him. He would persuade Logan to come back home with him for the holidays! If Janus took it to mind to ask Janine about him, she’d be able to verify that Logan didn’t socialise much; all he would have to do would be show up briefly for the wedding, and he could spend the remainder of the holiday studying all he wanted, away from ‘family stuff’!

He would ask Logan the following morning, and when he agreed, Roman would book the plane tickets home - he’d pay, of course. Or rather, he’d use the money his mother had sent him so that he could bring his fictional boyfriend home. Either way, Logan wouldn’t have to spend any money himself!

Laying back down, Roman pulled his thin blanket back up to his neck and rolled onto his side, satisfaction warming him more thoroughly than any hot drink could.

This was the best idea he’d ever had.

“That is the worst idea I have ever heard.” Logan glanced into the hallway over Roman’s shoulder as though expecting an audience for a practical joke. “I cannot believe you have wasted my time listening to you.”

“Is… That a maybe?” Roman tilted his head and gave Logan his best puppy eyes.

Alas, Logan’s heart must have been made of stone. “No.” He made to slam the door.

Well, Roman couldn’t have that. It had been difficult enough to get Logan to even open the door in the first place, and harder still to get him to listen beyond the initial “I need you to do me a huge favour, okay, but it works out for you too.” In hindsight, maybe he shouldn’t have led with that. But then he had explained, and for some reason Logan was still trying to close the door on him.

“Ow!”

“That was entirely your fault.”

“You just slammed the door on my foot!”

“You did put your foot there after I had begun closing the door. My point stands.”

Technically, Logan was correct, but Roman wasn’t there to quibble over technicalities. “You got the part where I’d pay for your flights, right? All you have to do is show up for one day in something resembling formalwear, and in return you get rent free accommodation and food all holiday! Plus company!”

“I have too much to do to pretend to be your boyfriend for three weeks for no reason. Find somebody else.” Logan made to close the door again, and this time Roman caught it with his hand.

“There is nobody else!” Roman was aware that he was beginning to sound desperate. “You’re like, the only person I know!”

“That sounds like your personal problem, not mine.” Several strands of hair had fallen from the impressive tangle around Logan’s ears and into his face, and he blew them out of the way. His breath smelled like coffee - bitter coffee. Roman wrinkled his nose. “Let go of my door.”

“Come on, Logan! What else are you going to be doing this holiday?”

“Studying! I have exams to pass!”

“You can study at my place. You won’t have to pay holiday rent there!”

“I won’t have to pay holiday rent if I go to my mom’s place, either! Let go of my door!”

Roman finally pulled his aching foot out of the way, but didn’t remove his hand from the wood. “You don’t want to go back to your mom’s place, though, do you? The phonecall -”

The glare that Logan sent him could have frozen the insides of a volcano, and his voice was suddenly cold enough to make Roman shiver. “Good day, Roman.” This time, Roman jerked his hand out of the way, and the door snapped shut in his face.

Shit. Maybe he shouldn’t have tried to use Logan’s ‘family stuff’ against him. He made a note of that for future reference, then hammered against the door again.

“Please, Logan!”

Silence.

“I’ll be forever in your debt!”

More silence. Maybe Logan would prefer something a little more extravagant?

“I’ll sing of your virtues from the rooftop every night for the rest of the year!”

Nothing.

Okay, maybe that had been a little much. Logan had made it clear that he was there to work and didn’t want to be disturbed in his caffeine fueled study crusades, so something excessive was possibly the wrong way to persuade him to do this.

Oh-

“I’ll pay for your coffee for the rest of the year?”

Roman held his breath and waited.

And waited.

Just when he thought that he had been wrong and that Logan really wasn’t going to be persuaded, the door opened the tiniest of amounts. Logan was still frowning at him, but some of the ice was gone from his expression.

“That’s your dealbreaker? Coffee?”

“I drink a lot of coffee.” A slight deepening in the crease between Logan’s eyes told Roman not to push the subject. “You need a date to a wedding. In return, you pay for my flight there and back, provide accommodation for the duration of the winter vacation, and keep me supplied with coffee for the rest of the year.”

“Well, a wedding, the reception, any pre-wedding parties, and keeping up the act while we’re around other people,” Roman corrected, counting on his fingers. From the irritated twitch of Logan’s left eye, he got the feeling that he hadn’t mentioned the reception or the potential stag night in his initial pitch.

“Blue Moon or Red Planet.”

“What?”

“The coffee. I like Blue Moon or Red Planet coffee. They’re more expensive, so I don’t expect them every time - maybe a ratio of three regular jars to one nice jar.”

Roman blinked. “Uh… Okay.”

Logan nodded once. More hair fell over his eyes. “I’ll draw up a schedule and provide you with estimated projections of my coffee habits for the rest of the year so you can budget accordingly. When do we leave?”

“Um… Monday.” Still reeling from Logan’s sudden and complete 180, Roman cast around for something to say, but the long haired man got there first.

“Monday. That gives us approximately two and a half days to draw boundaries and fabricate enough pictures and stories to give our deceit credibility.” Logan closed his eyes, and Roman realised that he was staring again. He hadn’t expected the other to take this in stride so quickly. “Given that I have work to finish today and you will likely need several hours on Sunday evening to pack… Have you told your family how long we have been romantically involved?”

“Uh, since January. But I told them you were shy, so we don’t have to have any pictures or anything - we can say that all our dates were just pizza and Netflix, and…” He tailed off at the incredulous look on Logan’s face. “What?”

“You expect them to believe that we have been dating for eleven months and you haven’t taken a single photo? Roman, I have listened to you belting the lyrics of more break-up songs than I care to count.” Roman shrugged, and Logan rolled his eyes. “You are quite clearly a romantic. Had we really been dating, the number of pictures you would have taken on whatever extravagance you planned for our six-month anniversary alone would be infinitesimal.”

He had a point.

Roman had already stretched his family’s belief in him to breaking point (and probably well past it) by refusing to share even the smallest thing about his ‘boyfriend’ over the past eleven months; if he didn’t get home on Monday with at least a couple of dozen photos to share, their charade would be over before it could ever really begin. “Right. You’re right. We’ll need to spend the weekend planning, doing a photoshoot - it’ll be fun!”

“You,” Logan started, already retreating, “obviously have a different definition of that word than I do. Eight thirty tomorrow morning, The Roost. Bring a notepad, your phone, and a couple of changes of clothing suitable for various weather conditions.”

“Eight thirty? A prince needs his beauty-”

“Eight thirty. We are going to do this properly.”

Roman’s phone was in his hand barely seconds after Logan’s door had closed (albeit more gently than before).

Groupchat: Princes and Co.

[Can’t wait for you to meet logan!]

Roman 09:58

[a name!!!!!!!!!!]

Trash Rat 09:59

[we have a name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

Trash Rat 09:59

[such a nice name! can’t wait either, ro!]

Pops 10:01

[About time! I’ve been stalling on the place settings for weeks waiting for this name]

Emo Nightmare 10:02

[Was about to fly out to LA to strangle it out of you]

Emo Nightmare 10:04

[he was. i had to physically restrain him from doing so yesterday]

Padre 10:04

[bet u both enjoyed that ;);););););)]

Trash Rat 10:04

Several people are typing…

[Suck a dick, Remus]

Emo Nightmare 10:05

[we did, actually]

Pops 10:05

[would but janjans at work :((]

Trash Rat 10:06

[Didn’t want to know, didn’t need to know.]

Roman 10:06

[Pat!]

Emo Nightmare 10:06

[Logan Ursa??? 4th yr medic??? Coffee addict???]

Snake Eyes 10:06

Roman stared at his phone for a second. That was faster than he had expected.

[u knew????? jan u held out on me??? the luv of ur greyspec life???]

Trash Rat 10:07

[You told Janus?! I’m your brother! He’s not even related to you!]

Emo Nightmare 10:07

[No I didn’t tell Janus!]

Roman 10:07

[I’m omniscient.]

Snake Eyes 10:08

[Plus I just asked Jannie for a list of all the Logans you could have associated with.]

Snake Eyes 10:09

[You and your sister scare me]

Roman 10:11

[He has surprisingly little internet presence.]

Snake Eyes 10:11

[Told you. He’s shy]

Roman 10:12

Sliding his phone back into his pocket, Roman returned to his room and picked up his laptop, this time to actually book the tickets he was supposed to have booked weeks ago. He had no doubt that they would arrive on Monday to discover that his family had already unearthed everything there was to know about his fake boyfriend - should he break that news to Logan before or after they were on the plane? Making the man paranoid might make their weekend photoshoot a lot more difficult.

Their photoshoot! If Logan was really on board, Roman would have to make this as easy as possible for him - and the performance of a lifetime for himself. Given that he was expected to bring a notebook to their meeting tomorrow, they were going to have to do a lot of brainstorming, so he might as well start coming up with ideas now. He already had a few as he grabbed a notepad from the mess on the floor and started hunting for a pencil.

No matter what his fake date said, this weekend was going to be a lot of fun.

#AUgust 2021 #fake dating au #logince #moxiety #dukeceit

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freebooter4ever · 3 years ago

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ive been considering my options, and started looking into moving - not all the way back to washington (where admittedly a little shack house at the base of mt rainier somewhere is sounding better and better)(but if i left california now i dont think i'd ever return and even if imag*n**ring is no longer in glendale im still clinging to the notion that being here still means something) - but somewhere in the more 'rural' areas of socal (if desert can be considered rural?)

My friend here who owns the house on the brush covered hill in the city also has a cabin up in big bear so im imagining something like that. Somewhere to hole up in for a year or so to just escape everything for a while. I can work remotely, as long as i have internet, and rent is certainly cheaper outside the city. And right now just disappearing for a while seems like a relief when i feel like i keep hitting walls and rejection from all corners even people i thought were friends. And the one friend - parent like - figure i have here, i am clinging harder and harder to and i am terrified of the day i push them over the edge and they stop talking to me too. Hence hiding until i feel confident people are no longer sick of me.

But then i think about how i very nearly went crazy house sitting in the artist's house alone on the canyon ridge for two months straight (and called nick way too many times to stomach it)...and i dont know if i could do it. Live alone in the middle of nowhere. Nick did it - moved to the canadian wilderness after a traumatic period in his life. Maybe a part of me wants to try just to prove that i can. Cause for all our similarities that was our fatal flaw - his introversion and my constant tendency to cling to people. He could - and did - pack up and leave at a moments notice, move to a new city, and start over again fresh. I kinda can too, its why i dont own any furniture and anything i want to keep i make sure it can fit in my little car. But instead of cutting ties i hold onto people until i suffocate them.

But thats why i worry i wouldn't be able to actually handle living hours away from anyone i know - no matter how appealing it might sound as a solution to the emotions dogpiling onto my back these past two years. If there was one theme between nick and i the entire time we were together it was always me going out - dancing, music, art events, parties - and asking him to go with me and him always saying no - he'd rather stay in rather be alone. And its not that i minded going out alone - i was used to it and there was always naeem hanging around events and the burgh was small enough i was bound to see someone anyone i recognized. It was the realization that what attracted me to a certain type of personality was almost incompatible with my own. Nick had all the charm and charisma and magneticism i so admired and which i never had any of...yet i was the one who liked people, i liked being around people. And he really didn't. And i guess i never really understood having this type of urge to cut off all ties, disappear, leave without a goodbye and without looking back till now. There's a lot of shame involved in my case.

So I'm looking through ads for weird secluded woodsy cabins and wondering if i would be able to survive a year disconnected except by internet, or if maybe i doubt that i could and that maybe i should be able to - learn to. at least once. to understand better? and maybe i should try now while it seems possible.

anyway im also pretty sure the pandemic has regressed me back to like...middle school levels of social anxiety because im terrified of everyone including any of you guys on here reading this - if i stop messaging you there is a good chance ive convinced myself that you hate me, im sorry in advance. I asked my coworker to lunch the other day and he said no and i havent been brave enough to ask again cause now im certain he's finally realized what a non-artist loser i am and its more productive to work through lunch anyway right? \o/

#Journal shit #Then theres also the possibility that i just need to take a really long car ride this weekend lol #And shut the fuck up #Fun fact in high school i would go to parties and then my dad would pick me up after #And he would force me to drive home bc i was supposed to be learning how to drive #And halfway through the ddrive i would burst into tears and dad would have to have us pull over and switch places #And id be crying the entire rest of the way home #It baffled my introverted dad who didnt understand why i went to these things #If i was just going to be upset by them #He never understood that i loved the parties i loved the people so much #Even though none of them would probably have considered me a friend #But it was always painful because i wanted to be oworthy enough that the people would like me too #What im saying is ive been battling this shit since i was young #The pandemic just resurfaced what i thought i had at least somewhat buried

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witchcraft-in-wonderland · 4 years ago

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Dimmed Lights (Pt.3)

-------------------------

Roman couldn't seem to function for most of the day after his meet up with Janus and Virgil. His mind was racing with different explanations. Was it a hallucination? That cant have been real, they're soulmates, no way he'd want to kiss you of all people when he has Janus seemed to be a popular excuse.

Roman was never very good in school, he mixed numbers up and could never seem to get his head wrapped around certain concepts, but today, that was multiplied ten-fold.

"Mr. Prince-Duke is there something you'd like to share with the class?" the teacher stood at the front, ruler aloft in her hand, eyebrows raised. She was mocking him, he knew that, most teachers tended to pick on the Soulless.

"No ma'am," Roman said, folding his hands in front of him on the desk.

"Are you sure? You seem awfully distracted, have you found your soulmate yet? Your marks dont seem to be glowing," the teacher said, grinning. Roman had to stop himself from pulling a hoodie over the tattoos.

"No, I havent, and I have nothing to share, so I think it would be better to get back to class," Roman said, a slight edge to his voice. The teacher frowned and turned back to the board. Purposely, Roman was sure of it, she'd blocked him from being able to see the notes on the board until she'd erased them, so all he had to go off of was the tone change of the board.

Roman let out a sigh of relief at the bell, rushing out of class before the teacher could say anything else. Next class was lunch, and he'd just remembered where he was going to sit.

"Sorry I'm late- lunch lines are getting ridiculously long these days-" Roman said as he slid into the seat across from the boys.

"Its alright," Janus replied, running his fingers through Virgil's hair. Virgil, it seemed, had decided falling asleep was a superior option to eating.

Roman ran his fingers through his hair nervously, averting his eyes. "So uh- how are your classes?" He said quietly, biting his lip slightly.

"They're alright I suppose, I much prefer theatre though," Janus said. Roman sat up a little.

"You're in theatre?" He said excitedly.

"Of course! What better place is there for me than the stage? Is there anywhere as sophisticated?" Janus said, smirking.

"The day you classify as sophisticated is the day my pet spider stops escaping her enclosure," Virgil mumbled slightly. Roman laughed, but quickly snapped his mouth shut at the glare he received from Janus.

"Well then I suppose we'll find her safe at home in her cave when we arrive home," Janus said, he had a slight pout etched onto his face.

"Aaaaaaaawwwwwww, did I offend you?" Virgil said, burying his head in the crook of Janus' neck. Roman pulled his jacket tighter over himself, trying to be as discreet as possible.

"Roman? Is something bothering you?" Janus said, eyes darting from Roman's arm and chest to his face.

"Hm? Oh- nonono I'm perfectly fine," Roman said, even though it was blatantly obvious that he was lying through his teeth.

"Alright, I wont intrude, but if we're making you uncomfortable you can tell us alright? We wont get upset," Janus said, smiling. Roman felt like he might've melted on the spot from that smile. No one had looked at him like that before. Roman snapped himself back to reality before his thoughts could get to much to handle, Janus already had a soulmate, Roman had no markings, they werent supposed to think of each other like that. Roman began to shove as much food as he could fit into his mouth, hoping he wouldnt have to start up anymore conversations.

"I heard you were having trouble with classes, yes?" Janus continued.

Roman shifted a bit in his seat "Yeah, I'm uh- not very good with math," he said, conveniently skipping the part where teachers actively singled him out on questions he'd never been given before.

"I could tutor you," Janus said simply, Virgil gave him another sardonic look.

"You keep looking at me like that and I'm putting you on the fridge," Janus said out of the corner of his mouth, Virgil shrugged and busied himself with the zippers on his hoodie.

"It'd be pretty hopeless, I'm not exactly a big numbers guy yknow?" Roman said, fidgeting slightly.

"Well, if you think it might help you can always call me," Janus said.

Roman's heart sank when he heard the bell that signified the end of lunch. But picked up as he remembered that he and Janus shared a fourth period.

"I'll see you after school ok Virgil? And for the love of everything please don't try climbing anything you shouldnt be," Janus said as he stood up. Virgil pouted as he got up and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I didnt even get hurt that bad last time!" He said.

"Oh sure, because nearly breaking a leg is definitely considered mild outside of theatre," Janus replied sarcastically. He gave Virgil a small kiss on the forehead before walking off with Roman.

"So how long have you two been together anyways?" Roman asked, tilting his head slightly.

"Oh we've been together for ages," Janus said, smiling fondly.

"That sounds nice" Roman said, trying to keep the conversation on Janus and Virgil so nothing would circle back to him.

"It is, of course Virgil wears his hoodie all the time so it took me ages to figure out he was the reason mine was glowing all the time," Janus said. Roman laughed slightly, imaging the two passing each other in the hall every day with no clue that they were supposed to be soulmates.

"So do you have any favorite productions?" Janus asked.

"Well that's a bit of a difficult one, theres so many to chose from isnt there?" Roman said, grinning. He and Janus spent the rest of the day discussing productions, Janus seemed to know a lot more about the actors, whereas Roman was more focused on the composition of things like the music, and both of them spent a good chunk of time talking about costumes.

Roman was glad Virgil had decided to kiss him in that hall, and it may very well have been for more reasons than one.

----------------------------------------------

Tag list:

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@youtuberswithalex

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@astronomical-bagel

@loveyatothemoonandback

@thefivecalls

#cori writes #dimmed lights au #long post #ts virgil #ts sides #ts janus #ts roman #romantic anxceit #romantic roceit #romantic prinxiety #romantic anaroceit #prinxiety #anaroceit #roceit #anxceit #tw self deprecation #self depreciation tw #self deprecation

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artificialqueens · 4 years ago

Text

Pale Yellow, Prologue (Group Fic) - Candy Cane

A/N: i know i havent shut up abt this for the last forever on my side blog but its just bc ive been so excited lol this is a post-apocalypse/doomsday au & lesbian au wherein after the world ends, people still find each other. without @chaoticnachokitten id be totally lost bc this really needed a beta and some extra confidence thrown in and im so lucky u were there to help me out <3 thank youuuuuu!!! this is very focused on the cast of AS2 bc it sparks joy so bada bing bada boom here we are. u can follow my side blog @sillylittlecandycane where i post wip updates and get wayyy too invested in these aus!! this is the kind of fic that im still fleshing out, so if u have any suggestions for thing i may have missed id love to hear it! anyways sorry for the long a/n hope yall enjoy <3 Summary: Nearly seven years after the apocalypse, Alaska has been a part of a few different groups. None have been like this one, and she wouldn’t give it up for anything. Little does she know that change is on the horizon.

It’s been years since Alaska could look at her friends and not immediately see them as just walking corpses. All of them are on a time limit, they’re only delaying the inevitable. No one can fix this. No one can change what has happened to their lives. Sometimes she doesn’t see the point in continuing forward. And sometimes she sees those small smiles Detox and Roxy share, sometimes she hears how carefree Tatianna will laugh at a joke, sometimes she catches her friends holding hands just because, and she knows they have to try. Even destroyed, their world still holds love and hope. Otherwise, no one would be around.

The gun in her hand is heavy and slick with sweat, her whole body is sore from walking in heels for way too many miles. Apparently the price of looking hot during the end of the world is pain, who would’ve thought?

Alaska looks over her shoulder at Katya and Phi Phi, the Russian is clearly lost in thought, while Phi Phi has her weapon poised to aim, even though she looks almost bored. Alaska almost feels bad for asking them to come with her, but there’s no way she would’ve been able to go out alone.

The whole group understands the importance of checking out supply houses, even if it looks like a longshot. Even if all they find is expired food packets and half-used emergency kits, it’s better than nothing. Sometimes they get really lucky and find crates upon crates of supplies. Weapons, ammo, medical products, food, even bottled water… It’s not often, but it happens.

Alaska breathes a sigh of relief when she sees the emergency clinic come up in her field of view. Soon they’d be home, and Alaska could kiss her girlfriends and put her feet up. She hates being away for so many hours, no matter how necessary it is.

“Let’s go,” Alaska says quickly, speeding up her pace, barely checking to see if her friends are following her lead.

The hot, spring’s day asphalt clacks beneath her heels, the sun beats down on her bare shoulders, and she breathes in the heavy, humid air. There’s a storm on the horizon for sure, she’ll have to ask Ginger to check the weather for the next week.

The cozy, two story emergency clinic that is both the best place in the world and an eternal prison looms before her. It’s the only safe place she’s been able to find and make work, but it represents how trapped they all are.

At least they’re not alone. At least they have each other. That’s what Alaska tells herself as she opens the heavy metal doors. Once upon a time they were glass, but glass doors aren’t great for defense, no matter how nice they look on the outside.

She steps into what was a trashed waiting room when she first found this place and is now a well-managed front room. The receptionists desk is where they keep all their communications equipment, and is also where she sees Ginger, the one who runs the equipment.

“You’re back,” Ginger says, a wide smile on her face that Katya can’t help returning, “Almost thought you’d be gone for good.”

“We weren’t gone that long,” Alaska frowns, letting the door close only when Katya and Phi Phi come through it.

“We were out there almost all day,” Phi Phi says, “Left at dawn, and now it’s almost sunset.”

Alaska sets her weapon down on the counter, “I guess I just lost track of time.”

She looks up to see Detox round the corner, and could almost cry with how happy she is to see her.

“Thought I heard you guys come back,�� Detox smiles.

There’s a worry and fear in her eyes that Alaska wishes only a kiss could fix. There’s no way it would, but she can try. The two hug tightly, and Alaska kisses her for a long moment. It’s so good to be with her again, even with the missing presence of their third.

“I couldn’t stay away for too long,” Alaska teases her when they pull apart, “Where’s Roxy?”

“Training,” Detox sighs, “I was barely able to get her away for lunch.”

Alaska understands the need to always be prepared, it was drilled into her once this whole mess started. She still wishes they would all take better care of themselves though.

She looks over to see Katya talking closely with Ginger, and figures she’s probably just relaying what all happened. There’s a ‘ding!’ sound from the computer, and Ginger leans over to take a look. Alaska’s breath catches in her throat when she sees Ginger’s expression.

“What’s wrong?” she asks, almost scared of the answer.

“It’s… It’s Alyssa’s sister,” Ginger says, completely shocked, “Her group- They’ve got an extreme injury.”

“How extreme?” Katya asks, trying to look at the computer scene.

“Gunshot wound to the torso at the least,” Ginger says with a frown, “They want to bring her here.”

“Can we even help with that?” Detox grimaces.

“Coco saved me, didn’t she?” Alaska says, biting her lip nervously.

“Do we have room? Supplies? It’s been a while since then, Alaska-”

“Who else would be able to help? There’s no hospitals, no working clinics or doctor’s offices,” Alaska reminds her, on the way to making up her mind.

“We don’t even know this person, all we know is that Alyssa’s sister knows them,” Phi Phi points out.

“Alyssa’s sister knows them well enough to want to reach out to us,” Alaska corrects her, “During a fucking apocalypse.”

Katya turns and stares Alaska in the eyes, “So you want to help.”

It’s a statement, and not one that’s wrong either.

Alaska takes a deep breath, then turns to Phi Phi, “Tell Coco she’s going to have a patient,”

Even though she looks skeptical, Phi Phi ducks out of the room, and Alaska is left with three of her teammates staring at her with open mouths.

“Well? Get to work, we have company coming,” Alaska drawls, leaving no room for argument.

It’s a longshot, but they owe a lot to Alyssa, and Alaska wouldn’t be where she is today without the kindness of strangers. If she doesn’t ‘pay it forward’ now, she may never get the chance, and she thinks she would regret that for the rest of her life.

#rpdr fanfiction #alaska thunderfuck #katya zamolodchikova #phi phi o'hara #detox icunt #rolaskatox #angst #doomsday au #post apocalypse au #dystopian au #lesbian au #as2 #hurt/comfort #pale yellow #candy cane #tw gun violence #tw weapons #concrit welcome

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yyxgin · 4 years ago

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dunnae worrae bestie ❣️ life gets in the way sometimes (and responsibilities)

okay so i just liked the kind of air to love alarm? idk it just made me feel like i was somewhere else bc i felt the production quality was that high. some of it was questionable i do agree w that but also song kang is total heart-eyes 😍 and meteor garden was sweet for like a minute each episode and the rest was me groaning in agony just wishing dong shancai would snipe daoming si’s mother. shancai did so much too?? like four episodes in she won a cooking competition against a girl who had literally been professionally training to impress one of the boys ✋ but shancai literally came from almost nothing. also — i’ve never been more frustrated w a drama than meteor garden like sis was literally dirt poor, came close to being evicted twice and her parents moved back to their fisherman hometown leaving her in shanghai (i think?) to make money bc they couldn’t afford the city but she had the newest phone 🛑✋

very early on in my kpop days i had no idea who to bias or however that worked and i was like ‘well i like stray kids i’ll just buy an album’ anyway one of the pc’s i pulled was a polaroid type thing for changbin and i said to my friend wow that’s such a boyfriend picture and that’s the story of how i ulted changbin. im so blasé about so much it’s worrying sometimes 🙀🙄✌️✌️ im not too bad about watching things. i used to struggle a lot but bc i’ve trained myself to read fast enough to see the subs and then flicker to the scene on screen so i don’t get bored. i do feel sometimes as if i am following when i’m looking at my phone but realistically i shouldn’t be this bold 😬

noice!! i’m still new to adulting but i’m p sure ive been at it for longer than i think. when i was fifteen and working in a hotel i was asked if when i was finished for the summer i was going back to uni 🤡 all i keep thinking about is finally having a job again and being able to spend an entire pay check on albums ngl i haven’t impulsively bought anything recently and i’m itching to be irresponsible w my money again 🤠 i know some girls who have preordered all the versions of dream and MAN am i tempted 😭😭😭 this is getting so out of hand at this point i’m going to have to strap myself to my bed until june this is not it ☹️

i have read for nct members certain members are more popular in like eastern us? i imagine it’s to encourage trading or to buy more albums so i could only guess that’s what’s happened to me w mamamoo 😭 theyre thé only gg i am properly into. i didn’t want to be thirsting over boys all the time bc... idk i just wanted some variation so mamamoo it was! twice is too many people for now (don’t even say but nct has 23, ik ik but i was only on my second group and i refused to acknowledge more than one unit for like 7 months bc i was scared) and blackpink has like 2 songs 🤡🤡 i added this bot called zephyr to my discord server and me and my friend roll for collectible kpop cards (it’s p neat and i’ve found groups i wouldn’t have been able to find myself otherwise) and she’s helped me discover so many groups! i think i was enjoying a fromis_9 song earlier <3

i’m always having good days these days 🥺 so i hope yours was good too!! also i don’t expect you to reply to these straight away (bc they’re unnecessarily long) i just try my best to reply straight away otherwise i’ll forget i even sent sumn in the first place! ~🌻

the production quality was definitely very high with love alarm, it looked so nice and aesthetic :(( but like,,the storyline ?? when they kissed in the first ep?? i- that was it for me. i couldnt watch it any longer. my best friend finished it tho and i think she liked it,,so like-- fair.

PLEAAASE METEOR GARDEN SOUNDS SO MESSY i lowkey wanna watch it just for the shits and giggles now,,i can’t,,, like the cooking competition? that sounds like a fucking disney channel plot to a movie. i am all here for it tho

YOU HAVE A CHANGBIN POLAROID OKAY BESTIE I AM ON MY WAY TO ROB YOU NOW. DROP YOUR ADDRESS,,,DEADASS. AAAAH also i am bad at watching things to the point when i forget to turn on the subtitles sometimes and then get surprised when i dont understand a shit anD THATS when i realise somethings wrong.

i am so new to adulting pls,, this is my first part time job and i also didn’t have a bank account until literally today. i am a babie,, i couldn’t even do things by myself like i can’t fucking order for myself in the restaurant because i am socially anxious hihi. bUT i figured working with people might help me get rid of that and i am also fullfiling my childhood dream of working behind the cash register now, so that’s cool. the only thing i need now is to graduate, go to uni and do my driver’s licence and then i’ll be adulting for real imo

i am really good with money surprisingly?? i dont spend much, because i dont have money lmao and when i do i keep it because i just like the thought of having money and not the actual spending. YOUR FRIEND BOUGHT ALL THE VERSIONS OF THE DREAM ALBUM??? LOWKEY ME FDKAJ no but fr i think i’m just gonna order the boring version once i start working because it fits my aesthetic the most and i love the concept photos. also if i pull that one specific renjun photocard i might just cry my eyes out but i’ll be happy with anyone bc i literally ult the entirity of dream at this point.

ooh i dont really enjoy the sound of girlgroups i think ?? i need some noise if you know what i mean :( im not into like chill songs that much. bUT uhh i like itzy and i am gay for them pls. i also havent listened to their comeback yet so i am a fake fan i guess but i’ll fix that soon i prOMISE

i am doing well and i am also glad you are doing well !! <3 your asks make me so happy dfjka i finally dont feel as invisible on this stupid site lmao. also thanks for understanding that i dont reply that quick, but i tend to just uhh leave things be for a while ?? like i get a message and i dont always reply straight away for some reason. but yea. thank you !! <3

#💌ask #🌻 anon

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unwelcome-ozian · 5 years ago

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.Why do you equate mass shootings with white supremacy? A few have been, sure. Not every shooting is purported by white supremacists. And not every shooting is a choice either. It can result from bullying, abusive parenting, suppressing of gender identity and all kinds of things that eat at them until they are mentally scattered and unhinged.

2 Programming can sometimes contribute. Schizophrenia and dehumanization can contribute. Being forced to live in a society that doesnt accept, having everything monitored to the point of breaking, programming like being drugged out can contribute. It’s not even like all mass shooters are even white. I cant believe you are minimizing trauma and abuse to simply White Supremacy. Yes not all mentally I’ll are violent, no, it’s not all an act of racial violence, even if a few are.

Is there no abuse in society? Is it always simply white supremacy when someone breaks and is very irrational due to not even being able to think with everyone breathing down their damn neck and cant even think without being policed? Is it white supremacy to be abused to the point they are a potential danger to society, maybe they feel like they’ll never be productive or he feels like a defective female and male because he was raised to be that way?Utterly callous and insensitive Nice gaslighting

Also maybe I am completely out of the loop on these things but how is shooting a bunch of other white people an act of white supremacy? How is someone who shoots people he perceives to be bullies an act of white supremacy?

What it is like to almost reach mass shooter status is where you arent allowed to do any physical activity or rough house with anyone and people put shackles on you by abusing neglecting and raping you and potentially even drugging you until your brain breaks and words and actions become like daggers and bats. And that’s because you havent been allowed sleep or adequate portions of food and because you cant let your anger and emotions out they start giving you rashes and in your brain as

as a person with DID you can only see yourself as having scars and black eyes and broken fingers and of you speak someone will cut out your tongue and.. you through windows and criticizing everything and setting traps and.. I’m not looking to get unhinged from this further so Ill stop. Its insensitive to look at an issue that intersects with abuse and bullying as only white supremacy. Maybe it just hit a soft spot from a much rougher time for us Is it not abuse if it occurs in a school setting?

I’m not even finishing my rant because you don’t deserve to hear my story. I’m a strong beautiful survivor who is worth much more than that And my story is much more genuine and importance then you will ever understand. Its not some nazi wet dream. I doubt you care but I wont follow a blog who minimizes abuse of children because its in a school setting instead of a home setting. It’s gross. My healing journey doesnt need ppl like this anywhere near it. I hope you mature one day.

Itsnot because of my RA or because I was abused as an autistic or had my gender identity suppressed and had another beaten into me its because Im a white supremacist and all my pains are invalid and I should quit whining and try to push it down when I cant and doing that makes me break out in rashes and become irrational because I’m so used to doing it. Grow up. No one wants to help eliminate child abuse in schools stop systematic child torture And you are no different. I chose this. Okay.

Okay this is my last message but just to clarify white supremacy as well as banning guns ends all the violence (although it would stop a lot of it) are scapegoats. One shifts the blame away from RA, from our current school issues, the other doesnt address why ppl are turning out the way they are. Anyway. I wont look at this blog anymore. I dont have to, and the content you post is your choice I understand. Its better to speak up than stay quiet though.

Here is the post you are referring to.

Why do you equate mass shootings with white supremacy?

Because there is an association.

In the two weeks since a gunman killed 22 people in El Paso law enforcement officials say they have thwarted at least seven separate mass shootings or white supremacist attacks across the US.

At least four of the alleged foiled plots also appeared to involve men espousing far-right viewpoints and racist ideologies, with echoes of the Texas massacre. Aug 22, 2019

April 2019

1 killed in mass shooting targeting a synagogue in Poway, California, US.

March 2019

51 killed in mass shootings targeting two mosques in Christchurch, New Zealand.

October 2018

11 killed in a mass shooting targeting the Tree of Life synagogue in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, US.

October 2018

Man attempted to enter black church before allegedly killing two black people in a supermarket in Kentucky, US.

January 2017

Six people killed during evening prayers at a mosque in Quebec City, Canada.

For a comprehensive list go here: LINK

Not every shooting is purported by white supremacists. And not every shooting is a choice either.

Nowhere in that post did it say EVERY shooting. So you are correct. In the context of the post yes EVERY shooting is a choice.

Careful using absolutes like; always, all, every, and never. Things rarely are 100 percent, that’s the reason things must be kept in context. So, throughout this reply, I’m going to continually place things back in context for you by referring to the post that you are upset about.

It’s not even like all mass shooters are even white. I cant believe you are minimizing trauma and abuse to simply White Supremacy.

Again, out of context, nowhere in that post did it say ALL are white. It says ‘being a white supremacist is not a mental illness, it’s a choice.’

Do you know what a choice is in the context of the post? I’ll explain in this context, it means someone choosing, willfully saying, ‘I choose to hate someone solely based on their race, country of origin, ethnicity, religion and for no other reason.’ That is a choice.

And again, in the context of the post: White supremacy isn’t a mental health issue.

For clarification, are you saying you’re a white supremacist? Or….

Anyway. I wont look at this blog anymore. I dont have to, and the content you post is your choice I understand. Its better to speak up than stay quiet though.

That’s fine, you don’t have to look at this Tumblr, it is your choice. Like being a white supremacist is a choice.

Mental health issues however are not a choice. Depression, not a choice. Schizophrenia, not a choice. DID, not a choice. Bi-polar, you guessed it, not a choice. BPD, not a choice. EDs, not a choice. The mental health issues people live with absolutely not a choice. We agree there.

#answers to questions #white supremacy #mass murders #white supremacy not a mental illness #scapegoating the mentally ill

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fisherfurbearer · 5 years ago

Text

fuck sam walmarts

and fuck management

I’ve had it. Left the store in tears tonight.

as some peoople probably/hopefully know. walmart closes at 6 pm on christmas eve. no one actually gets to leave at 6 becuase of shitty last minute customers. but it is what it is.

this. is really personal but im honestly SO close to just. killing myself? so who cares

basically. had a really really bad last few days. spent a lovely time with family (jessies family, his oma and opa and sister and parents and it was just a great time. theyre more family to me than most of my blood family) but it did make me Sad in Deep ways as we dont know if this is going to be our last christmas with his oma who isnt doing so good. and it just twisted me up a little but was othewrsiwse a great day. but then sunday i just...had a huge breakdown in the morning and decided to use my accomodation (i get 2 excused absenses a month) to cool down and gte myself together. slept a lot. woke up adn got a lot done, felt great, then i CRASHED really really bad, got really angry, lashed otu, took like...8-10 sleeping pills...theyre horrific things and im never doing that again...had to sleep for two days after that...felt horrifically sick, in pain, just awful. had repeating nightmares over and over. which has also been wearing me down recently. wasnt able to work monday either because i still couldnt stand and between the pills and the depression/anxiety and really just. felt like the world was ending.

decided sometime last night id just...try my best to make it in today, work my shift (really long 9-6, knowing i wouldnt leave on time nad htisis my first time working in 5 days now...which is rough...) and if i can get through this, i have another couple days off in a row after that (schedules fault, not mine...do feel awful i missed 3 days before that though...) and we can just. get back on track

today i DID go to work, jessie drove me in

i worked. a long time. im supposed to get a break every 2 hours and a 1 hour lunch

i gott my first break on timeish.

then i got my lunch 6 hours after i got in. at which time i got “locked out” for not taking my lunch and coudlnt do anything on the registers. i was supposed to get it 4 hours in. its christmas eve and excruciating and im still in pain and tired from my previous days breakdowns, but otherwise?? i did really good. i didnt mind at all that my lunch was so late. i was a little miffed, but its ok. i dont care, so long as i get it eventually. anyway they FINALLY noticed i was locked out and got me coverage and i ended my lunch at 4. things continued ok. worked on self checkout, met a lot of regulars i really like, prevented $200 of theft (HAHA WOW that was really really funny i love preventing petty theft. i prevent so much theft every week its my pride and joy) just did okay. then they had us close self checkout that took a little while. then at 5:00-5:10 or so i went to my Manager/Supervisor/”““People LEad” as walmart is now trying to call them, lets call her manager Y, and i told her i still need my break and will i get it before i leave. she said go to register 4. i asked again hey will i get my break though and she said yeah and i thought to mysel HAHA thats not going to happen but ok

really stupid that after bieng locked out the first time she couldnt give me my break before i openned a register with a line i cant get rid of

anywayy i did ok otherwise for a while

but at 5:25 or so i reminded a CSM “hey i need my break still can i get that?” and she just ssaid yeah well try to get someone and then more time passed so much time. i put through an ask on the register “assistance needed”. waited another 10 minutes. “assistance needed” again. starting to get anxious. its past 5:40. the line is so long. theres so MUCH NOISE. Its SO LOUD. the intercom keeps going off, no one is responding to me, i dont have a mat to stand on so my knees HURT,, im not doing okk

i switch my light to flashing/need assistance and start looking for someone to ask for help. its 5:45, i need my break NOW, i DESERVE IT for workng this long ass shift and they already missed several of my last breaks a week ago AND got me locked out today and im STARTING TO GET ANXIOUS PELASE I JUST WANT MY BREAK SO BAD

nnthgen a csm is passing by im about to lose it, so i tell her CSM J, please i really need my break now PLEASE and im starting to ccry and i try to tell her whats going on but she shushes me and goes and gets sometone

im full on tears at this point, im so strreesed out,,

manager Y and some other snooty manager come over andd. ffkcing. ask me whats wrong. im crying and i try to explain im really really stressed out, i havent had my last break, ive been trying to get someone for so long now, i just really need to leave im so sorry

and theyy just. fckkng

ffcking manager Y jjst ssays ok “ill give you your break” and “this is your last break” and i ssaid?? yeah i knoww?? andd she saidd “next time youre like this, just dont come in”

i quote that completeltyyy....i really lost it then...i cried som muchh

this isnt the first itme she said something like this to meee...

she asked me “why are you CRYING” When i had an anxiety attacki n the store once, when ic cloked in and couldnt get myself together,, she didnt give me time to calm down, she didnt listen as to why, she just said “why are you crying. this is a BUSINESS. you cant be CRYING Here.” and i just said ok ill go home bye and leftt

andd when i tried to get my availability changed from 7-9 to 7-6/7-7 because the random late shifts with 7 am shifts was messing me up really really bad and my doctor thinks i need to hcange it too, she just said “i cant do that. thisi sa BUSINESS.” and she wouldnt listen when i said i might have to quit because of this, this is for my health, im literally scheduled 7-2 every sunday in december, busiest day of the busiest month and you cant even chop TWO HOURS off my weekend availability????

andd i jjst

ive HAD IT with her

ive had ittt

im so ashamed and angry and anxious and i still havent stopped cryingg. she called me over to her again as i was leaving and she blamed me for it. she ssaid a customer was upset that i “Screamed” (ues i raised my voice a little but i wasnt screaming??? also the two customers i was attending to when this was going on and i cried were VERY KIND nad jjst said i was doing a good job and thanked me for being there) and called a manager over (but...csm J got them?? not a customer...??) and i cant be acitng like this, i cant do customer service when im stressed,, and d i should just STAY HOME If im going to be like that

then shee fufkcing toold me i DID IT WRONG, that i “shouldve called someone over” I TOLD HER I DID!!!!! I DID!!!!!!!!!! YOU NAIL INTO MY HEAD IM NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE REGISTER SO I DIDNT, I DID EVERYTHING ELSE I COULD THOUGH!!! I REQUESTED HELP TWICE!! I TURNED MY LIGHT TO FLASHING!!! I TRIED TO CATCH A MANAGER WALKING BY TO HELP ME!!! N OONE LISTENED UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE, I DID EVERYHTING I COULD!! yet she seriously told me to my face that “you didnt call anyone”, “you couldve turned your light to flashing” WHICH I DID and sshee jjst said that i made customers uncomfortable and i cant work like thatt and just stay hhome

ii stayed home sunday because i was having a mjor mental emergencyy.

i came in today because i was feeling better and i took it eaasy and ended up doing a wonderful job and mad eso many people smilea nd fixed so many problems that wouldve otherwise upset a lot of folks and i met my regulars and made old folks smile andd i prevented a lot of theft that no one else wouldve caughtt and i jjstt broke down after 9 hours and not getting a last break and all the chaos of register (WHICH BY THE WAY THEY KNOW I DONT LIKE REGISTER!!! I THRIVE ON SLE FCHECOUT!!! THATS MY JOB TITLE!! THATS WHAT I DO!!!! THEY KNOW THISS!!!!) and HER AVOIDING GIVING ME MY FUCKING BREAK and NOT RESPECTING MY FFUCKING METNAL DISABILITIES LJNASDKAJHDBASJSDNAJSNDKANSD

I JJST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DOO

i really want to die and i really want to never go back but i really loved my job i loved helpting people ii jjst hate her so muchhh and i feel GENUINE DREAD/SEVERE ANXIETY jjst SEEING her nnow

she doesnt CARE about anyone but herself shes a horrible peson i cant tell the store manager though cause she wont care either and manager Y has more clout than me so shell just twist my words and make me out as the bad guy as hte “CRAZY ONE” who cries and gets stressed (FOR COMPLETELY VALID REASONS AFTER BEING PUSHED OVER THE EDGE) even tthough i work SO FFRIKCING HARD and do SUCH A GOOD JOB and asdjanjsdhajshdas

i d ont know what to doo

i cant work another job because no where else pays as much or will let me do self checkout only, because being a cashier stresses me so muchh

ii...really wanntted to grow stuff and make preserves and sell bee products and work with folks raising heritage sheep and make more fiber art andd open a little stall at a local market and sell all that,, and offer more online and do customs andd stuff

i know i could mkae money that wa ybut i ccantt start it so sudenly and im too Broken to do it seriouslyy and i dont even want to HAVE to quit because of ONE PERSON But shes done this so many times now and this is the nfinfal streaww

i jjst dont know what to doo...

i cantt stop cryingg

i cant even enjoy christmas nnow. wanted to see my stepdad and give him his presernt and maybe be ok.

last christmas we had to move because our house was condemned after a fire. now im going to have to lose my job because of a horrible manager who doenst respect my metnal health or anything about me reallyy. and unfortunately im such a failure that i cant. do anything else and if i lose this job ill lse my animla sand i wotnt be able to do anyhtingg andd im jjust fucking trash

goddammit i dont know what to do. i really dont. hhahaaa. i just really want to end it. ive come so far and none of it fucking matters because of thiss fucking horrible manager.

#jjst...ffeels like shes violating somethingg #and treating me a LOT like how my abusive mother used to treat me #why are you CRYING? you cant be trying here. this is a BUSINESS.#is a lot like Why Do You look so MISERABLE all the time?? why are you CRYING??#and shit like IGNORING ME when i try to change my hours #straight up ignoring me #she basically made it clear shed rather me QUIT than fuckingg chop 2 hours off my AVAILABILITY #ITS SO FRUSTRATING #AND SHES SUCH A HYPROCRITE #scheduled 7-2 every sunday!!#yet you cant change my availability to 7-7??#you NEED ot keep it until 9???#but working until 9 and getting home around 10 and getting no sleep because i need to take care of my pets and myself #and get up at 5:30 the next morning for work at 7 #WHEN THAT COULD EASILY BE ALTERED BY CHIPPING A COUPLE HOURS OFF MY AVAILABILITY #AND MY DOCTOR ALSO THINKS I NEED TO CHANGE IT TOO #BUT WHO FUCKING CARES RIGHT ITS A BU S I N E S S #SURE SURE BUT WHEN A CUSTOMER FLIPS THE SIGN ON A $7.94 SHIRT #TO SAY 0.94 CENTS #WITH THE CENTS SIGN!!!!#THEN I HA V E TO HONOR IT #THATS A+ BUSINESS RIGHT THERE #BITCH DOESNT EVEN KNOW HOW TO APPROVE A COUPON ON SLEF CHECKOUT!!!!#AND OUR FRICKING STORE MAANGER MAKES TRIPLE FIGURES!!!#BUT NO ONE FUCKINGG CARES #NO ONE FUCKING CARES #I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMOREE #id dont want to have to lose my job and stability over this one person #but this isntt...ok #i shouldnt have to go to work and deal with MORE emotional abuse

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ledamemangociana · 5 years ago

Text

2020 20 questions meme time UWU

i was tagged by @decertatio to do this! i havent spent enough time on here recently to tag anyone, B U T! if you see this and would like to do this, consider yourself tagged, and let me know! i wanna read your answers UWU

-----

1. Do you make your bed? - GAWD NO, at least not 70% of the time, im so bad at this. it’s coz on the weekdays, i start working at 6:30am or 7am at home coz my bosses are in Australia and a lot of our clients are in Australia and/or New Zealand, and they’re 3 or 4 hours ahead of us, so i gotta get on those emails and support case tickets as soon as i can, so i give myself about an hour to catch up, and then i hurry out of the condo to get to the office before im marked late at 10am lolololol. on the weekends, when im at home, BECAUSE im just at home, i never fix my bed coz im in it 85% of the time anyway lakdjf

2. What’s your favorite number? - 13, cliche as it sounds. not coz i think it’s lucky or anything, but because other people around me thought it was. i kind of clung onto it when i was in high school coz i wanted to fit in by standing out.

3. What’s your job? - An accounts and client services manager at a digital services agency.

4. If you could, would you go back to school? - Probably not. I love learning, HATE studying.

5. Can you parallel park? - i never got far enough into being taught how to drive by mom to get to parking

6. A job you had which would surprise people? I think every job I’ve ever held, tbh. I graduated interior design mainly because my dad told me to when i asked him if i should enroll in advertising instead (the entrance exam i passed was good for either course). the only ID job i ever had lasted only two weeks, at a firm i had to do my internship/OJT at. it was my first job, and i was let go after two weeks. after that, i was a call center agent for two months, and then a copywriter for 6 months, and then an SEO specialist for a year and a half, and then a social media content/community manager at one firm for one year, and then for another agency for 3 and a half, and now im in my second year as an accounts manager at a digital services cloud agency. even i’m surprised at this job list tbh.

7. Do you think aliens are real? - i absolutely do believe that we are not the only life in this big, huge, wide, expansive universe that the planet earth is but a miniscule blip on. there’s definitely other life out there.

8. Can you drive a manual car? - i haven’t driven a car legitimately outside of learning how to drive, but yeh i probably can, since that was what my mom taught me with.

9. What’s your guilty pleasure? - junk food and soft drinks, but in general i try not to feel guilty about anything i take pleasure in

10. Tattoos? - none, but i am ACHING for them. i’ve had ideas for a loooong time. one that i DEFINITELY want to get as my first one is part of a letter that i found that my mom wrote for me in high school. “i know that you will be able to stand up for yourself and the world will stop and take notice.” i still have the letter, so i still have it in her handwriting. i want it on the inside of my left forearm.

11. Favorite color? - Pink! lighter/softer/pastel shades are my preferred ones, but i love any shade or hue of pink tbh

12. Things people do that drive you crazy? - i hate fake guilt trips. like, when someone wants me to do something that i can’t do, they’ll come in with like “nah, it’s fine, i’ll just drop all these SUPER IMPORTANT things im doing and go out of my way to do this thing that im asking you to do because i’m SOOOOO sorry that you’re unable to do it yourself” coz it’s like...dude, if you really were able to do that or if you wanted to actually do that, you wouldn’t have asked me to do the thing in the first place. like, you’re clearly just saying that to make me feel bad enough to make me drop everything im doing and do whatever it is you asked me to do. i also hate when ppl fish for compliments by being falsely humble or self-deprecating. like. PLEASE, y’all, i’ve lived with negative amounts of self-esteem for literal decades, i know the difference between actual self-loathing and you just wanting to hear good things about yourself that you don’t want to be called narcissistic for saying about yourself. i know what it sounds like when someone is actually going THRU something or is actually having an actual hard time accepting themselves and/or asking people for what they need as opposed to when someone just wants to be told something. like. don’t insult my intelligence and experiences like that. granted, there are nuances to consider for all of these things, bUT like i said, i know the differences when i see them.

13. Any Phobias? - i have a phobia of drowning that’s light enough to NOT keep me away from water but bad enough to sometimes make watching or listening to scenes where someone could potentially drown to set some triggers off for me. i also just have a really really bad fear of dying because of getting my oxygen cut off, coz that sounds like a really slow, painful way to die.

14. Favorite childhood sport? - i was never really a sports kid. the only sport i ever really enjoyed playing willingly was badminton. i trained for a few summers but never competed, but i got good enough to make games in a court fun. i still have my badminton racquet, it’s the only Legit™ badminton racquet in the house (it’s a Yonex, handed down to me by my trainer, only been restrung twice or thrice coz the last restringing was done so damn well), all the other racquets were inexpensive unbranded knock-offs that were good enough for me and my family to have casual games with.

15. Do you talk to yourself? - yes but mostly as a product of deep focus or concentration, or really heavy emotion. having social media has lessened doing it for the latter since i can just vent on here or on twitter, but when im doing stuff for work that’s hard or needs a lot of focus or concentration, i have full-on stand-up meetings with myself.

16. What movie do you adore? - “Romy And Michele’s High School Reunion.” it’s not a perfect movie by any means, but for someone who was a bullied outcast for much of elementary and high school years in a private, all-girls, Catholic school where everyone was tall and thin and pretty and pale and smart and popular, ALL the things that i wasn’t, it was - is? - like a beacon or a hug.

17. Do you like doing puzzles? - heck yeh, coz solving them makes me feel smart, and not being able to solve them but learning HOW to is so much fun for me.

18. Favorite kind of music? - i don’t know that i have one, to be honest, i haven’t listened to current radio in literal YEARS because i dont own a radio in the condo, i barely watch TV anymore, and i dont spend enough time in a vehicle to really know what’s up. i enjoy pop, hip-hop, rnb, showtunes.

19. Tea or coffee? - more of a coffee person myself, actual tea always just tastes LEGITIMATELY like leaf water to me, and i cant find a liking for it. i do really love sweet tea and milktea tho. but yeh, im mostly a bean juice person.

20. The first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up? - An architect, like my dad. i thought i would be one, up until i discovered writing in high school, and then i thought i wanted to become a journalist until i took it up as my first course in college and hated it. but yeh, it was always “architect! like daddy!” when i was asked that question when i was a kid. i looked up to him so much as a kid, and he and i were super tight when i was younger coz i was his firstborn and a daughter. we used to call each other best friends. i miss those days a lot; things between us seemed simpler, but maybe that’s because i didn’t have the ideals, knowledge and capacity to question the way he loves/loved me as My Parent™. our relationship these days is absolutely skewed and skewered.

#personalciana #Mango Goes to Jail #memeciana

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mistymark · 6 years ago

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the one with the stagehand // m.k.l

mark lee x reader // theatre au // 1.4k // masterlist

summary; in which mark really wants to impress y/n but singing is not the way to go apparently

warnings; nope this is a Pure piece // no real plot

requested; nope but I havent posted in ages so :// here

notes; sorry for not posting in forever !! but here is my third mark post of the night so hopefully y'all will forgive me

mark has been talking about auditioning for the next production for a while

it may or may not be because you are the director’s assistant

the dreamies laugh but still encourage him to go for it, sure he’ll fail and/or embarrass himself

and that would be fucking hilarious

so mark goes and picks up a script from the actual director and practices in their dorm at all times of the day

after hearing the script three times, hyuck starts quoting it, and has learnt more than mark

hyuck starts teasing mark that he’ll go against him for the lead

after standing on the kitchen table in the middle of the living room and belting the lyrics to the audition song to everyone at breakfast (and surprisingly getting a lot of compliments for it), hyuck decides to audition

tensions run high as both hyuck and mark start practicing

to spite mark, hyuck asks you to run lines with him

mark retalliates by telling the director that hyuck wants to be the love interest instead of the lead

(jisung asks you if he can join the stage crew - of course, you said yes)

chenle asks shortly after

you think its really sweet that they want to support the theatre students but really theyre both there to see jaemin and mark crash and burn during auditions

on audition day, both mark and hyuck audition for the lead role

they havent spoken in a week

(markhyuck summer fight of 2017 y'all)

you sit with the director and judge them

you smile when hyuck walks on stage, knowing how hard he’s worked

mark is kinda really annoyed, scowling as he watches hyuck “butcher” the audition song

ur really surprised when mark rocks up on stage

because ”im really more of a rapper dude cmon”

but nonetheless he did

and you were ????? shocked??? he was Great

but when he saw ur face

he had the most SMUG grin

and u were instantly like >_>>>>

anyways

once auditions were over

they both stomp out of the theatre, refusing to speak

the cast list is posted two days later, and they both race to find out who got the role. both of them physically deflate when they see the name.

JENO?!

they’RE BOTH Y E L L I N G

loud bois

jeno walks down the hall calmly, just checking if he actually got the role

he’s very startled when he sees he’s got the lead

mark and hyuck demand answers, and finally speak to one another again (that is before mark points out hyuck got the lead as jeno’s love interest)

hyuck is s p u t t e r i n g

“I didn’t even audition for that role!!!”

he’s very confused, before he sees that mark’s name isn’t even on the list

smugly, hyuck points this out

sticking his tongue out at mark

until jeno’s like

yo wait mark’s name is here

mark’s name is flagged as “lighting and tech, to report to y/n l/n”

mark is honestly more rapt with that than he would have been if he’d been given the lead

during practices, mark mucks around with the lights, mostly on purpose, partly because he has no idea what he’s doing, just so you have to go over the lights with him AGAIN

chenle is mostly unseen during rehearsals, but he is heard because he keeps dropping props and bumping into sets

they all hear jeno’s voice for the first time, and realise he was probably a better lead than both mark or hyuck

though hyuck is adamant it should've been him

“the director just has it out for me I swear!!! he didnt like me at all last year”

“no one did” - renjun, 2k19

you hang out in the lighting box most of the time, because that’s the only place kun can’t find you and ask you a million more questions about his sets and costumes

mark loves it, he jokes and makes you laugh, until he misses his queue for a light or something and you dont talk to him for half an hour so he can focus

hyuck, at first, refuses to play the love interest the way its written, swaggering around the stage and saying things like “this is ridiculous” after all of his lines

after a few practices, he gets really into it, and doesnt even need his script, he’s spent most of his afternoons memorising all of his lines and stage directions

one practice, mark is not needed with the lights, because they’re just doing a props and set run-through with the full cast, so you ask if you can practice some of the makeup on him

mark, of course, says yes.

you blabber on about running the production, and how the director does LITERALLY NOTHING since the auditions, and just sits there while you do everything else

and how the hair and makeup girls were absent and barely ever showed up, and how you had to practically beg Jaemin to help out on the night (the agreement was; he wouldn’t have to attend any rehearsals other than the dress rehearsal, and of course, the nights of the performance)

as he doesnt have a lot of experience with makeup, youve given him the easy tasks

but it still means you have to learn how to do stage makeup

all mark can think about is how close you are to him

after a pause, you, as if for the first time, notice how sharp his jawline actually is

and for a while, thats all you can think about

“thinking about me?” mark does one of those little half-smiles that bothered you (but you totally still thought it was kind of cute)

“always” you rolled your eyes, your tone dripping sarcasm

you stepped back, biting the inside of you cheek to stop a smile creeping up on your face

“I think I’m done.”

“finally” mark lets his head roll back against the edge of the chair, messing up his hair, and then stands up to grab the mirror

at this point, you let out a laugh, and mark furiously turns around “YOU TURNED ME INTO A FISH?!”

you grin, “a very CUTE fish, you’re Flounder!”

you're very proud of yourself; the fact that mark could even tell he was a fish was a good sign

“WE’RE NOT EVEN DOING THE LITTLE MERMAID!” he starts to rub furiously at his face, trying to get the makeup off, but ends up looking like he’s just been beaten in a fist fight

you can barely contain your laughter, “aw come on, that took ages!!”

later that week, after a six hour rehearsal, the director asks mark to change the lighting filters on the stage, even though he could have done it during the rehearsal

but I mean its okay I guess bc he has to stay back

and

you're staying back too

so like

;)))))

hyuck and jeno are laughing about the kissing scene next week, it hasn’t quite dawned on them that THEYRE actually the ones kissing

Jisung is frantically trying to find the lighting filters, even though he already gave them to mark, and then leaves after being told by you that he was stressing you out

in the lighting and sound booth, you’re going through the script again, marking areas the cast needs to go over and adding stage directions

you hums the duet that hyuck and jeno had been singing earlier as you do it

mark, who is balancing on a ladder on the stage, trying to fit the new filters onto the lights, nearly jumps out of his skin as he hears the humming come through the speakers around the theatre, the microphone in the booth catching every note of your singing

he smiles but continues changing the light filters, not being able to stop himself from singing the other part of the duet

soon, he’s screaming the lyrics as loud as he can to try and drown out some of your off key humming

you’re laughing in the booth as he screws up his face, his glasses balancing on the tip of his nose as he tries to block his ears with one hand and adjust the stage lights with the other

“now I can see why you’re on stage crew” you smirk, leaning down to talk through the mic, “you’re a terrible singer”

“a terrible singer, maybe, but even I can detect how off key your humming was” he yells back, sticking his tongue out and momentarily losing his balance on the ladder

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musingsofanewbienurse · 6 years ago

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Transitioning to Veganism

In January 2019 I decided to take part in veganuary with the intention of being fully vegan afterward (bar what was already in my cupboard and needed eating up). It wasn’t a sudden decision, in fact, it had been a gradual choice that I had been considering for months at this point. I had been vegetarian since July 2017 and had been gradually decreasing my intake of animal products so that by the end of 2018 my diet was 80-90% plant based already. I had been avoiding dairy for the most part anyway as it causes my skin to break out badly and cheese was an expensive luxury on a furgal university budget. The only thing that really let me down in that aspect was when I ate out or by not checking labels.

Like most people I had watched the world-famous Netflix document ‘What the Health’ in the spring of 2017 and that was probably one of the first major catalyst that lead to me analysing and changing my diet. I had grown up on a small, rural island off the mainland of England, one of its main agricultures being farming. Every-day I would see cows and sheep grazing in fields both outside my bedroom window and on the way to school, I saw these animals had a good quality of life (in a way that they do not always in larger areas of Britain and the US), and like many people, never really questioned the connection between that and my dinner plate.

I was also notoriously fussy, and although I liked most varieties of meat, the same could not be said of vegetables. In fact I hated every single one until I was 16 and then I could just about stomach carrots. A healthy diet I did not have, despite how much my parents tried to push otherwise. Going vegetarian was simply not a viable option for me back then; but on joining university I started to cook for myself and my taste matured, leading me to today, where I now love 99% of veg (broccoli is legitimately my favourite food) and it makes up the bulk of my diet.

It meant, that when I watched the documentary I was able to genuinely consider becoming vegetarian, and started to slowly phase meat out of my diet. Even then, I knew that ultimately I did want to become vegan, after seeing the impact the meat and dairy industry has on our health*, the environment and on the animals who are subjected to it. But I wanted to do it the right way and for the long-term. If I cut out everything at once I knew after a week or two I would revert back to my usual diet, my body craving things that had always been present. I also wanted to be educated about things I substituted meat for; I go to the gym regularly and I wanted to know that what I was eating would have a good variety of nutrients. And most importantly, I didn’t want my mental health to suffer.

Like most young women growing up in this century I have had issues with food and my body. Although I have never received any formal help or diagnosis I definitely had an unhealthy relationship with food, especially in my mid-teens, though even now some days are harder than others. For the most part I am a lot better, but I was wary that if I suddenly cut out a lot of different foods and placed a lot of restrictive rules on my diet that I would be taking a huge step backwards, that I would go back to obsessing over every little thing that I eat. I didn’t want to sacrifice my health and knew that if I was to do this safely, then gradually converting my diet was the only answer.

And that is what I did. First it was dairy milk, an easy swap as there are so many alternatives on the market. I mainly go for soya at home because it’s the cheapest and I really don’t need anything fancy in my bowl of porridge, but oat is by far my favourite and go-to when I’ve gone out for a coffee.

Eggs was one of the biggest changes. In my second year of uni I had eggs for breakfast nearly everyday that I wasn’t on placement, and I genuinely didn’t see myself as able to give them up. But in third year I found a love of porridge and overnight oats, or tofu scramble if I fancied something closer to what I usually had eaten. And eventually I was only having eggs when eating out, there is nothing nicer than an eggs benedict (and if anyone can link me to a good vegan recipe for it, I will love them forever).

Like I previously mentioned, cheese wasn’t a large part of my diet, because as a university student it just wasn’t worth budgeting for. I’ve never had a problem with any of the vegan alternatives I’ve tried, though this may be because I ate cheese so rarely that I couldn’t really directly compare the two.

Chocolate, the crux for many people, was a big one. “But how do you live without chocolate?” I’m normally asked by my horrified coworkers, and the answer is that I don’t. In fact, I probably have it in some form everyday, it just took a bit of getting used to looking for the vegan friendly alternatives in tescos. But there are plenty, and even some of the major brands are accidently vegan (looking at you bourbons).

Eventually it just left occasions where I was eating out (laziness would sometimes lead to me choosing the vegetarian option, and other times it was simply because that was what I wanted to eat), and items where I had not checked the label for hidden ingredients. Milk powder is in bloody everything, and if it’s not that, it’s normally eggs. Quorn in particular is well-known for this, though their vegan range is steadily growing.

By December 2018 I felt ready to take on Veganuary. I no longer felt like my diet, or lifestyle would be negatively impacted by it and I saw it as a great chance to draw a line under the sand. When speaking to my dad on the phone two weeks in he asked if I was struggling yet. And honestly? I hadn’t even noticed, as there had been so few occasions where I would have chosen the non-vegan option anyway. To me it just made sense that after January I continued to eat plant based, and now, at the end of February I haven’t regretted it once. I am a giant advocator of eating a vegan diet. I feel so much healthier than when I ate meat, am more active than ever and can’t remember the last time I fell ill. I do understand it’s not possible for everyone, people who have had or have eating disorders may definitely struggle, and placing a load of rules on what they can and can’t eat wouldn’t be beneficial to their mental health in the slightest (just as it wouldn’t have been for me once upon a time).

I also understand that if you’re not educated about nutrition and the aspects of a healthy diet, then becoming vegetarian/vegan doesn’t automatically mean you’ll be any healthier, especially with the wide range of plant based foods and meals now out in supermarkets (I’m not berating any of these releases in the slightest, it’s amazing to see so many options and makes it a lot more accessible than it once was, it just means navigating for a healthy option isn’t always the easiest thing). Being vegan is still a privilege, I only have to support myself on my wage and it leaves plenty of room to opt for the more expensive meat alternatives and keep my diet balanced. A single parent with two kids however doesn’t have this option, and places like Lidl and Aldi are brilliant for selling a large quantity of meat for a relatively low price.

But reducing your meat and animal product intake is good for the planet, and I do think that every little thing, whether that be partaking in Meatless Monday or swapping dairy milk for soya helps. No-one has to be perfect or commit to the most severe of changes, especially if they feel it is what they should do because Instagram told them to, but making a substitution here and there helps massively.

*I am not saying that meat and dairy cannot make up a healthy diet, though like anything in large quantities it isn’t beneficial. There is also plenty of evidence against cows milk and how we digest it. In early 2019 the Eat-Lancet commission (linked below) was published, outlining global targets for the world population to achieve a healthy, nutritionally balanced diet whilst keeping food production sustainable. The diet consists mainly of fruit, vegetables, grains and legumes, with a small amount of meat and fish. It is fairly similar to the Mediterranean diet, and emphasises that you don’t need to cut all animal products out, but reducing them would be highly beneficial on a number of levels!

Walter, W., Rockstrom, J., Loken, B. et al (2019) Food in the Anthropocene: the EAT-Lancet Commission on Healthy Diets from Sustainable Food Products. The Lancet. [online] Available at: https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(18)31788-4/fulltext#seccestitle10

#nursing blog #nurse #newbie nurse #veganism #vegan #nutrition #nutrition blog #lancet

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