#anyway i am indeed alive lol

[misc-obeyme]

Hey cc

So in the vampire pop quiz I think it was Dia who said something very interesting "looks like they are fixated on mc because mc is the manifestation of their desires" now that did align well with my effort to understand why would all 7 of them be this obsessed lol

Anyway in my head mc goes like guys that's just my idea of how a proper human should be lol pretty sure if any other human ended up here who kinda like hot demons you all would be obsessed about that human too

Anyway, can I request a drabble about this kind of mc not insecure, just not understanding why mc deserving all this attention

Barb would be interesting to drabble about this since it took him sooooo looooong to open up to mc a bit

happy to see you are still having fun with Barbs thirst trap 😎

-🐆

Hi there, 🐆 anon! I apologize for the delay on this - it's been taking me a little longer than I anticipated to get through the drabble requests...

Augh the Barbatos shower picture is going to be the death of me, I swear. I'm still thinking about a nsfw drabble based on one of his lines lkasdfkjfj it's a problem, I swear.

Anyway, here's a Barb drabble with MC not getting why the demons are obsessed with them! I thought it was a cute little scenario. And Barb is just being super romantic as always lol. I can't help it, I am but a humble fluff writer.

Barbatos could see it on your face - a subtle expression that the others might not pick up on. It told him the story of how you were trying your best to hide your own confusion. It was something that happened every time one of the brothers complimented you, when they fought over you, when they expressed this need to always be near you. A slight furrow of your brow, the tiniest downturn of your lips, the fleeting uncertainty that flashed through your eyes.

Ever since your first day in the Devildom, Barbatos had seen this look. He was always watching you. The more he did, the more it became clear to him that you didn't understand why everyone seemed to think there was something special about you.

Perhaps he waited too long. Perhaps he should have mentioned it to you sooner. But you didn't seem distressed. All he ever saw was bafflement. So he let it be for quite some time. Until he finally found himself alone with you when it displayed itself.

Barbatos had been pouring you a cup of tea as he heard about the brothers' latest antics. You were telling him that they had been arguing over who got to work with you on an upcoming school project.

"And then Levi got involved and I had to calm everybody down before Lotan was summoned," you said.

You were looking down at the table, your mind clearly elsewhere, when that expression flashed across your face.

Barbatos put down the teapot. "Does it make you uncomfortable, MC? When they argue over you this way?"

You met his eyes, seemingly startled by his question. "No," you said. "It's a little silly, but it doesn't make me uncomfortable. Why do you ask?"

"It's only that I've noticed the look of confusion you sometimes have in moments like these," Barbatos said. "As if there's something that troubles you about it."

You frowned in thought for a moment. "I guess I just don't understand why they care so much? Why do they think I deserve this much attention? I just act like a regular human would. Why are they so… obsessed?"

Barbatos chuckled. "Do you truly not see? This is exactly what makes you so fascinating."

"I don't know what you mean," you said.

"Despite being a totally unique individual, you still believe you are ordinary," Barbatos said gently. "I have been alive for a long time, MC. I have met many humans. No two are alike. You are not 'regular' because there is no such thing. You are yourself and that is why we love you."

Barbatos was pleased to see that confused look replaced by a soft blush. "You…?" you couldn't finish your question.

Barbatos took your hand and kissed the back of it. "Indeed," he said. "Even I have fallen under your spell. I will remind you of how special you are for the rest of your life if I must."

You laughed, a little taken aback. "I don't think that's going to be necessary."

Barbatos only smiled, your hand still clasped in his. He was content to see such a soft and sweet expression on your face, a glint of happiness in your eyes. Despite what you said, if he ever did see that confusion there again, he would do everything he could to bring your smile back instead.

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[ofmermaidstories]

some bnha thoughts, on this sunny monday morning (or lunchtime, by the time i finish typing sdlkfjdlsk):

💥 got walloped with a return of the post-362 grief, with the latest episode of the anime lmao. unfortunately this means i am currently in my feelies, so thank u for bearing with me as i cycle through them in the form of shitposting. 🥹

💥 speaking of the anime, i’m sad they didn’t adapt one of my favourite panels from 360, where bakugou (or shiggy? it’s never really stated, but tbh i’ve always kinda assumed it’s shiggy imagining it LOL, maybe they both are? a joint moment of horror/delight where everyone knows exactly what’s about to happen 🥹) are imagining bakugou being torn apart by shiggy’s gross giant maggot fingers sdlkjlsdjflksdjf. i mean, i get why bones didn’t adapt it (bc they’re cheapskates and and also bc it is a show for children LMFAOOOO) but it’s a really cool example of how hard hori’s art can go, and also what im chalking up as his secret wish to write a horror story lmaoooo.

🪱🧵 i am biting my nails the closer we get to the end of the manga. chapter 428 was fun—bakugou and todoroki hiding behind iida as iida gently berates their newfound fangirls was so cute, lmao. also the revelation that edgeshot is slowly… regenerating? is….. interesting. i’m disappointed that hori didn’t kill him for a couple of reasons: the first one is my most selfish, and it’s bc i planned on edgeshot being dead for my halloween fic lmfao, now i gotta rework that whole angle. 💀😪 but the second reason is more pressing and that’s bc hori is a COWARD who NEVER kills off ANYONE that has INTERESTING CONSEQUENCES. and also bc he only likes killing off girls 💀 (we’ll circle back to this point). idk, i mean, for as much as i act like the grim reaper and whinge about mha not being depressing enough (lmao), the story that hori’s been writing has always been like, pretty easy to understand. hope connection blah blah blah (i say that lovingly).

HOWEVER,

💚🍵🩸 there are a few deaths i’ve always kinda expected, in the series, with the top of that list being shiggy and dabi. i was like, hopeful toga wouldn’t die, mostly bc i wanted hori to prove me wrong with his GIRL MURDERER AGENDA, but. 💀 cue the clown music, ig. and hey, maybe toga isn’t dead—maybe she’s just in a coma or in prison and ochako’s being emo bc she wants the world to see toga as a teenage girl and not a blood-sucking murdering psycho, and i HOPE that’s the case!!! i do!!!! like, are you seriously going to tell me dabi is somehow still alive (for now, anyways. do NOT come for me, that man got deep fried in the deepest oil vats of McHell!!!!) but toga gets the chop? 😒 like i actually fully expect tenko to come stumbling back (literally!!!) so you cannot tell me you save the dustpile AND the deepfriend mctodo just to axe the blood sucker!!!!! let them all live if ur gonna be a coward about it, hori!!!!! this is what i mean about interesting consequences. 😔 the only consequence we’re getting so far is deku and ochako both kinda 🫤🥺😦ing their way into a confession LOL. i’m being mean—i think the next chapter will be them both confronting their guilt over like, not being able to “save” their villains, and that if we do get a confession of feelies it’ll be something like ochako saying, “i like you deku, and/but i want to be a great hero too, to save people like toga in the future”. 🥹 maybe??? guess we’ll see. 🥺

🌇💀 my pet theory for the vaguely-tenko shaped rando that’s stumbling through the rumble is that it is indeed tenko, and that deku will somehow find him to help him and that’s how deku will get his powers back. and if he doesn’t and hori ends the series with deku being quirkless i will actually, and i mean this very sincerely, stop writing fanfic LMFAOOOO. ok im maybe like, half joking. 😒 but i have never been a fan of the quirkless deku ending and now im getting scared that’s what we’re gonna get!!!!! 😦 in one of his latest interviews, hori mentions something about wanting to strip away labels from people (characters) to see the human underneath them? soooo i guess we’ll just have to trust in him and these next two (TWO) chapters. 🥹

for all my whinging i do like bnha lmao. i whinge because i like it, and tbh i probably wouldn’t change a thing of it. 🥺 all the frustrating gaps—like those perceived consequences i keep getting worked up over the lack of—are what makes it fun to write and read fic for. 🥹 and it’s been fun watching the characters change!!! i was in a bookstore, yesterday, picking up a copy of volume 38 and the girl at the counter and i started talking about the series—the pros and cons of binging it vs keeping up weekly, the change in bakugou’s character and how reading over fics with him and his older characterisation can be kinda hard, now. how scary it was that it’s coming to an end!!! she and i have talked before—when i was buying volume 36 lmao—about whether bakugou could be canonically read as queer vs asexual, and like, idk any other series that has such a mainstream reach that you could have these outside conversations with other people in your day to day, outside of a twitter or tumblr sphere! that’s the power of my hero. and im glad to be here for the ride. and no matter how it ends, it’ll be fun, and worth it. 🥹

[komipacket]

HEY GUYS CALM DOWN!! IM ALIVE!!

Im alive and have a little comic to share with you!!! (who knows maybe ill continue its really sketchy and easy to draw...🤔🤔🤔 )

So my idea is the whole episode Cartman is shifts his responsibility and ignoring how he feels and how he thinks. Have you noticed the way he says that all antisemistic and nazi ideas are not his but cupid’s? We already know that cupid cartman is not real and its all in Cartmans head, and we actually see it in the scene at Tolkien’s house. He is projecting the whole episode by saying that his thoughts and feelings are not his. And now we came to an interesting moment!

Next (this for now)

Am i the only one who thought the last episode was actually really good? Anyways this comic is basically my view on happening in the new episode! I thought it was kinda strange how Cartman was motivated to help Stan. Yeah at first it was so out of nowhere! 

But Cartman... Cartman is acting reeeeaaaally weird about it! So thats why i wanted to make a little comic with my thoughts! Hope you enjoyed my dozen of text ranting about new episode!!!

Catman is actively saing that Stan is jealous when the he doesnt really look that sad y’know? And if you say that Cartman really cares about stan and hes seeing how he feels bc hes his friend and stuff like that I WONT BELIEVE YOU lol (that sounds ridicules even now) Thats CARTMAN were talking about, i dont think hes that good at empathy... Hes clearly projecting his thoughts at Stan!

And if we get back to Stan i mean he could indeed be jealous! Its actually pretty normal, kyle is his friend and Stan while being left alone have all rights to feel this way. But hes reacting to Kyle hanging out with Tolkien pretty calm and understanding. He knows that Tolkien is cool bc he was almost in the Kyle’s place, only hanging out with him. And he respects Kyle’s choice yknow! So hes trying to be nice about it (in my interpretation hes even typing comments to kyle and tolkien like “really cool!👍” even if he doesn’t really like it)

[quakes-of-cragclan]

“On that half-moon night, everything changed”

NOTE: THIS IS NOW A SIDE CLANGEN BLOG!! IM STARTING A NEW PAGE CALLED GREATTOOTHCLAN WHICH HAS A WEIRD NAME BUT THERES A REASON I SWEAR

Cragclan was once one of the most influential clans in the spring territories. Living in an area surrounded by geysers, hot springs, and other openings from deep below the surface, tremors were not unusual within their territory, but recently, those tremors picked up their pace. Many believed it was just because of the local geysers, or because of a migrating herd, but others had a feeling this was something beyond natural causes.

It’s possible they were right.

In a single night, the clan of nearly 20 cats is wiped out. Whether it was an earthquake, an eruption, or something much more malicious was never found out before almost all of Cragclan was buried alive in their own nests. A massacre by the hand of a higher force.

Leaving only three.

Important information:

Hi! It’s me: the owner of this blog (Nana. He/him). I recently went back into my warrior cats hyperfixated mode and now it’s all I can think about, so I made a clangen blog :D

Here’s some important stuff:

This is not a scheduled thing, I’m honestly just uploading whenever I have time/motivation because I’m still in school.

This is indeed an ask blog! Feel free to leave questions or stuff and my characters can answer.. if, of course, this ever actually picks up lol

I’m not all that experienced at this, and at the time of writing the story, I am maybe like 25 moons in tops. Tbh I’m kind of brainstorming as time goes on because I absolutely hate pre planning and I have inspiration NOW and NOW ONLY. Feel free to point out if there’s ever any mistakes or contradictions in the story and I honestly probably won’t fix it <3

Please be nice, unless I’m actually ASKING for it I would prefer people not criticize my art ability

Uuughhb bubigiuhugibbuubv I think that’s it

Anyways, here’s our three starting cats!!! Some of the story will probably have a little flavour of each of them unless I end up doing a really poor job :D

Enjoy!

[siflshonen]

Hi there! I stumbled across your mha deep dives and I just wanted to say thank you, it really helped me understand mha a little better!

It’s frustrating being in the western fandom because a lot of the specifically Japanese ideas are unknown to a lot of the Western audience. And i get it, as a westerner myself I had very little idea as to any sort of Important Context that would be clear to Japanese readers. So I really appreciate that you took the time to even try to explain it!

With that being said, I’ve been wondering how you viewed the end of mha, and how the villains were treated. Do you think they could have been saved (or even Should have)? Could they have been redeemed? It’s so depressing for the big three (Shiggy, Dabi, and Toga) to have been teased as being able to be saved, then in the end they all just,,,die.

How do you view Izuku losing OfA? Personally, I would have thought that if he didn’t keep the power he would have become the First Quirkless Pro Hero, (there are so, SO many fanfics exploring that!), but in canon he just,,,gives up? I suppose in the collectivist view, of course he would give up. But that feels so,,,empty from a western perspective. I suppose I answered my own question of why couldn’t he be a quirkless hero lol.

I suppose I’m truly wondering how the ending of mha was supposed to be recieved, with all the cultural knowledge and everything.

I am so sorry this feels so long and disjointed, and feel free to ignore this if it doesnt make sense! (Or if you don’t have any answers, sorry for putting all this on you)

I don’t have a super well-researched and cited answer, but I can follow my heart on this one.

The only villain I’m truly sad about is Himiko, though even in that case I appreciate that she went with dignity, she went with reciprocated love, and she died as she did because it was HER choice. While I would have preferred to keep Shigaraki alive, I can’t say I miss him all that much. And besides, he regained himself and his autonomy at the end and played a part in the destruction of the thing that held him down and even the thing on which his father’s cruel house was ACTUALLY built: All for One and his meddling.

Touya’s story is tragic, but his death and the way in which it will happen is a mercy. I think it’s great when other folks imagine new endings to suit what they like, but I don’t entertain other viewpoints about his on-the-page fate.

In any case, all three of their “hearts”, if you will, were actually saved in the way most important to them. And they even got to stick it to society by refusing to give up what they wanted and be integrated into it. Death is a pretty clean and irrevocable way to separate oneself from a society, and it is an effective way to haunt the minds and hearts of those who witness those deaths and have to understand that that the person who died hated so much the idea of joining society that much.

That isn’t exactly Toya, Himiko, or Shigaraki’s character motive, but I feel like it’s worth pointing out that other cultures can view death as a kind of revenge instead of someone just trying to make the pain of existing stop. Anyway.

I kinda figured that Izuku becoming a teacher was meant to be him accepting his place in the world and indeed accepting reality now that his dream was over, which is seen as a mark of maturity to just get on with what he’s given. That Kacchan specifically spearheaded the development of his suit and was the one to hold out his hand isn’t just a character moment to show how Katsuki intends to continue to atone, I don’t think. I think it’s also because:

A) Katsuki is Izuku’s link to and representation of the quirked world, and specifically the quirked world of Heroes. He always has been, as he’s the person “closer to [Izuku] than All Might.” As long as he exists, Izuku is tethered to that world somehow and has a way to enter/re-enter it somehow.

B) Relatedly, I interpret Katsuki as an embodiment of individual will and individual’s heart’s desire continuing to remain true in the face of the collective (even after he begins to accept and work with the collective), so it makes sense that he’s the one to pursue and nurture Izuku’s “selfish” and outlandish dream of being a superhero even while Izuku himself falls in line. Put another way, Katsuki is, in many ways, an embodiment of Izuku’s heart’s desire - mostly because the two of them have the same heart’s desire.

Though, speaking as a Westerner as well, Izuku’s choices at the end of the manga don’t sit well with me, either, but this is just as much part of why I’m too much of a westerner to completely see eye-to-eye with Izuku throughout the story as it is a comment on the ending.

Most of all, I think it’s ridiculous that Hawks didn’t get Izuku’s Hero suit funded/in development the minute he took the position at the SPC, or that whatever was left of the Hero system before that happened didn’t already have it in the works. It strikes me as EXTREMELY weird.

I have other thoughts about Izuku and Katsuki’s ending, but they’re mostly reflections about other shonen manga past than anything meaningful to say here.

[amoransia]

Chapter 72 spoilers and also insane screaming from me. You have been warned.

Oh LORD we're REALLY in it NOW! Hold me -- literally anybody, hold me!! I don't know if I will survive this arc! (or this manga at all, for that matter!)

Hell yeah, bro, fist bump!

What is in the water over there in the Ekuoto world? Like, genuinely? What are they drinking for them to come out like this? These homosexuals will be the death of me (lovingly).

Interesting how even Barbara and Leah get nicknamed "powerhouses" by Daniel. He uses 主戦力 in the raws which could mean "main military power" but also "main valuable assets"... once again seeing them not by their character but by their value? To be honest, I guess it doesn't mean much when he calls them this once, but I thought it was worth pointing out.

Anyway.

DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF?

Actual insanity lines this chapter. "Of course I'm cute." Hello? I guess being a witch deletes the very concept of shame off your brain? I kind of gaped like an idiot at this one.

30 something year old man to the teenage influencer: I'm cute, duh.

GET A GRIP

Oh boy. "I'll handle Vergilius." This is going to turn into the most doomed yaoi scene in the incoming chapters. And Charlotte is probably getting involved in one way or another. I don't know. I wish her luck, though.

"I wouldn't mind dying for you" oh yeah baybe I am about to do something drastic.

Man What The Fuck

Vergilius heard Dante's suicidal ideation and said, NOT ON MY WATCH!!!

It seems to me that the only thing keeping Dante alive is Vergilius. Because if he has no plans after finally killing him, what else is there for him? Just dying trying to repent for his mistakes? Finally let go? So I guess Vergilius recognizes this and decides he can't die. Because if he dies, then the man he (presumably) loves dies, too.

I saw someone mention this on Twitter: Dante can't live in a world where Vergilius doesn't exist (so he gives up on life when Vergilius is gone) while Vergilius won't accept a world where he and Dante can't live together (and therefore wants to change the world).

Weaow......

I think there's also something to say about Vergilius' childish appearance reflecting some sort of... inner workings of his? Does that make sense? I feel like the constant mention of it is trying to point to something. Like here:

Chapter 20 and 72 respectively.

But I'm not eloquent enough to put this into words. So I'll throw the idea out there instead!

Onto Imuri!

Lol the english translation didn't keep the heart Imuri added in her thoughts. Basically it's the same words but with a heart like "Oh, I've been here with Mr. Priest before ♡" Normally I wouldn't care, but I think this adds to her... character? Maybe? Well, whatever. Not particularly important, but The More You Know!

Imuri encounters Mystery Child!

I will begin by saying that I don't think it's Priest? Imuri herself doesn't think so either, so it's most likely someone else. They're muttering the name Rodrigo, which is curiously the name Belphegor uses when going to Earth in order to investigate marriage. Hm!!!! Inch resting indeed...

Oh, God! These expressions were genuinely heartrending. She really was looking for that sliver of hope -- that her hunch was wrong. That she and Imuri could stay friends. I am heartbroken for Leah. :( (and Barbara, for that matter).

They even try to find a middle ground, too! Barbara tries to find a common goal! They really don't want to exorcize her right now! But Imuri also raises valid points: why wake him to just put him to work again?

But then she says, soo confident in herself: what Priest needs right now is me. I guess she has actual proof of that? But by God it is so egoistical. (A word that describes Imuri quite well...)

KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

MY GIRL! MY GIRL! NEVERMIND WHAT I JUST WROTE, YOU ARE IMMEDIATELY FORGIVEN! (Fallen Priest voice)

She looks 1000x better with her fangs and her demon eyes, damn.

I'm not sure what she wins by revealing herself. She's still powerless, as far as I know. I guess she thinks she can run away with Priest using her come-to-life drawings?

Also FINALLY CONFIRMATION THAT SHE'S RELATED TO SATAN AND LILITH... THANK YOU, GOD. (Odd person to thank. Anyway,) I am well aware this doesn't mean she's like, their daughter or anything (merely related to them), but I really hope she is. It would be hilarious. Please grant me this wish, it would be so funny. (GIVE ME SATAN FATHER-IN-LAW SHENANIGANS!!!!!!!!!)

My friend mentioned that she might be revealing her connections to them in order to scare Leah and Barbara out of trying to exorcize her. After all, they don't know that she's magicless yet, right? So that might make them hesitate.

But in a way, this feels like Imuri is saying "don't you know who my parents are?! Don't mess with me!" LOL. Does this count as some sort of nepotism???

"He'll forgive me with a simple apology!"

Actually insane thinking. Priest-kun will LOSE it when he finds out everything was a lie (and this is probably where BL Satan comes in to tempt him into Wrath).

But yeah this is selfish thinking, typical of her.

I think it's really funny that in the raws "simple apology" is just a "ごめんね", which is kinda like "sorry!"

Girl, you are not getting forgiven with that. It's just not happening. You are not teehee'ing your way out of this one.

Finally..... I am kinda sad it seems we're nearing the end arcs of Ekuoto?(?) I've been following since the very first chapter released in Japanese, so I'll miss it dearly.... Cope: maybe this is the first part, á la Dante's Inferno. Purgatory next! (Zero chance of this happening)

Anyway, good chapter. It hurt me so good. Good chapter. (going insane)

[seditionsaurus-rex]

I just saw a reddit post about people who have never been poor who don't know how to be poor so they're like buying their couches at a "great price" discounted at the furniture store for 1k or w/e and their expenses are eating them alive and someone in the comments referred to them as "new poor" vs people who have always been poor are "old poor" anyway I COULD NOT help but think of the comparison of rich people between "new money" vs "old money" which struck me as kind of funny but not really wrong because as "old poor" - someone who grew up without a lot of money and then never earned any - I am 100% out here like

🎩🧐🍷 "Ah, yes, your $45 bookshelf from Walmart, how very janky indeed. My bookshelf is from a ditch along the highway, found it in the rain. Solid oak. It is hot glued together. The very definition of jank. I was financially indisposed at the time, stuck under the weight of my fourth payday loan that year. What's that? 'What is a payday loan?' Oh, my dear! Listen I am going to give you some solid poor people financial advice..."

Based on a true story lol

[bestworstcase]

anyways. enough spitballing

i was so right abt fun parent tai

YANG: Do you… wonder why he’s not here? With everybody else? I know Qrow said he’s on assignment, but what’s more important than here? RUBY: Maybe we don’t have the full picture. YANG: I don’t know. Some things you just need to be there for.

first. there are two possibilities: if qrow knows what this “assignment” is, he hasn’t filled in his nieces and the old guard backslid HARD after team rwby fell—the exclusion of ren and nora from the secret meeting in B1 also points in that direction, so it feels quite plausible; on the other hand, if raven knows where tai is and what he’s doing, it seems strange that ruby and yang would not also know, unless the girls haven’t asked her about summer at all (in which case i’d believe that they’re just not really on speaking terms).

like if raven had a conversation with ruby about summer, i can’t see her hiding ‘the full picture’ with regard to tai if she knew about it, even if qrow wanted her to. maiden of knowledge, begrudging oz his secrets, and all.

on the other hand. if the girls know everything qrow does, that would imply that tai’s “assignment” is either an ozpin secret (and oz hasn’t been keeping his promise to be honest, which feels incongruous with him actively fighting his curse now) or a taiyang secret, in which case i am one hundred percent sure it isn’t to do with the crown of choice.

“maybe we don’t have the full picture,” says ruby, thinking about what the blacksmith showed her and what the blacksmith said. that’s the big lesson she learned in the tree, not to jump to conclusions on incomplete information. so that narratively links tai’s mysterious “assignment” to summer’s mysterious “last mission,” which was a “summer secret.” if tai stayed behind in vale to deal with a taiyang secret that not even oz knows about… it’s summer. lol. it can only be summer. if it were the crown, oz would know because ozpin would have given him that assignment in the first place; if it were defending people hiding in mountain glenn, there’s no reason for it to be secret.

but if he knows summer is alive and well and with salem, and he’s trying to, i don’t know, turn her against salem (or ‘save’ her)… well. maybe we don’t have the full picture indeed.

second. oouuugh the weight of what yang doesn’t say. back in v4 she forced herself to put on the prosthetic before she was ready and white-knuckled her way back to functional so she could go find ruby because her dad said he hadn’t gone after ruby because he had “some stuff to look after” at home, and yang thought he meant her; that the only reason he wasn’t out there with ruby was because he had to be here with her.

so she removed herself from the situation—left to find ruby herself—and tai… stayed at home. it’s been months, now. atlas fell and everyone is regrouping in vacuo, trying to prepare for an attack they know will come sooner or later, except tai, who is “on assignment.” what’s more important than here? what’s more important than being here with both his daughters, at the end of the world? if qrow knows, what’s so important that he has to keep them in the dark? if qrow doesn’t know, then it can’t reasonably be to do with the relic at beacon—which is the only thing that could arguably be more important than joining the vacuo coalition.

“some things you just need to be there for,” says yang. my dad just kind of… shut down. and then dad was always busy with school and ruby couldn’t even talk yet; i had to pick up the pieces. i had to keep things together, alone. ruby starts to reminisce about coming to this place with tai when they were kids, and it’s a fond memory for yang too…but one undercut with all of this. the outings were fun—they slowly increased from once a month treats to twice-a-week because ruby got so excited—(ruby is over the moon when she sees the boba shop; yang spends half the walk there second-guessing herself and downplaying the surprise; both reactions speak to their experiences of these outings in childhood)—and why isn’t he here now? why is it, once again, yang trying to pick up the pieces alone while he’s busy with something else more important?—and this time it isn’t even that he’s going to work to put food on the table and make sure bills get paid, he’s just “on assignment” doing… something. that qrow either won’t tell or doesn’t know.

and that feeling is what incites her to talk to ruby about her own failings, and the first thing she says is i don’t need an explanation, because she doesn’t want to make ruby’s crisis about herself but also because she’s about to apologize for not being attentive enough or present enough or aware enough to Be There when ruby needed her.

which is not untrue (surprise! parentified children don’t make good parents for their two-years-younger siblings!) but also. back in v5 when she confronted raven, yang compared herself to raven (you’ll give me the relic and run because you’re afraid of salem; i’m afraid of salem too but i’ll be here waiting for her when she comes after me).

and that’s what yang is doing here with tai (he was physically there and provided for their needs and took them on fun outings sure, but he wasn’t there, when yang looks back on her childhood what she remembers is a sense of overwhelming responsibility and isolation because her dad wasn’t present, and now he’s not even here; she let ruby down in a similar way, being around without really seeing what ruby was going through, but she sees now how she failed and knows what she needs to do to make up for it and she will, she promises, she already is.)

[lorilane33]

Best Friends

A/N: OH MY GODS HI GUYS!! I am indeed still alive. So it’s been a minute. Or five. Or... closer to three years lol anyway. @jobean12-blog @beccaanne814 and @musings-of-a-rose here this lovely thing is. :) I’m so nervous to be posting again, especially for a fandom like The Last of Us. But, Tommy Miller has give me brain rot, so here we are. I’m going to stop rambling now, so please be nice lol

Summary: A day in the park with your bestie Tommy takes an interesting turn. 

Word Count: 1,369

Warnings: Not a single one. Other than Tommy Miller himself because that man’s southern charm KILLS MEEEEEE. dead. so dead.

— — — — — — — — — — — —

Tommy has been your best friend for as long as you can remember. The two of you are thick as thieves, spending all your free time together and the two of you usually end up escaping the world for a while.  

On this particular afternoon the two of you are at a park Tommy had come by on one of his runs earlier in the week. He had insisted he show it to you the next time you two hung out, and that you would love it. The two of you are currently laying in the grass, watching the clouds go by and just catching up with each other.

You roll your eyes and continue your rambling about a coworker who’s been frustrating you at work. “… she’s just really been pissing me off recently, Tommy! It’s like she’s trying to get herself fired at this point, but the administration hasn’t done anything to get rid of her. It’s a never ending cycle at this point.” You finish with a huff, crossing your arms in frustration. 

Tommy, who is normally ready with advice or another appropriate response to whatever it is you’re talking about, is far quieter than usual after one of your rants. In fact he’s not really acknowledging that you’d been talking at all. 

Curious as to what has been holding his attention,  you turn toward him and joke, “Tommy, are you even paying atten-” only to find his dark chocolate brown eyes already gazing at you intently. His lips are split into a grin, just wide enough to bring his dimples and laugh lines out of hiding.  Giggling, you reach up and poke a finger into his left cheek. “Hey, Tommy. You okay over there?” 

Chuffing softly, Tommy blinks and playfully pulls away from you, and looks away. Suddenly he seems nervous, and he gives you a quick fake smile to placate your curiosity. “Yeah, everything is great. Why wouldn’t it be?” 

As he turns away from you, the sun catches in his hair and you think to yourself, ‘My god, he looks so handsome right now.’ Immediately you scold yourself for thinking such thoughts about Tommy, the guy who’s supposed to be your best friend. 

Glancing at him briefly to make sure he hasn’t looked back at  you yet, you let your eyes roam over his features. The sun is doing wonders for his freckles, contrasting beautifully with his bronzed skin. Realizing just how handsome your best friend, your fingers itch to run through those dark curls of his and mess them up. 

Furrowing your brow, you suddenly feel a tension between the two of you you’ve never felt before. Hoping to rid the situation of the newfound weirdness you let yourself gently grab his chin and turn his face back around to you. When he finally makes eye contact with you again, you ask him more gently, “Tommy, are you sure everything’s okay? You know you can tell me anything, right?” 

He swallows hard enough you hear it, and you see him building up the courage to tell you whatever it is that’s on his mind. Finally he exhales, seeming to have found the courage  he was looking for. Smiling his cheeky Tommy Miller smile at you, he answers,` “it’s nothin’, darlin’, I promise. It’s just… I mean… you’re so beautiful when you’re angry. I couldn’t help but stare.” 

 As he finishes, he slowly brings his hand up and gently begins to run the backs of his knuckles against your cheek. Your cheeks warm under his attention, and you gasp as you feel his hand make contact and your eyes flutter at the sensation; his touch is completely familiar and completely new to you at the same time. “Tommy. What are you do-“ 

“If you stop me now, I won’t be able to finish, sweetheart. Please, lemme finish this.”  Your jaw drops a little as he cuts you off, and you try to wrap your mind around what he’s saying. Tommy notices, smirks, and quickly picks up where he left off. “We’ve been friends for so long, and I wouldn’t be close to where I am now if it weren’t for you.” 

He gently turns his hand that’s caressing your cheekbone to cup your face with it. Tears prickle in your eyes as you lean into the contact. He chuckles continuing, “I don’t even know when I realized the love I have for you went deeper than a platonic friendship, but now that I have I can’t imagine not telling you. You have the kindest, most beautiful soul I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing, sweet girl. The way you go out of your way to be kind to everyone even when you’ve had a rough day never ceases to amaze me.” 

You realize he’s looking at you like he’s seeing you for the first time, and you bring your own hand up to rest on his, encouraging him to keep going. He doesn’t fail you. “God, I could spend hours counting the various shades in your eyes and never tire of it. Words will never be enough for how much I love you.” A stray tear falls down your cheek, and he lovingly brushes it away as his lips quirk.

“Darlin, are you getting emotional on me? I can’t quite tell if this is good crying or the type of crying you do before you let me down easy. Please, just let me go lick my wounds in pea-“ 

“Tommy!” You say with a grin. Shaking your head at his shenanigans, you continue. “You.. are so dumb. I love you too, and I can’t wait to kiss you.” Before he can make some sassy rebuttal, you close the distance between the two of you and gently press your lips to his.

The moment your lips touch, a feeling of being home takes over the two of you. Tommy brings his other hand up to cup your face in both his hands completely. You drop your hand to his chest, lightly gripping his shirt in your hand. Gentle pecks and whispered words of love between new lovers eventually become more urgent.

One of his hands drops to your waist, pulling you closer into his embrace. You feel his tongue gently swipe across your bottom lip, asking permission and you moan in response. 

Suddenly Tommy’s invading your mouth, making you question why you’d ever waited this long to be with him. When you decide to nibble his bottom lip, he groans in response, his hand on your waist dropping to your ass, firmly gripping it and pressing you even harder into him. The two of you continue kissing as Tommy leans up on an elbow and just enough over you to take charge of the kiss.

After a few more minutes, Tommy reluctantly pulls away from you, breathing tearing in and out of both your chests as he does. You look at him in confusion, wondering why he’s decided to stop. “Why’d you stop, Tommy? Things are just getting good,” you wink at him and graze your hand down his toned chest towards his belt buckle. 

Before you venture too far south his hand reaches up to stop you. The smile he gives you in return reminds you just how breathtakingly handsome he is, and you lean in to place another kiss on his lips, but he reaches out and stops you. 

Instead, he brings your forehead down and places a gentle kiss there. “Oh, sweetheart, I’m going to remember this moment forever. If I don’t stop kissing you now, I won’t have the strength to stop.” 

“And that’s a problem, big boy?” You pull away to look up at his lips, smiling lazily at him in response. He groans once more before answering you.

“Absolutely, honey. Now. Mama raised Joel and I to be gentlemen, and she’d skin me alive if I even thought about taking you for the first time out in broad daylight.” He says with conviction.  “If we’re going to do this, we’re going back to my place where I can take you apart the way I want to.” His eyes gleam with mischief as he looks at you. “So. What do you say?” 

[karizard-ao3]

My reactions to Evangelion, episode 15: Lies and Silence

Before I begin, I was thinking about it this morning and I'm wondering if NERV is indeed trying to bring on the apocalypse (and to create an Eden for fetus Adam to live in) and the Angels are in fact the good guys trying to stop them. There's a lot of talk about saving humanity but it kind of seems to me like the second impact was due to humans killing an Angel, who then exploded? It makes me wonder what kind of research they were doing on that Arctic base (Antarctic?) Idk, but to me it seems like humanity as a whole has not been in danger from the Angels: it's just NERV. But I'm also kind of hung up on the Instrumentality part of the Human Instrumentality project. Instrumental for what?

Anyway, I'll keep wondering on it, but I'm going to start the episode.

"Every project is interlinked"

is the first time we're hearing about the Marduk institute?

Oh, okay. So it sounds like the Human Instrumentality project is about trying to find kids to pilot the Evangelions. That makes sense. They are the instruments in piloting the Evas. So perhaps Adam has been genetically engineered to be the perfect pilot.

Asuka! Oh my gosh! Girl who cried wolf!

Shinji has been preoccupied with Rei since that thing happened in Unit 0, maybe?

Asking Rei for advice on how to talk to his own dad. Poor kid

He's comparing Rei to a mother. IS SHE A CLONE OF HIS MOTHER. Also, he's so awkward.

Or maybe she's a robot with his mother's personality inside. Oooooooh.

When Asuka asked to borrow Misato's lavender perfume my first thought was of Love Spell.

Oh, he's going to see his mother tomorrow! She's alive and also apparently negligent.

I'm chuckling because my first thought on seeing Kaji was, "You couldn't even shave for your friend's wedding?" and then Misato got on him for the same thing lol.

Nope, his mom is actually dead.

That's a very stark cemetery.

So he can't remember her face, there are no photographs that exist, the grave is just a facade... So mysterious.

"I see." What an ass.

I didn't know Shinji played an instrument! And so beautifully!

Shinji is so sweet and positive. I just love him so much.

Ritsuko's comment on transistasis and homeostasis has me thinking about the potential that NERV is trying to force human evolution. Perhaps they want to create a symbiotic relationship with the Evas? I don't know about that... Trying to evolve them to be compatible with technology? Space travel? Is the planet doomed?

Kaji is such a smooth talker.

Yeah, kiss her. That'll shut her up.

Asuka, Jesus Christ. Mocking Shinji about his dead mom to bully him into kissing you. Girl, please.

I'm wheezing! He turned fuschia!

Is it because he couldn't breathe? Omg

Asuka... Sweetheart... You're just repeating his warning back to him.

I wonder if Asuka realizing Misato and Kaji have a thing is going to interfere with her ability to complete her next mission.

There's the central dogma! Rei's in a tube hooked up to what looks like a metal brain.

Okay, so I'm thinking about how when Shinji was in Unit 0 he was like, "Oh, it's Rei. Wait, that's not-" and then creepy Rei looked up at him and jumped towards him and that is when Unit 0 flipped out and started trying to get to the real Rei. So I am thinking there are perhaps multiple people inside Rei (this is also influenced by the fact that when I was looking up to see if ep. 14 was a recap episode I saw it mentioned that Rei is schizophrenic. However, I'm not sure I believe she's actually schizophrenic. I kind of think she is actually harboring another person and that it's Shinji's mother.)

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH ADAM IS THE FIRST ANGEL?

I had kind of wondered if there was an Angel inside the facility. I had initally assumed there would be one kept top secretly but they kept saying how they needed to catch one for research so I was like, "Oh, maybe not, but that's weird that they wouldn't have on after all this time." Especially with everything they seem to know about them. I figured it had to be they either created them or were studying them.

In Closing

I'm so excited! Mysteries are starting to come to light!

Okay, let me see if I can organize my current theories:

Rei might be an imprint Shinji's mother - possibly she's an android, possibly just a person with an especially impressionable brain. But I think that there's Rei the girl and then also the additional personality/ies if this is the case.

NERV is going to perhaps force human evolution using genetic engineering. Or, they might be planning an apocalypse. The Angels may be trying to stop this from happening. I really have no idea.

I just considered that given the ages of the children and the timeline of the second impact, is it possible that children who were in-utero/ conceived around or after that time have some kind of Angel influence within their DNA? Like some kind of radiation? Could this be why only kids can operate the Evas? Are Angels neccessary for the next phase of whatever NERV has planned?

I feel like there's more but I want to hurry up and get to the next episode, so bye.

[blackshadowswriter]

So uhhh I'm alive everyone!!! I'm not sure if anyone cares at this point given my um very long writing hiatus (holy shit it's been like a year hasn't it) and dipping for like a month but I just wanted to let my mutuals and anyone who gaf know that I am indeed not dead yet.

I took a brief summer vacay and then my summer classes started and having been kicking. my. ass. Idk why I chose a literature class in the summer, like I don't even need this class to graduate but I guess I love to torture myself. I really shouldn't be complaining bc it isn't that hard, just a lot of busy work and writing essays in like a day and shit, but I have another class starting soon, so I'll probably be going under any time soon.

I probably won't be writing much anytime soon (i'm so sorry about that) since I'm already doing so much of that and not the enjoyable kind, but I'm aiming to get at least one fic out by the end of summer. Setting really loose goals for myself here lol (watch me not even make that one)

@farfromstrange bestie ive missed you sm and i just needed you to know i havent forgotten you and i've been thinking about you all the time and i read all your posts, i just havent found time to reply yet, and im so sorry I hope you aren't mad, but i hope hope hope you're okay girl, i love you <3

and @starfanatic im so sorry to leave you hanging 😭 i swear i wasnt abandoning you, I miss you and our lil convos all the time, and i hope you aren't mad at me either <3

Anyways thanks for listening to my yap session, I will shrivel back into my little hellhole of assignments now :)

[summerwritesfics]

♠️Breathing Underwater

Pairing: Gen Length: 1417 Words Rating: Mature Warnings: Whump, Torture, Psychological Torture, Whumpee!Kuai Liang, Whumper!Quan Chi, Claustrophobia, Unusual methods of Torture, Drowning (I mean not really but I can see this possibly triggering someone sensitive to that so…), Breathable Liquid.

It’s Better To Be Broken Than To Break Masterlist

Notes: Annnddd, we’re back to things I wrote like 2 years ago and am only just getting around to posting 🫣 Once upon a time on tumblr, I read a text post detailing a breathable liquid that was often used as a torture method. Given this was during the “Alexandria’s Genesis” era of tumblr, I am like 99% sure it was absolute bullshit. That said the idea has been living rent free in my head for over a decade (which… should probably be slightly more concerning than I find it, but anyway). So uh, decided to use it to put Kuai through hell LOL :3

Kuai wasn't sure how long he'd been floating in this dark box. He knew realistically it could only be a few hours at most, but it felt like days. He had never heard of this liquid before, he couldn't recall what Quan Chi had called it. All he knew is that for whatever reason, this liquid was breathable. Indeed even as it filled his lungs, despite the initial panic telling him it was wrong, he found he was having no troubles.

Just because he could breathe in it, didn't mean it was at all pleasant.

His lungs were built for oxygen in its gas form, not a liquid. He could breathe but his chest felt uncomfortable, full and heavy. Being in the dark and silence of the box meant there was nothing else he could focus on. The only thing that was grounding him was using his hands to feel around the confines of the box. He could feel it, that meant he was still alive. It was not enough to distract from the feeling of liquid pushing and pulling out of his lungs.

How much longer was Quan Chi going to keep him in here? Kuai Liang had been through most forms of torture and pain imaginable, but never anything like this. He wasn't sure he could keep it together much longer. He was tired and in pain, and now on top of that he was beginning to panic. The feeling of the walls that had once helped remind him he was alive were suddenly feeling tight. It felt like they were closing in on him, threatening to crush him. The pressure in his chest was too much. He needed to get out of here. He couldn't be here.

I'm going to die.

I'm going to die!

He was surprised when above him he saw a light, and felt a pair of hands grab him. Feeling himself being dragged back above the liquid, into the air, and then unceremoniously thrown to the floor.

Any relief at being out of the box was quickly dashed when his lungs painfully spasmed. His chest convulsed violently as the liquid was expelled from his mouth. Holding himself up on his hands and knees, he gagged and choked as his body forced the liquid out of him. His chest was absolutely burning with every heave, and he clung to the floor as it seemed finally the last of it was out.

Finally he gasped, desperate to get air into his lungs instead. Hands giving out under him, he collapsed on the floor. His entire torso hurt from the efforts. Finding his breathing was uneven and deep, somehow now that he was out, breathing in air felt wrong.

A pair of feet appeared in his view, before Quan Chi crouched down to be more at Kuai's level. He could only stare at him uneasily, throat too sore to speak. He felt fingers brush against his temple, stroking back a few strands of hair.

“Did you enjoy your break from me?” Quan Chi asked with a malicious grin.

Kuai chose not to answer. A yes would result in Quan Chi calling his bluff and putting him back in, and a no would reveal just how badly it had shaken him and how affective a form of torture it was.

Although, Quan Chi could probably already tell that.

“Cat got your tongue, Grandmaster?” Quan Chi said in a mocking tone. “Maybe you need a bit more time in there.”

“No,” Kuai gasped, he could feel himself starting to shake. He couldn't go back in there, he just couldn't. “Please, no.”

Quan Chi's laugh only reinforced that he'd made a huge mistake. He felt those hands grab his biceps, pulling him up. Every part of his body told him to fight back, to not let this happen. He blindly clawed at Quan Chi, incoherent pleas babbling from his lips.

He was hauled back in, feeling the liquid cover the lower half of his body. Before he could fight back, he felt his head being forced down. Mouth open, the liquid immediately started to flow down his throat, his lungs once more trying to reject the intrusion. He barely noticed when the hands let go of him until seconds later when the lid was pulled down and he was once more plunged into darkness.

He thrashed, unable to scream as he felt like he was drowning. His fists hit the sides of the box, feet too, as he struggled and tried to gain Quan Chi's attention to get him out. Pain blossomed across his knuckles. He sobbed as he finally stilled, half heartedly scratching at the walls surrounding him. Silence and black entombed him. He couldn't even cry properly.

All he could do was lay there and wait for Quan Chi to come back.

How long have I been here? Hours? Days? Months? Years?

Time meant nothing in this coffin. The logical part of his mind tried to tell him that it couldn't be any longer than a day or two. That he would have died by starvation or dehydration by now otherwise. But he didn't know. And his mind was starting to unravel at the thought he'd never get out of here.

His chest still hurt, as did his knuckles. He was exhausted, unable to sleep while he was floating in the void. He had gone limp hours ago, his body finally giving out on him.

I need to get out of here.

I need to get out of here.

I need to-

Suddenly he was blinded by a light. He felt someone grab hold of him. He was pulled out and once more thrown to the floor.

Like the previous time, his body immediately protested, chest spasming and the liquid once more evacuating his body with such force he was sure his lungs were going to come up with the liquid. This time however, he felt a hand on his back, rubbing it in a comforting manner.

“There, there, get it all out.” Any hope that he had been rescued went out the window when he realised it was Quan Chi beside him. He sobbed as he retched up the last of the liquid.

He felt his body begin to give out on him again, but an arm around his torso caught him. He didn't struggle as he felt himself being pulled backwards. Kuai found himself lent with his back against Quan Chi's chest. An arm still around his own torso kept him there, while another hand grasped his chin and angled it to look up. Kuai stared into Quan Chi's impassive face, and he couldn't stop the flood of tears.

“P-please,” Kuai begged between his laboured breathing. “P-please, no more, no more.”

“Who would have thought that this was all I had to do to get such a lovely reaction from you.” The hand on his chin caressed him slightly.

“I-I'm s-sorry, please,” Kuai whimpered, slowly able to move his arms again.

“I really didn't expect this to affect you this much, it's rather delightful. Maybe I should put you back in again,” Quan Chi teased, his tone far too light for the horror that Kuai was feeling at that moment. “See how far I can push you.”

“No, no, no.” Kuai finally managed to move his arm, reaching to grab onto Quan Chi's armour. “Please, please, no, anything else, please, anything but that, please, please don't-”

“Shh, shh, I'm merely teasing you,” he whispered, his tone so sickly sweet and obviously fake, and yet in Kuai's distraught state it was the closest to comfort he'd felt since he'd been brought here. “We're done for today, you can relax.”

The rational part of his mind told him to fight back, to scream and be angry at what he was being put through. That didn't happen though. Instead he felt his body slump, head resting on Quan Chi's shoulder as he continued to wail. The way Quan Chi cooed at him, comforting him like he wasn't the reason for his misery, was sickening.

Yet he couldn't move. Just clung to Quan Chi and cried through the mock care.

He felt Quan Chi shift, hooking an arm around Kuai's back and under his knees. Feeling himself being lifted bridal style, he hid his face in the crook of Quan Chi's neck. He wasn't sure where he was being carried, but he didn't care.

Whatever Quan Chi had planned next could never be worse than this.

[ageless-aislynn]

Now, I've mentioned before how I've never paid more than (now) $17 for a single game (PowerWash Simulator is totally worth it, though! Such a super chill, relaxing thing to play. A++ to infinity) and the Dead Rising Deluxe Remaster is *meep* $59.99. But ohhhhh frens, how I want this thing.

I feel awful for even considering paying this much for a game. I mean, I know that's not bad by new game comparison (Star Wars Outlaws Ultimate Edition at $129.99, anybody??? 👀👀👀). But I've stressed over (and have not yet pulled the trigger on) paying even $20 for a game before, so...

However. This isn't some new game that I might be totally disappointed in. This is one of my all-time super-duper favorite games getting a gorgeous remaster. Seriously, I love this game so, so, sooooo very much! It has squeezed its way into the top spot of my heart right next to the Halo MCC and Mass Effect: Andromeda and that is rarefied air indeed!

There is SO MUCH I AM EXCITE ABOUT!

A closet where you can change into any outfit you've found without having to go back to the location it's at!!!! That is so rad to me, I can't even tell you. 😎👍

You can move while aiming!!!!! And best of all...

[Getmatsu]

See, they know what the people want: more Frank/Leah! *nodnods in harmless shipper delusions* 😂

Seriously, though, that's showing how you can now answer Otis' calls without having to come to a complete stop, put down any survivors you're carrying, and then let the zombies eat you because you CAN'T MOVE or it cuts off the call. 😑 Being able to take calls on the run while you're carrying Precious Cargo*? AWWW YEAH!

*Do I call Leah my sweet angel while I'm playing? Darn tootin' I do. 😇

Leah and I just saved every survivor in the mall, as a matter of fact! This is Ending A, which leads into Overtime Mode and the True Ending. Now I want to play again to get Ending B so to get the maximum number of people on the helicopter out of there: everybody shown plus Frank, Jessie and Brad. Dr. Barnaby has to die so you can save Simone later and Isabela won't escape with you no matter what. 😕Anyway, that's my next goal, to get a picture of everybody but those 2, alive, well and promising to come to Frank and Leah's wedding in the fall once the zombies are dealt with, lol! 😇😉

Back on point. Can I really justify paying $60 for a remaster of a game I already have? I dunno but mannnn, do I want this. There's a slightly cheaper version at $49.99 but it doesn't have the 17 extra costumes that the deluxe has annnnnnd I really want those, too. 😍

This post brought to you by my wallet, who's currently going

at me, lol. 💸💸💸

Seriously, though, would you do it? Or would you hold off for however long it takes for it to go on a sale (and miss the pre-order incentive costumes)?

[mcalhenwrites]

I am still alive but have no spoons to directly reply to anyone right now. I'm working on stuff with roommate and therapy, but... unless the money situation improves, my life won't. There are no good days to return to. The problem is, I have a collective 39 years that have added to nothing. And I have still tried to be optimistic. To work through the chronic pain to write, work, and be there for my friends when they need me. (But it all gets harder the more time that passes.) When people still say I'm a good friend, I'm baffled. I don't see it. My writing isn't working out. I need it to, or I will not survive financially, and it just seems a little cruel to ask me to hold out and hold out for something that's never going to happen - all so I can die the hardest possible way in the end, bc I fought like hell to still be at the bottom. I'm not currently suicidal, but I'm pretty much just going day-by-day, trying to find improvements and realizing it all comes down to the same issue: I have no money. And the issue isn't "fix health to work more at a job that isn't writing" - I can manage fibromyalgia and IBS, and the latter costs money to obtain the correct food to do so. I qualify for medicaid; I don't qualify for food assistance now that I work a job! I quit crochet and people threw a tantrum, and if you want to see my self-defensive "I CANNOT DO THIS AND WILL NOT AND FUCK OFF" as a tantrum... go ahead. I do not give a fuck. I love writing. I did it even when I knew it was awful, bc I figured the more I did it, the more I would improve. I worked hard. It just isn't good enough for the world. That's okay. I have always been a loser at everything. Everything ties back to writing: I need to do it for my comfort and therapy. I want my stories out there bc I want to be able to offer other people that comfort. Too many of us come from abusive households, and some of us had it shape our mental health and our sexualities. I need to publish to make money to survive, bc I can write while bedridden. I can write while most of my body is sore and my eyes are half-closed and I'm bored but unable to play games or read or clean or anything else due to physical pain/exhaustion. (And yes, there are times writing is also impossible, and I'm crying in bed bc of the pain intensity levels.) Unless you have a chronic pain issue coupled with comorbidities, I don't want your lectures or assumptions. I don't want to hear that there is "help" while I watched the system try to push my autistic brother into a goodwill job that falls below min wage, and when he wasn't able to handle the responsibilities, they've basically refused to help him otherwise. Even though my brother is capable of many things, he is "disabled" in the system, and they want to insert him into a fixed situation they put all disabled people. I'm doing better than him financially, but when my parents go, he has no one. And I can't be that person, ever. I can't even get my dog back right now. I can barely afford to visit him, but I'm going to anyway soon bc I need to hug him or I really will fucking off myself. I need a lot of support to get my writing off the ground, and I'm never going to deserve it. If I did, it would have happened by now. My roommate wants me to keep trying, but... I don't have hope it'll work out. Right now, I'm so overworked I can barely get any writing done. And I'm working about 15 hours a week. At a low-demand job where I sit most of the time, and cleaning maybe takes 40 minutes at its WORST. Yeah. I'm pathetic indeed. I can't help but feel that way. And when I give myself a little treat to survive the next day, it's at a steep cost to my future. I can buy a book and go to the library, but at the end of the day, that's all time and money that should have been spent on work and saving. Life is punishing, and I just don't know if I can keep being punished. I'm not even this kind of masochist lol

[thebrokenbean]

Okay spoilers for Chapter 25 of Breaking Bread by @ss-shitstorm

I said in the Ao3 comments section that I have theories, and I was told to share. I typed all of this out in Ao3 but realized what an utter wall of text it was going to be, so here it is on Tumblr! Technically it'll be a wall of text anyway but... idk formatting probably works better here lol

In any case, I'm just gonna pick up from my first thought and go from there.

Theory time about Reader's Stranger:

Metal. He's metal. Definitely Megs, especially since we've already found out that he shares the same dream as Reader. Based on his dialogue I'm also guessing that he's experiencing this dream at the exact same time as Reader - they're talking to each other via the dream world and neither of them even knows it.

"I've seen these rooms, I've walked these floors" excuse the Hallelujah quote lol but Reader's recognition of their surroundings reminded me of that. Anyway, I'm getting reincarnation vibes here??? Not that they've both reincarnated though. Megs has been alive far too long for that. BUT maybe it was just Reader?? That would explain why he had such reverence when he asked if it was really them that he was seeing and speaking to.

Their nickname is 'Mouse'. Mouse = tiny, so this could mean in their past life that they were a human he knew very well (How well remains to be seen but I'm leaning towards them being romantic, or at least almost that way, despite how he says 'friend'). If they weren't a human in their past life, maybe they were a small Cybertronian (a minibot??) and 'mouse' is just the English translation of the Cybertronian word? And if they were indeed Cybertronian, 'mouse' could either apply to their physical size or maybe their speed/agility?

"You're light-years from your time, little one"

This ^ does throw me off though. He did show (hastily masked) grief when Reader's death was mentioned, so it's possible he was just trying to reassure them? I mean, it's possible (again, assuming that they're talking directly to his subconscious) he thinks they're just a memory. Like a snapshot of the person he once knew, but the snapshot is taken from before anything bad happened to them. If that's the case, he could just be reassuring them that they're fine so that he doesn't have to relive the pain & deal with his Stranger (re?)learning of their terrible fate. So to connect back to the 'light-years' part, that could just be a figure of speech.

"Were it up to me, I'd never leave"

See see this is one of the reasons why I think they're both dreaming each other in real-time! HOWEVER.

“But you have to leave.”/“We both do. We’ve our lives to return to, after all.”

We both do. This probably throws off the reincarnation theory, which should simply confuse me but instead I'm confused and also fascinated!

What does he mean? How much is he actually aware of?? He definitely doesn't recognize Reader outside of the dream world, since he'd be all over them and (I quote) treating them "as a knight would his king". So what kind of life does he think his Stranger is returning to when they wake up?? Maybe this actually does support the reincarnation theory, while also telling us that he knows about said reincarnation?? Does he think their reincarnated form is somewhere else on the planet (somewhere else in the universe even??) living their life without him, while they're actually right under his olfactory sensor in the form of Reader?? I'm so curious!

“Am I gonna see you again?”/“Of that, you’ve unfortunately no choice.”

The 'unfortunately' here is hanging me up. Granted, "his smile loses all traces of sorrow", so he's back to being a bit of a cheeky menace, which is good because that's normal for him. Butttt something feels off? I think is the right term here? Idk. Might be nothing, or it might be super significant. Either way, I think him being so sure of seeing them again has to do with the dreams. If he meant they'd see him in the real world, that would mean he'd know who Reader is and I've already established that I think their current dynamic would be wildly different if that were the case. So it's possible he simply knows that they'll both have these repeating dreams occur again.

“You’d think the eons that passed would have afforded me greater equanimity, but I’m every bit as emotional as I thought I’d be.”

Wait wait going backwards in the chapter to look at this for a second- "as I thought I'd be." Was he expecting to meet them in this dream?? Also, eons?? Just how much time has passed since he last saw his Stranger in person? Are we looking at multiple reincarnations, if Reader was indeed originally a human?

“There is much I cannot discuss, despite my overwhelming longing to do so.”

Okay actually it's possible he does know about reincarnation. Possibly. I really want to know what he wants to discuss, but for the sake of theorizing... maybe he's refraining from telling them because of what I mentioned about keeping them safe from the knowledge of their horribly tragic death. But it should be fine to talk about other not so horrible things, so that's hard to say. Maybe he does know about reincarnation, knows his Stranger forgets everything, and doesn't want to overwhelm them? Again, hard to say.

“But I don’t... I don’t know who you are.” / “And it must stay that way, for now.”

Hnnnnn yeah I think he knows. He's got to. Or at the very least, his subconscious does. Again, not so sure why he's keeping that a secret from them. Maybe like I mentioned earlier it really is just his subconscious that Reader is speaking to? If it were his main consciousness (like it sort of seems to be for Reader), he probably wouldn't care so much about being cautious (we all know TFP Megs can be a bit too focused on instant gratification lol), but perhaps his subconscious knows better? There's still a lot that remains to be seen though.

Hoo boy. That is utter word vomit. My gosh. Okay. I thinkkk I got everything. I sincerely hope that didn't get too incoherent. I was running out of ways to express my thoughts lol. Plus it was like 1am when I wrote this last night and I'd had a long day 😂

In any case, I'm off to read Chapter 26 because gahh I'm so excited to see where this goes!

[squalodinoappreciationsquad]

Headcanons - Squalo's family

I did it for Dino, I guess I can put out in the wild some HCs I have for Squalo's family - outside the Vongola/Varia compound.

Again, I elaborated this for the Big Damn table, so there is not a lot, because "oh well, I need some hcs to help me fill the prompts", but now I kind of am working on expanding these.

Anyway, this is what I thought so far when I started the Big Damn Table.

***

Generally speaking Squalo has parents, one of which is very much a deadbeat. His father specifically, giving him a plethora of daddy issues and overcompensation issues, but that's probably for a different post.

Squalo's father as mentioned is a deadbeat, the guy named Livio Superbi fled as soon as his soon-to-be-wife Veronica announced she was pregnant. Luckily Veronica had her family's support. Although she tried to go legal to make him pay alimony, Livio was nowhere to be found, in Italy at least.

Squalo did find him in Argentina with an unwanted wife and three equally unwanted children, and also unable to divorce due to legal issues, legal issues being the ownership of an Argentinian citizenship by proxy of his wife and the fact that if he ever comes back to Italy the Fontana family is going to drag his ass to court and sue for everything he is worth.

Not counting that Squalo is part of an independent organization of very skilled assassins lol. THat man is never coming back, not even dead.

Squalo was not happy about it, but he does not blame the step siblings for his bio dad's shittiness. The man brought it onto himself and for Squalo it is enough of a punishment.

So technically Squalo has a step brother and two step sisters, but he mostly does not acknowledge them due to the aforementioned daddy isues and due to the fact that he saw firsthand his own mother suffer at the hand of his bio dad, so.

Squalo has indeed a mother called Veronica Fontana, to whom he is very attached. Italian law does not allow for single/divorced mothers to give their children their own surnames, so she has to live with the fact that her son is bearing the surname of the aforementioned literal piece of shit. also he DID recognize Squalo as his son as a sort of "fuck you enjoy being a single mum", so she could not even sue him so she could give her son her surname.

She loves her son a lot, although she wishes he wouldn't get hurt so much.

By the way, Squalo is NOT his actual name, he gave himself the name to sound cool. His mum called him Andrea - and NO it is NOT a female name in Italy. Italian law forbids ANY woman to be called Andrea because it is a male name. You can get around that if you add a second female name or if you go for the diminutive like Andreina. So. Andrea. He is technically called Andrea Superbi.

Ofc Dino knows Squalo's real name, Xanxus does too. They have their mouths sealed on that though, lest his reputation gets ruined.

Veronica is currently very much alive and well and is now enjoying retirement in the comfort of her house. She has started needle felting, knitting and embroidery as a way to cope with the fact that she is not able to wield a sword anymore like the good old days when she was young.

And yes, hers is a family of swordsmen since generations. Her brother Vittorio is a master fencer, Her father had medieval fencing as a hobby and in general all of them are accomplished swordsmen.

It was only natural that Squalo took swordsmanship.

Clearly they thought it'd be just a hobby, but if joining the Varia made him happy why not.

Below the family tree.

And Squalo is very much his mother's son in mannerism. He took the "VOOOOIIII" from her. He also has her blue eyes. He does look in traits like his bio dad but he is in full denial and still very much angry at him and probably never forgiving him.