#I'm having technical issues and hoping i don't mess this shit up

[smieska-draws]

Laplace's Spamton - 05

I RETURN!

Been mostly doing backgrounds (or at least assets like the mansion ones where I can copy and move things around), they've always been my weak spot and the place where I get the most discouraged because its the start of 'the final look', and I think that's where I get intimidated.

There's a scene I really want to see work out, but it seems complex and I can't really pull it off with just sketchy as shit thumbnails. I've been making the bgs in CSP and importing them in Storyboard pro, but this one scene with a giant Spamton Neo head in the acid pool is one biiiig zoom out, and importing bitmaps that big is very heavy so I'm doing a kind of bitmap/vector hybrid so the program and my potato computer doesn't explode. I need to be happy with the camera movement before I add in keyframes. Keyposing/animation is always the last step.

ITS THAT GIANT SCHNOZ OF HIS thats messing up my composition and whatever, trying to problem solve this technical issue of "I want Blue in the swanboat to still be visible as we zoom out to reveal a giant Spamton Neo head (instead of just having the camera follow Blue's line of sight), but I don't want to zoom out so much that Spamton's head doesn't look that big (revealing his entire head etc). .. I'll figure something out ..I hope x_x

I have other scenes that are basically parallax, and that's easy enough to do and plan out, but *this one*... >:(

hang in there hang in there _(:‚‹」∠)_

[kanguin]

That poem hit me hard wow. Idk why I want to open up on Tumblr of all places but idk. I never share personal stuff in posts. Just oversharing in tags.

So yeah. I'm depressed. Depressed as shit. I quit my job recently because the commute, the low pay, and the high social energy cost of making 100+ phone calls a day just. Sucked the life out of me. Even my mother and fiance could see it. But this just marks burnout number... 4? I believe. I've experienced burnout and mental collapse 4 times now in the past decade. 4 years between the first two, 5 between the next two, and now just 1 year between this one and the last. And now I'm supposed to look for a job I like again, but... I don't know what I'd like. I'm not exactly enjoying life right now. And the thought of selling more of my life for money is not putting me in a good mental spot.

I don't play video games anymore. I haven't been able to do so for more than a couple weeks a year in ages. I never talk to my friends one on one anymore. I have no hobbies to speak of, really, aside from messing around on my computer, but it's not like I have the space to engage in any hobbies anyway since my broke ass still lives with my mom. I have my fiance living with me now, but while they're an emotional anchor, we have no space to our own besides the bedroom and a bonus room, but the latter is still technically a public space we can't decorate ourselves or use for painting or hobbies.

I feel stuck and miserable. I want to move out, I want my own home and space to be unbothered in, I want my own fridge and pantry with my own food, and to be able to be out of my bedroom without being on call for sudden required tasks or unwelcome socialization. I want a space to engage in hobbies; sculpting, painting, building, working with my hands. I want to be able to operate on my own schedule and not have to compromise on when is too late to start a task or eat a meal. I want to be able to start HRT in the privacy of my own home, so that I don't have to disclose my transition until I'm ready. I want... Freedom. I want to be able to live a life that feels mine, and not like I'm living in borrowed space and time.

But all of that requires money, and that just leads to a catch 22. I need money to achieve my desires, but need a job to get money. But I need a job I am happy doing so as not to burnout a 5th time, but I need to be able to enjoy life and work in the first place for that. And if I already enjoyed my life I wouldn't be in such a bad spot mentally.

I used to be so hopeful and determined for my future, but it's been 6-7 years since I graduated college with my bachelor's, and by now I've all but lost hope things will ever change. This genuinely feels like this is it, I'll be stuck here in this house until my mother dies, I get kicked out, or my heart takes me to an early grave like my father.

My next therapy appointment isn't for two weeks. I sure hope I stay on topic next time, because I only ever realized all the things I forgot to cover after the appointment. Even though I had my issues well memorized and written down.

...

If anyone actually reads this long ass ramble, I'm sorry. It's nearly 5am for me writing this.

.

..

To be honest, one of the aspects of my personality I miss the most is my love of making and keeping friends. Not that I was ever good at it, but I always enjoyed getting to know someone knew, and of course I loved learning more about my existing friends, too. There are so many people I can think of where I go "wow, I wish I had the energy to get to know them", but I can't really do that anymore in good conscience. Anyone I try and befriend nowadays is just going to get abandoned in a month or two when my overwhelming shame drive me to ghosting them.

[northwest-cryptid]

Local amnesiac clockman in dystopian city gets hired/abducted by the 12 complete messes based on literature, the lamest badass in the setting and his funny amnesiac daughter. Gets told to give therapy to said messes by looking for branches in ruined scp facilities while occasionally incurring on the wrath of capitalism and the little prince for some reason.

Said total messes are:

Straight up the korean poet Yi Sang because his most known poem had a character named "I"

Autism filled woman who is technically the actual boss of everyone

Woman don quixote

Fucked up japanese artist except her art is violence

Autistic french man with gap moe

Sheltered chinese man with the most fucked up family ever

A brit with a bat named revenge

Fish bisexual obsessed with murdering a metaphorical whale

Mommy Russian with only food and no hindsight in her head

Closeted young man with a fuckload of trauma involving ableist cultists

Straight up fucking Odysseus but in woman

And our ptsd riddled cockroach: Greg

See on one hand I genuinely appreciate the attempt here.

On the other hand this is extremely fandomized and I can't really learn anything from it as a result, especially considering that this covered stuff I already sorta know from just having played through the first major part of the game before having issues with it but more specifically from the fact that it's on the website for the game.

I need to reiterate my first bit here, I genuinely appreciate the attempt and I do not seek to belittle or insult the sender or anyone in question for attempting to enlighten me on the game but hear me out if you will...

All the information provided can be obtained from the website for the game or the first 10 minutes of the game; however it is only partially factual.

I am interested in Limbus Company, the game; not "Limbus Company The Abridged Version As Seen by the Fandom." When people go on and on about character analysis and plot depth and why it's so cool and interesting and deep and fun I want to jump in and engage with them on the narrative and such, but I can't because I'm not: A. Financially well off to Gacha for shit. B. Good enough at the game to get very far. And as a website that talks a lot about accessibility in games I feel like if anyone is going to shoot me down with a "git gud" it'd be kinda dumb, like sir/ma'am/individual of non-specific gender identity; you are on the "games should let you experience the story even if you're bad" website, please sit down.

I was honestly kind of hopeful that I would get some serious answers; and while some people have given me more serious answers than others; a lot of what I get is either specifically the start of the game which ignores/overlooks/doesn't mention the folks Dante is having an encounter with at the start, the fact they can use their clock head powers to turn back time and revive the sinners; or even the fact that they have no idea why any of it can happen. Like no one has even mentioned the whole star thing? I think it was a star? Something like that, anyways that thing was pretty cool and no one talks about it.

What I do often hear is how cooky and ku-ray-zee the main cast of silly little guys is; which I feel massively takes away from who they actually are.

"And our ptsd riddled cockroach: Greg" Alright since I've actually played through the first bit of the game so I know just enough about Gregor's story, why do we summarize a man who literally was a child experiment; who was betrayed by the only parental figure he knew; who was made to kill and murder without understanding of it literally like drugged or some shit to think he was just cutting apples; and who's body literally mutates into a cockroach down to just "lol he's a silly little guy with ptsd" ptsd from what exactly? Oh you mean the fucking Smoke Wars? One of the if not the biggest event in the PM Universe?

Like okay I understand I said "hey maybe don't send me entire documentary style paragraphs of text because my ADHD brain will not let me read them" and that's true, but I also really don't vibe with this whole concept of "this person doesn't know the characters at all so I'm going to call one bisexual, I'm going to call one a mommy, I'm going to call one a ptsd riddled cockroach named greg lol" Like I don't know how much of this is fandom and how much of this is real anymore. I know that some characters in PM's universe ARE LGBT so the idea of one of the Sinners maybe being Bisexual isn't too far fetched, but is that completely fandom interpretation or is it real? I sure as hell don't know when characters like Gregor who have deeper meaningful stories that tie into the world as a whole are boiled down to a one line joke about, I guess his name being Greg?

Like again I have nothing against the person who sent this or anything, I'm sure you meant well and I'm glad you're excited enough about the game that you reached out to me; that's all great and such, but I can't help but need to point out that you're talking to someone who knows almost nothing, but not nothing; about this game

and you're choosing to represent it in such a way that might be factual or might be fandomized and I can't tell the difference when the things I know are fandomized are present or when it mostly consists of jokes.

"Local amnesiac clockman in dystopian city gets hired/abducted by the 12 complete messes based on literature, the lamest badass in the setting and his funny amnesiac daughter."

Kind of not really. Like I'm not even going to get into the fact that technically speaking Dante is a Clock Person not necessarily confirmed Clock Man. I AM however going to get into the fact that they come to Dante's rescue(?) during what is essentially an execution; Dante is going to die and these 12 sinners jump in to fight for them for seemingly some reason we don't get to know yet. Hired is a much better word than abducted in this sense. Don't even get me started on "the lamest badass" because like, that entirely ignores the fact you're talking about who I can only assume is Vergilius AKA The Red Gaze, which is sorta huge considering what we've seen of Color Fixers, and you know; the entirety of the Comic/Light Novel Leviathan released prior to the game. What would a color fixer be doing with the sinners? What is his connection with Dante? Even having read Leviathan these sorts of questions are interesting and they create interest as someone who wants to question and explore the setting and it's themes.

AND I'M SORRY BUT "HIS DAUGHTER"??? Has that been confirmed because I highly doubt that unless there's some dialogue somewhere in the game that shows he adopted her or something, I mean yea he clearly cares about the orphans, but like I don't recall him ever adopting her and if he did I can't tell if you're telling me a fact or a fandom here because of everything else you've stated.

Are you beginning to see the problem here?

I literally have to wave off everything you just told me as no more than "lol silly jokes man lol" and I don't mean to be some asshole about it either but this isn't really going to help anyone get into a game or a story or anything because I don't really KNOW anything about it.

Again I'm not mad, I'm not trying to be rude; I've got nothing against Alex or anything! I appreciate someone taking the time out of their day to send me this but it ultimately doesn't tell me anything I'm just as much in the dark as I was.

This is specifically why it's so hard for me to interact with a lot of larger communities, a lot of the information I want is factual, from the source material; but I'm perhaps not skilled enough at the games to obtain it myself, so I turn to the community for information since people tend to enjoy talking about the things they like, and instead of getting actual information I get in-jokes I don't yet have context for, and fandomization that isn't actually true to the source material.

I understand I may come off a little harsh here, so for that I do apologize if I've come across rude. That being said, please do try to refrain from sending people who know next to nothing about your interests, a ton of fandomized in-jokes they won't understand, it feeds into the misinformation loop. Can you imagine if I went around telling everyone that Charon was Vergil's daughter when in reality he treats her as "something of a daughter" according to the publicly editable and horrible "fandom wiki" which is the only place that I could find information about it.

This isn't the same thing as say a biological daughter, or even an adoptive one. Which could be an interesting plot dynamic. I mean do you guys remember what happened last time a Color Fixer had a kid? Or rather I should say, last time a Color Fixer WAS GOING to have a kid? That was kind of a big deal. It's not really a shocker to learn that the guy who really likes orphans would be nice to the child.

anyways sorry for the lengthy explanation of "this isn't really what I'm looking for" but I've literally spoke on this whole "fandomization of characters bothers me a lot" topic before several times for literally this exact reason.

[hislittleraincloud]

you gotta admit that the laser focus criticism you have for ortega (that doesn't extend to the other cast from what I've seen while Ortega can't even breathe normally in your eyes) is........ something lol.

like might as well just not engage with her shit at this point isn't that easier?

She's the face of this mess, so of course all eyes would be on her.

What power does any of the other cast wield? Is it their fault Wednesday sucks in terms of flow/continuity or is it M&G (who I've had some pretty large crit for too)? Who's the little b who wants to assume responsibility for it as EP? Not Sunday or Doohan or Farmer. Why would I put as much care into what the other cast is doing to the show? They seem to be doing their jobs, and there's no real crit for their roles in Season 1.

I am coming from the 30 year fanship of Ricci's Wednesday into this. While I get that they're technically "not the same", they fucking are, since Ortega locked into the same deadpan. I've got every right as a Wednesday Addams fan to crit the one doing it now.

Is it that she doesn't have any real critics that bothers you? That everyone just accepts her 🗑️ because she's cute (I'm the first to admit that Miller's Girl was hot garbage)? Finestkind was goddamn awful too, and I'm quite right when I say that all she's fucking played so far are young angsty teenage girls with Mommy Problems...her last four roles were that (Wednesday, Miller's Girl, Finestkind, Beetlejuice 2). Yet it doesn't matter how BAD her shit is, y'all still eat it up and create edits and fics and wlw Character.ai sex bots of all of her characters. She's a cute little object for you to play with.

The cult around her is fascinating, and if I disturb her echo chamber of uncritical praise and simping...oh wells 🫠

If you read through my blog the proper way you'll see that I support those who commit to using their influential platforms for good. I've given her a chance (not that it matters, I'm just one shithead), I've read her book, I've listened to interviews; and now that she's dismissive of her book, we can only really pick from her actions what's really important to her and so far that seems to be Me Myself and I.

She's mid at languages and accents, and ends up mangling them. I really hope that she isn't French in The Gallerist, despite them filming there.

For every time she whines about representation, Imma be here pointing shit out. Again, we should be eating the rich right now, not sucking up to this obscene display of vapidity and wealth. Our people are literally being detained and rounded up. Regular people.

Not one bit sorry.

I guess it's good that her siblings don't speak Spanish since a few citizens got rounded up after someone overhead them speaking Spanish. It doesn't even matter that Edward is a cop, Aliyah and the other siblings in that house all have the potential to be detained under this psychotic administration. Anyone who looks like us has that potential. Shit is going down in L.A. as well, so California isn't immune. I worry for any one of us who gets caught up in this shit who didn't vote for the orange psychopath.

She makes big shit about real representation and being a young Latina in the industry, but when it comes down to it, who and what the fuck is this representing besides thousands of dollars poured into fashion, just like Met Gala b.s

Barrera is doing a better job representing, probably because she ain't even American/wasn't born in the states. 🫠 She does her fair share of fashion stuff too, but she also uses her platform for good/to spread awareness

Once again, sorry not sorry that I'm here, "laser focused". Y'all are pretty laser focused too, but in a different manner. My criticisms of her are ever-changing, and I'll be more charitable when I see her put her money where her mouth is when it comes to caring about the issues that she said she cared about in the past. We are in deep fucking shit right now, all of us Latinos. All. Of us.

But not her, right? Of course not her. 😶

[kierancampire]

Sorry for TMI, but I am in so much pain and this has been causing many issues in my day to day life at the moment, and again, the pain, it hurts so bad

As a child I got "diagnosed" with IBS, but like, my mum just went to the doctor for something then casually mentioned I fart and shit a lot, the doctor I said I had IBS, but like, as a throw away passing comment before talking about something else, since then on my record I have IBS and it's just a thing. So like, technically I have it, that just wasn't much of a thing obviously

And I have never taken care of it and I have never cared, my life is just lived consuming what I want and dealing with whatever happens, that's it. So, maybe this is my fault, but what I don't get is I haven't eaten or drank anything unusual and that is outside of my usual consuming habits, yet something's quite wrong

For what feels like a week now, and again, TMI warning, extreme TMI warning. But yeah, for I guess a week my body has been in so much pain, like my stomach and my butt just hurt and feel super messed up, they just are in pain, and the sounds my stomach makes, it's not good, like it's just these constant weird noises. But there are, yes, worst issues too. Firstly the less severe one is the gas, I have genuinely scared the cats multiple times with my farts, they never stink but they are just so incredibly loud and violent sounding, like explosive farts. But the second and by far worse issue is the bowl movements. My body regularly goes 1-3 times in the morning, then that's it, I'm done. But lately I keep having issues where I need to go late afternoon/evening times which is not normal for me, but also, usually I go quite easily, I sit down, it comes out, it's fine, like literally within 5 seconds I'll sit on the toilet and be done, but lately I can be on the toilet for 30 minutes, just feeling like I need to go but can't, but feeling like it can come out any moment. Also, yeah, TMI but it has been unpleasant. At about 5 pm today I felt I had to go toilet, it's what's become normal now, stomach pains, noises, gas, feeling like I need to go but can't, when all of a sudden, yeah, it all just violently shot out like a shot gun blast in one go, and the colour which was incredibly dark, consistency, everything, like something seemed seriously wrong. But mid way through writing this I have had to go back to the toilet cause my stomach feels so messed up, but once again just nothing

I just don't know what I would have eaten that would cause me literally near constant pain, gas, and all these toilet issues for about a week. I just hope it stops soon, it hurts so fucking much, is so unpleasant, and I just am sick of feeling like I'm constantly on the verge of shitting myself, while having diarrhoea, while also constipated. Cause again, I cannot stress enough, as much as the bowl movements are vile and unpleasant, and the whole feeling like I need to go but can't just is getting to me, it's the pain. It isn't constant, but when it starts up it is like my intestines and anus have just exploded open, it hurts so fucking much to the point a few times I have started pacing because I'm in so much pain. My stomach is killing me right now. I don't believe it is food poisoning, I just have no idea what's caused this

[knight-gwaine]

pull up on my midday anxious venting session

okay so lemme give a lil context. if you've been around, you know i grew up one anxious baby surrounded by people who didn't believe in me or put like.. any faith into me becoming... anything lol...

SO, needless to say i grew up with confidence issues and self doubt but WE HAVE GROWN SO MUCH. and life is hitting a flip switch right now where I both excited and in awe of myself and also terrified!!

I know I have come SO FAR. so far, whether that is my personal and mental health or through my technical artistic skills but I HAVE SO MUCH TO LEARN ABOUT BEING HUMAN. and an artist??

i literally didn't think i'd make it past high school and i'm now 24, gaining recognition from my community and BIG things are coming for me. fuck, people in my community may even consider me a developing public figure????? WHAT THE FUCK. like y'all, i just found out I have ADHD two years ago.. i am still learning how to interact with people and be both professional and genuine?? while building healthy connections??

AND OKAY THE REAL SAUCE HERE IS THAT I GUESS IM BUILDING A WHOLE ASS BUSINESS NOW??? like yeah okay we been sitting on this idea for years but like.. its.. happening?? and people care and are supporting me and providing me with resources that will actually get me far?? and i'm so grateful but it makes me realise just how much i don't know and how much i have to learn, that's exciting but in a way, disheartening because it's like dear god, compared to other people in the field, i don't know shit like damn i didn't go to school for this??? idkkk what im doinnngggggggggg and i just have to fake it til i make it and hope no one thinks im complete shit and end up with reputation of being a hot mess.

so yeah, i'm scared but i'm trying to remind myself of how far i've come and that it's okay to be scared because i will surprise myself. the universe and my community will surprise me. god, little me would be so shocked and proud of who i've become but honestly... i'm at a point now that i need to redefine who i am. who am i to myself, to my community? now that i'm not trapped by the limiting beliefs that was depression, who the fuck am i now. now that people care, now that i accept that love, now that i love the community too and want to give back, who the fuck am i and what am i doing??

i guess only time will tell....

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Take this in the spirit of parallel play, because I'd like to play too but I don't think anyone will ask. I'll just be over here...

Someone picked up the camera — an instant later, it became clear this was Marc, and he aimed it at his own face. “Do you see me, Rainbow Alliance, and all my fucked up, traumatized friends? I am a human being with a human life. But they don’t like who I am, so they try to cut it out of my body.” He pointed to the pattern of cracks. “And then they try to cut it out of my brain.” He turned his head from side to side, showing the scars. “And that don’t work either, so they throw me out and try to kill me, but I am still here! This… This mess isn’t who I was, but I am still here! I come from somewhere. I had a family and I loved them! They are gone from me, but I want them back!” He leaned in closer, the lens blurred trying to refocus, and lowered his voice to a snarl, “And if any of you out there can do anything at all about these fucking atrocities — I don’t care how little or how much — you fucking do it. Don’t back down. Don’t quit. If you know about this and you’re not doing everything in your power to make it stop, I hope you die and burn in hell!” A brown hand covered the lens and turned the camera away. The image reset to the original still of a pale, exhausted young man. “Wait,” said Hyacinth. “Damn it.” She tapped the photo again and dragged her finger back and forth, trying to replay the last bit. “Did you see it?” Maggie and Ann shook their heads. “I saw the guy cursing us for trying to take Erik back home,” Maggie said. “You mean him?” “No,” said Hyacinth. “The girl…”

I think that's not too spoilery? I hope?

I am super in-love with Marc's little story, as told through a series of animated photos, and I can't wait to delve into all the implications and work with the character and load him up with all kinds of relationships and UNPACK HIS SHIT. I [heart] trauma, I think I've mentioned that elsewhere today. I also like stories where people change and get better.

I might skip ahead and write what really happened to him, and how they're going to figure it out, just 'cos I like to get that stuff on paper ( heh, "paper") when I'm excited and before I forget. It'll at least wind up in my disjointed notes somewhere.

Unless I fall way behind (due to health issues or other stuff?) I WILL get to Klara this year, too, if only briefly. It'll be awhile before I get to play with her, although I've already written some future stuff where I do:

“All right,” she said. “I’ll give you another shot. Who’s the better Marx, Karl or Groucho?” Erik stabbed the air with a pointed finger. He knew this one! “Oh, Karl, obviously! Uh�� Uh… History is a bunch of class struggles! Solidarity forever!” She grinned at him. “Oh, my gods. Are you a literal Marxist? A real live Red Menace — Green Menace, sorry — standing in front of me, no fooling?” Erik took a small step backwards. He managed a nod. “I… I mean… Socialist, at least. I don’t understand how you could live on this planet and be aware of this reality and not be a… a… It just makes sense, doesn’t it?” She extended her hand. “I’m an anarchist, and Karl Marx is a stupid piece of shit.”

And then there's this angst-bomb:

Milo was not — necessarily — checking on Erik. If one drew a three-dimensional map of the [SPOILER! REDACTED!], there were several possible paths to the kitchen for coffee in the small hours, and only one of them went past Erik’s door. And, okay, yes, technically Milo did not have to go to the kitchen for coffee; he could make coffee in his room. He even had some of those prepackaged bodega-style pastries. But… He was used to having a much smaller house and, even though he didn’t like people to sneak up and scare him, he did like to see them sometimes. Even if it was just a peek while they were sleeping to see if maybe they needed a quick tuck-in.

...but you and me are both gonna have to wait a long time to have it in context, and it'll probably change quite a bit by then, for the sake of continuity. Still, the cool stuff that happens in it is gonna happen eventually, like people resolving their incredibly slow-burn romance and other people finding out who their parents are and what they did...

No fandom, all original characters in an original world. Indie. Unpopular. But I'm excited anyway. I like making cool things, and I have non-zero people willing to like them. Not a whole bunch, but non-zero. 🤗

Oh hey writer ask game?? Yay! 🫘 Spill the beans. What's a new project you're doing this year?

And 💥Is there a chapter, scene, or WIP you're most excited to write? Share a snippet or tell us about it!

Thank you for the ask!!

🫘 Spill the beans. What's a new project you're doing this year? (asked by @aicasey as well)

I have a long list of projects, but I don't know if/when I'll feel ready to tackle them, given I also want to finish a few WIPs, like A king's decision, She's not a diamond, and a dream team's shenanigans

However, if I manage to make it to the lists, I'd love to see which one of my projects could serve in the Royai Big Bang anthology!

💥Is there a chapter, scene, or WIP you're most excited to write? Share a snippet or tell us about it!

I'm translating a Kiki's Delivery Service one-shot I wrote for a Secret Santa back in 2020 on FFnet (Le prix des heures sup'), and I think it might have a better reception in English than in French (it was one of the rare times where my giftee didn't even react to my gift ☹️). So here's a little snippet!

December had come to town, and with it cold, storms, and frost in the streets, the cars, the windows. The first time it happened after Kiki’s arrival, she spent long minutes staring at the frost ferns on the glass, bundled up in a blanket. Later, she couldn’t get tired of looking at the snowflakes falling like feathers in a deafening silence on the ground, the roofs, the trees. Snow didn’t fall often over the city, when Kiki was used to it in her parents’ village. During her childhood, she’d often played in the snow with her friends, fighting in memorable snowball fights and building the tallest snowmen.

Writer goal ask game

[imfkinconfusedbro]

print('hello, world!') | Ashtray x Reader Platonic

Author's note: This one is about hacking and coding and stuff so anything that isn't common knowledge Ill have listed below with an explanation. To Be honest, I only know a little bit about this stuff so yeah. Hope yall enjoy!

python - a computer language (like java, java script, c++, etc)

print('hello, world!') - beginner string of code in python used when first learning

nmap - a security program used to scan networks

backdoor - basically a back door to bypass security within a system to secure remote access

masterlist

“You hackin or somethin?” Ash questioned, hovering over my shoulder.

“Technically yes.”

“What do you mean technically? It's a yes or no.”

“What I’m doing is ethical hacking. They hired me to try to hack into their system so they know if there are any weaknesses that they can fix before someone else does it illegally.” I explained.

He silently nodded, pulling up a chair. “So how do you know what you’re looking for?”

“Ok so first I need to know as much as possible about the system I intend to hack. I use nmap which basically scans everything. Then when I find the weak spots, I try to exploit them. Once I'm in, I wanna maintain access to the system so I install backdoors.”

“Why do you wanna maintain access? I thought it was like a one and done thing?” Ash asked.

“If you were gunna hack someone for money, would you want to get in their shit once and that's it or would you want to be able to access it again if they don't pay up? You have to remember once you tell them I hacked you, passwords are changing and security is gunna be upped. You wanna be in there before that happens.”

“I gotchu so after you install back doors then what?”

“That's the part I’m working on now. I'm clearing my tracks. I don't want any evidence of an attack left behind. One sign of an attack and that's it for the attack, security is upped before a ransom is ever talked about. The whole point is basically to act like a hacker that is exploiting the system for personal gain. Then I write up a report and send it to the cyber security department and they gotta take care of whatever weaknesses I found.”

“How’d you get into this shit?”

“I was a kid like you who spends too much time on the computer doin shit I shouldn’t be doing. I developed a knack for it so I figured I might as well go to school for it and make money off it.” I answered.

“You wanna teach me?” He asked.

“Ill teach you but under one condition.”

Ash sighed. “What is it?”

“Nothing illegal. I don't want the feds busting down my front door.”

“Fine. I promise I won't do nothin illegal.” He responded, pinky held out.

I smiled, linking my pinky with his.

“I’ll be right back.” I said, getting up to get a book from Fez’s room.

I handed the book over. “You have to start with the basics. This book is really good and I wrote lots of little notes in there for myself so start with this. It's basically just about coding and learning python. It will teach you how to do little projects to get a feel for it.”

He eagerly took the book, mumbling a thanks as he went to his room.

That was almost a year ago and boy has Ash learned quick. He is pretty good for being so new at it. He recently started learning how to hack which Fez has become a victim of. Ash’s first project was a device connected to the tv that allows him to remotely turn it on and off whenever he pleases. Ash made it when he was mad at Fez and he has been enjoying fucking with his big brother.

“Babee please tell him to knock it off.” Fez begged, trying to relax on the couch.

I couldn’t help but giggle. I didn’t think he would get into it as much as he did. But Ash knew better than to try it with me. I was still more experienced than he was and had no issues hacking his computer. I knocked on Ash’s door before entering.

“Listen, I love that you’ve been having fun with this and I know you’re annoyed with your brother but please stop messing with the tv.”

”Okay okay.” He smirked. “Wanna see how it works?”

“You bet your ass I do.”

[haleigh-sloth]

I am warming up to the idea of Deku "saving" Shigaraki mostly thanks to your blog but I still can't like Deku unfortunately. I just don't like that he had to see "the little boy in him crying" to make him wanna save him?? As you have said several times, Shigaraki is a very transparent character yet nobody was willing to see beyond his villain persona from the beginning, not even Deku. All they saw a screaming manic villain who needs to be put down. He was screaming his heart out (1/3)

about the injustices of the society and all Deku had to say was that he can't forgive 'the likes of him' and then, he had to be seen as a child 'crying' for Deku to finally realize he too was a victim. I get it that it was in between war and all, still I didn't like it. Oh, and I don't even want to get into what he said to Dabi which was downright cruel. His idea of 'who needs saving' seems superficial to me?? So, those who don't cry outwardly, who can't physically cry or (2/3)

those who put up a brave face but are falling apart inside don't need to be saved?? Of course, I would love to see Shigaraki to be safe and cared for by the end of the story and maybe then, I will even like Deku. but now, I just can't. I hope you make me see a better perspective of Deku so I can enjoy the story better?? Thanks for your blog by the way, you are one among the very few people I enjoy following in this fandom, even among the villain side :) (3/3)

Well anon, I appreciate your kind words, and the fact that you still like my blog in all this fandom mess. And if you really don't like Deku I'm surprised you can even stand my blog at all.

I'm not here to try to convince anybody to change their opinions of Deku, or any character really. I'm not going to try to even change yours. But I feel like there are some things being overlooked when it comes to him too.

As for the Deku not seeing Shigaraki as someone who needs to be saved until he saw his "crying inner child"--look. I know that using the OFA/AFO vestige was technically an easy way out of giving Midoriya consistent progression throughout the story to realizing that hero society creates its own villains. I feel like Midoriya could have spent more time thinking about their conversation at the mall, and about his question to All Might in this moment here.

It's something to criticize among the other issues in Midoriya's writing. But that isn't really the biggest issue with Midoriya, there are way worse things lol.

And here's the other VERY important thing about the "crying child" issue. Midoriya jumped in to save Bakugo, despite all the horrible shit Bakugo did to him. Midoriya jumped in to save him numerous times.

The difference was that Midoriya saw very plainly how Bakugo was being victimized in those moments. But saying that Midoriya only cares about saving crying children is just bullshit, because that's not what canon shows us. The crying child set up was literally just a pathway to make Midoriya realize that Shigaraki is a victim, without question. That was the issue. Midoriya didn't know Shigaraki was being victimized. And quite frankly it's not his job to just know that right off the bat.

But at the end of the day, the entire point of the story was to challenge the heroes' already set-in-stone perspective of the world around them. The villains, the LOV trio specifically, ARE that challenge. There are things that can be criticized in terms of how Horikoshi has executed it thus far, but the characters within the main 7 (the 4 kids and 3 villains) have played their roles to a T.

Midoriya started out with NOTHING. He was truly in the right place at the right time in order to receive his quirk. Yes, it was his determination to save Bakugo that landed him his quirk, but it was truly circumstantial. Midoriya, as a teenager who had just had his heart ripped out by his idol (being told to become a cop in lieu of a hero) felt incredibly blessed and his character is shown to be in complete awe of the hero world. And his inner world, to me, is shown to be consumed by the mere fact that he even gets to be there at all. So, yes, as 15 year old (at the start), his judgement is going to be clouded. Midoriya, a teenager with like, a lot of other shit going on, is not at fault for not immediately catching onto Shigaraki's outcry. The fucking adults didn't, so how could Midoriya?

On what he said to Dabi....sigh. Look, the framing on that was messy. But I have zero reason to believe that he was antagonizing Dabi. He's never done that to anyone, so there's no reason to think he'd do it now. This comes across as a genuine attempt because he said the exact same shit to Shouto, and it worked. It was absolutely not the right thing to say here, and I still think Hori is shafting Midoriya in the entire "give everything to Endeavor" debacle. But that particular moment I believe was to show us that Midoriya was trying something he has seen work, and obviously it failed. Because at that moment, he wasn't seeing Dabi, he was only thinking of the fact that it worked on Shouto. It wasn't true empathy. It was a bad choice.

Not sure why you put "saving" in quotes. He's gonna save him. That's his job as the main protagonist, and he's proclaimed it as his end goal, so he's going to do it. I'm pretty tired of the argument of who should save Shigaraki too, since people seem to want to pick that debate with me of all people (not saying you are--just venting here). It's been established that heroes save a person's soul, body, and heart. Something All Might failed to do for Tenko. Midoriya is going to step in and do it.

The answer isn't really up for debate? Like, it's plain as day. It's in the art, it's in the two characters' paralleling arcs, it's in their similar personality characteristics, it's in their red shoes (lol). This is, first and foremost, a story about kids defining what a "true" hero is by setting the bar high. It's about the younger generation surpassing the older. It's about the kids doing what the adults failed to do. It's about the kids, and heroes for that matter, taking on a whole new perspective at solving problems, and it's about the heroes being challenged, and learning from past mistakes.

The kids are the answer. Heroes are the answer to what it's going to take to redeem the villains. Specific heroes to each villain, not just any hero.

You say you're "warming up to the idea" of Midoriya saving Shigaraki, but I'm not really sure what people were expecting the alternative to be? There's a distinct Kid:Villain set up, and it's seems almost certain, and set in stone, that this set up is going to be carried out until the end.

I mean, I'm glad you're warming up to it, but....even if you don't, it's pretty apparent that this is what's going to happen. Midoriya is the main character. Nothing is going to change that. What he's set out to do, he's going to do. He wants to save Shigaraki, he's going to. The set up is there: the paralleling arcs, the connection through their quirks, the alternate realm where they can "feel" each other's pain (still waiting to find out if it's a two way streak), the alternate realm that only Midoriya and Shigaraki can access, and the realm that Shigaraki's consciousness is slowly being sucked into. It's all there. I'm excited for it. Their dynamic, relationship, arcs, everything about the two of them are my favorite parts of the story. I've been sucked in since the parallels became obvious in the writing. Nothing is gonna take away my excitement for what's to come for the two of them.

I'm glad you still like my blog, somehow. There's a lot of Shigaraki and Midoriya talk on my blog. So I do appreciate you sticking around lol.

And I appreciate this ask. Gave me a good opportunity to type out my feelings on this. So thanks anon.

[victorianraccoon]

hello, welcome to my Ted talk.

Today we will be discussing "Tales from the SMP". But before I blow your minds with my theory/realization we must first talk about the butterfly effect.

So, have you heard of the butterfly effect?

The butterfly effect, is used to say the smallest of actions can lead to catastrophic events. Like, for example, a butterfly flapping it's wings causing a hurricane.

Now the important part of the butterfly effect here, is where it was first brought up.

The term was coined by meteorologist Edward Lorenz in 1960. He studying how small changes within his computer algorithm would lead to massive changes to the final outcome.

As cool as that is, Edward Lorenz wasn't the first one to really instill the idea.

Have you ever heard of "A Sound of Thunder"?

It was a short story written by Ray Bradbury, and first published in a magazine during 1952. To pretty much summarize the plot of the story, it is about a man going back in time to kill a dinosaur and then dooming humanity.

To be more specific about it, There is a company that holds onto a time machine, going by the name of "Time Safaris Inc.". Unsurprisingly, They use it for "Time Safaris", in which they let people go back into the past and shoot a dinosaur of their choosing.

The main character of the story is "Eckels", who shows up to Time Safaris Inc. and ends up requesting to shoot a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Before Eckels is brought to the past, the tour guide takes a minute to explain how they plan out the process. The guide says that the Tyrannosaurus Rex they will be shooting is about to be killed by a falling tree. So that upon killing that T. Rex, they will only be effecting the way that the T. Rex dies and don't end up effecting anything else. They even remove the bullets from the bodies as to not leave anything behind.

Time Safaris have also ended up setting precautions. They have set up a metal floating pathway above the ground so they don't touch the ground and end up crushing the plants and/or insects.

The Time Safari guides heavily stress how important it is to Eckels about how he cannot walk off the pathway.

"Don't stray from the path."

What ends up happening for the rest of the story is, once Eckels sees the Tyrannosaurus Rex, he ends up panicking. He steps off the pathway, and crushing a butterfly by mistake. This causes a change within the timeline so major that it greatly effects the human language. There are probably more changes to the present of that world, but we never got to see them.

Now, we are going to take a step back for a moment.

"Don't stray from the path."

Sounds... awfully familiar... doesn't it?

CC!KARL JACOBS, IF I AM PICKING UP WHAT YOU ARE PUTTING DOWN, THEN YOUR CHARATER HAS SCREWED THE TIMELINE

I will rant as to how Time Travler Karl has probably doomed the future in a minute, but I gotta be serious about my theorizing.

We have only seen five episodes of tales of the smp, which is not a ton of sources of info to go off unfortunately. Episode two probably isn't even "cannon", but eh I can't really say.

But we have seen the future once.

Episode three.

The one where Ranboo apparently had a moment where he really liked the idea of bioshock, built a city underwater, then had kids who made false assumptions from screwed up historical documents of the events of the Dream Smp.

There is a problem with this though.

Episode one, he was in the past. Some peasant village that dealt with some murders, probably one of the beginning settlements of flordia.

The issue about this is because since we haven't seen a future without Karl meddling in someway, that means we do not have a untouched future to compare this touched future against. We cannot figure out the type of time traveling rules are in place. Time traveling rules differ from story to story, but they tend to be--

1) Time is set in stone. You change minor events but you cannot change major events.

2) Time is malleable to a point but crushing a bug won't kill the world.

3) Stomping a butterfly to death can somehow mess up the human languages. Sneezing will end the world you are fucked everything is fucked the sun is collapsing because you had to sneeze you bastard you

So, the events that are happening could either be completely time traveler Karl Jacob's fault, or they could always be happening no matter what Karl Jacob's does.

Also there is complete possibility that it's a time loop, which those are confusing as hell and im not even going to try to talk about that.

But if that's the case, that means he's losing his memories for nothing.

All three are quite bad.

Also? There is a complete other possibility on the fact that what is going on in the dream smp could be the "best" timeline. I am not saying Time Traveler Karl thinks that what has happened is the best timeline, but it might be the best it can get.

( The descendent into madness starts here)

Time travel is so fucking complicated in the way that technically speaking if it is happening now in the past, it has already happened here.

Time travel is a very genuinely interesting story telling method, I'm not going to lie about that. It allows for more interesting settings and characters, but holy shit. The part of my brain that enjoys understanding storylines and timelines starts having a conniption whenever its brought up.

But there are so many loopholes that are left behind. Like- Time travel in its self is a Paradox! If the problem has already been solved, then why go back to fix it? Then there is nothing to fix the problem in the first place!

I hope as CC!Karl keeps releasing more of the series it will fill in more holes and answer more questions, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's just me looking too deep into things when I should just enjoy it face value.

Also? I know I am going somewhat on a tangent here, but I have started and I cannot stop. But there legit biological consequences of time traveling! Do you know how much disease Time Traveler Karl has probably been spreading around???

Because here is the thing about time, as it marches on, so does evolution. Evolution is always happening and occurring, some instances more noticeable then others.

If you were to go back in time, not only would you be exposed to very old diseases that your body might not even be able to recognize since how different they appear, you are also bringing newer, more specialized and better adapted diseases into the past.

Where people's bodies are not trained against those diseases.

AT ALL.

SO NOT ONLY HAS TIME TRAVELER KARL JACOBS FUCKED UP THE TIMELINE WITH THE POSSIBILITY OF THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT, HE HAS ALSO UNKNOWNINGLY BECOME A BIOLOGICAL WEAPON.

KARL JACOBS IF YOU INDEED ARE TRYING TO MAKE A CONNECTION TO THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT AND THE STORY "A SOUND OF THUNDER", I HOPE YOUR CHARACTER DOESN'T FOLLOW IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF ECKELS.

LITERALLY DO NOT STEP ON THE BUTTERFLY AGAIN PLEASE.

TDLR:

I lose my fucking mind over the possibility of there being a connection of the butterfly effect between "A Sound of Thunder" and tales of the smp.

[artificialqueens]

Gimme Love, 7/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Sorry in advance, but this chapter is kinda short. But we do get more conflict, more drama. 3 more chapters! Who's pumped? No one.

TW FOR THIS CHAPTER: Brief blood mentions.

2020

Remember how I said I was on a journey towards happiness? In the beautiful world of Brianna Caldwell, life said, "Nah."

The next day, it was apparent that things were only getting worse.

"Ed Sheeran is still on board," Joey stated matter-of-factly. He crossed his arms, the safety visor making a rustling sound as he did so.

He was joined by Nina, Alex, and Michael. A few of the lab team were at their desks, trying to ignore the current confrontation, including Jujubee.

She looked as if she wasn't paying attention to the ordeal, but I knew Jujubee like the back of my hand, and she was listening. I couldn't help but want her to speak up and help me out here. But she hadn't spoken to me since the day before.

"Yeah, he is." I put my hands on my hips, standing at the front of the lab, while Joey and his friends sat there and looked up at me.

"Why, though?" Joey continued to question.

"God, we already had this discussion," I spoke quietly, looking to the side for some sort of distraction.

"Yeah, but you said you'd figure something out." Nina input.

"Yeah, you did." Alex joined in. I glanced at Jujubee in the hopes she'd join the conversation. Her eyes remained on the chemical she was working with.

"Why did you choose him in the first place? Why not…" Michael paused, deciding to join the argument, "Bill Nye...or someone who actually has an interest in Space and Science."

"Yeah, for real. Like, you do realise that in years to come, when kids read about 'Neil Armstrong - the first man on the moon, they're gonna flip the page and see 'Ed Sheeran, confirmed the first man to enter another dimension.'" Alex added.

"Like, how do you even explain Ed Sheeran as a choice?" Nina held a hand out in questioning.

I finally found a crack and slipped back into the conversation, "Because your project manager is a disaster when she's drunk and makes stupid choices without even thinking."

"We know, Brie. You were drunk." Joey rolled his eyes like he was tired of hearing the same story.

"Maybe you should stop drinking." Alex squinted his eyes.

"Yeah, we don't wanna go there, but maybe this is a problem," Michael added to the point.

My eyes were becoming wider with every word they were saying. This was absolutely ridiculous. Again, I was hoping Jujubee would argue back, but she remained silent.

Nina, however, was the one to interject, "Jesus, guys. You're taking it a bit too far." She stood up and gathered her lab coat, "Look, we all do dumb shit when we're drunk. She's not a mess, OK?"

Joey laughed. I held back from calling him out for the time that I caught him hiding in the closet playing Candy Crush for an hour.

"Well, even so, she should take this into consideration," Alex suggested.

"And do what?" I unfolded my arms and held them out by my side, "call him and say 'JK, Ed. It was just a joke, Ed.'"

"Girl, you're the one who got us into this mess. You figure it out." Alex raised his voice. How very fair of him. I was the one who had to deal with this problem, yet they were the only ones who seemed to care.

"Mess is a bit of a harsh term." Nina pointed out.

"Exactly, there is no mess here. Juju and I have already figured this out," my gaze shifted towards her again, hoping the mention of her name would cause a reaction. Nothing, "So I'd appreciate it if I could stop getting all this flack. I don't need flack from you," I pointed at Joey, "I don't need flack from you," next, at Alex, "or you," then Michael, and I moved my finger in Nina's direction, "or...Jesus Christ, you're having a nose bleed."

Nina's hand flew straight up to her nose, pulling away and examining the red liquid. "Oh, my Lord!"

She tried wiping it. But more blood poured out like a faucet that had been slowly turned on.

"Can you just...get out of here and get that cleaned up?" It sounded bitchy. But I was panicking. I never did well with blood. Therefore I looked away and hid my face.

"Thanks for helping, boss." Joey practically snarled, handing Nina a bunch of tissues. Like hungry wolves following the scent of the blood, the 3 men followed her out of the room, Joey still scorning at me as he left.

It was just me and the other scientists left in the room.

I turned and moved to one of the counters, picking up screws and bolts as if I was actually interested in them. But I couldn't ignore the presence of my best friend.

Hearing shuffling, I turned. She was standing up and gathering her things.

"Juju." I approached her.

She only quickened the packing up process.

Reaching her bench, she was already turned in the direction of the door, "Juju, are you just gonna ignore me all day?"

Finally, she looked at me, adjusting her bag strap, "There's nothing to say."

"Oh really? Well, you can decide to drop me as a friend, but you're still working for me, so we need to communicate."

"OK," Jujubee shrugged, "Well, what do you need to discuss with me that's work-related?"

She got me there. Licking my lips, I breathed out with a quick sigh. "OK, look, last night, we didn't end on a good note. I'm not saying I was wrong, and neither were you. Can you just please set that aside and talk to me?"

She squinted her eyes. "So, I'm supposed to just let the problem keep building?"

"Juju!" I briefly raised my voice, a few of the other scientists glanced in our direction. Jujubee looked uneasy now. So I lowered my tone again. "OK. I'm just gonna say it. I fucked up. I fucking...wrote her a creepy message, and I don't know what to do, and I have no one to talk to about it."

She let out a sarcastic laugh, "You're still looking to use me as your therapist. You learned nothing from what I said, Brianna."

I was silent, incapable of speaking anything else.

She looked away to the ground, "This is taking up my lunchtime."

And with that, she moved to the door, the sound of her heels like a clock ticking down.

"Juju, what can I do?" I held my hands out by my sides. "How am I going to make you satisfied?"

With a hand opening the door, she was frozen for a moment. I thought she would have walked on and ignored me. But she looked over her shoulder and said, "When you realise she's not the one who cares about you."

She left the room, pulling the door closed. The noise caused me to flinch.

I turned around her words in my head.

Two of the scientists were whispering, one glancing at me. I felt my chest become tight. "Hey. This isn't a social gathering. Get back to work."

Despite their astonishment, they moved away from each other anyway.

I instantly felt like a bitch. Technically yeah, it was my job to keep everyone working. But I rarely raised my voice.

I left the room, seeking peace and quiet.

Sitting in my chair, I held my hands in my head, staring at the redwood desk. Moments like these should have felt like a luxury, just sitting there, relaxing. But my mind was racing with too many thoughts.

I had no idea what I could do to make amends with Jujubee. But I could try and sort this Ed Sheeran problem.

Loading up my emails, I opened the thread with Ed Sheeran (which was actually only 3 messages and most likely with his manager).

I hit reply and started typing.

'Listen, Ed. There's been an issue…'

No.

'Dear Mr Ed Sheeran, we regret to inform you…'

'Hello, Ed. It's Brianna from…'

'Ed, big fan of the work, but…'

I squeezed my eyes shut, already feeling exhausted, like each press of the backspace button represented a loss of a brain cell.

For all the achievements I had earned throughout the years, for all the accomplishments, why the fuck was this so damn hard?

The telephone rang, causing me to jolt. A sigh left my lips as I tried to breathe. Pressing the speaker, I said, "Jackie, what's up?"

Jackie, my receptionist, spoke, "Hey, honey. Your Mom's on line 2."

My hand clenched around my pen, already feeling that familiar sense of dread.

"OK, thank you," I spoke quieter.

I hesitated for a moment before finally clicking line 2.

"Hi, Mom," I uttered.

"Hi, baby." She said quietly. "How are you?"

"Fine." I lied. "Nothing really new here. How about you?"

"All good…" she sighed, then paused briefly, "Actually no. Things aren't good. I...lost my job. The usual, they found someone better. And I've been trying so hard to find a job."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Yeah, and on top of that," she sighs again, "Brie, honey, there is no easy way to say this; Piggie's sick."

My breath caught in my throat, but I tried to remain calm. "What's wrong with him?"

"They said it's Lyme disease, Brianna. I...I don't know what's going to happen." Her voice cracked.

"Look, don't worry. I'm gonna send you money right now. It should cover the bills. He'll be - -"

"No, I didn't call you to ask for money." She said quickly, "I was just wondering...I know you're busy and everything…"

Fuck. My eyes squeezed together, hand tightening around the phone.

"But...I would love to see you. It's been nearly a year now." Her tone softened.

And immediately, I wanted to say no. Considering the circumstances, a visit would fuck with my head. Seeing Piggie, my emotional support through teenagehood would crush me.

"You there, baby?" She asked.

"Yeah," I whispered.

"I just...I don't want to be alone. What if the medical treatment fails? I'm gonna have no one, Brianna. I don't want that." She pauses again, and my chest tightens, tears filling my eyes. "Brie, baby, please come."

I can hear the pain in her voice. But I can't help but feel that sense of fear, the anxiety.

"Don't leave me alone to deal with this, please. I'm at my lowest. And I don't know if I could do it all by - -"

I hit 'end call'.

I put the phone back and rested my head in my hands.

I knew this was my fault - our strained relationship. I could only see that now, how emotionally unstable I was. That sounds like a joke, right? I just didn't expect it to be this bad.

Nothing was getting better.

-_-_-_-_-_-

2004

I threw my bag in the back seat before climbing in the front. My hair was soaked from the rain. I literally just ran from the school to Mom's car, not even outside for that long, yet so much rain.

I said nothing, only rubbed my hands together to keep warm.

"So, the schools flooded?" Mom asked.

"Yeah."

"The whole school?" She looked past me and to the building, an eyebrow raised. "It doesn't look that bad."

"It's just the shop classes and cafeteria, to be honest." I put my hands between my thighs to make the warming up process happen quicker.

"That's a bit unnecessary to send you all home."

"Yeah, well, I'm not complaining."

Mom fired up the engine, and we were set for home. There was a moment of silence that fell among us. Nothing out of the ordinary.

But when she turned the radio down, I knew we were in for a discussion.

"That's not the only thing the school called me about today." She started.

"Oh?" I looked out the window. I don't know why but I assumed they had finally exposed me for smoking around the back of the building. But it was doubtful as I had stopped during the Summer.

"They're concerned about you, Brie." And so was she, now that I could hear it in her tone. "Your grades have only gotten better the slightest amount."

"Well, I can't just go from a C to an A in a matter of days." I still looked out the window. "And besides, I'm staying behind every other day for extra studying."

"Are you sure you're not just flaking and hanging out with Jujubee instead?" There it was, the accusatory tone.

I looked at her now. "No? And if it makes you feel better, you can call her Mom and ask. How's that sound?" I scoffed, "God, I don't need this. Not like I'm dealing with enough at school anyway."

"Well," she was silent for a moment as if daring herself to speak again, "Not that I'd know, I mean, you don't really open up to me about school."

"Yeah, because there's nothing you can do about it." Was I wrong? What could she do? Barge into the school with a gramophone and yell, 'Stop picking on my daughter!'

"About what?"

I rolled my eyes, "Doesn't matter. I don't wanna talk about it."

I could practically feel the way she held back from rolling her eyes.

"Well, the only other thing I can think of is that you're too focused on all this space stuff." She sounded more irked now. "You need to focus on your future, not all this make-believe crazy conspiracy theory shit."

"Oh, that crazy conspiracy theory shit that my Grandpa enjoyed?" My tone was slowly raising.

"I didn't mean it like that. I'm saying your Grandpa didn't make a living sitting around and fantasising about all of this stuff. He knew the difference between having a career and having a dream."

"Well, God, not like my interest hasn't got a thing to do with my future prospects, Mom. No. Who would have thought." The sarcasm was thick in my voice.

"Whatever it is you're striving towards, it sounds more like a dream to me. You need a more stable plan." Mom flicked the indicator quite aggressively.

"Oh my God," I laughed, "That's hilarious. You have no idea what I'm striving towards. You can't even tell me what it is."

"Does it matter??"

"Just shows how much you give a shit about me, right, Mom?"

We pulled up to a red light to Mom's delight because she pulled the handbrake.

"How dare you." She seethed, "How dare you speak to me like that. I have done nothing but give a shit about you all these years. I have been there for you, every nervous breakdown, every time you wanted to cry but wouldn't, every time you needed your Mother the most. I was the best Mother I could be because I know that deep down you were hurting." Her voice cracks. "I know that you struggled for so long, what with your parents and all, but I've done all I can to give you what they couldn't. I held you. I loved you. But now, what I'm getting back is this...attitude. All I did, Brie, was express my concern, and you immediately went on the defence." She paused again before lowering her tone, "And I know you want to hold on to this space stuff, so you don't lose someone else. And I know you're in pain. But is this actually what Grandpa would have wanted??"

We held each other's gaze for another moment before the light finally turned red. She started driving again.

But I wasn't done. "Really? All of that and for what, Mom? God, you have no idea what Grandpa wanted for me. If only you knew what he asked of me when he was lying in his deathbed."

"And what was that?" She raised a brow.

"It doesn't matter." I crossed my arms and was back to looking out the window.

"Of course." She stated.

"Just...stop, please. My grades will be better. Now, we're done having this conversation."

I could feel her seething, the heat of her anger radiating through the cramped vehicle. But she said no more.

Not even for the rest of the night.

[palaugranetes]

🔵BLAUGRANETS🔴

22 OCTOBER 2020

Riqui: Well I guess there is no other choice than doing this..

Pedri: Do what?

Riqui Added Arnau

Riqui: Well we have another one here. At this rate, we might as well just include the whole squad. BUT Welcome to this adult free mess bro!

Iñaki: 💙❤💙❤💙❤

Carlitos: Benvingut nanu!

Ronald: MANITO!!!!

Ronald: Look at you using those braincells @Riqui

Riqui: Nothing new

Ansu: BRO!!!! @Arnau 💙❤

Arnau: What even is this?

Frenkie: Adult Free Space.

Frenkie: WELCOME!! ❤💙

Arnau: Why is this even?

Francisco: Well I really am not quite sure of that yet.. But welcome!!!

Carlitos: This exists because we are sick and tired of the grown-ups.

Arnau: Who are the grown-ups? Aren't we all technically grown-ups?

Arnau: Well beside Ansu and Pedri.

Ansu: BOY DO NOT.

JC: 😂😂😂😂😂

Dembz: 😂😂😂😂😂

Ansu: 😒😒😒

JC:"Dembz: 😂😂😂😂😂"

Dembz: 🤜🏿

Ansu: I hate both of you so much.

Frenkie: It's only a week.. Just hang in there🤭🤭

Ansu: 😒😒

Pedri: 🙄🙄🙄

23 OCTOBER 2020

Carlitos: Anyways.. What I meant is that we are sick and tired of the ones in charge, their incompetence and their stupidity.

Riqui: Here here 🍻

Ronald: Thought popcorn was your TM

Riqui: 🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿

Riqui: Happy Now?

Ronald: Elated!

Arnau: Ahhh I get it now. I see your point.

Arnau: So how long has this been going on?

Pedri: Like a month or so

Francisco: We still don't know what is happening here most of the times

Sergiño: Hey dude!! Another newbie here!! Welcome @Arnau

Arnau: 🤗🤗🤗

Ansu: What we do know is that El Clasico is tomorrow and I am about to jump out of my skin!

Riqui: I mean...

Carlitos: What do you guys think?

JC: Well what version of FCB is going to show up.. It depends on that.

Arnau: I really cannot sit through another Getafe type match... there aren't enough hugs in the world.

Iñaki: I feel ya bro.. pure torture.

Ronald: Look we tried..

Riqui: No Ronald.. You did.

Carlitos: And now that Jordi is back .. Y'all need to try harder.

Carlitos: I mean I love the guy but he needs to remember how to football.

Riqui: You say y'all as if any of us not named Frenkie Ansu and Sergiño is going to start.. Don't drag all of us into that mess..

Ansu: 🙄🙄

Carlitos: Oh no no Nanu I am happy for you.

Riqui: We'd be dead were it not for you kiddo.

Sergiño: I am just glad I'll be back to the right flank tbh

Sergiño: Like I'll play wherever I'm asked but...

Pedri: Exactly.. Imagine me playing on the left.. I'll do it sure of course, I'll try my best but it is not my favorite.

Francisco: Well I think it's natural.

Riqui: Ever since Antoine spoke he has been benched 🤭

Carlitos: Are we sure that is the only reason?

Riqui: Jeez

Dembz: 😐😐😐😐

Carlitos: Sorry.. But I only say this because I know what he can do..

Dembz: I guess we are all rusty...

Riqui: I wouldn't know.. I've played all of 10 minutes..

Carlitos: 🙄

JC: Well y'all better not make me watch for nothing.

Riqui: Again.. Can't help you there bro.

JC: WHOEVER IT IS. DO NOT.

Riqui: Sometimes I wish Puyi is here just to like make them focus.

Carlitos: Remember when he yelled at Geri? 😂😂

Riqui: Which time 😂😂

Carlitos: All of them 😂

Ansu: OMG GUYS!!

Ansu: We should ask for his help.

Francisco: To come and make 'us' focus??

Pedri: It doesn't work that way dude.

Ansu: NO! With Geri

JC: I'm listening

Dembz: Are we really going to go ask for help from Carles Puyol?! Ansumane are you nuts!?

Ansu: GOT ANY BETTER IDEAS OUSMANE!?

Dembz: No..

Dembz: And stop yelling @Iñaki is probably asleep.

Frenkie: We all should be ...

Ansu: BUT my Puyi idea.

Ronald: Can wait till after El Clasico.

Ronald: Go to sleep now

Ansu: 😒

24 OCTOBER 2020

JC: 4 OUT OF 11!!!

JC: Oh for fuck sake😒

JC: ANSU YOU BRILLIANT GENIUS I COULD KISS YOU!!!

..........

JC: I AM GOING TO KICK HIM! PHIL WHAT!!!!?!?!?!?!?!

JC: What the fuck was that shit....

JC: But it wasn't...

JC: I give up.. Screw this..

...........

Arnau: This blows.

Iñaki: Once again.. pure torture.

Arnau: No but we were doing actually okay..

Iñaki: I mean.. relatively so-so.. we could have had it...

Arnau: What even was that 2nd ..

Iñaki: Bro.. Let it go..

Arnau: 🤦🏼‍♂️🤦🏼‍♂️

Iñaki: 😐

Ansu: I hate us so much.

Pedri: I should not have said anything the other day..

Pedri: I jinxed myself.

Francisco: That was horrible

Sergiño: Truly awful

Riqui: I am going to keep my comments to myself.

Riqui: Because if I speak, I will get in trouble.

Carlitos: Okay José.

Riqui: HOW DARE YOU.

Carlitos: It was a José move.

Ansu: I just... WHY TAKE ME OUT SO EARLY!

Dembz: A Mess.

Frenkie: So we are just going to get a penalty every time we breathe next to a player!?

JC: BS. Just that.. BS.

Ansu: Siempre igual.

Frenkie: I hate this.

Riqui: We all do.

25 OCTOBER 2020

Ronald: On the bright side..

Riqui: There is not one bright side in this

Ronald: There is.

Ronald: The fact that it's over.

Riqui: Okay one bright side to this. And now we have Juventus next.

Riqui: Without Gerard

Riqui: Which means he will have time...

Riqui: Which means we are screwed.

Carlitos: I would like to go back to the match please.

Riqui: So I was right.. There is no bright side.

Dembz: Dammit.

Riqui: Good night.

Pedri: Night!

JC: See ya later

Carlitos: Nanit!

Sergiño: ✌🏽

26 OCTOBER 2020

Frenkie: They did not just say that.. 🤦🏼‍♂️

Frenkie: As if we needed more backlash...

Carlitos: WHY WOULD THEY EVEN SPEAK!??

Carlitos: WHEN HAS THAT EVER HELPED ANYONE?!

Riqui: Just leave already for the love of everything good...

Riqui: We are a meme Club I swear...

Riqui: When has complaining ever benefited us ever?!

Carlitos: As if they don't know

Ansu: Did he really say that or did I hallucinate it!?

Riqui: They did kiddo

Carlitos: They did kiddo.

JC: Yikes

Francisco: What is the point?

Arnau: What is the point of their existence really

Iñaki: They have so many problems coming their way, the guys say they are taking action against them

Arnau: Well they should have let them finish the season and not just send them off like that.. They deserved to play the play-offs.

Iñaki: Don't remind me.

Arnau: Can the president just issue an arrest warrant against them already?!

Riqui: I wish

Carlitos: THE AUDACITY OF THEM TRYING TO POSTPONE THE REFERENDUM. THE AUDACITY.

Riqui: I hope they end up in Jail. Or like exiled.. whichever can happen quicker..

Ansu: We cannot have one day of peace in this place.

Riqui: How else will the time pass..

Ansu: I rather not have it pass in stress.

Carlitos: Well.. tough.

Riqui: And another one tomorrow.

Riqui: AND FOR WHAT... JUST LEAVE

Sergiño: I am having such a dèjà-vu..

Riqui: About?

Sergiño: Tr*mp..

Riqui: Well.. Kinda.. sorta..

Riqui: Like.. take away the mania and psychopathic behavior and total lack of human empathy and decency... yeah it could be him

Sergiño: I meant the desperate need for him to just leave.

Riqui: Oh well yes that... spot on.

Carlitos: we have to wait more I guess.... But now Juve.

Frenkie: Exactly. Juve.

Ansu: Ronald's big moment. Hope he doesn't screw it up.

Ronald: Appreciate the vote of confidence.. really. So sweet.

Ansu: Anytime broski Anytime.

Pedri: Did you really just say broski?

Ansu: And what about it?

Pedri: Nothing..

Ansu: Mhm...

27 OCTOBER 2020

JC: Another meeting today?

Riqui: Yep

JC: Evening?

Riqui: Yep

JC: You think he will?

Riqui: Who the hell knows.. He might be coming out to announce a new sponsor for all I know

Carlitos: I hear he will

Ansu: Will he though?

Carlitos: Well I'm not his babysitter but I hope so.

Ansu: We shall see.

Frenkie: Ready to take off to Torino?

Pedri: YES!!

Francisco: Cannot wait tbh

Francisco: I saw Gerard today and he was being very suspicious.

Riqui: I do not need this now

Sergiño: I hung out with him during training this morning.. He seemed normal

Dembz: So what is the truth...

Ronald: All I know is he has time now.

Ronald: And I feel sorry for you guys..

Ronald: Not you @Riqui 💙 and Sergi would agree

Riqui: 😒 I hate you 💙

...............

Arnau: HOLY CRAP HE DID IT!!!

Arnau: WE ARE FREE!!!!!!

Carlitos: I cannot believe it. Someone slap me.

Carlitos: I DID NOT MEAN IT LITERALLY RONALD!

Ronald: You asked.

Riqui: I JUST... I WOULD LIKE TO SAY....

Riqui: 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

Carlitos: WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE! WHAT DO YOU MEAN A EUROPEAN SUPER LEAGUE.. BRO!!

Ansu: Like I said.. We cannot have not 1 moment of peace.

Riqui: Is he really playing a victim?!

Carlitos: Great... more games for us not to play😒

Ansu: But things are changing.. so

Frenkie: Oh wow.. oh wow.. OH WOW

Francisco: What even is the point of a Super league?!

Francisco: It's like the Nations' League.. What is the point of that

Pedri: Money.

Pedri: 🤷🏻‍♂️

Francisco: Fair point.

Iñaki: Isn't everything?

Francisco: Yep.

Dembz: So now what guys?...

Riqui: Now we are free. We wait for the new President.

Riqui: And maybe a new coach 🙄

Dembz: I dig that.

Pedri: How do you guys think Leo is feeling??

Ansu: I wonder what the adults gc is like right now.

Ansu: Dammit Carles when are you going to be useful!

Carlitos: RUDE MUCH

Ansu: We need to know

Riqui: 😂

Frenkie: So now that he is gone.. What are we going to complain about in this Club.

Riqui: It's us.. We always have something. But enjoy this Win bro

Frenkie: I am.

Sergiño: I hope we can enjoy more wins

Francisco: Leo must be very happy.

Riqui: I wanna post something.. but I don't know if I should.

Dembz: Do it subtly.

Arnau: Have you met him? He doesn't know subtlety.

Riqui: I brought you here to back me up dude not join them😒

[abbiegail200]

ok les go

absolutely, I love them both dearly, and I'm very thankful for them

my cat lmao

hahah yeah my breakup

a little. I dont like showing skin so I'm always worried about keeping my clothes in place. sometimes when I realize my teeth are showing, I'll hide them.. they're not terrible I'm just not that great at keeping them brushed 😅 .. I also have pretty bad dandruff so I'm always worried about that too 😭

single and sad

uhh no clue lmao

those breakfast corndogs, sausage on a stick with pancake around it yknow

yeah a few years ago my parents made me play softball :| I played for two years. I have a good arm just terrible aim

YES ITS REALLY BAD I vs manage to not bite them when I'm wearing a mask but I still pick at them, idk how to stop aaa

uh? I mean me and my sister mess around but we don't really fight like that so never?

not really.. I did have a small crush on my friend but he uh straight up told me he wouldn't date me BECAUSE I'm his friend lmaoo but its fine, I still cant get over my ex :') lord help me

hmm i don't think so..

myself LMAO

..what do y'all think ._. also all my friends who just dont talk to me anymore too :')

just a cat, Cinnamon Toast. I had another one but we had to put him to sleep in February because of his age.. sleep well Butterscotch

a little tired, kind of excited. I made a friend with a vet in need (he's technically not homeless so I don't wanna say that) and Im gonna give him a $50 gift card as an early christmas present 😊

no lmao we had to be sneaky, especially after our moms found out about the park activities ;)

not scared, grossed out

ugh yeah and smack myself upside the head and tell her to take her fucking meds 🙄

uhh lets see.. I think his house

*shrug* work I guess

No.

nope but I wanna get my ears pierced

math

again, all those friends that don't talk to me anymore weeee

nothing really, its still pretty early

man

god I hope not..we both hate cheaters but i don't know everything in the world..I never suspected anything though

no he couldn't cry and he hated it 😔

my cracked ass screen, I dropped it on the stairs at work yesterday 😭 its so bad uuughh

well I mean my family says they love me LMAO idk about anyone else

PURPLE FOR THE WINNNN blue next

no not really

uhh I don't really remember lol

u h h fuck idk probably my mom??? bro my memory is shit

idk I've never really had issues with friends and I've only ever had the one relationship

again idk

FUCK NO I think the best years so far were middle school to the beginning of high school.. great times

16

no wtf

CAN YALL TELL ME WHY IT SKIPS THE FOURTIES ????

never

gonna

give

you

up

never

gonna

let

you

chicken wings

uhh

ate some beef jerky

relationship wise NO there's no fucking reason, work wise you really shouldnt but if you get caught thats on you

I feel like I am.. its why made that mistake...but also I was off my meds like a dumbass hahah

none

uhh

early/late summer, I hate the cold but I also dont wanna be cooked yknow

yeah again its the COLD I don't like

I guess eventually?

I guess, we never used that one

uh fuck uh my cat?

probably not

family wise we're all really close so we kiss and hug and stuff all the time so no, now.. uh maybe a little..

he doesn't we start dating I guess ??

yeah same guy we have a lot of the same humor and stuff and his family is cool, they even swear freely lmao

my dad LMAO

hmmmmg idk

nice uhh

any of my friends and family but top would be my sister, only I am allowed to mess with her lmao

ok have a nice day bye

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

03: Do you regret anything?

04: Are you insecure?

05: What is your relationship status?

06: How do you want to die?

07: What did you last eat?

08: Played any sports?

09: Do you bite your nails?

10: When was your last physical fight?

11: Do you like someone?

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

14: Do you miss someone?

15: Have any pets?

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

18: Are you scared of spiders?

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

26: What are you craving right now?

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

30: What’s irritating you right now?

31: Does somebody love you?

32: What is your favourite color?

33: Do you have trust issues?

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

51: Favourite food?

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

54: Is cheating ever okay?

55: Are you mean?

56: How many people have you fist fought?

57: Do you believe in true love?

58: Favourite weather?

59: Do you like the snow?

60: Do you wanna get married?

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

62: What makes you happy?

63: Would you change your name?

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[m1serere-n0bis]

Anyways. I don't care what the rest of you all have been doing during this but I have been trying to listen better and pray more.

For those of you who don't think that's "enough"... Sorry but I don't owe public opinion shit. The only person I owe an explanation to is God. I don't owe anyone information on what I'm doing in private. I don't owe anyone information on what I am/am not supporting financially or otherwise. If your personal opinion is that I'm not making adequate use of my voice or platform then that's rough buddy, but my voice is not the one that needs to be heard right now and also what platform? As a society hyperfocused on social media ESPECIALLY NOW DURING THIS PANDEMIC we have to come to terms that we all have lives outside of it and we don't "owe" each other ANY information about that in spite of what our culture tells us. Like if this is what "community-based policing" means, I can already tell you I hate it and it's oppressive.

For those of you who think this is a political power play, I would say those concerns are valid but there IS a REAL problem that will still be there when all the political pandering and posturing is done. And we need to fix it. Part of the reason I haven't been hyping what everyone has been telling me to hype in the name of activism is pretty much this:

Do I think it honestly matters which political party is in charge for changes to happen? No, because I do not trust the SAME GOVERNMENT BACKING THE POLICE to take the money THAT IS STILL TECHNICALLY IN THEIR POSSESSION and funnel it into the communities that need it in any way that will actually address the racism inherent in the system. HOWEVER, that doesn't stop me from listening to what my brothers and sisters in Christ are telling me are their experiences not just in a society that is supposed to have progressed past racism but in the BODY OF CHRIST itself. Because it's there, everyone. Yes, it's not overt. Yes, not everyone is actively engaging in it but if we are truly One Body then we owe it to each other to make reparations for sins that aren't ours. It's what we've been doing for the child abuse scandals, is it not? The majority of us were not involved but do we not still carry the burden of that sin simply because we're Catholic, because one part of the One Body committed this massive hurt?

So anyway. The goal of this post is not to make anyone feel bad and it is not an invitation for people to pile on me because I haven't vocally supported x, y, z. This is an invitation to listen and to pray... which should always be the first step, EVEN WHEN THERE IS AN IMMEDIATE NEED FOR ACTION. (Maybe ESPECIALLY when there's an immediate need for action.) And holy shit are we not good at that or what? 😂

1) Fr. Mike Schmitz' homily this week was an invitation for us to listen to God and let Him tell us who He is because only by doing that can we see the image and likeness of God in each other. We've lost that in our wishy-washy prayer lives that inevitably end up with us trying to force God into an earthly construction in which He doesn't belong. We try to tell God who He is because the world is too noisy for us to hear Him tell us about Himself. And that inevitably trickles down into us trying to force each other into boxes before recognizing the human dignity instilled by God in all of us. The internet feeds into that by making us faceless virtual entities, thus making it that much more difficult to recognize our humanity. I can read faceless stats for days but if I don't have ANY CONTEXTUAL IDEA where those numbers are coming from, they're empty. They're easily manipulated into whatever whoever is selling me them wants me to think of them if I don't have someone LIVING THOSE STATISTICS giving me context. Right now the media wants us to feed on the controversy surrounding BLM movement without telling us that these communities have been MARCHING IN THEIR COMMUNITIES FOR YEARS AGAINST THE VIOLENCE THEY INFLICT ON THEMSELVES and it is the same media blackout as any March for Life. The media doesn't care unless they have drama they can use to stoke more division and that's the tea.

2) Fr. Josh Johnson is on fire right now, everyone. Like him and Chika Anyanwu are two voices I wasn't listening to before that I'm thankful to be hearing now. If you're wondering how God can be good even in the midst of chaos, turmoil, and pain, this is it. If you're struggling to separate the Black Lives Matter Organization from the heart of the issue, this is how God is doing that. The Church needs to hear these voices. They have real experiences to share. They are part of the Body of Christ, and they are really hurting through these thousands of small cuts.

I would recommend listening to the Jeff Cavins Show episode Distance Amplifies Difference where he has a conversation with Fr. Josh. They both have tremendously unique WORDLY perspectives to bring to the table on the issue (Jeff Cavins is a white man but has children who are black and they live in Minnesota and are literally witnessing the heart of this first hand in the trenches, and Fr. Josh is the son of a black former chief of police) but ultimately discuss how we as a Church can work towards fixing it.

Fr. Josh and Fr. Mike's dialogue on Ascension Presents is also really top notch. I still have to finish watching it, though. 😅

I can't believe I wasn't following Chika before because as another single Catholic woman, I feel like I've found a sister in Christ experiencing the same ups and downs of Catholic singlehood (her Instagram Highlight was like HILARIOUS and also a truth 😂). Her family's small business got looted during the rioting but I believe they've since been able to shut down their Go Fund Me since people gave them enough support to get it back up and running. Anyways, I'm glad this amplification of black voices brought me to hers.

3) Fransican Friars of the Renewal Fr. Agostino and Fr. Pierre Toussaint discuss their hopes for the movement from their perspective as people of color and as servants of one of the poorest neighborhoods in NYC, the South Bronx. Their dynamic is great because Fr. Agostino is like a Gryffindor on fire and Fr. PT is like a soft-spoken, phlegmetic Ravenclaw. I understand that energy. 😂 (I'm also a phlegmetic Ravenclaw) One of my takeaways was Fr. Agostino's opinion that we can't just posture and leave it up to the government or orgs with ulterior political motives to make things right because he's seen firsthand how well THAT goes. However, all that means is that we as people of God have to dig in and do the work our own dang selves. They're also hopeful that this discussion of the police force being built on a foundation of racism will eventually lead to the discussion of Planned Parenthood being built on the same. They said that 42% of the pregnancies of the predominantly black and Latino population in the South Bronx end in abortion. 42%!!!!!!!!!!! If that is not a wake-up call that systemic racism is alive and well and we are abjectly failing women of color as a society Idk what is. But also their analogy that society is a MESS of a dilapidated house and we have to pick ONE place to start and stick with it if we really want to fix it up is also the truth.

4) Did y'all know about Our Lady of Kibohe? This is a Vatican-approved Marian apparition that appeared to three teenaged girls in Rwanda a little more than a decade before the genocide (which she warned them about). There is no one in Creation demons and Satan hate more than Our Lady, and there's no better weapon against them than the rosary. There has been a call from our brothers and sisters to rend our hearts and even if you don't see, think, or believe there is still racism within the Church, will you not pray for Mary and St. Michael to help continue keeping it that way, then?

Our Lady of Kibohe encouraged us to take up the practice of praying the Seven Sorrows Rosary. I tried it for the first time last week and I have to say, even with my super basic limited knowledge of black history in the United States, it was not hard to see how their suffering could easily be united to the sufferings of Christ and Our Lady.

I guess my conclusion is this: I have my own misgivings about blindly supporting any ol' cause that happens to be trending on whatever. The Black Lives Matter ORGANIZATION has a manifesto touting things that are contrary to the Catechism for SURE, but when my brothers and sisters in the Church are telling me they are in pain RIGHT NOW and saying, "Hey, listen... They're right about some things... These are the things and we've experienced it IN the Church..." then they deserve to be heard. We owe it to them to listen because they are a part of us. We need to expose these sins to the light instead of denying they exist or claiming to be past it. We ALSO need to be charitable to those in different parts of their journey. Is it FAIR to bear the burden of others' sins and make reparations for them? Heck no! But we do it. Jesus did it for us. We do it for our brothers and sisters in Purgatory. What's the difference for bearing it for our hard-hearted brothers and sisters on earth? Nobody is perfect but we all are made in the image and likeness of God and thus inherently carry human dignity.

[xampomi]

Exes & Angels | jjk

• genre: high school au | romance | mystery

• pairing: ex!jungkook x y/n

• warnings: jungkook's not using underwear (there's a reasonable reason for that); ¿maybe jimin has a crush on Jungkook¿ ; trust issues; I dunno

• summary: jungkook’s rambling

Jungkook was having a shitty day so far.

First, he forgot to wash his underwear in the weekend, so he just decided to go commando today bcs wtf was he gonna do at 6 in the morning?? Then, when running to class, he bumped into some weird guy.

"wtf man. Wanna fight?", the little guy said.

For a moment, Jungkook stopped dead in his tracks because he though he saw some fucking sparkling halo above boy's head. But Jungkook didn't sleep much that night anyway so.

"N-not now. Sorry. I'm running late.", which was technically true. The thing is Jungkook didn't care. And he didn't really wait for the sparkling guy's answer.

As soon as Jungkook entered the class he sat at his regular seat, the window's view being extremely appealing to him.

As all of us can imagine, Jungkook was a smart kid but he didnt really care since he knew he was also extremely hot. That thought came to his mind numerous times. He knew that he should probably quit high school and become a stripper. He was definitely done with this shit. In addition, that would bring a lot of fast easy money.

"Fuck, i forgot about breakfast.", he remembered, thanks to his body's noises. Then he try listening to class but that didn't worked that well for him since he has tendency to zone out real easily.

However, two knocks in the classroom's door echoed through Jungkook's ears and for some reason he was suddenly attentive to what was happening in the real world.

Soon after the knocking was heard, the teacher stood there like some earthquake emergency, in which he should tell the students to keep calm, keep calm but if you wanna come back to your mama, walk quickly.

Then he woke up. "Come in".

When the door opened, a dark-haired girl appeared She quickly smiled to the teacher as she entered the room. "Good morning. Sorry to interrupt your class", she said in a low, innocent voice, although something on him told him that she didn't really care about his class. But he was no more interested in what was happening so he just dropped his head again on the table.

"Don't worry. What do you need, y/n?", he couldn't see what was happening but Jungkook knew that the teacher's teeth were about to fall down if he kept smiling like that to the girl.

"Could I borrow... Jung Jungkook? He's from this class, right? Mr. Robert wants to talk to him", y/n kindly asked.

Something was wrong. Everyone knew Robert was done having conversations with Jungkook since what happened in the canteen 2 months ago. Or perhaps he decided to finally let that go of that. He hoped so. He didn't wanted to talk about that again. Besides, Namjoon deserved it.

Maybe this time Mr. Robert wants to finally have a real conversation. Maybe about last week's fire alarm's break out.

Oh well.

"Ah!", the teacher dropped too happily. Then he seemed kinda regretful. Yeah. Hide the excitement, you bastard. "Go talk to the principal, Jeon."

"Oh no, I can't What about your class? I was so excited about hearing about the... effect of.... molecular evidence on....the classification of...hm... organisms.", I said already reaching for the door. I don't know if you noticed but I was being extremely sarcastic.

"Ooooh, don't worry.", yeah, he prolonged that "oh" like that. He was also being sarcastic but I know that deep inside he would miss me. Everyone those.

"You know I always open an exception for you every time you need to do things outside my class, Jeon. C'mon. Go talk to the principal." He pointed to the door in a very nonsarcastic way.

"I will come back for you.", I didn't really said this. But it would be funny. Because I would never come back.

Now in the corridor, Jungkook felt real freedom. He could finally go home, eat pancakes and dress some sweatpants or something that wouldn't make his dick itchy.

"Ya. Where do you think you're going?"

Shit.

"You know I'm really grateful that you let me out of there. Seriously." He made a dramatic pause. Then he decided to push him hair back and for a second, he though he saw her rolling her brown dark eyes. "But we broke up, y/n. You need to find yourself another man."

For a moment she looked kinda offended. Then remember she had more important things to discuss with him.

"lol that's what's i've been trying to do. I though it was pretty obvious I was trying to seduce Jimin. I mean, he's cute as hell. He just.... he doesn't look normal, okay? And not the "He's-just-too-good-to-be-true"type. I mean, it's obvious that a man like him could never be compared as a simple human. Have you ever had a good look at him? He's a God. He's just beautiful and kind, and talented,and sooo funny. Absolutely boyfriend material,ya know. And his buttcheks?? I could never think of a better--"

"Okay, okay. I get it. And?"

"He isn't normal, jungkook."

"As you've been telling me."

"He seriously isn't normal."

"Who is?", I smirked. "Just tell me who this Jimin guy is already bcs i think I've never heard of him."

She frozed a little. Then she slowly approached him.

"Buy you saw him, right? I know you did. I saw you this morning with him. That's why I came to you.", she had her eyes real open by now. "You're the living prove that I'm not crazy. You're the only one who always believes in me, right?"

Jungkook took a good at her. She no more looked like the shy, innocent girl that came for him in the middle of class. Sure, she still looked like the typical social butterfly. She was always the type of person that just loved to befriend people here and there. Now she just looked kinda exhausted. Still beautiful, but exhausted.

So yeah, jungkook was fricking out a little bit. Something was wrong with her. He needed to calm her down, so he could go home.

Then she suddenly went closer to him, her voice quieter than before. "I also need to tell you about the weirdest part, BUT you need to promise me to keep secret. Promise me."

"Okay, go on."

"I'm serious, kookie. "

"Don't call me that. I told you before, right?"

"Do it."

"I, Jeon Jungkook, promise that I will never tell whatever you're about to tell me."

"I think I killed him."

Jungkook frozed. For some reason his vision started getting blurry. He didn't eat anything since yesterday. He needed to eat.

"Sorry. Can you repeat that?"

"It was an accident, Jungkook. An accident." Her face has becomed red, her eyes watery and her body shaky. "C'mon. If you don't believe in me, who will?".

"But I talked to him this morning. He's not dead, y/n"

"He really is."

"That's so fucking impossible, y/n." He pushed his hair back, but not in a seductive way anymore. "You can only be lying to me rn. What the fuck happened?"

She avoid jungkook's eyes. "I don't know! One minute we were just making out inside the school depository and next one, he--"

Jungkook hoped he wouldnt regret his next words.

"Prove it."

"You still won't believe me, do you?"

"Y/n. Where's the body?"

"If I show it to you right now....will you believe in me? Will you promise to believe forever in me?"

Jungkook looked around. He was not in the right mood to see a dead body rn. But It was 14pm and for some reason he saw no one.

He should probably come back to class anyway.

"The body is still in there here, ya know."

"What?"

"Don't worry. Obviously is hidden under some blankets I found in there. I can show it to you."

"Did you call the policy?"

Now she frozen on her feet. "No, ofc not. I can't go to jail. I can't. Please believe in me, Kookie. We could just go. As we talked about bef-"

Jungkook should definitely become a stripper after this. But for now, he needed to call someone. However, the phone was inside the classroom. He couldn't call the police without a crime. He needed to see for himself. Yeah, played with fire alarms but dont fucking mess with 911.

If that boy really was dead, y/n needed to be arrested. That's the truth. He will eventually need to discuss it with her. Just not now.

"Let's go, then", he finally decides.

"Yey", she said but not that excited - she even seemed a little disappointed?? - but took his arm between hers anyway and guided him from corridor to corridor.

When they first arrived the depository's door, Jungkook was expecting to her to free his arm but she didn't. She wasn't stopped trembling. She killed a man and can't stop shaking wtf. She was afraid. Well, Jungkook was the one who should be afraid. I mean she had a lot of time to get accustomed to the cadaver. But more than that, Jungkook was hungry. Poor Jungkook.

The next moment,he saw y/n taking from her pocket a metal key. How did she get that? The innocent shy girl who could never lie to anyone, was no more a good girl.

She unlocked the door. "You'll believe in me now, Kook." And they stepped inside.

"It's too dark", he said.

"I know, dummy. I'll search for the switch."

The light went on but he still couldnt see anything.

"Where the fuck is the body? Are you lying to me again?"

"What do you mean? He's right there. Look.", she started pointing weirdly to the floor in front of them. She looked mad. Almost like there was something there that only her could see.

'Y/n. Where's the body. I'm serious now."

"Right here, Kok. Come closer."

He did. He did come a little closer.

"I would never lie to you. He's right there. Right there."

Still searching for something , Jungkook collapsed on the floor after the strong sting he felt in his neck.

2/7.

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

I for the first time ever I deleted a post. I'm gonna make that a habit from here on. I'm trying to work on how I communicate when I'm upset annnnd I very clearly was not in the right space at that moment.

Though now that I'm out that daze I don't know how to pick up the pieces. I don't know why I quit but I did atp knowing full well I do not have the money for my uni debt installment.. I nonchalantly took 700 right after rhe fact planning on easing up to much much more in the hopes of escaping that whole situation

I got scared, didn't do the rest, discovered that our landlord was doing an inspection soon, and finally, used that as an excuse and pushed it off til then

And now?

Today is the day of. Well actually ig its the day after now. It's 1:50 am and Saturday atp lol. Dooms day was technically supposed to be on Fri

I've been feeling so trapped. I genuinely don't know what to do from here. Its so fucking stupid. If I could have pushed through for just a week or two longer half of this issue wouldn't even matter. But no. I got so frustrated I just quit on the spot and I was already being stupid before too. I just can't get over this fucking hurdle. I can't. It's like anything I don't want to do just turns into the bigger than it ever needs to be and it takes my all to just get through it. That shit is so draining

But my god like it's not draining enough to where I need to like whole ass unalive myself.. shit. Everytime I come out that daze I cringe at how overdramatic I sound. It's because of my giant problem with asking for help. It is HORRIBLE. The thought of telling anyone what I've been struggling with just sounds like an emotional mess

But everytime I think on it, it feels more and more like my only option is to hurt myself. I so desperately need psychiatric help but who has the money for that? If I don't hurt myself, it won't be considered urgent enough for them to get me help right away. Plus they'd get annoyed with my constant excuses. Not to say they wouldn't still be mad if I were to do something like that.. tho least they'd know it's different this time.

But on the other is it right for me to purposely weaponize my self inflicted suffering to get help right when I want it? Is it manipulative? Is it a necessary sacrifice? I've been wanting this for so long. If i could just keep my head on straight for long enough maybe I could fucking afford it myself.

That's what I hate about it. It's a two in one fuck up. I have $300 I'm somehow supposed to poof up by the end of the month. Tbh I have like $170 more I need to sort out too but it's not as urgent lol. But thennnn that whole sink hole issue plus me quitting.. AGAIN

I literally don't know what to do. I don't want to do it again. I fucking hate the taste, the feel, the everything. I relapsed out of pure desperation and i still was miserable. Worst two days of my life. I felt so pathetic

So now it makes it sting so much worse for that being all that I can think of. Ik I'd get help. But god.. do I have to feel that shit to get it? Do I really have to? What are my other options tho

Jesus. I am so ready to shut down and hopefully just stop breathing. I'm terrified of how bad I'm gonna hurt after I take them all. But I really don't see any other options. The thought of asking for help makes me sick. They're not gonna take it seriously. Ik they'd cheese along originally but they'll get annoyed and hate me. Plus what am I gonna do in December? I still have debt to pay then. That shit is still gon be due.. that's another $200 I need to 100% have or else im gonna fuck up everything. My mom's cosigned on my student loan I literally can't fuck it up.

I've been depersonalizing, dry heaving, and ofc boohooing about it all for so many days. I just want to shut down and not do anything anymore. I don't want to do anything atp. I just don't want to be stuck throwing up and dehydrated again. It feels so gross.

I want to talk to R about it. Disregarding all the extra shit we've been doing lately. Im putting all that bs aside for now. I know that she went through similar. That is it. I hope she's not too busy