#I'm FULLY an adult now
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#The video was actually really heartwarming and I'm ngl I cried a little bit#Like damn... That guy was a lot more integral to my later childhood than I thought huh#It took me second to realize#But like I started watching him when I was EIGHT#I'm FULLY an adult now#thats.#Idk that feels like a lot#He's never been perfect#But I'd actually started watching him again recently and I've noticed#he's. Grown#Not like as noticeably as I have in the past decade#But he's definitely more... Himself.#Which feels like a weird thing to say right? But it feels true. And yeah he's a clown#And I don't agree with or even like all of his content even now#But he's so much more at ease with his 'overzealous internet clown who makes cringey dad jokes and is generally a menace' nature that like#It's actually fairly entertaining to watch#Anyways I think Im actually excited for the future of his like... Work outside of the theorist thing#Which is a wild thing for me to conceptualize as a person who's grow up with this guy always just like... Doing his thing in the background#But yeah#I am#Wild stuff#matpat#game theory
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can i requeeeessstt edgar rescuing scriabin from something |D
Day 6 - There are consequences out here
Bonus, of what he was doing to get stickers in his hair:
#My art#Requestober#Vargas#Scriabin#Edgar#I really wasn't sure what to do with this one at first! Or rather - I immediately had this and another idea but wasn't satisfied either way#I opted for this one because The Feelings and the bonus - additions oddly energizing!#I think it's that at first I was too strongly reminded of the one I made of Edgar cutting Scriabin's hair#Poses too similar! Feelings too similar! Not new or shiny or sparkly or anything!!!#But then the bonus came to mind and cute Scriabin is always nice <3#And then the pose expanded as well! Different! New challenges!#I've been trying to attempt more fullbodies this year :3 I don't make them that often! It's good practice all round!#Anatomy and consistency and more dynamic posing!!!! All good things :D#And also parts that I'm not as used to drawing - their feetsies turned out nice I think! Ah! Feels like a level up love when that happens#And then the Feelings of it all <3#I love Scriabin impulsively enjoying his body So Badly gah#Being extant in private and getting to fully revel in sensation with no filter no interruptions#Consequences now - new fallouts of his own actions - but the immediacy just Feels so much he can't help it#Edgar chides him of course - he's (had to) grown out of such childish impulses! Aren't you an adult!#Really he just worries neither of them would do well with either gone for long stickers least of all haha#And he likes being useful <3 They're so similar haha Scriabin loves to complain and Edgar loves to fret ♥#They balance each other well for what a handful they are#Scriabin especially of course hehe
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Hazbin Hotel is such a weird beast. The fandom feels so juvenile despite the show having some dark and mature themes in it. I was honestly pretty impressed by how Angel Dust's story was handled for example. He's the pink gay femboy spider furry so you know. Yes, he's named after recreational drugs, yes, that's not his real name that's his stripper name because that's just the kind of show Hazbin is.
Maybe it's just me but The Dragon Prince fandom feels, idk, much more mature? I don't think it's some inherent quality of the fanbase or anything. My hypothesis is that 1. a lot of former and therefore older Avatar fans got into TDP because it has the writer Aaron Ehasz working on it. TDP has used the Avatar connection very liberally in its marketing after all. 2. TDP season 1 has a lot of older characters in it like Viren, Harrow and Runaan. Like how many animated shows have a middle-aged divorced dad as one of the protagonist? They clearly wanted to court older audiences, too.
Btw I'm not here to roast Hazbin. I'm taking the horny swear-y furry show very seriously. Alastor the Radio Demon and Aaravos are basically the same character anyway. I'm not above anything.
#sarasade text#like HH fans aren't even that young anymore? not that an older fanbase automaticly means better fandom- the pilot is like 5 years old now#the early fans are fully grown adults now#i'm not that into alastor personally#like he's fun but the stupid sexy elf has already taken that special spot in my heart#Angel and Charlie are my faves
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I have never been in such physical pain watching someone play minecraft as I am right now watching scar miss his artifact pickup 701239829 times
#which is saying something considering I'm currently teaching my fully adult brother how to play minecraft#and he's starting from zero knowledge of the game#scar is WORSE right now#shaking him by the shoulders
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so like... journal 3 has just been out there since 2017??? And it's this good??? And I had no idea???? Geez
#Gravity falls#I just finished reading it and the book of bill. Wow#Rewatching this show and then reading these books is literally healing my inner child#I was busy when gravity falls was airing and also super young but I found the show and the concept so exciting and cool#And I remember I watched it all. But my mom was not a fan of it so I had to be careful#And I wasn't on socialmedia so I had no idea there was that bill cipher hunt or even the codes. I knew there were codes butit all felt far#out of my grasp as a kid. Now I'm an adult and I can get lostin the gravity falls world and cry about how good the characters are written#Again. Because I definitely did cry about it as a kid. But now I can fully appreciate all the small details. Including the books yesss
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one thing i really deeply wish is that i'd had access as a kid to the plural community and information that are more easily available today, instead of my first experience with plural community which both took it seriously and was nonjudgmental having been 10's era tul/pa.info lmao
#moogletalks#in some ways it was a wonderful community; and it taught me a lot of really helpful things#and made me feel validated and hopeful that This is a Thing That You Can Continue to Be and Develop in an Adult Life#instead of feeling like there was a time limit for when plurality stopped being Childlike Imagination and started being Craziness(tm)#(lots to unpack there lol)#.....in other ways not only was there Some Real Fuckery going on in the community in general; on an interpersonal basis#but i cannot overstate how horrifically toxic and damaging some of the things it taught me about plurality were#and how when i entered the phase of young adulthood where i realized the approach it had demanded of me was unsustainable to my survival#instead of having other perspectives on hand to go 'hey yeah you're not torturing your parts to death out of laziness if they go dormant'#'and/or if you don't spend hours of extremely grueling intensive work at minimum into maintaining them every single day of your life'#'and that if they dissolve into nothing because you Didn't Pay Them Enough Attention and you try to recreate them it won't be the same one'#'and if they DO actually come back as themselves they'll be horribly broken and traumatized and probably hate you forever'#'who the fuck told you that. oh my god?'#all i had to go on was 'either you're plural or you live an actual functional life in the real world; and i can't not do the latter atp'#and the result was repressing myself in an incredibly traumatic way i have just never fully recovered from even now#the fun cherry on top was that later when i *did* try to ask (very kind and well-meaning) plural ppl from another mental health community#if anything i described sounded familiar to their own experiences; or ones they had heard from other people#their response was pretty much 'idk that doesn't sound plural to me; i'm sorry; it's something where if you have it you know :('#me crying my eyes out for days afterward: obviously this reaction is bc i want to appropriate plurality to feel special#and am throwing tantrums at having the bubble broken by Reality#anyway. it's been a lot and yeah i really wish i'd had literally any other affirming plural community as a kid lol#ableism cw#internalized ableism cw#pluralitag#traumatag#adventures in mental illness#disabilitag
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this isn’t even about my evil agenda anymore I actually just need to hear your dissertation on voltron/klance x first love late spring
you do evil things to my dick and balls. i hope you know that.
first love / late spring is a very keith-core song, but i think it also applies to both keith and lance... but more specifically, FL/LS is keith pre-relationship, and then FL/LS is lance once they have already started dating.
i'm obsessed with that one interview of mitski where she explained that she wrote this song while she was experiencing her vulnerable first love... and first love is vulnerable. you simultaneously reap the rewards of being known but at the same time, you've now let someone else know you, and now you have to trust them to take care of you. and it's so vulnerable. it's more naked than being naked. and it's so difficult as well because now you're learning a brand new way you can be hurt.
so keith, pre-relationship... he's pining for lance and he is MISERABLE. he's lost control! he feels like he's being consumed by the enormity of his feelings. he's eight years old and small and never asked for this, he never wanted to know he could feel this way. he just wants lance to fucking go already. keith wants to spit vitriol and blame and shame and drive lance away so that when lance leaves him (and he will leave him, like everyone else has), then at least it will be on keith's own terms for once. and keith doesn't, he refuses, to say how he feels. he'll spitefully choke on his confession until it suffocates him. he doesn't want to know what lance might say.
but he also is afraid of lance's reaction because... if lance gives him even a sliver of ground, if there's even a promise of a chance -- keith will fold instantly. he will jump into this love headfirst. he'll do anything if it will make lance stay with him.
and then lance, mid-established relationship... things with keith are perfect, everything is going great, so why does lance feel so anxious all the time? why does he feel so scared when keith looks at him like he's his whole world? maybe the problem is lance. because what they have is real. because he's pretty sure keith is it for him. and that terrifies lance. because lance, deep down, knows he's going to screw this up. and it's not just his heart on the line; he's also going to hurt keith.
keith smiles at him and lance feels sick to his stomach. he wants to tell keith that they might be happy right now, but eventually, lance is going to ruin this. he wants to warn keith that lance is going to break his heart one day.
lance isn't always so negative about himself. during the day, it's easy to let himself be buoyed and enveloped by his feelings for keith. he loves being in love with keith. because the love is real. it's real, and it's there, and that matters. but at night, all those poisonous insecurities and anxieties rear their ugly head, and lance finds himself standing on a ledge over a drop. lance daydreams about spending the rest of his life with keith; lance has never felt so young and small.
#mintcaboodle#klance#voltron#ask#the old child/young adult metaphor is also like. so lance-core. AND THE 'I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME' LINE!!!!!!!!#im in my feels tonight i'm sorry the lance analysis is not fully cooked#also like obviously lance doesn't always feel this way. it's more pertinent closer to the beginning when he#starts to fully realize the depths of his feelings and he's freaking out because he's beginning to understand what it means to spend#the rest of your life with someone and that is a TERRIFYING thing to want and imagine when you're only 17/18#lance does get better though and his insecurities die out the longer and more stable his relationship with keith is#though sometimes those same insecurities crop up now and again#i talk a lot about pining keith and how like tumultuous his experience is. but once he starts dating lance things even out for him#whereas lance is relatively chill in his pining and then begins to flounder after they get together and after he's realized the Love word#otp: we are a good team#katiecanons#idk i guess#keith#lance
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something i realized in the recent years is that while my mom is a very nice person and i can understand why she is the way that she is sometimes, she had a history of always dismissing and throwing away things that were important to me, and in hindsight that certainly had an effect on both my trust in her and how much i was willing to ever share, and also just turned me into a dumpster goblin because i just gave up on ever having nice things so why bother ever caring about my personal space at all ✌️ i'll just live in the filth because we'll never have anything better after all !!
#i remember i used to have a bunch of cool anime and game posters i collected over many cons for a couple of years#and one day i just came back to my bedroom being fully repainted and everything was thrown out#same with some figures i got. i had a nice bleach collection and they were all broken due to rough cleaning#some just straight up gone because haha who cares they're just toys toss em out#and it was a situation of if i complained i would only get dismissed as being pissy about stupid things. so i just. didn't.#i just accepted it and decided ''i guess i'm not getting anything again'' and didn't even bother going to cons after that lmao#now that i'm in my late 20s i'm FINALLY buying cool physical items for myself and not letting anyone even come close to my room#and a part of me feels guilty about spending. but like... yeah no.#i deserve that 1/8 makise kurisu figure i found the other day. or gunpla. or mtg cards. or manga collections. i can do whatever i want.#and i should also be retroactively pissed at how dismissive everyone was over my belongings because#EVEN IF they were all silly unimportant items. i was like 15. why would you throw away a kid's belongings like that. even if “dumb.”#not to mention how unimportant i was already feeling at the time. none of this helped.#and i was fully convinced that yeah this is what my life should be like. i don't want to be selfish so. i'll just embrace minimalism.#that is what i deserve.#which only later as an adult after i started comparing my experiences to other people i realized#hey. what the fuck was that.#do you guys really not remove all of the layers that make you human??
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[𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞] [Ken-chan 👀]
𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝: [ 𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞 ] : sender and receiver are finally sharing a passionate kiss.
[please take this ~1k monstrosity that took me 3 sleepless nights to finish]
Miyako felt Ken's gaze searing into her way too many times that summer afternoon, to the point she even wondered if he noticed what he was doing - to the point she even wondered if he was doing it on purpose.
Time and time again, she'd fix her hair, waves already fading due to the humid weather. It'd always been hard to keep her hair in any flattering hairstyle while straight, and she was already regretting not choosing a simple yet reliable braid.
Maybe that's what made Ken stare: she was looking positively ridiculous with hair strands refusing not to fall on her face and sticking up where they shouldn't. Miyako took one last attempt at taming the strands before turning to him, apologetic.
- It's a mess, isn't it? My hair. But... But, is it that ugly? You've seen me looking worse, right? I mean, we've spent days together here at the Digital World without proper showers, there's no way my messy hair would be such a problem to you... right?
Ken kept staring at her, now with his brows knitted together as if trying to comprehend whatever alien language she spoke. Out of his agape mouth slipped an almost monotone "What".
- Wha... - Miyako stared back at him, unconsciously imitating his befuddled expression - ...what what?
A beat of them awkwardly studying each other's expressions passed until Ken relented, his mask of confusion breaking into an embarrassed smile that was quickly hid by his hand.
"Oh no. Is that what it seemed to you?" But despite the space he gave her to respond, she remained unusually quiet. From where she stood, there was no way to tell he wasn't making fun of her. Or if there was even a right answer to him. He sighed, "I'm sorry, Miyako-san. I'm so sorry. It's just-- no, forget it, it's not even appropriate for me to say it. I'm just really sorry."
Ken's face was noticeably flushed once he was done with his apologies. Despite his plea - or maybe because of it - Miyako found herself even more curious. She shifted closer, a way to press him into a proper answer.
- Ken-kun, you can't just stare at me the whole day and expect me to let it go just because you said so. Spill it out already! This is getting way too weird! - her eyes were wide glaring at him, and the muscles of her face strained with tension. Not the most persuasive look, perhaps, as the embarrassment on Ken's face was gradually being replaced by alarm.
There had to be a way to make him say it, she pondered as her eyes stirred away from him. The situation, it seemed, required more tact than she was used to. Tact that Ken didn't have when he decided it was a perfectly good idea to stare at her so intently earlier.
Tactfulness be damned, she'd use force to pry the truth out of him if needed.
- KEN!! - she barked, using the moment he was startled to pull him even closer by his hand - This is no time to play coy!! If you really were that shy, you wouldn't have stared at me so much, now would you?! Just tell me, I don't bite!! I mean, I will if you don't.
His head moved slowly from side to side as he chuckled, defeated. "You know I wouldn't mind it that much, don't you...?" She saw his dark blue eyes take a quick glance at her, expecting something, but she remained impassive. "...you don't. Oh. This is going to be way harder to exp--"
- Just go on with it already!! - she hissed, squeezing his hand. A part of her was already forming an idea of what he was about to say, but she wouldn't let herself assume things before hearing it from his own mouth, not when that habit had led to so much heartbreak before.
So she waited, impatiently, her eyes fixed on his lips, anxious for whatever words they might form.
He cleaned his throat, turning his face away from her. "You were right, Miyako-san, I was staring at your hair. But not because I thought it was ugly, I could never. I just..." His free hand raised to her face and stopped at her temple, almost as if hesitating to tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear. "Every time I noticed you fixing it, I found myself wondering how it would feel to run my hands through it and... well, I'm sure you're aware of how beautiful you are, Miyako-san", his voice was low, almost a whisper. He pulled his hand away from her and apologized, "But I should know how to control myself, or things might get awkward between us."
- ... since when are you a coward, Ken-kun? - Miyako shook her head in disbelief, eyes still wide and voice almost as low as his. She brought his left hand, which was still trapped by her grip, to her face and leaned into it. A smile graced her lips, softening her features - You really think I'm beautiful? Even when I'm looking like a mess?
"You're not looking like a mess." His gaze finally met hers, warm, half-lidded, embarrassment still staining his handsome face. She felt his thumb caress her cheek, and a giggle escaped her mouth.
- Liar! - her free hand found its way to his hair, digging her fingers into his sweaty scalp. It was a wonder it didn't gross her, only bringing out her need to touch him. She pulled him closer and closer until she could feel his breath mix with her. His only protest was a meek "Are you sure?"
- Why wouldn't I be? - was the last thing she said before closing the remaining distance between them in a kiss.
It was remarkable how cold Ken's lips felt against hers, especially considering the weather. Not that she minded - it felt soothing, somehow, and yet the tingling sensation of his mouth melting extended all the way to her spine, her arms, her stomach. Electrifying.
Meanwhile, Ken's right arm snaked its way around her waist, for once him being the one making a movement to bring them closer. It pleased her, it really did, to finally feel his walls crumble around even if just for a bit. For Miyako, Ken always felt like he was encased in a glass dome, his truest self forever out of her reach.
But if he wanted, as it seemed to be the case, then there would be a way to bring him to her. His mysteries could now become hers to solve. A thought so pleasant she broke their kiss into a soft laughter, which turned into quick pecks on his lips and the rest of his face.
"...what is it?", Ken murmured, his fingers now tangled deeply into her hair and his lips red and slightly swollen. There was a glint in his eyes that turned them into galaxies, easy to get lost in.
- I'm just... - she stopped once more to drink into his features, smiling so much her cheeks were starting to hurt - Ken-kun, have I ever told you how happy I get when I'm with you?
#One Oblivious Genius | Ken Ichijouji#A Panicking Yamato Nadeshiko | Adult Verse#You Knew That I'm A Mastermind | kenyako#Chosen Children LET'S ROLL | In Character#variouscolors#[this a DRABBLE!]#[me: *writes a whole fanfiction about ken thinking miyako's hair is pretty to hide the fact i don't really know how to write kisses*]#[me: hmmm yes. i'm an evil genius. a genius of evil. no one will notice]#[also i started writing this fully intending it to be a more somber kenyako]#[unfortunately i suffer from a bad case of the sillies]#kenyako#[bc now now i want more ppl to see it screw it]
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I never wrote about winning the cosplay contest at STSF (lol wild), but here's the prize certificate:
On the one hand, I (almost didn't enter and) didn't think I was going to win, but on the other hand, they kept talking about a cash prize. And ok, cash prizes have weird legal issues or whatever, but this certificate is bound only to the Creation merch tables, where they sell t-shirts and bags with AI art on them. I asked what I could use it for and the lady said "maybe" I could put it towards a photo op, but it also says no tickets, so that's still up in the air.
That night, Eugene Cordero was hanging out with us at the afterparty (lol hey Rutherford (!!!???) you're super chill) and someone mentioned I'd won the contest/I probably said something about my $500 worthless prize. So he signed it to make it worth "less"
ANYWAY, all this to say
If I can use it towards a photo op (doubtful), and there is a group Voyager cast shot (cause hello expensive and I am, how you say, not formally employed), I think it'd be hilarious to do Threshold mutant Tom Paris
It seems highly doubtful, but it's a thought that at least keeps me quite amused
#still undecided if partially transformed or fully#either way#in my mind it is the height of hilarity#but I high key doubt they'll let me put it towards a photo op#if not I'm just gonna have actors keep signing it at creation events#I am amused at the prospect#like confused and less than thrilled at the prize lets be honest#cause I don't want $500 of AI art shirts when they can't even pay an artist#and the ones that don't sell are probably going to the Atacama desert anyway#I probably could've used $500 actual dollar bucks#especially when the guy on stage keeps repeating cash prize#going to actually make the other cosplay post but this thought occurred to me#also maybe need to learn to keep my mouth shut cause was vocally criticizing the prize in earshot of creation employees lolol#there's the autism#cosplay updates#like I didn't do it for the prize I genuinely had a great time making and wearing the costume and just cosplaying in general#and I liked being on stage (lol I love public speaking) but the prize was like... ok#meanwhile my ex getting married and people in my life being full adults with responsibilities and I'm over here like#I'm unemployed and played dress up for a niche nerd ref from 30 years ago and now I have $500 I can't really use anywhere#melts into oblivion#every day is threshold day
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The sheer audacity of Castlevania: Nocturne giving me Julia Belmont, an incredible vampire hunter, the highly skilled descendent of Sypha Belnades and Trevor Belmont, and killing her off less than 10 minutes into the first episode?! First Lisa Ţepeş gets murdered by the Church in the first episode of the first season to motivate Dracula's rampage, now Julia Belmont gets murdered to kick off her son's future arc. I get that Castlevania's world is bloody, and murder is very common, but this isn't a fun pattern.
(I'm only 20 minutes into the show, and based on the previous show, I'm willing to bet we'll get some great female characters later. I'm just very grumpy not to get this one.)
#and now you expect me to be excited about these teenagers?!#you gave me a fully grown adult woman#with a badass fighting style#and now you want me to get emotionally invested in a coming-of-age arc instead?#I mean#I'll do it#but I'm going to complain about it#castlevania nocturne#castlevania#castlevania spoilers#castlevania nocture spoilers#julia belmont
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Second request: baby todd and Jake fluff perhaps? 💖
Day 12 - Little hands, my one weakness
#My art#Requestober#Vargas#Edgar#Jake#Todd#Uncle Jake! :D#It's funny ♪ I actually asked how Jake might react to baby Todd while I was still making a bunch of those doodles#But I never actually drew anything from it! Even though it's so cute!#I did fully intend to - so I'm glad I can now! :D Thanks for the reminder haha#Jake so nervous with Just how baby this baby is haha - he's so much bigger than this little one!#It's all well and good to hold Edgar - he's an adult! As much as he wants to give him a good hug haha#But little ones are just so fragile! It's nerve-wracking ♥ It's sweet hehe 💕#Babies are built tough - he'll be asking for uppies and spins and to be thrown around before you know it lol#I do love the idea of Edgar having not only a good support system as a single(?) parent -#Being able to ask Devi and Jake for help when he needs it and raises a family as a group! It takes a village#But also of him settling into the parent role and being confident in places that others aren't#He can be quite capable but he's also often prone to being kicked while he's down haha poor lad#Seeing him confident and happy to have someone to rely on and have Jake defer to him on I just jfdlsafjd ♥💕💖#Directing his hands in return <3 They uplift each other!! It can be so sweet
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"i hope you're not going out and getting into trouble"
no i'm too busy winning cake decorating contests on roblox
#my friends have gotten me into roblox and now i cannot stop playing the food games#i love that we're all fully grown adults playing this#i feel like i'm on great british bake off
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hot take but i feel like treating a child's illness as something they have to prove the severity of before they're allowed to, say, stay home from school and rest is uhhhhhhhh doing some real damage to their understanding of health and wellness
this message brought to you by: i'm home from work on grounds of congestion and tonsillitis and i find myself arguing my case to an imaginary parent and preemptively wincing in expectation of scolding for doing things i find relaxing instead of powering through and Doing Tasks
#I'M TWENTY NINE YEARS OF AGE#and u know what's fucked up#right NOW if i went and talked to the adults who shamed me as a child#half the time they're fully in favor of just faking illness to take a personal day regardless#like man it's great that you went through a whole character arc offscreen#but where the fuck was that attitude when i was young and impressionable huh
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let's all do me a favour and pretend i'm not an adult woman who has strong opinions on high school musical: the musical: the series.
#leave me some dignity#i do though it can't be denied. i love that terrible show.#it's not even like i was a child when i first watched it and now i'm nostalgic like i was a fully grown adult
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mother has decided I'm not allowed to leave in the morning and have to wait until after 2pm instead so my 4 days of no people has turned into 3 days of no people
#i know im an adult and could well just leave but i am plagued with being a people pleaser#the day I gain the courage to go fully nc will be the best day of my life I'm telling you now
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