#I mean it does shift back to Louis style a bit

[chocolatepot]

I was going thru all of the fics of yours that I have bookmarked, and I'd forgotten about this gem: Parched - so, director's commentary?

Oooh, okay!

The thing about this fic is that while the note at the end is true (that it was inspired by wondering about what Mary had told Doug about Stede), it was also something of an experiment for me. See, I'm just not that into Mary! In the flashbacks to their marriage, I tend to think neither of them comes off that well. There's a running joke that everyone in the fandom is on her side when she tries to kill Stede, no matter how much they like him, but I'm not, actually! So I wanted to try to get into her head by writing a fic from her perspective.

Dearest Mary,

I started by quoting Stede's letter to Mary because that felt like the right place to pick up. I was exploring how she grew and changed, so I wanted to start at their divergence.

The sun comes in at an angle on the letter like a knife, highlighting the words “fond regards.”

Something else experimental for me with this fic was that I was attempting to write in a slightly more literary(?) style. I do focus on my prose when I write, I'll sometimes try a sentence multiple ways or put one together so slowly that it's like chipping marble, but that's a refinement of what I instinctively want to express - I don't instinctively tend to write figuratively, or describe things that aren't either a) absolutely necessary or b) fun for me to describe. So: a sharp metaphor to start with.

“Did Dad go out to ride on Arthur? I want to take my new kite out with him today.”

I also don't subscribe to the idea that Stede was a fully absent father, so put in that line to show him as an active presence in the kids' lives.

This all makes me sound super petty but I did indeed set out to write A Good Fic first and foremost! As ever when I'm challenging myself. I just cannot help but write in my interpretation of controversial things.

Louis is young enough that he doesn’t realize how bizarre and fucked up it all is, accepting it as just one of those strange things adults do and going back to his toast; Alma, however, is thinking about it with a furrowed brow.

And part of the reason Alma responds as she does is that she's surprised and upset because it never occurred to her that her father might pick up sticks and disappear. (If I were writing the fic now, I think I'd have dwelt more on the kids' reactions, or lack thereof in Louis's case. At the time, my focus was on how their reactions affected Mary.)

But this time her eye is caught by a different line: You deserve happiness, as do I.

Here, the tone shifts. I am SO anxious about people thinking I'm too nice to Stede on the whole, and was/am particularly so at this point, lol. That being said, assuming Doug wasn't putting an incredibly positive spin on things (possible), Mary was able to say some neutral-to-positive things about Stede. So she must have come around on him, his leaving, and his part in their marriage, when she thought that it was all a closed book. (And then when he came back he just ripped open the scab!)

She can complain about Stede at length, if she feels like it, but to his credit, he’s never seemed to actively dislike her. What he accepts is that she dislikes him.

This whole bit was also me digging in and almost stream-of-consciousness-ing from Mary's perspective about what we saw of Stede in their marriage in the flashbacks. Analyzing. Working my fingers into the dough.

Nobody likes every person they’re thrust into society with, but that’s just how life is! You smile and make small talk and get them to tolerate you, and sometimes you end up making friends – but he just couldn’t seem to do that, like he wasn’t even trying.

I admit that I was also experimenting with the perspective of a neurotypical person not getting why an autistic person can't just be normal.

The next day, Mary puts on a black gown she rarely wears, plus a hat with a veil, and visits the local magistrate.

She successfully got him declared dead, after all!

The second it’s done, Mrs. Higgins pushes off the wall and comes to Mary’s side, putting her hand on her shoulder. “Okay, Melvin,” she says breezily in a husky tone that fits her perfectly. “I’m going to take the Widow Bonnet for a cup of tea.”

Well, I ship them.

“This story about your husband being lost at sea – it’s bullshit, right? Did you take him out?” She puts a hand on Mary’s forearm, and it feels alarmingly sympathetic. “What did he do – did he hit you? Do you need help getting rid of the body?”

I have absolutely no doubt that it went down like this. Evelyn's comfort level with the idea of murdering a husband implies that she's been ready and willing to aid and abet a woman who's had to kill before. (And I think she tends to see situations through this lens even when it doesn't fit as a result.)

“Relax,” Mrs. Higgins orders, and Mary can’t help but comply

👀👀👀

“Your … rifles?” asks Mary, stunned, and Jemima takes them all on a tour of her house to see the armory, which is packed so heavily with guns of all sizes and types that you can’t even make out what sort of wallpaper is behind them. There’s even a cannon, positioned so that it could theoretically fire out a window.

I don't entirely remember my thought process here - a melange of needing to make up more widows to be part of the circle and "what would be funny?" and the image of a 17th-18th century armory. Jemima's maiden name, Courten, came from the History of Barbados wiki page, and her last name came from my fierce third grade teacher. (Jemima? I have no idea.)

“I have a tenant who’s a painter!” says another, turning from a display of guns inlaid with mother-of-pearl. “He’s always looking for students – if you come to mine, I can introduce you.”

Fate!!!

Their first meeting is inauspicious, but not to such an extent that it loops back around into a meet-cute.

This was deliberate. Mary and Stede are such opposites that I wanted her romance with Doug not to be a sudden soulmate thing like Ed/Stede basically are - their meeting isn't the stuff of stories, they don't have an intense, immediate chemistry. It's still love.

His fingers are still hovering over the canvas, moving here and there to point out what he’s taken with, and for a moment Mary can hardly breathe.

This was intentionally a bit erotic on top of the sexiness of Doug caring so much about her art (and also - Doug is the biggest sweetie, he sees the good even in a piece with a lot of problems).

There is just so much emotion in her, and nowhere else for it to go. For a fleeting moment, she thinks of Stede and the times she found him weeping alone.

Tying this all back into one of the main things, which was Mary coming around on Stede to some extent.

Nobody has ever looked at her like that, like she is a delicate and beautiful person to be treasured.

This is picking up on a thread I established in More Nicer, that the flipside of Stede having been forced into a marriage with a woman when he's not attracted to women is that Mary was forced into a marriage where she was never, ever found attractive. Feeling that someone she likes is actually interested in her would be huge.

one night when he stays for dinner and then helps her wash the dishes after the kids have gone to bed.

I am COMMITTED! to interpreting OFMD as depicting their household as a modern marriage with a period veneer. They don't have servants and Stede isn't a powerful 18th century patriarch.

The moon is huge. If she were to paint it this big, nobody would ever believe it.

Mary gets her "you wear fine things well" moment under the impossibly large moon - maybe at the same time as Stede and Ed's! Only hers can be straightforwardly understood as a moment of love by all participants.

That she is, in fact, too harsh and practical to be loved is a possibility that has haunted her for years.

Again, that thread from More Nicer.

But when she looks into his eyes again, he’s still just confused. Then he flushes and looks down. “Sorry,” he says, “I just – it’s hard for me to believe that he could bring himself to leave you.”

He's a keeper.

A very sudden thought hits her like a thunderbolt: Stede was right. Their lives had been monotonous and had needed to be shaken up, changed beyond recognition.

And that's the point that the fic's been leading up to - Mary becoming okay with Stede. I don't think this makes him right about everything, but I do think he had a point there and that part of the reason she got so upset when he suggested that their lives were monotonous was that she knew it on some level.

She still wishes that he had told her he was leaving rather than simply doing it, but what if he had? Would she have raged at him, guilted him into staying so that they would both continue to be unhappy?

Surprising no one, I have A Take about the idea that Stede was objectively wrong on the way he left. Could it have gone well if he'd been more up-front about it? Maybe. Could it have also gone a lot worse? I think so.

Now that she has a tantalizing glimpse of the happiness that may lie in store for her, she can fully close that door – she can end that desperate, stunted life and begin a new one.

And there we are.

anyone who's interested, feel free to ask for another!

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Mon 7 June ‘21

Liam’s podcast with Steve Bartlett is out and while I still don’t care about that guy I’ll give him this-- he does great at getting out of the way and letting Liam talk. And boy does Liam talk! Liam says A LOT and let’s all just pause to send him some big hugs before we get into right? And then look to the future- Liam’s routine is to say ‘things have been terrible but it’s fine, it’s fine NOW’, always, even when that is absolutely obviously not true, and today is no different but for once I actually believe some of his hopeful bits too which is so great! I hope things really are shifting for him and I can’t wait to hear this new song of his. But there’s a lot that’s hard to hear too, oh Liam. He said that he and Maya have broken up (so yes, presumably why he just moved again such a short time after they moved into their haunted house), talked about his struggles with his alcoholism (and said he’s been sober for a month right now, go babe!), shared the usual distressing stories about his time in the band and what that was like for him (and how it still impacts him), and he talked about his new song and how it feels different for him than his past solo music. Truly though there is SO MUCH more than I can get into here or then you can get from the UA highlights- I HIGHLY recommend actually watching at least parts of the video, also because the attempt to summarize so much erases all the charm and humor, of which there is much. If you don’t think you want to watch Liam’s interviews, it has to be because you aren’t watching Liam’s interviews, they’re delightful! Plus really if you care about 1D and want information about what it was like for any of them, listen to Liam, he’s the one who’s out there talking about it.

About Maya he said, that yes, he is now single, and “I’ve just been not been very good at relationships,” and “I’m a proper perfectionist… at the start of the relationship you put out this complete false character like I might as well go in in costume, I’m like putting out something that is not there... kind of like encompassing someone else’s life with your crap rather than just doing your thing and laying out your store from day one. That’s my biggest problem is that I feel like I don’t lay out my store... and then I’m annoyed when they don’t like what I like,” and “I think my problem is I struggle to be on my own sometimes... I dive in and out of relationships too quickly. I’ve not spent enough time on my own to relearn about myself.”

He laughs about his tendency to ask his manager things during interviews; “My fans think that Steve is doing something to me, they’re like liberty for Liam because he always looks to Steve, but that’s because I like him. It’s not because he’s harming me as a person. There’s like a hashtag Liberty for Liam because they think I’m some like prison child,” and he also said “my manager’s my best friend,” (and he’s said in the past he is a big support for him) and mentioned stuff they’d talked about recently around his therapeutic awakenings.

He talked about therapy being something you have to want to do and be ready to do rather than being pushed into, like getting sober, and says that this time around with his own therapy work he’s really felt that and thrown himself into it and he talked a lot about his relationship to therapy in connection with band days. “I mean one of our old managers went to therapy from being a manager of One Direction. So if you can imagine how that feels like the rest of us definitely need some.”

“We were young,” he said, “What I found was I didn’t know I was the boss until like a few months ago, I still don’t even feel like I am now, like I’m such a child. And everyone I work with now is older than me and wiser than me and I’m like what the hell am I doing here with these people. When we were 17 I thought the security guard was like in charge of me so I was like Can we leave the room? No? Oh ok then,” and “when we were in the band, the best way to secure us was just lock us in our rooms. And of course what’s in the room? Minibar. So at a certain point, I thought Well I’m gonna have a party for one and that just seemed to carry on throughout many years of my life... You know I spoke to somebody about this in child development as a teen, the one thing you need is freedom to make choices. That we could do anything we wanted it seemed from the outside but we were always locked in a room at night and then it would be car, hotel room, stage, sing, locked. So it’s like they pulled the dust cloth off, let us out for a minute, but then it’s back underneath again,” and “the day the band ended I was like thank the lord for that. And I know a lot of people are going to be mad with me for saying that, but I needed it to stop. It would kill me.” Anyway, he said, because it wouldn’t be Liam without an upbeat coda, “I don’t want any of this to get lost in translation. I’m not 100% moaning about my life... it’s had its ups and its downs, but I would rather talk about it and it’s therapeutic for me.”

And what about that exciting new song? Liam said, “We have a really cool song in the pipeline... one of the first ones I’ve actually written myself- with some other people, I didn’t write it by myself, but it’s the first one I’ve really liked. And I think I got so used used carting around other peoples songs and not embedding myself creatively in what I do because I was so scared to find out who I was,” and “I don’t really know how I would tour again. I really want to” [on discord today he said he would be touring next year] “I always said throughout my solo career I’d let my song book speak to me. And I don’t think my song book spoke to me to get off my ass. I only became a solo artist because I had Strip That Down. I wasn’t gonna do it, I was gonna leave it alone. I was like, I survived it once thank you very much- but I’m back in now. Because the song, I knew it was right. It felt right with that song, I hadn’t had that. This year, the song we have I feel really really great about. So I’d rather let the music do the talking than me come out and force it. We don’t need any more useless music in the world, it needs to mean something,” and he mentioned the new song on the discord a lot too, most notably picking out a long comment that thanked him for making the fan feel supported and safe and for “putting your heart in everything you do” and for his support of the LGBTQ community to respond to with, “I think you will really like the new song.”

A few other random bits, he said that he thinks there should be a system to make therapy available to musicians in the industry, “I think I’m definitely gonna get a dog because I need routine,” and “I recently started jujitsu,” yeah you and everyone else huh, so do him and Louis and Oli go to the same gym or ???, and he acknowledged that as an addict he may have just transferred that to working out “but there’s a lot worse things to be addicted to then looking after yourself” hmm but he does seem to say that he’s doing better around body image stuff; he talks about having put on weight during lockdown and seeing himself in the BAFTAS performance- “I saw myself... and I was like ‘oh my god I’ve completely let myself go in this’. And it was fine...I feel so much more secure in myself now.” Oh and that he’s written a comedic movie script “based around AA” and his experiences there, such as how “I had a really weird AA experience the first time that I went. My first experience was with Russell Brand.” LMAO yes! Cannot wait, bring on auteur Liam please! Anyway as if ALL THAT wasn’t enough he’s also dove into the lead up to his NFT release; he said “I'm almost ready to share my NFTs with you guys... Who wants to see them?” and posted a tiny preview that tells us its (their?) title for the first time- Lonely Bug.

Niall and Anne Marie perform on Jimmy Fallon tonight, and the hype is already a go! I guess it’s prerecorded, as we’re already seeing pictures from it; they’re singing to each other with the cute car from the video in the background. Niall signed on to a letter to Boris Johnson asking for changes to music streaming revenue rules and signed by 232 artists (including all the artists Johnson recently named as his favorites, haha). Zayn signed on to a Billboard petition to the US senate calling for gun safety laws. The bar Zayn got into the fight in front of posted “Zayn's a regular at Amsterdam Billiards and he is a true gentleman. On Thursday night he was confronted by an inebriated passer-by outside on the street and was called a homophobic slur. We support Zayn & condemn homophobia in the strongest terms!” And also PS omg again because it just isn’t going away: Harry’s beauty company is called Pleased As, his name is Harry Edward Styles so yes when listed last name first, as legal documents do, it spells SHE but it is not a “feminist abbreviation” (WHAT? even??) nor the name of the business.

[1ddotdhq]

Wed 27 Jan ‘21

Lets start with the twitter/insta/finsta/FUNNY part of today: Olivia unfollowed Harry’s old finsta (was: colazione8), which also changed both its profile picture (was: a kitten, is now: Steve McQueen) and its insta username (is now: scottysakamoto), which set the fandom off in a flurry of speculation over what it MEANS and what could be COMING NEXT? Fans quickly began to do research on what it all means. ‘Sakamoto’ is an old Japanese name tied to nobility, which means “one who lives at the bottom of the slope”, and Steve McQueen is the actor who played Henri in the 1973 film, Papillion, from which Harry and Louis have copied many of their tattoos (as we know not just from, you know, looking at them, but also because the artist that did one of them said so), specifically from Steve McQueen's character. Papillion is about two ‘friends’ named- wait for it - Henri and Louis and their struggle for freedom, and ends in an epic jump from a cliff reminiscent of the one in the end of the WMI trilogy! To add a bit of tongue and cheek to the already hilarious wink - and - nod, the picture is one of Steve McQueen undressing (read: taking his underpants off) by next to a sign that says “Anyone Caught In Here Better Have A Damned Good Reason”, so how’s THAT for subtlety. The bio, which used to read “breakfast, lunch, dinner” in Italian, now reads “SS” (as in...a ship??). Why did Olivia unfollow her gay boyfriend’s finsta? Don’t know, couldn’t tell ya! But I’ll say this: if there was any pretense that she wanted to, uh, see the content of the instagram, that’s as long gone as Henri is from that cliff. That is, at the bottom of the ocean. ANYWAYS, welcome back, RBB, always a pleasure, can’t wait to look back years from now and be like AH SO THATS WHAT THIS MEANT! And, to round out the wonderful insta shenanigans, Louis popped on while H was making profile changes to like Helene Horycke’s new book announcement (Just Sing!). Well, hello to you, too, SBB! 

Liam’s third of eight FIFA podcasts dropped yesterday, featuring two Nigerian celebrities, Asisat Oshoala (a player on the Nigerian national team) and Tiwa Amadi (aka Tiwa Savage, a singer with UMG), who were talking about changing their respective scenes in Nigeria. Liam talks about the responsibility he feels as an artist, particularly because his fanbase is made up of “young females”, to “give them a chance to make it in the industry and to play with these people”. His own start was with a very supportive (read: pushy) family, and a father who knew (read: insisted) that he would one day be put in from of Simon Cowell “and see what he thinks of your voice”. Warning: results may Vary! These days, though, Liam treats studio sessions like “a therapy session, in a way...We’re making songs for your moments, and that’s what those songs will remind you of: that person, that time”. Yeah, it’s all these little things that add up to you, Liam! 

Niall ALSO had a sports thing drop today along with many golf posts as he shifts into full on sports manager!Niall mode for a minute. Niall/ Modest!Golf have partnered with the R&A (the Royal and Ancient Golf Club of Saint Andrews. Yes. That’s the real name. I promise) to create “a series of future grassroots programmes aimed at inspiring more young people into golf.” You go, Niall! Good luck with that! I’m...gonna sit this one out, but YES Niall LIVE YOUR DREAM! He sat down to chat with amateur golfer Mia Baker about this program, saying he really wants to make the game “more inclusive and accessible”. Well, good luck!

And, in a Very Special Intern’s Lightning Round: harries on twitter pretended to be “industry insiders” only to reveal that, nope, they’re uni students with no connections, Louis replied to Bonehead from Oasis about Dig! (a documentary on two bands’ very different paths to fame), Niall liked Halsey’s Pregnancy announcement (surprise! The old teahouse will have a *real* baby! Also. she’s VERY pregnant!), and Roman Kemp and the Capital One Crew decided that One Direction was better than another boyband bc “larry” (Roman, seeing the oncoming train wreck: “no, don’t say that”), a Harry Styles themed BAR called fine line opened in Argentina (NO ONE does it like LATAM fans!), and various Walls-related memes and tags flooded twitter today after the album surpassed 350 million streams, including, by the way, one of Bernie and his cute little mittens on the cover instead of Louis’ power stance.

[sunflowersunshinevol6]

Just You

Pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

Warnings: fluff

Summary: Y/N is Gemma's best friend, she has known her family for years. When Harry comes home to pay a visit after tour, it's the first time the two see each other in a few years, and Harry's still got quite the crush.

You had known the Styles/Twist family for years. You and Gemma having been in the same class and becoming fast friends, you grew up with her and her brother Harry, often spending holiday with them.

It was always fun and chaotic, Gemma sometimes feeling territorial of your friendship as Harry would follow the two of you like a lost puppy sometimes. There had been quite a few arguements because of it, especially when Gemma wanted girl time and Harry wanted to hover.

"Y/N's my friend!" Gemma would pout, while you just stood there.

"She's my girlfriend!" Harry would say, crossing the room to grab your hand, never mind you were two years older than he was. You were his, in his mind.

Anne would always laugh and tell you all to play nice.

So when you looked down at your phone to see the picture of you kissing Gemma on the cheek lighting up your screen you pressed the answer button immediately.

"Hey babe!" You greet happily as you put your paintbrush down.

"How's it going Y/N? Feels like it's been ages since we last talked!" You smile, having missed your best friend's voice.

"It's going great actually! Got a couple commissions I've been working on," you were a visual artist, or at least trying to be.

"Well I've a question for ya, what are you doin' next weekend?"

"I don't think I'm doin' anything yet, wha's happenin?"

"Harry's commin' home from tour. Thought you'd like to see him."

"Harry told my mum he was gonna marry you one day." Gemma said, nose twisting up slightly as you two laid on her bed, flipping through magazines. You laugh rolling your eyes.

"He says that now. I can't wait till he gets an actual girlfriend." You smirk mischievously. "It'll be fun to tease him." Gemma laughed with you.

Harry listened, standing outside Gemma's door. He let his hands fall to his sides, looking at the floor, he could feel tears prickling his eyes and he hastily reached up to wipe them away.

He knew you were only teasing, but it still hurt. He may be eight but darn it! He knew he loved you and wanted to make you happy. Quietly he moved away from the door, picking up the valentines day card he had made for you.

"Harry doesn't know you're coming," Gemma said. You were coasting now, heading back towards Holmes Chapel, it felt good to be going home for the first time in a while.

"Why didn't you tell him?" You asked, she shrugged.

"Wanted it to be a surprise. Thought it'd be fun to tease him a bit ya know?" Gemma was always playful. You had supported Harry of course, through the X Factor, One Direction, his solo career. You followed his career and bought his music and did all you could to support him. You were incredibly proud of your dear sweet friend.

And you couldn't help the fact that your heart raced with excitement at the thought of seeing him in person again.

"How are you feeling?" You asked Harry. He swallowed hard, looking at you with wide eyes. You were all backstage st the X Factor, he was about to perform for the judges for the first time.

"'M nervous....Y/N what if they say no?" His voice shook as he spoke.

"They'll be crazy to reject you Harry. Your voice is beautiful." He felt his heart drop to his stomach at your words, his cheeks heating up.

"You really think so?" He asked, you smiled encouragingly.

"I know so." You don't know what came over you, but you leaned forward, pressing your lips to his quickly. His lips were soft and before he could kiss you back you pulled away, leaving his head spinning. "Jus' a good luck kiss." He grinned.

You were so happy when you pulled up outside of Anne's home. It felt like going to your own home as you and Gemma quickly got out of the car, deciding to leave your bags in the car until later. You followed her up the walk way towards the front door.

"'Ello?!" Gemma shouted as she opened the door, she pulled you with her, linking your arms together as you had done as children. Anne's face lit up when she saw the two of you, rushing forward to hug 'her best girls.' You loved her hugs, you always felt safe and comfortable around her.

"Y/N let me look at you." She said stepping back to examine you head to toe. "It's been to long. You know you're always welcome here. Come visit anytime darling." You grin, hugging Anne again.

"I will. I've just been busy-"

"I see you've brought the trouble maker with you." You pull away from Anne when you hear that voice, deep but warm and teasing. Harry stands in the doorway, leaning against the frame, a boyish grin on his face. He's no longer the chubby cheeked boy with a crush.

"I'm the trouble maker?" You tease, releasing Anne and letting Harry take you into his arms. He's solid, firm, his muscles flexing as he squeezes you. Your heart skips a beat when his lips brush against your ear.

"'ve missed you. How've you been?" He asked, pulling away. You immediately step back, knowing Anne and Gemma are still there, watching the two of you. What you don't see is the knowing smiles on both of their faces.

"Really good. And you've been doing phenomenally." You praise. He blushes, running his hand through his hair as he looks away from you.

"All my babies here under one roof," Anne says, wrapping her arms around the three of you. "Come on. Dinner's almost ready."

"'m gonna miss you." Harry says as you help him pack up his bedroom.

After the X Factor and the band One Direction was formed, it was decided Harry would live with his friend Louis, who was also in the band. Even though Harry was only sixteen, Anne trusted Louis. She knew he would take care of him.

"I'll miss you too." You say as you pack up some books. You don't realize Harry's behind you until you feel his hand on your arm, pulling you to your feet. You turn to see him gazing at you intensely. "Harry-"

"I know there's been...lots of rumors about me," he shifts uncomfortably, you know what he's talking about. Him being a womanizer. "I jus' wan' ya to know tha' it's always been you. Jus' you." You want to ask him what he means but before you can his hands are on your face and his lips pressed against yours. You kiss him back gently, pulling away and resting your forehead against his. You wish the moment would never end.

Later in the evening you'd stepped outside to get some air. You can't remember the last time you had this much fun. After dinner you played board games, drank some wine and caught up on each other's lives. You felt so warm and at home. You couldn't help but grin.

"Wha' are you smiling about?" You jump, grabbing your chest as you turn to see Harry joining you on the porch, he chuckles upon seeing your expression. "Sorry love, didn't mean t' scare you." You shake your head, rolling your eyes playfully.

"I'm just enjoying the night air."

"It is nice and warm out innit?"

"Mhm." You stand side by side in silence for a moment, looking up at the sky and watching the stars. You recognize the Big Dipper immediately.

"Y/N?" Harry questions, you turn your head to see him gazing at you in a way that is familiar to you. You smile softly.

"Yeah Harry?" He steps closer to you, leaning forward to brush your hair out of your face.

"Jus' want ya to know it's still you." Your eyes widen slightly at his confession. To say you were surprised was an understatement. You'd heard how smitten he was with Kendall and how in lo d he was with Camille.

"I thought you would have forgotten about me." You confess quietly. Harry places his hand on your cheek, his nose brushing gently against yours.

"Neva."

"You said her name Harry. Who the hell is Y/N." Camille yelled at him. Harry only shook his head, not exactly knowing what to do. He knew he fucked up, had been thinking of someone else while making love to her, he couldn't take it back.

"She's someone I used to know Camille. I haven't seen her in god knows how long-"

"You clearly still have feelings for her."

"Camille I do-"

"I'm leaving. You have a choice to make Harry. Get your shit together."

You were the one. He knew it the first time he met you. He'd always known it. No matter what happened or how far away from each other you were, it would always be you he came back to. He could never get enough of you.

"Can I have ya as my girlfriend now?" Harry asked, finally saying the words he'd been longing to say to her for years.

Y/N looked up at Harry through hooded lashes. Maybe this really was meant to be. You knew for sure at least that Harry was the sweetest person, and he would never hurt you.

"I think I'd like that very much." When Harry pressed his lips to yours he felt like he was in heaven.

"'m gonna marry her someday mum." Harry said to Anne as she made him lunch. She smiled at her son, setting the grilled cheese sandwhich down in front of him.

"Does Y/N know that?" She teased. Harry's crush on you was so sweet. The eight year old shook his head.

"Not yet...but someday. Just you watch."

[anythingandeverything1d]

The tape

Your pov:

“H, do you have anything on Monday?”

Harry walked out of the bathroom, towel low on his waist, water dripping from his hair. “No..” he paused and looked down at his feet before shaking his head and smiling. “No I don’t think so. Maybe a FaceTime call with the boys but that should be it. And thats only if we decide to do that. You know how Louis has been lately with the reunion project.”

You nodded and smiled, rolling out of bed and walking over to him. You raised an eyebrow as he tugged you against his chest. His lips pressed to yours and your arms wrapped around his neck. You pulled away slightly and grinned. “Good. Because you and I have plans.”

“Oh yeah?” Harry’s lips pressed to your neck. 

“Mhm.” you laughed softly. “We have things to do. Places to be.”

“There are things we need to do now.” Harry growled, his lips touching your ear. He lightly bit your earlobe and tugged. You could feel his length pressing up against the towel and into your waist. Harry’s hands tugged at his shirt on your body. “Starting with this coming off...” Harry had the shirt pulled over your head when the phone rang. He sighed loudly and looked at you. “Don’t move.” 

You laughed and raised an eyebrow. “Yes sir.” you said laying back on the bed. Harry took one more look at you while standing in the bedroom doorway and turned back with a devious smile.

“Fuck it, they will eventually hang up.” He walked back over to you, his body falling in between your legs, the towel falling to the floor. Harry’s lips tugged at yours. His tongue flooded into your mouth and his hands moved their way down your bare chest. His fingers were rolling around your now hardened nipples when the doorbell rang again. Harry ignored it, his tongue slowly making its way down your body. He sucked and gently bit the sensitive skin on your boob, smiling knowing the mark would be there for the next few days. His tongue was at your belly button when his phone rang again, along with several other text notifications. He stood up with a groan, walking over to the phone.

“Harryyy” you whined, your heat dripping between your thighs from the anticipation. 

“Hello?” he answered holding up a finger to wait.. “What do you mean? No, there shouldn’t be any stories out, I’ve been with (y/n) all weekend....Fuck okay I’m coming.” Harry looked at you and and you sighed as he dug through his drawers. You stood up and walked into the bathroom to clean up since this didn't seem to be going anywhere now. Harry was now getting angry. You could hear him yelling into his phone frustrated with whoever was on the other side. You jumped in the shower and once you were done, Harry seemed to be finished with his call. He had gotten fully dressed and smiled softly when you walked back into the room. 

“Where are you going?” you asked confused. He was dressed for some kind of meeting it looked like.

“I have to go talk to my management team...”

“Why? Wait, no. We were supposed to go out...Harry we've had this date night planned for weeks and the guys are all expecting us....”

Harry sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry...I don't have a choice here...”

“Babe-”

“(y/n) look I can’t go anymore okay? I’m sorry but thats just how its going to be tonight.”

Your mouth dropped. Harry rarely got angry at you and when he did it was normally your fault. This was out of line. “Whatever.” you turned and walked back into the bathroom, locking the door.

“Babe I’m sorry..” He knocked softly on the door. “I didn't mean to yell...”

You didn’t answer but you heard him leave. You sighed and rolled your eyes annoyed he had ruined the moment and gotten angry. You were also annoyed he was putting management above you. You were supposed to be the most important thing in his life. At least that’s what he had told you when you had argued last time about him not being home enough.

Niall’s pov:

Niall was sat around a table with Louis and Liam. They were all joking about how Harry and (y/n) never got the time or date right when they had planned an outing. They also joked about how Harry had to bring (y/n) to everything. Not that they didn’t love her, but it kind of defeated the point about a guys night. She had gone through so much with them though...from One Direction days to solo albums. She had been there through it all, making sure all of the guys stayed in touch during the hiatus. The waitress was just setting drinks down when everyone’s phones started blowing up. No one seemed bothered by the fact their phones were all blowing up. Liam was flirting with the waitress and Louis was backing him up. Niall picked up his phone, read the first message, and reads aloud mocking the article title, “HARRY STYLES SEX TAPE LEAKED!”

“Give it a rest.” Louis laughs. “Harry is more careful with that kind of stuff than anyone I have ever met.”

“It’s just a hoax like the rest of them, made to get views and people talking. Management probably leaked it.” Liam added winking at the waitress across the room.

Niall hasn’t looked up, he’s scrolling through the article and clicking play on the video. Niall’s face pales and his mouth drops. The guys all look at him concerned that he hasn’t joked back. “What is it?” Louis asks trying to take the phone. 

Niall places the phone down on the table for everyone to see. ‘It’s not fake.....”

“Shi-” Louis starts but Niall shakes his head.

“It’s also not (y/n).” he finishes looking up at them. 

“No way. There’s no way.” Liam shakes his head. 

“What do we do?” Niall asks laughing uncomfortably.

“We need to call Harry. What if they don't know.”

“It’s trending on Twitter, there’s absolutely no fucking way he doesn’t know. The real question is...does (y/n) know?” Louis shakes his head.

“She’s probably pissed.” Liam adds taking a sip of his drink.

“No she’s probably upset. No wonder they didn’t come.” Niall stands up. “We should go check on her. Make sure she’s okay..she what happened when they found out. They’ve been dating for years, this is going to kill her.”

The guys nodded, leaving money on the table and standing up. Louis laughs, “Niall the hero, saving (y/n) from her despair.”

“Shut up Louis.” Niall shakes his head. “This isn't about me.”

“Oh yeah, didn't you have a crush on her like when they first started dating?” Liam laughs.

“Yeah, but clearly that’s been over. She’s just my friend. I want to make sure she’s okay.” He led the guys from the restaurant and jumped in the car, map questing directions to Harry’s house.

Your pov:

Harry had been gone almost an hour and you had yet to hear anything from him. You were just laying on the couch watching reruns of friends when someone knocked at your door. You sighed and stood up, running to answer it. You smiled as the door opened. “Niall!” You hugged him tightly and then moved on to the others. “Lou!” Louis laughed uncomfortably and you gave him a confused look before moving to Liam. “Liam...” Liam was shifting nervously not looking at you and you stepped back. Paparazzi were rushing towards the gate so you moved the party inside. “What’s wrong?” you asked. They all looked like they were going to be sick...Niall kept looking like he was sorry. Liam looked away every time you looked at him and Louis just had his lips pressed together.

“Did you forget about lunch?” Louis asked grabbing your arm and pulling you to the couch.

You sighed. “Lunch? I thought we were doing dinner...is that why you are all upset. I’m sorry about not showing up...Harry just got a call and left without even saying anything.”

“A call about what?” Liam asked sitting across from you on the couch.

“I’m not sure....management called but he didn’t say where he was going. Why? What do you guys know that I don't?”

They all looked away. Niall sighed and pulled out his phone. “Have ya checked Twitter at all today?”

“No....why?” You grabbed your phone and unlocked it. Louis pulled it from your hands. “What the hell Louis?”

Louis looked at the guys and shook his head. “This isn’t our fight. Harry should talk to her about it...not us. He’s going to be pissed we got involved.”

“It revolves around her though. She’s tagged in it all. She has a right to know.” Niall argued. “Harry shouldn’t have done it in the first place.”

“Done what?” you felt sick. What was going on? What was Harry hiding? Why were the guys acting like this? You looked at Liam. He had been like an older brother to you for years. “Liam.”

Liam sighed and nodded to Louis. “She needs to know. When we leave she’s going to figure it out. We need to be here for her when she does.” Louis nodded and handed your phone back. You stared at all of them confused.

“Why are you treating me like I’m not sitting right next to you?”

“Just look at the phone...” Niall sighed.

You pulled up Twitter. You have over 4,000 notifications which was never a good sign. You clicked on the first one reading out loud, “Harry doesn’t deserve (y/n). She’s too good for this.” You clicked another. “I feel so sorry for (y/n)...Maybe there's an explanation.” The last one you clicked had your mind spinning. “Imagine just waking up and finding out that not only has your boyfriends sex tape been leaked but also that its not featuring you. Here for you (y/n).” Tears were flooding your eyes when you looked up at Niall. “It’s not true....right? Tell me it’s not true....” Louis scooted closer to you and draped an arm over your shoulder.

“I mean technically we don’t really know...”

“What the hell do you mean Louis. We all watched the video at lunch.” Niall was pissed he was pacing back and forth between the two couches.

You shook your head. You were now crying. Louis was rubbing your back and you fell into his lap. “No. It can’t be real.” Liam moved over and sat next to you. He held your hand and gently squeezed. “I want to see it.” You looked up, tears flowing down your cheeks. “I want to see proof.”

Niall sighed and clicked on the original link before handing you the phone. You carefully read every line and clicked the video. Your stomach flipped. Harry was in his room, your room. He was naked, his tattoos clearly visible. There was a girl. It wasn’t you. He was kissing her, she was stripping, he was pulling his pants down. He didn’t seem to be drunk. He was talking dirty to her. He called her beautiful. He had sex with her. You flew up from the couch, running to the bathroom. Niall was at your side. You threw up, the video you had just watched had physically made you ill. Harry had cheated on you. He had filmed it. It was out in the public now. Niall held back your hair and Louis brought a cup of water. “(y/n)...” Liam started.

You sank to the floor, your back against the toilet. You were sobbing. You couldn’t breathe. The boys looked like they were contemplating how to handle this. “When did this come out?” you asked looking at him.

“We aren't sure exactly...we saw the notifications at lunch-”

“So Harry was having sex with me or trying to when all of this was happening. He was trying to fuck me when his fucking sex tape was released to the public.”

“Uh-” Louis tried interrupting but you kept going.

“Harry cheated on me. After 7 years. He just decided to fuck someone else?” you were processing everything in your head out loud to the boys who had no idea what to say. “What did I do?” you cried harder. Louis sighed and pulled you into a tight hug.

“You didn’t do anything love. Harry’s mistakes are his own. They don't revolve around you. He’s a fucking idiot for doing it.”

“We don’t know the full story either...I mean we all know how media twists stories...”

“Liam, he’s having sex with-with another girl. What full story is there that makes that okay?” Liam closed his mouth and sighed. You let Louis pull you to your feet. “I want to leave.”

“What?” Louis asked confused.

“I want out of this house. I don’t want to be here when Harry gets back either. I want to leave.” Louis handed you a tissue and nodded. 

“You can come to my place love, I’ll wait with ya.”

“We all will.” Niall added and Liam nodded. Niall grabbed an extra pair of clothes and some toiletries while Louis helped you out to the car. The paparazzi were all shouting questions asking what the story was. You wished you knew. Liam handed you your phone but you shook your head. 

“I don’t want it. I don’t want to see anymore.” He nodded sadly and sat in the drivers seat. Niall joined with a bag of your things and you all drove to Louis’. L

ouis set you up in his guest bedroom and asked if you needed anything. You shook your head and pulled off your shirt. Louis turned around but you didn’t care at this point. You threw on a pair of comfy sweatpants that Niall had grabbed you along with a crop top. You wiped your tears and snot on your old shirt and crawled into bed. You had finally stopped crying but you were exhausted. 

“We are going to order some food...anything sound good?”

You shook your head no, not trusting any words that might come out of your mouth. Louis nodded and closed the door softly, not wanting anymore tears to begin. Your mind was moving a hundred miles a minute and it made you feel sick. You closed your eyes and tugged the blanket to your chin. Images of Harry and that girl flashed through your mind as you drifted off to sleep.

Eventually, you didn’t know how long it had been, you woke up. You heard doors slamming, Niall shouting, Liam trying to diffuse the situation, but overall you heard one very loud and clear deep voice. “Where is she? Louis tell me where the fuck my girlfriend is!” 

---

So I got this as a request and ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. I actually was planning on using the first part of this as a similar story but when this request came through I decided to mesh the two together. Hope you enjoy!

Check out part 2 here: The tape (part 2)

xoxo

[friendofhayley]

In the midst of chaos, it’s healthy to sometimes soothe ourselves with fiction so thank you, fic writers, for providing us with a safe space. Anyway here’s a list of the best fics I read this month. This rec includes 18 fics from Game of Thrones, One Direction, Teen Wolf, and The Witcher fandoms. The starred ones are *special*

Sanrion (Game of Thrones)

1. A Change of Fate by TheTruffalo | time travel fix-it fic - slow burn - BAMF!Sansa - all the unexpected friendships - 119k+

What would happen if Sansa Stark travelled back in time to the beginning of Game of Thrones? How would she change the future? With her knowledge of the future, marriage to Tyrion Lannister, allegiances to the Targarian Dynasty and lets not forget her tutelage under the notorious Lord Baelish, what will she change? She is not a Little Bird this time, no, now she is a wolf. This time she will come out on top. The question is, who will she bring with her and who will be the collateral? It is all in the days work when playing the Game of Thrones; and she has learned from the best.

2. *The North Remembers* (series) by K_R_Closson, tasalmalin | BAMF!Sansa - the revenge tastes so sweet - time travel fix-it fic - more action than romance - 3 parts

When Sansa and Theon flee Winterfell, they encounter someone who can give Sansa a chance to start over. Sansa has to determine what she can change and what she has to accept to get a future she wants.

Larry (One Direction)

3. haunted by the ghost of you by @missandrogyny | real estate agent Louis - angst and fluff - memory loss - enemies to friends to lovers - 49k

“Hi,” the boy—the ghost—says to Louis. His face shifts; somehow his dimples dig deeper into his cheeks. His eyes flit from Louis, to Niall, to Liam, and finally to Zayn, and his face goes from shocked to elated. “I’m Harry.”

At in that exact moment, standing between three of his best friends and staring at a (quite handsome) ghost, Louis can only think one thing.

Nick Grimshaw was right.

4. I’ve Been Hoping You’d Be Somewhere Better Than This by @runaway-train-works | enemies to lovers - rough sex - unrequited love - Louis is such a bottom brat - 39k 

The one where Louis is up for a promotion, he just has one tiny, little problem standing in his way.

5. thinking about the t-shirt you sleep in by @absoloutenonsense | friends to lovers - heavy mutual pining - misunderstandings - fluff and angst - 52k

Harry’s alpha fraternity donates to a local thrift shop (because of Liam’s latent crush on a cute beta in his lecture). Louis’ financial situation (and confusing omega instincts) lead him to make some interesting fashion purchases. Lots of pizza, feelings, and not-really-lying.

6. *What’s It Gonna Be?* by @shesarealphony | GOD TIER FIC - based on this music video - there are lesbians!! - gay found family !! - 35k

Louis and Bebe, best friends since childhood, have crushes on two of the most popular kids in school, and in an attempt to increase their respective chances, Louis befriends Harry Styles, quarterback of the football team, while Bebe befriends Clare Uchima, head cheerleader. Only… the plan… doesn’t go exactly as planned.

Zouis (One Direction) 

7. Gravity Always Wins by @writeivywrite | canon - friends to lovers - ot5 - misunderstandings - 17k

The truth is: if they weren’t in a band together, Zayn wouldn’t be friends with someone like Louis.

8. keep you like an oath by @ohnokonecny | strangers to lovers - Louis is a force of nature - American AU - fake relationship - 18k

Zayn doesn’t recognize the man through the peephole, but he looks harmless enough, so Zayn swings the door open, barely able to get out a greeting before,

“Hello, would you be interested in being my boyfriend?” The stranger asks.

“Uh,” Zayn mumbles, looking between the man and the space behind him, waiting for someone to jump out at him and tell him what’s going on. No one does. And the stranger is still grinning at him, blue eyes shining and teeth on full display as he waits. “Who are you?” Zayn finally asks, when the stranger makes no move to give him more information about what’s happening.

Sterek (Teen Wolf)

9. hope is the thing with feathers by @shanastoryteller | author wrote Survival is a Talent and you can tell because it’s amazing - first of a series - BAMF!Stiles - alive Hale family - 28k

Then he’s facing a burning home, and he wraps the hood of his sweatshirt around his mouth before he pushes the door open and steps inside. There’s Mr. Hale asleep - he hopes asleep - on the couch, next to - Stiles thinks that’s his brother but there are so many Hales, who can keep track. He rushes over and starts shaking him, can see the rise and fall of the man’s chest so he knows he’s alive, but he’s not waking up.

He shoves away his hood so he can shout, “Mr. Hale! You have to get up, there’s a fire! Mr. Hale, get up!” Nothing, he’s not even twitching, both of them taking in deep even breaths like they’re having the most peaceful of rests, and Stiles is going to cry. “Wake up, wake up, wake up!”

There’s a moment, where all Stiles can hear is the blood rushing in his ears and not the roar of the flames or the creak of wood, then with a violent, silent pop it’s all back and both of the men are gasping awake, eyes open and jumping to their feet.

10. Every stumble and each misfire by @everchanginginks | future fic - deputy Siles - BAMF!Stiles - soft Derek - 14k

Stiles hasn’t seen or heard from Derek in ten years. It’s a bit of a surprise to find out about Derek’s return to Beacon Hills through Tinder.

11. Hide Of A Life War by @etharei | BAMF!Stiles - Sheriff finds out - suspense - found family - 26k

The one in which Stiles has lived to (legal) adulthood and, along the way, become a bit of a badass himself.

12. Pale Skin and Fragile Bone by fakinbrilliance | BAMF!Stiles - mates - don’t underestimate the Hale pack - found family - 62k

Stiles asks Derek to teach him self-defense.

13. *Sweet Buns* by @pantstomatch | omega Stiles - misunderstandings - pining - Derek is bad at feelings - 17k

Stiles hasn’t seen Derek Hale this close up for over a decade. He looks almost exactly the same, except somehow he seems even bigger and broodier—criminally handsome, with soft-looking dark scruff, heavy brows, light hazel eyes. His gaze zeros in on Stiles almost immediately, and his scowl lightens minutely in what looks like surprise.

Stiles is acutely aware that he has melted butter and cinnamon all over his face, and tries to surreptitiously wipe it with the ends of his sweater-sleeve.

14. The Seven Lives of Stiles Stilinski by @glorious-spoon | angst with a happy ending - pining - time travel - hurt/comfort - 25k

Stiles disturbs an abandoned temple and catches the attention of a goddess of time and fate. When he starts time-traveling involuntarily through the past, he’s not sure if she means it as a curse or a lesson–but no matter when he travels to, he always seems to end up at Derek’s side.

7. *I know that you love me, even when I lose my head* by LunaCapisLupus_22 | amnesia - internalized homophobia - omega Stiles - BAMF!Stiles - 135k

“We’re not mates, Cora,” he insists. “I mean look at him-“

“Ouch,” the kid says, no longer pushing that shit eating grin.

“He’s- he’s,” Derek tries, at a loss of how to explain why this can’t be possible. Why it shouldn’t be possible.

15. Daybreak by TheObsidianQuill | SO much angst with a happy ending - slow burn - BAMF!Stiles - PTSD - 70k

The pack was gone. He had nothing left. He had no one. With nothing to lose, Stiles puts everything on the line to go back in time to try to prevent the future from becoming his past. Broken, guarded, and haunted by his past, only one overgrown-pup of a wolf seems able to get past his defenses. Changing the future? Easy. Finding a place for himself in the Hale Pack? Impossible.

16. *Not Your Disney Romance* by Rawren (Deshonanana) | THIS IS SO GOOD - the perfect mix of crack and angst - disabled Stiles - mind control - 42k

After a long-forgotten agreement of an arranged marriage between Derek and the daughter of another pack’s alpha resurfaces, Stiles takes it upon himself to become the most amazing fake fiancé that a clueless, desperate alpha werewolf could wish for.

Geraskier (The Witcher)

17. Landfall by round_robin | merman Jaskier - soft Geralt - future fic - trust porn - 10k

Geralt spotted Jaskier’s blue breeches neatly folded in the sand by the rock, his boots next to them, doublet unbuttoned and blowing in the wind. Those too blue eyes looked even brighter next to the sea and his heart skipped a beat. “Jaskier,” he sighed. He didn’t know what else to say.

While relief flooded Geralt—Jaskier was alive and well, no evil befell him after Geralt stupidly pushed him away—Jaskier didn’t seem to share his feelings. His lips turned down, shoulders slumped. Finally, he said, “Are you here to kill me?”

18. ‘My Own’ by @valleyofwitcher | creature Jaskier - found family - Kaer Morhen - they’re soft for each other -  43k

Jaskier has been hiding his draconic ‘heritage’ for as long as he could remember. And travelling with Geralt and Ciri, it didn’t seem to be an issue. That is until a notice comes up about hunting dragons.

All of a sudden, everything is thrown into disarray as he has to face feelings and impulses he had been suppressing for years, nothing seems safe anymore. Geralt tries to fix it.

[katsukikitten]

Flustered

A/N Daddy Kiri doesn't get a lot of love from me. So have a one shot of him

Kirishima did not often let himself succumb to desire for many reasons. One being he wanted more than just a one night stand. He was a gentleman, he wanted a family but the main reason he avoided it if he could was because he had no time to give a significant other. That was a fact he thought would be unfair to them and to a future family.

But then you walk through those double doors at the agency with FatGum, laughing. Putting the ruby haired man in a trance. Sun eater stands silently beside him, eyes dissecting the scene that unfolds.

"I've just never seen you so skinny before Onjisan." Another giggle echos in the lobby before you place a hand on Fatgum's bicep. The worry apparent as it swims in your eyes.

"I'll be fine Y/N-chan. Really." He pulls you into a tight hug, pressing you against hardened muscle that you wish were fat. His bear hugs never used to be this bruising.

"Okay uncle you'll wrinkle my outfit!" A bite to your voice and Fatgum laughs as he let's go, "I've got a large lunch coming up to your one o clock meeting. Be sure to bring your appetite."

Kirishima watches you smooth your starched white shirt and black pencil skirt, he let's his eyes travel down your frame pausing on your hips before sliding down those long powerful legs, feet donning red bottomed shoes.

"I want to be wrapped in between those." He thinks to himself before shaking his head. Realizing that he is giving into something he truly has no time for.

"Yes ma'am." Toyomitsu play salutes before spying his two favorite young heroes. Although both are well into their twenties Fatgum cannot help the pride that swells in his chest when he lays eyes on them. It swells enough that it floods onto his face as a wide smile.

"Red Riot, Suneater!" He calls from across the room, hand guiding you towards the two men.

"This is my niece, Y/N, she is new to the city. Y/N, this is Red Riot and Suneater." Fat gum introduces the three of you.

"Kirishima and Tamaki. I've heard a lot about you. So much so one would think you were my Uncles son's." A deadly cat smile plays on your lips before you bow slightly, "A pleasure to meet you. I am the new assistant for Fatgum. Should you need anything I will be just outside his office."

"I'd love to take you to dinner." Kirishima startles himself when he realizes the words that have so smoothly yet so utterly stupidly left his mouth. He scratches the back of his head with an awkward laugh, trying to keep his hands from hardening out of habit.

"So I can show you the city I mean." He looks to FatGum whose eyes are mixed with a number of emotions. Emotions like excitement, worry.

He thinks better of it, moon colored eyes slip over the young hero before he laughs.

"Great idea Ejirou!" A strong arm wraps tightly around broad shoulders, "Y/N?"

Ruby eyes glitter as they fixate on something more rare and beautiful than the Mona Lisa. Watching your well manicured hand slip hair behind your pierced ear as your plump lips curve upward in a deadly smirk.

"Pick me up at six tonight then, Eijirou." His first name sounds like a song as it leaves you, sending a hot flush to his face.

"Ah six...right." He laughs nervously again, "Wait like here at six?"

"That's your shift for the day correct? Light patrolling, you aren't on call according to my records and you seem up to date on your paper work. So yes here. At six." You sashay past him, filling his nostrils with Chanel No 5.

He stays stunned as his former mentor's grip tightens around his shoulders, Kirishima is turned towards the elevator for the meeting, solely moving by Fatgum's account.

"She's amazing isn't she?" He laughs whole heartily although his grip tightens once more causing Kirishima to wince, "I assure you though if you hurt her, you'll wish it was me you had to answer to."

He lets go of Kirishima then, wide smile back on his face as Suneater enters the small space.

"Ah Tamaki did you hear my lovely niece? She said to bring out appetites!"

Kirishima looks at the time on his phone, gulping down his worry.

Where the hell was he going to take you?

He didn't have much time to figure it out, just a few short hours to hopefully whine and dine you depsite what his gut is telling him.

That it's wrong to use this as an excuse to take her to dinner and then what?

According to his semi hard on it would be taking you home and undresssing you slowly so he can savor all of it.

He glances at FatGum and thanks Kamisama that his quirk is not to read minds. He swallows his desire whole only to choke on it as thoughts of you dance is those red bottom heels in his mind.

The day comes and goes in a blur of light conversation, blaring background noise of the city to deafening silence of his office. Eji stares at the clock waiting for 5:30 so he can at the very least take a quick shower and change into his civilian clothes.

He jogs down the steps to the locker room in the basement hoping that the outfit folded in his locker is somewhat presentable.

Nothing that neither screams date nor show boaty.

He sighs with relief when he sees his favorite pair of dark blue jeans, a black t shirt and his softened dark brown leather jacket with brown boots nestled at the foot of the locker. He reaches for his soap as he removes his face mask dropping it behind his boots, stripping himself of his pants before sauntering to the showers.

He takes longer than he'd like as he rushes back to his locker for his destined outfit. Bareback sculpted by Adonis himself, dripping warm droplets onto the shower floor as he quickly towel dries his ruby hair. Styling it with gel after he shoves on his shirt. Chewing a handful of mints with sharp teeth as he sprays himself lightly with Polo black hoping that it is something that you will like.

He rushes up the stairs two at a time as he checks his matte black watch.

5:55pm is what it reads. He stops just before the door that leads to the lobby. Catching his breath, smoothing his hair into place and pulling at the sleeves of his jacket to straighten it.

"Pull yourself together. It's not even a fucking date." He says to his reflection in the glass before opening to door that slams behind him.

Sealing his fate.

Because now that he had laid his eyes on you desire will burn into his veins until he is buried hilt deep in you.

He watches as you turn your head, looking over your shoulder to spy him. You smile when you meet his gaze, sauntering over in your casual outfit as well.

Ruby eyes are glued to your every movement as you step in those damn black heels with the red bottoms, a bouncy deep red blouse that flows gradually from your shoulders only to become tight as it snakes around your wrists. Wrapping itself around your rack revealing a bit of cleavage as you wear a droplet garnet necklace to match. The blouse is tucked into a pair of black jeans that is tastefully tight as they cling to your thick thighs, hips and ass.

CLACK

CLACK

CLACK

The sound of those heels drives him especially mad as they echo back to him in the busy lobby. All he can think about is that sound echoing back to him in the semi darkness of his room, stiletto kissing hardwood floors as you sashay to him sitting on the edge of the bed wearing nothing but red bottomed shoes.

He knows he isn't the first man your Louis Vuitton's have driven mad and he knows he will not be the last.

He just hopes he'll be the only one you wear them for.

"Earth to Red Riot?" You waved your black clawed hand across his face as he seems in a daze, giggling to yourself as you've never seen a man so obviously interested in you before.

There is something about his subconscious honesty. An innocence to it before he does come back to Earth with a sharp toothed grin and hardened eyes that has your stomach doing flips.

Although you would never dare show it. Instead you giggle as you mentally move the next game piece, knowing full well your next line would ignite a furious blush a color that even his eyes would envy.

"Come on Eijirou, we are already ten minutes into our date!" You turn on your heel, not allowing yourself the satisfaction as you walk towards the busy city street. When you do not hear foot steps behind you, you once again look over your shoulder. Sure to position yourself in a way that your ass seems extra prominent.

You see him fight to keep his eyes from your toned body that you work extremely hard to maintian. Allowing yourself, for once, to bask in a man's obvious admiration as you fight back the smile curling on your lips. Noting his blush as he bites his own. Sending something wild through your blood before you choose your words carefully. Almost hoping you will be saying them later.

"Come for me Eijirou."

[alarriefantasy]

hey!!! do u have some revenge fics??

Here you go, darling!! <3

                                             Revenge Fics

Lovin' It Up by letsjustsee 

Words: 6k

Or, a neighbors AU in which Louis vows to get revenge on the guy who didn't hold the elevator for him - no matter how ridiculously attractive he may be.

Glitter Bomb by kingsofeverything (FullOnLarrie)

Words: 7k

After a spectacularly awful date, Harry decides a little petty revenge will make him feel better. Things don't work out quite the way he plans.

A World Full of Shadows by orphan_account

Words: 17k

When Harry Styles crashes back into Louis' life after a year apart, he knows chaos is about to ensue. As they embark together on their quest for revenge against the most well known pirate hunter of all time, old feelings come creeping back and Louis must fight to control them.

There's also the small matter of fact that the last time he saw Harry he abandoned him on an uninhabited island and left him for dead. Whoops?

Sins of the father - ADAPTATION- by Writersofthegalaxy

Words: 17k

Louis Tomlinson has always felt badly about the fact that his father duped and then fired his former protégée, Harry Edward Styles. Worse yet, he knows that Harry has always believed him to be a part of the conspiracy to get rid of him.

When Harry comes to power during a hostile takeover of Tomlinson Chemicals, Louis realizes Harry will want revenge against his family so he prepares himself to be ousted from the company. But much to his surprise, Harry doesn't oust him. Instead, he wants his vendetta against the Tomlinson settled in an entirely different fashion, in a way Louis never could have imagined in his wildest, most wicked dream...

Killer Façade by mrs_horan_59

Words: 20k/WIP

"So this is just some stupid revenge plan?" Harry smirks up at the pretty killer straddling his hips, licking his lips.

"Revenge sounds... mean," Louis giggles, trailing the knife in his hand down the mafia leader's toned chest. "Let's say I'm simply... returning the favor."

We're Going Down Swinging by eyesofshinigami

Words: 21k

Everyone knows that revenge plots never work. Liam, Zayn, and Niall have told them as much, but Hell hath no fury like Louis Tomlinson scorned. His new friend Harry takes a bit of convincing but, once he agrees to help, Louis is sure his ex will regret the day he decided to cheat.

That is, if Louis can stick to the plan and stop falling for his co-conspirator.

Or, the one where Louis and Harry fake it til they make it, so to speak.

the new romantics by wildestdreams

Words: 36k

After being blindsided and dumped by his boyfriend Isaac, Louis does the only thing he can do: wallow and mope. But when Harry tells Louis that karma’s going to get Isaac eventually, Louis decides karma isn’t moving fast enough. He takes matters into his own hands, and if he has to drag Harry into his schemes and seduction plans, then so be it.

or John Tucker Must Die AU featuring drunk dance sessions, bad disguises, and a seduction plan gone wrong.

I'm On the Hunt Now (I'm After You) by AFangirlFantasy

Words: 56k

Omegas haven’t been able to shift into their wolves for two hundred years. That is, until Louis Tomlinson changes everything.

Or...an AU where Alpha Harry and Omega Louis have a lot more than falling in love to deal with after The Mating Ceremony.

Amazing Sin by thecheshirepussycat

Words: 56k

Or, the story of Louis ‘Steal Your Man’ Tomlinson.

Little Cub by aace1234

Words: 68k

Harry is head of the underground, he's ruthless, possessive, feared and powerful.

Louis is a student, his dad works for Harry but Louis has no idea about the underground world.

What happens when Louis Dad causes trouble and Harry kidnaps Louis for revenge.

All I Wish Not To Remember by thealmightyavocado

Words: 71k

What happens when all you had, all you loved, all you held dear is viciously ripped away from you? When your inner core, once filled with love and hope and light, blackens to raw, dark hatred?

What happens when your soul is hopelessly consumed and no matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you attempt to shake yourself out, to rid your tormented mind of the opaque feelings that plague you, all you can see, all you can feel, all you can want is...

Revenge.

♡ credit to the owner of the manip

♡ past themed recs here

[dailytomlinson]

It’s been a long and turbulent four-year road for Louis Tomlinson. Since his band, One Direction, announced their ‘indefinite hiatus’ in 2016, Tomlinson has struggled to find a professional path that suitably represents him as an artist. As he gears up to finally release his long-awaited debut album Walls this coming January, the singer-songwriter finally feels comfortable in his own skin, finding his own unique Britpop-inspired sound which has been spurred on by the resentment towards a diluting of his vision in a bid to find radio play in the States. Tomlinson, it is safe to say, has finally found his feet and, with a new record label firmly behind him and a renewed energy propelling his every move, the 27-year-old is now a man on a mission with two fingers in the air and a point to prove.

His remarkable story really needs no introduction. Plucked from a crowd of hopefuls auditioning for the X-Factor in 2010, the then 18-year-old singer was placed alongside Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Harry Styles and Zayn Malik by Simon Cowell much to the joy of their growing social media fanbase. Just 12 months later their debut album, Up All Night, was released and propelled the group to international fame. In the six fast and furious years as a band One Direction tour relentlessly, released five hit records and became unfathomably rich in the process. For Tomlinson, however, the immediate highs were quickly met by severe lows when it all came suddenly crashing down. The end of the band, the media relentlessly pursuing his private life, personal tragedy and more have followed. Now though, with a renewed vigour and clarity for his future, Tomlinson has picked himself up and is about to carve out his own niche of pop music. I met Tomlinson in a back bar of a central London hotel as I self-consciously began to consider the possibility that I may be underdressed for the occasion. Thankfully though—and much to my relief—he arrived casually dressed in a brown quarter-zip jacket, jeans and Adidas trainers which arrived as a refreshing change in reference to the typical, modern-day pop star. Having travelled down to London from Yorkshire that day, with my editor’s words ringing in my ears, the somewhat opulent surroundings of our meeting lacked the relaxing edge I was hoping for. It must be said that interviews with musicians of international fame can be tricky — especially when they have a new album to sell. With media training, PR managers typically watching over and a sense ill-trust with the media, it will come as little surprise that popstars can be standoffish in interviews. Despite my initial trepidation though, Tomlinson greeted me with immense warmth and immediately offered to get a couple of beers in from the bar—the first sign that our conversation would follow the laid-back pattern I was hoping for. After we’d sat down and had a sip of lager, our Yorkshire accents clashing, my mind turned to his recent performance of his last single ‘We Made It’ on Children In Need. Tomlinson looked in his element, like he’d finally found his feet as a solo artist—something that hasn’t been an easy adjustment for him to make in the last few years. “Yeah, naturally I feel as any fucking solo star finds – the longer you’re in it, the more experienced you get, the more confident you get. I think it took me a second to work out who I am musically, to fully detach from One Direction and stuff but I feel like I’m there now so, naturally, I’m more confident in my songwriting ability, I’m more confident performing, singing and all of that, so it feels good.” Following the split from the band, it did feel from the outside looking in that there was no clear direction where his solo career was going to take him. With collaborations with the likes of Steve Aoki and Bebe Rexha, both of which performed commercially well, there was a creative direction that left more questions than answers. Earlier this year, he took to social media to make a statement to claim that he was turning a page, that he was fed up with writing to a formula in a bid to chase radio play and instead he wanted to make music he loved. That moment was the beginning of the second chapter in his solo career, which he expands on looking while back at that difficult time with more than a pinch of honesty as always, disclosing: “Yeah but I’m not going to lie, it’s still something that I’m fighting up against if I’m being honest. I mean, because there’s constant opinion around me and you know a lot of people do want to focus towards radio—which I do understand—but what bugs me is just how much it limited me — especially because what I grew up listening to on pop radio is very different to what’s on pop radio now and because I couldn’t see a place for myself. I thought that it wasn’t not going to be authentic because I’m going to be trying to sound like what’s on the radio. Today, in 2019 more than ever, people can spot bullshit. So yeah, I think since that moment I’ve always been conscious of that and as I say it is a constant battle, but I think I’m winning at the moment.” The state of mainstream radio is something that Tomlinson is passionate about. As an artist who aims to make songs that are accessible to the masses without compromising integrity at the same time, Louis appears to be well versed on the shift in the popular musical landscape: “If I’m being honest, I didn’t actively search for stuff because it was on pop radio,” he said while discussing the change in approach to consuming music. “Especially a band like Catfish and The Bottlemen,” he adds after a moment of contemplation. “When I was growing up they would definitely, definitely, be on every radio and I think those bands are very important and now I have to actively search for them or listen to the right station.” He continues, “Also, I think it took me a second to come out and say what my influences are because I know what people expect from someone who has been in a boyband and stuff like that.” With this lightbulb moment, Tomlinson wanted to detail more about the inner workings of his creative process, how collaborating with like-minding musicians helped free his thought process. “Once I’d had this epiphany and put this message on social media, at that point I’d done four songs that are still on the album. I think ‘Kill My Mind’ was actually a turning point, I wrote it with a guy called Jamie Hartman and the next session we had together we wrote ‘Walls’ which is the title track for the album and is going to be my next single. I think from that moment it unlocked something and we got some momentum so then the second half of the album was written relatively quickly but I think as I say it being transitional I’d have loved 10 ‘Kill My Mind’s’ but maybe the next record.” ‘Kill My Mind’ looks and sounds like the first step towards the definitive direction that the Yorkshireman is aiming for. It has a punchy Hot Fuss era Killers’ chorus and is more reminiscent of the type of music that Tomlinson himself loves. “That’s probably the proudest I’ve been of a song because that is genuinely a song that I fucking love listening to and that’s not necessarily always the case when you’re playing for radio all the time. It didn’t get the attention that I think it quite deserved but that’s the way it is.” The shift towards the guitar-led music, which bucks the trend with current chart-toppers, is the path that the 27-year-old is determined to follow. A recent writing session with Australian indie giants DMA’s had popped up in our conversation and the beaming smile across Tomlinson’s face said it all: “I’ve hung out with those boys (DMA’s) actually, one night because we were in the same studio and I’ve written together with [them] before,” he said before clarifying that the drinks were flowing which resulted in an unfinished recording. When probed on whether this is something he’d like to re-visit at a later date, Tomlinson expanded with an eye firmly on the future: “The DMA’s session was a bit of an experiment, to be honest, when I look at my solo career I’m looking at it as a five, six or seven-year plan. I realise this from doing the DMA’s one, I would fucking love to do an album full of them but it’s a transition you know what I mean, I’ve got to understand the fan base and what they want. I don’t want anything to be so drastic so in my eyes, it’s a two, three even four-album progression before I get there and I also think to write those kinds of songs that I love I need to have more experience as a songwriter as well.” For someone who has had such rich successes in their career to date, the singer-songwriter does seem to have struggled with his self-confidence since going solo—but this year seems to have changed that. One song that stands out is ‘Two of Us’, a track which was released earlier this year is a tribute to his late Mother who tragically passed in 2017. Tomlinson’s life was then struck by more devastation following his sister’s sudden death in March this year. ‘Two of Us’ clearly carries a heavy weight of emotion. Created from the inner workings of Tomlinson’s grief, the song is by a distance the most personal release in his entire career to date. Despite that, the track manages to find the universal within the personal as it’s lyrics resonate for anyone who has ever lost anybody close to them—myself included. While our conversation remained on this topic I was keen to know whether these heart-breaking events had impacted his professional epiphany, whether the personal grief had allowed him to stop worrying about the chart and instead focusing more on enjoying the ride: “When I wrote ‘Two Of Us’ that was something I never really had with music before where I like to think every lyric has meant something. There was a different emotional weight with that song and just hearing people’s stories about what it meant to them and how they related to it, that was amazing for me.” “If I’m being honest what made me have my epiphany was me spitting my fucking dummy out because I was sick of being put in writing sessions which I couldn’t relate to, or people trying to pull me in a certain way to work on American radio. I could probably have commercial success like that, but I’ve got the luxury of having had that already with One Direction and I thought ‘what does success mean to me?’ I just thought I’ve got to follow my fucking heart and if I can win like that it’s like a double win you know what I mean.” One Direction’s immediate success was unprecedented for a British boyband. Together they conquered the world with their debut Up All Night going straight to number one in the States and shifting more than 4.5million copies globally. Just one to this moment, Tomlinson was an 18-year-old living for the weekend in Doncaster—but he was determined not to let his newfound fame change him: “Yeah I was always pretty resistant to it [fame] to be honest, I always say that when I got famous, when I first got put in band, that I was having the best year of my life. So, it was a lot to deal with to leave my favourite year behind and to be doing something else where you’re working really hard. The personal and professional problems that have occurred in recent years appears to have given Tomlinson a remarkable sense of life experience. Despite still being so young, despite having lived a whirlwind life, he still has the ability to self reflect on with a grounded honesty. “Being from Donny you don’t expect to get that kind of opportunity and I then got put into the band and then had to deal with everything on the job. Honestly, it was a fucking incredible time in my life that shaped me as an artist and shaped me as a person, I saw some amazing things but it is also nice now to have a little bit more free time because we were so fucking busy and also you know stand on my own two feet and say this is who I am.” “As far as what’s on my checklist of a credible artist you know they have to write their own tunes, that was always important to me and I did a lot of writing in the band which I think gave me the incredible experience to write now. It was like a crash course, there were so many sessions and I think it’s put me in good stead, but I feel like I’m always getting better as a writer man I feel like with every song I learn a little bit more.” Although, it’s clear from speaking with Tomlinson that he looks back on those years he spent with the band with all the fondness in the world. Yet the media attention that came with all the success was something that got the better of him at times. “That was hard and I’ve often envied artists from an era where smartphones weren’t around. There were definitely some days where it got the better of me. I suppose you’ve got to be selective on where you go and I learned the hard way from a few different people that you can’t trust. Some people want something out of you and it took me a second to understand, but again I think that helps me have a thicker skin in the real world outside of my job. There are times when I’ve gone through difficult things in my life and I’ve thought certain people haven’t been amazing but it’s part of it, fuck it.” As our conversation then meandered toward the split of the band and what life was like for Tomlinson after exiting the world of One Direction— which was all that he had known for the entirety of his adult life up until that point. A sense of honest emotion entered his voice, a moment that seemingly suggested that this permanent change was something that was taken from his own control: “It was good to be back doing normal things but I wasn’t ready for the band to go on a break and it came as a shock for me,” Tomlinson exclusively told Far Out Magazine. “It definitely wasn’t my choice but I understand why the decision was made and there’s a good argument for that. I’m enjoying expressing myself now but it rocked me for a time and for a bit and I didn’t know what I was going to do,” he said, vehemently. From the tone in his voice, it is obvious that the subject is still a relatively raw one for Tomlinson who initially struggled to find the right sound for him following the split of the band—a factor stemmed from his initial reluctance to move solo. From the gravitas of the moment to the importance of his first steps back into music, it was clear that Tomlinson wasn’t ready to be going out on his own so soon after the band’s breakup—a learning curve which other members of the group seemed to overcome in different ways. The break was initially thought to be just that ‘a break’, but nearly four years after the announcement there are still no signs that the group is entertaining ideas of reuniting anytime soon. With Louis Tomlinson set to release his debut album in January, Liam Payne’s debut LP1 out next month, Harry Styles’ second offering, Fine Line, being made available on December 13th and Niall Horan working on the follow-up to his 2017 Flicker, the One Direction members are firmly in solo mode. Tomlinson acknowledges that during the final One Direction tour he began to accept that the break was inevitable, admitting: “It had kind of been brewing and we knew the conversation might be coming around but it was just one of those things. It was always going to happen, we were always going to take a break, but I think there are always people who are going to take things better than others.” Looking on the bright side, however, since the break he has been allowed to live a bit more of a quieter life. From speaking with Tomlinson I get the sense that he’s in this because he loves the music, appreciates the love he gets from fans and loves playing live. However, the celebrity lifestyle that comes with it isn’t why he’s in this game. “I think I can definitely have a bit more of a balance now, there are obviously times when I’m releasing songs or releasing album when it’s really ramped up and It’s hard but definitely easier in those off times to have the balance because otherwise when you’re so busy it’s impossible to literally fit everybody into your life. It’s definitely nicer having more time to do normal fucking things,” he adds with an almost sigh of relief. Tomlinson’s solo career, which has found its feet with emphatic effect and is currently flying high with a sold-out world tour and highly anticipated debut on the horizon, was something that the singer himself had never initially envisioned. With Tomlinson originally wanting to take a back seat in the music industry following the end of the band, he revealed exclusively to Far Out: “I’m not going to lie it hit me hard but it definitely inspired me to get on with my own solo career because it wasn’t something I was always going to do. I was just going to write songs and just hopefully send them to other people and stuff like that, but everything happens for a reason, so they say anyway.” As the careers of all five members of the band have all taken off, with each turning into different avenues sonically, our conversation then turned to the competitive nature between the band since they went their separate ways. Typically, the avid Doncaster Rovers fan opting to use a hugely specific football analogy to describe the relationship with his former bandmates: “I could be wrong but I think we’ve all got that in us, there’s a competitive side to everyone. I can only speak from personal experience, and as time goes on you understand the differences. It’s not all that relevant but I liken to the feeling at first was that you’ve all been at Barcelona’s youth academy, so we’ll call One Direction ‘Barcelona’ and then we’ve all been put off at different clubs and that takes a second to understand and compute but we’re all still lucky to be able to do it as solo artists.” Having time off to relax over the last few years for the first time since stepping foot for his X-Factor audition all those years ago, Tomlinson seems to have returned with a renewed love for music and everything that comes with it. For a while, it appears the music was falling second in line to all the hysteria that surrounded his fame—a situation that has been duly rectified. Next year will see him return to Doncaster as part of his world tour for a very special homecoming and, with that mention, his face lights up with a grin on his face the size of South Yorkshire: “It’s going to be class, I can’t wait for Donny Dome. I don’t feel like my career has fully started until I do that first tour show, it’s all well and good writing songs, releasing songs, doing all the promo and everything that comes with it but the most important fucking thing is that you put on a good show. I started realising the longer that I’ve been in this that there’s a level of importance in these nights to people, especially the avid fanbase that I’m lucky enough to have. You can see from the reactions and look into people’s eyes and see what certain lyrics meant to them.” What struck me the most from the time I spent with the singer-songwriter was just how grounded he was, seemingly bereft of any level of arrogance and still just that same local lad from Doncaster who began this journey ten years ago. His working-class Yorkshire heritage, he told me, is what has made him the man he is today: “You’ve got to be fucking humble where we’re from you know what I mean? Because otherwise you get called out like ‘who the fuck do you think you are?’”. The greatest takeaway from our conversation is that Louis Tomlinson is still that music enthusiast that entered the music industry in 2010 who, despite all the success and fame, has managed to stay grounded. With surreal highs came earth-shattering lows—all of which has shaped him in one way or another. Instant success is no longer what he seeks with it now being about the long game for him, this change in attitude is a sign of maturity for Tomlinson who no longer losing sleep about pleasing streaming algorithms. Having been sitting at the mountain top of the music industry for almost a decade, it seems it is only now he is really getting started with a long-term plan of where he wants his solo-career to go. With a strong sense of support around him, his future and creative vision is firmly in his own hands. With an abundance of experience behind him and has renewed enthusiasm, Louis Tomlinson is finally ready to find his own direction. Walls is available on 31st January via Sony Music, for tickets to his world tour – visit here for tickets.

[excvlsior]

about: *leo fowler.

basics.

full name: leopold kristoff fowler meaning of name: leopold = ‘people’ & ‘bold’, kristoff = ‘bearing christ’ nickname: leo, tadpole by some family members age: 23 date of birth: november 12, 1996 hometown: tallahassee, florida nationality: american ethnicity: dutch gender: demiboy sexuality: pansexual spoken languages: dutch, english profession: in lovell he’s a part time student and works at fowler’s flowers, but just the latter in st. louis

appearance.

height: 6′2″ eye colour: blue hair colour: auburn??? i feel like that’s the version of if someone had strawberry blond hair bt . strawberry brown instead??? idk it’s reddy-brown voice: pretty deep, surprisingly smooth jst feel like he has the personality of someone with a rougher voice bt . alas...... obnoxiously thick southern accent tattoos: c’est la vie on his ribcage, kristoff on his hip, ‘x’ on the inside of his middle finger done in shitty stick and poke, ‘L’ done in stick and poke on the side of his wrist, heart with a knife through it on his chest, tattoo inside his lip that says ‘pussy master’* :pensive:, ‘ouch’ on the bottom of both soles of his feet*, a hand giving the middle finger on the back of his left calf, dolly parton’s signature on the top of his thigh from when he got it at one of her concerts, a smiley face on his ass* >_>, a melting popsicle on the back of his right bicep*, ghost face mask on his right shin; * = he did them on a dare LKHSDGKLHLSDG piercings: lobes, right cartilage, industrial bar in his left ear, nostril, had an eyebrow and lip piercing when he was younger clothing style: pretty dishevelled and purposely ill prepared outfits, sometimes u can catch him in just plaid and khakis but more often than not he’s in something weird, his prized possession is a leopard print shirt that has a heart in the center, steals clothes from his aunt and uncle when he has nothing clean/can’t bother finding anything, been seen in marj’s skirts and leggings bc of this, and then on the other hand he’ll wear like a lime green tank top with a monster baseball cap worn sideways his style is just carefree and eclectic

health.

physical ailments: n/a neurological conditions: bipolar i disorder allergies: n/a sleeping habits: pretty much only falls asleep between the hours of 3-5 am, doesn’t matter if he works the morning or afternoon shift....... if he doesn’t work at all he’ll just sleep until his body naturally wakes up which is also usually around 3-5 pm KLSDGLKHSDGLKHDG exercise habits: doesn’t exactly have one..... he’s a pretty active and energetic guy so he’s usually up and about doing whatever anyway, also rides his bike everywhere since marj and steve r usually out with the only car they have sociability: loves being around people but he’ll eventually grow cranky, doesn’t necessarily need to be alone but at least with a different group of people if he gets to this point, the only time he actively doesn’t really want to see people is when he’s having a depressive episode but those don’t last too long as is drink / smoke / drugs: yes / yes / yes

personality.

positive traits: adventurous, courageous, determined, funny, gregarious, independent, quick-witted, tough, versatile negative traits: belligerent, cantankerous, foolhardy, harsh, impulsive, parsimonious, sarcastic, tactless, unpredictable, vulgar goals/desires: lowkey he’d never admit it but he just kinda wants his parents’ approval in the end, and also maybe to find something better than supervisor at a flower store (no offence to marj and steve its just not his dream) fears: staying committed and missing out on different opportunities/people that could change his life, the fact that he probably can’t do any better than be a supervisor at a flower store tbh hobbies: drinking, drawing a bit tbh, thrifting, loves collecting random knick knacks and is personally loving buttons rn, harassing his friends<3, making stupid tiktoks that somehow have gotten him a kind of big following habits: swearing obnoxiously without caring, yells in dutch when he’s frustrated which he’s mostly picked up on cuz everyone else in his family does it, stares more than what is socially acceptable tbh, refuses to walk under ladders

favourites.

weather: sunny with some clouds colour: dark green music: likes a lot of 90s and early 2000s rap and rock, old school country like he loves dolly parton LKSDHGKLHSDGLK rly enjoys elvis presley too, some edm or anything that he can jst dance wildly to movies: old school slasher films, screams his fav movie series ever food: spaghetti bt specifically w marj’s Phenom homemade meat sauce<3 drink: grape juice, whiskey sour

relationships.

father: steven fowler is his uncle but currently his legal guardian, he’s a co-owner of fowler’s flowers and is kind of a mess but in like the fun way....... LKSHDGKLHSLDG he just spends a lot of the day in nothing but boxers and socks w their cat on his lap watching the weather report if he’s not working, has the weird energy of someone who would be running like a joke shop instead of being a florist. archibald fowler is leo’s biological dad but he sucks Big Time, giant business typhoon i hvnt . figured out 100% wht sort of business bt hes got Money bt doesnt even rly want anything to do w leo he jst sees him as a massive disappointment bc archie’s nothing but a loser fart of a square. mother: marjorie fowler’s his aunt and other legal guardian also the other co-owner of fowler’s flowers, literally the sweetest woman on the planet like she’s never done anything wrong in her life n u can take tht to the bank. she’s a bit weird n super spiritual, their house constantly smells like random herbs and rly intensely of flowers and plants bc she makes so many home remedies bt she’s an angel a fkin ANGEL!!!!! renata kline’s leo’s mom n she’s like . fine ig she was pretty negligent n her best friend is a bottle of wine....... she rly peaked at a young age when she was a pageant girl n she still coaches n stuff now bt she’s obvs rly sad so leo tries not to lose it on her too much even tho he thinks she’s annoying LKSHDGKLHSLDKGKLSDG siblings: augustus is his oldest brother and he’s pretty cool, probs the brother leo is closest with even tho he considers him boring bt it’s only bc he’s . actually responsible n wht not they had a lot of fun growing up together tho when leo visited new york. mikhael is the devil, he’s actually a bit of a cunt n both him n leo have expressed their hatred fr each other without missing a beat i think they actually dnt hv any love or affection fr the other in the slightest SKLDHGLKSDHG. vaughn n leo r closest in age he’s not tht much younger n he’s probs the shiest of them, pretty soft spoken n well meaning, him n leo dnt rly keep in contact too much anymore bt theres a special place in his heart fr vaughn he’s pretty protective even tho he bullies him a lot bt thts besides the point. willhelm’s the youngest n it kinda shows he’s pretty idgaf attitude n rly blunt bt he’s also funny n probs the biggest partier outside of leo so he gets a pass whenever he rolls his eyes in leo’s face. pets: mitzie’s an 8 year old tortoiseshell cat who lives primarily on ppls laps shes literally more lap dog than cat significant other: n/a family’s financial status: middle class

extra.

zodiac sign: scorpio<3 mbti: estp - the entrepeneur enneagram: the epicure temperament: sanguine hogwarts house: gryffindor moral alignment: chaotic neutral primary vice: pride primary virtue: dilligence element: fire

[theficpusher]

ping pong blues | G | 942 Harry and Niall are playing ping pong and Niall loses so Harry gets all snuggly trying to make him feel better

Your Serve by larrymylove | M | 4484 “Didn’t know you were that good, Lou,” Liam chuckled, wiping his brow, “Looks like I actually have some competition.” Louis grinned, blowing on his nails, “Who’s up next?” He asked, as if he hadn’t just handed Liam his arse. Harry bit his lower lip, still watching from his place on the plush burgundy leather sofa. Niall was beside him, flicking through some game on his phone. Louis smacked the paddle loudly against his hand and Harry felt something inside of him clench. His throat went dry, and his eyes pulled to where Louis was still smacking the damn paddle against his hand. He chewed on his bottom lip, watching the paddle smack, watching Louis look so casual and so coy. Harry shifted uncomfortably on the couch. Louis picked up on his movement, pointing the paddle right at him, “What about you, Haz? You up for a good spanking?” Or, the one where the boys take up playing ping-pong back stage, and the image of Louis with a paddle is making Harry's life difficult; even more so when he comes home to find Louis' bought a ping-pong table of their own.

a force to be reckoned with | nr | 4662 "Oh, yeah, Niall and I are dating," Louis had told them a few minutes later, in afterthought. "Yeah," Zayn had said. "I would hope so," Liam had replied. "You just kissed him," Harry had added. Louis deflected the ping-pong ball back at Zayn, developed a kind of faraway, dreamy sort of smile. "Yeah," he said, the smile grew. "I did." Niall and Louis are a couple and literally everything revolves around them.

Accidentally On My Way To Loving You by larrymylove | M | 5147 “So,” H said, “Who are you.” Louis froze. The fork nearly slipped from his hand. So this was it then. The jig was up. Louis would have to admit that he’d stumbled into the wrong party and that, after seeing H, hadn’t wanted to leave. Louis would be kicked out, never to see H again. And who could blame him. He sounded like a total creeper. If the roles had been reversed....Louis wouldn’t blame H for never wanting anything to do with him ever again. Louis arrives at the wrong party, and finds he never wants to leave.

Could you love me anyway by SadaVeniren | E | 13444 Dear Mistress Lorin: I’ve been reading your blog for a couple weeks now and was hoping you’d give me some advice for something that happened with me and my boyfriend. I’m really worried that I hurt him. aka Harry and Louis begin playing ping pong during the X-Factor Tour. It quickly gets out of hand.

You Have to Retreat to Advance by 2tiedships2 | nr | 18056 “What am I going to do, Perrie? I can’t go on this retreat by myself. My boss literally said he wants to meet my omega.” Harry paused. “Okay, not literally but he definitely expects me to be bringing him.” “Don’t people go on these things by themselves?” Perrie asked. Harry shrugged. “Of course but that’s not the point.” “What’s the point?” “My boss is expecting to meet my omega! I don’t have an omega!” “Is this a paying gig?” Perrie asked. “You mean paying an omega to spend the weekend with me? I’m sure the resort has nice amenities. Does that count?” “I take that as a no,” Perrie said with an eye roll. “It’s okay, Louis might be willing to do it for free.” “Who’s Louis?” Or the one where Harry is expected to bring his longterm omega to the company's mountain retreat. Since he hadn't told anyone that they'd broken up months ago, he now has to find someone willing to play the part.

Wine Not? by abrighteryellow, allwaswell16, catfishau, crinkle-eyed-boo, disgruntledkittenface, FallingLikeThis, FullOnLarrie, jaerie, Justalittlelouislove, kiwikero, LadyLondonderry, Layne Faire, lululawrence, momentofclarity, phdmama, QuickedWeen, Rearviewdreamer, red_special, SadaVeniren, someonethatsfunny, taggiecb | E | 20704 Louis’ Wine Dive is a bar run by the people for the people. Wine Styles is a boutique tasting room that caters to a more highbrow clientele. When their worlds clash on a beautiful Charleston street, one of these owners may find that an ounce of pretension doesn’t stand a chance against a pound of perseverance.

LOVE ME, PLEASE? by thewellrestedone | E | 44079 Harry Styles and Nick Grimshaw have an unexpected weekend alone in New York City. Harry seems to want to work things out between them, but Nick’s not convinced that’s such a good plan.

knocked me sideways by ferryboatpeak | nr | 59757 "You remember Harry, from the bar?” Tom’s eyebrows go up. “The kickball one.” he says. “Go on...” “He,” Jack scrubs at his beard with his knuckles. “He’s pregnant.” A gentrification au featuring the funkirk tech bros, the 1D kickball team, and incidental c.h.a.s.m.

[hlupdate]

It’s been a long and turbulent four-year road for Louis Tomlinson. Since his band, One Direction, announced their ‘indefinite hiatus’ in 2016, Tomlinson has struggled to find a professional path that suitably represents him as an artist. As he gears up to finally release his long-awaited debut album Walls this coming January, the singer-songwriter finally feels comfortable in his own skin, finding his own unique Britpop-inspired sound which has been spurred on by the resentment towards a diluting of his vision in a bid to find radio play in the States.

Tomlinson, it is safe to say, has finally found his feet and, with a new record label firmly behind him and a renewed energy propelling his every move, the 27-year-old is now a man on a mission with two fingers in the air and a point to prove.

His remarkable story really needs no introduction. Plucked from a crowd of hopefuls auditioning for the X-Factor in 2010, the then 18-year-old singer was placed alongside Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Harry Styles and Zayn Malik by Simon Cowell much to the joy of their growing social media fanbase. Just 12 months later their debut album, Up All Night, was released and propelled the group to international fame. In the six fast and furious years as a band One Direction tour relentlessly, released four hit records and became unfathomably rich in the process.

For Tomlinson, however, the immediate highs were quickly met by severe lows when it all came suddenly crashing down. The end of the band, the media relentlessly pursuing his private life, personal tragedy and more have followed. Now though, with a renewed vigour and clarity for his future, Tomlinson has picked himself up and is about to carve out his own niche of pop music.

I met Tomlinson in a back bar of a central London hotel as I self-consciously began to consider the possibility that I may be underdressed for the occasion. Thankfully though—and much to my relief—he arrived casually dressed in a brown quarter-zip jacket, jeans and Adidas trainers which arrived as a refreshing change in reference to the typical, modern-day pop star. Having travelled down to London from Yorkshire that day, with my editor’s words ringing in my ears, the somewhat opulent surroundings of our meeting lacked the relaxing edge I was hoping for.

It must be said that interviews with musicians of international fame can be tricky — especially when they have a new album to sell. With media training, PR managers typically watching over and a sense ill-trust with the media, it will come as little surprise that popstars can be standoffish in interviews. Despite my initial trepidation though, Tomlinson greeted me with immense warmth and immediately offered to get a couple of beers in from the bar—the first sign that our conversation would follow the laid-back pattern I was hoping for.

After we’d sat down and had a sip of lager, our Yorkshire accents clashing, my mind turned to his recent performance of his last single ‘We Made It’ on Children In Need. Tomlinson looked in his element, like he’d finally found his feet as a solo artist—something that hasn’t been an easy adjustment for him to make in the last few years. “Yeah, naturally I feel as any fucking solo star finds – the longer you’re in it, the more experienced you get, the more confident you get. I think it took me a second to work out who I am musically, to fully detach from One Direction and stuff but I feel like I’m there now so, naturally, I’m more confident in my songwriting ability, I’m more confident performing, singing and all of that, so it feels good.”

Following the split from the band, it did feel from the outside looking in that there was no clear direction where his solo career was going to take him. With collaborations with the likes of Steve Aoki and Bebe Rexha, both of which performed commercially well, there was a creative direction that left more questions than answers. Earlier this year, he took to social media to make a statement to claim that he was turning a page, that he was fed up with writing to a formula in a bid to chase radio play and instead he wanted to make music he loved.

That moment was the beginning of the second chapter in his solo career, which he expands on looking while back at that difficult time with more than a pinch of honesty as always, disclosing: “Yeah but I’m not going to lie, it’s still something that I’m fighting up against if I’m being honest. I mean, because there’s constant opinion around me and you know a lot of people do want to focus towards radio—which I do understand—but what bugs me is just how much it limited me — especially because what I grew up listening to on pop radio is very different to what’s on pop radio now and because I couldn’t see a place for myself. I thought that it wasn’t not going to be authentic because I’m going to be trying to sound like what’s on the radio. Today, in 2019 more than ever, people can spot bullshit. So yeah, I think since that moment I’ve always been conscious of that and as I say it is a constant battle, but I think I’m winning at the moment.”

The state of mainstream radio is something that Tomlinson is passionate about. As an artist who aims to make songs that are accessible to the masses without compromising integrity at the same time, Louis appears to be well versed on the shift in the popular musical landscape: “If I’m being honest, I didn’t actively search for stuff because it was on pop radio,” he said while discussing the change in approach to consuming music. “Especially a band like Catfish and The Bottlemen,” he adds after a moment of contemplation. “When I was growing up they would definitely, definitely, be on every radio and I think those bands are very important and now I have to actively search for them or listen to the right station.” He continues, “Also, I think it took me a second to come out and say what my influences are because I know what people expect from someone who has been in a boyband and stuff like that.”

With this lightbulb moment, Tomlinson wanted to detail more about the inner workings of his creative process, how collaborating with like-minding musicians helped free his thought process. “Once I’d had this epiphany and put this message on social media, at that point I’d done four songs that are still on the album. I think ‘Kill My Mind’ was actually a turning point, I wrote it with a guy called Jamie Hartman and the next session we had together we wrote ‘Walls’ which is the title track for the album and is going to be my next single. I think from that moment it unlocked something and we got some momentum so then the second half of the album was written relatively quickly but I think as I say it being transitional I’d have loved 10 ‘Kill My Mind’s’ but maybe the next record.”

‘Kill My Mind’ looks and sounds like the first step towards the definitive direction that the Yorkshireman is aiming for. It has a punchy Hot Fuss era Killers’ chorus and is more reminiscent of the type of music that Tomlinson himself loves. “That’s probably the proudest I’ve been of a song because that is genuinely a song that I fucking love listening to and that’s not necessarily always the case when you’re playing for radio all the time. It didn’t get the attention that I think it quite deserved but that’s the way it is.”

The shift towards the guitar-led music, which bucks the trend with current chart-toppers, is the path that the 27-year-old is determined to follow. A recent writing session with Australian indie giants DMA’s had popped up in our conversation and the beaming smile across Tomlinson’s face said it all: “I’ve hung out with those boys (DMA’s) actually, one night because we were in the same studio and I’ve written together with [them] before,” he said before clarifying that the drinks were flowing which resulted in an unfinished recording. When probed on whether this is something he’d like to re-visit at a later date, Tomlinson expanded with an eye firmly on the future: “The DMA’s session was a bit of an experiment, to be honest, when I look at my solo career I’m looking at it as a five, six or seven-year plan. I realise this from doing the DMA’s one, I would fucking love to do an album full of them but it’s a transition you know what I mean, I’ve got to understand the fan base and what they want. I don’t want anything to be so drastic so in my eyes, it’s a two, three even four-album progression before I get there and I also think to write those kinds of songs that I love I need to have more experience as a songwriter as well.”

For someone who has had such rich successes in their career to date, the singer-songwriter does seem to have struggled with his self-confidence since going solo—but this year seems to have changed that. One song that stands out is ‘Two of Us’, a track which was released earlier this year is a tribute to his late Mother who tragically passed in 2017. Tomlinson’s life was then struck by more devastation following his sister’s sudden death in March this year.

‘Two of Us’ clearly carries a heavy weight of emotion. Created from the inner workings of Tomlinson’s grief, the song is by a distance the most personal release in his entire career to date. Despite that, the track manages to find the universal within the personal as it’s lyrics resonate for anyone who has ever lost anybody close to them—myself included. While our conversation remained on this topic I was keen to know whether these heart-breaking events had impacted his professional epiphany, whether the personal grief had allowed him to stop worrying about the chart and instead focusing more on enjoying the ride: “When I wrote ‘Two Of Us’ that was something I never really had with music before where I like to think every lyric has meant something. There was a different emotional weight with that song and just hearing people’s stories about what it meant to them and how they related to it, that was amazing for me.”

“If I’m being honest what made me have my epiphany was me spitting my fucking dummy out because I was sick of being put in writing sessions which I couldn’t relate to, or people trying to pull me in a certain way to work on American radio. I could probably have commercial success like that, but I’ve got the luxury of having had that already with One Direction and I thought ‘what does success mean to me?’ I just thought I’ve got to follow my fucking heart and if I can win like that it’s like a double win you know what I mean.”

One Direction’s immediate success was unprecedented for a British boyband. Together they conquered the world with their debut Up All Night going straight to number one in the States and shifting more than 4.5million copies globally. Just one to this moment, Tomlinson was an 18-year-old living for the weekend in Doncaster—but he was determined not to let his newfound fame change him: “Yeah I was always pretty resistant to it [fame] to be honest, I always say that when I got famous, when I first got put in band, that I was having the best year of my life. So, it was a lot to deal with to leave my favourite year behind and to be doing something else where you’re working really hard.

The personal and professional problems that have occurred in recent years appears to have given Tomlinson a remarkable sense of life experience. Despite still being so young, despite having lived a whirlwind life, he still has the ability to self reflect on with a grounded honesty. “Being from Donny you don’t expect to get that kind of opportunity and I then got put into the band and then had to deal with everything on the job. Honestly, it was a fucking incredible time in my life that shaped me as an artist and shaped me as a person, I saw some amazing things but it is also nice now to have a little bit more free time because we were so fucking busy and also you know stand on my own two feet and say this is who I am.”

“As far as what’s on my checklist of a credible artist you know they have to write their own tunes, that was always important to me and I did a lot of writing in the band which I think gave me the incredible experience to write now. It was like a crash course, there were so many sessions and I think it’s put me in good stead, but I feel like I’m always getting better as a writer man I feel like with every song I learn a little bit more.”

Although, it’s clear from speaking with Tomlinson that he looks back on those years he spent with the band with all the fondness in the world. Yet the media attention that came with all the success was something that got the better of him at times. “That was hard and I’ve often envied artists from an era where smartphones weren’t around. There were definitely some days where it got the better of me. I suppose you’ve got to be selective on where you go and I learned the hard way from a few different people that you can’t trust. Some people want something out of you and it took me a second to understand, but again I think that helps me have a thicker skin in the real world outside of my job. There are times when I’ve gone through difficult things in my life and I’ve thought certain people haven’t been amazing but it’s part of it, fuck it.”

As our conversation then meandered toward the split of the band and what life was like for Tomlinson after exiting the world of One Direction— which was all that he had known for the entirety of his adult life up until that point. A sense of honest emotion entered his voice, a moment that seemingly suggested that this permanent change was something that was taken from his own control: “It was good to be back doing normal things but I wasn’t ready for the band to go on a break and it came as a shock for me,” Tomlinson exclusively told Far Out Magazine. “It definitely wasn’t my choice but I understand why the decision was made and there’s a good argument for that. I’m enjoying expressing myself now but it rocked me for a time and for a bit and I didn’t know what I was going to do,” he said, vehemently.

From the tone in his voice, it is obvious that the subject is still a relatively raw one for Tomlinson who initially struggled to find the right sound for him following the split of the band—a factor stemmed from his initial reluctance to move solo. From the gravitas of the moment to the importance of his first steps back into music, it was clear that Tomlinson wasn’t ready to be going out on his own so soon after the band’s breakup—a learning curve which other members of the group seemed to overcome in different ways.

The break was initially thought to be just that ‘a break’, but nearly four years after the announcement there are still no signs that the group is entertaining ideas of reuniting anytime soon. With Louis Tomlinson set to release his debut album in January, Liam Payne’s debut LP1 out next month, Harry Styles’ second offering, Fine Line, being made available on December 13th and Niall Horan working on the follow-up to his 2017 Flicker, the One Direction members are firmly in solo mode.

Tomlinson acknowledges that during the final One Direction tour he began to accept that the break was inevitable, admitting: “It had kind of been brewing and we knew the conversation might be coming around but it was just one of those things. It was always going to happen, we were always going to take a break, but I think there are always people who are going to take things better than others.”

Looking on the bright side, however, since the break he has been allowed to live a bit more of a quieter life. From speaking with Tomlinson I get the sense that he’s in this because he loves the music, appreciates the love he gets from fans and loves playing live. However, the celebrity lifestyle that comes with it isn’t why he’s in this game. “I think I can definitely have a bit more of a balance now, there are obviously times when I’m releasing songs or releasing album when it’s really ramped up and I don’t get to see my boy, Freddie, as much as I’d definitely like to. It’s hard but definitely easier in those off times to have the balance because otherwise when you’re so busy it’s impossible to literally fit everybody into your life. It’s definitely nicer having more time to do normal fucking things,” he adds with an almost sigh of relief.

Tomlinson’s solo career, which has found its feet with emphatic effect and is currently flying high with a sold-out world tour and highly anticipated debut on the horizon, was something that the singer himself had never initially envisioned. With Tomlinson originally wanting to take a back seat in the music industry following the end of the band, he revealed exclusively to Far Out: “I’m not going to lie it hit me hard but it definitely inspired me to get on with my own solo career because it wasn’t something I was always going to do. I was just going to write songs and just hopefully send them to other people and stuff like that, but everything happens for a reason, so they say anyway.”

As the careers of all five members of the band have all taken off, with each turning into different avenues sonically, our conversation then turned to the competitive nature between the band since they went their separate ways. Typically, the avid Doncaster Rovers fan opting to use a hugely specific football analogy to describe the relationship with his former bandmates: “I could be wrong but I think we’ve all got that in us, there’s a competitive side to everyone. I can only speak from personal experience, and as time goes on you understand the differences. It’s not all that relevant but I liken to the feeling at first was that you’ve all been at Barcelona’s youth academy, so we’ll call One Direction ‘Barcelona’ and then we’ve all been put off at different clubs and that takes a second to understand and compute but we’re all still lucky to be able to do it as solo artists.”

Having time off to relax over the last few years for the first time since stepping foot for his X-Factor audition all those years ago, Tomlinson seems to have returned with a renewed love for music and everything that comes with it. For a while, it appears the music was falling second in line to all the hysteria that surrounded his fame—a situation that has been duly rectified.

Next year will see him return to Doncaster as part of his world tour for a very special homecoming and, with that mention, his face lights up with a grin on his face the size of South Yorkshire: “It’s going to be class, I can’t wait for Donny Dome. I don’t feel like my career has fully started until I do that first tour show, it’s all well and good writing songs, releasing songs, doing all the promo and everything that comes with it but the most important fucking thing is that you put on a good show. I started realising the longer that I’ve been in this that there’s a level of importance in these nights to people, especially the avid fanbase that I’m lucky enough to have. You can see from the reactions and look into people’s eyes and see what certain lyrics meant to them.”

What struck me the most from the time I spent with the singer-songwriter was just how grounded he was, seemingly bereft of any level of arrogance and still just that same local lad from Doncaster who began this journey ten years ago. His working-class Yorkshire heritage, he told me, is what has made him the man he is today: “You’ve got to be fucking humble where we’re from you know what I mean? Because otherwise you get called out like ‘who the fuck do you think you are?’”.

The greatest takeaway from our conversation is that Louis Tomlinson is still that music enthusiast that entered the music industry in 2010 who, despite all the success and fame, has managed to stay grounded. With surreal highs came earth-shattering lows—all of which has shaped him in one way or another. Instant success is no longer what he seeks with it now being about the long game for him, this change in attitude is a sign of maturity for Tomlinson who no longer losing sleep about pleasing streaming algorithms.

Having been sitting at the mountain top of the music industry for almost a decade, it seems it is only now he is really getting started with a long-term plan of where he wants his solo-career to go. With a strong sense of support around him, his future and creative vision is firmly in his own hands. With an abundance of experience behind him and has renewed enthusiasm, Louis Tomlinson is finally ready to find his own direction.

[anythingandeverything1d]

Just Friends

“Hey love, how’s it going?” Louis settled himself on the couch next to you with a smile.

You grinned, settling your feet on top of his. “Not too bad, just been crazy busy with work. How have you been? How’s El?”

“She’s good yeah, just been enjoying all this extra time we’ve had. We’ve been going on a lot of walks with the dogs so ya know can’t complain too much.”

“Fitting right into that quarantine life style are ya?” you teased, knocking one of his feet off the table. 

He laughed and nodded, moving your feet off his with a swift movement of his legs. “Yeah, yeah, just smashing it really. How are things with you and the crush?” He wiggled his eyebrows and laughed some more, color flooding your cheeks at the thought.

“I mean....he’s with someone else so...”

“Please. If you told him how you felt, he would definitely choose you. You’re better than what’s her face anyway.”

You smiled and nodded, “Thanks Lou, I wish it were that easy.”

“It can be if you want it to be. Just gotta fess up and talk to him now don’t ya?”

“I guess...” You looked at your buzzing phone, smiling at the name. “Speaking go the devil...” You looked up at Louis who was laughing at the irony. “Hey Harry, what’s up?”

“Hey, what are you up to?” His voice was mumbled and distracted but you were just happy he had called.

“Not much, Louis is over here hanging. What are you doing? Do you want to join?” You shook your head, trying not to laugh at the suggestions Louis was mouthing for the conversation.

“Actually, I was wondering if you could do me a favor...I need a ride to Camille’s. The paps were all over my car today when I got home so I was hoping to try and throw them off.”

“Oh.” Your heart dropped and Louis frowned, noticing the shift in mood. “Yeah, yeah I can drive you...when did you want to leave?”

“Sooner the better. Can you pick me up in say 10 minutes?”

“Yeah. I’ll be there soon. Bye.” You hung up and sighed, looking at Louis who was trying to decide what to say.

“Tell him how you feel...”

“On the way to his girlfriend’s house? Yeah right.” You stood up and watched Louis pull out a lighter and a pack of cigarettes. “Excuse me? Not in the house. Get out, go on...” You ushered Louis through the door so you could grab your keys. “I’ll only be a bit if you want to stay and hang.”

“No, no that’s okay. I have dinner plans with El tonight so I better get home and clean up. Let me know if you finally decide to tell him how you really feel.”

“Whatever.” You called watching him climb in his car.

“I love you.” “Yeah, yeah, I love you too.” You laughed as Louis flicked you off and hoped in the car to drive to Harry’s.

--

Harry was waiting down the block from his apartment and you slowed along the curb letting him climb in. “Hey you.” Harry grinned, his cologne filling the car with a relaxing scent and the dimple on his cheek appearing. 

“Hi.” You don’t know why you felt nervous, but you did. Maybe Louis’ words had left you with the anxious feeling that you needed to tell him.

“Thanks again for doing this. I really appreciate it. You know how ruthless the paparazzi can be.”

“No problem.” You smiled and tried to cover up the nerves but then again, Harry was too busy texting to really notice anything different.

“You have her address right?”

“Yeah...it’s a few blocks down on the left right?”

“Right. I’m surprising her, she thinks I’m still out of town.”

“Oh...that will be nice.” He looked over a little worried but you quickly added, “I’m sure she will be super excited to see you.”

“I hope.” You pulled up next to her house and he climbed out. “Thanks for the ride (y/n)...you’re the best.”

“No problem....do you need a ride home later?” 

“No. I’ll stay with her or she will drive me but thanks again. Love you.”

“Love you too...” you sighed as he closed the door before you could finish. You were a little disappointed...maybe Louis had been right. Maybe you should have confessed. You shook your head, ignoring the feeling of despair sinking lower into your system and drove home. 

--

It had been a few hours and you had settled your feelings with a massive bowl of ice cream and some binge watching of the Office. You had nearly forgotten about the whole Harry incident and wishing you had told him how you felt, distracted by the comedy on the screen in front of you. Your phone buzzed and you laughed at Louis *Loser* text. He knew you hadn’t confronted Harry. You sent back a middle finger emoji and clicked through some of the notifications. Your phone ringing caused you to jump and quickly answered when you saw his name. “Hey H, everything okay?”

“No. I need you to come get me. Please? Like now.” His voice was panicked, and desperate, causing your heart to speed up as if something was wrong.

“Yeah, of course. Is everything okay?” You were already up and on your feet moving towards the car.

“No. Just get here. Fast.”

“I’m on my way.” You hung up and jumped in, flooring it as fast as possible to Camille’s house and thinking about everything that could’ve happened. Was he hurt? Was she hurt? Did he get sick? Is he in pain? Should I call an ambulance or the police? Harry was sitting outside, looking behind him as if someone was following. He jumped in the car, tears trailing down his cheeks. “H...what’s wrong?”

“She’s been cheating on me. I walked in for the surprise and there she was in bed with another guy... She didn’t even try to explain it, just said sorry. Like who does that?”

“I’m sorry...” You bit your lip and tried to think of ways to cheer him up, but nothing logical came to mind other than being supportive and talking through things as always. “Do you want me to take you home?”

“No. No...I don’t want to be alone. Can I just come back with you?” Your heart skipped a beat. Even though he was upset, and clearly just now getting over his girlfriend, you were excited that he relied enough on you to come with you.

You nodded, driving home and glancing over at him. “You know she’s not the one if she caused you pain like this, right Harry?”

“Yeah I know.” He seemed less upset and more thoughtful the closer you got to home. When you pulled in the driveway and turned the car off he turned to you, ready to say something but you were already climbing out. “(y/n).” He hustled around the car and over to you and froze a foot away. 

“Yeah?” you stopped, turning to meet him for the question but instead he rushed forward, pulling your body to his, his lips grabbed onto yours and his hands cupping your cheeks. You stood frozen and confused at first, but soon let the feelings take over, responding to the kiss with the enthusiasm that he had as well. You kissed him like you wouldn’t get the chance to again, your hands wrinkling the neatly pressed shirt on his chest.

He briefly pulled away and grinned. Your mouth fell open and you suddenly felt anger ripple through your body. “What the hell was that? You find out your girlfriend is cheating so you just aim for a rebound? Well guess what Harry, I don’t fucking want to be your rebound.” You pushed him farther away and marched toward the door.

“No. Wait. (y/n).” He ran after you, grabbing your elbow and spinning you around to face him. “That wasn’t me looking for a rebound....That was me finally acting on the feelings I’ve been feeling for months.”

“What?” You pulled your arm from his grasp and held both arms close to your chest, trying to understand everything going on.

Harry laughed and ran his fingers through his hair. “(y/n) I’ve been in love with you for months.”

You shook you’re head and scooted farther back, “no...”

Harry was frustrated and upset. He hadn’t seen this going so poorly in his head. “I have...ever since that day when you came to visit on tour. The day I saw you with Noah.” Noah was your ex. You and him had gone to one of Harry’s concerts together, only breaking up shortly after you returned home because he thought you were into Harry more than him...which had been true. “When I saw you with him....him kissing you....dancing with you....making you laugh...I knew I wanted to be that guy. The guy who got to love you unconditionally... I met Camille the following day and knew that if you were with Noah...and if you loved him...I wouldn’t get in the middle. So I started dating Camille. And yeah she was great, I mean she cheated on me but it’s whatever because I knew she was never the one. You are. I really believe that.” He took a step toward you and ran a finger down your cheek. 

“Harry....” you sighed, leaning into his hand that was now cupping your cheek. While part of you was enthused about his declaration, another part was confused. “You just got hurt...you just got cheated on...”

“I know but that’s what I’m trying to tell you. I don’t care. You’re the one I want, have wanted...You’re the one who’s always there for me...who”

“That’s the problem though. Don’t you see?” You took another step away and looked at the ground. “When you called me tonight, you were more than upset, I could hear it in your voice. You loved Camille. And while you may love me-”

“I do. I love you.”

“You also need time to heal...I can’t fully trust that you love me...when you were just that upset about losing your girlfriend.”

“(y/n)...” He reached out for you but you shook your head.

“No.” You pulled away again. “I don’t want to be the person you settle for because your girlfriend cheated on you. I know you don’t think that’s what you’re doing but that’s what it feels like. I mean you walked in on your girlfriend cheating and your immediate response was to kiss me...”

“I’m not here to use you. I don’t want you as a rebound...I want you as everything...as my girlfriend...my support system...”

“I’ll always support you....but I also feel like maybe we should just stay where we are.”

“What do you mean? Don’t you have feelings for me? Isn’t there some part of you that wants-”

“Of course!” You yelled. You were frustrated he wasn’t listening. “Harry I’ve been in love with you for months....but I don’t want to be a backup...I want to be the one you actually want...not the one that you go to because your girlfriend picked someone else.”

“That’s not-”

“I know.” You looked into his green eyes and wiped the tear falling down his cheek. “But that’s what it feels like right now...we both need time...time to figure out our feelings when our heads are clear and clustered with all these feelings and emotions...”

“But-”

You shook your head and sighed. “I think...right now...what we need is to just be friends. Just like before. We can see what happens when you’re not upset and tired...”

“Just friends?”

“Just friends.”

[retro-scorpio]

I Was Once Part Of A Cult

I just want to clear a couple things up before I continue: one, this cult was not religious in nature; and two, this cult is not based around a MLM. 

So, before the spring of 2018, I was a relatively normal shy girl who was focused on academics and developed a crush on Harry Styles the summer of 2014. The end of the story should have been that I’ve crushed on Harry ever since and never judged myself or anyone else for how they displayed their feelings for the man, but sadly that wasn’t the case.

Until I was 18, the only form of social media I had was something that’s basically dead now: Google+. How I got that account is a story for another day, but what’s relevant to this story is that Google+ was my first fan account of Harry Styles/One Direction, and hence was my first exposure to FreddieIsMyQueen and Larry Stylinson.

According to Wikipedia, the definition of a cult is “a social group that is defined by its unusual religious, spiritual, or philosophical beliefs, or by its common interest in a particular personality, object or goal”. I want to focus on the second part of this definition, although some might compare FreddieIsMyQueen to a religious figure of sorts by the amount of “worship” she’s received from others.

FreddieIsMyQueen first hit the scene with her YouTube videos that took clips from different One Direction moments revolving around Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson and made assumptions about the nature of their relationship and their individual sexualities. In other words, she invented the idea of Larry Stylinson.

Now, I’m not talking about enjoying the friendship of two different members of One Direction and casually “shipping” them. Niall Horan and Harry Styles (Narry) and Louis Tomlinson and Liam Payne (Lilo) are two examples of these type of ships that are for the most part harmless fun. FreddieIsMyQueen, however, saw the relationship that Louis and Harry had and went, “these boys aren’t just friends; no, they’re in a romantic relationship, and it’s my duty to expose it.”

Side note: if you believe two people are in a romantic relationship (even if they’re just really good friends), and they haven’t said or confirmed anything, DON’T MAKE VIDEOS “EXPOSING” THEIR RELATIONSHIP! If they were in a romantic relationship and wanting to keep things secret, then congratulations; you just took away their privacy, and they may never want to talk to you or each other ever again. If they weren’t, then you just wind up looking like an idiot, especially if you do it multiple times.

So, to summarize, FreddieIsMyQueen used YouTube to create a cult that centers around the idea that Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson are in a secret relationship because their management/contract made them hide in the closet, and the goal of this cult is simple: get the two men out of this oppressive environment so that they can show the public that they are romantic partners. The name of the cult? For the purposes of this post, I’ll be calling it Larryland, and the followers of said cult are called Larries. 

Obviously, to the average person, the whole thing sounds absurd, but cults aren’t based on the realities you or I live in. They’re on their own plane of existence that’s loosely tied to the rules of this universe.

What does this have to do with little ole me? Like I said, I was first exposed to Larryland on Google+. Around the same time, I was hanging around a couple of Larries at my high school during my lunch break. Before this point, I just really, REALLY liked Harry and thought that I would have a chance to be with him someday. I know, kinda silly, but I was 14/15 with my first celebrity crush, and my hormones were doing things. Anyway, originally I just kinda dismissed Larryland. I think it might have partially been due to the fact that I was writing a story with a friend named Erin on Google+ who also had a crush on Harry, and we wrote our story based on the fact that Zayn was with Perrie, Liam was with Sophia, and Louis was with Eleanor. Other than that, though, I don’t remember a single definitive moment where I reached the conclusion that Louis and Harry were just friends; it just sort of happened, I guess.

Now, the first cracks began forming when I listened to the Larries at my school a little too long. There was one day during lunch where I was weirdly rambling about Larry Stylinson, and it feels like a fever dream fueled by drugs now that I look back on it, but I was not under the influence of anything at the time, so I have no idea what I was thinking. Then, I started watching a couple of FreddieIsMyQueen’s videos about Larry Stylinson (I think they would be considered the induction videos), and you could say things started going downhill from there. It was gradual, but my belief shifted a bit from “Harry and Louis are just friends and will always be friends” to “Harry and Louis might have been in a romantic relationship when One Direction was first forming, but then Louis found Eleanor and they’ve been happily together ever since”. If my experience is like a movie, this would be the point where you would be yelling at the TV because you know that the character on screen is acting stupid as hell.

Instagram changed everything. At this point, I had been 18 years old for a few months and moved from Facebook to Instagram for the sole purposes of trying to talk to a really cute boy. One day, I was just minding my own business on Instagram when I came across a post by a user called haroldslemons on the explore page. Now, haroldslemons was a Larrie, and her post was (obviously) based around Larry Stylinson. We talked for a bit in her comments section, and we kept things civil because I have a tendency to want to know both sides of a story before I jump to any conclusions. Sometimes, this is a strength of mine, but in this case, it was a weakness. We moved from the comments section to the DMs, and over the course of a few days, I had went from someone who was simply wanting to understand why haroldslemons was thinking the way she does to thinking just like her. Ladies, gentlemen, and nonbinary folks, I had become a Larrie. I was suckered into Larryland.

The events of the interaction that had led to this moment happened in May of 2018, and I never questioned anything about Larryland until that September. That’s four months, and while that’s a relatively short time compared to other Larries in Larryland, that’s still four months that I’ll never get back. I went to Harry’s concert in Indianapolis while I was in Larryland. I followed the biggest Larrie accounts on Instagram and even created my own based around the fictional life of Mr. Smiley, which was just a smiley face taken from a picture I took of a bowling alley plastered on different pictures of Harry. It may have only been four months, but I was deep in Larryland for those four months.

If it weren’t for the Instagram Larries dragging a Twitter Harrie calling Louis Tomlinson thick (thick as in dumb, not thick as in fat: this Twitter Harrie was British), I would probably still be a Larrie today. You see, my tendency to want to know both sides of the story led me to creating a Twitter account for the sole purpose of confronting this Twitter Harrie. Today, she’s known as styles_sublime, and she is now one of my best internet friends. Back then, she was under a different account that has since been suspended indefinitely.

Anyway, she originally dismissed me because she thought I was just like all the other Larries, wanting to come after her. She would have blocked me if it weren’t for my decent written grammar and the fact that I was thinking quick on my feet and trying to get her on my good side. These things must have charmed her enough to keep talking to me, and we slowly became online friends. 

Now, the fact that we were friendly with each other didn’t mean that I suddenly was no longer a Larrie. Remember how I mentioned that I was in Larryland for four months? Well, it took just as long (if not longer) for me to leave Larryland for good, and it took just about a full year since my first interaction with styles_sublime for me to: a, acknowledge that I had any sexual interest towards Harry; and b, accept and embrace those emotions.

So, that’s the story about how I was once in a cult.

[chuffyfan87]

Growing Pains. Part 22a

Cowritten with @disastrousintention. Trigger warnings for discussion of illegal drug use.

-x-

The entire house was asleep, or at least that’s what Louis thought. He crept out of his bedroom, a pile of books in his hands and quietly walked along the hall. Reaching the stairs, he made a mental note of which floor board squeaked and climbed down them. He didn’t want to wake the house up, he’d be too embarrassed if anyone found out what he was doing. He cursed quietly when he ended up standing on the squeaky floorboard and found himself dashing down the stairs.

Lottie rolled over sleepily. "Did you hear a noise?" She mumbled to Tilly.

Tilly nodded, “Probably Em.” She mumbled back.

Louis reached the bottom step and listened out for any noise. Satisfied he hadn’t disturbed anyone, Louis wandered into the kitchen. As he reached the doorway, he dropped a book that hit the floor and echoed around the house.

"For someone so tiny she's so noisy!" Lottie grumbled, pulling her pillow over her head.

Tilly sat up, “Lottie? What if we’re getting burgled?”

"Someone else can deal with it." Lottie shrugged.

“Shall we call mum?”

"She's just finished a run of eighteen hour shifts - she won't thank you..!"

“Dad then?”

"I thought he was working..?" Lottie yawned.

“Shit! I’m getting mum! I’m scared!” Tilly got out of bed and quietly moved to the door.

"Wussbag!" Lottie teased.

“Shut up!” Tilly frowned and went out of her bedroom. As she reached the door of her parents room, she heard another thud from downstairs and pushed open the door. “Mum?”

"Mmm?" Duffy yawned.

“I can hear noises downstairs and I’m scared.”

"What?!" That got Duffy's attention.

“Noises downstairs. Like banging.”

"OK. You go back to bed and I'll go take a look. It's probably nothing."

“I’ll come with you?” Tilly swallowed nervously.

"There's no need." Duffy reassured her daughter as she reached for her dressing gown.

Tilly nodded and kissed her mum’s cheek before going back to her room.

Duffy crept down the stairs slowly. The light was on in the kitchen so she grabbed a shoe which she held aloft as she burst into the kitchen.

Louis jumped off his chair, “Bloody hell!!”

Duffy let out a startled squeal, not expecting to find her stepson in the kitchen.

They both just stared at each other for a minute before Louis moved to try and hide the things on the table. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

"You didn't, Tilly did." Duffy attempted to get her heart to stop hammering.

“Sorry.” He smiled sadly, “I know you’ve been working eighteen hour shifts so I didn’t want to disturb you.” He managed to close the notebook.

"She thought we were being burgled." Duffy smiled. "What are you doing?"

“Oh... Erm, nothing.” He looked down at the floor, his cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

Duffy stooped to pick up a book that still lay on the floor. "Looks like you dropped part of your nothing..." She remarked, handing it back to him.

He looked up and took the book. “You won’t laugh if I tell you, will you?”

"Of course not."

“I’ve been studying for my exams.”

"Why would I laugh at that? That's a good thing."

“Because I know people don’t think I can do it.” He admitted sadly, “But I want to go to college.”

"And you will."

He smiled. “Sorry about waking you up. I find it easier to study down here.”

"That's OK. I'll leave you to it."

“Goodnight Duffy, love you, sorry once again for waking you.”

She squeezed his shoulder and placed a soft kiss on his hair. "Don't stay up too late. You've got lessons tomorrow."

“I won’t, I promise.”

She bid him goodnight before heading back to bed, stopping on the way to reassure Tilly that they weren't in fact being burgled.

“Who was it?” Tilly asked as she lay on her side in bed facing the door. “I can sleep now, mama?”

"It was just your brother getting a drink. He dropped a cup." Duffy explained. "Yes, you've got school in the morning missy!"

“Love you mama.”

"Love you too."

It didn’t take Tilly long to fall back to sleep. As promised, Louis spent an hour downstairs studying before going to bed.

The next morning Duffy pulled Louis aside once the other children were at school.

He was just getting ready to go out. He was still anxious about taking trips on his own in case he bumped into his old friends and wasn’t strong enough to resist the temptation. “Yes Duffy?” He asked.

"After last night I was wondering if you'd like me and your dad to look into increasing your lesson contact hours?"

He nodded enthusiastically. “You and dad would do that for me?”

"Of course. You've shown that you're taking it seriously and committing to it."

“I’d really love that, thank you.” Then he paused, “That would mean more time at school though, right?”

"It would. But it would be like now - you'd still be with the teacher one to one."

He nodded, “Ok.”

"You're worried about spending more time at school?"

He nodded, “A little bit.”

"Is there a particular reason for that?" She asked gently.

“I worry I might be tempted.”

"Would it help if me or your dad drove you to school and picked you up after?"

He shook his head. “I need to face it. I can’t avoid it for the rest of my life.

"If you're sure..?"

Louis nodded. “I don’t want to ever use drugs again. But it isn’t always easy to avoid temptation.”

"It'll always be there but you have us to help you."

“I’m grateful for that.” He smiled.

"Its what families are for." Duffy smiled.

He smiled. “How are things with you?”

"I'm ok." Duffy smiled.

“Good.”

"Did you want a packed lunch or would you rather eat in the school canteen?"

“I’ll eat in the canteen today, if that’s ok?”

"Saves me a job." She smiled.

Louis opened his bag to stick in his textbooks, a comfortable silence between him and Duffy.

Duffy finished clearing up from breakfast. "What lessons do you have today?"

“Double English and Maths and Biology and IT.”

"Sounds like a busy day."

“Yeah it is.” He smiled.

"How do you feel you're getting on with it all?"

“Some of it is ok, some of it I’m finding difficult.” He admitted.

"Which subjects?"

“Physics I’m finding difficult and sometimes English.”

"It might be worth chatting to Peter about physics." She mused.

“Peter’s good at physics?”

"I know he's good at chemistry and I'm pretty sure he's good at physics too."

“I’ll ask him. Thank you.”

"That's OK. We may need to look into a tutor to help with the English."

“It’s not always but sometimes I find it difficult to follow what’s going on.” He sighed, “I think that’s me though.”

"I would suggest you could work with Emily's tutor but I'm not sure how she'd feel about that."

“Would it be OK if I asked Em?”

"I have no issue with you asking her."

“I will after school. If she says no, that’s fine. I’m sure I’ll manage.”

"OK."

“Thank you for the idea though.” He kissed her cheek before zipping up his bag. “I suppose I better get a move on.”

"Yes, don't want you being late!" She smiled.

“No, it wouldn’t look good.”

"Both me and your Dad are so proud of how much progress you've made these last couple of months." She smiled.

Louis blushed, “I’m really trying.”

"You are and that's wonderful." She smiled. "Now off to school with you!" She chuckled.

He smiled, “Yes Duffy.”

Duffy smiled as she watched Louis head out the house. She was thrilled that he seemed to be making such good progress.

Louis was desperately trying to be better. He was still awaiting an appointment with the mental health team. He hoped it would come soon because every now and then, he’d get some really horrible thoughts.

Arriving at school he was greeted by his English teacher.

“Hi,” He smiled.

"Good morning Louis. Did you manage to read the pages of the text that I asked you to?"

“Yes Miss, I did. I quite enjoyed the text.”

"That's good. We're going to work through some exam style questions on that section of the text today."

“I’ve been practising.”

"That's good. As you know you'll be given an option of three questions in the exam." She passed him a previous exam paper.

He took the exam paper and opened it up.

"Pick which question you want to attempt and then we'll discuss it."

Louis listened to the teacher’s instructions and began to read the question. He circled key words to help him.

He looked up briefly as his teacher sat down at her desk. She smiled before starting to work through marking some homework from one of her classes in the lower years.

Louis looked down at his paper and re-read the question: “What is the importance of Cathy in the play DNA and how does Kelly present her.” He smiled, he loved that play! He began to write his answer.

By the time his teacher told him it was time to stop he'd written two sides of A4.

He placed his pen down. He felt oddly positive about the experience! It wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be.

"You're smiling." His teacher remarked.

“I am?” He blushed.

"Yes. I'm presuming you were happy with that exam question?"

“It wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be.”

"That's good. Exams shouldn't be scary."

“I’d really like to go to college Miss, so I know I need to pass my exams.”

"Well you're making good progress towards that goal." She picked up his paper. "Let's have a look through your answer now shall we?"

[looselucy]

Fight or Flight

February 20th “Imagine the punch-bag is Sam’s face and hit harder, Fee.” “Harry, I’m tired. How about-” “If you even suggest a nap, I’ll have to kill you.” “Naps and cuddles.”

“Tempting, but I’m trying to be a decent teacher here. I imagine in the history of teaching, not once has it been well received when a tutor had a nap and cuddled with a student.” “Must you always be so sensible?” “Must you always suggest naps?” “Yes.” I loved our one on one sessions, but sometimes I really wished he would take my nap suggestions seriously. He worked me to the bone, and as brilliant and beneficial as that was, sometimes a nap felt essential. I hugged the bag for support, sticking my bottom lip out, sulking. Grinning, he leaned inwards, kissed me briefly, then distanced again. “C’mon.” He encouraged. “You’ve got this, boss.” “That doesn’t boost me, it just turns me on.” “Boss?” “Mm.” “But you are the boss.” He smirked. “The girls will be here any minute. Don’t fucking tempt me, Styles.” “A few more hits, and I’ll reward you.” His suggestive tone was enough all by itself to make me stand back in the correct position to hit the bag successfully, spying the way he was biting his lip from the corner of my eye, watching me finally do as I’d been told just because I knew I had something to gain from it. I did as much as I could, which felt like a good few minutes worth when it really must have been seconds before giving up entirely, turning to face him and letting my neck loosen, falling back so I was facing the ceiling. “Please tell me that’s enough.” I groaned. His grin was unspeakably wide as he closed the gap between us, immediately grabbing the back of my neck to prop my head up and push his lips to mine, tongue entering my mouth even though he was still grinning madly. He backed me across the room until my back hit the wall, the kiss deepening as he pushed his body against mine. “Harry-” “It’s locked.” He read my mind, gasping against my lips as he buried his hand into the front on my leggings, sliding the tips of his fingers over my clit before one finger pushed into me, tongue stroking mine. I cursed against his lips, my posture slackening, glad that his body was pushed so ferociously against mine, otherwise I may have ended up on the floor. He made me weak with atrocious ease. We had been experiencing that sort of bliss for over a month. We had been serious and we had been growing and learning and acting like a real couple since the middle of January, and the more I thought about it and saw how well we were doing, the more acknowledging our romance around of friends was starting to appeal to me. All I knew for sure was that they loved me and they loved Harry, so why wouldn’t they love the two of us being together? I had savoured the secrecy and how that had allowed us the time to mess up and fall out and make sense of the sublime bond we so clearly shared, but I had been feeling so beautifully settled with him that I was slowly starting to lean towards the idea of everyone knowing. I was holding myself back for his sake. I didn’t want to mention it to him too soon because I knew full well that he wouldn’t be ready for that. Harry moved slowly in all he did, and I had to accept that pace, accept how unfamiliar all of this was to him and the fact that he could still scare off if I didn’t let him do this how he needed to. I knew he would think that no one knowing what was happening between us was a large contribution to how well things were going, and I didn’t doubt that either, but I was really starting to believe that things could be even better. When I thought about the people closest to me knowing, I felt giddy rather than grim like I had only weeks earlier pondering the same thing, and it seemed like a good sign to me. The truth was, I was utterly besotted with him and wanted people to know that. I raised my leg to allow him more space to play with me, Harry instinctively hooking his arm behind my knee to help me keep my limb afloat, thumb pushing up against my clit. He hadn’t stopped kissing me, even when my lips were relatively unresponsive, too full of pleasure to comply with his eager mouth. I had known it wouldn’t be long until there was a knock on the door, but it still happened far too soon. “Fuck sake.” I groaned through a bitter breath. “I mean… I knew it was gunna happen, and I’m still fuming.” “Are you close?” “Um… Not close enough. They’ll knock again any sec-” And they did, Chloe beginning to shout absolute nonsense as she waited for Harry to open the door to let the two of them in. They’d gotten much rowdier since they’d learnt Harry gave me those private lessons, and they’d always turn up just a little bit early and act like fools, as expected. Harry removed his hand from the area I really wished it could stay, tilting his head to the right before leaning in and planting a small kiss against my protruded lips, looking soft and sweet as he did. “Stay at mine? After the pub?” He asked quietly. “At this stage, do you even need to ask?” “Aren’t you bored of me?” “I’m starting to think that’s impossible.” I cooed. “YOO-HOO, HARRY, OPEN THE DOOR!” We heard Chloe from outside. “ALFIE, TELL HIM TO LET US IN!” “Do as you’re told, Harry.” I sniggered. “Yes, boss. But do me a favour and look a bit more innocent, okay? Having you backed up against a wall with the hem of your pants down might raise a few eyebrows.” I was grinning away to myself as I pulled my pants up properly, walking towards the bag at the back of the room as Harry went towards the door, Libby and Chloe practically falling into the room in seemingly high spirits. “Why does it always take you ten years to open the door?” Chloe asked him. “That’s a bit hyperbolic.” Harry snickered. The two of them got to chatting as Libby came over to me, taking me in for a big hug, which was rather unlike her. “What’s this? Affection? Who drugged you?” I giggled, hugging her back. “God, can’t I hug my best mate? Can’t I be in a cuddly mood?” I squeezed her tight, swaying from side to side for a while, my smile almost painfully wide. She wasn’t usually the affectionate type anyway, and since the whole Louis thing she’d been even colder than usual, not in a rude or unlikeable way, but she hadn’t quite been herself. I felt as though she’d built a bit of a wall to protect herself, like acting unfeeling would convince me, Louis and herself that she was unfazed by the way he hadn’t wanted their friendship to shift into something more. I was glad to see her softening again, if not softening excessively given it was her.

“Oh no, Harry, I can’t, no!” “It’ll be fine!” He chuckled, arms wrapped around my waist from behind, head hanging over my shoulder. “Can’t I do it over your head?” “Nah, that’s breaking the rules. You have to hold it over your own head.” We were in the kitchen baking together, music playing in the background, and Harry had challenged me to try and make meringues for the first time. According to him, the only way I could tell if I’d mixed it properly was to hang the bowl upside down over my head, and if it didn’t all collapse into my hair, apparently that meant it was ready. To say I was a little sceptical was an understatement. I didn’t trust him at all. “Honestly, if you’re winding me up and this goes all over my head, you can consider us done.” “That would be nothing to do with me. That will only happen if you haven’t mixed it sufficiently. You’ll only have yourself to blame.” “I’m just not sure this is a real thing. I think you’re doing this on purpose so I make a fool out of myself.” “I’m offended that you don’t trust me, Fee-Fee.” He kissed my neck. “Have some faith. Do it.” “Put your head right next to mine.” I commanded. “I’ll do it over both our heads.” “Fine.” He lifted, moving his arms from around my waist so they were wrapped loosely around my neck instead, laying them against my chest. “Go on then. Get it done.” I lifted the bowl off the counter with deliberate sluggishness, taking a deep breath in and squealing before my arms flew into the air, dangling the bowl upside down over our heads with my eyes screwed shut, expecting the worst. When I felt nothing, I dared open one eye, and then as soon as I truly felt safe I looked up, saw the motionless white goo hovering over my head. I turned around to face him when he distanced, taking a step back from me and holding his arms out in a way that screamed how disappointed he was in me when he’d clearly been telling the truth. I still had the bowl over my head. “Sorry for not trusting you.” I cringed, giggling. “Well… it might not have been your worst instinct…” With too much speed for me to even fathom, he reached his hand out and slapped it firmly on the bottom of the bowl, pushing down with just the right amount of force to make sure it whacked right over my damn head without hurting me, thudding into place. The room went dark and I stood there in a state of shock, hearing him cackling away to himself and feeling the mix practically melting into my hair. For some time, I was too dumbfounded to do anything other than listen to him laugh at me, but eventually I lifted the bowl back up off my head, seeing how he’d had to balance himself against the counter thanks to his laughter, shooting him the dirtiest look I could muster, meringue dripping through my messy mane. The bastard started laughing even more. I scooped some of the blend into my hand, Harry catching onto my plans a little too late, backing away from me. “No!” He cried through his sniggering. “Not the curls, anything but the curls!” “You’re a little shit, Harry Styles!” I pelted a good chunk that hit him right in the face, laughing as it burst across his features. He rushed back to me, trying to steal the bowl from my hand, the two of us squabbling for the next few minutes, meringue going everywhere; in his hair, all over our faces, all over the floor, on his walls, playful but competitive, laughing and growling as we fought. He grabbed at my face to pull my lips to his, which I saw as the perfect opportunity to slap some more mixture against his cheek, chuckling mischievously before he went straight back in for the kill, pulling at my waist and thrusting his lips together with mine, slipping slightly before he backed me up against the counter, utterly unable to keep his hands off me. I ran my fingers through his hair as we exchanged a breathless embrace, ruining his curls all over again, but at that point we were beyond the point of caring. The quarrel was over and the lust was back, this indisputable desire to devour one another, where everything other than us was blank, bleak, boring, yet our bodies were bursting with colours, so bright and vivid they were blinding. He took my weight and hoisted me up onto the counter, my hands reaching for his belt and snapping it loose with ease, without ever looking down or breaking our kiss. He grunted, reaching to my hips in the hope of pulling my knickers off but ripping them, too fierce, too fervent. “Fuck, sorry.” He gasped. “You owe me.” “I’d be honoured to take you lingerie shopping.” He smirked. “Might as well rip them completely off then.” The sound of the material tearing in his hand made me quake, soon taking the tattered lace and throwing it to the side of them room, yanking his jeans down forcefully, his underwear dragged alongside them. I hitched towards the edge of the counter, perfectly placed for the moment Harry thrust into me, our foreheads bashing together as soon as we connected. “Fuck.” He ground. “Fuck, you’re amazing.” I slung my arms over his shoulders, nibbling at my bottom lip as my body tingled, both in a response to how he felt and the words he’d said. There was this certain twinge and husk in his voice that verified his honesty, like the words had just poured from his lips with little control. I was absolutely loving being so passionate and yet so silly with someone. What was happening between us had breathed this new life into me, made me see relationships and companionship so differently to how I had before. I knew it was early and that it was bound to be exciting at that stage, but there was this feeling in my gut that told me what we had was distinct, unique, something that had the potential to alter the two of us in ways we couldn’t possibly anticipate. There was something special there and it was piercingly palpable. He propped himself up on his tiptoes so that he was perfectly level with my pelvis, shooting his hips forward and pressing his tongue against my bottom lip before it sunk into my mouth, his desperate hands clawing at what little clothing I had on. I placed my hand against his cheek, expecting to feel his soft skin beneath my touch but instead finding more meringue, my laughter bubbling between our lips as he pulled me even closer, his grin growing. My stomach felt like it was on fire, both joy and pleasure scorching a trail through my body, blistering fragments of bliss all through my insides. It was strange to feel so intimidated by something that was happening inside my own body, but it was overwhelming to be experiencing something that felt so prodigious, so out of my control even though it was happening within me. He was grunting with every move he made, trembling, and I hoped he felt as floored by it all as I did. I hoped his body had that same welcomed yet unnerving warmth that mine did. He was so full of passion, apparent in his roaming hands, his commanding kiss, his perfect thrusts. I ran my hands downwards, veering over his neck and then stroking over his tense arms, amazed by their width, how robust they felt. Next, my hands were on his hips, thumbs pressing momentarily against his hip-bone before I moved behind him, my nails clawing lightly at his behind, feeling the power of his thrusts beneath my steady touch. I let his skin go loose, leaning back on the counter and throwing my head back, my arms propping me up as Harry kissed down my neck and my chest, soon taking my nipple into his mouth, my entire body reacting by raising to his touch, speckles growing over my skin because of him, for him. “Harry, that feels so good.” I was short of breath, flagging. I widened my arms to try and find a position more comfortable, but my palm came into contact with a splatter of food created during our earlier fight, and I lost my balance completely. The top of my body totally collapsed, my head twatting against the wall behind me with an almighty thud, immediately bursting out in a fit of laughter despite the pain. “What the fuck, are you okay?” Harry yelped, dragging me upwards. I couldn’t stop laughing as he pulled me close, reaching his hand up to search through my hair and feel over the area I’d hit. When I managed to unscrew my eyes and I saw his face, still covered in mixture, and my laughter increased, Harry’s smile growing but his head shaking. “Does it hurt?” He asked. “Oh my god.” I cackled. “Fee, does it hurt?” “Yeah, it kills but-” “Oi, Fee-Fee, just… let me feel for a bump. Stop giggling!” He tried. “You could be concussed or-” “It’s not that bad.” “Well I’d rather check. Stay still for a sec.” I bit my lip to contain my giggles, resting my forehead against his. He found the right spot, only pressing tenderly against the area but it stung, my left eye scrunching shut. I found it so adorable how seriously he was taking all of it. “Does that hurt?” He asked quietly. “Mm.” “Shit. There’s a bit of a bump there. You wanna stop?” I shook my head, but he didn’t seem fully convinced. He reached his hand up to my face, brushing his thumb beneath my eyes, checking over my face in silence for a few moments. “I promise I’m fine.” I told him, my laughter dying out. “Sure?” “Yeah. Promise you don’t need to look after me.” “I kinda like looking after you.” He shrugged. “Even though… m’not sure you need it.” “The bump on my head begs to differ.” He sniggered, removing his fingers from the swelling and organising some of my hair for me, then wiping away some of the dessert mix that was still on my face. I returned the favour, his eyes creasing as I did, cheeks chubby and crow’s-feet large. We spent a short while in silence, the tips of my hair being twirled by Harry’s fingers, his eyes fixed on my face. “I don’t think I’ve ever been as attracted to you as I am right now.” He told me quietly. Bashful, I dropped my head, attempting to ignore his coquettish smirk, but it was impossible. I couldn’t even shrug it off, tell him he was being silly, because I knew he wasn’t just saying it for the sake of saying it, to make me go all giddy and coy. He’d simply looked at me, felt it, and said it. No pretences, no showboating, just honesty. Being with him was a thing of beauty.

February 21st I loved how bright Harry’s room was in the morning. It seemed no matter the weather, the sun would burst through the dusty glass, scour through the green leaves that sat soaking up the rays, and wake the two of us with serenity and ease. But as I opened my eyes to another day, I noticed that Harry was already awake, sat at the end of his bed, head in his hand, his back taut, and phone pressed against his ear. “I don’t wanna sell it.” I heard him grumble, quiet for a few seconds as whoever was on the other end of the call replied. “I know that, but I don’t… I don’t know.” I extended my leg, gently kicking his back to make him aware that I was awake and his conversation was no longer a private one. He turned around to gage me, producing a smile for me even though it was a noticeably weak one, reaching down by his side to lay his hand on my ankle, greeting me physically and calmly as he turned his face back to the windows. But he didn’t move. I’d really thought he’d take the conversation elsewhere, but he remained where he was, rubbing his thumb over my skin in a soothing manner, listening carefully to the caller. “Where?” He mumbled, then seemed frustrated by the reply he received. “For fuck sake. When?” I sat myself up, hitching towards the end of the bed so I was close to him, reaching to pinch at the bottom of his neck, kneed over the area in the hope of relaxing his rigid frame. I didn’t have a clue who he might be talking to, or what they were saying that was leaving him so morose.  He seemed miserable, frustrated, exasperated, tired. He reacted to my touch, if only slightly, freeing a moderate sigh and lifting his head. “Fine… Yeah, I’ll be there. I’ll get the soonest flight I can.” My stomach dropped at his words. “But it’s just a discussion. M’still not sure.” I wondered if it was something to do with his mother, if he was still in touch with someone who was looking for where she lived, how to get in touch with her, but I couldn’t make much sense of what he was saying. He hung up rapidly, dropping his phone down to the floor without a care. I hated seeing him so blue. “Is everything okay?” I asked gingerly, moving to sit right at his side. “Everything’s fine.” His words and his smile were unpersuasive, turning to me and laying his hand on my bare thigh. “You sure?” He nodded, shifting closer and then leaning in to kiss me tenderly, his mouth slow and subtle. It was only a brief embrace before he’d pulled away, kissing the tip of my nose for a moment, so solemn that I could barely stand looking at his face. “I have to go away for a while.” “How long?” “Just a few days or… weeks, m’not sure.” He was disappearing again. I felt like I was going to cry, even though that seemed completely ridiculous. I had this bad feeling about it, like maybe he wouldn’t come back for some reason, I wasn’t sure why. But at least this time I’d had some warning. The last two times he’d left, I hadn’t known about it until I’d seen the sign on the door leading into his gym. At least this time he was actually telling me; that felt like progress. I looked down, forcing myself not to cry because he hadn’t really given me a reason to. I guess I was paranoid, more than anything. I was worried something bad would happen, that he was thinking of moving somewhere else again. “Okay.” I accepted sombrely. “Sorry.” “You just seem so sad, I don��t like it.” “I’m sad because I don’t wanna go.” “Then don’t.” He lowered his head to reach my mouth and kissed me again, pecking over my motionless lips, and I knew he was trying to comfort me, but it was difficult to feel reassured after witnessing him during that call. “I have to, Fee-Fee.” He whispered. “I’ve got… some things I need to sort.” I could tell by how vague he was being that he didn’t want to discuss whatever it was, so I simply nodded, not questioning it because I wasn’t even sure I wanted to hear his answer. “You promise you’ll come back?” I fretted. “Of course I’ll come back.” “I worry, because-” “You don’t need to worry, I promise. I wouldn’t just leave you like that, Alfie. I’ll come back as soon as I can.” He sounded so assertive, so sure of what he was saying that it became truly difficult to continue doubting him. He put his hands on my waist, taking my weight and shifting my body so that I was straddling him, hiding his face against my neck and kissing caringly, his tongue snaking over my skin as I frailly gripped onto tufts of his hair. I guess another reason I didn’t want him to leave was because I knew how much I’d miss him. He had become such a constant in my life, someone who I spent the majority of my time with, and I didn’t like the thought of my days without him. I could no longer imagine an evening where I wasn’t nuzzled into his side or experiencing his adoring words. It could have been two days or two weeks, but I knew I’d miss him terribly. Harry brought his lips to mine, doing everything he could to instil some confidence into me. “Please don’t worry. All I want is to be here with you. Don’t think about anything else.” He gasped. “It’s just me and you.” “Just me and you.” I said back to him. I hoped that whenever he came back from where he was going, he’d feel comfortable talking to me, telling me where he’d been and why he’d been there, but I could never be too sure with him. I was getting closer and closer with him, day by day and week by week, but there was this part of me that worried I’d always feel like he was keeping something from me, that there would always be secrets and I’d always be speculating about something. Our kiss soothed far too quickly, and I could see he was trying to perk up, likely for my benefit. “M’gunna go for a shower, then check for flights. Don’t leave yet, okay?” “Okay.” After one final kiss, I got off him so that he could get to his feet, watching him sulk out of his bedroom before I sat back down, trying my very best not to overthink everything and jump to conclusions about a scenario I didn’t have any idea about. It wasn’t worth overthinking something so equivocal, and I knew that, but I also knew I wouldn’t find it as easy as simply telling myself not to worry or hearing him say I didn’t need to worry. Harry was a complex character, and the way he handled his emotions and his life seemed just as intricate from what I knew of him. On some occasions his actions and choices had been much more harmful than good, and once again he wasn’t allowing me in to help him, to support him. Maybe he didn’t need my help, but how anxious the call seemed to have made him lead me to believe he could’ve benefitted from a little succour. Once more, I was scrambling in the search for answers to unknown questions, puzzling over another mystery surrounding a boy I knew so much and yet so little about, a boy I was falling for. I just really didn’t want him to leave.