vnsspsclmddpps-28 - Tumblr blog

[vnsspsclmddpps-28]

is anyone else startled whenever someone casually says your name at the end of a sentence?? like “that was really insightful of you ___” or “thank you for helping me ___” because it’s like: i exist to you??? you associate a name with my presence??? you think of me??? i’m going insane

[vnsspsclmddpps-28]

Of Planters & Plants

I am not a green thumb, or as they call it where I live, "plantita", in fact, during the time when my mom went crazy in acquiring plants from small cacti to almost gigantic succulents, and now a lot of regular green plants of which I don't know the name, I haven't given a single fuck about it. In my mind, it would have been much better if she planted vegetables, that way we wouldn't be having so much trouble getting food. She's also a self-claimed vegetarian despite the fact that she consumes fish & chicken, maybe I'll just call her "anti-pork and beef", you would have thought that she'd be more pro-vegetable than pro-random, inedible houseplants. But then again, there's a sense of beauty in these house plants which I have just come to admire lately when I moved a bunch of Pothos plants into my room to hand on my window grills.

And today, after 2 weeks of worrying if I was underwatering or overwatering the mini jade plant my future mother-in-law gave me when we first met, I have come to realize that plants demand much care & attention just as any household pet. The mini jade plant had root rot. Thankfully, it wasn't all too bad but I had to cut the whole stem & applied some rooting hormone. This scares me a lot because the last time I tried to propagate the damned plant from cuttings of it, they never grew roots. I might have just killed it.

And I was so bored today that this afternoon, I took a lot of cuttings from my mother's Pothos & put them in water, as the internet said. Despite my doubts on the internet because it wasn't so sure whether the wrinkling in a jade plant's leaves means underwatering or overwatering, I'm not an expert & my mother is too busy to be dealing with my shenanigans borne out of boredom.

Although I was able to grow tomatoes & onions back then, they were unfortunately flooded last year, and it depressed me so badly that I never attempted to touch any seeds unless it's avocado because they're easier to grow unless someone in the house throws them away again.

Nevertheless, I'm trying to see if I have the ability to take care of plants because I'm starting to think that I have the tendency to kill plants even just by trying to care for them.

[vnsspsclmddpps-28]

Made a vulva ashtray today, just needs a glazing & it will soon find its new home with my friend. It's very raw & imperfect, been trying to make ashtrays a few times now but I just can't get the soft edges right & the proper depth. Nevertheless, I'll be making more because the female anatomy is just too exciting to sculpt.

[vnsspsclmddpps-28]

A New Morning

Good morning, people, it's another cloudy morning from the Northern Philippines. The typhoon is finally gone out of the country's territories, but still, up to this day, since that bastard duterte started eating chinese shit, chinese vessels & military hasn't left the West Philippine Sea.

With this second post as another angry rant, it seems like "Romanticizing My Life Again" isn't the appropriate title for my blog. But then again, this is part of a therapeutic journey I have taken for myself--listening to indie songs while typing on my clicky mechanical keyboard & looking outside my window when I can't find the words to write. Is Electric Love by BORNS an indie song? Anyway, sounds like it, it's a background noise to my constantly noisy home with people & dogs & cats & humans.

But I have my coffee with ginseng extract & the souls of my pre-grad student mornings, my kid's dog is taking advantage of my empty space on the bed & the fact that his master demands his presence in our room thus we don't have any choice but to let her stay here, and my plants (my mother's plants that I took inside my room) are thriving.

I'm still debating with myself about what tools should I get for my clay making projects that's only worth 1000 PHP but I'm taking it slow this time. By taking it slow, I mean I'm waiting for the 15th should there be more free shipping vouchers & should my friends have vouchers available. But I'm already thinking about the stuff I'll make once my supplies are here. Maybe earrings, maybe an ashtray, maybe a miniature model of the Mayon fucking volcano. Whatever it is, I'm gonna take my time to make it.

[vnsspsclmddpps-28]

Depressed and Perpetually Angry

Hi, call me V.

If there's something that makes me toxic, it's my anger management issues. If there's something that I am proud to have, it's my anger management issues. If you ask me to describe myself in a few words, I would say "perpetually angry". Unfortunately I don't have big tits like Emma Stone's best friend in Easy A, but I do have that perpetually angry description which pretty much describes why I have an RBF that scares even my own parents.

Even so, I take pride of that.

However, due to that fact that I am constantly raging, I am also diagnosed with depression--which is why I am perpetually angry. I mean, who doesn't feel depressed in 2021?

But the point is, I have found that there is only so much that anger can do to manage my disorder. Rather, it is a manifestation of my depression, that gaping emptiness that I try to fill by raging online, getting into arguments with random people, and just going off on anyone who dare try to argue with me. And expression may be good but it's only a momentous solution to the underlying problem that is--well, I honestly don't know the underlying problem (or more like this isn't the time to reveal that yet) that needs to be either addressed or denied and in this case, since I am not yet in therapy, it has to be denied.

It's 2021 not 2012, I live in a province in the Philippines and I'm on tumblr. Obviously, my problems have to be addressed (aside from the fact that my country has the longest lockdown in the world due to COVID because our president is a murdering, scamming fucktard) but as I said, I am not yet in therapy. Thus here I am with what might be my hundredth account, trying, again, writing as a form to make myself calm instead of lashing out on random people, I might as well just talk to myself here & whoever sees this, please go away.

Also, I have recently discovered my interest in clay-making so this might as well be a site where I'll upload whatever I make. Soon.