welcome to the truest vision of my mind (my latest feelings)
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i think it sucks that i actually am very paranoid about death. and violence in general. i have insane intrusive thoughts about car crashes every time im in one and sometimes on the subway i think of scenarios where i have to dig my keys into someone’s face because im not so strong and the person is just sitting there existing but in my mind i’ve figured out how to hurt them just in case they want to hurt me. i put a lot of trust in the world because i put myself out in it willingly but also i’ve been scared since i was a kid and i’ve been angry since i was like 13
#mutuals don’t be alarmed i just wanted to talk about this#because last night someone almost broke into my apartment#and idk. just thinking about a lot of stuff#in middle school especially i was just made fun of a lot and i was just really angry about it passively#anxiety meds help a lot#i might delete this later i’m just rambling#and yes i am in therapy next question#i’m going back to sleep goodnight
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Louise Bourgeois I Pick on Everyone Dead or Alive letterpress color lithograph 1999
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back in the day i watched a lot of bad movies on netflix because i would watch any movie that looked even remotely interesting and some were good but a lot were bad
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i know i exploded you into a billion pieces but i forgive you
i love you @pdfbabe
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sorry i know costar isn’t real but i feel insane about this
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i love you @pdfbabe
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sometimes i forget people actually follow me here Hi guys
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sigh
#more than anything i just miss being your friend#i want to talk to you all the time and i wish you wanted to talk to me too#about normal things and funny things. i miss my friend i just miss my friend#it didn’t end on bad terms i know and that’s good but every time we do talk it’s like trying to catch a really slippery rock or something#maybe not catch. just. i have to refrain from sending you insane paragraphs because i catch myself because i know it’s weird and not cool#and it’s weird and not cool to do this too but like. what can i do#i just wish we could be friends again. the void gets smaller every day but then..#i just wanna tell you everything i wanna tell you about my friends and my life and what i’m doing and i wanna know what you’re doing and#what’s new . and it’s stupid because i never did that before . but i guess these things make you realize a lot#and it’s like#i don’t Know what’s okay. i don’t know . i don’t know if i can make a joke i don’t Know if you’re ignoring me on purpose#and it’s fine if you are i know you don’t want to talk to me ever again probably. and it’s fine because i’m well adjusted and i understand#and i respect you and i’m honoring that. but i also just. can you blame me
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today i hung out in my small moist cave all day. i licked salt off the rocks and had a fun time hiding in crevices
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theyre going to kill me because nobody in history has acted strangely and im the very first
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