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ELIJAH WOOD as FRODO BAGGINS THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING 2001 | dir. Peter Jackson

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You Are Not Immune To fanart of characters who die in canon that has them alive and well, with scars from the wound that originally killed them

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I’m looking for something that’s looking for me, Tye Martinez

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For $600 would you poop on your neighbor's lawn or walkway?

Probably not, are u offering or something

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So I just watched Bram Stoker's Dracula for the first time since I was a child and what is even the fuck

(I have NO idea how I watched this as a child, it must have been an edited version on TV because there is no way my parents would have rented it for us)

It's incredible really. Nearly every choice made in this film was the wrong choice, and yet it was wrong in a ways that fascinated and delighted me

(I'm not including the costuming/sets/sound design as wrong choices, those were all great)

At one point, Mina is crying and Dracula touches her tears and turns them into DIAMONDS with the vampire turning-tears-into-diamonds power I guess I forgot they have

I have rarely seen such levels of camp in a movie that I think I was supposed to take seriously, but there you go

did Terry Gilliam ghost-direct every scene in the asylum, that shot composition was straight out of Twelve Monkeys

there is no earthly reason that this Dracula/Mina romance plot makes any sense, but somehow Gary Oldman and Winona Ryder made it seem almost believable

I think it worked for me because

a) Their meet-cute is Mina reading Dracula to filth for being a creepy fuck, roasting him for thinking that moving pictures are science, and only giving him the time of day because he has a sick ass pet wolf

b) The blood-drinking scene is straight up Mina being such a monster fucker it actually weirds out Dracula, he's like "No I love you too much to condemn you to a life of vampirism" and she's all "shut up and bleed"

also like

imagine filming that scene and just having to lick all over your coworker's chest for like a dozen takes, awkward

It's truly bizarre how this is both the closest film I've ever seen to the source material and yet also is full of noncanonical nonsense and everyone's personality is replaced by horny, how am I supposed to reconcile this

Highlights of the film for me:

The aforementioned costuming, sets, and sound design

The fact that all the effects were done in camera

Dracula randomly waving a sword in Jonathan's face

Arthur Holmwood is the Dread Pirate Roberts

Instead of Dracula breaking a wolf out of the zoo to throw at a window, the wolf just breaks itself out to hang with him

Vampire Lucy

Dracula has a turning tears into diamonds power

Mina is like YOU KILLED LUCY for fifteen seconds and then immediately starts demanding to get vamped in the very same conversation

Jonathan spent weeks as the brides' juice box

Gary Oldman being ridiculously melodramatic and half of his lines sounding like they were delivered on the brink of an orgasm

Dracula's ridiculous Peter Pan shadow

The closest I think any movie has come to the Dracula death from the book

Dracula crying blood, always wonderful

My Mom's Complaints

Everything

Seriously, like every fifteen minutes or so she'd ask why we're even watching this

During the "Dracula and Lucy fucking in the garden" scene she asked if this movie actually had a theatrical release, and if it was the biggest bomb of all time

She did not like Old Dracula's hair

She did not like his motivation for becoming a vampire

She did not like his wolf form or his bat form or his old form

My Grandmother's Complaint:

Van Helsing would not have been so cavalier and undignified in telling Mina and Jonathan about Lucy's beheading

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Forbidden Planet (Fred M. Wilcox, 1956)

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Book covers for mystery novels compilations based in Moscow and Saint-Petersburg Twitter | VK | INPRNT | Leave a tip

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dinosaurs are like the coolest thing possible for a child to learn about. it’s like hey i know you were just borned but giant monsters are real and they fought each other in wars for 100000000000 years and then blew up when the sky exploded.

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Roasted chicken, ginger, daikon, shiitake mushroom soup with lime, cilantro, broccoli sprouts, and rice noodles

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GOD. still the funniest transition in the show bar none

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I wanna hear about women and queer ppl working blue-collar jobs

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Goncharov dir. Martin Scorsese

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she doesn't let me hit and it's all because of the stupid prophecy

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you can discuss the problems within academia literally forever and you probably should but “historians are trying to keep information from you” is always going to be an anti-intellectual, reactionary opinion, sorry, literally no way around that

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Airbnb house in St. Charles, Missouri.