universalmindbanana

[universalmindbanana]

If you're an introvert or neurodivergent and social interaction drains you, you may relate to this.

I used to get frustrated and emotional with my ex husband, and he'd be annoyed and baffled as to why I was stressed out when I'd come home from work. I told him I felt like I was always "on" even when I was home and I never had time for myself or quiet time with my own thoughts and so I got more exhausted every day even if I got enough sleep.

He assured me that I didn't have to feel like I was on. Then if I didn't remember something he told me about his job 3 months ago, he'd blow up at me because I wasn't listening to him and it showed that what he said wasn't important enough for me to remember. Keep in mind, this is technical, highly specialized stuff related to his job that I wasn't interested in and didn't understand. I'd ask clarifying questions and he'd immediately get angry because he already told me that a few months ago.

With my last s.o. I felt a little more free to disagree, having been through a divorce and having had some experience setting boundaries, getting comfortable with making people mad at me, etc. He reiterated that I didn't have to feel like I was "on" all the time and added that he didn't need anything from me when I got home from work. With a (I admit) mean-spirited twinkle in my eye, I confirmed "so you don't need anything at all from me?" He answered "that's right."

I proceeded to get home from work, take off my shoes and coat and go about making dinner. I didn't say hi or ask how his day was. When he told me what happened that day (open ended with no questions) I didn't think up a response. When the water was running in the kitchen and he kept talking from the couch, I didn't turn off the water and walk into the living room to hear him better, I just went about doing what I would do if I lived alone and could do whatever I wanted.

Can you guess what happened?

He said I was ignoring him, I was being rude, I was making him feel stupid like he was talking to himself.

I looked at him. I said, "so what do you need from me here?" He rolled his eyes and said again that he doesn't need anything from me. I said, "yes you do. You need me to think of a response to everything you're saying, you need me to chuckle at your jokes even if I think they're not funny, you need me to stop doing what I want to do and instead pay attention to you for as long as you need me to. You need a lot more from me than you think you do. You also need me to either be in a good mood or at least pretend I am even though I just did that all day around my coworkers and on the phone with customers. I had to put on a false face all day long, and apparently I need to keep it on until I finally get to go to bed tonight."

I reminded him that I get pretty much zero alone time while he gets hours of it nearly every day. Commuting doesn't count--I'm paying attention to traffic so I don't get into an accident. Getting myself and the kids ready in the morning doesn't count--I'm stressed out and trying not to forget anything important. Being at work doesn't count even if it's a slow time--I can't be weird and I can't get lost in thought because I know the phone could ring any time or someone could come to my desk without warning, and sometimes it's hard to put the mask back on once you finally get to take it off.

[universalmindbanana]

I'm so sick of people saying water doesn't taste. Water fuckin TASTES

[universalmindbanana]

[universalmindbanana]

[universalmindbanana]

[universalmindbanana]

[universalmindbanana]

All things are #banana in the #bananaverse

banana bat!

[universalmindbanana]

#relateable #adhd #youarenotthebossofme

[universalmindbanana]

The unlimited power of the universal mind banana is within your reach. Only believe.