thegreatempty - Tumblr blog

[thegreatempty]

still just sitting here crying. Going out would help but I just am so fucking tired

[thegreatempty]

I'm headed to L's for an overnight. This will be my last one until I have started sleeping in my own apartment.

I just need a reset, and I won't be enough myself until I'm in a place I can plan to live for years. It's been over a decade since I had that. And she's gone through some pretty significant changes this year, ones that make it harder for me to talk to her.

And with sex not happening either, it really feels like I'm just going through the motions

[thegreatempty]

Still screaming about this damn apartment. Brittany (the woman who cannot seem to math well enough to do her damn job) emailed me this morning asking why I had contacted her supervisor instead of just accepting her numbers. I told her why; Because I had sent clear numbers showing where her error was, and she kept answering everything except showing me where my math was wrong. I emailed her back saying very clearly that the only thing I wanted her to explain how the numbers she was using ($222 that I was responsible, $224 being the max I am allowed to be responsible for) meant that I did not qualify, and that as she has consistently addressed every issue she can find except that, I had to reach out to her supervisor

IDK if it will help or hurt, but at this point I’m not sure I want to be working with her at all. If it doesn’t work I will likely give up on New England completely. Not sure where I will end up, or what that will mean for everything I want, but if I keep getting blocked for bullshit reasons then clearly the universe wants me to not be here

[thegreatempty]

I just need to scream for a while.

I have a voucher. It has a maximum amount for rent. I can get any apartment that is under that amount, as long as it’s in a covered town and has at lease one bedroom.

I found an apartment that qualifies for that

The person from the housing authority that has to verify that it qualifies fucks up the math (says I have to not only be able to afford my part of the rent (which will be the same no matter the price of the apartment, regardless of what the rent is) but also have to be able to pay for utilities out of 10% of my income. Proceeds to calculate whether I can, does the math wrong, turns me down

I correct her math and send it back (I am using the exact same numbers she is, I’m just adding them correctly)

she responds that the equation she sent me isn’t real, without any explanation. she wants me to appeal not her (incorrect) decision but whether the rules she used to (again, incorrectly) should be waived. This can only be done if both she and her supervisor agree that my disability means I need the extra benefit that is only necessary because she did her math wrong.

No one involved (the HA worker, my VA-assigned housing case worker) can understand why I want her boss to look at the error I pointed out (a process that will take at most days, and possibly minutes) rather than beg for an accommodation I do not need (a process that will take at least a week and is fairly uncertain)

and then they have the audacity to say that they are trying hard to get me out of the shelter, while simultaneously telling me that I will never qualify because they are completely ignoring any of the math.

I called the HA employee’s boss but she also didn’t respond to my voice mail today.

I have contacted the federal HUD office because no one local is helping

[thegreatempty]

Anon has a male friend who insists his ex had "too many shoes", upon further questioning it was revealed that she had about 20 pairs of shoes which anon believes is below the average number of shoes for most women.

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[thegreatempty]

lots of time to figure out how it was my fault actually

İ loved being neglected as a child…………

[thegreatempty]

The last time I was this combination of horny and lonely I made the biggest mistake of my life

And somehow I don't care if I make another that big if it will just make this stop

[thegreatempty]

3

[thegreatempty]

I'm trying so hard to hold it together but I don't think there's a together to hold

[thegreatempty]

Why is self-care so hard

[thegreatempty]

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[thegreatempty]

This is where I scream into the void. If you don't want to hear me scream in pain and rage do not follow this blog

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[thegreatempty]

after putting a ton of work into getting a deposit to a potential landlord yesterday and redoing the entire application process (because the rental agent I was working with somehow didn’t give them my info when he said he did, and instead decided to go on vacation to India), I got a phone call today saying that I needed to show I had more income than I had shown, because I don’t have three times the rent.

I told him I had a voucher, and that I had included it in the stuff I sent, but he said they didn’t have it. Now I’m concerned that this will draw on for weeks because the office is just not together

[thegreatempty]

[thegreatempty]

Absolutely worn out from pain and hunger. Fortunately I (finally) have a dentist appointment this afternoon. I hope they actually fix it instead of telling me to come back a different day