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[thecallafrica]

All my life YOU have been faithful

Tumblr reminded me that it's been a year since I started this blog. It's been a year of witnessing God's mercies, goodness and faithfulness. A year ago, I was in clean and efficient Singapore, preparing myself to respond to God's call to come to Ethiopia. There was excitement and submission, but mixed with anxiety and some doubt if this was really God's call or my own wilful desire.

A year later, I'm writing this from my apartment at Bingham Academy in Addis Ababa. The past half a year has often felt surreal, and there are days when I wake up in the morning and wondering if I'm really here in Ethiopia! There are days of spiritual highs, when I feel so certain that I am where God wants me to me, when I see my purpose and place at Bingham and the various groups of people that I'm serving; there are also days when I feel defeated and wonder if I might be more useful back in my home church, or shocked by the reality of mission work and working relationships; there are days of shame, when I miss the comforts of home and struggle with power and water cuts (as well as easy access to chocolate and snacks!); there are periods of sadness and loneliness, when I wish more people understood or cared.

However, as I look back at the past half a year, God's presence and comfort has been obvious. He spoke to me through today's church service that He can use what little "fish and bread" I have to bring Him glory (John 6) and that because He has been my faithful Father and Friend, I can lay down my will, my worldly possessions and even my life, because His goodness is sufficient for me! (see the lyrics of the 2 songs below "Goodness of God" and "Take my life and let it be)

It's been difficult for me to keep up with this blog so I've decided to make this the last post. If you wish to support me in prayer, please send me a whatsapp and I'll send you my monthly prayer letters! I will also do a monthly Facebook post with photos of life in Ethiopia so you can add me as an FB friend if you haven't already done so :)

[thecallafrica]

Focus and distractions

I had my phone stolen today. A boy came up to me pretending to sell tissues while another tugged at my t-shirt sleeve asking for food. My first instinct was to walk faster, run away even, but the boy pulling at my shirt was pulling quite hard, making me slow down to tell him off sternly to stop. Never did I think that that was a ploy for his friend to pick my phone from my bag while I was telling him off!

Although I wasn't hurt, it was still a horrible experience to realise that the phone that my church friends gave me as a farewell gift, with many precious photos of my first 2 months in Ethiopia, was gone just like that. Simply because I was distracted, because I had complacently and proudly thought I'd been really careful with my belongings so far in Addis.

That one moment of distraction, when my focus shifted to the wrong thing, had cost me. And it is a reminder that I need to focus on the right things while I'm here in Addis - the reason God has brought me to Bingham, the reason I'd left material comforts, the burdens of the world that God had wanted me to put down. In the past few weeks, Satan had shot arrows of doubt, negativity, and pride at me, making me question if there's any real purpose for me to be teaching here at Bingham and whether Ethiopia or missions is really where God wanted me to be. All these distractions were threatening to drown me, the way Peter lost his footing on the water when he shifted his focus away from Christ. This lost phone is perhaps God's way of reminding me to focus back onto Him, of depending on His protection rather than my own wisdom.

This incident also showed me different facades of Ethiopian society. A group of beggars near where I'd lost my phone actually tried to comfort me (at least I think so since there was a language barrier) when I started tearing up and trying to look for help; another Ethiopian man tried to take advantage of the situation by pretending to give me a ride back to my apartment, all the while in the car trying to proposition to me and then wanting a preposterous fare when we arrived.

Regardless, I thank God I'm safe and nothing more than my phone was taken. Lessons, albeit painful, are perhaps best learnt this way.

[thecallafrica]

Your heart language

Bingham's Professional Development day started and ended with staff worship. A few of us who speak different languages read Psalm 138:2 in Finnish, Spanish, German, Hindi, Amharic and Mandarin, representative of the 36 different countries represented in Bingham.

But what got me all emotional and weeping was when we sang "How Great Thou Art" and were told to sing the chorus in our "heart language". I have never consciously thought of Mandarin as my "heart language" and may even deny it given how far from fluent I am in this language. Yet, it is the language that I know many of my Bible verses in, the language of many of the songs that I grew up singing in church; it is, indeed, my heart language!

Having been here for 2 months, amidst the reality of missions, seeing the joys and brokenness of people serving together, and having the "Why am I here?" question come to mind multiple times, God has constantly reminded me of His purpose and will for me here in Addis Ababa.

Indeed, whether there are times of victory or despair, times when I love this country that God has brought me to or times when I sorely miss the convenience and familiarity of home, God will strengthen me in my soul, He remains worthy to be praised!

I will worship toward thy holy temple, and praise thy name for thy lovingkindness and for thy truth: for thou hast magnified thy word above all thy name. In the day when I cried thou answeredst me, and strengthenedst me with strength in my soul. (Psalm 138:2-3)

[thecallafrica]

The rite of passage

A bout of illness brought along homesickness and the enemy's seeds of doubt and self-pity. But the Lord graciously surrounded me with newfound friends who reminded me that our Abba Father does not forsake His own and provides for me, not just physically but emotionally as well.

A new Chinese friend surprised me with bubble tea (BBT in a country with no McDonald's or KFC!); an Indian colleague and her family showed me how much hospitality, sincere love and prayers can come from those who may not have much (just like how the widow of Zarephath hosted Elisha in faith!); multi-national colleagues gathered for games and good conversations; Ethiopian children displayed what worshipping God with zeal and energy really means!

The Lord truly uplifts in so many different ways, giving reminders that I have brothers and sisters from so many different cultures and nationalities here, united and one in the Spirit! He is before me, and He will continue to walk beside me in this journey!

[thecallafrica]

Light in the darkness

I'm writing this in the dark because all the generators are off today after a day of intermittent power outages. This is common here in Ethiopia and although it can be frustrating not to have electricity, my housemates and I immediately turned on our phone torches, we could still work on our laptops (as I'm doing now!) and secretly felt glad that we had an excuse to call it a day.

The fact that we have our modern day technology available to cope with these inconveniences make me wonder whether I would have been able to survive as a missionary in the days when electricity and clean running water were the exception rather than the norm. My favourite missionaries Hudson Taylor and Jim Elliot travelled by boat and primitive aircrafts to distant and unknown lands; modern conveniences were unavailable and there was daily struggles with disease and threats to their lives. On the other hand, here I am complaining about not having heating, consistent electricity and proper organisation in the school! How pampered I am!

To end a day when I struggled with whether I am of use and effective in my current role, and whether I should be doing more, with the realisation that I am so weak and pampered was rather discouraging. But the comic above reminded me of one of my favourite verses

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. " (2 Corinthians 12:9) I am not here to show people what I can do, but what Christ can do in me. I struggle still with affirmation, one of the things that God told me to break free of by committing my life to mission work - it is a timely reminder that Christ must increase and I must decrease!

[thecallafrica]

Some lows :( of week 1

Amidst all the highs, there were admittedly some valleys and struggles.

1. Wet and cold : the weather got to me more than I imagined! Honestly temperatures between 13-18 doesn't sound that bad but somehow everywhere seemed cold initially, and sleeping under 3 thick blankets ain't the most comfortable! But God has been gracious and generous colleagues lent us their expertise in starting fires and their precious heaters. Warm hearts certainly made the cold more bearable!

2. Expectations and complaints: who said missionaries don't complain?! It was a snare I found myself in more often than I would have liked or should have done in the past week. When the information given wasn't as complete as I would have liked, when things seemed disorganised, when living with housemates meant having to pay more for living expenses than I had initially planned...there just seemed to be areas of dissatisfaction at every turn! I was disappointed with my lack of patience and small-mindedness, and still sometimes beat myself up over it. But thank God that almost every day, there was the constant reminder to give grace to myself and to the people around me, and to focus on how God was working in the imperfect me.

These valleys are reminders that being a missionary is not being perfect, and being a missionary is not going it alone - I need to turn to the Lord daily and let Him transform my heart and mind, and I need people around me to remind and support me!

[thecallafrica]

The highs :) of week 1

I've survived a week in Ethiopia! This has been a surreal week with many experiences and learning points. There have been times of victory ("mountains") and times of self-reflection and some frustration ("valleys") but in every conversation that I've had with people around me

The Mountains:

Centering on Christ: a lot of time was spent discussing the school's mission and vision, reminding us that the Lord's glory is our motivation rather than an after thought. Whether it was in our teaching or interaction with everyone on campus, God's love and grace are to be extended.

2. Listening to stories: one question I asked and was asked frequently was "what is your story?" It was amazing to hear how God led people in such personal and clear ways, and realise that none of us are here by chance. There is such a wide diversity of ages, life stages and nationalities, yet we are put together in this place to serve our Lord together!

3. God's providence: Although Bingham is situated in Kolfe, a poorer part of Addis, we are blessed with good school lunches, hot running water and easily available filtered water. Sure, power cuts are a daily affair, and we still haven't figured out if the scratchings we hear in the attic are from rats, but God has already provided more than what I've imagined!

[thecallafrica]

FOR GOD'S GLORY

Today was Day 1 of orientation and I was blessed to be in the presence of a group of school leaders and fellow teachers with a common vision to glorify God through our role as teachers and to be intentionally missional through sharing the gospel with our students as well as the comminity around Bingham.

Bingham's vision statement: Teaching Truth, Equipping Generations, Changing the World for God’s Glory

During a discussion about how this vision statement impacts on our teaching, a few sharing points stood out to me:

Pray regularly and specifically for my students

Model and be living testimonies of this vision and values because the children will be constantly looking at our examples

"for God's glory" should be our driving force and the first thing we focus on, everything else falls in place after that

In a regular school, we may wish to inculcate similar core values of integrity, creativity and positive influence. However, when God's glory is our motivation, we focus more on the process rather than the end point. We know we are sinners, both teachers and students, so to achieve these will only be possible with God's power and by His grace, so while we strive to do our best, we still need to step back and witness God's work rather than depending on our own strength.

I loved an analogy given by the principal - often we come to a point where we get tired, perhaps frustrated that we are not getting the results we were expecting. So we are like a farmer trying to till a field and grow crops who get discouraged by the calluses, the scratches or pain in our attempts to grow our crops...so much so that we forget or overlook the fact that there are seedlings sprouting in the field. Indeed, God is the one who gives the increase in His time, we are merely His tools to be used by Him.

So we need to give grace to ourselves and humble ourselves to see God's own work, in God's own timing, and ultimately for God's glory!

[thecallafrica]

LANDED - AND COLD!

Addis Ababa has been somewhat of a trial by rain - wet and colder than expected weather without much heating. We've been warned, several times in fact, by the existing teachers to prepare ourselves for the weather, but the combination of perpetual rain, high altitude, lack of heating, and the thought that "15-18 degrees can't be too cold!" made the cold a little more difficult to manage than expected!

The Bible reminded us repeatedly to be ready and prepared for the last days. In the parable of the ten virgins in Matthew 25:1-13, 5 of the bridesmaids waited for the groom with no extra oil for their lamps. Although they look prepared, and maybe even felt it, they weren't; although they knew delays were common but the bridesgroom will definitely come, they did not prepare themselves and assumed that those who brought extra oil would share with them. This parable is a reminder that we cannot merely have the knowledge of Christ's return or just outward show of "spirituality", we must be filled with the Holy Spirit and live our lives in accordance with our faith (Read more here: https://www.gty.org/library/sermons-library/90-92/the-return-of-christ-the-fate-of-the-unprepared).

I had my assumptions and unpreparedness about Addis Ababa (which I'm certainly regretting!) but thank God l know I'm ready for the Lord's return!

(Different ways to keep warm!)

[thecallafrica]

Many people tell me I'm "brave", to leave my job, go to Ethiopia, go alone into the mission field, etc.

But here I am, sitting comfortably in the Dubai airport, drinking a cup of coffee. How "brave" am I, honestly? My favourite missionary stories tell of great sacrifices - Jim Elliot bringing his new wife to live in a shack amongst head hunters in Ecuador; Hudson Taylor suffering from disease and loss of financial and spiritual support from his church while in China; William Carey losing his son to dysentry. My own church's founding pastor went in a rickety boat to an undeveloped part of Indonesia to found a church, orphanage and clinic.

I feel like a fraud sometimes, claiming to be a missionary while still enjoying all the comforts of life. Of course there is no need to actively seek out poverty and suffering as a missionary, and we certainly live in a different time from the past. But I pray that the Lord will mould and develop in me a posture of willingness to bear the cross, readiness to sacrifice my creature comforts, humility to learn from the people I'm serving with, and ultimately to lay my life before the Lord for Him to use as He pleases.

[thecallafrica]

Expect great things from God!

I woke up this morning feeling unsettled: Have I packed everything? Have I settled all the things I need to settle? Did I bring enough money? Have I eaten what I want to eat??! 🤣

The heart and mind is often more focused on the things on earth and the practical day to day needs and tasks. All these are definitely important, but the Lord's prompting made me stop and pause in the midst of the last minute running around: focus your heart and mind on your path ahead - I'm not going for a holiday, not for studies or work, but to serve the Lord! Don't lose yourself in the busyness of the daily tasks and lose sight of the bigger mission!

One of the things that have made me rather anxious these past few days is whether I can really be a good steward for the Lord, to take on the mission that He has called me into. But the Lord brought to mind William Carey's words, that I'm going to Ethiopia to see what the Lord is doing in this country and continent, and to expect GREAT THINGS from Him. Only when I depend solely on this great God who does great things, will I be willing and able to do the great things that He has called me to do!

[thecallafrica]

I had my commissioning on Sunday in church. "Laying of hands" isn't commonly done in my church except for ordination or commissioning, and the laying of hands by the pastors and SIM leaders moved me tremendously.

As I stood before the church that is supporting and sending me to the mission field, my family and friends witnessing this together, God reassured me that I am not going alone or in my own strength but in the power of the Holy Spirit. The God who has called me into this mission field will go before me ; the church, missions organisation family and friends will support me and have my back!

Many people have been encouraging me with words, thoughtful gifts and much prayer, especially in this past week. When God first prompted me to go into this mission field, I'd never thought I would experience so much love and support from people around me. But God knows my needs, my fears and my weaknesses, and has placed people around me to speak words of power and truth to me. Truly the Lord cares for His own and when we do His work, He will not forsake or leave us!

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God; Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began" (2 Timothy 1:7-9)

[thecallafrica]

Do less to do more...

The past 2 weeks of SIMCO orientation has been a good time to renew my passion, review my vision & mission, and rejuvenate my soul.

I've always been more of a task oriented person (albeit a procrastinating one!) and get rather impatient if I have to listen or talk to people for a long time, or even to read and reflect on God's Word. So I've been focusing my energies on packing, on "doing", and sometimes just bustling around busy-ing myself with nothing in particular! It's perhaps also to escape thinking about the impending trip, because now that we are down to less than a month away, I'm starting to feel really nervous!

But the Lord has set me down and reminded me to sit at His feet to listen to Him. God reminded me to keep my eyes on the goal, which is to make Jesus known in Ethiopia, and to remember that the only way I can do it is to through prayer and GOD'S means, not my own.

Listening to what others have done or are intending to do on the field has also been inspiring, and I realise I've given very little thought as to what I will be doing for the Lord beyond the role of a teacher at Bingham. I pray that the Lord will give me creativity, courage and boundless energy to find ways to share His Gospel because my role is just to sow that seed, and God will give the increase in His time!

[thecallafrica]

Soldier of Christ

Was listening to Elisabeth Elliot, who spoke of how her first husband, Jim Elliot, wrote this verse in her yearbook.

These past few weeks, when people asked how I felt about going to Ethiopia, and how I've been preparing myself, my answer would always be "I have no time to prepare", "I'm too busy settling my house, my finances etc, to think about going!". Which is really ironic because when God called me to serve Him in this manner, one of the things I'm certain He was calling me to move away from, was from the busyness of worldly affairs and issues of the world, to devote to something with more spiritual and eternal value. Yet, in the past few weeks, I've been even more obsessed with my worldly affairs than not, lamenting about vaccinations, finances, rental...everything but enjoying the preparation for the Great Commission!

This verse is a great reminder that I should focus on my duties as the Lord's soldier and not be consumed by thoughts and concerns of the world!

[thecallafrica]

Those dreaded black boxes

I had a couple of sessions with a counsellor as part of my missions preparation and was told that there were some black boxes in my life that were weighing me down and affecting my perceptions of myself.

I've always prided myself on being someone who can hold it all together pretty well - someone who can listen, empathise with and provide counsel to others. Very few people will hear me talk about my real struggles because it makes me feel incompetent, a side of me that I don't like to show.

Going through this counselling has helped me to process and unpack some of the issues of the past that have made me so fearful of appearing vulnerable.

One thing the counsellor said hit me hard, "If you keep thinking that you are unworthy and of little value, you are also saying that you are unworthy of Christ. But Christ has loved you in your brokenness and accepted you, so you must see the value and significance that He has given to you!"

I always disliked looking back at what is considered "childhood trauma" to explain how we think or behave in adulthood, because I thought it was used as an excuse for behaviour that we can control or change. I even use Philippians 3:13 "...forgetting those things that are behind" to justify this!

But taking Philippians 3 into context, what Paul asked us to forget and let go, are the things that are holding us back from humbly and wholeheartedly accepting God's salvation ("..what things were gain to me" - Phil 3:7; "not having mine own righteousness" - Phil 3:9). Letting go of the things of the past is to let go of my shame, my fears, my pride, my desire to constantly keep in control... uncovering all these black boxes helped me to understand where these thoughts were coming from so I could place them before God and let them go.

It's a long process to take my every thought & desire "captive" (2 Corinthians 10:5) but by the grace of God, He will continue to refine me and renew my thoughts and my life!

[thecallafrica]

Through God's lenses

I've been processing thoughts, feelings and emotions with the SIM counsellor recently and today's really been a timely check-in. Given my natural aversion to change, anxiety and worry has been increasing recently as the day of reckoning departure draws nearer. But God in His mercy and grace has been holding me together and nudging me to remember that He is holding me in the palm of His hand.

Providence through God's lenses

Even though I know God has called me into the mission field to mould my dependence on Him to provide for my every need, I still struggle with that little devil of "self-reliance". I worried about renting out my flat but God provided an efficient agent and willing tenants and everything was settled in 1 weekend! I'm terrible with financial management but God provided church leaders who assured me that they wanted to support me fully so I could serve in the field with no worries about finances.

"And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work" (2 Corinthians 9:8) God knows what I need and when I need it. When He calls me to do His work, He provides whatever I need completely and sufficiently, over and above what my little faith had expected!

Measuring success through God's lenses

I've always been results oriented, and my nagging fear in the last couple of weeks is that I would not be able to contribute sufficiently to Bingham Academy and would not be able to do as much "mission work" to justify the trust that my church and friends have in me.

But I was reminded that in doing God's work, I must look at "success" through God's perspective, as seen in the lives of Moses and Elijah:

When God used Moses to bring the Israelites out of Egypt, it took him 10 tries before he finally "succeeded"! In the eyes of the world, that was probably a dismal result, and even Aaron and Miriam scoffed at what Moses had done in Numbers 12. But what God looked at was not results or even effectiveness, but rather, Moses' faithfulness "My servant Moses is not so, who is faithful in all mine house." (Numbers 12: 7)

Elijah, on the other hand, experienced great success on Mount Carmel, showing all the false prophets of Baal that his God was a true and living God. Yet, he crashed and burned immediately after that! God came to Elijah in a "still small voice" (1 Kings 19:12), a reminder that sometimes what appears to be dramatic manifestations of success (fire from heaven!!) pale in comparison to God's gentle speaking into people's souls.

Remembering these 2 great men of faith was really comforting. I need to remember that I just need to stay the course and be faithful in this journey, so that I may experience the real joy in serving Him "His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord." (Matthew 25:21)

Preparing through God's lenses

I've been fairly testy recently - if people don't ask about my trip, I feel ignored; if people ask about my trip or when I'm leaving, I feel anxious because I've not been given much information from the school and I'm unable to buy my air tickets yet.

Ultimately, this shows the state of my mind, that I've still not been able to yield control over my life to the Lord, to the Creator, Eternal God who takes time to care for me. Just as Peter started to sink only when he took his eyes off Jesus, I need to keep my eyes on my Saviour and not on the waves around me. I need that constant renewal of my mind so I can see this journey through God's eyes - I am but a conduit through which God will reveal His glory!

[thecallafrica]

Counting down the days...

It's 90 days to the day that I'm supposed to start my orientation in Ethiopia!

When something that you've prepared so long for starts looking REAL, it really stirs up a mixed bag of feelings.

There are days of gratitude, when I see God's clear providence in guiding my every step. Even when I wonder around with my minuscule faith, crying to God like the ravens in Job 38:41 ("Who provideth for the raven his food? when his young ones cry unto God, they wander for lack of meat"), the Lord reached out and showed me He was working behind the scenes. My visa is now in Ethiopia, financial support discussions are clearer, fitting in my SIM orientation with my current work schedule, my family accepting that I'm really going - God is really directing each step of my path in His time.

There are days of anxiety and frustration. Though God has provided so richly, I forget that when things don't go according to MY plans and timing. Friends have been asking whether I've bought my air tickets, whether I've settled my rental...and whenever I answer "no", I get worried if plans will fall apart. Listening to this sermon today on 1 Peter 5 warns me that the devil will try to rob me of my peace and make me anxious but if I remember my Abba Father loves me, I can enjoy this process of preparation and be assured that my Father is carrying me through! "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

There are days of fear and doubt, days when I'm jolted from sleep with the realisation that I won't be laying in this bed in 3 months' time, that I'll be in a land with a totally foreign language and culture. There are days I wonder if I'm actually following God's call or just being foolhardy; days when I wonder if I can give up my current comforts. There are days when I'm proud that I'm serving the Lord where He has led me, and be crushed when people respond "Ohh...you are just going to be a teacher?? I thought you will be evangelising in remote areas or building churches!!" Denzel Washington's reminder to Will Smith prior to the Oscars is reminiscent of 1 Peter 5:6 & 8 "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time....Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."

"At your highest moment be careful, that's when the devil comes for you"

The Lord has called me to this work, not because He needs me, but because I need it - I need the reminder that I am just a tiny part of God's kingdom work; I need the reminder that God knows my weaknesses and is continually moulding me; I need the reminder to trust what I cannot see and to cling on to His promise that He will give me all that is needed to do His will.