the-shadow-of-my-past

[the-shadow-of-my-past]

[the-shadow-of-my-past]

December 18, 2022

-listing out your insecurities and then complimenting said insecurities

one of my biggest insecurities is my weight/stomach. I used to think I was so fat at 160-70 lbs, before I had my kids. I now look at old pictures from before kids and I hate that I was so hard on myself back then.

Now I'm 250 ish and I am sooooo uncomfortable in my own skin. I will just stare at myself and think about how my body is destroyed and hard to believe i can't get it back to 3 kids ago. I know I'll never be able to be down to the 160 lb range and I'm okay with that, I just want to be 190-200 range. I plan on working to get there this year and I truly believe i can do it!

But on a positive note, As much as I hate my body and feel so uncomfortable in it, it gave me my 3 babies. It helped grow my 3 greatest treasures in this world and I wouldn't change any of it!

[the-shadow-of-my-past]

December 17, 2022

This will be my first shadow work writing prompt I do. So, bare with me, I have never been good at talking about my feeling or past in a non-joking manner. This will be a first for me.

-What negative emotions do you tend to avoid? Why might this be?

Feelings in general have always been a hard topic for me. I suppress most all of them or I try to at least.

Sadness. I don't like to cry. As I have gotten older it has become less about "Oh I don't want anyone to see me and think I'm weak."

Its more about I have so much more to be happy for, so why should I be so sad. Why should I be here crying? Crying makes my head hurt.

or idk.... this is a lot harder than I thought it would be.... but I'm hoping each one I get better about opening up and being honest with myself.... but it the first step and I took it.

[the-shadow-of-my-past]

Healing is...

I'm not sure who might need to hear this but healing looks different for everyone and it isn't always herbal baths, green tea, and journaling. For some people the process of healing is:

Uncontrollable crying

Meeting parts of yourself you've kept hidden.

Doing what feels like never ending shadow work only to find yourself back at the same trigger that initiated your shadow work in the first place.

Allowing yourself to feel anger towards others for giving you burdens you didn't deserve to carry while simultaneously feeling bad that you're angry with them.

Realizing it was never your fault, then having to forgive yourself for making choices that were heavily influenced by the weight of those burdens placed on you.

Working with your inner child to let them know they are safe while still trying to maintain your sanity to deal with day to day life in the present.

Having to figure out new coping mechanisms during a time when you wish you could just rely on the old ones because you already know the relief they give you. But at the same time understanding that the relief they provide is only temporary and will lead you into a never ending cycle of despair and self loathing.

With this being said, do not ever feel bad if your healing starts to feel more like regression than progression. That is all a part of the process, if you are still choosing to continue on the path to healing, despite any feelings of stagnation you may have. That is in fact, you still working on healing, not giving up on yourself or your ability to heal. You are amazing for recognizing your need to recover and I sincerely pray that you find peace and restoration as your reward for taking this path. 💗

- Erika, The Clumsy Witch

[the-shadow-of-my-past]

shadow work prompts that have left me crying (i felt good after though)

- letter to a parent (hurts so good when you have mommy/daddy issues)

- letter to your younger self (bonus points for pre transition self if that applies to you)

- letter to your childhood pet/pets

- letter to your childhood best friend

- listing out your insecurities and then complimenting said insecurities

- listing everything you’re grateful for,, even if it’s just a few things

- letter to your ancestors or just all ancestors in general (i like doing it for all ancestors that way no one feels left out)

[the-shadow-of-my-past]

EGO SELF VS. HIGHER SELF