teaknot - Tumblr blog

[teaknot]

Wandering near Ghenh Da Dia, Quy Nhon

[teaknot]

[teaknot]

1000 days with BTS

you guys - every thing I want to cuddle with and protect for the rest of my life.

Until the day we meet, this is the only thing I could do with my laptop screen (yea Taehyung here is exactly my reaction whenever I miss you guys) 

but even this is the only way i could see you guys, you are always my cutest human beings and always in my heart. 

Thank you all for being there for me.

[teaknot]

Aha it’s already a year. And My name has already turned into Teaknot. :) Old times man :))

hello hello hello !!!

It’s me Nauich

Haha basically I’m An Pham

Welcome to my Tumblr <!>

where the craziest parts of my soul have chance to be revealed

*and nah that profile pic does not belong to me

[teaknot]

A journey to my inner side

This is my dream after taking a nap this noon:

Seems like it was a gathering of families and friends. And suddenly I felt a crave of having ice cream (you know how I feel about ice cream). However, no one seemed to be interested in my idea of going out and having some. At that moment, I decided to go on my own. 

To be honest no matter how old I am I always consider myself as a little kid who always follows orders and listen to her parents and sister well and a child who will never be mature enough to go take something alone without parental guidance or at least my sis’s company.

But I was surprised that in that dream even if i had to go and buy ice cream alone, I still did. I just want to get what I want, whether I get any support from my family and friend or not. I will follow my desire.

That’s when I realize - I am sure - that I’m that type of girl who seems to be so shy and afraid of taking her own step but would explode and fight for what she likes. People around me, my friends and family, have seen this side of me a lot. And they were always surprised, not enough to change their prejudice about me yet, but they were.

At that time, one of my friends who I could barely remember his face stood up and said he would go with me if I wanted to. You can tell how happy I was when I get some support from others. He’s quite cute (I don’t know why he resembles a little bit to Changmin of 2am) and you know how I would crush on someone easily just by looking at them, not to mention his support towards me and my dream. I was touched by this person. And he said he would wait for me outside.

Belief in friends I guess.

After tightening my shoelaces, I walked out of that room and looked around for a while. Right now I can’t remember exactly what had captivated my mind at that moment. I just know that I was lured away from my first intention of having ice cream and played around for a long time. Plus, I couldn’t remember the place where he told me to wait... Just like that for a long time...

It’s hard for me to focus on one thing even if it’s my greatest ambition. Even if I get support from people whom I admire and cherish, I can still get distracted. It’s just so exhausted like my brain would grow up and complete itself day by day but my neutrons will always be those of kids who get distracted easily by little things.

After about like 30 minutes I finally got back to reality and remembered the fact that he must have been waiting for me for such a long time. I ran to the main house and he had already been there with a bunch of friends. He just gave me quite a disappointed look and said: “Why did you make me wait for so long? Why did you not get there when you said you want to buy some ice cream? I thought it would make you happy but you just not made it there.”

Failure of achieving my dream anf it’s betraying your friends and yourself also.

Then he asked if I wanted to go to entertainment center with him and his friends. I felt guilty of making him wait and going against my promise. A bit embarrassed as well, so I followed him without thinking consciously. I couldn’t think of anything but making up for him.  We just walked along the road until we reached a large entertainment centre. That’s when I realized it actually was a water park - my eternal enemy. Water - I love water, I enjoy rivers and lakes and seas but all my life what I detest the most would be swimming pools. Everyone seemed to be crazy over it and all jumped into the water happily. He approached me like “Come on it will be fun”. My old excuse would be I didn’t prepare a swimsuit or bikini or something. And he was like it’s ok there were  many stores here which sold swimming things.  I was like “Actually I hate swimming you know. I want to go somewhere else.” I thought he would go with me, but he just smiled, liked “If you go, there’s no turning back, and this is your last chance. Are you going to disappoint me again? Will you?” 

There will always be time when I lost myself and followed other’s desires and their orders. It’s not like I want it to but I just lost all my wills and hopes and I feel like I’m not strong enough to pursue my dream anymore. I start to become a robot who does what it is told and becomes dull and bland as well. I might do whatever I was asked to even if that’s the work I would criticize badly in the past. “What’s fighting against it for?” There will be a time when I ask myself that question. The term “lose myself” of One Republic and Eminem has never meant the same in my case. It means “fck off everything and live for your dream and your life choice”. When I lost myself at time like that, I forgot my original dream, my hope, my desire and my ambition. I lost my strong will of fighting for what I like and I would do everything with a blind eye and the darkness would be the only thing left in my soul. I lost my passion and it just feel like I’m a dead man already.

 However I turned my back, headed for the road. I’m looking for an ice cream shop, or an ice cream truck with fuzzy funky funny music would be nice. The most admirable thing about ice cream is that you can enjoy in every seasons of the year which means all your life. The street was nice I swear, it looked like an anime classic scene where the autumn wind was waving and playing with the leaves and everything blended so well that even the old town turned into fantasy.

 What’s for? Why must he be so important to me like that? He’s no one. Why should I feel sorry for not fulfilling his will? Yes I was wrong making him wait after making a promise with him, but it’s not my fault of changing my path and achieving what I want at some times of my life. No matter what turn I make it’s my choice and he has no right of judging me now and even back then. I do what makes me happy and it’s my decision. 

Like I said, as my life has already turned black and meaningless back then, I can’t stand living with an empty hart and head anymore. That’s why I turn away. I won’t be under any control anymore. It’s my life my choice, my decision, my path, my eternal dream. As long as I follow my path, everything is pretty.

***

Good lord... It feel really relaxing... God it’s just a dream from a nap... That’s why I always try to revive those dreams. Cause I know they always means something to me. And this dream is just... Thank you.

Viet ver: (updating)

[teaknot]

Damn... So I lost this precious song due to my phone... And I forgot completely what it sounded like... You can’t tell how much desperation I’ve been through after that big loss... I still got the diary of that day >>> Conclusion: write down every single idea

And do protect your recorder carefully my god...

Wow it’s been 5 months already.. That 3-year-plan - screwed up a lot. I haven’t sent 5 audition tapes... yes only 1 and I should feel ashamed about that. I got my IELTS certification which is great because now I can tell that my English skills has got better and equal to NJ’s :>> I lost my phone and yes, lost a lot of tracks, covers and remixes. Haix

I NEED TO SPEED UP!

Sweetness hurts

So back to the main topic

He is the rapper of the group with the sweet and swag appearance at the same time // I was fooled by those things too …. The moment I discovered this group I have already knew he is a talented and powerful rapper as well as producer. While being a fangirl over him (bias I just learned this term this yr :)) As an amateur songwriter I also admire him a lot..

This morning I found his old track_predebut track when he was 16. I didn’t expect these thing where he rapped and produced songs about political issue like that. Even a song about the school violence … I listened to them speechlessly and even more overwhelmed when I searched for the lyrics. As a hardworking student who always afraid of not finishing homework and an amateur songwriter, I don’t have much time practicing writing lyrics until now when the burden of student life got lighter. And now I’m looking at these deep and powerful lyrics that he wrote while he was only 16, about hardcore issue like that. It’s just Oh My God feeling thing that blow up in my mind and my stomach. I felt anxious , he’s more than talent. He is hardworking, he is brilliant and he is truly an artist who can get inspiration from the slightest aspect of life.

Looking at myself, I felt ashamed I felt like a Loser like ‘What am I doing with my life’ I have gone over all these questions the time I listened to their first and second album. But this time it’s like I’m looking directly to that incredible mind of my idol and get overwhelmed by the aura of his gifted talent… It’s just so hard to be envious with the person you admire a lot. He is the artist…

What am I? And I just kept lying getting stuck with  that voice of shame inside my head. And I took my adventure book to write down all my feelings about him and him…. It’s so hard … haiz it’s like the whole universe is sitting on my shoulder

I relieved a little bit…. but I thought I would look him in the different way from then, with a little fear of the strong light from him.. I need to work seriously, might never catch up with him  but I will do my best. I told myself then.

This night while I was typing all these words, I look over some of his fansite. And I found his fandom in my country. they post hell lots of his cute and sexy and swag pics and clips. Blow my mind!

Haiz while just scrolling down and being unable to hide my unconsciously sneaky smile, an unexpected melody keep touching my mind… and somehow the lyrics that came out that moment fairly fit it. At the time I was writing my feelings about him in the morning I intended to write them English and then I would turn them into a Korean rap song later when I get my Korean lessons perfectly ( I’m craving for them, my 3-yr-plan are coming so close) But now this chorus came out in English smoothly so it might be a great idea if I could rap the draft in English to. It should be a great song… just wait. I promise. 

ps _ Well I call it lyrics but it’s ridiculously simple words repeated on the whole. Well fair enough. just wait ..! I promise !

I got lost in the way dadadada …

[teaknot]

Conclusion: being fit is better .. Yet my face can’t gain any weight ._. while my body is turning into a pig What kind of person am I!!

[teaknot]

Aida it’s been more than a year since our trip to the Middle. (23.07.2014)

Alone, without parents, travelling half of the length of the country to the utopia ~~ It’s worthy, all those harsh tracking , as we’ve been into one of the greatest caves in Phong Nha ...

Well Son Doong has to wait haha... It was kinda “so close yet so far” feeling when we got there. It was just like 100 km (idk actually) away from us.... haiz

A lot of experiences though with all the first-time-to-do things. Guess what??? It seems that I’m the youngest Vietnamese to ever enter Thuy Cung Cave(16yo bro) !!! Yaha well they didn’t record it anyway yet all the local tourist guiders approved it ! YES! ... Some even thought we were foreigners because “how could you young girls go tracking like this? It will be exhausted and arduous you know” They mistook some as us when we made a reservation for everything...

Well it was haha. I almost passed out on the way back and thank god we got out of that forest. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still worthy trip as the scenery was no joke but seriously you have to learn how to deal with those mosquitoes and cliffs and rocks ...

First time hah ... I’ve learnt a lot and definitely next year !! Next year I will be there once again and achieve greater goals... I heard there is a 2day1night trip to the deeper cave inside that forest ..... wait for me please ...

Photographers : Qoin Pham, An Pham

Editor : Qoin Pham

[teaknot]

Distracted again last night ._. I couldn’t finish my essay because of this damn . Code: never ever “|°°|\|∆”|°° #dreamneutron

[teaknot]

Sweetness hurts

So back to the main topic

He is the rapper of the group with the sweet and swag appearance at the same time // I was fooled by those things too .... The moment I discovered this group I have already knew he is a talented and powerful rapper as well as producer. While being a fangirl over him (bias I just learned this term this yr :)) As an amateur songwriter I also admire him a lot..

This morning I found his old track_predebut track when he was 16. I didn’t expect these thing where he rapped and produced songs about political issue like that. Even a song about the school violence ... I listened to them speechlessly and even more overwhelmed when I searched for the lyrics. As a hardworking student who always afraid of not finishing homework and an amateur songwriter, I don’t have much time practicing writing lyrics until now when the burden of student life got lighter. And now I’m looking at these deep and powerful lyrics that he wrote while he was only 16, about hardcore issue like that. It’s just Oh My God feeling thing that blow up in my mind and my stomach. I felt anxious , he’s more than talent. He is hardworking, he is brilliant and he is truly an artist who can get inspiration from the slightest aspect of life.

Looking at myself, I felt ashamed I felt like a Loser like ‘What am I doing with my life’ I have gone over all these questions the time I listened to their first and second album. But this time it’s like I’m looking directly to that incredible mind of my idol and get overwhelmed by the aura of his gifted talent... It’s just so hard to be envious with the person you admire a lot. He is the artist...

What am I? And I just kept lying getting stuck with  that voice of shame inside my head. And I took my adventure book to write down all my feelings about him and him.... It’s so hard ... haiz it’s like the whole universe is sitting on my shoulder

I relieved a little bit.... but I thought I would look him in the different way from then, with a little fear of the strong light from him.. I need to work seriously, might never catch up with him  but I will do my best. I told myself then.

This night while I was typing all these words, I look over some of his fansite. And I found his fandom in my country. they post hell lots of his cute and sexy and swag pics and clips. Blow my mind!

Haiz while just scrolling down and being unable to hide my unconsciously sneaky smile, an unexpected melody keep touching my mind... and somehow the lyrics that came out that moment fairly fit it. At the time I was writing my feelings about him in the morning I intended to write them English and then I would turn them into a Korean rap song later when I get my Korean lessons perfectly ( I’m craving for them, my 3-yr-plan are coming so close) But now this chorus came out in English smoothly so it might be a great idea if I could rap the draft in English to. It should be a great song... just wait. I promise. 

ps _ Well I call it lyrics but it’s ridiculously simple words repeated on the whole. Well fair enough. just wait ..! I promise !

I got lost in the way dadadada ...

[teaknot]

A bunch of wires

Basically today there were whole lots of emotions! like A LOT! But Twitter does not give me enough space to give them out so here we are... sweep through this account ...

Honestly I do not mean any disrespect it’s just I’m not 100% the person of art to join in this creative site... so ...haiz i feel ashamed at my poor ability <silence>

Back to my diary

This morning I woke up and was full of thoughts. While being in the state where I just lie there in the dark in my room being wide awake but just closing my eyes and thinking about my life... // And today that process happened as usual..// And my brain’s topic today is this sweet famous guy in a Kpop group// They just successfully grasp the attention of more people all over the world including me with their new album // There’s no need to comment on how talented and nice and crazy and cute they are as well as how powerful and energetic and soulful their music is /// They have reached the first milestone in their life already... and they about to set the higher peak... I became their fan..

As I told you ( well no one read these anyway :)) my Kpop obsession just came back to me this year thanks to the great and outstanding solo of my favorite idol HyunSeung. So did my K dream. I have been back to my dream of being the person who works on music for the rest of my life for 5 years and that’s also the time I was giving up on Kpop... Not “give up’‘ means dislike thing but just not getting really interested in Kpop news and dream of being in that industry....

Now it’s back. Seeing those great performances from my old idol like BEAST or BIGBANG or 4MINUTE once again I was inspired ... The whole 5 years I have written my music with a lot of Western influences.... The first time in my life I wrote Klike tracks, plus some my new experiences with amazing band from JP Waggakki.... I don’t know yet but I think at this time my hearts is firmly heading for Korean and Japan rather than the West... I even changes my dream of finding scholarship in Europe ...

It just came all these crazy changes in this year

[teaknot]

hello hello hello !!!

It's me Nauich

Haha basically I'm An Pham

Welcome to my Tumblr <!>

where the craziest parts of my soul have chance to be revealed

*and nah that profile pic does not belong to me