tarkinng-blog

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“I stopped explaining myself when I realized people only understand from their level of perception.”

— Unknown

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Reminds me of- "I waited for you, but I never told you where I was"

Damn, John, why you gotta call me out like that ��

My biggest red flag?

I disappear.

Not in the obvious ways, but in the subtle ones, texts left unread, calls ignored like they never rang.

I cancel plans without an excuse, fade into the background of group chats and missed events.

I laugh less, talk even less than that. It's easier to ghost than explain how heavy my chest feels.

I leave messages half-typed, delete them before I hit send, telling myself they don't care anyway.

I let the days blur together, sleep in too late, or not at all, I pretend I'm fine until I believe it.

Until I'm too deep to find my way back.

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Abso-fucking-lutely!

i just heard the phrase “if you wouldn’t trust their advice, don’t trust their criticism” for the first time and i don’t think i’ve ever needed to hear anything more

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You deserve patience and have always deserved patience.

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I kept a promise to myself. I had told myself I was going to stop arguing with people who wouldn't listen. To shut it down when someone yelled over me instead of letting me explain.

I needed a photo to renew my passport. They recently changed the process so you can do it online, and upload a photo. There are many, many pages of examples and instructions for how this photo should be. They are explicit that there should be a lot of room around you in the photo, there are examples that show most of the person's upper body. They go on to explain that yes, this is different than the old process where you stapled a square headshot. They want to be able to crop the photo. Ok, makes sense to me, sounds like an improvement from the time many years ago when my passport was printed with the photo oddly stretched.

When I asked my husband to help me take the photo, I was ready. I had reviewed all the examples, I told him about how many pictures I looked at, there's even a video! I just needed him to stand where I told him and press the button. I thought I was making things easier, he was helping me after all.

He stood much closer then I asked, so I said "they asked you to stand about 4 feet away." He was instantly angry, "no that's not right, like half your body is in the picture then!" "Please, don't yell at me." "Don't follow rules blindly!" (He's yelling louder now)

This is normally where I would try to yell back, beg him to listen, try to explain again about how I looked at all the examples, and the cropping. And he would continue to shout over me about how he knows better.

Today, no. I told him, nevermind, I would find another way to take the picture correctly (and I did). I walked away.

Is it a win to have a husband that yells at me when I disagree with him? Who doesn't even consider that I might have researched something when he thinks he knows better? Absolutely not. This sucks. But, I didn't waste my time trying to talk to someone who just wants to shout louder until they win.

My voice is only for those who want to hear it. Baby steps.