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captorations · 7 years ago

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The Signs As Random Wikipedia Articles

Aries: Brian Widlake Arsces: Bristol 409 Arrius: Viraboury District Ariborn: Long Division (Low album) Arittarius: Jack Rife Arpia: Modern Woman Arza: Sony Pal Arga: Calcium citrate Aro: 41st Air Division Arcen: Transitional Federal Parliament Armini: 1990 Estoril Open – Doubles Arun: Trey Lunsford Arist: Deulabari Union Arsci: Sratsimir dynasty Arnius: Nanyang Jiangying Airport Aricorn: International Boat Industry Arittanius: Suiticide Arpio: Abu Jafar ibn Harun al-Turjali Arra: Greta libethris Argo: Los Pehuenches Airport Arlo: Seroczyn, Sokołów County Arcer: Triumphs of a Taxidermist Armino: Alliance in the Alps Arus: Anaconda Peak Taurus: The Trinity Tripod Taurist: Gerli Liinamäe Taursci: Banka Junction railway station Taurnius: Andrej Brázda-Jankovský Tauricorn: Montenegro at the 2009 World Championships in Athletics Taurittanius: 1900 in Costa Rica Taurpio: Alf Poier Taurra: Anthony Trethowan Taurgo: Catarhoe Taurlo: Fender Katana Taurcer: Noorhaqmal Mohamed Noor Taurmino: Pech Chenda Taurun: Mercer County Courthouse (Illinois) Tauries: Mowchadz’ River Taursces: Khidima Taurrius: GMA Network (company) Tauriborn: Qingdao Technical College Taurittarius: Wilkingia Taurpia: Strength of the Sword 3 Taurza: Media in Portland, Maine Taurga: Radhouane Chebbi Tauro: Soy egg Taurcen: John Evans (rugby player) Taurmini: Trinity Congregational Church, Arundel Gemini: Danske Bank (Norway) Gemun: 1964–65 SM-sarja season Gemries: Alusian of Bulgaria Gemsces: Lantau Link Gemrius: Orlyane Gemiborn: Calcipressin Gemittarius: Franchi SPAS-15 Gempia: Neusiß Gemza: United Nations Security Council Resolution 75 Gemga: Flavelle Gemo: Bhagirathipur, Dhenkanal Gemcen: Richard Marsina Gemino: 5th Royal Bavarian Division Gemus: Duncan Cooper (footballer) Gemrist: Belle Rive, Illinois Gemsci: 2010–11 Danish Superliga Gemnius: Songs and Tunes from the Original Soundtrack of Magical Sentosa Gemicorn: The Twa Sisters Gemittanius: Czarne, Gołdap County Gempio: Osric, king of the Hwicce Gemra: Francis Phips Gemgo: Luttrell's Tower Gemlo: Sean Clohessy Gemcer: United Press International Athlete of the Year Award Cancer: Strumigenys nanzanensis Camino: Udall, Missouri Canus: Robert Montague (Jamaican politician) Canrist: 2017 Liga 3 South Sumatra Cansci: Petr Pavlensky Cannius: Hugh Tootell Canicorn: Hamersley Range Canittanius: Visa requirements for Somaliland citizens Canpio: GLKS Nadarzyn Canra: 1978 Speedway World Team Cup Cango: Barasat Canlo: Vladimir Lossky Cancen: Otto Miguel Cione Camini: Arrow 3 Canun: Victor Bumbalo Canries: Moritz Kaposi Cansces: Heartbeat (1993 film) Canrius: Chan Sui Ki (La Salle) College Caniborn: Martin C. Ansorge Canittarius: Arctic Trucks Canpia: Indexicality Canza: Index of Cape Verde-related articles Canga: Ryan Hanigan Cano: Milena Milašević Leo: Appouasso Lecen: Baron Aldenham Lemini: Purdue Polytechnic Institute Leun: Watsessing Avenue station Leries: Bardastemal Lesces: San Lucas Ojitlán Lerius: W. Avery & Son Leiborn: Prague Zoo Leittarius: One L Lepia: Maryland Terrapins women's basketball Leza: Travel Trendz Lega: Esteban Loaiza Lelo: List of foreign observers of Russia Lecer: Sebastián Arrieta Lemino: Legislative districts of Cotabato Leus: Ward Valley Lerist: Roy Curry Lesci: Ollie Johnson (basketball, born 1949) Lenius: Epifanio Comis Leicorn: Namgen Leittanius: Bristol Crown Court Lepo: Vladimir Cruz Lera: Public float Lego: Chi Kraeng District Virgo: Sturisoma frenatum Virlo: Henley Rural District Vircer: White Oak, Ritchie County, West Virginia Virmino: Ribes watsonianum Virus: Westwood (subdivision), Houston Virist: Strâmbișoara River Virsci: John Merritt (baseball) Virnius: Bras d'Eau National Park Viricorn: Masarjawaih Virittanius: Guatemalan Act Virpio: Don Fumino Virra: Chymase Virga: James Steel House Viro: Seychelles Marketing Board Vircen: Zend Framework Virmini: Idol Camp Virus: Open Books & Records Viries: Inner Banks Virsces: Chronica Gallica of 511 Virrius: Murzynowiec Leśny Viriborn: The Mute of Portici (1922 film) Virittarius: Jenny Laird Virpia: Abe Manley Virza: Flag of Merionethshire Libra: John Gallagher (rugby league) Ligo: Subaru G Liblo: Funky Miracle Licer: List of current standing members of the National People's Congress Limino: 42nd Saturn Awards Libus: Mary Cuddie Librist: Daxing Line, Beijing Subway Libsci: Takehiko Shinjō Libnius: Lachhi (1949 film) Libicorn: Harold Gillies Libittanius: Paulo Miklos Lipio: Da Ya Think I'm Sexy? Libza: Aston Business School Liga: Xestia badicollis Licen: Arrow Creek (Fergus County, Montana) Limini: M. Chandrasekaran Libun: Colorado State Highway 172 Libries: Coach of the Year Trophy (IHJUK) Libsces: 1929 college football season Librius: Gamla Turingevägen Inscriptions Libiborn: Rock concert Libittarius: Herat Province Lipia: Discovery Limited Scorpio: Oslo Airport, Gardermoen Scorra: Victor Crowley (film) Scorgo: Mallakhamba Scorlo: Oliver Skeete Scorcer: Raquel Giscafré Scormino: 2014 CERH European Roller Hockey U-17 Championship Scorus: Cap Djinet Scorist: Jubilee Hospital, Huntly Scorsci: NASA Authorization Act of 2005 Scornius: Virginia Beach Open Scoricorn: Amon Düül UK Scorittanius: Alkb homolog 3, alpha-ketoglutaratedependent dioxygenase Sorpia: Campagnac, Tarn Scorza: Tozeur–Nefta International Airport Scorga: Frederick Talbot Scoro: Municipality of Duplek Scorcen: Deric Yaussi Scormini: The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe Scorun: Church Music Association of America Scories: Watkins Family Hour Scorsces: Gentle Bones discography Scorrius: Lincoln, Pennsylvania Scoriborn: Ozurgeti Municipality Scorittarius: Neurophyseta renata Sagittarius: Neu-Anspach Sagipia: Iron Belle Trail Sagiza: Virginia gubernatorial election, 1905 Sagiga: Fleckvieh Sagio: Ezzat Jadoua Sagicen: Benderama Sagimini: Karla Boddy Sagiun: Cook County Board of Commissioners Sagiries: Solium Infernum Sagisces: Pacitan Regency Sagirius: William Patterson Dunlop Sagiborn: Dennis Olson (fighter) Sagittanius: Sphenoidal emissary foramen Sagipio: Mary Killman Sagira: 2 (The Black Heart Procession album) Sagigo: 1952 Slovenian Republic League Sagilo: Sand Museum Sagicer: 1983 VFL season Sagimino: Chieko Asakawa Sagius: Auction sniping Sagirist: List of prefects of Vukovar-Srijem County Sagisci: Erythroecia Saginius: Discovery Science (Canada) Sagicorn: Paliseul Capricorn: Antonio Montella Capritannius: Luke's Preparedness Preparations Capripio: Amzath Khan Caprira: Tropical Storm Henri (2003) Caprigo: Julia Elliott Caprilo: Robert Hecht-Nielsen Capricer: Mottai Night Land Caprimino: Baydu Caprius: Bryant Terry Caprist: Lake Elizabeth Township, Kandiyohi County, Minnesota Caprisci: Yale World Fellows Caprinius: Eurybia macrophylla Capriborn: Alec Troup Caprittarius: Georges Mandjeck Capripia: Lipa, Zreče Capriza: West Virginia League Capriga: Cyclical theory Caprio: Canada (1967 song) Capricen: Natalie Dianová Caprimini: The Gambler (1938 film) Capriun: Lalanam Capries: James M. McMichael Caprisces: Luke Doran Capririus: Raees Dynasty Aquarius: Alina Vergara Aquiborn: Tristan Tafel Aquittarius: Barthélémy Djabla Aquapia: M'hamed Bougara University of Boumerdès Aquaza: Now Jub Aquaga: Bill Morris (basketball) Aquo: Thomas M. Carlson Aquacen: Sassona Norton Aquamini: La Hoya, Alava Aquiun: Mount Antero Aquaries: Haute-Vigneulles Aquasces: Mahmud Nedim Pasha Aquanius: A Certain Magical Index: The Movie – The Miracle of Endymion Aquicorn: WBZG Aquittanius: Scarborough Formation Aquapio: Louit Aquara: Astra Edwards Aquago: Glochidion moonii Aqualo: San Diego High School (Texas) Aquacer: Richmond Town Hall Aquamino: Manuel Zarzo Aquius: Pectinivalva gilva Aquarist: Mirusha Park Aquasci: 2006 PBA Philippine Cup Pisces: Rillettes Pirius: Taihei Imamura Piborn: Human Flame Pittarius: Hoover Cyclecar Pipia: Triplostephanus hoaraui Piza: Gmina Zalewo Piga: Qatar at the Paralympics Pio: Emmanuel College, University of Queensland Picen: Kılıçkaya Pimini: Jauni Piun: Ventura County Fusion Piries: Jalan Bota Kiri Pisci: Inquisitor hormophorus Pinius: Wiraqucha (Junín) Picorn: Brian Ross (footballer) Pittanius: Dicranopteris Pipio: Génova, Quetzaltenango Pira: You Were Meant for Me (film) Pigo: Anita Municipal Airport Picer: Desmia validalis Pimino: Selfors Pius: Timaru District Pirist: All India Kashmiri Samaj

#i'm fucking pissed i spent like a week carefully linking every single one but apparently it doesn't work #i guess it was too many links? or tumblr is just broken #homestuck #hiveswap #true sign #the signs as

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thebibliomancer · 8 years ago

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Legends Liveblogging: Star Wars: Dark Empire #4

I’m loving Leia’s Sigourney Weaver look.

BOOK 4: CONFRONTATION ON THE SMUGGLERS’ MOON

Believing he can resolve the Galactic conflict by learning the Emperor’s darkest secrets, Luke Skywalker has at last taken his father’s place as the Emperor’s protege and Supreme Commander of the Imperial forces.

The Emperor, for his part, hopes to push his “young apprentices” over the edge, deep into the seductive embrace of the Dark Side of the Force.

Luke’s decision to follow his father’s destiny is a dangerous and perhaps foolhardy one, for the Emperor has now launched a massive assault upon the crumbling New Republic.

As the Emperor’s inexorable World Devastators smash the floating cities of Admiral Ackbar’s home planet, Lando Calrissian and Wedge Antilles lead Rebel forces in a fierce -- and fruitless -- attempt to save the gentle Mon Calamari.

Meanwhile, Han Solo and Leia Organa embark on a quest to free Luke. Together with Chewbacca and C-3P0 hey journey to Nar Shaddaa, a smugglers’ moon orbiting the Hutt homeworld. There they find Han’s old friend, Shug Ninx, and old girlfriend, Salla Zend, who owns a ship that can travel the Deep Galactic Core with impunity. And there Leia meets Vima-Da-Boda, an old woman Jedi overlooked in the great purge, who gives Leia a mysterious gift.

But the highest clan of Hutts, brothers of the dead gangster Jabba, have placed a fabulous price on the heads of Han and Leia... a price that attracts the attention of an old enemy: Boba Fett!

So Boba Fett is alive. How did he survive being dropped into the Sarlacc?

“The Sarlacc found me somewhat indigestible.” Cool story, bro.

Anyway, Han’s old friend Mako sold him out. That’s how the bounty hunters knew to wait for him.

So Han and Leia just run right back out the door because main character shields.

And a chase ensues through the crowded spaceport. Han and Leia get cornered on a landing terrace until Fett inadvertently helps them out.

One of his wrist rockets hits a floater that’s carrying a Hutt crime boss. Which results in the Hutt getting knocked off and falling to his death.

So. If Han and Leia are wanted for the death of Jabba, wouldn’t Boba have a price on his head now too? Shouldn’t he be more concerned with skipping town than continuing to chase this bounty? Its not like he can turn them in anymore if the Hutts want him too.

This never gets brought up.

Anyway, Han and Leia grab the newly unHutted platform and fly off. Luckily, instead of waiting for them to get back with the parts they needed, Salla and Ninx finished the repairs. Han and Leia rendezvous with the Starlight Intruder as it flies above the skyline.

But Boba Fett somehow found the time to get to his ship, the Slave II, get the ship flying, and copy the Intruder’s jump coordinates so that he can beat them there. Also Dengar is with him.

Meanwhile, on the Starlight Intruder (with the Millennium Falcon hitching a ride on the back, no worries) Leia finally opens that package she got from Vima-Da-Boda and discovers that its an ancient lightsaber.

Hooray, Leia gets a lightsaber!

But this rad moment is overshadowed by Leia’s fears for Luke. She has a Jedi vision of him doing a dramatic pose in front of a fleet. She fears that they’ve lost him, that he has taken Vader’s role at the Emperor’s side.

ELSEWHERE, a World Devastator continues to eat the Star Destroyer Lando was captaining. Good job, Lando. Its only the size of a city. You couldn’t dodge?

He orders an abandon ship. Although I suspect that with the speed of the thing, all the crew in the bow of the Star Destroyer are super dead.

The situation being a bit FUBAR, Pinnacle Base sends reinforcements. Specifically, those E-Wings from earlier.

Before those can prove to be relentlessly ineffectual against the OP might of the World Devastators, something weird happens.

The master control computer on Byss transmits shut down codes to the Silencer 7, causing it to self-destruct.

Lando assumes that whoever is in command of the World Devastators is an idiot. Or wants to lose.

Lets tuck that away for later.

BECAUSE THE STARLIGHT INTRUDER JUST REACHED BYSS.

Oh and Boba Fett is still chasing them.

Except here’s the thing.

The Starlight Intruder has approved registration codes with Byss security. The Slave II doesn’t.

And Slave II is a terrible name for a ship, Boba.

Boba Fett tries to slip in behind the Intruder but Byss security closes the shields after the Intruder leaving the Slave II to bounce off the shield.

Humorously, Dengar proclaims he’s never going to work with Fett again. Its a shame to see them fall out like this. Boba was the best man at his wedding.

Anyway, the Starlight Intruder berths and the Millennium Falcon sneaks off with Han and Leia inside.

Leia follows her senses to where Luke is. Which is obviously the giant black tower of ominousness. Where else would the Emperor set up shop?

A security ship pursues them but Leia uses the Force to make them think the Falcon just turned invisible.

The Falcon lands in the citadel and Han, Leia, Chewie, and C3P0 disembark. Salla and Ninx were secretly on board though and they blast their way out of the citadel on the Falcon and fly off so they can be an ace in the hole should things go predictably bad.

A squiggly vision of Luke manifests and tells Leia that she shouldn’t have come and that the Emperor lives. GAAAAAASP not a surprise to us.

Big Sith alchemy altered peeps called Sentinels escort the group to where Luke is.

THE EMPEROR’S CLONE LABORATORIES. For when one extra life just isn’t enough.

Luke and Han trade barbs a bit before the Emperor shows up.

Leia immediately whips out her lightsaber and slashes at a Sentinel that grabs Han.

She tells the Emperor that she’s leaving and Luke is coming with her.

So the Emperor just waves his hand and disintegrates her lightsaber. Ffs she just got the dang thing! This is why we can’t have nice things. Reborn clone emperors.

The Emperor gloats about having both Skywalkers in his grasp and tally up another instance of people being obsessed with Leia’s womb.

He then starts to monologue about his cool army of backup clone bodies but instead of listening, Leia tries to throw a heavy thing at his head. WITH HER MIND.

It doesn’t work.

And then he electrocutes her.

And then he has her taken to his quarters for training.

And then Han tries to shove Luke but gets lifted. Luke responds to Han’s threats, saying maybe he does deserve to die but it won’t be Han that does the deed.

And then the issue just ends there. Weird place to end it.

I really wish they had just cut out all the Nar Shaddaa stuff. It was pointless. Just shoving a Boba Fett cameo into our eyes. And he won’t stop appearing and at this exact level of competency.

Could have given me a more fleshed out slide to darkness for Luke. Or Leia doing stuff.

#star wars #dark empire #legends liveblogging

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thebibliomancer · 8 years ago

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Legends Liveblogging: Star Wars: Dark Empire #3

That’s an appropriate reaction, really. Following in your father’s path doesn’t mean you have to follow in his hairstyle too.

BOOK 3: THE BATTLE FOR CALAMARI

Brought to a sinister and beautiful world called Byss, Luke Skywalker finds himself the prisoner of Emperor Palpatine, now triumphantly alive!

As the villainous Emperor explains to Luke, it was to Byss that his living energy was transported when his diseased and corrupted body was destroyed by Dark Vader. On Byss, he took a new clone body -- as he had many times before.

Once restored to physical life, the Emperor allowed the civil war to rage on while he quietly and patiently rebuilt his forces, preparing a massive final blow against all who would deny him everlasting dominion over the Empire!

Even now, as Luke appears to fall under the Emperor’s ever-expanding power, massive engines of desctruction are inflicting death blows to the floating cities of the Calamari, long-standing allies of the Rebel Alliance...

In response to Admiral Ackbar’s urgent commands, the Rebel Destroyer Emancipator, together with an armada of Frigates and Star Cruisers, makes the hyperspace jump to the Calamari water world, ready to engage the Emperor’s World Devastators!

Dark Empire is largely ignored except for cherry-picked plot points but the Emperor gaining immortality through cloning does fit with his goals in the prequel trilogy.

For reasons, its a poor second to actually having the secret of life Darth Plagueis was working on but its better than being dead.

Anyway.

The Rebel fleet under the command of Lando and Wedge pops out of hyperspace above Mon Calamari. Since the Empire is broadcasting images of the World Devastators’ world devastation, Lando is able to adjust their course so they can get a non-world devastating sneak attack off against the Star Destroyer Allegiance in orbit above Mon Calamari.

Supposedly a super star destroyer but it doesn’t look it and anyway the super classification is a bit vague in the EU.

The rebel fleet dispatches fighters down to pew pew at the World Devastators. The crew aboard the lead Devastator, Silencer 7, are not concerned. X-Wings are antiques and the World Devastators are heavily defended.

They send word back to Supreme Commander Skywalker that they’ve engaged the Rebels and continue on world devastating.

Meanwhile, the factories inside the World Devastators start churning out robotic TIE Fighters and one of the Devastators heads into orbit to literally eat a Star Destroyer.

Another good bit of size comparison.

Meanwhile, at Pinnacle Base, Leia has a vision of Darth Vader. Except its not really Vader, its Luke and the Vader vision has Vader and Luke as eyes.

The Force acts in mysterious ways.

Anyway, Luke vision tells Leia not to look for him or try to interfere. This Is Something He Has To Do Himself, destiny and all that rot.

Leia protests that joining the Dark Side to try to save the galaxy is just going to destroy Luke and probably the people he wants to protect instead but the Emperor hijacks the call to tell Leia that Luke is lost.

And then Leia passes out.

Mon Mothma gets Han from where he’s briefing pilots on the new E-Wing and repeating that THE WORLD DEVASTATORS ARE TOTALLY MEANER THAN THE DEATH STAR.

If you say it enough times, you may even believe it yourself.

Anyway, Leia insists again that they go find Luke. I thought they were doing that last issue but I guess they got sidetracked.

And Mon Mothma doomsays a bit. Luke is the last Jedi! (And a main character) If he’s lost, then the Rebel Alliance is DOOOOOOOOOOOOMED.

Han raises a very salient point.

Anyway, Leia knows through Force-ness that Luke is in the Deep Galactic Core (oh good job that narrows it down to MILLIONS OF LIGHT YEARS) but that area is on deep lockdown by the Empire. So they need someone who already has permission to be there.

And Han may know exactly the kind of person. Its an ex-girlfriend. He’s going to introduce his wife to an ex-girlfriend. On Nar Shaddaa. Which is basically the poster child for moon-wide urban decay. Oh and Leia and Han both have bounties on them for Jabba’s death.

GOOD LIFE CHOICE, HAN.

Even before they reach the surface, they have bounty hunters after them. They manage to shake them by flying through a billboard into a secret tunnel to the workshop of Han’s old buddy, Shug Ninx.

Ninx would be happy to help but its Han’s old ex, Salla Zend, who has a ship almost shipshape cleared for the Deep Core. The Starlight Intruder. It just needs some final repairs (Chewie can help with that) and some power couplings.

And Han may even have some stashed in his old apartment.

Wanna see Han’s bachelor pad, Leia?

On their way, they run across vagrant Vima-Da-Boda who claims to have been a Jedi who sold out her own kind. She says she can sense that Leia is a Jedi who contains the spark that will rekindle the fire of the Jedi (tally up another person obsessed with Leia’s womb) and gives her a box.

And then Vima vanishes when Leia looks away.

Anyway. They reach Han’s old pad (which he won in a sabacc game, of course) and meet his decrepit housekeeping droid, Zee-Zee, who announces Han has company.

“A Mr. Fett to see you, sir...”

DUN DUN DUNNNN

This whole Nar Shaddaa trip is a bit fillery. There are a few things that come out of it that serve the plot but they could have been written around. Considering that the previous issue ended with them getting ready to go after Luke and in this issue Leia has to have a vision that underscores how important it is, they could have saved a lot of time by just having them go immediately without messing around with Nar Shaddaa.

I can see them needing help getting into Byss. One doesn’t simply walk into Mordor after all. But getting into the deep core at all? I call shenanigans. You can’t really defend a border effectively when that border is lightyears and lightyears of empty space.

Cut out this issue and the stuff with Boba next time and have them steal a shuttle or something instead. Devote this time to Luke’s fall instead of it happening almost immediately.

#Star Wars #Dark Empire #legends liveblogging

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thebibliomancer · 8 years ago

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Legends Liveblogging: Star Wars: Dark Empire #5

Are you all ready for sexy Palpatine?

BOOK 5: EMPEROR REBORN

As the Emperor’s World Devastators continue to savage the Alliance, Princess Leia and Han Solo embark on a quest to free Luke Skywalker from the grasp of the Dark Side.

With Chewbacca and C-3PO, Han and Leia journey to an ancient spaceport moon, refuge of Corellian smugglers. There they encounter bounty hunter Boba Fett, who survived being swallowed by the Sarlacc on Tatooine.

Thanks to Han’s old friends, Salla Zend and Shug Ninx, the Millennium Falcon and its crew escape to hyperspace aboard Salla’s Starlight Intruder - a hot rod freighter licensed to haul military cargo to the Deep Galactic Core.

Boba Fett pursues the Intruder, but meets disaster over Byss - the Emperor’s throne world - when he attempts to sneak past the planet’s security shields.

Once in port, Leia uses her Jedi powers to guide the Millennium Falcon to the citadel where Luke now reigns as the Emperor’s protege. A vicious fight ensues, but according to plan, Ninx and Salla save the Falcon - and Leia, Han, Chewbacca, and C-3PO allow themselves to be captured.

Brought at last into the presence of Emperor Palpatine and his Supreme Commander Luke Skywalker, Leia makes a valiant attempt to save Luke, using her intensifying control of the Force.

But the Emperor cannot be overcome so easily. He gives Leia a painful demonstration of his ever-expanding power, crowing in triumph that he has finally captured the last of the Jedi!

Well, that’s not even remotely true.

There’s Vima, a dude we’ll meet in Dark Empire II, the guy that becomes Darth Krayt, K’Kruhk and his sweet hat.

Anyway.

We start off with Salla and Ninx. They’re hiding the Falcon inside another freighter called the Hyperspace Marauder. Who taught these smugglers how to name ships.

Salla receives a call from Han requesting pickup but before the Falcon can take off, its detected by an Imperial Hunter-Killer. Which is like a probe droids but huuuuuuuuuuuuuge.

Salla and Ninx try to get away but the Hunter-Killer swallows the Falcon in its hellishly red glowing stomach.

So much for the secret getaway plan.

We cut to Leia being brought to Palpatine’s quarters.

He tells the guards to screw off because he has secrets he can only share with a Jedi.

And that secret is... a glowing cube of vast import!

Also known as a Jedi Holocron.

Jedi Holocrons are cool. Despite being ‘primitive hologram technology’ it seems way more advanced than a lot of stuff in Star Wars. Because a holocron is a record of Jedi history and teachings and also sort of an AI of the Jedi Master that recorded it. The recorded Jedi judges what a person is qualified to hear. In the Jedi Academy trilogy, Luke even remarked that a holocron was withholding stuff even from him, the masteriest Jedi Master in existence.

Leia says that the holocron is a Jedi teaching device and Palpatine has no right to it. Palpatine disagrees. He is currently the master of all the Jedi. As in, Luke and Leia. Womp womp.

Anyway, he puts the holocron back in its holocron pedastal, next to his uncomfortable space bed. And since it doesn’t stop glowing, you’d think that would make it hard to sleep. Because sleep is what he intends to do.

He has Leia ‘help a dying old man into his bed.’ And then pays her back by talking shit at her. He explains that the Dark Side has given him the power to body surf. Although he has used this only to enter his own clones, he can do this to anyone and overshadow their soul.

Strictly hypothetically, he could soul surf into say... yeah. Her unborn child.

(+1 to the womb obsession tally)

Leia reacts predictably to a creepy old man telling her he is going to possess a fetus.

Oh and because she’s rad, she also swipes the holocron on her way out.

Han may be the scoundrel but Leia is the one who rolled a rogue.

There’s seriously nothing funnier than Palpatine laying on the floor in a heap and smirking that all is transpiring as he has foreseen before realizing Leia fucking robbed him.

Anyway, our less rad twin is getting a hand out. Oh, also suppressing information that someone sabotaged three of the World Devastators.

Also, he has jammed R2 full of data. I wonder what in the world devastating data could it be?

Oh and Leia shows up and tells Luke that its been fun but they seriously need to gtfo. She doesn’t mention that she’s been taking everything not nailed down but I think it goes without saying.

But Luke insists that he totally knows what he’s doing. Oh also, her presence helped break the grip of the Dark Side on him. So hey, not a wasted trip!

‘Luke you idiot, the Emperor is toying with you’ she says in not so many words. You can’t become an accessory to a genocide and keep your alignment, probably. I’d have to check the dungeon master’s guide.

But Luke agrees that they can go. He stuffed the master control code and the Emperor’s priority battle plans into R2 so they just need to gather Han and Chewie and find some way out of here.

Meanwhile, in the detention level, Han is cracking an ingenious escape plan. They may be twelve stories up in a doom tower but if Chewie will only let Han shave him, they could braid a rope out of his fur and escape out a window.

But before they can enact that thrilling escape, a Hunter-Killer droid shows up.

The very same one that ate Ninx and Salla in fact! And in fact in fact, the two somehow got inside and hot wired the droid off-panel. They might even be approaching Leia levels of competence.

They use the droid’s weapons to blow a hole in the side of the tower so Han and Chewie can escape. But what a coincidence, Leia and Luke have just shown up too.

... And Leia has another lightsaber? I was joking about her stealing everything not nailed down but damn I think she really did just rob the Emperor blind.

Because I just went and checked. SHE DID NOT HAVE THE LIGHTSABER WHEN SHE WAS TALKING TO THE EMPEROR.

Anyway, Han assumes the worst when he sees Luke but Leia stops him from shooting. Luke promises that with the information he has stolen, the Empire will be finished forever but Han wonders why they don’t just take the Emperor out, y’know, as long as they’re in town.

They don’t get the chance because a security patrol arrives. Ninx sets the Hunter-Killer to auto-fire and everyone escapes on the Falcon just as the tower defenses hit the droid.

But once the Falcon escapes Byss, Luke reveals he pulled a fast one. See, he was never really on the ship. It was but a ruse. He is still on Byss.

He still has one task to accomplish.

Which is why we find him in the Emperor’s clone lab. He’s here to stop the Emperor from moving into a fresh body.

So the Emperor kills himself so he can respawn before Luke can Attack on the Clones.

He does manage to kill all but one though. Although it is that last one that is a problem. A sticky, naked problem.

I had hoped this day would never come but here it is. The lightsaber battle between sexy naked Palpatine who looks like David Bowie and weirdly evil looking Luke.

(Things Palpatine did not think his clones needed: a dick, toes)

Anyway. Maybe he’s too distracted by sexy Palpatine or maybe he’s just not a bad enough dude to beat a sticky newborn in lightsabers but Luke loses. The Emperor knocks the lightsaber out of his hands and knocks his ass to the ground.

But he’s not going to kill him. He’s still betting on Luke submitting to the Dark Side.

But for right now, the Emperor is going to put on some pants, get in his hot rod/war crime, and go get Leia so he can get back his holocron and get him some of that destiny fetus.

Its good to have goals?

#Star Wars #Dark Empire #legends liveblogging

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