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in love with the mess - day twelve
summary : Aubrey is going on tour and, for once, she's decided to focus on having as much fun as possible. Oli can be a little shit but he does nothing short of adore Audrey and... well, maybe Noah a little, too. Noah likes the flirting, as long as no one gets too close, emotionally. But what will happen when the three of them take it too far?
content : smut (p in v, oral (f receiving), dirty talk, some degradation), angst, fluff, Yungblug appearance lol
length : 8.3k
tags (let me know if you want to be tagged!) : @veronicaphoenix @cookiesupplier @lma1986 @jilliemiw86 @bngurngheart @lacktoesandtoddlerants @narcissisticbehavior81 @flowery-mess @shilohrosechicken @justeli6 @starvingarsyn @floatinglikeaswan @blacksoul-27 @somebodyels3 @kageyasma @spikeisdaddy @broken0mens @sunsshinesunny
a/n : time to find out what you've been craving to know for a week! enjoy and leave a comment 💕💕
•••
day twelve
Spending the whole night talking after an exhausting show, knowing fully well we had an early bus call, a four-hour drive to London, soundcheck and another show, wasn’t the wisest decision Oli and I had ever made, but it was a completely necessary one.
It started with a lot of confusion and reassurances that I’d heard correctly.
“Say that again,” I whispered. I didn’t care that he was still inside of me or that our sweaty bodies were sticking together or that my thighs were in danger of cramping as they wrapped around him that little bit tighter. Right now, it was just Oli, his eyes, more beautiful than I’d ever seen them, and those words hanging between us. “Please.”
“I love you, Aubrey,” he repeated. Something in his face changed. Like a weight being lifted. Like there was a new lightness in his being from having said those words out loud. He was earnest. Everything about him screamed honesty. But believing it was another thing. After pining for him for so long. After wondering whether I should let him know about my feelings just this morning.
“You mean that?” I asked, unable to keep the worry to myself. I needed to know. If not now, I’d question it forever. “You’re not just saying that because you just came in me, right?”
“Fucking hell, Aubrey,” Oli laughed. Taking hold of my thighs, he removed them from his waist, then pulled out slowly, discarding the condom. He didn’t hand me a tissue or a wipe but I couldn’t care less about possibly leaking on his sheets. There were more important things. When he lied down next to me, his hands found my body again, holding me close, bringing our foreheads together once more. “I didn’t mean to tell you that way, yeah? But I mean it. I might as well admit it now. I love you.”
I was convinced I was going to wake up from this dream any minute now. Things like these didn’t happen. Wishes didn’t come true like this. But Oli felt nothing short of real in my arms.
“Again,” I demanded.
“I love you.”
I had to bask in the delight for a while. Giggles and smiles and soft kisses peppered all over his face followed. Then, more questions.
“How long have you known?” I whispered, still, as if we were discussing a secret that was just ours, just for now, before the rest of the world was allowed to listen in. Now that the seal on his secret was broken though, I wanted to learn every single thing about it.
“Well, once upon a time, many, many years ago, I entered my tour bus and the first thing I laid my eyes across was the greatest ass in the world in the tiniest pair of hot pants sticking out from my bunk because someone had gotten mixed up on where they were supposed to sleep-”
Oli avoided the playful slap coming his way, catching onto my wrist and pressing a kiss on it before letting go again. I could feel him smile on my skin.
“You absolutely did not fall in love with me from seeing my ass before you saw my face.”
He sighed in mock annoyance. “You’re really going to make me go all sappy here, aren’t you.”
“I’m not letting you out of this bed until you do.”
“That’s not as much of a threat as you think it is.”
I allowed him to press a kiss to my forehead but pulled back quickly. He wasn’t going to get away with not answering, not now. I was desperate for every tiny sliver of truth I could get from him.
“I happened gradually, you know?” Oli explained and I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d ever seen him this serious, this sincere. “I think it’s been in the making for a while. But when we didn’t see each other for, like, a year, it just hit me differently. So me inviting you on this tour might just have been a tad selfish.”
I couldn’t even blame him. Not for this. I knew he hadn’t expected anything of me when he offered to get me a job on this tour. And realistically, none of us could have seen coming what had transpired in the past days. But suddenly I was more thankful than ever for that fateful phonecall just a few months back.
“I’ve been in love for you for a while,” he admitted. “But now I also know that I love you.”
He got buried under a plethora of kisses for that alone.
The kissing distracted us for a while. Every time I looked at him and those eyes that suddenly shone so clearly with love, I couldn’t stop myself from grabbing his face and pulling him close again. It was like a drug whose dosage had just increased tenfold and I wanted more and more and more. Only when he finally separated from me for a moment, his eyes not quite shining the way mine did, did I realise.
“You don’t need to say it back,” he mumbled, stroking my hair in such a delicate manner that I wished I could purr to convey just how perfectly comfortable I was. He was trying to be brave. As if it was okay for him that he’d just bared his soul and I’d simply taken it all with open arms and a smile. As if he didn’t need to hear those words just as badly. That he could accept if I didn’t feel the same.
In reality, I’d simply been so caught up in this utopia that had just opened up for me that I’d not even noticed I hadn’t said it. Those three words that had been swimming in my brain for longer than I’d consciously been aware of.
“Oli,” I whispered, laying both of my hands on his cheeks so I could direct his face back toward me. I needed to make sure he was looking at me, really looking at me. I knew he would have trouble believing it otherwise. “Oliver. I love you.”
“Are you-”
“Yes. I love you. And I’ll tell you a thousand times if you let me. I’ve been thinking about telling you I’m in love with you so many times, you have no idea. Just going over it in my head again and again. I was so scared to say it and ruin everything. But if I’m being honest with myself, I couldn’t have held it in for much longer. You simply had the guts to say it first.”
“Aubrey-”
“No. Shush. I love you.”
I couldn’t tell how many times we repeated those words to each other. Neither of us seemed to be quite able to grasp the novelty of the situation. How everything between us had changed now, officially. No more backing away. No pretending that we were just having fun, no strange friends-with-benefits situation that kept crossing lines. It was terrifying as much as it was absolutely exhilarating.
When night slowly started giving way to morning though, our ridiculous happiness experienced a bit of a damper. It wasn’t just the fact that a new day was starting, throwing us into new chaos and questions on how to navigate whatever we now were. It was also the knowledge that this mess didn’t just include the two of us.
“What about Noah?” I unhelpfully threw in. I didn’t even know where to start that discussion. I didn’t even know what needed to be discussed after all.
“I don’t… I don’t want to stop. Whatever we’re doing with him. It’s just…”
“Me neither.”
A sigh rattled through Oli’s chest, so deep and full of worries that I couldn’t help pulling him a little closer, as if that would alleviate his stress or somehow make the situation better.
“I’m not sure what I want. In the long term.”
I let the silence fall for a moment. He was so deep in thoughts I almost felt bad about pulling him back to reality. But he was in danger of going into overthinking territory again.
“Do you know what you feel for him?”
Maybe it was the darkness embracing us that made it a little easier for Oli to talk about it. Maybe it was the euphoria still coursing through his veins. Maybe we’d managed to elevate outselves to a new level of trust between us.
“I think…” He paused for a moment. I didn’t say anything. I simply allowed him to take the time to sort his thoughts as much as he was able to. “I think I know. Somehow. I’m just not sure if I can put it in words yet. And Noah…”
“Yeah,” I agreed. Even if he hadn’t said it out loud, I had an idea of where his train of thought was taking him. “He’s… I think he needs some more time.”
“Do we tell him?”
“Tell him what? That we said ‘I love you’ to each other?”
“That you’re my girlfriend.”
The blush came so abruptly and with such heat, even before I’d fully registered his words. Suddenly, my heart was beating with the insane intensity of being in love once again. I didn’t know if I wanted to throw up or laugh until my body gave up, just to alleviate the feeling.
“Am I?” I giggled, much more high-pitched than I usually sounded, but my voice was beyond control. “Is that what we are now? Girlfriend and boyfriend?”
“Fuck off,” he exclaimed, but he was sporting a smile so big I could see his sharp canines. In an instant, his hands moved, suddenly tickling my stomach and all I could do was cry out attempts of ‘no’ and ‘stop’ while gasping for air and struggling to get away. “This is not funny.”
He was laughing out loud anyway. When he stopped, fingers still hovering in dangerous places, my breathing quick and hectic, he stared down at me with a grin.
“Say you’ll be my girl or I’ll keep this up until bus call.”
I had no fight in me and no energy to survive another attack.
“I already am. I’m your girl, Oli.”
I could have stayed in our little bubble of love forever, doing nothing but staring at Oli and reminding myself that this was real. That he loved me. That he wanted me. Even with the nagging feeling in both of our beings that we hadn’t quite figured it out yet. Not with the third puzzle piece missing.
I wondered how Noah’s night had been. If the guys had managed to talk to him. How he felt. If his bed had seemed as empty as ours.
The ever-increasing alarm on my phone, still somewhere in a bag in Oli’s living room but rising in crescendo to the point where we easily heard it still, reminded me that I was waiting for some sort of information from Nicky. It was enough motivation to get up and get ready for the day. Just about.
Kicking Oli out of bed with me (under loud protest about his lack of sleep which I really couldn’t undo), I quickly made my way to my phone, caring much less about being completely naked than the sound that was starting to grind my gears. Two messages were waiting for me. I swiped away the one from my roommate, who unfortunately now possessed my number after I’d called her, deciding that her question about when I’d pick up my stuff could wait another day. The other one was more interesting anyway.
Unknown number Barely got anything out of Noah last night but I think he’s open to talk to you if you have some time. Maybe hop on our bus for the ride to London? I’d made sure the two of you get some space. Let me know so we don’t drive off without you. Nicholas Ruffilo
I chuckled at the way he signed the goddamn text with his whole name as if this was a business transaction, then added his number to my phone.
“Oli!” I shouted for him. His head poked around the corner almost immediately. “Mind if I drive to London with Bad Omens? Nicholas said Noah might talk.”
“You’re my girl for, what, four hours and you already leave me for another band!” He exclaimed, approaching me with long strides, hands immediately on my bare ass. He had only just managed to put on a pair of clean boxershorts and I repaid the gesture by letting my fingers trail down his chest. “Unbelievable.”
“I’ll make sure to make it up to you when we get there.” My fingers ghosted over his bulge, just for a second, before I pulled away completely. As much as I wanted to play him, I knew we had no time and several people waiting for us. “You can decide how.”
“That’ll do,” he chuckled, pulling me in for a kiss so bruising and passionate it almost knocked me off my feet. “I kind of need to run an errand before bus call anyway.”
“An errand?”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll call you a cab to drop you off there and then I’ll see you in London, yeah?”
I worried about it immensely but there was no chance he was going to tell me anything so I nodded instead. I needed to get dressed and leave soon anyway if I was going to make it on time. Oli had already pressed his phone to his ear, the ringing loud enough for me to hear, but even with the other person picking up any minute, he couldn’t seem to help himself as he started at me and mouthed another I love you.
I couldn’t blame him. I wanted to tell him the same words for the rest of my life.
•••
Nick greeted me with a hug when I found him in the car park which felt new but not entirely unwelcome. He looked pretty fresh and awake which I took as a good sign. I hoped it would mean no one got terribly drunk last night. And that it ended on a good note, without any fights or insane stress to either party of the band.
“How was last night then? And this is not a small-talk question.”
Nick chuckled as he let me through the parked cars and busses. “Not terrible, which seems like a win. We let him know we were worried about him and he basically apologised which was unnecessary. There’s… a lot going on in his brain I think. But toward the end of the night he kept babbling about how he just wanted to talk to you, again and again.”
Nick caught my worried look immediately as we came to a half in front of the bus.
“He wasn’t drunk, don’t worry. He had like, two beers. I think he was just overly tired and… well, stressed. We got him into bed as early as possible but he’s a bit beat with the early start.”
“I think we all are,” I laughed, more to myself than anything else. I’d not gotten a single minute of sleep after Oli’s confession and neither had he. Which was why he was under strict instructions to spend the drive sleeping to at least have some sort of energy for tonight. I didn’t need to be responsible for him falling asleep on stage.
Nick agreed with a smile, unlocking the door. I was halfway to entering the bus when his hand on my arm stopped me.
“I think you could be good for him, you know. Both of you.”
I willed the blush to keep at bay. “Even Oli?”
Nick laughed, loudly bur earnestly. “Even Oli.”
•••
I found Noah in the lounge at the back, on his own, playing with his phone. He seemed surprised to see me there for a split second but then opened up his arms in a silent plea for comfort. Who was I to deny him. Leaving my bag right where I stood, I walked up to him, dropping down on the couch and pulling him into my arms. If they were anywhere close to being a safe place for him as his and Oli’s arms were for me, it was truly the least I could do.
He was so warm and comfortable against me that I silently hoped we would stay like this all the way until London. The motor of the bus had started, rumbling through the whole vehicle as we exited the car park, and I had to fight against the monotone lull that threatened to make me fall asleep. I wanted to talk to Noah first. Even if my eyelids were heavily protesting.
“Did you have fun with the guys last night?” I carefully asked.
Noah didn’t answer immediately. Instead, he proceeded to sink lower and lower, shuffle in his seat until he was basically horizontal, and then put his head in my lap. I slid a little further as well, trying to make my thighs a comfortable pillow for him, and started combing through his hair with my fingers. I figured he was a little bit like Oli - even if he was ready to talk, sometimes it was simply easier to do so without having to look at the other person.
“I missed you,” he mumbled. “And Oli.”
“That’s very sweet, but not answering my question,” I chuckled, enjoying the softness of his strands on my palm. “I hope they didn’t stress you out too much?”
“No.” A sigh. “If anything I’ve been stressing them out. I’ve been a little irate with them for no good reason.”
“Disregarding your judgement of it, there was a reason for it though, right?”
“I guess so.”
I poked his shoulder, unsatisfied with the answer, which took him by surprise because he twitched so heavily that he almost rolled off my lap and the couch. I slung one of my arms around his middle, keeping him in position.
“I’ve just been thinking about what we’re doing, a lot,” he admitted. “And every time the guys teased me about some shit regarding you or Oli, it just hit a nerve because I wasn’t figuring it out and it reminded me of the fact that I had no idea where this was going. I shouldn’t have taken my moods out on them.”
“I think they understand.”
“I think they can’t risk losing their frontman,” Noah commented, but even he couldn’t stay serious at the idea, a light and airy giggle erupting his throat that I couldn’t help but join. “I apologized to them. And I’ll make sure to… talk to people instead of figuring it out on my own. And tell them if they’re crossing my boundaries.”
“Well done, Noah.” I grabbed one of his hands, briefly bringing it up to my mouth to press a kiss on it before dropping it again, then resumed to comb through his hair. “Have you… have your figured out some stuff, though? About… about what you want? I know we had that talk in the pub a while ago where we agreed on just fun but…”
I let the question linger in the air. Truth be told, I was terrified of being any more direct. Of asking him straight out. I had literally just figured some things out with Oli mere hours before, now I was in the eye of the storm of another deeply emotional conversation and it left me exhausted and on edge. The idea of being the first one to speak up about what I was feeling proved to be a little too much right now.
“I lied.”
The short statement caught me off guard. I didn’t realise the hand in his hair had stilled until he patted at it with his own, trying to get me to continue. Only when I did, did he resume speaking.
“I lied when I said that. I… I never really wanted to just have fun. But the idea of anything more than that terrifies me.”
I wanted to ask him if it wasn’t a bit late for that. If he thought going out on dates, spending day and night with us, learning all about each other, sharing so much more than kisses still meant he was in safe territory. If he believed that he could be in the middle of this without catching feelings. But I didn’t.
“What is it about it that terrifies you?” I asked instead.
“What doesn’t.”
The urgency to prod further, force him to explain was burning inside of me, but I knew it wasn’t fair. Noah was already being more honest with me than he had been in days. The least I could do was have some more patience.
“I think I need some more time,” he finally said. “I want- I want to figure this out. Can you give me some time? All these new things in my head at the moment. I’d never even kissed a man before and now-”
“Now what, Noah? You can say it, you know. I won’t judge.”
“Now I can’t stop thinking about being on my knees for him all the time and letting him do whatever he wants with me.”
The heat between my legs erupted as suddenly as it did forcefully. Whatever I had expected, it wasn’t a confession of this sort. Of this level of honesty. And now that the idea was planted in my head, I knew I’d have the utmost trouble thinking about anything else.
But this wasn’t about me and my arousal, not right now.
“I’m pretty sure Oli would love to do that for you, darling. All you have to do is ask.”
“Maybe you could tell him,” he replied, so quietly I was barely sure I’d heard it at all. “And… and I’d like you to be there too.”
“Yeah? Is that what you want? For me to tell Oli to do you however he pleases? That you… want to be a good boy for him? Be told what to do? And you’d let me watch, too? Maybe get a little involved?”
He squirmed a little underneath my hands, but ultimately nodded.
“I’ll let him know, love. We have a lot of time tomorrow before the show. A lot of time to explore whatever you want, okay? Maybe…” I took a deep breath. “Maybe it’ll help you figure out what you want a little more.”
I could only pray it would.
•••
“Do you know if Dom’s here yet?”
Oli was walking half next to me, half behind me as I made my way onto the floor of the arena, awkwardly trying to rub my sore neck that had been through hell after accidentally falling asleep on the bus with Noah for… a while. I shook him off when Becky waved me in to the sound booth, feeling strangely awkward about his public display of affection when we hadn’t quite told anyone about this new development in our relationship.
It was weird, really. Just yesterday, I wouldn’t have minded, knowing that people would talk and gossip if they wanted either way. Now that I knew he loved me, wanted me to be his and that we hadn’t let Noah, who was fumbling around with his mic on stage, know anything about it yet, I felt a lot more nervous about how everything could be interpreted.
“Who’s Dom?”
“Dominic Harrison. Yungblud.”
“Right,” I sighed. Apparently my brain was so full of questions about my bloody love life that I’d completely forgotten about the fact that Oli was going to perform Obey with him today. I attempted to visualise the agenda I’d double-checked just before, knowing Oli would have to fend for himself a little more now that I was helping Becky out. “No, not as far as I know. He’s scheduled to come in for soundcheck.”
“Ah, boring,” Oli complained. “Well, I’ll leave you to… whatever you two need to be doing here then.”
“Wait,” I called after him after he had already turned away. “What was that errand about? Everything go alright?”
“Everything went perfectly. You’ll find out later.”
He left me with a smug look on his face and an undefinable feeling in my stomach. Asshole. He knew very well I was going to be thinking about this for the foreseeable future.
At least work actually distracted me sufficiently enough that it wasn’t quite as torturous. Becky did her best to dumb down everything she was explaining to me to a level that my brain could at least somewhat process and I was very thankful for it. I could tell she wanted to throw all the technical jargon at me, but that would have simply ended up in even more chaos. It didn’t mean I wasn’t willing to learn - anytime we had a small break in between things that actually needed immediate attention, she explained every single step, every decision, every reasoning behind it in as much detail as she could and I soaked it all up like a sponge.
We successfully made it through Bad Omens’ soundcheck with minimal problems. Bring Me The Horizon went almost as perfectly, minus the fact that we now had to adjust Dom’s mic as well and Dom was so bloody excited about everything that he kept ignoring our questions and orders alike. Him and Oli were an explosive combination, but Oli looked so ridiculously happy that I couldn’t even be mad at them for slacking off.
“Alright, we’re done here for now,” Becky announced after we’d finally, somehow, managed to get both Dom and Oli in check enough to make sure they’d sound perfect on stage later. “You can take the next two hours off and then I’ll meet you back here?”
“Sounds perfect. Actually, I could very much do with a nap, maybe-”
“Aubrey!” Oli’s voice cut through the whole arena now that it was mostly quiet again. “Dinner with Dom and Noah! Come!”
I turned back to Becky with a sigh.
“No rest for the wicked, I guess.”
•••
If I’d thought having dinner at our hotel right next to the arena meant that we might finish quickly enough and give me time for some shut eye, I was solely mistaken. Noah and Oli were quite chaotic as it was - but with Dom added into the mix, I was surprised we didn’t get kicked out for the ruckus caused. Every now and then, Dom and Oli would get into ridiculously specific anecdotes from their respective hometowns, their accents growing thicker and thicker until all Noah could do was stare at them in utter confusion and amazement.
“So, who here is fucking because I’m getting mad sexual energy from all of you guys.”
On top of it, he seriously lacked a filter. I watched Noah closely, waiting for the awkward blush to appear on his face, but it didn’t happen. He looked mildly uncomfortable at worst and he was definitely not going to be the one to speak up, but it was a world’s different to the last time someone had insinuated the three of us were more than friends.
Oli, on the other hand, was more comfortable than ever. Maybe it was that Dom was a close friend and he simply didn’t mind sharing with him. Maybe it was down to the fact that at least he and I had gotten closer to officially defining our relationship. I embraced it either way.
“Can you blame me? Look at these two!”
Now it was my turn to blush, caused entirely by the way Dom was eyeing me up and down, one eyebrow raised suggestively, the look in his eyes unmistakable. He gave Noah the same treatment which simply ended up with him fixating very hard on what was left on his plate, randomly shuffling some food around, just to avoid the stare. Apparently, Oli treating him like eye candy was one thing, an essential stranger a very different one.
“It’s pretty hard to escape Oli’s charms,” I mused, playfully kicking him under the table.
“Is that what you call his dick?”
Oli erupted in laughter as Noah sank deeper into his plate, but even that didn’t fully hide the grin emerging on his face. “Fucking hell, Dom, I’m gonna have to pay off the waitress to keep quiet if you don’t stop shouting through the place.”
“What, you didn’t do that before I came? Bad planning on your part, pal,” Dom chuckled, heavily hitting Oli’s shoulder. “Right, gimme the details though. You three hooking up or are we talking something more? Because you know I love me a good threesome. For sex and anything else. From experience.”
“Wait, you’ve been in poly relationships?” I couldn’t help but ask. I’d never personally had the chance to meet Dom, so most of my knowledge came from interviews or social media or whatever escapade Oli decided to tell me about. This was new.
“Sure! The more the merrier, I say! Well, up to a point, after that you just kinda lose track, ya know?”
“Was jealousy ever a problem?” Noah spoke up out of nowhere. He’d been so quiet I’d almost forgotten he was part of this conversation at all. And now he wasn’t just joining it but posing relevant questions. It was hard to keep my mind at bay when it came to the possible implications of it.
“In which way?” Dom asked, suddenly more serious than he had been all day. As if knew how badly Noah might need some answers. Some clarifications. Some reassurance. I didn’t want to be too hopeful, but it seemed like a good sign.
“What if…” He swallowed, hard, as if on the edge of pulling back, making a stupid joke, get his shield back up so we wouldn’t see his vulnerable side. So we wouldn’t know. But, to my utmost surprise, he didn’t. “What if there’s just a different familiarity between two of them because… because they’ve known each other longer and they live closer together and… yeah.”
Oli really didn’t need to kick me but he still did, as if there was any chance in hell I’d not understood what exactly Noah was referring to. I tried desperately to make sense of it before Dom would start speaking again. Did this mean he actually wanted this? Us? Were the insecurities holding him back? Did he think he wouldn’t be a full part of this relationship if he agreed to it? That Oli and I, somehow, had something between us he’d never get to the level of? I had a million things to say but I knew it wasn’t my turn.
“Nah mate, you gotta let go of that kinda thinking,” Dom said. He had pushed his plate away and was now leaning on his elbows, on the table, staring at Noah so intently that the latter had no choice but to listen. “History doesn’t matter like that when you get into a relationship and neither does distance. So what if they’ve known each other for years? Unless you’re joining an existent romantic relationship, this is new for all of you and you gotta figure out how the three of you work together.”
Noah nodded, gravely, before going back to playing with the scraps on his plate, as Oli and I exchanged worried looks. Or were they hopeful? It was hard to differentiate all the emotions coursing through me. I wanted to know more, figure out what else had been plaguing Noah’s mind, but it was clear his moment of bravery had run out.
“Any more tips for the newly polyamorous then?” Oli asked with a giggle in his voice. Noah briefly looked back up at him with something akin to shock but hid it quickly enough that I wasn’t sure if anyone but me had noticed at all.
“Get to know each other as much as you can and never take anyone for granted. Make the distance work for you. Get everyone as involved as you can, but remember that when someone feels left out because of things like being far away, it’s not a matter of the other two loving them any less.”
“I think that’s the wisest thing I’ve ever heard you say, mate,” Oli laughed, causing a ripple of chuckles around the table as the tension fell off.
“And it’s gonna stay the wisest thing I’ll say tonight because as soon as I’m off that stage, I’ll get myself drunk, watch me.”
“Dom, you’ve already had two drinks,” I remarked, pointing at the empty glasses on the table.
“I never said I was staying sober until then.”
•••
The show went more than well. I had less time than ever to actually watch what the bands were doing on stage and just get myself lost in it, but now it felt like being involved, being part of it, in a whole different way. I was trying hard to keep up with Becky and her orders, but she kept enough of an eye on me that any mistakes were quickly spotted and fixed. It felt exhilarating. Even more so when I got showered in praise about how well I’d done for essentially my first ever life show afterwards.
Understandably, I was riding a high when I was picking up my stuff backstage, trying to figure out where everyone was. My phone quickly answered the question.
Oli You got a key to my room? Come round Got a surprise
Suspicious. Suspicious as hell, actually. Still, I did have that keycard and I couldn’t resist a good surprise. And with Oli behind it, there was no doubt I was going to like it. The walk to the hotel was quick, as was the ride up to the correct floor. I wasn’t sure what exactly I was expecting. Right now, it could truly be anything from Oli lying naked on his bed with whipped cream all over himself to a cosy movie night with my favourite hot chocolate.
Apparently, the surprise wasn’t a visual one though, because the only thing I saw when I opened the door to his room was Oli and Noah on the couch kissing so softly that it almost made my heart ache. They were fully intertwined, limbs entangled and all over each other and it gave me hope like nothing before ever had. That wasn’t making out or fucking for the fun of it. This was both of them pouring the emotions they couldn’t vocalise just yet into every single movement.
I briefly contemplated leaving, giving them some space and time, but I knew Oli had specifically asked for me and it simply felt too good to be alone with both of them once again. So, instead, I let the door fall back into the frame very, very gently, locking it for good measure. It was enough to get their attention. When they looked in my direction, both of them had glazed eyes and lips they’d kissed red and all I could think about was taking a picture to keep this image in my mind forever.
“Aubrey!” Oli called out, sounding as ecstatic to see me as ever. I was relieved to see Noah send a serene smile my way too. “First things first, your surprise.”
He was on his feet in an instant, rummaging through his bag. I shot Noah a look, but he simply shrugged his shoulders.
When Oli turned around again, his hands were behind his back, hiding whatever he had just located in his luggage.
“I know you’re not a fan of handouts, so I want you to know that this isn’t one, yeah?” Oli explained. “But I wanted to help out and I could, so I did.”
“Oli,” I whined. “Just tell me.”
“Just- before I give it to you, one more thing: This is completely on your terms and you decide how we do this, but… yeah.”
I didn’t immediately realise what I was seeing when Oli opened up his hand to me and revealed the item in his palm. In fact, I spotted the keychain first - the missing, beloved Powerpuff keychain I’d already assumed I would never see again, but here it was being offered back to me, now attached to-
Keys.
A pair of keys.
“Is that-”
“The keys to my place. Again, we can handle this any way you like, we can be roommates, I have a spare room I can empty out or you can just… stay with me. In my bed. And all. Up to you. But you have a place to stay, always. Temporarily until you find something new or… permanently. Okay?”
I wasn’t sure how I managed to let him finish his awkward and slightly jumbled speech before I all but jumped on him, arms wrapped around his neck, hanging on for dear life as I willed the tears to disappear. I buried my face in his shirt, hoping I wouldn’t leave a stain and I whispered words of gratefulness.
It didn’t feel like a handout. Not with him. Not when I knew he wouldn’t do this out of anything but love for me, never pity. And with the words we’d exchanged just that morning, it meant even more.
“Is that the errand you needed to run this morning?”
“Yeah,” he chuckled, almost as if a little embarrassed. “I’d been planning to get copies made for you for a while but that was the only time I could fit it in.”
“I can’t believe you had the fucking keychain all along and I almost cried on Lee’s shoulder.”
The kiss I pressed to his lips through my giggles, with so much force that I almost toppled both of us over, said more than I could in words. It was only when I let go of him and caught sight of Noah out of the corner of my eye that I realised how awfully quiet he was. He smiled up at us from where he still sat on the couch, but it wasn’t the honest kind of smile he’d graced us with earlier. It was stilted and forced and I knew exactly why.
Luckily, so did Oli.
“And now, for the sad-looking doe eyes over there.” Oli made a little spectacle out of pulling another pair of keys from his luggage, dangling them in the air like a prized possession. “I really tried to steal your keychain too but it was fucking impossible because I couldn’t figure out where you had it, but you get a set too. If you want. I know you have a place and all that but… You’re welcome at mine any time, no asking or prior notifications needed. It’s yours to turn up to anytime.”
If anything, Noah now looked a little embarrassed, possibly at Oli so easily realising what he was battling with and fixing it so brilliantly. I could just imagine Noah��s head spinning thinking Oli wouldn’t care for him like that, only for him to turn it around completely and proving he had, in fact, thought about this situation long before Noah had even known it would exist.
Noah sheepishly took the keys, letting himself be pulled into another kiss by Oli.
“So pretty when you blush like that,” Oli mused, which only deepend the colour on Noah’s cheeks, but even he had to chuckle then. Another kiss ended up on Noah’s nose, then on mine, and it was so unexpected and unfamiliar that it had all of us erupting in giggles.
It continued like that. There was no need to discuss what we were doing as clothes started dropping on the floor, all of us overly tired but needy and touch-starved and willing to push sleeping just a little further back to finally be reunited as the three of us. The atmosphere was lighter than it had been in a while and even though we all knew that there were things left to figure out and things left to say, just for the moment we let ourselves fall into the idea that this could be easy.
The clumsiness that came with it only spurred on the mood, Oli stumbling as he got stuck in his trousers, Noah throwing his own away and then immediately retrieving it to get the condoms from his wallet, neither of them succeeding in unhooking my bra until I swatted their hands away and did it myself.
I kicked my panties off without any further help, fearing we’d risk injury if we continued having any garments at all around us, and crawled up the bed, leaning back on my elbows, watching as Oli pushed Noah down next to me to kiss him again, their growing erections touching and letting moans erupt between them. I silently reminded myself to talk to Oli about what Noah had said earlier. Just seeing them together now manifested my wish to be there when they took their next step, if they let me.
“How about we get our girl here ready for us?” I heard Oli whisper against Noah's lips. “I get her nice and wet on my dick and then you finish her off.”
My breath audibly hitched, much to the amusement of both men next to me. In an instant, Oli moved from Noah to me, hovering over my body but denying me the kiss I was hoping for. Instead, his lips found my neck, leaving little love bites all the way down until they settled on my breast, eagerly lapping at my nipple until I was arching my back toward him, a hand tangled in his hair, quietly gasping for more. I didn't realise Noah was moving until I felt his mouth on my other breast. The pleasure was intense, shooting straight down my body as I wriggle under Oli. Both of them kept switching between sweet licks and kisses and teasing bites until I was sure I could feel the wetness drip from between my legs.
“One day, we'll make you come just from this, but tonight we've got other plans,” Oli grinned, pinching my nipple so hard that I cried out in surprise, briefly taken aback by how much I enjoyed the roughness of it.
I didn't have enough time to think about it when Oli and Noah removed their mouths from me, only for the former to descend on my pussy, leaving long, teasing licks on it before plunging it inside me. My hands immediately flew back to his head, but he only needed to look up and shoot a stare at Noah for the other man to understand. Immediately, my hands were removed, a tight grip on my wrists as Noah lifted them above my head, heavily pressing them into the mattress without any wriggle room.
“Come on, Aubrey, be a good girl for Oli. He's prepping you so nicely for our cocks. Doesn't have to do that, you know? We could just fuck you like this, see how much you stretch around us, how well you take us without any help.” I moaned so loudly at Noah's words that even Oli briefly lifted his head. “You want that, don't you? You want us to push your limits.”
Oli didn't give me a chance to confirm or deny as his strong arms flipped my body over on my front without any effort at all. Noah threw a condom at him, so perfectly in sync that I wondered just how much they had discussed beforehand. Oli pulled my hips up to meet his, his hard cock pressing against my arse while Noah grabbed onto my chin.
“How about you give me that mouth again while Oli fucks you good, hm? And don't you dare come until it's my turn.”
I complied willingly. Oli entered me slowly but in one single stroke until he was fully buried in me and my head dropped at the welcome intrusion, sweat prickling on my skin as I tried to accommodate his size. Noah didn't have any pity on me though as he sat down in front of my face, easily leading my mouth to his dick, forcing me to take it straight away. I moaned around his length as Oli started finding his rhythm.
“Fuck,” Noah moaned as he pushed my down a little further. “I've made some bad decisions but thank fuck they led me right here.”
“Yeah?” Oli piped up from behind me, briefly slowly down. “Some bad, bad decisions, Noah?”
The laugh ripped from my throat so harshly that I accidentally choked on Noah's cock before I freed my mouth, sputtering with giggles.
“Oh, come on,” Noah groaned, absentmindedly petting my head as he shot daggers at Oli.
“I'm just saying, you have a lot more sexy lyrics to choose from. Like the way you fuck, the way you taste and all that.”
I felt another bout of laughter rise up, but Noah obviously thought it was time to stuff my mouth again and pushed me back onto him.
“Why don't you stick to your own lyrics,” he mumbled, already getting distracted again by my tongue running along his length as I willed myself to take a little more every time.
“You know I might,” Oli remarked, resuming a hard rhythm that left me completely at his mercy. “I'm quite partial to I love the way you choke.”
The next thrust was even harsher, forcing me to indeed choke on Noah as Oli was now fully in charge of the way my body moved. Every time he almost pulled out, he dragged me back with him to the point where I barely managed to keep my lips on Noah's tip, then he pushed back in so doing that I came close to deepthroating him.
I loved it.
I loved being brainless, losing all my agency, being treated as nothing more than a little toy for them to play with. It had never been so incredibly obvious to me but I already knew I'd be begging on my knees asking for more soon.
Now, however, Oli was getting close, his moans getting louder and his movements a little sloppier and much too soon he was pulling out, wrecking me away from Noah and pushing me onto my back again. I watched, utterly restless and impatient and empty, as he shed the condom and started stroking himself. I'd expected him to ask to come on me, my tits, maybe my face but instead he was looking at Noah.
With a small nod, their communication completely silent, Noah moved toward him, slowly palming his own erection and within moments, Oli's eyes never leaving his, Oli came, covering Noah's chest and abdomen in beautiful streaks.
Oli fell onto the bed, utterly spent and showcasing a satisfied smile, but Noah was more hungry than ever. Fumbling with the night stand, he made quick work of putting on a condom, hissing at every touch as his thick cock immediately bounced against his stomach as he let go, before roughly spreading my legs and without any further warning pushed into me.
He was rougher than Oli, hovering over me as his arms caged me in, pressing his forehead to mine as he pounded into me so hard that I knew I'd feel sore tomorrow, but I welcomed it with open arms. I could feel the remains of Oli dripping on me, coating us both in it further. I let him push my legs backward, bent at the knees, almost folding me in half and the change of angle almost brought tears to my eyes. He felt even larger like this, moving against every single spot I craved with every thrust.
“Such a good little whore for us, letting both of us fuck you and just taking it all,” Noah groaned roughly. I was close to unravelling. “Can't fucking get enough, can you? Perfect little pussy that's just made for us. Come on, touch yourself, squeeze around me, I wanna feel you.”
It barely took a moment when I touched my clit, and when he gave me particularly hard thrust I all but screamed, grinding into him and against my hard, the whole world quieting down for a moment as my orgasm took me, prolonged by the way he sounded when he came too, nothing but bliss left in my body.
Oli welcomed me with open arms as Noah pulled out carefully, kissing my hair and whispering words of praise. A bottle of water was handed to me, then Noah appeared with a towel to clean me up. I hissed when he reached down between my legs, his rough treatment still tingling.
“Did I go too hard on you?” he immediately asked, halting his movements, worry in his eyes.
“No!” I immediately rejected his fears. “No, I loved it, honestly. Just a little sore now.”
He pressed a loving kiss to the inside of my thigh, then cleaned me up as quickly as possible. When he came back from the bathroom, he slid into bed next to us and I couldn't back bite a smile at the realisation that he'd chosen to lie down on Oli's other side instead of mine. He didn't hesitate as he moulded himself to Oli's back, looking so relaxed and comfortable. I crawled into Oli's arms too, noting that he looked just as happy about Noah's affections.
There were a million things running through my mind still. Questions about our relationship, about Oli’s and Noah's feelings for each other. A reminder I needed to speak to Oli about Noah's wish. A nagging desire to tell them I was realising just how roughly I liked it with them. But none of them made their way out of my brain as sleep took over all three of us, letting us fall asleep in a puddle of post-orgasmic haze and at least temporary happiness.
#Noah Sebastian fic#Noah Sebastian#Oli Sykes fic#Oli Sykes#Noah Sebastian x reader#Oli Sykes x reader#in love with the mess
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Intro post
hello everyone!
name: ben, benjamin, link 𓄻 nicknames are fine
pronouns: he/him regularly, i dont mind it/they. neo pronouns are glitch/glitches.
age: 16+ , still a minor. (never specified)
labels: omniromantic, polyamorous, agender | + more i will not label for safety, etc.
fandoms: creepypasta, slenderverse, marble hornets, everymanhybrid, fnaf, helluva boss, mandela catalog, murder drones, tadc, furries/therians, extras i currently cant think of.
music: slipknot, knocked loose, yungblug, pop goes punk, insane clown posse, falling in reverse, get scared, mindless self indulgence, pierce the veil. definently a rock & metal person lol
DNI :
t.r.a.s.h supporters
furry/therian/alterhuman haters
problematic people & supporters
over all just bad people.
#intro post#creepypasta#creepypasta fandom#blog intro#ben drowned#link#legend of zelda#lgbtqia#therian#slenderverse#marble hornets#everymanhybrid#introduction#pinned intro
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messed up!!!! 'fair' no. it's not 'fair.' that's your best friend. you didn't invent pink and he's been doing rockstar shit since forever. how about how yungblug copied est fest with his bludfest????? shit pisses me off. baby boy would never pull that shit with anyone. especially not his best friend.
I feel like what goes down with these "friends" is that they run into other celebs and totally lose it. Back in 2019, Colson was the hottest artist he could team up with, and their track "I think I'm okay" is still one of his biggest hits. It even outshines "11 minutes," the one he did with Halsey.
Prior to that Yungblud was known for being an influencer turned artist. These are not my words, this is how Rolling Stone categorized him. I'd argue that his fan base grew after his feature with MGK and Travis Barker.
Now everyone knows that Ozzy Osbourne, although controversial, is considered a rock legend. I've seen that a lot of new artists tend to idolize whoever they see as music royalty. Since this is Kelly and Sharon's show, it seems like he decided not to back Colson to earn some respect from the Osbournes. What’s puzzling, though, is the one-sided tension the Osbournes, especially Sharon and Kelly, have with Colson. I mean, I’ve never heard Colson or his team say anything bad about the Osbourne family.
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♫
Dead! by My chemical romance
Fucking with my head by Palaye Royale
Bulls in the bronx by Pierce the veil
Polygraph eyes by yungblug
Mantra by Bring me the Horizon
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Blog #7 and #8: Yungblud's song 'Mars': Creating Affect + Representation
In this blog post I will analyze the song 'Mars' from the British artist Yungblud as well as its music video under the scope of Affect and Representation; how does it create emotional engagement and how effective is it? Is the representation presented in the video relevant? Can the lyrics of the song be a representation of a group by themselves?
How does Yungblud create emotional engagement with the song Mars and create affect in the audience?
Let's start by setting some context on who Yungblud is. Yungblud is a British singer and songwriter who has become known for his 'pop-punk-rap style, his politically inclined lyrics, and his rebellious personality'. (Rolling Stone, 2019) He's also very well known because of his openness about his sexuality and for always trying to create a community for the LGBT+ community and 'outsiders' to safely express themselves and be who they are. His songs are always about the struggles he has had throughout his life and the hardships he has encountered while trying to fit in into a society that was always trying to put him in a box. Because of how he pours himself into his music and is always very open and direct with his own experiences, Yungblud is an artist who very easily creates affect with his art, hence connecting with people.
As we learned during the seminars. affect is a very abstract concept; it is the 'capacity that something or someone has to affect or to be affected'. (Gregg and Seigworth 2009: 2) It is not an emotion per se, but rather an energy or an intensity.
'Affect is found in those intensities that pass body to body (human, nonhuman, part-body, and otherwise), in those resonances that circulate about, between, and sometimes stick to bodies and worlds, and in the very passages or variations between these intensities and resonances themselves' (Gregg and Seigworth 2009: 1)
So, how does Yungblud emotionally engage with his audience through his song 'Mars' and its music video? Let's get into what the song is about. This song talks about feeling like you don't fit in or belong anywhere and that you are just a weirdo to society. Especially this is a song for the LGBT+ community and being afraid to express yourself as you are in society.
'Yungblug wrote this song as an anthem for misfits and rebels, aiming to express the frustrations and struggles faced by those who don’t conform to the mainstream.' (Barret, 2023.)
So, for starters, the lyrics have a strong meaning by themselves; this combined with the song's melody creates an impact on the listener. However, I think that it is more likely that only listeners who identify with Yungblud's experience or have somehow experienced something similar will be moved and affected by them, but it's not necessarily this way.
And she was only 17 Had the saddest pair of eyes that you have ever seen Wore their lips in the cold, it was matching green But she can't be herself when she's somebody else ... Every morning, she would wake up with another plan Yeah, her mum and dad, they couldn't understand Why she couldn't turn it off, become a better man All this therapy eats away gently ... She dreams she'd go to California There, everyone would adore her ... Do you feel like you're irrelevant? Do you feel like you're just scared as fuck?
This emotional engagement comes full circle with the music video. In the video, we can observe Yungblud sitting in front of a grey background. As the video continues the people sitting in Yungblud's place change, and we start seeing people from different characteristics: skin color, genre, styles, etc. All of them start in a neutral position, all dressed in black while they lip-sync the song's lyrics.
As the song continues, they start applying blue paint to their eyelids with their fingers, and as the chorus approaches they start being grabbed aggressively and harassed by multiple sets of hands that appear in the shot; they begin to lipsync the lyrics more passionately. Most of them have tears forming in their eyes, and small traces of blood appear on their faces.
When we reach the breakdown/end of the song, they start being punched and choked really aggressively and their faces are now covered in blood and scratches. The actors start crying and singing very emotionally. The camera makes a close-up of all the faces and we can see the tears and blood on their faces, as well as the emotion and expressions they are portraying.
Even though the video doesn't have a complex plot structure and the spectator doesn't really have a context to what the video is about except for maybe the lyrics, the raw emotions and intensity of the acting portrayed in the video certainly create emotional engagement with the audience and affect them almost immediately. I think the message of the song/video can be understood perfectly because of how emotionally charged the acting is, the way the actors fully immerse into the storyline; crying, fighting the hands, and singing so passionately; helps the spectator relate to what is happening on the video and moves something in them.
What does this song represent and how does it benefit from this?
As I said earlier in this post, this song talks about the feeling of not fitting in or belonging anywhere. It is a song that represents all the outcasts who feel like they have no place in the world and who are constantly mistreated by society just for being who they are or expressing themselves. Yungblud is known for always speaking out about these types of issues and all of the labels and boxes that society tries to impose on people; especially on people who don't fit the social standards or are considered weird.
You can see by the comments on the YouTube video that this song truly achieved its purpose of representing this sector of the audience and even managed to reach people outside of it. People feel connected to the song and video and feel heard and represented by it. It has become an anthem for them and a safe place for them to go when they are feeling down.
We can clearly see that with the representation portrayed in the video, Yungblud managed to create an effective visual communication with his audience and connect with them through the image, sound and affect it causes; he benefits from it because it helps him make a stronger connection with his audience and to reach not only the targeted people but people from outside the fandom as well, and the message he was trying to
References
Barrett, W, (2023) The Meaning Behind the Song: mars Yungblud [Online] 14 September 2023. Available at: https://oldtimemusic.com/the-meaning-behind-the-song-mars-by-yungblud/ [Accessed: 17 December 2023]
Gregg M., Seigworth G. (2009) The Affect Theory Reader. Durham: Duke University Press
Spanos, B. (2019), ‘Yungblud: Pop-Punk Rebel on a Mission', Rolling Stone, 7 November. Available at: https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-features/yungblud-interview-artist-you-need-to-know-904078/ [Accessed: 17 December 2023]
Yungblud (2024) mars (Official Video), 27 November. Available at: https://youtu.be/BMA171qWYZk?si=Jw3ckra5sdcV9TsO [Accessed: 17 December 2023]
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i wanna get stuck between your teeth like cotton candy so you remember me darlin'
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its 10 in the morning and im losing my mind thank you
#corpse husband#corpse#corpse_husband#mgk#halsey#yungblug#lil nas x#machine gun kelly#i haven't unfollowed him yet but my garbage brain doesn't know how to handle situations like this appropriately#shut ur pretty mouth
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Anyone wants to roleplay?
I’m bored so if you want tonplot let me know!
Rp: rplunaravenclaw
#plot#1x1 rp#5sos#rp#bill skarsgard#kik#kik rp#bored#rp plot#plot 1x1#yungblug#plot ideas#plot bunny#1x1#kik chat
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anyway this is awesome. i stay winning all the time
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Queuing up art I did the past year so I have more recent stuff on my art blog part 7/? Originally done November 2020
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Lowkey hate lowkey love that music holds memories so well for me
#the song of my first slowdance...#first song i associated with a romantix interest#a song that will forever be tied to my ex bff#artists who remind me of the people who introduced them to me#i hear let it go by james bay or water fountain by alec benjamin and my heart sinks#perfect by ed sheeran or mars by yungblug and i cant help but smile#how many songs will be tainted#and how many songs will be blessed?#spilled sugar
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did you guys know i had yungblud's teresa on loop for like the first few months after i finished tdc? dear god.
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The entire “me in 14 songs”-list I made can be summarised as:
“resilient little shit trying to be proactive about their fucked up life”
And of course I can’t just throw out that statement without giving the playlist
TW/CN – most of these songs focus on/mention mental illness or the recovery of mental health
Also, fair warning, most of this is Alternative/Metal/Post-Hardcore/Punk so it’s going to involve vocal distortions such as fry screams, false-chord screams, and growls
No particular order:
“mars” – YUNGBLUG
“Drown” – Bring Me The Horizon
“MONSTERS” – SHINEDOWN
“Sick of It” – Skillet
“Battle Scars” – Paradise Fears
“All Eyes on You” – Smash into Pieces
“Popular Monster” – Falling in Reverse
“In Between” – Beartooth
“The Stigma (Boys don’t cry)” – AS IT IS
“Pocket Full Of Gold” – American Authors
“Lifeline” – Papa Roach
“The Leap” – Our Last Night
“I Just Wanna Shine” – Fitz And The Tantrums
“Let It Burn” – Citizen Soldier
#tw for ts#depression#actuallytraumatized#actuallymentallyill#actuallydepressed#actuallyanxious#personal#playlist#recovery#mental health recovery#personal whiny shit
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Okay but fr saying you would die for mgk, corpse and yungblud is a wholeass mood. The collab is gonna just make me expire so I’ll meet u in the afterlife maybe. And bc I’m older by a couple of years I think my weird sense of pride is that I tried it out and got shafted so to see his successes makes me so fucking happy bc he’s good and absolutely deserves the success that he’s got -🐈⬛
I’M SO PROUD OF HIMMMM!!!!
also i have been listening to Acting Like That on repeat for literally the past wEEK. it goes SO HARD and is SUCH A BANGER like the energy is IMPECABLE. Corpse. Kells. Yungblug. I am very comfortable with the energy we have created in the studio.
lowkey Never Satisfied’s vibes remind me of Roulette, but also in my head I want to mash up Roulette & Graveyard by Halsey, nyways the point is i am very fed by all these interactions.
(can u imagine the reader being a part of Acting Like That and having so fuckin much fun jamming out in the studio with dom and kells?? like all excited and beaming and in each other’s IG stories, hyping each other up on social media up until its released and even after. also corpse being a menace and he and y/n are known to antagonise each other online at this point, and retweeting where y/n’s tweeted about the song, and he adds ‘just @ me next time’. y/n quotetweets him ‘no❤️ 😘’)
the song, for reference (warnings, the visualiser has like a strobing effect, or could cause eye strain)
youtube
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oiê k1tty! quais são seus artistas favs?
oii, anon 😁 hm 🤔... mamamoo, bts, kard, everglow, yungblug, 7 minutoz, chase atlantic, exo, shinee, ghost9, always never, the veronicas, hayley kiyoko, calum scott, zayn malik, harry styles, e mais alguns aí 😼
#ask anons#ask anon#interação#tumblr interaction#ask game k1tty4rk interaction#ask game 3dawrk interaction#ask game
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