#yumehara likes all snacks

[oatmealcrisp-freak]

salt and vinegar chips

[eternalfics]

hii, can i request a saiki x gn!reader who can change fate? ty! :3

saiki x gn!reader who can change fate

a/n: like I said on 2 hc posts ago, I kinda left my requests in my inbox, so if u made a request it’s kinda gonna take a while since u got 2-4 in front of you..

summary: saiki with a reader who can change the future and stuff! 🥳

HOW YOU GUYS MET

when you guys first met, you guys were paired up for a school trip. it was.. decent, slightly awkward but it was fine! you were going to get through this with this quiet, silent man. of course you could have changed partners, but you decided to see how life is without your powers! (which was going.. well 🥲)

(this is based on s1 ep 12 btw)

when you guys got at the airport, everyone was so excited! of course, saiki looked the same. maybe he’s one of those people with a rbf? 😇

but all of a sudden, just one announcement about the flight getting delayed and the class looks like zombies. people who were jumping around had their heads on their hands.

yumehara had a lot of snacks in her bag? but now you could just see her blank expression and her stuffing them in her face.. not even hairo could have cheered them up. maybe you could just have a cheat day?

yeah that would sound good. all of sudden, the tv showed that the hurricane is gone! somehow, everyone’s back in a good mood. who knew that a trip could make everyone depressed? everyone’s better, but that guy who you were paired up with saki- sekai? saiki! yeah him, it seems that he’s looking at you. do you think he knows?

HEADCANONS

when saiki needs help or suspects something, your the first person he goes to! I mean, who else would he go to?

I’m just gonna assume that saiki already knows that you can change fate and you already knows that he has psychic powers!

out of all of the psychics in their class, saiki would say your the best one. well, your kinda not a psychic but your the best one he works with 😋

sometimes when your feeling playful or mischievous, you like to threaten saiki when he’s in certain situations😈

“what happened?”

“I finally got away from teruhashi. I swear nobody leaves me alone these day-“

“gimmethat200yenthatyouowemeori’llmakehercomeback,”

“..let’s talk about thi-“

sometimes saiki likes to annoy you too! it’s a playful relationship. but that dosen’t mean that you guys aren’t serious at times

overall, maybe your not a nuisance after all 😘

[yuheartss]

𝐂𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐎𝐍 𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐘 𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐑

IN WHICH — saiki k meets a girl with a pink afro, she reminds him of cotton candy …

౨ৎ WC? 742 wordss

౨ৎ warnings! - fem!reader, fluff, unedited , lowercase intended!

౨ৎ a/n: I think I made him a little ooc but I hope not.. if I did please tell me! constructive criticism is welcome js don’t b mean₊ ⊹₊ ⊹

you always hung out with Kaidou, not because he was your only friend or anything— it’s just that he was just one of the people who didn’t give you weird looks about your skin or hair, you moved to Japan when you were in junior high and been here ever since your mum got a job transfer

today, kaidou was going to introduce you to his friends from his class, of course, you were very nervous you thought of the worst possible situations ever. What if they make weird comments about my hair?? You thought, twisting some of your curls around your finger

Kaidou seemed to notice your nervousness and patted you back, “don’t be nervous! My friends are great- not saying you aren’t, your like really great but- it’s just- you know..” you laugh at his attempt to cheer you up “thanks kaidou” you chuckled now getting up from the bench you were on

his friends finally showed up, a big guy with a strangely enormous butt chin, a pink haired boy who looks like he’s so done with everything, three girls (one which was glowing somehow??) a boy with red hair, and two other purple haired boys

“You sure do have a lot of friends Kai…” you muttered as he awkwardly chuckled, you stood up straight as a foot shorter yet glowing girl approached you with a brunette and orange brown behind her, the glowing girl took your hands in hers “your so pretty! I love your hair! What’s your name? I’m teruhashi kokomi!”

Teruhashi gave you a smile that blinded you for a bit but you could just see that her face screams not as pretty as me but your still good looking you gave her an awkward smile “hi.. I’m l/n y/n nice to meet you teruhashi and thanks!”

Teruhashi introduced the shorter girl as Yumehara and the girl to her left as chi sati she waved at you while she was scarfing down a double cheeseburger now this this is what impressed you she had a whole bag full just waiting to be devoured

Then teruhashi introduced the red haired boy, which everybody called him hairo so you will too then both of the purple boys greeted you themselves the firsts name was koboyasu and the second was Toritsuka; almost immediately they began to share both of their life story with you

You stood there with all your weight on your right leg slowly tuning out the boys and the rest of the gang why are they telling me their life story!?! I don’t care! You thought, whining softly underneath your breath someone nudges your arm softly you looked up at the also pink haired guy he nods his head at you and walks off “follow me” you hear a voice in your head

You turn back to the crew then at kaidou then you look back at the guy you hesitantly take a step forward “good grief..we’ll be back they won’t even know we’re gone” you pause for a sec and mutter an ok before walking away with him wait what if he kidnaps me?! What the hell am I doing—

“Don’t flatter yourself” he says, walking in front of you, your eyebrow twitched in annoyance to which a faint smile lands upon his lips “so where are we going?” You ask now walking side by side

“I was going to the convenient store before they showed up and dragged me along, so that’s where we’re going” he informed you looking at your hair, he must’ve been staring for a while because you noticed “what?” You questioned him getting a little defensive

“Your hair…” he began as he opened the door to the store for you “what about it?” You say following him as he went to get his snack of choice, he picked out some coffee jelly that came in three

He didn’t answer, you sighed and went to get a dessert too “you know…I’ve never even asked for your name..” you say just know realizing that you’ve been with this teen and never asked he turned to you as he payed for both of your treats “Saiki”

“Okay saiki, tell me what you were gonna say about my hair” you semi demand and quietly thanking him for buying the treat, you can clearly see him hesitating “just say it man” you hurry starting to get impatient

“….it reminds me of cotton candy”

[thousand-winters]

Thinking about a D&D episode now (shout out to @lord-pretzel for the tag that gave me the idea).

Kaido would bring up the idea because that's exactly the kind of thing he would like, so naturally Saiki, Kuboyasu and Nendo are getting dragged into it to different levels of willingness. Then either Teruhashi or Yumehara are hearing about it and they're getting involved now alongside Mera. Hairo gets invited because everyone likes Hairo and Saiko is dragged along via his soft spot for Nendo.

It's a whole disaster.

Kaido is DMing with the edgiest story known to mankind, but his dramatics are actually very good to act the part of the enemies when it comes down to it, especially since he's amongst friends so he doesn't have to worry about stage fright.

Saiki debated for a whole hour about what kind of character he should make and what everyone would assume about him based on that. In the end, he went with Human Fighter, he's fulfilling his dreams of being the most average guy ever (although he's suffering because he can read Kaido's thoughts and knows the plot twists, unless he acquired another germanium ring and brought it along to actually enjoy this).

Teruhashi really wanted to try one of the most out there races like Bugbear or Goblin, but she's still too worried about what that would say about her so she ended up going with an Elf. She ended up picking a Bard for her Class since being charming is kinda expected of her but she was eyeing the Barbarians and Monks.

Nendo would be a Fighter too became he wasn't paying attention and Kaido just gave him that because he figured it would be the least complicated. Or a Barbarian, which in the end doesn't matter much because he just uses his attacks whenever someone is attacking Saiki, most of the time he actually tries to play nice with whoever they encounter because this is Nendo.

Hairo makes a Monk and he's far too committed to the bit. He breaks one of the lamps in the Kaidos' household because he insists in actually acting out each attack his character makes. He's trying to get more "wins" than Nendo's character despite the fact this is a cooperative game and Nendo isn't even interested in competing in the first place, but that tracks for them.

Yumehara was mostly planning to try and flirt with the NPCs Kaido offered as a subtle hint so they would have to act out romance scenes, so she picked a half-elf for the pretty factor, but she ended up getting far too attached to her cool Fiend Warlock spells and forgot about her initial goal, now she's kinda invested in acting out her backstory and using her most heinous spells if she gets the chance (it's the Occult Club vibes carrying over).

Mera is more interested in the snacks they brought at first so she's not paying that much attention to the game, but because she had no time between her multiple jobs, her character is basically her with some Rogue cosmetics. Her backstory includes too providing for her siblings and she ends up getting oddly passionate about the NPCs paying the party for their services because she gotta provide for her family, she can't do this work for free, for shame.

Kuboyasu is trying the "what I want to be" approach and went all the way to the other side so he made a Paladin of Devotion. He has to remind himself not to try and beat the shit out of every NPC who's kinda rude to them or of Saiko's character because he has an oath and he's NOT going to break it, though he doesn't hesitate at all as soon as they get a reason to attack.

Saiko wasn't particularly interested in this in the first place but he ended up going for a Druid so he could have his tiger. He put a lot of emphasis on picking the Noble background so he could have retainers, which is a bit hard to reconcile with his class, but he wasn't having it any other way. He makes very good use of those NPC retainers so he can have them doing for his character all the things he would have his real life servant do. He provided at least 75% of the snacks because he didn't want to eat "peasant food".

Despite all the disaster, it becomes a tradition.

[pillow-anime-talk]

two tiny notes.

request: i’m back~ finished saiki k recently, so could i have one where top student reader has a crush on kaidou but since she sees yumehara get close to him, she believes she has no chance and starts acting weird... ofc, no one notices except her childhood friend saiki! which is why kusu-chin (idk i feel like reader would call him that) helps her w/o her knowing (because “it’s troublesome if y/n acts weird”) even though he’s aware that kaidou already likes her back -- cherry anon

# tags: scenario; friendship & crush culture; fluff; some kind of angst, i guess; mild romance; sfw

includes: female reader ft. kaidou shun & kusuo saiki {saiki k. no psi nan}

author’s note: aaa, hello cherry, i missed you! hope you like it :( 

You sighed softly, looking at Kaidou who was just solving (or rather trying to solve) a math and quadratic equations problems. Obviously, you wanted to offer your help during the next break, but as soon as the bell announced to all students about lunchtime, Yumehara overtook you and offered the boy to solve the calculations together. You muttered something incomprehensible under your breath and went back to reading your thick, brown book, which you always carried with you to keep your mind occupied with something interesting between classes.

“Eat something. Your mom made your favorite omelettes and steamed vegetables.” Your best friend’s composed voice reached your mind, and you just shrugged without even looking in his direction.

“I don’t feel like it right now, Kusu-chin. I will eat them at home after lessons.” You answered him in your head and then you went back to your crime novel written by your favorite author. Naturally, from time to time your gaze landed on the figure of a blue-haired boy and a girl with flushed cheeks, which made you feel a strange, even stupid heaviness and sadness on your stomach. But you shook your head quickly as you read the next sentence.

Meanwhile, your dearest friend rolled his both eyes, looking at you, then at a young boy slightly shorter than him, whose likeability meter towards Chiyo didn’t exceed even half the full number.

Not that Saiki had any interest in helping you... he just didn’t want to hear you grumble on the way home and your sad voice on the phone call. It’s not like he was worried or anything... Yeah, he just wanted to spend the next few days in peace without worrying that something would snatch him out of his comfort bubble or interrupt him when he will play on the console.

{ ･ﾟ✧ }

The days passed very quietly and you made a decision to slowly step back from your relation with Kaidou; when the boy asked what time it was, you said that you didn’t have a watch with you, even though you were holding the smartphone in your left hand, when the teenager invited you for ramen or to a cafe for your favorite sweets, you excused yourself that you had to help your mother make dinner, and at moments when the red-eyed young man offered to walk you home, you announced that you had to go to grandma, to clean her bathroom or kitchen. Of course, you meant your grandmother, who didn’t even live in Japan... Well.

Kusuo looked at it with a blank expression on his face, not knowing whether to laugh or cry at the fact that the person you liked was reciprocating these feelings, but you considered them as only friendly gestures. The image of Yumehara and smiling Shun kept appearing in your head, making your heart clench painfully and literally bleeding ‘cause that sweet smile wasn’t directed at you, but at another, really cute girl. Your pink-haired friend didn’t like to help others, but he always did everything in his power to make people around him a better life; no matter if it was his grandfather, Amp, Reita or you. All relatives were important to Saiki, and you, as his best female friend, have been practically at the top of this ‘hierarchy’ for years.

Therefore, he swallowed his saliva and counterfeited your pretty handwriting without much problem by writing a small note to Kaidou with the place and time of the meeting. He did the same the other way around, changing his handwriting to that of Shun’s. Then two smol envelopes landed in your school lockers between your books and spare pencils.

It was a very good plan; a plan that couldn’t go wrong. Kusuo even made sure that in the event of an accident, the envelope fell out in front of your shoes so you could pick it up and read its contents. Of course, you went to the meeting place, because firstly, you were curious about what was important, and secondly, it was signed by someone you still cared about damn much, even if you avoided a sixteen-year-old boy like fire.

Your heart was beating so fast and your cheeks looked more ruddy than normal when you saw Kaidou under the cherry tree which was covered with fluffy, white snow.

“Y/N-chan...! Here!”

“Hello, Kaidou-kun.”

The likeability meters next to your heads were equal to one hundred percent.

‘... The hearts at the ends of the notes were enough?’ A high school student with green glasses thought, but then nodded a little. ‘Sometimes I don’t understand the idea of ​​love and all my friends.’

The boy smirked, happy to leave the two of you alone. As the gentleman he was, he didn’t want to disturb your confessions... and he knew perfectly well that you would come to his house shortly after that to tell him about what happened under the big tree. He just had to wait, prepare two cups of hot tea and your favorite snacks. 

Even if your Kusu-chan didn’t show it, he wanted the best for you (and others besties) because you were the most important person for him.

[httpsaiki]

Campfires and Confessions (Kusuo Saiki x Reader)

Angsty at the start but ends off cute!  Reader is gender neutral in pronouns (as in no she/he) but it is slightly implied the reader is female in one small part.

WC: 1627

Italics are Kusuo “speaking” aka telepathy.

In which the reader and friends are on a camping trip, but they convince themself that their feelings will not be reciprocated.

-----------------------------------------------------

You and your friend group had decided that going camping together would be a great idea this summer. That’s how you, 3 girls (being Teruhashi, Yumehara, and Mikoto) and 4 boys (being Nendou, Kaidou, Saiki, and Kuboyasu) ended up here, sitting around this campfire. Generally, you’d been having a wonderful time. All of you were somewhere that was free from regular day to day responsibilities and overbearing adult figures. It was rather nice, except for one small thing. 

Saiki Kusuo. One of your closest friends and incidentally also your crush. There had been many times you’d considered telling Saiki about how you felt but stopping yourself every time out of pure respect for his clear boundaries. Over the past couple of weeks, you started to realize maybe you weren't as close as you thought you were. You had begun to convince yourself you were nothing more than a bother for Saiki and had contemplated distancing yourself from him. Would it be better for him? Would it make him happy for you to give him the space you felt he desired so badly?

Ultimately, you decided it would be better to leave him alone. The very last thing you wanted was to cause any further trouble for Saiki and you knew that more than anything he didn’t want to draw attention to himself. It wouldn’t be easy, considering how close you thought you had become but you knew you’d be able to manage. You had all your other wonderful friends with you and this may be a great chance to get even closer with some of them. What’s a better way to bond than being stuck in the wilderness for a week? 

You had been zoned out for a while now and were surprised to see Teruhashi’s hand waving in front of your face. 

“Y/N? Are you alright?” Teruhashi asked you, a rather clear worried expression on her face. 

“Yeah! I’m fine.” You managed to get out unphased. Thankfully, the worried expression was wiped off of her face and was replaced with a gorgeous, glowing smile. 

“I’m glad, Y/N! Anyways, we were talking about heading back to our tents for the night, but some of the boys are staying out. Are you coming?” 

Thinking for a moment about her question, you glanced over at where Saiki was sitting, trying to deduce if he’d be heading in for the night too. Seeing that he was getting ready to pack up, you decided you were in the clear to stay out longer. 

“I think I’ll be staying out a little longer. I’d like to chat!” You said eagerly in reply. 

“Alright, Y/N. Just don’t stay out too late, okay? Good night!” 

“Goodnight, Teruhashi!” 

Moving your gaze towards whoever had chosen to stay outside, you see only Kuboyasu and Kaidou. They would be fun to talk to. The three of you talked about nothing and everything until the sun had fully set and countless stars painted the deep night sky. You decided to ask about Saiki. They were rather close to him, and you trusted them enough not to tattle. 

“I have a weird question. It’s about Saiki.” You tested the waters with that. If they didn’t react too well, you’d just ask something unimportant like his favourite sweets, or manga series. 

“What’s up Y/N?” Kuboyasu was quick to reply, obviously curious as to what you wanted to know. Kaidou also tilted his head out of curiosity.

“Well… do you know if Saiki likes anyone?” 

Kaidou was even faster to jump in. 

“I can’t say for sure, as he doesn’t express… much emotion. I’m not sure.”

The small look of victory on your face gave everything you felt towards Saiki away to the two boys in front of you. Maybe you did have some chance. Kuboyasu smirked at you, promising that he and Kaidou would keep quiet about your little crush. 

Finally getting tired, and rather satisfied with what you had learned tonight, you said your goodnights to Kuboyasu and Kaidou who promptly did the same. You quietly made your way into your shared tent with Teruhashi, seeing her already fast asleep. Settling in for the night, it wasn’t long before you fell asleep too. 

The next morning you were one of the first awake. Climbing out of the tent, you were greeted by none other than Nendou and Yumehara. The two of them were busy cooking breakfast for the group, something you were extremely thankful for. 

Once everyone was awake and had eaten, you all left for a hike up the trail that was near your campsite. The walk was nice, and it was a good time being with your friends. You were lucky enough to end up walking next to Mikoto and Yumehara at some points, actually having a nice time with her. You had forgotten how well the three of you got along. Nevertheless, you still managed to avoid Saiki. 

Meanwhile, during all of this, your thoughts were becoming unbearable to Saiki. He knew why you weren’t talking to him, but it didn’t mean a little part of him didn’t miss your company. Saiki was surprised to realize he couldn’t stand knowing you thought he disliked you or was picking someone else over you. It wasn’t the case, at all. It had taken his all not to telepathically tell you you’re wrong and he wanted you to come to talk to him. He knew he had to do something about it himself.

Walking up to you, he said he knew you’d been dodging him and asked you to meet him by the lake that evening when most of the group had turned in for the night. 

Surprised by Saiki’s sudden looming presence over your shoulder, you hesitantly agreed to meet him there tonight. A part of you was excited, not knowing what caused him to suddenly ask you that. Another part of you was filled with doubt. You had no idea what he wanted you for. Was it possible he was mad at you? For a split second, you considered not going. Then the rational part of you took over, this is Saiki we’re talking about, and suddenly you were nearly certain he wouldn’t pull you aside to yell at you. You made up your mind, you were going to meet Saiki by the lake tonight. 

Once night arrived, you quietly headed out towards the nearby river. As soon as you found it, you spotted Saiki, sitting on a picnic blanket, with a basket beside him. It was quite the sight to behold, Saiki was rather pretty, seemingly shining from the moonlight that wrapped around his shape.

And so was the scenery. The lake was serene, peaceful in every sense of the word. The moon and glowing stars reflected perfectly in the still water, with nothing daring to disturb the perfect atmosphere. It was stunning, and in any case, you were mesmerized by the seemingly glowing lake in front of you. 

Silently, you sat down beside Saiki, only for him to start talking right away. 

“Y/N. Listen. I know this is going to be a lot, but there’s something I need to tell you.”

This was worrying. Was he okay? You looked at him with a worried expression painted on your face, 

“What is it, Saiki?”

He took in air, clearly nervous. This was out of character for him. 

“I’m a psychic. I have many abilities, ones I won’t get into right now as there is one I need to tell you about. I can read minds… I constantly hear thoughts telepathically, including yours.”

Oh. Oh no. This wasn’t good. So he knew? Is that what this was about? Feeling the panic rush over you, you closed your eyes and hid your face as you started tearing up. You had no idea how to react. You’d never been more certain Saiki hates you.

“I like you too.”

Your head shot up immediately. Saiki.. felt the same way? Despite everything, he didn’t dislike you? He wasn’t annoyed by you? Even though he knew what you were thinking that whole time?

“Far from it. I do like you.” Saiki said, reaching to rub your back and help calm you down. 

“I can’t believe this...” You were practically shaking from shock. You were happy, despite knowing he could read your thoughts this whole time. If it couldn’t be helped then you supposed you’d have to accept it. Though, both you and Saiki were surprised at how easily you accepted his powers. He was still Saiki, after all. Nothing had changed that, nor would it ever. 

“I should ask to be official, Y/N, will you go out with me?”

“I think you already know the answer to that. Yes, of course, I will.” You were surprised by how calm and steady your voice was.

“I apologize I never said anything sooner. I didn’t want to give myself away.”

“Oh, Saiki, I understand. You don’t need to be sorry.”

“I know it was only a few days, I missed you.”

You smiled at him, “I missed you too.”

Saiki slid over towards you, adjusting his body so you could place your head on his shoulder. Which you did, and he placed his head on yours. Opening the picnic basket that had been long forgotten, you and Saiki enjoyed a nighttime snack sitting out by the gorgeous lake. 

“So... you’re a psychic? Will you show me what you can do?”

Saiki couldn’t believe what he was about to say. Good grief, you brought out the best in him. Not that he minded. He was glad you accepted him, and he trusted you enough to keep his secret. He looked over at you and gave a small smile. 

“Gladly.”

[birbleafs]

[fic] It’s A Matter Of (In)Convenience

Series: Saiki Kusuo no Ψ-nan || The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. Rating: T Genre: Humour, Breaking The Fourth Wall Character(s): Saiki Kusuo, Aiura Mikoto, Toritsuka Reita, Kaidou Shun, Kuboyasu Aren, Nendou Riki, Yumehara Chiyo, Teruhashi Kokomi Warnings: None, save for canon-typical shenanigans Summary: Saiki Kusuo’s plan for a quiet Sunday spent shopping for desserts in an ordinary konbini is thrown into disarray when he runs into several… inconveniences, much to his dismay. A/N: I've been re-reading/re-watching Saiki K. during this quarantine period and I haven't laughed this hard since I was into Gintama. This series has given me so much ridiculous joy, it’s great for helping keep anxiety and existential despair at bay lol. Fic can also be read on AO3

_______

Saiki Kusuo could not say he dislikes commuting by public train but he’s not particularly a fan of it either. After all, it’s exceedingly more troublesome and vexing for someone like him, encumbered with psychic abilities beyond human comprehension. He’s unable to switch off his telepathy at will, so it’s no small feat being stuck in a packed cabin and trying to filter out the cacophonous thoughts of fifty-odd passengers buzzing incessantly in his mind throughout the long ride to the next town. Distance isn’t an issue today, however. Not that it had ever been an issue, mind you—he could teleport to almost any location he so wished. But Kusuo had long since mastered inconspicuousness into an art form, and teleporting to his destination and appearing seemingly out of thin air in the middle of a packed convenience store was sure to draw unwanted attention to himself. No, it’s not worth the risk, even for such a coveted goal at the end of his journey. Besides, Kusuo is a man of principle, one who does not easily succumb to using his powers for self-interest. He will do this the ordinary, pedestrian way.

In any case, travelling out of Hidariwakibara-chō to neighbouring Tonari Machi on a random Sunday morning would also mean the chances of him running into certain... inconveniences are very nearly zero. Forty-five minutes and twelve stops later, Kusuo beams in quiet triumph as he walks past the automatic sliding doors and into the aforementioned convenience store, barely registering the musical jiggle over the speakers. He steps through the sparse crowd, pausing midway through the snack and desserts aisle when he finally catches sight of the neat row of orange boxes with silver trimmings on the top shelf. Kusuo allows himself a tiny grin as he reaches for a box, eyes bright with anticipation as he gazes upon its wondrous contents—three cups of chocolate brownie and cherry parfait, infused with coffee jelly and topped with dollops of luscious cream and cinnamon sprinkles. A simple but unmatched delicacy right here in this nondescript konbini, he thinks, savouring the glorious moment a little longer. Still, as fate would have it, he would be reminded in less than ten seconds that his life is but an unfortunate series of daily disasters, and his current reprieve short-lived. And it comes in the form of a young woman who had waltzed through the crowd and is now latching onto his arm with garishly pink manicured nails, her wavy blonde hair already casting a dark cloud over Kusuo’s face. Aiura Mikoto, resident soothsayer and trendsetter gal. Inconvenience No. 1. Ah. So it begins. “Wassup, Kusuo!” Aiura chirps a little too brightly. Already two or three mob characters in the konbini are throwing scandalized looks their way, but to Aiura they’re nothing but background scenery and lazily drawn silhouettes. “Who woulda thunk we’d meet here like this? It must totes be our destiny as soul mates, fer sure!” Isn’t it more because someone is totes a stalker? Kusuo deadpans telepathically her way, even as he makes no real attempt to avoid Aiura’s smothering embrace. Instead, he fixes her with a stare as blank as stone canvas. This is an invasion of privacy. Also, what’s with the meta observation in the previous paragraph? Stop messing with the readers like that. “Man, you sure are a ray of sunshine sometimes,” Aiura pouts, before she breaks into a giggle and relents. She unlatches herself from him, putting some distance between them. “Anyway, can’t your BFF like, just accidentally bump into you while shopping for the same box of snacks you no doubt travelled all the way out here for?” So you admit you really are a stalker then, Kusuo counters drily, only to frown again at the sudden creeping presence of another aura. He feels the weight of another arm draping carelessly over his shoulder, followed by the brusque yapping of an over-eager and desperate hot-blooded young male in his ears. “Yooo, Saiki-san! What a coincidence!” Toritsuka Reita, the spirit medium and an exemplary specimen of the most depraved life-form, the lecherous scum. Also known as Inconvenience No. 2. Saiki Kusuo, a man most unfortunate, lets out a weary sigh. “I see you’ve got that accusatory glare painted all over your face.” Toritsuka wags an annoying finger before Kusuo. “Now, now. Before you also accuse me of stalking, Mister Doom and Gloom, let me just say that I’m only here for one thing.” He flicks a furtive glance towards a discreet corner of the magazine section. The shelves are filled with magazines wrapped in plastic, large R-18 stickers plastered across the covers and over the spines much like indecent warning signs. Toritsuka dabs towards the third shelf, waving a mini poster at both Kusuo and Aiura, and this sentence then abruptly proceeds to describe the close-up of said poster—a particularly titillating centre spread featuring a curvaceous model’s skimpily clad... assets. “Surely there’s no better reason to be here now than for the special compilation of EROmag’s Greatest Upskirts And Panty-shots Of The Month!” Toritsuka exclaims, echoing the thoughts of all resident perverts. “Ugh, grody to the max,” Aiura says, lips curled in utter revulsion. For once, the stars are aligned and Kusuo finds himself wholeheartedly agreeing with her sentiment. Before he can get a retort in edgewise however, he’s unceremoniously tugged closer into Toritsuka’s one-armed embrace, who then proceeds to thump a hand over Kusuo’s chest in a grand show of obnoxious male posturing and solidarity. “You women will never understand,” Toritsuka counters with an ingratiating smirk. “But Saiki-san and I, we’re bosom buddies, connoisseurs of refined aesthetics. Together, we’ll finally gaze upon those heavenly lace panti—A-ACKK!!” He hacks up a lung just as Kusuo nonchalantly drives a sharp elbow right into his solar plexus, causing him to stagger backwards onto the floor. Bosom buddies? Kusuo echoes ominously, glaring daggers at the pathetic writhing form before him. Pretty sure that ridiculous thump you just pulled is both an outrage and insult of my modesty. Hey, can I call the police? I’m calling the police. Aiura nods at that, lips curved into a Cheshire grin and looking extremely pleased with herself as though she’s the one to suggest calling the cops. “Delusional sleazebags should just crawl back into the garbage bin where they belong. Like the skeevy trash panda that they are, right Kusuo?” “Who are you calling delusional, huh?!” Toritsuka snaps, jumping back to his feet. “I’ll have you know that Saiki-san and I have been nothing but the most loyal, the tightest of all bosom buddies—” Refer to me as your bosom buddy again and I’ll crush your windpipe, Kusuo interjects without missing a beat, and the EROmag poster in Toritsuka’s hand spontaneously combusts into flames. “Argh, not the panties!!” Toritsuka yelps, watching in despair as the poster shrivels up in the blaze, only to catch sight of the eerie, voidless depths of Kusuo’s inscrutable gaze. The spirit medium pales at the split-second reminder of his fleeting mortality, sweat dripping down his nape as he carefully backs away from the precarious jaws of death. “B-B-Bros! I-I meant that we’re the best kind of bro-some buddies, ahahaha! T-That is to say, brotherly and wholesome—R-right, Saiki-san? So don’t get all conceited just because you’ve got big knockers, Tits McGee!!” “Pfft, brotherly and wholesome? As if!” Aiura scoffs, unimpressed. “You’re about as wholesome as your d*ck aura and a college frat boy’s porno stash. Just admit you ain’t nothing but a tiresome anime trope!” “Look who’s talking, Miss Fanservice. This is a wholesome shounen series, so how about you take those bazongas back to Hooters where they belong!” “Haaah? You looking for a fight, you raunchy racoon?!” “Bring it on then!” Kusuo scowls at the petty squabbling, exasperated at how easily his quiet Sunday was already going awry, much like the metaphorical train wreck poised for a manic spiral off its rails. He decides to take his leave then from the two inconveniences bickering loudly, making his way towards the self-checkout station near the entrance. He pays for his items, stealthily packing them away with a subtle flick of his psychokinesis, and is only a few paces away from complete freedom at last when the generic musical jingle blares from the speakers overhead. “♪~Welcome to F☆mily Mart Konbini, We Guarantee 99.9% Shopping Satisfaction! It’s A Matter of Convenience~! ♪” Kusuo frowns at the jingle. Why is it only 99.9% satisfaction? And really, a matter of convenience? Not when he’d already run into two inconveniences in a row and all in a convenience store. Is God conspiring with the universe and pulling a sick prank on him right now? What a horrible sense of humour. The automatic doors at the entrance slide wide open then, and in saunter three terribly familiar faces—Kaidou Shun, Kuboyasu Aren, and Nendou Riki. Inconvenience No. 3, No. 4, and No. 5 respectively. “What did I tell you, Aren? Not only did we manage to beat traffic, but this unexpected change in my Sunday routine would’ve thrown a wrench into Dark Reunion’s plans of attempted kidnapping. Too bad I, The Jet-Black Wing, am always several steps ahead. Heh.” “Uhmm, yeah I guess… Hey, Shun, look! There isn’t a queue for the limited edition Ginta-Man figurine raffle tickets here at all. Good thing you insisted we meet at the crack of dawn—Tch, Nendou, don’t dawdle around and block the entrance like that! What’re you looking at anyway?” “Oh? I thought I saw my pal just a few seconds ago...” “Huh, Saiki’s here too-?! Oh, you mean that. Don’t be daft, Nendou, that’s just a cardboard cut-out of that kiddie hero show, Cyborg Cider-man Mark II.” Seriously?? Kusuo curses irritably as he dives inconspicuously out of sight from the passing trio, right into the bath and shampoo aisle. It’s just been a series of inconveniences one after another this morning, the metaphorical train wreck already hurtling itself past the edge of no return. Good grief, what a pain. May as well have the rest of the cast show up next— Another cheesy musical jingle, another swoosh of the sliding doors, and— “Waahh, it’s really you, Kaidou-kun!” “Hello, what a nice surprise to run into everyone here.” “Oh, hey there, Yumehara and... Offu~! T-T-Teruhashi-san?!” Saiki Kusuo, ever the suffering protagonist, drags a hand over his face. See? God hates him. Two aisles over, he can still hear Aiura and Toritsuka’s voices drifting over: “Man, I’m sick of looking at your pervy mug. C’mon, Kusuo, let’s ditch this loser—Huh, where did you run off to, Kusuo?!” “Your petty squawking has given us all an earache and must’ve driven Saiki-san off as well!” Oi, oi, Kusuo flinches inwardly, seized by a helpless fear of watching his quiet Sunday careening off the cliff and further away from his grasp. Quit yelling out my name like that and throwing me to the wolves already! Too late. At the mention of Kusuo’s name, Nendou cranes his neck 270 degrees Exorcist-style like a hideously monstrous owl and rushes over to Toritsuka’s side. “Oh! Did you just say my pal is here?!” he exclaims happily, shaking Toritsuka by the shoulders like a dog shaking an unfortunate chew toy. “I knew I’d seen him when we walked in earlier!” Not to be outdone by Nendou, Teruhashi also leaps forward before Aiura with none of her previous composure, her unblemished, porcelain visage now dusted with a hint of rose, a conflicted mix of perplexity and (envious) shock pooling in her angelic eyes. “D-Did you say ‘Saiki’?! H-Hey, Aiura-san, you did say ‘Saiki’ and not actually ‘Kusuo’, right? M-My, I must have misheard things, right? R-Right?!” “What the heck is going on? Is Saiki really here?” Anxious, Kusuo grits his teeth at the growing clamour as his friends converge from all corners of the store towards the aisle where he’d been forced to hide. Guess there’s no avoiding it after all, he frets despairingly, and in less than a nanosecond, teleports unnoticed from the konbini to an empty street outside. Kusuo sighs, relieved to have finally escaped. Minor inconveniences aside, perhaps a quiet Sunday spent savouring chocolate brownie and cherry parfait in the comfort of his home isn’t beyond his reach yet. What? Didn’t he just use his powers for self-interest to teleport out of a sticky situation? Foolish readers, that was for self-preservation and completely acceptable, of course. He holds his shopping bag close, pleased that he’d managed to avoid a disaster, and begins to walk down the street—only to freeze mid-step when he feels a sudden splitting headache jolt through him… A flash of images appears: Aiura and Toritsuka crouching in fear together, Kuboyasu bracing his bleeding arm, Kaidou screaming shrilly as he shields Yumehara and Teruhashi from a masked man brandishing a gun, Nendou digging his nose with his pinky—That’s just disgusting, no one wants to see that, stop it!! The vision finally ends, and Kusuo lifts a hand to his face, massaging his temple to clear the precognitive fog from his mind. An armed robbery, huh. He lets out another resigned sigh. Good grief—What a pain, Saiki ‘I-don’t-(but I actually really do)-care-about-my-friends’ Kusuo mutters internally in annoyance, even as he yeets himself head-first into other people’s business and right back into the convenience store to stop a future robbery. Still he smiles, eyes soft with perhaps the slightest flicker of affection for this dysfunctional bunch of people in his disastrous life. Someone has to protect them and save the day, after all.

  –End–