#your unresolved issues and your distorted perception

[nenelonomh]

how to identify what's keeping you stuck

feeling stuck can be frustrating, but understanding the underlying factors can help you break free. this post focuses on helping you identify what may be keeping you stuck and provides actions to help you get unstuck again.

limiting beliefs

unconscious beliefs often hold us back. these are deeply ingrained thoughts or assumptions that hinder our progress and self-confidence. here are some key points: 1. origins: limiting beliefs often stem from childhood experiences, societal norms, or past failures. they shape our perception of what’s possible. 2. confirmation bias:  we seek evidence that supports our beliefs. if you think you’re not good enough, you’ll notice instances that confirm this, ignoring evidence to the contrary. 3. self-fulfilling prophecy: beliefs influence behaviour. if you believe you’ll fail, you might not even try, ensuring failure. 4. cognitive distortions: these are irrational thought patterns. examples include black-and-white thinking, catastrophizing, and overgeneralization. overcoming limiting beliefs is essential for personal growth and achieving your goals. the key is to become aware of and challenge these beliefs. pay attention to negative self-talk or thoughts that hold you back. write them down to gain clarity. question the validity of these beliefs. are they based on evidence or assumptions? challenge them with rational thinking.

replace limiting beliefs with empowering ones. for example, if you believe “i’m not good enough,” replace it with “i am capable and deserving.” gather evidence that contradicts your limiting beliefs. celebrate past achievements and positive feedback.

use positive affirmations daily. imagine yourself succeeding despite obstacles. visualization can rewire your brain and boost confidence. take small steps toward your goals. each success reinforces positive beliefs.

physical and emotional signals

physical signals that indicate feeling stuck include tension, fatigue, headaches, digestive issues, and insomnia. stress and feeling stuck often manifests as physical tension. feeling constantly drained or tired can be a sign that something is amiss. frequent headaches or migraines may be related to emotional stress. additionally, stress can affect digestion, leading to stomachaches, bloating or discomfort. difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep may also indicate underlying stress or unresolved issues.

emotional signs include persistent worry, feeling unmotivated, frustration, a belief that things won't improve, feeling paralyzed by choices or unable to make decisions, or a lack of joy and enthusiasm.

paying attention to these signals can guide you towards understanding what's keeping you stuck.

to manage emotional and physical signals, participate in relaxation techniques, such as meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, deep breathing, or yoga.

repetitive patterns

take note of recurring thoughts, behaviours, or situations. are there patterns that keep you in the same place? identifying these can lead to breakthroughs, as well as personal growth and positive change. 1. types of repetitive patterns the three types of repetitive patterns can be categorized into behavioural, thoughts, and situational. behavioural patterns involve actions you repeat, even if they don’t serve you. for example, procrastination, overeating, or staying in toxic relationships. thought patterns, such as self-criticism or catastrophizing, can keep you stuck. additionally, certain situations trigger familiar responses. for instance, feeling anxious in social gatherings. 2. identify why you repeat patterns here are some common reasons why people choose to repeat patterns, even when the actions are not beneficial: familiarity, unconscious beliefs, and neuroplasticity. familiarity feels safe, even if it's not beneficial. this causes us to continue negative patterns - since we respond abrasively to change. deep-seated beliefs drive behaviour. if you believe you’re unworthy, you’ll repeat self-sabotaging actions.

neuroplasticity is the brain's capacity to continue growing and evolving in response to life experiences. plasticity is the capacity to be shaped, moulded, or altered. our brains wire pathways based on repetition. breaking these patterns requires hardwiring.

3. steps to break repetitive patterns

awareness: notice when patterns emerge. journaling helps.

understand triggers: identify what sets off the pattern. is it stress, boredom, or fear?

challenge beliefs: question why you engage in the behaviour. what belief drives it?

replace with new actions: introduce healthier alternatives. for example, replace procrastination with focused work.

seek support: therapy or coaching can provide insights and tools.

seek professional support

seeking professional help is a valuable step when dealing with personal challenges. professionals, such as therapists, counsellors, or coaches, have specialized knowledge. they can offer insights and strategies tailored to your situation. professionals provide an unbiased viewpoint. they don’t have personal attachments or emotional involvement, allowing them to see patterns and solutions objectively.

therapy sessions can create a safe environment to explore feelings, fears, and vulnerabilities. you can express yourself freely without judgment.

regular sessions will keep you accountable for your progress. having someone to check in with motivates consistent effort. feeling understood and validated is crucial. professionals offer empathy and validate your experiences.

remember - seeking professional support will never be a sign of weakness. you are simply investing in your well-being!

further reading Coping Skills for Stress and Uncomfortable Emotions| Very Well Mind The Yuckness of Stuckness | Psychology Today What's Keeping You Stuck? | My Think Big Life

end notes thank you for reading! i hope you found this post helpful. ❤️ nene

image source: pinterest

[lucky1013]

For Shelby...

Hi. 

No idea if you'll find this, but just in case -

In my June blog post I questioned whether the word abuse is appropriate, and you responded to assure me that it is. OK. You are the only person to fully understand your own experience.  I get that.  Your suffering is accepted and acknowledged.

But I’m not being dismissive. I am sure what you experienced is real and that you have no reason to invent or distort it.   It is dismissive to ignore and minimize someone’s pain. It is not dismissive to evaluate an accusation when determining how you personally intend to treat and regard the accused person.  All abuse and all shitty behavior is not equivalent. All abuse is not the same and should not carry the same weight, in terms of determining punishment. 

You take issue with my assertion that Wilbur could have understood the situation differently.  "Knowledge and intent" are an important concepts in the justice system and I think they matter. If you are certain that there is no possibility that Wilbur’s perception of the conduct is different, OK.  We’re not there, we don’t know, and frankly we don’t need to know. 

Relationships can get seriously fucked up and abusive and unhealthy systems can develop. We all know women who have endured abuse of this kind, or as in your case, have endured it themselves.  I am not dismissing it as invalid.

I'm sure he was a shitty boyfriend swimming in a host of unresolved problems with his head so far up his own ass that he stopped caring about you.

My biggest issue is with the weight of the word abuse when levied in the public sphere. I believe the word has abuse has value in a therapy setting and when you are understanding and framing your own experiences.  I also believe the word abuse has a narrower and stronger meaning when we are talking about putting someone in jail, causing real financial and reputational consequences, labeling someone, costing someone their job. 

The public is calling Wilbur an abuser as if it is a species — as some thing that he IS, not something he has DONE.  Is that what you meant?  Do you think it is fitting? In your view, should Wilbur regarded in the same class as a rapist? A pedophile? A wife beater?  A shocking percentage of this particular fanbase cannot understand the difference.  I state this as a parent of one of them.  Is making Wilbur suffer the end goal? OK, get after it. Make him suffer.  Destroy his peace. But was destroying a fan community necessary?  Could there have been ways to disrupt his peace without disrupting the peace of all these teenagers?  Consequences for Wilbur are really a small piece of the fallout here.  It has spawned a heartbreaking wave of hatred and sadness.  (Have you been surprised by it? I have wondered whether you wish you had handled it differently, now that you have seen the effect of this weird/goofy/unusual fanbase. I'm wondering how you see it in hindsight. Don't even answer that.)

I believe there are not good and bad people.  I believe that all of us are more than the worst thing we have done. I believe YOU.  And yet I still believe in having understanding and compassion for you both.  

I wish you would walk this back. Do you think he should be hated, like a rapist or a pedophile? REALLY? Do you honestly believe he is irredeemable and deserving of public harassment? Do you believe the rest of Lovejoy deserves it? There are ways to say, people, you've blown this out of proportion. There are ways to say, I was right about my experience, but not about the way this went down. Messed up people can climb their way out. There are ways to heal this community. There are ways to lead these kids back to a sane, human, measured response to this. To him.

(I would be happy to share more about myself privately if you want to understand where I am coming from, what my biases are, etc.  Not comfortable sharing publicly.) 

[ontariobusiness]

Who Can Benefit from EMDR Therapy

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is a versatile and effective approach to treating trauma, anxiety, and other emotional disorders. While originally developed to treat post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), EMDR therapy has since been adapted to address a wide range of psychological conditions and life challenges.

Individuals who may benefit from EMDR therapy include:

Those with PTSD: EMDR therapy is highly effective in treating PTSD, helping individuals process traumatic memories, reduce symptoms of hyperarousal and avoidance, and regain a sense of safety and control.

Individuals with Anxiety Disorders: EMDR therapy can be beneficial for individuals with anxiety disorders, such as generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, and phobias. By addressing underlying trauma and reducing emotional reactivity, EMDR therapy helps alleviate anxiety symptoms and promote relaxation.

Those with Depression: EMDR therapy can complement traditional talk therapy approaches in the treatment of depression. By processing unresolved traumas and negative beliefs, EMDR therapy helps individuals challenge distorted thinking patterns and develop more positive self-perceptions.

Survivors of Trauma: EMDR therapy is effective in treating various forms of trauma, including childhood abuse, sexual assault, accidents, natural disasters, and combat trauma. By processing traumatic memories and reducing emotional reactivity, EMDR therapy helps survivors regain a sense of control and empowerment.

Individuals with Relationship Issues: EMDR therapy can be beneficial for couples and families experiencing relationship conflicts, communication breakdowns, and unresolved traumas. By addressing past relational traumas and improving communication skills, EMDR therapy helps rebuild trust and strengthen interpersonal connections.

Those Seeking Personal Growth: EMDR therapy is not just for treating psychological disorders—it can also be used to enhance personal growth and self-awareness. By exploring past experiences, identifying limiting beliefs, and developing coping skills, EMDR therapy helps individuals unlock their full potential and live more authentically.

In conclusion, EMDR therapy offers a versatile and effective approach to healing trauma, anxiety, and other emotional disorders. Whether you're struggling with PTSD, anxiety, depression, relationship issues, or simply seeking personal growth, EMDR therapy can help you overcome challenges, reclaim your life, and achieve greater emotional well-being.

[maribeaux]

Μπορείτε να πείτε σε μια γυναίκα ότι είναι ελκυστική ή ποθητή χωρίς να γίνεστε χυδαίοι, γραφικοί και παρενοχλητικοί, χωρίς να της περιγράφετε σεξουαλικά σενάρια, χωρίς να αντικειμενοποιείτε κάποιο μέρος του σώματός της ή την ευφυΐα της, ανίκανα σκουλήκια. Αλλά όχι, τρώτε τη μισογυνία με το κουτάλι από κούνια, σας έχει βολέψει η πατριαρχία καλά και αυτό που αποκαλείτε εσείς “φλερτ”, το χρησιμοποιείτε για να μας πείτε ότι μας βλέπετε ως τρύπες για να μπήξετε το ανασφαλές σας πέος - και δεν υπάρχει θέμα με το να έχετε σεξουαλική επιθυμία για κάποια και να τη θεωρείτε κρέας αν πράγματι αυτό θέλετε, αλλά το να το κάνετε πάντα και παντού και με όλες και χωρίς να σέβεστε τα όριά μας και με το να μας μειώνετε για να αισθανθείτε καλύτερα για τον αντρισμό που δεν έχετε, είναι πρόβλημα και αφήνει εμάς τραυματισμένες και εσάς αγάμητους. Μετά αναρωτιέστε γιατί δεν σας κάνει παρέα καμία σωστή γυναίκα, πόσο μάλλον να σας κάτσει κι όλας με τη πρησμένη κωλότρυπα που έχετε για εγκέφαλο. 

[kidgillis]

What did we truly lose by losing ourselves? I often ask myself this question. I've sacrificed alot, including myself, in order to do some self reflecting. Yet, it's hard to grasp the image I see when I stare into these mirrors. I'd love to say they're illusions and distortions of myself but, I came to realize this unrecognizable person is truly me. I used to believe I was a mirror in the lives of others, reflecting who they are. I speak into them and show them a vision they haven't saw. They'd be amazed and I'd see the sparks. Rekindling flames within their darken souls. The lights would come on and I knew they'd find their way back home. I believed it. I hoped for it. I prayed for them, maybe even more than I prayed for myself. I swore that as long as I was helping others, I too, would be helping myself. I built others up around me while I was torn down from the inside, out. The same bricks I took away from the unbearable weight others carried, I held onto in my own life while building walls to keep my loved ones out. I had gray days and black thoughts. I had silent screams of torture and loud whispers of encouragement. I had family, friends and a lover who adored me but, I felt alone within head. The heart that loved hard, that devoted their ever beat to others, and sacrificed the world to gain a piece of heaven...lost everything just trying to numb the pain of an experience never had but thought of, a person that came and gone without a word, a false perception of reality and a faulted perspective of love because of abandonment, rejection, and fear. I always go back to the day that I walked away and swore I was doing right by you. How I promised myself before I hurt someone, out of love, I'd leave because I'd never want to do to them what someone else had done to me. But, like most unresolved issues and unrestrained emotion, everything went to shit because I ruined - you, me, us. By allowing us to fall, to open ourselves to love, and then force such a loss towards what we both wanted the most...we lost ourselves and each other in the midst. But, if I'm being honest...I was already lost, I just didn't know how much denial I was in, until you showed me what true love was, my friend. I took a hard look in the mirror just to realize my heart could still beat the sweet melody of love and forgiveness while bleeding from the wickedest form of guilt, shame, and betrayal. So, we really lost everything. To gain the very thing we needed the most - anything we desired outside of our selves. You gained your freedom to be, you. As for me, I gained nothing but, myself.

[mbti-notes]

Thanks for a great blog! Your words have helped me a lot, but there is one thing I am struggling to understand, so hope you can clarify. You often mention the importance of developing functions IN ORDER (e.g. as an INFP, I should develop Fi first, then Ne, Si and finally Te),and this makes sense in theory. In self-improvement terms, I have always tried to take the best approach for a situation and go outside my comfort zone to consciously work on skills and functions etc. (1 of ?).

[con’t: However, your advice implies a longer-term focus, and that working on a specific function is a good idea. If I understand, Te will NEVER feel as natural as Fi - like writing with your wrong hand could look nice however well it’s developed. My question is how do you know which function (of the 4 in your stack) you should currently be developing? How do you evaluate your strengths, and determine when the ‘next function’ needs development, and when would this change? You have also mentioned the negative impacts of developing functions in the WRONG ORDER. My upbringing, (and male environmental pressures) led me to suppress Fi growing up. Now I’m 32, I am reasonably balanced between my use of Fi and Te, but don’t think either of them are especially healthy in isolation. In contrast my Ne-Si feels unbalanced, and I consciously work on slowing my head down, and to stop skimming over details etc. So, on one level I feel like I should work on Si to bridge the gap to Te. However my Fi feels weaker than it should be, and while I can use Te in a positive way, I still feel like I should be more ‘effective’ in life. Sorry it was long, but theory without examples is hard for me. I am really interested in understanding more about developing functions IN ORDER, and the impact of developing in the WRONG ORDER, and how to undo damage, and where best to focus on for self-improvement. Thanks!!]

I commend your willingness to learn, because an open mind and a good attitude is half the battle. It seems you want something like step-by-step instructions, which is a reasonable request and common from Te types, but it can’t really be granted because it doesn’t fit with the reality of how the mind works. The mind is complicated and hard to understand, that’s why we’re often reduced to using metaphors or analogies. 

When you read the guides, I make a point of saying that cognitive functions aren’t skills. They aren’t something that you can improve from 1 to 10 like learning piano. This analogy doesn’t properly represent the real-life process of type development. For example, if you equate Te with “organization skill”, then you are likely to believe that if you just learn how to organize better and practice it, then Te will be “well-developed”. No. This analogy does not account for the intention behind your desire to use and develop the function. Why is it that some INFPs are good at organizing, some even run corporations and manage large groups of people, but they still frequently experience Te grip? 

You can work hard at developing Te as a “skill” all you want, and you’ll probably get better at doing your daily tasks and keeping everything running smoothly, that’s true - this is not a “bad” thing to do. However, ask yourself what really motivates your desire to build up Te in this way? If your desire stems from wanting to realize your positive potential and become a better person, i.e., self-love, then great. But if your desire actually stems from barely conscious feelings of inadequacy, self-abasement, shame, helplessness, or other negative emotions, then you probably haven’t realized that you’re in Te grip, despite whatever appearance you give off of having your life together.

Functions are tools for making sense of the world and making good decisions in life. How well you use these cognitive tools is not just a matter of skill (skill does help in small ways), it’s also a matter of whether you can properly DECODE what they’re telling you to do. Let’s say that Te is “telling you” to change careers because the career that you really want is not going to lead to great success and wealth. Should you listen? No amount of “organizing skill” is going to answer this question for you, right?

Think of it this way: All of your functions are speaking to you, so your job, like being “president”, is to know the right time to listen to the right function. What this implies is that developing your functions is not about particular skills, rather, it’s about how much self-awareness you possess when making choices. Let’s say Te tells you that: you suck when you’re not rich and famous, you need to sacrifice your integrity to make it, you have to grind yourself down to nothing to achieve the symbols of success, etc. Even if you satisfy these Te demands, are you going to end up as a person that you’ll be proud of? You listened to that Te, you got your shit together, you worked hard as Te told you to do, but would you call that “well-developed” Te or Te grip?

Why is self-development hard? Because you are filled with inner conflicts and you don’t know how to resolve them when you don’t have enough awareness of who you really are, what kind of person you should strive to be, what your deepest needs and concerns are, what kinds of desires are legitimate, what kind of life constitutes a “good” life. People are not objective and rational when they make decisions because the mind is a morass of conflicting information. We are all very easily influenced and led astray by unconscious activity, of which there are three common forms: 1) cognitive biases, usually faulty schemas or heuristics that mislead you about the reality of how the world works, 2) unresolved emotions, such as fear, shame, guilt, anger, pride, jealousy, etc, that twist and distort your perception and judgment, and 3) ego defense mechanisms that photoshop your self-image and blur your self-perception in order to escape the threat of low self-esteem (i.e. lying to yourself). 

That’s why I emphasize self-awareness as the goal of function development. When you are unaware of your intention, or the why, behind developing a function, you are very likely to misuse that function because it’s not really under your control but actually controlled by your unconscious impulses. Can you see through the ways in which your functions give voice to your unconscious activity? Using the above example, can you see through those things that Te is saying? Can you understand that Te is speaking in that way to you because of shame or low self-esteem, not because it has “the right answer” about how you should live your life? In other words, when your mind is transparent to you, you will know when to listen to a function or not because you understand what it’s really trying to say to you. 

WRT function order, generally speaking, you can’t use a function well until the functions before it have been developed well. To understand this concept, use a swimming analogy. The better you are at swimming, the deeper the water you can handle. If you can’t even handle the shallow side, you shouldn’t even think about venturing into the deep end. If you try to go deeper before you are ready, you’ll end up flailing wildly at best and drowning at worst. This is because the unconscious mind is layered and riddled with defense mechanisms, so you have to work your way through those layers gradually as you slowly increase self-awareness. If you try to develop a lower function before you have the necessary baseline level of self-awareness, you’ll just end up misusing that function because you aren’t yet capable of decoding its true message. Why? The lower the function in your stack, the more distorted that “voice” sounds to you because of its much closer proximity to your unconscious activity, especially your defense mechanisms and unresolved emotional issues. 

The function order makes it seem like there is a linear path to take but it’s not so simple because there are two different issues: 1) How much knowledge you have about how to use a function well: This is important because you need something by which to measure your progress, and this is already explained in the Type Development Guide. 2) Whether you can use a function well in every circumstance: Life can be going very well for you circumstance-wise, in which case, your unconscious activity would be fairly quiet and your functions would naturally operate optimally. However, as soon as things don’t go well, you are likely to misuse all of your functions in a desperate attempt to cope with the stress. A function being higher in your stack means that you are less likely to misuse it simply because you are more experienced with it. But it doesn’t matter how “skilled” you are in using your functions if you are still misusing them the moment you get too stressed. For example, you could become great at organizing things (Te as “skill”) and yet, every time you’re stressed, you totally go overboard and get super controlling about everything -> you immediately get taken over by your unconscious unresolved emotions like fear and shame. This tells you that the most important overarching process of type development is learning from the mistakes you make and using that knowledge to boost self-awareness so that you can do better next time.

People often believe that they are more skilled than they are because their ego defense mechanisms prime them to think that way in order to preserve self-esteem. To address your unconscious activity requires radical self-honesty and not many people are ready for that. You have to possess a certain amount of genuine self-esteem to face up to all of your flaws and mistakes and learn from them. This can be especially hard for Fs because they are more sensitive to shame about feeling less than or incompetent. Long term type development involves a lot of growing pains because there is lots of fear and defensiveness to overcome. It’s not fun or pleasant to always be reflecting on the consequences of your actions and confronting all of the things you do wrong or badly. Not many people can face those pains and fears bravely, which is why they opt out. It’s hard to see through the growing pains to understand what enormous gains you can achieve by coming out the other side.

[northamptoncouplestherapy]

What Your Relationship Style Says About You

I think most of us can agree that relationships are difficult. But it is the “why” behind this statement that causes the most confusion.

Why are romantic commitments so hard to maintain? Is it the stress of work? Money? Kids? Who washes the dishes? Or, is it simply because you don’t have enough in common?

If you ask relationship expert Dr. Stan Tatkin, creator of the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT) and founder of the PACT Institute, there is “nothing more difficult on the planet than another person.”

We often come to the table expecting relationships to be easy; yet, we can also bring to one another a host of painful memories, or past experiences, which mold our neurological pathways and affect the way we interact with our partners for the rest of our lives.

Romantic Reflexes: Ambassadors vs. Primitives

When you think about how you respond to your partner and interpret their words and actions, Tatkin wants us to understand there are two main functions of the brain that are responsible for those reactions: the “ambassadors” and the “primitives.”

Your ambassadors, using mainly the higher cortical areas of the brain, are intelligent, deliberate and keep you calm in the heat of the moment. If that conflict about the dishes or who’s taking your child to daycare arises and you settle it calmly, the ambassadors are online. They are the parts of the brain that help you weigh options carefully and make sense of difficult situations.

If, on the other hand, that conflict about dishes or childcare spins out of control, it is the primitives that are responsible. Primitives care about survival. They can change perception into something like a funhouse mirror, distorting reality. According to Tatkin, “adults carry a bigger burden through life because their dependency relationships carry memories of what could or will happen.”

It is important to note that the primitives are not all trouble. The brain’s functions are complex, and we would not want to leave everything to the ambassadors. Primitives are fast, while ambassadors are slower and require lots of fuel to function, as well as plenty of glucose and oxygen. If we let the ambassadors lead too often, we will become stiff and slow. So, we want to rely on our fast primitives as much as possible.

Ideally, when we get to know someone new, we want both on board. Our primitives will allow us to relax and go with the flow, while our ambassadors will help us evaluate or size up a potential partner. Once we we have determined that a person is safe, our primitives will assume the lead, while our ambassadors will remain available for troubleshooting.

“This is supposed to happen,” says Tatkin. “It is what the brain does to make the relationship feel easier.”

However, when you grow comfortable, you stop paying attention. Since your primitives are controlling the relationship now, they will rely on memories to interpret any intentions of your partner. When a tense situation arises, our primitives will act based on the past, which can cause us to become detached from reality.

It is then that we need to rely on our ambassadors, the rational function of our brain, to regain control and get through the difficult time. This happens sometimes, but is it always that simple? If we get really worked up about something, our primitives can hijack our ambassadors, creating a survival-based state of panic.

Islands, Anchors, and Waves…Oh My

You can see that our primitives and ambassadors do their work based on our past. Our relationship history — starting at birth — impacts us in such a profound way that it affects the way we attach to and interact with our romantic partners.

According to Tatkin, the types of attachments we form with one another can, for the most part, be separated into one of three categories: islands, anchors, and waves. (Note: Tatkin warns against self-diagnosis and notes that these attachment styles are not akin to personality types. They simply describe the way we adapt, based on our histories, to new situations.

Islands are characterized by isolation. They find ways to be self-sufficient and tend to enjoy long periods of separation from the interactive world around them. They may feel uncomfortable with others, including their romantic partners, because they find the interpersonal stress difficult to handle.

Under stress, islands self-soothe, rather than seeking others to help them regulate their emotions. Typically, islands come from backgrounds in which they were left alone often and had to adapt by learning to take care of themselves too young.

Waves, on the other hand, seek help from others with their emotions. Most waves come from backgrounds in which they experienced inconsistent parenting, with one or both parents unable to consistently support them emotionally. Or, perhaps someone tried to provide support but was unsuccessful or was too self-preoccupied to do a good job with them. Thus, waves operate with an expectation of being let down by others, while still remaining dependent on them for emotional regulation. This can lead to anger within waves, and when this anger arises, they can be difficult to soothe.

Meanwhile, anchors respond with ease to being alone or with others. Their early experiences taught them they could expect help with their emotions when needed. They experienced an attachment-focused relationship with their parents, who could put aside their needs to focus on their children. Anchors are likely better than waves and islands at reading situations and adjusting to them. Also, because they experienced more fairness and sensitivity in their early attachment history, they tend to respond with more fairness and sensitivity to others.

According to Tatkin, when islands and waves pair (including: islands with islands, and waves with waves) trouble is not far off.

Your initial attraction to one another may put you on your best behavior. However, over time, your differing childhood histories will manifest themselves. If you and your partner are both islands, you may end up with a distance that is comfortable but not interactive. Or, you may avoid conflict to such a degree that resentment builds between you. Alternatively, if you are both waves, you may end up failing to obtain adequate regulation from one another. Wave-island pairings can seem like cat-and-dog or cross-cultural relationships, with each pushing the other to increased opposite behaviors that each of you equally misunderstands.

The solution? Bring the ambassadors online.

This will help you gain a more logical understanding of your distinct attachment styles and what damage your out-of-control primitives might be causing. Then, move towards true “mutuality and cooperation,” which Tatkin says is the foundation of a healthy, secure relationship. This means finding ways to take care of each other simultaneously. There are a number of principles to keep in mind to build such a relationship, but the bottom line is that you must act so that your partner is in your care, and they are in yours.

When Conflicts Arise, “Keep it Simple”

Relationships can survive fights; they cannot survive threats to security. Yet many fights, spinning out of control, do exactly that. They allow the distress to get too intense and last too long. Instead, we must put our ambassadors to work and soothe our partner’s primitives.

One powerful way to make this neurological switch is to start difficult conversations face-to-face. Stop doing whatever else you are doing and focus on one another. Don’t fight in a car or by email or text. Instead, use your eyes to regulate your nervous systems. Tatkin calls this process “changing position.” The face shows everything. So, getting face-to-face with your partner allows you to track what is going on with your lightning-fast primitives. By tracking one another, you can act quickly to soothe your partner’s primitives if they get distressed. In doing so, you will also soothe your own.

First, respond to your partner’s distress. Postpone difficult topics in the car, or pull over so you can look at each other. Respond to the distress quickly–it’s a race to relief. Only when both sets of primitives are calmed can you make progress on the topic.

Second, when you fight, remain orderly. Stick to one topic at a time. No couple can handle multiple topics when under stress. According to Tatkin, “If we want to get anything out of this effort, we have to be disciplined, orderly, and stick to one thing.”

Third, repair the conflict quickly to avoid a fight forming a long-term memory. When you leave issues unresolved, your defenses will build and you will come to expect conflict from your partner. But when you wrap up a fight quickly, leaving each other intact, you can come to the next conflict more relaxed.

Always Protect Your Partner

Another key is to try to recognize when your primitives are taking over. This is when the partnership works at its best. Your partner is crucial in this process, as they will often notice this before you can.

“You protect the other; they protect you,” says Tatkin. Relationships are about both of you. You are not in your own care but rather, each other’s care. If you are consistently in defensive mode, it will not work. Relying on primitives in situations of threat will always keep you on edge, preventing you from moving toward a more meaningful relationship.

When you move away from a self-focused mentality and focus on your partner, you begin to move towards secure functioning. Even if you did not have the advantage of a childhood that provided you with an anchor attachment style, you can change your style over time by participating in effective interdependence. This is very different from codependence because you do this for each other. Doing it for each other is having each other’s back; protecting your partner protects you.

At NCCT, our therapists are intimately acquainted with the various attachment styles and the ways in which they can manifest themselves in a relationship. We understand how important it is to know and adapt to one another and can guide you through that process and towards a state of secure functioning in your partnership.

Interested in learning more about Tatkin’s work?

From the Gottman Method to Emotionally Focused Therapy to the PACT model, we apply science-based methodologies to every couples therapy session. For those with more limited schedules, or who desire a more intensive therapy model, we also offer couples retreats and couples therapy weekends.

Interested in working on your relationship? Request an appointment.

[committoreality]

How to be unconditionally in love with yourself and express confidence?

That’s a terrific question. And I don’t know if I have an answer for you. I don’t think there are shortcuts. From my experience, I need to be cognizant and aligned with the things that bring satisfaction. Being aligned with my long term goals, living from a place of authenticity, being productive, engaging deeply, keeping my body strong, are the things that make me feel best, and in turn be confident. That’s going to vary person to person. 

I don’t love myself all the time, and I don’t think that’s a problem. Being overly optimistic is great and necessary at times. We need a degree of deception and illusion to live happily. But for me, striving for total unconditional love requires more deception than I’m willing to sign up for. Being critical and being aware of the ways I’m cheating myself and in turn feeling bad about myself- is a good thing. It keeps me in line with my long term goals and with what I really want. 

Pointless self criticism is unproductive, but self criticism begs the question- why do I feel this way? What is it within me that is reacting negatively? Two answers. A) you have some unresolved issues that distort your perception in a self destructive or self sabotaging way. Explore and heal those places within you. That is a long process not an event. Or B) you are doing something that doesn’t sit well with the person you want to be. Reducing the gap between who you are and who you want to be can be a positive endeavour. Think of the times you love yourself, what is going on in that moment and what are you doing? I’m not talking about being drunk and at a party- but what are the things that give you true fulfilment? Those are the traits to embrace and bring into your life on a daily basis.

I do not subscribe to the “fake it till you make it” approach. That is a temporary solution to an issue that is deeply rooted. You need to live a life that is satisfying and personally fulfilling to realize true self love (in my view). You can only fake so much, and the things you can fake are highly superficial. Speaking from experience. You can’t fake having a depth of knowledge, being a great cook, being trained in a sport, being an artist, running a marathon in under 3 hours. The things that are most satisfying and rewarding are not things that can be faked. 

My advice is work towards something that makes you proud. See the positive side to all of your qualities (eg. I’m anti social as shit but I’m a great student. I’m selfish but I’m happy. I’m judgmental but that allows me to be honest etc). There is no perfect way to be, so reframe your traits in ways that you can accept and gradually the bad things about you become great things. Just spin it a different way. As for confidence, all the things that you’re self conscious about, literally no one cares. If they notice, it will be relevant for 10 seconds. People are all so consumed with how they’re coming off and how they appear, no one is really worried about you or what you’re doing. You truly are your own worst critic. So don’t sweat it, because no one remembers the dumb thing you did, no one cares that your hair is greasy, no one cares that you tripped. And to me, that fact is comforting and allows me to not sweat the little things. 

[meditateineverystate-blog]

Week 7 blog post from www.meditateineverystate.com 

MEDITATE TO ENJOY SOBRIETY

Sobriety delivers everything alcohol promised. 

What I loved about consuming alcohol was the sweet promise of a start over. Within half a glass of wine, I was able to pull out the cables of my attention out of the sockets of responsibilities and click them into joy jacks of becoming at peace with what was, whatever it was. Every sip was cancelling the subjunctive mood of my thinking and bringing me into present continuous. Wine was like oil lubricating rusty armor of my steampunk heart, turning toothed cogwheels, unhinging shutters, opening my soul to meet the light of nondual world. I found it easier to connect with people and see circumstances beyond the flaps of my beliefs.

Alcohol worked like a light switch, getting me from not so perfect “over there” of my mental constructions to “right here” of now, sometimes with “right here” being on the floor next to the toilet seat with events in between that either I couldn’t remember or wished I didn’t remember, including some brilliant adventures, of courses. But let’s pretend that never happened.

Turning away from the painful truth, reluctant to deal with situations which required drastic change and not willing to fully invest in inner work, I was looking for a quick fix, an anesthesia, an immediate disidentification and reconnection. I couldn’t find my way there (read here) except for catching a chemical train that took me at the maglev speed straight to the “Pleasantville” station. It was always a both ways ticket, the return one taking me back farther than where I have departed from.  

Alcohol declares it will make things better and only always makes it worse by distorting perception, postponing solutions and leaving you alone with even more pain. It’s like a classic closed circuit of “he doesn’t get laid because he has pimples, he has pimples because he doesn’t get laid” which can only be broken by sober awareness that does deliver peace and a fresh start at every new moment.

One can’t just take a credit from an energy or spiritual bank, without paying high interest. The more inspiration you borrow via chemical agents, the more drained you become after the tide, leaving your shores with lowered cognitive abilities, intoxicated system, decreased immunity and a hangover. It’s a kind of landscape one can’t tolerate, so there you are standing on the station of “Despair” with all your multiplying luggage of yet again ignored issues and yet still unresolved problems, wanting to get back to “Pleasantville” as soon as possible, forgetting that it is a good old “Hell”, that you will be returning to.

It’s hard to recognize an alcoholic addiction when it is masqueraded in elegant, sophisticated setting. It isn’t obvious that it is the same story – whether there is a bottle of vodka on an empty table on Monday morning or a crystal glass of wine next to the cheese plate on Friday evening – it is the story of escape.  

It has been years since I have ceased hopping on alcohol train, and I am bowing to masters of moderation, attentive to their surroundings and content with what is, who know when and why to stop. For unbalanced users like myself, the edge was too slight and too slippery. It was often too late before relaxation turned into aggression, sociability into obnoxiousness and fun into embarrassment and risks.

Meditate to see that when you are running from it, you are running straight into it. Stay sober to realize that there is nothing to escape. Get out from under collapsed mental construction. All is good now. Take a sip of water. Breathe…

[phynxrizng]

DAILY ASTROLOGY REPORTS AND HOROSCOPES FOR, 7-17-17

ASTROLOGY TOOLS FREE NATAL CHART REPORT ABOUT CONTACT Astrology Cafe Daily Astrology

DAILY ASTROLOGY TODAY MONTHLY Astrology of Today – Monday, July 17, 2017

Jul 15, 2017 by ANNIE LEAVE A COMMENT



The Moon is in Aries until 1:04 AM, after which the Moon is in Taurus. The Moon is void until 1:04 AM (since last night at 10:19 PM). The Moon is waning and in its Third Quarter phase. The Last Quarter Moon occurred yesterday. Times are EDT. Horoscopes Aries



While the Moon’s move into your solar second house encourages you to pay more attention to your practical affairs, dear Aries, a Venus-Neptune influence suggests blurred or distorted perceptions of value. You might become infatuated with ideas, things, or people but you are unlikely to be seeing these things clearly! Wishful thinking is at play, and while it’s pleasurable in the moment, disappointment can follow when you would have been better off appreciating the good, real things in your life. Transportation or communications may be unreliable for now. Later today, your more impulsive or reckless traits are stimulated. Something on the domestic front might get you irritated or could simply displace you. Energy is up and down, but when up, can be harnessed to do something creative or productive. You need a change of pace! Aim to be the one in charge of these changes instead of resisting and allowing change to happen to you. New living arrangements, even in the smallest of ways, may be in order.

Taurus

The Moon moves into your sign today, dear Taurus, and you’re beginning a new emotional cycle. Emotional needs are front and center. With Venus square Neptune this morning, you can be a little evasive or face evasiveness in others. If you are not feeling equipped to make decisions and commitments, it makes the most sense to wait, or else you could regret things. Friends and money don’t mix well today. Do what you can to avoid misunderstandings or loss of valuables. Later today, a Mars-Uranus square can tempt you to take shortcuts, but this costs you instead of saves you time in the long run. Unresolved matters may be at the heart of stressed or impatient behavior today. Part of you is striving to break free from the “old you” or an old identity, and this may be behind any rebellious or “acting out” happening now. Speaking prematurely on a matter or blurting out something can be an example.

Gemini



With Venus in your sign, you are more personable than usual these days, dear Gemini, but Venus forms a square to Neptune today, and it’s far too easy to misread a situation or see things through the lens of wishful thinking this morning. You are more vulnerable to influence than usual right now. Watch that you don’t go too far to avoid a tricky situation. As well, consider that confusion about your general direction, career, or a situation with a superior can play with your mind and confuse your personal choices. As well, if you’ve been chasing a dream that’s leaving you exhausted, remind yourself that a dream is supposed to make you happy! Adjust expectations accordingly. Later today, a Mars-Uranus square can shake things up. Watch for impatience with money and a tendency to fly off the handle if you don’t feel respected. Holding on tightly to your things and ideas may be about your fear of changes taking place in your social life.

Cancer



Venus in your privacy sector forms a square to Neptune today, dear Cancer, and you may be feeling misunderstood or vulnerable. If your emotions and reactions are inappropriate for the situation, it’s time to look within. Don’t let whims, infatuations, or wishful thinking blur your judgment. Later today, you may feel the tension rising. The need to make a change is evident, but you may not know exactly where to start. You are asserting your independence more often these days, but today you could be pushing the wrong buttons, particularly with a parent or boss. The desire to liberate yourself from a past way of life, an old job, a typecast role, a public image, or a particular reputation can be powerful now, but you may be going about this in the wrong way. Your independence could get you some negative attention today. Reacting blindly to a feeling of being overruled will not improve your life, of course, so it’s best to be as self-aware as possible now.

Leo

Do your best not to over-commit today, dear Leo. Where you stand (exactly) with someone can be a point of confusion, or friends and lovers may be crossing a line, leaving you wondering. If financial or support issues are up in the air, you can feel the uncertainty now more than usual, and it affects your ability to enjoy yourself. While it’s not the best time to make final plans, you may be able to remake your image now if you need to do so. Later today, a Mars-Uranus square can force an issue where you may have been resisting change. Or, the need to free yourself from the confines of an ideology, a particular belief or way of thinking, or even a project or neighborhood can figure strongly. Watch for premature or impulsive actions now. You may be trying to break free from a buried issue or attachment, but outlets for expressing your frustration can be limited. Aim for self-understanding. Your need for change is real, but you’d be wise to make changes mindfully!

Virgo

There is a tendency for disappointments to occur today, dear Virgo, if you have not been viewing someone — or a relationship — clearly. Although looking the other way can soothe yourself in the present, you can’t honestly fool yourself over time. Aim to work on putting illusions about people behind you as much as possible. After all, it’s better to love a person, not a dream of a person! Today, it’s important to avoid letting confusion in your personal life affect your professional dealings. A Mars-Uranus square shakes things up later today. Interactions with friends can stir something inside you. You may be trying to break free from a particular attachment, and today, while schedules may be overturned or there can be abruptness to the energy of the day, you may very well need to put something behind you. A friend or acquaintance may awaken a new feeling or insight inside you. For some of you, there can be a conflict involving a friend or associate revolving around matters of give-and-take.

Libra



A Venus-Neptune square this morning suggests that you may second-guess your desire to reach out to someone or do something entirely different and courageous. This may have to do with uncertainty surrounding your work or schedule, or a commitment to take care of someone. You are more compassionate but also rather vulnerable now due to your high emotional investment in believing what you want to believe. Be sure to take care of yourself while you take care of everyone else! Avoid over-committing due to guilt. Give yourself a break! Later today, another complicated aspect comes into play: Mars square Uranus. This can be a provocative influence, as we can be intolerant of personal restrictions, and reinforces a theme of people in your life draining you of energy. You may be hitting a nerve with someone, or they with you. Your ambitions are strong right now, but unreliability or relationship problems can distract you from going after what you want today.

Scorpio



This is not a reliable day for making commitments, dear Scorpio, with two complicated influences in play that can throw us off our current path. Our tendency is to misread a situation today, and even you, with your perceptiveness, can do so if you’re emotionally involved and invested. This is about wishful thinking influencing your vision, so aim to wait things out. You’re moving towards a freer, more authentic working or daily life these days, and events of today may seem to force the issue. A break in the routine or a schedule change can feel uncomfortable at first, but it can also positively redirect you, so aim to keep calm and make the most of the changes happening now. Better yet, seek to identify what needs to change and proactively get on it! Watch for impatience that leads to “shortcuts” that are costly in the long run.

Sagittarius



You may question a person’s feelings for you today, dear Sagittarius, or insecurities can interfere with your perception of a relationship. Smoothing out your close personal relationships has been more important to you recently, but you could be missing the mark, either by giving too much or too little! You may not be seeing people, yourself, or a relationship objectively. There can be an intense yearning for something more from your connections. However, your best bet is to channel energies into a creative pursuit and be in charge of your own happiness. This way, you avoid putting pressure on a relationship to be perfect or something it’s not. Also today, Mars may be pushing you to dig deep and seek out hidden truths or a stronger connection to someone or something these days, but its square to Uranus can stir up all sorts of frustrations. In fact, a craving for more emotional space or freedom in your life can be at odds with all of this! For some, others may be giving you space, and this throws you for a loop. Emotional restlessness can tempt you to take unnecessary risks, with money or with people. Keep in mind that clarity is not likely now, so wait things out before drawing conclusions.

Capricorn



A couple of tense aspects in play today require some strategy, dear Capricorn. Most importantly, keep in mind that wishful thinking or a fear of being restricted or stuck can interfere with clear thinking, mainly related to personal projects, work, health, and the concept of time. Expectations of others may be off, and unreliability or uncertainty can disappoint you. However, if you avoid over-committing yourself and making statements and taking actions prematurely, you can make the best of any breaks in the routine occurring today. Most importantly, don’t undersell yourself. Question what you read and what you hear. Take time coming to conclusions. In fact, time can be one of the best tools for testing a theory or perception, as with time, reason tends to set in. Keep in mind that crankiness today — yours or others’ — is likely to do with a need to break out of current labels. You need to grow and change, and recognizing this puts you in an advantageous position. Once past these humps, you are in a great position to improve your connections.

Aquarius



Venus in your fifth house brings out your more amorous feelings these days, dear Aquarius, and it also helps to boost your appeal with others. Today is strong for creative pursuits but tricky for situations requiring objectivity. In fact, you can find it difficult to see others and yourself clearly. Taking a risk or turning a blind eye to a problem can have unfavorable results. Aim to invest your emotions in something you already have rather than pin your hopes on something attainable. This is not to say you shouldn’t dream — you should — but mirages are likely with the energies of the day. Don’t sell yourself short, particularly in your relationships, but also in business. Also active today is a somewhat rebellious and disruptive Mars-Uranus square. Be wary of shortcuts and watch for inpatient speech and actions. Work, paperwork, transportation, and communications are areas most affected today. Underneath it all, you may simply be trying to break free from a label or restrictive situation. Aim to do so mindfully.

Pisces



The temptation today may be to take an emotional or perhaps a financial risk, dear Pisces, but our perceptions are not clear. Your desire for security, comfort, and peace in your love life and your domestic life is strong these days with Venus in your home and family sector, but its square to Neptune today suggests you may feel a little unfulfilled or yearning for more. You’re also particularly sensitive to imbalances in your personal life. Consider that some of your dreams and longings may not be about actual needs, and aim to get in better touch with yourself. A Mars-Uranus square today can aggravate any uncertainties or frustrations you may be having with income, business, or a money situation. The need to break out of a rut may become evident through the events of the day, but it’s better for you if you do this mindfully. Explore your feelings and decide what needs changing, and then put these into action on a less emotionally chaotic day.

*Remember to read horoscopes for your Ascendant sign and Sun sign. If you don’t know your Ascendant sign and know your birth time, you can look it up here.

If Your Birthday is July 17th, If Today is Your Birthday full horoscope here.

Astrology of Today – The Details: If you’re astrologically inclined and interested in the details of the Astrology of today, here are some of the factors considered in the forecasts (for the astrology of the week, see This Week in Astrology):







Date & Time: Jul 17 2017 1:04 am Event: Moon enters Taurus Description: The Moon in Taurus This is a time for settling in, establishing and maintaining routines, and consolidating existing projects. We are building and developing. We crave predictability, stability, and security. This time favors ongoing projects and activities more than new ones.

Date & Time: Jul 17 2017 0:27 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Tri Ves Description: Transiting Moon Trine Transiting Vesta We can derive a nice feeling of satisfaction and fulfillment from tending to our responsibilities, work, or other commitment. We are more able to make sacrifices or put our emotions aside in order to get something important done. Alternatively, we can bring more sensitivity to our practical affairs. This can be a good time to commit fully to something – especially health and healing matters. It’s also a strong time for taking care of domestic matters.

Date & Time: Jul 17 2017 1:04 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Cnj Tau Description: Transiting Moon Entering Taurus This is a time for settling in, establishing and maintaining routines, and consolidating existing projects. We are building and developing. We crave predictability, stability, and security. This time favors ongoing projects and activities more than new ones.

Date & Time: Jul 17 2017 1:43 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Cpl Nep Description: Transiting Moon ContraParallel Transiting Neptune

Date & Time: Jul 17 2017 6:02 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Sxt Cer Description: Transiting Moon Sextile Transiting Ceres We can be feeling pleasantly attached to, or supported by, our loved ones or family. We are seeking out security, nurturing, and warmth, and we are more likely to express these things towards others.

Date & Time: Jul 17 2017 10:55 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Cnj Pal Description: Transiting Moon Conjunction Transiting Pallas This is a time of imagination and intuition when we can draw upon our internal wisdom. There is a good ability to successfully combine logic and intuition and to understand problems taking into account the human element. There is sensitivity to people’s issues now. Cooperation. Effective, sensitive decision making.

Date & Time: Jul 17 2017 1:37 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mon Sqq Sat Description: Transiting Moon SesquiSquare Transiting Saturn We could feel burdened, restricted, or limited during this brief influence. We could be feeling a little down on ourselves, excluded, or lonely. There can be some awkwardness or stiffness and difficulty showing affection and feelings. Patience is a virtue right now; otherwise, we might succumb to feelings of frustration and sadness. All good things come to those who wait.

Date & Time: Jul 17 2017 1:43 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mon Tri Jun Description: Transiting Moon Trine Transiting Juno We can gain strength through others or through our relationships, and we are especially comfortable in one-on-one situations.

Date & Time: Jul 17 2017 8:18 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mon Pll Ura Description: Transiting Moon Parallel Transiting Uranus

Date & Time: Jul 17 2017 9:38 am Event: Tr-Tr Mer Pll Ves Description: Transiting Mercury Parallel Transiting Vesta

Date & Time: Jul 17 2017 10:33 am Event: Tr-Tr Ven Sqr Nep Description: Transiting Venus Square Transiting Neptune We are easily seduced, impressionable, and ready to believe what we want to see. Wait for a better time to make important decisions.

Date & Time: Jul 17 2017 9:36 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mar Sqr Ura Description: Transiting Mars Square Transiting Uranus The desire to assert independence and to dominate can be strong. Impulsiveness can be a problem. We can be rebellious and willful, ignoring others’ needs in the process. Resist if you can. With some self-control, we might be able to break through obstacles in innovative ways.

Date & Time: Jul 17 2017 7:12 pm Event: Tr-Tr Ves Cnj Vir Description: Transiting Vesta Entering Virgo

Strong Signs, Elements, Modes TAURUS STRONG Stable and enduring, strong values, unyielding, earthy, acquisitive, strong desires. Can be stuck, stubborn, overly possessive, self-indulgent. CANCER STRONG Nurturing, protective, tenacious, emotional, sensitive, watery, strong roots. Can be overly protective, unwilling to let go, timid, reclusive.

BALANCE OF ELEMENTS

The elements are balanced.

BALANCE OF MODES

The modes are balanced.

LUNAR PHASE: THIRD QUARTER Moon from 90 to 45 degrees behind the Sun. We have strong beliefs and are likely to put them into action. We have the wisdom to know when to act, but sometimes can be inflexible.

The following aspects (major only) and positions are at noon (EDT) on July 17th: Note that when an aspect is applying, it has not yet happened but is within orb – it’s pending. When an aspect is separating, it has already happened/perfected and is moving away from the aspect. Depending on the speed of the planet/body involved, the aspect will have perfected–or will perfect–in a matter of hours (often the case with the Moon), days, months, and possibly years in the case of the very slow-moving outer planets and bodies.

Note that the Moon moves at a rate of approximately one degree every 2 hours, so that if an aspect involving the Moon is applying and has an orb of 5 degrees, the aspect will perfect (be exact) in about 10 hours. If the Moon is separating from an aspect with an orb of 2 degrees, it has already formed said aspect approximately 4 hours ago (since the following are positions at noon today, then it would have occurred at about 8 AM today).

**I suggest paying close attention to applying  aspects. The energy of the aspect builds as it gets closer to exact. Once an aspect involving inner planets has happened, it’s over.  Separating aspects are good to know for context, but in terms of energy that is with us today, applying aspects are most important. (This is the case for daily astrology influences involving inner planets, which pass quickly, and not natal astrology aspects, which are with us for a lifetime).

THE MOON

THE MOON IN TAURUS This is a time for settling in, establishing and maintaining routines, and consolidating existing projects. We are building and developing. We crave predictability, stability, and security. This time favors ongoing projects and activities more than new ones.

7TH DEGREE OF TAURUS Part of Body: Vocal cords Sabian Symbol: A woman of samaria comes to draw water from the well.

ASPECTS OF THE MOON CONJUNCTION URANUS Orb 7°57′ Separating This can be a time when we feel a need to make a change, however big or small, and we may feel compelled to experiment or improvise. We don’t want to feel restricted by routine or convention now.

THE SUN

THE SUN IN CANCER Our attention is turned to our nest – our families, homes, and anything that makes us feel at home, safe, and secure. We take more pride in these things. We are more inclined to nurture and take care of our loved ones and our pet projects.

26TH DEGREE OF CANCER Part of Body: Mammary glands Sabian Symbol: Guests are reading in the library of a luxurious home.

ASPECTS OF THE SUN CONJUNCTION MARS Orb 2°54′ Applying We are more direct, spontaneous, and impulsive now, but can also be too self-focused and impatient.

SQUARE URANUS Orb 3°09′ Applying We may want to break free from restrictions or responsibilities, but if we aren’t in touch with this need, we could cause some problems or feel restless and irritable. There could be rebellious feelings. We don’t want to be told what to do. Use this time to see what changes need to be made.

TRINE CHIRON Orb 3°29′ Applying We find it easier to bounce back from criticism, rejection, or feelings of insecurity; to humble ourselves. We can be filled with a sense of purpose. We more easily cooperate with others.

MERCURY

MERCURY IN LEO You are enthusiastic in your quest for knowledge. You are proud of your learning abilities and believe in the saying that learning is fun. You may have a tendency to be a know-it-all.

20TH DEGREE OF LEO Part of Body: Mitral valve Sabian Symbol: People perform a majestic ritual to the sun.

ASPECTS OF MERCURY TRINE SATURN Orb 3°07′ Applying We are cautious, careful, tuned into details, and rely on common sense at this time.

QUINCUNX PLUTO Orb 1°15′ Separating Something we write or say could trigger power struggles or hostility from others. Re-assessing decisions we have made already, or adjusting our plans, may be in order. Second-guessing.

CONJUNCTION THE NORTH NODE Orb 5°21′ Applying Important contacts can be made with people who share our intellectual interests or who introduce us to new ideas that help us to grow, improve, and expand. Projects prove successful right now, particularly those involving teamwork. Learning, teaching, communicating, and making contact figure strongly now, or we meet with situations that encourage us to improve our skills in these areas.

VENUS

VENUS IN GEMINI You are curious and flirtatious, and enjoy intellectual relationships with exchanges of ideas. Communicating within a relationship is important to you. You can be restless and sometimes gets bored. You may have many money-making schemes.

15TH DEGREE OF GEMINI Part of Body: Scapulae Sabian Symbol: Two children talking.

ASPECTS OF VENUS TRINE JUPITER Orb 1°11′ Applying You have a talent for putting other people at their ease. Your natural enthusiasm is contagious. Your larger-than-life schemes have a habit of always paying off.

SQUARE NEPTUNE Orb 0°04′ Separating We are easily seduced, impressionable, and ready to believe what we want to see. Wait for a better time to make important decisions.

MARS

MARS IN CANCER We are less likely to move straightforwardly towards our desires now. Our emotional moods especially affect the pursuit of our goals. We are a little more cautious and conservative under this influence, but we will fight for, about, or on behalf of those people and things that are dearest to our heart.

29TH DEGREE OF CANCER Part of Body: Spleen Sabian Symbol: A muse weighs in golden scales just born twins.

ASPECTS OF MARS SQUARE URANUS Orb 0°15′ Applying The desire to assert independence and to dominate can be strong. Impulsiveness can be a problem. We can be rebellious and willful, ignoring others’ needs in the process.

TRINE CHIRON Orb 0°35′ Applying There is more courage to face problems. Fighting for the underdog. Physical healing can help inner healing, and vice versa.

JUPITER

JUPITER IN LIBRA You have a strong concern for justice. You are a diplomatic teacher, and express your spiritual values in your relationships.

16TH DEGREE OF LIBRA Part of Body: Renal arteries Sabian Symbol: A boat landing washed away.

ASPECTS OF JUPITER QUINCUNX NEPTUNE Orb 1°16′ Separating You feel a call to serve others perhaps through a profession or through religion. You will need to learn what is reasonable to do for others, and what is over stepping the boundary of your responsibility.

SQUARE PLUTO Orb 2°39′ Applying You will need to learn to have confidence in yourself even when life deals you a few blows. You range from over confident to completely lacking in confidence. The truth lies somewhere in between.

SATURN

SATURN IN SAGITTARIUS Saturn in Sagittarius asks us to take on the responsibility of living according to our personal truths and principles — and to be loyal to these. This is a time for turning a critical eye to those beliefs and principles that don’t accurately reflect our authentic selves. (December 23, 2014, to June 14, 2015, then September 17, 2015, to December 20, 2017)

23RD DEGREE OF SAGITTARIUS Part of Body: Left trochanter Sabian Symbol: Immigrants entering a new country.

URANUS

URANUS IN ARIES The urge to start fresh, to break free from restrictive attitudes or circumstances, to totally redesign an area of our lives (or even our personalities), and to gain freedom through independence is strong during this cycle. (May 27, 2010, to August 13, 2010, then March 11th, 2011, to May 15, 2018, then November 6, 2018, to March 6, 2019).

29TH DEGREE OF ARIES Part of Body: Auditory canal Sabian Symbol: A celestial choir singing.

NEPTUNE

NEPTUNE IN PISCES A long-term influence in which fantasy, imagination, compassion, and spirituality are in stronger focus. (April 4, 2011, to August 4, 2011, then February 3, 2012, to March 30, 2025, then October 22, 2025, to January 26, 2026)

15TH DEGREE OF PISCES Part of Body: Left cutaneous veins Sabian Symbol: An officer preparing to drill his men.

PLUTO

PLUTO IN CAPRICORN Tests of our boundaries; breaking down and rebuilding structures and rules. (From January 25, 2008, to June 14, 2008, then November 26, 2008, to March 23, 2023, then June 11, 2023, to January 20, 2024, then September 1, 2024, to November 19, 2024).

18TH DEGREE OF CAPRICORN Part of Body: Ligaments of right knee Sabian Symbol: The union jack flies from a new british destroyer.

Chiron, Major Asteroids, and Moon’s Nodes: in Sign and in Aspect CHIRON

CHIRON IN PISCES

Strong awareness of our own vulnerabilities and humanity stimulates compassion for others. (April 20 to July 20, 2010, then February 8, 2011, to April 17, 2018, then September 25, 2018, to February 18, 2019).

29TH DEGREE OF PISCES Part of Body: Toenails of right foot Sabian Symbol: A prism.

VESTA

VESTA IN LEO You work most creatively when left to your own devices. You feel pride in your work and can be inspired by romance and fun. Play and work are closely linked for you.

30TH DEGREE OF LEO Part of Body: Back Sabian Symbol: An unsealed letter.

PALLAS

PALLAS IN TAURUS You have the ability to see the beauty in nature and the arts. You have much common sense and wisdom. You may become involved in either healing with your hands, or healing the earth through environmental movements.

6TH DEGREE OF TAURUS Part of Body: Larynx Sabian Symbol: A bridge being built across a gorge.

JUNO

JUNO IN CAPRICORN You want a partner who you can respect, and who respects you. You seek long-term commitment and may marry later in life.

8TH DEGREE OF CAPRICORN Part of Body: Lymph vessels of knee Sabian Symbol: Birds in the house singing happily.

CERES

CERES IN CANCER Your ability to nurture others is closely linked with your own relationship with your mother. If you had a close and loving relationship with your mother then you will enjoy the same with others in your adult life. If not, you may form dependent relationships.

3RD DEGREE OF CANCER Part of Body: Eighth rib Sabian Symbol: An arctic explorer leads a reindeer through icy canyons.

THE NORTH NODE

THE NORTH NODE IN LEO This a quest to develop your inner strength. You may find that you experience times of loneliness. These times are part of your lesson to forge your own creative life in order to give generously to the world.

25TH DEGREE OF LEO Part of Body: Pericardium Sabian Symbol: A large camel crossing the desert.

THE SOUTH NODE

THE SOUTH NODE IN AQUARIUS This a quest to develop your inner strength. You may find that you experience times of loneliness. These times are part of your lesson to forge your own creative life in order to give generously to the world.

25TH DEGREE OF AQUARIUS Part of Body: Left tibialis anterior muscle Sabian Symbol: A butterfly with the right wing more perfectly formed.

*** CONJUNCTIONS TO SELECT FIXED STARS ***

Transits Jul 17, 2017 – Event Chart

Aspects to Sun 25°Cn15 +21°04′ Cnj 26°Cn01 PROCYON Short lived opportunities

Aspects to Sat 22°Sg19 -21°55′ Cnj 22°Sg41 RAS ALHAGUE The desire to heal a wound.

Aspects to Chi 28°Pi44 +03°07′ Cnj 29°Pi37 SCHEAT To be a thinker or intellect

Aspects to Ves 29°Le51 +15°53′ Cnj 00°Vi03 REGULUS*** Majestic, success, (revenge)



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Sun 25°  Cancer 21' 54" Moon 07°  Taurus 59' 10" Mercury 19°  Leo 21' 37" Venus 14°  Gemini 12' 34" Mars 28°  Cancer 14' 03" Jupiter 15°  Libra 17' 32" Saturn 22°  Sagittarius 19' 17" R Uranus 28°  Aries 24' 56" Neptune 14°  Pisces 00' 36" R Pluto 17°  Capricorn 56' 28" R Chiron 28°  Pisces 44' 51" R TrueNode 24°  Leo 33' 01" R SUBSCRIBE TO BLOG VIA EMAIL

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 July 2017 M T W T F S S « Jun 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 COPYRIGHT © 2017 · ASTROLOGY CAFE (2014-2017)

[skycamper]

Personal planets transit the 12th house

Sun: secrets and deceptions come to light. you claim ownership of the hidden aspects of yourself, expressing buried or inhibited facets of your identity, embracing your shadow self. inspiring time but there is the possibiliy of delusion, of finding false meaning and losing yourself in fantasies and dreams. this is time to work on accepting your limitations and discovering the contradictions and deceptions in your personality. you may choose to avoid this by fleeing yourself through substance abuse, creating a new persona, refusing to engage with reality. good time for introspection, to come to know and embody the parts of your personality that have been repressed. opportunity to clear perceive psychological blocks and deep-rooted beliefs that form the outline of the ego. the subconscious is brought to the surface in the counscious light of the sun. you can turn from it in self-deception, thereby limiting and denying yourself, or you can allow what has been hidden to be warmed and evaporated in the light. self-undoing can be destructive or transcendent.

Moon: past trauma and unresolved emotional issues are likely to arise. your dreams may be vivid and contain important messages from your subconscious mind. attempting dream interpretation can be beneficial and offer new insights into your inner world. you are very intuitive and empathic at this time. you may become overwhelmed by intense feelings. the best way to cope with this is through private introspection, journalling and meditation. unconstructive use of this energy may sek to avoid confrontation with difficult emotions through repressing or escaping and subduing the disturbing feelings. remember that what stays hidden now doesn’t go away but intensifies as it is lefy to brood. you may experience attachment and feelings of dependency on particular habits that no longer serve you. at this time you are likely to fall into the same psychological traps that always catch you, provoking unexpected emotional responses. if you find yourself feeling anxious and trapped, ask yourself what it is that inhibits your sense of emotional security. what beliefs or behaviours undermine your ability to feel secure? this can potentially be a vey healing time for sensitive and nurturing reflection on the most tender and vulnerable aspects of yourself.

Mercury: intellectual analysis of your fear and repressed feelings can give you new insight into your subconscious mind. your intuitive imagination is stimulated, making artistic and expressive endeavours rewarding. you can learn a lot about yourself by engaging in creative activities now. interactions with others will likely result in your subconscious beliefs being challenged in some way. you can approach this with a mind to rationalise your deceptions and destructive behaviours, or you can attempt to learn and adapt from these experiences, gaining a new perspective and more objective judgment on the ignored, isolated or repressed parts of your psyche. you are likely to engage in discussion of your dreams and fantasies. you may develop an interest in mysticism, psychology, and/or esoteric practices. this is a beneficial time for counselling and open discussion. on the other hand, secrets may be let slip, interfered with or complicated during this period. there is also the risk of communications being distorted through misinformation, rumour, lies, exaggeration and embellishment.

Venus: you find yourself attracted to the dreamy, mystical, mysterious. past inhibitions related to intimacy, love and sexuality may resurface. you may be preoccupied with romantic and/or sexual fantasies. you express energy submissively and must be careful to avoid masochism and martyrdom. you may seek escape from the restrictions and demands of mundane life through substance abuse, sensual indulgences, sexual fantasies and guilty pleasures. relationships startes now may turn out to be abusive or based on deceptions. similarly, you may become attracted to someone based on a false perception. you could be projecting deep feelings of lack and isolation onto others, so that you view them as the key to bringing harmony into your life, literally seeing them as what you are supposedly missing. there is potential for romanticising self-destruction, as well as potential for compassionate respect and understanding of your personal growth. relationships can be treated as an escape from the self or as a mirror through which to view your subconscious and a sanctuary for the loving construction of shared dreams and ideals.

Mars: confrontation with subconscious mind. you have the willpower to overcome fears and inhibitions now, but there is a danger of rushing in too fast without preparation and thereby causing greater injury. the desire to overcome psychological restrictions may manifest as escapism from or deliberate ignorance of the problem, through deception about the significance of this blockage in your life. confrontation with your fears may result in spiritual progress and augmentation of psychic power, or it may cause aggressive overreactions if approached with haste or ignorance. you are able to be assertive with yourself. determination and willpower aid you in combatting bad habits and dismantling personal energy blocks. you may seek to avoid conflict and challenge at this time, which may be wise or foolish depending on your reasons for doing so. you may find yourself to be expending energy on a illusion, or find that your power meets its limits or is unveiled as fraudulent. this transit stimulates your subconscious desires and you have a strong drive to act out your fantasies. you may be involved in some kind of cheating or secretive relationship. confrontations with partners and friends regarding deceptions and freedoms are likely. relationships started now may be experienced as restricting, delusional, and/or draining of energy.

[michaturpin]

Parental Alienation Lawyer

Divorced parents may worry that their former spouses speak badly about them to their children, but when do a few negative comments cross the line and become psychologically damaging to a child and destroy the parent-child relationship?

We’ve written about Parental Alienation Syndrome, or PAS, here. It occurs when a parent actively tries to distort a child’s perception of the other parent so that they will withdraw and avoid them. The long-lasting effects of such alienation can hurt both the child and the parent. Psychologists recommend that parents be on the lookout for the following warning signs that may indicate that one parent is attempting to alienate the child.

Providing too much information about the marriage or reasons for divorce. Assigning blame to the other parent for financial trouble or for splitting apart the family, Pretending the child has a choice about visitation even though it has already been determined by the court, Asking the child to spy on the other parent, Wanting to change a child’s name or have a stepparent adopt. Acting hurt of jealous when child enjoys their relationship with other parent. Encouraging the child to remain angry at the other parent.Arranging special words or symbols intended to exclude the other parent

Children who appear angry with a parent without a clear reason, or express that they have no happy memories of that parent, may have fallen victim to an attempt to alienate them from the parent in question. Why there are many reasons why a parent would attempt this behavior, it is often indicative of anger or other unresolved personal issues. But whatever the reason, the impact on the relationship can be difficult to overcome.

Paying a Child’s Tuition After Divorce

If you’re going through a divorce and have children who are either attending or preparing to enter college, you might wonder how you will handle tuition and other college-related expenses in your post-divorce life. The following are answers to a few of the most common questions we receive on this issue:

Are divorced parents obligated to pay for their child’s college education?

Child support payments stop at the age of emancipation, which is 18 years old. This means there is no obligation for divorced parents to pay for their child’s college education. In fact, no parents — married or divorced — have to pay for their child’s education at all.

Can financial support for college costs be included in a divorce settlement?

Yes. In fact, this is the best way to get the financial support you need for paying college-related costs if you get divorced. You may then put these funds into an escrow or trust account to ensure their availability when needed or simply get a lump sum payment upfront.

If I make a college support agreement, what should it cover?

A college support agreement will include the percentage of expenses each parent will be responsible for, any limits on these payments, restrictions or conditions about the college (or type of college) the child would attend, which specific expenses will be covered and any other financial considerations. These details will typically require a lot of individual negotiations.

Does custody play a role in responsibility for college expenses?

If there is split custody, the calculations will become a bit more complicated. In general, the courts wish to create arrangements that avoid one parent being unfairly burdened with college costs. A judge may consider factors such as each parent’s income, tuition expenses, childcare costs and any scholarships the child earned.

Parental Alienation Lawyer Free Consultation

When you need legal help in a parental alienation divorce case, please call Ascent Law at (801) 676-5506 for your free consultation. We will help you.

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

Stop Foreclosure

Child Emancipation

State and Local Tax Law

Custody and Family Law Change in Utah

Business Loan Workouts

Tax Filing

Source: https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/parental-alienation-lawyer/

[harleyelaine19]

Parental Alienation Lawyer

Divorced parents may worry that their former spouses speak badly about them to their children, but when do a few negative comments cross the line and become psychologically damaging to a child and destroy the parent-child relationship?

We’ve written about Parental Alienation Syndrome, or PAS, here. It occurs when a parent actively tries to distort a child’s perception of the other parent so that they will withdraw and avoid them. The long-lasting effects of such alienation can hurt both the child and the parent. Psychologists recommend that parents be on the lookout for the following warning signs that may indicate that one parent is attempting to alienate the child.

Providing too much information about the marriage or reasons for divorce. Assigning blame to the other parent for financial trouble or for splitting apart the family, Pretending the child has a choice about visitation even though it has already been determined by the court, Asking the child to spy on the other parent, Wanting to change a child’s name or have a stepparent adopt. Acting hurt of jealous when child enjoys their relationship with other parent. Encouraging the child to remain angry at the other parent.Arranging special words or symbols intended to exclude the other parent

Children who appear angry with a parent without a clear reason, or express that they have no happy memories of that parent, may have fallen victim to an attempt to alienate them from the parent in question. Why there are many reasons why a parent would attempt this behavior, it is often indicative of anger or other unresolved personal issues. But whatever the reason, the impact on the relationship can be difficult to overcome.

Paying a Child’s Tuition After Divorce

If you’re going through a divorce and have children who are either attending or preparing to enter college, you might wonder how you will handle tuition and other college-related expenses in your post-divorce life. The following are answers to a few of the most common questions we receive on this issue:

Are divorced parents obligated to pay for their child’s college education?

Child support payments stop at the age of emancipation, which is 18 years old. This means there is no obligation for divorced parents to pay for their child’s college education. In fact, no parents — married or divorced — have to pay for their child’s education at all.

Can financial support for college costs be included in a divorce settlement?

Yes. In fact, this is the best way to get the financial support you need for paying college-related costs if you get divorced. You may then put these funds into an escrow or trust account to ensure their availability when needed or simply get a lump sum payment upfront.

If I make a college support agreement, what should it cover?

A college support agreement will include the percentage of expenses each parent will be responsible for, any limits on these payments, restrictions or conditions about the college (or type of college) the child would attend, which specific expenses will be covered and any other financial considerations. These details will typically require a lot of individual negotiations.

Does custody play a role in responsibility for college expenses?

If there is split custody, the calculations will become a bit more complicated. In general, the courts wish to create arrangements that avoid one parent being unfairly burdened with college costs. A judge may consider factors such as each parent’s income, tuition expenses, childcare costs and any scholarships the child earned.

Parental Alienation Lawyer Free Consultation

When you need legal help in a parental alienation divorce case, please call Ascent Law at (801) 676-5506 for your free consultation. We will help you.

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

Stop Foreclosure

Child Emancipation

State and Local Tax Law

Custody and Family Law Change in Utah

Business Loan Workouts

Tax Filing

from Michael Anderson https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/parental-alienation-lawyer/ from 5 Star Bankruptcy Attorney in Utah https://5starbankruptcyattorneyinutah.tumblr.com/post/184007758346

[leaengler]

Parental Alienation Lawyer

Divorced parents may worry that their former spouses speak badly about them to their children, but when do a few negative comments cross the line and become psychologically damaging to a child and destroy the parent-child relationship?

We’ve written about Parental Alienation Syndrome, or PAS, here. It occurs when a parent actively tries to distort a child’s perception of the other parent so that they will withdraw and avoid them. The long-lasting effects of such alienation can hurt both the child and the parent. Psychologists recommend that parents be on the lookout for the following warning signs that may indicate that one parent is attempting to alienate the child.

Providing too much information about the marriage or reasons for divorce. Assigning blame to the other parent for financial trouble or for splitting apart the family, Pretending the child has a choice about visitation even though it has already been determined by the court, Asking the child to spy on the other parent, Wanting to change a child’s name or have a stepparent adopt. Acting hurt of jealous when child enjoys their relationship with other parent. Encouraging the child to remain angry at the other parent.Arranging special words or symbols intended to exclude the other parent

Children who appear angry with a parent without a clear reason, or express that they have no happy memories of that parent, may have fallen victim to an attempt to alienate them from the parent in question. Why there are many reasons why a parent would attempt this behavior, it is often indicative of anger or other unresolved personal issues. But whatever the reason, the impact on the relationship can be difficult to overcome.

Paying a Child’s Tuition After Divorce

If you’re going through a divorce and have children who are either attending or preparing to enter college, you might wonder how you will handle tuition and other college-related expenses in your post-divorce life. The following are answers to a few of the most common questions we receive on this issue:

Are divorced parents obligated to pay for their child’s college education?

Child support payments stop at the age of emancipation, which is 18 years old. This means there is no obligation for divorced parents to pay for their child’s college education. In fact, no parents — married or divorced — have to pay for their child’s education at all.

Can financial support for college costs be included in a divorce settlement?

Yes. In fact, this is the best way to get the financial support you need for paying college-related costs if you get divorced. You may then put these funds into an escrow or trust account to ensure their availability when needed or simply get a lump sum payment upfront.

If I make a college support agreement, what should it cover?

A college support agreement will include the percentage of expenses each parent will be responsible for, any limits on these payments, restrictions or conditions about the college (or type of college) the child would attend, which specific expenses will be covered and any other financial considerations. These details will typically require a lot of individual negotiations.

Does custody play a role in responsibility for college expenses?

If there is split custody, the calculations will become a bit more complicated. In general, the courts wish to create arrangements that avoid one parent being unfairly burdened with college costs. A judge may consider factors such as each parent’s income, tuition expenses, childcare costs and any scholarships the child earned.

Parental Alienation Lawyer Free Consultation

When you need legal help in a parental alienation divorce case, please call Ascent Law at (801) 676-5506 for your free consultation. We will help you.

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

Stop Foreclosure

Child Emancipation

State and Local Tax Law

Custody and Family Law Change in Utah

Business Loan Workouts

Tax Filing

Source: https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/parental-alienation-lawyer/

[celinaclarkson]

Parental Alienation Lawyer

Divorced parents may worry that their former spouses speak badly about them to their children, but when do a few negative comments cross the line and become psychologically damaging to a child and destroy the parent-child relationship?

We’ve written about Parental Alienation Syndrome, or PAS, here. It occurs when a parent actively tries to distort a child’s perception of the other parent so that they will withdraw and avoid them. The long-lasting effects of such alienation can hurt both the child and the parent. Psychologists recommend that parents be on the lookout for the following warning signs that may indicate that one parent is attempting to alienate the child.

Providing too much information about the marriage or reasons for divorce. Assigning blame to the other parent for financial trouble or for splitting apart the family, Pretending the child has a choice about visitation even though it has already been determined by the court, Asking the child to spy on the other parent, Wanting to change a child’s name or have a stepparent adopt. Acting hurt of jealous when child enjoys their relationship with other parent. Encouraging the child to remain angry at the other parent.Arranging special words or symbols intended to exclude the other parent

Children who appear angry with a parent without a clear reason, or express that they have no happy memories of that parent, may have fallen victim to an attempt to alienate them from the parent in question. Why there are many reasons why a parent would attempt this behavior, it is often indicative of anger or other unresolved personal issues. But whatever the reason, the impact on the relationship can be difficult to overcome.

Paying a Child’s Tuition After Divorce

If you’re going through a divorce and have children who are either attending or preparing to enter college, you might wonder how you will handle tuition and other college-related expenses in your post-divorce life. The following are answers to a few of the most common questions we receive on this issue:

Are divorced parents obligated to pay for their child’s college education?

Child support payments stop at the age of emancipation, which is 18 years old. This means there is no obligation for divorced parents to pay for their child’s college education. In fact, no parents — married or divorced — have to pay for their child’s education at all.

Can financial support for college costs be included in a divorce settlement?

Yes. In fact, this is the best way to get the financial support you need for paying college-related costs if you get divorced. You may then put these funds into an escrow or trust account to ensure their availability when needed or simply get a lump sum payment upfront.

If I make a college support agreement, what should it cover?

A college support agreement will include the percentage of expenses each parent will be responsible for, any limits on these payments, restrictions or conditions about the college (or type of college) the child would attend, which specific expenses will be covered and any other financial considerations. These details will typically require a lot of individual negotiations.

Does custody play a role in responsibility for college expenses?

If there is split custody, the calculations will become a bit more complicated. In general, the courts wish to create arrangements that avoid one parent being unfairly burdened with college costs. A judge may consider factors such as each parent’s income, tuition expenses, childcare costs and any scholarships the child earned.

Parental Alienation Lawyer Free Consultation

When you need legal help in a parental alienation divorce case, please call Ascent Law at (801) 676-5506 for your free consultation. We will help you.

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

Stop Foreclosure

Child Emancipation

State and Local Tax Law

Custody and Family Law Change in Utah

Business Loan Workouts

Tax Filing

Source: https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/parental-alienation-lawyer/

[christinasoto]

Parental Alienation Lawyer

Divorced parents may worry that their former spouses speak badly about them to their children, but when do a few negative comments cross the line and become psychologically damaging to a child and destroy the parent-child relationship?

We’ve written about Parental Alienation Syndrome, or PAS, here. It occurs when a parent actively tries to distort a child’s perception of the other parent so that they will withdraw and avoid them. The long-lasting effects of such alienation can hurt both the child and the parent. Psychologists recommend that parents be on the lookout for the following warning signs that may indicate that one parent is attempting to alienate the child.

Providing too much information about the marriage or reasons for divorce. Assigning blame to the other parent for financial trouble or for splitting apart the family, Pretending the child has a choice about visitation even though it has already been determined by the court, Asking the child to spy on the other parent, Wanting to change a child’s name or have a stepparent adopt. Acting hurt of jealous when child enjoys their relationship with other parent. Encouraging the child to remain angry at the other parent.Arranging special words or symbols intended to exclude the other parent

Children who appear angry with a parent without a clear reason, or express that they have no happy memories of that parent, may have fallen victim to an attempt to alienate them from the parent in question. Why there are many reasons why a parent would attempt this behavior, it is often indicative of anger or other unresolved personal issues. But whatever the reason, the impact on the relationship can be difficult to overcome.

Paying a Child’s Tuition After Divorce

If you’re going through a divorce and have children who are either attending or preparing to enter college, you might wonder how you will handle tuition and other college-related expenses in your post-divorce life. The following are answers to a few of the most common questions we receive on this issue:

Are divorced parents obligated to pay for their child’s college education?

Child support payments stop at the age of emancipation, which is 18 years old. This means there is no obligation for divorced parents to pay for their child’s college education. In fact, no parents — married or divorced — have to pay for their child’s education at all.

Can financial support for college costs be included in a divorce settlement?

Yes. In fact, this is the best way to get the financial support you need for paying college-related costs if you get divorced. You may then put these funds into an escrow or trust account to ensure their availability when needed or simply get a lump sum payment upfront.

If I make a college support agreement, what should it cover?

A college support agreement will include the percentage of expenses each parent will be responsible for, any limits on these payments, restrictions or conditions about the college (or type of college) the child would attend, which specific expenses will be covered and any other financial considerations. These details will typically require a lot of individual negotiations.

Does custody play a role in responsibility for college expenses?

If there is split custody, the calculations will become a bit more complicated. In general, the courts wish to create arrangements that avoid one parent being unfairly burdened with college costs. A judge may consider factors such as each parent’s income, tuition expenses, childcare costs and any scholarships the child earned.

Parental Alienation Lawyer Free Consultation

When you need legal help in a parental alienation divorce case, please call Ascent Law at (801) 676-5506 for your free consultation. We will help you.

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

Stop Foreclosure

Child Emancipation

State and Local Tax Law

Custody and Family Law Change in Utah

Business Loan Workouts

Tax Filing