#your parents pass on physical/health traits but not gender/sexuality perceptions

[ageofzero]

I was thinking the other day about being ace and moments in my past where the knowledge of the aroace spectrum might’ve helped me have words for how I was interpreting the world, and

I guess I’ll share the memory here.

So, when I was some late teenager age, probably 18+, I’d had two different relationships and wasn’t in either of them. I was in the car, I think I was driving because I got to pick the music. We were listening to Daft Punk’s “Discovery” album. My brother and I really like the music, we were bopping along, and my mom said

“Ugh, how can you listen to this? All these songs are about sex!”

I immediately protested, because no? Half the album is nonvocal and the rest are just fun dance songs? Mom what are you even saying??? I think someone else (my brother) chimed in on my side, and she might’ve insisted on her stance, but the rest of the discussion is hazy. I was annoyed with my mom for ruining an otherwise innocuous enjoyment of music.

My mom is heterosexual. My dad is heterosexual. I have a strong argument that both my biological parents have had and like having sex. In hindsight, I have no idea why the songs she perceived to be about sex bothered her, when she grew up with 80s music.

It’s not like I didn’t know about sex. I’d been around fandom for a while at that point, I’d read fanfiction and knew people wrote sexual things (and I’d read a few of them, good and bad alike). She knew I knew about sex. I had watched movies where love and sex were a hand-in-hand thing. It was acceptable for me to know about love/romance/sex at the age I was at.

And still, I did not understand what the actual hell her problem was that she needed to pull sex out of nowhere.

The point is, she saw meaning in the songs we were listening to that I didn’t.

I had seen Interstella 5555 by that point, which is how I knew about “Discovery” to begin with, and my brother and I found the CD in a local secondhand store and snapped it up immediately. I have vivid anime imagery to accompany my mental landscape of listening to the music of that album. Even so, if you had asked me my interpretation of the songs with lyrics, I’d probably still say “One More Time” is about dancing and celebration. “Digital Love” is about the crush on a girl you don’t know but keep dreaming about. “Harder Better Faster Stronger” isn’t really about anything but it’s a great workout/encouragement song for such things. Similarly, “Crescendolls”, “Superman”, and “High Life” are just fun as hell bops with vocals that aren’t really meaning anything. I don’t think “Jump into the air” repeated for the duration is some sort of sex thing. “Something About Us” is a sad love song. “Face To Face” is a confronting The Other and finding understanding somewhere in the anger. “Too Long” is the coming home after an intolerable amount of time and finding joy again. The “need” is the dancing and celebration of “One More Time”, but after some epic journey that’s changed you.

Now, I can say I kind of see where people would infer sex from music, from this album at least where lyrics are. I’ll concede to “One More Time”, “Digital Love”, and “Too Long” maybe. I still had to train myself and find the context clues for why people would think that way, though. I don’t really listen to those songs and think “huhuhuhu they’re talking about sex”, by default. And I know there are songs that are very much about sex, both in my mom’s era and in mine!

The thing I pulled out of this recollection is that, with no knowledge about asexuality (my friend wouldn’t mention their asexuality until a few years later when I was in college after I broke up with a third relationship), I didn’t have the mental tools at a late teenager age to discern a sex meaning out of these songs. My mom did, and apparently it was blatant enough for her to be offended that I was listening to and enjoying the album.

In hindsight, I would say that I might’ve taken that as a moment to consider if I was asexual if I’d known anything about it at the time. idk, I just thought someone else might resonate with the reminiscence.

[delphineh]

DELPHINE HOLLOWAY / “DELTA HERNÁNDEZ”; STATISTICS, BACKSTORY & SOME CONNECTIONS.

Rose here! I knoow, this is super late but I can’t begin to rant about how hectic the past few days have been. Anyway, I’m so excited to introduce you to my 3rd muse, a detective transferred into Red Ridge three months ago to infiltrate Valencia. They’re posing as a street rat & generic af bartender but are having their ears open for the opposite team.

trigger warnings: child abandonment, child neglect, domestic violence, alcoholism, ptsd.

STATISTICS:

TRAITS & BACKSTORY:

full, real name: delphine ann davidsen holloway.

undercover name: delta hernández ( hernández was their great grandmother’s maiden name, a family tree too old to track but one that allows them to hold their identity close. )

nickname: delphi, little elf, del, d, dee.

gender & pronouns: non-binary & they/she.

age: 35 30.

birthday: november 28th, 1985. ( though their fake id writes january 14th, 1990. )

sexual orientation: homosexual.

romantic orientation: homoromantic.

relationship status: single.

occupation: detective bartender in the kitten club.

affiliation: law enforcement valencia.

rank: undercover street rat.

delphine’s origins became known to them only because they were five years old when their mother ( a 20-year-old prostitute who’d gone homeless since having them ) left them outside of st. david’s orphanage. she’d been raising them all by herself until then. a crumpled letter was stuffed inside their bee-shaped bag, along with a couple changes of clothes and a picture of the two of them. “promise me you’ll keep this. promise me, delphi! read it when you’re eighteen. then you’ll understand, i swear you will!” 

positive personality traits: protective, clever, loyal, brave, hard-working, determined, perceptive, confrontational.

negative personality traits: obsessive, cunning, emotionally closed-off, irruptive, distrusting, blunt.

their clothes and their bag were stolen away as soon as they were assigned to a bed, and that letter was first read when they were 14 years old and in desperate need of crumbs that’d help them endure the abuse and fight tooth and nail for their adoptive sister — or encourage them to do something about it ( but more about that in a minute ). in that letter, their mother apologized for not knowing who their father was but told them to always be close to ‘her’ heritage ( as a toddler they were still going by the “she/her” pronouns exclusively, completely unaware there was a word to express the complexity of their identity and its understanding beyond one’s genitalia ). she told them that their grandma was mixed dominican, chinese and african, and their grandpa ashkenazi jewish with roots in central europe. she wrote down the tale about how she lost them both young and ended up in the streets, alone, having nothing but her heritage and childhood memories. “i worry, little elf.. i’m so sorry. your life would’ve been so difficult either way... i know leaving you will make it worse. but i promise you, i didn’t have another choice.” then, she explained that she owed money to the wrong people and that she’d end up dead because of it. “watch out for them, delphine. watch out for the valencia. don’t ever make a trade with them. don’t ever cross paths with them. now that you’re 18, leave if you can. i beg you.” if delphine had waited until 18 to read that letter, their life wouldn’t have changed like it did.

jumping back to the orphanage for a moment: it wasn’t pretty. in that particular institution, they weren’t treated like children, but like numbers. they were punished like them, too. if one child got in trouble, nobody ate. if one kid stayed up late, all of them were violently woken up in the middle of the night to do chores as punishment. if one kid threw up or tossed their food, the rest wouldn’t eat. their clothes never changed, their days never changed. all delphine had was themselves and kara, an orphan two years younger than them. an almost violent urge to protect each other surfaced, attaching them at the hip. they wouldn’t go anywhere without each other; they’d never let anyone else tear them apart.

delphine was eight years old when they were adopted in a new household with kara. for a little while, they thought their prayers had been answered. a couple of weeks with their new parents, however, were enough to shake them both back into reality: these people were somehow even worse than the child care takers in st. david’s. the only reason they adopted them was to get their hands on their adoptive grandmother’s will, since their adoptive father’s sibling didn’t have children either. while that matter was on the table, they pretended to be loving, caring and protective. behind closed doors, though.. the story was different. 

almost three years later, their adoptive grandmother dies and the couple inherits her house and her savings. that money is quickly spent in unnecessary luxury while delphine and kara were still left starved, dirty and uneducated. unfortunately the emotional and physical abuse worsened, if only by the certainty that nothing could take away from these awful people what they’d inherited and by the hard limits blurred due to the influence of alcohol ( their new wine celar became their adoptive father’s favorite hang-out spot ).

the breaking point came in 1999, 6 years after the two were adopted. delphi is 14 years old, locked inside their room with kara on their side, and their mother’s letter is barely hanging by a thread on the teen’s shaky hands. they pick up the phone and call the police to report domestic abuse.

somehow, returning to the orphanage seemed like the better option in comparison to staying there another minute. it never became easier: they’d spent six years where their health and education was neglected. most of the kids they used to know were adopted or left as soon as they became adults legally. delphine had a plan though: as soon as they turned 18 too, they’d grab kara and get out of there. ( maybe that other girl their age could join them, too. the one they couldn’t stop thinking about. ) they’d steal books from the library and then, when kara would be of age too, they’d work two jobs or three to finally get into the police academy. they’d make sure to protect the same way they wished to be protected and, eventually, they’d return in red ridge and lock behind bars those who tore them away from their mother. for the first time in their life, there’s a plan. a plan that revives the lost hope inside of them that everything would be alright.

two years later, delphine was adopted by a middle-aged couple, the holloways, who owed a small cottage at the borders of red ridge. delphi was 16 years old, and the oldest kid to ever be adopted in such an old age. on the outside it looked like a slim shot that hit the bullseye, but delphi had no good experiences to draw from and they didn’t want to leave their first love behind. at least escaping that new place with kara when the time came would be far easier than breaking out of the orphanage, right?

kara never joined; they weren’t supposed to. the couple had adopted delphine alone which meant that, legally, their ties to the orphanage are cut.

for all the years of suffering that they’d endured, for every trauma induced by a fist, a foul word or a disgusted look at their direction, scarring the very pits of their soul, losing kara was what broke them. they’d been taken away, they were forced to break their promise. delphine left them without their will and, in their book, it was all the holloway’s fault.

several months passed before their hatred and ptsd could “subdue” enough, just so that they could stop fearing for the curveball to drop and the couple to change; so they could see that the holloways were genuinelly good people: they gave them their own room, clean and tidy, new clothes just for them, and cooked tasty food for them every day. they had a garden in their cottage where they grew their own vegetables and showed delphi how to do it too. the holloways helped them research their heritage and encouraged them to sign into a public school to eventually graduate and live the experience, even though they’d be older than their classmates and catching up would be a very difficult task that required specific, careful treatment. 

eventually, with time, patience and care, delphine let their guard drop. school isn’t easy when your classmates are several years younger and annoying for the most part, but walking back home was something they looked forward to. they heard stories upon stories about their life and told them what they’d read about their heritage along with the very few things they remembered before their mom left them. the holloways didn’t understand why delphine found the term “girl” wrong and limiting, but they slowly accepted it. and, when hiding such a big part of themselves became too overwhelming, they came out and were faced with acceptance, respect and love. when they finally asked the couple why they’d picked them, their response was way more practical than they’d imagined: they didn’t realize they wanted kids until they were too old to have them naturally, and they didn’t have the physical strength anymore to raise a baby on their own either. what they wanted was some company and someone to take care of their humble property after they’d be gone, if they wanted. and they wanted to help a kid who didn’t get a proper chance before into becoming something, someone they’d be proud of.

it’s june of 2006 when 21-year-old delphine graduates high school. in october of the same year, they leave for denver, colorado, and start training in the police academy there. ( it’s their desire for some change of scenery, for seeing something outside of red ridge, for meeting people who couldn’t look at them with pity in their eyes because they didn’t know their story. it’s a plea to forget about the fact that they hid behind some bushes all night and day when kara’s birthday came, but they never saw them break out. it’s the fact that they burged in and demanded to see them, only to find out they’d escaped a year ago. )

life continued pretty normally until 2019: delphine has a tight grasp of who they are and what they want from life. they’re settled in denver, their continuous, almost restless hard work promotes them to a detective with an excellent arrest rate at the age of 34, and they’re engaged to the woman of their dreams; someone they met in law enforcement years ago. their goal of returning back on red ridge eventually isn’t forgotten, nor the hope that maybe their long lost sister could be there somewhere. but they need to talk about it, them and their fiancee.

their undercover story is simple: their name is delta hernández, age 30 ( as written on their fake id ). they were dropped at an orphanage in oregon as a newborn and have no idea who their parents are. they were quickly adopted by a shitty family and, when they discovered they were adopted, they escaped: an outlaw going rogue all around nevada by jumping on rvs and making friends with strangers. they settled on red ridge recently because they like how valencia seems to be toying with the cops. they work as a bartender because they’re a better listener than talker and because they never went to high school. favorite color, blue.

the talk happens. they want to return home, settle there, and do undercover work. their fiancee wants to stay in derver and start a family with them after marriage. a schism pulls them apart; they do want children eventually, too. but not yet. they can’t yet. they need to make sure something is done about the situation in red ridge before that. the engagement breaks, the relationship ends and, with nobody holding them back, delphi requests that transfer.

SOME CONNECTIONS:

unbreakable vow — taken by @roadklls​: kara and delphi were taken into the same foster home together when they were both very little. they went through hell together for a few years because it turned out that this family wanted to adopt them only to get their hands on their parents’ will. delphi called the police eventually so they were taken from them and placed back in the orphanage. they both thought that if they were to get adopted again, they’d be together. alas, delphi was adopted into a loving home alone and they never saw or heard from kara again.

ex fiancee — open: female or non-binary. they worked together in law enforcement and eventually got together. their relationship seemed perfect, with delphi experiencing the happiest years of their life. when she/they proposed, they agreed to marry them with their eyes closed. however, they eventually discussed that delphi wanted to return in red ridge and go undercover, while their partner wanted to stay in derver and start a family with them right away. they took their seperate ways and delphi was transferred in red ridge.

forbidden ties — 3/10 taken by @trialls​, @hopesiick​, @jacobsgraham​: for a cop, they don’t trust all of their co-workers completely. in their book, there are two types of cops: those who have the same driving force to do good and bring criminals to justice, and those who crave their authority to overpower people. once they’ve judged a character to belong in the first category, they feel like themselves with them than with anyone else. this is a group of co-workers who have their back and vice versa. if it weren’t for them being undercover, they could even be friends.

first love — open: female or non-binary. this is delphine’s first love. she/they are the same age as them and they met at st. david’s orphanage. the two started dating at 14 and got into a very intense, co-protective and passionate teenage relationship that was cut short when delphine was adopted at 16.

unforgotten — 0/2 taken: other kids from st. david’s orphanage who know delphi’s real story. it’d be glorious if one of them is involved with valencia in the present and essentially blows her cover at the right time.