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mediajist · 4 years ago

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Some of the Best Humour Quotes Ever

Looking for a bit of humour to brighten up your day? Here is a great selection of some of the best humorous quotes from some of the funniest people on the planet.

1. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.”

—Mitch Hedberg

2. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.”

—President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove

3. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”

—Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls

4. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.”

—David Letterman

5. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”

—Jack Handey

6. Bob: “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.”

Peter: “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.”

—Bob (Paul Wilson) and Peter (Ron Livingston), Office Space

7. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.”

—Mark Twain

8. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”

—Will Ferrell

9. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”

—Rita Rudner

10. “Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.”

—Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day

11. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”

—Erma Bombeck

12. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”

—Phyllis Diller

13. “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.”

—Ellen DeGeneres

14. “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’”

—Anonymous

15. “Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”

—Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld

16. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”

—Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office

17. “I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”

—Anonymous

18. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”

—Rodney Dangerfield

19. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”

—Les Dawson

20. “There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.”

—Surgeon (Graham Chapman), Monty Python’s Flying Circus

21. “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’”

—Steven Wright

22. Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious.”

Dr. Rumack: “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley”

—Ted Striker (Robert Hays) and Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), Airplane!

23.“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”

―Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

24. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”

—Joan Rivers

25. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”

—Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear

26. “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.”

—Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy

27. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.”

—Jimmy Kimmel

28. “Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.”

—Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up

29. “Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.”

—Lessons from the Minivan

30. “I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.”

—Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory

31. “There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.”

—Elise (Goldie Hawn), The First Wives Club

32. Usher: “Bride or groom?”

Wedding guest: “It should be perfectly obvious I’m neither!”

—Four Weddings and a Funeral

33. Stan Fields: “Describe your perfect date.”

Cheryl: “That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25. Because it’s not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.”

—Stan Fields (William Shatner) and Cheryl Frasier (Heather Burns), Miss Congeniality

34. “I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.”

—Jerry Seinfeld

35. Lucy: “There’s just two things keeping me from dancing in that show.”

Fred: “Your feet?”

—Lucy (Lucille Ball) and Fred Mertz (William Frawley), I Love Lucy

36. “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.”

—Anonymous

37. Coach: “How’s a beer sound, Norm?”

Norm: “I don’t know, I usually finish before they get a word in.”

—Coach (Nicholas Colasanto) and Norm (George Wendt), Cheers

38. “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised.”

—Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase), National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

39.“There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.”

—Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Downton Abbey

40. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.”

—Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

For more great humour, check out www.mediajist.com.

#best #humour #qoutes #brighten #funniest #people #great #planet #books #ebooks

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dailyaudiobible · 4 years ago

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09/05/2020 DAB Transcript

Ecclesiastes 10:1-12:14, 2 Corinthians 8:1-15, Psalms 49:1-20, Proverbs 22:20-21

Today is the 5th day of September welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it is great to be here with you as we reach the end of another one of our weeks together, this the first week of September, although we haven't lived a full week of September yet. We’ll begin our first full week of September tomorrow, but here we are moving forward step-by-step day by day and it's great to be here with you as we release another week, allow it to become a part of our history and consider all that God has spoken to us through His word in this week, which has been a lot. We’ve been working through Job, Ecclesiastes, working in…into and through the wisdom literature of the Bible. So, it's been an incredibly enlightening. So, let's continue. Let's continue our journey by taking the next step forward. We’ve been reading from the New International Version this week, which is what we will do today. Ecclesiastes 10, 11 and 12 today.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word. We thank You for another week in Your word and we thank You for all that You bring up in a year in Your word. You touch every part of our lives. And, so, we open ourselves up to the things that You're touching now, the things that You are bringing us through as You bring us through the different territory in the Scriptures. And, so as this week comes to a close, we release it, we let it go, it becomes a part of our memory, it becomes a part of our history. We are here now, and You are leading us forward and we are grateful beyond words. No matter what we have endured, no matter what we have gone through, no matter what the days bring us, no matter how hard they are we are breathing. You have given us the breath of life. We are here. And sometimes we lose sight of that because of what we’re enduring, and we think it's bad when it's good, it's life, it's a gift. And, so, we take this moment to acknowledge that with a grateful heart. Thank You for letting us be year now. And as we look to the future, we see only You there. We don't know what we might face but we see You there and that's what we need to know, You are there and You are here and You are God, And, so, come Holy Spirit as we move forward together. We pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it’s the website, it’s where you find out what's going on around here. So, stay tuned. Stay connected in any way that you can.

Check out the Community section, that's where the Prayer Wall is. That's where to get connected, different links to different social media channels. Check out the Initiatives for what’s…what's going on around here. And check out the Daily Audio Bible Shop. There are resources that are only there because of the journey we are on and they are made out to be companions on this journey. So, check that out, the Daily Audio Bible Shop.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com. There is a link. It lives on the homepage and I thank you humbly and profoundly for your partnership beyond words. Thank you. So, there's a link on the homepage. If you’re using the app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address, if you prefer, is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the hotline button in the app or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi guys this is Dave from Colorado. So, here I am, I was driving through Laramie Wyoming on my way home and just feeling a little disconnected and alone, isolated. You know, I am heading home but I do still have quite a ways to go. But yeah, I was listening to the podcast and a prayer came on for all the truckers. And I don’t know who you are sister, but that timing could not have been any better. For what it’s worth, it certainly lifted my spirits and, I don’t know, it’s kind of uncanny the way God works. But anyways thank you. I just want to say thank you for that prayer. That was really awesome. And also, my brother Mark Street, I want you to know that you’ve been in my prayers. I hope everything’s working out well for you. Keep us posted brother. All right family. I love you all and I’ll talk you all later. Bye.

Hello DAB family my name is Michael from Sarasota Florida and I’ve been listening since May of this year and the reading by Brian and thank goodness for Brian and his ministry. It has profoundly opened my eyes in my heart to God and the Bible. It’s August 29th and this reading in particular brought me to tears and resonated with me so profoundly, I can’t explain. But there are things going on in my life that I need this community and prayer. Brian, I want you to know that I love you and I will be here for you tomorrow and I am so thankful you are here for all of us. Thank you DAB family.

Candace from Oregon praying along now with my DAB family. Lord Jesus, King of all creation, beautiful Savior, Sovereign Lord, heavenly Father, Abba, Holy Spirit, we cry out to You Lord. We cry out to You on behalf of our amazing brother Mark Street from Australia. Would You be very near to him right now as he struggles with the recovery from a stroke? Would You heal him? And most of all would You just be incredibly close to him, speaking to his heart and mind and soul every step of the way? I pray Lord that You will be with Daniel Johnson Junior from Cleveland Ohio and that similarly You’ll be with him every step of the way as he looks to You for provision, for employment, for full employment in their family and provision. Lord, we know that nothing is too difficult for You. Be with my friend Beth Andre who is very, very week in fourth stage colon cancer. Lord, help us to keep our eyes on You no matter what. We love You so much and we’re so grateful to You Lord.

Hey, DABbers this is Katie in Kentucky and I’ve mentioned before that I often listen when I’m out running which is going on today. It’s Sunday, August 28th and I was out today listening to all the prayer requests and God just brought back to me something that happened years ago, and I just felt led to call in and share it as an encouragement. I was going through a time where I was working at a church camp and I was being moved to another church camp and I was concerned about everything I put into the first place and moving on. And I saw this beautiful sunrise and then I turned a corner and it like changed and it was like this…almost like this second beautiful moment. And what God spoke to me then was something beautiful happened in the past, I’ve got something beautiful coming up in your future too. And, so, I just wanted to share that encouragement for everybody who’s maybe going through changes and you don’t know how it’s going to play out or something is ending in your life and you’re looking at how things are going to change and move forward. God sent something beautiful in the past and there’s something beautiful and miraculous and wonderful around the corner that he’s gonna bring again. So, I don’t know who all needs to hear that, but I just felt God leading me to call that in and share it. And I know that I actually personally needed that reminder as I’m looking at some changes as well. So, I love you guys. Every prayer request that’s played I’m just…my heart’s bursting for you and, yeah, I love you guys and I’m praying along with you. Bye.

Hi Daily Audio Bible this is Carolyn here. This is my first time calling in, but I’ve been a listener for years now. I just really need prayer. I am the caregiver of my father, moved both my parents in with me a year ago and my mom was in hospice care and passed away in January. My only sibling passed away two months later in March and my father is understandably depressed but even more so he’s just angry and miserable and he doesn’t seem to see that he needs to be cared for and can no longer live on his own. He’s getting ready to turn 92 and I’m just exhausted mentally, spiritually. I just feel like I’m under attack. All the peace and joy has been stolen from my home and I just want to surrender it all to God and to just stop feeling this way. So, if you could please just say a prayer for me. Thank you all. Love you Brian.

Hello, DABbers I am a new listener. I called in earlier to pray for some people and now I’m calling to ask for prayer for myself, A New Day in Florida. It’s been really hard during these times. I lost my husband in a violent motorcycle accident four years ago and then my mom the year after him to Alzheimer’s and then when we had a storm here in Florida, Erma, I actually fell and broke my ankle and had to have surgeries to install hardware and I don’t have children. I have a sister but since my mom’s death we’ve been kind of estranged. We’re working on it. But I feel very alone, very alone and I am just asking for prayer that the Lord would fill those places for me. I have a number of things I have to do on the house, repairs and renovations and I’m just so lost without my husband and how to do these things and attack them. So, I just want to ask for everyone’s prayer and thank you so much. I…I was so blessed to have stumbled across this app and God bless…

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funface2 · 5 years ago

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101 Funny Quotes — Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh – Parade

Whether it’s a play on words, a funny observation about everyday things or old witty sayings, comedy has a way of making us realize we’re all going through the same stuff in this crazy life. These funny quotes about work, love, friends and family will have you saying, “So true!” because, well, they are. Others will have you remembering hilarious, meme-worthy movie and TV moments.

Take a much-needed break from your day to check out the 101 funniest quotes we found in stand-up comedy, books, plays, celebrity Twitter and interviews, as well as movies and TV shows, guaranteed to give you a quick chuckle.

1. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” —Mitch Hedberg

2. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.” —President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove

3. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” —Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls

4. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.” —David Letterman

5. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” —Jack Handey

6. Bob: “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.” Peter: “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.” —Bob (Paul Wilson) and Peter (Ron Livingston), Office Space

7. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” —Mark Twain

8. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell

9. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner

10. “Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.” —Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day

11. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” —Erma Bombeck

12. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller

13. “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” —Ellen DeGeneres

14. “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’” —Anonymous

15. “Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.” —Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld

16. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” —Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office

17. “I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.” —Anonymous

18. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” —Rodney Dangerfield

19. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” —Les Dawson

20. “There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.” —Surgeon (Graham Chapman), Monty Python’s Flying Circus

21. “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’” —Steven Wright

22. Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious.” Dr. Rumack: “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley” —Ted Striker (Robert Hays) and Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), Airplane!

23.“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” ―Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

24. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” —Joan Rivers

25. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.” —Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear

26. “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.” —Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy

27. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” —Jimmy Kimmel

28. “Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.” —Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up

30. “I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.” —Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory

31. “There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.” —Elise (Goldie Hawn), The First Wives Club

32. Usher: “Bride or groom?” Wedding guest: “It should be perfectly obvious I’m neither!” —Four Weddings and a Funeral

33. Stan Fields: “Describe your perfect date.” Cheryl: “That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25. Because it’s not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.” —Stan Fields (William Shatner) and Cheryl Frasier (Heather Burns), Miss Congeniality

35. Lucy: “There’s just two things keeping me from dancing in that show.” Fred: “Your feet?” —Lucy (Lucille Ball) and Fred Mertz (William Frawley), I Love Lucy

36. “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” —Anonymous

37. Coach: “How’s a beer sound, Norm?” Norm: “I don’t know, I usually finish before they get a word in.” —Coach (Nicholas Colasanto) and Norm (George Wendt), Cheers

38. “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised.” —Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase), National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

39.“There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.” —Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Downton Abbey

40. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” —Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

41. “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” —Clairee Belcher (Olivia Dukakis), Steel Magnolias

42. “I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.” —Anonymous

43. “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” —Graham Norton

44. “I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” —Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends

45. “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” —George Carlin

46. “When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don’t have to shake hands.” —Larry (Larry David), Curb Your Enthusiasm

47. “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” —Sir Norman Wisdom

48. “That’s why New York is so great, though. Everyone you care about can despise you and you can still find a bagel so good, nothing else matters. Who needs love when you’ve got lox? They both stink, but only one tastes good.” —Midge Maisel (Rachel Brosnahan), The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

49. “Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.” —Adam Gropman

50. “Does it disturb anyone else that ‘The Los Angeles Angels’ baseball team translates directly to ‘The The Angels Angels’?” —Neil DeGrasse Tyson

51. “I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” —Groucho Marx

52. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?” —Jay Leno

53. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” —Steve Martin

54. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” —Dave Barry

55. “Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.” —Frank Semyon (Vince Vaughn), True Detective

56. “What do you mean, he don’t eat no meat? That’s okay, that’s okay. I make lamb.” —Aunt Voula (Andrea Martin), My Big Fat Greek Wedding

57. “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” —George Burns

58. “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!” —Wanda (Jamie Lee Curtis), A Fish Called Wanda

59. “Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?” —Shelley Darlingson (Anna Faris), The House Bunny

60. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” —Ellen DeGeneres

61. Francois: “Do you know what kind of a bomb it was?” Clouseau: “The exploding kind.” —Francois (André Maranne) and Inspector Clouseau (Peter Sellers), The Pink Panther Strikes Again

62. “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” —Tina Fey, Bossypants

63. “There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.” —Anonymous

64. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” —Robin Williams

65. “I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.” —Dory (Ellen DeGeneres), Finding Dory

66. “I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.” —Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), Ghostbusters

67. Police officer: “Pull over.” Harry: “No, it’s a cardigan. But thanks for noticing.” —Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels), Dumb and Dumber

68. “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.” —Bob Hope

69. “If we’re going to pay this much for crab, it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid.” —Claire Foster (Tina Fey), Date Night

70. “I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.” —Anonymous

71. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” —Mark Twain

72. “Woke up today. It was terrible.” —Grumpy Cat

73. “Eggs are fantastic for a fitness diet. If you don’t like the taste, just add cocoa, flour, sugar, butter, baking powder and cook at 350 for 30 minutes.” —Anonymous

74. “I can’t end my messages with Love, Shaq because the B-52s ruined that for me.” —Meme attributed to Shaquille O’Neal

75. “My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.” —Halley Reed (Mia Farrow), Crimes and Misdemeanors

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76. “Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” —Erma Bombeck

77. “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” —Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant), Arsenic and Old Lace

78. Brian: “Look, you’ve got it all wrong. You don’t need to follow me. You don’t need to follow anybody. You’ve got to think for yourselves. You’re all individuals.” Crowd: “Yes, we’re all individuals!” Individual: “I’m not!” —Brian (Graham Chapman) and cast, Monty Python’s Life of Brian

79. “Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?” —Lillian (Maya Rudolph), Bridesmaids

80. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” —Oscar Wilde

81. “What they could do to make it easier is combine the two, real estate and obituaries: Mr. Klein died today leaving a wife, two children, and a spacious three-bedroom apartment with a wood-burning fireplace.” —Harry (Billy Crystal), When Harry Met Sally

82. “The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It’s a good non-specific symptom; I’m a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor’s office. That’s worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you’re bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It’s a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.” —Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick), Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

83. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” —Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Sex and the City

84: Cal: “You are really pushing my buttons today.” Becky: “Which one is ‘mute’?” —Waitress, the Musical

85. “The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.” —Anonymous

86. “People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.” —Betty White

87. “My therapist says I’m afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time.” —Maria Bamford

88. “From the ages of eight to 18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.” —Jarod Kintz

89. “Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.” —Dorothy Parker

90. “The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat. So people who don’t know what they’re doing, or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self.” —Joe Fox (Tom Hanks), You’ve Got Mail

91. “Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.” —Lin-Manuel Miranda

92. “I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.” —Anonymous

93. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” —Groucho Marx

94. “I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.” —Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt), The Devil Wears Prada

95. “My perfect beautiful miracle baby? Never slept. Ever. Never. Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep.” —Shonda Rimes

96. “I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.” —Damien Fahey

97. “Why yes, I can carry on a conversation made up entirely of movie quotes.” —Anonymous

98. “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.” —Jack Whitehall

99. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” —Noel Coward

100. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” —Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

101. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” —Zach Galifianakis

Want more great quotes? Check out… 50 Thinking of You Quotes 150 Good Morning Quotes 100 Wedding and Marriage Quotes 50 Friday Quotes 50 Monday Motivation Quotes

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Bài viết 101 Funny Quotes — Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh – Parade đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Funface.

from Funface https://funface.net/funny-quotes/101-funny-quotes-hilarious-quotes-to-make-you-laugh-parade/

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geni1317 · 5 years ago

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Bobby’s revelation

Dinner time:

I always said marriage and parenthood wouldn't changed us much. Our priorities would be a little different, sure... but it’s not like we would change our preferences or anything. We live in the same place we did after our wedding. I cook a little better and we have two more reasons to get up and grind it out everyday. I thought that would be everything.

She still makes my toes curl.

Bobby: *talking about work* and then--

Baby cries.

Erma Mae: Which one do you think it is?

Bobby: That’s my baby girl.

Erma Mae: *laughs* Not a chance. That’s Robby.

Bobby: Bet money.

Erma Mae: Sure. $10.

Bobby: Which one was it?

Erma Mae: I was right.

Bobby: That feeling when you know EXACTLY how good tomorrow’s lunch is going to be!

Erma: You’re so silly.

Bobby: I've got some work to do... I'll just be a few minutes... Erma: 'Kay. I’ll wait for you.

Bobby: Thanks.

It took more than a few minutes. It was more like an hour and she fell asleep waiting for me.

Isn't it funny? ...It seems no matter how you try to do it for the ones you love, if you aren't careful enough, you don't always make them feel like your heart is with them. While "Babe, I'm sorry; that took a lot longer than expected..." bubbles up inside of me, I'm shutting this work down now. My boss can be annoyed tomorrow, but I don't want leaving her waiting to become normal. Erma Mae is everything.

Bobby: Babe.

Erma Mae: Oh, I’m sorry.

Bobby: No, I’m sorry. That took longer than expected. You should--

Baby cries.

Erma Mae: He’s hungry.

Bobby: Okay. You go to bed. I got this.

Erma Mae: ... Okay. I’m -- I’m going to bed.

Bobby: Yeah.

Bobby: Hey, little man. Daddy’s got you.

Maybe everything has changed.

--Bobby Lewis

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#ts4 family play #ts4 family gameplay #The Lewis Family gameplay #ts4 #first person #expectation versus reality

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networkingdefinition · 5 years ago

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Garden Quotes

Official Website: Garden Quotes

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• A black cat among roses, phlox, lilac-misted under a quarter moon, the sweet smells of heliotrope and night-scented stock. The garden is very still. It is dazed with moonlight, contented with perfume. – Amy Lowell • A book is a garden, an orchard, a storehouse, a party, a company by the way, a counselor, a multitude of counselors. – Charles Baudelaire • A garden is a complex of aesthetic and plastic intentions; and the plant is, to a landscape artist, not only a plant – rare, unusual, ordinary or doomed to disappearance – but it is also a color, a shape, a volume or an arabesque in itself. – Roberto Burle Marx • A garden is a grand teacher. It teaches patience and careful watchfulness; it teaches industry and thrift; above all it teaches entire trust. – Gertrude Jekyll • A garden is a grand teacher… above all it teaches entire trust. – Gertrude Jekyll • A garden is a symbol of man’s arrogance, perverting nature to human ends. – Tim Smit • A garden is a thing of beauty and a job forever. – Richard Briers • A garden is always a series of losses set against a few triumphs, like life itself. – May Sarton • A garden is an awful responsibility. You never know what you may be aiding to grow in it. – Charles Dudley Warner • A garden is the best alternative therapy. – Germaine Greer • A garden is to be a world unto itself, it had better make room for the darker shades of feeling as well as the sunny ones. – William Kent • A garden really lives only insofar as it is an expression of faith, the embodiment of a hope and a song of praise. – Russell Page • A garden requires patient labor and attention. Plants do not grow merely to satisfy ambitions or to fulfill good intentions. They thrive because someone expended effort on them. – Liberty Hyde Bailey • A garden was the primitive prison, till man with Promethean felicity and boldness, luckily sinned himself out of it. – Charles Lamb • A good garden may have some weeds. – Thomas Fuller • A house though otherwise beautiful, yet if it hath no garden belonging to it, is more like a prison than a house. – William H. Coles • A modest garden contains, for those who know how to look and to wait, more instruction than a library. – Henri Frederic Amiel • A person who undertakes to grow a garden at home, by practices that will preserve rather than exploit the economy of the soil, has his mind precisely against what is wrong with us. – Wendell Berry • Alfred Austin said, “Show me your garden and I shall tell you what you are.” – Alfred Austin • All gardeners live in beautiful places because they make them so. – Joseph Joubert • All gardening is landscape painting. – William Kent • All my hurts my garden spade can heal. – Ralph Waldo Emerson • An optimistic gardener is one who believes that whatever goes down must come up. – Leslie Hall • As a gardener, I’m among those who believe that much of the evidence of God’s existence has been planted. – Robert Breault • As long as you have a garden you have a future and as long as you have a future you are alive. – Frances Hodgson Burnett

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'Garden', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '68', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_garden').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_garden img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); ); • Be your own politics, grow your own garden, and maybe you can help out more. – Rip Torn • But though an old man, I am but a young gardener. – Thomas Jefferson • By the time one is eighty, it is said, there is no longer a tug of war in the garden with the May flowers hauling like mad against the claims of the other months. All is at last in balance and all is serene. The gardener is usually dead, of course. – Henry Mitchell

[clickbank-storefront-bestselling] • Christians are like the several flowers in a garden that have each of them the dew of heaven, which, being shaken with the wind, they let fall at each other’s roots, whereby they are jointly nourished, and become nourishers of each other. – John Bunyan • Cultivate your own garden and let go of your tendency to examine and judge how others cultivate theirs. Catch yourself in moments of gossip about how others ought to be living and rid yourself of thoughts about how they should be doing it this way, or how they have no right to live and think as they do. Stay busy and involved in your own projects and pursuits. – Wayne Dyer • Did perpetual happiness in the Garden of Eden maybe get so boring that eating the apple was justified? – Chuck Palahniuk • Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Or a garden planted. Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or that flower you planted, you’re there. – Ray Bradbury • Everything that slows us down and forces patience, everything that sets us back into the slow circles of nature, is a help. Gardening is an instrument of grace. – May Sarton • Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them. – Erma Bombeck • Gardeners instinctively know that flowers and plants are a continuum and that the wheel of garden history will always be coming full circle. – Francis Cabot Lowell • Gardeners instinctively know that flowers and plants are a continuum and that the wheel of garden history will always be coming full circle. One lifetime is never enough to accomplish one’s horticultural goals. If a garden is a site for the imagination, how can we be very far from the beginning? – Francis Cabot • Gardeners, I think, dream bigger dreams than Emperor’s. – Mary Cantwell • Gardening gives one back a sense of proportion about everything – except itself. – May Sarton • Gardening has compensations out of all proportion to its goals. It is creation in the pure sense. – Phyllis McGinley • Gardening is a kind of disease. It infects you, you cannot escape it. When you go visiting, your eyes rove about the garden; you interrupt the serious cocktail drinking because of an irresistible impulse to get up and pull a weed. – Lewis Gannett • Gardening is a labour full of tranquility and satisfaction; natural and instructive, and as such contributes to the most serious contemplation, experience, health and longevity. – John Evelyn • Gardening is civil and social, but it wants the vigor and freedom of the forest and the outlaw. – Henry David Thoreau • Gardening is how I relax. It’s another form of creating and playing with colors. – Oscar de la Renta • Gardening is not a rational act. – Margaret Atwood • Gardening is the best therapy in the world. – C. Z. Guest • Gardening is the only unquestionably useful job. – George Bernard Shaw • Gardening requires lots of water… most of it in the form of perspiration. – Louise Erickson • Gardening simply does not allow one to be mentally old, because too many hopes and dreams are yet to be realized. – Allan Armitage • Gardens are not made by singing ‘Oh, how beautiful,’ and sitting in the shade. – Rudyard Kipling • Gardens… should be like lovely, well-shaped girls: all curves, secret corners, unexpected deviations, seductive surprises and then still more curves. – H. E. Bates • Give me odorous at sunrise a garden of beautiful flowers where I can walk undisturbed. – Walt Whitman • God Almighty first planted a Garden. And indeed it is the purest of human pleasures. It is the greatest refreshment to the spirits of man, without which buildings and palaces are but gross handiworks. And a man shall ever see, that when ages grow to civility and elegancy, men come to build stately sooner than to garden finely, as if gardening were the greater perfection. – Francis Bacon • God Almighty first planted a garden. And indeed, it is the purest of human pleasures. – Francis Bacon • God the first garden made, and the first city Cain. – Abraham Cowley • How can you be content to be in the world like tulips in a garden, to make a fine show, and be good for nothing. – Mary Astell • I also know that we must cultivate our garden. For when man was put in the Garden of Eden, he was put there ut operaretur eum, to work; which proves that man was not born for rest. – Voltaire • I also like to garden. I grow things, vegetables, flowers… I particularly like orchids. I raise orchids. – Beau Bridges • I am the fonder of my garden for all the trouble it gives me, and the grudging reward that my unending labours exact. – Reginald Farrer • I am writing in the garden. To write as one should of a garden one must write not outside it or merely somewhere near it, but in the garden. – Frances Hodgson Burnett • I appreciate the misunderstanding I have had with Nature over my perennial border. I think it is a flower garden; she thinks it is a meadow lacking grass, and tries to correct the error. – Sara Bonnett Stein • I came to these mediums through having the garden, and of course, people who have designed gardens have always worked in collaboration, and never made their own inscriptions. – Ian Hamilton Finlay • I cultivate my garden, and my garden cultivates me. – Robert Breault • I do not know the names of all the weeds and plants, I have to do as Adam did in his garden… name things as I find them. – Charles Dudley Warner • I don’t like formal gardens. I like wild nature. It’s just the wilderness instinct in me, I guess. – Walt Disney • I don’t take myself seriously any more. Sometimes I just garden in my knickers and platform shoes. – Kim Wilde • I don’t think we’ll ever know all there is to know about gardening, and I’m just as glad there will always be some magic about it! – Barbara Damrosch • I enjoy the cleaning up – something about the getting of things in order for winter – making the garden secure – a battening down of hatches perhaps… It just feels right. – David Hobson • I have a garden, and I’m passionately interested in young people. – Mary Wesley • I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died. – Richard K. Diran • I have always wanted to be a gardener, and I love the time I spend in my garden. – Pawan Kalyan • I just go in my back garden. It’s the only place where people don’t come and bother you. – Boy George • I like to go for a walk or swimming or in the garden when I can. It’s a busy kind of life, but I guess I’m lucky. – Brian May • I live alone, with cats, books, pictures, fresh vegetables to cook, the garden, the hens to feed. – Jeanette Winterson • I look upon the pleasure we take in a garden as one of the most innocent delights in human life. – Marcus Tullius Cicero • I love being in my garden. I don’t plant a lot of exotic flora, but I do spend a lot of time outside doing manual labour. – Jacqueline Bisset • I love decorating my home. I’m a gardener too, so that’s usually something I have to play catch up with – Suzy Bogguss • I love spring anywhere, but if I could choose I would always greet in a garden. – Ruth Stout • I sit in my garden, gazing upon a beauty that cannot gaze upon itself. And I find sufficient purpose for my day. – Robert Breault • I suppose that for most people one of the darker joys of gardening is that once you’ve got started it’s not at all hard to find someone who knows a little bit less than you. – Allen Lacy • I think of marriage as a garden. You have to tend to it. Respect it, take care of it, feed it. Make sure everyone is getting the right amount of, um, sunlight. – Mark Ruffalo • I think this is what hooks one to gardening: it is the closest one can come to being present at creation. – Phyllis Grissim-Theroux • I travel the garden of music, thru inspiration. It’s a large, very large garden, seen? – Peter Tosh • I value my garden more for being full of blackbirds than of cherries, and very frankly give them fruit for their songs. – Joseph Addison • I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee and look out at my beautiful garden, and I go, ‘Remember how good this is. Because you can lose it.’ – Jim Carrey • If Everton were playing down the bottom of my garden, I’d draw the curtains. – Bill Shankly • If we don’t empower ourselves with knowledge, then we’re gonna be led down a garden path. – Fran Drescher • If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need. – Marcus Tullius Cicero • If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden. – Frances Hodgson Burnett • If you would be happy all your life, plant a garden. – Nan Fairbrother • If you’ve never experienced the joy of accomplishing more than you can imagine, plant a garden. – Robert Brault • In almost every garden, the land is made better and so is the gardener. – Robert Rodale • In fine weather the old gentelman is almost constantly in the garden; and when it is too wet to go into it, he will look out the window at it, by the hour together. He has always something to do there, and you will see him digging, and sweeping, and cutting, and planting, with manifest delight. – Charles Dickens • In his garden every man may be his own artist without apology or explanation. Each within his green enclosure is a creator, and no two shall reach the same conclusion; nor shall we, any more than other creative workers, be ever wholly satisfied with our accomplishment. Ever a season ahead of us floats the vision of perfection and herein lies its perennial charm. – Louise Wilder • In order to live off a garden, you practically have to live in it. – Kin Hubbard • In search of my mother’s garden, I found my own. – Alice Walker • In the creation of a garden, the architect invites the partnership of the Kingdom of Nature. In a beautiful garden the majesty of nature is ever present, but it is nature reduced to human proportions and thus transformed into the most efficient haven against the aggressiveness of contemporary life. – Luis Barragan • It is a golden maxim to cultivate the garden for the nose, and the eyes will take care of themselves. – Robert Louis Stevenson • It is utterly forbidden to be half-hearted about gardening. You have got to love your garden whether you like it or not. – W. C. Sellar • It pleases me to take amateur photographs of my garden, and it pleases my garden to make my photographs look professional. – Robert Breault • It’s amazing to see places like Madison Square Garden on the schedule again. – Roger Taylor • I’ve always felt that you can’t do much wrong in a garden providing you enjoy it. – David Hobson • Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. – Oscar Wilde • Kind hearts are the gardens, Kind thoughts are the roots, Kind words are the flowers, Kind deeds are the fruits, Take care of your garden And keep out the weeds, Fill it with sunshine, Kind words, and Kind deeds. – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow • Last night, there came a frost, which has done great damage to my garden…. It is sad that Nature will play such tricks on us poor mortals, inviting us with sunny smiles to confide in her, and then, when we are entirely within her power, striking us to the heart. – Nathaniel Hawthorne • Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. – Marcel Proust • May our heart’s garden of awakening bloom with hundreds of flowers. – Nhat Hanh • My garden does not whet the appetite; it satisfies it. It does not provoke thirst through heedless indulgence, but slakes it by proffering its natural remedy. Amid such pleasures as these have I grown old. – Epicurus • Nature abhors a garden. – Michael Pollan • Oh, Adam was a gardener, and God who made him sees That half a proper gardener’s work is done upon his knees, So when your work is finished, you can wash your hands and pray For the Glory of the Garden, that it may not pass away! – Rudyard Kipling • Old gardeners never die. They just spade away and then throw in the trowel. – Herbert V. Prochnow • One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today. – Dale Carnegie • Our England is a garden, and such gardens are not made By singing ‘Oh how wonderful’ and sitting in the shade, While better men than we go out, and start their working lives By grubbing weeds from garden paths with broken dinner knives. • People are always asking, “What’s the purpose of life?” That’s easy. Relieve suffering. Create beauty. Make gardens. – Dan Barker • Poetry is the art of creating imaginary gardens with real toads. – Marianne Moore • Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get. – H. Jackson Brown, Jr. • Sadness is but a wall between two gardens. – Khalil Gibran • So plant your own gardens and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. – Jorge Luis Borges • Some men like to make a little garden out of life and walk down a path – Jean Anouilh • Some people might think our lives dull and uneventful, but it does not seem so to us. …it is not travel and adventure that make a full life. There are adventures of the spirit and one can travel in books and interest oneself in people and affairs. One need ever be dull as long as one has friends to help, gardens to enjoy and books in the long winter evenings. – D.E. Stevenson • Someone had told me about a house in Wandsworth, southwest London – 21 Blenkarne Road – with an incredible garden, so I went and had a look. I walked in and just said, ‘I want it.’ – Susannah York • St. Francis of Assisi was hoeing his garden when someone asked what he would do if he were suddenly to learn that he would die before sunset that very day. “I would finish hoeing my garden,” he replied. – Francis of Assisi • Successful gardening is doing what has to be done when it has to be done the way it ought to be done whether you want to do it or not. – Jerry Baker • Taste every fruit of every tree in the garden at least once. It is an insult to creation not to experience it fully. Temperance is wickedness. – Stephen Fry • Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you who you are. – Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin • The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig. – Texas Bix Bender • The country is making a big mistake not teaching kids to cook and raise a garden and build fires. – Loretta Lynn • The earth is my altar, the sky is my dome, mind is my garden, the heart is my home and I’m always at home – yea, I’m always at Om. – Eden Ahbez • The garden is a metaphor for life, and gardening is a symbol of the spiritual path. – Larry Dossey • The garden suggests there might be a place where we can meet nature halfway. – Michael Pollan • The great challenge for the garden designer is not to make the garden look natural, but to make the garden so that the people in it will feel natural. – Lawrence Halprin • The lesson I have thoroughly learnt, and wish to pass on to others, is to know the enduring happiness that the love of a garden gives. – Gertrude Jekyll • The love of gardening is a seed once sown that never dies. – Gertrude Jekyll • The more one gardens, the more one learns; And the more one learns, the more one realizes how little one knows. – Vita Sackville-West • The most noteworthy thing about gardeners is that they are always optimistic, always enterprising, and never satisfied. They always look forward to doing something better than they have ever done before. – Vita Sackville-West • The single greatest lesson the garden teaches is that our relationship to the planet need not be zero-sum, and that as long as the sun still shines and people still can plan and plant, think and do, we can, if we bother to try, find ways to provide for ourselves without diminishing the world. – Michael Pollan • The true object of all human life is play. Earth is a task garden; heaven is a playground. – Gilbert K. Chesterton • The weeds keep multiplying in our garden, which is our mind ruled by fear. Rip them out and call them by name. – Sylvia Browne • The wilderness is near as well as dear to every man. Even the oldest villages are indebted to the border of wild wood which surrounds them, more than to the gardens of men. There is something indescribably inspiriting and beautiful in the aspect of the forest skirting and occasionally jutting into the midst of new towns, which, like the sand-heaps of fresh fox-burrows, have sprung up in their midst. The very uprightness of the pines and maples asserts the ancient rectitude and vigor of nature. Our lives need the relief of such a background, where the pine flourishes and the jay still screams. – Henry David Thoreau • There are no green thumbs or black thumbs. There are only gardeners and non-gardeners. Gardeners are the ones who ruin after ruin get on with the high defiance of nature herself, creating, in the very face of her chaos and tornado, the bower of roses and the pride of irises. It sounds very well to garden a ‘natural way’. You may see the natural way in any desert, any swamp, any leech-filled laurel hell. Defiance, on the other hand, is what makes gardeners. – Henry Mitchell • There is no gardening without humility. Nature is constantly sending even its oldest scholars to the bottom of the class for some egregious blunder. – Alfred Austin • There is no need to go to India or anywhere else to find peace. You will find that deep place of silence right in your room, your garden or even your bathtub. – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross • There is peace in the garden. Peace and results. – Ruth Stout • They can certainly expect to be very impressed with the technical aspects of the show, fooled and led up the garden path by the story and ultimately have a jolly good laugh! – Louise Jameson • To garden is to let optimism get the better of judgment. – Eleanor Perenyi • To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow. – Audrey Hepburn • Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden. – Orson Scott Card • We have descended into the garden and caught three hundred slugs. How I love the mixture of the beautiful and the squalid in gardening. It makes it so lifelike. – Evelyn Underhill • We were enclosed, O eternal Father, within the garden of your breast. You drew us out of your holy mind like a flower petaled with our soul’s three powers and into each power you put the whole plant, so that they might bear fruit in your garden, might come back to you with the fruit you gave them. And you would come back to the soul, to fill her with your blessedness. There the soul dwells like the fish in the sea and the sea in the fish. – St. Catherine of Siena • Well, being a jazz musician is not a rose garden! – Toots Thielemans • What a man needs in gardening is a cast-iron back, with a hinge in it. – Charles Dudley Warner • What is paradise, but, a garden, an orchard of trees and herbs, full of pleasure and nothing there but delights. – William Lawson • When your garden is finished I hope it will be more beautiful that you anticipated, require less care than you expected, and have cost only a little more than you had planned. – Thomas Church • Where would the gardener be if there were no more weeds? – Bill Vaughan • Wherever you have a plot of land, however small, plant a garden. Staying close to the soil is good for the soul. – Spencer W. Kimball • Who loves a garden still his Eden keeps. – Amos Bronson Alcott • Who loves a garden, still his Eden keeps, Perennial pleasures plants, and wholesome harvests reaps. – Amos Bronson Alcott • Why try to explain miracles to your kids when you can just have them plant a garden. – Robert Breault • Won’t you come into the garden? I would like my roses to see you. – Richard Brinsley Sheridan • Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing. – Jim Rohn • Your garden will reveal yourself. – Henry Mitchell

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equitiesstocks · 5 years ago

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Garden Quotes

Official Website: Garden Quotes

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scottydancy36-blog · 6 years ago

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news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog · 6 years ago

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20 adoptable senior dogs in need of a new best friend

Forget Shark Week, it’s Bark Week on Mashable. Join us as we celebrate all the good dogs, which we humans do not deserve.

"Ask not what you can do for a senior dog, but what a senior dog can do for you," JFK (not really, but the sentiment is true).

Senior dogs are adopted at a rate lower rate than dogs of all other ages combined, according to a study from the ASPCA. But older dogs make for loyal and calm companions for anyone who wants to skip the energetic, messy puppy stage.

Shirley Braha, the human who adopted Instagram-famous Marnie the Dog as a senior pup explains why you should consider older dogs when looking to adopt: "Senior dogs are usually pretty chill and just grateful to have a safe place to call home and a human to give them lots of love," Braha says in an email.

"When you save a senior dog from a shelter, you're rescuing them from what is often a very traumatic experience, and sometimes, sadly, with an even darker fate. You get to swoop in and be a superhero while benefiting in completely selfish ways too because now you have an awesome animal friend."

SEE ALSO: 9 things you need to know about how to behave around assistance dogs

So if you're ready to add a graying fuzzy face to your home, we worked with Petfinder to find 20 senior dogs from all over the U.S. who need homes. (Even if you're not looking to adopt, scroll through for an instant warming of your feels.)

From the toothless to the devastatingly handsome, these furry charmers just want we all want — love, treats, and a good place to nap.

1. Kitty

Image: petfinder

Location: Vintage Dog Rescue, Colorado

This little lady is a nearly toothless, 12-year-old shih tzu who would make the perfect companion for weekends on the couch watching Netflix.

Kitty might sound like the name of a wealthy divorcee who sips champagne with every meal, but this senior pup is quiet and down to Earth. She came to the Vintage Dog Rescue after her human died a few years ago.

2. Erma

Image: petfinder

Location: Old Dogs New Digs, Portland, Maine

Gaze into the thoughtful eyes of Erma and just try not to be captivated.

The cattle dog and chow chow mix was found as a stray in Georgia and has since relocated to the coast of Maine to a foster home where she enjoys walks and charming humans with her expressive face.

Just look at this smile:

Image: petfinder

3. Espresso

Image: petfinder

Location: Muttville Senior Dog Rescue, San Francisco, California

A scruffy look with a sweet demeanor, Espresso is a shot of joy.

Espresso's underbite means her teeth stick out from the patch of grey hair, giving her a grizzled look not unlike that of a life-long fisherman. But all Espresso wants is to curl up on your lap or soak up the sunshine in the park.

4. Buddy

Image: petfinder

Location: Muddy Paws Second Chance Rescue, Council Bluffs, Iowa

Need a positive influence on your life? Consider Buddy, who loves Brussel sprouts and dancing. 2018 is the year of self-care after all.

Buddy himself is a self-improvement inspiration after coming into a rescue overweight at 15 pounds. He's working toward a healthy goal weight, but never brags about it because he's not much of a barker. He likes chilling out in his pet stroller or in a doggy carseat, and taking long naps (relatable).

5. Boone

youtube

Location: Gateway Pet Guardians, St. Louis, Missouri

Boone has swagger. And he knows it.

Boone is a suave terrier mix with a slight limp that doesn't stop him from strutting around the neighborhood.

6. Henry

Image: petfinder

Location: Santa Fe Animal Shelter & Humane Society, Santa Fe, California

Handsome Henry calls Santa Fe home, but he'd love to be a part of your home.

Henry was surrendered after his human could no longer care for him. At 11-years-old and with a salt-and-pepper coat, he's a senior gentleman who still knows how to have fun.

7. Wheezer

Image: petfinder

Location: Senior Dog Rescue of Oregon, Philomath, Oregon

"Woo-ee-ooh, I look just like a pug mix" - Wheezer, probably.

This "pug-something" likes to start his day with a little massage to loosen up his arthritic hips, then he's ready to tackle the day by doing something fun like wandering around the yard or snoozing in his doggy bed.

So adopt Wheezer and say, "Woo-hoo, but you know I'm yours, Woo-hoo, and I know you're mine."

8. Fletcher

Image: petfinder

Location: Powell Animal Welfare Society, Powell, Ohio

A smile that could charm even the coldest of souls (read: cats). And the fiercest ear floof on the block. That's 10-year-old Fletcher.

This chow chow mix gets along with kids, dogs, and yes, even cats and is both house and crate trained.

9. Checca

Image: petfinder

Location: Liberty Humane Society, Jersey City, New Jersey

If you already have a dog who is in need of a BFF, Checca could be ya boy.

Checca is 60-pounds of friendly doggo who has made many human and dog friends since coming into the Liberty Humane Society as a stray. Even though he's considered a senior pup at age 10, he still loves playing with toys like an exuberant puppy.

10. Tommy the Tank

Image: petfinder

Location: Professional Animal Worlds H.A.L.O. Rescue, Sebastian, Florida

Don't let Tommy's wheelchair worry you — he zips around just fine with his wheels.

A tumble off a sofa nearly killed Tommy, but a veterinarian was able to save him and now he just wants to roll into your heart and your home. He loves cuddles and shows his affection with wet doggie kisses.

11. Lala

Image: petfinder

Location: Atlanta Humane Society, Atlanta, Georgia

Lala came from a big family of dogs that got to be too much to handle for her humans. She's looking to settle into a smaller family that can help her come out of her shell. She'd do well with other dog friends because who doesn't need someone around who really understands you?

12. Potter (and Olive!)

Image: petfinder

Location: Senior Dog Sanctuary of Maryland, Severn, Maryland

A mother-son duo who would love to top your cuddle pile.

It's actually quite incredible that this Yorkie pair can squeeze such big, loving hearts into such tiny little bodies.

13. HoneyBear

Image: petfinder

Location: Lily's Legacy Senior Dog Sanctuary, Petaluma, California

HoneyBear would love to be your devoted honey.

She's currently working to gain some weight after entering the Lily's Legacy Senior Dog Sanctuary underweight after her human experienced health problems. She'd love nothing more than to become a devoted doggo companion in a forever home with or without other dogs.

14. Cosmo

Image: petfinder

Location: Jefferson Parish Animal Shelter East Bank, Harahan, Louisiana

Oh, Cosmo. Sweet, sweet Cosmo.

Cosmo was surrendered by his owner but is now reaching his paw out to you (really, he'll shake your hand), if you're looking for a sweet boy. Cosmo has some vision and skin problems, but he's 75 pounds of sweetness.

15. Bear

Image: petfinder

Location: Williamson County Animal Center, Franklin, Tennessee

Bear is a photogenic stunner, but it's not just skin deep beauty for this good boy. The 10-year-old shepherd mix is an inquisitive pup, who loves to explore and curl up for cuddles.

He does well on leash walks (which, of course he wants to show off that face) but will also take a spin around the backyard on his own.

16. Roxie

Image: petfinder

Location: Bedford Humane Society, Bedford, Virginia

No, Roxie is not wearing eyeliner, she's just naturally smoldering.

Roxie spent most of her life working as a therapy dog at an assisted living center for the elderly, but now this elderly lady would like to find her own retirement home. She'd make a calm and loving companion for an older human, but also does well with other dogs and kids.

17. Pixie Willow

Image: petfinder

Location: St. Louis Senior Dog Project, Saint Louis, Missouri

Pixie Willow knows she's cute. And she is.

The Chinese hairless and long hair chihuahua mix weighs only 5-pounds but she has a big, feisty personality. She'll be your little shadow and only asks for love and playtime in return. You might even get a big smile in return.

Image: petfinder

18. Semperr

Image: petfinder

Location: Cheshire Abbey, Jackson, Mississippi

Semperr is a three-legged Akita mix looking for the right human to give him the devoted attention he needs. Semperr loves to give hugs with his remaining front leg, but would need a home without children or other alpha dogs.

19. Ducky

Image: petfinder

Location: Gray Mutts Rescue and Sanctuary, Clifton, Texas

Who's a fuzzy-faced good boy? WHO? Ducky is, for sure.

In that bowtie, Ducky obviously wants to up your style game. And you should listen to this 5-pound, wire-haired, apple-head chihuahua.

20. Deuce

Image: petfinder

Location: Forever Loved Pet Sanctuary, Scottsdale, Arizona

Deuce is 11-years-old, but runs around his temporary home with the excitement of a much younger dog. Despite the high energy he shows when taking a lap in the doggie run, he's also a maintenance, smart fellow who was found as a stray.

He came to the dog sanctuary as a stray and has since charmed all the volunteers who work with him. If you're looking for a furry friend who loves back scratches and rolling around in the great outdoors, Deuce is for you.

If you're still looking for a senior dog to add to your family, there are plenty of graying and wise dogs who would love your love.

WATCH: Marnie the Dog recreates memes

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#_author:Annie Colbert #_category:yct:001000002 #_lmsid:a0Vd000000DTrEpEAL #_uuid:40f3947d-7bba-322f-8967-78e2f76c6539 #_revsp:news.mashable

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rolenejaffe · 7 years ago

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Free Day- Jewish History of the Village

EPW Day 4- Wednesday July 5th, 2017 (Part 2)

This morning has been a completely WOW experience. I walked on so many uneven surfaces yesterday and I was trying to compensate and keep my ankle straight. I've pulled the calf in my foot, which has affected my knee and I can't straighten my leg. So I decided to not be clever and continue to walk on it today but to take the day off. Rajmund the gentleman who runs the community center was bringing everybody's bags to Janet’s place and he was happy to drop me off as well. I needed some magnesium tablets and a fanny pack so I went to Tesco to go shopping.

During the car ride there was lots of chatting in the car, his English is excellent. I asked many questions and he explained to me that culturally in the Eastern Bloc families actually generations of families live together in a home. The parents will live at the bottom and a child, usually the eldest, will live on the top level. The home then is the child’s at the end of the day but it is their responsibility to look after the parents. Rajmund has an older brother and a sister who live in Pennsylvania.

He is currently living with his in-laws and building his own home. He lived in Budapest for 3 years and decided that wasn’t the place he wants to bring up his family in one day. He prefers a smaller village with an incredible community that comes with living in a 'small village' so he came back home newly married.

I hope my sons read the next paragraph because it had me in tears and I'm sure all the other mothers out there will feel the same. To my boys: a private family joke..."Erma Bombeck message".

Rajmund works in the same village where his parents live. He tries to go home every day at lunchtime, he chuckled, sniffs out the kitchen to see what's mum cooking. Usually she will cook his favorite food, they will chat and then he will head back to work. That just touched my heart so much, how incredible to live in that way today where your child can pop in and see you. I wish we all still lived like that instead of thousands of miles apart. Even those of us who do live in the same city as our children, you so often hear parents say they only see their children once a month or less. There's something to be said for "the good old days."

I remember as a child we used to go and visit my Bobba and Zaida (Grandparents) at least three times a week and then my grandparents would come over on Sundays for lunch.

Before we began eating we would listen to the 1 o'clock news on the radio and of course there would be absolutely no talking whatsoever while the news was on, heaven forbid. Sunday lunch consisted of roast potatoes, roast chicken, peas, squash, a small salad and angels food for desert. My dad called fruit salad angels food and sometimes ice cream.

The conversation then revolved around what we heard on the news, my father's opinion of that and then the floor was open for debate. If your opinion was different opinion most likely you had to back up. We were always encouraged to have opinions as long as we always remained respectful to our elders, old school manners.

I think that's where my brother, sister and I developed and honed our debating and having an 'opinion' skill came from, which has served us well in life.

Back to the main story, I took Rajmund out for coffee to say thanks and actually that's how he began sharing his story. It's about his almost daily cup of with his parents.

I had been asking him about the Jewish community in this area, duh.... that's my favorite question wherever I go in Europe.

The story that unfolds and that he shared with me I have no doubt will touch your the way it touched mine.

There is a synagogue across the street from Tesco, which is no longer used and there is a cemetery. The synagogue was built in 1909. Rajmund took me there and this was an absolute treat as I would not have seen any of this. He also told me the history of a family he knew that lived in their village and was taken by the Nazis.

There were a thousand Jewish families in this region that were rounded up from the various villages and taken off to Auschwitz. In their village there were 300 people and there was one remarkable family and this is their story.

It was on the 7th of July 1944, also my mom Leba’s birthday, that the police surrounded the town and 300 people were rounded up in the town square.

The Hotczer family was a prominent family in the village. They were loved by the community for their generosity and the way they interacted with everyone. In the front of their property they had a pub, which was frequently visited by the community and at the back they had a butcher shop. They were real entrepreneurs. They also had two wheat harvest machines that the villages could hire to harvest crops. Mrs. Hotczer was a widower with two sons. Whenever anyone in the village was sick she made and sent soup and did other various acts of kindness.

#europeanpeacewalk #EPW #walkingonestepatatime #herewego #walk #journey #adventureawaits #newbeginnings #love #newcareer #newcountry #blogger #followme #number7ontheenneagram #goingbacktotheprecioushomeisetup #havingalexanderinthesamecity

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char27martin · 8 years ago

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Switching from Querying Agents to Querying Publishers

After completing a final polish on Is That The Shirt You’re Wearing? my collection of humorous essays, I diligently researched and targeted literary agents, and sent personalized query letters. And I eagerly waited for their replies.

Then I waited some more . . . and waited some more after that. I even sent myself test emails to make sure my email program was working—the writer equivalent of a stand-up comedian asking, “Is this thing on?”

This guest post is by Kristen Hansen Brakeman. Brakeman’s comedic essays have appeared in the New York Times Motherlode, The Huffington Post, The Washington Post, Working Mother Magazine, Scary Mommy, and Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop, where she is currently the Humor Writer of the Month. She has appeared on Huff Post Live to endlessly debate the use of the word “Ma’am,” and is a reviewer for the New York Journal of Books. Real humans have compared her writing style to both Erma Bombeck and Nora Ephron, but possibly they were intoxicated at the time. Brakeman works behind-the-scenes on television variety shows and lives in the suburbs of Los Angeles with her husband, and three daughters. Her first book, a collection of humorous essays titled IS THAT THE SHIRT YOU’RE WEARING?, was published by Tidal Press in May 2017.

Undeterred, I continued submitting about ten queries at a time every few months or so, for three years. Though each rejection left me in the doldrums, I was encouraged to continue because of the many compliments I received about my writing, helpful advice on how to strengthen my platform, and the suggestion from one agent that my manuscript was a tad on the short side.

With the false hope that it was the quantity of my words to blame, I re-wrote and restructured, and then submitted again, this time with my slightly longer, yet apparently still unsellable book. As the months passed and my number of queries topped the 150 mark, I was, as the queen of humorous essays would say, “at wits’ end.”

Finally, in my last batch of rejections, came frank words from two different agents saying the same thing: Essay collections are simply too tough of a sell, even for well-known writers or comedians. One offered that if I were to become super famous, like say, Tina Fey, to contact her again. Become super famous? Why didn’t I think of that in the first place?

Yet I still believed strongly in my manuscript, and felt that readers would enjoy not just the humor, but also relate to my real-life struggles and appreciate the positive tone. And the fact that so many beta readers and literary agents said they loved it, made me not want to give up.

[New Agent Alerts: Click here to find agents who are currently seeking writers]

Lots of friends suggested that I self-publish, but I didn’t want to do that either. It’s probably a great option for prescriptive nonfiction authors who write weight loss guides or get-rich quick tips, but let’s face it, people aren’t Googling “humor essays” for help with their troubled lives.

Also, according to Publishers Weekly, the average nonfiction book sells only about 250 copies a year, and 2,000 over a lifetime. My profit margin would be higher if I self-published, but either way the amount I’d earn would still be minimal. So I decided to keep trying to to have my book published traditionally, if for no other reason, than to serve as a legitimate credit when peddling book two.

If big publishing houses weren’t interested in essay collections, maybe medium and small publishing houses were worth a try. I found listings for independent presses on Writers’ Digest, Poets & Writers, and AgentQuery, with descriptions of the type of books each publisher was interested in and their submission policies.

Whereas most agents asked for only a query letter and a writing sample, I discovered that publishers universally required a book proposal, replete with a market analysis, marketing plan, and a description of the target audience (in my case … um … humans who like to read and laugh?). With the help of online guides, I somehow faked my way through completing a proposal.

As I searched for places to submit, it dawned on me that my book was in a bit of a literary no-man’s land. I was too unknown to land a contract at a large trade, but my writing seemed too mainstream for the majority of these independent presses, who clearly preferred “literary” writing—serious novels or short story collection, poetry collections, or chapbooks. Frankly, I didn’t even know what a chapbook was, so I was fairly confident I had not written one.

Whenever I’d find an independent press that actually wanted essay collections I’d get excited, but most were after essayists of a different sort: deep thinkers who pondered man��s place in the universe, not someone ranting about the horrors of collagen lip plumping. And I bet not one of their essayists spoke in the voice of their dog … or cat.

BEST RESOURCE FOR WRITERS: GET A LITERARY AGENT contains advice from more than 110 literary agents who share advice on querying, craft, the submission process, researching agents, and much more. Click here to order now!

Conventional wisdom says not to judge a book by its cover, but I had to do just that to guess at which independent presses might want me. If the book covers on their website looked particularly heady or dour, I moved on. If a publisher expressed interest in humor, yet their nonfiction humor book covers had old-fashioned comic drawings, I clicked away, knowing we wouldn’t be a good match.

After a few months of submitting, I heard back from one of the medium-sized publishers from my first round of queries. The acquisitions editor requested my manuscript, and then later wrote back to say that she loved it. She asked for a few changes to my proposal, including securing advanced blurbs and adding links to my published columns, in hopes that her company’s marketing department would agree with her desire to buy the book.

A month later, and after numerous emails back and forth, unfortunately she wrote that they would have to pass. My platform was deemed to be, “Not dazzling enough to make a dent in the crowded marketplace.”

I was devastated. I felt like I was so close, only to have the rug pulled out from under me. My husband had to work hard to talk me off the ledge, emphasizing that if this editor wanted to publish my book then surely someone else would too.

As much as it pains me to admit it, it turned out that my husband was right. Over the next few months I actually had three more independent publishers express varying levels of interest.

I had submitted to one of them, Tidal Press, because on their website it said they were interested in books that “explore the life of the underdog, the outsider … and that make you feel less alone … and sometimes they’re funny.”

[How to Resurrect a Forgotten Manuscript]

The outsider—too much of a “nobody” for the big trades, but not “literary” enough for the smalls—that sounded like me! So when the publisher wrote back to say that she liked my voice and thought that I nailed the void in publishing that she wanted to fill, it was music to my ears.

Within a few months I had a signed contract in my hand and the knowledge that my book was actually going to be published. What’s more, the publisher wisely decided to market it as a memoir—a more popular genre than humor.

My only experience in publishing has been with an independent press, but I’m guessing that one of the biggest benefits is that the writer gets to talk directly to the publisher. Likewise, probably the biggest drawback for a small publisher is that they have to talk directly to the writer. Because first-time writers have questions … so many questions, and because they’re so gosh darn excited about their first book being published!

While being published traditionally meant I didn’t have to worry about the nuts and bolts that I would have had to deal with had I self-published, I will be doing the lion’s share of the marketing. So once again I’ve turned to online advice to help me navigate my campaign, which has included asking (okay, begging) for reviews, offering interviews to book bloggers, and endless requests for blurbs in everything from alumni newsletters to local book clubs.

We’ve all read the amazing stories of writers who found an agent on the first try or landed a fabulous publishing contract within a couple months, but for the majority of us, our books are only published because of our own perseverance.

Five and a half years, more than 150 agent queries, and a few dozen small press submissions later, my goal of having my book published will finally be realized. Of course I’m aware of the sales stats for books like mine, but I won’t let that discourage me. After all, I’ve come this far!

The biggest literary agent database anywhere is the Guide to Literary Agents. Pick up the most recent updated edition online at a discount.

If you’re an agent looking to update your information or an author interested in contributing to the GLA blog or the next edition of the book, contact Writer’s Digest Books Managing Editor Cris Freese at [email protected].

The post Switching from Querying Agents to Querying Publishers appeared first on WritersDigest.com.

from Writing Editor Blogs – WritersDigest.com http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/guide-to-literary-agents/switching-querying-agents-querying-publishers

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bestnewsmag-blog · 8 years ago

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New Post has been published on Bestnewsmag

New Post has been published on https://bestnewsmag.com/gigabytes-new-brix-fanless-computer-is-all-heatsink/

Gigabyte's new Brix fanless computer is all heatsink

I really like heatsinks. It’s one of those things that makes the physics of an item very apparent, rather than buried underneath layers of indirection. Gigabyte’s brand new Brix GB-EKi3A-7100 barebones Computer, noticed with the aid of Liliputing, is largely a heatsink with a laptop interior it. The fanless system runs a Kaby Lake Core i3-7100U PC chip and has the guide for as much as 32GB of RAM and M.2 SSD garage. There is a nice amount of connectivity as well, along with Ethernet, Bluetooth, HDMI, and USB-C.

The machine is in reality designed for enterprise and commercial applications — There’s even a Gigabyte Computer Brix RS-232 serial port for hooking up with microcontrollers. However, it’d also make an exceptional home theater Computer, thanks to the fanless design.

There is no phrase yet in the rate, and you may carry your own garage and RAM to make this operational.

The Evolution of Generation – The Records of Computers

At the same time as Computers at the moment are an critical a part of the lives of human beings, there was a time wherein Computers did not exist. Knowing the History of Computers and how much development has been made will let you apprehend simply how complex and innovative the advent of Computers certainly is.

Unlike most devices, the computer is one of the few inventions that doesn’t have one precise inventor. All through the development of the laptop, many human beings have added their creations to the listing required to make a PC paintings. Some of the inventions had been exclusive sorts of Computer systems, and Some of them have been components required to allow Computer systems to be evolved similarly.

The start

Perhaps the maximum tremendous date inside the Records of Computers is the 12 months 1936. It turned into in this year that the primary “laptop” became developed. It was created by means of Konrad Zuse and dubbed the Z1 laptop. This pic stands as the first because it changed into the first device to be fully programmable. There were gadgets prior to this, But none had the computing energy that sets it aside from other electronics.

It wasn’t till 1942 that any business noticed earnings and possibility in Computers. This primary organisation changed into referred to as ABC Computers, owned and operated by means of John Atanasoff and Clifford Berry. Two years later, the Harvard Mark I laptop became advanced, furthering the technological know-how of computing.

Over the direction of the next few years, investors all over the global started out to look greater into the examine of Computer systems, and the way to improve upon them. Those subsequent ten years say the advent of the transistor, which would grow to be a critical a part of the inner workings of the laptop, the ENIAC 1 laptop, as well as many other sorts of systems. The ENIAC 1 is Possibly one of the most thrilling, as it required 20,000 vacuum tubes to operate. It changed into a massive machine, and started out the revolution to construct smaller and faster Computer systems.

The age of Computers changed into forever altered by the creation of Global business Machines, or IBM, into the computing industry in 1953. This enterprise, over the direction of PC Records, has been a primary participant in the improvement of recent systems and servers for public and personal use. This creation introduced approximately the primary actual signs of competition inside computing Records, which helped to spur quicker and higher development of Computers. Their first contribution was the IBM 701 EDPM PC.

A Programming Language Evolves

A year later, the first a hit excessive level programming language turned into created. This changed into a programming language no longer written in ‘assembly’ or binary, which might be taken into consideration very low degree languages. FORTRAN become written in order that greater humans should start to software Computers effortlessly.

The year 1955, the Bank of America, coupled with Stanford Studies Institute and General Electric, noticed the introduction of the primary Computers for use in banks. The MICR, or Magnetic Ink Character Recognition, coupled with the real computer, the ERMA, became a leap forward for the banking enterprise. It wasn’t until 1959 that the pair of structures had been positioned into use in actual banks.

Throughout 1958, one of the maximum essential breakthroughs in computer Records occurred, the creation of the incorporated circuit. This device, additionally known as the chip, is one of the base requirements for contemporary laptop structures. On each motherboard and card within a computer gadget, are many chips that include records on what the boards and playing cards do. Without those chips, the structures as we realize them nowadays cannot feature.

Gaming, Mice, & the Internet

For lots laptop users now, video games are a critical part of the computing revel in. 1962 noticed the advent of the primary computer game, which was created via Steve Russel and MIT, which was dubbed Spacewar.

The mouse, one of the maximum primary additives of contemporary Computer systems, was created in 1964 via Douglass Engelbart. It received its call from the “tail” main out of the device.

one of the most vital elements of Computers these days changed into invented in 1969. ARPA net turned into the original Internet, which furnished the muse for the Internet that we understand these days. This development could bring about the evolution of expertise and enterprise throughout the entire planet.

It wasn’t till 1970 that Intel entered the scene with the primary dynamic RAM chip, which resulted in an explosion of PC science innovation.

at the heels of the RAM chip was the first microprocessor, which became additionally designed by Intel. these Two components, in addition to the chip, advanced in 1958, would number among the Core components of present day Computer systems.

A yr later, the floppy disk was created, gaining its call from the flexibility of the storage unit. This become step one in allowing most of the people to switch bits of facts among unconnected Computers.

the primary networking card turned into created in 1973, permitting information switch between connected Computers. That is similar to the Net, However, allows for the Computer systems, to connect Without use of the Internet.

Family Computer’s Emerge

The next three years had been very vital for Computers. This is while agencies began to broaden structures for the common patron. The Scelbi, Mark-eight Altair, IBM 5100, Apple I and II, TRS-80, and the Commodore Puppy Computers had been the forerunners on this vicinity. At the same time as high-priced, those machines started the fashion for Computers inside common households.

one of the maximum predominant breakthroughs in PC software program took place in 1978 with the discharge of the VisiCalc Spreadsheet application. All improvement prices have been paid for inside a Two week time period, which makes this one of the maximum successful programs in computer History.

1979 turned into Possibly one of the maximum crucial years for the home computer consumer. This is the 12 months that WordStar, the first phrase processing application, was launched to the general public for sale. This notably altered the usefulness of Computers for the everyday consumer.

The IBM home laptop fast helped revolutionize the patron market in 1981, because it becomes low-cost for home proprietors and widespread purchasers. 1981 also saw the mega-large Microsoft input the scene with the MS-DOS running system. This running gadget totally changed computing all the time, as it becomes clear sufficient for all and sundry to learn.

The opposition Starts: Apple vs. Microsoft

Computers noticed but every other critical trade For the duration of the year of 1983. The Apple Lisa PC turned into the primary with a graphical user interface or a GUI. maximum current packages incorporate a GUI, which lets in them to be smooth to apply and fascinating for the eyes. This marked The start of the out courting of most textual content based totally simplest packages.

Past this point in computer Records, many adjustments and changes have occurred, from the Apple-Microsoft wars, to the developing of microcomputers and a diffusion of computer breakthroughs that have become an usual part of our everyday lives. Without the preliminary first steps of laptop History, none of this will were possible.

how to Maintain Your computer Cool

whilst your PC is on, almost all of its additives turn out to be warm. Constant publicity to excessive temperature can motive severe harm on your PC.

Here is a list of approaches in maintaining your Pc cool.

Take a look at if your lovers are running.

That is the first step when you discover your laptop overheating. Open the case, and then Check if all fans are nonetheless working. If at the least one isn’t always running anymore, keep in mind doing repairs or getting a replacement.

Regularly easy your computer.

It’s far crucial to Regularly easy your computer, specially the cooling fans. The lovers connected within the computer case is used for active cooling of the computer. Over time, dirt and dust can acquire in those fans. The accumulated dust can sluggish down or, in worse, stop fanatics from running. If fans fail in expelling the new air speedy enough, a few internal parts will eventually overheat.

To easy your cooling fan:

1. Shutdown your Computer.

2. Open the computer case.

3. If there may be immoderate dust in the laptop case, take out the laptop fan.

four. You can use compressed air, small digital vacuum or duster, or damp cloth in cleaning the fan.

5. In case you use moisten fabric, make sure that the cooling fan is dry or there’s no final moisture earlier than connecting it once more.

easy different computer components as well which include the monitor, mouse, and keyboard.

earlier than cleaning any hardware element, make sure that your machine is became off. Otherwise, your laptop is at risk of electrostatic discharge that can damage its components and you also are vulnerable to grounding yourself.

before applying any cleaning procedures to hardware, ensure to check its producer’s manual if they have supplied you with the recommended commands in cleansing or keeping it.

Do now not spray or spill any liquid directly in PC elements.

Do now not the restriction the air glide around your computer.

Place your PC in a room which can provide enough air go with the flow. make certain that it isn’t sitting proper next into other gadgets that save you air flow, like walls or other Computer systems. There have to be at the least Two to 3 inches of space on each sides. Due to the fact that most of the recent air comes out from the air vent on the lower back stop of the PC case, this part should be completely clean and open.

Pass your laptop to a cooler and cleaner environment.

Flow your Pc in an area with proper ventilation. It is important that the physical vicinity will not make contributions further warmth to the PC. make sure that your Laptop isn’t always placed near a furnace, refrigerator, cooking appliances, and other things that could blow warm air or can transfer warmness into your computer machine.

To prevent your Laptop from overheating, It’s miles recommended to Area it in an air-conditioned room.

Note: be careful when transferring your laptop for you to avoid harm on touchy components internal it just like the CPU, images card, difficult pressure, and motherboard.

Use your PC with the case closed.

It appears logical to allow the case open Whilst the laptop is jogging to Preserve it cooler. This is real. But, dust and dust will gather and clog the computer lovers quicker whilst the case is opened. This will cause the fanatics to sluggish down or fail at cooling your computer.

Upgrade your CPU fan.

The CPU is the maximum vital element in the laptop. when you are jogging traumatic programs, the CPU and photographs card result in more heat. It is able to get so warm that It may be cooked.

don’t forget to purchase a and large CPU fan that can Preserve the CPU temperature lower than the pre-constructed CPU fan for your computer ought to.

take into account installing an element-specific fan.

If you have found that the opposite components are overheating, installation an element-specific fan to chill them down.

do not forget to put in a case fan.

This small fan may be attached to both the front or lower back of the computer case. There are Two forms of case fan: one that could draw cooler air into the case, and one that can expel heat air from the case. putting in both is a first rate manner to cool your computer.

Turn off your PC whilst no longer in use.

A PC continues to supply warmth as long as it walking, even In case you aren’t using it. If you’ll only have a couple of minutes of state of being inactive, at the least set your PC to hibernation. Essentially, it’s going to also Flip off your PC but the opened documents and applications are saved to your hard disk.

also, unplug outside hardware of no longer use like printers and scanners.

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mgaprendz-blog · 8 years ago

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Personal Reflection: PACLEB

In all the times I participated in required community service, there has been, and will never be, nothing that could amount to the experience I had in sharing a home with a child. You could say it would’ve been a common occurrence for social workers and charity volunteers, but let me tell you this: it really moves an inexperienced heart to see a child smile because you put it there yourself. It is indeed life-changing. I feel renewed and grateful.

Mainly, our discussions from UCSP became the backbone of our demeanor and understanding all throughout the activities. During encounters with different members of the community, I truly got to see what it was like to live their lives even for less than a day, and I have learned so much already. Aside from that, I was able to somehow communicate effectively during the story-telling session, when I had to relay our original version of a contemporary literature. Along with our story-telling session, we were able to somehow showcase our amateur art works, which then caught the attention of the children. All in all, the whole experience was a profound application of all contextual learning.

Fast forward to choosing the child we’d like to help out, I asked Benny to join the children’s games so that she could get to know them better. She did, and that’s when we met Jermalyn.

Jermalyn, technically, was just like any other kid in her age: she was bubbly, active, smart, and honest. She was honest in such a way that you cannot help but question yourself about your own sincerity ever since you were brought to this world. At that moment, I realized how much, and how deeply, a child’s demeanour could put one’s life in a whole new perspective within a hairsbreadth of a moment. At some point, I knew I was like her when I was younger; nothing but one unfortunate fact set us apart: both of us were blessed with what the other needs the most. She was abundant in affection and togetherness, while I occasionally took for granted our family’s economic status, and the education I was bestowed upon.

I also knew, at that moment, how much awareness of community responsibility is important, since I do not survive in this community alone. I am but a member of a progressive society; hence, what I am able to receive, I must share also, especially to the underprivileged.

When we finally interviewed Nanay Erma and Jermalyn, we let out our deepest sentiments. Don’t you find it hard to take care of two children – especially when the other needs special attention – without the constant aid of your husband?, we asked. I guess it was an ordinary question for her, and an awakening question for us. She answered generously that yes, it is indeed a challenge, but she said she finds her joy in taking care of them. She does not have a permanent job, mind you, and her husband only earned a modest income from being a dispatcher, but for them, it was enough. It was enough, but they knew that if they did receive as much blessings every day as what we had shared with them, it would be better.

Life for them is difficult, as it is for everyone, but they learned how to be resourceful enough to grab opportunities whenever available. Wasting a day was not a flaw of theirs; every day was filled of all kinds of learning.

Simplicity of life is abundance in blessings, after all. One does not take too much to realize that. Nanay Erma was able to do so, and she successfully apply it in taking care of their household. She also bestows Jermalyn a huge sense of support and independence. At an early age, Jermalyn already showcases a lot of potential in her dream career, and she does not think of all the possible hurdles life may throw at her. Their way of life gave life to my withering optimism – if they can dream and envision themselves to be successful, then I can, too.

I’ve always dreamed of volunteering for social work and community organizations. I know that I really could now, especially in my age, but for some inexplicable reason I could not be able to. Once I do finally get the chance, however, I’d like to visit their community once more and give them the support they need, such as livelihood programs and tutoring for children. Emotional empowerment is as valuable as physical support, so being able to help the teenagers in their community who are facing troubles in the quiet would be a great sense of fulfillment for me.

If for longer than a day, I’d be given a chance to switch lives, I’d rather have a simple life as that of Jermalyn’s, because I sure do feel my need to reconnect to the world minus all the deadlines, near-future career anxieties, and ephemeral happiness. It would be crazy for others, I know, but I guess that just proves what we lack nowadays: more often than not, we prefer a high-class state of living without acknowledging the fact that we are poisoning our own souls with misery.

I am only 17 years old, and I guess I have so much yet to face in the real world. I could forget this rainy Saturday in early March, the soft mud squelching beneath my shoes’ soles, the dirty ice cream eaten after a long tread in a subdivision adventure, and charcoal smoke covering my hair and clothes. I could forget all the nitty-gritty, but I am certain that I would never erase from my memory the life Jermalyn has shared with us. I would treasure it forever.

#reflections

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guerrillathoughts · 8 years ago

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Guerrilla Book of the Week - Book 5 - On the Shortness of Life, Seneca

This week I chose to read a short book that I have started before and yet never finished. The book, or rather the essay, is another purchase I made many years ago and never got round to reading completely. 23rd of August 2015. It really is crazy the information you can find about yourself stored on the internet, right? Now before I digress, the book I am talking about, of course, is De Brevitate Vitae.

De Brevitate Vitae, translated to English is “On the Shortness of Life”. It is an essay written in 4AD by a Roman Stoic philosopher Lucius Annaeus Seneca, commonly known as Seneca the Younger. I say commonly. Commonly among the circles in which Roman Stoic Philosophers get attention. Stoicism is a philosophy of personal ethics, which was seen to be the main focus of human knowledge. He wrote the essay for his father-in-law Paulinus. The essay was basically his opinions on how to get the most out of this life we live. Seneca was forced to take his own life in the end because of the role it was believed he played in the Pisonian conspiracy.

Again, as in previous posts, I accept that this is not meant to be a history lesson. However, I make all this known to the reader for one reason; I want to make it clear that although this is a short book it can be difficult to read and if you are not used to reading philosophical essays it would be best to read this in small doses and try to digest them. However I do suggest that you read this book.

I have literally in the past three weeks concluded that there are three books, that if read and acted upon, would change the life of the reader, undeniably for the better; The Little Prince, The Alchemist and The Shortness of Life - My Life Changing Trilogy. Again, if read, digested and acted upon.

When you open this book, you will find that actually it contains three of Seneca’s Essays, namely “On the Shortness of Life”, “Consolation to Helvia”, and “On Tranquility of Mind”.

The basis of this book, and the three essays, is that we humans have been giving a certain amount of time, and that time is our most valuable and least renewable resource. The essay is intended to draw our attention to how well we do, or do not, invest that resource. The essay starts by highlighting that we humans complain a lot about how short life is. Seneca counter argues this with a fairly straight to the point rebuttal.

“It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and a sufficiently generous amount has been given to us”

It is hard to argue with that and in fairness if this was all that Seneca had committed to paper, it would have sufficed to make his point clear. However, Seneca goes on to highlight why it is that we see life as short and his conclusion is that we humans do not dedicate time to ourselves, rather we labour after useless tasks. It is our insatiable greed that leads us to waste life by pursuing that which is not important with “laborious dedication”.

This was true in 4AD apparently, but it is certainly true today. There was a survey carried out in the UK, that I can sadly not find to reference. It basically stated that most of the working class felt that their jobs weren’t actually important to society. In the search for this survey I found others that I thought also brought meaning to the point that Seneca labours here. “Investors in People” found that 60% of those questioned were not satisfied in their job. Yet another survey by “TLNT” found that 60% of people say that the money they earn is what keeps them in their jobs. So I know that this isn’t strictly scientific as it is two different companies asking two different lots of people two different sets of questions. But I feel it is enough to make the simple point that people will work in tasks they deem useless just to feed their need for money and in some cases insatiable desire for money. However Seneca does not just state money, but also a greed for power or recognition and this is most likely true today also; Think Donald Trump as President of the USA.

Seneca makes reference to a beloved poet, although he fails to reference them by name. The quote he chooses is “It is a small part of life we really live”. After making the point that we waste a lot of life, and highlighting what it is that we do to waste said life, he almost sums up his points with this bit of poetry. He explains it further when he says “So you must not think a man has lived long because he has white hair and wrinkle: he has not lived long, just existed long.” He talks about how people waste their life getting angry at trivial matters, like the barber who miscuts your hair. He makes the point that people put off their leisure until retirement at which point they are no longer fit enough or able body enough to do that which they have always wanted to do. My previous post was an article from Erma Bombeck, late in life, that lamented the things that she wished she had done, echoing the sentiment committed to paper centuries before by Seneca.

I was lucky as a teenager. I had a really good support group. I had a group of friends that I spent every free moment with. It was great. Then I went to University. I had always wanted to do History and Philosophy at University. However at the last moment, I changed my mind. I went to study design. I went because I thought there would be more money and I went because two of my close friends where going to do the same. They didn’t. I ended up alone. Now do not get me wrong, I enjoyed my time at University, and I enjoyed the culture of the Art College, but the point I make here is that I went to the Art college for other people and to earn more money. After leaving college I got a job in retail, and despite being qualified to be a designer my main income was working in this shop. I became a supervisor, assistant manager and then manager. Now I loved that shop, and had I not worked in that shop I would not have missed another great opportunity. However it was not what I wanted to do and to do it for three years was a silly task and a waste of life; especially since the area manager walked in after it all, and through no fault of mine, informed us that we were all being made redundant. Around the same time I started that job, I also met a girl and a relationship blossomed. She lived far away, and even on weekends that I didn’t want too do it, I would drive the whole distance to see her and then late on Sunday evenings I would drive all the way back again. I skipped family events that I wanted to go to, came home early from trips I was enjoying and miss the birthdays of my nearest and dearest because she requested that I do so. I was living for someone else. Or as Seneca suggests, I was not living but merely existing. Then I took a job in a call centre; a job I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. For two years. I despised that job but rather than live for me, I was afraid of not finding more work. How frivolously I threw away time.

If anyone takes any thing away from this it is this; Do not throw your life away frivolously - Invest time with the people you want to be with, in the places you want to be in. I will leave you with a quote from Seneca’s essay to his step-father Paulinus:

“Every individual can make himself happy”

#seneca #seneca the younger #on the shortness of life

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