#youll never guess where i am (back stage door)

[carcarrot]

sparks have ordered new york pizza

[softevan]

We’re Not Who We Used To Be (SOFT Mini Series)

A/N: So I have decided to make a series of scenarios based on specific lyrics from Harry’s songs which I’m so excited about because i’ve been writing all day. Some of them will be smutty, some wont, but ill put the warnings before hand. I want to thank a lot of you who have been supporting of me and my writing. If you have any lyrics requests please don’t hesitate to let me know. But I really hope you like this one, enjoy! -K

Warnings: N/A

Word Count: 4K

Pairing: Y/N and Harry

Y/N’S POV

This week is the ARIA awards in Australia and Harry has been scheduled to perform. Because he has been on tour and constantly traveling I just think that he needs a few days off instead of going to an awards show. His manager Tommy had insisted on him declining the invitation to the show and have a non hectic couple of days, especially to spend time with me. But of course Harry being Harry he didn’t want to let anyone down and he decided that he wanted to go.

Harry always wanted me to come with him on tour, which is something I would be so happy to do. But my job is always my main priority. Through out our relationship, we had seen that we had been focusing too much on our carers, and neglecting our relationship. With both of our singing carers it was hard. But now with my tour over I’ve decided to take some time off to be with Harry and actually try to be here for him. Its his very first tour with just him and his band and of course he needed me to be there with him. Its not easy being on the stage by yourself, its very intimidating to say the least. But with me travelling with Harry I get to see and experience new things with him, and write new songs along the way. Knowing that Harry feels more at home with me being here for him, and knowing that I give him comfort when he sees me standing at the side singing along to his songs means everything to me. It just makes my heart swell at the thought.

“Babe, its either going to be the Gucci or the Alexander McQueen outfit, just pick one?” Harry came out of the hotels wardrobe with both his hands filled with these unusual coloured suits, with a puzzled look on his face, scrunched eyebrows waiting for my reply. “H you always go for Gucci so wear something different” I looked up at Harry, dragging my concentration from my novel in my hands to him then back to my book. “Okay sold” His cheeky grin spread across his face and put down the suits of the side of the bed, then making his way over to me. “Babe?” His hands sprung up to my book and pulled it away so my attention was on him. “H” I looked up and his face which still had the cheekiest grin on it. “Do you wanna grab something to eat?” “Yeah sure, I actually am quite hungry” “Okay cool” He knelt over me to grab the hotel phone to order in. I yanked the phone out of his hand and put it back to the server. “Do you not want anything?” The confusion setting into his face, I grabbed his chin to pull the smile back and I pushed my fingers into his dimples which I know he loved. “How about we go downstairs to the restaurant and eat? We can look cute and go out for a romantic meal?” “Sweetie I am so washed I cant be bothered going anywhere tonight” He pulled himself onto the side of the bed beside me with a sigh leaving his lips. “Harry its just for an hour or so, we haven’t had dinner together in a while” I looked back around at his face, still with a awkward look to it. “We had dinner yesterday” “Yeah, a salad in the dressing room” I sighed and pushed my body to lay on his chest with my arms wrapped around his waist facing him. “Im sorry it was just a thought, I know your really tired” “Im sorry baby ill make It up to you, when I have a day off we can do whatever you want, I promise” He pulled my forearms up so he could kiss me ever so gently on the lips then across my cheeks to my temples. “So do you want Chinese takeout or Indian?”

The next morning was the rehearsal for the awards show which was tonight, and as usual the preparation is crazy. People running around grabbing the lights, seating arrangements, the routine of the awards, scheduled performances, and of course the celebrities that are there to rehearse. I sat in one of the seats in the audience waiting for to watch Harry’s sound check for tonight when I seen him walking out with six people running after him. He immediately was looking for me in the room and his eyes landed straight on me. I gave a wave and made my way to the front of the stage where the cameras sit. “Hey baby girl” He crouched down kissing me and sat back up. “Hey H, you excited for tonight?” “Yeah I am, ill be fine once the performance is over and I get to sit beside you” I could feel my cheeks burning as if the lights were glaring down heat onto my skin. “I love the way I can still make you blush” “Shut up Harry and get up there” I giggled as I swatted at his shoe giving a smile his way. “Your going to be here right?” “Where else would I be?” He kissed my hand and got up to the band to organise the performance for tonight. “Y/N” I heard a shout from the left of me. I turn around and see Ella, or as most people know her, Lorde, came running to me and greeted me with a hug. “Oh my gosh hey girl no time no see” I screamed when we hugged for more than too long, but not seeing her for ages it made up for lost time. Me and Ella were really good friends when we first got into the industry. We are both signed on the same label and we kind of grew together. But over time obviously with our different lives and fame we kind of grew apart, but of course we still are good friends. “Congrats on the big tour chick” “Aw thank you, I’m just glad that I now have time to see and spend time with Harry, he’s having so much fun and I’m so happy to see him happy” I giggled at her. Her face didn’t rocipacate. “Are you happy though?” “Of course I am why wouldn’t I be?” She pulled her arm out, initiating to take a seat beside her. “Look Y/N I know when your not happy about something, is it Harry?” “No no its not Harry at all” “Then what is it?” I took a deep breath, and just let it out to her. “I don’t know, I just feel like recently we haven’t been as close as what we were before he released his music. Dont get me wrong we are still close, but I mean, I hate to say this, but- I kinda feel like we are growing apart a little” She looked down at my hands that were clawing down my jeans, which might as well have holes in them at this point. “If that’s the way you feel then maybe you should talk to him about it” “Yeah” I look over to Harry that was talking to one of the guitar players in the band, showing him the certain chords on the guitar he wanted played. Looking at him I know I couldn’t do it to him, not here and not when the whole tour is happening. It was crush him. “No, I cant bring it up now, its just, theres too much going on right now” “Well, I do think you need to talk eventually” My gaze went straight back to Lorde, which she had a sympathetic smile to it. She does have a point, but right now, it needs to be shot to the back of my head. My main concern right now s supporting Harry tonight. The chords from Kiwi came on and my full attention went straight to him with the music going straight through my body.

A few hours later I was finally finished hair and makeup when I hear him coming into the room with a few other people talking about the show tonight. I looked at Lou that was telling me a story about Lux and how she has started to take an interest in makeup. “And I said to her no yeh cant use nail polish for eyeshadow, I nearly had a heart attack then” Her accent strong like Harry’s always made me feel more comforted, I’m not sure why. Was probably the accent, which is stupid, but its always the small things for me. “Baby you look beautiful” Harry came over with food in hand and pushed a kiss to my head while Lou was still trying to perfect it. “Harold get away, glam squad here, no boys aloud innit” My face srunched up with laughter seeing Harry’s reaction. “Fine Im leaving, in a huff” He flicked his imaginary hair and walked off to the door. “As long as your huffs over in an hour to come back so I can do your hair you can huff to your hearts content pet” The laughter coming out of me was nearly the worst laugh in history, but the way they get along just makes you want to piss your pants. “You guys are so funny together Lou” “I mean its a pure comical show so yeh cant really get it anywhere else can yeh?” We both giggled and I got up to make my way into get changed.

When we were close to the red carpet of the ARIA’s I start to see Harry tense up a litte beside me, which made my hand glide up his thigh. “Hey youll be fine” “I know love, just not a huge fan of the red carpet bit” “I know, that’s what I’m here for, remember?” My eyes looked up into his nervous ones, reading him is so easy, you just know what he is feeling just by looking at him. “Just keep your eyes on me, right?” “Right” I felt a small kiss to my cheek as I looked back to the window of the car. I sometimes think to myself how can I make him feel better, he should be used to this kind of stuff. He has been doing it longer than what I have been. But then again everyone doesn’t like any of their job do they?

The night went smoothly, no humps or hiccups with the whole night. His performance was outstanding as normal, and on top of that he won best international artist which is amazing. He never gives himself credit for what he has done and want he can do. But then again when I think of myself being an artist I never think that I’m perfect. “I’m so glad to be home, well, back to the hotel I guess” He chuckled as I went to set my bag down on the kitchen table and he look off his blazer. “Babe I have to say, if that skirt was any shorter, I could of easily slipped inside of you when you were sitting on my lap after the show, fuck you looked so hot tonight” His hands automatically went straight to the back of my thighs and rubbed there way up underneath my skirt, clutching my bum. I quickly turned around so his hands couldn’t get where they wanted to. I knew where this was going. “Oh so you want to do it now?” His breathes got deeper as his eyes trailed around my body, eyeing me up like a piece of candy. “Of course, love, I just wanna bend you over this table” His ring covered hands found their spot again straight to my bum, clutching it in his palms, giving me a good squeeze. “Baby you torture me” His eyes reverted back to mine, trying to read me. I wasn’t really feeling the whole atmosphere. Since I talked to Lorde it really got me thinking about us and this whole ‘problem’ if that’s what I even wanna call it. I need to bring this up now before its too late. “Harry, every time I wanna have sex you say your too tired, now you want to?” “Well, yeah, why wouldn’t I?” His eyes gave out confusion that set to my lips then back to my eyes. “Look Harry, I really need to talk to you” I pulled his hands away from my bum and pushed him away to I could look at him properly. “Y/N, are you okay love?” He leaned on the chair that was sitting in front of him, waiting for me to make a coherent sentence that didn’t seem too stupid. How can I even start this conversation. “Harry, I feel like recently, this between us, well, they aren’t the way they used to be before” His face grew puzzled at my statement, never taking his eyes off of me. “I feel like somethings not right here, with us, is there something wrong with us?” “Of course there isn’t baby girl, I mean all couples kinda go through this I guess, but there is nothing wrong with us” He started to make his way back to me and I pulled myself back to the same distance that we were in before. I didn’t want him thinking that this conversation was over when it was just getting started. I didn’t want to brush off this conversation for the sake of not getting into a fight. I hate confrontation but this just needs to be said to him. “Harry I’m not happy. Im not happy that the fact that when I bring up something to do or something that I want to do that you always brush it off to the side and not make it a big deal. Like the few times that ive asked you to come with me and have a romantic meal or go for a walk, or even just to get coffee and spend some alone time together before you have a show. Look I know that you have the tour and I know that it can be stressful. But I’m here too, I know that I’m here for you to support you but I’m here, I need some Harry time to myself, and not with other people around shouting at you one million things.” His face just sat there, emotionless. He had no vibes coming from him, which is never a good thing when it comes to Harry. Not being able to ready him makes me think did I do the right thing and even bring this up?

“We do have alone time, when I come home from a show and we cuddle in bed with a dvd” “Harry that’s not spending time with someone, that’s just laying down before bed. We aren’t talking, we are just laying there until we fall asleep. That’s not being with each other” “Well in my eyes that counts for something” “Well in my eyes it doesn’t” The air in the room gets thicker and the tension starts to rise. “I feel like your not trying anymore H. I gave up my whole life to be here with you when I could have been at home right now” “Oh please, don’t give me this guilt bullshit” “I could have been writing songs for another album, and gee I don’t know, spending time with my family?” “So to get your own way in this fight you want to make me feel bad about you coming out here with me and throwing that back in my face?” “Oh so now its an arugment?” “Did you really think that this was going to be a good and smooth conversation Y/N?” His voice raised to a scary tone as he started to walk across to the other side of the kitchen. “I don’t know what you want me to do Y/N, just say to everyone ‘hey I wanna spend time with my girlfriend so I’m going to cancel a few shows here and there. Its not like that you know, I cant just take time off when I want it. This is my job. I am exhausted” “Harry I’m not asking you to give up tour dates for me, I’m asking you to make an hour just for us. Im not asking for a whole day. Even just a dinner, or something. But your not even trying, I feel like I’m the one that’s only trying here” I walked to the side of the sofa and sat down on it, looking down at my hands as the tears streamed down my face. “I feel as if you don’t love me anymore Harry” “What the fuck kind of statement is that? If I didn’t love you anymore, I wouldn’t care where you would go, I wouldn’t care if you were here or not, I wouldn’t give two fucks about you” My blood started to boil again and I got up to face his red complextion. “If you even fucking cared about me and our relationship we shouldn’t be even having this conversation. Im only asking for one fucking hour of your time, to actually spend time with your 4 year long girlfriend. Thats not a lot I’m asking here since your the one that’s asking for my full 24 hour time. You asked me to come with you not me” “And you said yes, you didn’t have to say yes, you could have easily said that you wanted to spend time with your family because I would have understood” “No Harry I wanted to come with you because I thought that it would have been an experience that I wouldn’t ever want to forget, to be with my boyfriend and to travel the world and see things that I didn’t see when I was alone” A small silence stilled as we took in what was said in the space of ten minutes. “I was thinking of the things that we could have been doing, as a couple. Making our relationship stronger” His face never left the ground, with his hands clasped around the sides of the marble designed island made me see that this was getting to him. I never thought that this conversation would have gotten this far. But it goes to show that he really didn’t think about it. I walked up to him and stood right in front of him and forced him to look at me. “How many times did you come out to see me when I was touring and you were away making your album?” “Dont pull this bullsh-“ “How many times did you come out to see me when I was touring and you were away making your album?” I repeated with a more stern tone to it. I needed to get him to see what was really going on, but it still wasn’t clicking. “Once” He mumbled with his face hung to the ground; keeping his face away from mine. “How many times?” I asked him to repeated it. “Once” His voice raised as he looked up at me. “Yeah, once out of 32 shows. That just proves my point, I’m done with this conversation” I started to walk away from him and he grabbed my arm with great force to stop me in my tracks. “Dont just walk away from this when you think your done, its not done here” “Right okay, lets keep fighting the same fight. If that’s what will get you to see it then please ill be happy to” I pulled my arms away from his grasp and folded my arms looking directly at him. “Y/N, if you really think that I don’t care, and brought you out here to waste your time, or just use you for comfort from home, then maybe you should leave and go home. Because to the quite honest with you, this attitude, is really getting on my last nerve” The attitude that was streaming from his body language was something I never thought I would see coming from him. He started to walk away into the kitchen when of course I followed him, with a lot more coming into mind. I wanted to make sure I didn’t forget anything that I had planned to say in my head. “I try so much for you Harry and your the one that throws it in my face. You really think that I’m giving you attitude? Yeah actually, maybe I am, because its the only way to get it through your thick skull that is whole thing is ruining our relationship” “Eh no actually Y/N because this whole relationship was fine until tonight” “You thought that it was a fine relationship” Once again a silence broke through the room waiting for someone to say something. I knew if I needed to explain more to him about us then it wasn’t even worth trying anymore. “Harry I shouldn’t have to explain to you if I’m happy. You should know that. You cant be this great guy int he public eye and then be a complete dick behind closed doors. Your either one person or the other, which is it? I fell in love with the nice charming guy that would do anything to be with me, and treat me with respect and treat me like no other guy would treat me. But that guy isn’t there anymore. I cant wait for him” I couldn’t keep my tears back looking at him. I was standing there pouring my heart out to him and he just stood there, facing me, watching me, looking right through me. Maybe I’m starting to break him. “I love you Harry. Not the guy that’s standing in front of me right now, but the guy that I met 4 years ago” I started to walk into the bedroom across the hall and slammed the door shut behind me. Thats when I broke, so hard. I held it in for so long trying to be strong to get everything out, and now that its out in the open, I kinda feel glad that I said it, but also regret it. Im thinking back to an hour ago and just thinking I should have just had sex with him and it would have been a good night. But it would ave just been me prolonging the enevitable.

Once I calmed myself down I decided to get myself back to our house in London to give us some space because at this point I think that’s all we need. I made sure that all of my stuff from travelling around was in my suitcase and zipped it up. I looked around the room and to Harry’s suitcase. Just knowing that I cant look for one of his graphic t shirts to wear to bed just made my heart break, but I know that doing this will help make him see that I’m serious about this.

I made my way down the halls trailing my suitcases at hand with the phone to my ear talking to the driver, and I seen Harry sitting on the sofa looking straight my direction. “Okay thank you, ill see you in 5” I hung up the phone and tried to ignore the fact that Harry was sitting watching me as I made my way to the door. “Y/N” He jumped up off of the sofa and hit his hand off of the door so I couldn’t open it. “Why are you doing this, why are you leaving?” “If you cant see that this is our main problem, I cant help you. We both need time to think about this” I grab the door handle and harry pulled it away. “Need time to think about what? Y/N we can talk about this and we can figure this out” His eyes began to fill up with tears. “Harry I cant sit here and pretend that everything’s okay when its not. I cant do this relationship if its one sided, its either we work 50/50 or I’m done” I pulled his hand away from the door handle and walked out the door with my suitcases. As I walk down the hallway I hear the faint noises of a scream and a loud smash coming from our room; hearing what this is doing to him just is breaking me into two, making me think that is this the right thing I’m doing. But what is breaking my heart each time I took a step, he wasn’t chasing me.

[fitnessexpert00-blog]

Fitness Isnt a Lifestyle Anymore. Sometimes Its a Cult

New Post has been published on https://fitnessqia.com/must-see/fitness-isnt-a-lifestyle-anymore-sometimes-its-a-cult/

Fitness Isnt a Lifestyle Anymore. Sometimes Its a Cult

San Franciscos Fort Mason park is empty in the early morning darkness, every surface the color of a used cast-iron pan. Its pouring rain, and Ive been wandering around since just after 6, trying to find well, Im not exactly sure. All I know is that, according to a Facebook post, members of one of the strangest fitness groups in the country are supposed to be meeting here right about now. But the Google Maps screenshot I pulled from the website seems to have directed me to a parking lot. Or the front door of the high-end vegetarian restaurant Greens. Its hard to tell.

I check Facebook again.

What are you planning to do for the first Monday of 2016? Sleep in? Lazily slog on into work? No need for that. Come join us for #DonutMondays at NPSF (Gil, dont forget the donuts!). Fort Mason. 6:25AM

Just as I start thinking Ill have to find my own doughnut, a woman in her mid-twenties jogs up to me looking equally lost. Shes dressed in a gray Adidas jacket, black leggings, and a tank top that resembles caution tape. Her wet hair is stuck to her forehead as though shes just been dunked in the Pacific.

Do you know where November Project meets? she asks with a slight accent. Relieved, I tell her Im trying to find them as well. Im Stine! she says.

And then she hugs me.

What distinguishes November Project is not just the fact that its freejust as instructors arent paid, members dont paybut the degree to which it actually is a social identity. The movement extends beyond exercising to encompass rituals and customs, social expecta­tions, and repercussions for failing to participate. Thats right: If you skip a November Project workout, youre not out any cash, but the fallout is arguably more severe. Youre, well, shamed. Online. Its weird.

Spoiler: Not a lot of people miss workouts. Teixeira calls it an absolute feast for someone studying motivation for exercise.

One member compared November Project to a church. More commonly, people refer to it as a cult. Never in the pejora­tive Im-trapped-and-I-cant-escape sense, though. More like, This is the greatest-tasting Kool-Aid in the world!

Laura McCloskey leads the San Francisco tribe in a high-intensity workout. Hugs and hand-holding are not optional.Jake Stangel

While we walk, Stine, whos originally from Denmark, tells me about her obsession with November Project. Shes been a member of the Boston tribebears repeating: tribefor about four months and is visiting San Francisco for the week. Its been such a great way to meet people. Cities can be lonely, but you have this instant community, she says, using a nice-enough line that begins to sound like propaganda as I hear other members repeat it.

Two people who say it a lot are Brogan Graham and Bojan Mandaric. They are November Projects cofoundersand they totally fit their gladiatorial-sounding names: 6-foot-tall, bald, tattooed former collegiate rowers. Back in 2011, when the friends were trying to stay motivated during a Boston winter, they agreed to work out every weekday morning at 6:30, keeping track of their progress on a spreadsheet named for that first month, November.

Then, for reasons neither can quite remember, they sent out a tweet to see if anyone would join in. Two people became three, and a movement was born. When the Boston tribe reached 300 people, Graham and Mandaric got matching tattoos.

In the past few years, fitness has developed into some­thing of a social identity — at least among plugged-in, upper-middle-class, roughly millennial-age urbanites.

It was a powerful turning point for Graham. During his sophomore year at Northeastern University, he was charged with assaulting a rival college rower. Though the charge was dropped in exchange for community service, he lost his scholarship and was kicked out of school. The experience shaped Grahams views on community and inclusion. Got a bad rap? I dont care, he wrote in the movements official history. Are you at November Project to be kind, work your ass off, and start your day right? Then thats all that matters.

As Stine is telling me how much she loves November Projects instant community, we find who were looking for. Unmistakably silhouetted against the foggy morning sky, about 40 people stand in a lopsided semicircle, arms crossed, heads bowed against the wind. They could be praying.

A woman in striped leggings and a North Face trucker hat climbs onto a park bench. Good morning! says Laura McCloskey, the San Francisco tribe leader, in a stage whisper. Were going to do a workout that I just came up with! I want everyone to break into groups of four! Find your four! Try to group up with someone you dont normally pair with!

Jake Stangel

Before we start, she asks if today is anyones first time. A few people raise their hands. I, not quite ready to give up my anonymity, do not. The newbies are directed to state where they come from, how they got here, and whether theyre single. A version of this happens at every November Project meetup, one of the traditions borrowed from Graham and Mandarics original Boston tribealong with chants, stair laps, a rallying move called the bounce, and, of course, physical affection. People come looking for a sense of belonging, Mandaric says. We foster that.

The same thing goes for November Projects other tactics for promoting inclusiveness. Hashtags are essential follow November Project on Twitter and youll see a lot of #hills­forbreakfast, #sleepwhenyouredead, and #justshow­up. Members usually don highlighter-colored sportswear, stenciled and spray-painted with the logo #grassrootsgear. The result is a group of people who look alike, sound alike, and hug alike.

Toward the end of our workout, a man in my squat group finally discovers that I didnt announce myself as a new member. Were going to fix this, he says with a grin. He outs me to McCloskey, who has me wave to everyone during the group photo (another ritual) and apologize for not making my presence known. Eventually, everyone becomes part of the tribe.

Jake Stangel

In Graham and Mandarics crew days, their coach had a policy: If anyone missed practice, the whole team had to do dry-land workouts. It worked because nobody wanted to let the group down. When they started November Project, they knew theyd need a similar system for keeping people accountable to the tribe.

I feel a tiny bit of thisan expectation that no one is above the groupwhen Im teased for not introducing myself. But thats nothing compared to what happens to someone who doesnt show up for a workout. For that, November Project has perfected a bizarre, more 21st-century form of establishing accountability: online shaming. This is known as We Missed You.

From November Projects website: If you decided that staying in bed was a better option than working out with your friends (who you promised that youll be there) then your face will be featured here.

Members usually don highlighter-colored sports­wear, stenciled and spray-painted with the logo #grassrootsgear.

By face, they mean embarrassing photos lifted from the shamed members Facebook profile or supplied by friends. Posts go on to explain that this person committed to attending a workoutmade a #verbal, in tribe-speakbut reneged. Screenshots of text messages and emails confirming said #verbal are posted, along with guesses as to why the absentee might have failed to show upanything from you must have gotten too drunk the night before to perhaps you were lost on a Segway tour. Its an elaborate expression of profound disappointment in the offending person, and there are hundreds of examples on the website.

Paddy OLeary, a member of the San Francisco tribe, remembers when he skipped a workout in 2013. A fellow member made him a We Missed You video; he hasnt missed a workout since. Other victims confirm the tactics effectiveness. You look like an idiot for sleeping in when everyone else is having an amazing time, says Holly Richardson, also in San Francisco. Its not worth it.

McCloskey makes no apologies for the policy. November Project is successful because it relies on word of mouth and accountability, she says. If I tell you that I will meet you at the corner of Market and Sanchez to run to November Project, come rain, snow, or dinosaurs, I will be there. In the event that someone sends one of those pathetic just cant do it texts at 5:55 am, we have the right to roast them. And roast we do.

Jake Stangel

Heres the fundamental thing about shaming: According to behavioral psychologists, its not supposed to work. Sure, it might force someone to make a change in the momentcontestants on The Biggest Loser shedding pounds before a national audience, for instancebut the effects dont always last. When your goals, attitudes, or values are shaped by external motivators, its unlikely youll stay satisfied or committed for long.

This is certainly true when it comes to working out. For decades, experts in behavior modification have tried to get people to commit to exercise. So far, nothing has worked, says Jack Raglin, a professor of kinesiology at Indiana University. It doesnt matter if youre paid to exercise, if youve paid to exercise, if you might die from lack of exercisemost people just dont stick it out.

Yet theres an undeniable element of shaming to this latest generation of exercise fads. It may have started with fitness trackers, which made people more aware of their activity levels in relation to othersreach 10,000 steps or your coworkers will know youre a slob. From there, programs began capitalizing on group pressure. In Orangetheory workouts, your calorie burn and heart rate are displayed on a screen. CrossFit posts scores as well, believing it encourages people to push harderand now its in 13,000 affiliated gyms worldwide.

But this motivation strategy, researchers like Raglin and Teixeira suggest, could be as doomed as any other. You may initially want to impress your peers or get your moneys worth, but those considerations rarely lead to true behavior change. If the standard adherence rate for exercise holds, Raglin says, half the people will stop showing up to these classes within a year.

Youd think this would apply to November Project too. After all, the threat of We Missed You is external. But there are some differences. November Project members are not paying anything to be there, the goals arent about burning the most caloriesyet people show up anyway. And many of them have been at this for years, without ever missing a single workout. Its clearly working for some people.

Jake Stangel

True motivation, Teixeira says, takes something extra, something intrinsic. If members of a group think they are gaining useful skills, feel personally valued, and perceive that they have control over their actions, they are more likely to fully commit. Teixeira believes November Project gives you a bit of all these things. And indeed, everyone I talk to seems like a lifer. But then again, I only talk to people who are there. The one real data point we have is that November Project continues to expand. A recent partnership with the North Face aims to help grow the movement.

Jennifer Hurst, an associate professor of health and exercise science at Truman State University, suggests November Project may be succeeding at pulling off a rare thing: positive shaming. It only works when the person truly cares what the shamers think, she says. The desire for social connectedness and the positive feeling some get from the environment must be worth the time, energy, and sacrifice. That explains why the rituals, cultlike as they seem, are so crucial. You dont want to disappoint people you hug, not to mention chant and bounce and dance with.

A number of years ago, Raglin and his colleagues found that married adults who enrolled in a recreational fitness program together had an average adherence rate of over 90 percent, compared to just 50 percent for those who enrolled on their own. The married pair didnt necessarily exercise together or even in the same room, Raglin says. They simply came and left together. Yet the social benefit was quite profound.

That may also help explain November Projects success. Members might not be married to each other, but theyre married to the group. And the group is what holds November Project together.

Jake Stangel

It turns out some November Project members actually are married to each other. At one of my workouts, a young couple tells me they met in the Boston tribe. The movement encourages this sort of thingleaders are expected to host mixers and speed-dating events. The phrase There will be babies appears on the blog and in promo material.

Yes, its all a bit creepy, and I dont blame passersby who look at us funny (there are many of them). And no matter how many times Im told that We Missed You is not about shaming, its about love, I wont be entirely convinced. But you cant deny the smile on these peoples faces. Nobody looks like that when theyre huffing it alone on a treadmill in their garage. I wont be heading up a November Project tribe back home in Santa Fe, but if one comes to my town, I wouldnt say no to a few hugs.

With dawn creeping over the edges of the city, we put our arms around each other and start to bounce. Yall good? someone says, in signature November Project whisper-shout. Fuck yeah! the group whispers back.

Surprising myself just a little, I say it too.

Meaghen Brown (@meaghenbrown) is a freelance journalist based in Santa Fe, New Mexico, and the former online fitness editor for Outside.

This article appears in the July 2016 issue.

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