#you've got a lot of muses and idk who you wanna say hi with....so

[redseamstress]

@wisteriamuses

❝.....?❞

[randomwriteronline]

@lee-the-yeen hello. for your big brain. i offer you. A gifte :)

(this is part of the Kingdom AU, idk if u know it, but in short a bunch of stuff happens and so theyre eels who live in a fountain named after them in this one. matoran of iron go feed them sometimes. dw it will make sense eventually, possibly. also im including some hcs from ur post bc theyre baller)

"There's a nook at the other end of the fountain, you know," Kotu mentioned nonchalantly as she haphazardly launched jerky strips all over the water.

Vezok didn't make much out of it, as he was busy zooming back and forth with his mouth open trying to get as much food in it as possible, because he had been tricked into being left hungry and angry enough times for him to be very much done with it; Hakann and Thok, instead, quirked their brows at that with cautious, gluttonous interest.

"Is that so?" the Ice Skakdi mused.

"Not that you should go there," the Ga-Matoran continued.

"And why not?"

"Well, I bet there's nothing for you."

"Bah!" Hakann cried out with a snap of his jaws: "And I bet you've got something hidden in that cranny!"

Kotu snickered at him: "How'd you suppose I'd do that?" she asked in an almost mocking tone, "It's not like you wouldn't have know if I'd ever set foot in these Piraka-infested waters before."

"But you could've when it was being built!"

"Why haven't you jumped in yet, by the by?" Thok added, mellifluous voice oozing out of his smirk; he began swimming back and forth just under where she sat with fluid motions, doing a real bad job at looking menacing. "Aren't we friends? Come on, get in for a swim with your old pals, little Matoran, and we can help you get back what you've stashed away in that nook, what do you say?"

She smiled with mischievous intent and a high pitched hum: "Oh, I've got to wait a moment or so first."

"Scared of a little water?"

"No, just wanna check how quick the poison works."

Vezok swallowed his enormous mouthful of jerky as loudly and grottesquely as possible before spitting a spray of water at her: "That's Kane-Ra waste," he decreted, "That slobber tasted great!"

"Aw, thank you! I put a lot of effort on masking the toxin's flavor!"

"Good thing you ate all of it, Vezok," Hakann played along with her: "It was getting a bit crammed in here."

His former backstabbing associate whipped around to bite his chin right off, and in a moment they were both speeding after one another across the fountain as thought it had turned into a pinball machine and they were trying for a new high score, with fitting background music so kindly provided by Thok's deafening laugh and Kotu's snorting giggles.

"Aren't they cute?" she cackled to the silent ex-Piraka beneath her.

Zaktan remained very serious as he slowly turned a side-eyed glare onto her Rau: "You're setting us up."

The Matoran widened her eyes and gasped dramatically with her hands flying on her heartlight: "Me?" she exclaimed, as false as a Vortixx's praise. "Set you up to some prank for my own amusement? Whatever are you saying! I would never do such a thing!"

His jaws lunged lazily out the water to bite at her, missing entirely; Kotu skipped away with a little yelp, not scared in the slightest, and left the Skakdi to their inevitable in-fighting.

In the meantime, Vezok had managed to bite down on one of Hakann's spikes and was being violently yanked around by the red armored Piraka while he screamed his entire head off - which considering they were little more than heads by now meant he was attempting the rather incredible feat of beheading himself without having a body - and Thok convulsed his spine into knots coughing laughs through his clogged gills.

This sort of happenstance really did make him miss the pleasant days of trying to kill each other at every opportunity.

"Quiet!" Zaktan barked at last before their idiocy could kill him with a fulminous aneurysm. The other three Skakdi stumbled, rolled, and hushed at last. "That infernal little thing wants to trick us! She's got something in store for us, something I don't like. I'll bet that nook doesn't even exist."

Hakann scoffed: "Of course I don't trust her! What sort of idiot to you take me for?"

"I've known you too long for my answer to be courteous."

"But she could've told a half truth," Vezok butted in. "And I've seen that cranny she mentioned."

"Did you see it, or only think you saw it?" Thok questioned wisely.

"I said I saw it!" his companion snapped: "It's half covered in rocks and it's barely anything interesting!"

"That sounds like it could be any scrape on the side of the fountain!"

"It's no scrape, it's an opening! It's the one she meant!"

"Let's see this, then," Zaktan conceded, "Just to check if the little Water maiden's words had some inkling of truth to them."

So, still trading doubtful looks, the four toothy beings swam quickly, following their blue armored associate's lead.

The Piraka fountain (so graciously named after them after they'd been confined in it, as they couldn't very well be left to prowl the shores and have free reign on the toes of anybody that dared dip their feet in the water) wasn't as small as it looked like: those Onu-Matoran architects were quite skilled at building things that were much bigger than they appeared - likely on account of their experience living underground in tunnels that would have otherwise been downright suffocating.

It took as such quite a while for the mutated Skakdi to find the specific spot Vezok had mentioned. They were rather pleased to find that their search hand't been in vain: lo and behold, in a corner of the structure there opened some kind of hole half buried behind a hastily put together barricare of small rocks, looking not shallow at all.

The Water Skakdi grinned victoriously: "See! Beings of little faith!"

"Incredible," Thok noted - unsure whether to attribute the word to the fact that Kotu hadn't lied, or that Vezok had indeed connected the dots correctly for once.

Zaktan slithered closer to the opening.

"So?" Hakann egged him on. "Get in! See what's in there!"

The glare the green armored being shot him was accompanied by the Ice Skakdi's complaint: "And why don't you go in, huh? Scared to get your tail chomped?"

"What about you, then!" the other immediately bit back: "If you're so brave, go ahead!"

"Of course I won't, I'm not built for recognition! We should send in Reidak for this - nothing can kill that brute, anyways."

"And where is he?" Vezok asked.

"What sort of question is that!"

Then Thok hushed.

"I have no idea." he admitted finally.

Hakann howled a guffaw: "Great job on the detective skills! You wouldn't notice a Manas crab if it was charging at you!"

"Oh, shut your trap! Where's Avak, then, huh? Do you know that?"

"Of course I do!" and after a quick turning of his head left and right, the red Skakdi tried to save his hide by declaring, with the arrogance of someone trying to cover a mistake: "Not here, clearly!"

"Ah, well, aren't you observant!"

"Get off my back, he's a different deal! We could lose him in a shallow pool with how tiny he is!"

"Quit your yapping," Zaktan hissed suddenly. "I hear something."

The other three swarmed him immediately.

There was indeed a sound coming from within the nook. It was cavernous, and intermittent, with a rumbling cadence typical of something very large and (for now) relaxed. Perhaps it had heard their bickering and was warning them? No, that seemed unlikely; but at the same time, they couldn't quite rule out that possibility.

This sounded like something to be handled by someone near indestructible... Or with the right cage always at the ready.

Where were those two idiots when you needed them?

Vezok, with his animalistic strength and dim wits, was the best next thing, the other three reasoned. But before they could order him around he had already shoved them further into the nook, blocking off the exit with his big dumb head.

"Safety in numbers," he growled; caught between two beasts as they were, his associates decided it would be wiser not to argue.

It wasn't a long trip, but it certainly felt like it.

The little entrance opened into a short tunnel heading for another somewhat wider opening; now added to the grumbling groans growing louder with every inch they swam forward was another sound, a little softer but equally as insistent, warped by the water as well, probably belonging to a second unseen creature.

This kind of news tends not to be very warmly welcomed when one is scouting uncharted caverns. And yet, though they were certainly not happy to hear it, they couldn't shake off a strange feeling of familiarity about it.

There was just something about it - and the rumbling too, it reminded them of something, but where could they have heard anything like that? It seemed so natural, like, like...

They made themselves as flat as they could against the ground and walls, and peeked through the opening at last.

The scene was... Well.

To anybody else, it would have been rather puzzling.

Reidak was growling up a storm, lips pulled around his impressive chompers in a large square frame, otherwise almost immoble aside from a few quick jolts every now and them; swimming around him in short bursts, Avak busied himself biting everywhere across his spine, gnawing at his angular spikes and chin like a properly furious eel desperate to tear the skin off its prey.

Any other being would have rightfully assumed they were having some kind of silent argument, or maybe some specific fighting ritual not particularly well known outside of Zakaz, and concluded that losing a limb to part them was not worth the risk; being the former Piraka properly brought up Skakdi, however, they were intimately aware of what was indeed going on, and to say they were embarrassed beyond bewilderment would have been an understatement. To put things into perspective, they would have gladly gone back into the Shadowed One's employ if that could have somehow immediately teleported them away from the scene they were bearing witness to.

It distinctly didn't help that right as they thought that Reidak reared his big ugly head to lazily chomp on Avak's cheek, eliciting a similarly loud and fond growl from the smaller being.

Between their difference in height and the Stone Skakdi's vague thagomizer, they looked like some weird parody of a typical pair coming from some upside down version of Zakaz where the females were tinier and males much larger.

They were necking.

And Great Spirit knew how little their associates wanted to see that.

The four unfortunate Skakdi tried to slink away, to leave that little disgusting lovenest and forget all about this experience; alas they all had the same idea at the same time, which resulted in them smacking their tough skulls right against one another, producing a terrifying rockus akin to a dozen pots and pans carelessly being launched onto a tinfoil roof.

Certainly, in another situation, this woul have led to some kind of infinite argument with plenty of physical retaliation.

In this situation, however, they instead became very aware of the fact that the two gross sweethearts had immediately hushed and were peering directly into their souls with the sort of gazes that would make a Takea shark feel deeply unsafe.

Hakann suddenly felt a great void around himself.

He glanced at his sides: the other three Piraka had mysteriously vanished while he'd been petrified.

Sons of a--

Next thing he knew he had been chased out of the nook with Avak clamped around his head in an attempt to crush his skull between his teeth while prattling in a shrill muffled voice (mouth still full of Fire Skakdi) something about not having a moment of privacy in this blasted fountain.

He would have certainly ended up exploding like a watermelon between a pair of muscular enough thighs if Reidak hadn't swam up to his beartrap-mouthed partner and knocked Hakann out of his invincible bite. Granted, the impact had enough force to smack him right into the fountain floor where he formed a small crater, but he'd take a mild concussion over being turned into the two halves of a delicious freshly split open coconut.

His vision swam for a few moments as he tried to get his bearings again. By the time sight came back to him, two pairs of glowering eyes were squashing him against the ground.

"Liked what you saw?" Reidak growled - no longer in the amorous tone he'd reserved for the Stone Skakdi's affection.

"No," Hakann peeped: "Not at all."

"Then you'll keep your ugly mug out of our business, now?" Avak hissed, so cose he could almost still feel his teeth clenched around his temples.

The red armored being nodded hastily.

"All four of you?"

He nodded even harder.

A second later he was flung away, almost directly out of the water, and the other two Skakdi watched him hurry as far away from their nook as his fishy body would allow him to swim.

The Earth Skakdi huffed, piqued: "The nerve of some beings..."

"I bet it was Kotu," the other snarled as he paced back and forth. "That nosy little thing - I saw her, you know! I bet she told them there was some treasure or other... Ah, next time I catch her--!"

"You should put her in an airtight ball," his partner suggested: "So we can knock her in the fountain and toss her between ourselves."

The thought tore a hysterical cackle out of Avak as he contorted in time with his own guffaws, spirits definitely lifted: "Ha! Ha, now that's an idea! Wouldn't that be a sight! That little prankster wailing and crying, smacking her mask all over the prison while we throw her about... Oh, that'd be payback, alright!"

Reidak chuckled hard while curling around him; the smaller being's thin spine fit perfectly within black spikes shaped like square brackets, letting the two snuggle like a pair of vicious water snakes locked in a fight to the death.

A quick chomp around his third eye-like lump on his forehead brought the larger of the two back from his nuzzling haze.

His grin turned sharp, his eyes squinting at Avak in an awfully dangerous manner: "Ah?" he only drawled, letting his cavernous voice ripple through the water.

The Stone Skakdi bristled - exactly like he used to bristle back before their mutation whenever Reidak would come just a little too close to him, shaking his spine hard and subtly swinging his thagomizer to convince the other he was a enough of a threat to be left well alone, or else; but this felt a little more performative, like some kind of invitation instead of a 'keep out' sign, especially with that nervous smirk accompanying the motion, and his tardiness in trying to escape, only making a move when his tail was already mellowly held between his Earth companion's big jaws.

"You think you're smart, uh?" Reidak chuckled.

"Smarter than your ugly mug, for certain!" Avak bit back, and gnawed at his forehead again.

He laughed as his tail was yanked with a muffled: "Why, I oughta--!"

"You oughta what? Teach me a lesson?"

"Are you mocking me, you Fikou?"

"So what if I was?"

"Oh, that's it then," and as they wrestled playfully, biting each other silly between gross ugly chuckles, they began yanking one another back into their not too secret little nook. "Let's settle this like proper Skakdi, eh?..."

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Grace

Janis: hey Janis: how you settling back in? Grace: ugh Grace: no weirder than its gotta be for you tho Janis: 😕 bummer Janis: lack of sunshine too real a metaphor Janis: well Grace: OMG SPILL Janis: Cass text and the situation sounded dire enough that I had to just talk to him Janis: and thank fuck, it didn't blow up in my face Grace: Love it Grace: not the dire situ obvs but like Grace: 💘💘 Janis: Yeah Janis: I think it's gonna be alright Grace: Yay!! Grace: I called it but still buzzing to hear it from you babes Janis: You wanna claim to know things now? Janis: let you have it 😜 Grace: excuse you bitch I do know things Grace: but it's not hard when you and barista boy are so obvs Janis: 🔮 Janis: obvs enough you spotted him? Janis: keep it on the DL Grace: Duh Grace: 😂 Janis: 😂 Awh Janis: poor baby Grace: I don't have to feel bad for either of you any more so Janis: Shame Janis: getting used to the perks Grace: cope with it bitch im not bringing you food just cos Grace: it's your turn tbh Janis: are you that 💔 forreal Grace: not about to ✂ levels of hard honey Grace: but idk Janis: thank god, don't you dare piggyback on my depression era bob, bitch Janis: no twinning Janis: you'll get into your groove with the whole LDR vibe Grace: eww never call it that again Grace: and no thanks there's no way I could pull off the cut Grace: how soon can I call him? its a lot Janis: whatever i call it, it is what it is, babe Janis: he'll be happy to hear from you already Janis: don't stress it Janis: pretend you're practicing your Spanish if you wanna play it 😎 Grace: we both know my spanish is A++ and so does he Janis: don't need to know how you've proved it thanks Grace: cos you know Grace: omg how did I get myself into this Grace: rom coms dont get made on any of this cos its too cringe Janis: stop 😷 Janis: let your 😍 get the better of you Janis: can't fight it now Janis: step off my bit, like Grace: thanks babes Grace: guess we've fully switched Grace: you're in with the advice Janis: what can I say Janis: momentary blip and I'm back to being the wise one Grace: rude Grace: I'm about to get top marks in Spanish until we leave school so Janis: you can thank Mateo in your speech if you like Grace: might have lost him by then but i'll always have the skills 🙏 Janis: oh honey Janis: so pessimistic Grace: uh no Grace: the realest Grace: you've been there with past me Grace: it's about time like Janis: he's not like your past beaus though Janis: is he Grace: okay no Grace: I'll chill Grace: I'm just Janis: ? Grace: let's not go there Janis: fine Janis: not like i was just the most vulnerable with you or anything 😏 Grace: you bitch Grace: okay like I'm being dramatic but it's just such a thing Grace: everything that's happened and I'm still like ?? have I changed enough for this Grace: you know what I mean? Janis: that's up to you Janis: 'cos a lot of that shit, wasn't on you Janis: yeah, you weren't perfect but your bullshit came from picking the wrong sort of dudes Janis: and you've already changed that part of the puzzle so Grace: Maybe you are the wise one Grace: I wanna be good enough for him cos this whole ldr vibe won't be easy Grace: Gotta be worthwhile if he's putting way much effort in Janis: No maybe about it baby Janis: you'll be putting in as much Janis: that's all you need to do Grace: Is it? Janis: 'course Janis: he liked you Janis: you've done the hard graft on that one Grace: okay Janis: Trust Grace: weird idea but yeah Grace: 🤞 Janis: charming Grace: 😂 Grace: It's tea and it's lukewarm at best Janis: how many of the spanish lads did mia run through Janis: bet pablo won Grace: ewww Grace: so gross and so real Janis: got so cultured Grace: the levels of cringe when the only souvenirs they bring back are love bites and pee tests Janis: I mean Janis: beats a keyring Janis: but wasn't really vibing Grace: I'd take a keyring over Mia Janis: Ooosh Grace: She's way harder to lose Janis: Savage but fair Janis: I know it Janis: suffered that for long enough Grace: #twining Grace: cos me too Grace: At least it's a good thing when barista boy Grace: love that he's highkey Janis: worked in my favour so Janis: not gonna disagree Grace: you two kill me omg Janis: shut up Grace: 🤐 Janis: it is good tho Grace: im happy for you babes Grace: even if im 😡 too cos im alone af Janis: soz you can't join in Janis: but i owe you several pity dates so, call 'em in when you're really feeling it Grace: yay Grace: im 100% planning to annoy your bf at work now hes not 💔 Janis: i'll warn him Grace: do it so he can work my angles Grace: been a while since he got his camera out for me Janis: 😑 if I didn't know that wasn't innuendo Janis: could pretend I don't and smack you down Grace: 😂 Grace: Chill I got a boy of my own to keep interested Janis: 👀 on you bitch Grace: 💅 Janis: 🔨 Grace: 🙄 Janis: anyway the real question Janis: do i milk the perks of being 💔 with the fam or do i come clean to get them the fuck out my face Grace: not even a q Grace: you'll crack and tell them Grace: dad's too highkey about eating feelings Janis: yeah Janis: already getting content fat Janis: can't also pile on the sad fat Janis: nightmare Grace: OMG shut up Grace: I'll smack you Grace: so unfair Janis: 🤷 Grace: such a bitch Janis: whatever Janis: like you're a whale Grace: next to you like Janis: you're mad Janis: its different body types Janis: you're more like rio Janis: and edie Janis: me and billie are more twiggy, thanks dad 🙄 Grace: ugh Grace: please im nothing like Rio Grace: Or Edie Janis joined the chat 84 minutes ago Janis: Yeah Janis: not in the bad ways, don't worry Grace: 🙄🙄 in any ways tbh Janis: who you like then Janis: or you think you ❄ Grace: more like 🦆 Grace: but anyway Janis: bitch please you know how that one goes Janis: swan the whole time Grace: bitch that's a kid's story Grace: not living it Janis: may as well Janis: living with old mother hubbard, like Grace: 😂 Janis: can't be normal with this narrative Janis: sadly Grace: ugh real Janis: but fuck normal right Grace: 👏 Grace: If Mia's it then yeah Janis: we all know normal is code for basic so, yeah Janis: we might be fucked but at least we ain't that Grace: Thank god Grace: nicest thing you've ever said to me too Grace: doubly blessed here Janis: don't get too used to it Janis: still me, like Grace: Do I need to warn Jimmy? Janis: Nah Janis: but he ain't you Janis: no offense 😘 Grace: we all know Grace: we see your 😍 Janis: duh Janis: you been there too Grace: did you tell him? Janis: that you fancied him? Janis: we been knew Grace: GURL PLEASE Grace: that you love him Janis: oh Janis: ha Janis: maybe Janis: if i only just managed to say it to him, what makes you think imma shout it to you bitch 😜 Grace: OMG HAVE I NOT SUFFERED FOR THIS Grace: 😂 Janis: I know, you love the fairytale ending Janis: to be continued, babe Grace: Rude Grace: Gonna have to watch Netflix if you won't let me binge on your drama Janis: netflix and chill ur man Janis: dirty hoe Grace: excuse you Grace: that is a good idea tho Janis: i know Janis: only an hour ahead, thank fuck the school didn't shell out for a more exotic exchange Grace: ikr? id die Grace: i like you boy but i like sleeping too so Janis: 😂 Grace: you ever coming home or you just living over there with him now? Janis: solid plan Janis: though diego and Iggy would get pissy if I stole their respective studios Grace: I'd take them being mad over his dad cos that's option 2 Grace: and he's such a Janis: bellend Janis: gonna be fuming i'm back Grace: oh god Grace: least youve got your fans in his brother and sister Grace: and that dog like Janis: sure you're still bobs number 1 Janis: won't tell him YOU'VE moved on tho Grace: oh no what a homewrecker move of me Grace: he's soooo sweet Grace: that's why I brought him back some Spanish 🍬 Janis: that'll soften the blow Janis: be his sweet bitch and you can sow your wild oats Grace: 😂 Grace: boys are so easy Grace: you can take them for me if you don't take the credit bitch Janis: no promises Janis: i'm getting back in good books here Grace: 👌 I'll deliver them myself Grace: 👀 on you Janis: you can when you're forcing headshot duties on jim Grace: true Janis: s'alright, I ain't down for being 'muse' 'til this shit grows out Grace: BUT IT'S CUTE Janis: 👖🔥 Grace: not even Grace: I like it Janis: I'll make it work Janis: like you always say Janis: hardly fashion forward am i Grace: you're obvs making that work too babes Janis: sure Janis: butch dyke chic Grace: shhhh Grace: so not Janis: have to get billie to take notes Grace: good luck getting her to do anything Janis: True Janis: how long can a baby be an excuse Janis: no shade Grace: like 2 years at most Grace: but in this fam 2 seconds Grace: gotta have and do it all Janis: she's outta time then Janis: do 👏 some 👏 work 👏 bitch Grace: Big mood Janis: cue her angry model rant Janis: it's a real job, okay 😜 Grace: I'm so mad about it Grace: never once been spotted in town so unfair Janis: gutted Janis: could be a creepy fam sitch Janis: wannabe kardashians, know you'd love it Grace: obvs Janis: 😂 are you sure Janis: what if you're the khloe tho Grace: that's so mean omg Grace: but i'd still take it Janis: don't do yourself like that hun, none of us need to take that bullet Grace: easy for you to say Kim Grace: Don't tell Rio that's you like she'd go off Janis: 😂😂 she got the tapes Grace: omg yeah didn't think of that Grace: take back your kim status Grace: i'm obvs kylie anyway her taste in lads like Janis: mhmm, and the egomaniac mans #sozkanye #sozbuster #but Janis: i'll be your kendall then Janis: nothing like the rest and seems uninterested in their shit half the time Grace: 😂 Grace: shamelessly the prettiest Grace: 👀 you Janis: 😏 Janis: billie can be kourtney 'cos remember when kim told her she was boring to look at Janis: savage Grace: iconic Janis: then no one has to be khloe, sorted Janis: though her kid is cute Grace: 😍😍😍 ikr Grace: so many of them are Grace: unfair Janis: we all know why Janis: #goblack Janis: Ma did it better Grace: Gonna tell Jimmy he's dumped already like? Grace: Cold Janis: 😂 not being that bitch Janis: if I ever say I'm having kids, you need to assess a lot more than that Janis: like hell no Grace: believe it when I don't see it Grace: you were saying you weren't 💘 once upon a time Janis: I wanna have a life tho tah Grace: if anyone's proved you can it's everyone in this fam Grace: girl please that's not an excuse Janis: not saying it is, just a reason to keep on the pill, like Janis: i'm hardly Ma Grace: 😂 Janis: imagine Janis: poor fuckers Grace: let's not cos i agree with you and thats weird enough Janis: i can fight you if you like Janis: always a pleasure Grace: the ✂ taken the fun out of it Grace: love a dramatic hair pull moment Janis: oh, there's still enough to pull 😏 Grace: TMI Janis: 😂 Grace: if you were talking about his I'd be listening though Grace: he may be white but hes still cute Janis: square up Grace: girl no Grace: not trying to ruin my nails for anyone thank you Janis: shoulda thought about that Grace: think on your possessiveness hun Janis: no bitch Janis: he's mine Janis: end of story Grace: 💍 Janis: 🖕 Grace: 💋

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Planning a romantic weekend away

Jimmy: Gracie came at me earlier. There was mistletoe up and I near fully hit the floor 😎 Jimmy: Hold fire though. She only wanted to tell me to convince you of summat. Pretty sure you already know what it is Janis: Erm...Father Christmas is really real? That her weave isn't from dead Brazilian hookers? Janis: Enlighten me or I'll tell her she's got a holiday free pass on you 😈 Jimmy: Double date. Need I say more 😡 Janis: FUCK. I DIDN'T THINK IT'D ACTUALLY HAPPEN. Janis: How far does she expect the season of goodwill to extend, like? Already got some poor cunt being a charitable home for her arse so she don't freeze Janis: Single tear. Janis: Question is, can we make it worth it enough for us to endure that shite? Hmm Jimmy: I almost got my arse to church so it wouldn't. Shoulda sucked off that priest when he asked. Too late? Jimmy: You better get me a top notch pressie, baby 😏 Janis: You know you ain't on the nice list 😉 Janis: So, Santa might be dissing but you'll be getting something extra special from me Janis: As for God, and his holly jolly perverted following, I reckon we're both shit out of 🍀 there, no matter how good our head game is, such is life Janis: Grah, I hear she does shoutouts now...want that 'influencer' clout, baby? Not double entendre my end but might be for GracieGuru 🙊😂 Jimmy: what the fuck we going to do then? No way I'm hanging with her and her latest 'boo boy' Jimmy: Even if I was getting paid, which is likely since she just loves common grounds Janis: Preaching to the choir, dickhead, ain't my idea of a good time either, or hers let's be fucking real. She just wants to dry-hump a slab of boy in front of you on the off chance that really gets you going for her Janis: You wouldn't call her brainy, bless Janis: Idk, don't worry about it, Jim. Just avoid her/the flat whites like the plague and I'll have to literally run away like I'm an angsty 12 year old so we can't be located, even with friend finder or whatever they stalk each other with Janis: Oooh! Just call me brains, we should pretend to have a romantic weekend away planned, that'll send her over the edge, that is her everything goals Janis: Like I said, I can hide from a hoe Jimmy: I knew there was a reason I kept you about Jimmy: Let's do it though. Easier to take than fake the 'gram Jimmy: Any ideas? 🤔 Jimmy: Most of my boltholes are far from yours and not very enviable for that crowd #it'sgrimupnorth Janis: Yeah, why do you tbh? Janis: Now its clear my sister has got no respect for anyone on her hunt for dick/self-esteem Janis: She's hoping its a twofer like Janis: I don't know if I can stand you for that long, darling Janis: But I SUPPOSE your the lesser of two evils here 😉 Jimmy: It's love 💕 Jimmy: Come on, it'll be a laff. I'll get the beers in Jimmy: You can try harder to beat me at darts and pool Janis: As far as the adoring fans/salty haterz are concerned Janis: and that's all that matters Janis: bitch i don't have to try! 😤 you put me off last time with ur mooning 😍 Janis: we don't need to convince the old fellas in the boozer Jimmy: Fuck off I was getting practice in! Jimmy: If you're ready to fake a break up say the word but until then, it takes a lot of work to give you the puppy dog eyes. I'm not Twix Janis: Sure you was 😂 Janis: N'awwh but you do it so well! Janis: Audition for the School play whilst ur at it, soft lad Jimmy: I do enough fake snogging without signing myself up for that bollocks Jimmy: You coming away with me then or not? Jimmy: You know your sister'll be in again nagging before shift's end Janis: Well, when you put it like that Janis: 😒 Janis: I ain't got nothing better to do, and I certainly ain't third wheeling her fake date Janis: My grandparents got a place down skerries Janis: we can crash there Jimmy: How many rooms they got? My dad's working so I'll have to bring the ramble with Jimmy: #goals I know Janis: Fucking hell, my pissing sister! She owes you more than she's spending on coffee for the hassle she's causing Janis: If you really can't, don't worry, I'll sort her. She'll be unbearable when she finds out it was all for a laugh but it was at her expense so how much of a mug can she actually make me feel? 😑 Janis: That said, there's 3 rooms, its only a caravan don't get excited but the kids would probably be buzzin', it is pretty nice down there Janis: I'll even let you have the double bed to yourself Janis: ol Janis: l Jimmy: It'll stop them nagging me about going somewhere other than the park that'll do me Jimmy: Cass talks big but she isn't even really so doable Jimmy: Don't be getting any ideas though 😍😉 my brother hasn't slept well since we moved. I'll be sharing that double like it or not Jimmy: What a way to spend my first proper time off since I started #blessed Janis: Yeah, fish and chips on the beach even tho its fucking baltic, chasing Twix will keep 'em warm, you'll earn major big brother points as well as bae ones Janis: What a mighty fine man Janis: Same here, Cass. Shh about it though Janis: Like you said, it'll be a laugh, we can make it one Janis: You'd really rather be making pinkity drinkidies or whatever the fuck they are? Jimmy: Nope. But your 1st romantic break usually is. Any talent there is in all grans playing bingo? Jimmy: Be nice to get something off the 'gram 💋 Janis: I ain't been since I was about 9 Janis: I wasn't after bitches then and I ain't now Janis: I wish you luck, 2 kids hanging on your arm and a woman back home, like Janis: Does it for some. Jimmy: I'd do some talking first to get things clear I'm not tall Tammy 😂 Jimmy: Bet you were a right cute kid, weren't you? Aww Janis: Again, have fun explaining that one, mate. I'd struggle with the concept and I'm in on it. Janis: Adorable. What happened? Jimmy: Shut up you know what you look like, mate Janis: A butch lezza? Janis: So I've been told 👍 Jimmy: That's not what they are saying anymore. Check my comments sometime. The lads are gagging for you now Janis: Goody gumdrops. Janis: I'll leave my knickers at the door, like Jimmy: You could like. I've been waiting for you to drop me as your fake bf since this whole thing started Janis: I'm not interested in any of them. Janis: Would your world be set alight by Aaron O'Reilly from form? Janis: If you wanna cop off with some of your fans don't let me stop you Jimmy: You aren't. They're not my type anymore than Aaron's yours. I'm just saying you take a crackin pic and I should know since I'm the one takin 'em. So you don't need to spout that crap. They're just jealous of how much of a butch lezza you aren't Janis: Alright. Well, you're not half bad at taking snaps, and not in the bullshit way every hoe thinks they know their angles and magic lighting these days, you're actually decent. Janis: It don't feel like crap when Janis: blah, meant to delete that, ignore it Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: Wanna help me with my art project while we're away then? Kill all the birds (hopefully not with my flash) Jimmy: I'll owe you again Janis: I won't even joke on you for being a swot 🤓🤞 Janis: What've you got planned? Jimmy: I haven't had any time to think yet beyond film being the medium but Jimmy: #workinprogress Jimmy: with a muse like you m'dear how could I go wrong 💕 Janis: 😜 Janis: just so you know, i ain't bringing any homework but put my name or yours, yeah? 😘 not even in art but might count for something Janis: clue me in tho, brainiac, what do the kiddos like? i'll get 'em something Jimmy: Rookie mistake mate, art's an easy A Jimmy: They'll take anything covered in sugar. Can't say I'll love you for it when they crash mid journey though Janis: Only 'cos you're good at it. With my genes I should be but I can barely draw a stickman. Janis: I'll stick with double sports, sports science and science 👌 Janis: I'll keep sweets in stock for bribery, goes without sayin'! Different pocket to Twix' fish treats, though Janis: I'll have a look down town Jimmy: 😂 did you see that article doin the rounds about the mum who bought her kid a cat's advent calendar Janis: 😂 Yes! Shame catnip don't work like on us like it does cats, that kid would be pingin' Janis: Might get meself some, like Jimmy: What gets dogs off their heads? I'll keep Twix well clear Jimmy: She's high enough on your 😍 Janis: I don't know, actually...telling them they're good bois? Janis: Works for you boo 😘 Jimmy: I prefer being called a very bad boy 😎 Janis: You clown 😂 Janis: Good to know, suppose. Dirty weekend away though it ain't Jimmy: what our fans don't know won't break their jealous hearts Jimmy: you coming in for your freebies today or shall I do a delivery your way once Grace is home? 😉 Janis: Kick it really cliche and be my sexy delivery boy Janis: Try and bring something with sausage in so I can come at you with the quality porn writing Jimmy: Live your fantasies as well as your sister's if you want, my name tag says Jonathon today Janis: Ooh, spicing it up with some roleplay like we're middle-aged okay Janis: How boring are you that you've picked a name so similar to your own...this is why we've hit a dry patch, Jimothy! Jimmy: What would you seriously pick? Janis: For you? Janis: Who's a fittie... Janis: Anthony Joshua could get it Janis: You don't want to be in the play but reckon you can stretch to that? Jimmy: Next time I lose my name tag I'll insist on that. For the bae 💕 Jimmy: About as close as I'll get I think Janis: Who do you want? Janis: I wanna know your type Janis: Bar Tall Tammy Jimmy: Your sister obviously Janis: Fuck off, not even funny Janis: If that were true, you know where she lives bitch, I ain't stopping ya, she's practically shoe-horning you in 🤢 Jimmy: I meant the fit older one 😉 Janis: Ohhh Janis: Still, do one 🖕 I'm not pretending to be my sister you freak Jimmy: That's one pretense too far. Got it 😂 Janis: Yeah, in this hypothetical you've really shit the bed, pal. Jimmy: I only half read that because #customers and thought you called me shit in bed mate Janis: well... 😏 Jimmy: I fake rocked your world Janis Cavante! 😂 Janis: you know we faked it so i didn't have to fake it 💅 Jimmy: Aaron O'Reilly's walking through the door want me to slip him your number and end this? 😝 Janis: I will murder you. Janis: also he might think your trying to set up a threeway for YOUR benefit, so if you wanna take over the gay rumours that bad, go for it 💋🍆 Jimmy: I've seen you with a pool cue I think I'm safe Jimmy: Give a shit. At least I actually am butch Janis: Psh, you're all show no grow Janis: We're arm wrestling, then you'll see Jimmy: 💪 I'll beat you at that too then, shall I? 🏆 Janis: Bring it on. I won't make you cry too hard, save face in front of the kiddos. Janis: 'Let' them kick your arse too 😜 Jimmy: Try it, baby girl 😝 Jimmy: Cass probs could no lie. Scrappy af that one Janis: Good girl 👍 Janis: Gotta keep you in check Jimmy: Doubt you'll be calling her that when she's shadowed you all weekend Jimmy: She loves you. Who knows why? Janis: I keep telling you I'm a delight Janis: Has this...how long has it been? Month, 2? Of SHEER BLISS taught you nothing Janis: Ruuuuude. Jimmy: Nope. I'm with Team Bobby. You're a gross meanie Jimmy: As all girls are 😂 Janis: Well I'm winning Bobby 'round this weekend by hook or by crook Janis: then you can please yourself, billy no mates Janis: Team Janis 💪 Jimmy: Every bro knows you can't be friends with your girl Jimmy: DUH Janis: Oh yeah, all straight couples HATE each other and that's #goals Janis: If I can't be chatting shit on you, how will I get to talk about you constantly to my gals? Janis: Singing your praises? I THINK NOT Jimmy: Speaking of, Gracie and co are back on the premise that Tall Tammy left her....something. I wasn't listening. Should I break the news we won't be here for date night or do you want to do the honors Janis: Dignity? That's long gone, honey. Janis: Ooh, lemme do it, you're coming round with the sausage anyway Janis: We can do it together baby Jimmy: awhhh Jimmy: I've hidden the mistletoe but she can see the top of the highest counters!! I'm on borrowed time what do I do? Janis: Headbutt her in the teeth Janis: 'Accidentally' Janis: Can't help being a normal-sized human Jimmy: #customerservice Jimmy: then recommend her our chewy cookies 😂 Janis: You can see why I'm not trying to be your work wifey too, yeah? 😂 Janis: If you can convince any of those girls to break their diet, I'll be impressed Janis: Don't count if they go vom in the bogs after tho Jimmy: Gracie might be on her way already. One of her posse asked what you were getting me for Christmas and I didn't hold back Janis: Oh no, am I about to get slut-shamed? 😲 Janis: Or, heaven forfend, tips Janis: I will die Jimmy: Damn I didn't think of that. Sorry Janis: Its cool Janis: She's all mouth anyway, not in a beneficial to the cause way Janis: Be interesting hearing what she thinks you want, keep ya posted lol Jimmy: 🙌 Can't wait Janis: that's what you're meant to say about my present! Jimmy: I did, swear 🤞 Janis: what do you actually want Jimmy: Don't worry about it Janis: Oh, is it? If I'm not fucking your brains out you're not interested Janis: Fine then, save my reddies. 👍 Jimmy: That's what I was thinking. Stage a break up before 🎄 for max drama and min spends Janis: Cool. If you wanna. Janis: Just don't tell everyone you chucked me 'cos I wouldn't give it up. Already a frigit. Janis: What's the story then? Jimmy: Obviously not. We've been hooking up for ages got to keep it #goals Jimmy: I don't know haven't thought that far ahead it just makes sense to get out before gifting Janis: Yeah. Fair. Janis: Think on and let me know Jimmy: You too. We can brainstorm at the weekend. Nothing but time then Jimmy: Can't break up right after the break though Janis: Would look sus, yeah. Janis: Maybe I'll whup you one too many times, your fragile male ego can't hack it, eh? Jimmy: Grace'd be smug 😩 Jimmy: Can't even fake that, babe Jimmy: Nobody'd believe the story Janis: She's gonna be regardless Janis: I got the shitty end of the stick here like but ain't nowt we can do about it now Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: No we're goals we just burned too bright that's all 😂 Jimmy: You've got way more time served with me than she does any of her boos she doesn't win Janis: Mhmm. Calm down, Icarus. Sure you'll be comparing some other bint on a balcony to the sun in no time. 😘 Janis: Suppose so. Least hers are real, if not short-lived, and, well, shit. Janis: She won't know the difference anyway Jimmy: There's nobody like you 💕 Jimmy: Exactly I'm not going to tell her we weren't real Janis: Bullshit 💕 Janis: True enough, I'll take it. Jimmy: Shit gotta go the boss is back Jimmy: Love you 💕 Janis: Love you too, Jonathon 💕