#you need to say it in a way that's messy and difficult to understand and yet still Raw and Unfiltered

[thelesbiancitizen]

On Women-Loving-Women and Building Our Culture.

a big problem I have with a lot of lesbians is that they want soooo badly for lesbian art and culture to be ~cool~ and ~epic~ and to ~go mainstream~ and they'll be crying and wailing abt the "lack of lesbian representation" ... yeah, in the mainstream. Cus NEWSFLASH. REAL lesbian art, art that's saying something important, will NEVER BE MAINSTREAM. Because mainstream media is built on a whole system of values that entirely excludes the female viewpoint by design. and ESPECIALLY so when it comes to women whose lives center around other women.

Most lesbians, including myself once upon a time, suffer from a massive cultural inferiority complex. It's why you see so many young females identifying as gay men, because they think the culture is way cooler, more glamorous. Cus gay men have money. Lesbians do not.

Lesbian cultural works are made with very little money. And they're made for a specific audience -- other women-who-love-women -- and so they don't cater to what mainstream / malestream values think are cool. Lesbian art particularly from the 70s / 80s (and onward) is following a completely different set of values. It's about clear communication, not obfuscation. It isn't about technique, it's about clarity. It's about bringing what is supposed to be hidden out into the open. It's about using whatever you can to say whatever you've got to say. It's earnest. It's genuine. It's affectionate. It's awkward. It's clumsy. It's a loving gesture. but sooooo depressingly many young women hate it and won't give it a second glance bc you are obsessed with male approval. You crave male approval of these artistic works and you know you'll never get it, you know men will just laugh and dismiss these works bc lesbian art makes men uncomfortable. Because it's so specifically female. It's coming from a different place. A female place. Aimed at other females. Men can't understand it.

And guess what? It doesn't fucking matter. It doesn't. There is TONS AND TONS AND TONS of incredible Lesbian art and cultural products that so many lesbians my age will scoff at and say it sucks bc it isn't "cool", you think it's "cringe", but you never look at why you it is you think that way. Lesbian artists today mostly suck because they're still trying to gain approval from male-dominated institutions, where masculinist value systems still reign supreme. They're not trying to say anything that's really of value to lesbians and continuing the growth and expansion of lesbian culture. They're disconnected from the culture that made it possible for them to be out and open in the first place. They've disowned the women who came before them and did all the messy, difficult work.

Lesbian artists who have made works in the tradition of the Lesbian feminist culture that started in the 70s are so fascinating, their work is very challenging, and really makes you look at things differently. Yet, this tradition is in danger of dying out bc the younger generations are not interested. Because it isn't "cool". Because these lesbians were politically engaged and knew how powerful it was to subvert patriarchal masculinist value systems with their art. But you just look at it and see "bad art". Hmm. Ever wonder why that is?

I'm mostly speaking of visual culture here, but also music, and poetry, too. We need to understand the value of having cultural works created By Lesbians For Lesbians. Eschewing masculinist values. Creating new vocabularies. Really listening to each other. Really trying to hear what we are saying. We need to do this or else Lesbian culture will really truly be dead in a decade or two. It'll just be women copying pornified culture and thinking that's what it means to be a lesbian.

We have to make art about our experiences as women-loving-women, we have to hear each other, see each other, and talk about what we are doing. We need to be having conversations about what we want Lesbian culture to be. And building upon the legacy of the women who came before. This is how we make meaning out of our lives; meaning that is self-determined. It's stupid to sit here and take whatever crumbs we are given from artists who still are trying to appease malestream audiences. Or wailing that there are no good lesbian representations in media. We need to represent ourselves. We need to represent our lives as we see them, as we live them.

We need to value the works that we create, for ourselves, and for each other. Put our powerful Lesbian voices at the center of everything we say and do.

This is how we will find each other. This is how we will banish our loneliness and hopelessness and cast out despair. We let our lights shine and we make room for each other. We've GOT to start having CONVERSATIONS ABOUT CULTURE.

Art scenes are like gardens. Every work of art is like a plant. What do we want to cultivate? What do we want to plant to feed ourselves and for the next generations of lesbians? It's all up to us. If we want new images, we have to create them. If we want new sounds, we have to make them. If we want new language, we have to invent it.

We as women NEED to make works of art that express how we feel about ourselves and each other. How we love each other. How we hate each other. What we mean to each other. What our relationships mean, what they really look like. How it really feels to try and fail and succeed at loving one another. When we are at the center of our own worlds. We have to stop marginalizing our own experiences and voices inside our heads and JUST SPEAK.

Every piece of art you make adds your voice to a lineage of ideas. It becomes a part of a historical narrative. It means we are here. Our work is important. We have the right to speak on and engage with stories, narratives, systems of values, concepts, and ideas. And if you can, you should. If you have the opportunity, you're lucky. Do it.

Speak.

Say something. Say anything. Be honest. Be messy. Be real. Make something.

CREATE, WOMAN!

We need to seriously engage with each other's ideas. We need to respect each other's intellect and artistic processes enough to let ourselves unfold. We need to quit arguing so much and PUT IT INTO ART. AND PUT IT OUT THERE. PLEASE!

BECAUSE I NEED TO HEAR YOU!!!!! AND I NEED YOU TO HEAR ME!!!!!!

We have nothing left to lose.

Maybe I'll start a magazine.

[235uranium]

my honest take is that if you can't do the actual math you have no business bringing up quantum mechanics in a serious discussion

[physalian]

How to Make Your Writing Less Stiff Part 3

Crazy how one impulsive post has quickly outshined every other post I have made on this blog. Anyway here’s more to consider. Once again, I am recirculating tried-and-true writing advice that shouldn’t have to compromise your author voice and isn’t always applicable when the narrative demands otherwise.

Part 1

Part 2

1. Eliminating to-be verbs (passive voice)

Am/is/are/was/were are another type of filler that doesn’t add anything to your sentences.

There were fireworks in the sky tonight. /// Fireworks glittered in the sky tonight.

My cat was chirping at the lights on the ceiling. /// My cat chirped at the lights on the ceiling.

She was standing /// She stood

He was running /// He ran

Also applicable in present tense, of which I’ve been stuck writing lately.

There are two fish-net goals on either end of the improvised field. /// Two fish-net goals mark either end of the improvised field.

For once, it’s a cloudless night. /// For once, the stars shine clear.

Sometimes the sentence needs a little finagling to remove the bad verb and sometimes you can let a couple remain if it sounds better with the cadence or syntax. Generally, they’re not necessary and you won’t realize how strange it looks until you go back and delete them (it also helps shave off your word count).

Sometimes the to-be verb is necessary. You're writing in past-tense and must convey that.

He was running out of time does not have the same meaning as He ran out of time, and are not interchangeable. You'd have to change the entire sentence to something probably a lot wordier to escape the 'was'. To-be verbs are not the end of the world.

2. Putting character descriptors in the wrong place

I made a post already about motivated exposition, specifically about character descriptions and the mirror trope, saying character details in the wrong place can look odd and screw with the flow of the paragraph, especially if you throw in too many.

She ties her long, curly, brown tresses up in a messy bun. /// She ties her curls up in a messy brown bun. (bonus alliteration too)

Generally, I see this most often with hair, a terrible rule of threes. Eyes less so, but eyes have their own issue. Eye color gets repeated at an exhausting frequency. Whatever you have in your manuscript, you could probably delete 30-40% of the reminders that the love interest has baby blues and readers would be happy, especially if you use the same metaphor over and over again, like gemstones.

He rolled his bright, emerald eyes. /// He rolled his eyes, a vibrant green in the lamplight.

To me, one reads like you want to get the character description out as fast as possible, so the hand of the author comes in to wave and stop the story to give you the details. Fixing it, my way or another way, stands out less as exposition, which is what character descriptions boil down to—something the audience needs to know to appreciate and/or understand the story.

3. Lacking flow between sentences

Much like sentences that are all about the same length with little variety in syntax, sentences that follow each other like a grocery list or instruction manual instead of a proper narrative are difficult to find gripping.

Jack gets out a stock pot from the cupboard. He fills it with the tap and sets it on the stove. Then, he grabs russet potatoes and butter from the fridge. He leaves the butter out to soften, and sets the pot to boil. He then adds salt to the water.

From the cupboard, Jack drags a hefty stockpot. He fills it with the tap, adds salt to taste, and sets it on the stove.

Russet potatoes or yukon gold? Jack drums his fingers on the fridge door in thought. Russet—that’s what the recipe calls for. He tosses the bag on the counter and the butter beside it to soften.

This is just one version of a possible edit to the first paragraph, not the end-all, be-all perfect reconstruction. It’s not just about having transitions, like ‘then’, it’s about how one sentence flows into the next, and you can accomplish better flow in many different ways.

4. Getting too specific with movement.

I don’t see this super often, but when it happens, it tends to be pretty bad. I think it happens because writers feel the need to overcompensate and over-clarify on what’s happening. Remember: The more specific you get, the more your readers are going to wonder what’s so important about these details. This is fiction, so every detail matters.

A ridiculous example:

Jack walks over to his closet. He kneels down at the shoe rack and tugs his running shoes free. He walks back to his desk chair, sits down, and ties the laces.

Unless tying his shoes is a monumental achievement for this character, all readers would need is:

Jack shoves on his running shoes.

*quick note: Do not add "down" after the following: Kneels, stoops, crouches, squats. The "down" is already implied in the verb.

This also happens with multiple movements in succession.

Beth enters the room and steps on her shoelace, nearly causing her to trip. She kneels and ties her shoes. She stands upright and keeps moving.

Or

Beth walks in and nearly trips over her shoelace. She sighs, reties it, and keeps moving.

Even then, unless Beth is a chronically clumsy character or this near-trip is a side effect of her being late or tired (i.e. meaningful), tripping over a shoelace is kind of boring if it does nothing for her character. Miles Morales’ untied shoelaces are thematically part of his story.

Sometimes, over-describing a character’s movement is meant to show how nervous they are—overthinking everything they’re doing, second-guessing themselves ad nauseam. Or they’re autistic coded and this is how this character normally thinks as deeply methodical. Or, you’re trying to emphasize some mundanity about their life and doing it on purpose.

If you’re not writing something where the extra details service the character or the story at large, consider trimming it.

—

These are *suggestions* and writing is highly subjective. Hope this helps!

[darnell-la]

Can i request Logan and a reader with daddy kink...but like, shes afraid of saying that to him because her last partners treated her shitty when it came to it? (like, kinkshaming her, not wanting to take care of her)

summary: After hearing her call him what he never thought he’d love so much, he had to make sure his girl knew she was with a man and not a boy anymore.

———

“You like that, princess? Hm? Tell me you like it, baby doll,” Logan whispered in the girl's ear as he pushed deeper into her. Being fucked by Logan on Wade’s kitchen counter wasn’t something she had planned for the night.

She had thought that because Wade was out, Logan would be too tonight. Her two roommates always scold her for coming in late, telling her it’s dangerous, but she sees no problem if she is with her friends all night.

Tonight was a perfect night to leave, but when she came back to Logan sitting on the sofa, looking right at her, she froze.

He got up and walked towards her slowly, telling her how he should kick her out and back to the expensive college dorm.

Of course, he didn’t mean it, but when y/n’s eyes grew glossy, he couldn’t help but cup her chin and tell her how hard she was to deal with.

“This is what they’ll do you if you keep partying, baby. All this cunt — Ruined and messy because you’d be too weak to fight back,”

Y/n tightly gripped the man’s back, holding herself up as Logan’s hands gripped her waist, pulling her into his thrust.

“Can’t have these boys have their way with you, baby girl. You’re too innocent for that, ain’t that right?” He asked, making the young lady whine with a nod. “Oh, I know,”

Y/n was close. Her vision became blurry as she bit down on her lip, trying to keep in how wild she gets when she cums.

“That’s it — Grip my cock like that, baby. This isn’t the only thing aloud in this pretty cunt,” Logan said, as her heart rate began to rise. She couldn’t keep herself in…

“D-Daddy,” y/n whined low, hoping he would say anything. “What was that?” Logan asked as he pulled his head out of the crook of her neck.

“C-Close,” she said, hoping he’d leave it alone. “Nah uh, princess. You called me daddy,” the man said, still thrusting, but slowly. Y/n whined at how much he was delaying her orgasm.

“P-Please, just keep going,” y/n begged, hands gripping his shoulders as she looked into his eyes. “Nah uh, you say that again,” Logan had fully stopped his thrust, but kept his cock in her.

“No, Logan, please! Please, keep going!” Y/n begged as she tried moving her hips, but he held her still with his grip that was still on her waist.

“Don’t start actin’ up, baby. You’ve done enough of that tonight,” Logan warned. “B-But I need it. I was so close,” she cried low, feeling a tear drop from her eye. The sexual stress and slip-ups affected her hard.

“Why can’t you just say it again, baby? Why so difficult?” Logan asked, but she ignored him and dropped her head. “Hey,” Logan saw as he cupped the girl's chin softly to make her look back up at him.

“What’s up, Bub?” He asked. “I-I just — My last partner didn’t like it and left me for it. Said I was weird and shouldn’t be having sex,” she told her short story.

“And how old was this boyfriend of yours?” Logan asked. “O-Only a couple of years older than me,” y/n said, making the man roll his eyes with a head shake and sigh.

“Little boys like him can’t handle you. He wasn’t man enough for what you had to give him, baby. You’re not weird, you’re perfect. You understand that, baby girl?” He asked. Y/n nodded as he whipped a tear from her cheek.

“Now, call me that again, baby. Be a good girl, and I’ll show you how a real boyfriend would take that word in,” Logan said as he gripped the back of y/n’s head and began his slow thrusts.

“P-Please came me cum, d-daddy,” y/n stuttered, making the man groan low. “That’s it. Keep goin,” the man said as he slowly began to pick up his pace.

“Fuck, I- Please, daddy,” y/n begged as the man moved his hand back to y/n’s cheek. “Ah uh — That’s it. That’s fuckin’ it, baby,” Logan kept his eyes on her as she rolled hers, feeling her high near again.

“Daddy — S-So good, daddy,” y/n whined, clamping down on the man’s cock. The man twitched at her voice, words, and walls. She was perfect. So damn perfect.

“Fuck, yes, baby girl — Cum on daddy's cock. Fuckin’ soak it, baby. Soak it!” Logan snapped his hips, now pounding the younger woman.

“Augh, daddy!” Y/n cried into the man’s shoulder as she relaxed around him, shaking and digging her nails into his arms and shoulders.

“Oh, yes, girl — Cum on daddy's cock,” Logan couldn’t get enough of how good she sounded. She was from heaven. She was made for her. She was a gift, and he’ll no Logan let her leave this house unless he’s with her.

[ashherahh]

a love letter from your future spouse

Note: Please take it if it resonates, leave it if it doesn't. Meditate before making your decision. It's completely okay if you don't resonate with this reading. The collective is huge and I'm sure you'll receive the messages you need in due time.

pile 1

I wish I could comfort you. I hate seeing you this way, like the light has been snuffed out of you. I want to make it all up to you. Lay your head on my lap and let me comfort you.

I can be the shoulder you cry on. I can be with you through the storm.

Everything you are working so hard to achieve will all work out. I know you feel like it won't happen but I will be there, cheering you on. I know you can do anything you set your mind to.

This will pass. No matter what happens we will get through it together.

Things may seem as though they are falling apart, but we will rebuild together. We'll fix anything that needs fixing. You can be vulnerable with me, you don't have to do it alone.

At times, I wish you would trust me with everything but I'm reminded by how you never let anyone else see you this way. Uneasy and unsure of things. Being vulnerable is difficult for you, I know. You've always had to be independent and you couldn't rely on others, but you can rely on me.

Tell me what you need and I will give you all I can.

Additional messages: Summer, Autumn. The number 5. Computer screens, messy hair. Fatigue. Coffee. Red, blue, green. Checkered floors.

About your spouse: They're someone very in tune with you. A very, very intuitive individual. It really affects them whenever you go through something. Despite being so in tune with you, they're solid like a rock. They can be quite paternal.

Song: Don't Cry - Guns & Roses

pile 2

You are the most badass person I know.

You've come a long way and I am so proud of you. Every day I'm with you, I'm in awe of your strength. I know you've pulled yourself out of dark places and you've always done it alone but not anymore and never again.

I love your smile. Your smile makes me smile. You make me laugh. Despite everything you've been through you're one of the most optimistic people I know, if not the most optimistic.

I love you so much. More than I can put into words. Sometimes I do struggle with my words, I know but I want you to know that I mean what I say. When I told you I love you, I meant it and I always will.

We will build our home and it will be our place of solace. We'll eat cake whenever we want and we'll go exploring together. You've turned my life into an adventure.

I love listening to you talk. I can listen to you all day long. Everything in my life feels so vibrant because of you. Thank you, my love. I am so greatful I met you.

Additional messages: Gorillaz. Band t-shirts. Eyes. Hands. The numbers 1 and 8. Baking. Black and brown. Glasses. December.

About your spouse: Their inner world is very expressive. They're shy, but on the inside there's a lot happening. They like to look at you, probably with hearts in their eyes all the time. They might even make music.

Song: Things That Scare Me - Neko Case

pile 3

I will never rush you. You are not a burden to love and you are not a burden to understand either.

I will give you the patience no one else wanted to. I will hold your hand through the dark days. For better or worse. In sickness and health. Sometimes I feel like I made those vows in my heart the first time I spoke to you.

Everything sung in me that you will be the one I wake up to in the morning. When I rest my head at night, I thank everything good that I have you in my life. What is trouble against a lifetime with the one you love?

In a way, you saved me. I think of the day I met you all the time, how suddenly everything changed. I feel it when I hold your hand, when we embrace, when I kiss you and you kiss me. Softly, I am reminded of how safe I felt as a child and how peaceful everything was. You brought that peace back to me.

Over the years anxiety began to build in me, I can't say I know when it began but it ended with you. The kindness, gentlessness, and understanding you've shown me has completely transformed me. I don't think you know you did that. That's just how you are. I love you for who you are.

You might believe that you will never find me but you will. I will find you. We will walk into each others lives and we won't remember a day when things were not as they are right now.

Additional messages: Painting. Driving. Number 11. Writing. March and August. Piercings and tattoos.

About your spouse: They're very logical in all situations but when it comes to you they kind of calm down. They might be in a field where they talk a lot. They're aloof.

Song: Sure Thing - Miguel

[yawujin]

Hiiiiii if you don't mind can you pls write v3 boys x reader who can't read social cues for the life of them and need to be told directly to understand a situation.

For example: *one of the boys shows romantic interest*

Reader: "WOW so friendly"

The more I describe it the more it sounds like Marinette from miraculous ladybug

Pls&thx

i've never really written something like this so i hope you like how it turned out anon! ദ്ദി( ˶^ᗜ^˶ )

request | how the v3 boys would react to reader that isn't good with social cues

type | react , established relationship , non killing game , gender neutral reader

shuichi saihara ♡

he's trying his best to make it known that he likes you

kaito and maki have definitely noticed how he's grown so fond of you

although he had to tell kaito straight up that he liked you

well, he finally does it, confessing to you

"to be honest with you, (Y/N), i really like hanging around you..."

can he make it any more obvious?

no, seriously, can he?

you thank him and say you'd love to hang out more!

he instantly realizes he needs to be more clear

"no! i mean, i like you, alot... as in more than a friend..."

you encourage him to be more outspoken in the future

rantaro amami ♡

tries to confess to you in a lowkey way

but once he realizes you don't really get what he's saying

he ups the ante

he starts showing more affection towards you

and then finally he tries again

"you know i really like you, right (Y/N)?"

he explains that he wants to go on a date to show his likeness

ohhh he likes me in that way you think to yourself

K1B0/kiibo ♡

firstly, he does everything you want him to do because he thinks that's how easy it will be to get you to realize he likes you

but it's not

secondly, he tries to just straight up tell you but it's hard to express his emotions

finally, he uses himself to print out a note that has his messy handwriting all over it

who knew he could be so forward when writing?

it read "i love you, (Y/N)! i hope you accept my feelings"

and it definitely got the message across

korekiyo shinguji ♡

he's pretty nonchalant so it's difficult at first for him

he knows that gift giving is a pretty common way for someome to show their likeness towards someone

so he tries that (althought he might not be the best at giving gifts)

but when he does

you just think he's being friendly

kiyo, just like rantaro, will try showing more affection towards you

he touches your arms, plays with your hair etc

"everything about you is so wonderful..."

"i would like for you to share that wonder with me"

and that gets the message across

kaito momota ♡

he would realize that you probably took his outright profession of love to you and chalked it up to him just being a good friend

as per usual

he woke up in a cold sweat about this and decided that starting tomorrow he'll be extra kind towards you

over the course of a few days, he creates a nickname for you

you guys hang out together even more you two are alone more often than not now

he held on to both of your hands and squeezed them

"(Y/N), i'm not sure else how to say this but...will you go out with me sometime?"

gonta gokuhara ♡

gonta accomodates you and invites you everywhere

he just wants to show that he likes you!

he thought it was working for a while until

"you're such a good friend, gonta!"

he shakes his head 'no'

"gonta want him and (Y/N) to be more than friends..."

you understood but was taken aback

he shys away almost instantly

"only if that what (Y/N) want!"

ryoma hoshi ♡

he gets it completely

he isn't a stranger to being outspoken so he's fine with telling you how things are straight up

it just so happens that he likes you a lot

so in this case, he asks:

"would you want to go out with me?" "tell me what you want and you'll get it."

your transition into a platonic relationship to a romantic one was easy

ryoma is easy to get along with <3

kokichi ouma ♡

he has to quickly find solutions on how to tell you his feelings without being too sappy about it

he isn't too good at that

he also wants to do it before he runs out of patience with himself

he does what he does best and pulls a prank on you

when you ask him why he did it he just says:

"isn't it obvious? it's because i like you."

is he being fr? you can never tell

but the confusion you had finally gets cleared up when you get outside confirmation from miu that he is falling hard for you

[thesilmarillionblog]

𓏲 𓂃 L o s i n g Y o u

Part:𝟷𝟻

Click here to read the first part.

Summary: Everything was good as a member of Payback and Soldier Boy's secret girlfriend until the team and your relationship with him began to fall apart due to a new member and her developing relationship with Ben right in front of your eyes.

Pairing: Soldier Boy / Reader

Warnings: +18! (MINORS DNI), language, sexual tension, misogynistic language, toxic masculinity mentioned, some fluff

Word Count: 4777

A/N: English is not my first language.

* This story is inspired by the song "Losing You" by Dream Evil.

1986

Ben took a firm hold of your throat as you hung onto the table underneath you and continued to pound you with forceful movements with his cock. With one strong thrust in between curses, his fingers around your throat from the back grew even tighter until he began to spill inside of you, releasing a loud growl on top of you. He then pressed his hips against your ass. You were convinced that, if you were a regular supe, you would break under the intense pressure he applied to you as he continued to penetrate you while he choked you hard.

That was just one of those moments when he didn't really care if you came with him or not.

When Ben finished spilling inside you, he gave you a very hard spanking on your ass after withdrawing his hand from your throat. “That felt good, but you need to learn how to stay silent and stay still when I fuck your cunt,” he grumbled. 

You muttered, “I don't like it when you're being too harsh on me,” as he stared in awe at the thick ropes dripping from your swollen pussy. 

He whispered, “Come on,” planting a kiss on your forehead before gathering his cum and inserting it into your pussy. “You're a supe; you can't even feel sore; you heal in seconds.”

“Yes, but in any case, I don't like it. You could try to be a little more kind.” 

“You're complaining way too much nowadays.”

“I simply want you to be a little more sympathetic. Is it too much for you?” As you waited for him to finish, you looked at him with a pained expression.

“Are you angry because I didn't let you come?” showed his amusement at your sour attitude.

Since you knew Ben's character from the start and you didn't voice any complaints for months, Ben failed to understand the recent change in your attitude. But he felt a little uncomfortable because you were attempting to get closer to him throughout the sexual interaction lately.

“It's difficult to resist giving you a quick fuck when you're wearing that sexy suit, as it makes me so fucking aroused. You already know that I'm not easy to handle, but I'll do my best to be gentle, okay?” he said, since he did not want you to leave his van with a sad face after a satisfying sexual activity. After all, you were trying your best to satisfy his needs.

He kept his cum within yours and played with your clit a little bit longer as you remained motionless. Given how often you had sex in a single day, you were fortunate that your superior genetics prevented you from being pregnant. 

You asked him, “Will you be joining the after party when Gala is over?” as he tucked himself in his pants. 

Ben said in a harsh voice, “Of course,” watching you adjust your skirt and pull up your soaked underwear while avoiding eye contact. “But I need something to do first.”

You answered, “Okay,” knowing that he wouldn't answer any more questions. 

He noticed that you were wearing an unhappy expression as you hurriedly fixed your messy hair, and he gave you a long, gentle kiss on the nape of your neck while giving you a warm hug from behind. “I'll be more gentle next time.”

“You say the same thing every time, yet every time you get harsher with me.” You said in an icy voice, “I'm not sure if you're trying to beat me or fuck me, Ben.”

Ben immediately turned you toward him as his body tensed. “I'm not trying to harm you in any way, of course. I just know that you are extremely strong. Nothing is capable of harming you.” 

“Well, my body might not be vulnerable, but my feelings are,” you said with a sigh. When you realized he had no idea how harsh he was on you, you attempted to break free of his hug. 

Ben tightened his hold around your abdomen to keep you from escaping him. “Okay, I got the message. The next time, I'll be as slow and gentle as you wish.” 

You just gave him a nod.

He felt a little guilty for being too harsh after seeing the hurt expression on your face, so he kissed you gently on the lips and ran his fingers over your cheek. 

“I'm not trying to harm you in any way. It's just difficult to maintain control when I'm with you, but I promise I'll do better. Do you trust me?”

“Yes, Ben,” you said in a whisper as you gave him a quick kiss in return and gave in to his hug. 

As he began to dance with you and spin you around, he grabbed one of your hands. He leaned back and kissed you firmly in between your giggles, saying, “I'll be a good fucking gentleman when I'm dancing with you tonight, though you don't know how to dance properly like me.” 

Ben entered Stan Edgar's room, took a quick look around, and then sat down in front of the large table in front of the chair. 

Ben lit a cigarette inside the room and asked, “Why did you invite me to your feet this time?”

“Let's just have a nice little conversation,” he stated, casting a disapproving glance at Ben's cigarette. 

“About?”

“How is Payback doing overall? I heard that you haven't been as excited to go to film events lately.”

“Who fucking told you this?” Ben inquired, annoyed that people were constantly informing him about his behavior as if he were just a kid. 

“Remember that everyone is constantly watching you, so try not to get too worked up too soon. After all, you're the biggest and strongest Supe ever—Soldier Boy.”

Star Edgar said, “How's your relationship with Y/N?” when Ben didn't respond and kept smoking. 

“What relationship?” Ben, displeased with Stan Edgar's cunning tone, asked aggressively. He was constantly up to something.

“You don't need to keep it a secret from me. My eyes are always on everything, all at once, as you are already aware. You're continuously in her van, or she's in yours. I'm not even mentioning that you've been practically living in her place for the past month. You've been neglecting your duties to our country a little too much recently, Soldier Boy.”

Ben's mouth clinched at Stan Edgar's remarks since he detested being searched out, watched, or having his behavior analyzed, and that's exactly what he was doing to him at that moment.

“Are your incompetent staff members spying on me in order to increase their pay? Do they also give a head to you under your stupid desk?”

“You're going too far. All I'm asking is that you fulfill your duties.” Stan Edgar got up and grinned while sipping his coffee. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something else.”

“For your own sake, you had better not provoke me. You're pressuring me to give you a hard punch right now, and you know I'm not that patient.”

Stan Edgar went on, "It's about the mission I gave you and Y/N last month,” disregarding Ben's threats. “You were told to kill everyone there, but you didn't.”

When Stan Edgar mentioned that stupid mission, Ben's body tensed up, but he waited for him to continue while maintaining the same attitude.

“Y/N persuaded you not to kill them there, according to one of my soldiers. It wasn't right of you to leave them alive.”

Ben excused himself by saying, “There were kids among them.” He couldn't decide if you had persuaded him to make the choice or not. “I'm not a bad person.”

“You're not, of course. However, a mission is a mission. It's never easy to be a soldier, no one ever said. Nobody knows this better than you. However, this was not the first time. She has been supporting you in making decisions similar to those in certain situations. Am I wrong?”

Ben ignored him and kept smoking weed in the room. “We are a fucking team.”

“But you're the leader,” Stan Edgar said. “People began arguing that you're listening to a woman's orders, which you may not be aware of. It's been said that a lady controls the most powerful Supe on the planet. Do you even know whats going on around you?” 

“I'm not fucking listening to anyone, you fuckface.” Ben angrily rose up and gestured to Stan Edgar's face. “If I fucking held your head and squeezed my hand a bit, your useless brain would be all over the place, so don't push my fucking nerves.”

“I'm not indicating, of course, that I agree with them. But you have to stop allowing people to say stuff like that. Our nation's soldiers look up to you; they idolize you, and their kids dream to be just like you. However, how can men or soldiers in our nation ever respect Soldier Boy if they believe he is listening to a woman during a crucial mission?”

Ben remained silent and stood by the window, surveying the yard. 

“Never allow a woman to control or manipulate you. Even if you're not really acutely aware of it at the moment, that is what she is doing to you. I spoke with Crimson Countess a few days ago, and I've already decided that she will soon join your team. Undoubtedly, your squad will be asked if they want her on the team or not. She will be obedient and docile, and this is an excellent opportunity to reveal your real self to the world once more. You need to put things right again. It's vital for safeguarding your image.” 

Ben just said, “Fuck you and everyone,” since he didn't want to say anything more, but his mind was racing with thoughts that were about you.

“Be the hero everyone needs.”

Present

Ben was thinking about how you were struggling with your powers and what had happened in Herogasm when he woke up quite early in the morning. Nothing was going as he had anticipated, and things were just getting worse than he had planned. He began to feel a little insecure, though he didn't show you. He was used to getting what he wanted, after all. 

In spite of everything, he felt comforted to see you resting sweetly in his bed because you chose to, rather than because you had to, as you had been forced to do weeks earlier. Ben couldn't contain his excitement at the idea. 

He couldn't help but smile a little when you whined in your sleep, but he did his best not abuse the fragile trust you had  by firmly resting his side on the bed and not touching you, watching your back. 

Your ass had other ideas while you slept soundly, though. Unavoidably, Ben's cock disagreed, as his hardness was evident from your ass' forceful contact with his cock like you were trying to get him to take action. 

Your ass was practically rubbing against him as though he tried to think something else. Ben tried to ignore his aching erection, kept his eyes closed, and didn't touch you, even though he wasn't sure if your sleeping body was trying to relax or reach an orgasm at this time. 

But he opened his eyes as he smelled the blood all over the room. 

When you heard Ben calling your name, you mumbled something in an angry tone.

Ben said, “I guess you're bleeding down there,” and you opened your eyes right away. 

You muttered, “Oh, fuck,” as you swiftly moved on the bed and checked between your legs. You felt ashamed and disgusted when you saw your bloody underwear and the bed. “I'm sorry.”

Ben continued to stare between your legs and the blood all over the sheets before saying, “Hey, it's alright. Our life is now a bit more colorful.” 

As you struggled to get out of bed without making more mess, you couldn't help but smile at what he said. But when the truth set in, you realized that you hadn't had your period for quite a very long time. 

“Ben, can you check there to see if there are any peds around?” you said after you failed to find any in the restroom. 

“Sure. But what does it actually look like? Of course, I'm familiar with women's underwear, but not with pussy protection.”

“Haven't you seen one before? You'll know when you find one,” you said, pressing your smile.

“I wonder if they upgraded peds too,” Ben muttered, and hurriedly went through every part of the wardrobe before finding the winged pussy thing and handing it to you.

Ben couldn't help but smile as he observed the blood on the bed. It was just like the first time he took you in as a coach, only with a lot less blood, of course. Time flies. He quickly gathered all of the bloodied sheets, exited the room, and placed them in Frenchie's room's washing machine.

You began to feel a little better after seeing Ben already changing the sheets.

He asked, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you nodded quickly to him. “I guess I should have slept in my own bed.”

Ben instantly replied, “Of course not,” as he started to get dressed. “That you slept here pleases me, actually. In any case, your bed is excessively small and completely useless. You're welcome at any time, baby.”

“I guess it is,” you said with a small chuckle as you examined his massive muscles flexing as he put on a shirt.

He turned to face you and asked, “Do you still want to do some training?” He repressed his smile when he saw you checking his body.

“Yeah, of course.”

Ben walked slowly toward you and said, “We can delay to tomorrow; you don't have to push yourself.” He spoke in a sympathetic manner. He did not want you to push yourself too hard during intense training when your body was more vulnerable than usual.

This time, you couldn't stop laughing. “I'll be bleeding tomorrow too, Ben.”

He couldn't resist a grin as he saw your amusement. “Well, sweetheart, I'm not the best pussy health expert, it seems.”

“It seems so,” you said, smiling shyly at him.

Butcher questioned, “Something happened last night?” out of the blue as you were enjoying your breakfast peacefully.

“Like what?” Your face reddened, quite unsure of his question.

“Damn, don't get too excited. As reported by Frenchie, you vanished for a bit, and your t-shirt was torn. To develop a strong connection built on trust, it would be preferable if we didn't hold any secrets. Don't you think?”

After exchanging glances with Ben, you at last spoke: “I fought Noir. He watched us from a distance, and I tracked him. As you may know, he was a former teammate of mine; in fact, we were very good friends. Despite my attempts to communicate with him, he persisted in his attacks, so I just defended myself until he gave up. That's it.”

Ben's body stiffened when you told Butcher how near you were to Noir. Talking about him always made Ben furious, and he couldn't help but feel envy welling up within him once more. But at least you two were no longer on speaking terms, so he restrained himself from saying something sour, which would make you feel uncomfortable.

“Fuck me,” Butcher whispered in shock. “Only God knows what he is up to now. It would have been best to slaughter him there. You are the strongest Supe woman, right? Am I mistaken?” You gave Butcher a stare as he inquired, taking a hostile posture.

“Why in the world would she murder that dumb puppet? For your own benefit or in order to get greater public attention? Go fuck your face and fuck, no.” Ben got frustrated in less than a second and added, “Don't get her involved in your stupid stuff.”

“Calm down; I'm not interested in anything more than learning about her abilities. I find myself wondering all the time if she is stronger than Queen Maeve.”

Butcher was undoubtedly skilled at inciting outrage quickly.

You arched an eyebrow and confidently leaned back in your chair, asking, “Are you still on Temp-V?” You always welcomed challenges with open arms.

Butcher smiled at you and said, “I think I have one or two more hours left, babygirl. Do you feel like fighting or something?”

Ben cut him off, saying, “Will you stop fucking calling her names?” Butcher gave him no reaction. When he did his best to enrage Ben, you couldn't tell if he was being too bold or too foolish.

You crossed your arms over your chest and said, “I'm waiting; do your best shot.”

Ben gave you a serious glance and said, “Hey,” but you just nodded to let him know that you were perfectly fine.

“As you wish.”

As you waited patiently, Butcher lasered your left cheek without warning. You gasped, having never seen such power among the supes before.

You said, “Ow.” Finally, it didn't hurt, showing your power, but you gasped in surprise because you hadn't expected such a thing from him. It felt as gentle as a tickle.

“You okay?” Ben asked, gently brushing your chin with his thumb before you could even react.

“Definitely,” you answered. You undoubtedly felt more at ease knowing that Butcher's abilities had no effect on you.

Butcher said, “Guess you're still worthy,” and got to his feet. “Anyhow. I'll be out of the house for a few hours. Will you two please behave and not ruin the house again?”

You noticed Butcher's red and exhausted eyes and somewhat sluggish heartbeat as he put on his jacket, and you asked, “Are you okay, by the way?”

“Yeah, why?” he asked jokingly, taken aback by the question you asked.

“You appear somewhat ill. Additionally, your heartbeats are abnormal. I think you should see a doctor soon,” you said, but all he did was smirk, put on his jacket, and light a cigarette.

He continued, “For your information, darling,” after glancing at Ben's bitter expression. “I'm not into supe women; they are too tough to handle, okay, so we can't work out. Stop worrying about me,” he said, winking at you.

You rolled your eyes at him and didn't make any further comments.

Make sure you use your GPS, Bluetooth, and Internet to find Mindstorm while you're away." Ben stated in a commanding voice, "I've got things to talk to him," obviously giving Butcher instructions as he wore a haughty expression. He was not open to any arguments.

Butcher grumbled, “He's not easy to find,” but Ben didn't seem to give a damn. “Hughie and Starlight are already putting in maximum effort. We have other things to take care of, and we know they're just as vital as cleaning up the mess you made.”

“We made a deal. A deal you wanted it,” Ben remarked angrily. The way Butcher was acting irritated him.

“Yeah, let me remind you, mate; you couldn't kill Homelander yesterday, right?”

“You fought Homelander?” you asked Ben as your eyes widened in shock.

Ben said that. “Well, yeah.” He was a little uncomfortable not telling you sooner. But yesterday, when you were having a small talk, he showed no interest in Homelander at all. “Your baby boy couldn't find the Twins and brought them to me, okay? He fucking ruined the mission. That's not to say I couldn't murder Homelander. Therefore, quit fucking blaming me for your own failures.”

"What is done is done," Butcher simply said. “I don't think he'll show up anytime soon, but we have to find him and kill him as quickly as possible. By now, the little bitch must be scared to death. He has no idea what's going to happen next. I'll locate Mindstorm in the meantime, alright?”

Ben finally gave him a nod and you watched him Butcher to leave.

“Why didn't you tell me you fought Homelander?”

Ben responded, “I don't know,” as his fingertips slid across your chair. “It didn't seem more important than blowing up Herogasm and you fighting Noir.”

You muttered, “It is, of course, important. He must be indeed powerful judging by you and Butcher combined couldn't finish him, huh?”

Ben chuckled a little, but it was obvious he wasn't laughing because his confidence had been shaky over the last few weeks. He was ready to deny it and give you a proper explanation when he gave you a sly look. Instead, he said, “Baby, it's even difficult to cum twice in a raw. After blowing up the whole place, I ran out of energy in a matter of minutes.”

You laughed at his defense. “Well, I think it seems those trainings will be beneficial to you too, then.”

Ben said, “If you are ready, I am always ready,” and then he got to his feet and stretched his muscles.

As soon as he took off his t-shirt, you couldn't help but stare at his muscular, broad physique. You knew he was doing it intentionally, but instructing him to put on his t-shirt would just make him egotistical and cocky. You were aware of it, and he knew you knew.

“Are you absolutely sure your bleeding will not be an issue?” Ben questioned you, gazing at you and focusing on the space between your legs and shorts.

You answered, “No, Ben,” as you slightly adjusted your shorts and extended your muscles.

Ben noticed that you were shifting your hips to the sides, and he licked his lip. He then arched an eyebrow and said, “Well, baby. Can we prevent demolishing the walls once more?”

“I wasn't planning to send you against the wall,” you said in a innocent manner.

You raised your hand abruptly and moved to punch him, but he blocked your strike and remarked, “You almost got me there, baby.”

He caught your fist in his large palms as you attempted to hit him again, and you lifted your other hand to strike him. But he held both of your fists tightly in his palms, forcing you to exert a little more effort.

You lifted your knee to go between Ben's legs as he opened his mouth to speak, but he immediately stopped you again by the legs.

He winked at you and said, “Not there, sweetheart,” as he rearranged your posture and moved you so that your back was to his chest while he continued speaking into your ear. Even though he wasn't pushing himself, you could feel him getting harder on your back as he continued to place his hands with yours on your stomach.

As of right now, it appears to be somewhat difficult to beat him in battle. But, as usual, you had different plans.

You took a few long breaths, laid back into his chest, and relaxed a little. It was clear from his gasp that he hadn't anticipated that movement of yours. Breathing deeply, you sensed Ben's touches around your fists becoming softer.

Once you had waited enough, you eventually managed to break free from his tight hold by turning around and hitting him to the floor very harshly, which managed to crack it enough.

Ben said, “Oh, fuck,” as he observed you circling him while grinning proudly.

“It was quite simple,” you grinned. “Maybe you're the one who needs some training, Benjamin.”

He dragged you down before you could even finish making fun of him, causing your face to come into contact with his sweating chest. Your hands paused on his chest as he grabbed you firmly around the waist.

“We need to practice your defense techniques for sure, sweetheart. You're becoming more proficient at attacking, though; I am sure of that.” Ben smiled slightly and murmured, “We're even now.”

“Not yet.”

You waited on top of him, feeling his hardness between your legs, and for some reason, you moved slightly. Perhaps you couldn't stop yourself from rubbing against his hardness below you because you didn't touch yourself enough or because of the hormones brought on by your period. It felt as though your body was screaming for you to give yourself in already.

You felt a slight pressure on your pussy through your panties, and your lips parted. There were obstacles between you, yet you could still feel his hardness.

But you weren't sure because you were still bleeding, so you glanced back at Ben to see whether he was showing signs of disgust or anything else. Due to your supe genetic background, you rarely got your period in the past, and it never caused you any problems since you never got your period while you were with Ben. However, Ben had only yearning in his eyes when you looked at him.

Ben held you in place as if you would reconsider, his hands tightening on your waist. Even though it was difficult, he waited patiently because he didn't want you to make you move on and destroy the fragile trust you had in him.

Your hands moved to his packs on his muscular chest and remained there. Ben's fingers also moved to linger on your bare legs, slid from your legs into your shorts, and softly touched your underwear, causing you to gasp.

When you began to rub against his erection and his fingers tightened around your flesh beneath your shorts, you couldn't help gasping a little.

The pressure of his enormous cock was enough to give you shivers, even though it was difficult to feel him completely because of your underwear, peds, shorts, and also his sweatpants. There was too much between you. You continued to grind against his cock in order to get pleasure, nailing his belly each time, your movements becoming more rapid and powerful.

As you were grinding against Ben's cock to trigger an orgasm and nailing his abdomen, he was struggling to contain himself and not cum inside his sweatpants under you. The fact that you were on your period and bleeding while moving your body over him made the situation even hotter. His body was screaming at him to switch positions, take his aching cock from his boxers, and slide it inside your bloody pussy immediately, but he maintained his composure and allowed you to enjoy yourself on him as you pleased.

Ben groaned, “Come on, baby,” noticing that you were struggling. “You are almost there.”

You said in a whispering voice, “Ben,” not quite sure why you were beging him.

Ben's hand grasped your hips and urged you to keep moving on him as soon as he noticed your pleading eyes and realized you were slowing down because there was not enough friction.

You pressed your lips together to keep yourself from moaning aloud when he pressed your body on his hard cock and made you move on top of him, taking control, and your hands trailed wildly over every inch of his chest.

Ben groaned loudly, feeling your back arching finally. “Let it go, baby,” he said. “Yes, fuck! Cum to me.”

Your walls began to clench around nothingness as you let out a low gasp as your orgasm hit hard. Your head leaned back, and you nailed his abdomen as your body shivered on top of him. You were unable to control your moans while your walls kept clenching as you rode your orgasm.

Ben couldn't help but smile as he watched you pant harshly on him and listen to your soft moans. He knew it was something more intimate than anything you had ever experienced together because he felt so close to you in that moment, with your hearts beating wildly behind your chests.

His hands lingered around your back, softening on your waist.

⋆⋅☆⋆☆⋅⋆──────⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──────⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──────⋆⋅☆⋆☆⋅⋆

When you rode your orgasm completely, you came to your senses, and your eyes met Ben's green ones. He was breathing heavily under you, though he didn't cum. In addition to strong desire, there was something deeper there that was difficult to describe in the way he looked at you. You didn't know how much time you spent staring at each other.

Next Chapter

A/N: We are almost there now. Comments and reblogs are appreciated very much.  I’m very curious about what you think about this chapter in general, hehe

Taglist: @mostlymarvelgirl @xmariakx @spnfamily-j2 @suspicious-stain-in-spain @atomicsoulcollecto @yvonneeeeeeee @starryperson @mfnqueen1 @chaand-sitara @boywivlove @stilinskisthings @brynanna @delaynew @yoyoanaria @n-o-p-e-never @ghostslillady @deans-spinster-witch @demodemo909 @stoneyggirl2 @cheynovak @libby99hb @moneyburner @purplerosequartz @simpin4pixels @deebris @spideybv28 @mystic-mara @tranquilty @winchesterwild78 @jennifer0305 @ultraviolencexs @thecutestaaakawaii @justtnat

@babythe67chevy @multifandomdiva @hey-there0-0 @shadowghoul2525 @darkqueen1995 @jenn-777q @certifiedhaters

* I made a Playlist for 'Losing You'. There are the songs I got inspiration from while writing this series. You can click here to see it. <3

[jayflrt]

𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝟕𝟖𝟔 19. attention seeker

welcome to the second act. warnings for this chapter include depictions of alcoholism and family issues

'BEING AN INFLUENCER WAS A REAL JOB THAT REQUIRED A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF WORK.'

Yeah, right.

Shin Yuna heard phrases along those lines all the time. Whenever she watched other people's content, a good majority of the influencers would rant about how difficult their life was, or how stressful their workload was when it came to recording and editing.

Sure, it took some effort to edit and upload new content. Yuna allocated several hours a week to do so, but all she had to do was set up a livestream for the cash to start rolling in. Wear something skimpy. Bat her lashes at the camera. Pout a little. Play up the damsel in distress act. It was simply too easy.

princessval***: omg girl pls stop drinking 😭 onlyyuna03: she's so messy i love her luvyuna***: you're back already? i thought you were taking a break onlyyuna03: @luvyuna*** you must be new LOL she always does this

But this—the flood of comments that poisoned her screen—was the curse of putting herself on the internet.

It wasn't like this during her first year of streaming. Back in high school, Yuna's parents were fighting every day, and since she didn't have any friends to talk to, she turned to the internet. She would stay up all night in random Discord servers, chatting with strangers and confiding in them about her family issues.

Naturally, these chats turned into voice calls, which later turned into video calls. Initiated by her, of course. No one else had their cameras on, though; Yuna quickly grew comfortable being in the spotlight, basking in the glow of praise from strangers. Comments like 'you're so gorgeous' and 'you should be a model' made her forget all about her family issues for a split second. Like that, it became like a drug for her.

Yuna, who was starved of attention, relished in the validation she got from online strangers. Strangers who wouldn't even share any personal information about themselves, going by fake names and hiding how old they were.

Soon after, she made her own Discord server, inviting everyone who wanted to see her get in front of her camera and talk about her day. She knew how to play her angles well, acting as if she was everyone's girlfriend while using them to satisfy her need for attention. It was a classic marketing strategy: Yuna knew her asset was her beauty, so she used it to her advantage.

All she had to do was send a picture of herself or talk in a cute voice, and everyone would fawn over her in seconds. In a life where Yuna's own parents neglected her, she found people who cared. Maybe their intentions weren't in the right place, but they were present and ready to listen to whatever she had to say.

She got ambitious, deciding to start live-streaming to a wider audience. Yuna started on Twitch, playing various games like Overwatch and League of Legends. She didn't have to be very good as long as people liked her face and stayed for her reactions.

As she grew a following, she moved to YouTube and TikTok, doubling her follower count in only months. Before, she would be talking to an audience of around 20 people, but now she was racking in thousands as soon as she went live.

Of course, there came drama, too. And Yuna found it exhilarating.

If someone called her out on something, all she had to do was come up with some sob story about how she didn't deserve to hear that, and everyone would come with pitchforks to defend her. She was very calculative in that way, knowing exactly when and how to turn the tide if it wasn't in her favor.

For some reason, that never seemed to work with her parents.

"You're a disappointment," her father spat at her the day she showed him her Yale acceptance letter. She had sparkles in her eyes and a bright smile all day, only for her to feel completely crushed. She couldn't understand why; it was her father's dream for her to get into Yale, after all. "This is the only acceptance letter you've got, huh?"

Yuna hesitated. The competition for all of the Ivy League schools was rough this year; she had been getting rejections left and right, but she thought her family would be satisfied with Yale. After all, it was her father's alma mater.

"Yeah," she answered in a small voice. She looked down at her acrylic-damaged nails, neglected from years of biting the skin until they bled. "I thought you'd be happy with Yale."

"Happy?" Mr. Shin barked out a laugh. "You didn't actually get into Yale on your own, you know that, right?" He scoffed when Yuna gave him a confused look. Then, Mr. Shin slammed his phone against the dinner table, causing his wife and daughter to flinch. "Five hundred thousand. I paid five hundred thousand to get you in. Mr. Nakamura only paid two to get Kazuha in, but I had to pay five. That's how useless you are."

"Sunoo? You know my old boss's son?" he would provoke her for the rest of dinner. "He got in all by himself. You know Hyejin's son—Anton—he got into Yale and Brown on his own, too."

"You need to work hard, Yuna," Mrs. Shin said before stabbing at her salad. "Your dad could only get you in as an undeclared major. You need to get into pre-med on your own."

Tears prickled her eyes, but she stayed silent. Even her college acceptance was a fraud; she had done nothing out of her own hard work.

Except her skyrocketing career as an influencer.

The high of her fame only lasted a short while, though. During the summer before her freshman year of college, Yuna's parents discovered what she had been getting up to on the internet.

Shameful, they called it, as if Yuna was committing a crime.

Yuna's parents were surgeons, and rather good ones at that. They both got their undergraduate degrees at Stanford, and then their doctorates at Harvard. The two of them became neurosurgeons after their residency and board exams, and then transferred to Mercy Health where Mr. Shin became the Chair of Neurological Surgery, which set the bar a little high for Yuna.

She was never spectacular. She was always more interested in makeup and clothes instead of science and medicine. Yuna would've rather worked toward a career as a fashion designer, often dreaming about fashion shows she could design for. She knew she would make it far, too—even Donatella Versace told her backstage during Paris Fashion Week that she had an eye for fashion, and that she could go far.

The few times she visited your house, she remembered meeting your mom, a well-known fashion designer herself, and showing off her sketches. Yuna distinctly recalled her words of approval, and she had to bite her tongue whenever your mom would offer to take Yuna on a tour of her studio, only for her parents to turn down the offer.

Her parents were so adamant about Yuna following their path to becoming a surgeon that they threw away all of her sketchbooks and colored pencils when she showed them her work. Even when she got the opportunity of a lifetime to be taken under Vivienne Westwood's wing, her parents crushed her dreams under their heels.

From a young age, she knew that hard work was only determined by her parents. Her true efforts were simply considered a waste of time.

Naturally, Yuna let out all her emotions when she live-streamed. It just so happened that her parents found out through the families of people who knew her. First, she would be grounded. When that wouldn't work, she would get all of her devices taken away. When she found a loophole around that, she would have to endure her father's rage.

Halfway through her first year at Yale, her parents disowned her.

She was on academic probation after her first semester. While she was trying to file a restraining order against someone who was stalking her (who claimed to be a fan), her grades managed to slip until she failed most of her classes. The worst part was, she had been expecting her parents to worry about the stalking incident, but they only cared about her GPA. Casting Yuna away was just protecting the Shin family's shiny status.

Everything was gone. Yuna was no longer part of the world you and Sunoo lived in. All her connections to the medical field, all her connections to the fashion industry—all out of her grasp. Still, maybe it was her flickering hope to somehow please her parents that kept her on the path to become a doctor. Not that it something she was genuinely interested in, but she knew it was the only way her parents would take her back.

Now she had to keep up her influencer career to support herself financially. There was no way she would be able to pay off tuition, even if Sunoo had generously paid the deposit for her small apartment. She had to keep up with bills, rent, and utilities all at once, and it was all too much for an eighteen-year-old to handle.

She got used to accepting help because of that. You helped foot some of her bills, Sunoo helped with tuition, Anton helped make sure she was eating, and the money she got from streaming and posting videos was enough to cover the rest of her expenses.

Even with an outlet to express her concerns to her fans, though, Yuna was struggling with barely making friends. You, Sunoo, and Anton were the only ones who lent a shoulder and an ear for her to dump all her pain and worries to. But she still had to hold them at arm's length. After all, all of their upper-crust families were in close contact with each other.

And then there was Lee Heeseung.

He was a new face in the socialite scene. No one had heard of him or his family before. Heeseung was probably Yuna's ideal type—handsome, intelligent, popular, and someone who hadn't been sucked into her world yet. Although he was alledgedly close to you and Park Sunghoon, no one else had any idea of what his family did.

Over the years, Yuna was terrified that she had built a reputation among the rich families that were in her circle. She could feel the disdain in their eyes when she was at social events, steering clear of every adult that looked as though they wanted to probe her for information about her college admissions.

Heeseung, however, was like a breath of fresh air. There was no judgment in his eyes when Yuna spoke to him, and that might have been the very moment she fell for him.

He was different. He didn't have any expectations of her nor did he feel uncomfortable when he found out she was a streamer. She liked that he came from a humble background, and he never judged her from where she came from. Even when Yuna confessed that she had been disowned, Heeseung never looked at her with pity in his eyes. He simply told her that he would be there if she ever needed him, and he left it at that.

She tried her best to get close to him, but the closer Yuna got, the more she saw under the surface—the more she realized she was heading toward heartbreak. It was clear as day that Heeseung was deeply in love with you, and it seemed as though he had no intention of considering any other woman. Even Yuna could tell he would give up everything in a heartbeat for your sake.

Yuna did her best to avoid conversations about Heeseung with you. She figured that if they never brought him up, then you wouldn't start to feel differently about him.

To her relief, you started dating Park Sunghoon.

Yuna used Heeseung's vulnerability to her advantage. As much as she liked him, he was a coward when it came to his own feelings; Heeseung could only bring himself to come clean about how he felt for you after you started dating another man. Of course, he was turned down—ignored, even. In your mind, you just wanted to keep up the fantasy of having a close childhood friend to the point where you had Heeseung bottle up everything he felt.

Yuna thought you were cruel back then, but she was even more so.

She knew that Heeseung couldn't do anything about his feelings no matter how much it ate at him, so Yuna pretended she wanted to listen to him go on and on about how miserable he was. It was all because of you, and, for a period of time, Yuna despised you for it.

Months rolled by, and Yuna found herself going over to Heeseung's dorm room nearly every day. They talked about anything and everything, and then the conversation would eventually shift to you. Yuna felt something chip at her heart every time he mentioned your name, but she braved through it all.

"Thanks for coming over," Heeseung murmured, running a hand through his already-messy hair. Yuna could smell the alcohol on his breath when she sat down next to him on the floor. Heeseung laughed. "One-month anniversary. Y/N always told me she found those stupid."

Yuna pressed her lips into a thin line. She remembered walking to class with you last week and hearing you gush about everything you bought Sunghoon for your one-month anniversary as a couple. She thought it was sweet back then, but hearing it come from Heeseung made Yuna feel sick.

"You don't have to thank me," she said, hugging her knees to her chest. "I just wanted to be here for you."

The first time she tried to kiss Heeseung was that night.

The first time Heeseung rejected her was right after he stopped her.

"I can't," he said at the time, drawing away from her. "I'm sorry, it's just—"

"You're not over Y/N," she finished for him with a twinge of bitterness.

He shook his head, saying nothing. Yuna felt a surge of misdirected anger.

Yuna knew from the moment she met you that people like you were the shiny gold coins that everyone wanted to have, and people like her were rusted-over pennies on the sidewalk to be stepped on and forgotten. She was a fool to think that Heeseung would see past that.

"I know that." Her tone was sharp as she got to her feet, and Heeseung followed suit right after. "But I suggest you get over her soon because it's not gonna happen."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what I said. Y/N would never go out with you. She already turned you down, anyway."

"Is that so?"

When Yuna turned around to look at Heeseung, his expression was like stone. Something ugly was twisting its way around her heart, squeezing out every semblance of affection she ever had for you.

"Yeah," she replied with a simpering smile, "because she's just too nice to choose the guy who broke her friend's heart."

"Broke—?"

"And," she said louder, cutting him off, "Sunghoon doesn't know, does he? Wouldn't he feel really betrayed if he found out?"

Heeseung kept his face impassive, but Yuna could tell he was seething. She cornered him quite well.

She kept that farce up for years. It was easy keeping Heeseung in line when you only had eyes for Sunghoon, and Heeseung was just so easily discouraged by Yuna's words. It was almost like he had no hope that you would take his word over hers, and that sent Yuna on some sort of power trip.

Her relationship with you was strange. Maybe it was at that moment when she realized that she was someone important to you, and that made her feel invincible somehow. She could do anything as long as you were on her side.

She liked drinking. Not because she particularly liked the taste of alcohol, but she loved the feeling of forgetting all her responsibilities. Every rotten memory of her parents would bury itself under the sand for the time being, and all she could feel was adrenaline pumping through her blood.

But she was never exactly in control. It only took a year to slip up in front of her friend group (thankfully when you weren't around), so she begged Karina, Yeonjun, and Giselle to keep quiet about her crush on Heeseung. They weren't even extremely close at the time, but they knew better than to tread on a situation between you and Sunghoon, whose parents were far more influential than theirs.

"It's only gonna cause more problems if she finds out," Yuna told them through choked sobs. "If Y/N finds out, things will never be the same between us, and Sunghoon doesn't even know that Heeseung has feelings for Y/N." As Giselle stroked her hair gently, Yuna said, "I can get over him on my own. Just please keep this from Y/N."

Karina and Yeonjun exchanged nervous looks before they reluctantly agreed. She had always been wary about Karina. Giselle was overly-empathetic to her situation, Yeonjun was a good listener because he thrived off of drama, but Karina had always seemed more skeptical.

And, as Heeseung knew, Yuna always found a way to silence people who she felt she couldn't trust, so she played dumb when she outed Karina on live.

It was a stupid move on her part, to be fair. Yuna deeply regretted it as soon as she realized what she said. Karina iced her out for months, and everyone else was on the colder side—even Sunoo, who had been her close friend for so long. She always felt strangely jealous of Sunoo, who got the approval of her father when she couldn't, but seeing him give her the cold shoulder nearly sent her over the edge.

"I apologized so many times!" she cried to him. Sunoo kept his guard up, but he always heard her out when she needed him. "I just don't know what else to do. I keep fucking up."

Sunoo frowned. "Do you even feel bad about what you did, or do you feel bad because you were caught?"

Yuna didn't respond to his question, but she knew exactly what the answer was. Was she pathetic? Probably.

She ruined everything. She always ruined everything.

Maybe it was just easier that way. Yuna knew that if she tried her best to please everyone, it would still never be enough. Hurting them before she cared too much was just a defense mechanism, as selfish as it sounded. If you chopped down the tree before it grew too tall, it wouldn't hinder the plants under its shade from growing.

The thing was, Yuna received blow after blow all her life without any acts of mercy. She was struck over and over again, and no one delivered the final coup de grâce.

Naturally, Karina came around and forgave her. Another missed blow. It was like Yuna was drunk off the drama itself because if she kept acting out and causing all these problems, then she could keep everyone's attention on her.

And then she wouldn't have to be so alone.

But the cycle went on and on, so when Yuna found herself texting Jay and Sunghoon in her drunken stupor, she hardly considered the consequences when she mentioned the long-kept secret of Heeseung's first love. You trusted her to keep your conversation with Jay about breaking up with Sunghoon to herself, but she violated that as soon as she could, too. She wasn't sure what it was, but whenever she looked in the mirror, all she saw was that she was as bad as her parents.

Yuna was fated to fall into the same destructive cycle over and over again until it stabbed her in the back for good. Until she bled out, though, everything was fair game.

prev | masterlist | next

SUMMARY ▸ private investigator jay park just wants to complete his mission quietly and move on with his life. you, his new assignment who keeps consuming his thoughts, don't make that very easy for him.

TAG LIST ▸ @zdgx1 @smouches @heesdazed @teawithbucky @leep0ems @peachpie4you @niniissus @kgneptun @jaeyunluvr @hooniesuniverse @zerasari @enhalov @sophiko22 @iselltulips @hoondiors @baekhyunstruly @jays-property @woninluv @heerinnie @fakeuwus @yizhoutv @en-happiness @theothernads @y4wnjunz @dammit-jjk @en-happiness @mari-oclock @enhypens-baby @soonyoungblr @jakeslvt @taetaenic @jebetwo @fairysungx @hsgwrld @shmooooo @ineedsomezzz @mrowwww @enha-stars @isawritesss @seongclb @lockburn-castle @alyssajavenss @enczen @calumsfringe @w3bqrl @luvyev @uhsakusa @luvnicho @wildflowermooon @navsnct

[genshin-squabbles-and-wobbles]

a headcanon where genshin bois broke up with you but saw you years later with thier child at 3 yeares old? Scara, xiao, zhongli and tighnari

Oh, you have an evil soul, I know that for sure. You want suffering, oh you drink my tears as coffee, I like you. I'll have fun with this one a bit. Also, sorry for the spelling errors, I try to fix them when I see them, however, I tend to type wayyy to fast. Or messy.

Scaramouche: ══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ════ ❀•°❀°•❀ ════ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══

You guys broke up because at some point in the relationship, it was getting too overwhelming, and toxic.

Scaramouche outbursts or his snide remarks became a ticking time bomb for you.

It was hard for you to feel loved at this point, and apparently it was hard for him to show it because he wanted to be stubborn.

The breaking point was where you came to him, head to head, this was going to determine your break up with him.

"Say something nice about me, say you love me, say anything, please do anything." You were pleading. You didn't want to leave but, it was starting to get to you.

His response? "What is wrong with you? Are you some kind of child?"

That was it, you broke up with him. This made his jaw drop, of course he protested, he grabbed you a lot, yelled at you. But you finally got free and left him, you went into hiding because he wasn't going to give up.

Along the way, you found out that you were pregnant, with twin boys, with his kids. In your head, you are like "How???" since he is a puppet.

Years later, your two little boys are grown and they are playful happy innocent toddlers. They were holding your hands and laughing. They both had Scaramouche face, but a happy and child like face.

You were happy, until you backed up a tiny bit and bumped into someone. You turned and saw it was Scaramouche.

You immediately panicked and picked up both of your boys and held your weapon to his face.

"W-What is this...? Who are they??" He was angry already and confused. He didn't understand why there are two little him. Was he being replaced, by better versions of himself. He grabbed her shoulder and shook her and yelled at him.

"They're your sons!" You yelled and cried, You pushed him and took her books and ran away.

He was left behind stunned, after a few minutes, he clenched his hands into fist. If you want him to be apart of the twin's life, you need to be patient. He will take a while to come around, and he will be difficult about it.

However, when he does, he becomes the most protective father, he would shield them from the past he had. He would never abandon him, he would teach them his bad attitude as way for them to stand up for themselves.

He won't admit it, but he grew fond of his boys because he felt they were children, just as him, and they understood him despite not realizing it.

As for you though, he still has issues getting along with you and would pick fights with you. He is sometimes loving but you are a little drained.

Xiao ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅──── ⋅✩

You guys broke up peacefully, you both agreed it was for the best, he can't provide for your mortal needs and you have nothing to offer a troubled Adepti

You two parted always peacefully.

A few months later, your belly was getting swollen, but you had no idea why, after all, there is no way you could give birth to a half adeptus and half mortal right?

Well surprising motha fucka, nature is fucked up.

You were surprised and stressed, you don't know how to take care of a baby who is half Yaksha. How do you handle Karmic Debt?

Like does he poop spirits or dreams?

Once you gave birth, you realized the little girl had his dad's Yaksha marks on her arm and his diamond on her forehead. She had his green hair.

Overtime, you ended up figuring it out, thanks to taking care of Xiao time to time, you are aware of the child's needs more than enough.

You are dealing with a teleporting Child who can throw a tantrum to the size of a stadium but you have your ways.

Years ahead, you were feeding your little girl food ordered from Wanshu inn. You wanted her to enjoy the best of the best.

What you didn't know is that Xiao was watching, he was horrified, one for that he isn't the only Yaksha anymore and moreso, that this little girl looked like him, had his demon slayer markings.

You let your little girl use the bathroom, as you waited outside for her, guarding the door to prevent anyone from entering. You wanted her to be more independent in public places, this was one way.

This was Xiao chance to catch you alone, he appeared in front of you, he was very close to you, and you jolted and got scared.

"Who....Who is that little girl?" He looked into your eyes, scared but wanted to know more.

You stuttered a bit. "U-Um..."

He comes closer to you where your chest his touching his chest. "Tell me now." He asked sternly. He was upset of course, because why did she never tell him? They never had much fights but he at least deserved to know.

You felt a hug on your leg and crying. "M-Mama!" It was your little girl. You immediately picked her up and began to comfort her. "Shh, it's okay, mommy is okay."

Xiao immediately backed away, guilt was heavy on his chest, he never meant to scare....her.

You sighed and showed her to him. "Little one, do you know who is this?"

Your little girl will mostly by shy and scared of him, and Xiao will immediately show sadness to this, however, with your encouragement, she would try her best to look at Xiao. "This is your father, sweeite."

Your little girl touches Xiao's face and Xiao blushes and smiles, as he can't help it when it comes to little hands on his face.

He was hesitant at first but, he gently put his hands up and looked at you for consent.

You nodded and smiled, he passed your little girl over to him, where your little girl became his too. Your little girl naturally snuggled into his neck, sucking her thumb as Xiao shushes and coo's her gently.

As soon as Xiao held this little girl, he immediately sworn to protect her with his life, and held her protectively. He looked at you and placed his arm around your back and pulled you in for a group hug.

He asked if he could talk to you on what he can do to fix the relationship with you, and what can he do more as a father. He immediately fell in love with you little girl and even if you don't get back together, he would often visit, with presents, he would take her with him when you need breaks. He is a good dad, with co parenting or not.

Zhongli ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

You guys broke up because you just happened to not feel connected anymore. You guys just fell out.

You guys lived in differently eras and world and its hard to connect with him on some things.

You guys never really had a fight, but you used to talk everyday and now, you guys barely talk at all, touch each other or even just, try.

Zhongli brought this to your attention, and he isn’t a time waster, so and he doesn’t want to waste your time, so you guys broke up and moved on.

Until few months later, you found you that you were pregnant, you were in between telling him or not, but you realize that he is on vacation...he wants a break, so you kept this to yourself.

You raised his son by yourself, he looked exactly like you, but his powers are no doubt Zhongli's, and his dragon habits and nature as well.

You were eating out with your wonderful son, he was running around and saying hello to everyone until he ran into Zhongli. He bummed into Zhongli and fell back.

Zhongli looked down and offered a hand and kind smile. "Are you okay, little friend?" The little boy smiles cheerfully and took his hand and got up.

Once you came and bend your knees to check for wounds and see if he is okay, Zhongli was surprised and would greet you. You would greet him back and you would smile at him, while picking your son up.

However, once Zhongli saw the little boy do his dragon habits such as teething, or biting your shirt, he recognized it immediately.

At first he won't say anything and would act like nothing happen, he actually wait for you to reveal it.

However, once you didn't and you were gonna leave him, he immediately grabbed your shoulder, and will call you out. "This child...he is mine kin isn't he? Why weren't you willing to reveal this to me?"

Zhongli wants to be in this kid's life, he wants to pass down his knowledge and memories to him, he wants to teach him everything, this was new to him but he wants to be responsible.

Despite how harsh it is, a child between two lovers is a contract where they both need to parent, and he is happy to do it. He would really want to show his son the world and his victories.

Tighnari ── •✧• ──── •✧• ──── •✧• ──── •✧• ──

There would be two reason why you and Tighnari break up, one would be because he was too busy to even be in your life, and second would be that his scolding makes it hard for you to connect with him, as he was too nitpicky at the smallest things. This can be at small things such as how you handle things like chores, to bigger things like how you store items to quest to other things.

Things ended sadly, not miserable but, just it was sad and heartbreaking. It was hard to move on, the relationship you guys had was different but special.

You found out you were pregnant at a doctor check up one day, also because Sumeru had free healthcare so why not go to doctors as a hobby :)

You were freaking out, how do you take care of a fennec fox hybrid? What do they even eat? Should you only feed them veggies? Or feed them meat as well?

A lot of things were running in your head.

Years later, you got accustomed to your little girl, you groomed her tail and ears, and fed her what she liked.

You often go on walks in Sumeru forest, you wanted her to be in touch with her fox side. You want her to be free.

You patted her head, as you held her hand and walk, you stopped by a beautiful waterfall and watched. Your little girl was playing in the water.

Tighnari was behind you, stunned, he was processing, he already put two and two together, since he is a smartass from the smartass skool.

You turned around and jolted. "O-Oh, y-you are here..." You were startled.

It took him a few minutes to look at you and back at the little girl. His ears flopped a bit as she slowly pointed at the little girl speechless.

You sigh and nodded, knowing you can't outsmart him or lie to him.

You went to take your little girl's hand and brought her to him.

Tighnari kneeled down and took a good look at her, despite never meeting her, he knew, this little girl was his.

He would questioned and ask if you were a single mother and if you are seeing anyone, and would ask if maybe he can try being in her life, however he is just as busy, but he thought maybe take her on walks with him.

You were fine with it either way, you desire nothing from him though, if he wanted to be in your daughter's life, that's fine, but you want nothing to do with him.

He noticed this and felt conflicted.

Overtime, he would try and get you to trust him again, spend time with you and her as a family, but you would refuse and keep your distance.

Tighnari would be frustrated and sad over it, you can tell that his tail was losing hair, he understands why you refuse to take him back but Fennec Foxes mate for life.

It's in his nature, he wants to be dedicated to you, and he is becoming stressed from the rejection from you.

[br7ght]

top material (part two) Lucy Bronze

summary: You're convinced you're the only person that can make Lucy Bronze squirm, and while no one believes you, you're determined to prove it

warnings: dom!lucy, dom! reader, semi-public sex, fingering, cunnilingus, slightly rough, fight for dominance.

pairing: lucy bronze x reader

word count: 2500 (part 1)

read part one here for context if you wish.

Hope you all enjoy it! If you couldn't tell I have a desperate need for more topping lucy bronze smut fics because it's something I need in my life. all. the. time.

SMUT 18+

You had her right where you wanted her. Her brunette hair tied up in a messy bun was now against the back of the bathroom door, your hands against her hips as you hungrily swiped your tongue against hers, feeling a slight resistance but one that wasn’t going to be difficult for you to overcome. Everything was moving in a whirlwind of lust as your breath mingled together in desperation. Your lips were colliding together at a rapid pace leaving you both panting as you leaned harshly into her body.

Her hands were strong and confident, moving down your back to squeeze your ass making you whine into her mouth as the sheer material of your dress offered no protection against her nails digging forcefully into your skin. You grab her hands off your back, pinning her against the stall door, planting your lips against her neck, strategically looking at where you could mark her that would allow others to see your artwork against her skin. She didn’t moan or gasp in the way that she made you, she just hummed in pleasure her body tensing up as you look her skin between your teeth, darkening the marks that you lied out against her neck.

“Watch yourself.” She smirked, feeling the marks darken and smirking as she could feel how high up her neck you’d decided to kiss against.

“What? You don’t want Leah to see?” It was meant to come out as jokey and light, but instead your voice was laced with jealousy, and you could see her hand tightly gripping Leah’s thigh in the back of your mind as your foreheads touched, pulling her in for a forceful kiss again.

“Why? You jealous of her or something.” She grinned, barely being able to get a sentence out before your lips smashed against hers again, this time her bottom lip slipping between your teeth, and you use this opportunity to regain some level of dominance in the bathroom stall.

“You underestimate me.” You say, knowing that it was the most truthful thing you’d said for the whole evening. You knew the team overlooked you because of your feminine persona, but you knew how you could make Lucy Bronze shake underneath you and you were determined to put that thought to rest.

“Prove it then.” She was still fighting against your grip and her hands came free, gripping onto your hips as you kissed her against the door, slipping her clothed thigh between your legs and you felt her muscular tones grind against your center, pushing into your heat and the pressure made you gasp, not expecting the contact.

She pounces in your moment of weakness, and you feel your back hit where hers once was, allowing her even more freedom to push her thigh against you, the resistance of the solid frame behind you meaning you felt it even more intensely now. “Just let me take care of you, I can feel how much you need me already, I’ve always known.” She smirked, watching your eyes darken at the feeling of her thigh between your legs.

“Shut up Bronze.” You growled, trying your best to ignore her tight grip against your body, the heat of her lips traveling to the back of your throat as you attempted to not give her that satisfaction. You ripped your fingers against the button of her trousers, quickly unhooking the material and dipping your hand beneath her waistband, feeling the soaked material of her underwear beneath your fingers.

“You’re going to let me fuck you, do you understand?” You ask unrhetorically, waiting eagerly for her response, her hips buckling at the feeling of your hand against her heat. You go to remove your hand at the lack of reply, but she grabs your wrist keeping it down her trousers. She was desperately trying not to give in to you, but when you found her clothed clit beneath your fingers you knew you had broken her.

“Fuck yes fine, anything, just touch me.” She groaned and you smirked as you knew you had her now. You cupped her over her underwear before dragging them to the side and gliding your fingertip through her wetness. Her hand fell beside your face, leaning against the door with her arm supporting her body as her core got weaker every time you grazed against her folds.

“Is this all for me or am I sharing this with Leah as well?” You teased with a tinge of actual jealousy, feeling your fingers sink into her entrance without much need to work her up. She was practically dripping for you, your confidence clearly allowing her something she wasn’t used to during these situations.

“Fuck baby, no its all for you, all since you dragged me in here.” She says desperately, her voice was deep and raspier than usual, frustration caught in her throat as she leant over your body, her forehead resting against your shoulder. The pad of your thumb moved skilfully against her clit, two fingers pushing inside her with no resistance, and she groaned against your neck.

You’d never had such an urge of confidence like it, your wrist thrusting ferociously into her now, her trousers slowly slipping down her legs, and it was a sight you’d never thought you’d get to see. Her head was resting helplessly against your shoulder, her arm the only thing supporting her body in a standing position as you worked her up, trying to get her as close as you could as quickly as possible, and it was seemingly working as her breaths became increasingly laboured and breathy.

“Don’t stop baby, whatever you do, do not stop.” It was an order, but it was a desperate one at that, her voice muffled against your shoulder, but her spare hand found its way to the hem of your low-cut dress, tracing the neckline with her fingers before sliding her hand inbetween the material and your skin, kneading your breast with her palm and your head fell back against the bathroom door as your nipples hardened under her touch.

She pinched the bud between her fingers as your thrusts quickened and your thumb pressed slightly harder against her swollen clit, her arousal spreading beneath your fingers. You felt her thighs begin to tremble, her posture becoming less structured as her orgasm brimmed against your touch, you could feel her climax reaching as she moved her head from your shoulder, capturing your face in a heated kiss, her lips slowly stopping as she gasped into your mouth, the vibrations of her groans traveling through your body. The grip on your breast tightened and your spare hand held the back of her neck as her groans turned to light moans.

A steady orgasm peaked and her body shook, barely being able to stand as you worked her through her climax. Her lips were still slightly ajar against yours, not moving against each other but still locked to one another as you slowed your movements.

“You were right, I did underestimate you.” She nervously laughed as she touched her forehead against yours, planting a kiss against your forehead. You matched her laugh in a more mocking tone.

“You don’t know nothing yet.” You grinned as you used her post-orgasm weakness to flip your positions again, her back slamming against the door and a loud groan escaping her lips as she watched you with awe as you dropped to your knees, pulling her trousers and underwear from her legs in one swift motion.

“Fucking hell, let me touch you, I want to return the favour.” She pleaded but not in desperation, more out of not being used to having all the attention put on her pleasure, not knowing how to deal with it.

“And you will darling, but not until I’ve tasted you.” You said, your veins pulsating with adrenaline as your hands dragged up the back of her thighs, pulling her heat towards your face, your need to know what she tasted like overpowering your usual slow teasing pace you liked to use on other women, but with Lucy it was different. There was a dire need to have each other, wanting to devour the other woman and you couldn’t be slow and gentle even if you tried, there was too much between you to take a teasing approach. 

You lifted her thigh over your shoulder, giving you a clear view of her folds glistening in her arousal, you could see her pussy reacting to every breath you took near her, lying your flat tongue against her entire slit, feeling her hips slip underneath you, gaining a level of contact that made her weak in the knees.

“My god, you’re really fucking good.” She whimpered and you’d never heard anything like it, her confidence had broken down and her vulnerability was right in front of your face and as you dipped your tongue between her folds and the way she tasted was something you’d never want to forget. Her light moans against your tongue quickened and her hands fell into your hair, gripping onto you as a signal that she wanted you to devour her as well as you possibly could and who would you be if you didn’t give a begging Lucy what she wanted.

You dragged your tongue from her entrance, encircling her clit with sharp strokes that made her grips tighten and you heard a bang as her head fell back against her door, pulling your face closer to where she needed her. You took her clit between your lips, sucking gently which made her gasp in a way that wouldn’t convince anyone that she was usually in charge with other women. That was certainly hard to believe you thought as you looked up at her, glancing at the way her eyes were shut, her face twitching with every swipe of your tongue.

You were eagerly watching and feeling for her body to react positively to each new way you swiped your tongue against her clit, wanting to remember how you made her tremble beneath your mouth. You wanted to know what made her grip your hair tighter, more desperate for your tongue to drive her into her second release. Her body had grown tired but once you found the exact rhythm she needed to push her through her second orgasm, you stuck at it, determined that you would stay on your knees until she was finished getting off on your tongue.  

Her hips started to grind against your tongue, her low groans sometimes slipping into sharp moans, but once you hardened your muscle against her clit, she groaned your name loud enough for anyone in the bathroom to hear and that sent a rush of arousal to your already dripping core. Hearing your name escape her lips was like everything you ever needed all wrapped into how her leg was gripping your body closer to her cunt.

You continued your movements and there she was, your name tumbling from her lips as her second climax reached its peak, her breathy groans forcing you to push away the feeling of your jaw beginning to clamp up, but there was no way you were going to stop until she had ridden out her orgasm, her hips uncontrollably jerking against your mouth, her arousal lacing your lips and seeping in against your tastebuds.  

Once her fingers released from your scalp you knew to still your tongue as she wrapped her sweating hands around your face, guiding you back up as she smiled at you with her smeared all around your lips. She kisses you gently, her tongue darting out against your lip, groaning deeply at the taste of herself. “I admit I was wrong.” She whispered, almost embarrassed as her cheeks flushed rosé.

“Wrong about what hm?” You teased into her ear, admiring the marks against her neck that poked out from under her cropped shirt.

“I guess you can be classed as top material.” Her face had admitted defeat as her legs were still trembling from your talented touches. Her praise made you whimper against her lips, and she knew from the singular sound that she needed to touch you, needed to make you feel how you’d made her feel. “Let me return the favour, please.”

You nod and her energy instantly regenerates, passionately colliding your lips together as her hands bunched up your dress, hitching the bottom around your waist before turning you around, both palms flat against the side of the bathroom stall, her hand dragging up your back, parting your thighs as you feel her body push against yours, making you stand flush against the wall.

“Fuck me Lucy, God I’ve never needed anyone more.” You urged and she wasn’t going to tease you, not now you’ve really proven yourself against her false accusations. She instantly complied to your request, squeezing your ass cheek before trailing her finger between your folds, nudging your underwear to the side, and gathering the wetness that she found up her fingers before pushing two into your entrance and the adrenaline running through your body clouding your judgement as the sinful moan you let from your lips echoed throughout the women’s bathroom.

“I can hear that.” She hummed in satisfaction, not the type to care if anybody knew that she was making those sounds come from your lips at nothing more than two fingers pushing inside of you. Your back arched into her thrusts, your lip between your teeth as you attempted to remain quiet for the sake of your reputation. However, when her hand gripped your hair, tugging harshly to pull your head back you couldn’t hold any sound in anymore, each curl of her fingers brushing against your g-spot and she was indulging herself in the sounds you were making. “Just let go, I can feel you getting close already.” She encouraged, smirking as she knew your body better than you already, you’d barely ever been able to get to climax from just penetration, but the way her long fingers were grazing your sensitive spot was different to anything you’d felt before, the intensity doubling with each pump into you.

“Fuck Luce, harder please.” You didn’t have to ask her twice, you felt her thrusts get stronger almost instantly and you were convinced that this was barely full effort for her, yet beads of sweat dripped down your back, her spare hand snaked around your body, reaching around your neck, and squeezing harshly against the sides of your throat. Your breath hitched as your moans got cut off along with the oxygen flow to your head and you felt dizzy with each thrust, your orgasm building quickly and forcefully, more than you’d ever felt before.

She had no intention of stopping, wanting to see you squirm against the wall, your back arching even further and she couldn’t take her eyes off the way your body reacted to her touch, she didn’t think anything, or anyone could top the view she was getting of you. It was your turn for her name to tumble from your lips now as you climaxed, the feeling of finally getting your release overwhelming all of your senses until her hand loosened its grip around your neck. You could barely catch your breath as you rode out the aftershocks of your orgasm, her harsh thrusts stilling to gentle grazes before pulling out of you and readjusting your dress around your thighs.

“I think we make a pretty good pair don’t you think.” Lucy grinned against your blushing face as you turned back around, pulling your underwear back up and not an inch of shame flooding to your face, nothing but desire and gratification filling your head.

“You know what they say,” You smirk, watching as Lucy’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “Two tops make a right.”

She let out a genuine laugh, stroking the stray strand of hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear, “No one has ever said that before, but I think you might be right.”

[sky-scribbles]

There's some kind of connecting thread - and I can't quite articulate what it is - between Laudna's reaction to Bor'dor's betrayal, her reaction to Ashton taking the fire shard, and Orym carrying Otohan's sword.

In all three situations, someone deeply, deeply hurt did something that was grounded in their personal grief. And in all three cases, Laudna's reaction was of extreme, personal betrayal. (This isn't critical of Laudna, btw; she's a fascinating character and I think Marisha is doing an incredible job of leaning into the reality of how trauma can make you act in heightened, messy ways that are very difficult for everyone around you.)

Everyone was hurt and shaken by what happened with Bor'dor and Ashton, and understandably so, but I think it's telling that Laudna phrased both events as, specifically, a betrayal. 'I can't be betrayed again,' as she drains the life from Bor'dor (as opposed to, say, Orym's attitude toward killing Bor'dor, which was less 'we need to kill him because he betrayed us' and more 'this is a grim necessity, because we are at war.') Ashton does something incredibly ill-judged, and Laudna's interepretation of it is 'they betrayed us.'

Orym takes Otohan's sword, and Laudna sees it, again, as a personal affront. She challenges him for having the audacity to carry it. The sword killed her. (It also killed half the people in the room, including Orym.)

Something... something about how Laudna saw Ashton trying to absorb a powerful magical artefact because he'd convinced himself it was the right thing to do, and felt so injured that she ran into the forest for a night. Something about how Laudna tried to absorb a magical artefact because she'd convinced herself that it was the right thing to do, and felt injured by Orym's defiance.

I don't have a clear point here; Laudna isn't a character I've studied as closely as some others (and I would very much appreciate anyone who has been analysing her more deeply offering any input!) But one thought I had is this: Laudna once said that the worst thing that could have happened to her has already happened. And I think maybe Laudna sees what happened to her as the worst thing that could happen to anyone. It seems hard for her to understand how much the actions of those around her - be it Bor'dor being radicalised, Ashton going about their attempt to understand themself in entirely the wrong way, Orym trying to reclaim a painful piece of his past and turn it into a promise - can be rooted in a pain that might be equal to her own.

Of course, it's hard to tell how much of it is Laudna at this point and how much is Delilah, but... honestly, it is such a bold choice for Marisha to do this. Because this is what trauma does. It makes things feel personal that might not be directed at you at all. It makes your grief into an enormous monolith that towers over your life, and can overshadow, in your head, anyone else's. It makes you want to protect yourself in every way possible when a flicker of it occurs again.

And... I think it's another sign of how much Delilah is taking from Laudna. Because who in this story has been fixated on their own grief and loss, to the point of ignoring the pain they cause in their attempt to fix that loss at any cost, than Delilah Briarwood?

[lemotmo]

I was hoping someone would ask her this. I know that makes me terrible 😅

Q. I don't know that you can look at it as the show or Tim not bothering to use him. It might actually be they're just being selective about when and how they use him. That might be a good thing.

A. Okay, I understand that at this point you all don't really have a lot of cards left to play so I get the need to make 'they're being strategic with how they use him' sound remotely plausible. It's not. That is not at all what they're doing. Mentioning his name costs them nothing. A line here or there to establish his presence, especially with Buck, costs them nothing. It's the easiest way to work a non main into the narrative. The problem with giving Buck and Eddie love interests separate from one another was always going to be figuring out how to work that person into the narrative consistently enough to compete with the BuckandEddie thing. On paper Tommy is the easiest love interest, by far, to work into the narrative. It's not hard at all to find places you could realistically slot him into. Look at how much they have inserted Brad into Bobby's narrative. And he doesn't fit in nearly as neatly as Tommy does. But the show has done it, and they've done it believably. He doesn't feel shoehorned into his scenes. They make sense. The show is more than capable of using Tommy effectively. If that's what they wanted to do. They're not using him because they don't need him. Tommy was never the point. Him being male was the point.

It was always going to be difficult to bring in someone and get the audience to a place where they would want Buck or Eddie to have the moments or conversations, that they would normally have with one another, with their love interest instead of each other. It was going to take effort. You don't need a ton of scenes but you need meaningful scenes. Scenes that show a genuine connection. And the show has made a point of not giving them any kind of emotionally connecting scenes. Oliver has even basically confirmed that in all of his interviews. Their relationship is not deep. They're avoiding that connection, or most likely Buck, is avoiding that connection. The reason why Buck is avoiding those conversations is the point of his story, and what we've yet to learn. Tommy is the amalgamation of every relationship Buck has had throughout the series. He is all of his love interests rolled into one. The age difference and teacher role of Abby, the fun doesn't want anything too deep and messy of Ali, the we're completely different and incompatible but attracted to one another and Buck wants to make it work of Taylor, and finally to the relationship in name only of Natalia. Tommy is all of those things. The only difference is he's male. His maleness was and is the only important thing about him in terms of Buck's storyline. He is the last piece before Buck figures himself out. There isn't a nicer way to say that. His only important trait is being male. He's a walking, talking plot device.

They're not being subtle about where this Eddie storyline is going. They're not. It's not hard to follow the yellow brick road here. Last night was the official start of his coming out arc. You can pretend you didn't see it. You can pretend the subtext and undertones of his entire plot last night wasn't what it clearly was, but it won't change the reality of what we all can see coming. My ask box indicates most of you can see what is happening here. Some of you can keep denying, that's your fandom right, but it won't change the storyline. If Tommy was ever going to be a genuine factor they would have leaned into him more, especially where Buck is concerned. They didn't do that. They leaned even more into Buddie. They have added an unnecessary Buddie moment into each episode so far. And that dates back to the start of last season. To make any other love interest remotely viable they needed to adjust the way they write Buddie and instead they doubled down on them. Buck's entire plot last night was how differently he reacted to and dealt with finding himself in the very same position Tommy was in back in season 2. They spent the entire episode highlighting how differently they handled the same situation. That's the point. And it wasn't a point in their relationships favor. They are massively different people. I have said all along that I don't think they're going to turn Tommy into the bad guy on his way out the door, and the way they handled Gerard last night, gross, further proves that belief. They're just incompatible. Something Buck probably already knows but is avoiding dealing with at the moment. Allowing Buck the agency to make the breakup about what is right for him, and only him, is the correct way to go. Giving him the ability to identify, recognize and finally walk away from the pattern is the growth he's earned. And having it happen an episode before or even during Eddie's big moment is deliberate. This is only going to go one way. Pretending you don't see the train coming isn't going to make it stop.

Thank you so much Nonny! As always, much appreciated.

And thank you Ali for saying the things we have all been repeating into infinity, but summarizing it so neatly and making it easy to understand for everyone who desperately needs to hear it.

I'm just leaving this here without adding anything. I feel all that needed to be said has been said and to be completely honest? I'm tired of talking about the guy. 🤷‍♀️

IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[mins-fins]

this is your day — [ mark lee — 엔시티. ]

kissing help.. it's just kissing help! nobody look at mark for too long | now playing ❀

it's not like mark lee to suddenly be uninspired.

it isn't necessarily a fit of writers block, mark has already faced such a prospect enough times to know the exact details of it's face. getting an ounce of sleep won't help with his current inner turmoil, god fuck creative writing, it's never this difficult when his conscious is bright and clear.

but no, now that the night sky is shrouded in darkness and his eyes can only make it astral pictures in it's expanse, his brain has gone blank. the running track of ideas that scream ideally during the day have now gone to sleep.

mark wishes he could relate to such a thing in the current moment.

kissing scenes are the bane of his entire existence, he thinks they should be eradicated from society and beheaded at the stake.

a little overdramatic, but he believes it's justified.

and mark lee only really clicks one solution to that problem.

"you better give me an amazing reason as to why you called me".

mark has half a mind to laugh at the sight of your messy hair, but your eyes flicker, you practically dare him to say something. he hears you cussing at him in your mind, lips turned downward and an eyebrow raise accompanying your irritation.

you click your tongue, head tilted to the side, fatigue swirling around in your dark brown eyes.

mark backs up into nothing, suddenly feeling exposed under your gaze. "canyoukissme?"

it can barely even be called a sentence, he simply smooshes it all together in the hope that you somehow understand him anyway. you narrow your eyes, exhaustion rendering you unable to decipher the mess of a mix that was. "repeat that?"

mark considers jumping out of his window in the current moment. "can you kiss me?" he stares down in shame, getting nothing but absolute silence from you.

he readies up a laugh, the words just kidding on the tip of his tongue, but then you snicker, clear lethargy concealed behind the amusement you display. "are you in love with me or something?"

"no, no! don't take that the wrong way i just— i don't even know why i asked that i'm sorry!"

mark covers his face now tinted pink with embarrassment, shielding himself from the next response he may receive as a result of that stupid fucking question.

"is this a joke?"

"no.. listen! i'm uninspired" mark still avoids your eyes even after his hands fall from his face. "and i need to write a kissing scene but i also need to kiss someone because that kiss would give me the inspiration i need.."

his teeth grit, and you give a stare reminiscent of a mother watching the weird shit her child does. "so you called me first?"

to be fair, mark could've called someone else, but it'd be even more embarrassing having to explain it to some of his other friends compared to how it is with you.

"you know donghyuck, he'd murder me if i asked to kiss him".

"but you can kiss me?"

if you stop asking questions mark will stop thinking so deeply about this. it's just helpful kissing, it should be platonic, it should not be this serious.

if it wasn't that serious mark wouldn't have asked you to kiss him in the first place.

"you owe me a favor".

you again stare, expression indecipherable, an insult on the tip of your tongue, mark determines that by the glimmer of indignation your eyes hold.

you click your tongue. "if you wanted to kiss me so bad you didn't have to come up with this elaborate lie".

"it's not a lie" his head motions in the direction of his open laptop, he successfully avoids your eyes even as you step closer. "i'm seriously uninspired".

you simply hum, your gentle hand cradling his jaw. well there's no way mark can actively avoid your gaze now, you're practically holding his face in place, you can simply dictate his movements.

nothing more is said when you surge forward to press your lips against his. the immediate word that comes to mark's mind is soft, and it isn't just your lips either, but the motions in which your thumb caresses the side of his cheek.

the breath you release contains the beginnings of a laugh, but maybe you're too focused on this.. "favor" (that could be debated) to deliver such a blow.

mark's head may begin spinning, your hand sliding down towards the nape of his neck. it being the middle of the night in early march seems to dissipate as the heat in the room simply rises, it isn't even that intense, but it is so hot.

he's sure his cheeks are a compromising shade of red, maybe an indication that he's enjoying this too much.

when you pull away, mark's eyes are blown out in a wide stare, cheeks flushed with something other than embarrassment. you blink for a moment, then finally decide to release that laughter. "was that good enough for you?"

mark simply stares for a moment, words dying down in his throat as you await his response, yet he remains completely speechless.

another eyebrow raise. "hello? is anyone in there?"

you snap your fingers in his face, and mark clears his throat with his words sputtering. "yeah yeah that was—" —amazing— "—good, fine.. thank you" he whispers, resisting the temptation of pulling you in for another one.

it was just some stupid favor.

you roll your eyes, landing a light slap on his cheek. "whatever, just don't call me again in the middle of the night for.. inspiration".

mark can finally avoid your eyes successfully, his tongue licking at his teeth. his silence earns a snort from you. "unless you want for me to sleep with you next".

mark sucks his teeth. "don't joke about that".

"nothing is a joke to you anymore".

your lips turn up at the look you receive, and you whistle as you wave a dismissive hand. "good night mark".

mark crosses his legs in his chair, his eyes explore every nook and cranny of the room. "night y/n".

he doesn't know what he expected, but it wasn't that.

[targaryenrealnessdarling]

Every Little Bit | Billy Washington x SexuallyConfident!reader

Summary: Billy has never been the confident one in the relationship. So you endeavour to make him feel how he deserves | Word Count: | Warnings below the cut!

Links to my Taglists: General Taglist | Billy W Taglist

requested by @randomdragonfires, sorry it's taken me so long to get round to it 😅

Warnings: mentions of a bad past relationship, p in v sex, mentions of feeling inadequate, confidence issues, masturbation (f and m), cumplay, voyeurism, use of sex toys, overstim

Out of all the guys she’d been with, Billy Washington seemed the most innocent-looking.

He had the face for it. With those big blue eyes, messy blonde hair and the irresistible way he would nervously lick his soft pink lips when he was anxious.

In complete contrast to that, he was tall, broad, with a sharp jawline and a sometimes striking gaze when his eyelids were hooded. Sometimes she found herself just looking at his hands as he wringed them, how his long, thick fingers curled around each other, tucking into his palms.

She wasn’t ashamed to say that it excited her.

He was a somewhat introverted guy, she found out. But it was endearing. He was a listener, when he was sober, fading into the background as much as a tall guy could, his eyes darting to whoever was speaking. But when he had a drink in his hand and some beer in his belly, he began to come out of his shell a little, yet still softly spoken. Choosing his words carefully to not draw too much attention to himself.

It was a shame, she mused.

She chalked it up mostly to his ex-girlfriend, who, from what she’d heard, had done very little to quell his nerves and insecurities. In fact, it seemed like she nurtured them, in order to perhaps feel better about herself.

That was the biggest crime of all. Forcing Billy to feel lesser than he was.

Than he deserved.

In their moments of quiet within his flat, legs tangled beneath the sheets, with his head pressed between her shoulder and chest as she absent-mindedly played with his hair, he would often say.

“Why the hell are you with a guy like me?”

The question didn’t come from nowhere. It was a familiar one, and asked often.

She never knew why he’d even ask?

“You could have any guy you wanted”

But she wants him.

What about that is so difficult to understand?

She quickly discovered though, that it was because Billy thought he wasn’t satisfying her.

So often had his ex expressed disappointment, with faked orgasms or huffs of annoyance, that Billy thought himself incapable of giving a single female pleasure.

She thought it was absurd.

The way Billy approached sex was another thing.

It was clear he wasn’t confident, unclear more so if he ever had been. He’d obviously had his fair share of girlfriends, had sexual relationships with most of them, but had never really allowed himself to be vulnerable with any of them intimately.

Not to mention, she doubted he’d ever divulged what he liked.

A people pleaser, through and through.

She knew he was only human. That beneath that good boy exterior there was something. Things he liked, but wouldn’t dare to ask for. Things he might have wanted to do to her, but wouldn’t say out loud.

It was a mission, to find out what made Billy Washington click.

Being unapologetically sexual was never an issue for her. Nor communication with previous partners (at least on her side anyway). Not that she was perfect in her opinion by any stretch, but she always, always, knew what she wanted. In her eyes, there was no need to be embarrassed about what you desire, or about telling that to the person that you trust and love.

Clearly, Billy’s trust had been shattered before she came into his life.

She looked up from her phone as she heard the front door, the clanging of keys in a bowl and shuffling of long, muffled footsteps.

A mischievous smile grew on her face as she laid atop his bed, in only his long t-shirt and nothing else, one hand pressed between her mid thighs to warm and comfort the hand that wasn't scrolling through her phone.

She heard his exasperated sigh and saw his sandy, blond hair as he turned towards the bedroom, halting on the spot as his baby blue eyes locked onto her legs first, trailing upwards to where the skin was covered by his shirt.

His cheeks were flushed. He'd obviously had a pint.

"Have a good time?", she asked warmly.

She saw him swallow thickly, his full lips parting to remember to breathe, "Mmhm".

Flopping her phone onto the bedside table, she rested her head in her palm, "What's up?"

Billy had to shake his head a few times to rid himself of what he thought was a trance, no doubt doubled by the little bit of alcohol in his system, "U-uh, nothing…" he murmured, pulling off his jacket  and stepping across the threshold.

"Were you uh…waiting up for me?", Billy asked with a hint of hope in his voice that was difficult to miss.

She slides off the bed, shuffling up to his tall, broad figure, having to crane her neck to look at him properly through her eyelashes. Billy shivers noticeably as her hands drift across his chest, her fingers teasing the skin of his torso through the thin fabric of his shirt.

Though they'd been together for some time, even Billy understood, there was something different about tonight.

"What if I was?", she replies, a teasing lilt to her voice that makes Billy's hairs stand up on end.

He presses his lips together, feeling increasingly pent up by the second, as if her touch is setting off a chain reaction inside him, and he is fit to burst.

“What if I was thinking about you?”, she muses in a low tone, smiling when she feels him tense under her touch.

“About me?...”

“Yeah”

“In…what way?” he asks innocently.

She thinks, feigning disinterest for a moment as she bites her lip.

“I’ve been thinking, that you don’t tell me what you want”.

She watches his brows lower a bit in confusion, “...what I want?”

“Mmhm”, she replies, “in the bedroom anyway”.

“Oh”

She smiled with delight as his cheeks warmed, the redness blooming over his face, making his deep, blue eyes gleam from beneath his sweeping blonde hair.

Almost in a trance, Billy's hands drift beneath her arms to her waist, sucking the large shirt she wore to the actual shape of her body. She watched his face as his lips parted.

Billy didn't know what to say.

"I, uh…"

"You can tell me, Billy" she reassured quietly, watching his breath hitch, and his chest move more steadily as her fingers brushed the skin beneath his shirt.

She stopped when his hands came to hers, to gently, but firmly, push them off him.

“Not tonight…” he whispered, so quiet she nearly had to strain to hear him, “...please”.

How he said it was so vulnerable, his eyes blinking quickly, that she knew and took the cue to not even go about asking what was really wrong with him. She suspected it was something much deeper, something that needed a lengthy explanation, and one that right now he couldn’t give her.

She gave him a reassuring smile, letting him know that he needn’t feel like he was disappointing her.

She thought with a warmth in her heart, that Billy had come home, wavy from only one pint, only wanting to be held, have her fingers stroking his hair until he fell asleep.

So tonight, without judgement, she gave him comfort.

And would let him come to her when he was ready.

She loved mornings like this.

Lazy, hazy Saturdays.

The middle of the weekend. Leaving the stressful memory of Friday, flung headlong into the lull that Saturday offered, and without the threat of Sunday, knowing that the work week would just continue all over again.

With the bed sheets tucked around her idly, she scrolled through her phone with heavy eyelids, she could hear the faint tapping of the shower in the background and the occasional splash of water as Billy washed his hair.

The dust was illuminated as it drifted through the air, the atmosphere one a kind of homely, cosiness. The music from one of the speakers in the other room filled the gentle silence.

It was so domestic, she could only describe it that way. One that filled a space inside her that made her feel as if she could stay like this forever.

She thought of him, in the shower, water running off of him and his blonde hair all wet and pushed back from his forehead with his fingers. And for some reason, though they’d been together a long time, the idea of that still excited her.

It was useless to ignore how she pressed her thighs together.

It had been a few days since she and Billy were last intimate. And though she tried the night before, it was clear as anything he was in no mood for anything overtly sexual, favouring instead to bask in their closeness. She didn’t mind it. She would much rather him state if he wasn’t in the mood, than for him to push it aside, and struggle to keep the momentum going and be passionate once they were in the throes of it.

Because that would only fuel the inadequacy Billy felt.

And she wasn’t having that.

Tucking her phone beneath the pillow, she sighed as her hand slipped between her legs, finding herself already wet and wanting at the mere thought of her boyfriend in the shower. If she weren’t so pent up, she would have said to herself it was slightly pathetic, to be this aroused just by thinking about someone she saw everyday naked.

But she just couldn’t help herself.

She pressed her lips together, suppressing a sound that bubbled up there as her digits moved through her slick folds, her hips jolting slightly when her middle finger began to rub in micro-movements over her bud. Imagining it was him. His long,thick fingers…

She sunk further into the bed, the idle sound of muffled music in the background granting her the confidence to part her lips and let her quiet moans rumble in her chest.

With one hand pleasuring herself, the other slipped beneath her shirt to touch her own breast, again pretending they were his, large and calloused, gripping at her flesh hungrily, squeezing her nipples between his fingers desperately.

That dull buzz began to throb between her legs, and she paid more attention to her clit where she increased her movements.

Her head whipped to the doorway, her eyes flying open and breath caught in her chest, all movements ceased.

Her first instinct was to blush in embarrassment as Billy stood in the doorway, his blue eyes slowly drifting from where her hands were tucked and then to her eyes, absorbing the hedonistic and shy expression on her face.

Billy just stood there, clad only in his sweatpants that hung lowly on his hips, and the appearance of his body so unabashedly bared, the little trail of dark blonde hair leading down from his navel beneath the waistband, made that little buzz only ache tighter inside her. His hair was towel dried and pushed back off his forehead, the sandy strands darkened with moisture and laying messily on his head.

She wanted to say something, but nothing came out.

He saw her swallow nervously, seeing her not know what to do as he’d happened upon her in a very delicate moment, so lost in her pleasure that she had not heard him turn off the shower and open the door.

Her mouth went dry as she saw beneath his dark sweatpants, that he was undeniably hard, his erection pressed against his thigh.

Billy breathed steadily, his eyes flitting down once he realised she had stopped what she’d been doing.

His throat bobbed and he wet his lips as he spoke, “Keep going”.

Heat crawled up her neck to her face, and she was certain she was blushing furiously at what he’d said.

Never in their relationship had she seen him speak to her like he just had. All low and deep in his chest, with his usually gleaming, blue eyes darkened by his pupils expanding into the colour.

After she was sure she heard him correctly, she resumed her motions slowly at first, getting back into the motion steadily as she had before. Her head felt like it was full of hot air, once she saw Billy’s large hand slip past the waistband of his sweatpants and grip his length in his palm. Even from her spot on the bed, she saw the way he fisted his erection, his eyes fixed on her core, all wet and hot, peeking out from beneath the hem of his own shirt.

It felt so erotic, pleasuring himself when he was right there watching her, annoyingly far away where she couldn’t touch him.

A sound largely between a groan of annoyance and a moan of pleasure as her movements increased tumbled past her lips. And she was sure that she saw Billy’s eyes light up as he saw how irritated she was that she couldn’t reach out to him. To touch him as she so often couldn’t help herself from doing when they were intimate with each other.

“Billy...” she breathed, hoping that her tone of voice would be enough.

“Show me” his voice was firm, but with a waver at the end as his motions beneath his sweatpants increased, his chest all tense as his core tightened with pleasure.

Feeling her face all hot with both embarrassment and arousal, she pushed her ankles apart even more, doing as he said and exposing herself to him as he pleasured herself, finally sinking her fingers inside her. Her arousal audibly clicked against her fingers as she hastened her ministrations, trying so badly to achieve fulfilment herself.

But with him in the room, so far away but within reach, all she felt was that she needed him to give it to her.

Billy sighed, his pink lips parted as his gaze returned to her weeping arousal between her legs, seeing the effect he had on her without having touched her.

Using his other hand, he pushed the waistband slightly off his hip, pulling his length from its confines to show her the effect that she had on him.

She felt her insides clench around nothing, hungrily wanting him inside her when she saw him pleasure himself, his fingers wrapped around his cock and pumping in sure, confident movements.

She thought that if she closed her eyes and opened them again, he might take pity on her and just come over to the bed and fuck her, as she so desperately wanted. In all their relationship, she’d never been left wanting for him, ever. She’d always been the one to give to him, to give him pleasure, and in the bargain have some fun for herself, as she so often enjoyed feeling as if she was the only one who could give it to him.

And right now, she thought he must look utterly pathetic, not even having the energy to beg for him to fuck her.

The ends of his hair had begun to dry and she felt her tummy do backflips as he moved from the doorway towards her. Without thinking, she had slowed her movements, expecting him to have finally caved.

The mattress dipped at her ankles where he was knelt, but other than the brush of them against her flesh, he didn’t touch her, and he certainty hadn’t ceased the movements of his hand around his length.

Now, knelt over her like this, his tall form casting somewhat of a shadow over hers, she felt her walls flutter around her own fingers with excitement, desperate to be stretched to accommodate to his length that was so close to her.

“I don’t think I said stop, did I?”

She felt her mouth go all dry, the strands of his hair moving with every tug of his fist on his cock.

Billy looked down at her, watching with a sort of curiosity as she resumed, taking his words to heart. Wanting to please him.

She’d never felt so small in her life.

And, fuck, it was exciting to see this side of him.

He began to pump his cock in earnest, a slight pinkness to his cheeks from the effort, lips parted in hurried breath. He reached over, into the bedside table and threw the mini vibrator he knew was there onto the spot next to her.

She looked up in brief confusion, he wasn’t going to use it on her?

She felt entirely pent up, just wanting him to touch her.

“Billy, please…” she caved and begged, her face warm with slight humiliation at having to ask.

He batted her hand away when she tried to touch his torso, watching with a blank expression at the brief annoyance on her face.

“You can touch me when you cum”.

He had such a serious expression on his face, it was difficult to detect any sign in him that he was actually enjoying this.

She swallowed thickly and gasped when her other hand pressed the vibrator against her clit, pleasuring herself in two separate ways as her fingers continued to shallowly slide inside her with a wet, soft smack of her arousal. Having these two sensations at once was borderline overwhelming.

And part of her was flushed, that Billy was just right there, pleasuring himself while he watched her.

She closed her eyes, but Billy was quick to it.

“Look at me”.

She felt her core tighten impossibly, her movements becoming quicker and more needy as she neared that point of no return. The point where she would lose herself entirely.

And so she pressed the vibrator against her clit harder, using her slick to move it around in micro-movements as she canted her hips up to assist the friction there. Her eyes pulled up to him, and for some reason, looking into his eyes as he stared down at her instead of watching the way he pleasured himself right in front of her, was much much more intimate and erotic.

Billy himself began to breathe heavier, his chest moving erratically up and down, a sheen of sweat over his skin there, his grip on himself tightening.

“You close?” he asked breathily, feeling as if he was about to explode with arousal.

She nodded quickly, and without noticing circled the vibe around her bud, aided by how wet she was, “Yes - yes, Billy -”

She felt her hips shift down into the bed, thighs shaking as her orgasm rolled over her in waves. Her fingers dragged through her fluttering walls, the vibrator still buzzing incessantly on her clit as the numbness flooded her limbs, warmth flooding through her to the place where she needed him the most.

She wanted to pull the vibe away, overstimulation beginning to gnaw at her pleasure, but as soon as the thought crossed her mind, she looked up at Billy again when his other hand reached down and held her wrist in place. His eyes boring down into hers, just daring her to say something in response.

But she didn’t.

“-fuck, Billy-” she whined, her stomach clenching and unclenching in brief discomfort as yet another rush threatened to overcome her. Her lips hung open, and she wanted to shut her eyes badly, to cut off at least one feeling so that she could concentrate on the other between her legs.

It was too much.

She thought with a sort of bashfulness that she wanted to cum again purely at the feeling of his fingers on her flesh.

She felt moisture around her eyes, the pleasure so closely nearing on pain, but never quite overstepping that fine line between them. It was almost as if she could feel every erratic beating of her heart through her core, the second orgasm completely draining all the energy out of her.

Billy moaned loudly, partly cut off with a full body shudder as he tugged at his length to completion. The moan lingering on his sweet voice as he painted her pussy with his cum, sighing as he continued to pump himself, as if the sight of her covered in his spend was just too erotic to comprehend.

She flinched, her hips jolting upwards to meet him when he leaned down to rub the head of his cock over her clit and entrance, smearing his cum over her pussy, in a gesture that tugged at that pleasurable spot deep in her gut.

The only sound either of them were able to make were the tired remnants of moans on their hurried breaths.

When her heavy eyelids lifted to him again, she thought he looked like a piece of art. Broad and tall, his flesh tied with wiry muscle, subtle beneath the soft surface of his skin.

And for a moment, as Billy rode out his high that seemed to take everything out of him, they simply looked at each other as if something in the dynamic of their relationship had irrevocably changed.

There was something else in his baby blue eyes she’d never seen before. A shift.

Something inside him had been awakened, like he had enjoyed exerting a power and assertiveness over her that he’d never tried before.

He reached over, his palm pressing into the space on the mattress next to her head as he leaned over her. Her lips parted in surprise and pleasure when he dipped down and slid his length past her slick folds and slowly sank inside her, stretching her already abused and tender walls out around him, moulding her insides to the shape of him.

Billy sighed, his eyes fluttering shut at the feeling of her pussy gripping him hungrily, already clenching around his overly-sensitive cock. But as soon as his eyes opened again, his face now close to hers as he pushed inside her to the hilt, the hair at the base of him brushing against her clit, she raised her legs to hook around his hips.

And felt as if she���d seen someone else she’d never met before.

Her eyes rolled shut as his palm laid flat on her tummy, drifting up and taking the shirt with it, palming needily at her breasts as he began a mercifully soft and careful pace.

One she had no doubt would become more eager.

Part of her worried she wouldn’t leave this bed for a long while. The other wanted to smile, happy that Billy had felt comfortable and confident enough, finally, to demonstrate what he really, really wanted.

It seemed trivial perhaps to some, that a confidence, even sexually, could give so much power to a person and enhance the personality that was already there. To help them feel as loved as they deserved to feel.

She’d suspected for so long that he’d been hiding something. Something he was too nervous to ask for. Fearing perhaps that she would judge him.

But as he pressed his chest to hers, his hands snaking around her waist and her buttocks to push her body up to meet his desperate thrusts, she only felt relieved and undeniably happy, that she had been able to give him this freedom.

And she thought with a hint of selfishness…

…that she could get used to this.

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This new chapter is so real. It made me remember many things i’ve forgotten from my hospital/treatment days. Not in a bad way but hitting quite close to home. One thing I remembered was how our doctors and counselors viewed friendships/relationships between patients. Communicating outside was pretty frowned upon and being in a relationship with another patient would get out kicked out at the very least. Anyway, the part that really hit was the phone call. The effect that continuing these relationships can have when both parties are in different places in their journey. It’s tough because you bond over something heavy something you might hide from others in your life. Something that is a big part of you, something that you struggle with. In a way it’s like you can be your true self. Without having to put up the facade to keep those around from being uncomfortable. It gives the friendship a sort of depth. But we all progress and heal at different rates. It’s not a one size fits all situation when in comes to treatment. I have been in both positions. Being the person stuck while others come and go. Then later having to move on needing to do what is best for me. It’s difficult for both. But hearing about relapses or certain thoughts from a friend. When you have finally found some stability or are close to falling back into old habits. It can be so triggering. Which makes you have to decide. Do I stick with this person who I connected with at my lowest point? When I am so easily reminded of things i’ve barely just moved on from. Or do I let go and focus on the future? It sucks either way. But it does explain why the doctors say what they say about patient relationships. Though I know it’s not like that for every situation. Anyway, sorry for so many words! I probably have more to say but imma chill out. Just wanna say WOW! Loving the story, it’s relatable(maybe I shouldn’t be too proud of that idk) and thought-provoking. Really got me thinking about things which I don’t normally do. And it ain’t actually that bad. Hope my words made sense. Great work👍🌈😃

So this was the first ask about the second chapter that I got and can I just say thank you?? 🙏

I was so nervous and reading this so soon after it came out was so immensely relieving to me. Back where I was, patient relationships didn't get you kicked out, but we did have a couple and everyone kinda knew they were together but refrained from addressing it bc we all just agreed it'd make things way too messy if we did. Even though, literally, everyone knew. Very much an Anthony/Abigail situation haha.

And yes, your words made a lot of sense to me and they're really appreciated. I, too, have been in both positions--- I think it might be a natural part of a lot of people in that "recovering from mental illness" cycle, even if it's a really unpleasant one. You create this bond over sth so horrible, and you understand each other, for as long as you're both suffering. Then when you start to move away from that, life gets easier but the friendship gets complicated. That's my experience, at any rate. I'm really glad to have hit close to home with this bc that's really what I was intending.

[irisintheafterglow]

hello…………..kiyoomi crumbs pls

ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE

*patting the hood of a car* this bad boy can hold so much bf!sakusa

cw: swearing and the msby jackals being idiots

you checked your phone again and prayed you weren't keeping him waiting for a long time.

"hi, is omi still in there?"

"he should be just about finishing up, but you can go ahead. you know your way around the place by now," the security guard states warmly, giving you the go-ahead to navigate the back halls of the gym to the men's locker room. even if you did find yourself lost, it'd be easy to get to your destination by simply following the banter of your boyfriend's three very spirited teammates. their voices grow louder with every step and you have to stifle a laugh when you start to pick up the bits and pieces of their conversations.

"and then she told me i was being delusional! can you imagine? me? delusional?"

"remind us all when you met this girl, atsumu?"

"...last week."

"dare i say, she has a point," deadpans the smooth, low voice of your boyfriend. he always knew the best ways to press atsumu's buttons, making it very difficult to invite his friends over for dinner without harmless arguing occurring at the kitchen table. "it's okay; i'm sure you'll find another 'love of your life' next week."

"shoyo, the fuck are you doin' with my shirt?"

"can you all please put clothes on? if sakusa's partner walks in here and all of you are naked-"

"i'm not naked!"

"we know you're not, bokuto, but atsumu needs to put his tits away before i cut them off with scissors," kiyoomi quips and you fail to muffle your snort from around the corner. the room quiets in an instant and you hear a faint fuck before he finally comes to find you. he's still slightly sweaty from practice, all toned muscle and messy hair and bright eyes that only twinkle for you. "hi, beautiful."

"hey, handsome. you done threatening physical violence in there?" your eyebrow quirks in question and he shakes his head tiredly, tugging you into him by the belt loops of your pants. your arms rest on his shoulders, brushing stray curls from his forehead.

"not yet. i still have some unfinished business."

"mmm, with razors, i hear." you nod in solemn understanding and his mouth quirks into a half-smile, another expression of his that was reserved only for you. his lips press a kiss to your temple in a rare show of public affection, inhaling your presence with his eyes shut contentedly. "i could be wrong, but a federal offense will probably screw up your olympic prospects."

"if you tell me to do it, i'll do it," he murmurs absentmindedly and you chuckle under your breath.

"what, murder atsumu or not murder atsumu?"

"dealer's choice." he places one more kiss on your nose before resting his forehead against yours like he'd been away from you for decades. to you, it was a few hours; but, to him, it felt like a century. "i missed you a lot."

"i can tell. you're very affectionate tonight." his forehead scrunches in confusion at the implication of your statement.

"what am i, a cat?" the incredulity in his voice makes you giggle and, despite his best efforts to remain stoic, you can tell he's fighting back a smile too.

"in some ways, yes. you do tend to leave hair all over our couch, and you make a lot of noise when you're hungry." he makes a proud noise in the back of his throat and lightly pinches the flesh of your sides in defiance.

"i'll buy us a new one if you want me to," he promises. you stopped sharing product ads with omi on instagram because he tended to buy you anything that you sent him, even if it was just a funny little trinket you saw on an etsy shop. these items included but were not limited to stationary, plushies, athleticwear, and, of course, furniture.

"you don't need to do that."

"maybe i already have."

"thanks for letting me know that your newest love language is buying me a sofa."

"my love language is doing whatever you want me to do, angel." you both jump when a loud crash comes from the locker room around the corner, followed by hinata's panicked rambling and bokuto saying "that was fucking epic!" atsumu, you'd guess, is either the culprit or the object that caused the crash. you gently push omi's sturdy shoulders away and he groans in protest. "do i have to?"

"wrangle your team, put some proper clothes on, and take me to dinner, lover boy."

"as you wish."

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