#you dont deserve me and i don't want to be disappointed anymore

[strikersin]

Ohhh... they weren't returning my attempts at conversation because they were mad at me

[jadewritesficshere]

Slow and Steady

Steve Harrington x female!reader

Summary: You're ready for your first time with your boyfriend but are nervous based on past experiences. Steve is determined to make you feel good (3-5k words my computer broke around 1500 so I finished this on Tumblr dont know exact word count)

Contains: pure smut, reader has vaginismus (not explicitly named in the fic), talks of anxiety/nerves/doubt, fingering, cumplay, p in v, no condoms please wrap it up, creampie, pet names (Steve calls you Baby)

please note I am not a doctor. This is based on how sex is for me, not every two experiences are the same

18+ only

You sigh in pleasure. Steve is kissing your jaw, sucking lightly at your pulse that's beating wildly for him. You can feel a rush of tingling warmth spread from your spine to your lower stomach. Your hands roaming up and down his shoulders, trying to memorize the contours of his muscles. The way his hand squeezes your hip as if you would drift away if he let go.

Steve sighs, pressing his forehead into your cheek before giving you a final kiss and starting to pull back. You whine, gripping his biceps. "Steve don't! Plea- keep going!" You aren't sure you're fully making sense as your thoughts are only Steve Steve Steve. "Baby, I don't want to get carried away without talking first," Steve cups the side of your face with his hand, thumb lightly moving back and forth over your cheekbone.

"I want to make sure you're ready," Steve says looking deep into your eyes. You look away, feeling ashamed. You shouldn't be, you know this. But that doesn't stop that feeling from welling up.

You remember the first time you had sex, how much it hurt. But people told you that was normal, that it's better the next time because you weren't a virgin anymore. But that time hurt like hell too. And the next. And the next. Like you were being ripped apart, like there was something wrong.

And then your doctor told you the name of it and how some women had it. Said there were ways to work around it and work through it, but it was like cotton in your ears. All you heard was there was something wrong with you. You know there isn't, but your deceitful mind tells you there is. And now you tense up as things start to progress, making things worse unintentionally. All you could think was, 'well no one would want to work through it since no one else has before.'

But then Steve came in and tore all your defenses down. Weasled his way in with stupid pickup lines and free car rides. Rolled his eyes and gave you a 'are you seeing this?' look as he bickered with the kids before sighing dramatically and giving them what they wanted. Would wear a stupid apron when he cooked and would sneak food off his plate onto yours to make sure you had enough. You didn't stand a chance.

When Steve made out with you for the first time you wanted to cry. Thought "well this is it. He's going to leave like the rest after this." But when you stopped him, he didn't pout. He didn't roll his eyes or gripe at you, claim you led him on. Didn't try to force the issue. Steve took your no as a no and asked no questions, just pulled back smiled at you with a bulge in his pants and asked if you wanted to choose the movie now.

You broke down in tears as he tried to comfort you. And you told him everything. About how it hurt and had never been enjoyable for you. How you were scared it would hurt again. How you really liked Steve and wanted to do it with him but didn't want to disappoint him like the others. How you didn't want him to leave like the others.

And Steve let you cry into his shirt. And Steve calmed you and told you, "I'm sorry they never took care of you the way you deserve to be taken care of. If you never want to have sex, we don't have to. I love you regardless of sex, I mean yeah it would be fun and I'd like to, but like- if you aren't having a good time I don't want to do it. If you do want to try, Baby, we can take it really slow. Slow and steady. But I don't want you to feel pressured to have sex, we don't need it. If you want it we can and if you never want it we don't have to."

It was like a balm to your soul. Aloe vera on a burn you didn't realize still stung. Just knowing Steve cared enough to not call it quits made you feel desired. But that little lying voice in your head said he'd get upset and move on.

But months passed and Steve stayed. Lovely, caring Steve. Steve who held your hand and proclaimed it was a perfect fit. Steve who kissed you so sweetly, following your lead. Steve who never protested or became frustrated when you stopped things from furthering on. Steve who would help you slip your shirt back on and hold you close after making out. Steve who never once complained about "leading him on" like others have.

Steve who was the first to say," I love you," and never pushed you to say it back. Steve who bought your favorite books and tried to read them so he could have another bond with you. Steve who always knew what to say to brighten your day. The Steve who showed he loved you in every little way he cared for you.

A hand on your face snaps you back to the moment. Steve frowns slightly," You okay? You went somewhere for a minute." You shrug," Got lost in my thoughts." Steve's eyes bore into your own, as if trying to see into your mind. "If you want to stop here, we can-" "No!" You interrupt, running a hand from his shoulder to the back of his neck.

Steve pauses, waiting on you. "I want to continue. I'm just...nervous? They say relax, but then how do they expect me to relax when I know how its been in the past? And then I get tense because I'm nervous and then I'm nervous because I'm tense and then-" Steve cuts you off with a kiss. Your eyes flutter shut as he gently kisses you. It's so tender and sweet, you can practically feel the cavities forming from how sweet it is.

Steve pulls back enough to say," If anything is uncomfortable or hurts you tell me okay? If you want to stop then you say it." You nod but Steve clicks his tongue," I need your words Baby." "Yeah, okay."

Steve kisses your forehead, murmuring an "I love you". He leans back enough to help you pull your dress off and over your head. "Fuck me," he whispers, mouth falling open. Any thoughts of cowering or hiding yourself melt away as his eyes further light up with lust. "Planning to," You grin.

Steve snorts as he laughs, shaking his head slightly before ripping his shirt off. You bite your lip as you look at Steve unabashedly. Usually you try to sneak peeks, like when he lifts his shirt to wipe sweat off his forehead after a run. But now you can just look. You tentatively run a hand through his chest hair, causing him to shiver.

"Now here's what we're gonna do," Steve lightly palms himself over his jeans, groaning before speaking with a raspier tone," I'm going to take such good care of you. You're gonna take your underwear off and-"

You push your underwear down, kicking them off. Steve's jaw goes slack as he stares at your glistening cunt. "That all for me?" Steve asks. "All for you. I want you," You reach a hand out and press against his bulge, causing him to let out a whine before he grips your wrist. "Get comfortable Baby."

You lay back against the bed, relaxing into the pillows. "Now, you're gonna finger yourself." Steve instructs. You scoff," Didn't you just say you were gonna take care of me?" Steve smirks as he grabs your hand," Oh I will, but look," He holds his palm against yours," My fingers are so much bigger then yours."

It's shocking how big his hands are compared to yours. His fingers are longer and thicker then yours. You can feel yourself get wetter at the thought, but also a hint of nerves come back.

As if Steve has a glimpse into your mind, he slowly runs a hand up your shoulder to cup your face," There's no rush. I can do this all night. Slow and steady, remember?" Steve leans in and kisses you softly. You sigh into the kiss, slowly melding your mouth against his. The tip of his tongue traces your lip, leaving you begging for more.

Steve pulls back enough to whisper," Touch yourself," before trailing kisses to your jaw and neck. You can't suppress the shiver that runs through you as he hits that one spot. Steve lightly sucks on your neck as you slowly trail a hand down.

Your trembling (from nerves, excitement, or pleasure you can't tell) fingers slowly part your lips. You can feel how wet you are, starting to drip onto your thighs and under you. You slowly circle your clit, relaxing at the feeling of pleasure taking over. You moan softly as Steve continues to pepper your neck with kisses.

You lower your hand further, fingers tracing your entrance. You coat your fingers with your slick before slowly pushing your middle finger in. It doesn't hurt at the moment, but feels uncomfortable. Your brow furrows slightly, concern starting to come back. Steve is there though, kissing your forehead until you relax and using one of his large fingers to deftly circle your clit.

You pump your finger in and out, discomfort dissipating each time until you're reveling in the feeling. "There ya go," Steve murmurs reverently as your mouth falls open at how good it feels. Steve wraps his hand around your wrist, causing you to whine as he pulls your hand away.

Steve maneuvers your hand so only two fingers remain up before guiding them back to your pussy. "There you go Baby. Doing so well," Steve praises as you slowly insert the two fingers. It takes a second to adjust, to get used to the feeling.

But Steve distracts you by kissing down your chest. He reaches behind you and unsnaps your bra with one hand, the other grabbing your wrist and guiding you into a faster pace.

You let the bra straps fall down your arms, laying loosely. Steve peels your bra down and groans as your breasts sway slightly. "So fucking gorgeous," Steve groans," Doing so good." You don't even have a chance to warn him as you tumble over the edge of pleasure. You moan and gasp as you writhe against your hand. His tongue feels electrifying as he circles it around your nipple, finger circling your clit again.

You can barely hear Steve saying," That's my girl. Doing so well Baby." Your mouth is hanging open as you take in deep breaths. Warmth, euphoria, and ecstasy flow through your body freely. You come back to your body slowly, aware of Steve holding you hand, his thumb moving back and forth caressing your hand.

"My turn to touch you Baby," Steve growls out. You blink up at him a few times, still coming back down to earth. You nod as you remove your fingers. They glisten in the light from your wetness. Steve inhales sharply before darting forward, licking your fingers. You aren't sure if it was you or him who gasps, but Steve's mouth is suddenly surrounding your fingers.

Steve sucks and licks the wetness off your fingers. His eyes flutter shut as he moans. You can feel yourself getting more turned on as you watch Steve. Steve blearily opens his eyes, still sucking on your fingers. His eyes heavy with lust.

You gasp as Steve trails a finger through your folds, coating them in your release. Steve pulls off your fingers with a sudden pop, lips glistening from spit and cum. "You taste so fucking good Baby. Can't wait until I can bury my face in your pussy," Steve slowly inserts a finger as he speaks," But we'll save that for next time okay?"

His finger is definitely bigger then yours. It is slightly uncomfortable, but not painful. Steve redirects your attention by circling your nipple with his tongue again. With his free hand, he caresses and pulls the nipple he is currently not kissing and sucking on.

Steve adds a second finger once he's felt you fully relax against him. Once he's seen the unconscious tension in your shoulders go away. When he sees the clench of your jaw and your furrowed brow relax. Steve knows you have no clue you are doing this, but he is attentive and sees the signs.

When Steve adds a third finger is when you sharply inhale. Steve immediately pauses," Too much? What do you need?" "Just give me a minute," You try to steady your breathing. It doesn't hurt but it doesn't not hurt. It's a pressure and a pinch and pain but not the worst pain you've ever felt.

"I'm sorry," you whisper, looking away. "For what?" Steve frowns and grasps your chin, forcing you to look at him," Baby, it's okay! I can spend all day here with you- i want to spend all day with you. It doesn't bother me that this takes time. I love you. You're worth it. You're like everything to me. You should enjoy this too, not just me."

You can feel the tears start to form but you blink them away. You lean forward and kiss Steve again. He hums slightly against you before deepening the kiss. His tongue sweeps into your mouth, pulling moans and gasps from you. You barely notice Steve moving his hand again, pumping his fingers in and out of you.

When Steve pulls back, his lips are swollen and his face flushed," Do you think you are ready or do you want me to add another finger?" You pause for a moment to think before whispering," I'm ready, just...go slow?" Steve smiles and kisses your forehead," I can do that. That's my middle name." You giggle as Steve blinks at you," That was dumb forget i said that."

He removes his fingers and you can feel yourself clench at the loss. But your heart beat picks up in anticipation as Steve finally sheds his boxers.

Steve can't help but smirk as your jaw drops. Steve is big. Bigger then you expected him to be. There's a prominent vein you want to lick, follow all the way up to the flushed tip. There is pre-cum leaking from the top. You can see at least one freckle near the base, and another on one of his balls.

Steve crawls over you, hovering above. "You ready?" He asks, eyes staring into yours. You nod. "Want to hear your pretty voice Baby," Steve threads his hand in yours. "Ready as I'll ever be," You grin shakily.

Steve positions himself at your entrance. "Hold onto me, okay?" Steve inhales and slowly exhales. You run your hands up his shoulders to the column of his neck before threading a hand through his hair.

You squeeze his hand tight as the tip of his penis enters you. "I got you, I'm sorry," Steve murmurs as he squeezes his eyes closed. "Don't be," you gasp. It isn't painful like it has been in the past. It's a stretch, slightly uncomfortable, but not painful.

Steve murmurs praises once he's seated fully in you. You exhale slowly as you get used to the feeling. Any further nerves and tension slowly goes away. You feel so good. Full. You lean forward barely touching Steve's lips with yours. Steve chases you, enveloping your mouth with his.

"Please move Steve," you whisper in between kisses. He nods. Steve slowly moves out, it makes you want to weep at the loss, but he's suddenly filling you again.

You gasp in pleasure. It's never been like this. Felt so good. "Fuck," you gasp out, nails scratching against Steve's shoulder. He grabs your leg and positions it around his hip, driving deeper into you," Yeah, we are."

You would chuckle, but you can barely think straight. Warmth spreads throughout your limbs. Pleasure. Ecstasy. You moan wantonly as you writhe against Steve as your orgasm overtakes you. Steve squeezes your hand in his, grounding you into this moment, as he presses his forehead to yours.

Every breath you exhale, Steve inhales, and vice versa. His weight pressed against you, holding you close. His hips stutter against yours, you feel his warm wet seed paint the inside of your walls. You are wholly consumed by Steve.

You slowly come back to your senses, to Steve kissing your neck. You hum slightly, pulling back to look at him. "That was...amazing," you smile at him. Steve grins back before kissing you once more," Let me get something to clean you up, I'll be right back."

You feel empty as Steve pulls out, a slight sting at the loss that dissipates quickly. Your combined release spills out of you as Steve stands up. Steve's jaw drops slightly at the sight, stomach muscles twitching as his cock kicks back up in interest.

Steve shakes his head and returns to the task at hand. He heads into the attached bathroom, grabbing a washcloth and running it through warm water. When he returns, he carefully cleans you. You shift uncomfortably from the unexpected texture against your sensitive skin.

As soon as Steve is done, he tosses the washcloth towards the hamper. He scowls as he misses, causing you to laugh. He crawls into bed next to you," Foul play, I was distracted." "Oh?" "Mmhmm" Steve covers you with a blanket and pulls you into his side.

You curl into Steve, hand resting against his chest. You can hear his steady heart beat. You absent-mindedly trace letters on his skin. "I love you," you murmur. You pause, waiting for a response.

Your brow furrows and you lift your head to look at Steve, who remains silent. You snort out a laugh. Steve's eyes are closed and his jaw slack as he breathes through his mouth. Dead asleep as you confess your love for him. You grin as you kiss his pec, laying your head back down.

You'll tell him again when he wakes. And again that evening. And again. And again. And-

[spncupcake]

186 writing prompts //

I found this post earlier last year. OP deleted the post, but I had saved this. These are NOT my ideas - credits to OP.

Angst:

1. " Give me a chance. "

2. " Not you again.."

3. " Leave me alone."

4. " I don't love you anymore. "

5. "Why do you hate me? "

6. " Host the baby. "

7. " I thought you loved me. "

8. " I don't need you anymore."

9. " I can't believe you! '

10. " We cant keep this up forever. "

11. " You're a monster. "

12. " I hate you. "

13. " Don't leave me...

14. " You're a disappointment. "

15. " Don't die on me - Please."

16. " I never meant to hurt you. "

17. " Are you upset with me? "

18. " I wish i'd never met you. "

19. "I'm going to kill you! "

20. " Please don't hurt me like this."

21. ”Thanks for nothing. "

22. " Dont call this number again. "

23. " Why did you spare me? '

24. " You need to leave. "

25. " I'm sick. "

26. " I'm dying."

27. " I wish i'd never met you."

28. " I thought we were family!"

29. " There was never an us."

30. " So that's it? It's over? "

31. " I fucked up."

32. " I came to say goodbye. "

33. He's dead because of you. "

34. " I don't deserve to be loved. "

35. " About the baby... Its yours.

Love:

36. " I'm so in love with you. "

37. " Dance with me! "

38. " Isn't this amazing? "

39. " I wish we could stay like this forever. "

40. " Will you marry me? "

41. " I'm pregnant."

42. " I need a hug. "

43. " You're special to me. "

44. " I'm going to keep you safe. "

45. " Do you trust me? "

46. " Can I kiss you right now? "

47. " You're cute when you're angry. "

48. " I've liked you for awhile now. "

49. ~ Lets have a baby."

50. " We'd make such a cute couple."

51. " I want to take care of you. "

52. " Can we cuddle? "

53. " It's lonely here without you."

54. " I can't stand the thought of loosing you. "

55. " Shut up and kiss me already."

56. " Are you flirting with me? "

57. " Is that my shirt? "

58. " How did we get here? "

59. " You own my heart. "

60. " You'd be a great dad. "

61. " You'd be a great mom."

62. " I want to protect you. "

63. "Whats the matter? "

64. " You're so beautiful. "

65. " Did you do something different with your hair?”

66. " Is that a new perfume? "

67. " Stop being so cute. "

68. " You're making me blush! "

69. " You're teasing me again..."

70. " This is why I fell in love with you. "

71. " You're the best! "

72. " They're going to love you, don't worry! "

73. " Oh, Are you ticklish? "

74. " Of course I remembered! "

75. " You're one hell of a girl. "

76. " You're one hell of a guy. "

77. " Are you jealous? '

78. " Hold me and never let me go. "

79. " Stop hogging all the blankets! "

80. " Let’s run away together."

General:

81. " Catch me if you can! "

82. " I'm fine. "

83. " Are you drunk? "

84. " Are you high? "

85. " We cant go in there...

86. " Give it back! a

87. " Well this is just great. "

88. " Don't touch me."

89. " Not sure if you could tell, but l'm not exactly a people person. "

90. "This was fun - Lets do it again sometime!"

91. " I didn't do it! "

92. " I did it... "

93. I don't remember that! "

94. Well that's pretty rude of you to say."

95. " Get that thing away from me! "

96. " You owe me. "

97. " Do you believe in aliens? "

98. " Do you believe in ghosts? "

99. " Are you hitting on me? "

100. " Why are you naked? "

101. " You did what?!"

102. " You have... Superpowers? "

103. " Why are you bleeding? "

104. " Where did all these puppies come from?"

105. " Don't make me come over there myself! "

106. " That wasn't funny."

107. " This tastes horrible. "

108. " This is delicious! "

109. " Are you mad at me? "

110. " Stop ignoring me..."

111. " I love that show too! '

112. " Can I borrow that book of yours?"

113. " Lets blow this joint."

114. " Let me help you with that. "

115. " Take that back! "

116. " Wanna go see a movie with me? "

117. " No way, that's so lame. "

118. "What are you listening to? "

119. " I brought you your coffee."

120. " Don't fuck this up. "

121. " Run! "

122. " Lets run away together. "

123. " I haven't slept in four days..."

124. " Your turn to do the dishes. "

125. " Was I really that drunk? "

126. " Was I really that stoned? "

127. "Give me back my phone! "

128. " You're an asshole. "

129. " Are you cold? '

130. " This place gives me the creeps. "

131. " I swear my house is haunted. "

132. " Did you hear that? "

133. " It's just your imagination. "

134. " Just how stupid do you think I am? "

135. " Stop being such a baby."

136. " Go back to bed. "

137. " Are you okay? "

138. " I can take care of myself just fine."

139. " Thanks for helping me back there."

140. " Since when have we ever been friends? "

141. "What on earth are you wearing? "

142. " I can't feel my legs! "

143. " Stop texting me weird stuff so late at night. "

144. " Put me down! "

145. " There's only one bed..."

146. " It isn't what it looks like! Okay.. Maybe it is..

147. " How did Hoose it? "

148. " I read your diary."

149. " This is awkward. "

150. " Didn't you read the sign? "

151. " Do you think you can teach me that?”

Below are NSFW prompts.

Please if you're rebloggling tell your followers if you're interested or not in taking these sorts of requests.

Sexual:

152. " Bite me. "

153. " Make me."

154. " Fuck me. "

155. " Stop teasing me so much..."

156. " Do you like it when I touch you like that?'

157. " Okay.. This is new."

158. “Want to head back to my place and have a little fun?”

159. "You're in trouble now. "

160. " What a pretty sight. "

161. " Bend over. "

162. " On your knees. "

163. " The food looks great but.. There's something much more delicious i'd like to eat right now. "

164. " Lay back. "

165. " Take off your clothes. "

166. " Well, fine; just this once."

167. " I'm waiting."

168. " You're so beautiful. "

169.  “As you wish."

170. "First one to make a noise looses."

171. " You have no idea what you do to me. "

172. " If you're bored; Wanna have sex? "

173. " Ive wanted this for so long. "

174. "Car sex looks so much more easier in the movies. "

175. "Can I touch you? '

176. "Open up."

177. "No strings attached. "

178. " Already? Do I really have that much of an effect on you? '

179. " Mine."

180. " The nights still young. "

181. "We cant do that here! "

182. " Behave."

183. What did you just say? "

184. " Good girl. "

185. " Good boy. "

186. " Come here."

[potter-head-phanatic]

Word count: 911 Masterlist Tag List xx

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Jake and Y/N stood outside of their fathers apartment door after he bailed on them, once again. She could see how tense her brother was, from the frown on his face to the clench in his fist. Polar opposite to how he usually felt. "I have to, or hes going to keep doing it" She whispered an okay before giving his hand a reassuring squeeze, letting him know that she was right there with him, before knocking on the door. A few moments later, the door opened and Roger Peralta looked surprised to see them. "Jake! Y/N! I'm sorry I couldn't make it to the party" he started to say and Y/N could already feel an excuse coming, "I'm subbing for a buddy who's got an early flight, I'm sure you're upset" There it is. "No, actually. I'm not upset at all" She wanted to say something, but Jake was finally standing up for himself and she wasn't going to stop him. "yeah? great" She wanted to wipe the stupid smile off his face, not believing he could be this clueless to think Jake actually wasn't upset. "No, more relieved. You know you were always my hero, but i think i'm finally starting to see you for who you really are. A regional airline pilot whose landings are bumpy as hell and a pretty selfish guy who genuinely doesn't care about being a dad" She couldn't be more proud of her brother and agreed with every word he just said. "Jake, you don't understand. There was a downdraft on the drummondville runway." The Peralta patriarch kept looking at Y/N out of the corner of his eye, feeling uncomfortable under her glare. "It's not my fault" It never is. "Look, i've been making excuses for you my whole life, no matter how many times Y/N told me not to. But you're a pretty crappy father, and until you're ready to be a good one, don't call me" Y/N wanted to jump for joy. She couldn't remember the amount of times she envisioned this moment happening, and to see the shocked expression on their fathers face made it worth the wait.

"Also, im taking your captains hat cause it's cool and I want it" Jake spoke as he reached into the apartment, grabbing the hat from the table that was beside the door, before putting it on. "Go on without me. I'll meet you outside, there's something I need to say" He looked at her as if to say, are you sure? After a reassuring nod, he gave his sisters shoulder a squeeze before heading down the hallway and making his way outside. Not before sending one final glare towards Roger. Y/N waited till she didn't hear Jakes footsteps anymore before turning towards her father once again. "You really messed up this time" Roger went to defend himself, but she held a hand out, not letting him get a word out. "Save it. You're always full of excuses" Y/N couldnt hold her anger back much longer. Years of pent up rage just threatening to burst free. "Jake has been nothing but loving towards you. Even when you don't deserve it. And you show up all of a sudden acting like you want to spend time with him, when all you want to do is use him for your own selfish gain. You should be ashamed of yourself!" "Now hold on..." "I'm not done" He shut his mouth quick enough, surprised at the way his daughter was speaking to him. Y/N was finally letting all of her feelings out and it was making her feel lighter and lighter by the second. "I have spent my whole life trying to protect Jake, and I would like to think i've done a damn good job. So if you don't get serious about being in his life, dont bother coming back. It doesnt matter to me, i've gotten used to you disappointing me, but i'll be damned if I let you hurt him again" Roger Peralta had never felt so put in his place before, but there was also a small feeling of pride. Knowing just how much his children cared for one another. He couldnt think of anything to say, but it didnt matter. Even if he did, he watched as Y/N turn around and walk away at a fast pace, wanting to get away from him as fast as possible. When she got outside, she saw her brother sitting on the front steps of the building with his head in his hands. She carefully approached him and sat beside him on the cold steps, lightly nudging his arm. "Hey, dont think about him, we're better off" He tiredly ran his hands down his face while letting out a long sigh, "I'm so dumb, how could I not see this coming" "Hey, youre not dumb" she protested as she wrapped her arm around is shoulders, not wanting him to feel bad about himself, "you're just a hopeful person, thats a good quality to have" He looked over at her with a small smile, "What did I do to deserve an amazing sister like you" "I dont know, something amazing in a past life" They both laughed before standing up and heading to Y/Ns car, heading back to Shaw's bar where their work family was waiting for them.

[jadeittic]

HS + Y/I: 2022 (SERIES)

EXTRA (6) (REMAKE) -- ive been procrastinating a lot this yr so i guess we're back on track with hs + y/i

PREVIOUS. NEXT.

HARRY STYLES + PLATONIC!EX-1D MEMBER!FEM!READER

WARNINGS: are ig comments even warnings anymore 😭-- and there will be new uses of face claims.

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madelyncline SO SAD I WONT BE THERE BUT I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU TWO

yourinstagram u dk how much i want you to be here rn ;((

iheartynrry

liked by username, and 14,352 others

view all 3,183 comments

username WHEN SHE TOOK OFF HER JACKET I ALMOST FELL ON THE FLOOR

username holy shit holy shit holy shit am i still breathing

username THEY NEVER LOST THE CHEMISTRY I LOVE THEMS KNKCUCGC

username so fucking proud to say i was there. i was in the first show of hs + y/i.

username SO MCUH WAS HAPPENING

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username THE FLAG, THE SMILES, THE OUTFITS HARRY, YN, THE SHOW, I FEEL SO HAPPY

username i loved the moments where they were trying to communicate but the crowd was too loud

username TO THE POINT I THINK I SAW TEARS IN THEIR EYES

harryxyn

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harryxyn no explanations needed. just tears

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username FOR FUCKING REAL. I COULDNT STOP BAWLING MY EYES OUT

username WHEN WHEN WHEN MATILDA PLAYED I JSUT

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harrystyles

liked by vicdeangelis, yourinstagram, letitawright, and 4,902,514 others

harrystyles I am so proud of my girl who I call a sister from another mister. She doesn’t have any idea how much she means to me. You are loved, YN LN. (By me which who loves you the most.) You deserve the world. Thank you for being there always. It’s always us against the world.

HS + Y/I. Glasgow. June, 2022.

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username WHAT WHATE ANZTDGSHJSHDHEHE

username “its always us against the world” I CANT BREATHE IM IN TEARS

username IVE BEEN REREADING THIS FOR THE PAST FIVE MINUTES. NEVER HAVE I THOUGHT ID GET TO SEE HARRY POST THIS FOR YN

username 😭😭😭😭😭

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username SISTER FROM ANOTHER MISTER SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE IM ABOUT TO PASS OUT

username two words. in. tears.

yourinstagram

liked by sukiwaterhouse, chrisevans, anyataylorjoy, and 4,827,944 others

yourinstagram should i even explain? this idiot has been with me for as long as i remember. god, i can’t even remember when i agreed to go on tour with him (kidding, kidding). you are the most talented, funniest, hell, i even have to say handsome person to feed your ego. you are one of the best people to have happened in my life. it’s always us against the world.

thank you glasgow for being our first ever crowd for hs + y/i — its great to be back again! ❤

view all 47,319 comments

username IM IN ACTUAL TEARS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

username i have no words to say anymore this is so sweet

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imsebastianstan She’s been crying about his message the whole time we’ve been drinking.

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username IM FEELING SO MANY EMOTIONS I CANT EVEN START WITH WHAT IM FEELING RN

username i will literally have “its always is against the world” tattooed on me soon

mitchrowland

liked by anthonypham, annetwist, dovecameron, and 427,314 others

mitchrowland Don’t be fooled by the internet, kids. These two have been searching up ways to steal my guitar without me noticing for the past hour.

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username AND I THOUGHT THIS WAS WHOLESOME YNRRY CONTENT

username it is wdym

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yourinstagram shush youre spoiling our plan

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ynrry world domination

username PROTECT MITCH ROWLAND

yourinstagram no thanks

username thank you for this update mitch

harrystyles

liked by yourinstagram, bellahadid, jefezoff, and 2,466,012 others

harrystyles Girls can kiss now.

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username my fav girl with my fav book

username does this mean something…

username yn are you kissing other girls that arent me >:(

yourinstagram im sorry...i can explain

username if girls can kiss now… im free…

username THE. THOUGHT. OF. YNRRY. READING. A. BOOK. TOGETHER.

username theyve never read a book seriously beforehrdgd this post means sm to me now

username my day has been so much better since this photo

username EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS PHOTO MY GODDDDD: THE HAIR. THE BOOK. THE BRACELET. HARRY TAKING THIS PHOTO JSUT MAKES MEMEMEMEMD

username MY WOMANNNN

[braimrotting]

My playlist as QSMP

(warning im shit at english lang so my interpretation of songs may be way off... im also ace and often miss romantic implication so.. yeah if a song has lyrics which are like about an s/o and i havent specified i probably dont mean for it to be shipping)

songs included: tongues & teeth (the crane wives), pink in the night (mitski), gb eating gb whilst listening to gb (crywank), going to brighton (fresh)

TONGUES & TEETH - The Crane Wives hideduo fit pov fit as a self serving survivalist from a wasteland experiencing love in this cursed fuckin island • "ive grown a mouth so sharp and cruel its all that i can give to you my dear" habits from 2b2t even little things like his lack of trust, hasnt confided his true intentions to anyone - constant lies by omission - hes flawed and hes recognised it • "if you're fine with that you can be mine like that" theres very much something going on with hideduo but fit is insistent on his baby steps bc he doesnt want to hurt pac. 'are you fine with that?' • "you gotta know that this wont last" this is soooo fit coded bffr. i adored the conversations fit n ramon had but one thing that stuck out to me was that he would always specify that only he and ramon would escape. never mentioned anyone else. selfish in the most understandable way • "i will ruin you, its a habit i cant help it" again 2b2t ingrained habits that never leave. linked w above point, hes selfish and that isnt necessarily a bad thing just not great for a blossoming relationship • "i will love u like the ashes in my cigarette box" hc 2b2t!fit smoked - ramon told him off once but now that the baby's gone hes picked it up again, a headcanon bc i cannot imagine ccfit smoking since hes such a health buff - feels so out of character lmao strong thoughts about qfit no one even try to fight me - his entire character occupies a space in my brain PINK IN THE NIGHT - Mitski phissa missa pov devotion easy • "i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you" • "can i try again and again and again" i dont think i need to say more - tbh this could go for guapoduo too but the "can i try again" made me think of missa + how he wants to live up to phils expectations

GB EATING GB WHILST LISTENING TO GB - Crywank phissa still missa pov

"in a busy room youre all i see" literally THEM sorry during the mexican independence event they were literally all they could see.. them doing the dance together - it may as well have just been the 2 of them + phil jumping in front of missa to take pics of him alone w/o him noticing

"calm down dont let her see how fast your heart is beating" missa saying "im speaking weird so the translator doesnt pick up, i love you" THIS GUYYYYYYYY

"i think about you but i know im not good enough" bffr mr missa "ill come back when im a good enough father" sinfonia

"and I built you up to much, now I can't say what's on my mind in case I go and scare you away" missa doesnt want to burden phil because he feels like hes been such a bad father compared to phils dedication - now that hes back he doesnt want to disappoint him anymore

"and how could i compete with the world at your feet" missa coming back to like 3 men at phils whim LMAO

"i wouldn't want to hurt you by letting you hurt me you don't deserve to feel guilty"

"i just want you in my life"

sorry im so obsessed with their puppy love GOING TO BRIGHTON - Fresh tubbo coded, i mean with the name i had to give it to him in my mind hes talkin to phil • "things i care the most about dont seem to ever get old" his excitement over everything even the simplest things is so refreshing • "i feel the fire inside me trains passing over head" his determination posing a unique threat to the feds and i feel like its such an important part of his character. also he likes trains :) • "there are things i learnt inside my head that they cant ever take away from me" lil bugs and just knowledge of the game make him a great bug tester for the admins lmao. this guy takes any chance to glitch his way through life

"starting over is a sign of strength"

also honorary mention to that one person who said the garden was codebreakerduo coded because you are so right and true and based and i think of that post everytime i listen to that song. being so normal by peach pit was very celltw (is that what pac and cellbit are called?) to me but i didnt really have much reasoning

[cookiepie11]

Playful "interrogation" (Style tickle fic)

Warnings:

This is a tickle fic (strictly sfw both characters are kids)

I am shipping Stan and style

Contains feet tickles

Some swearing (I censored them a bit :>)

"cmon Kyle, I know you have a crush, everyone at school is arguing about who it is!" Stan said to an annoyed and flustered Kyle

"I do not have a fucking crush!" Kyle yelled his voice going up a defensive tone

"Then what's with the blush? Huh" Stan teased

It was true Kyle had a big crush on someone. God knows how anyone found out but no one actually knows who it is. Kyle didn't really want his super best friend to know his crush so he was VERY embarrassed about the situation.

"shut up Stan!" Kyle said and hid his embarrassed face "quit teasing me a$Shøle I don't have a crush"

"hmm am I gonna have to make you tell me, Kyle?" Stan asked and wiggled his fingers towards his flustered friend, making Kyle's face go around 3 shades of red, darker.

Kyle felt his heart beat fast at the sight and he knew what was coming for him. He'd been tickled by Stan a ton of times and I mean he couldn't really say he disliked it.. oh what am I saying he loves been tickled by Stan but this time was different because he knew that he had something to confess.

"nohoo Stan don't" Kyle giggled backing into the corner "can we just move on from this whole thing I don't have a crush and tic-...doing that isn't going to make me feel any different.."

(Kyle can't say the t word to save his life)

"nope dude I'm not letting you get away so easy, b1tch" he teased and pounced on his red haired "friend"

"stahan nohoho this is so gahay" Kyle laughed and tried to squirm out of his crus- best friends's grip failing.

"I haven't even started yet" Stan laughed with Kyle and felt his face become warm and he hoped his blush wasn't noticeable

"JUST DOHO IT ALREADYY" Kyle yelled because he couldn't take the anpicitation (I can't spell)

"really dude? You want tickles that bad? Wow" Stan asked and started to claw at the giggling boys sides

"nohoho DUDE STOHHOP" his giggles turned into a loud boyish laughter

"hmm you gonna tell me your crush??" Stan asked but he didn't really care about that anymore he just wanted an exscuse to tickle Kyle :3

"noho dude I dohont have on- NAHAHA STAN NOT THEREE QUIT IT" he was cut off by Stan lifting up his shirt and Tickling his belly quickly

"dude tell meeee" he pleaded and tickled his ribs

"NOHOHO I DONT HAVE ONEE PLEASE STOPIT" He yelled and shook his head frantically making his hat fall off.

Kyle rarely took his hat off which Stan didn't get because his hair is so damn fluffy.

"ehehe I guess you want me to tickle right here don't you?" Stan asked and scratched his ears

"NOHOO PLEASE I CANT F#CKING TAKE ITT" he laughed and wriggled around like his life depended on it.

"just tell me your god damn crush then!" Stan said and smiled at his adorable "friend"

"NEHEVEERR! DUHUDE F#CK OFF" he cursed and forget to deny that he had a crush

"DUDE YOU DIDN'T DENY IT YOU HAVE A CRUSH!" Stan gasped and continued to tickle Kyle's bright pink ears "cmon you can tell me, I'm your best friend Kyle"

He was more genuine and less teasy when he said that last part.

"NAHAHA I HATE YOUU" Kyle yelled not really meaning it "STAHAPPP"

"ouch dude that really hurts my feelings" Stan joked "you know that was mean of you i think you deserve a punishment"

"NOHOHO IM SORRY" Kyle giggled he'd been tickled by Stan too many times to know what was coming

"too late Kyle" he teased and grabbed the extremely Flustered boy's foot and Tickling his toes

"NAHAHAHA STOP YOU ABSOLUTE A$$HOLE PLEAHEASEE?"

"don't worry I'll stop after this dude I don't wanna kill you" Stan said telling the truth

"BUT I DIDN'T TELL YOUHOU IT?"

"I don't really care who your crush is ,well maybe a little, I just wanted to tickle you lol"

"YOUHOU BAST@RD"

After a few more minutes Stan stopped leaving Kyle slightly disappointed but happy he could finnaly breath properly.

"you okay dude?" Stan asked and put his hand on Kyle's stomach (Kyle was laying down in a puddle of giggles)

"yehes, dohont touch meheh" he giggled still feeling phantom tickles on his stomach due to the light touch

"Oop sorry" Stan said and laughed a bit. He always loved seeing Kyle so giggly he found it so cute.

"I hatehe youhou" Kyle said and grabbed Stan's hand and held it.

"your litteraly holding my hand dum@ss" Stan said and laughed

"my crush.....is....you.." Kyle whispered

WOOO cliffhanger should I make a part 2?

That took alot of motivation out of me so don't expect another long fic anytime soon 😭

Tell me what y'all think maybe I'll write more south park someday

[vesora]

I've been trying to shift to my dream reality for over 3 years now and I feel like giving up. I really want to but it keeps holding me back. I feel pathetic for chasing after something for this long and I'm still here with a job I hate and in a family that's just barely getting by. I hate seeing my mother worry over money and being afraid that she's disappointing us and my father doing manual labour from 3am until 5pm at 50 years old. I hate waking up and going to a job where people forget I'm a human being too. People will always say "well that's life. It isn't fair" and I really wish I just accepted it as that so I wouldn't find myself dreaming over a life I yearn for. It would be easier on my heart if I just stopped dreaming but I can't...I don't know what to do

i am so sorry sweetheart

you are not pathetic at all, youre just waking up to your true power

you are a human being, you DESERVE respect and love, i dont care if anyone says life is supposed to be unfair; it is NOT. we came on this earth to experience genuine joy and love, life is not supposed to be hard, i dont know why humans have sucked in so deep into the hustle culture

you are 'yearning' for a life thats already yours, a life that youre destined to have. that your mother is destined to have

you deserve the best, you have the best

as i said in a previous ask as well,

the 4d is your source reality so whatever is happening in the 3d that is opposite the 4d is essentially fake because it is gonna change. it HAS to change, thats the law. imagine the freedom you will have having unlimited money at your dispense, imagine the happiness your mum will feel relaxing knowing she doesnt have to work anymore, imagine how confident you will feel knowing everyone is predisposed to treating you like a royal

you deserve that you really do and it is YOURS! please do not give up seriously do not, you discovered the law for a reason, it is not fake or else hundreds of people would not have had successes (even aside from tumblr if you dont believe tumblr successes)

accept what is happening in the 4d as true, you are rich RIGHT NOW, you have everything RIGHT NOW, i dont care what the 3d is showing you, you must accept 4d as the source reality because everything comes from within you because everything is happening within you. there is nothing out of your control, even if it seems that way. you are GOD. you are the ONLY influence on your reality. everything is just you pushed out.

[kaisacobra]

Thank you for saying that it really means a lot, I actually used to write fan-fiction a couple years back and I’ve recently tried to start again but I’m very critical of what I write and how I write it so I’m incapable of producing a single chapter.

Keep it mysterious, I’ll be eagerly awaiting whatever you gift us ✨

Now that you mention it, yes I completely understand what you mean about R not being able to be extremely cold to Tara. R seems like the type of person who’d be hurt and disappointed, someone who wouldn’t necessarily be cold to Tara but would definitely hide from her. For R I’d imagine it’d be an internal battle of what she wants versus what she deserves, we already get a feel for that in the first chapter but it was easier for her to choose what she wants- which is to provide whatever comfort and happiness Tara wants because she loves her so much over what she deserves- someone who cares about her in a consistent manner and not only when it’s convenient (boo Tara😡). After Tara’s outburst I think R would have to force herself in every way possible to really process that she can’t put Tara’s needs above her own anymore, as much as she loves Tara doing that would reinforce the notion that everything Tara said is true. We know she always runs back but now that’s she’s been ridiculed for it she can’t.

The way she’s always there for Tara makes me wonder about her background. Maybe this is TMI, but I personally have experienced many relationships like this in the past. My father abandoned my sister and I at a very young age, so part of the reason I would always be there for them and never left first even when I should’ve but wouldn’t- was because I never wanted them to feel as unloved and unworthy as I did when my father left me. By the time I was a teenager I’d already forgiven him for all the abuse my family endured because of him, in my heart nobody could ever hurt me the way he hurt me- so I’d forgive them even though the people around me would expressively tell me not to, you know? But im older now and I stand my ground, i can leave when if its what’s best for me and not get too caught up in what’s best for them.

I’m from California by the way! It’s 10:30PM right now, you’re from Brazil though? That’s so cool! Did you grow up there? My parents were born in Mexico but they moved to USA in the late 1980’s, I wanna move to Mexico and live there for a couple years because my mother loves and talks about her hometown so much, the idea of seeing where she grew up in person and picturing her as a little girl warms my heart.

- ☘️ (I’m gonna use this as my anon tag from now on)

I feel like everyone is gonna be critical when it comes to their own stuff, like, I'm not kidding when I said i thought second best wasn't that good, specially because I used to be an essay tutor/monitor at school and my writing had to be more than perfect. Just remember that usually you're gonna be more critical of your work than other people and it doesn't mean that what you write is actually bad.

I'm so sorry that happened to you and I'm glad that you can stand your ground now!💪 I know this will sound oddly ironic but all the background information I have on R is about... Tara. In my head, R is divided by past (beginning of friendship, woodsboro), present (the current mess) and future (what's gonna happen) so, in a way, maybe her life is all about Tara😔

I don't think R's family are gonna make an appearance so I'll leave it up for you guys to hc whatever you want as R's reason for being so attached to Tara.

California seems so nice! And yeah, i grew up here and i wouldn't have it any other way🤭 Maybe this happens to everyone in their own home country but i just love my culture and history so much, I can't imagine living anywhere else.

Mexico sounds super cool! I've been wanting to go there, specially in 2026 because of the world cup (really wanted to see it live) but i dont think it's gonna happen😔 Either way it's a beautiful country i wanna visit someday and i definitely have to start improving my spanish.

[khaleesiofalicante]

“It’s my dad!” Max grins widely, still hanging upside down. “And some other guy.”

Don’t cry.

Don’t cry.

Don’t cry.

“Of course. Of course. We don’t want the good people of New York thinking you are a negligent father,” Max nods seriously and then side-eyes Magnus. “But then again, next to this one, you look like the father of the year.

He sees Rafael’s bike parked outside.

No. No.

Magnus runs inside.

“That’s right!” he hears Max yell after him. “Run to your precious golden boy!”

“You don’t get to fucking tell me what to do,” Max shakes his head. “You are not my father.”

“Max. Please,” Rafael says softly. “You don’t want bapak to get hurt again, right? Please. Please. Stop. Bapak doesn’t deserve this. I know it hurts. But stop. Please.”

“You sure you’re straight, Rafe?” Max snorts. “You’re sucking his dick pretty hard right now.”

“Max!” Alec yells. “Stop it. Magnus has-”

"The two of you are fucking pathetic," Max snorts. "Magnus this. Bapak that. Have some fucking self-esteem."

Rafael moves forward. But Alec pulls him back by the arm.

"Don't," Alec tells their oldest and then looks at Max. "One more word out of you and-"

"And what?" Max crosses his arms.

"Max," Magnus intervenes. "If you are mad at me, just be mad at me. Don't take it out on Alec and Rafael."

"You can't help it, can you?" Max asks with a grin. "You always have to tell people what to do. Because you think you're better than the rest of you. Guess what, bapak? You are the weak link in this family."

“That’s what I thought,” Max laughs out loud. “Leave. That’s all you know. Leave. You fucking coward.”

“And what you did today?” Magnus shakes his head. “I’ve never been disappointed in you.”

He thinks of the billboard again.

His face.

The words ‘Go Kill Yourself’ written across his eyes.

Magnus swallows.

“Do you have no idea what could have happened if the wrong person had seen the message at the wrong time?” Magnus asks hoarsely. “Do you have no idea how much it hurt me to see my son act like this?”

“Yeah. Maybe it’s just you,” Max chuckles. “Maybe it’s a good thing. Because now dad can be with someone who actually fucking loves him.”

Rafael slips into the couch and buries his face in his hands.

Okay. I'm done. I've been with Rafe since the first time I read this fic. Max is very selfish.

And I really tried (both times I read this fic), but I just can't take it anymore. I tried to ignore all your horrible and unfortunate comments in both timelines but I have again reached my limit in the same chapter in which I reached my limit last time.

Reminds me of my little brother. They live in their own world and with their own pain. And people have to be able to live through their pain and that is their right, but that doesn't mean they have the right to everything. He closes himself in his pain and doesn't care how bad others have it. You could be suffering and not make it harder for others.

I really try to be understanding with Max but he pokes and pokes and pokes until he makes you explode. What he does is not right. And they spoil him for it, and so he will never learn

It reminds me of that scene with Tessa and Jem where they are talking about Will and she wonders what good they are doing to Will if they always forgive him for everything he says or does.

I'm glad that Magnus was able to set his limit to stop Max from continuing to advance, because we don't know if he would have stopped. Sometimes children also behave toxically towards their parents.

I don't think Max is the devil por being selfish, i want to be clear. I don't hate him, i dont have 15 years old. I understand this is complicated. But we have to admit that he has a selfishness problem that he must learn to deal with. That doesn’t make him a bad person, but hus selfishness makes him doing bad things and he should know where is the line, not waiting to others to draw it

And Magnus was absolutely right to make him think about what would have happened if someone read that sign at the wrong time. How he doesn't think about how things affect others. How Max doesn't think. It's a horrible thing to say, regardless of whether he went against his bapak. Someone else could have read it, and seen it as a sign

Also, poor Rafael. I get it so much, the more Max talked, the more Rafe became afraid that Max would end up triggering Magnus. And as a person who ends up imagining the worst in stressful situations, I know what must have been going through Rafe's head at that moment

I think it's spot on and this was the whole point.

This was Max's struggle in tlnd. His arc, if you will. Everyone had their own kind of 'toxic' habit to overcome whether it was Magnus letting people walk all over him and keep sacrificing himself for love, whether it was Alec's stubbornness to fix things and just keep trying even if it makes things worse, Rafael's inability to set boundaries and Max's selfishness.

The story wouldn't work, let's say, if Max had Arthur's personality. He had to be who he is for the story to move. But I had to be careful because this version of Max can't only exist in tlnd. So, you do see this reckleness and selfishness in other fics, but manifesting in different ways and impacting him and others around him in different ways.

It's very hard to read, especially if you relate to Rafael a lot, but it was incredible to write :)

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

is there any reason to recover when you have a shitty family and no friends? there is nobody to celebrate when i eat a fear food. instead there is just "dont eat too much you don't want to get fat"

there is just denying me food and taking mine (classmates)

classmates share food with everyone else, but when i ask they say no, for everyone they can eat but not me, i dont deserve it

what is the point anymore

My heart goes out to you, because it is so hard to heal when the environment you're in is making you sick.

You're asking if there's a point to recovering in the context of everyone around you. Of course there's a point to recovering - for you, not for them, so that you can feel happy and good in your own mind regardless of what they're like! But it's easy to feel like it's pointless when your environment has conditioned you to feel this way.

I suggest you take time to focus on you, as much as you're able to anyway - focus on your recovery in the context of yourself. Don't share your eating habits or successes with your family members. Remain as minimally engaged as possible in conversations around your body, eating habits, and weight. Then, extract yourself from the situation as gracefully as you can manage and tell yourself whatever you need to hear. That their shitty commentary is not your fault. That you can build better for yourself than they have built for you. That one day, with hard work, you will cultivate a much healthier environment for yourself.

When you eat a fear food, celebrate it by yourself. Learn to love yourself and be your cheerleader and best friend. (Feel free to message this blog and tell me - I might not be around to congratulate you immediately, but when I do get to my inbox, I promise I will care!) See if you can find any online support groups for ED recovery, so that you will be less alone and may have access to more advice and community. Support groups/forums about toxic family and friends might be helpful too as you might be able to learn some strategies for how to build a healthy environment for yourself once you're able to build some boundaries between yourself and toxic influences. It takes a lot of time to learn how to do it. Stay patient with yourself, and if you don't find the right groups right away, keep looking.

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this isolation at school with no supports at home. My best suggestion is, when you're still in this school, keep food items from home stashed in your backpack, and keep your backpack on your person at all times. Or keep it stashed in your locker, but only nonperishables. You don't want it to rot and develop an odor. Instead of seeking friends in a toxic environment, just survive until you graduate. Engage in practices like art and writing in order to connect with yourself, vent, hype yourself up, and just learn to express your experiences. It will not cure the loneliness, and I know loneliness can be crushing. It can help you feel like you don't have to seek love from a loveless environment. I heard a quote to put it in perspective - going to a person for a love they're not capable of giving is like going to the hardware store for oranges. No matter how desperately you ask for oranges, the hardware store will not give you any. It's not your fault - you didn't stock the hardware store - but continuing to seek oranges here will yield you only disappointment.

Hang in there, learn who you are independently of the toxic people around you, be as kind to yourself as possible, and research what you will have to do in order to build the future you want. It may be a future in which you have some distance and limited contact with your family members, or don't go back to your old hometown. I truly wish you the best of luck.

[violentviolette]

Honestly have no idea if this is a narc crash or bpd splitting episode, but when someone implies I'm not good enough or accidentally rejects me. Or doesn't fit my expectations or standards or whatever, I often just get so enraged and disappointed in myself. Then I get upset with them. I feel like, I should be getting what I want and what I need. I need them to see me for who I am, and adore me and respect me and see my worth. But when I just... struggle with my own self-esteem, I just... feel so awful. I just dissociate, I lose my appetite, I get angry easily, and my brain won't shut up about how this person rejected ME. How they don't like ME. That I'm *flawed*. That I'm worthless. I might get paranoid that they're talking about me behind my back, using info against me, or they may abandon me. I begin to start thinking I'm superior to them in every way, shape, or form. I split on them at one point, obvi. But, I just... I end up going back to unhealthy behaviours (being dysfunctional, not taking care of myself, being too hard on myself, trying to be too perfect all the time, etc.) as a way to cope with these feelings of worthlessness. I just... get extra "I'm envious and jealous of you" feelings, and constantly compare myself with others on small levels like how well they can brush their teeth or how much sleep deprivation can they truly handle? Or how good their imagination is?? Idk. I just... I get so incredibly lonely, frustrated, and push everyone away during these times. I just want nobody around me, but also need someone to validate me and my existence. Bc it's so hard to validate myself, all alone. Idk. What the hell is this experience? And what do I call it?

at it's core, that's a spiral. it sounds very much like a narc crash, but i also dont know much about how bpd splits feel and so i cant comment on how close it is to those, but thats very much how those spirals used to happen for me it's essentially a distress meltdown. so something upsetting happens, but because we never learned how to properly manage and handle distress, there's no framework to catch ourselves and validate ourselves, so we spiral down an abusive self hating rabbit hole. in an effort to claw our way out we attempt the maladaptive coping strategy of devaluing everything around us and everyone that hurt us because we dont know how to build ourselves up, only tear others down. but that doesnt actually work or give us real substantial comfort and so we just continue to wallow in lonely self hating misery and default to another maladaptive coping mechanism which is to purposefully reject the thing we need/want in order to further punish ourselves so if we want validation and connection, we self isolate and reject ppl and push them away. we unconsciously continue to punish and abuse ourselves because we learned during development that when we are rejected its because we fucked up, and if we fucked up we need and deserve to be punished, and so we unconsciously punish ourselves in place of our previous abusers but then our child-brain kicks in and tries to defend us from that punishment by again, devaluing and attacking everyone around us. because we also learned during our abuse that if someone hurts u, then u hurt them back to teach them a lesson. but none of these are real or healthy solutions so they dont make anything better, just worse dbt has a lot of good coping strategies and mechanisms to stop those disordered patterns and redirect behavior towards more healthy and sustainable coping mechanisms and distress tolerance. i'd definitly start there using some of those keywords to search for more reading on it. it's a slow process and it takes a lot of steps and it doesnt feel like its working at first, but if u force urself to practice those techniques over and over eventually they very much do click and u realize ur not hitting those spirals anymore and are able to stop them early on so u dont fall the whole way down

[babymorte]

*hugs* I can't imagine how much that hurts you Love. You really don't deserve to be treated like that at all.

Is it at all possible to cut this person out of your life? Or at least diminish how much time they're around? If you want I can light all their stuff on fire or fart on their pillows so they get pinkeye.

I thank every day for the universe bringing us together. 🩷 You really are the little sister I wish I had.

thank you 😔🫶🏻 honestly this is the first time im legitimately putting my foot down and not standing for any excuses or the way they treat me when i try to talk to them about the situation or anything like that and i think that’s what actually destroying me. im used to this happening because it’s been going on for a few years at this point and ive just had it. im beyond fed up. literally nothing they say to me right now can make things or me feel better.

honestly right now im just distancing myself because it’s all i have to keep me from constantly crying. they have their own things to work on but only time will tell if they actually put in the effort to make the changes they need to in order to fix this. ive offered to help and be there and brainstorm solutions but there was never anything to show for and honestly i dont have it in me anymore to care. its entirely up to them if they want to put in the effort in to make things better but ive been let down and disappointed so many times in the past im honestly not really holding my breath anymore. only time will tell if changes will actually happen but for now im just focusing on myself and the things that bring me joy to get through this~

im very lucky and thankful that ive had people just showing up for me and making me feel better with their presence alone whether or not they’re aware of it so those interactions although often short still mean the absolute world to me 😭

ahh now all i need is to adopt the annoying little sister tropes like borrowing your clothes without permission to make it super official 😂

[autismvampyre]

https://www.tumblr.com/autismvampyre/741462958593441792/hate-how-its-practically-impossible-to-find-anti?source=share

I saw this post and I couldn't agree more and Im asking anonymously cause I don't want to get judgement and stuff and I know this is going to sound a little dumb but I'm having a crisis about like. Whether or not I should support Taylor anymore like. Im going for the eras tour soon and I'm obviously really really excited but I've been seeing more and more anti swiftie media and it all really makes sense. Your blog was like the only anti swiftie one that didn't say all swifties deserve to die lol (at least from what I could find) but I just wanted to know if you have any advice on like letting go of the music in a way. I love her music, and one of the reasons I'm really scared to let go is that my childhood best friend and I share so many precious memories over her music and I don't want to disappoint her in a way by not listening anymore and her music helped me through really really hard times, which feels kind of dumb to say cause I'm 15, but like it's always really helped me and I don't know if I can or if I want to let go but at the same time I'm huge on ethics and a big part of my life has always been helping people and empathizing, and I just don't know if I want to support an artist who can't seem to publicly do that. Idk I was just wondering if you had advice? Thank you so much :)

P.s. feel free to ignore this ik it's loaded and not related to your blog entirely

hey! thanks for the ask. i wanted to respond to this before i forgot so this might be rushed but i hope i can still help.

i get your dilemma, i really do. i like her music a lot and one of the worst things about the anti swiftie community is how much it relies on the "her music sucks" card. its lazy and just personal taste, and i absolutely hate the puritanical idea that if you enjoy a single taylor song you are in some way morally lesser. people like what they like, and i think it's completely fine to enjoy her music because that isn't really an ethical concern

you can separate the art from the artist. its fine to do so. you shouldn't force yourself to stop listening to music you like unless you feel thats right for you. im very critical of taylor but i still occasionally listen to her music because there are a lot of memories attached to it and those memories are precious to me. art can make you feel so much, and you're not dumb for feeling comforted by it.

i dont think you have to let go of her music unless you want to. i believe the most important thing is to let go of the idea of taylor as a brand. people tend to get attached to her due to clever marketing; to a lot of people she's their friend and they feel very protective over her for that. taylor thrives off the parasocial relationship of her fandom which is financially beneficial to her. the most important thing to remember is that she is a billionaire with more money than you could ever imagine and it is impossible to get that rich without fucking over the poor. the image of taylor in the media is not real, she isn't the girl next door, she isn't your friend, she's an ultra rich celebrity who gets richer by pretending to be your buddy. once you've realized that, you're pretty much done

now, i definitely wouldn't recommend financially supporting her. if you're going to the eras tour don't go alone, be safe, wear earplugs(seriously this one is so important you dont want tinnitus believe me). i know there are a lot of different factors and ethics about the shows but as someone who a) hates live music cause im autistic and just end up overstimulated and b) was never in a financial situation where i could or even would buy eras tickets i feel very under qualified to tackle any of that so i'd recommend talking to someone else who knows about that.

to end, i'll just say piracy isn't theft if buying isn't owning snd there are guides out there so you can listen without paying her dime. sorry if this was incoherent, i am tired. have a good rest of your day/night/whatever time it is and please take care

[sollucets]

everybody is so hyped for only friends and I think I am too but I am also scared? because it is way too hyped, it can't live up anymore? And I know many people look forward to the red flags and all but I do enjoy a healthy relationship like aye and akk, but I am still looking forward to it but also I am very scared. And like i need my happy ends lol and I want first and khaos character to end up together just because they have an insane amount of chemistry.. I don't know. I am scared.

i mean, i get that to a certain extent but frankly i think the hype makes it more fun. everyone is so excited about every little detail it’s nice :’) i like seeing people lose their shit. maybe we’ll be disappointed but maybe we won’t! and wouldn’t that be lovely

id say based on everything were being given going into this expecting any of the relationships to be healthy is a fool’s errand lmao. again, we take em as they come & perhaps get pleasantly surprised

the ending…. i dont know nonny i think it’s too soon to say. basically, we barely have anything to go on right now so it makes sense people are defaulting to thinking of their actors but. sanray aren’t firstkhao! firstkhao will still promote together n be friends no matter what happens, and we’re here to see them do sexy sexy drama, and so how that drama ends up matters only if we eventually think sanray deserve it. yknow?

personally. my dreams for sanray is like….. san (who is, according to first, very forthright abt his feelings) leaves as we see in the trailer bc he’s sick of being second place to smth that’ll never happen, and then ray gets in trouble / needs bail or whatever and san comes to help him despite everything and ray apologizes (per khao saying he grows a lot) and they try again, for real this time, as scary as that may be. and also san should fuck other people to bother ray in the early days im a big ship mixnmatch advocate. like haha if we’re just fwb then this shouldnt bother you :’) but it does of course it does. i WANT that longing look across the club that you know youre not supposed to be giving dynamic

i dont know if “don’t be scared embrace the chaos” was the response you expected from me, haha. i’m sorry nonny! im very excited for only friends :’)

[mrstsung]

Vent below if you like liu kang this post isn't for you. This is basically an anti liu kang and really angry post.

Giving y'all a warning.

Again DNI if you like liu kang or "stan" him. Or are a fire god liu kang fan. Because this post isn't for you.

Like I'm giving a warning for a reason because im not gonna be nice rn. I choose violence today ok?

Trying to cite warnings and tag this so people don't get up in arms. (Which they may anyways but hey thats on them if they click further)

Cw:vent,angry admin.

Last warning. If you like liu kang. Plz for the love of god dni and keep scrolling. But if you dont like him. And especially hate fire god liu kang. Plz Continue.

Vent below cut

If you like or stan liu kang but more so mk12/mk1 god *redacted titans derogatory* liu kang.

Kick rocks. He's an asshole. Have a nice die liu kang. 💀🗑⚰

Nah. You can miss me with that. Liu kang deserves nothing but death and suffering. In fact everyone BUT shang tsung deserves it.

Nah if yall would have gave shang something actually decent,livable,love and care,maybe a fucking decent friend that wasn't a previous roster member?,etc. None of this would be a problem. But nope. Liu kang had to be a petty whore bitch with bias agenda. Could have made him evil and made him like dark raiden. But nope you had to make him insufferable and unlikable.

Like a guy who hides behind the im nice,till you disagree or reject his ideals and suddenly you're gaslighted and given shit. Omg much like religious indoctrination. How interesting. But they dont wanna talk about that.

People don't wanna talk about how shitty the writing is. But people don't care so as long as the characters are pretty and fuckable enough. But the more things change the more they stay the same i guess.

Everytime i see mk12/mk1 liu kang i wanna spit on him and punch him and set him on fire and just want him dead and gone for good. Because i fucking hate him. I have never hated even kronika this bad,more so i felt she was a waste of potential, and redundant af. Nah He deserves die.

Like go to Super hell liu kang. Piss off with your shitty fanfic Timeline. Loser bitch ass hiding behind a fake ass smile and preaching peace. Peace my ass. Shit happened anyways. Makes fucking shinnok look like a fucking saint sweetheart in comparison.

Like im not even joking. I don't even care about his reasons. I dont even care what canon says. Or these fucking mk1 liu kang fans say anymore. Im tired.

Which we all know it's because he has weird hang ups over kitana when he could have just fucking left,said fuck it and married her anyways. She would have said yes. But he had to be weird about it,roundabout af,and make everyone suffer because he couldn't get edanian pussy.

Or it's because maybe he thinks he can do better than raiden. The arrogant prick. Nah that god dilf raised you and you give him this shit?! After all he went through?! Thi s is the thanks you give him?! Liu kang im not just disappointed in you im disappointed in the fact raiden didn't kill you off when he had the chance when he went dark. Would've Saved us a shitty game and a half.

Like liu kang did all the things and still had bad things if not worse things. Happen. Preaching peace and prosperity my ass. Fake ass ugly ass hoebag bitch. I hope he chokes on his spit in his sleep. I hope sand get in his ass and never comes out. I hope he dies from this bullshit lame tarkat disease and gets ultra mega plague. I just fucking hate it man.

The villains are lame. The story is lame. Liu kangs fanfic is lame. And nrs is lame.

I'd rather deal with the shitty 2021 movie than this shit. I'd rather deal with shitty writing in mk11 than this. Fr. At least it's entertaining shit.

And shang tsung isn't a fucking dumpster fire in the story. Shao kahn while a meathead is still terrifying. Quan chi isn't there but in 10 he was fucking beeeeeast. Shinnok. Poor shinnok. You deserve better. Cetrion was a waste. Kronika too. Geras was actually scary,but now he's a tool.

Legitimately the gameplay is just juggle better,gimmicky kameos bullshit,and same ol crap different wrapper.

Mk12/mk1? More like mk11.5 . Nothing changes thats worth the money.

I can find better shit on emulators.

Graphics aside what does the new game really truly have to offer? Nothing.

Wishful thinking. Like a bag of lays chips but unlike potato chips which is useful. This game sadly. Is not.

(Liu kang is only valid if he's from the 95 movie thats it. Fuck every other version. But even then it's thin ice at this point. Nrs has ruined liu kang for me.)

So yeah kick rocks liu kang. I hate liu kang and anyone who stans his ass rn in the story and the new game can fuck right off.