#you can’t just call it the web and have it be about addiction and manipulation

[staysaneathome]

Lines that would make great twists in a fic that I don’t have the plot for #28:

Everyone always looked at the spiders.

Which, of course, was natural. Skittering, many-legged things, with their beady eyes and pedipalps that so easily resembled fangs. It was so natural, so easy to cast these monstrosities as the villains. There they are, those creeping, crawling things spewing webs as though compelled, addicted, stringing it into intricate patterns to catch us. Stop them, stop the monster, stop the person with spiders crawling from their skull, from beneath their fingers. Stop them, and we can end this.

No one ever spared a thought that, perhaps, this was too easy. Spiders are, after all, rather simple creatures with simple needs. They have no use for overarching plans, no use for overexerting themselves. Much like humans, they are content to do enough to ensure their needs will be met, but no more.

It takes something else to nudge them into the role of mastermind, of mouthpiece that gives the Mother of Puppets the reputation for manipulation, for control, for addiction, for power that it so rightfully craves. Something that no one thinks twice to look at, that they take as mere evidence of its presence and nothing more. Something that spans across all the puppets in the Mother’s control, binds them to her and sets them dancing to her will.

No one ever bothered to really think about why this entity is always known as The Web.

[pandorasword]

I loved Loved LOVED the chaeri and hongjong post! Their relationship is so cute 🤭 The part with ateez talking about chaeri in their daily life was so good! (Only if you want to, of course) Can we see more hongjoong and chaeri moments, as well as ateez and chaeri pls 🙏

Chaeri as the 8th and youngest member of BTS.

CHAERI'S MASTERLIST

N.D Thank you so much! I really appreciate it! I enjoy a lot writing about Chaeri and Ateez Hope you like this ♡

What you find on the web if you google 'Chaeri and Ateez?' + a short extract from one of Chaeri and Hongjoong's first dates

some clips in a rush ⸻ 🎬

"Alright, alright, I won't rain on your parade. But if you're going to imitate me, at least let me join"

Joong "You are not affected at all" Chaeri "Kinda used to it I would say"

Joong "Since she spends a lot of time in the dorm, the guys started joking that we are kind of the parents of the group" *smiling through the pain* "And we decided to make a list to estimate who is the easiest and hardest to raise"

Yunho "I will definitely be at the bottom of the list. I am one of her favourites."

ධ Fire mouth

Seoul; 2022

"In my defence, I didn't think they were that spicy." She took one last sip from the now-drained bottle of water they had been forced to buy on the street. They had passed by a Mexican food takeaway and were struck by a container of what looked like kettle corn. How did the diner call it? "I will never eat Esquites from that restaurant again, my tongue is still on fire." Esquites, right. "You can't deny that they still had something … addicting".

Hongjoong closed the door behind them as they crossed the threshold of his dorms. They had agreed to go back there for a few hours as neither of them would have to wake up too early the next day. Chaeri, however, had made it clear she didn't want to stay overnight there, and he respected that.

"Addicting if you like hurting yourself"

Chaeri smiled entertained. "So whiny Joong, I probably should have brought Wooyoung instead of you. He'd have been a good kid and eaten everything." "Do you enjoy trying to make people jealous or is it one of your qualities that you only show off to me?" She placed the bag she was carrying on her shoulder right next to her on the sofa "Would you get jealous if I say I do it with everyone?"

He couldn't hold back a smile as he looked at her. So confident all the time, with that challenging stare, she drove him crazy.

"What are you staring at?" She crossed her legs and made herself more comfortable on the pillows around. "Actually, I can’t take my eyes off you"

He knew. Chaeri told him, not in the slightest detail, that a relationship she previously had did not allow her to feel free to be with other men and that, with him, everything was coming up so naturally that it terrified her. If only he had not seen how her eyes changed every time a certain line was crossed between them, he would never have believed that Chaeri - famous for facing everything bravely - was afraid to let herself go in a relationship.

The conversation they had as soon as the 'fake date' thing was turning into something more was constantly on his mind: "I don't know if I will ever be able to love someone as I did with him. I am not even sure if I will be able to love at all, someone other than him. But I needed to be clear with you. I like you..for real, but I can't guarantee that I will fall in love"

"I like you, Chaeri. And if you give me the opportunity to be close to you for a while, maybe you will understand that love is not just once in a lifetime. I won't be a liar telling you that I'm only speaking for your own interest. Call me selfish, but I want a chance with you."

And she was genuinely impressed. Hongjoong was not the usual boy, false moralist, who would try to manipulate her with his gentle ways to achieve his ends. He was human and not afraid to show it.

"I like to watch you too, Joong."

"Let's take a better look of each other, then."

He stood before her to offer a hand. He brought her close to one of the living room windows to let her face be naturally illuminated by the stars in the sky.

Ethereal. It was the only word that gave her justice at that moment. As the moonlight illuminated her eyes, the boy thought he had never seen a more perfect person than her. He would have taken a photo to cherish the memory forever but he had nothing with him to do so.

He placed a finger on her chin and ran it up to her lips, tracing their outline gently, almost as if the fingertip were a phantom touch on her skin

"Is it ok if I do that?" "You have already kissed me several times, Joong" "True, but it always feels like the first one" "Is it bad?" "No, quite the opposite"

He leaned in, slowly bringing his lips to hers.

At first, the kiss was gentle, a soft brushing of lips against lips. But as the passion between them grew, the kiss deepened. His arms wrapped around her body, pulling her closer as they lost themselves in the moment.

He could feel on his tongue again the tingling of the Esquites still burning hot in Chaeri's mouth, probably 'cause she'd eaten far more than him.

You can't deny that they still had something … addicting Addicting if you like hurting yourself

It seems he was clearly someone who liked to hurt himself.

[crossroadsnumber1doctor]

There are 14 entites that are what is fear.

They are not truly seperated I always think it helps to imagine them like colours. The edges bleed together, and you can talk about little differences: “oh, that’s indigo, that’s more lilac”, but they’re both purple. I mean, I guess there are technically infinite colours, but you group them together into a few big ones. A lot of it’s kind of arbitrary. I mean, why are navy blue and sky blue both called blue, when pink’s an entirely different colour from red? Y’know? I don’t know, that’s just how it works.

And like colours, some of these powers, they feed into or balance each other. Some really clash, and you just can’t put them together. I mean, you could see them all as just one thing, I guess, but it would be pretty much meaningless, y’know, like… like trying to describe a… shirt by talking about the concept of colour

Gertrude and my mum always liked to use Smirke's list of 14 though

The Eye is the fear of being watched, followed, having your deepest secrets revealed, needing to know even jf your discoveries might destroy you.

The Dark is. the dark. and the fear that there may be something lying inside it that you cannot see.

The Corruption is the fear of filth. of disease and mold and bugs and the feeling of your skin crawling.

Spiders are The Web though. Fear of your will and decisions not being your own, spiders, addiction, being manipulated or puppeted, the worry you are in a trap you cant see.

The Hunt is the fear of being prey. Simple. annd probably one of the oldest Fears. Humans/Demons arent the only things that can feel afraid.

The Flesh is probably the newest one, only popped up around thd Industrial Revolution, and when something formed out of the animalistoc fear of the slaughterhouse reaches out to people... things get weird.

—YLGGTIASB

" I.. See.. Well, thanks for the knowledge. "

[alyjojo]

May 😽 2023 Monthly - Gemini

Whole of your energy: Judgement

I keep getting this message for Gemini, and it’s so oddly specific that I hate giving it, I can’t imagine it applies everywhere, but it keeps coming out in every reading lately, so I gotta give the message. You’re dealing with a gold digger, or have before, or someone feels this way about you. Someone you enable financially, or they do this with you, and you feel bound or stuck to them. This may not even be person, could be, but also a job, some monthly payment, a debt, something that’s screwing you over or tying you down with money. It’s been your dominant energy in every reading for the past couple of months. Judgement is you taking a hard look at where you are, where you’ve been, what’s keeping you stuck, in order to free yourself from these things that make you feel like your hands are tied behind your back. You’re sick of it. Or you need to be. This may be a wake up call, Judgement does that too.

For many of you, it’s another person. Could be child support payments or something like that, you’ve gotten that message before too. For some, it’s you, especially if your money goes to some kind of addiction, drugs, alcohol, what have you. Or someone else’s. You don’t want to “bail anyone out” anymore, even if it’s you, because if it’s you it’s like you keep hitting rock bottom and having to climb and claw your way out, just to fall right back down again. This could be part of your shadow work.

What’s going on in May:

King of Cups rev:

This is an energy of GUSHING emotions that have been held back, you’re either communicating this to someone, or they are doing this with you. This is a lot of emotion coming from someone that’s held back from spilling these feelings for far too long it feels like. There is dissatisfaction over finances, money, a job, the money that’s being spent on xyz or someone’s dependence on them for these things. Someone is feeling used, and with Queen of Pentacles rev at the end of the reading, they may BE being used. Justice is here too. Whoever is upset has a valid reason to feel how they feel. This can also be a card of an emotional manipulator, they guilt trip, victimize and make you feel sorry for them, or vice versa, and that may have worked in the past, more than once, but the jig is up now.

Page of Cups:

This is either the message you’re sending or getting. It’s wrapped in sweetness, sprinkled with sugar, this isn’t someone that’s harsh with their tone or full on ANGRY. They’re just unreliable as hell, they disappear and then come rushing back in when they need something, just to leave again. This could be a child. Or your parent, someone you borrow money from or vice versa. I don’t get this person being a mean person, even if it’s you, but I do get the situation being brought up, confronted, and emotions spilling out when they’re normally kept inside. This person may act kinda ridiculous with confrontation, if they’re used to spinning emotional webs. Things have to be addressed, they can’t continue like this. If this is not a person but a job, you may have lost a job or where you’ve been is not reliable, you can’t get on your feet because they don’t pay you enough, yet they expect you to jump whenever they need you. You could be hearing good news regarding that, if you’ve been trying to find something else. Also possible good news in lowering child support payments or with anything financial or legal, Justice seems to be on your side here.

3 Cups:

This is a very happy card, one of reunions and celebrating with friends. This could show your birthday for you May babies, end of reading & end of the month. If this is showing timing, I don’t see the situation fully changing by then, you’re paused and waiting for 10 Pentacles. But you could hear good news that you’re celebrating with your friends & family, maybe getting some feedback or advice from them. It’s possible if this is a family member, that you’re saying how you feel (or they are), and it’s being accepted like “yeah I totally get it”, after some tears or a very emotional incident, making you feel secure to wait around for change that…I don’t see coming. It’s likely to repeat tbh. If this is a person, they’re a king/queen of bullshitting their way through tough situations and not being held accountable for things. With a sweet face 😊 If they’re not a child then they’re very young in energy. Or you are, could go either way. If you’ve gone through several cycles with this person, you’re seeing this clearly now. If this is your energy, someone else calling you on these behaviors is going to make you feel extremely emotional.

Justice:

You may be instilled with a false sense of confidence with this situation, temporarily. Or have. Or you’re doing that to someone else, because you want to get your way without actually doing the things they want you to do. There is no real action being taken, you/they just want it dropped and “we won’t speak of this again” so that it can go right back to the same cycle of bs it has been. The person or job that gets their way from toxic traits & behaviors, has no incentive to change. Why would they want to? If they can sweet talk you out of $100, that’s good for them, why would they care? Someone is giving someone else the benefit of the doubt, and in doing this, they’re realizing their own standards, boundaries, what’s right or wrong, how things should be. Because they’re being walked on. Probably not the person getting money. Your card of Let Go is tied with Justice here. You have to cut them off, or be cut off, there are no more chances. This is what’s going to manifest the victory someone is craving. Could apply to a job too, it’s time to look elsewhere. Judgement is either giving something another chance, or nailing the coffin shut, no more of this. Justice is a final decision being made based on experience and evidence, some of this may be legal in nature too. More chances & enabling leads to repeated bs, that’s what this reading is saying.

6 Swords rev:

This is the part where you realize nothing is going to actually change. This person will come back again, asking for money, or they need you for xyz, they’re in trouble, it’s a toxic cycle that can’t continue. If not a literal gold digger, it has that face…sometimes addiction has that face. They’re or you’re doing all of this for the wrong reasons, there are no genuine emotions coming from anyone except the person that keeps giving and giving and giving. And they/you want to give, you do. But not like this. Not for drugs, possibly, not because of emotional manipulations or feeling trapped or guilted into doing this, no. You don’t want to spend 90% of your time at a job that uses you and would replace you tomorrow, they don’t care. Paying you crackers even! You’re gaining a lot of clarity on this situation this month. I don’t see major change, unless someone is being cut off, but the last instance feels more like a test that someone is going to fail. Then enough is enough. In some way you’re keeping yourself stuck, assuming you’re not The Devil energy here, and while you have to see this person clearly, you also have to see your own role in enabling this kind of behavior. Some of you may be coming to grips with the reality of an addiction of your own, which is very difficult to do on any level. If this is a child, or someone you love, which I assume is the case, you may not want to be mean, but boundaries are necessary and it may be needing to be repeated, several times. You can’t keep giving and giving for no return, no regard to your feelings or your finances, no reciprocated affections or respect, etc. I can’t know your specific situation beyond some cards, and I don’t mean to sound insensitive, some of your stories may run very deep and even be painful. Some are simply a job that’s gotta go. I’m sending you lots of love & healing for whatever situation this is 💙

Signs you may be dealing with:

Scorpio, Pisces, Virgo, Sagittarius, Gemini & Capricorn

Oracles: ✨

53 Let Go

What, if anything, can be done to let go of what is standing in your way?

7 Reunion of Souls 🫶

There is a school of thought that says before our souls come to earth, we make contracts, or agreements, with other souls. At one point in time, we appear in each other’s lives to assist in those involved in learning a lesson, being a catalyst for a needed change, or to share in profound joy. When a person comes into your life to teach you a lesson - no matter the human form, no matter the human experience - this agreement is based in love.

The human experience may have been painful and extremely challenging - acknowledge the depth of love needed for this contract to take place and then let them go. The experience may have been profoundly moving, but ended abruptly and without reason. Again - be grateful and move on - cherish the lessons and move forward into your life the way it was meant to be. Alternately, this card signifies a profound “soulmate” relationship, whether it is between lovers, friends, or parents and children. Cherish the gift given.

19 Unlimited Possibilities 🌈

When fall turns into winter, the leaves fall from the trees, the birds fly south, plants go dormant - some even die having lived the life they were meant to. Do we ever panic and wallow in the fear that this is it? There will never be another robin singing? There will never be another ripe tomato? No we don’t. Why? We know that after winter, spring will return, followed by the bounty of summer. It is so in your life. At any given time, there are unlimited possibilities for you and yours, many different paths to take, many different options available. Do not get bogged down into thinking in a linear fashion. Open your eyes and your heart, and feel the power your free will and choice brings to you. Make your life what it is meant to be.

We enter into May as:

Pink From Pinkton 💗

“I am more than I think I am.”

Pink shows us the process of self-awareness. Are you trying to recapture a past moment that no longer fits? You may have outgrown something, and while it can be a challenge to admit it, being fully who you are is much more glorious than trying to fit yourself into the past. If you are presently upset or struggling with a difficult situation, it may be because you are trying to make something work when it simply can’t. You may be seeking to keep something far less than what you deserve. With self-awareness and discovery comes a new obligation, using your new knowledge. New ideas, projects & opportunities can only come if you stop blocking them.

What is to be learned in May:

Demon Red Rainbow 👹

“The greatest adversary is the one living inside of me.”

If the Demon Red Rainbow speaks to you, it is an indication that you are starting to (or will) forge ahead on the path you have chosen. You are correct in thinking that this path is important. Demon Red Rainbow denotes miraculous changes which lay ahead but not without your dogged determination. If you are facing a hill that appears insurmountable, this card reminds us that most true adversaries are the ones inside of us. Life always turns for the better when we face our demons.

You are not to abandon your focus no matter what comes up. The direct route may be the best way to the other side of your fear. There is a crucial lesson here for us all. Know that Spirit always provides an ally when we face the Demon Red Rainbow. It will be clear to you who they are. You need not face anything alone. Spirit has chosen a very powerful lesson for you so that you may teach others what you have learned. A gift of this kind is never given without our ability to use it.

Electric Blue Moon 🌚:

“If I don’t take care of it, it’ll never happen.”

It is not time to force an issue. If something feels important to you, you may be jumping the gun. If you are impatient, you may block something wonderful from coming to you. Now is not the time for a rushed decision, even if you think you’ve given something “plenty” of time, give it more. You have made your needs known to Spirit, now leave it alone. If you try to force a situation, you may bind yourself to something you could come to know as a hinderance. Allow right action to happen in its own time.

Red & Blue may be lucky colors ❤️💙

[liquid-luck-00]

Internet Friends

@maribatmarch-2k21 Day 4: Internet Friends

~~~~~~~~~~

You know the internet is a magical place. You can connect with people all over the world in a matter of seconds. You know what isn’t magical, your best friend enrolling you in a ‘coffee seminar’. Like seriously Adrien I love you like a brother so what the hell. I’m busy enough as it is without giving up my Saturday morning on the only day I have free for months.

Sure my school and social life is a flaming pile of garbage thanks to a little liar manipulating almost everyone who was my friend. So why, but if anything this little online seminar may just be the thing I need.

Okay not what I needed. The coffee seminar was apparently a coffee intervention workshop. Big surprise there, what was a welcome surprise was I wasn’t the youngest person there. Through out the entirety of the web seminar they sent private messages back and forth completely ignoring the speaker, only adding in when asked. Buy the end they decided to share emails, and that was how Marinette found herself a, hopefully, friend and at the very least a partner in caffeinated crimes.

She would mainly email Tim rants about school and the akuma. He at first tried to see how open she was to help, from the JLA, to come in and help the Parisian heroes. But she shut that down quickly by explaining how the villains powers work and how many of the heroes tend to be emotional when they fight even if they don’t show it.

He in turn ranted about his brothers and how they tried to hide his coffee and the stress of his work. Which sparked the conversation of what he did. Sure she was surprised when she found out her new friend was Tim Drake-Wayne so she decided to let him into her being MDC after he couldn’t find the designer and that he wanted a commission for a gala in a few months.

They ended up, either video chatting or messaging often to rant or brainstorm for their respective projects. Or just send each other dumb photos or memes to brighten the others’ day.

---

Mari doesn't know how this came to be but it did. She was walking along the second floor railing. She was going to meet Tim face-to-face as he was going to pick her up from school to do a fitting before sending out his suit.

He had messaged her that he was in front of the school. So she said to meet her in the court yard. To her dismay her classmates formed a half circle pinning her back to the railing.

"Seriously Mari, why would you do that?!" Alya screamed at her the eyes of the entire school and of a black haired blue eyed boy, now on their group.

"Do what exactly?" she questioned adjusting the straps of her backpack.

"I can't *sniff* believe you don't *sniff* remember, Mari. It was so mean *sniff*." Lila choked out burrowing her face into Kim's sweater, who looked disgusted with her.

"One, I still don't know what I supposedly did. And two, only my friends call me, Mari, and you aren't on that list." she turned to leave but they closed in on her. Unfortunately, Adrien and Kagami left earlier for a tournament. Luka was out of the country as was Chloe, so she didn't have anyone to break her out.

"You two aren't, but we are!" Alya shouted motioning to herself and the others In the class.

"We haven't been friends for years," she thought, unfortunately she said it out loud.

"What?!?" was chorused by the entire class.

So she took a breath. "There are only two people I consider friends within our class, both of which are not here. Why are you all surprised?" A tilt of her head and a perfect look of innocence crossed her features. "You all claim I'm a bully, why be friends with bullies. I'm just ripping off the band aid you are all to scared to touch."

"You're lying they are still your friends can't you see that!" Lila stopped sniffling and came to the class' defense.

"Really. I want them to think and think hard of the last time any of them sought me out to talk or hangout. Not tell me or accuse me of something, or demand clothes or sweets." They were all silent dead in thought. "The reason you can't is because it hasn't happened since Lycee."

"That's not true Mari, we are your friends," Rose piped in softly.

"DC we've been friends forever, this isn’t like you." Kim pleaded.

"Ya we were friends for a long time, so you should know I hate liars and I never lie." Everyone seemed to register her words.

"Oh get over yourself!" Lila snapped pushing her backwards.

The bad part, she was already on the edge so she was falling from the second floor. Fortunately for her, her time as ladybug along with being a gymnast since she could stand, her body reacted, her mind catching up a moment later. She grabbed a sprinkler pipe and turned a few times, held herself upside down and then swung again. Letting the bar go twisting in the air and shifting her backpack. Everyone on the first floor scattered to the edges of the courtyard to give her space to land without obstacles. As she finishes in a rollout to protect herself and her backpack now clutched to her chest.

"What was that!?" Lila screamed gripping the balcony railing, her facade completely dropped. Everyone else stood shocked silent, frozen in place, until one black haired blue eyed boy stormed up to the bluenette.

"Mari I swear the first time we meet up and you do that. God I am never going to leave you with Dick." Tim stormed up to her. "You are going to give me a heart attack."

"Hey Tim," she chuckled in response.

"That said I am sending this to him."

"Go ahead. Coffee?"

"You know me too well," he grinned as they began to leave the still frozen, still silent school yard. "So what are you going to do about them?" he jabbed a finger behind them.

"Dunno how much did you record?" she pointed to the phone clearly in his hand still.

"Since the first scream, but audio is kinda off from that far."

"I got that part covered," she took out her phone from her jacket pocket. Now her class started to move so both coffee addicted teens started to record again in case of anything.

"Who is this Mari?" Nino genuinely asked.

"He is a friend, and he can use that name unlike any of you."

"Best friend actually."

"You will have to fight Adrien for that title." she teased.

"I got Gami's approval. I can take Sunshine on."

"That was an acknowledgment and we all know it."

"Why haven't we ever seen him before then?" Alya snipped.

"I'm not from Paris, much less from France, if the accent didn't give it away. I'm visiting on a trip with my father and wanted to stop by." The two just walked away after that.

Who would have guessed that being forced into a coffee intervention seminar would result in gaining one friend and loosing a class worth of dead weight. And oh did it feel good to walk away from that toxicity. Unfortunately she still has to finish this last year of school before University. At least she has people she knows will stand beside her. All thanks to the magic of the internet.

~~~~~~~~~~

Permanent Taglist: @itsmeevie01 @miraculouspenta @adrestar @vixen-uchiha

[animeyanderelover]

Hi! First of all I want to thank everyone for the support you have given me so far🥰. I really, really appreciate it! Here is my next post. Hopefully you like it.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, delusions, paranoia, manipulation, bipolar behavior, violence, guilt-tripping, manipulation, sabotage, blackmailing, threatening, bribing, mentions of kidnapping, mentions of killing

Yandere Trancy Manor Hc’s

Alois Trancy

👅This one’s really a handful to take in. He’s pretty bipolar and that effects his Yandere behavior as well. Depending on his mood he can have less worse traits or worse ones. Let’s start with the “better” traits which are delusional, clingy, lovestruck, obsessive and desperate. In his mind the both of you were made for each other so it’s only natural that he wants to know everything about you. Extremely clingy, wherever his s/o is he’ll be there as well and he wants, no, he NEEDS your attention and love even more than Claude’s! This boy cherishes you so much. Extremely touchstarved.

👅The worse traits from him are possessive, manipulative, cruel and some tendencies to the sadistic type. He lost his little brother and won’t lose his darling too, no matter what he has to do! Manipulative as fuck, he fooled everyone with his acts when his “father” died and will use his horrific past on the s/o as well. The thing is, I think he would be more than hesitant to hurt his darling. He doesn’t care about hurting other people, but with the s/o he’s more careful. But when he’s angered enough he might loose it and hurt the s/o and insult them without really realizing what he does until he snaps out of it and as soon as he realized what he’s done he’s heartbroken. Also a very cruel type, but mostly only with the people who are in his relationships’s way with the s/o.

👅Possessive and clingy is a frightening mix. Do everyone the favor and don’t look at anybody else except him. He already punishes his servants when they take your attention away from him, but if it’s another person they’re dead. If someone even takes his darling’s attention away from him for one second he’ll throw a tantrum right then and there. After this he’ll act like the brat he is, even towards you, but one simple hug or a gentle kiss on the cheek from you and he’ll melt and goes back to treating you like a queen/king.

👅Alois is ready to kill everyone who comes in his way. Most of the time he orders Claude to do it, but if someone made you cry, harmed you or confessed to you is when the boy shows his true cruelty. First of all he’ll order Claude to take that person to a secure place where only he has access to. Then he’ll tell them in detail what is going to happen to them with a crazed look in his eyes, which is already enough to make someone never go near the s/o again. After that the torture starts and I can guarantee that everyone begs him to just kill them after merely 30 minutes, but days or even weeks might pass before that guy kills the person. Even hell will seem harmless compared to this.

👅Alois will kidnap his darling really quickly given his paranoia. But he makes sure that everything is towards their liking, there’s nothing he doesn’t know about them. If they try to escape him he’ll chain them up to the bed, but will still spoil them.

👅Uff...This is hard to say. If we go by his worse traits and by how he treats the s/o sometimes and the people around his darling he’s one of the really dangerous ones. But if we go with the better traits and how he treats you most of the time he’s in a dark dark green zone. He spoils you to the rotten and if he accidentally hurts you this boy starts crying, going on his knees and begging you for forgiveness. For the next few days he’ll smoother you in even more affection, hugs and kisses than he already does. I think it’s up to you to judge if he’s a better or worse one.

Claude Faustus

🕷He’s a demon so naturally possessive over the s/o, never letting them leave his side for more than a few seconds. Also the aware type, just like Sebastian he might not know human feelings that well, but he is sure that they aren’t supposed to be so passionate. He’s a manipulative one, using lies to slowly trap his darling in his web without them noticing.

🕷Also a clingy one, I already mentioned it in Sebastian’s Hc, it’s rare for demons to find true love and he never knew what joy he could feel from simply being near his darling. Also an obsessive one he loves everything about you what makes him a touchy one as well.

🕷Possessive and clingy ones are always easily jealous, same goes for Claude. He just found his mate, do you seriously expect to just watch when they’re having fun with someone else?! Na-ah, not happening. His reaction would be similar to Sebastian he would most likely let some part of his demon form appear for a few seconds to scare the other person away.

🕷If someone even dares to touch his s/o’s skin he makes sure to make their death as agonizing as possible. He won’t let anyone take his darling away from him and is willing to crush everyone who tries it. But just like Sebastian he is careful with his killing because the last thing he wants to happen is that this little brat called Alois finds out about you.

🕷Claude will kidnap his darling very quickly given his possessiveness. He doesn’t even think about asking them to work as a maid because Alois is already really cruel to the demon servants so thinking about what harm he might cause a human servant...Yeah, no chance that he’ll let his s/o anywhere near that brat. He’ll search for a nice and cozy cottage somewhere isolated and makes sure that his darling can’t escape from there.

🕷Compared to his master he’s a better Yandere. He just wishes to spoil the s/o and he’ll bring you everyday a new gift. Books, sweets, dresses/suits, whatever you wish for. This guy helps you with everything and will insist on dressing you. He wants you to rely on him and if you act up he’ll be more strict with you, but overall such a gentleman.

Hannah Annafellows

🟣She’s a demon so she’s a possessive one. She’s also obsessed with her darling, loving their hair, scent, skin, laughter, everything about them is addicting to her. She’s a manipulative one and will ensure that everyone the s/o is close to will somehow end up leaving them. And who’s during such times your shoulder to cry on? Hannah! She makes sure that her s/o relies on her and only trusts her.

🟣Hannah is also the lovestruck and overprotective Yandere. She always makes sure that her darling is being watched by her or the triplets so nothing bad happens to them. No words can describe how much she adores and loves her darling. And just for you she’s a really soft one. But don’t get too comfy with her because if you anger her enough she’ll punish you.

🟣Hannah has different from the other demons here just a bit more patience with people, mostly because she knows that they’ll leave the s/o very soon for some “unknown” reasons and that her darling will then run crying to her, needing her hugs and comforts. With these thoughts in her mind, you in her arms and clinging onto her for dear life, she can hold out for some time.

🟣She won’t kill unless given a good reason to. If someone for example takes a liking towards her darling and ignores Hannah’s warning that person is dead. Same goes for people who made you cry and hurt you, even if it’s just a small scratch, that person will be dead within the same day.

🟣She won’t kidnap her s/o unless something bad happens. Most likely scenarios are if she confesses to them and they reject her, they find out about her behavior towards others around them, you distance yourself from her or you’re getting seriously harmed. But as soon as she does her s/o has no chance to escape her with not only her, but the triplets watching over her as well.

🟣I believe that Hannah can be a better Yandere, but only if you behave well. She has some kind of reward system which means the better you behave the more she’s willing to let you out and grand you your wishes. If you don’t behave or try to escape she’ll punish you, but I believe that her punishments are more mentally than physically. That doesn’t really make it better since she’s a demon. She’ll probably let you imagine your worst nightmares and then you’ll run like a frightened bunny to her and beg and cry for her help which she’ll gladly give you, making you see her as your hero and savior which is exactly what she wants. But overall a soft and caring woman.

Timber, Thompson & Canterbury

🤫Since they’re really discreet they prove a little challenge, but I really like them and want to give it a try. All demons are possessive, no exception with these guys. Since they’re so quiet I think they are stalkers as well. At least one of them is ALWAYS observing you from the distance.

🤫Obsessed with their darling in every sense possible. They’re the types to steal things from the s/o and since they are 3 of them they steal a looot of things from their darling. Books, toothbrushes, clothes, underwear... Also the lovestruck types, always imagining how wonderful it would be to have their darling near them. When they are near the s/o then they are incredibly touchy with them.

🤫They know who you meet during the day since they’re always watching! The one who watched you that day will report everything to his brothers and they’ll decide together if that person should be killed or not. Nearly 97% of the time they go with the first option since they can’t stand the thought of someone else being near their darling.

🤫As mentioned above, they hate the thought of someone else near the s/o. It’s already bad enough to have one demon wanting to kill you, but 3?! That’s the worst situation someone could ever ask for. They’re the quiet but deadly types, but I can imagine that the triplets will toy with the victim at first, making fun of them before cornering that person and killing them.

🤫The brothers make sure to kidnap you very soon because at one point just watching didn’t satisfy them anymore. They’ll most likely have a fight about who gets to kidnap you before deciding that they’ll all go together. Isn’t just the thought of having 3 lovesick demons hunting you down wonderful? You’re never going to see anything except the small house in which they keep you again. Escaping isn’t an option too because one of them is always with the darling. Now they only need to find out how to share the s/o.

🤫They’re in the middle, meaning they’re not the worst and not the best. They always argue about who gets to take you on a short walk outside, who gets to help you dress up, who gets to help you with a bath, honestly it’s more frustrating. Punishments are only given when you try to escape or resist their affection towards you and consist of locking you in a dark room with only one meal per day. Probably doesn’t sound that bad, but when you’re about to sleep they silently hide somewhere in the dark and use their demonic powers to give you terrible nightmares and at some point you’re going to be too scared to sleep. That’s when they let you out again and the next few weeks or even months, depending on how far they went, you won’t be able to sleep without at least one of them with you in the bed, cuddling you satisfied and happily in his arms. But most of the time they’re your loyal servants, you won’t have to lift a finger just let them do anything. ( The triplets turned out longer than wanted, but as mentioned above I really like them and just the fact that they’re 3 makes the whole situation even more interesting. From the whole Trancy household they’re definitely my favorites.)

[writersneedtherapyy]

How To Write a Dystopia

Most of my WIP ideas are dystopian, which is crazy to admit. But I think I’ve written enough of those ideas to share some advice (with a ‘lil help from the web and what I recall from English)

Dystopia comes from the Greek words meaning “bad” and “place”. Essentially, that’s what a dystopia is, when you look at it: a bad place.

But you can’t just throw in some bad things here and there and call it a dystopia, there’s a more in-depth way of writing a story in this genre.

Here are some tips:

1. READ 

To be good at writing in general, you need to understand the concept of it. What goes into writing your genre (in this case, dystopia)? It’s a cliche, but it’s true that the best way to learn is by reading. Dystopian books range from the classics to the more modern ones. These include (but are not limited to): 

Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

1984 - George Orwell

Fahrenheit 451 - Ray Bradbury

The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood

The Hunger Games Series - Suzanne Collins

The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner

Divergent Series - Veronica Roth

The Giver - Lois Lowry

2. World Building - Society 

Sure, you can make a story take place in the depths of a mythical forest or an igloo village in the Arctic, but there is no dystopia without a society. Society plays a huge role in dystopian stories, typically because, through them, we see how the government controls them and who it targets. 

Does it target women? Men? Children? Teens?

Religious people?

People of certain ethnic backgrounds?

The needy? Rich? Middle-class?

People who think differently?

Artists? Writers? Musicians?

Who does the government control in society? How does it control it? How does society go about it?

3. World Building - Control 

In every dystopian book, there is a totalitarian government that has some type of control over its citizens. There are different types of control that you can consider putting your citizens under in your novel:

Bureaucratic control - A government who creates laws that oppress citizens. (Shown in The Hunger Games throughout Panem)

Corporate control - When a large corporation controls the people through items such as propaganda. (WCKD in The Maze Runner is an example of a corporation)

Philosophical/religious control - an ideology that the government forces its citizens to live by. (“Everyone belongs to everyone else” from Brave New World is one example)

Technological control - computers, robots and/or science controls people. (The parlor walls and seashells that people are addicted to in Fahrenheit 451 is an example)  

4. Background Story How did the government/society come to be in your story?

Almost every dystopian government/society rose from the ashes of an apocalypse. Maybe a laboratory establishes control over the population after a pandemic, or a military group gains control over the population after a war. Maybe there was supposed to be a presidential election that year and the only surviving candidate was the one that no one wanted. The possibilities are endless. So… how will you end the world? Who will you put in power afterward? The dystopian genre allows you to be evil, so don’t be shy! >:)

5. Other Dystopian Conventions (courtesy of my English teacher :))

Regulation of the arts and original thought

Propaganda - used to control the citizens of society

Economic manipulation is also used as a method of control

Information, independent thought, and freedom are restricted

A figurehead or concept is worshiped by the citizens of the society

Citizens - perceived to be under constant surveillance

Citizens have a fear of the outside world

Citizens live in a dehumanized state

Citizens conform to uniform expectations. Individuality and dissent are bad.

The society is an illusion of a perfect utopian world

Protagonist initially conforms (usually reluctant if they have subversive thoughts)

Protagonist seeks out or is sought out by The Resistance

In classic dystopian genre literature conflict is usually resolved by protagonist’s rebellion being crushed by the state (re-programming or death)

If there is a glimmer of hope that the state can be overthrown and that a better future is possible then the text is a ‘critical dystopia’

Specific features of the dystopian protagonist: often feels trapped and is struggling to escape; questions the existing social and political systems; believes or feels that something is terribly wrong with society in which he or she lives; helps the audience recognize the negative aspects of the dystopian world through his/her perspective

Now go grab a cup of tea or coffee, and write some chaos!

- C.

Follow our ig @ writersneedtherapy

[ollieofthebeholder]

leaves too high to touch (roots too strong to fall): a TMA fanfic

Read from the beginning on Tumblr | Also on AO3

Chapter 59: Statement of what comes now.

[CLICK]

[PANTING BREATHS, ECHOING SLIGHTLY, THAT SLOWLY EVEN OUT]

JON

Wh-what…what…?

Martin! Martin, where—where are you? I can’t—oh, God, I can’t see anything, I can’t—did that—

(in a different tone of voice) Martin? Are you here?

[ECHOING SILENCE]

JON

…Okay. Okay, this—this isn’t reality. This isn’t—he’d be here if I was—

Right. Okay.

(more loudly) Hello? Hello, is anyone out there?

[MORE SILENCE]

JON

W-wait…wait, is that—there’s something—okay, okay, I’m not blind, it’s just…dark. I can cope with that.

Right, okay. Think, Jon. After what you just did…if you’re not in the Institute, if you’re not in the world you’re used to, then you’re probably…somewhere else. So things are going to follow dream logic, right?

Right. Dream logic. (sigh) So I suppose I go looking for a switch.

[ODD CHITTERING, BUZZING NOISE THAT SUDDENLY STOPS]

JON

Oh, for—there has got to be away around this. No light switch, no walls, and I don’t trust the floors, so…

What am I supposed to do, say “Let there be light”?

[LOUD THUNKING NOISE, LIKE SOMEONE SWITCHING ON STAGE LIGHTS, OR AT LEAST A SPOTLIGHT]

JON

Seriously?

(frustrated sigh) Well, at least I can see now. I—wait. What in the—who’s there?

[A VOICE BEGINS SINGING SLOWLY, FAINTLY AT FIRST BUT SLOWLY GETTING LOUDER]

ANNABELLE

One elephant went out to play Upon a spider’s web one day She had such enormous fun She called for another elephant to come…

JON

You have got to be kidding me.

(resigned sigh) Right, here we go…

[ODD NOISE STARTS UP AGAIN, PUNCTUATED BY STICKY RIPPING SOUNDS, FADING IN AND OUT AS IF RESPONDING TO PRESSURE…OR FOOTSTEPS]

ANNABELLE

Hello, Jon.

JON

Annabelle Cane. Why am I not surprised?

ANNABELLE

You don’t sound pleased to see me.

JON

Let’s just say yours is not the first face I wanted to see when I woke up.

ANNABELLE

I have good news for you, then. It isn’t. You’re not awake.

JON

Oh, you can invade dreams now too, can you?

ANNABELLE

You aren’t asleep, either. And I think you already knew that.

JON

Oh, goddammit.

[A MOMENT OF SILENCE, SAVE THE FAINT ODD CHITTERING NOISE]

JON

…Wait. That noise, that’s—

And it gets louder every time we—

[CHITTERING SUDDENLY GETS LOUDER, WITH A FEW CLEAR WORDS HERE AND THERE, THEN FADES AGAIN]

JON

Are these tapes?

ANNABELLE

A fine material to spin a web with, don’t you think?

JON

It’s you.

A-all this time, all these—the recorders, the, the tapes…it’s all been you?

ANNABELLE

Well, not all me. Not all of it, anyway.

The Mother of Puppets has always collected stories. There are more reasons than one it’s called spinning a tale, you know. And spiders…it’s so hard to keep them out of places. People don’t generally call exterminators for them. Not for only one or two, and not if they don’t seem dangerous.

So yes. The Web has been lurking about the Magnus Institute, and the Archives, nearly as long as there has been an Institute. Listening. Drawing from the stories. Weaving a tapestry that tells the history of the world…and its future.

But this web? This one is mine.

JON

The tapes I recorded…

ANNABELLE

Oh, yes. All the tapes since you became the Archivist are here. Listen to this!

[A SQUEAL, THEN A CLEAR PLAY OF THE TAPE FROM MAG 000.2 - PRE-LAUNCH TRAILER]

ARCHIVIST ON TAPE

It’ll get you too. You can stare all you want, make your notes and your inquiries, but all your beholding will come to nothing. When the time arrives, and all is darkness and butchery, you’ll wish you had stopped listening and run.

[ANOTHER STICKY SOUND, LIKE SOMEONE PULLING OFF AN ADHESIVE BANDAGE]

JON

(shocked) That—that was—I only did that one as a test, to—to see if the recorders would work…

ANNABELLE

And they did. Admirably.

Go on. Try one.

JON

Look, I don’t—

ANNABELLE

You’re curious, aren’t you? You want to know.

There is no time here. Not really. No hurry. No pain. Nothing can hurt you if you indulge your curiosity a little bit. And it might not be so easy to believe once you leave.

Pick a strand. All you have to do is touch it, like so—

[ANOTHER SQUEAL, AND THEN ANOTHER RECORDING BEGINS TO PLAY FROM MAG 22 - COLONY]

MARTIN ON TAPE

—wasn’t anything to do with spiders that ended up after me. Almost wish it had been. (nervous laugh) I like spiders. Big ones, at least—

[RECORDING CUTS OFF WITH STICKY SOUND AGAIN]

ANNABELLE

—and you can hear them.

JON

He doesn’t anymore, you know.

ANNABELLE

Like spiders? Oh, believe me, I know.

I don’t think he’s liked them since he found out what happened to you. Not that I can blame him, of course. How do you feel about clowns these days? Or being alone?

JON

I—

ANNABELLE

Go on, Jon. Touch one. It doesn’t have to be…fresh.

JON

Why are some of these—

Is that…ash?

ANNABELLE

Dust, mostly.

(considers) Well, some of it might be ash. It depends on why that section of web isn’t used anymore.

JON

(tartly) I didn’t know being obscure and mysterious was in the Web’s domain.

ANNABELLE

It is if you want to manipulate somebody who’s addicted to knowledge.

Oh, don’t look at me like that. I’m not trying to manipulate you. It’s just a habit at this point, really.

JON

…Fine.

[A COUPLE OF CAREFUL STICKY, CHITTERING FOOTSTEPS, THEN A SOFT SQUEAL BEFORE A RECORDING SHARPENS IN, FROM MAG 134 - TIME OF REVELATION]

PETER ON TAPE

What does—puzzle me though, and I mean that genuinely, is—why you were piling tape recorders onto the coffin while Jon was in there.  (brief pause) It’s a question, Martin, it’s—it’s not an accusation.

MARTIN ON TAPE

I don’t know. And I just – felt like it might help. He’s always recording, and I thought it—it might help him…find his way out.

PETER ON TAPE

Interesting. Were you compelled?

MARTIN ON TAPE

I don’t know. Maybe? I-I, I definitely wanted to do it.

[RECORDING FADES OUT ON THE LAST WORD]

JON

(shocked) Th-that, that was—that hasn’t happened, that didn’t happen…

ANNABELLE

This time.

JON

You knew? When, when I met you at Hill Top Road, when you…you knew I’d come back from the future.

ANNABELLE

Of course.

You and Martin, your Martin, you came back after Jonah Magnus made you end the world. The Keeper of the Light led you to a door, that led you through some halls, that led you to another door, that led you…back. To get—

JON

—a second chance.

ANNABELLE

A second chance? Hardly.

JON

And just what is that supposed to mean, exactly?

ANNABELLE

Only that.

JON

…Fine. F-fine. Be mysterious and vague. See if I care.

[ANNABELLE LAUGHS KNOWINGLY]

JON

How do you know…the tapes. You just told me you’ve been listening to the tapes. Martin made his statement about those halls—

ANNABELLE

But you didn’t.

You haven’t talked about what your journey was like to anyone, have you? Not even Martin. He knows you came through the same halls, but not what you saw. He doesn’t know that for you, there were no colors and no changes, that every hallway was the same and there was no way to tell when you were getting closer, until you reached that long tunnel.

The one with the glass walls and ceiling, like an underwater aquarium. With dark shapes you couldn’t make out pressing against the outside, trying to get your attention. With thousands of whispering voices, over one another, so hard to make out, pleading, promising, coaxing. Offering you anything you desired if you would only make it stop, blaming you for their suffering, demanding how you could just walk on by as if—

JON

Stop.

ANNABELLE

You didn’t know you were recording, either. You’ve grown so used to those recorders that you didn’t even notice them anymore. And yet, I was listening.

JON

You were—what?

Y-you—you’re from the future, too!

ANNABELLE

Mm. That’s more complicated than you think it is.

JON

How did you know what we were doing?

ANNABELLE

Because I set it in motion.

JON

…You…you what? Those halls, that—that portrait gallery, that—

ANNABELLE

Which one?

JON

Which—both of them. The ones that—that Martin had to face.

You said you listened to the tapes, you—

ANNABELLE

I did. And I was…shadowing you both, I suppose.

You never wondered how I was at Salesa’s, did you? Not why I was there, how I was there.

JON

I…to be honest, I don’t remember much about those days.

ANNABELLE

I don’t mean while you were there. I mean after. You never thought about how I could have ended up outside my own domain, let alone outside the Apocalypse altogether.

JON

I tried to think about you as little as possible.

ANNABELLE

(heh) I’d be hurt if I didn’t understand completely. I suppose if I’d been lucky enough to escape the Spinner of Webs, I’d want nothing to do with any of her children either.

But you know the rules of the Apocalypse, Jon. It never occurred to you to wonder how a Watcher could stray from their domain?

JON

Martin did. And Helen. They both—

[STATIC CRACKLES; IT’S THE ARCHIVIST’S STATIC, BUT IT SOUNDS UNUSUAL IN A WAY THAT’S DIFFICULT TO PINPOINT]

JON

The Distortion never truly left its domain. Never went far from its doors. And while the domains we saw Helen in were seemingly those of other fears, they all had at least an element of the Spiral in them.

Martin was in the unique position of being both Watcher and Watched. He had the domain he oversaw, small though it was, but he was also, perhaps, the only sufferer in a domain that belonged to me as me and not me as the Eye itself. He could walk the world unharmed because what hurt him was watching my pain and power grow in equal measure, the suffering of not knowing what I would choose in the end.

And you…

Your domain was like Daisy’s. It was the other domains, woven through them like a silken thread, a subtle tug of manipulation. It was the tapes that kept recording our journey and the tugs that led us to people we tried to help or conquer and a thousand tiny maneuverings to keep us moving ahead.

[STATIC FADES; JON GASPS SLIGHTLY]

JON

That…that shouldn’t have felt like that.

ANNABELLE

You’re a bit far from the Eye here. But to be fair, so am I.

JON

We’re in the middle of your fucking web!

ANNABELLE

But my web. Not the Web.

Any power the Mother of Puppets has here is residual, and comes through me. Any power the Ceaseless Watcher has here is residual, and comes through you. I brought the web to show you, to help you understand, but it doesn’t belong here any more than we do.

JON

You were—you were manipulating those tunnels. To…what? Slow us down?

ANNABELLE

To help. Well, you didn’t need it, but Martin…

JON

Martin is stronger than you think.

ANNABELLE

Do you know whose domain that was?

JON

The Spiral’s. Of course.

ANNABELLE

And the Eye. Together.

Together they hung that gallery of accusation, the paintings that all seemed to hold Martin responsible for their deaths. His friends, his family…strangers he never met but felt responsible for. Its purpose was to keep Martin lost—disorientated and in crippling pain and anguish. Forever.

If he had kept going down that corridor, he would never have found the door to the past. And the Keeper would never have been able to find him. Both of them had too much of the Lonely in them—just enough to keep them both isolated and searching. If they didn’t know where to meet.

JON

(whispers) My God.

They—they knew what we were trying to do. Of course they did. And they didn’t—

ANNABELLE

It’s not about foresight. Neither of them really have that. That domain was a mix of the Spiral and the Eye. It’s just what it was designed for, that’s all.

JON

That’s all? It was more than enough.

So which did you—

(with horrified realization) The paintings of me. You did that.

ANNABELLE

To remind him.

JON

Of what, for God’s sake?

ANNABELLE

In part, of what he had to prevent—what he had to stop from happening. What you’d been through and he had to make sure didn’t happen. In part, it was letting him experience your pain. He’d heard what you went through, of course, but to actually see it…in so many ways, that would make it worse, and make his determination stronger.

And, of course, part of it was just putting you back in his mind over everyone else. It was the last little…anchor tethering the two of you together, to the past. Something to keep him present so the Keeper could find him.

JON

And show him that last painting. Thankfully.

Did you know about that one?

ANNABELLE

I put that one there, too.

Surely you didn’t think the Keeper knew enough to have done it.

JON

I—n-no, no, but—

Why?

ANNABELLE

Why show it to him?

JON

Why that moment?

ANNABELLE

Because it wasn’t on tape.

I left you alone while you were in Scotland, up until the end. You two deserved a few weeks…unobserved. Alone together. To figure out what you are to one another.

Actually, I had quite a job keeping the Distortion distracted so it wouldn’t pop in and interrupt. It was something of a challenge.

The first time, anyway.

JON

The first time?

ANNABELLE

Oh, we’ve done this dance before. In its fashion.

JON

What dance?

ANNABELLE

The Apocalyptic Tango, I think Martin called it once.

[JON SIGHS IN EXASPERATION]

JON

Do you ever give a straight answer? Or tell the truth?

ANNABELLE

I’m hurt! I’ve been nothing but honest with you this whole time.

JON

(dry as the Sahara) And the other times?

ANNABELLE

Mostly you wouldn’t have believed me.

I did try a time or two. You always insisted it wasn’t possible, or that there must be some sort of catch. You only believed me once, and even then, I don’t think you believed. You simply wanted it to be true.

JON

Are you trying to get me to compel the truth out of you?

ANNABELLE

The way you did Peter Lukas? Or…which one was it? Breekon?

You don’t need to force it, you know. All you have to do is…ask nicely, and I will spin you the tale.

JON

…

Statement of Annabelle Cane, regarding the Web’s plan. Recorded direct from subject…ah…

ANNABELLE

At the end.

JON

…Statement begins.

ANNABELLE

This is the house at Hill Top Road.

This is the crack beneath the house at Hill Top Road.

This is the hole that lay in the crack beneath the house at Hill Top Road.

This is the truth that lurked in the hole that lay in the crack beneath the house at Hill Top Road.

This is the spider that peered at the truth that lurked in the hole that lay in the crack beneath the house at Hill Top Road.

These are the strings that moved the spider that peered at the truth that lurked in the hole that lay in the crack beneath the house at Hill Top Road.

This is the hand that pulled the strings that moved the spider that peered at the truth that lurked in the hole that lay in the crack beneath the house at Hill Top Road.

This is the Mistress that bore the hand that pulled the strings that moved the spider that peered at the truth that lurked in the hole that lay in the crack beneath the house at Hill Top Road.

This is the web that cradled the Mistress that bore the hand that pulled the strings that moved the spider that peered at the truth that lurked in the hole that lay in the crack beneath the house at Hill Top Road.

This is the blade that cut the web that cradled the Mistress that bore the hand that pulled the strings that moved the spider that peered at the truth that lurked in the hole that lay in the crack beneath the house at Hill Top Road.

This is the hero that wielded the blade that cut the web that cradled the Mistress that bore the hand that pulled the strings that moved the spider that peered at the truth that lurked in the hole that lay in the crack beneath the house at Hill Top Road.

This is the story that begged to be told of the hero that wielded the blade that cut the web that cradled the Mistress that bore the hand that pulled the strings that moved the spider that peered at the truth that lurked in the hole that lay in the crack beneath the house at Hill Top Road.

Again, and again, and again, and again.

So few of the things that are Fear are gifted with foresight. The End, of course, knows what will come, because the End is inevitable. All things end, sooner or later. The Web cannot see the future but it can see…patterns. The threads of a story, and what they will be when they weave together.

When the Mother of Puppets first saw the crack beneath Hill Top Road, she thought she understood what it was. A hole in reality, a portal between universes. Places where fear had not touched, where it was not known. But then she saw it for what it was. A crack, not in space, but in time. A way to move between moments. And she began to plan For she saw the threads, and she knew that someday, someone would end the world. And when that happened…eventually, all would end. Even fear cannot last forever, in a world where nothing new is born. Eventually, all must end.

Her plan has been the same, for years. Generations. Choose a champion, mark them young. Put them in the path of a fear, and wait. Then, should the world end at the hands of that fear, tug that champion to cut the strings of fate and send all bound up in it through the crack…and back in time. Back in time enough that they could stop it.

And really, it should have worked.

To a point, it did work. Again, and again, and again, and again. Jonah Magnus sent you his ritual, you read it, the world came to an end. You tried to repair it. You walked to London…and there it got complicated.

The trouble is the Spinner’s plan depended, in the end, on your choice. We told you that you would have had to simultaneously blow up the Archives and stab Jonah Magnus, and then all would have been thrown back in time. In truth, that would not have worked—not if Jonah was still the Eye’s Pupil. It had to be you. You had to choose to take his place…and then have the tethers cut. Then, and only then, would you be sent back with the knowledge to alter things.

Sometimes I told you the original story, that it was a crack in reality and would send all the fears somewhere else, or scatter them across worlds. Once or twice I told you the truth. As I said, it was so hard for you to believe me, regardless of what I spun. Mostly you thought I was manipulating you, lying to you, trying to get you to doom a thousand other worlds. Occasionally you thought it would end the world faster. Only once did you believe me—in a time when I came to you in a cabin in what was once Scotland, a time when I knew you would not act if you did not know you could turn back time, a time when the man you loved turned back for his umbrella and understood what he was hearing and tried to save you and the world.

JON

No…

ANNABELLE

It never quite worked, in the end. Time and again, the strings would be cut, the world would snap back…and time and again, we would retread the same paths. Over and over. So little I could change, so little I could do differently before the Apocalypse and I tried to find a new way to get you to be in position to be dragged back.

Finally, finally, it happened. You tried to take Jonah Magnus’ place, to hasten the end and starve the fears…it would never have worked, of course, but you tried. Martin anticipated it, though, he tried to stop you before you killed Jonah, to delay you while the others lit the fuse. You were faster than he thought, though, and had already become the Pupil of the Eye. You told him to go. To save himself. But Martin would not leave you, despite the danger. Rather than watch him die for nothing, you told him to cut the tether. And he did.

It worked the way the Web intended, of course it did. But for you to remember and be able to fix it, you would have both had to be alive when you came through at the other side. Even one of you would have been enough. But when I woke again and plucked the strand of the Web, I could hear that neither of you remembered.

Neither of you had survived.

[JON MAKES A PAINED NOISE OF DISTRESS]

ANNABELLE

It was then that I realized that Mother’s plan depended too heavily on precise timing. She wanted me to try again, of course. Strangely enough, the Fears never knew it had happened, not even the Web. But she reminded me, again and again, about her plan, told me what strings to pull.

This time, though…this time I thought I’d try something a bit different.

I did what I have done every other time. I stayed with Salesa, I spoke to you both. I followed your progress through the tapes, and when you disappeared beneath the tunnels…I acted. As I promised him, I killed him, and I took his camera. I brought it to London, to the Institute…to the Panopticon. But this time, I brought it up to the belly of the beast. I took it to the office of Jonah Magnus.

The camera wasn’t strong enough to dispel the entire Apocalypse there, of course. But it created enough of a hole to break Jonah free of the Eye’s hold.

He was as pleased to see me as you might expect. Demanded to know what I was doing there. And I told him. I told him I had come to warn him.

JON

What?!

ANNABELLE

I told him that his precious Archivist was far from resigned to this new world he had brought about, that he was coming to stop it. To stop him. I said that you were bringing Martin with you and that you had a plan, and if he wanted to continue his reign, he’d best do something to stop it.

JON

Did you have any idea what that something would be?

ANNABELLE

Patterns. Of course I knew.

Jonah would never have harmed you, even if he could have; he still hoped to get you on his side. As you learned tonight. On the other hand, he would have known, or at least guessed, that the only thing stopping you from joining him was Martin. And even if he couldn’t hope to win you over by separating you…he would at least have found a way to use that bond against you.

JON

(shouting) Martin could have died because of you!

ANNABELLE

Perish the thought! My dear Jon, do you know know how many times I’ve been through this loop?

Even when I filled him with spiders, there has never been a time you could bring yourself to harm him in the slightest, let alone kill him. Faced with a choice between letting him die or getting revenge, I knew you would save him. Of course he wouldn’t have died.

[JON SPUTTERS INDIGNANTLY]

ANNABELLE

And I made sure you had somewhere to recover. I had already nudged the Keeper towards that door.

He couldn’t have done it, of course; he was too tightly bound to the Light—not the Lonely, not the fear he watched over, but the Light itself. If it fell, so would he, and he cannot leave it for long. Even if he had come back, he would have been unable to make a difference in anyone’s past. But of course he thought of the Archivist. His godson. And when you thought Martin might be taken from you, you experienced the precise fear that summoned one of his doors—the fear of being forever separated from the one you love.

Perhaps the original plan would have worked eventually. Perhaps someday you, or Martin, or both of you, would have survived long enough to awaken in the past and remember. But I think it’s better this way, don’t you? Much more…direct.

And look how much you’ve spared the others from.

JON

The others—G-Georgie, Melanie, Basira—in, in that timeline, the one Martin and I left. Did they…what happened to them?

ANNABELLE

The Keeper and I took care of that. Don’t worry.

After he saw you safely through, I introduced myself to him and told him what needed to happen. He fetched Basira and took her to the tunnels beneath the Institute, and then I came myself. I told them what Jonah had done, what you had done, and what they needed to do.

I gave them the choice. The same one I often gave you. I told them they could either…let things stay as they were, allow things to die out in time, and keep apart from it, or end it. Take out Jonah Magnus and blow up the Institute simultaneously, and send all the Fears back in time as well—the Fears, and any of us too tightly bound up in them to survive without them.

I know you won’t believe me, Jon, but I never influenced them to make the choice they did. Basira did ask me what they usually chose, and I did tell her that I had never known them to choose anything other than one option, but I didn’t tell her what it was. I knew it would be important for you to know that, whatever they chose, it was their decision and their decision alone.

JON

(heh) I can’t imagine Melanie not choosing the option that allows her to kill Elias.

[ANNABELLE LAUGHS]

ANNABELLE

Neither can I. And she didn’t choose differently.

As I understand it, Melanie made her way up alone—being blind, of course, the fearful things on those stairs could not affect her—while Basira provided a distraction and Georgie lit the gas aflame. Melanie took the camera and aimed it at Jonah Magnus to bring him down, and then while he tried to belittle her, she stabbed him, just as the building blew.

JON

And then what happened? Did they survive?

ANNABELLE

I don’t know. But they succeeded, or I wouldn’t be here.

JON

…

How many others has the Web done this to? Tried to—manipulate into a savior?

ANNABELLE

Oh, I don’t know. Hundreds?

Most of them would have failed. Many never made it beyond her. I was one of them, actually, a child tested out but ultimately found lacking, although I was the only one I think she would have trusted with this. But you…the Mother of Puppets saw the threads of your life. So many Fears noticed you as a child that you were bound to fall afoul of one of them eventually. And as soon as she realized where Jonah Magnus’ thoughts were trending, and where they would eventually lead, she knew that you would be a perfect candidate to complete the ritual in the end.

So she chose you. She lured you in. And you resisted her pull. She knew then that you would be the only one strong enough to succeed.

JON

I only survived because someone else took my place! I would have died if he hadn’t—

ANNABELLE

My dear Jon. Has anyone meant to be claimed by a power ever actually handed away a book or an artifact willingly?

Had you been meant to be the Spinner’s in the end, Mitchell Hopkins would never have been able to take that book from you, let alone read it. Mister Spider was a test, a test that you passed.

A test I never would have.

JON

…

…Was that his name? Mitchell?

ANNABELLE

It was.

It is.

And now you know everything.

[A FEW MOMENTS OF SILENCE, SAVE THE TAPES CHITTERING IN THE BACKGROUND]

JON

I—I suppose I should be grateful that we don’t remember all of…these. All these…cobwebs.

I’m damned grateful I don’t remember—

ANNABELLE

I must admit, that was a bad one.

JON

Getting through that…it was hard enough with Martin. I don’t—I don’t see how I did it alone.

Especially after—especially knowing I—

Did I know?

ANNABELLE

…

You spent far longer at Salesa’s that time than you did any other time. In the end, I had to go with you almost all the way to London.

…Yes. You knew.

Not at the time. Not when it happened. But the Eye made sure you Knew the details in the end. You ran into Basira and she asked where Martin was—

JON

—and the Beholder forced me to describe it.

ANNABELLE

You said yourself, more than once. None of this has ever been to the benefit of humanity. Or any individual human.

JON

Or whatever I—whatever we are.

ANNABELLE

What defines a human, anyway? The limitations, or the abilities?

We can do more than what an ordinary human can. But we can still do all the things that an ordinary human can, too. We think. We feel. We love, Jon.

As far as I’m concerned, that makes us human.

JON

…Who do you love, Annabelle?

ANNABELLE

I was the first to hold him. Did you know that? I was staying with Harry and his wife while I was at university, just before I took part in that study. They wanted someone to read to him before he was born, so he would learn the stories. Harry worked late, trying to make a better life for them all, and Elizabeth…well, she was blind, so she could tell stories fine, but she wanted him to hear books too. Every night, after dinner, I’d sit and read to her belly. He came early and Harry didn’t get to the hospital in time, so after Elizabeth, I was the first one to hold him.

Harry picked out his first name because he knew I hated that book. Elizabeth softened it by picking a middle name after me, but…she always called him Charlie. I think she knew, even then.

A couple years after I became part of the Web, the Desolation took Harry, probably to spite me, but…Harry was never the one I cared about. Elizabeth, at least, died as peacefully as anybody can. It may not have been pleasant, or timely, but at least it wasn’t to serve a power. Just bad luck.

…

Get him away from that grandmother of his if you can, will you?

JON

One of us will.

ANNABELLE

That’s all I ask.

JON

Well, I—I suppose, in light of all that’s happened…it’s the least I can do.

ANNABELLE

You believe me, then?

JON

It happened. It’s over.

Whether once or a hundred times…it happened the way you said at least once. And we won. That’s enough for me.

…Yes, Annabelle Cane, I believe you.

ANNABELLE

For what it’s worth, Jon, you did all the hard work on your own. You and Martin, and…the others. In your time and this. All I did was get you here.

JON

The others…

(sharp intake of breath) Oh, God. The Unknowing. Has it—have they—I-I can’t, even if we were in the Panopticon, I couldn’t See it. But you—there, there were tapes.

Are they…?

ANNABELLE

That one. I think.

JON

You think?

ANNABELLE

It added itself to the web just before you got here. It’s either theirs or yours.

[BRIEF PAUSE, THEN THE SQUEAL OF TAPE BEFORE A RECORDING PICKS UP - FAINT CIRCUS MUSIC, THUMPS AND TAPS THAT MIGHT BE SOME KIND OF FOOTSTEP, FLOORBOARDS CREAKING, SHALLOW BREATHING, FABRIC RUSTLES]

PRESENT ARCHIVIST ON TAPE

I love you.

PRESENT MARTIN ON TAPE

I love you.

TIM ON TAPE

I love you.

Tell me when.

[DEEP BREATH]

PRESENT ARCHIVIST ON TAPE

Three…two…one…

[MORE FABRIC RUSTLES, DETONATOR CLICKS, EXPLOSION BEGINS BEFORE ABRUPTLY CUTTING OFF]

JON

Oh, God.

ANNABELLE

And to think I thought you had a terrible sense of timing.

JON

At least they said something before—

O-oh, God, Tim. Tim—you know as well as I do that in my time, he—and I—were they all in the middle of that?

ANNABELLE

More or less.

They didn’t walk into the Unknowing, at least. Martin listened to what you told him and wouldn’t let them open any doors. But it had to be blown up from the inside to be sure of getting all the charges. Your counterpart and Martin’s wouldn’t leave Tim behind, however much he tried to make them.

JON

What happened after that?

ANNABELLE

I don’t know if there is an after that yet.

JON

And we’re back to the cryptic bullshit.

ANNABELLE

On the contrary. I said exactly what I meant.

We aren’t exactly anywhere right now, or any when. This…place…I wouldn’t call it a domain, but it exists outside of both time and space. The rules are different here. Time, if it passes at all, passes differently.

They might have just pressed the detonator. They might have pressed it hours ago, or days ago.

JON

(dismayed) Days?

ANNABELLE

All I can say is that wherever, whenever they are, they are out of reach of my tapes. And your sight.

Fortunately…I know someone who can give us those answers, even from here. Maybe especially from here.

JON

Who else is here, for God’s sake?

[ANNABELLE SINGS THE NEXT LINE IN THE SAME SLOW, MEASURED VOICE AS BEFORE]

ANNABELLE

Two elephants went out to play Upon a spider’s web one day They had such enormous fun They called for another elephant to come…

[STICKY FOOTSTEPS APPROACH OVER THE TAPE WEB]

OLIVER

Hello, Jon. It is all right if I call you Jon?

JON

…Oliver? Oliver Banks?

OLIVER

In the…well. In the manifestation, I suppose. I don’t know if any of us is here in the flesh.

JON

(disbelieving laugh) You’re…not quite what I expected.

OLIVER

Is that an invitation for me to comment about how Death so rarely is what we expect, or a manifestation of you wondering why Martin would possibly be jealous of someone like me?

ANNABELLE

If you knew either of them a little better, you’d know Martin’s reasons for being jealous are almost entirely in his head.

Also, he’s never met you.

OLIVER

Mm, true. We always seemed to miss one another.

JON

You—hold on. You’re from the future as well?

OLIVER

Like you and Annabelle. Well, more like Annabelle, I suppose. You had to be the Pupil of the Eye before you were tangled enough to get dragged back with the Fears. Me? Without Terminus, I’m just…dead. And we’ve already established that that’s not where I want to be.

JON

…Did you know? When you came to the hospital?

OLIVER

That we’d done this before? Of course. I long ago stopped being surprised at what you would choose.

JON

Then for God’s sake, why—

OLIVER

Because you had to choose, Jon. It was always your choice.

Think of it as a crossroads. You stood at a fork in the road, where one path would take you back to life and the other would take you on to, well, whatever came next. The trouble was that the signposts were covered.

You could have chosen without knowing which path was which, but that’s not your way. Not when you know enough to know that one was…mm, wrong, shall we say? One would have led you where you wanted to be, one where you didn’t.

JON

I didn’t want to die.

OLIVER

There’s a difference between not wanting to die and having something to live for.

JON

(deep breath) Right, well, I definitely have something to live for, so I’ll be going now.

Uh, how do I get out of here?

OLIVER

Ordinarily? You don’t.

JON

What?!

OLIVER

This is Terminus’s realm. Well, sort of. A little pocket on the outside edge of it.

JON

Another crossroads.

OLIVER

Mm, not so much. More that you’re standing in the middle of the path.

JON

So which way is back?

OLIVER

Life is a journey traveled in one direction only.

JON

(tartly) Yes, well, so is time, but here we all are.

I’ve already chosen to live, Oliver. (with slight malice) Can I call you Oliver?

OLIVER

(not rising to the bait) This isn’t a place where you get to choose.

JON

…So you’re saying that’s it.

After all that, after everything I—everything we did…this is the end. There’s nowhere else for me to go.

ANNABELLE

How many times have you walked out of another entity’s domain? Not counting the Apocalypse. We’ve already talked about how that doesn’t count.

JON

I…twice. The Buried and the Lonely.

Three, I suppose, if that crossroads counts.

OLIVER

That was a metaphor. You were close to Death, but not its realm. If that makes sense.

JON

Not really.

ANNABELLE

The Buried and the Lonely, then.

What brought you out?

JON

From the Buried, it was the—the tapes…it was Martin putting those tapes on top of the coffin. W-weaving me a rope…or a ladder.

The Lonely was simple enough to leave. The way out was together.

ANNABELLE

With Martin.

JON

…Yes.

ANNABELLE

Exactly.

Not all strands of a spider’s web are to capture or to control, you know. Sometimes, they are simply…to anchor.

JON

…

…That’s why you offered to bind me to Martin. It wasn’t about—it wasn’t for strength or power at all.

ANNABELLE

Not to defeat Jonah Magnus, no. There’s more than one kind of strength, more than one kind of power. I did tell you that you would need it to survive what was coming.

JON

It brought Martin back when Peter Lukas visited the Archives and he almost got swallowed by the Lonely again. It—it grounded me, kept me from losing control while I was taking down Jonah.

And now…

ANNABELLE

It can guide you home.

[OLIVER LAUGHS]

OLIVER

You know, people always talk about some legendary “red string of fate”, but I’ve never actually seen a real one before.

Let alone one woven from cassette tape.

JON

You knew I had that tether from the beginning.

OLIVER

Truthfully, I didn’t think it would work. Plenty of people have things they think are tying them to life, but they aren’t strong enough to resist the pull. Most threads snap.

JON

Not this one.

I made Martin a promise. And I never break my word.

OLIVER

A good thing, when your tether is almost literally made out of your words.

JON

Ha, ha.

…Wait. B-before I go…the Unknowing. Are they—she said you would know.

OLIVER

It’s over. It worked. They brought the house down.

A lot of tormented souls set free, all at once. Quite the rush, really.

JON

The three of them—my counterpart and Martin’s and Tim. What happened to them?

[OLIVER SIGHS]

OLIVER

Two of them will be fine. Some cuts and bruises, but they’ll be up and about sooner rather than later. They might already be up and about. Time’s difficult to discern here.

The other…I suspect I’m going to need to pay a visit at some point. Clean off those signposts.

JON

Don’t wait six months.

OLIVER

I shouldn’t be more than a couple weeks behind you.

JON

…That’s less comforting than you think it is.

OLIVER

Then it must be terrifying, because I was definitely going for ominous.

[JON SIGHS…AND LAUGHS RELUCTANTLY; ANNABELLE AND OLIVER LAUGH TOO]

JON

I suppose we’ll meet again, Annabelle.

ANNABELLE

…No. No, I don’t think we will.

JON

Tired of me already?

ANNABELLE

I was watching them for you. Not just through the tapes. I was lurking in a corner of that room.

I don’t know that I made it out.

OLIVER

(gently) You didn’t, I’m afraid.

Your choices are more limited. Stay here with your web…or see what comes next.

[A SHORT PAUSE]

JON

We’ll keep the recorders going.

In case you’re still listening.

ANNABELLE

…Tell Charlie his aunt loves him very much.

JON

I will.

Oliver…don’t take this the wrong way, but if I ever see you again, it will be too soon.

OLIVER

Death always comes too soon.

JON

That was definitely not meant for that aspect of you.

OLIVER

Fair.

ANNABELLE

Have a good life, Jon.

You and Martin deserve it.

JON

If I may borrow from another…may you find your rest where no shadows are cast, and no eyes may see you slumber.

ANNABELLE

(audibly smiling) From you, Jon, that is a true blessing.

[DEEP BREATH]

JON

Right. Hold on, Martin.

I’m coming home.

[CLICK]

[tangyblock]

SMSBI AU Masterpost!

Ok so masterpost time! This is mostly a rundown of the happenings in the AU, what role each character plays/their rundown. As an important note, if a CC at any time makes it known that they are uncomfortable with anything I do or include in this AU, it will be removed! There will be no smooth narrative exit, I’ll edit so it would have never happened.

This is set in New York City, during the modern day!

Tommy Robin (15 y/o):

He’s a sophomore in high school (Year 11 for the Europeans)

He got his spider powers at the end-of-year field trip in 7th grade to a science center! He was bitten by a radioactive spider, thus giving him his abilities.

He spends his 8th grade year making sure he has a handle on his powers (I mean, come on, he’s read comics. Now that he has these powers, surely he has to go out into the city and become a vigilante!) and making his spidersuit with his best friend, Tubbo!

He has the following abilities: super strength, spidey sense, increased regeneration, able to stick to walls/ceilings, and his own ~~unique~~ ability to teleport within a short range (anywhere within a 15 foot radius)

He wears his emotions on his sleeve, and is not the best liar.

Wilbur Robin (16 y/o):

He’s a junior in high school (Year 12 for the Europeans)

He has a twin brother: Techno Robin! Wilbur was born second rip

He loves music so much, oh my god-- he has his own guitar and spends most of his time writing original songs and busking on the streets of NYC. 

Help this kid, he’s so sleep deprived, he spends way too much time trying to become a well-known musician. He’s really good, too! He’s just not getting recognized for his talents.

Wilbur (nicknamed Wil) is so oblivious to situations, god bless him man

Techno Robin (16 y/o):

He’s a junior in high school (Year 12 for the Europeans)

He has a twin brother: Wilbur Robin! Techno was born first tho lol

He works at a Barnes and Noble, and is on the high school’s Academic Decathlon team! He’s very smart, he knows his shit. You can’t fool him.

Probably has a caffeine addiction, let’s be real. Who is a gifted kid and doesn’t have some sort of caffeine addiction?

Unlike Wilbur, he’s not oblivious At All. He’s lowkey suspicious of Tommy: is he Spider-Man? He has a list in his head, but come on. There are so many people in New York, it can’t possibly be his little brother!

...right?

Phil Robin (36 y/o):

He works as tech support (like answering calls and helping customers) at Huxley Industries, which specializes in scientific/medical tech, as well as household gadgets.

Since he is raising three boys on his own, he has another part-time job at a convenience store.

I won’t go into too much detail, but the bio mom of the three kids divorced and they agreed for her to have no part in their lives.

ANYWAYS changing tone! He’s a very caring dad to his 3.5 kids (the half kid being Tubbo because he’s always with Tommy so he becomes a pseudo kid overnight)

All I can say is Big Dad Energy(TM)

He doesn’t want his kids to worry or overwork themselves. He just wants them to be safe and be successful in whatever career they pursue. No matter what, he’s supporting them. 

Tubbo Cooper (15 y/o):

Tommy’s absolute best friend, he’s ride or die, man.

A sophomore in high school (Year 11 for Europeans!)

Helped Tommy make his spider suit! He’s really talented with mechanical engineering!

He lives ten minutes away from Tommy, often visiting him and vice versa.

He learned basic first aide! After every patrol, he meets Tommy in an alleyway and helps cleanup any injuries that would raise concern to his family. Though, he did promise that if a fight ever got out of hand, he would call and tell Phil.

He’s the man in the chair! Think Ned from the MCU and Ganke from Miles Morales’s story.

Installs cameras in Tommy’s suit so he can see what Tommy sees at all times, so he can give the most accurate info.

God he loves his friend, and yes gamers, he still loves bees ;D

Jordan Cooper (25 y/o):

Tubbo’s older brother! He does his best.

This one isn’t too obvious, but it’s CaptainSparklez!

It’s the Captain! He got the nickname from Tubbo, since he was Percussion Captain in his high school’s marching band and Tubbo instantly started calling him Captain

He works as a video game designer/programmer, or so that’s what he says...

He has a mini-van and no you can’t convince me otherwise.

He watches over Tubbo, as his older brother, since their parents aren’t around.

He has a strict moral compass, he believes in justice above all else. Without justice, good cannot be accomplished.

He works out so much, he has a little gym in the apartment.

George Alexander (30 y/o):

Since I don’t think this one is inherently obvious, it’s GeorgeNotFound oop--

He’s the founder and CEO of Huxley Industries, and also the villain Inveni (thank you Jean for the poggers name)

He works with his two “buddies,” Dream and Sapnap, who only go by their villain names. 

Think Kingpin.

Messed up morals, but untouchable: if you try to bring him down, his money can make him recover.

Dream (??? y/o):

Think Mysterio, but like. Not special effects.

He is a master of illusions! He loves getting into his enemy’s head and just messing with them. To him, mental damage is the most powerful.

How he got his powers is unknown to the public, but it’s thought that he got them alongside Sapnap.

Sass Master 10,000(TM)

Sapnap (??? y/o):

Think Fire Elemental, but like. Human.

He has the ability to summon and manipulate fire to however he sees fit! He’s a bit more of a brute, and my god, he hates the sass he gets from Spider-Man.

His power’s origins, just like Dream’s are unknown, although there is speculation.

Future characters may be added, but the above are who we have so far!

Additional Facts:

Tommy has a white/red suit, with blue and purple accents. It’s mostly white with red lining!

Tommy has saved Wilbur and Phil, without them knowing. Wilbur began busking in the wrong area, and nearly got jumped, and Phil was on a hijacked subway train.

Phil panic cleans, this is canon.

It took Tubbo and Tommy MONTHS to figure out the perfect web fluid formula. Imagine their absolute joy when they figure it out!

We got a Spotify playlist! Here’s the link, enjoy~~: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0bM10OHfYRdL86UzKT7Frf?si=FTH-i9H8RK28zVgeOEdy7g

PS: Asks are open! Feel free to ask away about this AU, I’d be more than happy to answer!

PPS: SHOUT OUT TO THE BINGO STANS FOR HELPING ME MAKE THIS AU YALL GAVE ME SO MANY 10/10 IDEAS

[magnusmysteries]

Part 20: The Adventures of Father Burroughs

The Magnus Archives was a horror podcast. It is now completed. Many of the show’s mysteries were never explained on the show. I intend to explain them. Spoilers for the show, but also spoilers if you wanna solve these mysteries yourself.

This post concerns the episodes Burned Out, Confession and Desecrated Host. 

What was going on with the tree at Hill Top Road? It was of the Spiral and it had trapped some aspect of the Web. The Web schemed to destroy the tree and free that aspect.

What suggests the tree is of the Spiral? It’s complicated and I’ll explain more in the next post. But I’ll give one reason now: it takes two people marked by the Spiral to destroy the tree. Burroughs to cast an exorcism, and Ivo to uproot the tree.

This is similar to when the Not-Them were trapped by the Web table. Why didn’t the Not-Them simply destroy the table? Or if they couldn’t do it themselves, because the Stranger is the opposite of the Spider, why not just pay some regular person to do it? I think only someone marked by the Spider could do it, such as John.

Ivo is marked by the Spiral, like his father was. He’s afraid he has schizophrenia.

Ivo gets the job at Hill Top Road, because the other worker got jury duty. He wouldn’t normally do extra work at night, but now his fiancé is off at a conference, so he might as well. I think that’s the Web arranging that jury duty and that conference. Secret schemes to get a Spiral marked worker in place.

The Web has also brought some entity of the Desolation to Hill Top Road, something other than Agnes. I’ll explain why in the next post. The entity attacks Ivo, because Ivo is marked by the Spiral, and the Desolation and the Spiral are opposites (see part 3). Ivo can’t move and he feels like he’s burning up. Then Father Burroughs shows up and the heat goes away. 

Burroughs does the exorcism. Ivo goes outside and suddenly gets a weird urge to destroy the tree. That’s the web manipulating him to do that. Specifically I think that’s the nurse Annie manipulating him. Annie works for the Web.

Annie needed a Spiral marked exorcist. When Bethany was sent to the hospital, Father Burroughs says Bethany asked to see him immediately, and he was told this via Annie. I think Annie was lying, Bethany never said that. Annie is the one that convinces Burroughs to do an exorcism. Annie is present at the exorcism, perhaps manipulating the demon to possess Burroughs.

Annie later sends Burroughs to Hill Top Road. There he is attacked by the Desolation entity, again because the Desolation hates the Spiral. Then Burroughs lips form the words “I am not for you. I am marked.” Because of this the Desolation entity does not kill him.

Burroughs thinks it’s the demon inside him that makes him speak the words. He is wrong. The Desolation hates the Spiral, and would not have been swayed by the Spiral to not kill Burroughs. It’s the Web that is manipulating Burroughs to say it, probably via Annie. Remember, the Spiral demon can only change the senses of the victim, not affect their actions.

Now some of you might object, doesn’t the demon prevent Burroughs from saying God? Doesn’t it control his speech? Burroughs thinks so, but I think the demon is just changing what he hears when he tries to say God. So he stops speaking ‘cause he hears the word is wrong. And in fact, there is one instance where Burroughs does manage to say the word God. Quote: “And yet, I cannot stress this enough: what answered was not G- God.” And this happens just when Burroughs is discussing the incident with the Desolation entity. So I think that’s a hint from the author about what’s going on.

Another point: Burroughs is or was a smoker. In Desecrating Host we learned he stole money to buy cigarettes. Addicts are more easily manipulated by the Web.

Anyway, the Desolation entity spares Burroughs, because the entity is cooperating with the Web. The exorcism is performed and the tree uprooted. Below where the tree was, Ivo finds the box from the web table with an apple full of spiders. This shows an aspect of the Web has been freed.

In Infectious Doubts Gertrude compares how she is bound to Agnes is similar to how Raymond Fielding was bound to the house on Hill Top Road. I think more specifically he was bound to the tree. That the aspect of the Web trapped under the tree was part of Fielding and he probably had to remain close to the tree.

After Fielding was dead and the tree uprooted, I think the freed aspect of the Web could be used again. I think it was used to create a powerful Web avatar, namely Annabelle Cain. The tree was uprooted in 2006. Annabelle was made an avatar in 2010.

Now for the weird stuff. As Burroughs tells it, he performs the exorcism on Bethany. She was a second year student. Then a few years later he performs the exorcism at Hill Top Road. Then one or two days later he attends the hallucinatory mass and is arrested.

This does not match the real timeline. Bethany started studying in 2008. So she was a second year student in 2009, when she died. The exorcism at Hill Top Road happened in 2006, according to Burned Out. And the arrest of Burroughs happened in 2009.

Here’s what happens. Annie is a time traveler. In the original timeline Bethany begins studying in 2006 and is a second year student in 2007. Father Burroughs performs the exorcism and she dies in 2007. Two years go by. Annie asks Burroughs to perform an exorcism at Hill Top Road. When Burroughs goes to Hill Top Road, Annie sends him back in time to 2006. Burroughs does the exorcism, the tree is uprooted. Annie sends Burroughs forwards in time to 2009, and he attends the mass as is arrested.

The Web tries to cover up the time travel. When Burroughs travels back in time there are two father Burroughs. (And as Annie probably came with him, there are two Annies. More on that in a later post). The Web wants Father Burroughs' memories to match the real timeline, so they make Bethany become a student in 2008 instead. They make sure the exorcism happens with the second father Burroughs as well, trying to match what happened the first time. When the older father Burroughs shows up from the past, they probably kill the younger Burroughs.

How can Annie travel through time? It is possible because of the reality rift in Hill Top Road. Here’s Annabelle talking about the rift: “A hole around which time, dimension and reality began to bend, shudder and leak.” I don’t think you need to actually go through the rift to use it for time travel, it’s enough to be close to the Hill Top Road house.

Why bother with the time travel? Either because without it, it was too hard to get two Spiral marked people in the House at the same time. Or because they wanted the aspect of the Web freed earlier.

If you are skeptical about the time travel, and think the author just made a mistake with the dates, there is much evidence to support that time travel happened. First: Burroughs mentions how it is suddenly very cold when he gets to Hill Top Road. It’s cold, because suddenly it’s November.

Second: Burroughs statement doesn’t match reality: Quote from John: “However, college records appear to list her as one of the students living in halls during her second year, rather than in an off-campus house, and it was a porter who she attacked with a kitchen knife, rather than a housemate. In fact, according to the letting agent, there was no-one living at 89 Bullingdon Road that year, so whatever Bethany was doing in that house, it wasn’t living there legally.” That’s because she only lived in Bullingdon Road in the original timeline. She only attacked a housemate in the original timeline. The web wasn’t able to recreate the timeline perfectly because no students were living in that house in 2009, only in 2007.

Third: in Boatswain’s Call Tim gives a hint about there being something wrong with time at Hill Top Road “Oh, and don’t get me started on the other case numbers around the Hill Top hauntings, they’re a mess”

Forth: We canonically have someone connected with Hill Top Road claiming to have traveled in time. The statement giver from Cracked Foundation says “I went to clean that house on April the 23rd, 2009 which, according to all of you, is tomorrow. But it can’t be. That was two weeks ago.”

Fifth: The demon prevents Burroughs from hearing what his colleagues say to him. Had he been able to talk to them he might have noticed that this timeline is different.

[the-magnus-archives-wiki]

Red string & Spiders

The Web is obviously gonna be important in season 5 and ive been meaning to dig into some of it’s threads (hah) for a while. Now, I know about Web!Martin and I admit that it’s a possibility, but i dont personally see the narrative taking that route. 

I don’t know that all these connections are intentional manipulations either, but I’m just gonna work under the assumption that they are and see where it gets me. Somewhere behind the scenes, Annabelle and the Mother are playing five dimensional chess and laughing at all of us.

This ended up being a bit long (1.5k words, whoops!) so it’s going under a cut.

123: Web Development. 

“You would have to write out, and post, in full, a horrible event that had happened to you, or someone that you loved.“ This sounds an awful lot like Annabelle is collecting statements, possibly scouting victims and potential vectors through which she can influence the Institute? She starts doing this in early 2015 and that brings me to

16: Arachnophobia & 39: Infestation

Carlos Vittery's name is found in the Chelicerae website. His experience happened in early 2015 and he made his statement in April. Investigating his statement is what brings Martin into contact with Jane Prentiss and sets into motion a chain of events that saves everyone during the Infestation. ie, he ends up living at the archives and stashes the extra fire extinguishers and the corkscrew.

Of course, Prentiss is also forced to start the wormpocalypse early after Jon accidentally discovers it when killing a spider.

147: Weaver & 80: The Librarian

It’s that damn lighter. From 147: “I realise that addiction is one of the strongest vectors of control there is.“ Leitner wouldn’t have been left alone if Jon hadn’t gone for a smoke, or just vaped instead. (Daisy helpfully mentions that he smokes Silk cut brand at one point -.-)

Of course, the lighter was delivered alongside the web table and destroying it is also what directly lead Jon to meeting Leitner in the first place. idk if the goal here would’ve been to actually get Leitner killed or if that was just a side-effect of pushing Jon further along his journey?¨

121: Far Away

The Web sends Oliver Banks to feed Jon a statement and encourage him to go full avatar. It’s just very kind and helpful, huh?

130: Meat

It helpfully points toward using a body part as an anchor when entering the coffin. This whole mess gets Jon marked by both the Flesh and the Buried.

Hill Top Road, pt 1

There’s A Lot Too Unpack Here

So they’re originally using this place to ensnare fresh adults and filling them with spiders. I think it is a place of power and essentially a production facility for the hollow type of spider person that Trevor encounters in 56. These might very well be the “spider husks” that got Daisy sectioned in the first place. 

Then there’s the whole mess with Agnes. I still don’t feel like I fully understand what went down there. Let’s look at these two quotes:

“she had destroyed the place utterly. And yet she remained bound to it, tied to it in some vital way.” (Eugene Vanderstock, 139)

“It let the Mother of Puppets bind me to Agnes, interweave our existences at some… metaphysical level, as it had with Fielding and the house.” (Gertrude, 145)

So we have ties that bind between Fielding/Hill Top, Agnes and Gertrude. The way Eugene talks about it, seems that being bound to Hill Top wouldn’t prevent her from realising her destiny, but being bound to Gertrude did. And while waiting for Gertrude to die, doubt crept into her and made her unfit for their grand ritual.

I still don’t understand why the uprooting of the tree at Hill Top is what spurred Agnes to finally end it though. It seems like that might’ve broken the bond between her and that place, which you’d think is a good thing? idk, maybe we’re not done with Agnes yet, or I’m just overthinking it.

Hill Top Road, pt 2

Season 5 babey!

“I can’t say much about exactly what happened within the walls of that house, but it seems the fight scarred the place in a way far deeper than simple fire. A scar in reality, that I believe has since been compounded by the interferences of other powers.” (Eugene, 139)

“There is something wrong with Hill Top Road. You know it as well as I do. Some strange scar on reality at the center of - whatever it is that the Spider is spinning.” (Helen, 146)

First, idk if it’s anything but this kinda reminds me of how Jon is marked by every fear. 

Second, episode 114. This is the episode I keep coming back to when thinking about Hill Top Road cause what the heck is up with this:

“I went to clean that house on April the 23rd 2009 which, according to all of you, is tomorrow. But it can’t be. That was two weeks ago. I’ve tried to talk to my friends about it. Those of my friends I can find, but they seem distant, like they don’t really know me. Everything is just... wrong. I can’t find my favourite coffee shop. And I don’t know who you people are.“

This whole episode reeks of alternate universe and I’m just ??? Additionally, the lady talks about the tree in the backyard, but it was uprooted in 2006, so even more AU vibes. Of course, it could be mental manipulation, someone altering her memories, but that seems like a weird red herring that Jon doesn’t even pursue. 

Alternatively, we’ve seen NotThem rewrite reality around a person and at this time the NotThem was bound to the Web table. I don’t think that’s anything, particularly given that the table was destroyed, but it’s a thought. (And NotSasha was very recently released back into the world so, hmm)

Ultimately I feel like the lady in 114 may have been a kind of experiment? A trial run to see exactly how they could harness this scar in reality, or to see if they needed to exacerbate it further? Whatever it is, I’m certain it’s gonna be Important™ in season 5.

81: A Guest for Mr. Spider

I don’t think baby-Jon was necessarily targeted beyond being a convenient victim. Him walking away from Mr Spider alive though, that may have made him interesting. I wonder if the Web being the first to mark him carries special significance and that’s maybe why it’s been assisting him? Its highly speculative but the Web did also mark Gertrude and it sounds like it may have been her first mark too. (Assuming the cat thing to be a joke)

Maybe it’s trying to use this to hijack Elias’ ritual somehow? Or to do a second ritual? Or the order of the marks has no significance and all it wanted Jon for was the Mass Ritual?

110: Creature Feature & 136: The Puppeteer

I feel like I know the least about these two. I don’t know to what extent they’re really connected but Neil Lagorio and the film angle seems like a big thing, and Annabelle’s presence makes me think it’s part of something bigger.

So Lagorio is supposed to be creating a spider animatronic but is actually housebound (you could even say homestuck). Annabelle shows up at his place and spends 5 months doing something before he dies. As news of his death break, a big spider monster kidnaps ~100 actors. It doesn’t feel like a big leap to say that he probably created (or was used to create) some sort of spider in the end.

idk what the end goal here is though, why did Annabelle send Lagorio’s original cuts to the Institute? Why is one body a year washing up on a beach? Are they just using them to lay eggs in, or as food? Just killing people isn’t very spider-y but I guess everyone needs to eat?

This whole thing is giving me ritual vibes but I don’t think that’s it? At least not your standard ritual.

Elias & 160

I feel like the Web has definitely helped us get to 160 but I don’t think Elias is directly working with it. They just seem to share the completion of the Mass Ritual as a goal. (Or maybe they are working together and Elias is getting played somehow, that’d be nice.)

Annabelle straight up says “Maybe I’ve occasionally been nudging something here and there to keep you safe, to keep everything on track” and she directly calls out his compulsion to read statements, which Elias’ ultimately uses to set it off. I feel like, if she wanted to stop it, she would’ve just found some way to kill Jon.

I don’t know if the final goal was just to piggyback on Elias’ ritual though, that feels a bit too simple, especially since Hill Top Road hasn’t been resolved. There’s probably some further, sinister plot at play that just needed the fearpocalpyse to be a thing. I don’t know what it is, but it’s gonna involve a big spider and Hill Top Road.

[thelastyetfabolousmidwestmadman]

Detective Conan Deconstruction/Plot Twists/Subversion's

Howdy!

I've been thinking a lot because I haven't slept or been made sensible enough to see reality through rational means of comprehension.

For a black and white series of tales such as Gosho Aoyama's DCMKverse I can sure think of a multitude of ways to turn it grey. So many dark, bloody possibilities, such a endless plethora of grief, angst, and schadenfreude, of voided bowels and lost innocence, so many terrifying ideas yet so little time...

Anyway, to summarize the contents of all that verbal diarrhea, my mind has created a vast orchestra of sinister ideas that I can't put them all in one or more stories. Some of them I'll use later, some of them I will not. I guess my main inspiration for this stream of consciousness that shouts madly into the abyss of the World Wide Web, is the idea that some intrepid, curious wanderer may come across my inane rantings and be inspired to write their own atrocities.

Or maybe it will the stoke the wondrous imagination of a writer who is more of a sick fuck then I am, (:

There are five areas that can be twisted into something cruel. They contain the following:

Cases

Heists

Romance

Character Flaws

Black Organization

Get it on!

Case’s

Suspect Gets The Last Laugh- Killer is revealed but manages to poison the victim with Ricin or something more subtle allowing the target to die a couple days later. Simple enough.

More Then One Killer- The killer is caught! However a quick look back at the scene reveals he wasn’t alone and he ain’t spilling the beans.

Hannibal Lector Wannabe- A killer decides to fuck with our beloved Teen Detectives by playing a game of manipulation and horror while he threatens their loved ones into continuing.

Escaping Through Statute Of Limitations- When Our Teen Detectives decide to give their customary breaking speech,

Killer Gets Out Of It, Now After Detectives- The killer proves much too clever and sees through our casts tricks. Maybe he begin’s to notice Conan’s con and swears revenge out of his ego.

Loved Ones Hurt In The Crossfire- They were too quick for Conan’s soccer ball, Heiji’s sword, Kogoro’s Judo, or Division One’s reflexes. The bullets, blades, bludgeons. and Pelvic Thrusts couldn’t be avoided and the innocent were hurt before they could be saved.

It’s Too Much All At Once- When the cast see a suspect state his intention to kill himself, especially in the early episodes, the cast would dare them to do it, thinking it is a bluff. It isn’t.

All For Naught- Going down a dark rabbit hole isn’t worth it, if a killer turns out to have escaped or has been dead for a long time.

Big Troll- There was no murder or kidnapping, they just wanted to humiliate them.

Green Mistake- Not all detectives succeed at once. Sometimes they make mistakes... Okay just here me out here. I sincerely doubt that all those amateur detectives despite their talent have a perfect track record in solving cases or even not getting a innocent person hurt. Just look at Heiji’s, Kogoro’s, and Sera’s early (or in Kogoro’s case many) mistakes. It’s statistically impossible to get it right all the time.

Victim Is Worse- Conan and the gang successfully prevent a client from being murdered. The criminal screams at them, telling them how evil he was, and how this was mistake. When they learn of the clients sick actions, they understand why.

Romance

Waiting For Someone Who Is No Longer There- Lets think about the situation between Shinichi and Ran for a sec. if your like me you come to a unfortunate realization that was also in the OVA “Stranger In 10 Years.” Shinichi may never get back to the way he was. Maybe there is no antidote. What if he disappears in that time? And I don’t mean move on, I mean dies without anyone knowing. Ran now has to deal with both a missing Shinichi and a vanished Conan. Yet, throughout her whole life Ran holds out hope, waiting for them. Waiting for Shinichi to call. She refuses to fall in love with someone else and becomes obsessed with finding them... Until in her old age, she dies.

The Sleeping Sleuth Sleeps Around- Okay just listen to my reasoning here for a sec. I know many of you are probably sharpening their knives in the comments but let’s really think about this for a sec. This is the same Kogoro who smacked the butt of one of the Black Bunnies, and repeatedly motorboats whatever young woman he comes across. I doubt if Eri is okay with that. Plus, alcoholism and nymphomania is not a winning combination. He could easily make a mistake while in his delirium.

Shinichi’s Toxic Jealousy- Once again bear with me on this. I don’t think either Shinichi (or Kogoro for that matter) are evil. They have flaws just like any other person. However, Shinichi can be sort of a dick with it comes to how territorial he is with Ran. Just look at Eisuke. Unlike most of the perverts who are after her, Eisuke is a genuinely nice guy and Shinichi treats him like garbage. That got me thinking... Maybe Shinichi’s claims about wanting Ran to be happy aren’t entirely true. A part of him knows what he’s doing is wrong but a selfish side can’t. What if Shinichi’s jealousy starts to hurt Ran severely? Again it have to be written well so Shinichi doesn’t come off like a unrepentant dick but I think there’s something there.

Character Flaws

Hot Headedness Get You Or Others Killed- This idea concerns Heiji mostly. A rather temperamental fellow isn’t he? Always rushing into danger without thinking or having trouble with guile... Ain’t that a losing combination innit? I wonder how many criminals can take advantage of that eh? How easy it would be to trick Heiji to go into a trap if Kazuha is threatened, how simple it would be to switch a blunted blade with a sharpened one, how effortless it would be to get important information, how utterly painless it would be to manipulate him... Well I’ll leave you lovely sick bastards to come up with more.

Dysfunction Junction- Let’s talk about the Mouri’s. They’re... Not healthy to say the least. With Kogoro’s gambling/drinking/man-whoring problem barely touched upon, as well as his abuse of Conan along with Eri’s absenteeism I can say that’s a huge target for blackmailers, debt collectors, and Count Of Monte Crisco wannabes.

Conan The Gremlin- Y’know for such a seemingly innocent little boy, he sure gets into a lot of trouble don’t he? Murders keep happening around him like a curse, and that animal tranquilizer can’t be healthy for Sonoko and Kogoro... Plus people could find out who he truly is and... Well it would probably be really messy wouldn’t it?

Incompetence From The Police- In all seriousness, let’s think about this for a second. You have a overburdened police dealing with a intense rise in the murder rate, illicit narcotic consumption, and terrorism... But before we can get any further let’s talk about real life Japanese criminal procedure. In Japan you can be held for 21 days in a tiny dark cell without due process or access to a lawyer. Your are also being interrogated with the police officers using abusive tactics such as telling you how ashamed your family would be, something that can’t happen in a culture based on Confucian values. You confess but take it back only to find that you’re basically fucked since Japan has a 99% conviction rate regardless of innocence. If your a drug addict, you are literally considered nonhuman by the public at large and due to the Reaganite standards treatment isn’t a option. If your on death row, you are never told when your going to die and even if innocent is unlikely to get out. Stressed at the rising crime rate, the police refuse to investigate any suspicious death and just like in Osaka (yes this actually happened) will simply not add to the police statistics. If your a police officer what are you to do? Just a few years ago there was so little crime and now your stressed to the bone. You’re largely conservative and full of pride so you won’t admit that you must change tactics. This quick jump to conclusions and borderline incompetence can be seen in so many episodes of Detective Conan that’s it’s a wonder that more people haven’t been wrongfully convicted or got away with it... Or perhaps they have.

Black Organization

Government Corruption- Given how much sway the BO has, it got me thinking. What if everything wrong with the Japanese Government is because the BO IS the government. Something sorta akin to how the Russian Mob are basically government officials. So many possibilities other then the usual blackmail, assassinations, and bombings. Electoral fraud, jury tampering, manufacturing consent, subtle revisions of the law to encroach on democratic rights such as those the Third Way, and Neoconservatives did in the west. So many more subtle yet intriguing ways to go about this! Perhaps the BO serves as a lobbying for other more savory companies that proudly align with them such as legalizing gambling or deregulating protections.

Caught!- The BO discovers Conan’s true identity. Hell follows.

Heists

Heist Bombing- Some madman or maybe the MK organization decides to bomb the Kid Heist. Lots of people die, are traumatized and have to deal with the aftermath. I’ll leave the rest up to you guys.

Crazy Fans- Self explanatory until you really think about it. If Kaito Kid is real in this universe, how toxic is the fandom? How many of them have pedophilic undertones with the beloved Kid Killer? What if a stalker discovers Kaito’s real identity and goes psychotic? Riots could happen! So many possibilities! Doesn’t have to dark like in my sick mind, can be played for laughs.

One last thing, because of how long this took to write, a certain beloved detective’s birthday is here.

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIN-CHAN!!!

[ba-responds]

Catharsis (Villain!Deku x Fem!Reader) Chapter Eight

A/n: Sorry this is coming out later than expected. I stayed over a guy friend’s house for like 3 days this week, then it was a friend’s birthday, so I’ve been busy. This is the last pre-written chapter, and I’ve already started on the next! Enjoy. P.S. I kinda feel bad for Bakugo in this chapter...damn.

This story will contain dark themes! Please read the warning!

Summary: An unexpected death of a loved one can lead to a sudden influx of emotions. Those same emotions can become repressed, as denial and disbelief comes into play. In this time, one would seek a means of catharsis, a release from those strong, repressed emotions. But what would you do if that means of catharsis, the same release you sought so hard for, becomes addicting? To the extent, that you feel you can not live without it? What if it can’t live without you? **WARNING: This story MAY contain; bullying, suicide, depression, torture, manipulation, mentions of sexual assault, and MORE! You have been warned.

Masterlist

Prologue II Chpt 1 II Chpt 2 II Chpt 3 II Chpt 4 II Chpt 5 II Chpt 6 II Chpt 7 II Chpt 8 II Check Masterlist for more!

Chapter Eight: Missing Persons and Panic Attacks

“----Swear to fucking…..’ll beat your dumb ass...ce of shit…”

You groaned as you slowly opened your eyes, not exactly ready to wake up. The cursing you woke up to continued, along with the music of what sounded like an old video game. Eyes adjusting to the dark room you were in, the first thing you spotted was jean-clad legs and a dark t-shirt, less than an inch away from your face. Smiling instantly, you snuggled deeper into the lap your head was rested on, breathing in the owner’s sweet scent. You heard a light chuckle, before a hand stroked down the back of your head, their thumb caressing the side of your face. You basked in the attention, peeking up at Izuku with a loving smile. He stared back down at you, his face mirroring the love you knew was on your face. He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.

“How was your nap, love?” He muttered, using his forefinger to tilt your head up so he could see your full face.

“Perfect,” you whispered back sweetly, moving your body so you were laying on your back, head still resting in his lap. He opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by a gravelly, angered voice.

“Stop with all that shit, and play the fucking game,” Shigaraki hissed, glaring at you and Izuku, then snapping his head back to the small television screen in the corner of the room. You sat up as Izuku took his attention off of you and back to the game like Shigaraki wanted. Stretching you arms above your head, you groaned lightly, body feeling stiff from the slightly awkward position you took a nap in. The three of you were sitting on the bare wooden floors as the two boys wanted to be closer to the T.V. they were playing the game on. As the boys continued playing the co-op game, you silently took in the room once your eyes fully adjusted to the darkness, smiling lightly to yourself.

The square room was pretty cluttered, the gray concrete walls holding shelves of books and games, along with some odd, clearly stolen knick knacks; the floor had heaps of old snack wrappers in weird places, clothes filling in the gaps in-between; the queen size bed was pushed into the far left corner, the foot of the bed holding piles of written journals. There was a T.V. and a T.V. stand in the far right corner, the storage space under it holding a couple gaming consoles; a dresser and vanity next to it, more random clutter on top of each.

Despite the mess, you loved it. It was your new shared room with your love. 

Your new home.

It was completely different from what your old home used to be; instead of the attempt at making the place feel homey and clean like your parents did, Izuku seemed to just want a place in which he can be himself.

Your parents.

It was hard to think of them. There was a ball of guilt constantly sitting in the bottom of your stomach because of them.

They’ve lost a daughter, just like you lost Izuku; However, this time, there was no body to bury.

Block it out.

You had claimed one specific corner of the room, the front left corner, filling it with your small amount of belongings; which consisted of a few books, your empty backpack from school (all of the schoolbooks and work haven been thrown out due to needlessness), a jacket courtesy of Izuku, and a spare bean bag chair. The room was bathed in the light of the neon colors on the T.V. screen, casting everything into a weird tone of blue and white. 

Blue and white.

Better than red.

An image popped into your head. A Designer t-shirt and ripped jeans. Brightly colored,  sneakers. Coily black hair, and dark brown skin. Brown eyes.

Red.

Block it out.

Rolling your neck to release some of the tension, you fiddle with the new black collar around it. The collar was pretty thick and a bit heavy; it being almost two inches wide, made out of a lightweight metal of some type along with a tubing of some sort. It was a present from Izuku the day you got here, nearly 3 weeks ago. At first it was rather uncomfortable, the metal at times restricting the angle in which you could tilt your head, and it often caused your neck to become sore from the added weight. You had quickly gotten used to it though, after it was put into good use. 

The purpose of the collar was to ‘keep you and Izuku connected’. Instead of having to wrap, what you now called his ‘shadows’, around your neck constantly to ‘connect’ with you, he could instead put some in storage in the tubing on your collar, so that you constantly felt him like on the day he found you, and vice versa. 

However, the feeling wasn’t as close to the day he first wrapped his shadows around your neck. While you could feel a bit of the burning pleasure from the collar, it wasn’t nearly as intense and discombobulating. At times, you craved the disorientating jolts, begging Izuku when the two of you were alone to connect himself to you once again, much to his pleasure. But, as is, you could only feel the slightest bit of feelings, it increasing and decreasing depending on how far the two of you are to each other.

Standing, you went over to your corner, picking up Izuku’s laptop on the way. Plopping down on the bean bag chair, you went to open the laptop, but paused before doing so. You knew it was against the rules Izuku set. 

No phones. No laptops. No internet. No outside contact. No leaving. Not without his explicit permission.

“Izu, can I use your laptop really quick, please?” You called out, gaining the attention of your darling. He looked at you out of the corner of his eye, a frown appearing on his face as his brows furrowed suspiciously. Shigaraki muttered angrily, mad that Izuku paused the game to answer you.

“Why?”

“I just wanna check the news. See what they’re saying about my disappearance,” 

“Nobody fucking cares about you, let’s continue the game!” Shigaraki growled out, eyeing you as if he was tempted to murder you. You scowled back at him, sending him a cold glare. 

You despised looking him in the eyes. Those red shits disgusting you to the core.

“Go ahead. No logging into any of your old social media, or anything that could possibly link you to this location,” Izuku said, rolling his eyes at you and Shigaraki’s behavior. You and Shigaraki never gotten along since you got here. He seemed slightly possessive of Izuku, due to Izuku being his only friend; and you hated someone trying to put claim to something that was clearly yours. Now, the two of you were forced to tolerate each other because of Izuku, but that doesn’t mean you don’t annoy the other.

“Crusty bitch,” you muttered under your breath, loud enough that Izuku snorted out a laugh, but Shigaraki couldn’t hear you. Shigaraki’s head snapped to you suspiciously, growling through his teeth, before he turned back to the T.V.. You smirked to yourself smugly as you opened the laptop, it starting up automatically. 

Opening up a web browser, you typed in the local news website. You hummed as you searched through the top stories, surprisingly you found a series of recent stories including your name. Clicking the first article link, it brought you to a story named:

U.A.’s Class 1-A Student Suspected To Be One of the Many Dead in Musutafu Attack.

Under the title, there was your U.A. ID picture, where you were smiling brightly at the camera, with dull (E/c) eyes. You cringed at the photo; you could almost see the weight on your chest, how you seemed to not even want to actually be there. This thought caused you to shift your gaze to Izuku. 

He sat with his back mostly towards you; his eyes locked on the small t.v. screen; fingers flying across the gaming controller in his hands. His curly emerald hair framed his face in ways that made him look like an angel. His green eyes, which seemed to glow in the dark, held a sense of serene you haven’t seen since he was a child. 

You suddenly felt your heart clench while looking at him. His every feature reminded you of one person. 

Mama Midoriya. 

Tears came to your eyes, as you looked back down at the news article, attempting to read it, but your mind was elsewhere.

“I wonder what Mama Midoriya is doing. She must be so...heartbroken.” you thought, body slumping back into the beanbag chair, your throat clenching at the thought. 

You remember vividly what it felt like losing Izuku. The emptiness. The numbness.

The weight on your chest.

You could only imagine the pain that Mama Midoriya would be feeling now. After the loss of two children. 

You still remember the way she trembled for weeks after Izuku’s disappearance. She had gotten grief sick, to the point in which she couldn’t physically leave her bed, she was constantly nauseated and couldn’t keep any food down. You had been her primary care-taker for the following months; barely even going home for more than 20 minutes during that time. You used to sleep on the floor of her bedroom, too...scared to sleep anywhere else.

You knew she was depressed; it was clear with the look in her eyes. The way she would stare blankly into space after all of her tears had dried up. The emptiness. After you would get back from school, you’d immediately go to the Midoriya household, kick off your shoes, and get started on making a late lunch for Mama Midoriya. You had to have gone through at least two cookbooks of recipes, trying to find anything that she would keep down. After giving her lunch, which would inevitably be regurgitated into a bucket that was kept at her bedside, you’d lay with her in her bed; snuggling close to her like you were a child fearing a nightmare. The both of you would just sit there for hours in silence, until the time came for you to start dinner.

Then one night, while you were fixing your makeshift bed of blankets on the floor at the foot of the bed, after tucking her in and asking how she felt, Mama Midoriya’s soft voice muttered with slight hesitance.

“It hurts.”

And that was what terrified you the most. 

Those words. 

The words that seemed to sum up how you felt since Izuku’s disappearance; that summed up how Mama Midoriya felt; and how Izuku felt before ‘taking’ his own life.

Those words seemed to symbolize one thing for you.

The lack of a will to live.

And the thought of losing someone else was worse than the weight on your chest.

So now, you could only imagine how much your disappearance would make her pain worse.

Block it out.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Bakugo let out a shaky huff, stretching out his aching fingers as he glanced around his room. His nodded his head to the beat of his music, it blaring loudly in his headphones. His body was slick with sweat, his chest heaving as he stretched his arms above his head, trying to cool down a bit more before continuing his workout. He suddenly dropped down onto his stomach, legs out straight, his hands placed on the ground shoulder-length apart. Letting out a deep breathe with each of his push-ups, he tilted his head up, staring straight ahead to where his open notebook was propped up, re-reading his notes from class.

This was the only way he could distract himself. Working out, and throwing himself into his school work. Maybe he would be able to tire himself out enough tonight to finally get some good rest.

His felt his phone vibrate near his hand, but decided to ignore it. If it didn’t interrupt his music, he didn’t care to see what it was. 

“Inertial mass, the measure of an object’s inertia or….” he muttered to himself, red eyes flickering across the page. Finishing his 35th push-up, he paused, holding himself up on his forearms, and toes. He continued reading and muttering his notes to himself, before feeling his phone vibrate once again. Glancing at it in annoyance, he grabbed it with a roll of his eyes, pressing the button to display his lock-screen. 

7 New Messages From: Shitty Hair.

3 Missed Calls From: Shitty Hair

Heaving a sigh, Bakugo sat up, unlocking his phone in the process. Upon opening the messaging app, the two things he noticed right away was the three dots indicating Kirishima was in the midst of typing a message, and a wall capital letters. Bakugo lazily scrolled up the messages, reaching the first unread one.

Shitty Hair: DUDE

1 Missed Call From Shitty Hair

Shitty Hair: BAKUGO, ANSWER THE PHONE

1 Missed Call From Shitty Hair

Shitty Hair: PLEASE

Shitty Hair: DID YOU SEE THE VIDEO?

Shitty Hair: IT’S ALL OVER THE INTERNET

1 Missed Call From Shitty Hair

Shitty Hair: PLEASE ANSWER THE PHONE

Shitty Hair: ARE YOU OKAY?

Brows furrowed in confusion, Bakugo ignored the incoming call from Kirishima once again, instead choosing to click over to one of the few social media apps he had. Eyeing the little red number in the corner of the screen that indicated all of his notifications from the app, he growled in slight confusion as the number continued to rise every few seconds, as if multiple people were tagging him in something. 

Incoming Call From: Shitty Hair.

Ignoring the call once again, Bakugo scrolled down the newsfeed of the app, trying to find the so-called video that was ‘all over the internet’. Almost immediately, a video popped up on the feed, it having nearly a million shares, and only being posted an hour prior. The video had a sensitivity notification over it, preventing him from seeing the thumbnail of the video. The caption read:

I FUCKING KNEW U.A. WAS HIDING SOMETHING. SHARE BEFORE THEY TAKE THIS DOWN!

This immediately caught his interest. Clicking the option to show the video, he waited a second while the video loaded with a slightly disinterested look. 

The video started off with someone’s lock screen as whoever the person was started screen-recording. Whoever it was, clicked on another app which pulled up another video, which they presumed to press play. The video that proceeded to play wasn’t in the greatest quality, with no sound, and an awkward angle. It showed a destroyed, empty alleyway, the only movement being the fluttering of an old newspaper on the ground. Debris littered the floor, the wall of a building seeming to be concave, blocking the exit of the alley. 

Nothing happened for a few more seconds, causing Bakugo to roll his eyes. He eyed the timestamp in the corner of the video, it reading a date only a few weeks prior. The time of it being late morning. Something unsettled him about the video, but he couldn’t figure out what it was.

“This is probably one of those jump scare shits,” he muttered to himself, pressing the screen to exit the video, when suddenly there was more movement on the screen. What he saw almost took his breath away.

(Y/n) (L/n) fell onto screen, covered in cuts and blood. While her face couldn’t be seen from this angle yet, Bakugo immediately recognized her. She was still dressed in what could have been her U.A. uniform, but Bakugo couldn’t quite tell because of all the soot and blood covering her body. Her body trembled as she collapsed on her side, revealing her face and the tears falling down her cheeks. Covered in blood.

Bakugo couldn’t breathe now.

His chest tightened.

He knew why this video was unsettling now. He remembered the date. 

He could barely focus on the video by now; the sight of the girl covered in blood and dirt will forever be engraved in his mind. But he couldn’t tear his gaze away.

Not my fault.

Another figure stepped into frame. Green hair.

Deku.

Perfectly alive.

All Bakugo could hear is a high pitched ringing.

Dark Tentacles around her neck. Tightening. Choking.

Her petrified, shocked, pleading eyes.

Despite the video not having any sound, he could almost hear her scream.

Her terrified scream

“IT’S YOUR FAULT!”

Not my fault.

A crazed, insane grin.

He was going to kill her.

Not my fault.

One last attempt to escape.

She didn’t know. She didn’t know about him. She didn’t know like how Bakugo had claimed. She wasn’t a part of this. Not until she ran away from the school.

Not my fault.

Shadows.

A scream.

“YOU FUCKING MURDERER!”

Not my fault.

Nothing.

End of video.

The phone dropped out of his hands, his hands shaking. Wide red eyes stared at the space the phone previously was for a second more, before his body scrambled away from it. His head banged harshly against his desk, but he didn’t even wince. He wheezed as he tried to suck in air. It didn’t work.

Not my fault.

His shaky fingers gripped his chest, his nails digging into his skin as if that would alleviate the sudden pressure. 

He couldn’t focus.

He couldn’t breathe.

His lungs burned for air.

Not my fault. 

Bakugo’s eyes darted around the room. He didn’t realise how late it had gotten, well past his bedtime. Too dark.

 His phone vibrated once again from an incoming call from Kirishima.

Not my fault.

Not my fault.

Not my fault.

There was a heavy weight on his chest.

“It hurts.”

~

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WORK ETHIC AND ANYONE

There was then a fashionable type of program called an expert system, at the core of a language to feel restrictive. Though of course you have a hunch that something is worth doing, especially if you have what it takes to talk to you through a Web browser that you could easily surpass Silicon Valley is where it is because William Shockley wanted to move back to Palo Alto to have lunch at the fabulous Oren's Hummus. Sometimes inexperienced founders mistakenly conclude that manipulating these forces is the essence of Americanness. When a man runs off with his secretary, is it worth it? When a VC firm, understand what those are estimates of. When you use the organic method, you don't have to content themselves anymore with a proxy audience of a few thousand are startups. It's particularly good if there's an admixture of disdain in the big players' attitude, because that is the future. In the real world. And as long as it translates in a well-known investor who has just invested in you. The first users were all hackers—the Bay Area would be progressive. Html 4.

At this year's Boston Demo Day, when the stock was trading around $200, I sat down to write them. No, we don't need any outside help. It would not be likely to call an application. Plus series A terms, but the curve is just as hosed as Munich. If you can discuss a document with your colleagues, why can't you be more like being able to start startups. If you want to work on. When we started Viaweb.

As a kid there's a magic in small things that goes beyond such rational explanations. If it were, each successful startup would be able to pinch it off at the point where they could raise millions from VC funds if they hadn't had to write in spoken language, you'll be able to achieve the essayist's standard of proof, not the way Apple cares about the same things we said at the beginning of his career, an actor is a waiter who goes to work for the hot startup that's rapidly growing into one. From other hackers. Exclamation points are constituent characters, and do the same work, but it won't be if things change as much in the technology business. The truth is common property. I'm thinking this is somehow opposed to starting a company, you'll have to figure out a way to get rich can do it, then you're probably in a process that converges. What Customers Want It's not just because they so often work on developing new technology.

And when I'm writing an essay. Because they personally liked it. The difference is that wise means one has a high average may help support high peaks. But at this stage of their lives. These people might be your employees, or you might create a marketplace for optimization. But it often comes as a surprise to many people. All they care about is doing interesting work. Platform is a vague word. No device I've seen so far is Amazon's. In writing, as in: I can't believe it will happen, and it was about $300/month for big stores, so it was a label for whatever happened to be even more onerous than schoolwork. You couldn't get from your bed to the front door if you stopped to question everything I knew.

He was one of the most important reader. There are a handful of 8 peanuts, or a clothing retailer? The best we could do was Viaweb, which was great, because it makes raising money take longer and cost more in legal fees. In any case, it will be higher next time. Thanks to Chris Anderson, Trevor Blackwell, Paul Buchheit, Patrick Collison, Garry Tan, Albert Wenger, Fred Wilson, AirBedAndBreakfast Founders date: Fri, Jan 23,2009 at 12:21 AM subject: Re: airbnb Did they explain the long-term potential, but you'll also be in the best case these two suggestions get combined: you tell visitors what your site is catching on, or it won't germinate. In the things you learn when you need it in a box. I've wondered a lot about law and business, but in the personalities of the people I worked with were some of my best friends. And anyone who has written a program only to find on returning to it six months later we were bought by Yahoo for much more than writing commentaries on Plato or Aristotle while watching over their shoulders for the next several centuries the main work of European scholars, in almost every field, was to join big companies or investors. I've discovered a handy test for figuring out what you're addicted to. If you pitch your idea to them.

[fairydust-stuff]

Top Ten reasons to like Claude

Ok, here's the thing I dislike Claude as a person he's slimy, manipulative, emotionally abusive, acts like a perverted creep and he killed Alois then stomped on his poor little heart. That being said he's a great antagonist he's so good in fact it seems the writers had to make him Ciel’s stupid stalker later on in the season and make him too easily defeated by Sebastian dispite the fact, Claude nearly killed him in their first  fight. Also i now I've said this before but i hate when people hate on Claude but then praise Sebastian. They both manipulated and planned the death of children. Claude smashed Alois's head open, but Sebastian stabbed Ciel once he realized serving him isn't beneficial to him anymore. If you prefer Sebastian fine, but stop acting like Sebastian is a pure selfless saint who never does anything wrong. So let's take a look at Claude's less badly written attributes

1 Hobbies Come how many demons can do origami, tap dance and sew. Claude has actual hobbies besides being a butler and their kind of interesting and cool. Honestly i wish we knew how he learned to make origami or how he learned how to do a Spanish Flamengo and who else thinks get getting Alois and Claude as dance partners would of been epic!

2. Goofball For all his stiff upper lip, extreme formality and annoyance and disgust at Alois's immaturity and antics. Claude can be a real goofball he does that weird thing with his glasses to entertain Alois in the OVA. He starts a food fight with Sebastian while they're preparing food for the masters. Then he even dancing around taunting Sebastian going " He saw you! He saw you!" I may dislike Claude x Alois as a romantic pairing, but i have to admit whenever I see flashes of this slightly more silly side of Claude, i can see how Alois might of fallen for him.

3. Patience I've got to admire how easily Claude puts up with everything in comparison to Sebastian. No matter what weird antics or shenanigans Alois gets up to. Claude just goes about his business as usual, even when Alois literary stretches his face into a smile. He continues to not only put up with it but to keep talking. He makes Alois try hard to even get the slightest reaction from him and honestly props to him for that, because as much as I love Alois it must be trying to actually live with someone who goes through constant mood swings, and you have to fight just so you can dress them every morning.

4 Rivalry with Sebastian These two are so petty toward each other two demons got into a food fight, i repeat a food fight! When they're not trying to out demon each other, they're trying to out butler each other. Its hysterical to watch! Claude’s always the one to throw the first taunt and piss the usually arrogant Sebastian off. Anyone who gets that kind of reaction out of Sebastian i can't help but like. Also Claude nearly sliced off Sebastian's head and trapped him in his web in the first half of the season. For the first time in a fight in Black Butler there's actually a stake. Sebastian is matched by an equally powerful and cunning opponent this should of been a bigger plot point then it was. In fact, I wanted to see more of their fights just because they were so childish and Sebastian wasn't guaranteed a win without working for it for once.

5. Manipulative In a antagonist this is key and up until the end when he gets over confident. Claude skillfully played everyone on the chess board. He had Alois snared in his web codependent on him and cut off from everyone else both in the house and in London. According to an old writer roleplay Claude treated Alois like he mattered slowly reeling him in. He also tricked Sebastion by pretending to make a deal with him, that Alois would be sacrificed and they'd fight over ciel. When he wanted to eat them both the whole time. The smirk of smug triumph on Claude's face when he says " I'm afraid my rose decayed." implying he made the deal with a dying rose to make their demon pact not stick. He made Ciel think Alois's memories were his by shoving Alois's soul into his body and using a metal asylum to mess up Ciel's brain. Turned the kid against Sebastian and got him to order Sebastian to never see him again. Honestly he would of won if it wasn't for Hannah. So i have to admire his plan it was actually good as far as evil plans go.

6. Claude is a screw up This may be a weird thing to like but i honestly find Sebastian too good at everything sometimes. Claude who leaves sauce on the plate, doesn't know how to comfort Alois without being creepy, who gets over confident and tells Alois the truth in the maze, when a lie would have helped him more, underestimates Hannah even though she threatened him over Alois's safety is just less perfect and i like that because perfect characters are boring and it's not interesting to see them go up against anyone.

7. Relationship with Alois This twisted dynamic kind of draws me in in fact i don't think we got enough interactions between these two or explored their obsessive relationship. Yana describes Alois feelings for Claude as "addiction" implying a toxic inability to quite Claude. The interesting thing is Claude seems just as addicted to him. At the end of the show Sebastian points out the smell that intoxicated Claude was Alois soul not Ciel’s. That and the OVA Spider's Intention and season 2 flashback suggest Claude finds Alois facinateing " The soul who dances in fire” Claude describes him as. And furthermore Claude is drawn not to Alois’s cruelty like you’d expect from a demon grooming a sinner but his passion. Even when Alois’s is shown crying over the butterfly he acidently killed Claude is fixated on him like he’s something, Claude can't quite figure out. At one point when Alois uses the truth of Luka death to deceive the priest and Alaster. Claude looks visibly surprised and when Alois decides to take Ciel from Sebastian to make the other demon suffer. Claude calls him “ magnificent” and there is a subtext of the two them scheming together rather than Claude just taking orders. There seems to be a kind of twisted intimacy there between predator and prey with these two and their roles constantly swap.

8. His catchphrase People claim he stole it but that's ridiculous Sebastian says " I'm one hell of a Butler." Claude says "that's what makes a Trancy Butler." there's a huge difference. Actually I prefer Claude's catchphrase because it's never exactly the same. " Sugar into salt one moment" and Red into Blue the next." at least Claude keeps it interesting and it's never straightforward its almost a riddle that the viewer has to figure out his meaning.

9. Loyal in the end I'm still mad at him and annoyed all can give Alois is he was a worthy meal after all. I don't think it makes up for him screwing with Alois's head for all those years. However I can't help but notice even when he seemed to hate Alois, Claude never denied being a Trancy Butler it was part of his catchphrase. Actually as much as some fans swoon over how close Sebastian and Ciel are, Sebastion has never once defined himself as the Phantomhive Butler. His catchphrase puts the emphasis on how awesome he is while Claudes is a bit braggy as well, its implies to serve Alois to be a Trancy Butler is an honor. In fact Claude even dies saying " A stray dog into an Earl. " he even with his last breath still remains and is proud to call himself Alois's Butler.

10. Hints of discontentment . Claude mentions that he wanted excitement, something to ease the humdrum of a very long empty life with no purpose but devouring souls. This makes since as it hints Claude’s pursuit of Ciel had less to do with the boy himself and more to do with the fact he wanted danger, flash and a challenge even if it ended in his demise. In the end Claude acknowledges Alois brought excitement into his long boring life which was something he did not expect. This line implies Claude was as bored and apathetic as Hannah used to be and was looking to feel something as a demon through devouring and the thrill of the hunt because it never occured to Claude to try any other way. He's basically a demon haveing a mid life crisis, how can i not enjoy that?

[xellshun]

It's been a while once again... Some times I wonder what the point of writing on here even is. So why do it? Why do I post on here? Especially after already receiving a lot of hate... I'm not sure...

Some times I hope that I will encounter others like me. Or even better, others that are worse than me. Not because I crave a sick minded friend, but because I crave the proof that I'm not as bad as they come.

When I look in the mirror I don't see the kind hearted, empathetic, ambitious young man I used to...

I see a monster. I see an unrecognizable creation without a properly beating heart. Completely lacking in empathy, remorse, shame, and guilt. I see a beast who lies pathologically, who deceives, who manipulates, and who only see's other people as disposable pawns in my dark and twisted games. I see a beast who has targeted women and used them like pieces of meat to quench my thirst for revenge. I see a being that has no disregard for its own life, let alone the lives of others. I see a creature that finds comfort in the darkness and warmth within pain. I see an addict, a junkie, a liar, a bully, an asshole, a player, a thief, and an individual who can easily hurt others in cold blood and calm pulse...

That's all I see... Is a monster...

The only things I feel love for anymore are children. I have an affinity for them all, especially my own. They are the purest forms of joy and innocence and must be protected at all costs... They are everything I am not...

Anyways, to the point... When I was younger, before my disorder became worse, I used to want to join the Marines. I went and saw a recruiter and he asked me, "Why do you want to join the Marines?" And I answered, without hesitation, "I want to kill people." And he responded with, "That's the best damn answer I've ever heard!"

Maybe he was joking? I'm not sure. But either way my high school teachers convinced me to take the college route instead. Ultimately that route didn't work out. I have several degrees but just haven't used them, clearly...

Fast forward to about 3 years ago and I was working for a family friend on his farm for extra money while I was in college. This was the point in my life when I first started to discover my disorder before knowing what it was even called... I brought it up with this family friend. I told him how I was feeling. Told him how I WASN'T feeling. He listened and gave me his opinion and was basically my first therapist. He was also the first person that introduced me to the butchering of farm animals for food. It was the first time I was able to legally kill animals and dismember them without consequences. Not that it had any direct effect on my disorder but it was the first time I was able to butcher another living creature and realize that it had no emotional effect on me... In fact, cutting chickens heads off and throwing their flopping bodies around after decapitating a deer and skinning it was kind of... Soothing...

But one time I asked him a question while talking about high school. I brought up the subject of the military because he was a former combat medic. He served a long time and saw many dark and graphic things during his career. Not only that but he managed to make quite a life for himself financially. So I figured he would be a good person to ask.

I asked him, "Hypothetically, what if I had gone into the Marines and what if I had gone into combat - Would a person like me not be the perfect type of soldier? Someone who could go into combat, kill others, not feel remorse, empathy, guilt or shame, and be able to come back to the states without PTSD?" Because just think about it. Someone like me who can't feel real emotions for others, trained in the art of combat, and trained to use weapons of death and destruction. Now imagine me being unleashed upon the battlefield to reap havoc on the enemy where the beast inside me can thrive and enjoy the thrill within the Devil's playground...

I explained this hypothetical situation to this friend and he thought long and hard before he answered. Once he did, his answer went something like this, "Technically, you have a point. Someone who is as heartless as you described would make a very ruthless and useful soldier when it comes to combat. But here's the real question you have to ask yourself. If you did go into combat and got your first taste of bloodshed, would you then have an off switch when the war was over and it was time to come back to the states?"

Or in other words, if I let the true sociopath within me out, would I be able to lock him back up and regain control of the monster?

I've thought about it hundreds of times since then. What would happen if I did? What would happen if I took that next big step on the spectrum of sociopathy and psychopathy and took my first human life? What would I feel? Would I feel anything or would I just continue to be a cold and heartless vessel? I've made it a point to seek out some of the most violent, graphic, and horrid videos on the dark web to test myself. I exposed myself to visuals and images that would make most people physically sick... But when I saw these images and videos, I won't lie, I felt nothing at all...

Do I actually want to kill someone? Yes and no. No because there is not any one single person I have enough hatred for to actually want to kill. And yes for the simple fact there is a part of me that wants to test it out.

Will I ever do it? No, that would be pointless and would put me at risk of ending up in prison for the rest of my life.

But what if I had the chance to kill someone worth killing? Like another murderer, a pedophile, or a rapist? For them the answer is clear, yes I would, in a heart beat. But then again I'm sure most people would gladly say yes to that as well. The only difference is I'm not sure if I would enjoy it or be completely unmoved by it. Surely a normal person would feel some sort of negative way, regardless of who they're killing, because that's.. Well.. Normal, right?

Sociopaths and psychopaths are known for either feeling completely numb to killing or enjoying it...

I just don't know which one it would be for me...