#you can justify anyone if you believe in yourself but this is like. my vibes

[occasionaltouhou]

list of touhous who you could thematically justify giving some flavour of doll/mechanical joints (and therefore you should):

meiling & sakuya

chen & ran

reisen

kaguya

medicine obviously

hina

okuu

kogasa

futo & miko

benben, yatsuhashi, and raiko

okina.

mayumi & keiki

enoko

pc98 bonus - basically any of the makai residents

maybe even more...?

[elicathebunny]

❥ CREATING CELEBRITY ENERGY AND STAR QUALITY.

Have you ever dreamed of being famous or having some sort of influence? (doesn't have to be a very exposed influence like celebrities have, it could just have star quality and inspire/influence the people around you in daily life). Using celebrity energy and understanding how to use it can completely change your life around and open new opportunities for you.

(I found the topic of how stars come up to be stars quite interesting and no I haven't applied any of this to my life. I just think that this is interesting.

These notes are taken from other people and are summarised from videos that they have created. If you tap on the links from titles you can find the OG creators.)

LOA, AUTHENTICITY + CONFIDENCE:

Think about Norma Jeane Mortenson, better known as her persona Marilyn Monroe using what is now called the "Marilyn Effect".

'Whenever Marilyn Monroe walked into a room, she carried an irresistible charisma - a compelling blend of confidence, vulnerability, and charm. That's the Marilyn Monroe Effect. It's the power to captivate and influence others by being authentically you. ' - Eye Mind Spirit

❥ AUTHENTICITY + COFIDENCE

Authenticity means also being polarizing.

polarizing = the general public has mixed feelings about them

Being authentic has a magnetic effect. By being real you will attract people who resonate with that. But you also going to push away people who don't so it creates love-hate.

Being fake creates like, but no one will ever love you. The only way to be loved by everyone is to be fake and be this social chameleon.

You're meant to be you with your "authentic magnet" through humanity and find your tribe and your tribe is not everyone.

Don't introduce yourself as a vibe that you can't maintain.

Own your vibe but also be willing to be judged and tested on it

"You're going to be judged regardless". You're meant to be rejected by people in this world.

Being judged for authenticity hurts but only being accepted when your being fake hurts even more.

The more times you have to affirm that you are confident, the more it reinforces that you are not confident by default.

❥ LAW OF ATTRACTION AND ASSUMPTION

LOA does nothing if deep down you know truly that you don't believe in it. You cannot fool yourself with 20 affirmations that you repeat to yourself in the morning yet still have negative thoughts throughout the day. "Why are you not confident? What is the source." Do the inner work. "What do you actually think is broken in you? Are you truly living or are you trying to justify your existence? Who are you trying to justify it to?"

CELEBRITY ENERGY AND CREATING STAR-QUALITY

❥ CELEBRITY ENERGY

Famous people act famous before they even become famous. You have to create the energy before the fame can come. But there is a difference between being famous and being a celebrity. You can feel the energy of a celebrity even if you're not famous, but not all famous people have celebrity energy. - Think about the fame difference between Charlie Damelio and Marilyn Monroe.

Creating this 'celebrity energy' is something that you will have to create in public which can be embarrassing. But if you want to be famous you have to be okay with putting yourself out there for judgement and you have to believe what you're doing before anyone else can see it.

The people in your life are going to perceive what you're doing as threatening because you are changing your identity and that is triggering for them.

You have to overcome your brain's natural wiring to play small and be willing to be 'cringe'.

Fame is just a resource of people's attention, an exchange of your consciousness and their consciousness. So you consciousness has to be as clear and as authentic as possible. Authentic to you, who you naturally are.

Acquiring fame requires a deeper level of trust: Believing that the people around you and in the world will love and support you.

It amplifies ALL areas of your life so if you're blocked in another area, you won't create it.

Your art doesn't actually have to be that good: The difference between creators and influencers who make it and the ones who don't is how much they believe in what they are selling.

You have to start performing as if people already love you and your art/content.

If you don't believe that you are wanted then you are going to put up walls and won't be able to tap into celebrity energy.

You do not need any more strategy - You are energetically not available for people to perceive you for who you really are.

❥ STAR QUALITY AND MARKETING

Halloween costume/Hollywood hair theory - Memorable and unique features that make you stand out that could possibly be recreated as a costume, for example: Jojo Siwa, Ariana Grande, Melanie Martinez, Lady Gaga, Madonna, Ice Spice, etc.

Learn how to market yourself, and realise you as a person are a brand.

Learn how to sell and market to others but also to yourself

Work on your public speaking, charisma and personality (your vibe)

[masterqwertster]

Ashton's talk with Laudna in E49 has battered me with ideas, so here's a short fic that has made me teary eyed, so I'm inflicting it on all of you.

Be perfectly warned that suicide ideation is very much a part of this because of the FCG martyrism, and it's almost definitely not handled well because these people don't really know how to handle it. Including me. I wrote this on vibes and emotions and zero experience in real life.

Enough On AO3

Sometimes you have to break the bone again if it’s to have even a remote chance at healing properly.

Ashton knows this. Their bones don’t break easily, but they’ve done the damage enough, set enough people to rights, to be perfectly aware of it. 

And the thing is, medicine is medicine. Physical or mental, it’s the same sort of principles. Sometimes time and proper treatment will set you right, and sometimes you’ve got to bleed the poison, reset the break by breaking it again.

He’s tried, so fucking hard, to be gentle with Fresh Cut Grass. Hoped, maybe uselessly, that time and proper tending would fix the aeormaton’s broken parts.

And it’s worked in some places. Grass has found the backbone to not let everyone walk all over them (even if they nearly gave him a fucking heart attack first exerting that backbone against fucking Hexum).

But not this one. One of the important ones. And fuck, Ashton’s pretty sure they’ve reached the point where gentle just can’t cut it. This– This is going to hurt.

-------------------------

“Ashton, why aren’t you saying anything?” Imogen demands.

He can’t bring himself to look away from the campfire Bells Hells is gathered around, planning another desperate job. It needs to be done. He’s told himself this since Grass offered up that stupid fucking plan. Again. And he knows, if not now, then when? Will he ever make the point? 

…Sometimes you have to fuck around and find out.

“Why should I? It’s not like Fresh Cut Grass cares how I feel.” 

It’s bitter, so fucking bitter on their tongue, but they need to break so he can mend. And with the words out there, they realize how fucking tired they are of pretending that every time Grass does this it doesn’t hurt them.

“Wha–?! Ashton, that’s not true! I care a lot–”

“You don’t fucking show it!” Ashton cuts them off, growling. “I told you, my one fucking rule for being a part of this crew. One. Do you even remember what that rule is?”

“...W-we don’t… we don’t leave anyone behind?” 

The answer is so fucking hesitant, and Ashton hates it, hates himself a little for pushing it that way. But sometimes to be cruel is to be kind, and Fresh Cut Grass is too fucking stubborn for this to sink in any other way.

“And what the fuck do you think you’re doing every time you offer to go on a suicide run on the off chance we just might have a better chance at success? Huh?”

“Y’all can bring me back–”

“Not if we’re dead too! Not if we can’t find some powerful fucker willing to even fucking try. ” 

Ashton hasn’t forgotten how fucking close they came to not finding help in Whitestone for Laudna. How that fucking asshole lord would have undone all their hard work if that stupid undead bitch haunting Laudna had been present, despite having done nothing to the bastard in thirty fucking years with a Laudna who didn’t have a whole crew to help keep her in check. He thinks the holy baker might try to resurrect Grass if they supplied the materials. But anyone else? He has doubts others would even believe there is a soul to retrieve from death.

“But it’s not about whether we can bring you back from death or not,” Ashton says softly. “Not really. It’s about you, Fresh Cut Grass, fucking choosing to leave us all behind like that.”

“But the Changebringer says–”

“It’s a fucking coin, Letters. You’re the one who comes up with ideas of suicide. There’s no fucking goddess whispering in your ear, ‘Hey, you should fucking kill yourself.’ There’s just you, wanting to die, and that fucking coin you’re using to justify the idea.”

Ashton’s not against them finding religion. Hell, having a divine guide post will probably help. But. The blind and absolute faith in that fucking coin isn’t religion. It’s Grass still avoiding having active control over their own fucking life. And if the fucking Changebringer is actually answering every dumb fucking question Fresh Cut Grass asks that coin, Ashton just might have to find a way to send her to fucking Ruidus.

“I– I–”

“So if you want to fucking die so bad, get it over with. Because you’ve made it pretty fucking clear that us caring and wanting you fucking here, with us, doesn’t matter.”

They’re panting, drawing air through a running nose as tears they refuse to let fall gather in the corners of their eyes.

“I can’t do this anymore, Letters. Not when you’re making it inevitable because we’re not enough. I’m not enough.”

He laughs hollowly, and whispers, “I’m never fucking enough.”

And that was too far. Too vulnerable in front of the whole crew. They’re on their feet and gone from the camp to find something to hit before anyone can say anything. Or if they do say anything, Ashton doesn’t, can’t, hear it.

I’m never fucking enough.

Parents that had more interest in whatever fucking ritual killed at least one of them than being there to raise him into an adult. Friends who were family that wouldn’t risk the consequences of his more-than-near death experience, who couldn’t even be bothered to fucking come back for him years later. 

That was the fucking realization he’d come to after waking up to only Milo. He thought he’d buried it deep enough to never pass his lips, make it real– 

This is why he saved broken conversations for Laudna. The old spook understood without having to say the actual words because she had real fucking similar bullshit. And she bore it with a lot better grace than he did. It was comforting to think he could get there one day, maybe. 

And maybe the Hells were different from whatever the fuck Hishari was, from the Nobodies. They were certainly trying. But Letters was breaking what little was left of their heart by being no different. Grass wanted to martyr himself more than he wanted to be here with Ashton, and the rest of the Hells.

I’m never fucking enough.

Ashton roars and punches the boulder they’d found.

--------------------------------

They stare at the retreating form of their best friend.

They’re panicking. They don’t– they can’t– Dancer is already gone– Not Ashton too–

He’s moving forward after them. He hasn’t got a clue what to say, what to do, it’s so terrifying to have to choose what to do, but there must be something. Why can’t the fucking Changerbringer give him more than a yes or no answer? The coin can’t choose for him like this!

Laudna steps between them, hides Ashton from his sight. Hands from behind halt his forward momentum.

Part of them wants to lash out. That’s Ashton, leaving. Ashton, who found them and cared for them and refused to leave them even though they murdered their associates, tried to do the same to Bells Hells– Why is the line drawn here? It’s the Changebringer making the choice, not them. Ashton didn’t blame them for snapping, didn’t think that was their choice. So why not this? And they’re not being allowed to go after him.

The others must be able to see the rising stress, because the hands loosen, Laudna’s posture softens as she crouches down to be eye level with him (he can’t see Ashton’s silhouette beyond her not again not again).

“Fresh Cut Grass, I know you’re upset, but you can’t go after them right now,” she softly says. 

FCG thinks it’s meant to be soothing, but it just winds the stress a little tighter.

“Ashton loves you, don’t you ever doubt that. They’ve told me themself,” Laudna reassures him. “But, you also worry them, a lot, with your ‘desperate attempts at martyrism.’” He can hear the quotes as Laudna sing-songs the phrase. Of course he’s desperate. Look at all the blood he’s spilled. He has no blood of his own to spill in penance, just a mockery of life to offer in turn. “Honestly, you worry me, and the rest of us, I think, with that. And if you can’t stand by a decision to stop trying to unnecessarily martyr yourself, then any apology you would make to Ashton, any promise to do better, would be empty. And I think you know how Ashton feels about empty words and promises.”

And he does. Ashton hates when others don’t keep their end of a deal. He’s never said anything to Ashton that he doesn’t mean, only ever even lied to help his friends.

“...I-I don’t– I don’t want to give them an empty promise, but I don’t–”

An angered roar echoes back to the camp, one they know well. Ashton.  

Not just anger either. Pain too. And their mind flashes back to the Spire by Fire, that first time Ashton let them and Imogen into his mind in hopes of finding answers about his past. He’s dead, just leave him. The flood of anger and pain that their Calm Emotions couldn’t restrain once it had been released. And Fresh Cut Grass has caused it this time.

“H-how do I fix this? I don’t know how to fix this,” FCG whines. 

He loves to help other people with their problems, but when he’s the problem– Dancer told him to stay away, but he doesn’t want to stay away, can’t stay away. Not from her, not from Ashton. But staying away is the way he was told to fix it, so if he went as far away as possible… 

“It’s not going to be easy, Fresh Cut,” Orym says, gently turning them to look at him. “But the first step is to listen to what Ashton was saying.”

“B-but I was listenin’.”

“And what did you hear?” Orym patiently asks.

FCG opens their mouth to reply, only to be cut off.

“Not their exact words, FCG. How would you say what they were saying?”

They ponder this. It was a lot . And very hurtful. And Ashton was hurting as much as he was hurting them.

It’s not like Fresh Cut Grass cares how I feel.

I’m not enough.

He’s dead, just leave him.

I’m never fucking enough.

“Ashton… feels like I don’t care about them?”

“Why?”

I told you, my one fucking rule for being a part of this crew.

There’s just you, wanting to die, and that fucking coin you’re using to justify the idea.

I can’t do this anymore, Letters. Not when you’re making it inevitable

 It’s about you , Fresh Cut Grass, fucking choosing to leave us all behind like that.

“...Because… because… he thinks I’m makin’ bad choices? But I’m not good at makin’ choices! I don’t know how. ” 

Chetney snorts. “Well you’re not going to get any better with that attitude. Take it from someone who actually remembers the past four centuries, part of living is learning from your mistakes and bad choices. And you’re gonna make a lot of ‘em before you actually get good at anything. But you,” and he points a chisel at Fresh Cut Grass, “are refusing to fucking learn or make new choices. And that’s the real problem. Can’t fix shit, can’t improve it, if you’re not willing to do something different.”

 “...And what should I do different?” they desperately ask.

---------------------------

Ashton’s not sure how much later it is when they hear the creak of Fresh Cut Grass rolling their way, the soft exchange of words between him and Fearne (she’d followed him because Bells Hells didn’t let anyone go off alone if they could help it) before hooves clomp away.

“I’m sorry,” FCG says.

Ashton doesn’t open his eyes, doesn’t move from where he’s reclined against the boulder.

“I… didn’t realize how much y’all cared about me bein’ here. How much you cared.”

“I told you before, a while back,” Ashton points out. 

“...I might have thought that had to do with how useful you found me.”

“If it was about useful, I would like money better than you. You can get anything with money if you have enough of it.”

They can hear the creak of Grass nodding his head at that.

“I feel real guilty about the people I’ve killed.”

Ashton cracks an eye open at the admission.

“An’... I guess I thought dyin’ doin’ somethin’ good could make up for that? The others said if I wanted to really make up for murderin’ innocent folks, I ought to live and do as much good as I can for as long as I can.”

A soft grunt of acknowledgement leaves the genasi’s chest. “And are you?”

“I think I need to try. I want to try. And… I don’t want you to leave, like Dancer did. And I don’t want to leave you, like the Nobodies did. So, I’m really, really sorry, Ashton.”

Ashton lets out a big sigh. Then, in a surge of motion, they’ve drawn Fresh Cut Grass close, pressing their forehead to Grass’s faceplate.

“I told you: I want to be happy because you’re making me happy. That it would make me so fucking happy if you’d stop offering yourself up like a piece of meat. If you can do that, Letters, for real, then I’m here. For as long as I’m breathing and as long as you want me, I’m here, buddy.”

“I’m gonna try, Ashton. I promise.”

[intrulogical]

Unpopular opinion(??): I think Janus was in the wrong at the end of POF, when he made fun of Roman back.

And not in a "they both were in the wrong!!" way, I fully support Roman's actions. Obviously, don't make fun of a guy's name, but Janus literally manipulated Roman throughout SVS. Of course Roman is going to attack him???? You MANIPULTED. HIM. What did you THINK was gonna happen?

Plus, the thing he said wasn't even BAD. He called him a LIBRARIAN.

I just... it hurts me because Janus prides himself on being smart & correct, but cannot think for two seconds why Roman would be upset? Does he think he has no consequences to his actions? Does he think he's allowed to do things and not have people be upset? Like, Janus should know the inner moral fight that Roman is having with himself (he agreed with Janus at first & then patton was like "hey! Hes bad!!" & now is being told that janus is GOOD & that he was wrong even though he agreed with him in the beginning AND THE GUY HE AGREED WITH MANIPULATED HIM AND THEN ADMITTED TO IT IN POF)

I know Janus was having an emotional reaction, just like how Roman was, but it feels like a ... petty response to someone who is hurting.

NOT THE SAME. NOT COMPARRING but it HAS THE VIBES as like... defending yourself againsr your abuser & having ppl say you "abused each other". AGAIN. Not saying Janus is abusing anyone ot whatever, it just feels similar.

Janus hurt Roman & Roman defended himself & everyone is upset at Roman? What is this.

- @transfemlogan

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

this ask made me really think hard, because the dynamic janus and roman share is incredibly... fickle. seemingly blatant but definitely more complex for what it's worth. so, i'll try to break it all down, from everything i remembered.

1.) was janus wrong at the end of SVS.R for making fun of roman?

for a simple answer, yes— like, it is petty. you mentioned it was an emotional response to roman's seemingly lighter insult. but i don't necessarily agree with it being... hollow pettiness. sometimes people are petty for pettiness' sake, but janus, from my understanding, came into SVS.R fed up. mostly tired of being ignored for a long time despite having valuable insight on thomas' morality issues and mental health issues.

of course, i think janus could have introduced himself more kindly when he first appeared, but from my understanding of the dark sides, they are provocative for a reason. while there are multiple perspectives on what being a "dark" side means, my perspective is that these sides are usually secondary functions, usually pushed down even further by thomas' catholic upbringing. because of this, i view their provocativeness as a means of grabbing thomas' attention, ESPECIALLY knowing how easy it is for thomas to do something out of fear. but they don't intend to hurt thomas, at least not intentionally. all sides, even remus, intend the best for thomas in a way they deem fits best, even when we can disagree.

now, long ramble i know, but i needed to kind of explain the semantics of sides to dig into the idea that janus is, arguably and validly, fed up. yes, his insult was awful, that i cannot excuse, but to think his frustration came out of nowhere (at least, from what i'm getting out of your ask) is not true. it may noy seem as obvious as other sides, but janus has been fighting for the best decisions in thomas, but in his own machiavellian way.

machiavellian beliefs go many ways (i for one have not read the prince in full) but usually, machiavellian perspectives are very "the ends justify the means" kind of mindsets. and that's how janus operates. he believed provocativeness was key for thomas to listen, which is why he did all he did in SVS. it's definitely hurtful, and definitely very philosophical in a way that screams you're overthinking this, bud, but that is how he shows he cares. he fights hard in his deep, scary philosophy because that's what he thought operates well with thomas (even if he realizes it's wrong to do so, in the end). so, tldr because i think i'm just rambling— the insult was uncalled for but the buildup for janus to make an insult was definitely there.

2.) janus manipulating roman

now this, this one i had to think. because, yes, janus constantly complimented roman during SVS in an attempt to get his favor. but janus "not reading how hurt roman was" still feels very off. to me, janus had one goal in mind here: to prove to thomas that "selfishness" was not as evil as he thought it to be. the main problem that opposed this is patton and roman's Purity Culture of viewing morality too much as black and white + very catholic sense of selflessness.

janus has been frustrated ever since SVS about how his stance, although correct and the most considerate of thomas, was merely dismissed, roman and patton implying janus' perspective was "bad". that is the underlying issue janus had against patton and roman. it's not just a matter of pettiness, but there is some gravity to roman and patton labeling janus' perspective as "evil". while it doesn't seem much, the fact that thomas' mental health dipped THAT much post-SVS, even BEFORE the wedding showed how much roman and patton's purity culture was affecting thomas negatively. and janus— janus obviously took that personally. roman and patton, again, did not directly attack janus, but claiming thomas' mental state was good when it obviously Wasn't most likely weighed heavy on janus' shoulders to fix.

yes, janus manipulated roman (although most manipulation cases itself is far more deliberate than what janus has done), but janus can also be impacted in more subtle ways, like having your perspective ridiculed and watered down when it could've saved thomas.

and last,

3.) did janus not realize that roman is hurting?

nah, he did. people can realize someone is hurting AND also snap at them for something they thought was frustrating. it's not good, but it is incredibly human for it to happen (which is why i dislike moral analyses of characters in sanders sides because it just Doesn't Matter). him manipulating roman via compliments was recognition of roman's low self-esteem.

but i have to mention this: roman's self-hate issues are intrinsically connected to his black and white perspective on morality. to be a hero is to do good things, which is why he clings on to patton. he wants to ensure that he does good, even if the ways he does good really... isn't good or healthy, as proven in SVS.R.

janus' insult was genuinely awful, but roman and patton implicating him as evil was definitely heavy as well. i think janus' general frustration with roman can also be justified because, well, if thomas does pursue this new viewpoint of "being selfish is good sometimes," it... causes roman's perspective on goodness to become null. a complete paradigm shift, a change of perspective. and so in the end, no matter if janus insulted roman or not, he would end up wounded.

this ended up longer than i intended and probably rambled on for too long outside of the main question, but tldr; i think roman and patton's heavy influence of implicating janus as evil negatively impacted thomas' wellbeing, and it should be considered a heavy enough insult for janus to justify his frustrations. his insult and manipulation towards roman was 100% awful, but to say he was the only one in the wront is false, especially since there are many instances in the same episode where he proves himself a good influence and beneficial to thomas.

thank you for the ask!

[la-hannya]

Not a Sessrinner pedo apologist trying to pretend they’re not one in the IY subreddit and trying to make Sessrin look less “weird” by creepily going through/stalking an anti Sessrin’s post history to see if they ship anything problematic as a “gotcha!

Dude(ette,) I don’t deny I ship problematic shit but considering at least all of them are between consenting adults close in age where neither raised the other and are actually canon, your gotcha isn’t the “gotcha” you think it is! Nice try trying to justify pedophilia and grooming in any way, shape, or form by pulling the “but what about THIS weird thing?!”

If you don’t think pedophilia is objectively the absolute most abhorrent and evil thing in the world with only Zoophilia being comparable, you might just be either an apologist or a pedo yourself, so which is it? Cause neither is a good look.

Then they tried to pull the “A-AT LEAST SHE WAS 18!!!!” card while still denying they ship it and immediately mass deleted all their comments and even their obvious burner account in a fit of salty butthurt before I got the chance to even reply back.

Girl ya ain’t the slick, sit the fuck down if you really believe Pedohime’s asspull contradictory timeline! 😂😂😂

From what I've seen even though things have simmered down since that anime ended; the more desperate they have gotten, going into places like reddit and twitter to try to stir the view on their favor. Which mostly just backfires because anyone with pair of eyes 👁️👁️ and understanding of even a little math can tell they're reaching. The other day somebody told me:

"I remember not liking at all the Saint Seiya's spin-off "Episode G" and nobody in the fandom forced me to consider it canon since it wasn't drawn by Masami Kurumada, only in the Inuyasha fandom these kind of things happen".

I swear got second hand embarrassment even though I ain't a saucerib. We're getting the side eye from other fandoms cause of these people being insecure clowns. Sigh.

I honestly recommend people to stand your ground and don't let them gaslight you along with them because that's what they want in their bid of desperation they got going on. I had them once trying to "Gotcha" me to because I'm a "monsterfucker". I like monsters, I like the "beauty and beast" trope, and I like the idea of this monster/beast adopting a human kid and taking care of them like their own child too. It's wholesome cute. Those things. Not the thing they warped out of proportion. So when some sinners figured that out their like "oh but you ship.."

Yeah. I know.

But here's one of thing about my monster x human ships. The human partner isn't a complete doormat and they have control. Consent. Always. And the monster partner didn't just go and meet them when they were practically a baby. Anything the other way around I don't touch. I also ain't dying of this hill either. Just vibing. And minding my business. I get where you are coming from anon. So don't let others try to pull the "but your/this is worst" card cause most likely than not compared to their mental gymnastics, you're harmless and know how to stay in your lane.

[thesandwichenthusiast]

The Kosher Nosh / Glen Rock, NJ

Hello, fellow enthusiasts.

It’s been a while. Three years, in fact. My last post was about the Stage Door Deli in the Financial District waaay back in those halcyon days of 2019. I did get a hot pastrami sandwich for Hot Pastrami Sandwich Day in January 2020, but if I’m being honest with you, it wasn’t very good! And I’d rather miss a year of HPSD than post something I wasn’t actually enthusiastic about, so I didn’t post it. Trust me, you didn’t miss much.

Since then… well, you’ve been on Planet Earth, I don’t need to tell you what’s happened. It was (understandably) a touch hard to get a table anywhere in January 2021, so we went without a post a second year in a row. The 24 months following that subpar hot pastrami sandwich in 2020 have been… a lot! There’s really no other way to say it—these last two years have been the most intense of my life. On top of the pandemic, I’ve had health scares, terrible losses, and made life-changing financial and medical decisions. I released a book, transitioned to a new stage of my career, and have a new baby on the way. (I know! I can’t believe it either.)

Through managing all of it, I feel a bit like I lost touch with a part of myself. Don’t worry, I’m not kicking myself over it; there were an abundance of justifiable reasons to put that part of myself on the backburner. Looking back on the past two years now, in a period of my life that at least feels like I’m coming out of it, one thing I’m struck with is how gradually it happened. At no point did I say, “OK, today’s the day I stop grilling all the time, or hosting parties, or organizing online game nights.” It just happened.

I lost touch with my enthusiasm.

So what does this have to do with Hot Pastrami Sandwich Day? Well first off, permit an Elder Millennial to wax on his outdated blogging platform, please. But secondly, I can’t think of a better way to tap back into that part of myself than consuming an inhuman pile of warm, tenderly-brined meat slathered with hot brown mustard and lovingly heaved upon a slice of rye, with another atop it. In my mind, there’s nothing that comes as close to approximating a hug in sandwich form as a hot pastrami sandwich, and there’s no better way to get back in touch with yourself than diving back into an old tradition—even one you made up and don’t do for anyone but yourself.

So friends, with all that said, I’d like to formally welcome you to Hot Pastrami Sandwich Day 2022.

Where are we? We went west, young man, all the way across the Hudson to the Kosher Nosh in Glen Rock, NJ. Since 1976, this everything-you-need-nothing-you-don’t Jewish deli has been serving up kosher classics to local folks. Light on the fanfare, heavy on the tastiness.

What are we getting? Hot pastrami sandwiches, of course. This year, I kept it simple with pastrami on rye and a bit of mustard, with coleslaw, a pickle, and potato chips on the side.

How was it? See for yourself:

It was exceptional. Finely cut, tender, moist, and just the right amount of saltiness. While Katz’s ridiculously thick-cut pastrami remains my favorite (I like it thick, what can I say), this has easily catapulted itself into second place. Truly just a wonderful sandwich.

Should we go back? Definitely, especially if you’re in the area and want to get lunch with me. Great vibe and old-school ambience:

All in all, The Kosher Nosh is a top-flight kosher deli. The pastrami was tasty, the service prompt, the dining room kind and welcoming. Can’t ask for anything more on a cold day in January.

[sheetghostwriter]

I think cherp does the same thing to people's brains as swipe-based dating apps. Just like tinder etc, that instant dopamine rush of a new match is intensely addictive. Sure the "goal" is making and maintaining positive and rewarding connections but... that's a lot of risk, that's a lot of work, and although it does feel incredibly good to make those connections those good feelings have diminishing returns. Even in the best case scenario, you will end up putting in a lot of work in exchange for each one of those good-feels hits and it never feels as good as that first one.

And especially after a few times of making a genuine effort only to be rejected, or just have things fizzle out and fail? You invest less and less in each new match, and start looking for reasons to cull them before they hurt you. So just like tinder, cherp is full of people who aren't looking for sustained, consistently rewarding connections with people. It's full of people who are low key disdainful of other users, but rely on them for the validation high of getting new matches. And just like tinder, I don't think the majority of people in this situation will realize or admit it.

Because people aren't getting on cherp (or tinder) saying "I'm just gonna match with some losers and ghost them to feed my ego." What this actually looks like, when people are doing it unintentionally, is getting a rush from a new match, and then feeling a "low" right after, because the match itself is the "high" you were actually chasing. But you assume the "low" (especially combined with other "negative" feelings, like the anxiety/apprehension of introducing yourself to a stranger and seeking their approval) is actually a "bad vibe" and try to find some failing, some fault, some red flag, to justify rejecting this person so you can return your focus to seeking the actual exciting part, getting new matches.

And just like tinder, the handful of people trying to use this app to connect to other humans for its intended purpose, are genuinely putting their best selves out there and having it rejected over and over again. Sure, it's not real rejection because their partner was never actually interested in them, never actually interested in anyone, their partner got what they wanted from them when they matched and then villainized them for wanting anything at all. But it still hurts like real rejection, and they're still stuck, kinda, because in spite of how much it sucks tinder is still the best way they've found to get dates.

So yeah, idk, maybe when you're at the point where you genuinely believe that your partner in a collaborative writing project expecting you to be willing to talk to them, at all, about said project, is an "appalling" amount of entitlement? You should consider whether you even like to RP.

Obviously no one should rp with someone if they don't want to, that's not what I'm saying. it's more the like... way folks here seem to think of and subsequently treat other users that's so disturbing to me.

[kuroopaisen]

cause & effect || chapter 3

➵ your work friend, kuroo, has a tiny favour to ask. to say you’re surprised is an understatement. 

warnings: f!reader, alcohol

wc: 1.4k

m.list | ch. 2 ↞ ch. 3 ↠ ch. 4

“Okay, so,” you sigh, slamming your pint down on the bar. Kuroo barely flinches. “What do I actually have to do?”

It’s been a few days since Kuroo asked you for that favour. A few days over which you could’ve reconsidered. Thought about how ludicrous it was. But, you’re still willing to do it, for whatever godforsaken reason.

But as you sit in the local bar, a frequent Saturday night haunt for the two of you, your doubts are bubbling back up. They have been over the last few days. Would you be able to pull this off? Would you make a mess of everything? Would his family figure it out immediately? What would the consequences of that even be?

“Just pretend that you like me,” he shrugs, grinning at you. “That shouldn’t be too hard for you.”

You’re not sure if that’s an insult, a flirt, or both. You shoot him a look. “I’m going to need to polish my acting skills.”

Kuroo places a hand on his chest, eyebrows raised in mock offense.

You smile, shaking your head. “Okay, so I’ve got to pretend like I’m into you. For how long?”

“Just the holiday period,” he says, taking a sip of his beer. “Then you’re free to go.”

“Am I… spending Christmas with your family?” You ask. It’s not the biggest deal, but it’s something you’d need to warn your own family about.

Kuroo shakes his head. “Not the day. Just a couple of dinners, a couple of get-togethers, so that they get off my back for a while.”

You bite your lip. It’s not a massive ask, but it still feels… wrong. Like you’re lying to people. Well, you are, but it’s supposedly for a good cause. But your slightly tipsy brain is having a hard time justifying it to yourself. Why’d you always have to get so damn preachy when you’d had a bit to drink?

“You okay?” He asks, tilting his head at you. There’s genuine concern in his eyes. You don’t know why that surprises you.

“It’s just…” You take a deep breath, clenching your fists in your lap. “Isn’t it a bit unethical?” You’d said that a few days ago.

Kuroo sighs. “Yeah, it is.”          

You stare at him with wide eyes. You’d expected him to defend himself, but no. He’s being straightforward.

He holds his hands out in front of him, his brow slightly burrowed. “Think of it as the lesser of two evils.”

“What do you mean?”

“Either we do this unethical little fake-dating thing and make my family happy because of something that’s not real, or I let them down once again, and make their holiday season more stressful.”

“And… pretending you have a girlfriend is the lesser of two evils?”

“Yeah,” he nods. “It might not be real, but it’ll make them happy for a few weeks.”

“You really are a con-man,” you scoff, shaking your head.

“Now that’s just uncalled for,” he chuckled. “But, I get it. And if you don’t want to do this, you don’t have to.”

He’s said that a lot. But you’ve never taken the out.

“I’m happy to do it,” you say slowly, carefully. Were you stupid? Why weren’t you running at every opportunity?

Relief floods his face and he smiles. It’s a relaxed kind of smile, one that’s flattered by the dim lights of the bar. You don’t let yourself look at it too long, lest your tipsy mind goes somewhere it shouldn’t.

“Okay, well next order of business,” he hums, turning to face you more directly. “We need to establish some boundaries.”

You blink at him. “Boundaries?” It felt a bit like you were finding out the hidden clauses of a contract after you’d signed it.

“I don’t want to do anything that’ll make you uncomfortable,” he begins, each word slow and methodical. He doesn’t usually speak like this. That’s worrying.

“Right,” you nod.

“But we’ve got to make this look real, right?” He says, the slightest of flush in his cheeks. You can’t tell if it’s because of what he’s just said or if the beer is finally kicking in.

Shit. You hadn’t thought of that.

“So…” He clears his throat, averting his gaze. You do the same. “What aren’t you comfortable with?”

You pause on that question, biting your lip. “Uh… I mean… I guess don’t do anything that you wouldn’t do in front of your family anyway.”

“Right…” He nods slowly. “Is there… anything else?”

“I… I guess you can hold my hand?” You offer, shrugging. Honestly, it’s been a while since you’ve dated anyone. What did casual affection even look like.

Kuroo looks at you with the same expression he has when on the phone to a particularly difficult customer.

“What’s wrong?” You have half a mind to put your hand on his shoulder, but you stop yourself.

“Can I kiss your cheek?” He says it so quickly it’s basically one word.

“If you need to?” You can’t believe this is a real conversation you’re having.

“Right,” he nods, turning his attention back to his pint. At least he’s just as embarrassed as you were.

You don’t know what to say now. You’re just sitting next to him at the bar, confused about what the fuck is going on. You’d agreed to this time and time again, but you’re still not totally sure if this is the right thing to do. But it was too late to change your mind now.

“By the way,” he says, clearing his throat. “If you ever want or need to back out, you absolutely have the right to.”

You nod. It’s like he read your mind. It makes you feel at least a little better, all things considered.

“Thank you,” you murmur, unsure of what else to say.

He nods in response, taking another sip of his beer. God, this was awkward.

You watch him for a moment, a new concern brewing in the back of your mind. “Hey, Kuroo?”

“Hm?”

“If we’re going to convince your family this is real, we’ll actually need to get to know each other, right?” It feels stupid to say it, but that feels like an essential flaw in his plan. “Like, as a couple would know each other. Not… not work colleagues.”

He thinks it over for a moment, a frown deepening on his face. “You know what? My family is pretty perceptive.”

“I figured,” you smile. You’re not sure if any other kind of person could’ve raised the man sitting next to you.

“Right,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair. It’s a little more ruffled than usual – his entire demeanour is, actually. He’s always got a laidback vibe, but Kuroo on a Saturday night had a certain laissez-faire that you still aren’t used to. But you’ll have to.

“What’s the plan?” You ask, propping your chin on your hand.

“We could fill out questionnaires and give them to each other,” he shrugs.

You snort. “What, and study them?”

“I guess?”

“Is your family going to put me through a pop quiz?”

“They might just,” he chuckles.

You roll your eyes. Bless that, but you’re not going to sit there and memorise facts about this man like you would for a geography exam. “Or, maybe we should just go on actual ‘fake dates’.”

He blinks at you for a moment, his cheeks growing slightly darker. “Actual fake dates?”

Admittedly, you’re not quite sure what separates a ‘fake’ date from a real one. How you and Kuroo going out together would constitute one and not the other.

“What I mean is,” you clear your throat, trying to backtrack, “we should just hang out a bit more before I meet your family.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” he nods. “If you’re comfortable with that.”

“Well, I’m the one who suggested it,” you smile. His concern for your comfort and wellbeing is endearing, if nothing else.

“Alright,” he nods. “Well… I’ve got your number.”

“That you do.”

“And… I’ll text you,” he says, slightly more confident than he was a couple of minutes ago. “And we’ll organise something.”

“Just make sure it’s fun,” you grin.

He scoffs, shaking his head. “I’m offended you think I’d propose anything less.”

“Sorry,” you roll your eyes, but the tension in your chest is easing. “I’m expecting big things.”

“Don’t forget I’m in a wage job,” he grins, tapping his glass. “I can only afford one of these tonight.”

“Is this you letting me know that you won’t pay for my dinner?” You run a hand through your hair, smiling.

“I’ll keep it a surprise,” he smiles, stretching his arms over his head. “Just don’t get your hopes up.”

That feels more like a warning than it should. “I’ll do my best.”

[promiseofthepremise]

First Line Game

Rules: List the first lines of the last ten (10) stories you published. Look to see any patterns you notice yourself, and see if anyone else notices any. Then tag some friends.

Tagged by @seek--rest <3

1) We Left Footprints (with @seek--rest)

“I know you want to go out there, but you need to be patient."

2) Homegrown Heroes

“ I don’t know that I can fix this.”

3) time & spaces.

“You should really go and get some sleep. At least try.”

4) you, who are my home (with art by @ixoren)

“ Parker, get in here!”

5) wake just in time (to say their goodbyes)

At ten twenty-four in the morning on January the first, May Parker tears off a piece of the first wheat cake in the batch, burned on one edge from the too-hot griddle, and pops it into her mouth.

6) the boy in the window

There is a robin building a nest on a windowsill in Queens.

7) to stand on your feet and dance (with @blondsak)

The day that Michelle Jones-Watson is born is also the last time that her parents can justifiably convince themselves that they are in love.

8) caught in the middle

Peter Parker moves out of his aunt’s home on an August morning.

9) baby, don't blow it (with @seek--rest)

“Hey, man, look--”

10) this is a gift (it comes with a price)

“Visiting ends in three hours, but dinner service will be coming around soon, if you’d like to join your aunt?”

i am a big believer in start in the middle is what's becoming clear here. my favorite way to start is right in the meat of the thing, and then go back and give context/ exposition later on once we're already invested, which means lots of mid-conversation starts. (also i just really like writing dialogue, get me in there with those tongue words)

in the cases of not using dialogue as an opener it's usually because i'm either establishing/ continuing a pattern (like my peterflash series or wake just in time) or because i want to evoke a Vibe in as few words as possible right off the bat. short and sweet but still informative is the challenge there so they all come out like declarative statements lmao

is any of this always successful? nah, but it's crazy fun to find your bookends i think <3

tagging: @pepperminttegan @spiderman-homecomeme @iovewords @hollow-dweller @ambivalentmarvel and anyone who is interested in doing this <3

[bardicious]

What I find intriguing in the act of perceiving a character, and which is something I've come to understand through the last few years of interacting with fandom and dutifully attempting to follow what is purely my interpretation of said character, is how so much of our perception of these beloved little fictitious people is grounded in our own goals in life. Our own perceptions of the world around us, and the boundless amounts of wants and needs we're simply not receiving in real life.

I've come across a few harmless headcanons from so many fandoms. And I've gotten the most visceral reactions from myself in what amounts to another person's form of fun.

I think - how can fandom possibly believe x and y, and oh no, this is something that simply wouldn't happen in "canon" or the character wouldn't do this or that.

Sometimes it is a justified thought - the story doesn't always justify what grander fandom perceives and I think in those cases, that part of fandom is being diluted by their own personalities, and sense of selves.

In reality, it's harmless, this is fiction, people don't need to or necessarily want to analyze every piece of literature. Of course the problem always lies in the moment said people begin judging, harassing, dismissing anyone of different opinion. Which is a common enough scenario in and out of the internet.

For some, it's born out of self defense, for others they simply don't understand what impact their words have, and for a few - though they are the loudest few - they are purely being malicious. They want to hurt your feelings, they want you to suffer, and they're a cowardly lot. Go ahead, remove your anons, you'll see a decrease in about 90% of hate.

But I digress, I'm not here to talk about those malicious few, because I don't believe they're worth talking about. This is about the rest of us, who undoubtedly come to fandom to connect. But when our connections aren't met, we get a little hasty, defensive, narrow minded.

The reality is that most of fandom is harmless, they don't ship out of malice, don't headcanon to invalidate your headcanons. What fandom does is latch on to things they love, and goes with it. The unfortunate bit if, that is, you're like me, you don't connect with 99% of fandom. There sure are thoughts/headcanons going around, but they don't vibe with your interpretation or when they do, not so well.

And when it doesn't vibe well, you feel more alone than you previously did. Like, somehow your interpretation is wrong. Like you are wrong. And I rather think, it's your duty to yourself to enrich yourself in your view of this character. Talk about what you love, remember what it is to connect with yourself and love that for what it is, outside of fandom and the perceptions of others in your real life.

I can't speak for everyone, but when I'm connecting with a character, in reality it is myself attempting to connect more clearly with who I am as a person. If you are like me, and I think many in fandom also feel this way, remember to love yourself and let others love themselves as well. Other people's headcanons aren't your hills to die on. They're not a battle, and they won't be won because they're not meant to be won.

Share your point of view and keep an open mind.

[millenniumblog]

[ID: A chart describing the core values of each of the nine Enneagram personality types with YuGiOh characters correlated to each of the types.]

YuGiOh Enneagram Analysis, Part #1

Please note that this is the “boring” informational post about Enneagram with the Types listed and explained as well as a few other things. The next post is what has the actual, in-depth character profiles promised!

Introduction & Motivation

Over the past several months, I have been trying to analyze my strengths and weaknesses as a writer and learn more. I have been writing fanfiction since I was a little kid, making my first FF.net account in 2003 when I would have been twelve years old. Even before that, I was a lurker and wrote fics to share with my childhood best friend on paper or floppy discs.

YuGiOh came into my life at some point shortly thereafter. I know this, because I spent my thirteenth birthday in a comic book shop, mostly watching some of my male friends play the trading card game. I had some of the cards, but I was never much of a player, unable to keep up with the seemingly rapid rule changes. Besides that, I was always way more interested in the story and characters than I was in the card game. I remember I even wanted to call “YuGiOh cards” “Duel Monsters” instead to make it seem a little closer to tween-y LARPing.

Eventually, I gave up on collecting cards or trying to ply the game. I felt that while my male friends didn’t mind me being around when they played, they weren’t extremely interested in helping me learn or keep up. I felt I had other strengths, so I started carrying around a notebook even more than I already did. I started my fledgling forays into online fandom. And YuGiOh was a big part of the beginning of that.

I can’t remember posting any YuGiOh fic in particular, and I’m sure that if I had it would make me cringe now. What I do remember is reading some and also spending a lot of time lying on my bed, headphones plugged into a small purple stereo, listening to the first of the two American-released CDs with YuGiOh-inspired music on them. In particular, the last three tracks were pieces of music from the original score composed for the 4Kids dub, which is - for some reason - different from the original Japanese music.

During that time, I would fantasize and conjure my own YuGiOh plots in my head, most of which were focused on the Ancient Egyptian and more spooky, spiritual, and horror themes in the show. I was really fascinated with the reincarnation angle, though my understanding of and opinions on how that works have grown with time.

Years went by, and I didn’t think about YuGiOh much at all. Then, something happened in 2018. I don’t know what got in my head, but it was like all the joy I once found in thinking about the YuGiOh characters came back in a giddy conversation with my childhood best friend. Then, for a little while, it wouldn’t leave me alone.

I started writing for the fandom then, and after several detours, I’m trying to get back in the groove of it.

My approach to the tone of YuGiOh-fanning is that it’s a bit serious, but it’s also with a tongue placed in my cheek because of how incomprehensible or silly the plot can be on a meta level. Sometimes, it almost brings tears to my eyes by being so over-the-top about something that, in the real world, would make no sense at all. But the drama, in the context of the universe, somehow rings true.

I think that’s all owing to how most of the primary characters are just... really freaking great characters.

It has often puzzled me. Like, did Takahashi do all this layering on purpose? Is it really there, or did earnest fanon just make it seem like it? And, as a person, I am always here for a good fan-and-canon symbiosis.

This post is going to be, from here on, an effort to match the YuGiOh characters to the 9 Enneagram Personality Types. I am writing this for my own benefit as I continue to work on my pet YuGiOh fanfiction project, It’s Always Sunny in Domino City, which is a mixture of YGOTAS-vibes-and-concepts taken seriously and a sincere take on fanfiction for the actual canon. It’s dramedy about a sizeable chunk of the main cast a few years post-canon with some canon divergence such as the Memory World arc not yet and possibly never-happening. If that sounds like something you’d like, I would humbly request you check it out!

Either way, this will be an in-depth character analysis cheatsheet for all of the characters above, based on my observations, opinions, and feelings. I invite discussion, but it’s fine if we need to agree to totally disagree!

If you are interested and enjoy what’s below the Read More and in the coming second post, then you are welcome to utilize the character analyses to aid you in your own fanwork!

Enneagram

What is Enneagram, and why am I using it?

Enneagram is a personality categorization system that one might compare to the somewhat better-known MBTI. However, in the words of excellent writing-advice YouTuber, Abbie Emmons:

MBTI shows us how we behave.

Enneagram shows us what we believe.

I will be referencing Abbie’s video Using The ENNEAGRAM To Write CONFLICTED CHARACTERS and her free Enneagram-cheatsheet, available in the description of the linked video. Whether it’s before you continue reading or after, if you’re interested in writing, I would highly recommend you check out her channel!

The Enneagram system has nine basic personality types that overlap and interact in really interesting ways. It is not a hard science, and it’s not a horoscope. Instead, it’s supposed to be “based on conventional wisdom and modern psychology.” All I can say is that with every set of characters I’ve tried it with, it works! Once you get the hang of it, it feels kind of like ~✰~magic~✰~!

Below, I will list Abbie’s simplified definitions of each of the personality types, in order:

Type 1: The Reformer

The Rational, Idealistic Type:

Principled, Purposeful, Self-Controlled, and Perfectionistic

Basic Fear: Of being corrupt/evil, defective

Basic Desire: To be good, to have integrity, to be balanced

Key Motivations: Want to be right, to strive higher and improve everything, to be consistent with their ideals, to justify themselves, to be beyond criticism so as not to be condemned by anyone.

Type 2: The Helper

The Caring, Interpersonal Type:

Generous, Demonstrative, People-Pleasing, and Possessive

Basic Fear: Of being unwanted, unworthy of being loved

Basic Desire: To feel loved

Key Motivations: Want to be loved, to express their feelings for others, to be needed and appreciated, to get others to respond to them, to vindicate their claims about themselves.

Type 3: The Achiever

The Success-Oriented, Pragmatic Type:

Adaptable, Excelling, Driven, and Image-Conscious

Basic Fear: Of being worthless

Basic Desire: To feel valuable and worthwhile

Key Motivations: Want to be affirmed, to distinguish themselves from others, to have attention, to be admired, and to impress others.

Type 4: The Individualist

The Sensitive, Introspective Type:

Expressive, Dramatic, Self-Absorbed, and Temperamental

Basic Fear: That they have no identity or personal significance

Basic Desire: To find themselves and their significance (to create an identity)

Key Motivations: Want to express themselves and their individuality, to create and surround themselves with beauty, to maintain certain moods and feelings, to withdraw to protect their self-image, to take care of emotional needs before attending to anything else, to attract a "rescuer."

Type 5: The Investigator

The Intense, Cerebral Type:

Perceptive, Innovative, Secretive, and Isolated

Basic Fear: Being useless, helpless, or incapable

Basic Desire: To be capable and competent

Key Motivations: Want to possess knowledge, to understand the environment, to have everything figured out as a way of defending the self from threats from the environment.

Type 6: The Loyalist

The Committed, Security-Oriented Type:

Engaging, Responsible, Anxious, and Suspicious

Basic Fear: Of being without support and guidance

Basic Desire: To have security and support

Key Motivations: Want to have security, to feel supported by others, to have certitude and reassurance, to test the attitudes of others toward them, to fight against anxiety and insecurity.

Type 7: The Enthusiast

The Busy, Variety-Seeking Type:

Spontaneous, Versatile, Acquisitive, and Scattered

Basic Fear: Of being deprived and in pain

Basic Desire: To be satisfied and content—to have their needs fulfilled

Key Motivations: Want to maintain their freedom and happiness, to avoid missing out on worthwhile experiences, to keep themselves excited and occupied, to avoid and discharge pain.

Type 8: The Challenger

The Powerful, Dominating Type:

Self-Confident, Decisive, Willful, and Confrontational

Basic Fear: Of being harmed or controlled by others

Basic Desire: To protect themselves (to be in control of their own life and destiny)

Key Motivations: Want to be self-reliant, to prove their strength and resist weakness, to be important in their world, to dominate the environment, and to stay in control of their situation.

Type 9: The Peacemaker

The Easygoing, Self-Effacing Type:

Receptive, Reassuring, Agreeable, and Complacent

Basic Fear: Of loss and separation

Basic Desire: To have inner stability, "peace of mind"

Key Motivations: Want to create harmony in their environment, to avoid conflicts and tension, to preserve things as they are, to resist whatever would upset or disturb them.

Now that you’ve seen all those, what do you think your favorite character is? In YuGiOh or anything else! It works great for original characters and even yourself and your loved ones.

The actual Character Profiles will be in coming post(s), but continue reading if you want me to explain more about how and why the Enneagram is a great personality typing system. #nonspon, or whatever.

The Enneagram Chart

Now, you could just go to the Enneagram Institute’s page on How the System Works, but below I’ll cut it down to only the parts I’m interested in and explain those in a way that helps me.

Unlike in astrology or MBTI, which are both more restrictive in different ways, the relative position of each type matters a bit on the Enneagram chart, because it can be used to visualize a lot of things about a person!

The Basic Chart

The Types are shown in a clockwise fashion with “1″ in the 1 o’clock position on an analog clock. The interior lines mean things, but I have trouble reading it without further delineation.

Centers of Response

Below are two small charts, displayed side-by-side. (If it’s too small, try right-click, open in new tab!)

The chart on the left shows the three “centers.” The “centers” indicate the first ‘processing language’ a person would use to respond to stimuli.

Type 8, Type 9, and Type 1 respond first based on instinct (primal, gut-feeling). If you want to go Freudian, this is from the id.

Type 2, Type 3, and Type 4 respond first based on feelings (social or personal desires, the heart). If you want to go Freudian, this is from the ego.

Type 5, Type 6, and Type 7 respond first based on thoughts (analytical rather than emotional, the head). If you want to go Freudian, this is from the superego.

Remember that, of course, every single type and person engages their instincts, their emotions, and their thoughts at different times and to different degrees, and some of these are learned or changed behaviors. This is about what their innate drive toward that would be.

Likewise, the same “centers��� can also be used for the chart on the right. You will notice that all three of these are defined by what is typically considered a negative emotion. This is because this is about a person’s instinctive, not particularly conscious emotional response when they are backed into a corner and deprived of something that is core to the needs of their personality type.

Type 8, Type 9, and Type 1 tend to respond to a threat to their psychic well-being with anger/rage.

Type 2, Type 3, and Type 4 tend to respond to a threat to their psychic well-being with shame.

Type 5, Type 6, and Type 7 tend to respond to a threat to their psychic well-being with fear.

Stress vs. Growth

We all know that there are times when a person isn’t acting like themselves, for better or for worse. Usually, “You’re not acting like yourself,” means that a person is behaving badly. Of course, it’s way easier to withdraw and bristle and defend rather than growing in the midst of adversity. However, it is certainly possible to experience character growth in response to experiences, good and bad. Unlike a lot of other personality typing schemes, the Enneagram has a way to display and predict what stress and growth do to a person.

The Enneagram never suggests that any Type is an island unto itself. Every person contains multitudes, but a person’s Type is likely to remain relatively stable throughout their lives, once they have had a chance to develop any personality at all. This means that when a person is stressed or growing that they do not become the type they emulate. Rather, they are more highly expressing that aspects of their personality that reflect those drives and desires but in a way that is either fraught, sickly, or unwell (in the case of stress), or aspirational, flying-high, and incorporating the hard-lessons into who a person is going to be going forward (in the case of growth). The latter, especially, isn’t a sustainable mode, while a stressed person can become more entrenched in their bad habits and defensive coping mechanisms.

Stress

Note the white, directional arrows. Each number has an arrow point pointing to it and an arrow leading away from it. The point indicates that this is the stress manifestation for the Type at the origin of that arrow. The origin of each arrow indicates the Type being described.

Confused? Let me finally give you a YuGiOh example.

When I was trying to identify the Types of the characters, defining Marik was difficult, because he has a “Yami,” or Dark Side, which has its own personality and will but which is not its own separate soul or person than Marik himself. Rather, it’s a kind of fantasy/magic-assisted personality splintering where Yami Marik is a full manifestation of the negative traits Marik needed to embody to survive.

So, for reference:

When stressed, Type 1 behaves more like Type 4. 

When stressed, Type 2 behaves more like Type 8.

When stressed, Type 3 behaves more like Type 9.

When stressed, Type 4 behaves more like Type 2.

When stressed, Type 5 behaves more like Type 7.

When stressed, Type 6 behaves more like Type 3.

When stressed, Type 7 behaves more like Type 1.

When stressed, Type 8 behaves more like Type 5.

When stressed, Type 9 behaves more like Type 6.

Alternatively, you can use these sequences to follow the stress lines:

1-4-2-8-5-7-1

9-6-3-9

Growth

Think of the above-explanation in reverse.

The sequence:

1-7-5-8-2-4-1

9-3-6-9

As a Type 1 grows, they incorporate more positive traits of Type 7.

As a Type 2 grows, they incorporate more positive traits of Type 4.

As a Type 3 grows, they incorporate more positive traits of Type 6.

As a Type 4 grows, they incorporate more positive traits of Type 1.

As a Type 5 grows, they incorporate more positive traits of Type 8.

As a Type 6 grows, they incorporate more positive traits of Type 9.

As a Type 7 grows, they incorporate more positive traits of Type 5.

As a Type 8 grows, they incorporate more positive traits of Type 2.

As a Type 9 grows, they incorporate more positive traits of Type 3.

Wings

The final thing to know about the Enneagram chart for my purposes is about wings. The wing of your personality traits accounts for the complementary and contradictory aspects of your personality. They are the inconsistencies that make you human, predicted and jumped in. Typically, a person is not thought to have both possible wings but one or the other. A wing is one of the two adjacent Types to yours, the number before, or the number after, and it is annotated, for example:

Type 1, Wing 2: 1w2

Type 1, Wing 9: 1w9

Link to Part 2 Here!

[amphii-writes]

Hi! I would like to request an angst fic where the reader gets into a fight with any of the karasuno boys and ends up in an accident after running away. You can choose anyone who you like! Thanks

So, because of how much creative liberty you gave me I’m gonna make the accident less of a “your hurt” accident but an accidental meeting if you catch my drift! Okay, on that note here are the three boys I thought would work the best with this idea:

Asahi

Tsukishima

Ennoshita

surprising, right? people seem to forget that Asahi quit the club and ennoshita almost quit like 5 times, and Tsukishima is self-explanatory.

Part two -->here<--

Thank you so much for requesting! It means a lot to me!

synopsis: Tsukishima snapped at you after you asked him to support your friendship, doing so, you ran away and met a tall man with red hair and a strange smile. genre: ANGST, slight fluff in the memories and end! warnings: Swearing, toxic friendships, heartbreak, etc. pairing: Platonic?Tsukishima & Yamaguchi x F!Reader x Platonic?Tendou word count: 1.7k

After a long day of doing club activities and homework, you were thoroughly beat. Who could blame you, staying up late nights for some free time and to get your homework done. But you always made sure to check in on your closest friends: Yamaguchi and Tsukishima.

You three had met at the beginning of middle school, as you were getting made fun of by some kids and Tsukishima stepped in and helped you. Since then you’d always wanted to repay him with your time and effort in the friendship. He was often cold to you though, leaving you to believe that nothing would ever happen in the friendship and that he’d leave you high and dry.

You and Yamaguchi often discussed Tsukishima’s personality and actions to try to attest to his actions, which at some points was hard due to his slightly sadistic nature. After long nights of ranting to each other about your frustrations, you two became closer.

Long sleepless nights filled with laughter and music often warmed your heart, especially when Tsukishima joined. He had made both you and Yamaguchi playlists- full of songs that reminded him of you guys and a small description in the bio. It was the sweetest thing he’d ever done for a long time, but then he started getting colder to you, distant. He would push you away and use words sharper than knives to cut open your heart and let it bleed a little. You had asked Yamaguchi to talk to him about it but he just said that Tsuki told him not to bring you up anymore. 

You had no idea what to do, why he exiled you, and why you never saw this coming in all honesty. You wondered if he saw you checking up on him as clingy, or how you’d make treats for him and Yamaguchi and see it as annoying or too doting. You thought of everything you could until you decided to talk with him face-to-face, which you knew would be hard, but you knew you had to try.

Armed with some baked goods and a dinosaur plushie in your already weighted backpack make your eyes droop with exhaustion. But, you were determined to go and ask him what was up. You couldn’t let such a meaningful relationship go to waste.

As you approached the gym, the sound of volleyballs bouncing around the floor filled your ears, a faint yet somewhat comforting sound. You were proud of Tadashi and Kei for doing a sport, you knew it would exhaust them, but you believed it was exactly what they needed. the feeling of light dread and the beating of your heartbeat the sound of the slams of the balls, now a faint memory in your ears.

“NOYA, LOOK OVER HERE!” you heard a male voice yell, it was coming closer to the door. “RYUU, WHAT DO YOU MEAN- OH!” a short guy with a blonde streak of hair made eye contact with you, his eyes full of energy. He ran to the door and opened it completely for you. by this time, the whole gym is now aware of your existence.

“So, what’s a cute girl doing here? Waiting for someone-” The boy named “Noya” was then promptly picked up along with his friend, “Ryuu” by a tall boy with brown hair and kind chestnut eyes. “My apologies, what do you need?” he asked with a smile. You then saw a boy with orange hair jumping up and down.

“Kageyama, look how pretty she is! Is she gonna be a manager? Hey! Are you gonna be a manager? Your very pretty!” his sweet attitude and words reminded you of what you were there for, who you were there for. You chuckled, rubbing your hand on the back of your neck.

“Thank you for your compliments but I’m just here to walk home with my friends after they’re both done with practice, I don’t mean to be a bother. To apologize, would you like some brownies? I think I brought enough for everyone here-” you were cut off by the two boys who first greeted you praying and crying out of joy. 

“Well, if you don’t mind then we’d love some! I’m Daichi Sawamura, the captain of the volleyball team” He shook your hand, his grip was just tight enough and his hands where calloused and warm, you were then met with a boy with long hair and some stubble hunching over, his hand rubbing his neck as he flashed a shy smile and bowed and thanked you. You saw so many different looking people, the skinhead and blonde streak boy seeming to be the most energetic out of the team. You finally were met with Yamaguchi jogging over to you after seemingly talking to Tsukishima. 

“Hey, Y/N! Thank you for coming, I appreciate it!” Tadashi smiled brightly. “Oh yeah- I, um... this is me and Tsuki’s friend: Y/N!” he stumbled on his words because of how many eyes were onto him.

“Y/N? Why are you here?” Tsukishima sounded frustrated “Tsuki, let her explain! Please?” only to be answered with a “Shut up, Yamaguchi.” in an icy cold tone, icier than usual. “Well, I just wanted to see if you were okay, and in all honesty, I wanted to talk to you privately-” you said, trying to calm the thumping of your heart.

“Y/N, if I was avoiding you, it was for a reason, now leave.” He snapped, the whole gym was quiet, no sound of balls, just everyone holding their breath. “Tsukishima, please hear me out-” you were once again cut off by the harsh words of one of your closest friends.

“Y/N. I don’t care about what you want to say to me, shut up and leave.” his words made you hold your breath, choking back the salty tears with a warm smile and a bow and you reached into your bag to grab a small dinosaur plushie. You handed it to him without a word, left the bag of sweets with the boys, said goodbye, and then ran out the door. you heard the faint yell of Yamaguchi and Daichi saying something. 

You could only imagine how awkward the team felt, you felt bad for coming, felt horrible for bothering him so much. You knew deep down that you did nothing wrong, that he just had to learn how to cope with his emotions, but that didn’t change the ache in your heart as your feet carried you to the street. You were aimlessly running until you were met with a stop sign, the red lights from the stoplights illuminating your skin with the bright blue.

You just aimlessly walked around the streets, not caring where you’re heading, where you are. Your tear-stained cheeks being wiped away by your sweater sleeves. The moving of cars and the small amount of business on the streets welcoming your bad mood. A tune of humming met your ears as you looked around yourself. You had somehow managed to run yourself to Shiratorizawa Academy. Honestly, now that you think about it, your feet do feel sore after walking for so long.

"Hey! Whatchu doin' here? That uniform means your from Karasuno, right?" only to be met with a perky male voice, he sounded mischievous. you turned around to see a tall boy with sanpaku eyes and a mischievous smile. His hair was a medium red and his eyes were sunken in, but not dull. But as soon as he saw your tired eyes and your tear-stained cheeks his demeanor changed. “Hey, are you okay? Can I do anything to help?” by this time you had already cried all your tears, so you just simply asked him to listen, and listen he did.

He never interjected, but he was paying attention, nodding with you while walking into Shiratorizawa. You two were met by three boys, one with black hair and a bowl-cut, one with peach hair and slanted bangs that you giggled at, and a very tall man with broad shoulders and olive hair. Tendou had asked you if he could explain what happened and the team let you in with open arms.

“So, I know what I’m about to say doesn’t justify his actions at all! I’m not that stupid!” you giggled at his lightheartedness “But, ya know how parents often tell girls ‘If he hits ya, he likes ya?’ yeah, that’s the vibe I’m getting off of Mr. Four-eyes here.” he sighed “Still doesn’t mean much when he treats ya like garbage- I’m so sorry by the way- oh wait! I haven’t even introduced myself; I’m Tendou Satori! I’m a middle blocker for Shiratorizawa’s volleyball team. I guess not all volleyball boys are bad, huh?” he stuck his tongue out at you playfully and smiled.

He was so nice to you, hell, the whole team was so nice to you! but little did you know that your phone was blowing up with messages from Yamaguchi. He wasn’t going to forgive Tsukishima that easily after what he had done.

And Tendou said that if they ever played Karasuno, he wouldn’t go hard on him, but he knew he was lying, just a little bit. Hey, it isn’t cool to leave a girl crying in the middle of the street ya know?

Thank you so much for reading and requesting again, it means so much to me!

this is also my first fic that i wrote for someone who isn’t a close friend, so thank you so much!

-Amphii

[rawliverandcigarettes]

Hi ! How do you envision Aria in Halfway Home ? I do believe you have mentioned she would be involved.

Hello, and thank you for the kind ask, it is absolutely helpful ;_;

So Aria. Aria's a complicated beast. I have a lot of thoughts about her. I kind of always enjoyed her potential more than her execution, as I've been known to have a soft spot for, what I call, Girlbosses Fucking Up. As in: women driven by scary, unhinged ambition that ends up destroying everything including themselves, and Aria could have fitted that description pretty well, or at least its first part (if there had been a proper attempt at character examination and development past her getting suddenly horny for Shepard and fawning over how much cooler and Dangerous than her they actually are or something idk).

So first, about my thoughts on Aria T'loak in canon:

I think Aria embodies a lot of Mass Effect's guilty-pleasure relationship to edge, and I completely believe she's been written first and foremost to be 1) cool, and 2) a sexual fantasy. The problem with that posture is that... basically any serious attempt at unpacking her politics risk ruining her pseudo-dominatrix vibes. So as a result, we get the most unquestioned, unashamed libertarian figure of the games, blaring that she's justified in her power position because she's the strongest, that because she's the strongest she's justified in commiting any kind of violence to hoard what she considers to be hers, and the fact she's basically an absolute despot is seen as something to be admired and even envied (no red tapes, no Council, nobody to answer to but herself and her whims).

To be noted: she's criticized in the vaguest way possible in the Omega DLC, but it has way more to do with the interpersonal, Nyreen and then a dominance struggle with Shepard, than with any of her concrete politics (and the dominance struggle is very... it's very much about "conquering" her and shoving yet another power fantasy down Shepard's throat --either by taming her fire or sharing it, and being called The Most Special Of All And I Never Met Anyone Like You Wooow You're Making Me So Hot And Bothered, and I'd argue it's still more about stroking the player's, hm, ego than about Aria herself). The "nooo don't kill civilians because surely there are any trace of civilians that aren't slavers, gang members or mercenaries left after like, two coups and a half" has nothing to say about the value of the life of said "civilians" despite their darkness, nothing to say about Aria's right to wage life and death over them. Even Nyreen's criticisms of Aria are... very un-Omegan. They still wager on Omega civilians being poor, unprepared babies, and to me it just doesn't ring true or meaningful in the slightest. But I made no effort ever hiding how much I don't vibe with this DLC, and its refusal to engage with Omega's themes to preserve Aria's sex appeal is one of the biggest culprits to me.

I also whinge about Aria in my critic of Mass Effect: Retribution, where I discover that she is actually quite dumb, and solves her problems with temper tantrums and half-assed decisions the narrative desesperatly tries to justify instead of being the savvy figure Mass Effect 2 tries to sell us (also her daughter is treated like a sexpot who immediately dies an awful, voyeuristic death and I doooon't love that choice, even if it's, once again, very telling on the kind of character Aria's supposed to be).

So now, I will stop whingeing about canon and talk about how I tried to reinterpret Aria T'loak in Halfway Home.

So Aria in HH is... kind of an awful, complicated person. I completely leaned in that Girlboss Fucking Up direction because nobody can stop me to explore some of the absurd tragedy behind her struggle for power. She is libertarian to a fault, at once believing in the importance of daring to bite what you can off a seemingly unchangeable and incredibly cruel social system, while failing to acknowledge that she's a central actor of said system, maintaining its alchemy with an iron fist with little concern for those who have to pay the price. While not nearly as conservative as them (socially, economically she's almost worse), I took inspiration from figures like Ayn Rand and Margaret Thatcher to flesh her out, especially in the way she turns against her own kind to keep her head out of the water (I mean at once asaris and sex workers, as I kept her backstory infiltrating Omega's ecosystem as an Afterlife dancer first). But by having this background, to garner respect, she has to be ruthless and consistently brilliant so she doesn't slip, because if she does... Well the fall will be rather brutal. She's acutely aware of the necessity of maintaining her prestige and her innaccessibility, while keeping herself desirable (as a potential ally and as an asari), because everyone wants to either kill her, be her or have her, and this is at once the basis of her power and an incredibly lonely and vulnerable position to have to voluntarily maintain yourself in.

Aria in Halfway Home does fucked up shit, or willingly allows or facilitates fucked up shit to maintain herself afloat (especially in her power plays with the Council, batarians and Cerberus). But she's been doing this dangerous dance for centuries, and she's starting to feel alienated from herself, from anticipating and catering to all sides at once. She also tends to keep opportunities open and let people live if they can be useful (à la Patriarch) rather than kill them, even if she cultivates her vicious reputation to prevent coups against her --basically keeping escape routes open as much as she can. As far as attitude goes, she follows more of her sarcastic/jaded side that is sometimes apparent in canon, and it's becoming clear how tired she is, how every single one of her desires have melted into what she needs to do to stay in power. She's the Pirate Queen, and in more ways than one the world is at her feet, yet everything she does is calculated to keep herself alive, at all time. And she can't stop now, because she's addicted to Omega and what it did to her, and if she stops she will be torn apart by everyone pretending to be on her side. In a way she's a prisonner of her own power, while also maintaining everyone else in the cell with her by force and pretending that... there is no alternative, if you can forgive my wording.

So yeah. Sarcastic, tired, brilliant, cynical. That's my Aria. She's the absolute worst, and yet she's a little tragic too. But by the end of the story, Shlee doesn't care about that part at all and will not shut the fuck up about how she should be deposed and is, in fact, the absolute worst, which, yeah, great thing to scream around Shlee, very smart.

[kayfarafey]

Love your posts and vibes and everything about this blog. Like seeing some of your posts sometimes makes my currently stressful life so much better. I even read and enjoy your baroryuu thoughts even if I don't really like that ship. Try to sell baroryuu to someone who doesn't really get what's so good about the ship. Have a nice day :)

anon 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 im so glad someone can withstand my rancid, rancid vibes

also listen... i am not going to force anyone to like the ship of all time (/j) but honestly i love it for all the same reasons i like wrightworth? i like the prosecutor/defense dynamic, i like the Working Together To Find The Truth, i like the banter, i think they're both hot and they should kiss,

and i am Not Going To Lie and this might be scandalous but if i could choose between friends to lovers and enemies to lovers i would choose the latter every time. w/ wrightworth it's about the blind devotion more than the history* so i dont mind it but with baroryuu there's a distinct level of Choosing the other person because that's what feels right--no precedent, just a gut feeling. like, dedicating yourself to them even though the only aspect of them you've ever known is what they are now, believing in them because you do instead of because you already know they have the capacity to be better. an inexplicable draw to someone that maybe you shouldn't be drawn to is very romantic to me. i love a relationship thats cute and a little bit unhealthy too! there's a martyr complex/savior complex thing going on for sure and a little bit of hero worship at the end of dgs2 on bvz's side imho and well i just think that is fun. also, not to be a tumblr gay, but the YEARNING........... oh boy. anyway if you have read my brry navel-gazing posts you might already have a good handle on my thoughts, so if it's not your cup of tea you are 100% justified. it is a controversial ship! that's literally the reason why it's in my bio because i don't want to have someone who follows me get a nasty shock :/ i understand the drawbacks have a lot of weight in this one

honestly tho my friend if i can curate some content for you to make you smile please let me know!! i will write you a little drabble or smth because you made ME smile and i want to return the favor

[obeymehasinfluncedmythoughts]

Brothers with Mc Who Has PGAD (Pt 1 of ?)

This is going to be different then my other headcanons. I tried doing them like usual, but it didn't sit well with me. This is only like the first two chapters?? Idk how to explain it. It's hard to show the issues with PGAD in a relationship without just rehashing my chronic pain ask. I might be a bit rusty because I'm playing off and on right now, so please forgive if anyone is OOC.

Also, I want to state that this is NOT a representation of everyone who has PGAD. I couldn't possibly fit all the symptoms, feelings, and causes in here without contradicting myself. There are many causes in the female sex though (Deposits built on the clitoris, slipped disc, hormonal imbalances, pregnancy, misfiring signals from the brain/nerve, ext). I have a fucked up nerve somewhere along the line. I'm a rare case of a rare disorder where I was born with it and haven't experienced a day without PGAD. These are only how I expect someone with my exact symptoms would react, and how the brothers would react to that. Also! If you have PGAD, and don't know ways to help out, I'll give you some tips. Just hmu baby 💞.

Warning! Sensitive Content!

Coming to the Devildom is just as you'd expect it to be, it's literal hell.

You're stressed, like, majorly so. You don't have your medications on you, you've been seperated from your phone, and these demons are telling you you'll have to stay in their realm for a year, doctor's visits be damned.

The emotional connection between your pain and your reactions is rising by the second. It's clear on your face, and most probably by the way you dig your nails into the palms of your hands, attempting to draw your attention away from the growing burning sensation.

You don't feel comfortable being set up in a strange house with seven strange demons. They're rowdy and rude and it just sets you on edge to the point that you're very near jumping everytime one of them speaks to you.

They don't speak to you often, thankfully. If you refuse to engage with them, they're fine with keeping their distance. Sometimes you'll hear something from Mammon, your appointed guide, and the blonde seems to enjoy commenting on what books you're reading, but that's about it.

But then you're expected to go to school, five days a week, whilst fulfilling a stupid task list everyday, and all that pressure really weighs on you before it's even begun.

You can't sit down for eight hours, let alone sit on a hard surface in such a toxic that is highschool without being put out of commission for a few days. This will really mess with their whole plan, and you doubt you'll get cut any slack if you don't actually let at least one of the council members in on your condition.

It shouldn't have to be that way. You shouldn't have to justify your state of wellbeing to people you've barely known for two days, but the only way out of here is by playing the game, so you target the eldest brother.

You explain to Lucifer your condition. It's very professional, straight-forward, and he doesn't ask many questions besides the obvious.

The two of you eventually come to a pretty decent arrangement. On the days when you're in too much pain to handle things, you can stay home, and do whatever you can to catch up. It's not exactly the best option, considering you have different teachers online and in person, but it works for the most part.

He does require you to do some studying with the third eldest though. Leviathan, you learn, is a shut-in. Most his schooling is online, and since you're situation tends to make you miss many days of school, Lucifer wants him to help you out.

The two of you don't exactly get along at first. Leviathan is the type to work alone, and he's not the best at explaining. So during the first two days, you kinda flounder from paper to paper, task to task. It's just more stress on your plate. You snap at him when he gets impatient with you, and he'll return the gesture with some mumbled insults.

Eventually the two of you get to a state where you can at least work together without arguing over something small, but he's still a little annoying to you.

Satan kinda steps up here too. He knows Levi isn't really the best at explaining things that aren't dipped in a convoluted storyline, so he tries to help out when he sees you in the library, often searching for information for your assignments.

And Satan is incredibly patient. Even without knowing of your condition, and that's kinda the support you need. Learning with PGAD is hard, because any sort of frustration just puts you in pain. He doesn't get offended if you snap, or if you're a bit stubborn because of this. Something about him recognizes that desperation in your eyes; the want to do things, but he just knows there's something holding you back. He's not sure what, and he doesn't ask out of respect for whatever you must be dealing with (Which is such a breath of fresh air).

Mammon, on the other hand, isn't as graceful in his approach. He doesn't really pick up on your vibes and that proves to be a bit unfortunate when you're having a hard time translating your feelings.

He takes most things you say a little too personal, despite also having a tendency to blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.

You two get on each other's nerves pretty equally. The stress that results makes being in his presence a bit difficult.

But no one makes your life worse then Asmodeus.

Sure, he's sweet. He probably picks up on the fact that you take baths as often as he does and gives you some fancy soaps/stuffs, but he's a little too touchy.

And a bit too sexual.

You try to distance yourself from him, and it has mixed results depending on how persistent Asmodeus is feeling that day.

The only one who you don't interact with much is Beel, and that's kind of a blessing in disguise. You're hardly a few days into your residency in the Devildom and you're already struggling to keep up with school and the brothers (as well as the voice coming from the attic...but you try to push that and Lucifer's threats to the back of your mind.)

Things only get worse when you make your pact with Mammon. In fact, the only good thing that really comes out of it is that you are able to help out Leviathan. Everything else feels like a shitstorm.

There was the expected teasing. The "Mammon was dumb enough to get played by a human" bit that really got old after the first time and a few offers to make some more pacts from lesser demons at school (which you always turned down). All the attention made your day stressful as fuck. You could hardly think without feeling strongly in some sort of way, and having a stabbing pain zeroing in on your pelvis.

And to your suprise, he can totally feel it.

(Personally I like to believe pacts go a bit deeper then the 'oh I can make you do things'. I feel it should be considered more, given how much power is given to them, and how often it's stated that the guys don't just give them out. If they were just about control, I have no doubt Mammon would have probably used it in a moment of desperation. In fact, it's kinda out of character that he hasn't at least made the mistake ONCE, so I headcanons there is a emotional/physical bond that comes with it.)

It's not completely there. He doesn't get all the pain and strife you do, but there's enough for him to kinda put the pieces together. He's not delicate in approaching you about it, however he thankfully does pull you aside after dinner, saving you the embarrassment of talking about genitals at the dinner table.

You explain to him what exactly PGAD is. That your body is feeling a sexual desire, but you mind isn't. So, instead of being pleasurable, it's painful.

He's not exactly sure what you're saying, but he becomes a lot more protective over you from now on.

[bookwyrminspiration]

It's Nilnaea! Considering that elves physically cannot handle guilt, how did Sophie survive her first twelve years without shutting down? There's no way she could have avoided feeling guilty or remorseful over something when she was living with humans. Guilt is impossible to avoid--doubly so when she's clearly living with some pretty severe anxiety and depression. I can easily imagine her feeling guilty over causing her parents anxiety.

Not to mention, in the first book, she feels guilty over cheating on her alchemy exam without showing signs of psychic (I don't know how else to put it) strain. Do you think she could be immune to this because of her genetic engineering, or is it nature-versus-nurture? In the case of genetic engineering, the implications of the Black Swan having information that Vespera tortured humans to get is very interesting. (On that note, in Unlocked, there's a mention of Sophie wanting the Nightfall experiment information to go public. I really want that to happen!)

hello, Nilnaea! thanks for your patience as I work my way through my asks!! this is actually a question that's bugged me for a while, I've just never really talked about it, so it's nice to see someone else bringing it up! I thought it was just something no one else really cared about, as I have a tendency to focus on unimportant details.

like? humans are inevitably going to make mistakes and feel guilt over them, so it just doesn't make sense to me that Sophie could go her whole life without feeling guilty over something. Even just the idea of Elves being unable to handle guilt itself raises so many questions for me

thought: perhaps a lot of the poor behavior (judgement and scorn) exhibited by so many elves is a product of no guilt. in some situations, guilt is how you learn. intense emotional reactions and feeling remorseful for your actions can really make an impression on someone and alter their future behavior. some of the most important social lessons I learned (as someone who isn't good as socializing and frequently makes mistakes) have been through fucking up, sometimes awfully, and the resulting guilt is what prevented me from doing anything like that ever again. my inability to recognize how I affected others has severally hurt (emotionally) other people, which is why I'm so careful with what I say now. but if elves don't have that, if they're taught not to acknowledge how their action's affects make them feel, they never get that internal feedback or learning experience. so they just keep being shitty to each other eternally.

also, you're very right. she's clearly got something like anxiety/depression going on, or at the very least she's relatable to those of us who have those disorders. even just at the beginning of book one I think she felt guilty for all the stress and trouble she consistently brought to her parents as the gifted kid. she already knew how her mothers sentence would end (the "I just wish you were normal like your sister") so i'm assuming that's happened before. The guilt she'd feel just for existing differently and not understanding why (very appealing character for neurodivergent people) would be crippling. it can take so much work to look at yourself and just accept you're never going to fit in the way everyone else does, and that it's not a bad thing and you can live a perfectly fine life without fitting in like that. but especially at that age (for some reason middle school age--and specifically 7th grade) is absolute torture emotionally).

oh! i'd forgotten about the alchemy exam thing--the story has come a long way since then. I think a broken mind is both a combination of time and intensity of the guilt experienced, as Elwin said Alden's mind broke because it was so much guilt that he let fester for so long. So perhaps because she recognized the guilt and immediately rectified the situation, it wasn't there long enough for it to really impact her. But that does bring me back to the nd vibes she gives off in her childhood, as I think that's enough stress/guilt over a long enough period of time that she should've broken (shout out to anyone else whose mind would've broken as a child if they were an elf, cause I know I would've).

okay okay hang on, going back to what I was saying about guilt being a way to learn things, that could tie into your nature-vs-nurture suggestion. If sophie was raised human, she probably was taught how to manage and regulate her emotions in such a way that she could learn from her guilt and use it to better herself, because I don't believe for a second she was good in social situations and probably said some things she later felt guilty about. So perhaps her human upbringing protects her from the catastrophe that is elven guilt. But I could also see it being the genetic engineering, as she's shown to interact with emotions differently than anyone else when it comes to her inflicting. Perhaps her ability to inflict positive emotions proves that she doesn't interact with her feelings or process things in an elvin way, instead taking a human approach that protects her. Though we could also attribute that to nature vs nurture.

as for the human experiments, I think it would be super interesting to see what happens. I don't think that horrible history should be hidden or that elves should be allowed to continue to feel like they're superior, but just what would happen would be fascinating to read. it would rock the elvin world to the core, which is why Bronte said it shouldn't be released. But its also embarrasing to them, because they don't like experimenting on things. The whole thing with genetic purity and all that, so to know that it's such a huge part of their history and they actually weren't justified in cutting the humans off would be such a shift.

the classification of humans as no longer an intelligent species (which is a whole conversation on it's own) would be suddenly without reason, elves taking advantage of this power they granted themselves. i don't know if they could be reincorporated, but it would badly affect the elves. There's just so much to consider and i'm running low on time atm but this is an absolutely fascinating discussion so thank you so much for bringing it up

Nilnaea, you have some excellent observations!! thank you so much for sharing them with me!!