#you can improve by working hard
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writing would be so joyous without the plague of the Compare Self to Others debuff
#I think about how much better others are at writing than me and I take passive tick damage#I'm usually good at just writing without caring much#I enjoyed it in the first place because I could express myself freely#but every so often I get those nagging things in my brain#that tell me I'm not good or popular or talented enough#I hate it lol#I think it happens to everyone creative though#it's difficult not to feel inferior to others#creating can often feel like climbing a big pyramid#like there's people at the top and you're all the way down#but really. it's a landscape#with everyone on their own plot of land#you can improve by working hard#but you will always have something different to offer compared to everyone#and you will always grow differently#so it's useless to compare#sorry for my gibberish my brain is running on low connection
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Remember: The burning sensation is part of the process.
#Mouthwashing#blood#body horror#Emphasizing here that this is in reference to a media and character and not a cry for help on my end.#Mouthwashing is one of those games that tickles my brain and checks all the boxes for my niche interests -#-but it wasn't something that got the silly comic part in my cortex firing up. My analysis brain is eating well though!#What said...It is impossible for me to see this scene and not say out loud: “Me in the middle of my work day".#While there is a lot more going on with curly I personally resonated a lot with his struggles with burnout.#Burnout feels like mouthwash to me. That you keep rinsing out your mouth trying to get rid of the rotting smell#but it's just surface level solutions. The real cure requires something far more significant to actually make a difference.#The job 'is hard' and 'everyone struggles'. It's part of the process right? You're tired? Anxious? Depressed? Us too! Chin up!#Actually I resonated with a lot of things within Curly (this is a curly positive space - he's not perfect. He's just human).#One thing being his desire to see the good in people and believe in their potential.#Because here's the thing. Some people truly do just need someone in their corner who stands by them so they can grow and improve.#And some people will take advantage of your kindness. You focus so much on their humanity while you stop being a person to them.#The horrifically toxic relationship persists because Curly tries to see the bigger picture and believes in the good within.#Anyone who has lived through constantly trying to reframe the hurt as something else knows-#-just how many excuses your brain will make to avoid cognitive dissonance. It's human psychology.#Jimmy sucks so bad. But we the audience have the privilege of not having years of baggage associating him in our minds as 'friend'.
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#if being hard on yourself worked#it would have worked by now#be kind to yourself#be gentle with yourself#self improvement#self compassion#growth#self forgiveness#self compassion and accountability can and must coexist#self love#self respect#self care#you are not your past#you are not your mistakes#you are not a failure#you don't suck#mental health#burnout#compassion fatigue#activism fatigue#work culture#grind culture#hustle culture#laziness does not exist#stop the glorification of busy#perfectionism#doing your best#you are enough#you do enough#you have enough
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fr though you have to write bad poetry. poems are not handed down to you fully formed by god they are things that you have to work on and practice your skill at creating. nobody would expect you to sit down at a pottery wheel and end up with a perfect vase with no practice. it's a skill! art is a learned thing!! you have to make the shitty little pots with dents and marks and your fingerprints all over them in order to get better. and you're allowed to be proud of those first little pots you made too
#yeah maybe they leak or they don't look the prettiest but you literally made them...#people are so critical of their own + other people's amateur poetry in a way that they are not about so many other art forms#when someone starts crochet they are not expected to pop out perfect pieces immediately.#you don't start dance lessons and pull out a perfect pirouette. there's practice to be done and just because it's not physical#doesn't mean it's not a craft that has to be honed. you have to work at it.#and to work at it you have to be kind enough to yourself to let yourself be mediocre or outright bad. you Have to be#it's never a failure because anything you create is Something You Created and therefore a success#but y'know. the philosophy of you have to be prepared to fail. falling is part of getting back up all that#except that bad poetry will never hurt you it will ONLY ever help you improve <3 so keep writing it <3#you don't have to post it either the attention economy is so evil... keep it to yourself. and if sharing poetry is a thing you want to do#you can always wait until you feel confident in your work to do so. or show the people you love your bad poems.#cause people who love you will see your hard work and love it regardless. y'know?#not poetry
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You ever think about how in spite of knowing their exact locations, the game never gives any indication that templar Carver has reported his mage sibling, Merril (a blood mage) or Anders (an abomination) to his superiors?
I do think about that a lot, even though I tend to ignore the Templar Carver route because I know Warden Carver to be true in my heart and soul... but I totally get the appeal of Templar Carver within DA2's narrative, y'know?
It's so fascinating, really. I've never played a run with Templar Carver, I just can't bring myself to do it, so I know I'm missing out on smaller details of it. From what I do know, this drives me crazy in the best way possible.
Deciding whether to bring him or not to the Deep Roads is such an important choice, not only because it affects his fate, but how it affects his relationship to Hawke. He tells you that he wants to go, he makes it very clear that it's important to him that he goes, too... and Hawke can just leave him behind and it hurts him. I don't think that registers enough with some people just because of how Carver is, like it doesn't matter what Hawke's motivations are [staying behind for his safety, not wanting to bring him, thinking someone should stay with Leandra, etc] it still hurts him because it tells him that Hawke doesn't need him, and Carver wants to be needed.
And yes, there are other contributing factors to why he joins the templars, but it doesn't matter what your relationship is to him, it doesn't change the fact that he doesn't turn Hawke or his companions in.
Sure, the meta reason is it's a video game and you're playing the main character. You're never in any actual danger of being captured by templars, and you're not going to lose your companions to them that easy.
But if we look at it through the narrative and Carver's character, that's when it gets interesting. You can max out his rivalry and be an utter asshole to him [there's a point where you can call him a brat and mock him for being stuck in your shadow, like Hawke can be real cruel about it] but it doesn't matter, you're still his sibling. He even makes a remark about how you might not know what that means [referring to leaving him behind] but he does. He refuses to kill Hawke in the end when Meredith makes the order, too.
Which can I just point out that Hawke has the option to let Bethany die in the end if she's with the circle and they side with the templars? Just saying, Carver NEVER does that no matter what, but Hawke has the option to betray Bethany like that and it's fucked and interesting and it makes me want to eat my chair-
As for Merrill and Anders, I think he knows that if he turns either of them in, then the chances of Hawke being brought in as well skyrocket. They're all friends, they're in the same group... bring one in, and you'll probably get the other two.
I also think Carver just genuinely likes Merrill. Yes, I'm a Carver/Merrill shipper, so I have a bias, but even if you remove anything romantic from their dynamic I believe that's true. Of all the companions, Merrill is the only one who doesn't make fun of him, or find him annoying, in party banters. He never snaps back at her, like he's never defensive with her, he's just a little awkward and nice.
Like, HE'S SO NICE TO HER! He tries to find common ground with her! She asks him about "swording" and he's taken aback by her saying he's good at it, but you KNOW that if someone like Anders asked him the same question, he's be all, "shut up, you're stupid, stop talking to me >:["
Think back to that banter Carver can have with Aveline post-act 1 where they're talking about how the guard wasn't the right place for him [hard disagree with you there, Aveline] and Carver says he was a bit of a tit, wasn't he.... and every companion will agree except Merrill. She doesn't say anything, whereas other companions like Anders will be like "ugh maker YES" and if you have a purple Hawke, they'll go on to other ways Carver was a tit like?? I think Carver and Merrill got along and he doesn't want to turn her in because she was nice to him! And she's a blood mage! He knows what will happen to her if the templars get ahold of her! He doesn't want to see her made tranquil or killed!
At that point, he's witnessed what bad blood mages can do, assuming you've brought him along for those quests, but even so. He knows Merrill isn't like that and he likes her, so of course he's not going to turn her in despite that being his literal duty.
Then there's Anders who Carver doesn't like. If you're in a romance with him, Carver will tell him that's why he doesn't turn him in but c'mon Carver, you know that's not the only reason. My theory is Carver may not like Anders and he knows the man's got a spirit of justice inside of him... but Anders also runs a free clinic. If he's ever taken in by templars, then so many people [including a LOT of Fereldan refugees] will be without free health care and will suffer for it. I think in Carver's eyes, Anders might be irritating but he doesn't more good than harm. Carver knows first hand how shitty refugees and poorer people are treated in Kirkwall. Anders' clinic is the one place they can go for help and actually get it, and he's not going to be the one to take that away because the templars say "magic bad."
So yeah, I'm not as informed about the Templar Carver route, but I do think about how if I did do that route, he wouldn't betray Hawke or their companions no matter what and what that says about him.
#asks#dragon age 2#da2#carver hawke#da2 merrill#da2 anders#listen i love carver hawke okay he and bethany are my favorite companions in da2#i could talk endlessly about the twins and their roles in story and how unfair it is that only one of them can make it to kirkwall#meaning we hardly get to see them interact with each other before one dies and UGH#like i get it their stories rely heavily on them being the only mage or non-mage in the sibling trio so both of them living#would've meant writing two different origins stories for them with different attitudes affected by having another siblings that like them#but also i think if hawke's a rogue then leandra should've died and we could've worked it out okay#ANYWAY... templar carver amirite? i know i should go that route just to say i have and to see it for myself but hhhnnnggggg...#it physically pains me to think of not bringing him to the deep roads though it's so important to him and my hawke works so hard#to repair his relationship with his brother okay i max out carver's friendship every time and it's so worth it#you don't understand okay friendship carver is the best he's so goddamn sweet i can't handle it#it's actually so interesting how bethany and carver start out versus how they end because bethany starts out as the super sweet one#whereas carver's surly and bitter... but past act 1? it's like they flip?? at least on the warden paths like bethany is BRUTAL#she's so fucking bitter and rude and I love it?? like her relationship with hawke is in the trenches whereas carver's is vastly improved#again no matter your approval with him when you reunite in act 2 he will ALWAYS tell hawke that 'i'm sure you did your best'#referring to leandra's death but bethany's response will change depending on your approval with her#and if i remember right the rivalry response is OOF#carver and bethany turn me into a little giggling gremlin i love them so much
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graduation day 🌸
#persona 3#minato arisato#makoto yuki#lizzy does art#HELLO EVERYONE... i humbly offer a minato in these trying times... are you all prepared for the wave of march 5th art bc aha! im sure not#i looked at the promised day tag on twitter and GAAAH THE WORKS ARE ALL SOOO BEAUTIFUL#truly it touches my heart that soo many people are still drawing fan art for this important day even 16 years after the game has released#this is my second time celebrating it! and i couldn't be more grateful to have met minato and see his story....#genuinely though his growth throughout p3 is sooooo loooovely and it's rlly hard to put in words. but like. god. i love my wife#dont look @ me for calling him that. i have seen other ppl call him wife material in the tags. they're right btw#oh and uh if u want u can look at my art for last year its smwhere in my art tag.... i like to think i hav improved... LOL#anyway thats all i have to say... i will rb and cry and sing to kimi no kioku tmrw since its still the 4th where i live. take care everyon!
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Azul “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SHOT PEOPLE INTO THE SKY TO A ROCK?!??!” Ashengrotto
I'd also like to bring up the point that while there's water breathing potions I doubt they have anything to protect from the crushing depth of the deep ocean so I think he'd as freak the fuck out over the fact that humans have been that deep underwater. Very much in a WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!? HUMANS CANT GO THERE!” kind of cay
YES
I think twisted wonderland might have something that would allow humans to transform into merfolk, which would allow them to go into the deep ocean depending on the type of mer they became, but the concept of humans going as they are in submersibles is just odd. Then again he supposes your world doesn't have magic or merfolk so they don't have to worry about bothering anyone. Same with going to space, Azul's hatred of flying cannot be understated the thought of going that far up willingly is just so beyond him.
Azul is a very profit minded person, but his specialty and passion lies in hospitality and fixing niche problems. Space and deep sea exploration don't seem like fields he would want to expand his business into. He might be interested in the logistics of investing in those sorts of things? But the actual mechanics would just mystify him. The moon in the fucking sky give him a break.
#<3 asks#twisted wonderland#azul ashengrotto#twst theories#i think it can be very hard for people to understand the way a culture works unless they interact with it#you would be surprised how many things you just do not think about until you are forced to#and the way a lack of magic would effect the development of world history#right down to the types of technological advancements exist#isn't something i think most of the twst boys stop to think about#idia would probably be interested in learning about it just so he could think about ways to improve on things#and ortho just likes collecting new data#but yeah i don't think many of them have sat to have a think about what yuu's world is like
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Is there a cat in cannon who got a good death who you think didn't deserve it? Especially if they committed crimes?
Tom the Wifebeater and his redemption death. No question. It's not even close.
Not only do I reject to the "redemption death" on the grounds of it being Tom the Wifebeater who is bullying others until his dying breath, even taunting Thunder about Turtle Tail is dead and the kits must be very torn up about it, but I reject "redemption through death" entirely. I don't like it in stories. It's a theme I deeply object to.
And again it's fucking wild that every time a character is a father, even if they are a wifebeater or a child abuser, the writers think that it bestows a glimmer of goodness into them which every abused child is forced to appreciate and cry about. Breezepelt, Thunder, Tallstar, Tom's children, all of them forced to reconcile and admit how much they wuv their papa.
Abusive dads in WC regularly get redemption deaths, too. Clear Sky dies saving his grandchild, Sandgorse died saving a rando in a tunnel, Tom the Wifebeater saving his daughter.
But Tom the Wifebeater is the worst example of it. Hands down.
#Though I will say it's not exactly a matter of a crime being 'too bad to come back from'#ANYONE can change.#But these ones DONT.#These fathers are *recontextualized* by their deaths and their victim is pushed into rethinking their anger towards them#IF they even had anger towards them at all. All of Tom's victims were too dead to have those feelings because DOTC hates women#And his children are destroyed when they learn that the guy they met once who kidnapped them and got their mom killed died#And that's why I generally hate redemption deaths. By their very nature they don't display what's so HARD about accountability#The changing of your behavior. Checking yourself. Admitting that your victims dont have to forgive you.#It's hard work!#It's painful sometimes! It's worth it but it's not always easy!#It's also its own reward. Your relationships improve. You feel better. You understand yourself.#but no. a redemption death is the end. You never really have to face what you did.#And I hate the way that lots of storytellers think it means it undoes the violence they did#IT does nothing. They're gone. The victims continue.#Where are my stories with RESENTMENT for that? How DARE you die for me?? How dare you run away from the hole you cut into my flesh???#You think the end of you becomes the missing piece of me?#Awful. No thankz#Bone babble#Tom the Wifebeater#child abuse#cw child abuse#tw child abuse
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me trying to find the motivation to get through a day like:
#the wingfeather saga#peet the sockman#artham p. wingfeather#the wingfeather saga tv show#memes#behold a wingfeather meme!#rather pleased with how this turned out#the best boy <3#okay but seriously when I'm having a bad day at work I do really find the pictures/screenshots of peet I have stashed on my phone#and stare at them for a while#but hey my counselor says staring at something you love for 5 minutes a day can improve your mental health!#this is also janner all throughout the series xD#janner having a hard time: what would uncle artham do#me: same
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Sam!- i didn’t know you had tumblr 2! :O
I DO!!! Hello!! I also have a bluesky! Since people were moving over there from twitter, I made one in case twitter actually started crashing down and everyone was removing themselves from twitter!
I mainly shitpost about Ninjago on twitter, which I use to do on here as well but then I eventually got lazy 😭
#incase if anyone doesnt know>>>#elon made this thing happen on twitter where every artwork and tweet you've made. it gets fed into grok#grok is a AI generator and elon made this because so he can make AI improve itself or some bs like that#OH AND elon is planning to change the block feature on twitter. to make it where the people you block can still view your account#but they cant interact with it. which supports STALKING and a lot of abuse victims and people who have online stalkers are at risk!#but apparently its actually illegal to change and remove the block feature from social media platforms stated by apple and playstore#but the AI thing kinda sucks too..#so everyone is just leaving Twitter. but im staying cause i worked too hard for my audience to just leave everyone there 😭#some people have been going to bluesky and tumblr so :]
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At the start of this project all I wanted was to 'learn how to draw' using comics as a medium and the MDZS audio drama as inspiration.
I've come *very* far from making simple, 3 panel black and white comics, and I truly do intend to go even further. Thank you to everyone who cheered me on throughout 2023, it has been an incredible year in so many ways I never could have imagined. I look forwards to drawing throughout 2024 B*)
#poorly drawn mdzs#art summary#It's so interesting looking back at how my style and technique changed throughout the year!#I used PD-wwx as the consistent factor (October is an exception) and you can see so many processes going on.#My little petri dish amoeba (with a little red bow to tell him apart from the other amoeba) <3#Whether it's getting new markers or trying out a new shading style - it's cool seeing a snapshot of my journey like this B*)#There's certainly been a slower curve to my overt improvement *but* I have become so much faster!#My life outside of drawing has been hectic and at several points extremely stressful this year. For all the work this blog has been-#-It has truly been a life saving anchor when the darkest of times have hit.#Love is hard work. Change is even harder work. Sticking to a goal I set out for myself and striving to keep going was worth it.#And I love drawing. I think there has always been something in me that longed for this. And it is finally tangible! I can draw!!!#I wanted to make a more elaborate year reflection where I looked back at my favourite comics and jokes.#but I'll leave that to the one year anniversary.#I have also been collecting a ton of statistics throughout the year and I am desperate to share them. I'm that kind of nerd B*)#I can never say it enough: Thank you all for the kindness and support. I wish everyone a lovely 2024!!!
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people always complain about the Tazmily villagers being massive cunts to Lucas during Mother 3 (understandably so, though i think it’s given the entire town a bad rap that isn’t totally deserved) but honestly i kinda. really like it? there’s just something interesting about how a lot of rpgs like this have your town or whatever town you go to supporting you. it’s a neat subversion to have the town you grow up in turn on you for trying to save them because they don’t know any better.
it’s extremely interesting seeing your town, people who have known you your whole life, fall victim to propaganda and lies to the point that they act in unrecognizable ways, but you choose to help them anyways because it’s in your nature. when the world resets, it gives them a chance to start over. i think that’s the implication of the ending, considering a lot of Mother 3 is about letting go and forgiving. i think the villagers needed to be shitty to help drive home that theme (though a lot of them remained relatively kind, i’d say about 50/50 either way).
it also does a lot to say that cruelty can come from anywhere. you don’t have to be a bad person to do bad things like that, but also that it isn’t necessarily a permanent thing, or that there’s more to people than just the bad things they’ve done. i feel like Mother 3 ends with the idea that the world is given another chance, and that’s huge. even if the world was cruel, it still deserved kindness back in hopes of a better future. the Tazmily villagers are still just people, after all.
Itoi gave the villagers a lot of depth to show how multi-faceted people can be, both kind and cruel, good and bad, and leaves the ending up in the air for people to decide what everyone will choose to do once the world begins anew. one can only hope that they would do better.
#Psy's no punctuation posts#mother tag#mother 3#no 1 tazmily village defender right here but like!!! man!!! they have so much depth i feel gets ignored sometimes :[#it's interesting observing who remains kind and friendly and who changes#some are expected like Elmore and Pusher but then you'll see some nasty shit come out of like Jackie or Brenda's mouth and it shocks you#again it's just! it shows you that good people can be bad too but not that it means they're unsaveable or whatever#they're just. people#and i like to think they took the time after the world was saved to reckon with what they'd done and improve#that's huge for me. i think the town has worked really hard on getting better#esp. after regaining their memories too which i imagine happened eventually too
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I think a large reason we have so much discourse is that a lot of people don’t consider weakness and softness as if relates to class.
Like they’ll talk about how Izzy calls Ed and Stede soft or weak for certain things—and then just leave it that. With no consideration for why a pirate wouldn’t value those traits.
Like…a great deal of Stede’s ability to be soft is tied up into his lack of financial consideration. Like yes I think talking it through, being nice, enjoying fine things etc is a good thing, it’s also something that comes from privilege.
Like even speaking as a matter of time, if your not struggling to feed yourself (and in Izzy and Ed’s case, uhhh 50+ others) you are given more opportunity to work through things, and make changes.
Like…it’s either about masculinity or class, but class plays heavily into what sort of exploration is available to you. And growing up poor is going to give you a different sort of value for the tough it out, take care of yourself mindset, because you have to focus all your energy on surviving.
And then people just treat it like typical masculinity based toxicity, but it’s a lot more than that, and like…background matters. Sometimes people deserve a little more grace due to circumstances.
#call back to those posts like#Izzy hates Stede/Stede’s things because he sees it as soft#not because Stede’s rich#wealth is linked to how soft you can be#and how much you are able to work through#and what negative aspects of a culture you feel you can change#because you need both time and security to make improvements#especially as a pirate#in 1717#izzy hands#this is not saying poor people can’t be soft btw#just that sometimes as hard life necessities making yourself hard to survive it
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Whoopsie time
#vent tw#cw vent#I'm stupid to have dropped out of college#now I don't know what I'm doing and I can't do the very passion I set out to do#Animation was my dream and I ruined it for a guy who groomed me and ended up physically abusing me.#I didn't realize trying to animate and failing because I don't understand it no matter what I look up about it would result in a breakdown#Not to mention I'm regressing in my art skill right now.#My art is ASS right now no matter how hard I try to improve it#references... Practice... Doodles... Warmups you name it#nothing is going right and I have the urge to quit art altogether#I'm not going to and I can't bring myself to ever do that but It's aching inside me#I want my art to be good according to me. not others. People can say it's great but if I don't like it... I'm not going to settle for it#I shouldn't have left#I loved college#I loved SELU#I loved my life back then#And now I'm here. And I'm not happy anymore.#Even with writing. I even took a long break from writing and I still can't do it right according to myself.#Now I have no muse or motivation for any of it#I feel empty. And I can't go to therapy because I can't afford the balance on my account.#I just feel like I failed.#I feel like I failed my parents and myself. They always tell me theyre so proud of me but I don't understand how they can be.#Not when I ended up in two severely abusive relationships... Dropped out of college twice... And now work in a factory full time.#Yeah i make decent money in a place I enjoy but it all just feels empty.#I could've been more#i could've done better#[[out of ammo]];; ooc
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Improvement :3
#turns out practice does work....who would have thought .. apparently not me...#im very proud I've stayed with it#me??? actually liking ny art??? and seeing myself improve more than i have in a year within a couple months??????????#what a good hyperfixation/special interest does to you/silly#alas i need to keep branching out to the other ieytd characters because i wanna work on my fabby design#i have a hard time with costume and um she is literally THE fashion girlie so. i gotta work on that#because she DESERVES IT DAMNIT#also still working on a mental image for zor...sigh#im really into the vitti as zor theory and that 'zor' is a role/title that's kinna passed on....idk...i have thoughts.....#but yeah zor is so painfully human to me but also is trying to not be drives me up the WALL#THAT'S ANOTHER POSTS RANT how did i get here#alas#ieytd#[agent moose's art]#THAT'S IT not individually tagging these doodles? drawings? are not good enough for that#i don't have. the urge to draw in full colour rn <- so so so so busy <- leaves secondary education in less than 2 months#alas. I'm surviving. and very excited about next steps. just gotta get through. via ieytd. it's becoming my mantra#i keep saying i should make designs for solaris and redo my fabby so i can have triple threat explaining science to me on my flashcards#im. coping in my own special way
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you know what I’ve realized lately? that’s really helped? the axiom: it just doesn’t really make that much of a difference. Or at least it doesn’t when you’re talking about good things and not, like, doing good vs. doing evil. Big choices, little choices, decisions, decisions —it’s not just that they don’t matter in the grand scheme of things—because they do! —but just. It won’t make that big of a difference. Life will continue to be wonderful AND difficult, fascinating AND hopelessly mundane, full of roses AND thorns and all the other cliches whether you walk down one road or another. And you’ll get used to the joys and sick of the sorrows whatever they are, and you’ll be ungrateful and bored and dissatisfied in some measure some of the time and you’ll have to work on all the things you have to work on anyways and just. Yeah! It doesn’t make that big of a difference! Even the biggest things!
#as Maria once said to me iconically: marry the guy don’t marry the guy#life is hard and it sucks and it’s also great and little treats exist#and we have to practice patience and virtue and penance regardless of any other circumstances#and God loves us no matter the path we take#like I just. I am reflecting#you know what also made this click for me recently? the limits that can be reached with doing little things to improve your life#like YES. I need to get some exercise and eat some food that is not totally terrible for me and clean my space#but you know the fuck WHAT#(I’m so sorry for swearing)#it doesn’t !!! actually !!!!! dramatically alter my life if I do one thing or another or in a certain order#I could become a fanatical hiker (for some reason I have been seized by the vision of this lately)#and it’s just like. well. yes you could. and you know what it would keep raining sometimes and my anxiety would still exist#and people would still be irritating and laughter would still be real!#anyway I don’t mean to be dismissive over the ways choices can deeply affect our lives#but when the choices are good and the options are good it just doesn’t matter that much#I also realized this with makeup lol. like I reached the point where I was like I could spend more time and effort and money#to achieve a higher level quality of appearance and literally for WHAT#people would still not pay attention to me in the grocery store (lol)#and they don’t need to!!!!! and it’s fine they don’t!!!!!!!#but I just. that voice in my head that’s like if you do X you will experience happiness you have never known#and things will all work out and everyone will be in love you#to that voice I say: well no.#wow this is long but you know what I mean????? it all just sort of matters less in the sense that nothing WE do is going to really#change our lives? I know that’s insane#because people are so insistent that the opposite is true. but like. actually no the most life changing opportunities usually happen#without our control or our scheming or our planning#so of the stuff within our control it’s not that big of a deal!! do good avoid evil enjoy your lunch call your mom!!! but that’s all gonna#keep being the same on the other side of so many many different choices we can make#so yeah
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