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tobi-momo · 4 years ago

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A Comfortable First Date :)

@awmahleebakugou said:

okay so i’ve never asked before (god i hope your requests are open, i’m sorry if they’re not) but i found you just now and your writing gives me life. i hope i’m not missing any rules, but i wanted to req a kind of first date scenario (the date can be your choice but i’m thinking something out of their comfort zone that the reader kinda eases them into having fun and they actually end up having a good time) with bakugou, todoroki, and dabi. a fluff type thing with a fem reader. they don’t have to be all in one, they can be separate but i really wanted to see your take on this with bakugou. thanks for your time, and i hope you can do this req cuz i love your writing :)

a/n: dflhgdfjhgdfkjgh you make me malfunction omg- i jut started writing a couple weeks ago and to hear that you love my writing makes me smile so hard kfsdjgdfkjg omg ty <3 and, lucky for you, my requests are def open and feel free to come back any time! (if you do want to see my rules tho here’s a link: rules<3 (you didn’t req anything out of my comfort zone tho so dw )

Pairing(s): Bakugou x Reader, Todoroki x Reader, Dabi x Reader

Type: Headcanons

Genre: Fluff :)

Warnings: cursing, youre uncomfy for a lil- but it gets better- FLUFF SKDJGFJSD dabi’s is SO mf short im sorry skhgdlfg

A Comfortable First Date :)

Bakugou:

Man are you glad yall came with ya friends-

You were excited, but anxious. you have never been on a date before, let alone the one and only bakugou katsuki, so ya. you were nervous asf

On the ride, the radio played loudly while you rolled the window down and caught the warm breeze in your face, you were just wildin out in the car, making katsuki laugh in hopes of relieving some stress

when you arrive, it was a different story. there were so many people and the water was dark, and this is gonna be his first time seeing *this much of your body. Your nerves were not helping

“Yo, Y/n, you nervous or somethin’?” Calls Sero, averting your attention from the packed beach

“Uh, no, not at all,” you smile walking over to the trunk of the car, picking up towels

kirishima and mina walk together to find a spot, denki and sero leave you and katsuki alone and immediately start throwing the frisbee around

‘god this was so awkward’ you thought, although it really wasnt, it was just in your head

“Here, give those to me,” katsuki whispers as he takes the towels from your grasp, taking notice of the way you rub your fingers together, the way you keep looking at the ground

He can tell that youre unsure, but he knows that you wont be like this for long- i mean- its bakugou, right?

once yall get to your spot, kirishima and mina catch up to you guys, talking about whats more manly yall cant convince me they dont do this- im convinced mina teaches him how to drink his respect women juice although we know he drinks plenty

You dont even have time to realize katsukis arms around your things, picking you up and throwing you on his shoulders

You play smack his back, laughing and yelping at the same time while he runs towards the water

“kastUKI WHAT ARE YOU DOING??” all he can respond with is his laughter before he sets you down gently in the water

“What, you thought I was gonna throw you or somethin’?” he smirks

“Uh, YEAH? I DID! You scared the crap outta me, babe,” you laugh off, the water suddenly feeling a lot better than you thought it would

He’s still laughing, almost gripping his stomach while kirishima and mina join sero and denki with the frisbee

The face he makes when you splash water on him is-

hmmm

How do i say it

flabbergasted? no. thats a weird ass word. He was like that tho

His face was like 😂 > 😳 > 😶 > 😐 > 😑 > 😐 > 😏😈

yk? yk

He splashes back

hard

so skip to an hour later when you guys are tackling each other in the water holy shit this is soft i cant

yall are having a mf BLAST and yall ended up playing beach volleyball too- have yall seen the episode in avatar where azula, mai, ty lee, and zuko play beach volleyball?

ya basically that but yall actually have fun and its more playful- but yall DESTROY the other teams

you guys end up staying longer than expected and you sleep in the car on the way back with his hand on your thigh but shhh

Todoroki:

ok, this may be dif because i believe movie dates are awkward asFF and i just jfhfkg ugh yk

but anyways~

yall arrive to the theatre, buy your snacks and get your ticket ew ew ew ew

and you literally dont know what to do-

where do you sit? where do you put your hands? what do you do for the rest of the movie? all of these questions filled your head when you guys entered the room, it was empty

great.

You guys take your seats, the commercials starting while you guys start small talk

you and him make fun of the trailers while you guys are literally sitting down like 🧍🧍

So awkward even though yall are talking- like, who takes popcorn first, who gets to put their arm on the middle rest? just overcomplicating everything in your brain

until a skittle falls down your shirt sorry if you dont like skittles but cmon their skittles

coming out the bottom of your shirt, you pick it up, then look at shouto’s soft, playful smirk before he looks away like he didnt do anything

that cheeky bastard

so, you throw it back, knocking his head then falling down the seat to the ground

he looks back at you with and incredulous expression- not a serious one, but a look of sarcastic surprised

when his hand grabs popcorn out of the bucket, your eyes widen and you quickly leap out of your seat, running out of the isle and up the stairs to the top row of seats, being chased by shouto, and eventually trapped in the corner before getting a face full of popcorn

“Shou!” you laugh out, and you can hear the faint sound of his giggles piercing through yours

Your hands are placed on his chest, and his have dropped down your forearms, holding you in place while you laugh into him

“What?”

“There’s popcorn in my hair now,”

“Oh,” he takes a gentle hand and takes the popcorn out of your hair, tossing it to the side

“This place is a mess now,” he adds

You just laugh it off, taking notice of the fact that the movie has already started

“Shou, the movie,” you point, him turning around to the big screen

“The movie’s boring”

“It’s barely started!” you chuckle

your voice was interrupted by more popcorn hitting your face, and Shouto holding the bucket

“You did not just do what i think you just did.”

“Maybe,”

“I’m gonna get you back for that!” you shout as he starts to walk back to your seat, you grab the box of candy and quickly open it, pouring everything on his head before rushing down the stairs to the other side of the room

lemme just say yall were kicked out PFT JSDHGFSDKJHF

ok but yall didnt care shsdlfsfg

you hung out more after that too, not wanting the day to end :)

Dabi:

why

on your first date

would you go

CLUBBING??

like- why???

when you arrived, you really do be FINE AS FUUUCKK and everyone is thirsting over you periodt get into it

and when you see him, his eyes widen, admiring your figure

you just smile bc you’ve never been to a club before and set your bag on the counter, taking a seat at the bar next to him

what do you do? are you supposed to order something orrrrrrr? are you supposed to talk? are you supposed to dance with him? like wtf

the most awkward feelings are making home in your stomach

just before you could rush off, his hand grabs yours, making your head whip up for your eyes to meet his, silently reassuring you

You smile before he stands up, and leads you to the dance floor, guiding you with your hips to the music

you place your hands on his shoulders, letting him sway you to the beat, before you turn yourself and dance on him, forgetting your problems

he smirks, running his fingertips down your back while you move your hips on him

after a couple drinks you guys were clicking, like really, really, really, clicking and you felt good

so did he, and he wanted to know you more, so after a couple more dances and drinks, yall were giddy and shi 😏

And yall decided it was time to get to know each other more😏😏😏

when you guys woke up with a hangover, you made him breakfast and yall talked ab everything under the stars omg yall are made for each other istg

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

thats it im sorry dabi’s is so short i just chugged rosé and im hanging out with friends be happy <3

taglist: @toosharkinternet @hitosushi @combat-wombatus @katsuhera @zerohawks

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skycollides · 4 years ago

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Gilberto ‘’Gilly’’ Lopez - Blind Date

Hey Everyone, this is actually my first Imagine.

English is my second language so I apologize in advance for possible grammar mistakes. Please bear with me. Please feel free to criticize and hit me up with improvement tips!

Warning: low self-esteem, fluffy ending

Word count: 1115

Gilly x reader

’’Do you really think it’s a good idea?’’ you asked your best friend watching her through the mirror right in front of you.

’’Sure it is! I mean it was my idea.’’ she laughed.

’’You look absolutely beautiful and I’m sure your blind date will agree with me.’’

she said as you turned around.

’’But what i-’’ ’’No buts and no if’s! YOU deserve to be happy YOU deserve to be loved!’’

’’Thank you y/b/n ! I don’t know what I would do without you!’’

’’Yeah I know I’m amazing’’ she said while throwing her hair over her shoulder smiling at you.

’’I only agreed to this date because you’re my best friend and I trust you. Soo please tell me you actually know the guy you’re sending me on a date with’’ you asked her

hopeful. She simply smiled and nodded.

’’Will you at least tell me something about him?’’

’’He is kind has a big heart and you’ve met him before that’s all I’m going to tell you.

I hope those information will ease your mind.’’

’’Yes they do. Actually now I’m more curious than nervous. Let’s go Im ready.’’

You both headed towards your best friends car.

15 minutes later you arrived at your favorite food truck. Not what you were expecting but you were kind of glad since you’re not into fancy and expensive restaurants.

’’Have fun and good luck. Oh and text me how it was.’’ she said while you got out of the car.

You made your way towards the tables in front of the truck and sat down.

You started to look around but you didn’t recognize any of the people you were seeing.

’’Hey Y/N’’ a voice behind you said. Your eyes went wide after you realized who is standing behind you. You turned around and couldn’t believe your eyes.

’’Gilly Hey’’

’’Y/N wow you look absolutely incredible’’

’’ Thank you Gilly’’ you said feeling your cheeks heating up. You couldn’t believe that y/b/n sent you on a date with her cousin but you were glad it was him and not some stranger.

’’You good?’’ he asked you while sitting down on the opposite side of the table.

’’Perfectly fine you?’’

’’Well I’m on a date with a beautiful women so I’m more than good.’’

You put your hands in front of your face, trying to hide your blush and took a deep breath.

’’Don’t get me wrong Gilly - But why are we here? I- I just don’t get it. I’m not really your type I mean I’m not like one of Vicky’s girls I-’’

’’Wow wow okay let me stop you right here darling. First of all we’re here because this is favorite food truck. You told me outside of the clubhouse do you remember? The night of Ez’s patch in party.

You and me talking under the stars the whole night.’’ the memories of that night were flooding back to your mind. You sat there for hours just talking, laughing, simply having fun.

’’Gilly’’ ’’Please don’t interrupt me I wasn’t finished yet. I don’t want one of Vicky’s girls.

I want a woman who listens to me. A woman who makes me laugh. A woman I can talk to and fully open up to without being judged. A woman who allows me to be me.

A woman who wants me for ME not for the patch. A woman with a kind heart and a beautiful smile. That woman is YOU. You are my type sweetheart. No one else.

I’ve had a crush on you since the first time a saw you. One look into your beautiful eyes was enough and you had me hooked. And oh my god your smile - I love how your eyes light up when you smile and don’t get me started on your dimples and the crinkles by your eyes. That is likely the cutest thing I’ver ever seen’’

By now you had tears in your eyes. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

This incredibly handsome man in front of you wanted - YOU.

’’I don’t know what to say Gilly. I can’t believe it. I mean I - Gosh what are you doing to me?’’

you cried out while looking up to the sky.

’’You don’t have to say anything. And it’s okay if you don’t feel the same but I just couldn’t keep this to myself anymore. I just wanted you to know how I feel. Seeing you with your Ex was hard but I was scared to say anything back then. After my cousin told me about your breakup I knew I had to step up and tell you.’’ by now Gilly was also tearing up. After seeing a tear escape his eyes you couldn’t help yourself. There was this need to hug him. So you got up and mad your way around the table between you. You sat down on his lap and hugged him while resting your head on his.

’’I feel the same way Gilly. You know seeing Vicky’s at the clubhouse all the time and me being - well me I am not as skinny as them and what can I say I felt intimidated. I just felt like I wasn’t pretty enough - not good enough for someone as handsome as you you know?!’’

Now it was out. Everything that you’ve kept to yourself for such a long time.

’’ Hey look at me’’ you moved your head and looked into his eyes.

’’I didn’t know you’ve felt that way’’ he put his right hand on your cheek and his thumb was caressing it.

’’YOU are good enough sweetheart don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.’’

He wiped away the tear that left your eye.

’’I love you Y/N! I have for a while now. I hope that doesn’t scare y-’’

before he could even finish his sentence your lips met his. Your hands made their way up to his neck and pulled him closer to you, while his hands found their way to your hips.

You were the first one to pull back to get some air.

’’Wow’’ Wow indeed’’ he laughed.

’’I love you too Gilberto’’ you smiled.

’’So will you be mine?’’

’’Mhm let me think..’’ he pinched you hip.

’’Hey!’’ you laughed ’’Yes I��d love to be yours.’’

You got out of his lap and held your hand out waiting for him to take it.

’’Love me feed me never leave me - since you’ve told me you loved me its now time for you feed me. Cmon its time for you to buy me some tacos’’

He couldn’t help but laugh. ’’Crazy girl’’

’’Yeah and I’m proud of it!’’

#mayans mc #gilly lopez #mayans oneshot #mayans x reader #mayans imagine

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marveloussupernerd · 4 years ago

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For the Holiday Prompts, can you do #46 with Saeyoung and a f!MC? Thanks!

Aw yes!! I was hoping somebody would request this with him :)

Seven’s Jacket - 707

This is from my Christmas prompt list !

Prompt: “I’m cold. Can you give me your jacket?”

Warnings: spoilers for Seven’s real name (duh !)

Summary: Seven had planned out the perfect outdoor wintry date. However, he had forgotten to tell you to plan for the weather. Lots of fluff

“Babe!” Saeyoung whined, calling you from your shared bedroom. “Are you almost ready?”

He had been asking you for the past fifteen minutes. You had just started your makeup when he started complaining. It almost made you want to go even slower, but you were worried he actually had time-sensitive plans.

You fixed your hair one last time before heading out of the bathroom to meet up with him.

“Wow,” was all he could say. You were wearing a dress and tall boots. You’d probably pair it with a scarf because fashion. But that was all. “Wait... you look sexy as hell.”

You giggled, brushing his comments off, trying to ignore how giddy they made you felt. “Worth the wait?” You asked him teasingly.

He swooped in and wrapped his hands around your waist, pulling you close to him. “Well worth the wait. You look perfect.” He kissed your cheek. Then your nose. Then your lips. Then he was peppering kisses all over you.

You tried to push him off of you, but it was hard to be serious with how silly he was being. “Saeyoung! We have to get going.”

He finally released you from his grasp, grabbing a jacket then taking your hand to lead you out the door. He picked his favorite bright red babe car, opening the door for you and making sure you were all situated before shutting it and getting in the drivers side.

“What do you have planned for tonight? I’m super excited.” You questioned, buckled your seatbelt.

“Oh lots of fun things! But we’ll start with dinner.”

“I can’t know the whole itinerary now?” You pouted.

He simply chuckled and shook his head. “That would ruin the surprise! You do trust me, right?”

You giggled and leaned over to kiss his cheek. Of course you did.

The restraunt (JESUS CHRIST I CANT SPELL RESTAURANT) he took you to was... really fancy. Like table linens. Cloth napkins. Domes over food as they served it. “Sae... how did you-“

He shushed you, waving his hand to disregard your question. He gave the host your name and you were brought to your table. They offered to take your coats and everything. Seven pulled out your chair and scooted it in for you.

“Am I dressed well enough for this? This is probably the fanciest place I’ve been in my whole life. How did you get in here on Christmas Eve?” Your mind was racing. This seemed like the type of place Jumin would take someone for an expensive business deal, not a place fit for you and Seven.

“Well, I-“ he ran a hand through his hair. “This is my first real Christmas. I’ve got you and I’ve got Saeran and I feel like I can finally be happy and enjoy it. That’s all thanks to you. I wanted to show you how grateful I am.”

“That’s so sweet. I’m happy we can share this day with each other, and tomorrow with your brother.” You couldn’t hide the fondness you felt towards the two. “You both deserve it.” The waiter came to take your order. Seven really wanted to order for the both of you (he said it made him feel fancy) so you decided, eh, screw feminism, you’d let him.

“After seeing the waiter I finally feel underdressed,” Saeyoung commented. He was wearing a dark maroon sweater and black jeans. It looked really nice, and pretty dressed up for Seven. He had switched his glasses to a plain black pair and everything.

You glanced at the women in evening gowns. “Me too honestly. I think you look nice though.”

“I think you look stunning.” He winked dramatically at you.

The rest of the dinner was primarily the two of you basking in rich people food and you poking questions to try and figure out what Saeyoung had planned after dinner, but he wouldn’t budge. Your eyes about popped out of their sockets upon seeing the bill (and that was WITHOUT an appetizer or dessert), but Seven seemed unphased. Later you’d have to ‘reprimand’ him for spending so much money on you.

Finally you left, hand-in-hand. You walked to the car, but Saeyoung kept going. “Cmon. I’ve got more planned, remember?” He tugged your entwined hands a little to get you moving again.

“Where are we going? Am I allowed to know now?”

He sighed like it was the most dramatic thing on Earth. “Well, if you must, we’re going to the park.”

The park? You hadn’t even realized there was a park over here. Still, you were more than happy that he finally gave you an answer and kept walking.

There was a giant Christmas tree in the park. “Second biggest one I’ve ever seen,” he commented. “I wanted to show you it.”

“What’s the first?” You asked curiously.

“C&R. Who’s surprised.” Nobody was. Jumin’s father enjoyed the holidays quite a bit.

Suddenly, Saeyoung cupped your cheek, turning you to look up at him. His hands were slightly chilly. “That’s not the only reason I brought you here though.”

“Oh?” You asked, the air leaving your mouth turning to fog as you spoke. It was starting to get cold.

He let go of you and pointed behind you. It was a horse carriage, all decked out in holly! “For real!?” You turned to him, practically bouncing in excitement (and to keep warm).

“For real for real!” His eyes were lit up; it seemed he was just as excited as you. He led you to the carriage, giving you his hand to help you up, then grabbing yours as you pulled him up. The horse driver dude seemed to know what was up and started moving.

You wrapped your arms around Seven’s arm, nuzzling into his shoulder. “This is perfect.”

Tiny tiny snowflakes started to fall from the sky, melting as they hit the pavement. “Even more perfect,” he commented, kissing your cheek. His nose brushing against your face made you shiver involuntarily, which he took note of, chuckling.

“Did you just shiver?” He asked, pressing his cold nose all over your face to make you shriek.

“Yes! Saeyoung, I’m freezing cold. I did not dress for outdoor activities.” You pushed his head away from you, still cuddled up to his warm arm.

“Whose fault is that?”

“Yours for not telling me what we were doing! Baby please?” You whimpered, looking up at him with puppy dog eyes, scooting your legs closer to his to try and warm them up.

“Please what?”

“I’m cold. Can you give me your jacket? Pretty pretty please?” You were practically sitting on top of him to stay warm at this point. He chuckled, shaking his head at you, muttering something about how you were too cute, then took his jacket off. He placed it over your shoulders, rubbing his hands up and down your arms to try and warm you up.

“Thank you,” you sighed happily. “Much much better.”

“Yeah you’re telling me. It’s freezing!” He exclaimed. He paused. Then raised an eyebrow. Then asked the carriage to stop. Then bounded off, leaving you there confused. Within seconds he was back with two styrofoam cups.

“Hot chocolate!” He exclaimed, handing you both of them while he climbed back on. The warmth escaped the cups quickly, heating up your fingers to the point where you could finally get feeling back.

“How thoughtful.” You passed his cup back to him and then took a sip. The drink burnt your tongue to the point where you could hardly taste it, but you could feel the warmth going down your throat. It was so nice. You drank it in absolutely no time. He pulled your legs onto his lap to try and take in some of your warmth. Who knows how that went for him. He went to take his first drink, his glasses fogging up from the steam.

You gently took the glasses off his face, wiping the fog off on your shirt, then placing it back on him. “That’s not gonna w-“ his glasses fogged up again immediately. “Work,” he sighed. “That’s okay. I’m okay with being blind.”

You took the opportunity of his temporarily imparts vision and crawled onto his lap completely, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Guess Who?” You asked, whispering right above his ear. He shivered, some of his hot chocolate sloshing onto your dress.

“The only other person here?” He guessed sarcastically. “You made me spill my drink Babe.”

“I’m sorry.” All of a sudden the carriage stopped. “But if it helps, I think we’re done with our ride.”

Saeyoung wiped his glasses with his free hand while you clambered off his lap, jumping down from the carriage. You thanked the driver profusely, then linked arms with Seven again to go back to the car.

You were surprised when he didn’t start driving immediately. Instead, he locked the doors and then turned up the heat all the way, basking in the sauna. “You were cold, huh? I can give you your jacket back,” you offered, sliding a sleeve off.

“No! You look all cute and cozy in it. It’s okay.” He rubbed his hands together in front of the vent, glancing at you to give you a reassuring smile.

“So is that it? Are we calling it a night? Because I’m FREEZING!” You exclaimed, rubbing your hands together as well.

“We actually have one more thing on the list.”

“Oh?”

He grinned. “Go home and eat a whole roll of Nestle Tollhouse cookie dough with Saeran.”

Now that sounded like the perfect way to end the night. You buckled up your seatbelt, signaling you were all ready to go. “Can’t wait. But if I get a tummy ache from the cookie dough you’re gonna have to stay up and rub my tummy all night.”

He rolled his eyes. “As if I wouldn’t do that anyway. You ready to go Babe?”

“Super ready!”

“I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to the car.”

#mystic messenger #mysme #707 #Christmas

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portals-to-a-new-world · 5 years ago

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Come Hell or High Water Chapter 5: Storms A-Brewin’

Who?: Leonard McCoy x Reader

What?: Had to deal with the aftermath of date night, Leonard is a storm waiting to happen, and never play B.S. with Joanna. You will lose.

Word Count: 2364

Warnings: Language, cheesy-ness, little bit of steam for good measure (Its a hot southern summer yall 🤪)

A/n: WOOO BOY. Finally got this done, and let me apologize once again for the wait. Work is finally looking like it’s gonna lighten up on me so hopefully I’ll be able to work on this a lot more now. As always, @bakerstreethound is an angel who I love and adore and she’s the best.

Series Masterlist

You were greeted by the whole family as you finally pulled into the yard. Joanna nearly crushed poor Leonard in a hug the moment his feet hit the ground. “Hey now, it’s alright, Shug. We’re okay,” He held her tight, once again failing to hide the tears brimming his eyes. Jim had rushed to your side but stopped himself before he could aggravate his sunburn by hugging you.

“Gosh I can’t take you anywhere, can I?” He joked, but before you could respond, the sound of a car rolling up the gravel drive drew everyone’s attention.

“Apparently not.” You said after stepping back to see a black and white police vehicle approaching. Leonard quickly sent Joanna inside before coming over to place a supportive hand on your back.

“Leave it to Jocelyn to get the police involved.” He said with a clenched jaw. You both tensed as the door opened, and as the person inside stepped out, you looked up to see recognition on Len’s face. Eleanora was the first to speak.

“Sheriff Graham. What can we do for you?” The man stepped forward and shook his head gravely.

“’Fraid I’m here to talk to that boy of yours, El,” He continued walking forward as he spoke until he stood directly in front of you both. He looked you up and down before turning his attention to Leonard. “See, somebody down at the music festival got in quite the scrap with his ex-wife, and I had to come see for myself the woman who put her on her ass.” He broke out in a grin as he finished, and you felt Leonard relax beside you.

“Damn it, man, you nearly gave me a heart attack!” Len said while reaching out to shake the sheriff’s hand. The man laughed and returned the gesture, and you quickly spoke up in surprise.

“Wait, she’s not pressing charges?”

“Well, she wanted to, but I’ve got about 30 witnesses that were ready to testify in front of God himself that she started it, so she gave up the notion pretty fast.” He said, finally turning his attention to you. “Leonard, please tell me this gorgeous gal is the one responsible.” You couldn’t help the slight blush dusting your cheeks as you nodded and reached out to shake the man’s hand.

“I’m afraid I can neither confirm nor deny these allegations, Sheriff.” You said. He laughed and waved you off.

“Not that it matters, but it would be kinda hard to play innocent considering you practically announced your name and rank to everyone in the vicinity, sweetheart. Which, by the way, was a hell of a ballsy move. How you ended up with this old stick in the mud is beyond me.” He said, giving Leonard a playful shove, which was met with a scowl. You giggled and moved to wrap your arms around Len’s waist.

“Just lucky, I guess.” You said, smiling up at your lover.

“He must be.” Said the sheriff with a wink. El, who had been standing off to the side, stepped forward to stand alongside the three of you.

“Why don’t you come inside and sit a spell, John? I’ve got some fresh tea in the fridge.” She said. The sheriff offered a polite smile before shaking his head.

“Naw, I’ve got to get back into town. It was great seeing y’all, though. Pleasure meeting you, Lieutenant Commander (Y/n) (Y/L/N).” He said, finishing with a tip of his hat. You grinned and gave a dramatic curtsy.

“Pleasures all mine, Sheriff Graham.” He shook Leonard’s hand again and hugged Eleanora before hopping back into his vehicle with a wave. You were waving back when the sound of the front door opening drew your attention. You turned to find Jim walking out with a look of disbelief.

“Did you just charm your way out of an assault charge?” He demanded. Deciding to mess with him, you nodded your head.

“Yep.” You said, popping the p. Leonard shook his head as you broke out in giggles. “No, Jim. I was smart enough to not throw the first punch, so we’re all good. He just stopped by to say hello.” Jim shook his head as you all made your way inside.

“Unbelievable.” He mumbled to himself. Once inside, Joanna was waiting to bombard you all with questions, until Eleanora eventually sent her, and everyone else, to bed. You finally relaxed as you got upstairs, not realizing how much tension you’d been holding in your body since the whole ordeal started. Leonard came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist.

“Some date night, this turned out to be, huh?” You said bitterly. He hummed in response as he buried his face in your neck.

“I’ve had worse. Cmon. Let’s just go to bed.” He mumbled against your skin. You sighed and nodded, letting him walk you forward until you reached the bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone slept in the next day; no premade plans meant there was no rush to get up and get going. Nowhere was this more evident than the bed you were sharing with Leonard. He had wrapped himself around you like a koala and was refusing to let you get out of bed, citing ��lazy day laws” as his excuse. When you finally made it downstairs, Joanna was curled up on the couch reading one of her new books while El and Donna sat watching the news. “Mornin’ you two. Give me just a minute, I haven’t started cooking yet, I wanna see the weather.” El said, moving to get up, but you were quick to jump in.

“No, no, don’t worry about it! Just point me in the direction of the cereal, and I’ll be right as rain, although I’ll let Len speak for himself.” You said, looking up over your shoulder at the man. He gave you a quick smile before looking back up to his mother.

“Yeah, Ma, don’t worry about it. I think you’ve earned a break from all the excellent cookin you’ve been doing all week.” She still looked hesitant as she replied.

“Well, if y’all are sure…”

“Absolutely.” You reaffirmed, nodding. She sighed and relaxed back into her seat.

“Cereal’s where it’s always been, Leonard.” He walked over and placed a kiss on her head.

“Thanks, ma.” She smiled and waved him off. He walked back over and took your hand to lead you into the kitchen, grabbing two bowls from one cabinet and the cereal from another. Jim walked in right as you finished pouring your bowl, grabbing the box from your hand. You shook your head as he grabbed a bowl, bright and chipper despite having clearly just rolled out of bed.

“Was he like this at the academy? I can’t imagine rooming with a morning person.” You jokingly asked Len.

“Worse than you can imagine, sweetheart.”

“Hey!” Jim cried out, indignantly.

“Up at 5:30 every morning. God knows how many times I’d come back from an overnight clinic shift to find that Hurricane Jim had hit, leaving snack wrappers and textbooks laying everywhere,” Leonard said, pointing at Jim, who’d decided to ignore him and read the news on his PADD instead. “Not to mention the number of women out there who had to endure me trying to explain that my roommate had already left and that she needed to go-” Leonard’s rant was cut off by the sudden sputtering and coughing coming from Jim. Leonard was by his side in a flash, and you turned to see Jim waving him off while laughing and coughing. “The hell’s wrong with you?” Len demanded. Jim held up a finger while he got himself under control and then handed Leonard his PADD.

“Just the greatest coincidence I’ve seen in years.” Leonard looked down at the device in his hand, his eyes bugging out comically as he read the screen.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me!” The sound of Joanna’s laughter and rapid footsteps nearly overwhelmed Len’s outcry. She turned the corner right as Len handed back the PADD.

“What’s-”

“Did you see” You and Jo spoke at the same time, but you were cut off by Leonard.

“Don’t.” Jim stood and walked over to hand you the device, ignoring Leonard throwing his hands in the air. You looked down at the screen, reading the headline.

Massive Storm in Atlantic Upgraded to Hurricane Status.

“What’s so funny about-” Jim just pointed further down the article.

The storm, which has been dubbed Hurricane Leonard . . .

You looked up at the man himself, valiantly trying not to laugh but you broke the moment you saw his grumpy scowl. He rolled his eyes and picked up his bowl. Jim took his PADD back and sat back down to finish his breakfast while you and Joanna set each other off in fits of giggles. By the time you both managed to rein yourselves in Jim and Leonard had both finished and Len stood at the sink washing out the dishes. You picked up your bowl still grinning as Jim and Jo retreated to the living room. “C’mon, Leo. Now we have something to call you when it’s time for annual physicals, and you go hunting for all the crew members.” He huffed and dried off his hands before walking over to you.

“Just for that, you can wash your own bowl.” He said, pointing at you, but there was the smallest trace of a smile on his lips, so you knew he wasn’t actually upset. You raised your hand in a mock salute.

“Aye, sir!” You said. His gaze darkened ever so slightly. He reached to grab your bowl and set it on the counter behind you as he leaned in.

“Good girl.” Was all he said before pressing his lips against yours, his words sending a shudder down your spine. The moment was short-lived, however, as Jim re-entered the kitchen.

“Oh, come on, really? We leave the room for two seconds” He trailed off and shook his head at your sheepish grin.

“Something we can help you with, or are you just intent on interrupting every moment I have with my girl?” Leonard said, looking over his shoulder. Jim held his hands up in surrender.

“Calm down, Romeo. I just forgot my PADD.” He said, walking over to grab the offending item before heading back towards the door. “As you were.” Jim said with a wave. Leonard shook his head and mumbled.

“As you were.” He started to lean in again, but you reached up to press a finger against his lips.

“Can I finish eating, Romeo?” You asked. He sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes before stepping away.

“I suppose.” He grumbled. You smiled and stepped forward to pull him into a quick kiss.

“Thank you, Doctor.” You said with a wink.

“Well how am I supposed to leave now?” He said jokingly, reaching out to pull you back into him. The answer came in the form of Joanna’s voice calling through the house.

“Dad we’re gonna play B.S. you want in?” You grinned as he shook his head and smiled before calling back.

“Yeah, I’ll be right there.” He pressed one more kiss against your lips before turning to leave. “Want us to wait for you?” You shook your head and picked up your bowl.

“Nah, I want to watch Jo kick your asses.” Leonard scoffed as he walked away.

“Whatever you say, sweetheart.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Much to your amusement and the boys’ annoyance, Joanna proved you right and absolutely slaughtered the two of them. Leonard lasted two games before admitting defeat, deciding instead to sit back and watch with you as Jim refused to give up. In fairness to him, he did manage to pull out a few wins, but Joanna was astonishingly good at reading when someone was lying. Leonard, proud papa that he was, spent the entire time with a smug grin on his face. Jim finally gave in when you joined a game, and it was with a near full deck in his hands, none in Jo’s, and the few remaining cards in yours that he cried out in surrender. Several hours later you found yourself laying on a blanket in the yard staring up at the stars in awe. Everyone else had gone to bed and you’d somehow convinced Leonard to join you. He sat beside you playing with your hair as you mapped constellations in your mind. “Can you believe we get to be out there?” You turned your head to look at Leonard, blushing slightly as you found him looking at you and not the sky. “Leo, why’d you agree to come to stargaze if you’re not even gonna gaze at the stars?”

“I am looking at the stars.” He said, brushing a stray piece of hair from your face. “I can see them reflected in your eyes.” You blushed crimson, and he huffed out a laugh. His fingers moved to cradle your face, but he stopped when his gaze fell on the stitches in your cheek. His expression turned serious and he gently brushed a thumb under them. “How are these feeling?” You shrugged before replying.

“Stings a bit, but otherwise okay.” He hummed in response, eyeing them for a few moments before nodding in satisfaction. You sat up and slid closer to kiss him softly. “Y’know, I wish that old truck wasn’t so loud. I’d’ve loved to have seen that spot you were talking about yesterday.” Leonard raised an amused eyebrow before wrapping an arm around your waist.

“Now she tells me.” He said sarcastically. You gave him a playful shove and shook your head, not bothering to hide the smile on your face.

“Ass.” He just nodded and claimed your lips once again. The kiss quickly grew heated, and eventually, you both had to break away.

“Can’t believe you’ve got me out here, sneaking kisses like some horny teenager.” He said, earning an amused scoff.

“Classy, McCoy. Real classy.” He smirked and stood to his feet, offering a hand to pull you up.

“Trust me, sugar. Just wait till we get to Charleston. I’ll show you how classy I can be.”

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imperiusv · 5 years ago

Text

IV - Raging, This is the End

I loved that vacation on the sea just you and me, i always wanted to go to that place with someone since I was a child, it was really special to me and i loved that you enjoyed it , food was shit tho and it wasn’t as good as I remembered, but well worth it with you. After/before that i quit my job to study for the exams, i knew shitty days were coming and they were, but I had to do that, there was no other way, that job was a dead-end , draining my energy and abilities and opportunities, I had to graduate, I knew this would fuck us money wise and relationship wise, I would be way more needy,angry and would probably lead straight down the rabbit hole , but I had to do it. In those days it was really hard for me, as you weren’t understanding at all , showed zero patience towards me and generally made me feel ever worse, that’s how i knew you weren’t the right for me , you just weren’t there for me, like you kept doubting me for everything, like doing business or having kids, that time when your period was really late, this drove me so far away from you, i was really disappointed and stopped loving you so much, i think that was the moment i started losing you for real, step by step,slowly over the course of an year. We went to Hamburg to visit my family that was nice , really thoughtful of you, I will go soon again, as i haven’t seen them ever since. Rome was good too, just that thing with the black guys was horrible, at that moment i didn’t realize what had happened, I was just so disgusted that i wanted to get away from them, I didn’t see that you got hurt or felt like that and do regret it to this day, its one of the things i really messed up.There we had a good time , we should have done more fun stuff, but i guess i was in a different mentality back then.That surprise i made for your birthday , i really put so much effort into it, I was thinking like stuff from our shared past and to make a trip down memory lane, i hope you didn’t sell the necklace, i see that you still wear the bracelet, I am happy that you do. The weekend getaway for our anniversary was nice, we should have done that way more often, i kinda regret now that i didn’t get my shit together to get a driving license, but i was just fucking worried how am i gonna cope with money and having a car, again the fucking money thing, i realize now how much of a problem not having enough money is , it gives you stress, makes you worry about a lot of stuff, stops you from doing things and prevents you from enjoying yourself, which adds up slowly over time and generates even more shit ,arguments and bad vibes. Slowly i was getting my shit together, i had graduated , my fucking internship was almost over , i was going to job interviews, which were all really bad,it was really draining on and when i finally thought i was gonna get shit done for good, like get a good law job,getting a driving license, fix my relationship with you, at which time it was already apparent to me that there was a problem i had been ignoring for quite some time and we were slipping and finally do what i thought i wanted to do and be happy,of course not even one of those things came to fruition ,everything came crashing down again .The whole driving test was rigged, they fucked me in the ass for money, over complicating absolutely everything, you being less and less understanding,cold and distant and increasingly more toxic and what hit the worse was the realization of post graduate life that, you wont make any money and your life will be shit, thank you for studying for 6 long years , here is less money than a fucking cleaning lady, but yeah it says MR LAW in front of your name, shit i was gonna even be a detective, good thing i didn’t go down that path or how you were telling me to go for lawyer and we will manage with your salary and scraps from my dad, fuck what a shit show that would have been. You have no idea how shitty it was looking for a job and getting shit from interviewers and going on about ridiculous job offers, because you and my dad were pressuring me, praise the Emperor I didn’t let that shit get to me, which was the difference between us , that i never listened to my parents, even though you always made fun of me about being a little bitch and listening to my dad, nope, I am not you and I really really really hated how dependent on your parents opinions you were , how you made so much efforts to please them , although you thought you didn’t , you did a lot. Every time you went there for the holidays i would get pissed, because i wanted quality time with you, not to go to my fucking town and listen to my dad and his dumb as wife bullshits , it just drained me so much, being away from you, I should have embraced it and be happy for the alone time, but instead i missed you, which only shows how much I truly loved you. Standing in the cold in the frozen wind I’m leaving you behind but it’s not the end No, no, no Walking on a plane as I hold my breath It’s gonna be weeks till I breathe again How can someone not get depressed after so much shit coming their way, now when i look back I can’t blame myself that much for being like that, I mean i still blame me of course, I should have handled it better, but definitely i look with more kindness on myself going back over this period of my life, Nobody , literally nobody understood me, not even my dad, brother, friends , not even you, it was horrible , funny thing is now my friends are going through the same shit and my brother kinda is as well and they see , but back then no one even tried or made an effort, it was just nagging and bullshit and putting more and more pressure on me in a moment that i needed support and understanding.So in this shitstorm a trip with your parents was the last thing on my mind, but i could not go, you would go crazy and they would be offended, probably it would have been way better if i had not came. I really tried with them, I still can’t figure out why they never liked me. Maybe they knew i was a bad match for you and you had to keep it up with me or God knows why, it doesn’t even matter anymore of course, like most things.I was annoyed by them in that moment,but i was annoyed by everyone and everything you knew that and i still kept face and behaved, I helped them, i was useful and nice, except for groping your ass and fucking you like crazy, but WTF you were my girl, of course i would do that, Jesus fucking Christ, this was/is so fucking ridiculous.Slowly over those months i could feel you slipping completely, you started to disrespect me a lot and slowly i went from your top priority, lol like that ever was true, to bottom line priority, you would prioritize time with your dumb ass bitch friends than spend time with me,the most absurd thing was that we would have fights that we don’t do anything and go anything, but so convenient, you would work on the weekends, the next one you would have lectures, the third one you would go see your mamma, and the 4th one in the month , you would be meh, lets go eat pizza, I’m tired and i wanna rest, which for me was okay , i loved taking you to restaurants, not the same five places of course, we could have tried more stuff, but every week we went out , the problem was you were bitching we don’t do shit and it was your fucking fault and i don’t blame you, i was bad company at the time , its normal to not wanting to spend time together, sadly i needed time alone, we should have split then, until i figure my shit out, that was the only way , but i was too weak to leave you, too desperate to hold on to our dying toxic relationship ,but If i had left you back then , we would still be together, how paradoxical that is, but it is God honest truth, but I’m glad that did not happen, because we would end up having kids or getting married and one day i would wake up and be like what the fuck is going on with my life and why am I with this women, who is clearly not worthy of me, as cmon you never were, not just looks and intelligence, but also your behavior , character and vibe, you are unstable , unreliable and untrustworthy and very volatile ,not someone who would want to have kids and build a future together for sure, good for some time,yes you were not right for me at all , but let me get that CRYSTAL CLEAR that doesn’t change the FACT that i loved you more than anything. Everybody around you was hating me , of course you would start to do the same ,for their own selfish reasons, your boss, he was jealous of me, the fat fucker, that i would get that ass every night and he can’t see his dick from his fat belly, but i didn’t give a damn about that porker, i have no idea why you thought i was jealous of him or whatever, an absurd notion. Back then i didn’t think you could fall so low like you are now, but to be honest you always had an affinity for gross disgusting guys , e.g Romane, Lazslo , that guy you used to date before, most of your male friends, I do believe they made you feel better and more secure, because you felt better than them and you did not have to put so much effort in it or worry about it , or feel bad and be willing to work for it. I saw that pattern even back then and from your conversations with your mom , I think you were raised like that as well, to be mediocre and settle for less , just so you don’t get burned by the fire, which is really sad, but hey , its only your life choices, so who cares. My step brother’s prom came and it was like a really weird spin of fate, two years before that was my brother’s prom and we were so happy ,not pretending, this time around, we just looked happy in the photos and were pretending that everything was okay, which all my family noticed, sadly except for me , but to be honest i knew where we were headed , I just didn’t want to accept it , I used to talk with my dumb ass friend from my town over the phone, going on at great length , how much you are not for me and how much better it would be if we split, but i still had hope that we might get over this and things will be different , that you are different and I am not right, its only a temporary thing and so on and so on, what a fool for you and your love I was. After that your behavior grew increasingly erratic, you would pick fights with me for the slightest of things, complain about everything, nag and blab all the time. I was so worried at that time for securing employment and my upcoming last exam , that i scarcely took notice of said behavior , which for the time was the exact thing i should have done, but as my mind cleared i focused on the things you were saying and complaining about, which was my complete downfall, trying logic and reason with you, when obviously you were doing it on purpose or perhaps you weren’t ,but it came from your deep underneath your consciousness, in a way to force me to leave you , because you could not do it yourself. Those last months were horrible, constant bickering and fighting , i was gonna give you a meme - toxic is good , toxic is great , but we split before i managed to send it. This was quite visible and from the time we spend together or more correctly we did not, you would be at work or drinking with your slut friends , who more than anything wanted you to be single, it’s not normal for your girlfriend to get drunk, especially when she know she has a drinking problem, lol that was joke. But yeah it wasn’t normal that you would go out at noon to drink with you friends and come home at ten , knowing that this is our only free day we should rather spend it together doing something just the two us or with other people,but us together, that was my problem, not you drinking with your friends or in generally getting wasted, problem at the time of course, as I needed you, now if i was in the same situation it wouldn’t be a problem , i would just do the same with my friends or dump your disrespectful ass, you have no idea how low my tolerance for bullshit has become, if you think i was bad before, you should look at me now, I am perfectly aware of who I am, my self worth and self imagine, I am not gonna let anyone, let one some dumb ass bitch fuck with me or walk over me, its either my way or the fucking highway, you wanna be part of my life, my good vibes and self amusement mindset, have a good time, then you must contribute , you must bring something good to the table as well, if not , okay , good luck out there and hope you find what you are looking for. This has been my mindset lately and it has worked wonders for my mental state and happiness. No one cares about that tho , so lets move on to the action part- APOCALYPSE Ever since i started working ,I was hoping things were gonna go improve and we might pull through , but nah, you were already set on breaking up and looking for another guy , that better looking guy from your work that split with his girl didn’t go for you, because he probably saw what you were and you took a liking into gorrila joe , he does look like a monkey to be honest or Mr. disgusting like we like to call him, he was giving you free attention, validating you and boosting your fragile ego and you decided why would you bother with me when you can have this wimp in your legs and walk over him , why try hard when you can go easy and let go of yourself and just give him the only thing you had of value, hidden between your legs. I remember when i met him for the first time, how he looked frightened, we were still together, he knew i knew what was up, but i did not believe you would fall so low and just disregarded him , i mean cmon this guy was so fucking disgusting, how could you even... Just before the end you would go into the most ridiculously arguments , like why i don’t want friends, it was none of your business and i have friends, i just didn’t seem them because of you , you would bitch and moan if I did and generally hated them and other stupid things you would fight with me, i knew the end was coming, as this shit has happened before with another , just a short explanation here, the moment we split she started writing me , sending me cringy snapchats videos of her, for the sole reason i can’t record them or SS , with stupid quesitons how are you doing and so on , my friends said i should fuck her to make you feel bad, but that whore was absolutely disgusting to me, i only entertained the idea of talking with her to get the old photos that got deleted, THAT WAS THE ONLY REASON, she was so insignificant and inconsequential to me that i wouldn’t even care if she would come butt ass naked to my doorstep begging for cock, i would laugh and go to the gym, she appeared again in this story 6 months later, but thats or the last chapter, if she is reading this by any chance , just fuck off, you are a bad memory i erased long ago, like some dumb school project that you did ages ago, exactly can’t remember, doesn’t matter fuck off. But let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves, we went to that nice Italian restaurant and the whole time you were complaining and bitching about stuff , you made an effort not to agree with anything , i don’t want here i don’t want there, stupidity and disrespected pilled up with shit. I finally decided to act, so when we went home i confronted you and asked whats up, you were afraid again to tell me, didn’t have the courage to step up and say the truth , so you gave me the bullshit idk if we should be together, this was the defining moment , I showed you the door and told you to fuck off, you started crying and this was my biggest failure and mistake, that i thought you were different, i felt really bad and sorry for you and said to myself this is my girl i should try to fix it, but no dumbass , it was already unfixable and way too broken for me to repair, the only way this shit was gonna go down my way was if i had dumped you as i first told you to pack you stuff and leave,but my feelings for you again got the better of me . You picked the perfect moment for that of course, i was sick and was feverish , I couldn’t think straight at all , if i was okay , things would have been different and i wouldn’t have been that broken, but yeah my mistake again for putting my faith in you. You lied to me that you love me and said we will work things out, a blatant lie , knowing that you were gonna pack your shit and vanish the day after that , as you do best. And the most disgusting thing was that you were still making plans with me to go to Greece and on a holiday, using for the last time, before we go our separate ways, maybe your guilt got in the way or me pushing you too hard, otherwise you would have stayed for longer with me and God forbid , if we stayed together until the winter, stop me from coming here or we could have pushed through and made it ,who knows, Praise the Emperor that things went the way the did, for me to see you as the person you really are, not that perfect image i had of you.

We finally arrive to that day 29 of August, from the morning i knew something wasn’t right I could sense you, even thought , the last night we slept together i just knew this was it, I could feel it , i asked to leave work earlier and headed home ,but it was already too late as i entered the door my heart fell andwhat happened after that I will cover in the last chapter of your story.

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grizzlefur · 8 years ago

Text

WWEm - Dab v Banana: Whoever Wins, We Look Dumb

Transmission date: Monday 1/Tuesday 2 May 2017

Bust open those diet planners, it's time for SUNDAY NIGHT PALEO!

wait

shit

it's monday afternoon raw

welp, keep it rolling

so yeah, this is the raw after payback

which i mostly remember, but largely thanks to looking it up

we're in sacramento

and as the show starts, the women's division are in the ring

it's carpeted and there's a podium

and here comes alexa to do a big entrance

bayley is somewhat less than impressed

recap slideshow of the title match from payback

featuring alexa stark and head trauma

bayley's wearing a sleeveless jacket over her gear for some reason

alexa sarcastically thanks everyone for turning up because she told kurt to tell them to

god, i love all the words she says

apparently the queen is dead

well, that's a hell of a way to find out

alexa proclaims herself a goddess

that's usually bray's thing

she's set up her own coronation because just being given a belt isn't enough for her

thanks mickie for being an inspiration while also calling her old

thanks sasha, who is dressed even more as a matador than usual

for getting pinned

sasha gets up in her face, she backs up and walks into nia

alexa's like you know what we're good moving on

emma's just stood there smirking like i have no history with you i'll just get the popcorn

alexa gets on the podium, remembers to thank bayley at last

crowd start chanting for bayley, alexa's like yeah thanks i do know her name

talks smack about her family in the audience, bayley is getting tenser and tenser

alexa says bayley's nephews finally have a real role model, bayley's like fuck it, tips over the podium, brawl begins

cut to ads, and we come back on a tag match

bayley/sasha/dana/mickie v alexa/emma/nia/alicia

emma takes some hits, you can just hear alexa on the apron shouting, "Cmon Emma, you're embarrassing us!"

mickie tags in to kick emma in the face seven different ways

emma's lost the smiley boob face, which is a shame

but she has taken to wearing turquoise lipstick, so i can get behind that

dana gets a phase against alicia, in which we can see how much she's improved

she's actually a pretty good wrestler now

alicia's gear has been redesigned again, and this time seems to have been constructed largely at random

this is such an archetypal whole-division let's-all-do-our-spots exhibition tag match

sasha decides to slow down the formula by putting alicia in a leg trap straitjacket for a solid minute

alexa shouts at alicia to come and tag, alicia, still tied in knots by sasha, shouts back "I'M TRYING!"

cut to ads, and when we come back nia jax has punched sasha's soul out

nia tags in, elbow drops sasha in the back

ouch

alexa is standing at ringside doing the whole let's you and him fight thing

refusing to even entertain the idea of tagging in

nia does her chancery toss on sasha so the slowmo replay guy has something to do

sasha fights out a few times, with nia dropping her again every time, and finally tagging alexa in

sasha has many skills, but nobody ever talks about how well she bumps

she can take damage like nobody's business

sasha finally manages to get a tag, enter bayley, grudge match commences

mashes alexa's face into the turnbuckle, yknow, like babyfaces do

bayley to belly for a near-fall, broken by nia doing an elbow drop

cue everyone beating on everyone

dana and mickie take down nia, emma takes dana, alicia takes sasha, alexa takes the distraction to rake bayley's eyes and ddt for the pin

i know i said formula, but it's a good formula

that was a good match

heels pose in the ring, faces carry their heroine out, alexa mocks everyone in the world

yes, that includes you

and now we talk about braun/roman

and a replay of braun v. ambulance round 2

later we have updates on both of their condition

also seth rollins tells us what's next

but actually next, chickenfucker and large have a match

enzo swaggers in like he's shat himself

or maybe he's riding a very short invisible horse

apparently they haven't slept, because they had a match

which was at like 4 p.m. local time

you guys need to sort out your sleep schedule

mid-smacktalk, anderson and gallows blindside them but end up getting thrown out of the ring

enzo looks even more concussed than usual

cut to ads, cut back and the match is on

it's enzo/gallows solo, which is a totally reasonable matchup

booker t makes a public enemy reference to show us how cool he is

although that consisted of just naming people who were in public enemy before mumbling and talking about something else, having never quite reached whatever point he was aiming for

most of this match has comprised gallows knocking enzo down, then doing wolfpac hands over him

he does know that's not how you pin someone, right?

i mean, i think enzo's a tool, but still, five solid minutes of him getting the shit kicked out of him does not make entertaining television

enzo keeps getting brief showings of offence before gallows is just like lol no and kicks him in the face

even the announce team are making fun of booker for talking shit and never finding the point

enzo gets a second rope dropkick, gallows actually goes down for once

gallows ends up on his knees, enzo does an honest to god randy-style punt to his head

not something i expected to see

near-pin off that, then a brief confrontation between cass and karl lets gallows drop enzo for the pin

well, that was definitely a worthy continuation of the preshow

and now we're in the locker room

tjp approaches neville to be smug and insouciant

and ask about his near-loss last night

neville's like fuck off mate, i like you but anyone who says that can still go fuck themselves

apparently it was the referee's fault

neville does a whole thing about how austin is occupying tj's rightful contendership spot

so we've got perkins/aries later

this is so sith

darth neville swishes off, cut to ads

up next, seth rollins does something

either someone's broken a drum machine, or here he comes

swaggers in like yeah i am awesome aren't i, but now we all love him for it

pumps the crowd, who are apparently feeling good

seth's out to do a freestyle speech about the fans and his career and it sounds like he's getting a lifetime achievement award or some shit

"You gotta embrace the sucky part of life just as much as the good stuff, man."

deep

he's beaten everybody around, so now he wants brock

or more specifically, the belt

he's like i've been to suplex city and fuck that place

its tripadvisor ratings must be terrible

"Large man pounded me into jam. Wifi coverage acceptable. No breakfast. 1.5/5"

in bursts finn to be like hey wait a minute are you forgetting the bit where i beat you for that title with ONE FUCKING ARM fuck away off with you

and...here's dean?

what claim does he even have

swings in with his belt, makes some jokes, does a thing about fighting champions

like we all know brock no longer exists, so why isn't everyone here to fight me fuck it i'm dean ambrose i'll fight anyone one time i punched a toddler for a happy meal toy he found in a gutter i stepped on my mother's face to get to the last slice of borthday cake i'm crazy fuck it

enter an angry miz, who doesn't like dean making a mockery of his belt

finn steps to him, miz is like yeah you cheapshotted me good job sod off

calls dean out for not defending the belt at payback

and just straight-up calls seth a gimp

didn't know that was pg

apparently we all hate miz because he's too good at wrestling

dean, finn and seth all tell him to shut up in perfect unison

dean's like hey i can sort this out, you know what everyone likes? Everyone likes seeing miz get beaten up

gets his mobile out, calls kurt

who apparently is not happy dean has his personal number

but he has agreed to miz/seth/finn for ic title contendership tonight

dean's like fuck i'm good and walks out, leaves the others arguing

i love how the ic belt is the de facto top title now that brock's fucked away off to his house made of suplexes

but now, let's have a dramatic slideshow of roman/braun at payback

while the announcers remind us that roman, braun and kalisto have all been in hospital

i had forgotten how brutal then end of that match was

.but braun breaking the ambulance is still hilarious

his is like an anime fight scene

what with the length, constant false endings, and everyone ending up totally fucked

is this braun's final form

but now, purple rope time

6-man tag, which is wwe code for 'we finished all the storylines we had planned, let's put everyone in the ring at once so we can set up the new feuds'

nese/kendrick/dar versus...

i'm guessing swann/ali/gallagher

oh look, it's rich swann

oh yeah, wait, tozawa

how the fuck did i forget him

probably because in my mind he's main eventing everything

and jack

two out of three, i guess

jack comes out with spare umbrellas so all three of them can pose with them

truly gentlemanly

we open with kendrick/tozawa, continuing their educate-off

kendrick's tights tonight are the flat blue of default-coloured clothes on your minimum-effort CAW

kendrick tags out to nese, who beats the fuck out of tozawa

so yeah, this is just another multi-man exhibition thing

have we had any singles matches so far?

and i'm not counting enzo/gallows, because that was basically a tag match

three babyfaces team up to throw tony nese at noam and brian as we cut to break

tony is still riding for astana, and i remain unconvinced that those colours suit him

vertical holds akira with one arm while admiring his lovely bicep, before just dumping him on the top rope

...ow

holds him in a torture rack for ages, looking inches from just saying fuck it and dropping a burning hammer

which would be one hell of a way to get fired

tozawa finally manages to tag out off the distraction of tony nese being a dick, brawlery begins

captain's hook on gallagher, akira breaks it with a shining wizard

akira and rich keep the others occupied while jack hits his big dropkick for the pin

good match, but zero narrative content

and also, where the fuck is mustafa ali

but now, let's talk about the tag scene

and the ongoing saga of jeff hardy's tooth

complete with incisive commentary

(i'm sorry)

and the KKB finally turning heel

and now we get slowmo highlighted video of the tooth leaving his mouth for some reason

but now, here come my favourite tag team to explain themselves

both wearing heavy black jackets and aviator shades now

so you know they're evil

also lessens the blinding risk of their intro somewhat

the crowd aren't sure how to react

oh, now the music stops, the boos are in

oh my god, people are booing cesaro

there's a thing

shockingly, i like their coats

sheamus does a whole thing about how he's finally free to admit that he's always hated the audience because they've always been shit to him

which is fair, really

and cesaro's joined him on the dark side because mania was supposed to be their moment until the hardyz showed up

he gets a fiery bit ripping on the crowd for embracing a nostalgia act over current talent

which is also totally fair

i do love these two on the mic

they take it to the hardyz for being a novelty act

the crowd are finally getting properly behind booing them

this is a proper heel turn with some reason and thought behind it

i approve

apparently they are the bar

said like it's their new catchphrase

and here come said novelty act

matt does one delete arm, gets on the mic with his weird in-between accent

and then they do one more together before rushing the ring

cesaro and sheamus are just like fuck that and walk off before they can get their hands on them

i like this feud a lot

you could probably tell

and now, charly interviews miz and maryse in a room made of led boards

asking about the match tonight

miz does a whole speech about method acting, and while the frame's on him, charly turns into dean

asks another sarcastic question, miz gives him a dirty look and walks off

but now, heath and rhyno are here?

video from earlier tonight, with heath giving apollo parenting advice

until titus appears to shield his protégé like dude i'm the best dad why wouldn't you come to me i'm hurt

so now here they come too

the match is heath/apollo

i'm not sure where this angle is going, so let's see

heath gets put in a headscissors, jumps out of it and lands into a headlock, shouting "THAT'S A COUNTER, BABY!"

god, i love that redneck weirdo

and he is really technically good

for all that i don't really get the story of it, this is a good technical match

most of the narrative is in the reactions of their managers

titus distracts heath briefly, spinout powerbomb for the pin

titus does his post-win selfie with apollo, rhyno photobombs them because of course he does

like fuck my wounded tag partner, this'll be hilarious

apparently on 205 we have tjp/lince, ali/gulak and dar/swann

sounds good

but now, we talk about two men murdering each other last night

at least, now we advance the story

we've been talking about it all night

on which note, here comes a kurt

not sure it needs him to be out here, but fuck it, it's kurt angle, everyone loves him

and his weird kidney bean head

apparently braun/roman was the most physical match kurt's ever seen

[citation needed]

apparently roman has reinjured his ribs, and braun tore his rotator cuff

god, i hope that's a work

speech continues, WYATT CUT

there's no real reason for bray to be here, it's just fun to fuck with the administration

and besides, he needs something to do now that his last victim is on a different show

(can i have a sidebar to talk about how much i hope the house of horrors is going to be a recurring thing?)

(cos i really do)

music cuts, lights stay down except for one on bray and kurt

kurt's stood there like what the actual fuck

bray introduces himself to kurt, everyone pops

apparently he's here tonight as our saviour

i want to see his door-to-door missionaries

apparently randy will forever be trapped in the house of horrors

did he not watch the second half of the match either?

so now that's done, bray has come here as the angel of raw

he can fix us all, apparently

every part of him can heal us from the poison we can't feel

so bray's here to ask if kurt is willing to let him do his work

kurt's like i don't fucking know, that was super vague

but this is my show

which elicits major cackling from bray

and he's like sure, but this is my world

wyatt cut, end

and now dean is back in interview mode

turns up in the locker room, sticks a mic in seth's face like how are you feeling about the match tonight

seth's like what the fuck is this why are you doing interviews this wasn't scheduled or anything

to which dean counters with "Well, there are cameras in here. Be pretty weird if there were cameras in the locker room and there *wasn't* an interview planned."

this is probably the best-written episode of raw in like ever

dean gets sidetracked pitching his new interview show on the network

wants it to be the today show or the daily show

seth's like um dude those are real shows

dean asks seth how he feels about the prospect of winning this and facing dean ambrose, seth gives him a weird look and does the rest of the interview in the third person too#

this is fucking gold

they do a semi-friendly faceoff, dean's like welp dean got surprised once, won't happen again

[tensionnnnnnn]

signs off (to gorilla), and it's cruiserweight time vol. 2

(for the record, the first time he signed off to bobby and gene)

so yes, it's Dab v Banana: Whoever Wins, We Look Dumb

tj finally gets an attack phase in, thanks entirely ti crotching austin on the turnbuckle

works the knee, wraps it up in the ropes

so yeah, narrative is happening

stands on austin's knee and dabs, because twat

i am enjoying angry tjp with something to prove, as opposed to entitled worthy millennial tjp

austin's fighting in underdog mode, so he's so going to win

ooh, tj bullfights austin into the post, then gets him in a half-crab while sitting on the top turnbuckle

that ticks my shit-i've-never-seen-before box

austin gets the upper hand, hits the sloppiest fucking suicide dive ever

sort it out, austin

although i guess that could just be him selling damage

but hey

and now he gets the whole pendulum elbow and second rope elbow drop combos

tj goes for a detonation kick, austin counters with a shin breaker and suplex, goes for the discus fivearm, tj kicks him in the hurt knee, goes for detonation again, austin counters directly into the last chancery for the tap

good match, lovely finish

as the ref's raising austin's hand, tj chop blocks him and puts him in a kneebar, because, once again, twat

ref finally pulls him off, so he saunters off, smirking like douchebag pinoy fred savage

cut to backstage, finn gets ambushed by interview dean

finn is hardcore, does his whole fuck nerves i'm awesome thing, so dean finishes up by giving him a twinkie

"For the love of God, man, eat a carb!"

outstanding moment, not damaged at all by the fact that i had it spoiled

finn takes one bite and stalks off, dean starts eating the rest, when *atmospheric strum* elias shitting samson looms out of the shadows

dean's just like okay cool i have music now, asks him for pearl jam

elias gives him a look, walks off, still playing

huh

and...cut to goldust?

pitching a film to kurt

The Golden Quest

truth translates, they want a title match

kurt's like jesus guys stop asking me you never win anything you can't have a title match why the fuck would that happen

goldust prevails upon him some more, kurt finally caves and puts them in a turmoil match for contendership next week

they leave, kurt's just like thank fuck they're gone

and now the announce team do a thing about jericho, despite him not being on this show any more

cue facebook video of kurt bidding him farewell

well, that advanced approximately nothing

but was short

so hey, swings and roundabouts

but now it's main event time

*does the arms*

oh my god i just flashed forward to how sweet it'll be the first time he does the demon entrance again

it's gonna be so good

whatever you think about miz, you've got to admit that entrance is just the most polished thing

and maryse is spectacularly attired, as ever

one day i'll get through a show without being desperately jealous of maryse's wardrobe, but it is not this day

in contrast to those two, seth's entrance is just shouting at the crowd and amping them up

aka cenaing all over the place

this is the classic triple threat dynamic of heel/face/i'm a fucking demon screw your dichotomies

naturally, miz opens by rolling out like it's cool you guys have your match

and he'll lurk at the edge until he sees an opportunity

every time there's a pin attempt, he lunges into the ring and they just look at him until he's just like ooooookaaaaaaaay and slides back out

they're finally giving up on that plan and going after miz

seth chases miz, miz runs into the ring, sees finn is still there and is just like ...ah

tries to talk his way out of it, they both kick him in the face

proper three-way begins

but most of it is still seth/finn, to be honest

and you know what?

i don't give a shit

the whole match could be seth/finn and i'd still watch the crap out of it

it'd be amazing

seth goes for a tope, maryse gets deployed as a shield

finn goes for him, she does it again

but that opens him up for seth

i've just noticed how much black and silver gear we have in the ring

seth goes to the top rope, miz pushes him off, he falls to ringside, lands feet-first and his his head on the barricade

jesus, dude,

please don't die

miz goes for his bryan spot, gets kicked in the face

seth appears back in the ring to crossbody finn, lands on his neck, we don't even get a good shot of it because miz headbutts the camera

jesus christ, seth

cool it down like 20%

it'll still be great, and you won't die

by now, everybody in this match is just beat to shit

and it's been great

finn tries to get back in the ring, miz hits him with seth

lines them both up for the yes kicks

finn throws him at seth, who catches him into a ddt hold, then drops it down as finn kicks him in the face

this is fucking balletic

finn kicks miz out of the ring, clotheslines seth out, then runs along the apron to punt miz in the head, runs all the way around to do a massive dropkick launching seth into the barricade, then carries him into the ring for a 1916

miz breaks the pin

i really thought that was gonna be the finish

what a fucking sequence

god, i've missed finn

sling blades seth, lines up for a corner dropkick, miz crotches him into the ring post

mis goes for a finale, seth counters, miz kicks him in the knee and ddts him

and now, figure four

finn breaks it by kicking miz in the head again, near-fall

i have no fucking clue where this match is going to go, but it's fantastic

everyone kicks everyone in the head, seth nearly pins finn

seriously, maybe cool it with the headkicking

i hear it's not good for you

miz tries a comeback, seth ddts him into the post, then hits them both with a double blockbuster, and frog splash for the near-fall

hoooooly shit

the crowd are going absolutely mental, and who can blame them

miz goes to the top rope, seth throws finn at the cameraman and counters into a superplex and a falcon arrow

that's the speed you superplex at

and STILL no pin

suicide dives both of them, when samoa fucking joe spinebusters him at ringside and walks off shouting

so guess we're doing that

sling blade to miz, corner dropkick, lines up for the coup de grace, FUCKING WYATT CUT and bray pushes him off the top and hits sister abigail, than vanishes in another cut

what the actual fuck is going on

and miz crawls over to pin finn and carry on the dean/miz feud

so coming out of that, we have dean/miz (fun), joe/seth (great), and bray/finn (HYPE HYPE HYPE)

that was a great match, capping off a really good episode and setting up a load of good feauds

i am a happy shitposter

and we fade on miz and maryse embracing on the ramp, finn seething in the ring, and ofiicials checking on seth slumped against the barricade like what's going on did i win

wow

*exhales*

with a perhaps-vain hope that that momentum will continue, i'm gonna go get a drink (i think we all need one), and then we're going to SMACK MONDAY AFTERNOON DOWN!

(wait no, it's monday afternoon smackdown)

(daniel, can you *please* stop delivering my memos in jigsaw form)

and in my case, that drink is a carton of strawberry-flavoured soya milk, because i'm hardcore

but yes

downsmackery

we open with video from earlier, with jinder doing a triumphal photoshoot with the belt

until shane turns up like ahem don't think that's yours

jinder scowls, cut to titles

apparently jinder's fighting sami later

burlesque!lana is in the titles, despite never having actually turned up

and the show proper opens with the commissioner soft-shoeing his way in, as usual

shane does a cheap pop, so at least now i know where we are

(fresno, for the record)

shane does a big intro for smackdown's latest bescarfed title-holder

oh my god he should replace the belt with a championship scarf

make it happen, wwe

scrotumhat on announce somehow draws a straight line from jericho beating the rock and stone cold to being here tonight

jericho gives us a smack it down, maaaaaaaaaan, even i groan

shane cuts to the chase, announces that kevin's getting his rematch tonight

so naturally, here comes aj styles?

this is about par for the course for smackdown disjointedness, to be fair

the crowd try to do duelling chants for aj and chris, can't pull it off

sort your shit out, fresno

aj reminds us that y2aj was a thing long enough to make shirts

and aj's looking forward to taking the belt of chris or kevin at backlash, whichever

chris has taken over the face of america thing, and they love him for it for some reason

aj makes the list for not believeing in chris's chances

or he nearly does

jericho cocks the pen, cue kevin

who's still got the face of america entrance and gear, because why not

promises to give chris even worse shit than at mania or the festival of friendship #neverforget

and goes to aj like the fuck are you even doing here get out of my ring

aj shrugs, leaves the ring, runs up the ramp to beat the piss out of him

officials run in, end segment

later we have naomi/charlotte v natalya/carmella, but next, jinder/sami with the singhs lurking nearby but not going to do anything no sir

announce team let us know that, per the shane, aj is banned from ringside for the match tonight

but nLET'S GO

recap from talking smack, when baron beat him into a brief coma for daring to have an interview spot when he didn't

and enter the jinder, accompanied by the singhs and their tacky shirts

slideshow of the house of horrors fallout

in which tom phillips confirms that he does not know what 'abscond' means

bell rings, begin the wristlock party

jinder's got new gear, and now he has a scrotum flower as well as an asshole mandala

jinder has realised the secret technique where you can just not let go after a rainmaker, so he just does a bunch of them to sami in a row

sami's getting beaten to death, but you should know that

it's the opening three-quarters of a sami zayn match

has anyone ever tried just pushing sami over and pinning him without hitting him at all?

he may actually be a 90s JRPG boss

sami finally flywheels up, hits a crossbody

lines up another move, sunil gets up and distracts him, near-fall

really weird tornado ddt there

not even sure who was going for it

sami goes for a helluva kick, sunil pulls jinder out of the way (not a dq for some reason), sami lines up for a tope, samir grabs his legs for a distraction, jinder hits a full nelson slam for the pin

so yeah, sami has the attention span of a lab rat on experimental stimulants

but now, becky runs into the welcoming committee backstage

nattie tries to sell her on charlotte being evil and taking becky's title shots

becky's like hmm let me think about it

huh

not how i'd expect her to react

and they all just walk off

and fade

to the advert for shinsuke, and by extension backlash

or not, it was just shinsuke

pan out to dolph watching that video and bitching to some randomers about shinsuke and the managment

naturally, shane is right behind him throughout

dolph doesn't give a shit

promises to show us all what will happen to shinsuke by killing sin cara later

but now, aiden english gets a song about how great he is

i miss gotch

sad face

tye's entrance hits during the song

aiden is unimpressed

bell rings, aiden blindsides tye while he's still taking his shirt off

which is really either tye's own fault or the timekeeper's

*shrug*

it still doesn't help much, because when did aiden english win anything

and tye does a facebuster variation of the tye breaker for the pin

within like two minutes

sigh

aiden proceeds to have a freakout in the ring

all together now

YOOOOOOOOU

DID THIIIIIIIS

TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEE

and just cut away, sure, whatever

but now renee interviews chris backstage

aiden walks past crying, chris stops the interview to tell him to stop crying on smackdown because life is good and also if you don't you make the list

chris leaves so much of a pause that i'm beginning to think he's forgotten what happens

puts aiden on the list, he bursts out crying again, puts renee on the list just cos, walks off

because...babyface?

sure

moving on

let's spin a recap of the women's match last week

and now dasha has charlotte in the tv-and-curtains-limbo backstage

charlotte's like sure i'm tagging with naomi tonight but i'm still gonna fuck her up for the belt

carmella appears, followed by the rest of the welcoming committee

they beat on her and throw her into some crates, tamina shouts at her, james stands at the back like yeeeeeeeeeah, cut away

and now we have that match

naomi's entrance continues to be fucking awesome

now accessorising with a hooded coat with a fluorescent lining

huh, apparently we're sponsored by rocket league tonight

finally, one i can get behind

we go directly from that intro into natalya's

the whole committee comes out, because apparently this is all of their music

apparently charlotte's music hit during the break but she never turned up

so yeah, handicap match

bell rang and everything

carmella tries talking shit, so naomi kicks her legs in half

lands her kick rush combo, nattie tags in

does a really weird springboard drop on naomi

kind of backfires, because it ended with naomi sitting down, which is her power stance

so nattie follows up by smacking her face into the stairs

carmella tags in, has naomi in a headlock while shouting "YOU WANNA KICK ME?"

which seems tactically questionable

because as it turns out, she does indeed want to kick her

naomi and natalya take each other down, charlotte's music hits

hobbles up the ramp, gets ready to tag in

naomi gets the tag, charlotte opens by sprinting across the ring and punching carmella off the apron

goes for the figure four, broken by a briefly-returning carmella

takes it to nattie again, carmella runs in, gets kicked in the head, but provides the distraction for nattie to discus elbow charlotte

cut for ads, and carmella's got the upper hand on charlotte again

goes for the bronco buster, charlotte dodges so she crotches herself and then tags naomi in

naomi aggressively sits down at, and then on, carmella

nattie distracts the ref and ellsworth distracts naomi, carmella gets a rollup and a handful of tights for the pin

the rest of the committee immediately come in to beat on the good guys

and here comes a becky

runs into the ring, then stands there, caught in indecision

ooh, heel becky would be interesting

and she says she's in

and goes for a handshake

shakes hands with the girls, asks james for a hug, then throws him at the other three to join the light side of this brawl

which goes well until tamina punches her in the head

more beating ensues, the four of them stand over their fallen foes

so that run-in went well

dramatic video about how great the new day are

(spoiler: thery're p great)

including them riding a cg unicorn

but now, here's sin cara in a teal morphsuit

doesn't even get an entrance, because it's sin fucking cara

and here comes douche ziggler

to punish sin cara's abhorrent fashion choices

on the other hand, sin cara hits a lovely springboard crossbody like fuck you gran metalik

does the lucha arms, the crowd aren't particularly into it

so he's like fuck you fresno, throws dolph out of the ring and then suicide dives him

dolph manages to turn things around, because sin cara

crowd still aren't really into it

mostly chanting for shinsuke

and...sin cara does a single-leg deadlift powerbomb?

huh

strange eons

goes for a springboard moonsault, dolph gets the knees up, then a really lazy superkick for the pin

well, that match happened

but now, main event time

after more burlesque

still "coming soon"

and also before that, a bit for fresno state university and noam telling us to watch 205

and a law and order parody for the fashion police

in which tyler doesn't get typewriters

fandango enters with a dossier on all the crimes of the usos

tyler pins a backlash to the evidence board

they get called away for more fashion crimes

and scene

that was...deeply strange

and also way funnier than you'd think

but actually actually now, it's main event time

here comes chris and his fairy light scarf

talking smack will feature the welcoming committee, aj. chris, and kevin

so that'll go well

enter kevin, and the face on the floor still does him no favours

anamorphism ho!

oh for fuck's sake

before we can actually have this match, here's a slideshow of their payback match, sponsored by a brand of chicken that we don't know enzo's sexual opinions on

and some long-ass intros

(we love you gregg)

START THE FUCKING MATCH ALREADY

chris hogans at the crowd a bit, because we've agreed to let him get away with that

chris stamps on the legendary finger a bit, then smacks it on the steps

dude, you know he has nine others that all perform the same function, right?

i'd be narrating more of the action, but let's be honest, it's the same match as mania and payback

but hey, it's a good match

chris goes for a top rop axe handle, kevin counters by gut-punching him out of the air

(punching him in the gut, that is)

(he did not take him out of the air with his gut)

(he is not king kong bundy)

goes for a lionsault, doesn't connect because duh

but now gets him in the walls again

goes for the rope, let down by the injured finger, then goes like oh wait i have two and grabs it with his other hand

jericho counters a popup powerbomb into a spike piledriver, because it's apparently head trauma week

and straight into the walls again

much roaring later, kevin makes it to the rope

slides out, jericho tries to follow him, only to eat a superkick and then a ddt on the ramp

gets back into the ring, superkicks him again, still can't get a pin

kevin picks chris up by the ears, takes a moment to shout at him, nearly goes down to a rollup

and then popup powerbomb for the win

well, that title flip accomplished its purpose

namely, of making sure jericho is in as many ppvs as possible

he'll be back at raw in time for the next one

kevin leaves the ring with the belt as terrible medics run past him to check on chris

kevin is seemingly annoyed that they're not coroners, so runs back in to beat on him some more

and yell YOU WERE NEVER MY BEST FRIEND in his face

awwww

clearly lots of complex emotions bubbling under there

he walks off up the ramp with his belt, we get a really long shot of officials and medics carrying chris out

only for kevin to run back down, hit him again, stamp on the back of his neck, then put his head through a chair and slam it into the post

dude

that's a legit murder

and fade on chris going bleeeeeeeeeurgharrgahgblblb

as he does so well

and next, i'mma watch talking smack

but you're not

nerrrrrrrrrr

*backs out of the room, pointing at you with her tongue out*

#Wrestling #WWE #WWE Raw #wwe smackdown

2 notes · View notes

ghosta-r · 8 years ago

Note

1-70, Dragon ask

O.O omg someone actually did it. alright here we go. this is gonna take a while.

how would you handle living on Berk? well, it would be a huge culture shock for a while, obviously. it would take me a while to get used to not having wifi and running water. but i think in the long run i’d like it! they were simpler times, after all. also adventure. can’t get adventure like that in the 21st century, can we?

how do you think you’d be different if you grew up on Berk? i think my mind wouldn’t be as cluttered. i think i would live a simpler life. i would likely still be enthusiastic and creative and kinda weird, but in a very Viking way.

yaks, chicken, or sheep? um... i guess sheep? i’d probably have one that i’d just hang out with all the time and talk to like it was a cat or something lol

the chicken is not amused. what did you do wrong? i procrastinated homework that’s what

favorite dragon species? don’t ask me that. it’s like trying to pick a favorite cat breed! i don’t care what kind it is just give me all the kitties!!! same with dragons. i love them all.

what type of dragon would you like to ride? is that different from the dragon you’d most likely ride? um... i think i’d like to ride a Triple Stryke or a Deathsong or a Flightmare. something unexpected! but i’d most likely ride a Gronckle; probably all i could handle.

how would your first flight on a dragon turn out? maybe with me flopping down on my back and simultaneously wanting to fly every minute of my life and to never fly again.

on a scale of Snotlout to Hiccup, how are your dragon riding skills? on that scale i am Dagur. just dicking around like a maniac until i figure it out.

would you get into trouble on Berk? it depends. i’m not exactly a daredevil and i’m not an inventor of potentially dangerous weapons. looking at you, hiccup. but no matter how much i try to stay out of the spotlight i manage to do one or two things wrong so yeah i’d probably get into minimal trouble

would you try Astrid's yaknog? yes, out of politeness. then, if i’m brave enough, i’d critique it. without getting punched in the face.

coolest dragon? NIGHTFURY

scariest dragon? the Screaming Death. that thing is freaky. of course i did once make up a giant spider dragon but that’s not canon so it don’t count

most unique dragon? i’d say the Triple Stryke! it’s like a scorpion pokemon and i love it so much

favorite dragon class? uh.... i guess Strike class?

suggest a new dragon species. what does it look like? what are its powers? SPIDER DRAGON!!! well, technically it’s called the Arachnid Vilehide. it looks similar to a Deathsong, only in dark, dull colors with no bright decorations, and it has eight long skinny legs and wings that it can fold into special flaps on its back. also it’s got a couple different venoms; one to put prey to sleep and one to kill prey.

if YOU were a dragon, what would you be? oy. i have no clue. maybe a Terrible Terror.

any underappreciated dragon species you want to give a callout to? GRONCKLES!! they are so sweet and pure and so overlooked!

what do you think Stoick does with all his wooden duck carvings? maybe he’s creating them for his future grandchildren. hehe

the dragon riders can visit anywhere in the world, any place in history. where would you suggest they go? ah....... maybe the Lewis and Clark expedition???? cmon, exploring a mysterious new land? hiccup loves that shit!

you, Hiccup, Snotlout, and Tuffnut are now roommates in an apartment. how well does this work out? alright i feel like hiccup would be a decent roommate. snotlout and tuffnut on the other hand would not. tuff would probably keep his space fairly contained, but he’d just do a lot of weird shit. i don’t know

you, Astrid, Heather, and Ruffnut are now roommates in an apartment. how well does this work out? alright this would be pretty cool. since we’d all be girls, it wouldn’t be so weird. plus it would be easier for us to bond. girls nights!!

what do you think the dragon riders are like as old women and men? uh... like themselves but.. slower, quieter, and weirder.

which character do you relate the most to? definitely Hiccup. we are both restless explorers. we are both discovering who we are. we are both compassionate, but at the same time take no shit. we are awkward and know we’re a little weirder than everyone else. we are adventurers and stubborn rebels.

how well do your know your dragon stats? not at all.

who would you want to spend a day with? who would be your best friend? HICCUP.

how would you handle the twins' pranks? Loki'd! i would be very annoyed with them at first. but then as i get used to it i would learn how to retaliate.

you and Snotlout are on patrol together. what happens? Snotlout tries to flirt with me and i ignore him.

which character would you get along with the least? ah... maybe Snotlout. i don’t know, i kinda get along with everyone so idk

anyone on Berk you'd date? I hear Bucket is single... maybe ruffnut? she’s so pretty!

axes, swords, hammers, bows and arrows, or maces? i think bows and arrows. i’d suck at close combat!

what would your house look like on Dragon's Edge? homey and cozy. i’d have lots of space for my hobby activities (painting and embroidery, probably) but also special spaces where i have my books, candles, blankets, and pillows just so i can chill there in the evenings.

what is your favorite house on Dragon's Edge? i think the clubhouse, actually!

what's your favorite island? (outside of Berk) uh i guess Dragon’s Edge? it’s a cool lil place.

favorite villain? i think Viggo. he is definitely one of the most compelling villains i’ve ever seen, and not just in httyd. sad to see him go! i hope he’s not dead.

how would you handle being kidnapped by the Outcasts? i would barely be able to handle it at all. you know, panic and stuff. i’d kinda just hide in wherever the Outcasts put me while i wait for Hiccup to come save my sorry ass.

give the dragon riders superpowers. what can each of them do? um.. Hiccup has actual wings and can fly. Astrid has super strength. the twins can predict anything that will happen in the next hour. i don’t know what the rest of them have, i’m tired

favorite track in the HTTYD or HTTYD 2 OST? i love the track Flying With Mother from httyd2. hiccup is such a mama’s boy!

favorite ship? HICCSTRID. but i also have a soft spot for Dagcup.

favorite friendship? i love Hiccup and Snotlout’s friendship.

favorite dragon-rider duo? the twins make a great duo. i love them.

favorite secondary or background character? DAGUR! does he count?

suggest a new pairing. why would it work? ah.... maybe Ruffnut and Dagur? they’re both pretty weird but also have lots of strengths. also they are cinnamon rolls. i think they’d make a really cute ship.

I want these two characters to spend more time together... definitely Hiccup and Dagur.

come up with a crack pairing. um.. Snotlout and Fishlegs. idk it’s off the top of my head.

have any HTTYD OCs? YES!!!! i have an OC named Glacier who was once a forager of dragon root for Viggo. eventually she figured out what the dragon root was being used for, so she quit and ended up joining the dragon riders, but not without a lot of hardships along the way. anyways she ends up breaking off completely from her abusers and rising above her fear to defeat them.

suggest a new AU (or mention an AU you like). i’ve recently been getting into a pirates AU! i’ve only just started so it’s really new but i like it a lot

suggest a new crossover (or mention one you like). um idk i’d really like a crossover with Voltron. i think it would be fun!

list off your top three fandoms. now combine them with HTTYD. what would the crossover be like? um, Gravity Falls (a wormhole in time and space makes the dragon riders fall into Gravity Falls), Ghostbusters (the ghosts of the dragon riders are looking for the ghosts of their dragons and the Ghostbusters end up helping them do so), and Voltron (the dragon riders are targeted by Zarkon and Team Voltron protects them).

list off any three of your fandoms and combine them with HTTYD for the weirdest crossover you can think of. but i just did that!

do you think any of the dragon riders have children? have any headcanons about the next generation? i have many headcanons. but my favorite is that Hiccup and Astrid end up adopting a little girl and her younger brother when their village is completely destroyed by an unknown enemy.

favorite thing about your favorite character? i love how compassionate Hiccup is. he tries to avoid bloodshed if he can and that’s why he is so pure.

tell me a character and I'll give you a headcanon. um.. i don’t really understand this one.

tell me a character and I'll give you a favorite quote. ???

tell me a show, movie, or movie short and I'll tell you a favorite scene. ?????????

have you read the books? if so, which book is your favorite? i’ve only read a handful of them! but i loved How to Be a Pirate. i’ve gotta finish reading them!

suggest a DreamWorks Dragons episode plot. um... Hiccup is kidnapped by pirates and held for ransom. idk i think it might be a fun episode.

who's an underappreciated character and why do you appreciate them? RUFFNUT IS SO UNDERAPPRECIATED. did you see how badass she was in “Twintuition”??? she’s fuckin awesome!!!!

you have to give each of the dragon riders awards. what awards do you give everyone? to Hiccup: most near-death experiences without actually dying. to Astrid: supreme queen of badassery. to Snotlout: not as big of a jerk as you could have been. to Fishlegs: sweetest nerd in existence. to the twins: best secret geniuses. to Heather:

who has the best hairstyle? Heather! i love her braid.

should Hiccup, Fishlegs, Snotlout, and Tuffnut grow beards? .....nah.

who has the best outfit? i’d say... Hiccup. he just looks great

how would you react if Snotlout started hitting on you? roll my eyes and ignore him.

how would you react if Ruffnut started hitting on you? i think i would instinctively blush!

do you know all the lyrics in "For the Dancing and the Dreaming?" yes. yes i do. i may or may not mouth the entire song to myself in the shower.

let's be mean. how do you think each of the dragon riders will die? in an ideal world, they’ll all die of old age surrounded by their loved ones. but most likely, some of them will die by murder, maybe by recklessness, maybe by accidents with dragons. i honestly don’t know. do i even want to know?

how did you enter the HTTYD fandom? officially? well, it was June 15, 2014. i had just seen httyd2 in theaters with my family. i cried in the theater and i was blown away by how incredible it was. so, as i do when i’m blown away by a movie, i checked out the tag on tumblr. what i found was an amazing fandom filled with such sweet and talented people. that was the day i joined the fandom.

when did you enter the HTTYD fandom? as i said, June 15, 2014.

what made you fall in love with How to Train Your Dragon? i think it was the sense of adventure and wonder, and the idea that the person who didn’t expect much of himself and was different from everyone else was the one who changed his entire world. that’s inspiring.

what is something you didn't initially think about but grew to love about HTTYD? probably all the meta that goes with the series. there’s deeper things behind what you initially see. once you see it, it’s beautiful.

what is the BEST thing (to you) about HTTYD and its franchise? the best thing? i’d say it’s the characters. they’re really deeply created. they have flaws, fears, and goals. i just love how they’re written

wow that took forever.

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riftleague · 7 years ago

Text

Chap. 7

They stared at each other for a moment before Luke broke the silence again.

“He’s the complete opposite of me!”

The other Luke was infuriated by Luke’s presence, "What do you want to do?! Do you want to steal my money? My gang? Listen now and listen good, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you were from another dimension, another universe! One where I’m a nerdy yabbo perchance? So I want you to leave, and go back to wherever you FRIKEN came from, and remember this face!”

Luke wasn’t listening. He was busy showing Present his phone camera, “Watch this: you turn on the inverted colour filter in an inverted world and… Ta da! It looks normal!”

“The other Luke swore about 9 times before taking physical action, "Alright m8, you asked for it!” The other Luke stuck up his fists in a lefty fighting pose.

Luke on the other hand, was listening to music on his cassette player. Other Luke swung his fist at Luke, who twisted out of the way. He threw a kick, and Luke jumped over that with a backflip. Other Luke jumped toward Luke, but was kicked in the face by his spinning legs. (Can you see Luke is break dance fighting yet?) Other Luke wiped the blood from his chin, then pressed a button on his keychain. A motor could be heard, then a black Bricklin spun around the corner and almost hit Luke, who moon walked out of the way.

“You’re gonna have to do more than that to stop nerdicus!” Present exclaimed.

Other Luke swore another 13 times, “How could this happen?!”

Luke replied, “You think I’m that gullible?!”

Other Luke replied, “Yas!” And made off with the plans to build a multiverse machine stolen from Luke’s car!

“Luke we have to stop him!” Present insisted.

“You’re right! Quick, into the Bricklin!”

Luke and Present followed other Luke. He was apparently building the machine and driving.

Other Luke got a phone call, “WHAT IS IT?!”

It was Luke, “Ever read the second amendment?!”

“No.”

A few loud bangs were heard, other Luke looked behind the car and saw Luke’s arm out the window with a pistol firing at his car. Other Luke swore.

“That should do it!” Other Luke said as all of reality stretched around both cars as they teleported to another universe.

“Now I can become one of those super villains they show on tv! This world is full of nuclear power plants, just one can cause devastation!” Other Luke drove toward a nuclear power plant, with Luke soon to follow.

“If we don’t stop him…” Present said, “many people won’t have a home.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“Alright Jack, "The Doc said, "That should do it! Your car can travel through the multiverse, just like Luke’s. So go punch some crap with Connor.”

Connor and Jack jumped into Jack’s Elio, Jack in the front.

“Cmon Jack, ” Connor yelled, “let’s go join Luke!”

Jack responded, “Oh boy! I can’t wait to bomb some dodongos!”

The car reached 100 kph, and all reality stretched around them. Coincidentally, that were in the same universe as Luke and other Luke.

~~~~~~~~~~

Other Luke ran into the power plant, stabbing the guards with his knife like Jack from Lord of the Flies. He showed no mercy, and was obviously insane. He heard Luke’s gun fire behind him.

Eventually, he reached the control room, where there was a large red button, labelled “overheat”.

“Give up now!” Luke ordered, “You are going to kill billions of innocent men, women, and children if you hit that button!”

Other Luke looked around. There was a glass container, with a snow globe like object inside. In the centre of the snow globe was a small black point, so small, that it was impossible to measure, yet visible. The container holding this was labelled, “experimental power source”.

Other Luke motioned like he was going to hit the button, then ducked. Luke fired his pistol at where he was, shattering the glass container. Other Luke grabbed the snow globe like object. On the bottom, was a label: ‘Warning! Time-Space Point Is extremely dangerous! Has immeasurable power if used!’.

The lights started to flicker. With the experimental power source unplugged, the whole system was wonkers. Other Luke threw his knife at Luke. The knife sunk into his shoulder, mortally wounding him.

“OH FRIKFRIKFRIKFRIKFRIKFRIKFEDFRKIDKFIRFDKDFKJDKIKFKIICRIPCRAP!” He exclaimed in pain.

Other Luke ran past him, just as Jack, Connor, and Present entered the room. Connor pulled herbs out of a pouch and started to treat the wound. Present held Luke’s hand.

“Present?” Luke asked.

“Yes Luke, I’m here.”

“Do you…”

There was a flash of blue light. The reactor overheated and imploded (Better than exploding I guess).

~~~~~~~~~~

“Ow… Oh FRIK! What the crap!” Luke had a sharp pain in his whole head, “Ah! Stupid radiation poisoning!!!!!!!!!”

“Ah! Ow!!!” The others yelled. They were all poisoned.

Other Luke got up, with no pain, “You morons are ded!” He said, and left back to his universe.

“Luke wait,” Connor asked, “Your shoulder?”

“Luke,” Jack said, “it’s healed! What th FRIK!”

Luke grabbed a shard of glass that lay next to him. Despite the pain in his head he jammed it into his arm, and quickly withdrew. The wound was deep, with blue blood dripping from…

“Luke your blood is blue!” Present exclaimed.

The wound covered with an icy mist, then closed. The others did the same: same results.

Luke stood up, the pain in his head subsided, as did the others pain.

“I fell drawn toward a universe, one that needs help!”

“Cmon Luke!” Jack exclaimed, “ let’s become renegades!”

“Hold on,” Connor asked, “I need to text all of our blood.” Connor pulled out a blood scanner and took a sample of everyone’s dna from their blood.

“That’s odd,” Connor said, “we’re all only 20% human? Except for you Present, I’ll need to add you to the codex. But the other 80% is unknown?”

“I know what it is,” Luke said, “we are now directly linked to the multiverse! And it’s now our job to take back whatever other Luke stole!”

“Here here!”

“Yeah!”

“Here we go!”

~~~~~~~~~~

The group reentered their cars. Luke and Present in the Bricklin.

“Hey Luke?”

“Ya?”

“You wanted to tell me something earlier, before the explosion?”

“Yeah. I’m not human anymore, so it makes more sense now, but…”

He paused.

“Do you want to go out for dinner? What a teenager would call a…”

“Would call a what?”

“A… Da… Date?”

The two stared at each other.

Luke broke the silence, “Oh FRIK! I’ve never asked a girl out before!”

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spn-traxx · 8 years ago

Text

spn rewatch 12x02

tagged as ‘spn for ts’ those who want to block. enjoy!

summary:

"Preform. Drink. Sleep. Repeat." Is this them calling out dean winchester

ok its an empty tea cup but u tried sammy

Mitch just tryna get that promotion ....

ok to start with i just ended up watchin 3 seconds of something called better things ... thanks random website im watching spn on. I wish it was better things.

Preview showing me sams pain please stop im crying.

is this why people ship them... this one scene where sam isbeing manipulated by toni by sex. i hate this. i hate non con and everything it stands for

FCUKING EAGER SAM LMAO

WINE IN BED if that spilt it would look like blood

we report to no man.... we free souls

also is sam saying this all out loud??

bed scene to dean and cas okkkk transitions where

NO SIGN OF SAM COS HE FUNKING

“check real estate” .... get us a flat soon bb

no dont leave me with my zombie mum thanks

cas googling quick like "how to b supportive bf" but only loads the first bullet point lmao

mary ears were burning

IM EMO AGAIN HES THRILLED HES SO DAMN HAPPY I CANT STAND IT

mary and dean do that thing pretending they good when they not ... tears

“forwards hopefully” lol.

OHMIGOD I SEE NOW

“I STARTED ALL OF THIS THE YELLOW EYED” THING.....GASP theres a leaked spoiler about this that it blows up into a big thing so ///early points/// wow. they PLANNED this wow.

Hallucitoni

why u asking .... dont like her again... brain would liquify stooop

i dont like these less pleasant methods dude. At all. Leave sammy 😢😢

it looks like a raptor claw. dino baiting in spn why

NO THE SHNK NOISE i hate the shnk noise

ahh the next morning.

MARY REMEMBERING JOHN AS GOOD ME CRYING AGAIN

CAS CALLING

CAS CAN U BE MY EMO SUPPORT PLEASE

cas out there fully looking at real estate for dean and found a farm.... he got a hay truck now, he blends in perfectly he doesnt need that tree camo

"We never kno we are hunters" mary my heart is breaking please stop

and she damn well can handle herself as u will see

O BOI 😂😂😂😂

Tonis calendar blocked out as "torture sam" for how long ew *shudder*

ooo first evidence that bmol is out of date

how did they dean did it hmm

ROWENA. Ok but i love her so much.

CROWEWEY. i love them so much 😍

their banter im 😂😂😂

she just wants a normal life crowley leave her alonnne

PFFFTTTT thats not a tiny favour crowley cmon. work out ur favour sizes

ahhh vnc vncnt he worked well as lucifers vessel. outdated rockstar who drinks. and he wears eyeliner so im down.

"Preform. Drink. Sleep. Repeat." Is this them calling out dean winchester

Tomi leave with ur 2002 split down the middle hair style. Let him look at some model stock photo

i thought that they could only use vessels from blood lines but ok ....

dean appreciating mary as a hunter

also all these wide sweeping statements about hunters

"It changed dad" u can say that again. DEAN CONFESSING STUFF

SAM WANTED OUT HE WENT TO STANFORD

also .... no dean thats what u think ...... sam was learning and had a gf ..... why u tell ur mum these things please.

hAHHH - scream of terror me too vincy

everyone knows whats going to happen why they drag it out for so long

why does lucifer have to ask for permission for vince vincenenety???? he didnt for any of the other vessels except sam .... what kind of bs .....

swallowing those pills was selfish but she was in an abusive relationship. thats so sad.

😂😂😂😂😂 I LOVE CROWLEY AND ROWENA

he has an aura of supreme evil 😂😂😂

"Its exactly why im retiring" 😂😂

"He makes oatmeal look interesting"

why not the location? mother / son team up!!

rowena doesnt care about ben tho lbr. Shes a beautiful funny women who could like magic women up. Why does she need a man....

they should bring sam fresh clothes honestly how long has he been stewing tf

"Dude help me" ..... "i cant believe that worked" see mary and cas have no expectations for each other so they act get on better than mary and dean *cries*

brother are you okay ..... isnt this what kelvin says. hair split guy cares about you....

CLASSY ONE LINER THat ive heard 20 times

where is dean even walking. he got his gun out like its not a crime tf. Oh wait americs ... never mind

THATS IT DEAN THATS THE PLACE

BEAM ME UP SCOTTY "son of a bitch"

so was dean just standing there and got grabbed wtf? Underestinated tonis strength

get off my throne would have been better but i appreciate it.

Beiber more ur style 😂😂😂 i like crowley

Real estate has been mentioned like 5 times this ep. They all want to move away.

"Mani mani mani"cure lucifer jeez cut ur nails.

why would sulfuric acid hurt them LOL they literally made of sulfur dumbs

no hesitation strike hurt the nation

Passcode??

Spit blood hunnyyy

“tea and a beating” 😂😂😂

THEY MENTIONED BENNY HOW TF DID THEY KNO

THEY KNO ABOUT DEANS GAY ESCAPADE IN PURGAYTORY LMAOOO

ew ew ew ew face melting. Good acting of being burnt alive.

his vessel struggling to be healed or melt away

RED EYES

WIIINNGSSSSSSSS HOOOOOEEEEEEEE

THIS IS LUCIFER

HES DOING SOME KPOP FACE DANCE MOVES

damn this is what lucifer should have been from the first of the series....

also lucifer snapped lucifers next last time

Posh spice angry spice 😂😂

she missed some juicy gossip

archane topics - this probably explains why they so out of date tbh

EYE GORE I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE

MY BOIS

Sams like tripping out right now

WHY SHE HIT SAM LMAO HE IN A CHAIR 😂😂😂😂 sam still tripping out hard

Dean u got one hand free tarzan swing over there

U can make spells by cutting ur hand ... ok ... rowena teach me ur rich witch ways please

THESE APES READ A BOOK

SAMS TRIPPING SO HARD IM DYING 😂😂😂😂 dean and his mum came back knocked out toni then cas and cas british twin turned up

WHY THEY SO CHILL

um ..... toni didnt face those consequences in london.... why winchesters obeying their code?

Mitch just tryna get that promotion ....

LMAO AND NO HE CANT FINISH U OFF his ass got beat in 1 min flat by ms watts

where cas

SAMS FACE. i didnt like early mary in this like the way she was written.

FAMILY GOOD NEWS

CALL THE INTERNET

no ... not now....

WHERE CAS THO

why dean wanting pie when he be wanting cas

pftt okay lucifer talking about snapping her neck. Glad that plot point was adressed

PFT ROWENA RELATING REPUBLICANS TO DEMONS LOLOLOL #shade

empty throne oòooo

SAM IS HERE HOLDING TEA

ok its an empty tea cup but u tried sammy

sam pulling that hsm "i dont fit in the status quo" vibe and marys like .... u dont get it sam.

another puss in boot reference .... marys boots.

also sam had to read johns journal about catching up. Deans the only one who stayed a winchester thru everything ..... sunshine please .....

SAM GETTING EMOTIONAL. TEARS. BIGGEST BLANK IS ANYONE WHO DIDNT CRY AT THIS.

HUGS

H U G S

SOMEONE HYGGED SAM

dean be here looking at pics with beer. But. Where. Is. Cas.

Welp there he is ... from an episode 20 years old

OH THE SONG IS LOST ANGEL ON A PIC OF CAS UM......

sam is thinking of that "a potato flew around my room" vine looking at that fan

"Honey not vinegar" thanks mitch.

Anyone who works one case (1) case with the winchesters get cursed with winchester feel syndrome.

hes sent for ketchup.... oh no....

james bond vibes .... still no face

he should have worn a mask the whole season honestly lol

That place is def not london 😂😂😂

#spn #supernatural #spn 12x02 #superantural season 12 #dean winchester #castiel #cas #destiel #sam winchester #mary winchester #bmol #season 12 rewatch

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