#yet she thinks im aggressive
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I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her i-
#if you dont know why i hate her#its because shes an proshipper#not only that but shes always aggressive to me others#yet she thinks im aggressive#and you know whats funny about puppy#that she made fun of my trauma (with an single emoji) yet shes over here venting in the qotd channel#it just isnt fair#and I hate the fact that shes in yami's server#I honestly wish that she would just ban puppy#glad i fixed some of her art as an coping mechanism tho#speaking of puppy's art I'm planning on fixing more of her woke proshipper art#also i heard that she was bullied by kiwi farms#honestly i used to feel bad for her but since she is an woke proshipper whos aggressive to random people who disagree with her#i kinda just dont anymore#i know this is an petty vent but this is my vent blog after all#even tho i hate her shes not worse than falcone360#falcone360 is one of the reasons why im mentally ill btw#jiraiblogging#jirai kei#landmine type#jiraiblr#landmineblr#jirai girl#vent#rant
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I wish so badly that skypeia wasn't a nauseatingly racist narrative that purports the colonizer's fantasy whitewashed narrative of how they saved "savages" (THEY ACTUALLY USE THAT WORD!!!!!!!!) from themselves. The part where they bring CURES to disease instead of, you know, the intentional spread of it as biological warfare that actually happened, gets me so fucking mad every time. Or when the poor poor guilty old colonizer president feels so bad and tries to give some land back and they refuse because they're too mad. Something that has never ever happened anywhere ever. ITS UNBELIEVABLY CARTOONISHLY RACIST THE WHOLE THING.
Just like the million other offensive caricatures in one piece, they do not end up being as two dimensional as they originally appear, and they and their feelings are taken seriously by the narrative. An effective story that tugs on your heartstrings in it's culmination is eventually crafted, BUT HE HAS TO MAKE YOU SO SO MAD AND UNCOMFORTABLE FIRST. EVERY TIME. WHY.
#you could literally teach a college course on analyzing the bigotry and subversion of it in one piece. THERE IS SO. SO MUCH.#i think usopp is the prime example- as his circle lips design and visual gags are directly reminiscent of historical antiblack caricatures.#yet he is a lovingly crafted complex character that has one of the most heartbreaking and compelling arcs in the series. and in general is#not a stereotype.#the other best examples to me are bon-clay- boa hancock- and lola#im particularly obsessed with lola as she interacts with nami and gifts her something that gives her power much later on.#which is the complete opposite of how their dynamic begins when lola is only shown to be a horrific sexist stereotype that is aggressively#obsessed with a man to the detriment of her relationships with other women.#i LOVE how she has this intentionally unappealing design- tries and fails to be attractive to men- is generally uncomfortable to watch- AND#THEN is shown to be deeply honorable and brave and gives nami plot important friendship.#like. it's so bad. but it's also so good.#ONE PIECE.#my posts#hating oda time#<- for blacklist
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So this has been bouncing around in my head for a WHILE (aka: a couple days) now but your lights out au kinda reminds me of a game that came out recently called "my friendly neighborhood" (really good game btw, highly recommend to either play or watch a playthrough) bc the plot is literally "puppets are just alive in this universe muppet-style & after their show got canceled they all got locked in their show's studio for a decade or so & went slightly mad bc of it". There's a whole bunch of differences, obviously, but mainly I just thought it'd be interesting if the player character, a grumpy-but-lovable handyman who's also a war vet that has Seen Some Shit, ended up at the playfellow studio in this au for one reason or another (maybe he was asked to go in & check that the electricity all still works correctly?). Idk how the puppets would react to his arrival, but at least he's got some practice handling aggressive (or overly enthusiastic) puppets who haven't seen a real, live human in years.
i've been meaning to watch a playthrough for a week now T¬T i remember watching the demo and being immediately So Fucking Hyped for the game's release
if i were interested in crossovers, i'd probably be all over that! unfortunately, they're not really my wheelhouse </3
#though you bring up a Point...#in contrast... none of the wh puppets have actually Seen a human right? except for wally?#and i know the friendly neighborhood puppets are Small - theyre meant to be like... hand puppets right?#im just assuming on that front since i havent watched the game yet (no spoilers please!!)#but wally is the shortest at 3ft and poppy/howdy/barns are all around 8ft at the tallest#which is making me really rethink how i'd make them react to a person#bc they are Aggressive at this point in the au. especially barnaby.#so... hm.... Thank You for making me Think!#i have new facets to consider!!#bc ive decided on the 'someone goes to check out the studio and finds the puppets' b-plot in act two#aaaaand she already has a name and a base personality / goal. i have no control when it comes to ocs they Take The Wheel#wh lights out au#rambles from the bog#also its... so Strange to me that other people think about this au??#like its in Your head too?? its in there???? wild....
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One time in college I had to have an mri when I was getting diagnosed with my hearing loss, and anyway I’m mildly allergic to mri contrast. And the way I react to it is EXTREME nausea. And so I went to dinner with my friends afterwards and one of them took my wallet to fuck with me. Normal par for the course I was mostly friends with men who fuck with each other like that often.
Except I started getting sick so I was like “haha funny but I’m actually really sick can I have it back so I can leave, any other time you can do this please just let me have it back.” and they WOULD NOT RETURN IT. And finally after about an hour of this I was literally sobbing at the table begging for it back and nobody except the person who initially took it was trying to help me because she realized it was fucked up, and when we eventually deduced who had it, I kicked him hard as fuck in the shin until he gave it back, went to my car, and immediately vomited everywhere. And then everyone involved actively refused to apologize.
I’m constantly trying to figure out if I am a bad person and that’s why I find myself in these situations often, or if I am just an easy target or if the truth lies somewhere in the middle. And I don’t think I’ll ever know. But these were people I considered my friends, I ate dinner with them every single night. And they still decided to bully me for an hour because they could. So maybe it doesn’t matter if I am sometimes a little short, or sometimes a little annoying. Maybe sometimes people are just cruel, and there’s nothing anybody can do about it. But that’s a little depressing so idk. I just find myself reflecting on this specific situation privately quite often. Because i can never figure out why it happened.
Anyway I just think that’s really fucked up. Like. Why would you do that to someone what the fuck????
#vent#personal vent#I’m also thinking about this in relation to the ‘we need to be nice to men’ discussion happening in the wake of the election#these are men who I was nice to. who I invited to things. who I was eager to spend time with. who I complimented and congratulated for their#achievements. two of whom I baked cakes for just for fun one day. who I was in multiple classes with and who I would attend campus events to#support. these are people who I was exceedingly nice to when I didn’t have to be. when I was struggling deeply and already being bullied#and yet the person who initially took my wallet was a woman yeah but she also was the only person who attempted to get it back for me when i#expressed I was sick and needed to leave. she was the only person who helped me look. the men all thought it was funny.#I think there’s something to be said about the fact that these were men I was so nice to and they wouldn’t return my belongings to me until#I was forced to resort to physical violence to get it returned. they actively mocked me for crying. they refused to give it back even when#I was gagging at the table.#before some incel brained mf responds no not all men. and I DO NOT think men are inherently cruel. but there is no amount of kindness that#will prevent people from being cruel. there is no amount of kindness that can meaningfully prevent hostility and aggression.#not from men exclusively but from anybody. if people are going to be cruel#they don’t care if all you’ve ever been is nice. they will be cruel#(also im LITERALLY not saying this is a problem with exclusively amab individuals. the woman who helped me is trans and was not out at the#time. I am nonbinary. I am NOT a fucking terf. I just think maybe we should stop telling people kindness stops cruelty. because it doesn’t)#and I don’t regret my kindness. I would do it over again for the same result. but it didn’t stop anything.
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my brain is still to covid fogged™ to make a long post abt this rn but like…
idk. There’s Something about the way that Cassie is feminized sometimes that feels almost violent. especially in comparison to how uncomfortable she was with femininity when she was created.
#Cassie Sandsmark#Wonder Girl#something anout queer women being robbed of their agency#something abt gender nonconforming people having the gender binary forced on them#something about growing up and being shoved into a box that doesnt feel right by everyone around you#something abt str8 men fetishizing lesbians#something abt str8 men telling wlw that they just havent met the right man yet#i just think there are so many stories that could be told about a wonder girl/wonder woman who challenges what it means to be a ‘woman’#but instead she gets forcefemmed so aggressively#im makes me uneasy i guess#𓆟#chvm bvcket
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ok i am actually so very angry and there's literally nothing i can do to fix it. life keeps going on. she might even be happy. and fuck dude, i'll make sure im happy too, i was a fully developed person before she was in my life and i'll continue to be one without her. but God Damn, the fact that she can just do something so blatantly awful and unfair to me and then run off without any actual repercussions is just so fucking rankling to me.
like perhaps she feels guilty. she said she did when it was all going down. but it was just something she "needed to do". so obviously she didn't feel guilty enough or she wouldnt have done it like that lmaoooo
i really did deserve to have a good solid yell at her. but unfortunately, by the time i did see her in person i just wanted her out of my fucking life. so. no yelling was done, unfortunately.
#speculation nation#the duality of being a deeply resentful and angry person. and being a person that Tries to be mature and peaceful.#like im not gonna actually Do shit even tho i keep wanting to message her just to yell at her some more again#it's like there's a beast in me that keeps yelling for retribution. she wronged me in such a disrespectful and humiliating way#and yet she just gets to walk away like it was nothing? live her life like it was nothing?#be in 'love' with her new 'soulmate' after cutting me off like a rotten limb?#i feel so DEEPLY angry. i want to spit vitriol and fire. i want to dig my claws into her bones. make her really FEEL how i feel.#i want to wander into her dreams and make her experience what i felt. every miserable second of silence.#the humiliation of admitting you might be falling in love only to be told you were never loved at all.#and i want to knee her in the gut and spit in her face and really make her regret ever fucking wronging me#but unfortunately im a stupid fucking pacifist so all the aggression and anger and violence has no FUCKING outlet#ive been. trying to not think about it too much. ive been trying to just live my life. because i dont want her to run my life.#but the anger keeps catching up to me. filtering in when i dont expect it. endless constant fucking thoughts coming back to me#on and on and on and on i live and i eat and i read and i game and i hate and i hate and i hate and i hate and i hate and i HATE AND I HATE#the greatest injustice is that i cannot make her truly feel every single ounce of my resentment and anger#it's so overwhelming i think i could choke on it. and she gets to live her FUCKING happy little life with her stupid fucking 'soulmate'#i hope it collapses around her and she loses her too so she's single and alone and miserable and regretting all of her fucking impulsivenes#she deserves to have it fail after what she did to me. and all i can really do is hope that karma has its fucking kiss for her.#if only curses were real. what i wouldnt give to put some energy into that karmic payback lmfao.#ok . ok ok ok ok love and peace on planet earth. i am shifting out of vitriolic little shit mode.#just had to let some of the steam out. im still angry but i am going to go back to not thinking about it.#i think i should go on a nice long bike ride tomorrow. to decompress and work some of the steam out.#it's something that she can never take from me. something that is so wholly mine. fuck that stupid bitch and fuck her new girlfriend too#...............................ok NOW im shifting out of vitriolic mode. lol#negative/#WAHOOOOOO i am certainly not taking this breakup well. but i dont think anyone would be lmfao.#all things considered i think im doing a pretty great job at handling this breakup.#bc at least im only recounting unrealistic threats and fantasies on my tumblr dot com instead of messaging Any of this to her.#i may kinda want her to read it so that she knows anyways. but i wont message her directly. bc i am Trying to be at least a little mature.#complaining on my tumblr dot com so i dont message my ex with more vitriol. gotta cope Somehow.
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Putting on last year's trans rigs stream from Drawfee before i have to get ready to go out with my mum and her bf today (bc i have the worst feeling in my gut he's gonna make that An Thing for me if given the chance today, aka whenever i eventually need the restroom while we're at Mystic)
#text post#Housemate was amazing and helped me calm down a bit before ae went to work bc my brain woke up in meltdown mode over this tbh#it sucks bc like. im excited to see my mum despite the Everything with that lmao#but im not excited for how her bf has been acting since they got here (and it's been day 1 out of 7 days)#with some outright homophobic comments while Housemate and i hosted them briefly at our house yesterday afternoon#not abt us but like. i mean. u know we're both queer so#doesn't really matter if it's abt us or not it's still fucky and makes me worry abt how he's gonna be today!!#doesn't help that he really wanted to go to Italy with her instead this summer#(despite the passive aggressive complaints from him & mum to a degree abt how expensive it was for them to come out here)#(we're ignoring the fact that a European trip would be even more expensive lmao tho i do think if they want to/can afford it they should go)#like. the Vibe from him has just been that he'll be Just Polite Enough but that he didn't want to be here#and he doesn't expect to have any fun and it's like#dude i am Trying. i and Housemate have looked up stuff to do that includes things he likes (like guns and historical weapons)#we tried making comments abt that yesterday like hey u might like this but if there's anything u have in mind already#and he was just. whatever idc but then made comments that made it clear he's not excited for anything else#like museums or the beach for sea glass hunting or the bird sanctuary or even the zoo#and all have places to rest/sit plus restrooms and food so I don't think it's a worry abt facilities thing for him#i think he's just fed up that I'm still involved in my mum's life since i moved and like#yes there's a detangling of the umbilical cord i and my past therapist were trying to eventually get my mum to cut#since cutting it myself in any attempt has had her metaphorically taping it back together#but like. it's not entirely on me here. I'm trying to set boundaries and make sure she's giving him more attention than me since he's w/her#more than i am now#i know he's upset when she helps me financially too (i offer to pay her back but she always refuses it) bc she took me aside yesterday#to give me some cash for the time with them for souvenirs/fun stuff i might not buy otherwise bc im trying to be mindful of money#aka still waiting on money my fkn job should have already paid me like. a week or more ago now#he makes her happy so even if he hates me i still care abt his frustrating ass#and i do want him to have as much fun as he can while still relaxing during the trip out here#but i feel like im gonna have to physically shake him by the shoulders screaming this before he listens#and even if he listens he probably won't believe me#sorry for the tag essay the edible hasn't kicked in yet can u guys tell lmao
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#just watched s 2 ep 7 of the vampire show#and these are just some ramblings that hopefully will not offend fans of the show im just trying to articulate my thoughts to myself#i think it was a cool idea to turn their trial into one of the theatrical performances onstage#however im still annoyed at how the domestic violence episode happened and was apparently a real thing#like idk it just ruins the whole vibe in the book of how these characters were living together doing awful things to humans yet#somehow mostly carrying on in civilized peace and not ever directing that violence toward each other for decades on end#this choice messes up the characterizations and relationship dynamics too much for me somehow#also messes up the aesthetics that are a delicate balance between the savage and grotesque and polite and refined#it was important to me that lestat wasnt the one to first cross that line in the books and that claudia was#i feel like kinda the one thing that lestat had going for him in the first book as a standalone story#was that he didnt ever cross certain lines with louis and claudia that the show made him cross there?#he seemed to have a different inner set of rules when it came to what violence he would do to humans and what he would do to them#it's hard to even articulate what kind of shittiness is a dealbreaker in a character or a ship to me#especially when theyre constantly doing stuff like feeding on people to stay alive#but for some reason lestat and louis beating the shit out of each other is just such a nonsense ooc thing to make them do in my opinion#also claudia in the book was valid for what she did to lestat already i thought. i dont see why they had to change or add to the motives#she was turned into a vampire at age 5 and therefore almost purely a vampire in nature and also totally valid in not being happy about it#and in the books lestat made her a vampire on his own after louis fed on her and they did not discuss it beforehand#and he never mentioned rules about a child vampire being forbidden and louis did not beg him to do it. in fact one of the biggest reasons#that louis and claudia decide to turn on lestat is because theyre convinced hes just pretending to know more than he does about vampirism#and either has nothing to teach them or wont ever let them go so they can find out anything for real about their own kind#these changes in the show bother me too but i think im not that good at articulating why#i also feel like as much as book louis's weakness and passiveness and guilt can get frustrating and isn't always interesting to follow#in a way that's kinda one of his more saving graces and most defining traits as a vampire as well - so i dont always know how to feel#about them making his character more powerful and aggressive and involved in things in the show at times?#on one hand i often get frustrated at his moping and indecisiveness and inactivity in the books#and yet on the other hand i find i miss his quieter softer excruciatingly polite book personality when i am watching the show at times too#p#vmpcs
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every time i open hbo max and see that stupid thumbnail for that stupid elizabeth olson show i'm briefly overcome with a broiling rage
#speak friend and enter#like girl im not watching that! idc abt love and death or whatever the fuck it's called! i don't think im in the target market anyway#yet they push it to me soooo aggressively#idk why but elizabeth olson just annoys me. she's a fine actor but i think i just hated avengers age of ultron so much#that it's tainted everything i watch w her in it bc i hated her character so much#it also doesn't help that a bunch of the mcu hangers-on love that character so much#a supervisor at my last job asked me if i'd seen the most recent one w her in it and i said 'oh no im not really a fan haha'#and she took that wayyyy personal apparently and wouldn't speak to me for the rest of the shift#like huh???? girl i said i didn't like a movie character it's not that deep
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Why do my mom always purposefully cook shit that i purposefully and actively say i fucking hate and make me pukes, then come at me and say im a fucking picky eater and the most ungrateful human being ever. Is it so fucking hard to not cook a literal specific food that is literally fucking hard to make and forcing me to fucking like it, i literally am not that fucking picky i just hate eating fucking liver and that stupid broth that makes me pukes
#ignorelist#im just gonna eat fucking candy#dont care that im gonna starve myself cause seemed like no one gave a shit abt that anyway#she cooks food filled with liver and broth that i fucking hate#btw#which i have stated many times again im going to kms if i eat one of those#and i’ve proven many times that if i eat that i will literally fucking puke#and yet she still fucking made it on behalf of me#literally what does she think of me a fucking torture subject that needs fucking torture?#fucking asshole literally what the fuck did i do to her#she is always like this if bad things happenned to her im telling you#she always take out on me and my sister and started degrading us weaponising her fucking religion and saying how much she’s more superior in#that field than us#and how much god must fucking hate us this is why i dont have faith in god anymore btw and then she started becoming much aggressive and jus#t went to verbal attack either body shaming or subtly insulting us#its all fucking subtle and maybe she started using her mom card make us do shit that we dont even usually do#which i have to say is fucking insulting because those are basic chores#which you care to give us when you’re mad#is that the length you need to give a shit abt ur kid and gave them great scheduling activity?#sorry i actually envy people who has parents that cared enough and gave their kids meaningful chores to do like maybe buying food or other#also since like im islam totally i gotta do fasting m shit lately been wanting to faint#hastags so cool right#i have a sliver of chance pf maybe fainting in the pavement and someone fucking car crash in front of me#sliver of hope of dying yippee!#what the fuck is wrong with me
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#keroro#i love this. she is me. i can live my unbridled amounts of cute aggression towards him THRU HER#i literally need to do this irl#like i just skimmed ep 64 bc i was curious about this trauma switch thing and ive never wanted to grab him and whack him around more#in an affectionate way not because im mad at him oh no. i understand him so deeply. i feel him. i know his most inner psyche.#and he inspires unrecorded levels of senseless violence in me#me in my little ignoramus bubble writing a 4 pages dissertation on his character anyway bc like. i get him ok#his deep seated sense of guilt that he's constantly fighting against. that he needs to repress and deny in order to function.#his fear of abandonment. fear of never being enough. not being able to make up for it. for himself. thats why hes self sacrificing#his selfish childishness that comes from not having been allowed a lot in his youth. taking friends for granted in his past but knowing -#you dont fit in with them. constantly apologizing for yourself. taking space. too much. self indulgence. because friends is s scary concept#and yet one you couldnt survive without. letting them walk all over you. denying your anger. your fears. crawling back to them with a smile#at their feet and biting time because what you really want is friends. company. but you think you don't deserve it. deep down.#maybe u dont. your worst reminder the friend you love. and if they ditch you it's deserved. you don't need them (you do)#why am i rambling!!!! he has ruined me. if im wrong dont even tell me bc i prefer this version in my head anyway#*charlie voice* look at me. psychological trauma up to here#im not saying growing up poor with a father that shames you for your interests and ''disciplines'' you made him selfish but. no yes!#i am saying that. bc i know how it is. growing up with friends that have a lot that u can never afford. u feel guilty just being with them#ok we strayed a lot from the og post which is just me saying I WANNA PUNCH THIS GUY SO BAD (he is me)#keroro gunso
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GOD I LOVE traitor and how strong you've made the reader. It's amazing! And I eagerly await any future parts, whether it's big proper story or drabbles. BUT, you come first and your life does so you do what you gotta and go be amazing! We can wait. Proud of you X
im so late to responding, but thank you! <3
here’s part six :) also not really proofread so I apologize for any errors! I’ll fix them later!
ALL PARTS CAN BE FOUND HERE
you don’t know how long you’ve been sitting on the floor, cross-legged amongst broken glass, brittle flowers, and discarded clothes, when someone knocks on the door.
you don’t move, don’t say anything. the noise seems distant— too far off to be real.
besides, if someone is really knocking on your door, they know you’re in here.
and if they know you’re in here, it could be one of five people. your former squad mates, or the doctor.
the knock sounds again. it shakes you from your stupor, yet you still make no move to answer it. let them come in; let them see what they’ve made of you. of who you were. of who you could’ve been.
the person on the other side of the door is speaking now. you register the muffled baritone as it fights to be heard from the hall.
you clench your fists, then unclench them— stretching out your fingers as far as they go. clench them again. unclench. stretch. repeat.
it’s a tick— a calming habit. you don’t think it’s working at the present moment.
the doorknob turns. you still don’t move.
the door is being pushed in, light from the hallway aggressively slicing through the darkness you’d left yourself in. you fought the urge to curl in on yourself.
you’d been so consumed by your anger— are consumed by it— but coming into this room and seeing that damn note was earth-shaking. it was terrifying, and it was a tangible reminder of the team’s unapologetic tactics. simon’s unapologetic tactics.
the voice is speaking once more, clearer now that the door is out of the way— but you can’t make out the words over the ringing in your ears.
a hand gingerly lands on your shoulder, and that’s when you snap.
you whirl around, throwing yourself into the intruder like a cobra striking its prey. clearly caught off guard, the person lets loose a ‘oomph’ and falls backwards as you take out their legs.
everything is fuzzy. the ringing in your ears crescendos, and it brings pain with it. you’re striking your target with reckless abandon, still not registering who is flailing underneath you.
punches land and land and land. nails scrape and scratch and draw blood. all you see is red— all you hear is the sharpening of a knife or the whirring of a saw.
and then there are hands on you, yanking you away from your victim. the red slowly starts to recede, the ringing in your ears subsiding.
it’s only then do you release you’re screaming.
its only then do you see the swollen and bloodied face of your doctor, lying a foot away from you. she sputters a cough, blood leaving her lips and splattering onto the man leaning over her.
“you need to calm down,” a voice speaks into your ear.
“calm down, or they’ll sedate you,” it says, and you finally stop screaming. you take a breath.
clench your fists. unclench. stretch. repeat.
it takes you another minute to calm down enough to realize the person holding you is simon.
the doctor is being carried away now, and you notice it’s johnny and kyle carrying her. you notice john is standing to your left, eyes full of sympathy and guilt as he looks at you.
“get,” you huff, reaching down to slap at the arms circling your middle. “off me.”
simon releases you instantly. you don’t hesitate to put distance between the two of you. a few feet, at least. he just stands there, eyes watching with an expression you can’t place.
“what happened, love?” john’s voice is a soft rumble as he speaks. he moves a hand toward you, but decides against touching you— even if he only wanted to comfort you.
“I—” you start, glancing down at your hands. they’re bloody again.
“I thought it was—” you try again, but stop yourself.
you thought it was what? thought it was who?
you had heard man’s voice speaking to you. your mind had twisted things— had given you something you wanted to hear, deep down— because it gave you the chance to strike.
it gave you the opportunity to tear apart whichever man from the 141 had been there to check on you.
and you know you had wished it was simon.
john takes a cautious step forward at your silence. “let’s get you somewhere private, yeah? somewhere to cool down.”
the fire licking at your veins has subsided in favor of the chill of shame. of terror at what you’ve done— what you’ve done to the one person you had on your side. the person who was truly on your side.
you don’t fight this time. you give a nod, then solemnly follow him down the corridor. simon falls in behind you.
john takes you to his office, opening the door and ushering you inside. you move without protest, stepping into the dark room.
the two men enter behind you, john flicking on the light while simon pulls the door shut. you would’ve laughed at the scenario if you were in your right mind.
but you weren’t.
you weren’t okay. you knew that you weren’t, at least physically, but what you just did…
there was no way you were going to be transferred now. you doubted you would’ve even before you attacked the doctor.
you’re going to be discharged. you understand why.
but it hurts. this is your job, your life. years and years on the battlefield don’t prepare you for life off of it.
“love?”
john’s voice brings you back to the present. you realize you’ve been standing in the center of the room, unmoving and unblinking.
you feel simon’s hard gaze on your back. you want to cry.
how did things ever get this fucked up?
“im fine.” you say, not bothering to turn around. you didn’t trust yourself to keep it together if you faced them.
“you’re not,” john states, and you roll your eyes.
“im not talking about this with you,” you bite out, circling your arms around yourself. “either of you.”
“you should at least talk to someone, love— this isn’t healthy.”
“please, stop.” you tell him, but john was never good at taking orders. he gave them, not followed them.
“you hated the therapist, and you haven’t spoken to anyone else since… everything.” he continues.
“stop, john,” you try again.
“you need to let it out, love. we’re here—”
you spin around then, fists dropping to your sides. “for the love of god, john, shut the fuck up.”
that stuns him into silence, eyes slightly widened and mouth agape as he looks at you. simon doesn’t move from his position near the door.
“you are the last people i would ever fucking talk to! I don’t even want to be talking to you right now, but you won’t stop trying. trying to talk to me, trying to make it up, trying to wriggle your way back into my good graces.”
you pause, sucking in a breath. “johnny must’ve relayed the message, and that’s why you’ve back off a little— but one wrong fucking move and you’re swooping again! you aren’t my dad, you aren’t my lover, you aren’t my friend, and you’re sure as hell not my fucking captain anymore.”
“so please, john, leave me be. the four of you have done enough.”
the room is silent for a beat, then two. then three. and then simon takes a step forward, removes his balaclava, and looks you square in the face.
he doesn’t open his mouth to speak, so you take the chance to.
“don’t start with me, simon. just don’t.”
“the note,” he says. “you read it.”
you just look at him, a disbelieving scoff leaving your mouth as you give a nod. “yes, I read your fucking note. and I saw the stupid flowers, too, after seeing everything else you wrecked. tell me, how long did you wait after you tied me up to tear it all apart?”
he just watches you. you want to scream.
the note flashes back into your mind.
‘hope you can understand.’
“does it make you feel better, thinking what you did was right?” you ask him.
“I wouldn’t have done it differently.” simon tells you.
you clench your fists. unclench. stretch.
breathe in, breathe out.
“and if the roles were reversed,” you said, watching him. “if you were in my position, would you have expected me to do what you did?”
“yes.” he says, without hesitation.
“you’re unbelievable,” you huff. “is that how little I meant to you? all that time, wasted?”
“that’s not what I said.” he tells you, and you shake your head.
“no, but it’s what you meant.” anger is bubbling up again. you feel overwhelmed; shame and fury battling inside you. the ringing building up in your ears again, emerging from the background.
you can’t do this.
“what i meant is what i said.” he takes another step forward. “you’re just too damn stubborn to listen, always have been.”
“just go, simon.” you tell him. “both of you. go.”
“I wouldn’t change what I did,” he says again. “to protect my team, my family, I would do whatever it takes.”
you bite your tongue. you don’t want to keep arguing with him. he was an unmovable object— there was no way to reason with him.
“im not sorry it happened.” he speaks. “i did what i thought i had to do. what i had to do to make sure my team was safe.”
“and you should understand that, considering this team is all you have, too.”
you don’t respond— and even if you were going to, a knock on the door breaks the tense silence in the room.
johnny pops his head in, his eyes full of concern. “doc’s alrigh’.” he says, his gaze catching yours. “jus’ some bumps and bruises. she’ll be jus’ fine.”
“and she uh— said she’s not pressin’ charges or anythin’. says she still expects to see ya in a few days for your check-up.”
that’s what breaks you.
a tear slips from your eye, falling onto your cheek. another follows, then another, and you’re sobbing as you fall to the floor of price’s office.
the three men are staring, but no one makes any move to comfort you.
probably wise, considering what you did to the last person who tried.
you faintly register the click of the door as it shuts again. you don’t look up— your head in your hands as you cry.
cry about what you’ve done, what you’ve lost. mourn your career and your family and your love for the man who doesn’t regret what he did.
unbeknownst to you, simon is the only one still left in the room. his steps are silent as he approaches you— leaving only a foot of space between your bodies now.
he watches you as he sinks to the ground across from you, his long legs folded over each other, the fingers of his left hand twitching as he finds himself wanting to reach for you.
he still cares for you. his feelings for you were what made him do what he did in the first place.
the love he felt for you, twisting into betrayal and hurt and agony. fueling his actions, his desire to hear you admit your wrongdoings.
passion made people dangerous. passion in love, passion in rage. it was a fine line, and simon had crossed it.
he understood what this meant for you. recalls the conversation he had with price earlier— how laswell was planning for your discharge instead of your transfer.
this was the end of your time with them, and in the military. the hands of the 141, damaging one of their own beyond repair.
he finds himself mourning alongside you, then. mourning what was and what could’ve been.
what should have been.
“im sorry for what we did to you,” he says, but it comes out as a whisper that you don’t hear.
“im sorry.”
thank you all again for your patience! I plan on tying this little series up soon :)
as a reminder, I no longer do taglists. if you want to be notified when I post, follow @troiastitans and turn on notifications. I only reblog my works there.
I hope you all enjoyed :)
#call of duty fic#gaz call of duty#soap call of duty#ghost call of duty#call of duty modern warfare#call of duty#cod mw2 fic#cod fic#traitor!141!reader#traitor!reader#141!reader#141 x reader#task force 141#tf 141#simon riley x you#simon riley x gn reader#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley#simon ghost riley#johnny mactavish#captain john price#john price#simon riley angst#ghost angst#kyle gaz garrick#kyle gaz#kyle garrick#john mactavish
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i love these tags this person is so right
actually, can you imagine if dave was raised by B1 roxy?
i wanna get into this actually
(ok i had to spend a few hours rewriting this because IT DIDNT FUCKING SAVE AFTER FIVE HOURS OF WRITING WHEN MY COMPUTER UPDATED WHILE I WAS AFK so it would mean a lot to show this post some appreciation. i LOVEEE hearing what other people have to say)
even though these things mom does are presented in an extravagant, kitsch, jokey way, her intentions always came from a place of sincerity. she is simply Funnie
but rose reads too far into it and assumes things that aren't there, that her mother is passive-aggressively feigning interest in rose's interests simply because the things she does are so extra. "why do all of this if not to mock me"
im telling you right now if dave lived in this household he wouldn't assume antagonism, he'd go,
don’t forget who LITERALLY patented tangible jpeg artifacts as their post-scratch adult self and scattered shitty scummed up statue of liberties all over the planet. theres no way some of that overboard artful shit wasnt post-ironic / circling back around to genuine funny sincerity
dave's natural state is funny sincerity like roxy. he's had the natural capacity for this type of humor from the start and this is the direction he goes towards when he grows out of his brother's shadow by the end of the comic. dave and roxy share an earnest “so bad its good” type of humor
(lots more under the cut; the length of this meta analysis just got unwieldly with all the pictures and whatnot)
despite the alcoholism, roxy is a supportive mother. she's not the ideal guardian but hells of a lot more supportive of her kid than bro is. if she knew dave's interests she would totally indulge in them with some over the top silly goofy haha shit as a genuine gesture simply because she loves him
rose isn't too keen on it though. but she is more similar to dirk in her natural state of thinking of overthinking shit and assuming the worst, like the tags said
and yes dave got the sweet cuddly yet sometimes backhanded ouppy gene from roxy, probably even moreso lol
roxy's even said rose "sounds like girl dirk"
side tangent here, but this is something i wanna talk about.
i dont think bro should ever be in custody of children ever but if theres anyone who would be up to the task it's rose probably. i know she'd be able to keep up with him. not only does she have a defined personality (dave is more malleable and absorbs his environment like a sponge), if anyone can pick apart B1 dirk's batshit brain and probably be right on the money it's her. lil cal has been pumping patriarchal nonsense into bro's head and rose would be able to bring the fucking facts to the table without losing her own and being a living example of a badass little girl. i also don't think bro would try to force masculine roles onto rose like he did with dave, seeing as she is a girl, so she would actually have more of a leg up and get some passes that dave was never afforded. and rose wouldn't stand idly and accept any bullshit; she is no doormat. and i think this would earn bro's respect
but anyway, from this, couldn't we conclude roxy "sounds like girl dave"?
yeah okay. we havent even gotten into their penchant for funny typos or misspeaks, deliberate or otherwise
so, dave's environment
the sentiment "god you hope you can be as good as your bro at this some day" might have been genuine at the time when he idolized bro but of course he's not able to express that in any sort of sincere fashion because he's in dirk's fucking household. and this level 10 irony shit isnt doing dave any favors
his role models were the Internet and a vague idea of what Bro was like. So he built up his facade based on irony–not the literary definition of irony, as Rose might be quick to point out, but a popular concept of irony based on the idea that things that didn’t make sense actually made sense in some roundabout way. As a master of irony, Dave probably reasoned, he could see in a way other people couldn’t why a world that was scary and didn’t make sense really did make sense, and could therefore convince those people that he was superior to them. And he would wield his knowledge to maintain the appearance of superiority by calling everything ironic and pretending he didn’t care about things that didn’t make sense, and he would use walls of vaguely rhyming words to keep everyone at arm’s length so they wouldn’t discover his insecurities (source)
roxy's style is the embodiment of post-irony. being raised by mom lalonde would be like being raised by joel vinesauce ok
what can i say ….. (getting meta about this actually, hussie got these jpeg wizard wallpapers from a spyware website. link takes some time to load because internet archive)
rose is quick to read post-irony as actually being a joke/insincere, which in bro's case would be true. but i believe dave's natural instinct, outside of the influence of bro, is to read post-irony as genuine, which is exactly how mom serves it. we see this as early as act 3 from him; he understands her motives better than rose does herself:
and in act 6 intermission 2 i think it's pretty clear
but the thing is, it's always genuine from her. dave wouldn't have to second guess it because he's not one to naturally second guess someone's sincerity; that was learned due to his bro being virtually unassailable
there two types of ironies at play here:
seems like a joke, is actually genuine (roxy)
doesnt seem like a joke, is actually a joke (dirk)
you can make the argument that the second is is more psychologically destructive because it makes you question the reality of what is genuine sentiment and what isn't. dave never knew what was genuine and what was irony so he just sort of existed in this sincerity-ironic limbo and always did the opposite of what he genuinely felt on principle even if it always did originate from a genuine place.
"it just a joke bro i was just being ironic i dont actually x" is so much more trust-breaking and psychologically damaging than "wait are you being serious" / "i am being so fucking fr rn davy gravy" / "ok thats actually pretty fucking awesome. giant ass wizard statue" / "RIGHT"
how much about dave would change do you think? his character arc would be completely different for one thing, i think he'd have it good aside from mom's alcohol issues. he'd be left with the sweet and funny parts of him that we see at the end of the comic. the fake coolguy stuff is out, but this remains. this is dave in his element and we see it as early as act 1
he'd probably have no shades growing up in the lalonde residence* either cause those were given to him by bro straight out of the crater as an extension of his own cool image. and john gave dave ben stiller’s aviators for his 13th birthday to replace them so he could “spread his wings”
dave said he was wearing them for the ironies but i kind of doubt it. maybe post-irony but there was some reacharound to it being genuine because dave never put those pointy anime shades on his face again.
*though... it’s kind of hard to imagine him without his shades at all? B2 dave still got stiller’s shades from stiller himself so maybe getting them is a universal constant. i can imagine mom getting him them as a birthday gift cause shes pretty wealthy and probably could buy it out in an auction. but also itd be cool if john still gave him it as a gift
dave is actually a lot more genuine and easy to read than he lets on even when grappling with his upbringing with B1 dirk (again, see this post). this can be seen all throughout he comic but a good example is the evolution of thoughts about his interest in the preserved dead things in his room:
if B1 roxy was dave's guardian he probably WOULD have pursued paleontology because she wouldve indulged him in it and probably find it cool and worthwhile to pursue, instead of allowing dave to flounder under ironic detachment, being poisoned by irony to the point of gaslighting himself into believing he doesnt actually believe he thinks this shit is cool. even if it was indulged in this such a way; a superficially kitsch and ironic appearing presentation, it comes from a genuine place and inspires genuine interest. just read the comments.
basically, i think if B1 roxy raised dave, their relationship would have a surface level appearance of being bizarre or over-the-top but they’d have an unsaid mutual understanding that it’s completely in earnest and just build on each other's funny and absurd gestures of affection. rather than seeing it as one-upping each other, it'd more like collaboration of some silly bullshit that you take a step back and look at full and just say, "fucking incredible"
speaking of paleontology, mom had the proto-ectobiology lab. maybe they'd be able to use the equipment to appearify paradox ghost imprints of the dead shit to create paradox clones of things from the cambrian era??? sounds like a fun mother son bonding activity. and theyd actually put the sciencey shit in the household to use
oh god i know exactly the kinds of music shed listen too also growing up as a teen in the 80s. she on that (post)-punk/art rock/new wave/new romantic mtv stuff. XTC shit fr. this is a B-52S HOUSEHOLD. maybe the associates for the campy melodramatic flair. so he gets to keep the record on his shirt cause he is an enjoyer of the shit in her vinyl collection. dave would still gravitate towards musical expression and music itself but of more variety outside of just rap, with an 80s-90s, even 70s flavor due to mom’s influence. see this for perhaps a glimpse. she probably visited new york city a lot for business trips and because the music scene was cool as hell around that time, imports came straight from jfk airport, she probably got in on that a bit and have remnants in the form of vinyls and cassettes. in this way she could be distributing void to dave (influencing him with forgotten / presently irrelevant music). now he can REALLY rave about bands none of his friends have heard of. “hey davy grvay watcha listenin to” (he holds up vinyl cover) “omg snakefinger”
btw dave lalonde would look like this to me
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f**k you.
ellie williams x afab!reader
warnings: hate sex, ellie’s rude as shit in the first half, alcohol use, some name-calling, aggressive kissing, fingering, scissoring, brat taming, spanking, edging/overstim… i think thats it
a/n: kinktober’s here! ik im a few hours late guys im sorry. but hopefully this juicyness makes up for it !! wc 3.4k
Ellie couldn’t stand you.
She found you so incredibly annoying, and yet you shared the same friends. Which was the biggest problem, ever.
She never failed to make sure to let you know what she thought of you.
“Hey, idiot. We’re trying to have a conversation. Shut it for once, yeah?”
And you made sure to let her know that the feeling was mutual.
“Suck my dick, Williams.”
And like clockwork, she’d say something along the lines of “Sorry babe. Not into that.”
Truthfully, the two of you had been doing this for a while. This was nothing new. You’d go at eachother back and forth until one of you gets genuinely pissed off. Rinse. Repeat.
Dina hated it because she loves the two of you; she just can’t handle being in a room with both of you at once. Jesse would find it amusing until you and Ellie wouldn’t shut up during a movie.
It didn’t matter what you said or did. Ellie would either laugh, mock, or straight up disagree with you. Even if you stayed quiet and said nothing at all.
“Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.”
She’d wait for your response, and when you didn’t have one, she’d keep going.
“No seriously. You look like dogshit.”
“Ellie please shut the fuck up.”
It was like she couldn’t ignore you. As if your presence was so incredibly overwhelming, that she just had to react to everything you did. You didn’t get it.
If you met up with the friend group to eat, Ellie somehow “forgot” to get you something. She’d make plans and purposely exclude you. And if you brought it up, she’d tell you to “chill the fuck out, it’s not that serious.”
You hated Ellie. And yet here you were, six feet across from her, sitting on the rug of her living room floor. Dina had insisted on a friendly get-together at Ellie’s, specifically requesting that “you don’t kill eachother.” You told her you’d try, but made no promises.
“Hey, Jesse.” Ellie said. “Could you grab me and Dina another beer?”
“Ellie,” Dina says. “You didn’t even ask if Y/N wanted one.”
“So?” She replies. “She’s a big girl. If she wants another she can get it herself.”
You rolled your eyes. She always did this — talked about you as if you were the dumbest person to ever exist.
“I’m right here, Ellie.” You snap. “I can hear you.”
“I know.” Ellie says. “That’s why I said it.”
“Guys, please.” Dina groans. “Just one night. One good night is all I ask.”
Jesse brings over more bottles. He cracks one open before handing it to you. Ellie stares at you, waiting for Jesse to hand out the rest before speaking.
“It would be easier if I didn’t have to look at her fuckin’ face all night.”
You scoffed. “You know, you’re really cocky for someone who lives in a fucking garage.”
“You’re lucky I even let your ass in this garage.” Ellie mutters. “Probably tracked in a shitton of dirt.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” You ask abruptly.
Dina rubs her temples. “Guys—“
“You that stupid?” She questions. “It means I’m gonna have to sweep once you leave. Don’t want your germs gettin’ on my shit.”
“Fuck this. Nope. Not doing this.” Dina says, getting up from the floor. She whips around to face you and Ellie.
“I have tried to ignore the two of you in hopes of having a good time. I have begged you to get along for once. But clearly, none of it’s fucking working!” She throws her hands up. “I’m done. Seriously — come on, Jesse, we’re leaving.”
Jesse thinks for a moment, then shrugs. He begins walking towards the door with his beer in hand.
“Wait, what?” Ellie asks.
“You guys are gonna sit here and sort this shit out.” She says, throwing on her coat. “Until then, me and Jesse are going somewhere else.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“Dina—“
“Don’t wanna hear it.” She states as Jesse opens the door for her. “The two of you are smart, figure it out. You can come find us when you’re done.”
“See you,” Is all Jesse says, before pulling the door shut.
You and Ellie look straight ahead.
What the fuck.
Heat rushed to your cheeks. You didn’t know what to do. Dina was obviously pissed, but being left alone with Ellie was the last thing you wanted.
It’s as if she could read your mind.
“Get out.”
You raise your brows. “Excuse me?”
“They left because you don’t know when to shut your mouth,” She says. “And I don’t wanna keep hearing it, so get out.”
Your previous desire to get up and walk out of the door suddenly disappears. You set your drink down.
“No.”
“What?”
“You don’t like me? Great.” You say, kicking your feet back. “I don’t like you either. But I’m not gonna do what you say, when you say it, every single fucking time.”
“Wow.” She takes a sip of beer. “You know, you can be a real bitch sometimes.”
Your eyes flash over to the brunette in less than a second. But she doesn’t budge. Just leans into the couch, legs spread.
“Ellie—“ You begin. “What the fuck is your problem with me?”
She smirks as if you said something funny.
“I’m serious. What the fuck is it?” You repeat, staring intently.
“Are you that dense?” She meets your gaze. “Your attitude. If you couldn’t tell, you have a serious attitude problem. Should really get it checked out.”
It was your turn to laugh. “Like you don’t have an attitude problem.”
“Yeah, but that’s me.”
“Oh,” You nod sarcastically. “Okay. Sure, yeah. Because that makes sense.”
“See? Again with the attitude.”
Silence fills the room as you bite your tongue. The fact that you felt the impulse to respond immediately kind of proved Ellie’s point.
It pissed you off that she was right. You did have a bit of an attitude problem with her. In your defense, she never leaves you alone. You get along just fine with everyone else.
You had given up. You were ready to just go home and tell Dina the truth later. But as you stand up, out of absolutely nowhere, Ellie says:
“It sucks, ‘cause you’re hot. It’s a shame you’ve gotta act like such a fuckin’ brat.”
Were your ears deceiving you? Did Ellie fucking Williams just say that?
You laugh it off and shake your head. “You are truly something else.”
“I’m being serious.” She replies. “You could just sit there and look pretty. Don’t know why you choose to be so damn annoying instead.”
“It would be so nice if you just learned when to shut up, Ellie.”
“You gonna make me?” She says, watching you. You sigh dramatically.
“Didn’t think so.”
The way she was toying with you made your skin run hot. You weren’t sure if she really meant what she said, or if she was just trying to get a rise out of you. Either way, her sweatpants and sports bra combo wasn’t helping; you could feel yourself getting worked up.
“What are you getting at?” You blurt out. “What are you trying to do?”
“I’m not trying to do anything,” She murmurs, looking down then back up again. “Are you?”
You laugh harshly. “What the hell makes you think that?”
“You’re an attention whore,” She answers. “It wouldn’t surprise me.”
The way ‘whore’ rolled off of her tongue was so incredibly casual. And yet, you enjoyed the fact that she was saying it to you. Pigs must be flying. There was no way this was happening.
“I’m not a whore,” You stated.
“Oh?” She says coyly. “I didn’t call you a whore, I called you an attention whore. But you were quick to argue, so now I’m curious.”
You shift your weight to one leg. “I’m not gonna fuck you, Ellie.”
“Yeah? Then why are you still here?”
You felt your neck and ears become incredibly hot. Ellie leans forward, pushing herself up from the couch and faces you.
“I’d be flattered if you said it’s ‘cause you like me as a person, but we both know that’s not true.”
Her eyes were dazed and unwavering. It could’ve been the alcohol, but it also could’ve been the fact that your mini skirt had been riding up your thighs all night.
And as for you, you surprisingly weren’t repulsed. In fact, you liked seeing Ellie like this. If you were sober you might have dipped already, but your legs were heavy and your panties started to feel very constrictive.
“I think…” She begins walking closer. “That you want the exact same thing. You just act like you’re too good for it.”
You could feel your inhibition weakening. You drunkenly stare up at her. “You think I’m not?”
“I know you’re not.” She takes another step. You go to step back, but your heel hits the wall.
“I don’t blame Dina for trying, but we both know we’re not gonna make up.” Another step.
“No?” You whisper.
“Mm-mm.” Her nose was almost brushing up against yours, now.
The eye contact was unmatched. Ellie wasn’t budging, and neither were you.
“I fucking hate what you do to me,” You whispered against her lips.
She smirks. “I fucking love it.”
Immediately, her lips are engulfing yours, with so much damn fervor and need. You curled your fingers in her hair, and tugged down hard. You didn’t care if you hurt her — after all, she deserved it.
Ellie smiles into the kiss, pulling you in closer as a small grunt leaves her lips. Her legs cage you in against the wall as she forces her tongue into your mouth.
You hated her. You hated her. You hated her.
So how was it possible for her to make you feel so goddamn good?
Her hands begin grasping at the hem of your clothes with frustration.
“Fuck, baby.” She moans. “Take this shit off.”
You were compliant at this point; you merely slid your hands under your shirt and did what she said. Ellie presses her head against your chin, whispering a few more curses as she looks at your exposed breasts.
“So fucking hot,” She groans, pressing her lips to your neck. You whined out of pleasure as you pulled her hips closer to you.
“This is so embarrassing.” You mumble, shutting your eyes.
“Mm,” Ellie hums. “Seem to be handling it quite well, though.”
The brunette begins trailing her kisses downwards. You jump at the new sensation.
“Ellie—“
“Shh.” She murmurs, teething dangerously close to your nipple. “Gotta focus.”
When she latches on, your head immediately falls back. You’re practically speechless as she sucks and swirls her tongue around the hardened bud.
You wanted her to keep going, but you were worried. If Dina and Jesse caught you like this…
As for Ellie, she is absolutely shameless in the way she’s going in on your tits. It was clear that she had wanted to do this for a very long time — she was just being a complete ass about it.
She pulls away with a hard ‘pop’ before looking up at you with her green eyes. “Come here,” She says, grabbing your waist and pulling you down with her.
You gasp as the two of you land on the couch. Her hand quickly finds the back of your neck as she kisses you again, bucking gently against you. A soft moan escapes your lips as you pull back.
“What if Dina and Je—“
“Y/N,” She whispers, pulling her shirt over her head. “I’m in front of you, and I wanna fuck you. Please just shut up for once. Alright?”
You blush, looking down at her chest. Her nipples were poking out, hard as rocks. “You’re so fucking mean.”
“You’re fucking mean,” She says, smirking. “Depriving me of this for so damn long.”
“Didn’t think you wanted me,” You slur against her lips.
“Yeah, well… you are pretty fuckin’ annoying.” She huffs, as you lean in to kiss her again. As the minutes pass, you find yourself rolling your hips against hers.
“More,” You say quietly.
“Hm?”
“Want more of you, Ellie.” You sighed, nudging your fingertips under her waistband. “Please.”
She grins before sliding her sweatpants and underwear off. “Only because you said please.”
When your fingers drag down against her clit, she’s wet, and you absentmindedly moan. She sneers, staring up at you.
“What?” You ask.
“Nothing, just… that was the sluttiest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”
You hum against her skin, gently rubbing your thumb against her hood. “I could be sluttier.”
“Oh yeah?” She responds, grazing her teeth against your jaw.
You drag your fingers from her pussy to your lips, gently engulfing them in your mouth. You keep your eyes on her as you suck her juices off, groaning at the sweet taste.
Ellie’s face becomes that of a pornstar. Her eyes are half-lidded, nearly rolling back as she stifles a moan.
“Holy fuck,” She says, biting down on her lip. Her gaze drops to your lower body, and she begins shoving the fabric of your skirt up.
“What are you doing?” You murmur, watching the skirt bunch around your waist.
“Not gonna waste anymore time,” She explains, tugging at your panties. “I fucking need this pussy.”
You help her remove the undergarment, letting it drop onto the floor. Her hands settle on your ass as you gently lift her leg, lining yourself up against her.
“Fuck yes,” She whispers, watching carefully as you gently slot your cunt against hers.
Her cunt was soft, and incredibly slick and sticky. It takes you a moment to get the right angle before you begin to get a rhythm going.
Once you start speeding up, Ellie practically loses it. She’s breathing like she can’t get enough air.
“Fuck yes.” She repeats, bringing her hand down onto your ass with a hard slap. Her eyes are closed as she scrunches her brows in pleasure. “Holy fucking shit.”
“God,” You moan, sloshing your pussy up against hers. “You’re so wet, Ellie.”
The room becomes one filled with wet noises and moaning. Ellie’s hands are grabbing at everything — your ass, your tits, the couch. She’s in euphoria, seeing stars as she tries not to black out.
“Goddamn,” She mutters. “So fucking good, baby. Doing so fucking good.”
You whimper at the praise, still trying to wrap your head around what was happening. Ellie had been your worst enemy for months, and here you were, bumping clits with her like a fucking slut.
“Shit—“ She grunts, pushing her head back. “I‘m close, ‘m gonna cum.”
“Already?” You joke. “That’s quick, don’t you think?”
She quickly opens her eyes and looks at you. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?” You say slyly, slowing down ever so slightly.
She smacks your ass, hard. “Don’t you fucking dare.”
You slow down even more, grinning proudly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Ellie.”
“Y/N, you better fucking finish me off.”
“But… ” You whisper in an innocent tone. “We’re having so much fun, right?”
“I swear to—“ She exhales vexedly before sinking her nails into your hips. “Fuck it.”
She sits up, grabbing you forcefully before pushing you down so you’ve switched places. Ellie props your leg up on her shoulder.
“Wanna be a fucking brat? Hm?” She whispers, bringing herself down on your cunt harshly.
You moan in response, goosebumps beginning to form on your arms. You place your hands on her abs, pushing slightly in an attempt to get her to let up.
“Ellie, ‘s too much.” You mewl, as she ruts her pussy against yours.
“Shut up,” She mumbles. “You can take it.”
She keeps you down as she fucks you, ramming herself against your cunt. The sloshing of your clits sends you into a spiral.
“Oh my god, Ellie,” You murmur. “Feels so good.”
“Yeah?” She grunts. “You like this?”
You nod, but Ellie places a sharp slap on your boob.
“Answer me.”
“Y-Yeah,” You stammer, trying to grasp reality as the only thing going through your mind is how good her pussy feels on yours.
She uses her hand and grabs your chin, tilting your head up. “You better not fucking cum until I do, you hear me?”
You nod again. “Y-Yes, Ellie.”
The way Ellie scissors is ruthless. She’s concentrated, hair sticking to her forehead as she stares down at you. She watches the way your tits bounce as she fucks herself on you, watching as you beg her to slow down.
Her teeth clench as she nears her orgasm. She looks up at the ceiling before dropping her head back down.
“Fuck, I’m, shit— ‘m getting close.”
“Yeah?” You murmur.
“Uh-huh.” You bring your hand up to her cheek as she maintains her rhythm.
“Wanna cum with you, Ellie. Wanna cum all over your fucking pussy.”
“Fuck,” She says through gritted teeth. “Fuck yes. Keep talking, just like that.”
Ellie knew she wasn’t very far off. But she figured she’d make the most of it, in case this was the last time she got to see you like this.
“So good, Ellie,” You say softly. “Your pussy feels so fuckin’ good.”
“Yeah?” She exhales.
“Mhm,” You murmur. “Best I’ve ever had.”
Ellie’s eyes roll into the back of her head, her moans becoming choppy. She gently holds your foot as she grinds her hips down faster.
As Ellie becomes wetter, you stiffen and feel your stomach tightening. You were getting really close, and she could feel it.
“Y/N,” She says. “I’m—“
“Me too—“ Is all you can say, before drawling out into a moan. Ellie rides you deep into your high, breathing sporadically as she cums, herself.
For a second, the two of you barely move, merely catching your breaths. But eventually your leg starts cramping, and you slide it off her shoulder.
“Holy fuck.” You whisper. “I can’t believe we just did that.”
“I can.” Ellie says, slowly hopping off of you.
“You’re a liar.”
“How?” She says, leaning against the opposite end of the couch. “It was only a matter of time ‘til I got into your pants.”
“Oh,” You scoff. “So it was easy?”
“It was so easy.” She says, smiling. You look at the floor.
“Shut up.” You grin, reaching over to grab your clothes. You slowly put them back on as she copies you.
“Wanna go find Dina and Jesse now?” She questions, pulling her shirt over her head.
“I thought you said we couldn’t,” You say. “Since we weren’t gonna make up.”
“Mm, ‘cause we didn’t.” She states, cocking her head. “I need about three more rounds of this before we re-visit that topic.”
“Oh, fuck off.” You giggle, tossing your jacket at her. She laughs, putting her hands up to shield herself as it hits her.
“I’m kinda serious though,” She says. “You wanna give me head next time? Or…”
You smooth your hair down. “In your dreams, Williams.”
She looks around, contemplating for a moment. “Does that mean I give you head instead?”
“Ellie please shut up now.”
#ellie williams#ellie tlou2#ellie williams x reader#ellie x fem reader#ellie williams smut#tlou2 fanfic#kinktober 2023#kinktober#kinktober day 1
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Other side
pairing: james potter x fem reader
cw: literally just smut
summary: james has a particular way on releasing his anger
‘so it goes…
i’m yours to keep
and i’m yours to lose
you know i’m not a bad girl, but i
do bad things with you.’
════════════════
James Potter, beloved head boy most renounced for his kind and helpful nature, everyone adorned him, everyone wanted to be his friend. Yet you, his girlfriend of two months saw a different side to him, a darker one. James was in no way the perfect angel he was painted to be- yet you’d argue that it he was pretty close to that- he had a temper to him. Most boys punched something, cursed someone out or started a fight when built up, but James was different. He fucked.
The match in front of your eyes between Slytherin and Gryffindor was quite aggressive, both teams had a fiery passion built on their egos. It was a known fact the two houses were each others greatest rivals and so you knew how hard James trained for this match- waking up at the crack of dawn and training for hours, you knew how much he needed the win. The damp and gloomy weather caused for an increase in tensions the enjoyment of the game was frankly stripped with a very non-enthusiastic crowd, the rain had fully soaked through your clothes sending a deep shiver down your spine, droplets of water impaired your sight making the players look like blobs flying around and the cold of Scotlands famed weather made you want to be inside curled up next to the fire.
The rest of the match was nothing short of a blur, nearing the end Gryffindor had the upper hand it seemed as if they had prospect of winning but of course the Slytherins ruined that. The beater send a bludger in the direction of the Gryffindor beater, this hit him right in the stomach sending him off his broom. The crowd averted their attention to the falling boy, but you watched as James got distracted, wondering if his teammate was alright. Whilst distracted, Regulus Black dove in and caught the snitch. The Slytherin stand jumped to a cheer as the Gryffindor stand protested.
“That’s not fair they cheated!” Shouted a fourth year, who was boiling with rage, the rest of the stand alike.
“I hate Slytherins.” Grumbled Mary beside you, her arms were crossed and she wore a deep scowl on her face.
“That was a dirty win,” agreed Lily who stood huddled in next to you, you wanted to save as much heat.
“Sirius is going to be so pissy about this for the rest of the week, he’s not going to let Regulus get off easy with that.” Remus complained watching as Sirius got off his broom and angrily stomped over to the direction of James.
“Not Sirius I would be worried about,” Mary sighed, “look at James, he must be raging. He really wanted this win.”
“I think you’re right,” Lily agreed, “Y/N you should go down to him.”
“I was thinking about letting him cool off first maybe.”
You looked down to the pitch, James had his arms crossed. His jaw was firmly cleaned and his eyes glared across the pitch at the Slytherins, who were celebrating their victory. You stood with your friends for a moment longer, all talking about how tonight would look before deciding to go inside. You chose not to and instead made your way onto the pitch, you approached James and Sirius who were engaged in a very intense conversation.
“Hey,” you said, breaking them from the conversation. You shot them both sympathetic looks, especially James who you’ve never seen so riled up before.
“Go inside and change, you’re soaked.” James replied, despite the sentiment of his words his voice lacked the same warmth, instead his attention focused on the Slytherins again.
“Im fine-” you began but was quickly cut off by the shouts of the Slytherin team.
“Why the long face Potter?” One of them teased, the whole group broke out into laughter in response.
James clenched his fists, as did Sirius. You were scared that this was about to turn into a whole fight.
“Come on you two, let’s go inside. Ignore them they’re just winding you up.”
“Yeah Potter listen to your mummy.” Another from the team remarked, before you knew it James was shoving him to the ground. It all happened so quickly that you could barely process the whole thing.
“Sirius get him off!” You shouted, Sirius quickly ran over attempting to pull James back but when one of the boys punched Sirius in the face he joined in to fight.
It was a good few minutes before the Gryffindor team managed to break up the fight, Marlene dragged a very beaten up looking Sirius inside, presumably to Madame Pomfrey. James shrugged himself out of the grip of John Bell and walked over to you, before you could comment on his bloody lip he grabbed you hand and pulled you inside. The two of you silently walked up to the Gryffindor dormitories, past the common room and straight up to his room. You knew what was coming, you’d be lying if you said the grip his hand had on yours and the pace of his legs didn’t have your arousal building up. You knew instead you should clean up his lip and help cool him down, but there was something deep inside you excited for this, excited to have him dominate you and use you as his toy. You were so lost in thought you gasped as he pushed you up against the wall.
You gripped his arm steadying your balance as his lips went immediately to your neck, his sucked and bit the area, marking you as his with the darkest of marks. He detached from your neck and smashed his lips onto yours, your hand went into his damp hair as your lips connected you could taste the blood from his swollen lip. His tongue slipped into your mouth, engulfing you into an intense make out. Whilst doing so James gripped your ass, pulling you closer to you and causing a moan to escape your lips as your front grind against his, you felt his bulging cock, begging to be freed. James pulled back and smirked at you, his eyes darkening with lust.
“Get down on your knees.” He ran a finger across your lip as you nodded, gazing at him starry eyed through your fluttering lashes.
You slowly dropped to your knees, patiently watching as James undone his trousers pulling them and his boxers down to his ankles. You mouth practically watered as his cock sprung free, it was red and bulging, aching from need and so painfully stiff. You swore you’d never seen him so hard before. You leaned forward your lips shyly coming in contact with his tip, you moved closer allowing your tongue to lick a long stripe from his base to his tip. James gathered your hair in his hands, his grip making you wince ever so slightly. You took him in your mouth- well as much as could fit, you felt him in the back of your throat as you started to move your head. Sucking on him and hollowing your cheeks as you done so, the deep grunts coming from James had you squeezing your thighs together. Abruptly he tightened his grip on your hair and started to control your head, he quickened your speed and pushed himself further down your throat making a gag escape your lips and your eyes prickle with tears.
“Good girl,” James praised, bringing a blush to your cheeks. You looked up at him, tears streaming down your face as you kept going, he nodded in approval. “Touch yourself darling.” You furrowed your brows and he reiterated his statement.
You lowered your hand to the waistband of your legging, you slid your hand into your underwear and started to rub circular motions on your clit. A deep moan came from you as you picked up the pace, James moved your head faster your moans sending a deeper pleasure to him. The room filled with the erratic sounds of your moans and sucking along with James’ deep grunts and groans. You felt the coil tightening in your stomach, building up getting close to snapping. You looked up at James, he nodded encouraging your actions. You felt him getting sloppier with his movements as he moved a hand to the wall for support. He had his head back and his Adam apple was prominent, his jaw was slightly parted in pleasure and his hair messily sat atop his hair occasionally dripping from the rain droplets. The sight of his itself brought you closure to your release, as you deep you moaned with such volume you could have sworn those in the common room would have heard you, but you couldn’t care.
As soon as you came undone James pulled back, he grasped your arms pulling you up. Your legs shook as he walked you over to his bed, he wasted no time pushing you onto it and stripping himself down. You watched biting your lip at him, his abs glistened with sweat and his arms bulged with veins, not to mention the fact he was still hard. He towered over you, kissing you roughly as his hands pulled off your legging. He pulled back as he removed your underwear, a smirk forming as he saw the result of your orgasm.
“Fuck you are so hot.” He whispered into your ear, your whole body flushed as your arousal practically leaked from you. You so desperately needed him, you grabbed his jaw pulling his mouth to yours and kissing him roughly. Your tongue forcing its way into his mouth, slowly James pulled back biting your lip as he done so, you whined in return.
“Please,” you groaned as you wrapped a leg around his waist, hoping some friction.
“Not yet baby.” He said, as he kissed down your jaw. He pulled back, removing your jumper and bra and continued kissing down your body. He left marks on your collarbone before moving to your chest. He took your left nipple into his mouth, sucking and biting on it as your desperation grew, you had a deep ache for him and his every move only grew that.
Swiftly he moved from your body, grabbed your waist and flipped you onto your stomach. He gripped your ass and firmly smacked it before speaking, “get onto your hands and knees.” Right away you done that, biting your lip in anticipation. James from behind grabbed your hips, he rubbed his tip against your soaked folds making you whimper in pleasure, and leaving you clenching around nothing. “Beg.”
You whined in protest, making stop the action altogether. A huff escaped your lips, “please James. Please.. fuck me.” You pleaded.
Without warning he shoved into you making you cry out at the stretch. Soon you adjusted and the harder he went the louder you got, you couldn’t control the sounds escaping your lips as the pleasure overrode your body, you could instantly feel the coil build up in your stomach once again. James gripped the head board reaching over you and going even deeper, allowing him better access of that sweet spot, this had your eyes rolling in pleasure. His other hand firmly wrapped around your throat, not enough to harm you but enough to get you going even more. Chasing that release you rolled your hips, sending courses of overbearing pleasure to you both.
James moaned in response, a sound that had your arms weakening and mind fogging, you clenched around him practically screaming as you came undone. Your arms collapsed as you fell onto the bed. James let go of your throat and the headboard and instead held your hips as he mercilessly pounded into you, by now you were in a state of pure euphoria, completely and utterly cock drunk. A continuation of soft moans formed from you, too gone to stop it. James gripped your hips tighter, moving them with each thrust he done again doubling the pleasure coursing through you. It wasn’t long until you felt that coil again, each thrust made you weaker and weaker, your mind only focused on the utter bliss you felt- the complete exhilaration he caused you.
“Fuck baby- you feel so good.” James groaned as he pounded into you.
His speed was sending the bed rocking with him and slamming into the wall, the noise you both were making frankly ensured no one would walk in although even that wouldn’t faze you considering how immobilised you’d become, in the best way possible. You didn’t want it to end.
“James,” you cried out. “Feels so good, fuck.”
“You look so pathetic,” he grunted. “Like an absolute slut for me.” The degradation made you clench around him in absolute bliss. He smacked your ass again, resulting in a squeal from you as you raised it further for him.
“Don’t stop.” You moaned, your hands gripped his pillow, your knuckles turning white at the intensity.
You came hard around him, causing nothing short of a mess. You were dripping and clenching around him, tears of pleasure streamed down your face and your throat was numb from the volume of your moans. James very quickly came too, completely filling you up, the warm sensation flew through you and leaked out of you. Slowly he pulled out creating an even bigger mess around you both. You moved to sit at the top of the bed, blushing furiously at the result of you both.
“Sorry.” You said shyly.”
“Don’t apologise, it was hot.” James winked as he stripped the bed. “No big deal.”
He helped clean you up and supplied you with a hoodie of his and a pair of shorts, you both got into his bed squeezing in together. You lay on his chest as he stroked your hair.
“Feeling okay?” He smiled, you couldn’t help but smile at the complete change in him. Although you loved when he got worked up this was your favourite version of James, the sweet one that cared for you and held you in his arms.
“Yes.” You smiled. “I must say though, you really should lose more often.”
James shook his head. “You’d like that wouldn’t you?”
“Maybe.” You blushed and settled contently next to him.
You must’ve fell asleep but was abruptly woken up by the clapping of someone. You opened your eyes to see Peter, Sirius and Remus all at the foot of James’ bed. Sirius was the one clapping, a boyish grin on his face, Remus shook his head at Sirius and Peter awkwardly looked to the ground.
“Congratulations you two animals the entirety of Gryffindor heard your little session. We were almost scared to come upstairs and by the silence we thought you were dead Y/N.” Sirius teased.
“Stop lying Sirius. I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.” You rolled your eyes as you sat up.
“Oh really?” Sirius laughed as he done an impression of you, you covered your face in sheer embarrassment as James threw a pillow at him rightfully shutting him up.
“Shut up Sirius.” Remus and James said in union.
#fanfic#fanfiction#fluff#smut light plot#marauders smut#marauders fandom#marauders fanfiction#marauders#james potter x reader#james potter#james potter smut#james potter scenario#james potter x you#james potter x y/n#james potter fic#boyfriend! james potter
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actually. 🫷😀🫸 THOUGHTS ON AVELINE
i think aveline is a CORE da2 character, and her relationship with hawke is super super interesting. she’s hawke’s oldest friend in the game & by act 3, maybe the only enduring connection to their homeland & childhood besides the mabari. her voice, her bearing, her stated values are all very noble & movingly fereldan—but her actions both as guard captain & as a party member should be so profoundly disappointing to hawke almost no matter how you play them, which generates a powerful tension. imo it’s really poignant and adds a lot to the game’s central tragedy.
because how can hawke cut her off! but look at how she behaves: ignoring the serial killing & sexual assault of isolated older women and elf girls, baiting the arishok, slut shaming isabela, condescending to merrill. but how can they cut her off? the question is a privilege and a torment!
in this way i think she strikingly complements gamlen. like no matter what gamlen does and says to you, your love interest, leandra, the surviving hawke twin—he’s family and the only way into kirkwall. hawke is not permitted to sever those ties. and no matter what aveline does and says to you and all the women in your party, she remains your oldest friend and the only way back to ferelden, emotionally.
both aveline & gamlen will maintain a warm relationship with hawke as long as hawke tolerates their picking on those in proximity to hawke—but if hawke pushes back with aggressive dialogue options, both will tone match and became sour and hostile. aveline can be really quite awful to a red hawke, and will throw them to the ground and beat them at 100% rivalry. so there’s kind of an underlying challenge in both of these characters: how much will hawke, as gang leader & player character, put up with when it’s not directed at them?
of course, for all the nostalgia that seems to occlude av’s wrongdoings in kirkwall, she’s not really a childhood friend of hawke’s. she was a grown woman when they met, lothering was lost, and the moment was pretty heated thanks to aveline’s hostile templar husband.
and yet hawke is no more reliable & objective in their treatment of the past than varric is. and aveline is what they have! she’s standing in for all of ferelden, all of the past before the blight!
and likewise hawke for her! hawke is the only one left in act 3 who remembers wesley! aveline is the only one who remembers the dead hawke twin!
and as reprehensible as some of her decisions are, aveline’s grief for wesley and her enmity toward the old corrupt guard captain are sympathetic and her voice is sexy and husky and beautiful enough that. well im sorry i just lost the plot for a minute. uh
there’s also the act 3 subplot of the templars trying to take over the city guard, which sets up aveline as the only thing standing between kirkwall’s mages & absolute templar authority in the city. it’s literally her or cullen at his most brainwashed & violent. (to cullen’s credit he also thought it was a bad idea. but i won’t give him so much credit that i believe he’d turn down the position if aveline was removed.) between a knight-commander and a hard place, a pro-mage hawke has to choose the hard place.
so both of my playthroughs i’ve felt like hawke’s friendship with her is at the very least strained, if not completely ruptured, but they have to back her. how much that feels like fucking sandpaper may vary from hawke to hawke.
ultimately i just think she brings a lot to the table. i don’t necessarily understand why she’d be anyone’s all time #1 favorite companion, but you know.
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